#romantic Intruality

[ssslimyboy]

Remus: So you like cats?

Patton: Yeah.

Remus: *tries to impress him by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

[intrualityweek]

Intruality Week 2024 Prompts!

Decorative image of all the prompts in a word cloud, weighted by final votes.

Blue Prompt List

wonderland/fairy tale chaos plushies best friend's brother domestic stitches music

Green Prompt List

butterfly fear sharing clothes dreams flowers realization adventure

In keeping with the themes of duality and chaos, we will have TWO prompt lists this year.

Pick one, follow it all. Or pick a word from each and mash them together. Or tear them up and throw them all in a hat and see what comes out. Do what Remus and Patton would do and have fun with it!

Intruality Week starts July 14th so get crackin'!

Collection link below!

Logan helped make sense of this all. If you're interested in more, there's a full breakdown here:

[loganslowdown4]

Patton: Logan asked me how I slept last night.

Patton: I didn’t know whether to say “good” or “okay” and panicked and accidentally said “gay”

Patton: And then Remus walked by the room and he said “I didn’t know we were telling everyone”

[calethelettuce]

SaSi Intruality Week 1/7: Chaos Cookies

Prompt: Chaos

Tags: @intrualityweek

Synopsis: Patton tries to bake something with Remus. Remus is busy trying to find shards of glass to put into the batter. As the title suggests, shit gets chaotic. You’re welcome.

Characters: Remus, Patton

Relationships: Romantic Intruality

TW: Blood/cuts (inflicted by glass shards by accident), Remus being Remus, swearing

~

Remus smashed his hands down onto the bottles, watching the shards of glass go flying all over the counter. They hit the surface with a small skitter and spread out with a clink. He laughed, a shrill, manic one that could probably give someone a migraine.

Patton came into the room, carrying numerous sheet pans of different shapes and sizes! “Remus, I got the pans!” He chirped, blissfully unaware of the messy counter and the little glass shards on the floor, “We can-“ he paused, staring at the floor. His gaze trailed up to the counter, with Remus staring at him with a wide gaze and a sheepish smile. His hands were red and bloodied, little shards sticking into his palms.

“Hiya, Daddy!” Remus waved, the crimson liquid trailing down his arm. “How’s it going?”

Patton gaped at him, nearly slamming the pans down onto the stovetop and rushing over. “What happened!? How badly are you hurt?!” He took Remus’ hands in his own, inspecting the wounds.

Remus shrugged, feeling himself shiver at the sudden touch. “I was preparing for the cookies!” He proclaimed proudly, wiggling his glass covered fingers, “Did I do good, Pattycake?”

Patton’s expression softened. “Oh, dear, we don’t need glass shards for these cookies!” He explained, “But we can make a separate batch just for you with them another day, okay?”

Remus looked sad for a moment, but perked up at the thought of another day to bake. “Okay!”

Patton gave him his signature smile. “Awesome! Let’s get you all cleaned up, okay?”

The cardigan-wearing side led Remus to the upstairs bathroom of the house, sitting him down on the toilet seat. “You wait right there, okay?”

Remus nodded eagerly. Enjoying the pain of getting shards out of his hands was always better when he had Patton there.. even though it was always enjoyable for him. It was boring to just magic away the wounds, so he allowed Patton to carefully take out each shard with tweezers.

There was a short moment of calming silence between the two.

“So!”

“Hm?” Patton dabbed at the remaining blood left on Remus’ scarred and calloused palms. “What’s up, honey?”

“What’s your favorite kind of bottle?” He asked brightly, “I like the glass ones because they’re crunchy!”

Patton laughed a little, adding antiseptic to the cuts. “I like reusable ones,” he answered, “They’re useful because they don’t harm the environment!”

“Boo, that’s boring…” As Remus spoke, the green-sashed side attempted to lick the antiseptic right off of the wounds, which earned an alarmed cry from Patton.

“You can’t eat that! It’s for your hands!” The father figure figment nearly shouted at him from panic.

Remus groaned, leaning back. “I don’t know what to do! I’m bored!” He complained.

“Just let me finish, and then we’ll go make cookies okay?”

“Okay! Can we still add glass to them?”

Patton let out a small, affectionate huff. “Sorry, bud, not today. Another day, remember?

Remus hopped up as Patton taped the last bandage. “Then let’s go, Frog Daddy!” He shouted, running over to Patton and picking him up bridal style. “Shit is about to go down!”

Patton squeaked at the sudden movements, before starting to panic again. “Remus, your hands! Put me down! They’re not even healed in the slightest!”

Remus cackled, descending down the stairs with the other still in his arms. “Extra pain, extra fun!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

Once the two got to the living room, Patton nearly jumped out of Remus’ arms, giving the moustached side a signature Dad Glare (TM). “Don’t jeopardize your health like that!” He scolded lightly.

Remus shrugged. “There’s no rhyme or reason to what I do! I just do!”

“That’s not always good for you, honeybun.” Patton placed himself back in Remus’ arms, hugging the slightly taller side gently. He placed his head on his shoulder. “I know you like that stuff, but you worry me sometimes.” He whispered.

“Awh, sorry Pattycake.” Remus ruffled the blue-clad side’s hair. “I’ll be better… maybe.” He added with a toothy grin.

“You promise?”

“Promises? Yuuck.” Remus paused, mulling over his options. “Eh. Okay. Just for today.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Patton’s head. “Only for you. Roman is still getting his ass kicked at Mario Kart later.”

Patton giggled at his antics, letting go and walking to the kitchen. “Are we thinking chocolate chip, or peanut butter!”

“Ha, you said nut.”

“That I did, dear. Come and help me with the batter, yeah?”

Remus grinned. “Only if I get to eat the raw eggs!”

“Remus, no!”

He ignored that last remark, waltzing to the fridge, opening it up and cracking an egg over his head. Remus watched the contents spill out onto his hair and into his eyes. He laughed maniacally. “That chicken fetus had no chance!”

He paused when he saw the sad look Patton was giving him. His smile faded a little as he magicked the mess away. “Whoops.” Was all he said. He handed Patton the brand new, non-broken egg. “Here you go.”

“Thank you, Re.”

Patton mixed the batter, with Remus peering over his shoulder the entire time. Remus found his hands resting gently on Patton’s hips as the other folded the ingredients together.

“Hey Pat?”

“Hm?”

“Guess what?”

“Yes?”

“Fuck.”

“Language!”

~

I’m gonna continue this one with the Baking prompt when that one and it’s day comes around!

[lily-janus]

It's still you

Word count: 272

Warnings: coming out, kissing

@acesidesweek day 1 coming out/self discovery

"Are you mad at me?" Remus suddenly blurted one day.

Patton blinked in surprise, "of course not, Re! What makes you say that?" He took his boyfriend's hand and squeezed it a little.

Remus shrugged, biting his lip. "I donno… you've been acting weird lately…"

Patton withdrew his hand as if he's been burned before he realized what he was doing.

Remus looked at where they're joined hands just were, then back up at Patton, hurt shining in his green eyes. "Something is bothering you, Patty-cake… and you won't talk to me about it… why?"

Patton looked away, he had to. He loved Remus but he just wasn't ready to talk about it yet… it was all so new…

A warm hand on his cheek made him turn to look at Remus again, his thumb stroking lightly, "hey, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

Patton looked into his boyfriend's sincere eyes and took a deep breath. "I… I-I'm…" he stammered, the word getting stuck in his throat.

Remus bumped their noses together lightly in encouragement and Patton's defenses melted.

"I'm Asexual." He finally said, feeling as though a huge boulder has been lifted from his chest.

Remus was silent for a moment, before grinning wildly, "that's awesome! When did you find out?"

Patton smiled, "y-you're okay with it- ow!"

Remus flicked his wrist, "of course I am, silly! It's still you, I don't care what labels you use! …we can still kiss though, right?"

Patton laughed and nodded, "yes, we can-" but he was cut off by Remus engulfing his lips with his, both of them giggling into the kiss.

[candied-peach]

ao3: "dog days of summer" rating: T warnings: intruality, dogs, food, kissing genre: fluff description: Remus cheers his partner up by taking a dog to the park. Is it his dog? No. Did he kidnap the dog? Probably not.

Patton's just along for the ride. (lyrics from colbie caillat "bubbly")

It starts in my soul, and I lose all control When you kiss my nose, the feeling shows 'Cause you make me smile, baby, just take your time now Holding me tight

Patton stirs from the half-doze he's fallen into when he hears an enthusiastic knock on the door. A groan falls from their lips as their head falls back and they end up staring at the ceiling. He should have known. He had admitted his grey feelings to his boyfriend, and Remus is not the type of person to just let Patton wallow in his depression. Not that he's depressed. Right now. Exactly. He's just...prone to depression.

"Who is it?" Patton calls, struggling to get out of the couch's grip. A bark answers him, and his brows furrow. Is that-

Why is there a dog outside his apartment?

"Open up, Pitterpat!" Remus shouts through the door. "This is an intervention!"

"I don't need an intervention," Patton replies, as they unlock the door. "I'm fi-" He pauses mid-word. Remus is standing in front of his front door, grinning madly as he holds tight to a leash. A leash that constrains a- 

Patton's smile widens.

"Is that a doggo?" They ask. He can't tell what breed the dog is. It's got some scattered spots, but it's too scruffy to be more than a bit of Dalmatian. Or maybe it's some kind of hound mix? Or- honestly, Patton's not really sure. It is very cute, though.

"She is indeed!" Remus blurts, exuberant. "Her name is Ethel."

Patton gives the dog a dubious look. The dog woofs again, tongue lolling out as she pants.

"Ethel?" Patton repeats. Remus shrugs as the dog enthusiastically shoves herself against Patton's legs, nearly knocking him over.

"My aunt's dog," Remus admits. "She named her. It's fine. I would have named her Cthulhu- hey, do you think she'll answer to that? If I say it enough?"

"No," Patton says, amused. "Why is Ethel here?"

"She needs a bath," Remus says. "My aunt was gonna take her, but I volunteered. And then she's supposed to go to the park. Wanna come with me?" Patton hesitates. He could just stay home. Remus's idea of a proper outing sounds very...energetic. Patton's not sure they can handle energy.

On the other hand, the couch is looking less appealing by the second.

"Sure," Patton says, making a decision. "Let me uh, just get my phone and stuff." Remus grins at them, planting a kiss on their cheek. Patton smiles, flustered, as he turns back into his apartment. Stuffing his feet into his shoes, he grabs his phone and shoves it into his pocket, along with his wallet, just in case. Ethel licks his hand when he reappears.

"Does she like baths?" Patton asks, as Remus guides them down the sidewalk to his car.

"No," Remus says cheerfully. "But that's okay. It'll be uh-" He turns a little, studying the dog happily trotting by his side. "It'll be great," he decides. Patton's not sure he believes them.

Ethel doesn't seem like she knows what to make of the car ride to the pet store. She keeps shoving her head into the front, drooling on Patton's shoulder. She refuses to sit down, even when they take turns and she falls into the seat. Remus goes slower than he usually does, and Patton knows it's for the dog's sake. It makes them feel a little warm and fuzzy, actually, knowing that Remus wants to make sure she's okay.

"Here we are, Ethel!" Remus declares as he slides into a parking spot. He rummages in his bag for a moment before peeling off a gold star sticker and sticking it on Patton's forehead. Patton blinks at them. "For being a good noodle," Remus tells him. Patton laughs. The grey fog of his mood has already begun to lift. He has a feeling Remus expects him to take the sticker off, but he keeps it on.

The sun is hot against the top of Patton's head when they step out of the car. Remus has Ethel's leash wrapped around his hand as she prances around him, trying to sniff every possible thing in sight.

"She's cute," Patton comments. Remus beams.

"She usually hates everyone," Remus says. "But she adores you! You're the puppy whisperer!"

"Am not," Patton says, cheeks fiercely red. Ethel licks his hand again, tail wagging so hard her butt wiggles. Remus snickers.

The dog washing room is empty for the time being, which seems to relieve Remus. Ethel isn't barking now, but she does keep sniffing absolutely everything. She looks mistrustfully at the few people in the store, but doesn't snap at them.

"Need shampoo for her," Remus murmurs, half under his breath. "Oh, this one looks nice," he says, snagging one off the shelf. "Here, check it." Patton's touched as he gingerly handles the bottle, scanning the list of ingredients.

"No aloe," he reports. Remus looks relieved. It's an allergy they share- although Remus always claims it's just that he's allergic to soap in general, much to his more fastidious twin's displeasure.

Remus has the proof of her rabies shot, as well as her other vaccinations, so he handles the interaction with the employee as Patton distracts Ethel from what's to come.

"Let's go," Remus says. Ethel gives a little whine at that, pulling a little at her leash, but she follows them, nonetheless. Remus coaxes her up into the basin, clipping her harness to the wall with the provided restraints. He studies the panel of buttons for a moment, before pressing 'start' and then 'rinse.' Cold water spurts out, over Ethel's fur, and she does a funny little twist, somehow pulling out of her harness completely and standing free in the tub while Remus and Patton blink, befuddled, at her.

"How did you do that?" Remus asks in wonder, grabbing her collar (which has managed to stay) and clipping her there instead. Ethel looks at him with wide doggy eyes, as if to say that she has no idea, either.

"I guess she doesn't like cold water," Patton says, with a little huff of a laugh. Ethel looks like she agrees.

"Sorry, sweetheart," Remus murmurs. "I'll get it warmed up for you." True to his word, he waits for the water to heat up before re-spraying her, and she seems to enjoy that a lot more. Remus decides to get closer and heaves himself up, sitting on the edge of the tub as he pours shampoo into her fur. Patton stands outside of it, reassuring Ethel in soft tones that she's such a good girl, she's doing so well, and she's going to be so pretty when her bath is done. It seems to help, although they're not sure how much. He just knows that she doesn't try to jump out anymore, even when Remus finishes rinsing the shampoo out and switches on the dryer hose. Her ears go back, and her panting increases, but she stays obediently still, only moving when Remus directs her.

"Can you hand me a towel from the basket they have?" Remus asks Patton, raising his voice to be heard over the low roar of the dryer. Patton nods, scurrying to the side and fetching a towel. Remus finishes by rubbing her fur down with the towel, until at least she's no longer dripping everywhere.

"Good girl," Remus says softly, voice thick with affection, as he scritches behind one of Ethel's ears. His jeans are soaking wet and covered in dog hair, but Patton thinks he looks beautiful. Even if he does smell a bit like wet dog.

"Let's get her a pup cup," Patton suggests. Remus grins.

"An excellent suggestion," he says, as he slips her harness back on. "And then the park she likes?" Patton nods. He feels a little tired, standing on his feet for so long without really moving, but the walk back out of the store reinvigorates him. The sun feels even hotter now, beating down on his shoulders, and Ethel seems to agree. She looks down at the parking lot like it's offended her, dragging Remus back to the car.

"Thank you for this," Patton mumbles, once the car is going again and the air conditioning is freezing his hands. Remus glances at him sideways, before a little smile pulls up the corners of his mouth.

"You're a great help," Remus tells him. "Ethel loves you."

"I barely did anything," Patton objects. "All I did was like...talk to her."

"And it helped," Remus insists as he pulls into line at the coffee shop. "You're great, Pattycake." He reaches over and ruffles Patton's hair. Ethel whines and shoves his hand with her nose. "Aww, are you jealous, baby?" Remus coos at her. "Are you jealous someone else is getting petted, not you?" Patton's face reddens and he turns a little to glance out the windshield as Remus laughs.

Remus shoves something ice cold and covered in whipped cream and caramel sauce into Patton's hands when they leave the window.

"There ya go," Remus says. "Extra shot of espresso in there." Ethel is already enthusiastically devouring her little cup of whipped cream.

"Thank you," Patton says, touched. "You didn't have to-"

"Of course I did," Remus says, flapping a hand dismissively. "Besides, I added two shots, it's the least I can do when you have to put up with my ass on caffeine."

"Oh no," Patton says, deadpan as he puts a hand up to his forehead. "Whatever shall I do? Ethel, Remus shall become a caffeine-fueled monster, worse than-than-" He flounders, searching for an appropriate horror monster to compare Remus to.

"Cthulhu!" Remus blurts out, licking whipped cream off his top lip. Ethel licks his ear. "She knows it's her real name!" Remus exclaims, perpetually hopeful.

"I uh, don't think that's it," Patton says, as he inputs directions to the park in his map app. Remus mock scowls at them.

The park is relatively deserted, and Ethel seems delighted by the expanse of green. There are several clusters of trees, and some picnic benches scattered around. Thin twigs crack under Patton's shoes. It smells like evergreens and fresh air. Patton's hand slips into Remus's as Ethel saunters ahead of them, eagerly sniffing at rocks and grass and the occasional fallen leaf.

"I love you, Pitterpat," Remus says, surprisingly quietly. Patton looks up at his partner, a soft smile crossing his face.

"Love you too, Remus," Patton says. He presses up on tiptoe to kiss Remus's cheek. Remus makes a little surprised noise, then turns, tugging Ethel back with one hand as the other slides around Patton's back and pulls them closer. His head bends and his mouth surges against Patton's, kissing him properly. Patton melts, arms twining around Remus's neck. He doesn't want to stop. Remus tastes like coffee and sunshine. This close, he smells like the dog shampoo and his deodorant and a little bit of sweat. Ethel shoves her way between them, breaking them apart and making Remus laugh.

"Jealous," he accuses fondly. Ethel pants up at them, tail wagging from side to side. 

"She's cute," Patton says, running his hand down her neck. Ethel leans into it. "I like her."

"I can't believe I've lost the love of my life to a dog," Remus playfully bemoans. "What the hell."

"At least when she bites me, I know it's because she's a dog," Patton informs them. "What's your excuse?" Remus gasps in fake horror, one hand splayed across their chest.

"It's my love language!" He exclaims. "You can't deny me my love language, Pitterpat, what do you take me for?"

"A wound-up pair of chattery teeth from a vending machine," Patton answers, and it makes Remus wheeze. Patton grins as Remus absolutely loses it in front of them, and Ethel sniffs at Patton's shoe.

"You're stuck with me," Remus informs them, still laughing. "Forever. You know that? Forever."

"Good," Patton says, almost prim. "That's what I wanted." 

Ethel licks his hand again.

[intrualityweek]

Found another one, Re…

Adult Talk | Intruality

Prompt from @fivenamereveals

Pairings: Implied Romantic Intruality by the end, mentioned Logicality but it’s platonic.

Word Count: 932 words

Warnings: Adultery mentioned many times, Suggestive themes, mentions of therapy and Swearing. 

Remus was going to lose his mind and that was not a usual occurrence. 

But for some reason, it was beginning to happen more and more often. 

You see it started out as a conversation between himself and Roman. They were discussing the other sides and Roman made a comment of Patton being the most innocent and Remus took that as a personal challenge to prove him wrong. 

And then he found out about the adultery thing. 

Keep reading

[bakedtato223]

I just think they’re a tad bit silly 😋

[moondeew]

I have no explanation for this just wanted to draw Patton carrying the other sides

ignore how each one is kind of a diffrent style lol- especially Janus’s cuz that’s the only one I used an actual reference for

Ofc Roman had to be carried princess-style

[logan-the-artist]

Hii!! If you’re still doing requests maybe some intruality? Platonic or romantic doesn’t matter I just love them lol

their dynamic is SO fun fr

[moonbeam-dragon]

Bloody Cupcakes

Summary: Patton doesn't know Remus that well. He's painfully aware of it after the gift exchange. He was lucky that Remus didn't hate him for it. In fact, it seems that Remus might like him despite it. He apparently sees Patton as his "daddy." Patton is determined not to lose or ruin his relationship with Remus. What better way to bond than making cupcakes together?There's probably lots of better ways.But Patton is gonna at least try.

Also, happy birthday, Patton! 💙 🐸 🎂 Here is my gift to you!

@thatsthat24 Idk if ur interested but figured it would be worth a try.

[naminethewriter]

How It All Began - Masterpost

Welcome, welcome everyone to another Big Bang entry, this time for @tss-storytime! As per the results of the one poll I have done here so far, this is also the introduction to my Pirates and Sirens AU! It has Intrulogical (of course, what else would I write?) and a lot of platonic shenanigans. Hope you enjoy 🥰

If you'd like to read it at a slower pace, I will upload the chapters to Ao3 twice a week.

Summary: Remus, son of a simple fisherman, had worked hard to become the captain of his own pirate ship. And in his humble opinion, it was going great! His crew was small but reliable and they had just stolen something that could them some nice cash from a military vessel they happened to cross on the open sea. They just needed to hide it somewhere until it was safe to sell. How lucky for them that they come across a nice, uninhabited island.

Little did Remus know just who he would find on that little piece of land and how it would change his life entirely.

Content Warnings: Temporary Character Death, Minor Violence, Innuendoes (Remus is the main character after all) and Morally Grey Characters (They are pirates)

Story on Ao3

Chapter One: A Lonely Island, Right?

Chapter Two: Living Legend

Chapter Three: A Request

Chapter Four: A New Deal

Chapter Five: Library Visit

Chapter Six: Precious

Chapter Seven: Just the Beginning

Many thanks go to @edupunkn00b for beta reading! They helped me so much, thanks a bunch!

There is also art for this story by @im-an-anxious-wreck! Their post is here. Thank you so much for working with me 🥰

[intrualityweek]

Intruality Week 2024 Poll #4 of 8

Word cloud in Patton and Remus' colors, shaped like an apple over a green and baby blue background. Full list of words is below the cut.

butterfly - chaos - music - wonderland & fairy tale - fancy - adventure - dreams - domestic - candy & cookie - sunset - fear - college - best friend's brother - yin/yang - babysitting - movie marathon - giant/tiny & borrowers - stitches - flowers - sharing clothes - plushies - realization - costume - Fun-dip

Special alternate prompt for the week: duality

[monkeythefander]

Patton and Remus Fluff, Pretty please with a cherry on top? 🍒🥺

Patton & Remus Fluff Headcannons

Here are some Patton & Remus Fluff headcannons as requested by @jumbo-bo on Tumblr. These headcannons are platonic Patton and Remus, but if you want to interpret them as romantic that’s fine too. The headcannons are a little more hurt/comfort towards the end, but they’re mostly fluff.

Content Warnings: mention of allergies (cat allergy), mention of a zombie cat (which has stitches on it), food and drink mention (in relation to the zombie cat not needing to eat and drink), mention of playing horror games, mention of having nightmares (Patton has nightmares, so I guess a bit of Patton hurt/comfort is here).

Click below the cut to read the headcannons.

—————————————————————-

- Since Patton is allergic to cats but really wants a cat, Remus decides to make a zombie cat for Patton. The cat isn’t a stereotypical zombie that eats body parts or anything. It’s basically a cat that doesn’t need to eat or drink to live. Patton is a bit scared at first by the cat, since it feels very cold and has some stitches on it, but the cat meows happily up at Patton and the moral side is immediately in love with the cat. Patton thanks Remus and decides to show his gratitude by letting Remus name the cat. Remus names the cat Frankie, like the character from monster high, since that series is one of the few not so scary monster related shows he and Patton can bond over.

- To bond with Remus, Patton tries to play some horror games with him. They are typically mascot horror games, because the mascot designs can be somewhat nice to look at, which makes playing the games a bit less intimidating for Patton.

- Patton gets Remus a onesie to wear to family movie nights in the mind palace. The onesie looks like a rat. It has little ears on the hood and a tail on the back. Remus likes it enough that he actually wears it to bed sometimes.

- When Patton has nightmares and just wants someone to listen to him vent about them afterwards, he goes to Remus. The creative side isn’t freaked out by the negative or dark thoughts Patton’s mind creates in the nightmares, so Remus is great at calmly listening to Patton’s retellings of them. Remus is also great at hugging Patton after he finishes venting. The moral side didn’t expect Remus to be a good hugger considering he lived with Janus and Virgil, who aren’t too openly affectionate. So Patton was pleasantly surprised by how comforting Remus’s hugs were.

- One day Patton asks Remus if he can give him a makeover. The moral side wants to try out a new style, and likes some of the casual punk outfits Remus wears when they aren’t filming Sanders Sides videos. The creative side excitedly agrees to the moral side’s request and gives Patton an outfit that can be considered pastel punk.

——————————————————————

End Notes: Thanks for reading! As always, if you like any of these headcannons and want to make a fanfic or fanart based on it, you can do so. You just need to ask me first, and then credit and tag me in the post so I can see it.

-Monkey��

[calethelettuce]

SaSi Intruality Week 6/7: Chaos Cookies - The Electric Boogaloo x2

Prompt: Baking

Tags: @intrualityweek

Synopsis: Patton and Remus are back in the kitchen! The follow up to Day 1's oneshot. Remus finally gets permission to make "cookies". Patton's there to support him and make sure the house doesn't burn down. We've got a shorter one today, my motivation isn't being very nice to me :(

Characters: Patton, Remus, Virgil

Relationships: Romantic Intruality, Implied Prinxiety

TW: Swearing, PATTON SAYS A BAD WORD????!!!?? Glass shards, inedible food items being ingested, eating glass, talk of cremation/burning bodies, sex jokes/implications (don't be surprised), minor description of burnt skin/Remus is being dumb, I MEAN IT GUYS

~

"Remus, buddy, can we keep the glass shards in the bowl, please?"

Remus only continued to mix the dough at a quick pace, snickering to himself as the pieces of once-shiny glass scraped against the sides of the bowl. "You said I have full control today!" he proclaimed, adding the slightest pinch of poison ivy to the concoction, "Therefore, no thanks!"

Patton sighed, shaking his head slightly. "You do you, then, Morningstar."

Patton observed the state of the inedible batter from behind Remus, peering over his shoulder.

It was lumpy, the sharp blade-like edges of the glass sticking out at odd angles. The leaves of poison ivy the green-sashed side threw in stuck out like a sore thumb against the pale colored dough.

"Isn't it great, Patty?" Remus asked proudly, admiring his handiwork with a grin, "I've never made something so delicious before!"

Patton gave him the biggest smile he could muster. "Well..! It's certainly not my taste, but uh, I can definitely see the appeal."

Even Remus could tell he was lying.

Although, instead of getting upset as most would, his smile only grew bigger. "Exactly!" he chirped, grabbing a ball of dough with his bare hands, "Time to throw these fuckers in the the torture chamber!"

Patton handed him a cookie sheet. "Put them on this one please," he practically begged, "I really don't want to clean the oven again."

Remus rolled his eyes but complied. He smashed the ball onto the sheet. "There."

"Good job, bud!"

"Thanks!"

Remus continued to slap the remaining dough balls onto the surface, with Patton holding the sheet out gingerly and carefully as to not get poison ivy from the leaves.

"Remus, does poison ivy still work the same here as it does in the real world?" he asked, nearly avoiding an accidental attack from a loose leaf, "Because if it does, maybe I shouldn't-"

"You'll be fine! I made these, but they only affect me! I made sure of it. It's just these ones that do that, though. If you find any in a forest, then that'll give you the greatest rash this world has ever seen."

Patton shivered at the thought of that. Remus took the pan from him carelessly, pressing a kiss to the shorter side's forehead. "Did we already set the oven to 600?"

"..600?"

"600!" Remus opened the oven door, quickly shoving the pan in before shutting it again. "Wouldn't want us to get cremated!"

"It's not hot enough for the human body to burn, you know." Patton supplied, washing his hands with extra soap, "It's got to be at least 1400 fahrenheit."

Remus stared at him in shock, mouth hung agape. "Holy shit, this is why I love you."

Patton laughed. "Well, even dads can have a dark sense of humor!"

"You're even hotter when you make dark jokes." Remus winked at him, leaning on the counter. "Except you're always hot. You're a certified DILF."

Patton felt his cheeks go red. "I-"

"Shhhh," Remus strode over, putting a finger to Patton's lips. "You're gonna make me horny."

"Stop being gay!" They heard Virgil shout from the living room, "It's too late for your shit, Remus!"

Patton felt his face grow darker. "Virgil, I thought you'd be upstairs by now!"

"Too early. Besides, it's not like I go home, since my house is covered in glitter because of somebody- also known as Remus. It's only 10."

Remus snickered. "I regret nothing, bitch."

Patton kept an eye on the oven to make sure nothing was on fire. He took the messy, empty bowl from the counter, handing it to Remus. "Have a gift for your junkyard! I don't think it's safe for me to use the bowl anymore."

"Awh, thanks Pattycake!" Remus took the bowl gratefully, evaporating it away to his junkpile by the playground outside. "I love that you're thinking about me!"

Patton smiled up at him, hopping onto the tips of his toes to press a kiss to Remus' nose. "Always am!" he chirped, ruffling the taller side's hair.

He heard Virgil groan from his spot on the couch.

"You're just mad you're lonely!" Remus gave the purple-clad side the middle finger. "Cause Princey doesn't want to suck your DI-"

"Remus!"

"My bad, Pat." The timer dinged to signal the cookies were finished. "OH! They're done!"

Well, Patton knew his house was going to smell like burnt cookies for the rest of the week.

Remus took the pan out of the oven with his bare hands, laughing as the sizzling smell of burnt flesh filled the room.

“Holy shit, Remus! Put the pan down!” Patton was little too tempted the smack the pan out of his hands. “You’re gonna burn your hands off!”

Remus plopped the pan down onto the counter. “That was fun!” He declared, “I don’t have fingerprints or palm skin anymore!”

Patton heard Virgil mutter a quiet “oh fuck no-“ before the anxious side ran up the steps to the guest room.

He turned back to Remus. “Come on, honey, I thought we agreed this one was going to be injury free!” He said sadly.

Remus pouted. “But that was fun!” He insisted.

Patton let out a huff. “I know, I know, but you have to keep your promises!”

“…fine.” Remus magicked away his hand burns with a frown, wiggling his fingers for reference. “There.”

Patton gave him a soft smile. “Thank you. I didn’t mean to make you upset, dear.”

“You didn’t.”

Patton gave the taller side a quick hug, resting his head on Remus’ shoulder. “Next time, we can have another baking day where I’ll let you do whatever you want, okay?”

Remus brightened just a bit at that. “Really!?”

“Of course!”

Remus hummed in appreciation, hugging Patton back. “Okay.”

“Now, how about we wait for these cookies to cool?”

“Oh, who needs that!?”

The sudden release of pressure and the sound of crunching glass signaled that Remus was already chomping down on a glass cookie.

Patton knew he was gonna have his work cut out for him this week.

[edupunkn00b]

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders Characters: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, various OCs, Other Character Tags to Be Added, we will eventually meet everyone Additional Tags: intruality, Platonic Intruality, endgame romantic intruality, we shall see, polytheistic au, Gods AU, Ancient History, Babylonian gods, Death!remus, Life!roman, Craft!patton, Unreliable Narrator, aren't they all?, unsympathetic gods, and sympathetic villains, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Broken Bones, Moderate descriptions of injuries, Slow Burn, well‚ for one of them‚ at least Summary:

Each story has a villain, and each villain has a story.

What the f*ck was Ro doing? His perfect brother had to have seen the little blonde god (poorly) tracking him through the woods over the past month or so. The little thing wasn’t making any effort to hide what he was doing, either, sometimes even just f*cking standing in the middle of the field like he was just waiting for Roman to appear.

But Roman never did. So all Remus did was wait and watch and curse his dumbass of a brother. Until one day when he couldn't just watch anymore.

This is a slow burn of a story: slow burn love, slow burn world…

Playlist on Spotify. Title inspired by Villains Aren't Born (They're Made) by PEGGY.