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naminethewriter · 6 days ago

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Intrulogical Week Day 6 Inventions

https://archiveofourown.org/series/4461559 Part 1-3 are here

This is late but it didn't want to work with me. Day 7 is coming soonish

Part 4: Park Finds

"Why couldn't Dad take us to the park?" asks Patton, swinging his hand in Logan's.

"He has to get ready for work and leave before Roman's class is over and be able to come get you three. It's his turn to make dinner as well," Remus answers.

"Yeah he said he was making some sort of pasta," Virgil chimes in.

"Am I staying for dinner?" asks Janus holding Remus's hand.

“Of course, silly snake! That's what's included in a sleepover! Our first one!" Patton excitedly exclaims. "And Memus and Loganberry will be there later for movies and cookies."

"Yes and I did promise that I'll make thumbprint cookies for everyone," Logan reminds them.

"So what do you guys want to do at the park?" Remus asks.

They continue walking and chatting about what each wants to do. Virgil wants to go on the swings and maybe skateboard, Patton and Janus want to go down the slide a few dozen times and Patton has a new game that he invented to teach everyone to play. Logan hopes to get some reading done before his class but knows it is pointless while watching all three boys and making sure his boyfriend doesn't get rebanned from this park which he will argue was not his fault…this time.

Logan smiles thinking back to a year ago months after their first date which was followed by many more although they both agreed to take their relationship slow.

*****

When Roman (who had got a second chance only because the coffee shop called and begged Remus to cover a shift and never forgot the boys since) came to drop the boys off at the library for crafts. Before Roman could leave, he told them he had a question to ask the three of them.

"I know this is an unusual question but can I date Remus and are you guys okay with me being his boyfriend? The reason I am asking this; is because of how close Remus is to you three and practically helping you, Roman, raise Patton and Virgil," Logan asks, fixing his already straight tie.

"Dude, I gave you my permission after the museum date, anyone who can make Remus speechless is like that is just what he needs and perfect in my book," Roman assures Logan.

"Yeah, it takes a special kind of crazy to be willing to make a bet with Remus and drink an unknown drink plus you are fun to do puzzles with," Virgil says with a smile.

"Memus is more smiley and huggy and you make fun puns. Does this mean I get another older brother?" Patton turns to Roman.

“That is up to Remus and Logan but I'm pretty sure yes," Roman says ruffling Patton's hair.

"YAY!" Patton yells throwing himself at Logan for a hug then whispers "Oops sorry forgot library voice."

"I think we answered your question, Logan," Virgil smirks trying not to laugh and Roman doesn't even try to hide his laughter.

"Yes thank you and I consider you two my little brothers too," Logan says, bending down to fully hug Patton who grabbed Virgil pulling him into the hug.

Roman managed to take a picture without the other three noticing and sent it to Remus.

"Okay, I'll be back to pick you guys up. See ya."

*****

"What's got you smiling, my nerd?" Remus asks, pulling Logan out of the memory.

"Just how much I love you and your brothers," Logan replies honestly, making Remus blush.

"Remus, Logan, did either of you remember the sunscreen," Virgil asks before Remus can make a flirty comment back.

"Of course I did," Logan responds, "And I got everyone water, your knee and elbow pads, and this stuffed fish I'm not sure why but Patton insisted it was required for his new game."

"YEAH! Patton makes up the best games at school," Janus yells, "It's how we met."

"That is a story for another day because we have arrived. Now remember the main rules," Remus reminds the boys.

"If I can't see you or Logan, I'm too far,"

"Try not to get hurt but things happen,"

"Have fun but be safe,"

All three boys list off.

"Perfect, now go cause some havoc." Remus smiles proudly making shooing motions.

The boys run off to play. Patton and Janus are heading to the slides and Virgil is taking off to the swing set.

Remus convinces Logan to play on the monkey bars. Logan has long since learned it is better to go along with Remus's antics and he always has more fun than if he did what was expected.

After a while, they are tired and take a break on the bench to watch the three boys play. Virgil has switched to practicing on his skateboard and Patton has got some other kids along with Janus to play the game he invented and all kids seemingly understand despite looking overcomplicated in the way only a kids' game could be.

"I thought you said that Virgil has been skateboarding for months?" Logan observes watching Virgil struggling.

"Yeah but for some reason the little spider just can't seem to figure it out," Remus winces as Virgil trips over the board.

"I'm surprised he hasn't quit yet," Logan remarks.

"Yeah usually he would but Patton wants to skateboard with him so he's refusing to give up," Remus replies.

"Yeah that sounds more like Virgil," Logan laughs.

"Yep, Virgil told Patton that by Christmas he'll be ready to skateboard. Virgil has been saving up his money to get Patton a skateboard as a surprise," Remus tells him.

"I'll be sure to keep it a surprise," Logan responds.

"I was planning on getting them some books so I believe one on skateboarding would be a nice one to include for both of them," Logan thinks aloud.

"They'll love that, you've gotten this whole family to enjoy reading more. Roman and I are using the craft book you suggested to make Virgil's and Patton's Christmas gifts," Remus says, throwing his arm around Logan who shifts to get more comfortable in the embrace.

"I am glad to hear that and what are you both making?" Logan inquires.

"Roman is working on a new patched hoodie and I am making Patton a cat hoodie," Remus answers, "Roman's class got cancelled today and he is at home working on it which is the real reason we came to the park. I work on the hoodie while the boys are at the library with you."

"I am excited to see the finished products. Do you…" Logan is interrupted by Remus' phone.

"Hello, ok, I'll get the boys ready," Remus says then hangs up, "What were you going to ask?"

"Roman answered my question," Logan says gathering up their stuff.

"Ok. PATTON, JANUS, VIRGIL TIME TO GO!" Remus calls and each boy comes running.

"Roman is here?" Virgil asks.

"He'll be here in 5 minutes and we'll be taking the car while you four walk back home," Remus answers.

"Loganberry, did you see us playing the game I invented?" Patton asks.

"Yes, I couldn't follow along and maybe you can explain it to me while we bake cookies later," Logan tells him.

"I can help too," Janus begs.

"Of course," Logan agrees.

"Boys, you ready to go home and make pasta?" Roman asks to walk up to the group.

All three respond positively.

"Alrighty, say bye to Remus and Logan and let's go home," Roman says, herding the boys towards the sidewalk then calls, "Enjoy your classes," over his shoulder.

Remus grabs Logan's hand and they walk to the car together smiling.

@intrulogicalweek

#fic rec #intrulogical #familial anaroyalimus #platonic moceit #so cute!#logan's really becoming part of the family #and he and remus are adorable together #love this for them #just good vibes all around #💙💚#💖 💙 💜 💚#💙 💛

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naminethewriter · 8 days ago

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Love Is A Strong Word

pairings: intrulogical

summary: Logan has definitely grown very fond of Remus as of late, and decides it would be a good idea to tell him that. Remus' reaction isn't exactly the most encouraging one, though, and Logan is left trying to figure out what it is that could have upset him.

tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, miscommunication, does it count as miscommunication if nothing was really said?

word count: 3400

Logan hadn’t realized it at first. He had always liked the silence, that peaceful absence of noise that lulled him into a gentle tranquility. It became something he almost coveted, since quiet moments were a true rarity in the Mindscape.

Lately, however, he was less eager to be away from the sounds.

Or one sound in particular.

Remus sat across from him as he tore into his breakfast, the metal spoon loudly scraping against the ceramic bowl and creating a cacophonous noise that Logan found he didn’t mind as much as he thought he would. Then again, a lot has changed lately, especially with him. Him, and also Remus.

He can’t quite recall exactly how it started, or why, but he and Remus had somehow managed to form a tentative truce some time ago. One that eventually formed into something closer to a friendship of sorts, difficult as it was to comprehend.

Maybe friendship wasn’t the best word for… whatever this was with them. A partnership maybe, or a companionship. One may even be daring enough to call it a relationship, though Logan had no idea which kind it would be.

It wasn’t exactly professional, nor was it familial. Platonic, maybe, but he didn’t feel like this about the other sides. Sure, he worked with them, and got along and enjoyed their company, but it just wasn’t the same thing. It was hard to understand, and even harder to explain, but this…

This was something else.

It wasn’t just Logan having fun when Remus was around, it was also a sense of contentment. When given the choice between time alone and time with Remus, Logan found himself choosing the latter far more often than the former. Remus could still give Logan cause for concern with his antics, but lately he had also been feeling concerned for him. He would notice if Remus was quieter than normal and see if something was troubling him, or make sure he’s eaten well enough today.

He cared about Remus, not exactly more so than the other sides, but definitely in a different way than with them. This was personal, this was intimate, this was…

This was love.

Logan… loved Remus.

The most startling part of this revelation, however, was that it was hardly startling at all. It felt natural, as easy and effortless as the act of breathing. Logan wondered how he hadn’t felt this way about him sooner, or if he always had and only realized it now.

A nudge against his leg from under the table brought Logan back into focus, not even aware of how much his mind had wandered until that moment.

“What’s got you smiling like that?” Remus teased.

Logan felt himself flush. He hadn’t even realized he had been smiling, but it made sense that he would have been, considering what was on his mind.

“I must have lost track of myself for a moment,” Logan simply replied.

“Well are you gonna tell me what you were thinking about, or do I get three guesses?”

Logan considered that for a moment. Admitting he was in love with someone was awfully uncharacteristic of himself, but then again, Remus had always encouraged him to be more open with how he was feeling, coaxing out his pent up frustrations and his long-dormant passions with an encouraging smile. He insisted Logan tell him whatever he was thinking or feeling, no matter what it was that was on his mind. Remus offered no judgement for anything he said, only reception.

Maybe… maybe Logan can share this with him, too.

“I love you, Remus.”

Logan had a myriad of expectations regarding how Remus would respond.

He worried Remus might laugh at him for being a sentimental sap, or condescendingly tell him how much he sounds like Patton when he says gross things like that, or even just awkwardly explain that he’s sorry but that isn’t really something that Remus does.

He hoped Remus would let out a victorious whoop before leaping over the table and pulling him into one of his now all-too familiar hugs, shouting a gleeful “about time!” as they held each other on the kitchen floor, or maybe flush and respond with shy smile and a quiet “same to you”.

He most certainly didn’t expect for Remus to freeze entirely, a spoonful of cereal made with water stopping about halfway from his still-open mouth. He didn’t expect the hand still on the table to curl into a fist and start shaking from how tightly it was clenched. He certainly didn’t expect Remus to stop breathing.

“Remus? Are you alright?”

Remus didn’t move or say anything. He only blinked once, twice, thrice.

Logan tentatively placed a hand on his trembling fist. “Remus?”

Remus flinched, jerking his hand away and dropping his spoon with a choked gasp.

“You can’t say that,” he muttered, standing from his chair and rushing back to his room.

Logan sat in his chair, unable to do anything but watch him go. He wanted more than anything to follow him and make sure he was okay, or even just ask him what happened, but he knows Remus prefers to be alone when he’s upset and it would be better not to disturb him further.

He’d already disturbed him enough by the looks of it.

What happened to make him react like that? Did Logan say it wrong somehow? Did Remus just not feel the same?

It wasn’t exactly disgust or mockery, going by the look on his face.

It almost looked like terror.

But that couldn’t be right. Remus feared nothing, loudly priding himself on that any chance he got. He was unafraid, unashamed, and effortlessly self-assured in a way that Logan always admired. Nothing could frighten Remus, nothing could disturb him.

So why did he look like he wanted to run for his life? Why did he shy away from Logan touching him like he thought it would hurt? Why was he so shaken from this?

Logan kept running the events through his head and only came up with more questions. He wanted to ask Remus all of them, but if he was uncomfortable with him now then Logan wouldn’t try and pester him further. He needed space right now, Logan understood and respected that.

It didn’t mean he wasn’t worried.

Remus didn’t handle things well when they bothered him. If a jar wouldn’t open, he’d smash it. If a project wasn’t working, he’d set it on fire.

Logan was almost afraid to wonder what he’d do because of this.

Logan didn’t see Remus for the rest of the day, and every hour that passed only made him feel worse. The other sides had all come downstairs and had their own breakfasts by now, with most of them sneering at the now soggy remains of Remus’ leftover breakfast and the rest shaking their heads in disapproving dismissal. Logan felt sick to his stomach at the memory of when he would have reacted that way.

Was that it? Has Remus refused to forgive Logan for how he treated him in the past?

Sure, the others have been far worse, but Logan had a hand in his neglect too. It’s not like he can just expect those wounds to heal overnight, and even when they did heal, it didn’t mean Logan would be forgiven for causing them.

It didn’t mean Remus had to love him back.

Why would Remus love him at all, anyway? Logan was rude, and boring, and everything Remus hated. There was no way anything like this would have worked out well between them. This was order growing attached to chaos, a clear day looking for storms, an office building longing for graffiti. He should have known better than to foolishly get his hopes up like that. There was a reason that he told Thomas that love was a strong word, after all.

Now that he said it, though, it was a lot harder for him to unsay it.

How could he be expected to stop feeling this now that he knew what it was? Remus had helped him pull all of those trapped emotions to the surface, and there was no way he’d be able to force them back down again even if Remus wanted him to.

Did Remus want him to? Did he not want this from him? Did he want them to not feel anything for each other, to just treat their relationship like an unexpected accident and nothing more?

It certainly hadn’t been planned; Logan hadn’t realized what he was feeling or even that he was feeling until it was too late to do anything about it.

What could he do about it? He knew he couldn’t just stop feeling this, and even if he could he really didn’t want to. He’d almost forgotten how wonderful it could be to feel things, and he’d rather not go back to what it was like before if he could help it.

Maybe he could just not do anything about them, letting himself fawn over Remus in private while ensuring he never brought it up around him again.

It would be difficult, but it would be worth it if that was what would make Remus smile again.

Logan woke in the middle of the night to the feeling of eyes on him. He turned, switching on the light, to see Remus staring at him from the corner of his room.

For anyone else, this may have been a troubling sight. They may fear an attack or a vicious prank of sorts, but Logan knew Remus well enough to recognize that this was just his way of seeking out comfort when he was having trouble asking for it directly. He’s had plenty of visits like this by now, waking up to Remus lurking from a distance until he was welcomed closer. These visits usually lead to Remus cozying up to him and muttering broken details of whatever the problem was.

This was the first time Logan knew he was what had been upsetting him.

Logan made some room in his bed and patted the mattress invitingly, and in mere moments Remus had scurried over to him and crawled under the covers, clinging to Logan like a lifeline.

“How are you feeling?” Logan asked.

Remus gave him a shrug and a grunt, but at least it was a response. If he did nothing at all Logan would have been doubly worried; it was never good when Remus went wholly unresponsive.

“Are you alright with some ‘yes or no’ questions?”

A nod.

“Alright. Do you feel better now than before?”

Another nod as Remus burrowed his head into Logan’s chest.

“Is it anything I can help you with?”

Remus paused for a moment before shrugging.

“Will you be able to talk about it, even if it’s not right now?”

“…I can talk about it.”

“Not if you don’t want to,” Logan offered.

“I do, I do, I just-“ Remus took a moment to sit up, with Logan quickly doing the same. “I just don’t know how to start, is all.”

Logan hummed in understanding, watching as Remus folded his knees to his chest and idly rocked back and forth on his bed. Really, Logan was just relieved that he had come to him tonight. He hadn’t seen Remus all day, and he had started to fear that he may avoid him for far longer. If Remus was willing to see him then maybe he hadn’t fully ruined things between them. At least, not yet.

“This is because of what I said over breakfast, right?”

Remus let out a half chuckle. “I just don’t get it.”

Logan tried not to think about the knot-like feeling in his chest. “What don’t you get?”

“All of it. What you said, but mostly just why you said it. It just doesn’t make sense.”

“I said it because I meant it,” Logan explained. “Is that alright?”

“No.” then, “Yes. Maybe, I don’t know.” Remus sighed. “I’m not really sure what to do about it.”

Logan inched closer to him, until he could place a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Remus stopped rocking, now eyeing the hand like it was some foreign thing he couldn’t comprehend.

“You don’t have to do anything about it,” Logan told him. “I just wanted to tell you; however you feel about it is perfectly fine.”

“But why did you want to tell me?”

Logan hated not having a clear answer for that. Everything always made sense for him; he often prided himself on his ability to break down even the most obscure concepts into simple teachings that anyone could understand, but these feelings were beyond even his own understanding.

If he couldn’t understand them, he had no idea how he would be able to explain them.

The silence stretched on for far too long, until Remus sighed and shrugged Logan’s hand off his shoulder.

“Nevermind, forget it,” he grumbled, looking away. “It’s bullshit anyway.”

Logan ignored the hurt he felt as Remus shuffled out of his reach. “What is?”

Remus let out a scoff. “Everything. Me, you, that stuff you said you think you feel about me. All of it.”

Logan could only watch as Remus’ walls came back up, ones he hadn’t seen in a long time and ones that he didn’t even realized had fallen in the first place. He looked cold and hardened now, his eyes sharp and distant. He looked like how he was when Logan first saw him, back when they didn’t really know each other. He looked like he thought Logan was a stranger.

“Remus, I really do love you,” he started. “I know I’m not the best at expressing feelings like this, but I promise you I know what it is I feel about you.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

Remus let out a huff. “Don’t say that, okay? Not about me, and not to me. You just can’t.”

“Why not?”

Remus rolled his empty eyes. “Because it isn’t true. I know it isn’t, and if anyone’s gonna fuckin’ lie to me I’d rather it be from Janus because at least I can expect it when it’s coming from him.”

Logan was stunned. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “…Do you really think that I was lying?”

“I hoped not, but it makes sense. Why else would you say it? ‘Cuz it’s the truth?” Remus shook his head. “Please. If it were ever true then you wouldn’t have been the first.”

“First what?”

Remus looked away, blinking for the first time in what felt like ages. “First to ever say it to me.”

It felt like the whole world had stopped spinning at that moment.

“Has no one told you that they love you before?” Logan whispered.

Remus appeared smaller now, the cold sharpness he wore looking almost painful. “Why the hell would they? It wouldn’t be true.”

Logan saw it more clearly now, how the walls weren’t actually walls at all. They were a moat, one Remus had dug himself to force the distance between him and others. Walls could be climbed with the right tools, but moats took more effort.

Had no one ever tried to cross it before?

“But what about Roman, or Patton, or-“

Remus shook his head with a humorless chuckle. “Oh, c’mon. You know that not even Thomas himself would tell me that shit. No one would say it to me because they won’t ever mean it. Patton thinks I’m disgusting, Virgil’s scared to death of me, Janus can’t be bothered, and Roman- “ he stopped and took a breath. “I’m everything he doesn’t want to be.”

Logan’s chest started to burn as he listened. How long had he been holding his breath like this, like he was afraid of taking any effort away from hearing this admission?

“I know I’m shit, so does everyone else. That’s why they all know better than to pretend to care about me.” Remus finally looked back at him, his face startlingly open. “So why did you?”

Of all the times for Logan to draw a figurative blank, this was the worst. He needed to say something now, right now, but more than that he needed to say the right thing. This is the one thing he cannot afford to risk ruining.

Please, let him do this right.

“I told you I love you because I mean it,” he said. “That’s the only reason I say anything, especially something this important. I wish I could find a way to prove it to you, or at least explain it in a way that makes sense, but I’m afraid I doubt it’s possible for me to do that.”

“Why?”

“Because this isn’t something I can explain. I can tell you exactly how and why the act of breathing is effortless and automatic, I can break down the reason behind magnetic attraction and why polar opposites are drawn to each other so instinctively, but I can’t for the life of me find the right words to tell you why loving you is so natural that I hadn’t even realized I’d been doing it this whole time.”

Remus stared back at him with wide eyes, almost frozen like he was at the kitchen table. Logan hoped it wasn’t for the same reason.

“Remus, you know I’m telling the truth, right?”

Remus’ bottom lip started to tremble as he slowly crawled closer to Logan, eventually falling into his lap and letting himself be pulled into a warm hug. Logan held him close as he started to shake and clutch his shirt, with tiny gasps escaping every labored breath.

He felt Remus press and nuzzle his face against the crook of his neck like he was trying to crawl into his skin and hide under it as Logan softly rubbed circles into his back and offered comforting squeezes, silently reassuring that he wouldn’t have to try because he wasn’t going anywhere.

“I want to believe you,” Remus mumbled. “I really do. It’s just… no one ever really told me anything like that before, let alone actually meant it. It’s just hard to hear it.”

Logan let out a low breath. “Would it be alright if I kept saying it until you could believe it?”

“You’d be saying it a lot.”

Logan gave a thoughtful hum. “That just means I get to keep trying until I say it right.”

Remus chuckled a little, easing out of the tightly wound tangle of limbs wrapped around the two of them. “I think you said it fine, my ears are just broken.”

“You’re not broken, Remus,” Logan said with a soft smile. “You have no need to blame yourself, not for this. And I truly do love you, and I promise I’ll work to make sure you believe it.”

“And what’ll happen if I do?”

“When you do, I’ll keep loving you just like I do now. I’ll love you even when you try to convince yourself I don’t anymore, because you’re the one who taught me the meaning of the word.”

Remus gave him a watery smile. “I didn’t teach you anything.”

Logan smiled back, something he realized he’d been doing an awful lot around Remus. Not that he minded, it had been a very long time since he’d felt like doing so.

“Maybe you didn’t plan to, but I learned from you all the same.”

When Remus responded by burying his face against Logan’s skin again, he knew this time wasn’t another attempt at hiding. The brief sight of a hopeful smile and deepening blush Logan got before Remus’ face vanished from his view was confirmation enough that it wasn’t fear anymore.

It was wanting to be closer just for the comfort and contentment of being together. It was finding sanctuary and solace in each other even if at times it felt like nowhere else could be as safe. It was feeling the warmth and weight of this embrace and knowing that they were here together.

It was love.

The two lay there for a moment, leaning against the headrest and simply enjoying each other’s company. Love is far too complex to be easily put into words, but maybe this would be an acceptable way of expressing it when it couldn’t be properly voiced.

“Thank you,” Remus whispered into the silence. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Remus.”

taglist:

@nico-the-overlord @lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie @oatmealdaydreams @holdnarrytight @new-zee-land

@keitaisghost @britt-ish123 @rougeside4 @can-i-take-a-stab @yuckypuppie

#fic rec #intrulogical #hurt/comfort #remus 😭😭😭#my poor boy #let logan love you #you deserve it!#like so so much!#never let him go logan!#this is so precious???#I love the ending #it's the two of them against the world now #and I love that for them #💙💚

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naminethewriter · 9 days ago

Text

Enough For Now

pairings: platonic dukexiety

summary: a playful argument between Virgil and Remus accidentally reopens some old wounds between the two of them, but it also offers a chance at mending them properly.

tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, implied/referenced fight pre-aa

word count: 1254

A/N: i probably could have/should have done more with this one but I'm tired lol. hope it's still a decent enough read.

He didn’t mean it. Remus knows Virgil didn’t mean anything by it. Of course he didn’t, he was only joking. They had both been bouncing quips, jabs, and banter back and forth for a while now, and he could tell Virgil was enjoying it by the subtle upturn of his lips and the quiet spark in his eyes. He was playing, they were both only playing.

So why was he so bothered by this?

Remus had playfully prompted him during their verbal spar when it happened.

“Oh, you wound me so! What could I have done to make you hate me like this?” Remus teased, theatrically placing a hand over his heart as if it had been run through.

Virgil’s lips peeled away from his teeth in faux disgust. “You exist.”

It was a good thing that Patton intervened at that point, telling them both to knock it off and get ready for dinner, because Remus had found himself at a true loss for words.

You exist.

He didn’t need to pretend he was hurt now, the ache in his chest made it all too clear to him that something had indeed struck at his heart.

Because the fact is, it had been the truth. Virgil had left, even when he promised they’d stick together until the end. And it had to be something Remus had done. Of course it was, he was messy and scary and everything wrong.

And deep down, Remus knows it hadn’t been just one thing he did wrong, or one line he crossed. It was just him, everything about him. Virgil left because of what Remus is, and what he is is awful.

He exists, and that was bad enough.

Remus ate in silence that day, keeping his head down and his eyes away from Virgil.

He didn’t expect to hear a knock at his door not even an hour after dinner was over. Firstly, because he never locked his door and always encouraged everyone to just barge in if they were looking for him. Secondly, because no one ever sought him out in the first place. Why would they? There was nothing good or desirable about him. If there was, people wouldn’t be leaving him all the time.

Virgil wouldn’t have left him at all.

He opened the door with a sigh and nearly closed it again when he saw Virgil standing outside it.

For whatever reason, he didn’t.

“What?” he asked instead.

“Look, I know I went a little too far earlier, so I just wanted to see how you were doing. And maybe apologize,” Virgil said, muttering the last part under his breath.

Remus narrowed his eyes. “Why?”

Virgil hunched his shoulders. “Because it was a dick thing for me to say, and I know I upset you. I didn’t mean any of it, really.”

“Not why you’re apologizing, even though it’s still weird. Why do you care how I’m doing?”

Virgil ran a hand through his hair, looking back down the hall for a moment. “If we’re gonna have this conversation, can we at least not have it out in the hall? I uh, I got a lot I need to say here.”

Remus obliged, stepping back and letting Virgil into his room while decidedly overlooking how long it’s been since he’d last been in here with him.

“So what is it, then?” he asked, closing the door with a pointed slam.

“I’m not the best at this, alright?” Virgil huffed. “But I just still feel really shitty about it, and also about… how we kinda ended things back then.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t play dumb right now. It was a mess and you know it, the whole thing sucked.”

Remus crossed his arms and gave him a glare. “Was it? I think it went pretty smoothly.”

Virgil only glared back. “We both know it didn’t.”

“It did for you.”

The “and not for me” went unspoken, but it was still heard loud and clear by both of them.

“It didn’t, though,” Virgil sighed, inching nearer to him. “At least, not completely.”

“But you still left anyway. It couldn’t have been all that bad.”

“I didn’t have too much of a choice, okay?” he barked. “It was all or nothing, one or the other. Stay in the dark with you or be in the light with them. I couldn’t do both. I wasn’t allowed to, not back then.”

“And you made your choice.”

“Yeah. I did. And most nights I only really think about what I had to lose in the process.”

Remus smiled ruefully at him. “You mean you celebrate.”

Virgil’s face fell as he took another step closer. “No. I mourn.”

Remus wasn’t sure if he wanted to let Virgil close the distance or not. If he wanted to run or not. If he was awake or not. He wasn’t even all too sure he remembered things right anymore.

“Remus, I know I fucked up,” he started, finally getting close enough for it to be considered too close. “I can’t undo it no matter how much either of us want me to, and I’m pretty sure this regret’s gonna kill me one day because of that. I just wanna make it right with you, okay? Today was a bad way to start, but I really do want to try and fix this if I can.”

Remus’ heart was thundering in his ears, his nails digging into his arm tightly enough to leave marks. Virgil left, he left and he never apologized. He hates him, he hates him because he exists and that’s bad enough. He doesn’t-

“Hey, now…” Virgil’s voice drifted back to him, gently nudging his shoulder and looking at him so softly that for a moment it looked like he cares. “Hey. Don’t do that, okay?”

“Do what?”

Virgil gave him a small almost-smile. “Get stuck in your head like that. I’ve done that way too much and let me tell you, it sucks. Just… just be here.”

Remus forced his arms back to his sides, slowly unclenching his hands from the fists he had balled them into and using the stiffness of it to ground himself.

“And do what?” he asked, offering a cautious grin of his own.

“Well, maybe we could watch a movie or something?” he started. “I know we’ve got a lot of horror movies to catch up on.”

“You hate those,” Remus scoffed.

Virgil chuckled. “Only when I don’t have someone else around to watch them with.”

The next smile he made was much more certain, as was the one that was returned to him.

“So what do you think?” he continued. “I mean, we’ve got all night, and there’s plenty of stuff to watch.”

“Only if you don’t pretend you’re clinging to me when you get scared and you actually own up to it.”

“Will you keep laughing every time someone dies?”

Remus flashed him a knowing smile. “Duh.”

“Then I’ll keep on being not scared during the movie.”

“Fine by me.”

It didn’t take long for them to set up the first of several horror movies, watching them together in a gaggle of limbs under a shared blanket while Remus laughed and Virgil didn’t jump at the scarier scenes, and in no time it felt as if nothing had happened between them at all, and for just this moment they were just the Duke and Anxiety enjoying each other’s company again.

And for now, that on its own was good enough.

taglist:

@keitaisghost @rougeside4 @britt-ish123 @new-zee-land @nico-the-overlord

@can-i-take-a-stab @oatmealdaydreams @lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie @yuckypuppie

#fic rec #platonic dukexiety #hurt/comfort #oh remus my boy 😭#give him hugs!!#he deserves all the hugs!!#but good on virgil for noticing that he went too far and going to fix it #them watching movies together is so sweet #lovely fic #💜 💚

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naminethewriter · 10 days ago

Text

Whispers

as a fellow adhd creative struggling to do my work this semester, id love if you could write roman angst with him struggling with doing work and executive disfunction and the feeling of failure that comes from that. – anon

would you be able to do one of roman being autistic? he stims, rocking, flapping his hands, he vocalises when stressed or happy, he has echolalia (repeating words or phrases), etc. but he has to mask around the others, especially for long hours of the day and that's harmful in itself. only around remus and thomas (if he goes to the mindscape) he feels safe to unmask? I dunno, something angsty around that like an autistic meltdown with after the wedding fiasco and with both remus and thomas being protective over roman, soft other sides and unsympathetic patton.. I'd love to read more of thomas being protective over roman and I'm in love with remus being the protective older twin. – anon

maybe a fic where roman makes a space in the imagination for virgil (or any side that wants to) to take a second to breathe but unbeknownst to virgil he uses that space a lot – anon

Could you write Roman angst where he is cursed by the Dragon Witch or some other imagination resident and tries to hide the curse from the other sides? – monkeythefander

I think it would be really silly but also angsty if there was an anxroceit miscommunication where Roman overhears Virgil and Janus talking and he thinks that they’re bonding over their dislike of him. So of course in traditional Roman angst fashion he’s like “welp, I guess I am a horrible person after all, but at least they’re bonding” BUT what Virgil and Janus were actually bonding over is the way Roman’s being mistreated by the other sides and they’re trying to figure out how to help him. – anon

A Roman who has been taught that he will only get good things if he is useful. Can you feel my brain rot 😅 – anon

hiiiiii could I request for some creativitwins with protective remus and roman angst please?? – anon

hi! I like rewatching the sander sides incorrect quotes and I noticed even in the normal sander sides videos, thomas tries to protect roman (esp when first meeting janus) so I was wondering if you could make a fic where thomas and remus protect roman from a bunch of stuff? like thomas backing up roman in discussions, thomas and remus patching up roman after a secret meeting was held with them two (I'd love to see more of remus going absolutely apeshit for his brother and thomas joining in) and ending with some soft fluff with all of them? but it's up to you!! – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: self-hatred, ableism, bruised ego (in roman's case, quite literal)

Pairings: gen

Word Count: 5397

"You're awfully careless with your tongue, boy," the Dragon Witch snarls, her fangs flecked with blood, "I wonder if you'd be so dismissive if you knew what the others thought of you." He doesn't have time to do so much as open his mouth before a blast of red light hits him square in the chest. After that, it's all he can do not to clutch his head and scream.

"I think he's getting worse."

"Oh, I know he is. Didn't you see him with Logan earlier today? Poor thing looked like he was about to burst into tears if Logan expressed so much as the vaguest amount of disappointment in him."

"He's Roman. He'll burst into tears if someone looks at him wrong in silence for a few seconds too long."

Roman whimpers. The jagged rocks dig into his back as he curls up tighter, hands cold and useless where they lie bundled against his aching chest.

***

"You're awfully careless with your tongue, boy," the Dragon Witch snarls, her fangs flecked with blood, "I wonder if you'd be so dismissive if you knew what the others thought of you."

He doesn't have time to do so much as open his mouth before a blast of red light hits him square in the chest.

After that, it's all he can do not to clutch his head and scream.

***

"Roman."

Roman's mouth snaps shut. Patton's looking at him with that smile that doesn't feel like a smile, where it's mostly teeth and tight lines and a glint in his eyes that reminds him of Remus's morningstar. He brings his hands back towards himself immediately. "Yeah?"

"I think that's enough for now, don't you?" He tilts his head. "I mean, you've been talking about—what was it? Hammerhead sharks?"

"Yeah, well, I started talking about those 'cause I think it's really interesting how many monsters are designed around the idea of—" he cuts himself off when Patton holds up a hand.

"Yes, well. You've been talking about it for close to an hour, and I think that's enough."

"O-oh."

"Yeah, kiddo. I know we've been working on you getting your thoughts out in a way that's respectful to people's ears and time, but maybe we should try that again, hm? Oh, I know you just get excited," he says when Roman's just about to mumble something along those lines, "but there are ways to be excited and still be polite, right?"

"Yeah."

"Come on, look at me when I'm talking to you. Don't tell me you've forgotten how to do that too."

Roman snaps his head up, stifling the wince at the jolt of pain that shoots through him as he makes himself make eye contact with Patton. "I—I didn't forget how to do that."

"I didn't say you did, Roman."

"Y-yeah, yes, you did. You just told me not to tell you that I've forgotten how to do that."

"No, I didn't, Roman." Patton's voice suddenly hardens, almost cracking across him like a whip. "That's not a nice thing to accuse someone of saying."

"But I heard it! I just heard it!"

Patton raises an eyebrow. "Did anyone else hear me say that?"

"Nope," Virgil says, not even looking up from his phone. Logan shakes his head, only glancing in Roman's direction before returning to the work in front of him.

"B-but I—"

"But nothing, Roman," and now there's not even a hint of false warmth left in his voice, "I thought you were doing better about this. And stop tearing at your hands, you'll hurt yourself doing that."

I wouldn't have to tear at my hands if you let me stim normally, he thinks but doesn't say because as much as he hates it, Patton's sort of correct right now.

"I think it'd be best if you went to your room for a little while, don't you?"

"…yeah."

"Good. You don't have to come down for dinner either."

His head jerks up as Patton turns to walk away. "Wh-what did you say about dinner?"

Patton doesn't turn around, but the line of his shoulders tenses. "I didn't say anything about dinner, Roman, what ever could you mean?"

"I just—I just meant—is it still okay if I come back down for dinner?"

"Why would I ever forbid you from eating dinner, Roman?"

Roman sinks out. Whenever Patton's voice gets all soft and dangerous like that, he needs to go. He goes so quickly he doesn't see Remus watching him from the top of the couch.

***

"Did you see him last week? Patton so much as waited to say something and he was stumbling all over himself to fix it like a misbehaved puppy."

"His eyes get so big and I swear to fucking god he whines."

"He actually whines?"

"Like a kicked puppy!"

"Of course he does."

Roman turns his head and bites into the plant growing next to his shoulder. Their laughs echo in his ears and he hates it, he hates it, he hates it.

***

"So I think I know what's going on—"

"Fuck!" Roman leaps off the bed and scrabbles around in the blanket, toppling over onto the floor as Remus cackles. "Don't fucking do that, Re!"

"But it's fun to scare you sometimes!"

Roman glares at him, going back to scrambling and solving his Rubik's Cube. "What do you want?"

"I wanna talk about the curse you've got hanging all over you and why the first thing you didn't do was come to me about it."

"I didn't even know it was a curse, okay? Curses don't normally hang around outside of the Imagination."

"Aside from the fact that that's bullshit, Ro—" Remus prods him with a toe— "you still didn't come to me."

"Yeah, well…" He twists the cube a little extra viciously. "Wasn't exactly in a place where I could talk about it."

Remus stops poking him immediately, quickly shimmying down to the floor and wrapping his arms tightly around Roman. The pressure's almost an instant relief, a gasp leaving his lips as his hands fall peacefully back into his lap. Remus sets his head on his shoulder. "Was it bad?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Roro."

"Wasn't your fault."

"Sympathy, not apology," Remus says quietly, scooting to get Roman's bulk between his knees so he can lean them back against the foot of the bed. "Do you at least know what it is?"

"I'm pretty sure it's some kind of thought-swap curse? Like—she said I would regret being so careless with my tongue if I knew what others were thinking, so…"

"So that sounds like she made it so you'd hear the bad things people thought about you."

"I think it's just what people think about me."

"Nope. Nuh-uh, can't be, 'cause then you'd've heard how awesome I thought your infodump about hammerhead sharks was."

Roman twists in his arms. "Really? You thought it was cool?"

"Are you kidding? I wanna go to Ollie right now and have him take us to that big coral reef near the shipwrecks so we can watch 'em swim."

"I don't really wanna go swimming right now, but maybe later?"

"Sure, Roro. Hey, let's go tell Thomas about it!"

"You sure he won't mind?"

Remus gives him a look. "Thomas loves your monster rants almost as much as I do. They're great for brainstorms even if Lolo's too stuck-up to wanna do it outside of Halloween season. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, let's go!"

Roman laughs as Remus drags him down to the living room.

***

"You know, sometimes I really do think there's something wrong with him."

"Jeez, what tipped you off?"

"No, not like that, just—you know he doesn't talk about it to anyone, right? It's like he's making it easier for himself to be hurt."

"He's Roman. He bruises like a peach no matter what he does."

"Guess they don't call him the Ego for nothing."

"Hah! Yeah, like that was gonna be a shock to anyone who's spent more than thirty consecutive seconds in the same room as him."

Bruises bloom like violets across his ribs. Breath rattles out of his mouth. He squeezes his eyes shut and hunkers down into the foliage. No one will look for him here, perhaps they can leave him to ache in peace for once.

***

"No, really, I think that's super cool, Roman."

Roman beams, hands flapping in excitement. Remus chuckles from where he's lounging on the floor. "See? Told you, Roro."

"Yeah, yeah, shut up."

Thomas laughs. "Are you guys gonna go see if you can find any in the Imagination?"

"I think Ollie's seen a couple near one of the shipwrecks, I'm gonna ask him."

"Let me know what you find, I don't actually think I've ever seen one not on TV before."

"Wasn't there that one in the aquarium?"

"I don't think that was a hammerhead. And it wasn't that big."

"Well, if that's what you're interested in—"

"Don't start with me, Remus."

"You're no fun sometimes, you know that?"

"I don't know what to do with him. It's like having a child that refuses to grow up."

Roman whips around so quickly he almost brains himself on the coffee table. He can hear Thomas and Remus trying to ask what's wrong. His eyes dart around the empty room. But he'd heard Patton like he was standing right there—

"Roman? Hey, buddy, what was that about?"

"You can't expect him to be perfectly behaved all the time, Patton."

He jerks around again as Logan's voice rings crystal clear in the pause. Thomas and Remus look at him strangely, but he can't see Logan either. "What's—what's going on?"

"I don't know, Roman, what's—"

"I don't expect him to be perfect! I've given up on that a long time ago. I just wish he'd behave normally for once!"

"Stop it," he whimpers, clapping his hands over his ears and rocking back and forth, "stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it—"

"Ro," Remus murmurs, his voice all whispery and low the way it is when he shortcuts through all the noise to talk to someone, "Ro, it's just me and Thomas. You're in the living room with us. You're safe. Can we help you?"

"Make them stop! Make them stop it, make them stop talking about me!"

"Who's talking about you?"

"Come on, you can't tell me you're not annoyed with him sometimes too. What does he think he is, a child? A cartoon character?"

"Roman's mannerisms are his own."

"You don't have to be polite, Logan, it's not like he can hear us right now."

"I can hear you," Roman whimpers, his hands still clutching and tearing at his hair, "I can hear you, stop it, stop it, stop it—"

All of a sudden, his mind fills with white noise. Well, it's not white noise exactly, but it's the soft and quiet burbling of the lavender pools outside the stone castle and his shoulders relax instinctively. His hands stay tangled in his hair as he pants, spittle drying on his lips. Remus's voice murmurs something else to Thomas and then there's a warm, heavy blanket draped across his lap. He keeps his eyes closed until he's no longer about to cry.

"Roman," he hears Thomas ask over the burble, "can I come give you a hug?"

He nods. Thomas's arms wrap around his waist, his chin on his shoulder and oh, Thomas is so warm…

"Lean against me, that's it, I've got you." His hand presses warmly against his still-hitching stomach. "Shh, shh, you're doing really well. We're right here. We're not going anywhere."

"I admit sometimes it's more than a little off-putting."

He winces at Logan's words, dulled as they are behind Remus's powers, and Thomas shushes him immediately, asking what it is he can do to help. He just leans wordlessly into him, tucking his chin against his chest as he tries to pull his hands from his hair.

"Hey, hey, easy." Remus's hands cover his and coax them free, slow and gentle. "Can you hold onto me instead?"

He blindly twists his hands into the tulle at the front of Remus's costume, pulling him closer until their knees are mashed together. Remus comes easily, setting his chin on Roman's other shoulder. He takes a shuddering breath, smelling the sunlight still lingering on Thomas's shirt and the damp moss smell that Remus never seems to wash out completely. He's safe. He's here in the living room.

"And it's not like he has anything to show for it that would actually be useful."

"I would feel differently if he were actually able to get any of his work done, this is true."

"Hey, hey, Roro—"

"Shh, shh, buddy," Thomas says softly as he whines and curls in on himself, "you can talk to us. What's going on?"

"I keep hearing them—I can hear them—they won't stop talking about me, they won't stop—"

"Who won't stop? What can you hear?"

"P-Patton. And Logan. They won't stop—they won't stop talking about me. They keep saying I'm horrible and that I'm a child and I'm not—I'm not doing anything but I am! I'm trying, I'm trying so hard, I'm using all the tricks they keep suggesting and it's just not working, I sit there and—and I do it and I try—I try for so long and it's like it just won't come out and I can't—I can't just do it and make it happen if it doesn't want to go—"

"Roman, they're not here right now—"

"I know they aren't here! I can still hear them!"

"Okay, I believe you." Thomas holds him a little tighter. "And they're saying…they're saying they're upset with you?"

"They're saying they h-hate me."

"I don't think they hate you, buddy—"

"They do! They don't like how I'm not always perfect and how annoying I am and how long it takes me to get work done but it's not that easy and it's not like I can't—I'm trying so hard and it's not my fault that it's been getting harder and harder recently and I can't do anything about it—"

"Roman, calm down—"

"—and it's not like I don't hate myself enough for it already!"

The room goes silent. Remus's magic disappears. Thomas's grip stutters.

"…oh, Roman…"

"I'm sorry," he gasps, curling in on himself again as the shame splits him neatly from chest to navel, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry—"

"Come here," Thomas says hoarsely, "come—just come here, Roman."

***

"Whoa. This place is cool as hell, Princey." Virgil steps out of the brush onto the stone path behind Roman, looking up at the towering trees. Flowering vines carpet the cave walls, drifting back and forth in the slight breeze coming off the crystal pool's surface. "What did you make it for?"

"You."

Virgil balks. "For me?"

"Well, sort of—sorry, that came out weird. I was thinking about that conversation we had about having just a soft space to breathe in and it, uh, made me want to make something like that."

"Holy shit, Roman."

"That's—sorry, I know that's kind of weird."

"No, no! That's really sweet of you. I, uh, I like it."

Roman beams. "You do?"

"Yeah, Roman, I really do. Thanks."

"You can come here whenever you want, okay? It's—it's a good place to be by yourself."

***

"My, Roman, you're looking splendid today."

"Just tell me what the fuck you want."

It pulls Janus up short, stopping him a few feet away. "Uh—"

"Look, we don't have to do the whole song and dance. We get it. You know I like compliments. We know I'm easily manipulated. We know you can always make me do what you want if you act like it's my idea or whatever. We get it. Just tell me what you want this time."

There's a few moments of tense silence. Then Janus clears his throat. "Roman, that's not what I meant."

"Not what you meant what? Not what you meant, you didn't think I'd figure it out? Not what you meant, you didn't think I'd call you out on it?"

"…maybe I just wanted to tell you that you looked nice today." Roman levels him with a glare so intense it actually makes him take a step backwards. "You know, you really can't pull off the whole intimidating look."

He grits his teeth to bite back the made you step back, didn't I? "Is that all you wanted?"

"If you keep acting like a brat, it might be."

"I'm not being a brat."

"I didn't say you were." His mouth curls up into a smirk. "Though, now that you mention it…"

He pinches the bridge of his nose. The only way out with Janus sometimes is through, and the more he gets himself riled up the longer Janus is going to toy with him until he breaks down and gives him exactly what he wants. "Look. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. You didn't deserve that. I'm having a bad day. I'm trying to work on the ideas, but I'm having trouble. No, I don't know why—and I'm trying all the things you guys suggested and they're not really working but I am trying them. Did you need me to do something for you?"

Janus just watches him for a long moment. Then he sighs. "I was going to ask if you'd be willing to swap dinner duty with me tomorrow."

Tomorrow. When he's already promised Patton that he'll have a talk with him in the morning. When he's already said he'll try and have everything ready for Logan by the afternoon. When he's going to have to sit through movie night without Remus because Ollie's pond needs to be cleaned and Patton already had words with them about Remus missing it, there's no way he'll let Roman miss it too.

"…yeah, I can do that. I probably won't be able to do anything fancy, though."

"That's alright. We all already lower our standards when it comes to your nights."

And that…that does it.

Roman whirls around, clutching his hands to his chest as he hustles down the hall, away, away, away from Janus and his silver tongue and his sharp words and the hurt. He shoulders past Virgil, who shouts in alarm, and doesn't stop until he reaches the door to the Imagination.

"What the fuck's wrong with him?" he hears in two-fold as he disappears through the door, one from the hallway he's just fled and the other inside, pounding against his skull.

"At this point, it might be easier to list what's not wrong with Roman."

***

"I just don't know what to do with him anymore."

"Oh, well, then we're all fucked. You knew how to handle him more than any of us ever did."

"Outside of Remus, I'm not sure that's true."

"Remus just eggs him on, that's not the same thing."

"You're right about that much."

Roman would love to say he's surprised. He really would. But hearing it like this, when he's forced to hear it for what it is, just feels like the sudden downpour at the end of the shittiest day to end all shitty days. To hear that he's never been anything more than a burden, a problem that needs to be managed, something that needs to be handled. Not someone that sometimes just needed a friend.

But…well, there's a reason he knew he could come here. Could hide among the vines, could sit with his back against the sharp rocks and cry and rock and scream and whine all he wanted without being found.

Virgil hadn't come here once since he showed him.

That really should've tipped him off sooner.

But Roman's just a stupid problem that no one knows how to deal with, so he didn't notice until he had to.

The Dragon Witch had been right.

***

"But seriously, all jokes aside, I'm getting really worried about him."

"Yeah, me too. He's stopped—I don't know exactly what it is he's stopped doing, but he's stopped doing it."

"I know…do you think we could try talking to him about it?"

"He just ran away from me when I tried to tell him he looked good, I don't know how well that's going to go."

"Okay, but did you, like, just tell him that or were you an asshole about it?"

"Virgil!"

"Janus."

"…okay, maybe I also wanted to switch dinner duty—"

"That's fucking why! It's hard enough to get Roman to believe we care about him, and then you go and do shit like that—"

"—but aside from that, I tried to ask him what was going on but then he just ran away from me. I don't—I don't know Virgil, I know he's going to be suspicious of me, but if I try and be gentle with him, that's just going to make him more freaked out."

"Yeah, but we gotta be better about it than whatever the fuck your shit show just was."

"I know."

"And we gotta figure out how to ask Remus about it."

"Ask me about what?"

"Holy fuck, Remus, don't do that."

"We're worried about Roman."

"You fucking should be, you assholes have been hounding him about shit he can't do for months."

"What do you mean, 'shit he can't do?'"

"You know, pretending he's a robot or some hell-spawn of an AI that can just churn out content whenever you fucking want him to. He's a living person, shit's hard for him sometimes too."

"No, not that—wait, Logan and Patton have been what?"

"Wait, what were you asking about?"

"Virgil—Virgil, I don't know if we should—"

"Janny, if you know something about my brother—"

"Calm down, put the tentacles away. Virgil and I were worried about how Patton keeps shutting Roman down when he tries to talk about things he's interested in, alright? Logan's worried too, he's—he's been trying to keep Patton distracted so he doesn't jump all over Roman."

"And the fact that Princey's been avoiding all of us more."

"But we didn't know about that, Remus, we swear."

"Princey told me he's been having trouble, okay? That's why I've been avoiding the Imagination recently, it's your guys's space, figured it'd be easier if I wasn't in there too."

"Is Roman okay?"

"No. He's really not."

"What can we do?"

"Remus! There you are, thank goodness—"

"Logan?"

"What's going on?"

"Why are you all wet?"

"I was in the Imagination and the wolf came and found me."

"The what?"

"Oh, fuck."

"Wait, no, go back, what wolf?"

"He's one of the twins's creatures—"

"He's not ours by any sense of the word and we're gonna have this conversation while we're running!"

"Will someone explain to me what's going on?"

"Logan, show me where—"

"Right this way—"

"Janus, I swear to god if you don't tell me what's going on—"

"I'll do it while we're running, like Remus said, now go!"

***

A low growl wakes him.

He stirs, still too cold, still too fragile, and a warm puff of breath soothes the worst of his aching limbs. He opens his eyes to see the muzzle in front of him. Jaws the size of him open to reveal long white fangs, a tongue a deeper red than the sort that flows through his veins, eyes several feet away yet still far too close as the wolf laps delicately at his beaten hands. With shaking fingers, he reaches out and touches the warm fur.

The wolf closes his mouth with another soft growl. His nose nudges gently at his sternum—though how gentle can a wolf the size of a house be?—and pulls away, silently asking if he can stand. He staggers to his feet. As he does, he tries to steady himself on the sharp wall and cuts one of his hands. The wolf growls, and suddenly his hand is between his jaws.

He freezes, and yet all that happens is the lapping of a massive tongue as the wolf cleans away the blood.

Several creatures in the Imagination are entities in and of themselves. They are capable of great feats that no normal creation should be and operate outside the rules the twins abide by. As such, it is not of great shock when Roman feels the curse energy begin to fade away, but it is with such a tenderness that his knees grow weak and he sinks down to the floor.

There is no condemnation in the wolf's gaze, for he knows Roman far too well, but there is a silent question.

"I couldn't," he croaks, "I couldn't. I—I just couldn't."

One of his fangs just touches the edge of his finger.

"I don't know. Didn't I—didn't I deserve it?"

Another growl, louder this time. It vibrates up his arm and into his chest and leaves such a burst of shame that he, forgetting who it is that holds his hand, tries to pull away but he's held fast. The wolf licks his hand again, soothing him, but does not let him go.

"It's so hard—it's so hard, I'm just so tired."

Jaws part, his hand is freed, now cleaned of blood. The wolf lays his head down in front of him, ears flattened, and nudges Roman's leg with his nose. Roman lays his hand there, trembling, and he blows a warm breath over him.

"…you went to Remus?" The wolf blinks slowly. "I…I don't know if I'm ready to see them yet. What if they—what if they're mean to me again?"

He winces at how much a child that makes him sound like, but the wolf only blinks again. There's a low thud from the entrance to the cavern and he glances over to see that his tail has completely covered the opening in the rock wall. The wolf will not let them in unless he believes they will not hurt Roman, and it is only that knowledge that gives him the strength to tell the wolf to move his tail aside.

***

He's sitting at the edge of the water when he hears them coming. He turns just in time to have Remus barrel into him, knocking him over with the force of hug.

"Oh, little one," he hears Logan say over the sound of his own tears, "I'm so sorry, Remus explained everything, I'm so sorry—I never meant any of it, not like that—I was only frustrated—"

"We don't hate you, sweetie," Janus says next, crouching in the sand, "we never hated you, you're not a burden—"

"Shh, shh…" Remus puts his mouth next to Roman's ear and fills his head with the soft sound of Ollie's squeaks and whistles. "That's it…that's it, Roro, it's all okay. You're okay, you're gonna be okay."

"Guys, give them a little bit of space, Roman just got un-cursed."

Shuffling in the sand. Roman looks up to see them all giving him varying looks of concern—Virgil at least tries to make a grimacing smile—oh, he's still crying—

"Ro, focus on me. Just on me, it's okay, let me squish you back into your body."

"You—you came, you came 'cause you cared?"

"Of course we came 'cause we care, Roro, that's why the wolf came and got us. Well—why he got Lolo."

"L-Logan?"

"Yes, little one." Logan inches forward just enough to card his hand through Roman's hair. "I was—I was worried, looking for you—Patton had told me you'd stormed off in a huff earlier and I knew that couldn't have been the whole story—"

"What?"

A look of confusion crosses his face before it softens. "Oh, Roman, I've never meant for you to think I only assume the worst of you…no, little one, I knew if you were upset then there had to be something more going on…and then you weren't in any of your normal spots and then the wolf came…oh, Roman…"

For he's still crying. He's still crying.

"R-Re—"

"Right here, Roro. Right. Here."

"I really didn't mean to make you so upset," Janus whispers next, "I'm sorry, little prince, forget about dinner. Don't worry about anything except making yourself happy for a little while, alright?"

"You don't—you don't hate my dinners, right?"

"What? No, sweetie, never!" Janus looks aghast at the thought. "Why would you believe that?"

"You said—you said you have to lower your standards when I cook."

"You said what?"

"Janus!"

"No—no, I didn't—I was going to tease you, sweetie, I didn't mean it—that's why I didn't say it, because I knew it wasn't the right time—oh, Roman, no."

"I'm gonna punch you in the face," Remus says solemnly, despite Roman's protests, "no, he knows he earned it."

"It's okay, Roman. It's just like the bitch slap you gifted me, he does this a lot."

"You'd think you'd do less punch-worthy things."

"Can't help it sometimes."

Virgil snorts. "You absolutely can, though. That's the thing. Don't listen to him, Roman, he's full of shit."

"Except when he's telling you that you look good."

"Except then."

Roman laughs. It's not really a laugh, it's a gross and sniffly thing that sounds like a dying goose, but it's meant to be a laugh and their faces light up like it's the best laugh ever. Maybe it is. He doesn't really know right now.

"Hey," Remus stage-whispers, "I think they'd really like to come see the hammerhead sharks with us."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It was super cool hearing you talk about them," Virgil says and Logan nods in agreement, "we're down to come if that's cool."

"Wait, what's this about sharks?"

"Oh, right, you weren't there. Guess Roman's just gonna have to explain it to you too," Virgil says with an exaggerated sigh and a wink.

"W-what about Patton?"

"Oh, Pat-Pat's currently having a talk with Thomas about things," Remus says offhandedly as he squeezes Roman tighter. "They'll be busy for a while yet."

"…you guys really wanna come see the sharks?"

"Yeah, Roro."

"Yes, please."

"I'm in."

"Sounds fun!"

***

At the next meeting, Roman proposes an aquarium visit.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs@el-does-photography@princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl@raven1508

#fic rec #platonic dlapr #creativitwins #platonic romas #hurt/comfort #oh roman #what an unfortunate string of happenings #unsympathetic patton #he's real nasty here #I kinda wanna slap him #I hope thomas talks some sense into him #at least roman gets all the comfort he deserves #go look at those sharks!#💖 💙 💛 💜 💚#💖 💚#💖 💗

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naminethewriter · 13 days ago

Text

The Lark's Nest | Eggshells

Read on Ao3 Part 1 Part 2

Warnings: referenced/past abuse

Pairings: rolociet

Word Count: 2081

Logan gets lost in the shuffle of gang territories. He keeps to himself, pushes himself further and further to the fringes of activity until he's exclusively in the clubs. He moves from gang to gang, friendly exchanges between allies, until he ends up under Mr. Sanders.

It had only been a few weeks since the songbird joined the crew, and the crew had welcomed him with open arms.

He'd quickly been adopted by the gang's bartender, Patton, only to have some of the drivers imprint of him like little ducklings. His right hand, Janus, had rolled his eyes fondly, saying he'd brought a new gang member, not a gang's mascot, but Mr. Sanders had seen him going over maps with Logan late at night, so he couldn't say much.

True to his nickname, the songbird's voice could lift even the dourest faces. It wasn't uncommon for the others to call for a song even when the club hadn't opened, or when the club had closed and it was just family there at night. Canary, they call him, lark, dove, little bird.

Patton called him Feathers, though he never explained the bizarre choice nor why it made the songbird fluster so much.

It had been quite a shock, then, to see the man go silent.

Admittedly, it had been quite the tense situation, barking orders and trying to make sure no one died or got hurt, voices growing harsh and tempers short. And the little songbird hadn't even done anything, simply popped his head out at the wrong time.

He'd looked so small. So afraid, so empty. It hadn't been until after the danger was past that he realized his songbird had fled.

After Roman had assured him Logan wasn't hurt, he'd sought him out as the day drew to a close and invited him back to his office. The comfortable one, the real one, not the one that was only used for intimidation.

"Sit, please," he says softly, gesturing to the chair opposite his, "are you thirsty?"

"A bit, sir."

"Here." He passes over a glass filled with Patton's signature mocktail—Logan's favorite, he was promised. "Let me know if you want another, alright?"

"Thank you, sir."

They drink for a few moments in silence before Mr. Sanders leans closer.

"Are you alright?"

"Sorry, sir?"

"You've been quiet," he says gently, "and earlier, you seemed upset. Are you alright?"

When the songbird doesn't say anything, he hums and tilts his head.

"Were you scared?"

The songbird's head jerks up and he holds a hand out, placating.

"It's okay to be scared," he promises, "you can tell me. I know you're not one for the action, normally. It's different when it's in the club versus outside."

The songbird glances away and draws his lip between his teeth, nodding.

"Yeah? I think those are always scary," he says, careful to keep his voice gentle, "I hate those too. I remember one time when I was younger, I—"

"Not that."

Mr. Sanders pauses, looking over at him. He's still not looking at him.

"Not…what?"

"That wasn't what scared me."

"O-oh." Mr. Sanders frowns. "Then what scared you?"

When the songbird is quiet, he thinks. Was it the crew? No, it can't have been. He only came up at the last part. The shaking of the building? No…it'd been worse in the lower rooms, where he'd been. But then…

"…me?" The songbird nods slowly. "I scared you?"

"Yes, sir."

His heart clenches. He stares at the little songbird for a long while before swallowing heavily. "Can you…can you tell me why?"

"M-my last boss—the last boss I worked for during—during something like this, sir." He shakes himself a bit. "It's not your fault."

"Your last boss? Which gang?" Logan tells him. "That's—that's a while ago, then."

"I disobeyed," he says haltingly, "I did something I thought was right. Three of the crew were in danger so I rescued them but I disobeyed an order."

Mr. Sanders nods. It makes a warmth bloom in his chest, to hear how brave his little songbird had been.

"When we returned, the—my old boss, he—he told me I risked the lives of the entire crew for just three." He grows a little smaller. "S-said it was treason and an offense he couldn't tolerate."

A growing sense of dread takes hold. "And what happened next?"

"C-can I show you?" Mr. Sanders nods slowly and the songbird stands, slowly turning around and reaching for the buttons of his shirt.

Part of him wants to reach out and stop Logan, the rest is frozen in mute horror as gruesome scars that marble his back stand out in the faint light. The white shirt looks like a burial shroud atop knotted and mangled flesh as the songbird's shoulders tense.

"Twenty lashes," he says in a haunted voice, "one for everyone I could've killed for the sake of three."

Far away, a bird chirps.

Slowly, Mr. Sanders stands too, walking around the edge of the desk and coming to stand near him. He reaches out with trembling fingers and takes the edge of the shirt in hand. He takes a breath to steady himself and begins to bring it up to cover the scars, helping him back into it.

"Do not mistake this," he mutters as he does so, "for disgust, contempt, or revulsion. Only to say that you do not owe me your pain or your scars."

He smooths the material over the songbird's shoulders when he finishes.

"That should never have happened to you," he says firmly, "you should not have been put in that position, nor should you have been the one to save them alone. Do not mistake that for disapproval either, for it is a fool man who does not celebrate the safe return of his crew."

A bit of anger slips into his voice.

"And this fool man should pray that our paths never cross."

The songbird turns suddenly, his should only half closed. His eyes look at his face as soon as he does, searching with an almost frantic nature, looking for something, something…

"You…you would never do something like that," he whispers, "would you?"

"Never, little songbird. Never would I raise my hand to you."

Something akin to divine relief crosses his face and his shoulders sag. His eyes fall closed for a moment and Mr. Sanders steadies him lest he falls.

"Does it hurt very much anymore?"

"Only when the storms come and it rains heavily." His face twitches. "I can't sleep very well on those nights."

"Because of the pain?"

"I'm supposed to sleep on my stomach, but I roll around too much. I used to…"

"Used to?"

"…sleep on someone," he confesses, cheeks flushing, "and I've…the doctor said that would be the best course of action too, but I can't—I can't just ask people for something like that, I don't even know if they sleep on their backs—"

"I sleep on my back."

Logan's eyes go wide and oh, this poor little songbird, so young to be put through something so awful. He rests a hand on his shoulder.

"Take a breath, lark," he coaxes, "you're part of my crew now, I'll never hurt you. It's alright. My point is that you can ask. Has it escaped your notice that everyone adores you?"

"S-sir, I—"

"I'm not expecting it to change overnight, not even a fortnight. But listen to the doctor, ask the crew. I'm sure a few of them would be happy to hold you still on the nights you need it." He smiles. "Myself included."

"You would?"

"We would have to consult the doctor to be sure, and it would only be when the night is calm and I'm not on watch," he says, only to melt a little at that sweet face, "but yes, lark, I would."

"Can I—"

He doesn't let him finish, pulling him gently into a soothing embrace. "Come here, little lark, that's it. You're safe with us."

The poor thing nearly melts at the touch and he spares a fleeting thought for how alone he must have felt, shuffled through the clubs like a barrel of brandy, nursing his wounds and singing through his fear, before he cradles his head and pulls away.

"If you will take a bit of advice from an old man?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Ask Janus and Roman—those two would do just about anything for you."

"You keep saying that—"

"And I will continue to do so, as it is true. Ah—" he raises a finger and Logan's lips close— "mm. Come, I believe they are in their rooms here."

With a gentle hand on his back, he guides Logan from the room, into the hall, down to another set of doors. He glances over once more to verify that the little lark might be nervous, but only nervous—he has no intention of terrifying him, after all—before knocking on the door.

Janus is the one to open it, brow quirking at the sight of him and softening at the sight of Logan. "Evening, boss. Lad. What can I do for you?"

Logan's face turns bright red and his hands twist together, looking anywhere but Janus. Mr. Sanders gives him the slightest nudge to step into the room, out of the open space of the hall, before taking his leave. Janus watches with badly-concealed worry as he stammers and mumbles his way through a handful of words before slowly settling his hands on shaking shoulders.

"Lark," he says softly, "breathe. It's alright, take your time."

"Who's that?" Logan's head jerks up as Roman comes in from an adjoining room, his eyes widening at the sight of him. "Oh, songbird, what's the matter? What's happened?"

Before he can say anything, Roman rushes over, nearly elbowing Janus out of the way to cup his hand around Logan's cheek. He gasps.

"Nothing's so bad," Roman soothes, brows furrowed, "tell us what's wrong, let us help. Does the boss know?"

"He just dropped him off," Janus murmurs, "come sit, lark, you look as though you're about to fall over."

And so Logan's sat on the edge of the bed, Janus crouched in front of him to check he's not been hurt. Roman hovers over the pair, one hand on Logan's shoulder until Logan can summon the courage to speak. Both of their faces contort in outrage and pain as Logan recounts the story; Roman has to pace in front of the door, Janus takes Logan's hands in his and holds them tightly as Logan stumbles his way through his request.

"Oh, lark," he breathes, "you must've been so scared…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"I wasn't always just a lounge singer, you know."

Janus shakes his head. "That's not the point. You were—god, you're still so young now, and back then—you were scarcely more than a child."

"P-please don't tell anyone."

"We won't," Roman says firmly, coming back to rejoin them by the bed, "that's your story to tell. No, no—you don't need to show us, keep your scars—those are yours too."

Logan's shoulders tremble slightly as Roman tugs his hand back from his buttons. He looks up at the two of them, trying to reach out, and Roman goes to his knees to let Logan hold onto him.

"Of course you can stay with us, either one of us," he soothes, "we can take care of you."

"Do you want to try tonight? Just to see if that'll work?" Janus squeezes his hand. "Would that be alright with you?"

Logan looks at the both of them, a slightly hysterical smile coming to his face. "I don't think anyone would believe me if I told them."

"Told them what?"

"The second in command and the point man, being this—this soft with me."

"Oh, don't stop there, lark," Roman chuckles, "you have the second in command and the point man on their knees for you, asking you to share their beds."

"R-Roman!"

"Gentle, Roman," Janus says, nudging him, "Logan's upset right now."

"I'm sorry, lark." He presses a kiss to his knuckle. "I couldn't help it—I am sorry. This wasn't the time for that."

"N-not tonight." Logan shakes his head. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Whenever," Janus and Roman promise, "whenever."

The Sanders gang closes ranks. No one touches their lark, no one gets close to him without knowing what happens when you cross them. Nowhere is that more evident than in the singer's main club—renamed the Lark's Nest.

#fic rec #roloceit #thomas is such a good boss!#I'm so glad logan finally talked to someone about it #and now he can get all the support he needs #he deserves so much #give him all the comfort #💛💖💙

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naminethewriter · 15 days ago

Text

When it comes to Spending Time with those We Love, No Amount of Time's Enough

Last order for the Sleepy Bean Fanfic Café run by @tsspromptmonth for @typically-untypical! This is a Mer AU with Roman/Remy/Toby/Orange, Arranged Marriage, Love Letters and Love after Loss. Please be warned that this is a story about mourning and while it does not feature Major Character Death, someone has only recently passed away as the story begins. Still, I hope you enjoy 💖🖤🧡🖤

Summary: Roman always knew he was going to marry for political reasons. And while it hadn't always been the case, now he was happy to do so if it meant increased safety for his colony. He thought he hit the jackpot when he got engaged to Chief Toby and his three husbands, until he gets the notice that one of them passed away in an accident. Dangerous waters separate him from his fiancés who just lost one of the most important people in their lives. How will they all cope?

Title from Time by Beth Crowley and the lyrics are accompanying the story.

Content Warnings: Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Past Character Death, Songfic

Read here on Ao3!

~~*~~

I pleaded with the heavens I bargained with the gods That even though the chance is slim You��might defy the odds so you can be Here with me Just a little bit longer

~~*~~

Hey there, boo.

Sorry for the late reply, as you can probably guess, things were quite a lot over here. We’re still processing, and I only now got around to going over like all the letters we got. Yours definitely stood out though, it was very sweet.

That said, I can’t really give you any solid updates. Tobes is spending more time doing admin work than anything else and Luc is either training or patrolling (which is why you’re reading my clumsy ass writing, I didn’t grow up fancy like y’all.) I think both of them kinda blame themselves for what happened. I know you only met us once, but I’m sure you got the vibe of how seriously they take their job. For good reason of course, but this just ain’t a thing they could’ve prevented.

I’m getting off topic.

Point is, none of us are ready for you to come, babes. Probably won’t be for a while. But I showed Toby your letter and he’s very much with me that we still want this to happen. I’m sure Luc feels the same, but that’s not a topic I want to spring on him at the moment. I don’t think he’s been sleeping.

So, if you’re willing to wait a while, then we def want you here. But the grief is too strong for now.

The alliance is important to us, and we do like you a lot, Ro, but if you came right now, we’d probably end up resenting you.

Hope you can understand that. I’ll keep you updated for sure though.

Love, Remy

~~*~~

The good days turn to bad days The bad days just get worse until I wish I had those bad days back It all becomes a blur 'cause you can't be Here with me Just a little bit longer

~~*~~

Roman folds the paper in his lap, sighing.

“What’re they saying?”

He hadn’t heard Remus enter but he knows that he’d told the servants to tell him immediately when Roman gets a response from his fiancés. It is an important matter after all, not just for their colony, but for his little brother (he is only half an hour older; Roman thinks that shouldn’t really count but anyway.)

“They still want to honor the alliance but aren’t ready for it right now.”

“Hmmm,” Remus hums, swimming over and sitting next to him on Roman’s bed.

“It’s understandable. They just lost their husband, of course that would shake them.”

“Sure, but is it fair to you to keep you away? Like, you don’t need to marry them immediately when you get there.”

“Remus!” Roman hisses, angrily. “Watch what you’re saying! Put yourself in their shoes. How do you think you and Virgil would react if Janus suddenly died before Logan got here?”

Roman immediately regrets his words when he sees the pained expression on his brother’s face. Remus has always suffered under the pressure of being the next chief and since childhood developed intrusive thoughts about what all could go wrong if he took over. It took some time, but he managed to transform that into a remarkable ability to prepare for almost any occasion. Still, Roman should’ve considered just what images those words could conjure up inside his brother’s head.

“Sorry. That was too far.”

Remus shakes his head.

“No, you’re right. I was being insensitive. They only lost him two months ago; I don’t think I could be back to doing what I usually do if anything happened to Janny or Virge.” He holds out his hand to Roman and he takes it. “What was his name again?”

“Patton,” Roman whispers, a familiar pain stabbing him in his chest. “His name was Patton. I was really looking forward to getting to know him. All of them really. Now I’ll never get the chance. Or at least not like I thought I would.”

Remus pulls him close, slinging an arm around his side.

“Death sucks. But I’m here for you until you leave. And I’m sure once they’re ready for you, they’ll be supportive of you, too.”

“Thanks, Rem,” Roman whispers as he lets himself sink against his brother, letting himself mourn the relationship he would never have.

“I’ll update Father. He probably won’t like it, but it’s not like we have any other offers, so it should be fine.”

“I’m going with you. It will be more convincing if I tell him myself.”

“You gonna show him the letter?”

Roman frees himself of Remus’ grip, who lets him go as soon as he pulls away, and strokes along the paper in his lap.

“Not if I don’t absolutely have to. For one just because it’s private and two because Remy isn’t really one for formality. Father would not like his style of writing.”

Remus snorts.

“You find it hot though, right?”

“Remus!”

~~*~~

Time is a gift and Time is a thief Time is currency we spend I'm glad that you spent yours with me

~~*~~

Greetings, Remy!

It saddens me to know that you are all still in the depths of despair. I wish I could be there to soothe you, but I also understand that that would probably be crossing several boundaries. I might be your fiancé, but I am not yet a confidant and that is okay. I wish you all the strength you require at the moment.

Please also make sure that both Toby and Lucas know that I have full understanding for your situation. I may not be able to grieve Patton in the same way you do, but I do mourn the lost possibilities of what could have been.

I have spoken to my father and while he is not happy about this development, he has agreed to maintain the engagement and alliance. He does require us to stay in contact, however. As long as you provide us with updates and prove that you intend to keep your word, he is willing to wait.

And while I do not wish to pressure you in any way at the moment, do note that his patience is limited. I do not believe that he is willing to wait much longer than a year.

I await your response with love,

Roman

PS: I’ve enclosed a seashell I’ve found. Its coloration reminded me of Patton, so I figured you might appreciate it either as a memento or you could place it on his grave for me.

~~*~~

It's a mystery That I will never understand It makes me want the universe To have a bigger plan 'Cause when it comes to getting Time with those we love No amount of time's enough

~~*~~

“And that’s the tea,” Remy concludes. He holds out the letter for Toby to take and look over himself if he so wishes.

“I see.” Toby accepts the paper and his eyes flitter over the content, but Remy can tell he isn’t taking any of the words in. His husband hasn’t left his study much in the last few weeks, desperately trying to distract himself from what’s happened. Remy understands, of course he does. After all, Patton and Toby had been engaged practically all their life and were virtually inseparable most of the time.

Their bond had been special, and it was severed way too suddenly.

“I’m glad they’re willing to stick to the agreement. This alliance is important and Roman is smart and creative.”

“Tobes, no offence, but you sound a bit like an ass right now. We all agreed that Roman was a good fit for us because of his personality, not because he’s useful to us.”

Toby looks up from the paper and Remy can see how much pain is behind those eyes.

“Oh babe, no. It’s fine, I know you’re tired.” He swims over to Toby, placing himself on his lap and between him and the papers on his desk. “Hun, I know you, so I know that wasn’t what you meant. But you need to watch your words a bit, okay?”

“Right. I’m sorry. I just—” He breaks off, dragging a hand across his face before pulling Remy closer and hiding his face in his neck and kissing his gills. “I’m tired,” he whispers.

“I know. Neither you nor Luc have been sleeping. I don’t think I’ve seen him today at all yet.”

“I saw him shortly before he went out to patrol.”

“Alone?”

Toby doesn’t say anything but the tension in his body says it all.

“That fucking idiot. Worried about everyone but himself.”

“He feels so guilty. Y’know how he’s always seen himself as our protector and after Pat—” Toby chokes and Remy holds him closer.

“I know. Doesn’t change the fact that he needs to take better care of himself. As do you.”

“You’re right,” Toby sighs and he pulls away. He reaches a hand up and cradles Remy’s face before kissing him gently. “Thank you for looking after us. I’m sorry we’re not making it easy.”

“You should be sorry,” Remy pouts, though he can see in Toby’s eyes he knows it’s not really genuine. “Promise me you’re going to join me in bed tonight. You need the sleep.”

“I promise.”

“Good.” Remy steals one more kiss before he pushes himself off of Toby’s lap and swims to the door. “And don’t forget to eat.”

“I won’t,” Toby agrees, rolling his eyes fondly. Remy sticks out his tongue before leaving, heading back to their quarters. He wants to put up Roman’s gift for them.

The conch shell was a beautiful hue of blue, not quite as light as Patton’s scales had been but close enough that he really appreciates the thoughtfulness.

And because he’s a bit particular about decorating, it takes him a while to rearrange some trinkets they keep in their salon to find the best place for it. As he admires his work, Lucas comes in.

“Oh, Remy. I didn’t expect you to be here.” He says it like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t. Remy had had an inkling that he had been avoiding them on purpose but that all but confirms it. Lucas’ eyes don’t hide the guilt though, so Remy can’t be mad at him.

“I was redecorating a bit, no biggie. You went out alone?”

“Yeah. Perimeter check. I didn’t go far.” Lucas’ tail twitches and Remy can tell that he well knows that he disapproves. Still, he doesn’t want to make a big deal about it either, so he just nods. Lucas’ shoulders relax as the awaited lecture doesn’t come. Instead, he takes a look around and notices the new item.

“It’s pretty,” he says as he swims over and looks at the shell more closely. “Where did you get it?”

“It was a condolence gift, since the color is close to Pat’s.”

Lucas nods but doesn’t ask further. For a moment Remy considers bringing up Roman, but Lucas looks so exhausted, he can’t bring himself to do it.

“Hey, Luc.” Remy waits until Lucas looks over to him before continuing. “I’m exhausted and you look like you could use a nap, too. Join me?”

Lucas hesitates, his eyes flickering to the trident he left by the entrance. Remy doesn’t push, waiting for his answer and preparing himself for rejection.

It must show on his face because as soon as Lucas looks at him again, he deflates.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Hell yeah!” Remy cheers, quickly swimming over to his husband and pulling him through the seaweed curtain that leads to their bedroom.

~~*~~

In days I least expect it It comes out of the blue When something insignificant Will remind me of you And how my world has become Just a little bit smaller

~~*~~

Me again, babes!

We’re very glad to hear that your chief agreed to uphold the alliance. Keeping in contact with you won’t be a problem either (it finally gives me something to do, really).

Thanks a lot for the gift! It fits really well into our salon, and it caught Luc’s attention immediately. Even gave me an opportunity to coax him to take a nap with me, so you’re contributing already, hun! He still snuck out on me, so I don’t know how long he actually slept but I made sure as hell he was asleep before I knocked out myself. He’s been patrolling around the entire colony about three times a day with no backup, the fool. If he keeps this up, I’m gonna bother the other guards as long as I need to until they won’t leave him out of their sight anymore, I swear to Poseidon.

But let that be my worry, how’re you holding up over there? If I remember correctly your brother’s getting married again soon, right? His second or third hubby? Your father willing to step down at some point or is he like Toby’s and goes until it kills him? That’s probably real offensive to ask, don’t read that, babes…

Anyway, hope to hear from you soon, darling!

Love, Remy

~~*~~

I hope that you could feel it When you were still around The impact that you had on me So quietly profound And now my world has become Just a little bit smaller

~~*~~

Greetings again, Remy!

I am glad to hear my gift was so well received! I chanced upon it before I got notice of Patton’s passing and had intended to give it to him next time I saw him, but sadly that never came to pass. I look forward to seeing where you placed it at some point.

And I am of course even more delighted to know you managed to get Lucas to rest. From what you’ve described so far it seems like he is truly troubled. I do not wish to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but it seems to me that giving him space is not helping. It might be time to have a conversation with him, especially if his behavior is distressing you so. I apologize if I am overstepping boundaries.

But to answer your question: yes, my brother is getting married for the third time. Janus had been Remus’ fiancé since they were little, same as Toby and Patton had been, and Virgil married them only two years later. His colony is also on a lower sea level like yours. He’s already warned me that adjusting to the lower light is going to take a while. He still isn’t fully used to the brightness here, he says.

Logan, their husband-to-be, comes from a colony closer to land. They’re an inquisitive group, or so I heard. Rumors say they even trade with a few humans, but I haven’t had the opportunity to confirm that with him, I’ve only met him once briefly. In a way I am happy to be here to attend the wedding now, though of course I wish the circumstances were different.

From what I remember of our last meeting, you are from the same colony as Toby, correct? They chose you to be their husband not out of need but out of love? You do have to tell me that story sometime, I must confess, I am as helpless of a romantic as my brother says. It did take me a few years to accept my obligation for arranged marriages to be honest. I dreamed of finding the truest love for myself. But I am honored to protect my colony now that I understand the dangers of the world and I know that I have struck gold marrying you four three.

Look at me rambling! Let me finish by saying that I wish you peaceful days, my dear, and restful nights.

My deepest love, Roman

PS: This time I enclosed a little something I made myself. I hope you like it!

~~*~~

Time is a gift and Time is a thief Time is currency we spend I'm glad that you spent yours with me

~~*~~

Sup, boo!

I’m so glad to hear that the wedding went off without a hitch! It seems like your brother knows how to party! Just between us two, I’m a big party guy, too ;-) Anyway, the point is, I’m glad you got something out of this whole sad situation.

Speaking of… As much as I loved writing these little love letters back and forth for the last year, we think it’s about time to stop beating around the bush. Luc isn’t completely on board – I honestly don’t think he’d ever really be tbh, he’s been trying but he’s still very much struggling with feeling like the whole thing was his fault – but he understands that 1. we can’t stall forever, it has to happen at some point whether we’re ready or not and 2. that you’ve been very patient and super lovely sending all those gifts and stuff. So, we got you a room ready and I am hereby officially inviting you into our home to make it your home too or whatever. The wedding will still have to wait, that’s a lot of planning and stuff none of us have the brainpower for atm, but we’ll get there.

For security reasons (and for Luc’s sanity,) we’d like to send some of our guards to meet you halfway-ish. Like obvs we’d need to decide on details together but the terrain’s tricky and tensions are still high, so I hope you can do us that favor.

Otherwise, the ball’s now finally in your court, babes! Give us the deets when you have them, okay?

Very much looking forward to seeing you in person again ;)

Love, Remy

~~*~~

It's a mystery That I will never understand It makes me want the universe To have a bigger plan 'Cause when it comes to getting Time with those we love No amount of time's enough

~~*~~

“And you’re sure you’ve got everything?”

“Yes, Virgil, I’m sure. We checked thrice.”

“Right.”

To Roman it looks like Virgil is vibrating on the spot to stop himself from swimming in circles. He’s been a nervous mess for the entire week leading up to Roman’s departure. And Roman can’t fault him for it, it isn’t without dangers and Virgil and him had become good friends over the years, but he’s going with three guards and will meet with three more from his new colony on the way. They have everything planned out and couldn’t be better prepared.

Still, Virgil looks like he’s about to grab Roman and tell him he can’t leave after all.

“Take deep breaths, darling. He’ll be fine,” Janus soothes him, holding his hand. “Remember, you picked out the guards who’ll take him and Roman is trained in combat. He held your position before. He made this journey before. All the way there and back.”

“I know that! And I’m trying, but… I don’t think I can watch you leave, I’m sorry, I’ll freak out.”

“That’s fine, Verge. I’m going to miss you. Take care of my idiot brother, okay?”

Roman takes Virgil’s free – very shaky – hand and gives it a squeeze. Virgil lunges at him and pulls him into a tight hug before quickly swimming back into the cave system that holds their colony.

“I will go and keep him company,” Logan says. “I wish you a safe journey, Roman. It was delightful to get to know you.”

“Thank you, Logan. I’m glad we got the chance to get to know each other, too.”

Logan nods at him before going after Virgil.

“Wow, you’re making all my husbands flee. Wanna chase off Janny, too?” Remus jokes but Roman can read his brother well. The joke is a bad attempt at hiding his own nerves and Roman smiles at him.

“I’ll be fine, Re. And I’ll write to you as soon as I get there.”

“Yeah, you better. Fuck, I’m gonna miss you, Ro.”

“I’m going to miss you, too.”

Once he and Remus are hugging, Roman isn’t sure he can let go again. Sure, they had their differences, but this is Remus. His twin. They’ve only ever spent a few days apart and now there’s not even a plan for when they’ll see each other next.

This is really it.

“Okay, you two, I know this is hard, but Roman needs to leave. Daylight’s waning,” Janus gently reminds them.

“Yeah, right. Be safe, Ro. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Re. Stay safe as well. All of you.” He looks at Janus as he says it and when he usually would expect a sarcastic quip from his in-law, Janus knows the gravity of the situation and nods at him sincerely.

“I’ll make sure of it.”

“Good. Then I’m off, I guess.”

“Yeah, go and get yourself some husbands!” Remus cackles. Roman smacks his arm one last time before he joins his escorts, and they swim off into the open and dangerous waters.

Five days. And then his new life begins.

~~*~~

Does anyone else feel a sense of Panic settle in Whenever they're reminded That nothing is permanent?

~~*~~

It turned out to be a harrowing journey. Five days under constant stress, light sleep and tension drains you quickly. Still, the anticipation of meeting his future husbands has Roman more awake than he thought. The next few days he was going to spend asleep most of the time though, probably.

The last few hours of the way were uncomfortable for the sole reason of the slowly diminishing light.

It wasn’t that late in the day yet, but his new colony lives in far deeper waters than his old one and therefore, he will need to get used to a quite different atmosphere from now on.

Roman had mentally prepared himself for that, of course, but being faced with it? Totally different.

Not that that would deter him. This is for his colony. For his brother. For his new husbands.

And for himself.

So, he pushes on and eventually they arrive.

“Hey there, boo! You finally made it!” Remy greets him first as they swim into the entry cavern of the colony. It’s illuminated by softly glowing plants that give enough light for Roman to see a good distance, but not enough to make out much detail.

“It’s good to see you, Remy. I am tired beyond belief,” he sighs with a chuckle.

“Oh, I belief, babes. Like, I’ve never travelled far from the colony, but even a one-day trip is spooky as hell. But enough of that, you’re here and that’s what matters. Let me give you your welcome gift.”

Remy winks at him before he waves someone over that hands him a box which he promptly shoves into Roman’s direction.

“Go ahead and open it.”

“Thank you,” Roman smiles, taking the offered box and carefully opens the lid.

He’s met with light.

It’s soft and reminds him of the streams of sunlight that reach his old colony.

Upon closer inspection, he finds that the light is being admitted from a crystal set in a pretty necklace. As he pulls it out from its confinement, it’s even a little warm.

“You’ll need to recharge it by going towards the surface. It basically can absorb some sunlight for a while. When you do go though, you’ll need to take an escort or two. Patton had one of those too and the last time he went alone… You can imagine why we don’t want a repeat of that.”

Remy’s voice is tight as he says that, so Roman can quite easily connect the dots. He doesn’t know the details of what caused Patton’s death, but he does know it involved deep sea creatures that didn’t usually come up this far and that were spotted too late. Patton had encountered them and when they got to him, he wasn’t able to be saved.

“Of course,” is all he can think to say.

“Good.” Remy clears his throat and motions to the necklace. “Want me to put it on you?”

“Oh, yes, thank you.” Grateful for the change of topic and something else to focus on, Roman holds the band out for Remy to take. He puts it on him with skilled hands and swims back to face him.

“You look gorgeous, darling.”

“You as well,” Roman chuckles. The soft light of the necklace doesn’t sting his eyes and does brighten his surroundings, making it easier for him to see Remy’s dark brown scales, which now glimmer a bit in the light.

“Let’s go meet the hubbies, yeah? After that I’m going to show you to your room, your stuff’s already being taken there. And we’ve prepared a space for your escorts as well, of course, so that they can rest as long as they need before they head back.”

“Sounds great, thank you again.”

“Only the best for you, babes, now follow me.”

As they swim through the cave network that is his new home, Remy tries to give Roman a good overview of what’s where but they both know it will take weeks and months for Roman to find his way around alone. It takes them a good half an hour until Remy leads him to a door that reminds Roman a lot of his father’s study. Chiefs aren’t usually very different from each other, though he knows that Toby has a much softer heart than his father’s.

“He’s here!” Remy announces as he pulls the door open, waving to Roman to follow him inside. There, behind his desk covered in many papers, sits Toby, his dark eyes immediately fixing themselves on Roman. Lucas is by his side, stiffly holding a book that Roman doubts he’s actually been reading.

“Welcome, Roman! I’m so glad you made it,” Toby smiles, swimming out from behind his desk to shake Roman’s hand.

“Thank you. We didn’t have any complications, by Poseidon’s grace.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m sure you’re exhausted, I’m sorry for making you come here first.”

“It’s alright, I know very well how important procedures are for official business. I was there for my brother’s husband’s arrivals after all.”

“Right, of course. Still, it feels like a tradition that could do with a little update,” Toby sighs and Roman simply shrugs. Now that he really looks at Toby, he can see the dark circles under his eyes. Right, according to Remy’s letters, neither he nor Lucas were sleeping well still.

Speaking off, Lucas had put aside his book and swam over to them.

“It’s good to know you’re safe,” is all he says, but Roman knows he’s sincere. He holds the same position of head of the guard as Virgil does, so he probably had a lot of the same worries as his brother-in-law had.

“I made it,” he reassures, and Lucas does smile for a second before he turns to Toby.

“I’m going back on patrol.”

“Okay, see you for dinner then.” Lucas nods and leaves. “Let’s finish the official business so Remy can show you to your room and you can rest,” Toby continues, moving back to his desk.

“Actually,” Roman says as he follows him, “there’s somewhere I’d like to go first, if you don’t mind.”

~~*~~

A concept that I actively Try not to think about ‘Cause how can I be sure I made each moment with you count?

~~*~~

Remy opted to wait out in the tunnel to both give Roman some privacy and because he needs to prepare himself to do this, and he hadn’t in a million years guessed that Roman would want to come here.

“Hey there, Pat,” Roman whispers as he settles himself in the soft phosphorus moss that lines the floor around the carved stone of Patton’s grave. “I want to say that I’m sorry that I didn’t come sooner, but that wasn’t really an option, was it? I really wanted to be here, to see you off, to say my goodbyes properly, but they needed space, and I am basically still a stranger. Well, maybe not to Remy after all those letters, but still.

“I’m just glad I’m here now. And it was important for me to come here today, because traditionally, I’m supposed to greet all my fiancés when I arrive and while I may never have the honor to actually marry you, you are still such an important part of this relationship. And you always will be, I hope you know that.

“Things won’t be the same without you and I don’t think I will ever be able to stop myself from asking ‘what if?’ But I promise you I will make the effort to get to know the three of them earnestly. For who they are now and not for who they were when you were still here. Because we both know they’ll never be the same. I’ll never be the same. And that’s okay.”

Roman takes in the silence of the gravesite for a moment before he pulls something out of the one bag he kept on him the entire trip. It was a scroll, artwork he had worked on for months to get just right. He unrolled it, showing it to the stone as if Patton was sitting there, listening to him with the soft smile he still so clearly remembers from the one day they actually met.

“I designed it based on everything I felt when I first heard of your passing. I barely knew you and yet you still managed to burrow yourself so deep into my heart. I’ve expanded on it afterwards, when Remy’s letters started to come. I wanted it to show how I felt about you but also how I feel about what’s to come. How I’m sad that you won’t be here for it but how I’m still hoping to make the best of it and help the colony you cared so much for to grow and stay safe. I hope you like it.”

He rolls it back up and places it with other offerings already left there, some of which he recognizes as gifts he sent over the last year. A sad smile spreads over his lips.

“I hope you can rest easy, Pat. We’ll make it work, you just watch, okay?”

~~*~~

Time is a gift and Time is a thief Time is currency we spend I'm glad that you spent yours with me

~~*~~

Roman is half asleep in his new room when a knock startles him. He had already eaten and told the staff that he’d like to rest now, so he doesn’t know who to expect when he opens the door.

Lucas was pretty low on that list.

“Hi,” his fiancé stiffly greets him. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late, but can I come in for a moment?”

Roman blinks, surprised, but quickly makes room for him to enter.

“Thank you.”

They hover uncomfortably in the middle of the room before Roman motions for Lucas to take a seat on the sofa. He does so, though he still looks tense.

“I’m sorry if I wasn’t supposed to look,” Lucas begins suddenly. “Remy told me you went to visit Patton’s grave and I— I got curious. I’m guessing you drew it yourself.”

“I did. And I don’t mind that you looked at it. I didn’t mean to keep it secret, but I also didn’t want to lay it on his grave like it was an exhibition,” Roman chuckles nervously. Lucas nods along, fiddling with his thumbs.

“It’s really pretty. I don’t know a lot about art – I was raised as a soldier, to protect my people, so it wasn’t something I engaged in, but just looking at your drawing… I understood what you were trying to say, I think. Never felt like that before.” He sighs, scratching his head. “I admit, even until this morning I wasn’t full on board with you coming here. I know politically it makes sense and all, but ever since the—” He swallows and tries again. “—ever since that happened, I felt like I lost everything. And it’s not that I ever thought that you would steal Toby and Remy away or anything, but I wanted—” He breaks off again and doesn’t speak again for a while.

“You wanted something to stay the same as before, right? And me coming here inevitably changes a lot,” Roman softly adds and Lucas nods. He’s buried his face in his hands, taking deep breaths.

“Yes,” he admits, his voice breaking a little. “I didn’t even consider that you might be grieving, too. I mean, you barely know us, barely knew Patton. But looking at that picture, I knew I was wrong. And I’m sorry.”

Lucas’ eyes meet Roman’s and the sadness in them makes his heart ache. Without thinking, he closes the gap between them and pulls him into a hug.

“It’s okay. I get it. I was captain of the guard for a while before Remus married Virgil. I know what it’s like to feel responsible for the safety of an entire colony. And I can only imagine how horrible it must feel to not only lose someone you felt was your responsibility to protect, but for that person to be your husband, too? It would’ve torn me up inside.”

Lucas, who until then had stiffly let himself be held, starts sobbing. Roman simply holds him closer, stroking his back.

“It’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident. It’s awful but it happened, and you need to forgive yourself. It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have done anything.”

“I could have patrolled better! If I had spotted them before—”

“Stop it, Lucas. It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known.”

Lucas continues to cry and Roman continues to hold him. After a while, he coaxes him to bed, pulling the covers over them while still holding him close.

“Rest, Lucas. Tomorrow is another day, but for now you need to rest.”

Lucas doesn’t answer, he simply presses himself closer to Roman and starts taking deeper breaths. Roman plays with his hair until they even out completely.

Maybe things will be more complicated than he thought, but now he’s more determined than ever to do his best to help these men heal and keep going. And to find his own place here.

He’s about to drift off himself, when another unexpected knock falls on his door. Thankfully, he can see the door from his position, so he relaxes when Remy pops his head in.

“Hey there, babes,” he greets quietly. “Mind some more company?”

Roman smiles softly and shakes his head. Remy grins and turns behind him. He says something too quiet for Roman to hear before he swims inside, followed by Toby.

“I figured he was here,” Remy whispers as he slips into bed next to Lucas. “He had this odd look on his face when I told him about your visit to Pattycakes grave. Seems like he tired himself out.”

“Yeah.” Roman doesn’t say more, partly because he doesn’t know how much of his encounter with Lucas the other would like to keep private and partly because he was truly exhausted himself and just wanted to sleep.

It seems Toby agrees with him.

“Let’s leave this for tomorrow,” he says as he takes his place behind Remy, reaching an arm over him to gently take Lucas’ hand. “I think we’re all in dire need of sleep.”

“So true, boo,” Remy yawns. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Toby answers.

“Goodnight.”

Again, Roman lies awake until the breaths of his other fiancés too have evened out.

It’s warm with all of them pressed together like this.

Roman thinks he could get used to this as he drifts off to sleep.

~~*~~

It's a mystery That I will never understand It makes me want the universe To have a bigger plan 'Cause when it comes to getting Time with those we love No amount of time's enough

~~*~~

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naminethewriter · 15 days ago

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Snowy Roads

Fourth order up for the Sleepy Bean Fanfic Café by @tsspromptmonth and requested by @yourelost-itsokay! They wanted Logan calming Virgil and Thomas down after a bad dream. Please enjoy!

Summary: Thomas has a bad dream and he and Virgil need Logan to talk them through it.

Content Warnings: short mention of blood

Read here on Ao3!

~~*~~

“Please describe the dream for me again,” Logan asks calmly. He stands before Thomas’ bed, on top of which Thomas sits leaning against the headboard while Virgil paces on the other side. While Logan is giving most of his focus to Thomas, he makes sure to keep Virgil in his peripheral as well.

“I was driving,” Thomas begins, his forehead creased in thought. “I don’t know where to. It was cold and there was some snow. Not a lot, you know, Florida, but it did cover the ground somewhat. I went downhill and the car gained speed. I tried to hit the brakes, but they didn’t react. I pressed them harder but still nothing. Then another car turned into the intersection up ahead. I couldn’t stop and I—” He breaks off, his breaths having gotten heavier as he spoke. “I didn’t wake up from the crash. I got out of the car; to check on the other person. The sight of the blood startled me awake.”

“I understand. And now you are worried such an accident might actually occur?”

“I mean, kinda? I’m driving up to Vermont to visit Joan and Talyn soon, it’s colder up there.”

“And we don’t know the streets there,” Virgil adds, still pacing. “Accidents happen more frequently when you’re in an unknown place, right?”

“I do not know the statistics for that, Virgil, but I could look into it if you would like, though I do believe getting too careless because one knows the streets might lead to accidents just the same. That will not be a problem for Thomas, however, as you always keep him on alert while driving.”

Virgil nods along to his explanation and while he doesn’t stop his pacing, Logan notices his shoulders relaxing somewhat.

“But to get back to your issue, Thomas: we have already prepared for the trip to that degree, remember? We scheduled your car for an inspection in the week before the trip and we’re going to replace the tires with some that are better suited to changing weather conditions.”

“Right, I almost forgot about that,” Thomas sighs, relaxing against the headboard.

“But that doesn’t guarantee that the brakes won’t fail!” Virgil protests. “The inspection could be faulty, or they get loose somehow, or—” He waves his arm around, trying to find more possibilities to air his anxiety. “Animals! There’re animals who could chew through the cables or something, right?!”

“Yes, there are cases where animals such as martens have chewed through car cables, but those live neither in Florida nor Vermont. Still, if it would ease your mind, we can incorporate brake checks into our driving routine.”

“What would I have to do for that?” Thomas asks.

“You would drive a few feet in the parking lot or an empty street, build up a comfortable amount of speed and then hit the brakes with some force. If your brakes were damaged, you would be in a safe environment and slowly roll to a stop without harm coming to you or others. And the chances of your brakes failing afterwards, especially after a recent inspection are infinitesimal.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me. Verge?”

Thomas and Logan both look over to the anxious side who finally stops pacing.

“Yeah. I can work with that. But can we fact check the marten thing? That they don’t live in Vermont?”

“Of course,” Logan easily agrees. “And we can look up how to check the cables for ourselves if you would like to.”

“I would. Thanks, Lo.”

“No problem. Just doing my job.”

“No, really Logan. Thanks a bunch,” Thomas agrees. “I feel a lot better about going back to sleep.”

“I am glad to hear that, Thomas. You need the rest.”

“Yeah, I know. Goodnight, you two.”

“Goodnight, Thomas. You as well, Virgil.”

“Yeah, night. And thanks again, Logan.”

As they sink out, Thomas spots a small smile on Logan’s lips. Maybe this is a better night than he thought.

#namiswriting #Snowy Roads #platonic analomas #ts logan #logan sanders #ts thomas #thomas sanders rpf #ts virgil #virgil sanders #canonverse #short mention of blood #comfort #one shot #sanders sides #fanfiction #reblogs are appreciated

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naminethewriter · 17 days ago

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Appa Invasion

Third order up for the Sleepy Bean Fanfic Café run over at @tsspromptmonth! This is for @greymillieattheball who wanted some sort of fic starring Toby, Emile and Remy. Please enjoy!

Summary: Remy comes home after a shopping trip to find… a fluffy surprise.

Content Warnings: swearing, friendly bickering

Read here on Ao3!

~~*~~

Remy pushed open the door to his shared apartment with his shoulder, since both his hands were full. In the left he had a few shopping bags and in the right his Starbucks cup filled with latte macchiato.

“’Sup, bitches! I’m home!” he announced loudly as soon as the door had fallen shut behind him.

“Welcome back!” Emile called back from the living room, so after Remy let his keys fall into the dish they had set by the door for that specific purpose, he made his way there.

“I got a sweet deal on— the fuck is that?!”

In the place where their armchair usually stood was a giant fuzzy… thing. It was about four feet tall, white and furry. Emile was sitting on (in?) it, smiling sheepishly up at him. Toby sat on the couch, looking unbothered as he scrolled through his phone.

“It’s an Appa plush! That’s also a kind of beanbag? It’s super warm and comfy and you can pull the arms to make it hug you, look!” Emile explained, excitedly. He showed off how the six arms all moved and stayed wrapped around him. “Isn’t that so cool? And it’s heavy too, so it can be used as a weighted blanket! I can put his head on mine!”

“That’s amazing, babes,” Remy said, not even trying to hide that he’s lying, “but why is it in our living room?”

“Oh!” Emile’s face turned a bit red. “It didn’t fit in mine anymore…”

Remy sighed and massaged his forehead. His shopping bags had landed on the floor the moment he’d seen that monstrosity. Thankfully there wasn’t anything fragile in them.

“Gurl, why did you buy it then? I don’t mind your nerd stuff in small doses, but this is too much, hun.”

“Like your starbucks consumption is too much?” Toby finally chimed in. “I swear half our trash is just coffee cups.”

“Excuse you, Mr. Halloween-all-year-round! Just because you were born on Halloween and named after the month doesn’t mean you have to make it your personality.”

“Now, now, don’t fight!” Emile placated. “Appa’s only here until Monday, Remy. I’m taking him to the office! Hopefully he can make some of my clients feel more comfortable.”

Remy raised an eyebrow.

“By sitting on the floor?”

“They’re not on the floor! Look, it’s his tail! And it’s padded, so really comfortable. Wanna try?” Emile stood to show him and waved him over.

“Nah, gurl. Def not happening. I’m not getting all that fuzz over my new jacket.”

“That’s new? Looks just like the old one,” Toby snorted.

“Just because you don’t have an eye for style, you giant goth—”

“Would both of you stop picking fights with each other!” Emile groaned. “How about I make us all some tea and we watch a movie together. Civilly.”

“Fine,” both his roommates grumbled.

“I’m gonna put my stuff away. You just pick whatever, Tobes.”

“Sure.”

When Emile and Remy got back to the living room a few minutes later, the menu of their Nightmare before Christmas DVD greeted them.

“Why would I expect anything else?” Remy muttered. They had watched this movie about a trillion times together but oh well. He couldn’t deny it was fun to sing along together.

#namiswriting #Appa Invasion #platonic remiletober #sleepy bean fanfic cafe #ts remy #remy sanders #ts emile #emile picani #ts toby #october sanders #human au #roommates au #swearing #friendly bickering #one shot #sanders sides #fanfiction #reblogs are appreciated

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naminethewriter · 17 days ago

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The Lark's Nest | Fledgling

Hello! I hope you’re doing well and had a good Halloween if that’s something you celebrate! The is isn’t exactly an ask, I just wanted to Officially State that if you want to write a Lark’s Nest sequel, I’d 1,000% read it! No pressure to do so, I know you’re probably swimming in asks!!! The interest is there, is all. :D Thank you so much for all the work you do, I love your writing very much and have plans to buy your book!! – anon

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: whipping

Pairings: none

Word Count: 2557

Set a few years prior to the events of the previous chapter, in a very different club, with a very different boss.

"You disobeyed a direct order."

"I had to—"

"You deliberately disobeyed a direct order."

"I saved them!"

"And you would have gotten everyone else in this building killed because your bleeding heart couldn't handle the idea that sacrifice is necessary." The boss stared down over the railing, his breathing equally hard. Their stares locked. For a split second, something like agony crossed his expression.

Then it grew still. His chin tilted up, fists clenched on the railing.

"Twenty," he said softly, "one for every man you could have killed for the sake of three."

"…you can't be serious," Logan said, almost laughing at how ludicrous—surely, how ludicrous the suggestion was. That he be whipped for saving people.

But then two other gang members were moving forward to take him by the arms and horror slammed into him.

"Wait, what?" The boss watched them with a stony expression. "You're—you can't be serious, you're going to whip me for saving them?"

"Disobeying is treason," the boss said lowly, "and recklessly endangering the lives of my crew is not an offense I can afford to tolerate."

"But you can afford to do this?"

He was hauled to the post in the middle of the basement floor. They started to chain his hands. Logan pulled against them, head jerking around to glare at the boss.

"Is this the price of your authority? Do the three saved lives mean nothing to you?"

He managed to tear one arm away but it was caught within moments. The chain rattled and the boss nodded. One of the other gang members took a knife and split his shirt up the back.

At the feel of the cold air on his skin, Logan jerked so hard the post shuddered.

"Are our lives forfeit to you, then," he spat, as another slowly advanced with the whip, "do only you get to decide what happens to us? Are we only allowed to suffer or prosper at your whims?"

The crew, which had been summoned at the first sign of the returning car and now stood to witness this dispensing of 'justice,' began to mutter. The rescue had worked, none had died, but now the boss was angry and the punishment…

As the whip drew back, Logan's eyes flashed and caught the boss's one last time.

"You never even said it was good to see them alive."

The first strike fell.

Logan's hands tightened on the chain as his back split. The second fell and opened it again, blood beginning to splatter along the deck. His once white shirt grew heavy, no longer fluttering in the slight breeze as they sound echoed off the cold concrete floor. Muffled gasps and groans turned into barely contained sobs, turned into one agonized yelp that made a few avert their gazes, before Logan suddenly clung to post and went motionless, even as the last lashes cracked even harder.

Silence followed the last snap.

No one dared move save for the one who held the whip, panting slightly as they let it fall to the ground.

Logan did not move. He clung to the post, muscles shaking with the effort, but gave no indication that he knew it was over.

The boss moved first, raising his chin. "Clean up. We're gone in an hour."

As he turned toward his office, the floor slowly came back to life. A few fetched the supplies needed to clean the blood and the post, several more to begin making the building ready to be liquefied. Many offered their relief that the three had been brought back safely—some that had done so when they first arrived, some that had not—and a few reached for the bloodied body hanging from the post.

His hands were bloodied too, the imprint of the metal making grooves on his arms from where he'd clutched the post. His eyes were closed, his limbs weak and trembling. He could only manage a few limping steps before his feet slipped.

"C'mon," one grunted as they carefully eased his arm over their shoulders, "to the medic."

The medic was there ahead of them, gesturing at the bed at Logan was carefully placed onto it, back exposed. He set out a pair of tweezers at his side and bent close.

"Have to clean up the blood first," he said, "then we'll see if you need more."

One rag became two, became three until the water ran clear. A few lashes still wept as the medic reached for the bottle, muttering a quick warning before pressing a soaked cloth to his wounds. Logan didn't react, so still and so silent that the medic reached out to put a hand near his nose and mouth to check if he was still breathing.

"Eyes open," he said, relaxing a tad when his eyes fluttered, "keep them like that until I'm done."

He kept an eye on him, watching him stare vacantly at the wall as he tended to his wounds. Eventually, he sighed and turned away.

"You'll need to let them sit a bit longer," he said, "and no sleeping on your back for a good month or so. Try and keep your shirt as clean as possible too."

Logan nodded once.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?"

Logan's fingers twitched slightly, indicated his battered wrists. The medic dragged a stool closer and picked up another cloth. He took hold of one of his hands and began to clean it, swiping the cloth at knuckles and wrists and dabbing over the mangled skin. He worked in silence for a while before glancing up to check if Logan's eyes were still open.

He was far too experienced for his hands to stutter at the sight of tears, but it hurt all the same.

"I know it hurts," he said quietly, knowing it wasn't just the outside wounds he referred to, "I'm almost done."

Above them, they heard the sounds of the crew beginning preparations to go and the rumble of the cars as they began to peel out of the parking lots outside.

"You'll stay here tonight," the medic said, "don't want to risk moving you. The last of the preparations won't need to be done until next week, you'll be seen to here."

When Logan nodded, his blank stare growing damp under his face, the medic sighed and reached out to gruffly fix his shoulders.

"Don't want you getting stiff," he muttered, "you'll have to move a little bit every now and then. Messes your limbs and neck up if you don't."

Logan nodded again, but it was puppet-like. Gone was the fire, gone were the smiles.

Gone was the man he recognized.

The medic had seen a lot of good gang members die, a lot of good innocent men too.

He had never before seen someone die while his heart still beat.

It was not his place as a medic to put one life above another, but he found himself wondering what would've happened if Logan had died instead.

***

A few months later:

The fact that the change is so sudden is perhaps its most significant factor.

Logan does not speak except to answer the medic's questions. He spends days in the room at the medic's orders, emerging again as a shriveled shell when he's finally given leave to return to work. He moves slowly, not slow enough to cause a ruckus, but much slower than he used to. His voice is calm and even but he never sounds as though he wants to be speaking.

There is one exception.

When he first emerged, he sought out the gang members he had saved and told them in no uncertain terms, that he would do it again. If it meant they would be saved, he would do it again.

He did not do anything that could get him in trouble again.

At first, it was written off as an overcompensation. Any member put to the lash thinks long and hard about their behavior before they do something that could land them under it again. The others assumed that this would last for a few weeks at most before Logan would be better, that he would be back.

But one week stretched to two, stretched to three, and kept stretching.

The medic worried that the wounds had become infected, but they were healing fine. Granted, the scars were almost worse than any he'd ever seen before—especially from something like this, for someone so young—but there was no outward indication of anything wrong.

The other issue came from how quiet Logan was.

One of the rescued, ranking no higher than a cabin rat, had grown close to him. He badgered Logan in that endearing way young children do, question after question, story after story, until it came out that he missed Logan's voice.

I still talk, he had said.

But you don't sound like you, he had wheedled, and you never sing anymore.

And that had been when the grew knew something was wrong.

Any gang worth its salt knew how to entertain a crowd. Any gang could run a club that kept the community on their side, any gang would put a decent show on just to keep its members and it surrounding territory happy. And for as long as the crew could remember, it had always been carried by one distinctive voice. But even when the others sang, when they asked and joked and outright pleaded, Logan didn't sing. They would try and have no noise come out, or Logan would clam up and refuse to speak. And while he wasn't technically doing anything wrong, it hurt every time the club's doors opened and they all just knew one voice would be missing. Even the other musicians started to ask, what happened to that one gang member with the sweet voice that used to sing with them? And they would never have an answer.

It was no surprise that the cabin rat was the first to turn against the boss, but it was a surprise when the medic followed suit.

Orders were followed to the letter, but only to the letter. Anything that could've been done with a bit of initiative was put off until it became an outright order or someone else took care of it. Conversations stuttered, smiles faded, and some of the crew took notice.

The cabin rat is, well, a cabin rat, but the medic is a respected figure. Given his authority to override the boss if necessary, it was as much about self-preservation as it was genuine admiration and care. So when a rift emerged between the medic and the boss, the crew quickly found themselves having to choose what to do.

A few sided with the boss quickly, scolding the others and telling them that their behavior was out of line. But they were quickly met with questions of how they were breaking the rules, or what they were doing wrong, and you cannot command someone's heart any more than you can order the sun to stop rising and setting.

The boss noticed, as should all bosses notice when there's something wrong with their crew, but any attempt to understand what had happened was met with nothing. And what could he do? No one was disobeying—as a matter of fact, things were running more effectively than it had in a long time—but everyone was slightly too cold.

Too impersonal.

He finally cornered his second in command about it, pouring them a drink and insisting that, for once, could someone in this club speak to him frankly?

"The crew's upset, boss."

"I've gathered that, but what no one will tell me is why."

The second takes a long pull from the glass. "But you know what it is."

"How can I possibly know if no one's told me?"

"Same way you know the storm's building even if there are no clouds in the sky."

The boss sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What would you have had me do? Just excuse it and risk him questioning my authority during a crisis? You of all people know how dangerous that can be!"

The second stays quiet.

"You know the rules." he continues, "risking the crew is unacceptable. Betraying that trust and safety of your crew is an offense of the highest order. How as I supposed to let that slide?"

"I can hear him cry, you know."

The boss pauses, sitting up a little more. "What?"

"At night. His room is right next to mine for some of the shifts." The second traces a ring in the table. "It's real quiet, but I sleep light, pressed against the wall. I can hear it. It gets worse when it rains."

It's the boss's turn to fall silent.

"You know why that cabin rat's so close with him now? 'Cause for a while, they had to sleep on top of each other so he wouldn't roll onto his back. Medic's orders." The second sits up. "I asked him about it when I saw them come out of there one morning. You know what he said?"

The boss nods his head.

"He said maybe it would've been better if all four of them had died instead."

The boss's breath leaves him in a rush. To hear those words come from someone so young…

"The rigger came and found me too," the second continues, "said they had to apologize to the medic and the medic send them to me. Said they thought it'd be better to spread out the twenty instead of ripping his back open, but now they're not so sure."

They have to look away for a second. When they look back, it's with quiet fury.

"Twenty lashes is a lot for a large man," they say, "and Logan's barely bigger than the cabin rat."

The room is silent for long moments, before the boss finally speaks again.

"I went to see him," he says hoarsely, "I did. That night, I tried to see him. Medic wouldn't let me in."

"And since?"

He shakes his head. "Never alone. Never able to get him away from anyone else—not even at night. Didn't want to try and order him up here."

The second is silent for another beat, before they set down their drink. "Can I give you some advice, sir?"

"Anything, please."

"Stop trying," the second's voice rings in the boss's ears long into the night, "it won't make a difference anyway."

***

Logan is traded away in a deal between two rival gangs. The cabin rat leaves the next day, taking a job at one of the few clubs firmly in civilian ground.

No one forgets, and no one sings with the musicians in the clubs anymore.

#fic rec #hurt no comfort #logan's going through it #this is a hard read guys #worth it though #my poor boy #I'm so glad he's in a better group now #and that that cabin boy got out too #damn #what a story

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naminethewriter · 21 days ago

Text

What the Cat Dragged In

Being a parent is hard. Sometimes kids ask hard questions and sometimes parents panic and tell absurd lies that ultimately lead to their kids punching someone at school for calling them stupid after jumping to a decently reasonable conclusion based on said lie. Logan is at least there to support Janus through the ordeal and help clear things up a little for Virgil.

"Hello, Roman," Logan answered the phone, already weary to see the call coming from Roman's personal number instead of the school's.

"Heeeyyyy."

"What happened?"

"Virgil's fine," Roman replied with enough forced casualness to make Logan pinch the bridge of his nose. "Everything's been taken care of, it's all been settled, absolutely nothing to worry about, but, um. Well, he sort of punched someone today. Um. While I was getting the kids started on their projects."

Logan blinked. "I-I'm sorry. What happened?"

"Um. Virgil punched another student," Roman said again. "I mean, between you and me, I think he had it coming because he's been a, uh, bit of bully to literally everyone here, and I do mean everyone-"

Logan sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Roman-"

"No, it's okay, he didn't, like, draw blood or anything, the principal already called the other kid's parents, no fire there, everything is totally fine in that area, um, Virgil was pretty upset at first-"

"Obviously, he punched someone," Logan rolled his eyes. "Do you know why?"

"Uh, yes. So I was giving the kids back their trinket dishes we've been working on so they could check them over, make sure they didn't want to change anything and one of the kids saw that Virgil's had 'Artemis' written in it and he asked about it, then Virgil told him it was a gift for her. The other kid then told him that Artemis and all the other gods weren't real and called him and you and Janus stupid. And said that you lied to him, so Virgil punched him."

Logan sighed. "Okay, well, I just got off and I'm coming to pick him up now. Is he okay?"

"Oh yeah," Roman assured. "We went to one of the Calm Spaces talked for a little while once he felt ready to do that, um. Frankly, I didn't understand it all, um... Apparently the dish is because he wants to ask Artemis for a brother? Which...I-I don't know. But just so you have that heads up because, like, I don't know...what all he knows, um. But I guess he think he was brought to you by cats? Which I thought was Freyja's thing, but he swears it's Artemis's. But, you know. There's that."

Logan groaned and massaged his forehead. "Well, thank you for taking care of him. And for giving me a heads up. I'll be there soon."

"Drive safe!" Roman chirped.

Logan hung up and for a moment sat in the car rubbing his forehead and trying to recall if Virgil had mentioned anything specifically about Artemis recently that might have caused all of this. He sighed as he turned the car on and began pulling out of the parking lot; while he'd often spoken to Virgil about the existence of the gods, he'd never once brought up that Virgil needed to do anything about it. He was only six, after all. And really what he shared was simply because of Virgil's curiosity and his not hiding his beliefs from him.

Sure, Logan has his own little alter in the apartment where he placed offerings and whatnot, but aside from Virgil asking if he could give dandelions to whichever deity he happened to remember the name of that day, he'd never brought up the idea to him.

He shook his head as his hand drifted to the necklace tucked into his shirt and briefly closed around the snake pendant there, half wondering if this was Loki's idea on getting him to learn to embrace chaos.

---

"Hey, munchkin," Roman crouched beside Virgil. "Dad's on his way now. Are you sure you don't want me to put your dish up somewhere safe?"

Virgil shook his head and continued to hold the packed trinket dish to his chest with one arm while he munched on his apple slices with the other. "No thanks."

Roman nodded. "Alright. The rest of the kids are going to move to the library after this for games and reading. Do you want to go with them or hang out with me till Dad gets here?"

Virgil paused. "I think I wanna stay with you today."

"That's totally okay," Roman assured and ruffled Virgil's hair. "I'm going to finish wrapping up everyone's dishes, okay?" He slid onto the bench across from Virgil and set to work.

"Uncle Roman?"

"Yeah, stormcloud?" Roman half glanced up from the dish he was folding up in newspaper.

"Do babies really not come from cats?"

Roman let out a breath. "Uh, well, honestly...babies come to their parents in a lot of different ways. And sometimes people aren't even babies when they meet the family that's going to raise them."

"Really?" Virgil questioned, clearly surprised.

"Well, sure," Roman shrugged. "Batman adopted Robin when he was eight years old. That's two whole years older than you are now!"

"I know Bruce Wayne is Batman, Uncle Roman," Virgil rolled his eyes.

"You're right. Bruce Wayne adopted Dick Grayson when he was eight years old," Roman snickered. He double checked the name carved into the bottom of the dish before taping it off and writing the name on the paper while Virgil munched thoughtfully on his apples.

"Uncle Roman?"

"Yes, Virgil?"

"You have a mom, right?"

"Yeah, buddy. Your dad is my brother so we have the same mom, remember?"

Virgil squinted at the wall. "And Bobby has a mom."

Roman froze, hand mid air as he reached for another dish, dreading where the conversation was going. "Yeah, that's right."

"And moms are where babies come from."

"...More or less," Roman agreed, willing Logan to come pick up his kid and put him out of his misery already. "Usually, yeah. Something like that."

Virgil nodded, apparently pleased with this confirmation. "I thought so," he said and took a bite from his last apple slice.

Roman blinked. "Is that...it?"

"Mh-mn," Virgil nodded.

"O-okay. Um. Glad I could clear that up for you."

---

"Hey, gremlin, your dad is here," Roman announced.

Virgil glanced up from his color page and squinted at Roman. "You told him not get me in trouble on the phone, right?"

Roman snickered. "Yes, I told him that everything was taken care of and not to worry about that, and you know not to punch people anymore, right?"

"Yeah," Virgil sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, let's head up front to meet your dad."

---

"Hey, sunshine," Logan greeted his child, who came barreling into him, and kissed the top of his head. "You okay?"

"Uh-huh. Uncle Roman helped me feel better."

"I'm glad he was there to help you. Do you have all your stuff?"

"Uh-huh. Can Uncle Roman come home with us? I wanna show him where my stuff dish for Artemis is gonna go."

"I know you're excited about that, but I don't think Uncle Roman is done working yet."

"But school is all done and he's a teacher," Virgil objected.

"You're right, school is over now. But you stayed after school for a little while, right? Well, teachers usually have to stay even more after school to make sure everything is ready for the next day," Logan explained.

"That's boring and tired," Virgil announced.

"You're right, it is," Roman agreed and ruffled Virgil's hair. "I'll come over later and see it. Besides you still have your bobby to share it with, remember?"

"Oh yeah! We gotta go, Daddy! Bye, Uncle Roman!"

"I'll see you tomorrow, Virge." Roman clapped Logan on the shoulder. "Good luck."

---

Logan hoisted Virgil onto his hip in front of the long shelf that functioned as his covert alter and Virgil gently set down the trinket dish.

"What do you think? Do you like it there?"

Virgil nodded. "Do you think Lady Artemis will like it too?"

"Y'know, sweetheart, I have found that when we give gifts thoughtfully and sincerely, that makes the gods happier than anything. I'm sure she'll love it." He kissed Virgil's cheek and set him on the ground again. "Is it okay if I ask what made you want to give her a gift specifically?"

"Well, you told me that she likes cats and they're her hunting helpers and Bobby said that cats brought me here and I thought that maybe they were her hunter helpers that found me as a baby and brought me here cause you said she likes babies too and tries to help them too. So I wanted to make her a special gift so maybe next time she found a baby her hunter cats could bring him here too and I could have a brother. Like a trade."

Logan blinked. "Bobby said what?"

"He said that cats brought me here and that's why people say 'look what the cat dragged in' cause cats dragged me in and it was so surprising that people started saying it about other people too."

"Oookay..." Logan rubbed his face, briefly pushing his glasses up onto his forehead. He let out a breath and readjusted the frames. "I see why Uncle Roman was confused now. Um. I...will let you know when Bobby comes home so you can show him your dish, because I know that's very important to you. Um. But for now....I- You can play in your room for a little while and after you show Bobby your dish and tell him how special it is we can work on your homework. Sound good?"

Virgil squinted up at his dad. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. But I probably will talk to Bobby for a little while first because, um, I'm also confused about something and I think he can help me be...less confused. I hope. Um." He rubbed his forehead. "Yeah, I- Hoo... I have so many questions for your bobby. But I will absolutely make sure that you get to talk to him. Okay?"

Virgil continued to squint suspiciously, but nodded. "Okay, if you say so."

---

"Hey, Janus-"

"Oh hey, babe!" Janus smiled brightly to be greeted at the door by his husband and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Hi," Logan smiled patiently. "I- I love you, I do. I love you so much and I recognize that you just got home and, um, you work in a pharmacy and that- that's a customer service job and I get that, but I-I need to ask you something."

Janus frowned. "Yeah, what's wrong?"

"Did you tell Virgil he was delivered to us by cats?"

Janus's eyes went wide. "Ah." He scratched behind one ear. "I...may have said something similar. Yeah. Why?"

"I'm going to show you something and in a few minutes when I bring Virgil in you are going to pretend not to have seen this." He carefully pulled the dish from the shelf and held it up, pointing at the name carved into the center. "This is a trinket dish Virgil made in after school. He made it for Lady Artemis as an offering so her cats, which he assumed brought him here because of what you told him, would bring him a brother."

"Whoops."

"Cats, Janus?" Logan demanded and replaced the dish. "Couldn't you have at least gone with something traditional like storks?"

"Would that actually be less upsetting to you?"

"I don't know at this point, honestly. All I know is that Virgil punched a kid today because he was explaining why he made that for Lady Artemis to Roman and some kid told him she wasn't real and Virgil was stupid and I was lying to him."

"...I don't know how you want me to respond to that." Janus grimaced.

Logan rolled his eyes. "We are not encouraging violence, Janus."

"I'm just saying, I bet the kid's gonna leave him alone now. And I mean, you've said yourself even Aphrodite is a war goddess."

"Janus..." Logan sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Okay, I'm sorry," he held up his hands. "How can I fix this?"

"We have to tell him the truth," Logan shrugged. "We were always going to have to tell him, I just...wish you hadn't told him something that ridiculous."

"I panicked! And then I kind of assumed he'd forget."

Logan arched a brow. "It's Virgil."

"Yeah, I should have known better," Janus admitted. "I am sorry."

"I know," Logan sighed. "I just- cats? Really?"

"You're not going to let that go, are you?"

"No. I'm not. It's so out of pocket!"

"You're literally a polytheist and there are literally two goddess you've talked about being over similar domains of fertility and childbirth with cats for their sacred animals, I don't think it's that far out there," Janus deadpanned. "I realize that's not a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."

"You're lucky I love you," Logan grumbled.

Janus snaked his arms around Logan's shoulders. "How lucky?" He asked coyly and stole a kiss.

Logan smiled and slid his arms around Janus's waist, pulling him slightly closer. "You really think you can cute your way out of this?"

"I mean, it's worth a try, right?"

"I don't think it is," Logan shook his head. He kissed Janus again anyway. "We need to figure out how we're going to explain this."

"I mean, he knows what adoption is. Remus took care of that by rewatching Batman the Animated Series with him. We can just use that. He doesn't exactly need to know about the surrogate thing right now, does he?"

"We can't lie to him again, Janus," Logan answered. "That wouldn't be fair to him. What would we tell him later? That we lied about adopting him because it was the easier than explaining the truth when he was lied to?"

"I guess you're right," Janus murmured and pulled his arms back, folding them over his stomach.

Logan sighed and slid his hands up to Janus' biceps. "We don't have to explain your medical history to him, but…I do think we need to tell him the truth about using a surrogate. Better that then having to rehash all this when he's older. He may not appreciate our honesty now, but he will when he's older."

Janus nodded and rubbed his face. "You're right. I know you're I just…"

"It hurts," Logan filled in. "I know. It's okay if you don't feel up to being in on the conversation-"

"No. No, I was the one who lied to him, I should be the one to talk to him."

Logan gently took Janus by the face and kissed his forehead. "I'll be with you the whole time."

—

Janus knocked on the door frame to Virgil room. "Hey, sweetheart, Daddy said you had something you wanted to show me."

"Bobby!" Virgil popped up from his pile of legos and ran with open arms to his bobby.

Janus smiled and scooped him up, kissing his cheek. "Hello, little love. Did you have a good day at school?"

"Well, I did during school time. After school time I got in trouble for hitting," Virgil admitted.

Janus held back a snicker. "I appreciate your honesty. Daddy let my know one the other students had said some pretty mean things to you."

"Yeah. It made the angry feeling too big and it came out my arm."

"The angry feelings tend to do that," Janus nodded sagely.

"Yeah, they almost came out of my mouth too cause I wanted to call him mean names back, but instead it came out of my eyes and made me cry."

"I want to call people mean names when they hurt my feelings too. I'm proud of you for not doing that. It can be really hard to do."

"Yeah," Virgil sighed heavily, sound far too world weary for his six years. "Specially when the mean names are true."

This time Janus did snort. "Honey-"

"It's true!" Virgil objected.

"I know, sweetie. I didn't mean to laugh, I'm sorry. Would you like to show me what you made now?"

"Yeah!" Virgil quickly squirmed out of Janus’s arms and dragged him by the hand to the little altar. "It's up there!" He pointed then held up his arms. "Can you help me reach?"

Janus snickered and picked him up again, standing close to the shelf for Virgil to reach. Once he'd pulled the little dish from its place Janus carried Virgil to the couch and sat with the boy on his lap next to Logan. "Alright, tell me aaaalll about it."

"It's a stuff dish. We made them out of clay that didn't need to be cooked cause the school doesn't have a clay oven thing. I painted mine so it looks like stars for Artemis so her could maybe bring me a brother with her hunter cats. That's why her name is on the inside so she knows it's for her. Does that make sense? Daddy and Uncle Roman said they were confused when I told them."

"You know, sweetie, I think it's my fault they got confused," Janus told him.

Virgil's little face scrunched in confused. "You didn't even tell them things."

"No, but I told you something. Remember when you asked where you came from and I told you cats dragged you here?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well…that…wasn't really true. It wasn't fair of me to lie to you and I am very sorry I did, Virgil. I wasn't expecting you to ask about how you came to us and I panicked a little."

"But how did you find me then?" Virgil asked curiously, apparently unbothered by Janus's admission.

Logan squeezed Janus’s hand.

"Your Aunt Minerva helped," Janus told him. "You remember when your cousin Emile was born and Aunt Minerva's tummy grew and Daddy explained that babies grow inside some people till they're ready to be born? Well, Daddy and I can't really do that. So we went to the doctor's and they took some special cells from me and Daddy and made sure they were safe in Aunt Minerva's body and then when you were ready to be born we all went to the hospital together and you came home to live with us."

"Ohhh. Does that mean hers is my mommy and my auntie?"

"There is a special word for when someone helps a couple have a baby called a surrogate mother," Logan explained. "But she's not exactly your mommy."

"So it wasn't hunter cats?"

"No, sweetheart."

"Oh. Does that mean Artemis isn't my mommy either?"

Logan blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Uncle Roman says babies come from moms and if I didn't really come from Lady Artemis with her hunter cats that makes her not my mommy."

"Not-" Logan sighed. "She didn't literally send you to us with her cats, but I do believe she heard me praying for a baby and maybe she helped make sure that you grew safely and were born safely. She may not be your mom in a literal sense, but it's okay if you think of her like a mom."

Virgil nodded sagely. "I like that idea. Do you think she could send me a brother the regular way still?"

"I think that's probably something your bobby and I need to talk about first. We want to make sure we can take care of you and any other kids we might have. It doesn't usually happen really fast. I don't want you to think that just because you don't get a brother right away that that means Lady Artemis didn't like your gift, alright? I'm sure she likes it very much, this type of thing just takes a long time."

Virgil nodded. "That makes sense," he said seriously. "It took a long time for Emi to be borned. Do you think she could send me a hunter cat instead? Or maybe just a regular cat?"

Logan coughed a little to hide his laughed. "It never hurts to ask."

"I'm gonna go draw picture of the hunter cats so I can ask for one," Virgil decided and squiggled off of Janus’s lap then scampered off.

"I'm incredibly proud of you," Logan said once they were alone, squeezing both of Janus’s hands tightly.

Janus mustered up a smile for him. "Thanks."

"Are you okay?"

Janus let out a shaky breath and nodded. "I will be."

#fic rec #loceit #parental analogical #parental anxceit #virgil is so cute!#and I love this family constellation #so logan and roman are brothers right?#very interesting #love janus telling virgil in panic that he was brought by cats 😂#that's so funny #love this and love them #💛💙#💜 💙#💛 💜

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naminethewriter · 23 days ago

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Second Chances Chapter 4 The Next Morning

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Janus cursed as he startled awake to another ringing phone. He quickly snatched the device before it could wake Roman. "Hey." There was silence on the other side and Janus pulled the phone away to make sure he'd actually answered. "Remus?"

"Is he dead?"

"What?" Janus demanded quietly and sneaked from the room. "No, Remus-"

"Why else would you be answering his phone?" He demanded.

"Remus-"

"Is everything alright?" Logan called from behind Remus.

"Janus answered Ro's phone," Remus told him.

"What? Why?"

"If you'd shut up I'd tell you!" Janus snapped. He waited a beat to make sure the couple on the other line stayed quiet. "Roman called me around 1:30 this morning. His bastard of a boyfriend abandoned him at the club after accusing him of cheating when Roman was being harassed by some other bastard there. He called me because he knew you were out of town and he needed a ride home."

"Okaaay, that doesn't tell me why you have his phone now. Almost twelve hours later," Remus pointed out.

"The man who'd been harassing him attacked him just before I got there," Janus explained. "I got to him and got him out before- before the worst of it. But we were up for a while after that and he stayed with me so I could keep an eye on him."

"Put him on the phone," Remus said, a steely edge to his voice.

"Remus-"

"Now, Janus. I want to talk to my brother."

"He's still asleep," Janus argued. "Let him sleep. Besides, if you talk to him when you're this angry you're just going to upset him. He was blaming himself enough last night, if you sound that upset when you talk to him, he's going to take it the wrong way."

"Someone assaulted my brother, Janus!" Remus barked. "How am I supposed to not be angry?"

"That's not what I said! I said don't talk to him angry. Don't sound angry when you talk to him or he'll assume you're angry at him."

"He's right, starlight," Logan said softly. "Roman's always been sensitive about that, but especially lately. We know you'd never actually be upset at him for this, but it's going to take Roman some time to see that."

"Yeah," Remus agreed with a sigh. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"I let him know you called when he wakes."

"Thanks, Jan."

"You're welcome, dear."

---

Janus rushed to meet Roman as he stumbled, bleary-eyed, from the bedroom. "Hey. How're you feeling?"

Roman melted into Janus's arms and nodded. "Tired still, sore, but...better than I was."

"Good. Do you want some tea or something? I have coffee, if you prefer."

Roman lifted his head in surprise. "You have coffee?"

"I prefer tea, but I still enjoy coffee. Do you want some?"

"That'd be great, honestly," he answered, rubbing his forehead.

Janus nodded and led him to the kitchen. "Do you want some Tylenol?"

"That'd be even better."

Janus smirked at how well he still knew Roman and took a bottle from the cupboard over the sink. "Here you are," he passed off the bottle and glass. "Get yourself some water, love. I'll fix you some coffee and toast."

"Thanks, Jan."

Janus watched Roman from the corner of his eye and waited till he was seated to say, "Your brother called this morning. After convincing him you weren't dead, I told him a little bit about what happened." Janus set the mug next to the glass of water and kissed his head. "I told him I'd let you know when you woke up."

Roman only nodded.

"You don't have to talk to him right away. He knows you're safe."

"I'd rather just get it over with. Will you stay with me?"

Janus blinked in surprise. "Y-yeah. Yeah, of course I will, hon. I'll be right here with you."

---

"Oh thank god," Remus grumbled at the caller ID on his screen. "Ro, hey, Janus told us what happened. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. Is Logan there too?"

"I'm here," Logan replied as he came to stand next to his partner, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Remus has you on speaker. Is Janus with you?"

"I asked him to stay," Roman confirmed.

"Logan and I talked, we're going to head back-"

"No," Roman cut his twin off. "No, you guys have been planning this for a while. I-I'm fine, really."

"Roman-"

"Remus-"

"I don't want you staying by yourself right now and I sure as hell don't want you with Tyler, especially after he up and left you last night."

"He can stay with me," Janus offered without thinking. "Or I can go stay with him that way he won't be alone and you can finish your trip."

Remus sighed, uncertainty crawling around in his gut. "You gonna be good with that, bro?"

"Yeah."

"When I get back we're gonna get your stuff from Tyler, okay?"

"Okay."

"Ro-"

"He has my boy," Roman cut in miserably. "I stayed with Janus last night so he's still at Tyler's apartment. He's not gonna feed him, Rem."

"Boy? What boy?" Janus asked, clearly alarmed and taken aback by this development.

Remus rubbed his forehead wearily. "He means his cat, Janus. You left his dry food out, right? That timed feeder thing we got him?"

"Yeah."

"He'll be okay with that for a little while. He won't be happy with it, but it'll be okay. If you have to go get him at least try to do it when Tyler's not there, alright? Please try to wait until I get back."

Roman sighed discontentedly, but agreed. "Alright."

"Thank you. Let me know where you decide to stay, alright?"

"I want to stay here," Roman croaked. "I don't- I don't want to be at home if Tyler comes looking for me."

"Geeze..." Remus rubbed his forehead. "Yeah, alright. That's-that sounds like a good idea. Are you sure you don't need me to come home?"

"I'm sure. I'll be okay with Janus."

"Okay," Remus nodded, taking a slow breath. "Yeah, alright."

"Are you okay?" Janus asked.

"Someone could have killed my baby brother last night, Janus, no I'm not okay," Remus growled. "I know. I know he's safe, I know he's okay, but I just-" he dropped his head into his hands and squeezed it tightly.

Logan stood at his side and rubbed his back. "It's alright, starlight," he soothed. "He's okay, he's safe."

"I know," Remus croaked. He took a deep breath and sat up. "I know, I'm okay, I just... God, I'm so glad you're okay."

"It is okay if you need to come for your own sake," Janus reminded.

"We might," Logan replied and kissed Remus’s hair. "We'll see how he's feeling this evening."

Remus rolled his eyes. "We have a reservation we've gotta get to, but keep me updated, okay? I will come home if you need me to."

"I'm gonna be okay, Re. You just enjoy your trip. I'll be fine, really," Roman insisted.

"Yeah, I'll try," Remus answered, totally unconvincingly.

"Logan?"

Logan snorted and kissed Remus’s head again. "I'll make sure he relaxes, don't worry. Call us if you need anything."

"I will," Roman promised. "Love you both."

"Love ya too, Ro. Please be safe."

"I will," Roman promised. "Have fun."

"We will," Logan answered. "Love you."

Remus dropped his head into his hands and groaned loudly after Logan had disconnected the call.

"We don't have to stay if it's going to cause you too much distress," Logan offered as he massaged the back of Remus’s head.

Remus sighed. "Let's just get through the rest of today. Maybe tomorrow and...reassess then. I want to trust his judgement with this, I want to be able to believe him, I just..."

"I understand," Logan nodded.

"I knew something was wrong, I knew it. Why'd it have to be something like this though? He could have been killed!"

"Breathe," Logan advised. "I know you're scared, Remus. That's fair, that's understandable, let's try to stay present though, alright?"

Remus leaned his head back and stared up at Logan with a pair of pitiful puppy dog eyes. "But I'm so good at catastrophizing."

Logan snorted and kissed his face. "I know exactly how good you are at catastrophizing. That's why I'm trying to get you to stay present so we can avoid a spiral."

"You never let me do anything fun," Remus complained.

"You never like to do anything fun," Logan retorted. He laughed at Remus's offended face.

"How could you!"

"Come on. We have a tour to get to."

#fic rec #platonic roceit #intrulogical #remus is such a good brother #I would want to go home too #at least he knows roman is safe and with someone #I just hope janus can keep him from going after his cat #if tyler does sth to the cat #I will lose it #and hunt him for sport #please be reasonable roman #and if you have to take janus with you #...I'm a bit worried maybe 🙈#💛 💖#💙💚

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naminethewriter · 24 days ago

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It's Really Rather Simple

I’ve only had your “It’s Complicated” fic for one (1) day but I’m already obsessed with it and if you would be down to write a “The Slow Path”-esque sequel I would read it so hard!! No pressure if you don’t want to do that though! I hope you’re having a good day! :D – anon

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: none

Pairings: logince

Word Count: 2720

Everything changes and nothing changes at all.

Logan is still his roommate. They still bicker over the best way to load the dishwasher, how to set up the movies on the big screen, which character is the best out of any number of franchises. He still fights Roman for the couch pull-out bed when Roman insists that he take the main one, only now that he has his fighting skills back he ends up pinning Roman to the bed which—ends up being a really effective way to shut Roman up, one that he takes advantage of with a terrifying familiarity and an even more terrifying fondness. He has no idea what the fuck he's going to do the next time someone asks him what's going on—he's never been the best at lying, after all, and now that Logan's actually back, he's got even less of a chance. But Logan's still the same, reading his books and doing the crossword at worrying speeds and badgering Roman into eating healthier foods.

Sometimes, though, he catches Logan watching him. Like, watching him. He doesn't know what to do about it, especially since Logan's never addressed it at all, but still, he'd be fooling both of them if he didn't know that the Mastermind was in his living room, eyeing him like he was more than just a thorn in his side or a particularly inviting distraction.

Which brings him to the other problem he's currently struggling with.

When it was The Mastermind, it was easy to push aside the fact that he's a damn attractive bastard. The whole trying-to-take-over-the-world, megalomaniac, complete-disregard-for-human-life thing really put a damper on however objectively handsome he might be. Sure, did Roman notice it? He wasn't blind, for crying out loud, but he had a job to do and that job involved punching said attractive bastard in the face and messing up his plans so the world could keep spinning the way it was going to spin until something else came to knock it off course.

And when it was Logan, with his memory gone, well, that wasn't right either. Logan wasn't in possession of all his faculties, he wasn't operating under the truth of who they actually were to each other, and Roman could shove whatever feelings he may or may not have had—or was currently having—into the box labeled 'Not While Extremely Traumatized and Vulnerable.' Truly, the cognitive disconnect between the cold, calculating villain and the sweet, slightly dorky man that had become his roommate was enough to keep the worst of it at bay. That and the fact that he'd been more than a little worried about what the consequences would be if Logan's memory did come back.

But his memories did come back, and…he'd still been the same sweet dork with the same penchant for devastating quips and cocky speeches as the biggest pain in Roman's ass. Logan wasn't going back to being a villain, hadn't stabbed Roman and left him to bleed out, and hadn't told him that everything was a lie. And now Roman had to deal with the feelings before Logan figured them out, which meant that his days were pretty much numbered from the start.

He could still turn Logan in. But he doesn't really want to do that. Not just because it would require admitting that he's not only known where Logan's been, but that he's waited to do it on the off chance his memory does come back, and he's only doing it now because his memory has come back. And he feels a bit bad about betraying Logan's trust like that—even though he scoffs at himself when it first crosses his mind.

And…maybe he doesn't want to let Logan go either.

Does that mean he's slipping down the 'I Can Fix Him Pipeline,' the way he always gets accused of when he suggests doing more than just trying to kill people? No. He's not trying to fix Logan. He was never trying to fix Logan. But he's a decent fucking person, at least he likes to think he is, and so he wasn't just going to leave someone with amnesia in a really dangerous situation. Even now, it's still fucking dangerous for Logan, no matter what his capabilities might be now—he's still not completely sure, and he doesn't think Logan is either—and he's not just going to abandon him now that things are getting more complicated. That's not who he is.

He just also happens to be the type of person who likes coming home to someone else there. He likes being able to make dinner for two people. He likes having someone else in the house when he's freaking out at stupid o'clock in the morning and he can listen to their breathing through the thin walls and remind himself that everything's alright, at least right now.

"You're thinking very loudly over there."

He startles, dropping his pencil—right, he'd been poking at the word search on the back on the magazine that keeps getting accidentally delivered to their address—and when did it become their address?—and bends to pick it up. "Sorry."

Logan just chuckles. "Having trouble?"

"Look, there's only so long I can stare at the same letters before they just start swimming in front of me."

"Mm." Logan leans over the back of the couch, his hand almost brushing Roman's shoulder. "There's one of them in the very top line."

"What? No, there isn't."

"Backwards, dear."

"…shut up," he mumbles, circling it and scribbling out the word from the list as Logan chuckles again. His ears start to burn from embarrassment and he quickly closes the page and shoves it in his pocket, stalking toward the fridge. "Are you hungry?"

"Not particularly, but I have a feeling that'll change before too long. Did you have something in mind for dinner?"

"I was thinking pasta, maybe? We haven't done that in a while and I think the milk's gonna go bad before too long."

"Ah, yes, that sounds perfect. We have some vegetables I can roast that will work as well. Are you up for trying something with a little more spice, this time?"

"Depends, are you going to try and make my sinuses stop working again?"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, dear."

"I was in the bathroom for two hours!"

"Yes, and that's the last time I believe you when you say you have a high spice tolerance."

See? This is normal. This is normal. They're just two people talking about what they're going to do for dinner and bickering about it because that's what they do. They're not a villain and a hero struggling to find common ground, they're not a person suffering from amnesia and their caretaker, they're—they're—they're them. And it's not getting any easier for Roman to figure out what the hell he's going to do about it.

"That's the second time you've wandered away from me in the last few minutes," comes Logan's voice, now soft with a worry that makes Roman's heart race, "is everything alright?"

"Sorry," he says automatically, taking the milk from the fridge, "just got a lot on my mind."

"I can see that." And he comes over, because of course he does, and sets his hand on Roman's to coax the milk from him. "Can I help?"

"Uh—"

"With both the pasta and whatever is plaguing you, yes."

Roman swallows. He glances at the stove, makes a mental note to clean it tomorrow, and tries for a laugh. "It's nothing, really, I'm just—y'know. Letting the old wheels spin."

Logan gives him the most unimpressed look he's seen in a while, which is saying something. "You can do better than that."

"It's really nothing for you to worry about—"

"I know, otherwise I'd have figured out what it is already." His hand comes up to brush some hair from Roman's forehead. "But I don't know what it is, and for the life of me, I can't figure it out. I've been trying to give you space to tell me or figure it out by yourself—"

"Wait, you've what?"

"Roman," he sighs, a fond smile curling up the corners of his mouth, "you've been off for days. Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

Well, he did, or at least he certainly hoped that Logan wouldn't notice. "I don't think I'm gonna answer that."

He rolls his eyes. "Well, I have noticed, and I've deemed it important enough to confront you about since you won't tell me what has you all worried like a fretful deer—"

"Like a what?"

"A fretful deer. The sort that won't go near a tree when the breeze is blowing too hard because it makes the leaves tremble and the noise is too frightening." The smile remains, softening the words to a gentle tease, but the genuine concern behind his eyes makes Roman's throat swell all the same. "So yes, Roman, there is something wrong, I've noticed it, and I'd like you to let me help figure it out."

See, this, this is a problem,. Because it's Logan applying the same flawless—well, sort of flawless—logic that he would when he was The Mastermind, except it's about Roman and his fucking feelings, and he doesn't know how the hell he's supposed to stand here and not break down into a blushing flustered mess. But Logan's staring at him, still staring at him with that face like he's expecting Roman to just spill his guts, and Roman might just have to spill his guts about it.

"I'm having feelings," he admits, voice mumbling and half buried in the buzzing of the fridge, "that's it."

"Mm." Logan lightly bumps the milk against his hand. "These sorts of feelings, or these sorts of feelings?"

Before Roman can ask what that second type of feelings is, there's a gentle hand under his chin and he's being turned to face Logan—oh.

Why the fuck is he so close?

Roman jerks back with a mortifying squeak and collides with the fridge, flailing in an attempt to keep himself upright. Logan just stares at him with the same wide-eyed wonder of watching a zoo animal do something oddly endearing and very strange. He feels his ears starting to burn again and he shoves his hands in his pockets.

"Does that answer your question?" he mumbles again, still staring at the floor.

Logan puts down the milk and comes closer. No, why is he doing that? He's gonna make Roman look at him again, isn't he? Sure enough, the hand cups his chin again and this time, doesn't let him pull away. Logan just watches him, the same amusement mingling with soft concern until Roman's head starts to spin and he's gonna freak the hell out if Logan doesn't start talking right now.

"Breathe."

"What?"

"Breathe, dear," Logan repeats, "you look like you're about to faint. It's alright, I'm not going anywhere, just breathe for a moment before you pass out on me."

Roman does as he's told, trying to steady himself, but that's really fucking hard when Logan's still looking at him like that and he knows that as soon as he's calmed down enough for Logan to be comfortable talking to him, they're going to talk about what he just confessed to and he doesn't really want to do that right now.

"Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, you haven't done anything wrong." He glances at where they're standing. "Though this conversation might be better suited to the couch than up against the fridge."

He lets Logan walk him over to the couch, sitting down and shoving his hands between his knees. The other end of the couch dips with Logan's weight and he hunches his shoulders a little. After a moment, though, he feels a hand on his knee and looks over to see Logan watching him with way more obvious concern.

"You look—" he cuts himself off. Swallows heavily. Opens his mouth again. "This feels too familiar, Roman. We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

Too familiar?

Oh.

Oh, no.

"N-no, sorry, I didn't mean to—I'm not—" he buries his face in his hand— "fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was doing that, I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Logan says, again, with far too much understanding, "I didn't…I suppose I haven't been allowing myself to give much thought to all of this either."

The fridge buzzes. The heater turns on. Someone upstairs puts something in the garbage chute.

"The last time we talked about anything like this," Logan says eventually, "it felt like you wanted to talk to me, but felt you couldn't. I had assumed it was because you didn't want to risk triggering my memories, but…that's not quite true, is it?"

Roman lets out a long breath of his own. "…not entirely."

"Would it assuage any of your worries to know that I have all of my memories back, so that wouldn't be a problem anymore?"

"Only partly."

"Can I help with the rest of it?"

He lets his head hang. "I don't know, Logan, I—I'm struggling."

"I can tell."

"I'm sorry."

"Not like that." The hand on his knee squeezes. "Can I help? At all? Even if it's just to take your mind off of it?"

He turns to look at him. Really, actually looks at him. Logan isn't—he isn't The Mastermind. Not anymore. Even the glimpses he gets are just that: glimpses. And as if he can tell what Roman's thinking, Logan's hand moves to his shoulder. "I'm not going back," he says in a near-whisper, "I'm not going to be that person again. I…I don't know what I'm going to do, I know I have so much to answer for, but I don't want to be him again. I like this life we have. I like—I like the version of me that can argue with you over little things like spice and sleeping arrangements. I like the version of this where I can tell you that I'm worried about you and you…"

He allows himself a small, self-deprecating laugh.

"…you might let me worry."

The lump in his throat returns with a vengeance. "I—fuck."

"I know I'm being a lot right now," Logan says, "but this has been—well, I daresay this has been brewing for as long as you've been worrying about whatever it is that's upsetting you. I fear if I don't get it out now, I might never have the courage to say it."

"Say what?"

He's given a withering look. "I don't recall you being this obtuse."

"What's—"

And then there's a face very close to his and he could laugh at the absurdity that they'd both been worrying about the same thing.

"Logan," he whispers, "if I'm—if I'm wrong, please don't hold it against me."

"If you're wrong about what, dear?"

Roman takes a deep breath, prays to every god he doesn't believe in, and presses his mouth to Logan's.

For long, glorious seconds, neither of them moves.

Then, just as an icy cold hand takes hold of Roman's chest, Logan sighs and melts against, him his hand coming up to cradle the back of Roman's head as he's kissed so softly, so sweetly, he feels tears begin to form at the corners of his eyes.

"No, my dear," Logan murmurs when they part, voice wonderfully hoarse, "you weren't wrong."

"Thank god, otherwise that would've been awfully embarrassing."

Logan chuckles, ruffling his hair. "I propose we finish dinner first, then talk about this, hm?"

"Do we have to?"

"Yes, dear, we should talk about this."

"But I want to kiss you again."

"I didn't say you shouldn't kiss me again. I said we should have dinner first and ta—"

Roman shuts him up with another kiss. Logan chuckles into his mouth, so he figures he doesn't mind too much, and delights in learning that he's found just as effective a way to get Logan to shut up.

#fic rec #logince #they're so adorable #innocently in love #too bad logan isn't innocent in other aspects #and by that I mean he used to be a villain #they'll figure it out #for now they're just cute #💖💙

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naminethewriter · 27 days ago

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On a Butterfly's Wing, Ch. 7: Three Coffees

Graphical representation of the Lorenz Attractor.

Prev - Three Coffees - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

The next day, Logan Croft wakes up in the Intruloceit universe of Overruled.

Logan opened his eyes to a dream. His bedroom glowed with summer’s dawn bleeding through pale yellow gossamer curtains. Art adorned every free space on the walls, chunky oil abstracts in every color of the rainbow, pensive watercolor studies of autumn trees, fantastical starscapes filled with comets and a scientifically accurate black hole. Still lifes and portraits… there was even one of Patton styled like Frida Khalo.

His body woke slowly, floating, without any pain. No lingering aches, no throbbing behind his eyes, no stiffness in his jaw. Humming, he relished the comfortable warmth of his bed, fluffy flannel sheets, a feather-light thermal blanket.

His heart stopped when he looked down and spotted the soft blonde hair splayed over his bare chest.

Moving slowly, he lifted his left hand. It bore the glint of a gold ring but no scars, not on his palm nor on his wrist. The room was different from his and Kelly’s tiny first apartment but everything else felt like first year together.

Logan struggled to breath. He couldn’t take this dream again, glorified memories of those halcyon early days in their relationship. Dreams of Kelly’s softness, her passion. Her love. The dreams of the wife he’d lost, of the life he’d been too inept to hold on to. He didn’t know which was worse, waking from a dream filled with ‘I love you’s… Or the dreams when even his imagination couldn’t force those words from her lips.

Wake up.

Hand shaking, he slowly brushed away a lock of hair from dream Kelly’s forehead and revealed soft golden brown eyes looking up at him. The chai-colored eyes of his boss.

“Morning, Lo.” Janus’ voice rumbled in his chest, low and rough. And warm. His lips were curled in a wry, sleepy smile. “How did you sleep, my dear?” he murmured, bowing his head to nuzzle against Logan’s chest. At his continued silence, Janus glanced up, eyebrows raised. “Nervous about today?”

Dream logic failed him and he had no idea what he was meant to be nervous about. “Perhaps,” he nodded, hopeful he'd found the right thing to say.

Janus’ smile softened and he reached up, drawing lithe fingers through Logan’s hair. “You’ve planned everything beautifully. The party will be perfect.” Fuzzy color flashed with the movement and Logan turned his head to see Janus’ tattoo.

"Is that a pride flag?" Logan had asked all those years ago, unable to tear his eyes from the bright rainbow stripes tattooed along the other man’s inner wrist. Janus had looked up at him, pupils shrunk to pinpricks. He’d recovered quickly, papering over a flash of fear with an annoyed scowl. "Yes, it is. Don't worry, though, homosexuality isn't contagious,” he’d spat. Fuck. Logan sputtered, "Th—that is not what I meant—I—I—“ What are you going to say? ‘I thought it looked nice? Would you tell me where you got it?’ He closed his mouth and tried again. "Would it be reasonable for me to assume, then that you are... " "What, ‘gay?’ Do you have a problem with gay men, Croft?" Well done, Logan. He thinks you’re a bigot. What's next, ‘My best friend in college was gay,’ huh? Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses, "No, of course not.” Janus stared back at him, eyes bright with anger. Salvage this now. “Your life choices are none of my business. What two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is none of my concern." "'None of your concern?'" And you just managed to make it worse. Well done, Logan. Bravo. Janus stood tall, shoulders squared. “My life isn't some legal theory to debate or libertarian principle for you to support and then pat yourself on the back. The way our society treats the LGBTQ community is a matter of literal life and death for us." He was right. Of course he was right. And the pain-laced rage simmering in Janus’ glare told Logan this was far, far more than theoretical to his new friend study partner. Logan’s throat closed but he pushed away the quaver in his voice and tightened his jaw. This wasn't about him. "I... I apologize. I didn't intend to offend you." Janus pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head as though Logan were a very, very dull student. Logan hung his head. Perhaps he was. "Listen, Croft, you seem like you think you're a decent guy, so here's your one and only free lesson in How Not to Be a Dick 101." Janus scowled at him but leaned in close. The cedar and spice of his cologne filled Logan’s lungs and his eyes glowed even as they nailed Logan to his seat. Fuck, Janus was going to be an amazing lawyer. "Impact matters more than intent." For a moment, Logan feared Janus might next demonstrate impact in a more physical way. But he appeared to decide Logan wasn’t worth it. "Just because you didn't intend to dismiss me like you think I'm just some ***, doesn't mean you—“ Voice tight, he stopped himself and took a slow breath. “Doesn't mean that wasn't your impact." And Janus was right. Desperate to explain but certain anything else he managed to babble would only harm Janus further, Logan nodded. "I am genuinely sorry to have hurt you," he said, fighting to keep his voice under control. "Perhaps we can schedule a session later today." Logan pocketed Janus' card and fled the classroom before Janus could change his mind about them working together. His colossal failure at a good—or even decent—first impression and Janus’ quick correction of him had made its own impact. That night, Logan had walked the stacks at his security job, greeting the opening librarian with an armful of Baldwin and Wilde and Lorde to check out. It's what had ultimately led him to his internship—again working rather uncomfortably alongside Janus—and to his job at QLaw. His entire career. Janus had changed his life that day. The only sign the real Janus had even remembered their first conversation, though, was the lingering nickname.

“Lo?” Voice soft, Janus called him back to his dream. Logan's gaze refocused and Janus looked up at him, eyes gentle and concerned. Logan had seen him look at his husband like that the night he'd overindulged at a Q-Law party. And another time when the green-haired man had caught a finger in a folding table while helping to set up before a press conference in back 2012.

“Where'd you go, Lo?”

Logan smiled, the warmth in Janus’ gaze melting the icy rock at the pit of his stomach. He’d never dared imagine those eyes might look at him that way. Apparently his subconscious had no such qualms.

“I’m right here, Janus,” he whispered, reaching out to brush back a lock of hair that had fallen across his forehead. His hair was so soft, flowing and liquid over Logan’s fingers. It shimmered in the morning light, gold and platinum and…

“Counting the grays?” Janus asked, chest rumbling with a quiet laugh.

Logan shook his head. “Silver,” he countered. “And every strand is beautiful. Just like you.”

“Hmmm…” Eyes closed, Janus leaned into the touch like a cat. “You’re such a sweet talker. You make me not want to get up.”

“Then let’s stay right here,” Logan whispered with the courage of a dream. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Mm, if only,” Janus pouted—pouted!—and leaned in for a kiss. “Re’ll be up in—”

With a bang, the bedroom door swung open, pushed by Janus’ husband backing through. Logan froze, but Janus stretched and sat up with a smile. Logan scrambled to sit up as well, straightening the covers between them them. When he looked up, Remus had turned, bearing a wooden tray of three steaming mugs.

“Damn, you’re awake,” he grinned, holding out the tray. “I thought I was going to have to get creative with how I got you both up this morning.”

“And how would that be different from any other morning when you wake before us?” Janus purred, one eyebrow cocked as he took one of the mugs. The blanket fell away as he moved, revealing he was dressed in nothing but a pair of silky boxers.

And neither was Logan.

Remus was the most dressed of all of them, clad in baggy plaid sleep pants, hung low around his hips. He was shirtless, revealing a large dragon tattoo splashed across his chest and back, one wing dipping over his shoulder, tail curled around his arm down to the wrist. Watching Logan’s gaze, Remus waggled his eyebrows in response and moved the tray closer to him. “Thirsty, Lo Lo?”

Logan accepted a cup with a small nod, cheeks burning at the innuendo.

“I thought I smelled coffee,” he said for lack of anything better to say. His earlier dream-fueled bravado dissolved, he held the mug with shaking hands. “Thank you,” he added and took a sip before he blurted out anything else nonsensical.

The coffee was just the way he liked it, dark-brewed on the right side of bitter, very strong. And hot. He pressed a scalded tongue against the back of his teeth, the pain not quite enough to drag him to consciousness.

As though the dream couldn’t get stranger, Remus passed Logan the third mug and wiggled into the space between him and Janus on the bed. Janus sipped his coffee with a bemused smile, shaking his head at Remus’ triumphant jazz hands when he’d gotten situated, lanky legs tangled together with theirs.

“Thank you, Lo Lo,” he sing-songed, inclining his head as he took a mug from him and finished half of it in one draw. “You know… You two took the day off and we still have a whole hour before Pat’s back from Portland…”

“Muse, while we are deeply flattered by your more than romantic proposition,” Janus began, hiding a smile behind his mug. “I do not believe now is the time for a morning tryst.”

“Jannie! I’m shocked!” Hand pressed to his heart, Remus couldn’t quite conceal a smile behind his look of exaggerated offense. “I was going to say we still had time to decorate more downstairs before our son gets home.”

“It’s the nineteenth,” Logan murmured, glancing at the phone charging on the nightstand before flexing the fingers of his unmarred hand. “Patton’s birthday was last week. It’s at least twenty—”

The other two had fallen silent and he looked up. Janus’ worried eyes had returned and Remus peered at him, head titled like a bird. “Lo Lo?”

“I think perhaps… I need�� more coffee,” he said before gulping down the rest of his cup.

When he’d finished, Janus and Remus were still watching him, concern dragging down each of their expressions. “I… I assure you,” he murmured, inclining his head. “I am quite alright.”

After taking his empty cup, Remus reached for him, strong hands more gentle than he would have expected as he maneuvered him between them. With Logan’s head pillowed on his shoulder, he curled one arm across his back. Janus set the other cups down and brought Logan’s hand close to his lips.

"You seem upset," Remus whispered into his hair. “It’s okay to not be alright, Love.”

Janus brushed kisses against his fingers and smiled. “Now where have I heard that before?”

Buoyed by their embrace and by the naked love in their eyes, Logan nodded. “I think perhaps I need just a bit more of this before we start the day,” he finally said, chest warming at their growing smiles. “If that’s… acceptable to you?”

Cupping his cheek, Janus leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. “More than acceptable.”

#fic rec #intruloceit #the saddest version of logan once again gets to live a dream #don't like what that means for his other version though...#I wonder if janus and remus will figure out something is up by the end of the day #they're smart after all #and this is the universe he has the least knowledge of #very interested to see where this goes #💛💙💚

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naminethewriter · 27 days ago

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Reblog if you write fanfic and would be totally down with your followers coming into you askbox and talking to you about your fic

#ask game #kinda #always

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naminethewriter · 28 days ago

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Random question for my fanfic writing friends:

When you go to AO3, what’s your total word count?

#278322 #ao3 stats

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naminethewriter · 28 days ago

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Sequel to And Then There Were Two. Virgil's perspective on the break up.

He couldn’t tell you why it happened. Well he could tell you why it happened, but not why it happened right then. Virgil couldn’t say for certain why that fight in particular had been more explosive than usual. Maybe it was just time. They’d spent so long in their little fairy tale, it was time to wake up to reality. Dark sides don’t get what they want. They don’t get to be happy.

Virgil was powerful enough that Thomas couldn’t have ignored him even if he wanted. Patton couldn’t fully repress him. Janus could only just barely silence him, and never for long unless Virgil allowed it. But he couldn’t get accepted like this. He’d always be seen as working against Thomas, even when the only thing any of them could ever do was work in their own version of his best interest.

But the fight. He’d been, well, anxious. What else? When it came to fight or flight, that time he’d done both. He could honestly say he didn’t remember what started that fight or the last several, just that it had gotten more out of hand. He’d said things he knew he didn’t mean, but even knowing that he was lying, didn’t stop the words from cutting Janus deep. And of course, what does a snake do when cornered? Well what do any of them do, really? He lashed out. But he never crossed the lines that Virgil had.

And Virgil couldn't stop thinking about it. Replaying it in his head, over and over. He hadn’t even said goodbye to the Duke. How pathetic was that? But it’s not like he could go back now. They’d all be pissed at him and even if they weren’t nothing would change. But then everything had changed.

It was rough at first. Thomas wasn’t fond of him and the others didn’t understand him. He couldn’t help his function! None of them could… But isn’t that why Virgil left in the first place? Because none of them could help what they were? Maybe they were just doomed from the start. Anxiety didn’t mix well with Intrusive Thoughts, nor with Deceit when it was levied at him. Why didn’t Janus trust him? Did he just go and prove him right? What happened? It was supposed to be the three of them together until the end.

Virgil felt regret and remorse for certain, but it became overshadowed by frustration and bitterness.

And then the core three accepted him. They’d all had their moments but they all came through for him at once this time. Even Thomas. When he hid himself away, they all came to find him. Why hadn’t Janus? Why hadn’t Remus? Maybe he just never meant that much to them in the first place. Maybe he’d been kidding himself the whole time. Of course they wouldn’t love him. He wasn’t fun and he wasn’t calm and he always needed extra care. He was built to lurk in the shadows but not to be surrounded by them. What a joke.

So he’d stay in the light. Maybe they didn’t really get him, but they had enough things in common and helped him well enough. He could even influence Thomas on a greater level instead of just vague feelings of dread. There weren’t many shadows to lurk in, but there were enough. He wouldn’t make the same mistake this time, though. They could be friends, but he’d never offer up what he had again. And that was fine.

Then Janus showed up. In the light. He wasn’t supposed to be there. He was supposed to keep his lies to himself. And worse, he was acting like he wasn’t upset! Virgil didn’t have the same lie detection abilities, but it was obvious Janus was hiding how he was feeling. You don’t spend that long that close to someone without picking up a few things. Well Virgil wasn’t going to let him ruin this.

Janus had to be seething that he hadn’t gotten to step into the light and that Virgil had left them and probably about all the things that had been said when he departed. There was simply no way he wasn’t pissed that everything hadn’t gone to plan. So Virgil was going to do his job. Once upon a time he’d believed the narrative Janus had spun about being good for Thomas. Not anymore. Virgil would protect Thomas from any threat, no matter if he knew how that threat took their tea or what their favorite book was.

If he’d taken a second to be honest with himself, Virgil would find it was tearing him up inside. At his core he wanted nothing more than for Janus and Remus to hold him again. So he didn’t take a second. And he never would again. He was committed to protecting himself Thomas.

He honestly should have expected Remus. After the trial, it was only natural that Janus would be frustrated. He only had one card left to play: The Duke.

The odd thing was, Remus wasn’t angry. If Remus was angry, everyone would know it, and everyone would know why. No… He was excited. The others assumed it was because he was pent up from being suppressed, but Virgil knew better. It could just be a case of Remus bouncing around so much that he just wasn’t upset anymore or right at that moment, but seeing Virgil after so long should have set him off if he held any resentment at all. Instead he was giddy.

Had he been wrong? That wasn’t an unusual occurrence, of course, but in this case it was particularly confusing. What had he been wrong about?

He took a moment to think back to the time Janus had shown up in his room after revealing himself to Thomas. They both knew Janus could have been in and out without Virgil ever knowing. He chose to show himself and be non threatening and calm. Was it an act like he had believed to try to get him to let up? Or was it a genuine appeal for connection?

If he… If he had been wrong that whole time… If he’d been doing this to them all for no reason… He couldn’t bear the thought. No, he had to continue on. Janus was always up to something, that much he knew.

He wasn’t there when it happened, but he felt it. Janus hadn’t just visited the light again, he’d been accepted by it. By Thomas. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to go on? He couldn’t help but remember all the times they’d dreamed about what they would do when they were accepted by Thomas. Janus had wanted to make all of his dreams achievable. Remus wanted to expand his horizons. Virgil had wanted to keep them all safe. Is that what he had done? Had he kept any of them safe? What could he do now?

Logan had said that Anxiety made reminiscing difficult because it caused them to compare the past to the present. Things were different and they couldn’t be the same again. But they could be similar. They could be better. They could also be worse. Time would tell. Virgil summoned a mirror and applied his eye shadow. Either way he would have work to do.

#fic rec #past anxceitmus #virgil's perspective #I love the introspection #about how he didn't let himself dwell on his feelings because he was afraid of them #and how at the end he acknowledges that there might be a good outcome to all of it #it's very nice #💛💜💚

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