#row's bullshit

[deepinthegroves]

the urge to spill about my spiderverse dr is tempting. i'm a horrible (/hj) person for scripting this. i'm breaking poor harry's heart. i just siodghoifhjf

[hoofpeet]

[smovs]

sketches & screenshot studies for my Barret gold saucer date rewrite

[deepinthegroves]

im collecting drafts like a dragon hoarding its treasures... i really need to fully answer ask games and post my shit LMAO

[tobi-smp]

you know, with hindsight now what it is I really do think a more literal reading of c!techno's chat would have helped his characterization a Lot

and mind you, this was originally intended to be the case, and very well may have been intended all along even if it wasn't usually emphasized within the lore

and don't get me wrong, I Get why it fell out of favor within the fandom. it coincides with a Very storied ableist trope that demonizes DID and disorders adjacent to it, and Can be spoken about in a way that is essentially indistinguishable from it depending on the word choice.

but the thing is ! not only does it not Have to be an allegory for DID, I straight up don't think it is At All.

because we Know what it's an allegory for. It's His Chat. there's technoblade playing the game, and there's the thousands of people watching with expectations and wants that he's compelled to meet (or, at the very least, pacify through Entertainment).

and this makes much Much more sense when conceived of as Supernatural. be that spirits, gods, demons, or anything that could fill that role. separate entities that, for whatever reason, only techno can sense the presence of and be affected by.

and of course, to an extent this is true for all creators. everyone had an audience that they were meant to entertain and the choices they made were influenced by that fact.

but technoblade came in with a Very distinct set of expectations that heavily impacted the choices he was Expected to make and the kinds of stories that he could tell. he was more or less a living legend in real life just as much as he was in roleplay, and these things were inherently connected.

and it's like !

when c!technoblade says he was peer pressured into killing tubbo at the red festival he Is technically talking about what happened within the roleplay. schlatt was demanding it from him, there's a sort of pressure there. but schlatt was also the dictator they were set to kill, and techno has never had any trouble fighting people he considered a dictator before, and certainly not Schlatt of all people.

but he WAS being peer pressured By His Audience. by thousands of people, most of which were demanding blood Because It Was The Expectation, because it'd be Fun.

out of universe technoblade made the decision he thought would be the most Entertaining, and he was right! consistently he made choices that would let him do the most bombastic Spectacles possible. And It's Great. he's Excellent at pulling dramatics and making a compelling scene that give other people room to work off of. in that sense I'd consider techno an Excellent actor, and I have to imagine that he was fun to work with.

the problem is when you then have to justify it from an in character perspective, grounded in those mushy things like Feelings with characters that can be traumatized and sustain lasting damage, Especially Without acknowledging the out of character incentive.

mind you, it's not Impossible to Create a backstory that could justify it. why a character as consistently powerful and feared as technoblade would feel pressured to kill an ally by someone he not only Can kill but Wanted To Kill. why a character as seemingly secure and in control as technoblade would lash out the way that he does to perceived betrayal, and yet consistently puts no weight onto having killed and permanently scarred an ally that trusted him.

what that'd need is tragedy. a storied history of being hurt and having to survive. building up To an untouchable god from a much much more vulnerable position. Long Lasting trauma that's lead to this deep insecurity and paranoia. and that's Possible and that's Compelling.

but it's just not in the text.

not only did we never learn basically Anything that c!technoblade was up to pre-series, we actually know Less by the end than when we started because of the sbi retconning.

it's a Theoretically Possible interpretation that's technically never Contradicted by canon, but would have to be created by scratch. it's a compelling idea for a fan fic (and one I'd like to read) and it's compelling for a theoretical recontextualization of the character, but it's just not In The Text.

meanwhile, we have the video above.

we have the Objective Fact that technoblade's decision making was often subject to the rule of cool (very Very effectively) to entertain his audience.

and most compellingly, these concepts Don't Need To Be Separate. in fact, in my opinion they're Stronger when you put them together.

because the thing is. it's Difficult to imagine techno as ever being in a vulnerable position. he is just Objectively more powerful than everyone else on the server, both in real life And within the lore. How could he have ever been afraid when he was stronger than anyone and everyone combined? when we saw with our own eyes that techno could face nearly the whole server at once and win.

but he Is a tragic character, at least he's meant to be. and that tragedy makes much Much more sense as something Inward.

technoblade as a character who Needs connection, who Needs stability, who Needs security, who Needs friendship and community and Love. but Lashes Out, Obliterates to the core of the earth, because of something that's not only out of his control but that other people Cannot Understand.

how do you explain to a child that you killed their best friend because a chorus of the undead called for his blood and you (in all the glory that he'd idolized) were unable to do anything but comply? how do you explain to that child that you beat him senseless in a pit as the restless dead jeered and laughed?

That's interesting. That's Compelling.

technoblade is idolized like a god, feared like a force of nature, and in an instant cut himself off from nearly everyone who'd considered him an ally. and that seems to be a pattern, over and over and over again. he's left isolated, and in return he faces retaliation, and in return he's always Waiting for retaliation.

and what do you say to someone who wants to kill you for being a monster? that it's Fine Actually because you only did what you did because you have a curse that compels you to? that the supernatural guided you to destroy their homes and kill their people? (rip jack manifold you will be missed)?

That Doesn't Quite Help Your Case.

technoblade as someone who is beholden to this literal cycle of violence and Loses those things that could ground him, community, stability, People, as a result. who Tries to overcome this very fact (to become a better person, in his own words as per the clip above), but is pulled back into it as a consequence of his own actions.

that's a tragedy !! that Makes Sense. that allows him to be Both this force of nature that other characters have to survive And A Person Who Is Hurt By The Same Conflict.

"I'm a person!" that fear of dehumanization makes So So Much More Sense when you see technoblade as someone who Already fears himself. who fears being a monster, who fears losing control, who has faced isolation again and again and again.

and, importantly, it doesn't have to be anyone else's Fault.

by making the source both Internal and Completely External (something that none of the other characters have any awareness or control over), you can Have techno as a tragic character without demonizing anyone else Or erasing the impact that c!techno had on them.

and in that sense, it Can be an allegory for mental illness, but not in that direct "oooooh how scary he hears voices" kind of way that people fear it looks. but in that sometimes people Will do things that can hurt others while not feeling in control. anger and mania and paranoia, things that you can't always Control and yet that impact that you have on other people still Matters.

and the answer to that is, often, vulnerability and accountability.

I think a lot about technoblade isolating himself so near entirely from the rest of the server, and slowly gathering a support system Back by the end. and I Really Do think that framing of it through this lens is a Very impactful way of breaking it down.

tubbo, tommy, wilbur, ranboo, niki, I think they'd All understand not feeling in control. lashing out, maybe even feeling justified in the moment, but hurting people they care about and furthering their own isolation.

There's Something There, and it's already In The Text. it just needs to be expanded on.

and why not do that ourselves now?

[monsoon-of-art]

yeah man it's called a Mew. Cool huh?

[wintergrofyuri]

i have. an awful stomach ache. so. im going to talk about. film noir au paraskep when one of them is sick bc i love when characters get sick and another character has to take care of them and also bc its my blog and i do what i want fuck you.

paranoid is def one of those ppl who hate being sick bc of like. how vulnerable it makes him feel. like they both try to work thru it but while skeptic is just workaholic, para does it bc he feels like he has to or else he really Is sick ykno. if skeptic tries to make him rest they get into a huge fight and it makes para feel Worse. like physically.

the only way to get him to rest is if skeptic like. physically makes him. and he doesnt like doing it bc he doesnt actually want his romantic partner to hate him. sometimes he'll be able to like. trick him into it with cuddling. but it doesnt always work.

also real quick, you may have noticed i never use "boyfriend" or anything else when i talk about their relationship and that Is on purpose. to me, theyve never rlly defined it. like ya they live together and sleep in the same bed and kiss but like. they dont rlly feel the need to Talk about it ykno. especially not to other ppl. not that they're hiding it. just. they keep to themselves.

anyways. skeptic is less terrible when he's sick. he also tries to work thru it but not out of a need to prove himself like para. hes just like that. luckily, paranoid is a hypocrite and always tells him he should be resting. he's Always on his ass about his workaholic tendencies but even more so when gets sick.

he's also WAY more insistent that he eats. skeptic is always getting lectures about it, but like. para starts Cooking for him when he's sick. so he can guilt him into eating. he'll fucking spoon feed him if he has to (he doesnt actually. its an empty threat).

paranoid winning either way tho. he's sick? skep spends more time with him to make sure hes doing ok. skeptic's sick? he gets to see his walls down a lil. and in both scenarios, he gets more snuggle time. win/win.

[wrender]

WĚIWARD ROMANCE - FLAVOR FOLEY

[Youtube]

[sapphicscholar]

The last year or so there’s been this unsettling, intensifying arc of sapphic women getting really fucking comfortable with promoting the most reactionary 80s-brand homophobic nonsense about gay men that’s gotten to a point where people are using twink like a slur but in a “heehee it’s funny bc I used it in a meme!”

By all means, we can and should talk about relative privilege in a large umbrella community. We can talk about patterns where existing social hierarchies rear their head in ugly ways. But targeting gay male desire and sexuality as “disgusting” or “perverted” or “excessive” is not an ✨intersectionality win!✨ It’s fucking gross.

[destinydragons101]

Got bored at 4 am lmao

Greasy boy.

[seeminglyseph]

It is funny in my head I am imagining Odysseus Ultimate Family Man as in some way protective of his sister with like. No information whatsoever to go off of. Mostly because the idea of like “hey love respect and take care of my sister because she deserves all the best in the world” is endearing. But also being stuck on a ship with a bunch of horny soldiers and being like “don’t you dare tell me a word about your theoretical or possible sex life with my sister but also you fucking be loyal and be honest and be good and I am your *Captain* and right here all the time every day.” Is like. The thing comedy dreams are made of. Eurylochus had the patience of a monk.

But also my sister is visiting and I already had an argument so like lmaoooo couldn’t be meeee

[deepinthegroves]

i just realised that i can't get piercings as a vampire. there isn't blood flow in my body so there's no way my piercings will heal. YOU CAN ONLY BE A VAMPIRE WITH PIERCINGS IF YOU'RE TURNED AND HAD THEM BEFOREHAND. NOOOOO.

[technically-a-kiwi]

CAN I NOT BE JUMPSCARED BY RANDOM PICTURES OF WOMEN'S WOMB WHEN CHECKING UNRELATED POST TUMBLR?!!!

GOD DAMNIT D:<

ALLOWING NSFW IS ONE THING, BUT LETTING POST LIKE THIS ON RANDOM UNRELATED TAGS IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS, FOUL AND DANGEROUS ON SOME CASES 👺🦆

[yali-the-sloth]

Never thought BioWare ending would feel so… anticlimactic. Guess all of my strong emotions got burned out on trying to wrap my head around DATV and I no longer have spoons to give. Because yeah, the only thing I can say about this new round of lay offs is that it tracks. And if I’m being honest with myself I can’t even blame EA in this particular instance. How many chances is too many?

[snixx]

forced myself to wake up and leave my warm cozy blanky at 3:30 am in the winter to speedrun my syllabus because they gave us 12 hours to prep for our endsem are yall proud of me