#rumor of the friendship ending staircase

[neptunemagia]

[puellatransparents]

Magia Record Rumor and Uwasa Transparents Part 1

Requested by @squidink18

[ Source ] [ Source ]  

[ Source ] [ Source ]  

[ Source ] [ Source ]  

[ Source ] [ Source ]  

[ Source ] [ Source ]

[mrsshabana]

Mkay, so hear me out. I wanted to ask if you could write about gyutaro and the reader being in a fantasy universe that's similar to final fantasy or the legend of zelda, but Gyutaro is part dragon and maybe even the guardian of like a temple or something along those lines. Be creative with it, I know whatever you come up with will be great :> You can make it NSFW or more fluffy, all up to you!

Either way, I hope you have a great day ^^

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧'𝐬 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭

꒦꒷‧₊ Summary You are a Princess of a crumbling kingdom. Desperate for help, you set out to free an ancient dragon in hopes that he will be able to restore order to the land. But you were naive to think he would be so gracious. Things take a turn for the worse and you have no choice but to rely on each other.

꒦꒷‧₊ Content Dragon!Gyutaro x Female!Reader, violence, gore, death

꒦꒷‧₊ Note 3k words. A lot of the lore for this story is based off of Elden Ring. I know you asked for other games but I'm not familiar with them so I hope this is ok. I absolutely adore Elden Ring so this was very fun to write. I'm sorry that I ended up making this way more complex than it needed to be but I couldn't help it! I was having too much fun coming up with lore for this universe. I have so many ideas for this so if you'd like me to continue this story then please let me know!

Finally after days of searching through the Swamp of Aeonia, narrowly avoiding the toxic scarlet rot that infects these lands, you found the ruins only spoken of in ancient legends.

It is said that deep within the heart of Caelid there is a place where Gyutaro, the son of the Lichdragon Fortissax, has been imprisoned for the last 100 years.

Legend says that he was forsaken for being the most hideous creature in all the land. While his twin sister was worshiped for her beauty. He was born corrupted by the scarlet rot, consuming him from the inside out. And Gyutaro was known for his jealousy. He would destroy and devour things that were beautiful or more fortunate than himself. He brought great suffering to The Lands Between, so a knight was sent to imprison him.

You don't know for certain if the legends are true, but you sure hope they are. Growing up you've always been incredibly fascinated by dragons and the tales your mother would tell you. But since you are a princess you were never allowed around such ferocious beasts. But now you have no choice.

Your kingdom is crumbling and your mother has fallen ill. As the war across The Lands Between rages on, your soldiers dwindle. You feel helpless as more and more of your soldiers die. More innocent lives.

But you remembered the tales your mother would tell you and it gave you a glimmer of hope. It is told that the Lichdragon Fortissax was defeated in battle by Godwyn the Golden. But instead of death, Godwyn offered his friendship to the Lichdragon. Fortissax was loyal to Godwyn ever since, protecting him even after they both succumbed to corruption.

You thought that perhaps the rumored son of Fortissax would be just as loyal as his father. If you were to free him from his imprisonment then perhaps he would return the favor by protecting your kingdom.

It's a long shot but it may be the only shot you have.

You cautiously descend into the ruins of what appears to be a dungeon, slowly decayed by the scarlet rot. You're careful not to touch anything as you make your way down a long staircase.

At the bottom of the staircase lies a corridor. A deep rumble can be heard as you walk through, your footsteps echoing through the passageway. As you get closer to the end of the hall the rumbling gets louder and louder.

Finally, you make it to the end, welcomed by a giant chamber. And there he is.

Gyutaro, the son of the Lichdragon.

As soon as you lay your eyes upon him you are stricken with a combination of fear and amazement. His beauty takes your breath away.

His large form lays sleeping in the middle of the room. But as soon as you step foot into the chamber he begins to stir. His eyes shoot open, slit pupils surrounded by glowing yellow stare wildly at you. With a deep growl, he rises to his feet, towering at least 20 feet over you.

His body is covered with black scales, accented with green. Though his beautiful scales are interrupted by dark splotches scattered across his face and body, these scales don't shimmer like the others do. They appear dull and corrupt in some way. Razor sharp claws adorn his paws and two large horns sit atop his head.

Though his body looks different than you had imagined. He is very muscular but his stomach is hollowed out and you can clearly see his ribs and spine. You imagine he doesn't get much to eat here, so perhaps that would explain his emaciated stature.

He spreads his massive wings, blocking the light from the torches behind him. And his long tail sways behind him as he glares down at you. And that's when you hear it. A deep rumble coming from within his chest as he begins to open his jaws, revealing a bright red light glowing from within him. He's about to envelop you in flames.

"G-Gyutaro!" You immediately get on your knees and bow before him, "Son of Fortissax! I have come to free you!"

The rumbling stops, and you feel the ground shake as he begins to circle you. Too afraid to look up, you stay staring at the cobblestone. Hoping that he spares you and gives you a chance to explain yourself.

He leans closer to you, inhaling your scent. "Human... you are of royal blood," he rasps. The sound of his voice sending shivers down your spine.

"Y-yes," you stammer, "I am Princess Y/N."

"Princess?" he smirks, "What is a princess doing in the Swamp of Aeonia?"

"I came searching for you," you finally muster the courage to look up. Staring into his golden eyes. "The Lands Between suffer greatly these days. W-we need the ancient dragon to return balance to the land," your voice shakes as you muster a half-truth. It is true that the world hasn't been graced by an ancient dragon in many years and their presence could help restore the world to order. But you also seek his aid in restoring your kingdom.

"You are quite bold for a human," he scoffs, "Attempt if you must. But these are no ordinary binds."

He lifts his legs, jingling the chain that wraps tightly around his ankle. You were too enamored by his magnificence to notice them before.

You shakily get up onto your feet to examine the chains. A glowing blue tint shines off of the thick metal. These chains must be enchanted somehow. For if they were ordinary he would easily be able to break free. But you came prepared.

Gyutaro doesn't know how to break the spell that binds him to this place, but you do. As a princess, you have access to all of the records and literature you could ever want. You know what will free him.

A kiss from a beautiful maiden of royalty.

The knight that imprisoned him, an ancestor of Lord Tengen, was smart when he enchanted these chains. He thought of something that could never possibly happen, something that Gyutaro would surely never allow even if someone had tried. Especially since when Gyutaro was free he set out to destroy all beauty.

You clear your throat, "I know what will set you free. But you need to trust me."

Gyutaro narrows his eyes at you. What could possibly be your angle here? Are things really that bad that you came to free him? You do know his history, do you not? He is no peaceful creature, always leaving violence and death in his wake.

He doesn't understand what your motives are, but he isn't afraid of a mere human. He figures that if you try anything funny then he can just devour you. But, he's been imprisoned here for so long that he's willing to hear you out.

You slowly reach up towards his face. He doesn't know why he feels so drawn to you, but he lowers his head and you gently place your hands on his cheeks.

"You will be free," you whisper as you look into his eyes.

You lean forward and kiss him. Pressing your soft lips to his scaly ones. He feels something warm blossom within him as he closes his eyes.

The chains slowly disintegrate into dust, effectively ending his 100-year imprisonment.

His eyes widen in surprise, "I-I'm free..."

Your heart beat quickens as you slowly step away from him. Fear overtakes you as you stand before this mighty dragon, now completely free. Will he return the favor to you? Or will he devour you now that he's gotten what he needed from you?

His lips curl into a smirk as he puffs out his chest and lets out a mighty roar. So loud that it shakes the entire dungeon, echoing throughout the infected lands of Caelid and possibly beyond.

The walls of the dungeon begin to crumble as debris falls from the ceiling. This place is on the verge of collapsing.

Quickly, Gyutaro scoops you up in his arms. Holding you against his chest as he lunges upwards, bursting through the ceiling of the ruins.

He flies into the sky, marveling at the rot-ridden swamp below him. The sun hitting his scales for the first time in 100 years, he's filled with vigor.

You hold on for dear life, though he has a firm grip on you. Gyutaro flies above Caelid, triumphantly roaring to alert everyone that he is back. You aren't sure if his return will cause hope or fear amongst the people of The Lands Between.

He flies east, a safe distance away from the scarlet rot, and into a nearby forest. Carefully landing, he gently sets you down on the ground.

"Princess..." he lowers his head, "You freed me from that accursed prison. Thank you..."

You feel a surge of relief and power course through you as this all-powerful creature bows before you. Reaching out to him, you gently lay your hand on his snout. "You're welcome. I'm glad to have helped."

He quickly recoils from your touch, feeling an unfamiliar emotion stir within him. His brows furrow in discomfort. This feeling doesn't sit right in his stomach, and he doesn't enjoy it.

With a sour taste in his mouth, he launches back into the sky. Leaving you behind.

"W-wait!" you shout, trying to run after him but there's no point. He's already long gone.

Gyutaro couldn't take it any longer. The attraction towards you that blossomed within him was too foreign to him. Though after being imprisoned for the last 100 years it was nice to have some company. Especially that of a beautiful princess. But he pushes those thoughts aside and focuses on more important things. Like reuniting with his sister.

You have no choice but to go back to your kingdom alone and empty-handed.

｡o°✥✤✣ 　　 ✣✤✥°o｡

Weeks pass and things only get worse. The war wages on and your mother's health worsens. You don't see or hear from Gyutaro. You only hear about the occasional sighting of a massive dragon or about a beast wreaking havoc on small villages.

That is until one day you hear a commotion outside your castle.

Gyutaro lands on the bridge before your castle, digging his massive talons into the cobblestone. Then a loud rumble stirs within him, he opens his jaws to spew crimson red flames across the other side of the bridge. Blocking the path of anyone that intends to visit the castle. Engulfing it in flames that spread the scarlet rot that harbors within him.

The castle guards rush out towards him, readying their crossbows and shooting arrows at his back. They bounce off of his tough scales, but one of them pierces his wing.

"Pathetic humans," he growls. Turning around and letting out a powerful roar that shakes the bridge beneath him. Gyutaro bares his fangs and lunges forward, catching one of the soldiers in his mouth. He closes his jaws, impaling the soldier with his many teeth before swallowing him whole.

Gyutaro lets out another roar, a clear warning to anyone who dares to attack him again.

"Cease fire!" You shout, running out of the castle and towards Gyutaro. The guards try to warn you that it's dangerous and you should stay inside, but you don't listen.

"Princess!" his eyes widen when he sees you, wasting no time and coming towards you.

Your guards point their crossbows at him as he approaches but you hold your hand out to signal that it's ok.

"Gyutaro, what are you doing here?" you say in shock.

"Your castle will come under attack shortly," he looks behind him briefly before turning back to face you, "My flames should hold them off for a while but it's not safe here."

"Wait what? What do you mean?" you begin to panic.

"There's no time to explain!" he growls, "I'm getting you out of here."

"No! I can't leave my mother behind! And what about everyone else?" your eyes begin to well up with tears.

"Fine," he huffs, "I'll carry you and your mother to safety. I couldn't care less about everyone else..."

"I refuse," you say sternly, "We will not leave our kingdom behind."

"Insolent human!" he roars, "I'm not giving you a choice!!"

Gyutaro opens his maw and swoops forward, catching your coat in his mouth before you can run away.

"Let me go! Let me go!" you kick and scream.

He doesn't know why he even bothered coming to help you. The old Gyutaro would never do something like that. But ever since you saved him he's been longing for your touch again. Longing to be in the presence of someone who didn't see him as a hideous beast. And perhaps he craved more of your affection.

Whatever the case, he needs to get you and your mother out of here as soon as possible. Even though he honestly doesn't care about your mother's well-being, he charges through the entrance of the castle anyway. Guards shoot at him as he passes, but the arrows aren't strong enough to penetrate his scales.

The large castle doors are just big enough to fit him if he collapses his wings to his back. While still holding you in his mouth, he bursts through the castle doors and into the foyer.

It's ginormous and filled with elaborate decorations and luxury furnishings. Your mother sits frail and weak on the throne.

"What is the meaning of this?" she calls out in a strong voice despite her sickly appearance.

Gyutaro's eyes go wide and he stops dead in his tracks, gently setting you down on the lavish rug beneath his feet.

You huff and straighten your coat as he releases you from his grasp. Giving him a stern look before moving your attention to the queen.

"Mother, the kingdom is-"

"I know," she cuts you off and stands from her seat, walking towards you and Gyutaro.

"I've known they would come for our kingdom," she passes you and walks straight towards Gyutaro.

He feels his blood run cold, and a strange sense of tranquility wash over him as she approaches. He lowers his head to show respect and that he isn't a threat.

Your mother stands in front of him, looking into his eyes.

"Gyutaro, son of the Lichdragon Fortissax," her voice is soft yet commanding as she places a hand on Gyutaro's head, "You will be my daughter's guardian. Protect her at all costs."

His eyes widen as he feels something change within him. He doesn't understand what's going on, but he suddenly feels as light as air. A strange golden mist forms around him, enveloping him.

You stare wide eyed and in complete shock. Your mother wouldn't hurt him would she? What in the hells did she do to him?

His body seems to shrink and become completely concealed within the mist.

It seems like forever but it's only after a few seconds that the mist begins to disappear. Revealing... a man?

He's hunched over on his hands and knees, breathing deeply as he feels his human lungs inflate for the first time. A familiar tail sways behind him, and a set of horns sits atop his head.

"G-Gyutaro...?" you whisper, slowly coming closer to him.

His body trembles as he tries to stand. You reach out to him hesitantly but are interrupted by a loud rumbling sound as the ground beneath you quakes.

"You must leave at once!" Your mother yells to you.

"I'm not leaving! I won't leave you behind!" you cry, tears flowing down your cheeks.

The front walls of the castle begin to crumble.

"I'm sorry my dear," your mother says in a somber tone, "I love you."

She raises her hand, then slowly lowers it. You can feel your eyes closing with the motion of her hand as she casts a spell on you.

All you can do is whimper, "I love you too," as you drift off to sleep.

｡o°✥✤✣ 　　 ✣✤✥°o｡

You wake up to the sound of heavy footsteps and someone cursing.

"Fuck this! Aaaaaahhhgg!!"

Slowly opening your eyes you see Gyutaro in what appears to be a humanoid form, thrashing about in a fit of rage.

"How dare I be reduced to the form of a mere human!!" he roars up into the sky. Birds flying out of the trees that surround you. "I am an ancient dragon!! I will not attune to this form!!"

He stomps around angrily before your soft whimpers catch his attention. His scowling visage faces you. And all of the anger of this ancient beast fades away when he sees your huddled form. Crying in agony.

"Princess?" his features soften as he approaches you. He kneels beside you and puts a hand on your shoulder.

"She's gone," you sob, "I'll never see her again."

Gyutaro feels yet another foreign emotion swell up within him. Could it be sympathy? He remembers when his father died and how hard it was for him. His heart aches as he recalls similar emotions to what you're feeling now.

He's not good with words, let alone emotions. So he just leans forward and wraps his arms around you. Wrapping you in his warm embrace.

You cling to him and sob into his chest.

"I know Princess... I know," he consoles, "Your mother entrusted me to protect you. And I'm going to do just that."

Knowing that you'll have him by your side gives you a glimmer of hope for the future. Though you both don't know what to do or where to go.

Gyutaro is determined to find his sister who he hasn't seen in 100 years. But first, he needs to find a way to transform back into a mighty dragon. He can't stand this pathetic form he's currently in. And you need to find a way to stop the war that rages across The Lands Between. And possibly recover whatever is left of your kingdom.

Neither of you knows what's to come. But at least you have each other.

[bonobonoyaatheart]

Messed Up - Jeon Jungkook

summary: Jungkook is your best friend.(At least you two think that) So you must warn him when he's befriending someone he shouldn't. But things turn different when you end up giving each other silent treatment.

Genre: Fluff, angst, romance. College au, friends to lovers.

Pairing: Student Jungkook x female reader.

Word count: 3827

The university campus buzzed with energy as students hurried between classes, books clutched tightly in their hands. Among the crowd, you and Jungkook walked side by side, your laughter filling the air.

Jungkook playfully nudged your shoulder, a mischievous smile on his face. "Hey, have you seen the new coffee shop that opened near the campus? I heard they have the best caramel macchiatos!"

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. "You and your coffee addiction, Jungkook. But hey, I'm always up for trying a new place. Let's check it out after our last class."

As you entered the lecture hall, you settled into your usual seats, whispering jokes and sharing secret smiles. You had become inseparable since your first encounter in middle school, quickly forming a bond that went beyond friendship. But you were a fool as neither you nor Jungkook ever realised feelings you guys had for eachother.

You had met Jungkook when you were about to fall off the staircase of your school. (pretty awkward right?) Jungkook had held your hand back then. And since then he NEVER let it go. You had been together through thick and thin, sharing tears, smiles and even cringeworthy moments you would laugh at later.

................................…………………………..…………………………..……………………....

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air as you and Jungkook stepped into the cozy coffee shop. The warm ambiance and the friendly chatter of fellow students provided the perfect backdrop for your catch-up session.

You settled into a corner booth, sipping your caramel macchiatos while engaging in light-hearted banter. The laughter flowed effortlessly between you, as if time had no hold on your friendship.

Jungkook leaned back in his chair, a sparkle of excitement in his eyes. "You won't believe who just moved into the apartment next to mine. His name is Jake, and he's a really cool guy. We hit it off right away."

Curiosity piqued, you raised an eyebrow. "Oh, Jake? I think I've heard of him. He seems friendly and outgoing, right?"

Jungkook nodded enthusiastically. "Exactly! He's super friendly and has this magnetic personality. We've been hanging out a lot lately. He's been showing me around the neighborhood and introducing me to new people."

As Jungkook spoke, you couldn't shake the nagging feeling in the back of your mind. You had heard rumors about Jake's questionable behavior and his involvement in some unsavory activities. You wanted to protect Jungkook, but you didn't want to come across as overbearing or judgmental.

Carefully choosing your words, you voiced your concerns. "Well, Jungkook, it's great that you're making new friends, but sometimes people may not be what they seem. It's important to be cautious and not get too involved with someone before you truly know them."

Jungkook looked at you with a puzzled expression. "What do you mean? Jake is a genuinely nice guy. We've had some great times together, and he's always been there for me."

You sighed inwardly, realizing that your subtle warning hadn't quite hit the mark. You didn't want to push Jungkook away from Jake, but you couldn't shake the feeling that he might be getting himself into something dangerous.

Deciding to drop the topic for now, you forced a smile. "Well, if you trust him, then I trust your judgment, Jungkook. Just remember to take care of yourself and be aware of the company you keep."

Jungkook's smile returned, and he playfully nudged your shoulder. "Don't worry, Y/N. I've got your back, and I'll always watch out for myself too." You patted his head, "C'mon kook, you ALWAYS got my back. I'll be there whenever you have any problem". Jungkook gave you a cheeky smile. You couldn't help but smile at his cuteness. He was your best friend afterall. Now the last thing you wished was Jungkook falling into Jake's trap.

………………………��..…………………………..…………………………..………………………

The movie theater was abuzz with excitement as you and Jungkook settled into your seats, eagerly awaiting the start of the film. The dimmed lights and the anticipation in the air set the stage for an evening of entertainment.

As the movie began, you found yourself captivated by the storyline, but your attention also wandered to Jungkook sitting beside you. The glow of the screen highlighted his features, his eyes fixed on the unfolding scenes with intensity.

Unable to resist, you stole glances at him, admiring the way his brow furrowed in concentration and how his lips formed his signature bunny smile during moments of humor. Your heart skipped a beat as you realized just how much you adored even the smallest details about him.

However, during the intermission, the spell was momentarily broken as you bumped into Jake, who happened to be attending the same movie. Jungkook's eyes lit up, and they immediately engaged in a lively conversation, seemingly oblivious to your presence.

You stood to the side, feeling a pang of jealousy rise within you. It wasn't that you didn't want Jungkook to have other friends, but the way he was engrossed in his conversation with Jake made you feel ignored and left out.

Taking a deep breath, you mustered the courage to speak up, hoping to draw Jungkook's attention back to you. "Hey, kook, could you spare a moment? I wanted to talk to you too."

Jungkook glanced at you briefly, a casual smile on his face. "Oh, sure, Y/N. Just give me a minute. Jake and I were just catching up."

You tried to conceal your frustration, but it lingered beneath the surface. You decided to stay silent, convincing yourself that perhaps it wasn't a big deal and that you were overreacting.

As the movie resumed, you tried to focus on the screen, but your mind was preoccupied with a mix of emotions. The feeling of being pushed aside by someone you cared about gnawed at you, fueling a silent discontent.

The rest of the movie passed in a blur, with occasional glances exchanged between you and Jungkook, each one carrying a hint of unspoken tension. As the credits rolled, you both left the theater, the weight of unexpressed emotions hanging in the air.

Jake met Jungkook after movie AGAIN, as Jungkook seemed to forget everything, even you. You tugged at his tee. "Kook, you came here with me, talk to me too. You've been talking to Jake since forever. Can yo-" Hey girl, let us have a moment. He is my friend, so we're talking. You don't have to be whinny" Jake interupted you with a sly smile. You felt you blood boil. He didn't just call you WHINNY!

You looked at Jungkook, he gave you a smile, "Just a few minutes pal. Just wait a little." You forced a smile on your face as you left the theater to wait for him at his car.

…………………………..…………………………..…………………………..………………………

A week had passed, and the rift between you and Jungkook seemed to widen with each passing day. There were times when he would cancel plans at the last minute, claiming he had other things to do with Jake. Each time it happened, a mix of worry, jealousy, and anger bubbled up within you.

One day, the frustration became too much to bear. You found yourselves sitting in the familiar coffee shop, surrounded by the comforting aroma of freshly brewed coffee, but the atmosphere between you was tense.

Jungkook, oblivious to the storm brewing within you, began talking excitedly about his recent adventures with Jake. Every word he uttered felt like a dagger, fueling your resentment and confirming your fears that Jake was slowly taking precedence over your friendship.

Unable to contain your emotions any longer, you exploded in anger. "Jungkook, enough with Jake! It feels like you've been ditching me for him every chance you get. Can't you see how it makes me feel?"

Jungkook's eyes widened in surprise, clearly taken aback by your outburst. "Y/N, calm down. You're overreacting. Jake is just a friend, and it's not like I'm neglecting our friendship."

Frustration boiled over, and you felt the sting of tears threatening to spill. "Overreacting? I don't think you understand how it feels to constantly be pushed aside for someone else. It hurts, Jungkook. I thought our friendship meant more to you than this."

Jungkook's voice grew defensive as he argued back, his tone laced with frustration. "I'm not a CHILD, Y/N. I can have other friends besides you. It doesn't mean I don't value our friendship. You're making a big deal out of nothing."

"You keep on ignoring me, why are you even here when you love spending time with your Jake this much? I had told you to be cautious with him at the very beginning but seems like you love neglecting my warnings." You yelled at him, making everyone in the shop turn their attention towards you two. Jungkook dragged you out of coffee shop."You are making a scene, you idiot! Why can't you control your overprotectiveness and anger, huh?"

Feeling a surge of anger and hurt, you made a decision. "Maybe you're right, Jungkook. Maybe we shouldn't be hanging out anymore. If Jake is what you want, then go ahead. I don't want to be an inconvenience in your life."

Without waiting for a response, you stormed out of the coffee shop, tears streaming down your face. Anger and disappointment mingled within you as you walked aimlessly through the streets, venting your frustrations to the empty air.

Jungkook's words echoed in your mind, and a part of you wondered if you had overreacted. But the hurt ran deep, and you couldn't shake the feeling of being replaced and cast aside.

As you both headed in opposite directions, the chasm between you widened, leaving behind a trail of broken promises and shattered trust.

…………………………..…………………………..…………………………..………………………

The busy streets of the city buzzed with life as you and Jungkook accidently bumped into each other. Caught off guard by the sudden encounter, you locked eyes for a brief moment, but neither of you uttered a word. The air between you was heavy with unspoken tensions, as you exchanged a cold glare.

Sunmi and Chaewon, who happened to be walking a few steps behind you, noticed the exchanged glances. They shot each other concerned looks, realizing the depth of the rift between you and Jungkook. They knew they had to intervene to salvage your friendship.

"Y/N, we need to talk," Sunmi said, gently grabbing your arm to stop you. "We can't let this continue. You and Jungkook have been avoiding each other for too long."

Chaewon nodded, her voice filled with worry. "We understand that you're hurt, but harboring these feelings won't solve anything. It's time to find a way to reconnect and address the issues."

You sighed, your gaze fixed on the ground. "I know, but it's just so difficult right now. I'm not ready to let go of my anger and disappointment."

Sunmi placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "We're here for you, but we also care about Jungkook. He's hurting too, even if he doesn't show it. You two need to find a way to communicate and heal. See, DON'T let ego win over care and friendship."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the street, Taehyung and Beomgyu approached Jungkook, concern etched on their faces. They had witnessed the exchange of glances and knew they had to intervene as well.

"Kook, we can't ignore what just happened," Taehyung spoke up, his voice firm. "You and Y/N need to talk. Ignoring each other won't solve anything."

Beomgyu nodded, his expression serious. "You may not realize it, but your actions have consequences. Y/N is not ok. She is hurting, and it's time you faced the reality of the situation. You have MESSED UP, and you gotta make it right."

Jungkook's brows furrowed, a mixture of frustration and guilt crossing his face. "I didn't mean for things to end up like this. But it's not that simple. I don't even know where to begin."

Taehyung placed a hand on Jungkook's shoulder. "Start by acknowledging your own feelings and reaching out to Y/N. It won't be easy, but you both deserve a chance to make things right.

…………………………..…………………………..…………………………..………………………

Ten days had passed since your last encounter with Jungkook, and the absence of his presence in your life had left a profound void. Each passing day seemed to stretch on, filled with the weight of unspoken words and unresolved emotions. The longing to reconnect and bridge the gap between you grew stronger with every passing moment.

Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook had also been grappling with his own set of realizations. The truth about Jake, the new neighbor who had effortlessly wormed his way into Jungkook's life, had come to light. It became painfully clear that Jake had ulterior motives, focusing solely on Jungkook's wealth and background while feigning friendship.

In a vivid flashback, the memories of your conversations with Jungkook about Jake resurfaced. You remembered expressing your concerns, cautioning Jungkook about Jake's intentions. But at the time, Jungkook had dismissed your worries, unaware of the potential consequences.

As Jungkook sat in a cozy café, sipping his coffee, he found himself lost in thought. The flashbacks played in his mind like a movie reel, revealing Jake's subtle manipulations, the constant probing into Jungkook's life and possessions, and the gradual erosion of genuine friendship. The realization struck him like a lightning bolt—he had been blindsided by Jake's false facade, and he deeply regretted not heeding your warnings sooner.

Feelings of anger and betrayal washed over Jungkook, intertwining with a profound sense of remorse. He realized the weight of his own actions and the consequences they had brought upon himself and your friendship. In that moment of reflection, he vowed to make amends and find a way to bridge the growing chasm between you.

Simultaneously, as the days stretched on without Jungkook by your side, you found yourself immersed in thoughts of him. The memories of your shared laughter, late-night conversations, and unconditional love and support flooded your mind. Each passing day without him felt incomplete, as if a part of you was missing.

You missed his infectious bunny smile, the way he understood your unspoken words, and the deep bond you had formed. The once-familiar places and activities you shared felt hollow without his presence. The void within your heart continued to grow, echoing the longing of his presence.

In the midst of this internal struggle, Jungkook realized the depth of his love for you. The distance and silence had only amplified his feelings, making him painfully aware of how much you meant to him. Every thought, every memory, and every beat of his heart seemed to revolve around you.

The longing to hold you close, to hear your voice, and to share a laugh together consumed him. It was in this moment of realization that Jungkook understood that the love he had been harboring for so long could no longer be contained. He loved you too much to let this fight tear your bond apart.

…………………………..…………………………..…………………………..………………………

The rain fell relentlessly, casting a gray curtain over the bustling city streets. As the droplets descended from the sky, you found yourself caught in the midst of the downpour, the weight of each raindrop mirroring the storm of emotions raging within your heart.

On the opposite side of the road, Jungkook stood, his gaze fixed upon you. His heart ached as he watched you, vulnerable and defenseless against the elements. He longed to rush to your side, to shield you from the rain and offer you solace, but an invisible barrier held him back.

Jungkook's eyes darted around, searching for a solution to bring you out of the rain. And then, a glimmer of hope flickered within him as he noticed a kind-hearted lady carrying a large umbrella. She seemed unaffected by the pouring rain, her gentle smile radiating warmth and compassion.

Summoning his courage, Jungkook reached for his phone, his fingers trembling with anticipation. He hesitated for a moment, grappling with the fear of making the wrong decision. What if reaching out to you in such a vulnerable moment only made things worse? But deep down, he knew that he couldn't let his fear hold him back any longer.

With a deep breath, Jungkook pressed the call button, his heart pounding in his chest as the ringing echoed in his ears. Each passing second felt like an eternity as he anxiously waited for you to answer.

As the phone continued to ring, the kind-hearted lady who had caught his attention noticed your plight. A wave of empathy washed over her, and without hesitation, she extended her umbrella towards you from the other side of road, a silent invitation to seek shelter from the relentless downpour.

Caught up in the moment, you didn't notice Jungkook's phone call, nor did you see the relief that briefly flickered in his eyes. Your focus shifted to the lady's kind gesture, and without a second thought, you hurriedly made your way towards her, eager to escape the pouring rain.

However, amidst the chaos and the urgency to seek refuge, you failed to notice the car hurtling towards you, its driver unaware of the danger that lay ahead. The impact was sudden and merciless, wrenching you off your feet and sending your body crashing onto the unforgiving pavement. Pain radiated through your entire being, accompanied by a numbing shock that engulfed your senses.

Jungkook's heart stopped as he witnessed the horrifying accident unfold before his eyes. You were lying in a puddle of blood as it mixed with the pouring rain water. The blood drained from his face as panic coursed through his veins. The fear and guilt that had plagued him in the days of silence were now overshadowed by a surge of adrenaline and a fierce protective instinct.

In an instant, he was by your side, along with the kind-hearted lady who had offered her umbrella. They cradled your injured body, their voices trembling with a mixture of panic and concern. Tears streamed down Jungkook's face, his voice choked with remorse as he blamed himself for the accident. Every fiber of his being ached with the weight of guilt, tormenting his soul.

"I am sorry dear... Please forgive me. I admit I'm a jerk, an idiot, but please don't leave me. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you" Jungkook struggled to contain his sobs. Tears after tears rolled down cheeks, as guilt and regret consumed him.

You, on the other hand, drifted in and out of consciousness, catching fleeting glimpses of Jungkook's tear-stained face, etched with anguish and desperation. The pain and confusion mingled within you, but amidst the haze, you held no blame towards him. It wasn't his fault. It was the culmination of circumstances and your own stubbornness that had led to this moment.

As the ambulance arrived and the paramedics swiftly took over, Jungkook's grip on your hand tightened, his touch conveying a silent promise. His gaze conveyed pure worry and care.

…………………………..…………………………..…………………………..………………………

As hours turned into a blur of restless sleep and medical care, you finally regained consciousness. The sterile hospital room seemed to close in on you, the antiseptic scent filling your nostrils. Weak and disoriented, you tried to make sense of your surroundings when a familiar face appeared in the doorway.

Jungkook stood there, his eyes filled with a mixture of relief and sorrow. Tears welled up in his eyes, streaming down his cheeks as he crossed the threshold and approached your bedside. His voice trembled as he began to speak, his words choked with emotion.

"I'm so sorry, (Y/N). I should have listened to you sooner, and I never should have let Jake come between us," Jungkook's voice cracked, his guilt pouring out in every syllable. "You mean everything to me, and I've been a fool for not realizing it sooner."

You tried to respond, to offer your own apologies and words of forgiveness, but before you could utter a single word, the room filled with the presence of your friends and family. Their concerned faces hovered around you, drowning out the private conversation you longed to have with Jungkook.

Jungkook, aware of the intrusion, fell silent, his eyes never leaving yours as he listened to the well-intentioned voices urging you to rest and recover. His gaze spoke volumes, filled with a longing for a moment of solitude with you.

Time passed, and the room gradually emptied, leaving you and Jungkook alone once more. The air hung heavy with unspoken words, the weight of the past and the unexplored depths of your relationship.

In the quiet stillness of the room, you closed your eyes, feeling the exhaustion wash over you. Unbeknownst to Jungkook, you could hear him softly speaking to you, his voice a gentle murmur in the stillness of the room.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N), for everything. I should have protected you, cherished you, and never let anything come between us. I love you more than words can express, and I promise to make it up to you. Please forgive me," Jungkook's voice quivered with sincerity, his words carrying a profound weight.

As the realization of his love and his remorse washed over you, you felt a surge of warmth and forgiveness in your heart. Opening your eyes, you gazed at Jungkook, his tear-streaked face reflecting both vulnerability and determination.

"I heard EVERYTHING, Jungkook," you whispered, your voice filled with tenderness. "I heard your confession, and I want you to know that I love you too. I forgive you."

A smile tugged at the corners of Jungkook's lips, his eyes shining with unbridled joy and relief. He reached out and gently clasped your hand, his touch reassuring and full of promises for a future filled with love and understanding.

In that vulnerable moment, with the weight of the past lifting from your shoulders, you leaned closer to Jungkook. His eyes closed, and your lips met in a tender and gentle kiss, he cupped your cheeks careful not to hurt you, and poured all his heart in the kiss, as tears spilled from his eyes. You pulled away, looking into his eyes, " Don't cry, I love you too much to see you crying.''

You wiped his tears with your thumb, and engulfed him in a tight hug. You stayed like that for a while until you heard door opening.

"May we disturb your little sweet moment?", Beomgyu said smiling mischievously. "How are you feeling Y/N? I hope Kook hasn't messed up this time." Taehyuna said as he glared at Jungkook. "No, he ha-" "We're here!" before you could finish, you got interupted by your besties. " How are you Y/Nnie? Did you two kiss?" Summi asked, making your cheeks turn pink. "C'mon, is it even a question, I am more curious about his confession." Chaewon spoke. "Hey, you're more interested in US than her accident!" Jungkook said, shooting them an annoyed glare.

"We talked to Doctor, she said it's nothing serious . Y/N can get discharge within a week" Sunmi told, as a sense of relief washed over Jungkook's face. ''Well, we shall leave you alone, you can continue." Beomgyu waved as the four left you.

Jungkook laid you on bed as you were already half asleep. He leaned and placed a kiss on your cheek.

…………………………..…………………………..…………………………..………………………

No one, Nothing in the world was gonna seperate you now.....

A/N: Reblog and share if you like, and let me know what you think about this!

[chairteeth]

“Nemu Hiiragi: The Shadow”

The promised Magius Nemu essay arrives. I have given up on proper essay formatting and will simply leave my analyses in semi-rant form because my brain is too chaotic and goes on too many tangents. It cannot be tamed. Informal essay under the cut!

So. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard others refer to Nemu as a shadow, Touka 2.0, or some other frankly reductive term. Most of the time, unless her creations come up, she’s not discussed at all, and even then… barely. That’s not exactly surprising. Given Nemu’s normally calm demeanor, and the fact that she and Touka are joined at the hip, it’s only natural that Touka would be the one to get the most attention, the one who stands out. Where Touka is the boisterous sun, Nemu is the humble moon. Today, we turn our eyes to the moon.

There is so much to talk about when it comes to Magius Nemu and pretty much all of it is going to make you really sad. Much like Touka and all other magical girls, she led a double life the entire time, but in her case, when she “traded one terminal illness for another” she got the short end of the stick. Imagine being a writer and discovering that your magic allows you to give physical form to your stories, to breathe life into your creations—literally. Now picture finding out later down the line that each time you use it, it consumes so much magic that it shaves off pieces of your very life force. That’s one slap in the face. But, it gets worse.

Let me lay out everything we know about how Magius Nemu’s sacrifices affected her physically, and how each of the people around her responded to her worsening condition. First, we know it causes pain severe enough to temporarily affect her vision and speech, and severe enough to make her fall to the ground, though she doesn’t always faint from it. We know it inflicts exhaustion and that even something like releasing an uwasa for the first time can make her pass out on the spot, so presumably it’s a lengthy process that takes a toll on her at every stage (well not sure about conceptualization, but creation and release definitely do). A voiced example of one of these episodes is in Arc 1 Chapter 8, 4:02:36 - 4:03:43 if you're watching the video.

Now, as for the people around Nemu, starting from more distant to closest. Her family? Oblivious, responsible for her state of emotional deprivation and for several other issues. Alina? Ehh she seems to either not care or care very little, which is properly Alina-esque of her. Mifuyu? Oh let me talk about MIFUYU for a second. Disclaimer, despite her many sins committed against my favorite characters, I do love the sheep, she’s too much of a failure, I cannot hate her. But Mifuyu “I want to be a nurse” Azusa is insensitive beyond belief, and I was honestly surprised when they appointed her to be some sort of… ethics teacher for Touka? Bruh. You see, an MGS is supposed to put us in the shoes of whatever character it’s about. That’s what it does. However my brain is broken and perceives the world from a TouNemu perspective by default. Which means I had a completely different reading of Mifuyu’s MGS. I am going to illustrate my point with screenshots this time because I happen to have them on hand.

Mifuyu says this about Touka and Nemu getting worked up over Alina wanting to prioritize witches above rumors. But. Here’s the thing. The thing that Mifuyu seems to be missing completely. Rumors are created by Nemu, through a sacrifice of her own life force that worsens her pain and makes her suffer more with each subsequent use. Evidently, the girls reply that no, they don’t think they were getting too emotional.

YOU THINK? Have you given any thought to why that could possibly be the case, Mifuyu? But, okay, fine, we can look past this. Alright. Next scene, it’s Touka and Nemu being upset that Yachiyo just destroyed the Divorce Stairs (I call them that, but for clarification, it’s the Friendship-Ending Staircase). I’m going to bring something up that I don’t believe is exactly contradicted by canon, though not confirmed either, but I’d be willing to believe by the fact that Nemu knows of Iroha (by name and I assume appearance) that there’s a psychic link of some kind between the uwasa and their creator. That would make sense, considering they are made of her magic and have pieces of her life force. If this is true, then that massacre Iroha and Yachiyo go on during Arc 1 Chapter 7 is far, far worse.

But alright, back to the scene. Touka is standing up for Nemu here, and Mifuyu proceeds to go and dismiss their feelings because, as she says in her thoughts, “they’re just children”. Okay, Mifuyu, hear me out. They’re 11-12. They’re not toddlers. Just because they’re children doesn’t make their emotions invalid, unimportant, or not worth considering. Particularly in this case, where they have a good reason to be upset. Nemu even mentions the life force she’s using up and Mifuyu’s first and only thought is “Yacchan…” (this is a repeating pattern).

The next relevant scene is one where Mifuyu does something Alina has also done and Touka hasn't: ask Nemu to make a rumor for her.

Nemu reminds her that it comes at a cost, and that she’s using up her life for this. Nemu gives in, of course. I will talk about this imminently. First though, the final scene of Mifuyu’s MGS. Where Mifuyu repeats the previous pattern but worse. How exactly is it worse? I’ll let the screenshots speak for themselves here. Nemu and Mifuyu meet at the shrine where the uwasa is going to be released, Nemu does the deed, and faints, then Mifuyu reacts like this:

These screenshots are less than a second apart. It is the immediate follow-up. Absolutely zero concern for one of the people she’s supposed to be responsible for who just did her a pretty big favor (as if you needed someone’s blood to open a door, they stabbed themselves to get you the blood, and then you left them on the ground in pain). So yes Mifuyu is insensitive and she is not helping Nemu’s view of adults. Relatedly, before I move to talking about Touka, since I’d like to actually end this on a non-depressing note, I’m going to circle back a little to Nemu’s family.

I am infamous for not liking Nemu’s family. Her parents, mainly. Her brother, for as much of a snotty brat as he is to her, is presumably still very tiny and has had scarce interactions with his sister, therefore leading to the way Nemu describes their relationship (“strangers”). As a slight aside, Nemu does try very hard to have a relationship with her brother, not only in her MGS, but in her solo Christmas quotes where she’s lost on what to get as a gift for a kid that likes soccer and asks Homescreen-chan for advice. And you see, Nemu has this thing where once you get past a certain point with her, she becomes a people pleaser. Unlike when Ui’s parents have visited before (seen in TouNemu’s Christmas MGS), Nemu was shocked to hear that her mother and brother had come to see her. This leads me to believe the visits are an extremely rare occurrence and that there is no other contact besides them. Ui’s parents at least video call her, from what the quotes say.

And now we have reached the point where it’s unavoidable and I have to talk about Nemu’s emotional trauma. Her family does not seem to know about her writing, which was a good call because it shielded her from much of the gifted kid trauma. However, that doesn’t mean her parents’ actions (or lack thereof) were without consequence. A lot of these might be subconscious, so bear with me a second. At this point in the timeline, Nemu struggles to believe that others will meet her needs or care for her. She seeks affirmation, acceptance, approval, and fortunately seems to get it in the form of her website and Touka during this era.

Let me give you some examples of Nemu’s people-pleasing tendencies, as any kid would learn that catering to the needs and desires of others can sometimes lead to a sense of belonging or validation—she explicitly wants that, she is aware that she wants to feel loved. This is immensely obvious with her family’s visits, where her first reaction isn’t good but then she plays along and puts up a happier face (which drops literally as soon as her mother and brother are out of the room), even apologizing for the slightest inconvenience regardless of whether or not the reaction to that inconvenience was bad (the book that was hard to find, the general Presence™ of her family in the room, apologizes again for talking about her feelings, etc). So that she doesn’t have to burden them with her feelings. So that her mother can feel like she’s fulfilled her duty by walking into the room, giving Nemu a rundown of what the family has been up to, and leaving without really actually spending any real quality time with her or bothering to really ask about her. Touka gets (righteously) angry in Nemu’s stead once her mother and brother have left precisely because of this. Nemu proceeds to, like many children in her position, defend her parents completely and then chastise herself for “looking down on them”. Touka and Ui both understand at least the heart of the issues at play here, and express as much. My point here isn’t exactly “Nemu’s parents are equivalent to Sana’s” or anything, it’s more that they’re extremely oblivious and their actions (and lack thereof) have hurt Nemu deeply.

That habit Nemu’s parents have of never truly showing interest in their daughter’s life seems to remain after the hospital, and then they’re focused on her brother’s comfort. Not Nemu’s. Never Nemu’s. Then, later on, in the Wings of the Magius, every time someone asks her to make a rumor (read: sacrifice a piece of her life force and make herself feel physically worse presumably forever), she agrees. Mifuyu asks her to, yeah sure. Alina wants a rumor? Of course. I won’t count when everyone asked her for stuff to add to Fendt Hope solely because I’m not sure Fendt Hope works like normal rumors do. Something, something, difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, struggling to distinguish her own needs from the needs of others…

A child who learned that her voice and desires were not prioritized in such critical stages of her life naturally struggles to articulate her own needs and wants. Prime example, Fendt Hope’s creation. She listens to the others give their ideas for it, never suggesting anything herself after reminding them of her usefulness. Until. Touka asks. When she does, Nemu seems almost taken aback. She apologizes. Nothing comes to mind. That very same day, she gets home, tries again to have some sort of positive interaction or time with her brother, gets rejected. As soon as an alternative form of service (doing the dishes for her exhausted mother so that she may help her brother with homework) presents itself, she practically jumps at the opportunity. The scene after that one, with the way she views Touka, Alina, and Mifuyu, vs the way she views her mother and brother, only makes this more obvious. How is Nemu supposed to feel any sense of value at home? At least as a magical girl, she’s useful. At least as a Magius, she has people who know her. The feelings of low self-worth aren’t as obvious on Nemu as they are on many of the other girls who have them, though.

The next time there’s a Magius meeting, this time to decide on a name for their base, Touka is again the one who asks Nemu for her opinion. It’s important to note that Touka is never once hostile, aggressive, or even annoyed when she does this. She considers Nemu’s thoughts and feelings more than anyone. Heck, Nemu would have no way to doubt Touka’s care for her considering their history and the way she acts.

Now I get to talk about the relationship between Magius Nemu and Magius Touka. If I start gushing incoherently, I apologize in advance. I covered a bit of Magius Touka’s attitude towards Nemu in the essay dedicated to her, and slightly in this one, but now I want to draw attention to how incredibly sweet Touka can be when it comes to Nemu. Nemu desperately needs that reliability and that love Touka provides, the hope she brings. And Touka is the one person who openly shows her care, attention. Over and over again.

Touka considers Nemu an equal. During the main story, as I said in my Magius Touka essay, she shows concern for Nemu’s health and wellbeing when no one else does. This goes beyond her magic-given affliction! I only wish we had more bits and pieces from that era, but as for what we do have… Well, I have to point at Nemu’s swimsuit costume story for the easiest and shortest point of reference. I’d use screenshots, but if I did, I would just end up showing you every single piece of dialogue and expression.

In that costume story, Touka and Nemu are at Fendt Hope, talking about their future trip to the beach (which they made plans for together in Touka’s swimsuit costume story). Nemu has her insecurities, and she’s shy about putting on the swimsuit, but then Touka proceeds to be incredibly supportive by first making her feel comfortable—for some reason she also had her own swimsuit lying around and offered to wear it too because Nemu mentioned it’d be embarrassing if she was the only one wearing a swimsuit and Touka was wearing clothes—then as soon as Nemu expresses self-doubt, she doubles down via genuine compliments (these two compliment each other way more than you think, even in main story Touka praises Nemu for her ideas). This is also a rare occasion where we’re shown that Nemu’s parents, or her mom at least, who seems more present than her dad, mean no harm, since it was Nemu’s mother who helped pick out every element of her swimsuit. After that, Touka goes off to change back into her school uniform, and Nemu is “uncharacteristically giddy” (as she states) looking at herself in the mirror. Touka gets back, and Nemu is startled to have been caught in a vulnerable state, but, critically, Touka is happy to see her happy and doesn’t tease her, although Nemu (jokingly, blushing) laments that letting Touka read her heart is the greatest failure of her life. Nemu asks Touka to listen. And Touka complies. Nemu trusts Touka with her heart, with her honest feelings, and knows Touka will never hurt her. That’s why she’s able to be so sincere with her. This is shown in Nemu’s Tap 8 quote, where she also refers to Touka as trustworthy (Touka has a matching Tap 8 quote, and hers is about how reliable Nemu is for her). This relationship, no matter what it is, is deeply important to both participants.

Finally, to end this glorified rant… I know I used the sun and moon metaphor earlier, but. I would like to borrow the words of Nemu in one of my fics: “It’s silent at night. Touka stays up with her telescope, I stay up reading nearby. We are stardust brought to life. A quiet place, just for us. The gentlest fire in us, like binary stars.” (I’m sorry but the binary stars comparison is too good not to mention). Their connection was there before the Magius, and after everything they went through, their lives became irreversibly bound, intertwined beyond the understanding of quite literally anyone else. They practically always speak in plural, the time they spend together has been on the rise, and at the time of writing? To avoid spoiling Arc 2 Chapter 12, I won’t go into specifics, but the relationship has reached a beautiful point that I will froth at the mouth about eventually.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the Nemu essay, I went slightly more feral this time so apologies for that. I’ll see how soon the hospital era essay can be thrown into the wild. Nishi out!

[weebnotheree]

TBHK x M!R CH7. || Friendship

M/n & First pov

¨Wait so you...want me to change the rumors about the Mokke??¨  Yashiro said interrupting the moment.

¨Yes..please. As one of the seven wonders of the school, It's  Aman's responsibility to monitor all apparitions on campus and also maintain order between humans and our kind. So he can't ignore murderous apparitions.¨ I said to her.

¨yes, and if I see them around. . .[pulls out his knife]I have to end them¨ he says smirking then slicing the air.

¨stop being so extra Amane¨ (￣ -￣;) I said after interrupted me.

¨WHAAA¨ he says dramatically hurt.

I went back to a serious face as Amane started talking. ¨You have the power to save them.¨ Amane said.

¨They will become whatever the humans believe.¨ I stated.

¨Ƥłἔᾄṩἔ ђἔłῥ ὗṩ¨ One of the Mokke said.

¨Ẃἔ'ʀἔ ṩὄʀʀẏ ғὄʀ ṩƈᾄʀἷᾗʛ ẏὄὗ ἔᾄʀłἷἔʀ..¨ Another one said.

¨Ӈɑѵҽ sօʍҽ ϲɑղժყ¨ One asked.

¨Ƭհís ís օմɾ հօʍҽ¨ a little said.

¨Ⱳҽ հɑѵҽ Ɩíѵҽժ հɑթթíƖყ հҽɾҽ ƒօɾ ϲҽղեմɾíҽs¨ One said with a tear in his eyes, giving puppy eyes.

¨Ⱳҽ ᴊմsե աɑղղɑ sեɑყ թƖҽɑsҽ¨ One said with sad eyes.

¨Ƴմʍ ϲɑղժყ¨ Another one said and I picked it up petting it giving it more candy.

¨We understand they tried to kill you, so you may not want to help them. No pressure at all.¨

¨Ill do it¨

¨Huh¨

I stop what I'm doing and look at her.

¨Ill do whatever I can to help you guys¨ She said smiling holding some of the Mokke.

¨ᕼᙀᕼ?!¨ All of the Mokke siad ¨Ƴɑყყ!!¨ They said as they jumped up and down with joy. I smiled at them. ¨Thank you Yashiro.¨

¨Huh?¨ She said looking over at me.

¨For helping us with the Mokke. I'm glad¨ I said smile with my eyes closed.

She blushed and smiled again closing her eyes¨No problem, Id love to help you.¨

¨Really?¨ (・-・) Amane said.

¨Of course. All these precious little Mokke angels remind me of my baby. I miss my little white inferno.¨

¨Im sorry what?¨ me and Amane said dumbfounded.

¨sweet white inferno. He's my old hamster who died.¨

¨He certainly had a name¨

¨riiight¨ I said agreeing with Amane.

¨Besides I owe you one. [she stands and giggles a little]I mean you did just kind of save my life. [smiles] and I haven't forgotten about the mermaid. So thank you guys. I'm happy to help. ¨

Amane walks up the stairs with a look in his eyes. And she follows, I just play with the Mokke and give them more candy that I make appear in my hand.

¨Im starting to put it together was this the important job you wanted me to do after I was done cleaning the bathroom?¨

He kept walking toward the door that led to the balcony on the school roof of the old building. ¨It was but id originally planned to wait a little longer.¨

¨I KNEW IT [yeet a mokke out of her hand] yayy. So I guess that means I don't need to clean the bathroom anymore? ( ° ▽°人 )*:･ﾟ✧¨¨Yeah nice try¨¨mm¨(￣-￣|| )¨sɑժ ժɑყ¨ the mokke says as it slows falling to the floor and I catch it by teleporting and going back to the other mokke.

¨do you hate it that much?¨ he said stopping.

¨Serously Amane. I'm pretty sure there aren't many girls dreaming to scrub public toilets.

(￣ -￣|||)¨ I said from the bottom of the staircase playing with the Mokke.

[He sighs opening the doors]¨Thats unfortunete¨ He's outside resting his arms and head on the pole.¨Personally, I look forward to it. It's been nice having something to do after school and having someone to talk to. Kind of like having a friend again. . just like I remember. . i miss that.¨ He says looking up in the sky. I smile hearing him say that. (yes u got supa hearing). Then I start heading up the staircase and told the Mokke to stay skipping one as I go. 

Yashiro then tugs the back of his shirt then says ¨Hey, I know.¨ as she stands beside him. Hanako looks at her. ¨What if I gave you a nickname. That might feel more like real friends right?¨She smiled and giggles. Hanako also giggled and smiled ¨Yeah¨ [they both are laughs together] 

M/n finally got to the balcony and was slouching puffing up his cheeks like a child crossing his arms right behind him. He was still his normal self but his eyes had turned red, they weren't teal blue anymore.

¨Heyyy~..I want a nickname too¨ (-c^c-)

They both stopped laughing and looked back at M/n. Yashiro blushed at how cute he was acting and so did Hanako, who made a face like(//-.-//). ¨Okay. Ummm...OH! I got it! I'll call you N/n!¨ She said with determination and M/n's eyes sparkled as he said ¨Woooaaaaa. OKay THen!!(・∇・) he said smiling. ¨And what about you Hanako. Are you gonna give n/n a nickname?¨ ¨Yeaah no that's not happening. (-△-)¨ ¨EHh! What, why?.. You guys are friends right, so you should also give him a nickname. ヾ('ヘ ')ﾉﾞ 

¨just Because. (U-cU)¨ 

When Hanako said that nene looked back at n/n and he was looking down frowning almost like he was about to cry or he was mad. ¨Hanako look what you didn't now n/n's upset.¨ She said as she went to hug n/n. He hugged back burying his face in the crook of her neck patting soft locks. Hanako's eyes widened thinking he actually hurt n/n. With that, he looked away blushing. ¨Fine. .¨ he said. ¨I'll call you..[blushes more]..Kichō¨(means: Precious, valuable). 

¨Okay! Then I'll call you Hana (0^^0)¨(means: Flower) M/n said. And with that m/ smiled again. (mood swings much)

Yashiro's face as he said that jumping on Hanako hugging him. They were both floating in mid-air. (・-・) like mood swings much. (keep in mind that in this scene you were both of your sides at the same time.)

¨And you Yashiro, I'll call you Rōzu!¨ he said still hugging Hanako looking back at her smiling. (means: rose)

I don't think I'm gonna remember those names when I'm writing the next chapter but ill try (╥﹏╥). 

Do you want me to add a nickname in for you guys? If you do comment on what you want it to be.

♡♡ And I hope you enjoyed! Bye mini dumplings! ♡♡

[dearsnow]

11, 14, 15/16, 29? ^_^

11: sometimes yes :) for the summer series I'm writing for Patrick Verona, I made a playlist with happy summer bops. For others, I choose one song and stick with it throughout the process. I occasionally just put my liked songs on shuffle for background noise.

14: the series I mentioned above (I think about that series way too often) would work so amazingly adapted into a coming-of-age film with Wes Anderson vibes. It would def be a hit in the early 2000s or 2010s :)

15: they most often come from certain lines in the fic, like a defining moment or recurring theme. Some of them come from the general vibes, or the overall message. A lot of them end up coming from the song I'm listening to while writing lol

16: It really depends. Sometimes I have a title idea and I make a fic based on that, sometimes I find a theme to pick up on during the writing process, and sometimes I can't think of any and have to turn to my friends when the fic is already finished 😭

29: I cut an entire idea from my fic "Though I Know My Heart Would Break" for Patrick Verona lmao. It was supposed to go one way, but I figured out pretty early on that it would work better the way I posted. Here's the scene (which is basically its own fic at this point):

You are a good girl. Everyone knows it. You do your schoolwork, you smile at your teachers, and you have never ever gotten drunk. At least, not until you found that the bottom of a glass truly washes all your problems down the drain.

You set your shiny plastic cup on the stair step you’re sitting on. The lights look so bright, blurring around you with a whirl of people-colored figures. You swear you can feel someone’s breath on your neck, but when you swing your head around, no one is there. You don’t like it, the paranoia. But for once, he isn’t on your mind. You smile. Nothing has ever felt so bittersweet before.

You met Patrick Verona on his first day at Padua. The principal thought you would be a good role model for him, someone to keep him out of trouble while he settled in to life in a new school. You couldn’t refuse- it would be good, you thought. Now, sitting on a random person’s staircase, you regret ever trying to help him.

You could deal with the rumors, the lack of drive in school, even the borderline rude comments pretty easily. In fact, Patrick made up for it in so many ways. For the first time in a long time, you had someone that truly cared about you. And you cared about him.

He was as sweet as a rough-and-tumble guy could get, and he was a constant friendly presence in your life up until the moment he started flirting with Kat Stratford.

When he started talking to her for the first time, you thought nothing of it. You were even happy that he found someone other than you to truly connect with. But with the talking came the gentle touches, the smiles, the ringing laughter. That was something that you couldn’t handle.

You see him in the crowd now, pushing his way past the clumps of people mingling beneath the smoke and colors. You look away, frowning into your empty cup. It’s funny how you can pick him out of a hundred people with a mind muddled with alcohol.

You didn’t know you had feelings for him until Kat. How his hands felt on your shoulders and the smell of his smoke-infused jacket were signs of a strong friendship, surely. His jokes. How he flirted with you just to make you smile. All of it had to be platonic, so why did you feel a boiling pit in your stomach every time his hand left yours?

He sees that you see him now, and he continues pushing through people like a bulldozer. You can feel everything you’ve ever wanted to tell him bubbling through your lips.

“There you are. God, you got me worried sick! I can’t leave you alone for one night, can I?” He mutters, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Let’s get out of here.”

[televinita]

Books Read in 2022: The Why

I said I wasn’t gonna do this but then it really annoyed me that I hadn’t while I was looking at the older ones, and SECRETLY it turns out I had the whole document on my computer so boom. End-of-year wrap-up but it’s midway through the next year.

We are now in year seven (?!) of looking back at my reading list for the year and answering the question, why did you read this particular book? I’m officially adding back in where/how I heard of it, too, because I also missed being able to easily see that stat.

You can see the full chronological list w/ larger cover images here, but these are split into groups by target readership age, plus nonfiction at the end. When it comes to 20th century teen books, sometimes it’s very hard to decide whether to count a title YA or middle grade, so I tried to just stick with the rule of “protagonists age 13 and under = middle grade.”

ADULT FICTION

(splitting into 3 sections because there are A Lot of covers here)

Very Sincerely Yours - Kerry Winfrey. 2021. Do we all know the story of how I took one look at the love interest described in the summary and said “Darren Criss??” (specifically the energy of him in that one music video?)

How I heard of it: a book blog

How Not To Die Alone - Richard Roper. 2019. I mean, it’s an eye-catching title! Upon pulling it out: “oh I’m here for sad introverted men. And the prospect of office romance.” And his job sounded interesting to read about.

How I heard of it: library

The Killer in the Carriage House - Sheila Connolly. 2019. The Secret Staircase - Sheila Connolly. 2021. The first audiobook of this cozy-mystery series was such a fun experience last year that I was excited to enjoy the next two (sadly there are no more, or I would have kept going)

Cross My Heart - Robin Lee Hatcher. 2019. Pulled this out of a Little Free Library like “HORSES??” (a romance featuring people who work with horses, specifically) and read it immediately.

Castaways - Brian Keene. 2009. The premise of “Survivor goes horribly wrong” was irresistible. I love jungle thrillers, I love horror, I don’t usually love cryptid horror but combined with the premise, I said yeah, okay.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Present Danger - Elizabeth Goddard. 2021. My rewatch of Blood & Treasure season 1 whipped me into a frenzy of both searching the keyword “treasure” in the library catalog and looking for 2nd chance romance. This one gave me both, PLUS my beloved western mountain setting!

Brood - Jackie Polzin. 2021. Small, cute, compact book to which I said, “chickens? Vignettes? Cool.”

How I heard of it: library, specifically because it was shelved beside the next book on this list.

A Rumored Fortune - Joanna Davidson Politano. 2018. See “Present Danger” rationale but swap mountain setting for a 19th century English estate (woo!) and more prominent focus on treasure.

How I heard of it: library

Made in the U.S.A. - Billie Letts. 2008. I really enjoyed two of her earlier ones; this cover caught my eye at the library so I spontaneously decided to take a trip back to her.

The River - Peter Heller. 2019. The Guide - Peter Heller. 2021. Watch The Amazing Race Season 33 –> find Dusty & Ryan’s friendship totally awesome –> Google for a book about two best friends, ideally in an outdoor setting –> find the book of your dreams in a Reddit post looking for exactly that. And I loved the characters so much that of COURSE I was going to read the sequel.

Five Tuesdays in Winter: Stories - Lily King. 2021. The title got my attention and the first couple of stories intrigued me juuuust enough that I decided to read the whole thing instead of just skimming or reading a couple.

How I heard of it: library

The Bookshop of Yesterdays - Amy Meyerson. 2018. How could you NOT love the idea of a) a literary scavenger hunt and b) inheriting a bookshop??

How I heard of it: I think this one was on a book blog?

While You Sleep - Stephanie Merritt. 2019. Picked up the previous book at the library and this was next to it. What I could see of the spine looked cool, the cover looked awesome, and “ghost story on an isolated island off the coast of Scotland?? TAKE ME TO THERE.”

Before I Called You Mine - Nicole Deese. 2020. I was desperate for a sweet romance. I wasn’t sure if this would cut it, but when I looked it up on Goodreads, there was a review that said “if you don’t fall in love with Joshua you are not human,” and that was a very good endorsement indeed. not least because I was looking for a book specifically to cast Josh Groban in

How I heard of it: used book sale

Lake Season - Denise Hunter. 2019. Days of furious keywoord-googling produces: sweet romance prospect the second! (he’s a shy and reclusive romance novelist?? OK go) WITH a bonus dream setting/premise of “inherited B&B.”

Beautiful Girls: Stories - Beth Ann Bauman. 2002. The cover was very pretty – less for the image of legs than the lovely use of purple tones, which I suppose includes the knee high socks I now want – and I was hoping to relate to the women/girls in this collection. Bought 1.5 years ago, read now to see if I could get rid of it. (yes)

How I heard of it: used-book section of my magic local Barnes & Noble.

girlchild - Tupelo Hassman. 2012. I was intrigued by the cover, trailer park setting, vignette style of writing, and 3-generations-of-women cast of characters.

How I heard of it: used book sale

All That Really Matters - Nicole Deese. 2021. Her other book was so good that I looked up her backlist, which led me to one been intrigued by on a book blog but forgotten to write down; I genuinely had no idea it was this author! Mostly because: I love main characters who are Influencers, but I was also curious about her youth mentorship job.

The Middle of Somewhere - Sonja Yoerg. 2015. Summertime = hiking inspiration time! (she’s on the Pacific Crest Trail)

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Thief of Hearts - Tess Gerritsen. 1995. Blood & Treasure obsession round 2 (for season 2) leads to me seeking an audiobook with a British female narrator whose voice will remind me of Lexi’s. And then I find one from an author I love, about a CAT BURGLAR?? Serendipity! So even though their nationalities are reversed, “whatever, this is a Danny-and-Lexi story now in my head.”

How I heard of it: Libby

In Their Footsteps - Tess Gerritsen. 1994. And then I accidentally fell in love with Jordan Tavistock so much that I went back to the first book in the duology to get more of him.

How I heard of it: Libby

Never Say Die - Tess Gerritsen. 1992.   But in between those books, I was like, that is WILD, I can’t believe I’m finding 90s mass market romance so fun?? so I picked up a bonus (in print this time) because this one kind of looked like my other OTP Of The Summer, Claire/Owen, since it was an ex-soldier + headstrong woman who Doesn’t Need His Help.

How I heard of it: Libby

Mom Jeans and Other Mistakes - Alexa Martin. 2021. Raise your hand if you LOVE the idea of best friends moving in together in adulthood even though one of them has a kid.

How I heard of it: a book blog

The Summer List - Amy Mason Doan. 2018. SO many reasons: the beautiful cover and title, best friends reuniting in adulthood after 15 years apart, the idea of scavenger hunts, the northern California setting...

How I heard of it: oh no, can’t remember! I think Goodreads?

The Lake Season - Hannah McKinnon. 2015. The beautiful summery cover, mostly. I wanted in on a similar setting after loving the above.

How I heard of it: Goodreads (upon looking up Lake Season in the search bar)

What You Wish For - Katherine Center. 2020. I’ve loved several of hers and though I was definitely Wary about this one’s romance, then I got briefly obsessed with Adam Scott and was like, oh, I could imagine HIM playing this character in a still-appealing way, given the difference between his personalities on Parks & Rec vs. Severance! (facts: even picturing Scott, I still hated Duncan)

How I heard of it: Goodreads

A Dazzle of Diamonds - Liz Johnson. 2020. Was once again in the mood for a sweet romance and I loved the other two in this series / had always wanted to read this one. Guaranteed good time.

How I heard of it: Goodreads, but introduced to the series originally on a book blog

Tailspin - Elizabeth Goddard. 2016. Blood & Treasure got me to a place of “I need multiple life-threatening/life-saving action scenes STAT!” and then my brain remembered that when I was last here in January, I’d learned that Goddard had one billion options for me. This one seemed closest to my needs from what the library had. Cookie-cutter mass market romance is very useful sometimes.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

We Went to the Woods - Caitlin Dolan-Leach. 2019. It sounded like an American version of my beloved The Shadow Year. Friends deciding to try group homesteading for self-sufficiency? BRING IT.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Rizzoli & Isles #13: Listen To Me - Tess Gerritsen. 2022. Read & loved all the other books in this series.

The Map That Leads To You - Joseph Monninger. 2017. I’ve read several of his YA novels, and then a Reddit post described it as some of the most beautiful writing they’d ever encountered. Plus, it is very romantic to think of a man following his grandfather’s leatherbound travel journal.

The Vines - Shelley Nolden. 2021. Came up on my Goodreads feed; I clicked on the link to her research about North Brother Island with all its crumbling abandoned structures, and immediately said TRANSPORT ME HERE FICTIONALLY.

An Afternoon Walk - Dorothy Eden. 1971. The cover pulled me in and the first chapter – which details the cover image as they explore the grounds of a nearby estate and peek at the abandoned house – sold me entirely.

How I heard of it: used book sale

The Lost Island - Preston & Child. 2014. Gideon's Sword - Preston & Child. 2011. Looking for more audiobooks that at least vaguely fit my Danny/Lexi/adventure casting, the “treasure” keyword pinged the Lost Island. It didn’t work for Lexi, but I could totally picture Matt Barr as Gideon and the audiobook was really good, so I went back to the beginning. (I had intended to listen to the whole 5-book series, but I got Distracted)

How I heard of it: Libby

Fading Starlight - Kathryn Cushman. 2016. Beautiful cover + fixing up a coastal house, I’m there.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Hidden Treasures - Michelle Adams. 2021. Needed an audiobook, did a keyword search for “treasure” on Libby this time and was drawn in by that, the cover, the prospect of cleaning out a hoarder’s house, and the 2nd chance romance (hey there Danny/Lexi).

The More I See Of Men - Lynn Hall. 1992. Reading all her books is #1 on my literary bucket list. I’ve long been intrigued by this one ever since Lynn referenced it in an interview, so I finally bit the bullet and bought a copy when I found one for $5 (and, in a shocking turn of events, actually read it immediately).

Small Game - Blair Braverman. 2022. Does everyone in the world know yet how I fooled myself into believing this would be like the TV show Siberia??

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Tuesday Mooney Talks to Ghosts - Kate Racculia. 2019. Small Game failed me, so I desperately went fishing on my TBR for a pick-me-up and decided a treasure / scavenger hunt with riddles would be a good consolation prize.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Dragon Keeper - Mindy Mejia. 2012. I liked a previous book of hers and loved the idea of a zookeeper character, with a focus on her zoo charge. Bought cheap at a book sale since library didn’t have it, and read it ASAP to send it back out the door.

A Shroud of Leaves - Rebecca Alexander. 2019. A Baby's Bones - Rebecca Alexander. 2018. The cover and title pulled me in, not least because season 1 of Bedlam ended on a cliffhanger that made me desperate to read a proper British crime novel about missing girls. Who knew I would find one at the dollar store?? Anyway, the book was so awesome that I went back to the first one at the library ASAP.

In A Cottage In A Wood - Cass Green. 2017. Riding high on British thrillers, this was for sale at the library and I jumped on it because “you randomly inherit a house” is always a plot favorite. Bonus points if it’s apparently creepy.

The Doll's House - M. J. Arlidge. 2015. Still on the British thriller theme of missing girls, this time looking for an audiobook -- and I’m always extra-intrigued by The Collector-type scenarios. (I was not aware it was part of a series until after I started)

How I heard of it: Libby

Vanishing Edge - Claire Kells. 2021. An Unforgiving Place - Claire Kells. 2022. Hiking inspiration (national parks) AND an investigative mystery? The first one was so good that I devoured the sequel as soon as it was available.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Escape Room - Megan Goldin. 2019. Found a cheap audiobook at a library sale, am down for escape room thrillers

How I heard of it: used book sale

Lease on Love - Falon Ballard. 2022. It popped up on the library homepage and immediately looked like it might be one of those sweet romances (or at least have the sweet love interest) I’ve been craving. Plus real estate porn from getting to live in a brownstone for practically nothing. (I didn’t factor in there being actual porn, but regrettably...)

The Cottage on Wildflower Lane - Liz Davies. 2020. Available audiobook, cute cover, sweet romance, soothing British narrator.

How I heard of it: Libby

Three Story House - Courtney Miller Santo. 2014.   Who am I to turn down stories about women fixing up old houses??

How I heard of it: library

The Night She Disappeared - Lisa Jewell. 2021. Anyway, back to British thrillers about missing girls. (But also, I know this is a popular author, and the phrase “abandoned mansion” IMMEDIATELY sold me as the one to start on from her)

How I heard of it: Libby, I think?

Dead Lake - Darcy Coates. 2020. The Folsom Ghosts was actually the book that caught my eye on the library website; it looked like everything I like in horror. When I got to the library and found a whole SHELF of identically appealing books, I checked out half a dozen and intended to read them all, but randomly started here. And then I just...didn’t read any others, it was too good.

Check Me Out - Becca Wilhite. 2018. Bought at a book sale a while ago, because G-rated romance featuring a librarian.

Good Omens - Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman. 1990. Reread via the new full cast audiobook (listened on Libby), which was the dream/what I wanted the first time around in 2020.

(I forgot to include a pic of this one, whoops)

=========

CATEGORY TWO: YOUNG ADULT

(again in two parts)

99 Lies - Rachel Vincent. 2018. Sequel to (more accurately “the second half of”) a fantastic thriller I read in December.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Eden Summer - Liz Flanagan. 2016. Bought cheap at a book sale because cool title and cover, plus curiosity about what had happened to her missing best friend.

Spellbook of the Lost and Found - Moira Fowley-Doyle. 2017. In search of an available audiobook, I thought the Irish-accented narrators would be cool, not least because I had looked with interest at this beautiful cover for years at the library and only been put off by the “fantasy” sticker on the spine. This time I actually read the summary, and it sounded a lot more realistic.

The Runaway's Diary - Marilyn Harris. 1971. Intrigued by the publication year + dog + journal format. First came across it on Goodreads in a “what’s that book?” post; was in the mood to order from Interlibrary Loan.

The Rules - Nancy Holder & Debbie Viguie. 2015. Love me a creative serial killer Spooky Book in February.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Children of the River - Linda Crewe. 1989. Reminded of its existence by Speaking For Ourselves and was frankly stunned to see the library still had a 90s copy in circulation, so I took the opportunity to reread a book I’d liked in high school.

In Summer Light - Zibby Oneal. 1985. Read about it in Speaking For Ourselves, Too; was intrigued by the setting and the focus on art. Lucked out this year finding a copy for sale at the library.

The Golden Window - Ernie Rydberg. 1956. Tripped over it in an antiquarian bookstore on clearance; it seemed like a very darling, nostalgic look at college.

Pretty Bad Things - C.J. Skuse. 2010. Cover model looked like Melissa Benoist and I was under the impression (until I started) that the twins were both girls. Read now because I could -- after 2 years on my TBR I saw the audiobook on Libby (the library doesn’t have a print version).

How I heard of it: Goodreads

A Good Girl's Guide to Murder - Holly Jackson. 2020 (US edition). Good Girl, Bad Blood - Holly Jackson. 2021. As Good As Dead - Holly Jackson. 2022. I finally succumbed to the hype, mostly for the promise of some unusual formatting / mixed media, and had such a good time that I finished the trilogy in quick succession.

How I heard of it: book blogs

The Mall - Megan McCafferty. 2020. Fun cover design/colors + I love malls. And the 90s.

How I heard of it: a book blog

What Waits in the Water - Kieran Scott. 2017. Picked up in a Little Free Library & read immediately because I liked her previous What Waits book.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Three Desperate Days - Hope Dahle Jordan. 1962. Vintage teen thriller! With a road trip twist.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Lies Like Wildfire - Jennifer Lynn Alvarez. 2021. Wildfire + teen thriller/suspense/mystery = sold.

How I heard of it: library

There You'll Find Me - Jenny B. Jones. 2011. Loved the movie (Finding You), wanted to immediately revisit it in book form.

How I heard of it: I do remember it from the library when it was new

Sisters In Sanity - Gayle Forman. 2007. I like this author and was surprised to see the library had such an old book (old by the library’s standards, not mine). Plus I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of middle-of-nowhere reform camps for uncontrollable teens, ever since I read an article about one in a teen magazine when I was a teen -- not the one this author apparently wrote before writing her book, but very similar.

How I heard of it: library

The Dead House - Dawn Kurtagich. 2015. + Dead House: Naida (not pictured) I was at the library to pick up the book below, when I saw this next to it with a more alluring title/cover/premise and – oh, is that COOL MIXED-MEDIA FORMATTING?? Sold! (then I read the sequel novella on Libby because I Just Can’t Get Enough.)

And The Trees Crept In - Dawn Kurtagich. 2016. Read a post about it on r/whatsthatbook; it sounded so awesomely spooky that I wanted to read it even after being spoiled on the ending.

The Summer of Chasing Mermaids - Sarah Ockler. 2015. Beautiful cover/cover model (the girl, at least); between that and the setting it seemed like a perfect summer read.

How I heard of it: Library

The Evolution of Claire - Tess Sharpe. 2018. In which after losing my mind about Jurassic World: Dominion, I learn that there is officially licensed YA fanfic about Claire Dearing and immediately pterodactyl-screech “GIVE IT 2 ME!”

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Never Coming Home - Kate Williams. 2022. I will apparently read infinity versions of social media influencers being lured to deserted tropical islands for creative and vengeful Murder Reasons.

How I heard of it: library

Hold Still - Nina LaCour. 2009. Continuing last year’s quest to finish reading her YA novels, I decided I wanted to go back and reread this one before my last new one, mostly because there was an audiobook version this time.

How I heard of it: library

Gap Life - John Coy. 2016. Always interested in post-high-school paths that aren’t college.

How I heard of it: library

Property of the State - Bill Cameron. 2016. Always interested in foster-kid stories.

How I heard of it: library

Damselfly - Chandra Prasad. 2018. *New York “Beyonce?” face* MIXED GENDER LORD OF THE FLIES??? (one of the few assigned classics I genuinely enjoyed in high school)

How I heard of it: library

We Are Okay - Nina LaCour. 2017. Working my way through all her books; specifically interested in the idea of best friends reuniting after months of silence (as a person who remained solitary and had minimal contact with her own best friend during the first semester of college).

Rural Voices: 15 Authors Challenge Assumptions About Small-Town America [stories] - ed. Nora Shalway Carpenter. 2020. Interested on sight in the promised settings of small/rural towns.

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

Secret Scribbled Notebooks - Joanne Horniman. 2004. The most alluring title in the history of ever. I wanted a peek at what she scribbled in the notebooks, perhaps for notebook-using inspiration of my own.

How I heard of it: OpenLibrary

Meet The Sky - McCall Hoyle. 2018. Natural disaster survival + lost horse?? Two of my favorite things.

How I heard of it: library

Solace of the Road - Siobhan Dowd. 2009. Reread of a book I didn’t remember well because available audiobook + pleasing Irish narrator I figured would lull me to sleep.

How I heard of it: library

This Is Our Story - Ashley Elston. 2016. I keep wanting to read one of hers, and murder mysteries are always fun.

How I heard of it: library

The Tenth Girl - Sara Faring. 2019. IT LOOKED SO SPOOK (plus how often do you find a story set in Patagonia?)

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

The Small Crimes of Tiffany Templeton - Richard Fifeld. 2020. Mostly the pretty colors in the cover (see: The Mall) and irresistibly cool title; a little bit because “small town in Montana” setting.

How I heard of it: library

Holly Jolly Summer - Tiffany Stewart. 2018. Bought cheap because cute cover + working at a theme park?? As unusual a theme for YA as the idea of a Christmas-themed town. (Read now because I needed a summery read to match the Indian summer weather.)

How I heard of it: the used book section of my Barnes & Noble

Full Flight - Ashley Schumacher. 2022. Loved her first book, ready to be heart-hurt again.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Not In The Script - Amy Finnegan. 2014. Randomly browsing at the library and saw...cute romance on a TV show set? I love that.

Drop-Out - Jeannette Eyerly. 1963. Been meaning to read one of hers, this one was on OpenLibrary and I always like mid-century stories about teens getting (or in this case trying to get) married.

How I heard of it: yet another Speaking For Ourselves find. :)

Out of Reach - Carrie Arcos. 2012. Bought on BookOutlet because I thought it was on my TBR (and it wasn’t at my local library), but it wasn’t there when I looked?? Maybe it was at one point and I deleted it. Anyway, still read it because kind of interested in the story of a girl looking for her runaway drug-addict brother on the streets. Also, pretty cover.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Distance Between Lost and Found - Kathryn Holmes. 2015. It’s not the right time of year for hiking inspiration, but I didn’t hike much this year after July anyway so I randomly decided I wanted to read about it regardless.

How I heard of it: library

I Am Princess X - Cherie Priest. 2015. Read a post about it on r/whatsthatbook and was intrigued by: the mystery premise, best friends, and curiosity about how the graphic novel panels would be incorporated.

This Is Not A Love Letter - Kim Purcell. 2018. Loved her first book, have long been interested in the setting of this one while leery of a lecture on racism, but to be honest? I can’t say why without spoilers, but the reason I finally read it is that I vaguely remember hearing how this one ended, and I needed a fictional way to process a similar scenario I’d just heard in celebrity news.

How I heard of it: library

Rain Is Not My Indian Name - Cynthia Leitich Smith. 2001. I’ve known about this semi-classic for a while and have been vaguely interested in reading it as an early Native American #OwnVoices; someone bought it out from under me at a book sale, but luckily Libby had an audiobook!

(side note: I am stubbornly keeping this in YA where it was originally shelved at the library, even if they’ve kicked it to middle grade now. Which is fair since it’s short and she’s 14, the Border Age, but I really dislike the more childish new cover image.)

How I heard of it: I don’t actually remember! I may have seen it at the library back in the day, or maybe I read about it in a book about teen books.

All American Boys - Jason Reynolds & Brendan Kiely. 2015. I don’t read a lot about racism or social (in)justice, but something about this one seemed like it would be unusually accessible. I found a copy in a little free library over the summer, finally remembered I had it while cleaning out the car, and just randomly read it.

How I heard of it: Half Price Books

=====================

CATEGORY THREE: CHILDREN’S/MIDDLE GRADE

Ghetto Cowboy - G. Neri. 2011. I’ve always been vaguely interested because of the horse aspect, but I finally made the effort in order to have an idea of the story before watching the movie based on it.

How I heard of it: library

The Tiny Mansion - Keir Graff. 2020. I put ‘mansion’ into the library catalog keywords because of my general interest in those kinds of settings, but I was equally thrilled to find something unique: a middle grade story about a tiny house?? In a forest setting?? YEAH

How I heard of it: library

Bearstone - Will Hobbs. 1989. Reread of a middle school favorite when I saw there was an audiobook.

The Door in the Wall - Marguerite de Angeli. 1949. Reread of a middle school assignment I’d forgotten I ever read (and barely remembered) when I saw there was an audiobook.

Operation Red Jericho - Joshua Mowll. 2005. Operation Typhoon Shore - Joshua Mowll. 2006. Operation Storm City - Joshua Mowll. 2008.  

I read about the first book on r/whatsthatbook and it sounded like it had the coolest art design ever. It did. Even though I didn’t love the actual stories, I had to finish the trilogy just so I had enough context to keep fully enjoying it.

The Secret of Blandford Hall - Margaret Crary. 1963. It was mostly the map of the 4-acre estate in the front that sold me on this quick-n-easy vintage kids’ mystery, tbh. Literally, sold; I paid $4 since library didn’t have it.

How I heard of it: antique store

Bonny's Boy Returns - F.E. Rechnitzer. 1953. Sequel to a dog book I loved.

How I heard of it: bookfinder.com

Breathing Room - Marsha Hayles. 2012. I haven’t read a lot of books about patients this young being treated for tuberculosis in sanitariums. The local MN setting doubled my interest in this one.

How I heard of it: library

You May Already Be A Winner - Ann Dee Ellis. 2017. Bought for $1 mostly due to the very cute cover + trailer park setting.

How I heard of it: dollar store

Maisie Lockwood Adventures #1: Off the Grid - Tess Sharpe. 2022. In which I lose my mind about the found family in Jurassic World: Dominion, go home intending to google for middle grade novels with this exact family dynamic, learn that licensed fanfiction about this actual family already exists, and immediately pterodactyl-screech “GIVE IT 2 ME!”

How I heard of it: Goodreads

A Patron Saint for Junior Bridesmaids - Shelley Tougas. 2016. Bought cheap because cute cover and title with a local setting; I was curious how she would navigate bridesmaid duties as a 12-year-old.

How I heard of it: used book section of my Barnes & Noble

Water Balloon - Audrey Vernick. 2011. 99% because of the summery cover, 1% because she sounded relatable in being left behind by her friends for not maturing fast enough.

How I heard of it: a book blog

Meant to Be - Jo Knowles. 2022. Sequel to a book I didn’t love, but liked enough to want the full story.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Birdie's Billions - Edith Cohn. 2021. Fantasizing about what I’d do if I found a bunch of money is second only to talking about books in terms of my favorite hobbies. A Goodreads friend read this and I literally went to the library the next day to check it out so I could have full context for deciding what I would do as her.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

All The Things You Are - Courtney Sheinmel. 2011. Found for $1 -- I like this author so I’ll give most any standalone she writes a shot.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Echo Park Castaways - M.G. Hennessey. 2019. Cool cover + foster kids.

How I heard of it: used book sale

When I Hit the Road - Nancy J. Cavanaugh. 2020. I love road trip books!

How I heard of it: Goodreads 

=====================

CATEGORY FOUR: NONFICTION

Living Simply: A Teen Guide to Minimalism  - Sally McGraw. 2019. It was slender and brightly colored and I thought it would be fun to fantasize for a bit that I was a teen again, with only one bedroom’s worth of possessions to sort.

How I heard of it: library

Deep in the Heart of Texas: Reflections of Former Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders  - Suzette, Stephanie and Sheri Scholz. 1991.

Obsession with the DCC reality show = time to look for books about cheerleaders’ time there. There didn’t seem to be any from the modern era, so this was as close as I could get to actually hearing about the practices, appearances, etc. (also, someone said it was soapy/scandalous)

How I heard of it: googling keywords

All the Way Home: Building a Family in a Falling-Down House  - David Giffels. 2008.

I will read any memoir you have about fixing up a big ol’ historic house.

How I heard of it: library

Speaking For Ourselves  - ed. David Gallo. 1990. Loved the second volume when I read it last year, finally realized I could get this one through Interlibrary Loan as well. Tell me about prolific authors of teen books and their work from my favorite era of teen lit!

How I heard of it: OpenLibrary

Things I Should Have Said  - Jamie Lynn Spears. 2022. Honestly, I’ve always found her more appealing than her sister, and the world’s Absurd Hatred of this book for daring to exist made me extra-curious about it (and desirous of helping its Goodreads rating), so reading it ASAP became a priority.

How I heard of it: ONTD

Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It?  - Kim & Penn Holderness. 2021. See “teams I fell in love with on The Amazing Race.” I loved their podcasts about it so I started watching their YouTube videos, found out about this audiobook and was like, “A PODCAST I CAN COUNT ON MY READING LIST??”

How I heard of it: YouTube

UnSweetined  - Jodie Sweetin. 2009. I re-fell in love with her on Beyond the Edge, needed more of her ASAP and then vaguely remembered she had written a memoir.

How I heard of it: just...random celebrity news sites back in the day before I was on ONTD regularly

We Are the Baby-Sitters Club: Essays and Artwork from Grown-Up Readers - ed. Marisa Crawford & Megan Milks. 2021.

I was also the BSC!

How I heard of it: Goodreads

I Want To Be Where the Normal People Are  - Rachel Bloom. 2020. It was at the library and I was juuuust curious enough to check for some Crazy Ex-Girlfriend stories.

How I heard of it: ONTD

Made From Scratch: Discovering the Simple Pleasures of a Handmade Life  - Jenna Woginrich. 2008. I was browsing through old reading lists and remembered how much I liked this one. I wanted to read one of her more recent memoirs, and was bummed to find the library didn’t have any of them – but they still had this one! So I checked it out intending to just skim through it, and ended up rereading cover to cover because fascinating info.

How I heard of it: library

Funny Farm: My Unexpected Life With 600 Rescue Animals - Laurie Zaleski. 2021. Rescue animals!!! At an animal rescue!

How I heard of it: Goodreads (but my dad independently recommended it as well; both my parents liked it actually)

The Horseman's Companion  - Margaret Cabell Self. 1949. An old horse book with a cover illustrated by Wesley Dennis, written in an appealing writing style (basically storytelling)? SOLD.

How I heard of it: used book sale

O.C. Undercover  - Brittany Kent. 2004. I love The O.C. and I will read any ridiculous books you have about it.

How I heard of it: used book sale

===========

And that’s it; hope you have enjoyed this special 6-months-late edition of the traditional post.

[thewalkingcigarette]

watch as a young girl grows older. blond hair that crinkles at the ends, wisps that curl loose and free from a pulled back elastic. a twisted grin that splits her face wide open, a red mouth as a watermelon severed in two. the crisp rasp of a wrapped library book lives aloft in the cradle of her elbow, a slip of shrived notebook paper splitting the pages down the middle. she stands off center, knees bent, fingers wiggling and legs shivering at the weight of her own heart. slick jeans that sit above her waist, tight and sticking to the soft skin of her stomach. and a buttoned shirt where the cotton tangles up under her arms.

she'll swing from monkey bars, and gloat when she hooks two feet in and dangles head down. her smile widens, a flipped crescent moon.

wood chips leave splinters in her palms, and teasing leaves slivers under her ribs. she'll be shoved in the halls. she'll be laughed at in math lessons. boys will toss wads of small paper at the net of hair that wont stay tame.

"can we be friends?"

"we already are."

and friendship will blossom in the classroom, two kids left to work on old assignments. she'll move after this year, but the girl had learned that friendship would not need be asked for. it would always just be.

everyones lunch is stellar, yet cold, dry turkey between crystal white bread, crunchy carrots stale with air, and hardened granola bars will greet her in that uncomfortably moist, square lunch box. if she could only have the spectacular lunch-ables.

she sits with her back to a young boy in her class, facing the wall. he has a mouth like a cobra, wicked teeth peaking past ruby red, chapped lips. his hands shuffle around. he eats a glistening donut, washing it down with gulps of sugar filled coke. she has no friends. she snaps those pale, puckered orange carrots alone.

"are you scared of me?"

"no."

"why do you sit with your back to us?"

from that day forward she faced the table properly, and learned that she need not outcast herself. that might be a task for others to curse towards her, instead.

its fifth grade.

"ill give you my chips."

"if you do, you can hang out with us at recess."

never once did she eat chips that year. she learned that friendship could be born from sacrifice. she learned that beautiful girls were easily admired. it was okay to be the odd one among them, with thighs like thick tree branches, hair like the withering fall leaves, a voice that crackled from nerves, hands that always ached from writing, eyes that squinted from endless nights reading with a flashlight.

how quickly friends can turn upon you. suddenly it was echoing staircases, a slow push and a swift stumble, toppling down the last four steps. blood trickles from skin pulled off. giggles bounce off the walls.

the boys wont talk to you. the rumors start. theres no use chit chatting with the gay girl.

fifth grade ends.

and in this juvenile blink of life, there manages to still be light. grass stains and after school apple slices. bus rides home where kids would gush over friday folders. cold winter days where kids would trickle in with wet soaked snow pants. legos scattered to the floor. food that was scarfed down with no second thoughts.

a childhood like amber around a moth. dangerous but beautiful, liquid fire turned ice.

[helnjk]

Sixth Year - D.M.

Draco Malfoy x fem!reader

Platonic!Blaise Zabini x fem!reader

Requested: yes

Hey if requests are open could you do a prompt#21&50 for Draco.. Could it be a bit of angst and end with fluff? Thanks!

“all you do is make empty promises” “i’m tired of your lies”

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: angst, swearing

Summary: 6th year with Draco isn’t turning out how you expected it to be.

A/N: ok 1, i wanted to try writing angst (pls give comments/reviews!! i wanna know how i did) & 2, other than the request, i kind of based this off of one of my fav tiktok acct’s shifting stories aksjdhsadh you can find her here ! i love her tiktoks and she’s what got me into shifting LMAO but anyway ! let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist ! enjoy xx

THIS IS A REPOST BC I THINK TUMBLR DID ME DIRTY WITH THE TAGS

Prompts are in bold

—

Eighth. This was the eighth night you had stayed up until god knows what hour waiting for Draco to show up.

The moon was high in the sky by the time you realized he wasn’t coming yet again. The biting wind rushed past you as you tried to gather as much warmth as possible from the jacket you brought up to the Astronomy tower. Your breath came out in short puffs, white wisps trailing from your mouth out into the chilly night.

With one last glance at the midnight stained grounds, the only light emanating from the moon above, you wrapped your jacket tighter around your body and turned to make it down the stairs. It was a long trek to the Slytherin dorms, which gave your mind more time to spiral. This meant fighting back the prick of tears at the back of your eyes by the time you had reached the dungeons.

The next morning, you found yourself at the Slytherin table barely able to keep your eyes open. You hadn’t gotten much sleep, your mind refusing to stop running the different scenarios with which you imagined Draco must have gotten into causing him to forget your rescheduled plans.

“Y/N?” Blaise’s voice startled you into opening your eyes, having nodded off, leant against your palm.

“Huh?” You murmured, trying to blink the sleep from your eyes, “Sorry did you say something?”

“You alright? You look like you could just drop dead any second,” His eyes scanned yours worriedly, shifting closer to you so that you could have something to lean on.

“Gee thanks Blaise,” A sarcastic drawl came out of your lips, “Just tired. I was up late last night at the Astronomy tower waiting for Draco.”

His brows furrowed at your statement, “Draco? He got to the dorms pretty early last night. Didn’t say he had anything planned with you last night.” Eyes widened at the realization of what he said and he quickly tried to back track, “I mean-That’s not-”

Despite the distinct crack you felt in your chest, you mustered up the faintest of smiles (which probably looked more like a lopsided grimace), “It’s alright, Blaise. Thanks for letting me know.”

The rest of the day passed by you in a blur.

Everyone seemed to notice the melancholy mood that you were in, everyone except for the only person you wished would pay attention.

Being in your sixth year at Hogwarts, you were excited to spend a good chunk of it with your boyfriend. After all, there were no OWLs or NEWTs to worry about (yet), so you assumed that this year would bring more time for you to spend together.

You were wrong. Clearly.

The moment you had stepped off the Hogwarts Express in September, Draco started to spend less and less time with you. It was November now and the less time you found yourself spending with him, the more you noticed that he began to keep things from you. His eyes would shift whenever you would ask him what his plans for the day were or when you questioned who he would be with all day. He never gave you straight answers either.

“Why? What do you have planned for us today?”

“Just off brainstorming for our next date.”

“Obsessed with me, are you? You’re too cute darling.”

No matter how charming he had tried to be with his answers, you could tell something was off with him. None of the so-called plans he came up with ever came to full fruition. Often, you would find yourself waiting for him to arrive, either at the common room to take you to wherever he planned your date to be, or up in the Astronomy tower since that was where you went when you wanted to spend time, just the two of you.

Some nasty rumors had also been circulating Slytherin house. It started when someone overheard Harry Potter speaking to his friends about running into Draco right before a quidditch match, but the catch was that he was in the company of two other girls. Of course, you tried not to let these kinds of things get to you, they were just silly little rumors after all.

Still, these kinds of thoughts plagued you at night when you would go to bed not wrapped in the arms of the person you loved most.  

When you brought up these feelings with him, it had only started an argument.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Y/N.” Draco said rather harshly after you asked him about the rumors, “Are you implying that I’m cheating on you?”

“No!” You replied immediately, “I just want to know where these rumors are coming from. You’re my boyfriend, I should know what to say when people ask me about it.”

“Then tell them they should be minding their own damn business.”

You didn’t bring it up after that, afraid that if you did, it would cause an even bigger rift between you two.

By the time you had made it back to the common room, it was mostly empty. There were a couple of seventh years trying to get in some extra revising time in the corner, but they mostly left you alone. Not wanting to go up to your dorm yet, you settled on the couch next to the blazing fire instead. By some stroke of luck, Draco came stumbling inside the room as you sunk into the cushions.

“Draco!” You called out, his name slipping from your lips before you even knew you were saying anything.

His eyes registered that you were in the practically empty common room a second slower than usual, “Y/N. Hi love.”

“I missed you last night,” You admitted as he reached you.

A furrow in his brows told you that he didn’t know what you were talking about, “Come again, love?”

For the nth time, his words struck a chord deep in you. You didn’t think it was physically possible, but they added yet another crack to your already broken heart. You cleared your throat in an attempt to push down the lump that had formed, “Uh, I was waiting for you in the Astronomy tower? Because we had plans?”

As if a bucket of cold water dropped on him, his demeanour changed completely in the blink of an eye.

“Oh darling I’m so sorry,” He muttered softly, taking your face in his hands and pressing kisses all around, “I was completely knackered yesterday, I didn’t even think about anything after dinner except sleep. I’m so sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?”

Instead of the calm you usually felt being around Draco, you felt like you were at your breaking point. You couldn’t do this to yourself anymore. It was surprising to realize, that even with the added comfort of being at the receiving end of his kisses, there was still a large part of you that was tired. You couldn’t fall back into his arms after more than a dozen attempts at trying to keep the relationship afloat.

Gently, you pried his hands away from his face and took a deep breath. You could already feel the sting of unshed tears in your eyes as they locked with his, “I don’t think you can do anything to fix this.”

“What-Love, what are you talking about?”

“All you do is make empty promises, Dray.” You whispered, “And I’m tired of setting myself up for disappointment.”  

The love of your life was speechless, so you took the opportunity to stand up quickly. “I don’t understand what you’re doing or why you’re being so secretive about it, but find me when you’ve figured out if it’s worth it or not.”

Without waiting for his response, you hurriedly made your way to your dorm room and sparing no glances back in his direction.

-

A few days after your heartbreaking conversation with Draco, you still weren’t one hundred percent. It didn’t feel like you were ever going to be one hundred percent again. Your only solace was your friendship with Blaise.

For all intents and purposes, he was your best friend. Even before you had started dating Draco, the two of you were thick as thieves.

Oftentimes over the next few days, you found yourselves huddled in a corner of the common room. He would remind you to eat and to do your schoolwork as you went about your days mindlessly.

“C’mon,” He said one night, holding his hand out to you as you were cuddled up against a cushion. You merely raised your eyebrow at him, “Get up, I’ve got somewhere to take you.”

With a sigh, you pushed yourself off the couch and took his hand. It was well past curfew, but it never really bothered the pair of you. Being Slytherins made you resourceful with how you navigated the castle, the easy dynamic between the two of you enabled you to sneak through the shadows unnoticed by anyone who might have been nearby.

“Why are we going to the Astronomy tower?” You whispered as you climbed the seemingly endless staircase.

“Just thought you could use some fresh air.” He answered nonchalantly, “Feels like you’ve kept yourself cooped up in the castle this whole week.”

“That’s awful sweet of you, Zabini,” You teased, the shadow of a smile on your lips.

He shrugged as you got to the top of the tower, “Just don’t like seeing you so sad.”

Few words were exchanged between you two as you leant against the railing of the turret, taking in the view of the grounds in the dim light. The moon was full and high in the sky, and the breeze wasn’t as biting as it was the last time you were here.

Something about being up there in the clear night with Blaise was doing wonders for your aching heart. It might’ve been the fresh, crisp air, it might have been the calming presence of your best friend. You were grateful either way.

As the wind picked up, you huddled closer to Blaise’s warm body. What was it about boys being basically walking furnaces all the damn time?

“Draco’s a prat,” He murmured as he wrapped his arms around you, “I just wanted you to hear that.”

“He’s not though,” You defended weakly, “Something’s up with him, definitely, but I don’t think he’s being a dick on purpose.”

“Yeah but he’s still made you feel like shit.”

You shrugged, “And I let him.”

After a few minutes of silence, you heard the distinct sound of a door swinging open behind you. You craned your neck to see who would be up here at such a late hour when your heart stopped in your chest.

“What’s going on here?” Draco sneered, taking in the sight of you cuddled up at Blaise’s side, “Replaced me already, Y/N? Reckon he’s the reason why we’ve broken up?”

You felt Blaise tense up beside you but paid no mind when your focus was solely on the rage brewing in your chest.

“How dare you,” You seethed, “You have no right to accuse me, we weren’t even doing anything!”

He had the audacity to scoff at your retort, “Sneaking off at nearly midnight, to share a romantic night under the stars? Seems like more than just ‘nothing.’”

Before you could respond, you felt Blaise’s warm hands on your shoulders, “I’m gonna let you handle this one, love.” Blaise whispered in your ear, “He doesn’t deserve anything from you, but I feel like I’ll only make it worse if I stay.”

You nodded slightly.

“Hurt her even more than you have, Malfoy, and you’ll see just what kinds of curses I know how to cast.”

With Blaise making a quick exit and taking away your source of warmth, you crossed your arms in front of your chest and clutched the jacket you had on closer to you.

“You never had a problem with my friendship with Blaise before,” You muttered.

“Because he wasn’t all over you then!” He argued.

“We’ve always been like that and you know it.” You rolled your eyes, “Why are you even up here Draco?”

“So you own the Astronomy tower now?” He huffed, stepping next to you to lean on the railings, “I needed somewhere to think and clear my head.”

Almost as if there was no gaping chasm between the two of you, your bodies slowly inched towards each other until you were shoulder to shoulder. Almost as if the boy standing next to you hadn’t broken your heart with his secrets and his deflection tactics, his presence seemed to calm your elevated heart rate. Almost.

“Are you finally going to tell me what’s been going on with you recently?” The words that escape your mouth are no more than a whisper. You hold your breath in anticipation.

“Nothing’s been going on,” Is all he says in reply.

“Stop lying through your teeth, Draco!” You burst out, your frustrations finally getting the better of you, “I’m tired of your lies. Do you not trust me? Is that it? Because I can help you, you just have to let me in!”

“Of course I trust you! I love you for Merlin’s sake, Y/N!”

You sucked in a breath, all of your resentment seeming to escape your body, “I love you too, Draco,” You whisper, taking his warm hand in your cold ones, “But all of this sneaking around, this hiding, I don’t think I can handle not knowing what you’re up to especially when it’s affecting you this way.”

Draco took a deep shuddering breath, you could practically see the gears turning in his head. “I don’t want to lose you.”

That wasn’t what you expected him to say, “You won’t, you just need to be honest with me.”

He turned to face you, thumbs rubbing gentle circles on your hands, “I can’t tell you exactly what I’m doing,” You opened your mouth to argue but he cut you off with a look, “All I can say is that I love you and I want to protect you. What I’m doing has nothing to do with how much you mean to me, but it’s something I have to do. I just need you to be here, be with me.”

“I don’t understand,” Came your reply.

“I’m saying that I have an important job to do, and I want to be with you, but that means you’ll have to be okay with not knowing everything.”

“You’ll tell me if you need any help though, right?” You all but whispered.

“I’ll tell you if you absolutely need to know,” He nodded slightly.

“Okay,” You were still trying to wrap your head around everything that he said. It wasn’t exactly what you wanted, but it was a good compromise, “And you can’t keep blowing me off. If you want me to be here for you, then you have to do the same for me.”

“I can work with that.” A slow smile graced his pale features and you felt your heart stutter at the sight, you hadn’t seen him look so calm and at ease in a long time.

“Good.” You pressed your cheek against his chest and reveled at the comfort it brought you. He wrapped his arms around you and you could feel yourself melting into his touch.

[geniusbeehive]

TRYING THIS (Riddlebird) ♠: One character adjusting the other's jewelry/neck tie/ etc.

The quiet of Oswald’s apartment seemed almost impossible, given its location nested right above the raucous Iceberg Lounge. Any Friday night would draw a crowd to the popular club, but this evening it was even more in demand among Gotham City’s elites and those hoping to rub shoulders with them. It marked the return of the proprietor himself after an extended stint in Blackgate, one which his lawyers had been able to negotiate down but which still left him conspicuously absent for nearly half a year. 

Rumors flew, gossip spread like wildfire, and everyone wanted to get the story of the Penguin’s latest runin with the Batman from the convict himself. He was nonetheless keeping them in suspense. Eddie had expected to see him hours ago, imagined him descending the Imperial staircase with his usual air of regality and untouchable grace. But 8 o clock had gone by, then 9, and still the Lounge was absent its leader.

 Eddie didn’t drink, and he could only order so many ginger ales before the bartenders started giving him grief, so he’d left the main floor and made his way upstairs to check on Oswald. It was perhaps overstepping the bounds of their friendship, he really wasn’t great at keeping track of those, but his mind had already begun catastrophizing. It conjured images of Oswald lying motionless on the bathroom floor, or perhaps ambushed by that god damn Bat and thrown right back into prison. He wouldn’t know peace until he checked, so he’d let himself into the apartment (making a mental note to help Oswald beef up his security later) and called out for him. 

“In the bedroom.” Oswald’s voice sounded strange, though Eddie couldn’t put his finger on why. He followed it through the still house to the source, where he spotted the man at last. Eddie couldn’t help himself - his face broke into a grin. He was not often sentimental, at least he didn’t allow himself to admit it, but it was undeniably nice to see the Penguin again. He stood in front of a full length mirror situated between two ornate wardrobes, fiddling with his tie. His hair was shorter than he usually wore it, and he looked a bit haggard, truth be told, but still effortlessly handsome in a way that always left Eddie’s stomach fluttering. 

“Fashionably late to your own party, I see,” Eddie practically purred, sidling up beside Oswald and trying not to feel snubbed when he didn’t look up. 

“I’d ask you why you’re in my house, but right now I don’t give a shit. Just make yourself useful, I can’t get this damned tie done up.” He yanked on the ends of the tie one more time in frustration before dropping his hands to his hips. Eddie obliged of course, Oswald was perhaps the only person who could order him around so effectively. He felt Oswald’s eyes on him as his nimble hands tied the knot before pulling it tight, gently placing one palm against Oswald’s chest and feeling the lightest thrum of a heartbeat. He stepped back, admiring his handiwork and the view overall, but Oswald still did not seem pleased. 

“You look wonderful,” Eddie tried. Oswald snorted derisively. 

“I look like shit. But thank you, for the assistance. Normally I have someone to do it for me but half my staff took off while I was inside.” Oswald adjusted his jacket irritably, fixing things that didn’t need fixing. “This city thinks I’m weak, thinks my empire’s been crumbling while I’ve been gone. If they see me looking anything but perfect they’ll be on me like a pack of jackals.”

Eddie stilled Oswald’s fidgeting hands with his own, clasping them in yet another boundary-crossing moment of impulsivity. Oh well. He was never known for his social graces anyway. 

“I mean it, Oswald,” He said, his voice uncharacteristically subdued. “You look...wonderful.” 

The air was thick with silence, as Oswald finally met Eddie’s eyes. Eddie cleared his throat, looked over Oswald’s shoulder awkwardly. 

“You should go down and show them.” 

“Well, they’ve waited this long. A little longer won’t kill them.” Oswald grinned. 

When he did finally make his grand entrance, his tie was not the only thing askew, but he no longer cared. 

[speechlessxx]

Bring Him Light - viii (King!Steve Rogers x Reader)

Chapter Summary: If the king can disrespect his queen so openly, surely the people can, too? 

Warnings: slight injury to reader, confessions, bad timing

Word Count: 3k

<- Last Part -=+=- Next Part ->

It was inevitable. The people began to lash out at you as soon as their king did. You were an outsider, the daughter of a king who waged a war against their country. They welcomed you into Brooken in hopes of a bright future and an heir for their king. And to their knowledge, you had disappointed them. So, when your husband struck you in front of his court, it opened the door to let his subjects treat you in the same manner.

In the days that took place after the party, the respect for you had dwindled. Ladies of the court who once pulled you around to chat your ear off and were all too excited to invite you to their tea parties and to their chateaus had all stopped acknowledging you when you walked into the room. You were given smug looks and side eyed stares. Their husbands, who were all eager to carry favor with the queen in doing so with the king as well, had barely spoke to you now. Before, when they grazed your shoulder with theirs, you were bombarded with apologizes, afraid that they had hurt the king by hurting you. But all that changed the moment your delicate skin was scarred by the wedding ring that symbolized your failing marriage. Now, their bumps were intentional, and they hurt – you had bruises to prove it.

You admired one of the paintings that adorned the wall of the east end of the castle. You were rarely seen outside of your chambers and when you were, you kept to yourself. The warm, welcoming Brooken was gone. And in its place stood a cold, lonely prison.

“(Y/N),” you let out a sigh when you recognized the low, hushed voice of Brock Rumlow. Ever since the party, you had spoken to four people – Wanda, Natasha, Jean the midwife, and Brock. The friendship between you and your husband’s cousin was platonic, you made it clear to the man that you had no intentions of an affair and he seemingly agreed, not wanting to further endanger you.

He glanced around to ensure that you were both alone. He wasn’t eager for any unwanted guests to listen in. Brock strode over to you with long steps until he stood next to you. Your eyes stayed glued to the giant painting. It appeared to be a portrayal of a war that Steven’s grandfather had been a part of.

“The arrangements have been made,” he whispered. You nodded. “There’s a tower opposite your bedchamber’s windows. When you see a light, know to meet at the docks the next time the moon rises. We will use the cover of the night to escort you and your ladies safely onto a ship.”

“Thank you.” You muttered. “Really.”

He reached out and gave a comforting squeeze to your arm. His fingers trailed the scarred flesh of your wrist – a reminder of another fault King Steven has done.

When the two men were young, Brock had been groomed to take the throne because Steven had been a sickly child. He remembered his aunt being told to expect the worst, so Steven’s father had taken Brock under his wing. He convinced himself that he would’ve been the perfect king. But then a “magic” doctor from a foreign land had been brought in and a few weeks later, Steven’s illnesses were gone along with the short, skinny prince. Steven grew to be broad and tall, towering over his cousin and a lot of other men. Brock was thrown to the side as Steven regained his proper place in the court.

He grew up with jealousy as he watched his cousin get everything that was meant for him. The castle, the title, the crown… Brock hadn’t been jealous of Steven’s wives. He had his own list of lovers and was very satisfied with the women whom he shared a bed with, but then your portrait was delivered by King Anthony Stark. The young, beautiful princess of York who got to be his cousin’s wife – who would’ve been his wife if he had been on the throne.

“Of course, your grace,” he nodded.

“Is there anything else?” He shook his head and mentioned he should go for the council had a meeting in a few minutes. You smiled at him before you dismissed him, wanting to be alone. He bowed before leaving.

You thought you’d be giddy, excited upon hearing the news. Lord Pierce worked quickly, contacted the Wakanda King and negotiated you and your ladies’ safe voyage. It was all falling into place. You’d be far from Brooken so that your husband and his court couldn’t hurt you anymore and far from York where your father would’ve just sent you back to your own personal hell.

But you weren’t happy. You were taking your unborn child away from its father. You were stealing away a kingdom’s heir. For what? Because you were unhappy in your marriage? Because your husband had hurt you? They were good reasons to leave. So, why weren’t you relieved?

After long minutes of silence and contemplating, you heard a tutting. With a frown, you turned around and saw one of the noblewomen, Lady Leah Nightingale, emerge from the shadows. She had been one of the women who took back her invitation to her chateau – it wasn’t as if you had any intentions of riding off to the outskirts of southern Brooken to go either way.

“Lady Leah.” You greeted with a fake smile. She had an eyebrow quirked up with a taunting expression with her arms crossed.

“You’re a whore.” She said. Your smile immediately dropped. “I didn’t want to listen to the rumors about you and Lord Rumlow, yet here I am… Did I intrude? The moment seemed rather intimate.”

“I believe you are mistaken, Lady Leah.” You nodded. You walked past her and towards the staircase behind her when she grabbed your arm and whipped you around.

“The king will have your head for your infidelity.” She said. “Then, any lady of the court gets another chance at being queen. That crown,” she snatched the dainty York tiara off your head, “belongs to me.”

“That is my mother’s.” You seethed as you reached over and tried to grab it from her hands. It became a tug of war.

You found it ridiculous, fighting over a headpiece. Your husband had gifted you hundreds of jewels and crowns that were stashed away. You could’ve easily exchanged it for something more extravagant or expensive, but Brooken had already stolen so much from you.

She pulled so hard away from you that the crown had slipped from both your hands. It clattered against the hard floors, the aged metal splitting in half. You gasped with wide, teary eyes. Lady Leah gave you a smirk.

“It’s all yours, your majesty,” she mocked. “It was cheap like your mother… and like you.”

You glared at her, feeling all the pent-up rage bubbling to the surface. You trembled with anger, unsure of how to exert such negativity. You weren’t sure whether to lunge at her and tear the stupid dangly earrings from her ears or scream until your lungs gave out.

“Queen Margaret had more grace than you and she was older than the king. Queen Sharon was more beautiful and kind. You little York bitch thought you were too good for the rest of us. Too good for the king?” She scoffed. “No wonder he grew tired of you. Hell, I wanted to slap you the second you stepped out the carriage. I can’t wait until he kills you.” You felt your breath shudder and the tears fall from your eyes. “In fact… I’ll go ahead and do it for him.”

You frowned with confusion but quickly let out a gasp when her hands reached out and pushed your shoulders hard. You lost your balance. Your foot missed a step as you tumbled down the stairs.

»»————-　⚜　————-««

The five men sat around the wooden table, the king at the head. He drummed his fingers along the wood, the rhythm helped calm him.

It had been a week since the party – since he had slapped you as if you were just a defiant servant. He felt awful the moment it happened. You had a horrified look on your face as you stared at him as if he truly were a monster with fangs, horns, and all. He felt like he was one.

After the party ended, he saw an upset Strucker to his guest chambers before nearly running to your shared bedchamber with thousands of apologizes raging on inside his mind. He had intended to kiss the cut until it healed and hold you like he did in the first few months of your marriage. But you weren’t there. So, he sat at the foot of the bed and awaited your return. He stayed up all night long, but eventually collapsed hours after the sun rose.

He hoped to waken with you curled up beside his body, but he woke up to not-so-quiet servants who were briskly removing your things from the chamber. He pulled one girl aside and questioned her. She revealed that you wished to stay in your old chambers from now on.

He thought that this was perhaps a way of punishing him, so he allowed himself to be punished. He deserved it. He knew he should not have struck you – whether it happened privately or in front of a crowd, he knew he should not have laid his hands on you in that way.

He thought that you would return in a few short days and allow him to apologize for his wrongdoing. He hoped that there was still a chance at that happiness he promised you.

But days had turned into a week and you never returned.

And it hurt him.

Lord Pierce was droning on about the absence of grain. In the past year, Baron Strucker had been holding out on the essential good. He had been giving Brooken a fraction of what he used to. So, Steven invited him to court in hopes to coax out more of the grain so that his people could eat. But with your outburst and Wanda’s rejection, the Duke became angry. Now, he was refusing to ship grain, feeding the king excuses about a wildfire and insects that ravaged his lands.

“Is there anything we can do?” He asked. “Perhaps, reach out to any allies?”

“York.” Lord Rumlow suggested. “Although with the situation at hand, I doubt the queen would be willing to ask her father to help you.” The words were meant to be a jab at the king. Steven knew. His cousin was always poking and looking for a fight.

Before the king could respond, someone burst through the doors. It was a wide-eyed Natasha rushed through the doors. Panic written all over her features. “Your grace, my lords,” she bowed, panting slightly.

“Nat?” Lord James asked, rising from his seat. “What’s happened?”

“The queen…” she said, breathless. “The queen…”

“Out with it!” Brock snapped, jumping up from his seat and walked over to the woman, grabbing her arms and shaking her slightly. James had told him to unhand her.

“The queen was pushed down the stairs by Lady Leah Nightingale… Or at least that’s what the witness had said,” Natasha explained after regaining her breath. “She’s in the infirmary.”

Steven felt the color drain from his face as he shot up and rushed past her and out the room. He heard the lady’s heels clatter against the tiles as she followed him. The sound was accompanied by heavy footsteps, that undoubtedly belonged to the other lords of his council.

As he approached the doors, he noticed a midwife – he believed her name was Jean or Joan, or something along the lines of that – walking the opposite direction in quick, rushed steps. He dismissed it before bursting through the double doors.

The doctor, Stephen Strange, who was visiting from York, had been looming over you. Lady Wanda sitting at your bedside. “King Steven,” he greeted with a nod.

“Strange.” Steven responded. He glanced over to the men behind him and asked for everyone but the doctor to be dismissed. The two ladies glared at him – he didn’t miss the way his cousin did, too. “Must I repeat myself?”

“I will not leave you with her.” It was Wanda, the shy, meek auburn-haired girl, who spoke up. She had rarely been defiant or outspoken in the ways you and Natasha were. She had always smiled and nodded, but now, she scowled at the king with her brows knitted together and venom dripping from her words.

The king sighed, placing a hand on his hip. “Please,” he asked with a lower voice. It was as if he were begging. The two women stood as they were as if to say we don’t take orders from you. “Fine. Stay.”

Steven walked closer towards you. You looked so peaceful – asleep with your head turned to the side slightly and a hand over your stomach, which protruded in the slightest bit but was still unnoticeable beneath your gown. The scar left a scabbed line on your cheekbone. He hadn’t realized how shallow the cut was.

“Is she okay?” He finally asked. “And I apologize that I hadn’t been there to welcome you to Brooken, Stephen.”

“I’m only here because her father asked me to come check on her. I am her godfather after all.” Stephen lied. Though, truthfully, he was your godfather. “She’s only sleeping for now, your grace. No true injury. The ba – “he stopped talking when he saw Wanda shake her head over the king’s shoulder. He was a smart man. He knew not to overstep. “She’ll make a quick recovery and be on her feet in a day, if not, less.”

“If she doesn’t wake?”

“Don’t be so pessimistic. She will wake. I assure you.” Stephen said, confidently. He wasn’t here for your father’s bidding. He was here to inform you of your brother’s worsening condition. He believed that you had a right to know and say your farewells, but he realized that perhaps you had other pressing matters to deal with. “I suggest you get your court in order. If word reaches York about the treatment of their princess, there will be another war… And King Anthony will be twice as ruthless as he was during the first.”

Steven nodded. His eyes glued to your unconscious body. It was his fault that his people – your people, too – had been so cruel to you in the past week. Thankfully, you weren’t badly hurt in this incident, but what of the next? What happens when his own citizens become bold enough to have a true attempt at your life? It would still be your blood on his hands because he allowed this to happen.

“Let’s leave the king, shall we ladies?” Stephen asked. Although slightly wary and defiant, the two women reluctantly agreed. He listened to their receding footsteps and the door close behind them.

Steven brushed your hair gently with his fingers. He pressed his lips to your temple and to the cut before placing a chaste kiss to your lips. You head had turned, but you were still sound asleep.

“I don’t know if you’re listening. I hope you are.” Steven whispered, clutching the hand that laid to your side. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry for striking you, for allowing people to disrespect you so openly. I’m sorry for calling you a whore queen, for frightening you. I… There are so many wrongdoings, so many faults. I told you before I wanted us to be happy. I wanted our future to be happy. And I failed you. I want to do better by you, to be the man that you deserve, I truly do…

“But there are things going on in this kingdom that you do not know about… I pray that you do not. My cousin and Lord Pierce are plotting against me. I know it. I want to trust you, (Y/N). I do. I want to tell you of my plans to weed out everyone who dares go against us, but I see them looming over you. I see Brock whispering into your ear. I can’t help but wonder if you will betray me like Margaret? Like Sharon? I’ve been married twice before you and I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and it scares me because the only love I’ve known ends in betrayal. And if you betray me, I will not know how to recover.”

You were beginning to stir awake. Your eyes were fluttering open, wincing at the light. You felt a pressure in your head, a warmth radiating to your side. His words were muffled. You didn’t register anything he said. Not even when Steven whispered,

“I love you, (Y/N).”

Outside the infirmary doors, the lords had eventually dispersed. Wanda and Stephen had walked off, whispering about the secret baby that only you, your ladies, Jean, and now your godfather knew about. Rumlow and Pierce rushed off, whispering to one another about their plots. Only James and Natasha had stayed behind, standing against the wall across the door.

“Buck?” Natasha whispered. She surveyed the hallway. They were completely alone. Not a servant in sight. He hummed in response. “I have something to tell you.”

“About what?”

“I’m telling you because I trust you and because I do not trust Lord Rumlow.”

»»————-　⚜　————-««

You were eventually moved back to your chambers – the one separate from the king’s. You were still a bit dizzy from the incident, but you were assured you’d be fine. Jean had come by discreetly and checked up on you. She assured you that the baby wasn’t harmed and that the fall wasn’t too harsh that it could’ve caused any damage. Your godfather had also promised that you’d recover.

It became clear that Brooken did not want you here. You were in danger. Your child hadn’t been born yet, and it was in danger, too.

And like a flame that ignited in the window of the tower across from your chambers, a new hope burned through you. The signal. The confirmation.

You rubbed your slightly protruded stomach anxiously. The next night you were leaving Steven and Brooken. Forever.

[suburbanbeatnik]

The short and very miserable life of Napoleon II, aka the Eaglet, aka Franz, Duke of Reichstadt: PART THREE

So there’s a lot of controversy over the exact nature of Franz and Sophie’s friendship. At the time, it was was rumored they became lovers. Satirical prints of the two were even published. But I’ve browsed a few recent-ish books about the Habsburgs, and they don’t seem to think the idea of a Franz/Sophie affair holds a lot of water. However, Aubry thinks it’s possible— even probable.

He took refuge in his tenderness for his young aunt, Sophie. She was still the woman whom he preferred. Perhaps she was his only love, the one to whom he owed his first embrace and the one who best satisfied him. She had been at first nothing but an elder sister. In his empty boyhood she had given him the only warmth of friendship he had known. Become a man he had asked for more, and Sophie consented, it is said.

They saw each other everyday at the Hofburg, in the little salon belonging to the Archduchess. It was always towards evening when he was tired from his work or his horseback rides and she relaxed from duties of the court. Oftentimes they would be alone, and they would take their tea by lamplight, reading aloud or talking over the happenings of the day. Reichstadt gave Sophie his full confidence. She knew his anxieties and his bitternesses and she gave him back his courage. She would place her fingers on his forehead, and stoke his hair, which shone like silk in the dim light. He would look back at her with quiet happiness, and she would smile back at him as she sat there in a low-cut gown, the coils of her hair caught up in a veil of white lace, and around her throat a ribbon of black velvet with a pendant, which was a miniature of her father, King Maximilian of Bavaria. [Aubry pg 215]

Aubry paints a compelling picture of Sophie’s restless, clear-eyed youth, intelligence, strong will, and free, simple, natural ways, which stood out like a star against the stultifying pomposity of the Habsburg court. Not surprisingly, she hated her husband, a coarse blockhead mainly obsessed with hunting. She spent every hour she could with Franz, driving in the Prater, breakfasting together, or walking in the garden, often accompanied by Sophie’s son Franz Joseph (Sissi’s future husband). Like his father, Franz loved children and was great with them. Add his intelligence, passion, and incredible good looks, I would not blame Sophie one bit if she’d had an affair with Franz.

Aubry also points out that at Schoenbrunn, Franz’s quarters were directly above Sophie’s, and connected through “a little staircase unknown to any chamberlain.” They also spent many afternoons completely alone.

They would venture through the Tyrolian garden to the limits of the vast wooded park and on out into that smiling countryside where vineclad hills gently rise above meadows, patches of woods and cultivated fields. There they spent the most beautiful hours in their lives, talking less of the future and of glory, we may be sure, than of the present and of love. No definite information as to these meetings have survived. All that is known from authentic documents is that they were frequent in the summer of 1831. Nor is there any trace, either, in spite of careful searches, of a correspondence between Reichstadt and Sophie. The Archduchess died at an advanced age, after a checkered career. She must have taken care to leave nothing behind her. The archives of the Hofburg show only the mother, and the princess interested in questions of State. [Aubry pg 217]

Aubry then considers the contention that Sophie’s son Maximilian was actually fathered by Franz. Aubry thinks it’s at least possible, but I don’t think it is. Just look at pictures of the guy— he’s 100% Habsburg. He looks exactly like Franz Karl. The Bonaparte seed is strong; if Napoleon was Maximilian’s grandfather, you’d be able to see it somewhere. But you can’t.

Anyway, after the golden summer of 1831— probably the second happiest period of Franz’s life, after his childhood—it was all downhill from there. Very, very downhill.  

Franz’s lung issues came back with a vengeance. It didn’t help his main doctor at this point was a foppish Italian obsessed with liver ailments— he thought all of Franz’s problems stemmed from— what else?— the liver. That winter Franz became major of an infantry regiment stationed in Vienna, and distinguished himself drilling his men to perfection. Which is kind of sad, really; but that’s all he was allowed to do, be a parade-ground soldier who never got his uniform dirty. He ate little, and slept less, so eager to show that he could be a real soldier, like his father. His health plummeted, and he contracted a catarrhal fever.  The Imperial family gathered around Franz— except for Marie Louise, who was too busy back with her little court at Parma, “nibbling bonbons at the Opera.” Of course she protested her “cruel anxiety” about Franz’s welfare, but she wasn’t about to go anywhere. After all, she couldn’t think of endangering her own “precious health” journeying to Vienna.

Reichstadt must have felt the desertion keenly, but he voiced no bitterness. He had grown accustomed to suffering in silence, and those who forgot him, he tried to forget. [Aubry pg. 224.]

So, once again, Marie Louise disappointed her son. But Franz had Sophie; and he also had Prokesch back, who had happily returned after Metternich forced him to go to Bologna (Metternich didn’t trust Prokesch, and did his best to keep the two friends apart). The two men now knew the full stranglehold that Metternich had on the monarchy. Franz would not even be able to take a single trip away, not even for his health. It was do or die.

The two concocted a plan, and it was a decent one. Once he’d recovered, at winter in Vienna, he would be able to slip away from the secret police, as he had when romancing Naudine Karolyi. “He and Prokesch would reach Styria or the Tyrol in disguise and from there, taking advantage of connections which the major would try to establish in a preliminary reconnoissance, they would reach the Papal States where the Duke would ask asylum of the Pope.” Letizia Bonaparte and Lucien, who lived there comfortably, the Pope deferring to them, had money and connections. “Sheltered by the head of the Church and his grandmother, on a soil not only neutral but sacred, he would be free to complete his novitiate for the throne. Prokesch foresaw that it would be not a very long one. He predicted the fall of Louis-Phillippe in two or three years at most, and after a period of anarchy, the return of Napoleon II by agreement between France and the Powers.” [Aubry pg 232]

Alas! Metternich caught wind of the scheme, and banished Prokesch to Rome in January of 1832. What a blow this was! But the major agreed he could use the circumstances to do the agreed reconnoissance and meet in secret with Madame Mère. The two men parted with great emotion.

But this is the last time they would ever see each other. By the next summer, Franz would be dead.

* * *

After the departure of one of his only friends in the world, depression overwhelmed Franz again. It didn’t help when he received a letter from Napoleon’s last valet, Marchand, who had been trying for years to contact Franz about a few items of “sentimental value” that Napoleon had left for his son. But there was a note from Metternich on the letter, that briskly said “no attention could be paid to Marchand’s request.”

And that was it. Franz knew had no recourse. He wouldn’t even be able to get his father’s coffee service. How petty, how disgusting, how mean Metternich was! Napoleon had been dead for over a decade; why couldn’t he have one single sentimental item left to him in his will? Was it that important? That much of a matter of importance to the State, to the bloody Holy Alliance, that he couldn’t hold the same coffee cup that his father held?

And bitterness ate away at him. He was only 21, but he felt so old. He hated humanity. He hated himself. He wondered why he was still alive. Perhaps he would have been better off if he had died as a child. He had expected so much of the future— but there was nothing but the coldness and emptiness of an eternal prison.  

Despair ate at him like a worm. And he grew sick. And sicker. He coughed and sweated and grew weaker by the day. His doctor’s liver medicines did nothing, and then bleeding did less, and Metternich kept refusing to see Franz moved to a warmer climate.

The Chancellor was pleased by the turn of events, of course.  “He sent world to all the embassies, and Marshal Maison was asked to inform his government, that ‘the condition of the Duke of Reichstadt was so serious that his mother has been informed.’” [Aubry pg 244]

A pregnant Sophie, at last returned from her tour of Hungary, did her best to nurse him. “She sat down at his bedside and hushed him whenever he tried to speak. She would read aloud to him and it was she thereafter who gave him his medicines and guarded his door from any importunate intrusion.” [Aubry pg 245]

Franz still worsened. The Emperor was not present; he was detained in Trieste, and when he returned to Austria, he avoided Vienna, staying at the summer castle of Persenbeug, along with the “ninny” Ferdinand and the blockhead Franz Karl, while Francis’s wife claimed that seeing his dying grandson would have a deleterious effect on his health. Count Dietrichstein also decided to leave, on the excuse of his daughter’s confinement. Aubry says:

He must have known that Reichstadt was lost. Could he just have been an indifferent soul underneath his courtesy and his outward expressions of affectionate anxiety? He may have been. Count Maurice Dietrichstein was born a sensitive man and an artist, but life at Court had dried him up, undoubtedly leaving him in the end with the heart of a chamberlain. He forgot his former pupil at his daughter’s bedside and allowed him to die without a word of friendship. [Aubry pg 250]

For Franz, it was a slow, agonizing death march, punctuated by an an abcess in his lungs rupturing— and a final communion taken with Sophie at his side, in what Aubry compares to a “mystic marriage.” Louise arrived at last, after dithering over her departure, claiming “slight indispositions” as a reason for not leaving sooner, and then coming to Vienna via “easy stages” over the course of a fortnight. Of course, when she saw how badly off her son was, emaciated and hacking up blood, she began to cry.

There with that spectre of the hollow eyes before her she may perhaps have understood at last the true identity of that youth whom she had neglected for two years, and how guilty she had been all along toward him. She alone could have protected her child against Metternich’s policy and against himself. She could have saved him from those years of moral anguish and that tragic solitude which had ruined his health sooner and even more than any disease. That in her weakness she had lost him a throne might be excused, but however cowardly as an Empress, she might have shown herself a good mother. Vienna was her true place but she had preferred Parma with its ease, deserting the son of the greatest man in her age to sate her voluptuousness in the arms of her lover, nibble bonbons and preside over well-served dinners. [Aubry pgs 252-252]

Of course, Metternich made sure to look in on Franz while he was dying.

Through a half-open door however the Chancellor was allowed to see the patient in his bed. He gazed for a moment, then turned and walked away without a tremor, without a word of sympathy for the mother and doubtless without any remorse. [Aubry pg 255]

Franz knew he would die. “Must I end so young,” he said, “A life that is useless and without a name? Ma naissance et ma mort, voilà toute mon histoire. Entre mon berceau et ma tombe, il y a un grand zéro.” He did not quite say that on his deathbed, but it was close. Very, very close.

It took monumental efforts to keep Franz alive at this point. He was a barely breathing corpse. He could not swallow food; his throat had swollen up; his coughing seem to tear his body apart; and he could barely sup barley-water and milk. He had even been given mother’s milk at one point. His legs were swollen, and he was cold as ice. Deprived of his dearest friend Prokesch, who was meeting with Letizia and Lucien in Rome, his fellow captains in his regiment stood by his bedside.

The end came on the morning of July 21st— a thunderstorm brewed in the air, the air damp and thick and charged. He cried out— “death! I want nothing but death!” — and then— “Harness the horses! I must go to meet my father! I must embrace him once more!”

Then he whispered: “How I am suffering! When will this sad existence end?” [Aubry pg 260]

At last, he called, gasping, sweating, for his mother. (Sophie, still recovering from childbirth, was left to sleep, something which she never forgot.) Louise was brought in at the last minute, and managed to faint dead away in the middle of the room, completely prostrate on the floor. I’m imagining the priest having to step over her for his last rites, but apparently she managed to get to her knees by the bed just in time for Franz to look at her. That, one instant, and then he stopped breathing altogether.

Franz’s grandfather, back in Persenbeug, away from any inconveniently dead grandsons, called Franz’s death a possible blessing for Europe.  

As for Sophie, once the news was broken “delicately” to her…

…she lost consciousness for several hours and the attack was followed by a high fever. Her milk dried up. For several days her life was despaired of. She gradually recovered. Those who knew her thereafter no longer found the gay and simple Archduchess. All the gentleness seemed to have left her. There was a sting in everything she said. The truth was that her youth had died with Reichstadt. She was to have intrigues, love affairs, ambitions, cares of State. But she had changed in spirit, or rather she had attained in a few days the mood of her maturity, with, in her heart’s depth, a regret and a bitterness which would endure until her death, five years after the disaster of her son Maximilian. [Aubry pg 265]

* * *

And so ends my recap of Aubry’s King of Rome. Ugh, this could have been more depressing!? Anyway, I’ll write an epilogue soon explaining what happened to everyone after Franz’s death.  

Part One

Part Two 

[shiny-procrastinates]

(re)Watching Magia Record S1 - part 3

part 2 here

Hello everyone and welcome back to our watch-through of the first season of Magia Record! Last time, we met a trio of Kamihama magical girls, Momoko, Rena and Kaede, and, after Rena and Kaede fighting, Kaede is kidnapped by the “chain monster”, a part of the rumor of the Staircase of Severance. Now, it’s up to Iroha, Momoko and Rena to find and take her back. Will they succeed, or will someone lose their heads? The only way to know is by watching, so let’s get right to it.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story: Magia Record Episode 3

Rather than going back to the plot right away, we are given a flashback of Iroha’s younger sister and two other girls. The brown haired girl has apparently created an eternal motion machine in the form of a toy train, saying something about how adults must be stupid if they never thought of that before, and that toy train proceeds to crash into a pile of books and set fire on them. Good job. 

I don’t want to hear this from a gacha game character. Your original work is even more fragile than this!

The megane girl, Nemu, compares the brown haired girl, Touka’s actions to the burning of the Library of Alexandria (dramatic much?) and the two start fighting, with Ui trying to stop them. They’re just like Momoko’s trio on the previous episode, breaking their friendship up and everything.

Once again, it was Iroha’s dream. You know the erasure really went in on it when even the rug is cut in half.

Iroha’s sister had friends at the hospital, so she could get some new clues if only she could find them.

Floof Momoko.

Before going looking for Kaede, Momoko and co. drop by Kamihama Mirena-za, aka. the Coordinator’s. I tried searching if Milena constellation was actually a thing, but the only thing I could find was that there’s a Galileo satellite named Milena. Huh.

The Coordinator had a client, but she’s done right away. We learn that the Coordinator’s name is Mitama Yakumo, but still have no idea what she actually does.

Besides not having a sense of personal space.

Momoko explains that Iroha’s not there to get adjusted, whatever that means, and asks if Yachiyo is there yet. Who’s this Yachiyo though?

Aaawkward.

To no one’s surprise, I guess, since I already said it, but this girl is Yachiyo. And she absolutely ignores Iroha. Rude.

Yachiyo and Momoko start talking between themselves about Kaede’s case. (and MItama’s fixing Momoko’s hair. Cute). It seems Yachiyo is well aware of the rumor of the Staircase of Severance. She pulls out a notebook, and Momoko notes that she’s knowledgeable about these things.

Momoko asks Yachiyo to lend them her help, and Yachiyo agrees to do it, since Kaede is in danger, but adds that she won’t work with people who will only be a burden, looking at Iroha.

...not that she’s wrong, but still rude.

Well, I mean, that might make sense when you’re so op, but you don’t have to say it outright!

Still, Yachiyo has a point: it’d be too dangerous to bring along a weak magical girl to a fight with an unknown enemy. So Mitama offers a solution: why don’t they just adjust Iroha’s Soul Gem?

Mitama does a very short explanation of what “adjusting a Soul Gem” actually entails, and this one short screen tells us the rest. It’s basically what let Momoko and Rena do that joint attack earlier. I wonder if this was even long enough on the screen for the people who watched this on tv to read it. 

Momoko says that Yachiyo should have no complaints as long as they do that and Yachiyo is like “yeah, whatever”.

...now that I think about it, what is Mitama doing here?

Continue? Iroha hasn’t sacrificed anyone tho.

...oh, I forgot we don’t get to see Iroha getting adjusted.

So, our girls are now at the rumored stairs at Kamihama University Affiliated School. Leaving aside Momoko and Rena, since they are students there, one has to wonder how exactly did Iroha and Yachiyo manage to get up there without being found. This school’s security is lacking!

While the girls run up to the rumored Staircase of Severance (this is so annoying to write) we see some messages on screen of what I assume are Rena’s classmates, and get pushed some ideas of what friends should be like, all while Momoko tries to cheer Rena up.

Okay, that’s a really narrow staircase. Who decided to put this creepy thing here?

Momoko writes her and Yachiyo’s name on the staircase (and we sneakily learn Yachiyo’s surname is Nanami). The two are reenacting the rumor, so now they’ll make up to draw the Chain Witch out. That is, after they give us their transformation scenes!

While Yachiyo’s themes are water and stars(?), and she has gracious movements, Momoko’s literally burning up and kicking things. Their transformations parallel one another, and yet they are completely opposites. I love it! (but Momoko kicking the sword still takes the cake for me).

Now that I think about it, for all that fire theme she has going, Momoko's not that hot-blooded. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, I guess.

Rena’s transformation focuses on her shapeshifting powers, throwing her through mirrors and with lots of expression changes. It’s not because she’s tsundere, the transformation seems to tell us Rena has lots of faces.

...I also like her DDR routine right at the start, it’s cute.

The theme of Iroha’s transformation is birbs. Rather than telling us something about who she is like the others, I see hers as basically about what she’s doing right now: much like she did by coming to Kamihama, Iroha takes the courage and jumps into the unknown, chasing after a mirage.

I’m always a little bothered with how she falls straight down despite taking impulse when she jumps, but hey, what can you do lol

One of the (many) cool things about this whole sequence is how the bgm is continuous throughout the transformations, only changing a bit to match each of the girls.

That’s not very convincing acting, Momoko. Yachiyo’s is not much better, either. They theorize it only works if they’re really fighting, and Rena says she’ll do it.

Rena starts apologizing, but nothing happens. Iroha says it might be because she’s not saying it from her heart and Rena’s gets upset.

Rena can’t just feel like making up right away, but it’s not like she doesn’t want Kaede to come back. These two seem to have a complicated relationship, but in the end, it’s clear that Rena does like her. Rena starts crying and apologizes for making Kaede be friends with someone like her all this time. Then, the Chain Witch appears.

We get a flashback to Rena flashbacking (confusing, I know) about all the times Kaede apologized to her, while watching an idol show.

Don’t we all?

So, yeah… Rena is a complicated character. (and a Sayuki stan)

Iroha wakes up in Rena’s room for some reason. Clearly-not-Momoko starts a monologue of how no one could ever like Rena.

Rena hates herself, so she wanted to change. She wanted to become someone else, so her wish gave her shapeshifting powers, but didn’t change her, so she still hates herself (considering the implications when this type of wish does work, see Oriko’s Kirika, she might have gotten the better end of the deal.

Kaede calls out to Rena and Iroha and Rena break out of the strange television-exposition-vision-thingy. So the first thing they start doing, naturally, is start bickering again. Great friends! 

Oh look, the weird Kyuubei is back! Like the nice mascot character he is, he’s showing Iroha the way to the main Witch.

Rena and Kaede start to have a heart-to-heart while fighting (the familiars now, not each other).

Familiar: hahaha, that tickles

Rena says their friendship is over once they get out of there, since they were never real friends to begin with, but Kaede doesn’t want that. Kaede says that if Rena’s problem is that she never apologizes, she just did earlier and Rena says that didn’t count, so Kaede replies that then they breaking up doesn’t count either. Nice, Kaede!

Kaede basically says that, yeah, Rena can be terrible, but she likes her that way anyway, so they can continue being friends.

Rena says that Kaede needs to listen to her, she needs to let her apologize too and tells her she’ll do it once they get out.

While they’re doing that, Yachiyo and Momoko climb to the top and knock down the witches’ main body. Momoko then calls for Kaede and Rena to finish it off. Nice VFX there btw.

Rena and Kaede join hands and using both their magic they pinball the witch into the air with Rena's mirrors. Rena launches plant-enchanted copy spears at it and the witch bursts into leaves and dries... Kaede's magic is kind of scary like this.

Oh, how adorable. Aaaand he's gone. 

The witch is defeated and Rena now has to make good on her promise to apologize. But, seems like honestly apologizing is still too much of a hurdle for her so after some struggle she swerves to another thing. Thankfully, Kaede knows Rena well enough and she's fine with this.

Look at them, so precious.

While Momoko and Iroha catch their breath, Yachiyo approaches them and informs them the Witch didn't drop a Grief Seed. In fact, she says that might've not even been a Witch at all. Yachiyo points out it's weird to have a Witch that comes out anywhere whenever the conditions of a rumor are met, in particular since they didn't even feel it's magic beforehand. She warns them that something weird is going on in Kamihama, then leaves in the most dramatic way possible.

Sometime later, our group is back at Satomi Medical Center. Seems Rena has given in and decided to help after all.

Going by the original plan, Rena transformed into a nurse and investigated the hospital. It's pretty cool how her voice is slightly distorted in this little sequence with her undoing her transformation.

No one in the hospital remembered Iroha's sister, but they did remember Touka and Nemu. That means Iroha's memories aren't entirely wrong.

With that, Iroha goes back to Takarazaki for the day, with some new friends and a very small but important step closer to finding her beloved younger sister.

"Sorry for making you my friend."

That's it folks, this was the third episode of Magia Record('s first season)! No one lost their heads... well except that not-witch if we count the bell as it's head, but I think that's just fine for this series, because--

OH WAIT THERE'S MORE

Talking about lost heads, look who's here! I totally forgot this episode had a stinger. My bad.

Kyuubei can't enter Kamihama now for some reason, so he needed someone to investigate the cause for him and contacted Mami as a strong veteran Magical Girl. There are rumors about that someone in Kamihama is gathering all the Witches around to monopolize Grief Seeds, which would explain why the city is infested with them and they being stronger than normal. Mami says she doesn't want trouble with the Magical Girls of another territory, but will investigate whether the current events are due to a Witch or Magical Girl. I like the short cut that shows her from beneath the grating, it's neat. Just have no idea what it's supposed to mean.

!--rant incoming--! (I say, as if this whole post isn't one)

Anyways, like I was saying... writing? Before the stinger disrupted my thoughts, I think it's just fine that Magia Record's ep3 doesn't have any big twists like Madoka. The original had that maybe for the shock factor, yes, but also because it needed it to make clear what kind of story they were actually going for, and that worked great for that show and the time when it came out. But Magia Record is more of a mystery. We don't need it to push the point of magical girl suffering because the original already did that, we need it to give us things to puzzle about, and that it already did with the weird witch of this episode. Could it have made that better? Maybe, but Magia Record also has the problem that it's cast is significantly bigger, so they have to fit those introductions somewhere. So while it introduces Momoko's trio and a bit Yachiyo, it also tries it's best to situate us (and Iroha by extension) as to how Kamihama's magical girl's world is like and what's going on there. It's a lot to juggle and the anime doesn't get the benefit like the game of being able to just put the character's backstory on a separate chapter. I really like character focused things, so I don't mind the anime trying to fit as much as it can in, but I can see how that might turn other people off. That's one of the things that's really a matter of taste I guess.

!--ok, you can come back now--!

One of the visual things I really like in this episode is the effect with the floating kana and kanji on the Labyrinth. I wonder how that was done. It's animated, so I don't think it's part of the background, but then I'm also not sure at which stage of production that'd be put in. It's really neat.

Well, with this, we are done with episode 3 of Magia Record! What will we do next? Who knows! It doesn't seem like Iroha noticed it, but just knowing that Touka and Nemu existed, not even getting their surnames, does not give her any new clues to go with. She barely started and already is at a dead-end, poor girl.

Before jumping off the building, Yachiyo also added another question to our already filled question bucket: what was up with that weird witch? What is this strange thing that is going on in Kamihama? Why are you looking like that at Momoko's team?

As viewers, however, there is only one way of answering all this: by watching. So I'll be looking forward to having you guys join me tomorrow for episode 4! Have a good morning/afternoon/evening!

PS.: The last two episodes had about 30 screenshots, this one has about 40, at this rate by the time I get to episode 13 I'll be taking screenshots of the whole episode...

[automatic-purification-system]

I’ve been listening to the Uwasa Counting Rhyme lately, and reading through the comments of the video there seems to be several different interpretations of the main lyrics (translation taken from the pinned comment):

the first is a secret friend

the second it’s the memories of two

the third is the result of an unfulfilled revenge

the fourth, if it’s alright with you let’s become a family

the fifth, will we someday be saved?

At the other side of the sixth is the real you

If the seventh rejects the salvation of your tears

At the eighth is an endless quarrel

at the ninth, a cherry blossom blooms

at the tenth you will finally meet me.

I’m curious as to what people think of these, and what they mean. my personal interpretation and explanation below the cut

given that this is the “Uwasa Counting Rhyme” I think that this is counting 10 of the 11 main uwasa in the game. the first five are pretty straightforward, 1- friendship ending staircase, 2- commoner’s horse, 3- mysterious rhyton, 4- anonymous AI, 5- memory curator. all of these seem pretty straightforward. but the second half is a bit more complicated.

my interpretation of it is 6- chelaton land, 7- holy mami, 8- flower speaker, 9- eternal sakura, 10- hotel fent hope. For 6 celaton land fits because of the associations with rumor tsuruno and that whole plotline. I mostly chose 7 because of the word “salvation” in the lyric feeling fitting for kamihama’s saint, 8 seems pretty straightforward, the uwasa causes the feathers to go rabid, thus an endless quarrel, 9 is also really really straightforward, and lastly for 10 fent hope is where Eve is located, and given that in the anime lil’ kyubey sings this song, I imagine that the “me” in the lyrics refers to Ui.

but this interpretation completely glosses over holy Alina, so there’s definitely a hole in it. another interpretation I’ve seen lines it up with the game’s 10 chapters, and while this lines up wonderfully for 8-10, the others, especially the ones at the beginning, feel flimsy at best.

another interpretation of my list could be that sakura gets left out, since you never actually have to fight her in-game, and that “a cherry blossom blooms” actually refers to fent hope, since her rumor is hiding the entrance to the hotel. this would make holy alina 10, since you fight her after ui returns.

I’d love to hear what other people think of this! The lyrics are really interesting and just vague enough to be really intriguing. 

[let-it-raines]

your wonder under summer skies (2/?)

Summer in Storybrooke, Maine means one thing for its residents: tourist season. This year, for Emma Swan and Killian Jones, it means relationships ending and friendships changing all the while they attempt to figure out just what their relationship is. It’s somewhere straddling the line between friends and lovers, and there’s no guarantee of a soft landing if they fall into new territory. 

rating: mature 

a/n: I’m so glad you guys are excited about this story! I hope it brings you some levity if you need it, even though things are not always going to be sunshine and roses 😘 thanks to @resident-of-storybrooke​ for being such an awesome beta!

ao3: beginning | current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 

-/-

“What happened to your hand?”

Killian blinks down at the kid standing in front of him. He can’t be any older than five, and if Killian made money off of every five-year-old that asked him what happened to his hand, he’d be a rich man.

If he had money for every mom whose cheeks went red at mortification from their children, he’d be an even richer man. This mom barely glances down at her kid, though, so she likely doesn’t pay much attention to him to begin with.

“Would you believe that a shark got me and that I had to fight it off?”

“No,” the kid giggles.

“Jake,” Mrs. Hart hisses. “That’s not a nice thing to ask someone. I’m so sorry, sir. I – ”

Okay, maybe she was paying more attention than she thought he was. His judgment might have been wrong, but he’s known the Harts long enough to know they aren’t particularly affectionate with their children. A lot of the parents who come through here during the summer aren’t hands on. He never likes to judge, but he knows what it’s like to have one parent who’s there and another who’s pretty bloody absent. He would much rather have had a parent who paid attention, so he notices.

“It’s nothing,” Killian lies as his hand traces over the red lines of his scars and the black ink etched into his skin. “It’s just a few scars. We all have scars somewhere. Mine are simply on my arm and my hand so everyone can see. I kind of think they make me look cool, though. Don’t you think, Jake?”

“Yeah, you look like a superhero! Like Thor when he only has one real eye”

“Good. I always wanted to be one of those. I think I’d have water powers. What about you?”

“I want to be able to fly.”

“Alright,” Liam sighs as he walks back out from the office with a stack of papers and some keys. Skipper is following right behind him and immediately moves to Mrs. Hart’s side to start sniffing her. “If you can just initial a few of these papers, you’ll be good to go for the month. The cost of the first tank of gas has already been included, but when you need to fill up again, that will be on your own dime.”

“I understand. We’ll really have to get our own boat soon so we’re not renting anymore.”

“We’ll store that for you and do year-round maintenance,” Liam adds in as Skipper starts jumping.

“Skipper,” Killian whistles. “Skip. C’mon. Get off Mrs. Hart.”

“It’s fine,” she promises as she signs. “We have dogs back home. My husband is going to bring them up when he arrives next week.” “We’ll see you at the dog park then.”

“Yeah,” she smiles, leaning over the counter, her shirt sliding down with the movement. “I think I’d really like that.”

And then she’s pushing the papers across the desk, taking her son’s hand, and then walking out the door, looking back at the last minute.

“She wants to sleep with you,” Liam says as soon as the door clicks and the bell stops ringing.

“My God,” Killian groans. “Don’t start with that.”

“What? You haven’t found a girlfriend for the summer yet. Mrs. Hart could be that for you. Though, I think the children and husband could complicate matters.”

“Shut up, you ass. I am not going to sleep with a married woman, and I do not only date during the summer.”

“No, no you don’t. You do, however, usually find someone to sleep with while they’re here for the summer, and then when they go home, you break it off even when they want to try long distance. I’ve seen you do it a million times.”

“First of all,” Killian starts as he files their paperwork, “I date all year. It’s not a summer thing. I’ve just found that some women come here for the summer, we hit it off, and then it tends not to work out when they go home and return to their real lives.”

“This city isn’t some kind of boarded off place. This is real life, too.”

“For you and me, yeah. For the rich people who don’t work in offices in the summer and pay thousands of dollars to rent boats for a month, this isn’t. It’s all a fantasy life to them, and I can guarantee that most of them aren’t interested in a real relationship. I swear the heat gets to their brains, but this is Maine. It never truly gets hot.”

“Says the man who spent half his life in England and complained when the sun started shining.”

Killian huffs and closes the filing cabinet. “What are you still doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be heading to Elsa’s to pick her up?”

Liam immediately blushes, but just as soon as the color appears, it fades away. “I’ve still got time. We’re not going to dinner until five.” “Ah, yes, the early bird’s special.”

“Bastard.”

Killian whistles and pulls out the chair behind the front desk as Skipper settles down at his feet. He needs to take him to the groomer’s. His fur is far too long, and he’ll get hot like this. Maybe he can shave his coat, but that ended up to be horribly choppy last time. It was a mess with the mixture of black and white, and having a border collie is not at all the same as the black lab he had back in England.

At least not when it comes to haircuts.

“Look, I’m not saying that I know what you’re doing tonight, but I do know why you’ve called all of our friends here tonight, so I do know. Or, at least, I have a hunch. The cake in the fridge gives me a little bit of a hint.”

“If you tell anyone and it gets to Elsa before it happens, I will send you out on a boat with not enough gas to get back to shore.”

“I already told Emma, so it’s a bloody good thing that I can swim.”

Liam narrows his eyes and his lips flatten into a straight line. “You have to get over Emma, you know? She’s been with Neal for what? Five years? I don’t think you’re going to have a chance when it comes to her.”

Killian’s stomach twists, and he forces down the lump in his throat. Liam’s got to get over his odd obsession with not liking Emma because he thinks Killian’s making himself miserable over her. He’s not. When he first came to town, he wouldn’t have said no to dating Emma. Hell, he wouldn’t say no now. He’s not blind. He’s simply not counting on anything to happen there.

They can be friends without wanting to fuck each other.

“Emma is a friend. I don’t have any interest in pursuing a relationship with her. You should know that. Didn’t you just talk about how I’m the boy toy of a different woman every summer? Why would I ever change that for a woman who lives here? Then I’d have to be in a real relationship that’s more than sex.”

“Killian, you know I didn’t mean it that way. At some point, you’re going to have to stop pursuing relationships that you know aren’t going to be successful.”

“Fuck you, Liam,” he growls. “I’m nearly twenty-eight-years-old. I don’t need you to be my parent.”

“Little brother – ”

“Younger. I’m younger.”

“I didn’t mean – ”

The front door of the shop opens, that damn bell going off, and Skipper immediately gets up to greet Mr. French. Killian’s never been so excited to see the man in his life when he usually dreads his presence. At least now he can get out of this conversation.

The man is damn particular about how they care for his boat.

“We’ll talk later,” Liam mumbles as he walks around the counter and heads back to the staircase.

“Forget about it, Liam. Good luck tonight.”

-/-

“Oi, I thought we were having beer,” Will mutters as he slams the refrigerator shut. “There’s not any here.”

“You were supposed to bring your own. I wasn’t about to buy it for everyone. I like to have a little bit of money in my bank account.”

“Then why the hell do you have Emma’s favorite wine, your preferred rum, and then nothing else?”

“How do you know Emma’s preferred wine?” Killian scoffs, narrowing his eyes at Will.

“I’m a bartender at the only bar she goes to. I know what all of our friends like.”

Killian sighs and turns the kitchen faucet on to wash the few remaining dishes. Liam keeps leaving his in there instead of washing them himself, and if it didn’t drive Killian mad to not have an empty sink, he’d leave them be until Liam cleaned himself.

This particular load is most likely payback for painting the office on Monday, but it’s worth it. He couldn’t live with that wallpaper any longer. It was awful, and he swears he lost a day of his life every time he had to look at it.

“If you’re a bartender, why didn’t you think to bring your own drinks?”

“I assumed they’d be provided.”

“We literally just discussed this, Scarlet.”

“Just saying. It would have been nice.”

“Next time Liam gets engaged, I’ll buy the alcohol for everyone.”

“That’s all I ask,” Will sighs as he sits down and props his feet on the coffee table. “So, he’s really asking her? Tonight? I heard the rumors, but I wasn’t sure if they were true.”

“Who’d you hear that from?”

“Belle. Her dad overheard you two talking. So, it’s actually happening?”

“As we speak, I believe.”

Will whistles. “Damn. Look at Liam growing up.”

“It only took him thirty-three years.”

“Hello, hello,” Ruby hums as she walks in the door. It was unlocked, and he really should have never expected her to knock. She and Ariel let themselves in all the time without any kind of warning. “I’m here, and I bring Emma, Robin, and beer. What more could you ask for?”

“The rest of our friends maybe?” Will mutters.

“Shut up. They’re coming. You have to be patient and appreciate that we’re here even if I know you don’t care about anything until Belle gets here.”

“I care about the beer Rob’s got.”

Killian finishes washing the last dish and looks up to see Emma walking toward him. She’s been weirdly quiet since he last saw her, but work must be busy for her as the summer season starts. It’s the same thing for him, so he gets it. They usually only cross paths at lunch or at three in the morning when she’ll text him and ask him to meet up to get a slushie at the 24-hour gas station up the road. With all of the cosmetic improvements the city has made over the past year, this summer is going to be a busy one, he thinks, so he can’t imagine that there will be too many of those trips.

He’ll have to go get her drink and bring it to her as she deals with all of the out of town assholes she always has to deal with.

“Hey,” Emma says as she hops up on the kitchen counter, nearly knocking a plate over. “So, not to be a Will because I just know he’s been complaining about not having a drink, but when is the pizza getting here?”

“David is supposed to be bringing it since it’s on his way here from the station.” “You know he’s going to eat half of it on the way here.”

“That’s why I also have Ariel bringing a few boxes.” He leans forward and quickly brushes his lips across her cheek. If he was paying more attention, he’d say that she flinched. That’d be ridiculous, though. She wouldn’t do that. “I have kept Will away from your wine because he has actually been complaining about the lack of drinks.”

“And that’s why you’re my favorite person in the world.”

“Oh really? I’ve risen above all the others?”

Emma pats his chest. “Maybe just for tonight. Tomorrow, you go back down the list and will only be dangling by a thread.”

“I’ll take this honor and cherish it.”

“As you should. It’s the only time you’re ever going to get it.”

“I’ll be sure to take advantage of it. Do you think Liam will kill us if we eat the cake before he gets here?”

“I think that and painting the office will push him over the edge.”

“Then we best err on the safe side. I’m too young to get murdered.”

“No one is too young to get murdered,” David adds in as he walks in the apartment. “I see it all the time.”

“We literally have one of the lowest murder rates in the country.”

“I meant on TV.”

“Oh, yeah, obviously.”

“Thank God,” Will groans. “Pizza and beer. Finally. I thought I was going to die.”

Little by little, everyone else begins filtering in until the apartment is so full there’s not much room to move around. Killian opens up the balcony doors, sea air and the sound of the waves wafting in, and that allows a little more space. Killian has no clue when Liam and Elsa are supposed to be here, neither of them texting or calling to make the announcement they’re all waiting for, but he figures it should be soon based on the timing of Liam’s dinner reservation and how almost comically predictable his brother can be.

It’s a Jones trait. They like their routines, and they’re particular about most everything they do. The Navy will do that to you. Though, Killian does remember Brennan being like that as well. His mother was much more of a free spirit, and she’d likely laugh at the way he and Liam behave.

God, she’d love to be here tonight to see Liam so happy.

Killian would love for her to be here, too.

Killian shakes himself out of that thought process and grabs a slice of pizza from Ariel’s batch and a beer before heading out to the balcony and sitting down on a seat next to Emma and Mary Margaret as they talk about some banquet the club is having to host next week to kick off the start of summer even if there’s technically still a month left until summer begins.

Not in Storybrooke.

Not when this is what this town looks forward to all year.

Everything here is pastel colors and beachy names, and the economy thrives so much over five months that everyone can still make it the rest of the year off the bare bones from people living here and the occasional tourist in winter. He swears it’s like some kind of movie, but it’s nice in a way to not have the worries and the commotion he had when living in England.

After a few minutes, Mary Margaret excuses herself to go find David, and when she leaves, she closes the sliding door. It’s probably a force of habit, something she doesn’t think about, but as soon as the door slides into place, suddenly the noise of the party is muted while the ocean is the loudest he’s heard it in a long time. There must be a storm coming tonight. That wasn’t on the radar. Damn, he hopes that doesn’t cause any problems with any of the people they have in boats out on the ocean right now.

“Liam and Elsa are taking forever to get here. There’s not going to be any food left for them.”

“They went to dinner,” Killian explains. “They won’t be hungry. Hell, I don’t think Elsa will be able to even think about eating with everyone who’s about to bombard her to congratulate her.”

“Ariel is going to tackle her to the ground, and Anna will probably make her lose her hearing from the screech over the phone.”

“We’ll have to make a trip to the hospital.”

“Ah, how everyone wants to spend their engagement night.”

“I think it’d be a bloody good time.”

Emma laughs, but it’s quiet. It’s not her usual laugh, the loud, infectious thing that he’s grown used to in the past five years, and he hates it. He hates that she’s laughing without actually meaning it.

A part of him hates himself for knowing her well enough to pick up on something like that, but he’s always considered himself to be quite perceptive even when he’d rather not be.

“Hey,” he whispers, kicking his foot into hers. “What’s up with you, love?”

“Um, nothing?” Her brows furrow together before rising. “What’s up with you?”

“Simply trying to figure out why you’ve been in a weird mood all week.”

“Didn’t we already have this conversation?”

“We did, but I didn’t get any answers.”

Her eyes roll. Great. He’s pushing her again, and that always goes well.

He never has known when to stop.

“It’s my life. You don’t need answers.”

“We spend half of our time together. I think I do deserve an answer if something is bothering you.”

“Yeah?” Emma scoffs, standing from the chair and walking toward the railing. “You think you get to know about my life? How much of your own do you tell me?”

“Nearly everything.”

“I know when you’re lying, Killian. I can tell. You do not tell me everything.”

“I know you can tell, which is bloody frustrating.”

Emma makes some kind of highly offended noise, and she’s right. He doesn’t tell her nearly everything. He doesn’t tell her a lot, but he could. He would. It’s simply that he and Emma have never had the type of friendship where they needed to get into the dark details every other conversation. They debate more on the merits of different types of chips.

Then again, Emma likely knows more about him than anyone but Liam.

But not enough. She doesn’t know about…she simply doesn’t know.

Killian looks up to see Emma’s shoulders deflate before she turns around and faces him. Her eyes are bloodshot. Have they been like that all night? How did he not notice? He talked to her earlier. He should have noticed.

“I broke up with Neal.”

What the fuck?

She what now?

Killian’s heartbeat quickens, his cheeks suddenly warm, and his first thought is relief. He’s an asshole because his first thought of Emma ending her relationship is relief.

He always hated Neal. Well, not always, but Emma deserves better than someone a man who treats her like Neal treated her. Then again, who is Killian to judge how someone is in a relationship? It’s not as if he knows how to be in one.

After relief, though, and a brief bit of anger, all Killian can really focus on is how utterly broken Emma looks.

Emma Swan has never been one to possibly look broken. She’s always seemed so strong and sure, and he hates everything about the water in her eyes and the quiver in her lips. He hates everything about her having to go through this.

He really fucking hates Neal.

“I – ”

There’s a loud cheer behind the two of them, and Killian turns around to see Liam and Elsa walking into the apartment, their hands twined together and raised in the air. They’re absolutely beaming.

“Looks like it’s time to go congratulate the happy couple,” Emma mutters as she brushes past him.

“Swan, I – ”

But she doesn’t stop. Instead she opens the door and walks away, the glass sliding shut behind her as thunder rolls in the background.

-/-

-/-

@qualitycoffeethings​ @mrtinski​ @klynn-stormz​ @jonirobinson64​ @snowbellewells​ @therealstartraveller776​ @thejollyroger-writer​ @sherifemma​ @shardminds​ @captainsjedi​ @galaxyzxstark​ @galadriel26​ @idristardis​ @karenfrommisthaven​ @teamhook​ @spartanguard​ @searchingwardrobes​ @itsfabianadocarmo​ @jamif​ @shireness-says​ @ultimiflos​ @nikkiemms​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @onepunintendid​ @bluewildcatfanatic​ @killianswannn​ @carpedzem​ @captainkillianswanjones​ @mayquita​ @jennjenn615​ @onceuponaprincessworld​ @a-faekindagirl​ @scientificapricot​ @scarletslippers​ @xellewoods​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @stahlop​ @kmomof4​ @tiganasummertree​ @singersdd​ @tornadoamy​ @cluttermind​ @lfh1226-linda​