#romance club is a bit more extreme

[dilatorywriting]

Valentine's Day Special: Let Them Fight

GN!Reader x Malleus Draconia vs. Azul Ashengrotto vs. Vil Schoenheit Word Count: 5.3k

Summary: Who knew that in a world of magic, and mayhem, and outright villainy, that it'd be something as stupid as Valentine's Day that would push these idiots over the edge. Or, Malleus, Azul, and Vil go to war over some chocolates

A/N: This MC/Plot takes place in the Heroes vs Villains universe -- specifically Post-Staff's route, rather than any of our other lovely idiot husbands.

There was always some sort of strange overlap of customs from your world to this one. Halloween seemed to have survived more or less intact (even if it was a bit more, uh, extreme than the subtle evening of giving out treats and dressing as ghosts that you remembered). Winter Holidays were still very much a Thing, even if all other connotations had been stripped from them. Moreover, it was like someone had taken your familiar Earthen calendar and just sort of… mirrored it. Distorted it a bit. Just a lil’ bit more chaos than would have been socially acceptable back home.

So when you made a sly little joke about stocking up on discount chocolates after the Valentine’s Day rush and no one laughed—not even a little chortle, or an irritable eyeroll—you initially thought it was maybe to do with the irrationality of Sam’s Shop ever having a sale to begin with. You had not assumed that, you know, there was no Valentine’s Day at all.

“It’s an important holiday, then? Where you’re from?” Azul mused, busy scribbling endless, chicken scratch, notes in the margins of some form that was probably very important.

“I mean, not really,” you frowned, tossing your Mostro-Branded apron onto its hook. “Maybe. Yes? I don’t really know, actually.”

He hummed and moved to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “Well, whatever it is, I’m always looking for new events to host at the Lounge. What exactly is it?”

“It’s a sort of special day for couples. Romance. Lovey-dovey nonsense,” you shrugged, and watched Azul’s finger slip off the slick metal frame of his glasses and nearly take his eye out. You waved off his obvious disgust with a dramatic sigh (I mean, why else would he be so stiff and red?). “Yeah, yeah. I know. It’s ridiculous.”

“I—I never said that!” he spluttered, and then paused to cough into his fist and clear his throat. “It just—I just wasn’t expecting something like that to…”

“Exist?”

He grinned, wry. His cheeks were still a bit too pink. “Precisely.”

“You would have loved my world,” you said. “Very capitalistic. Lots of cash-grab holidays like that.”

Azul laughed.

“I’m sure I would be fond of any place you came from.” He paused, and his expression puckered up a bit miserably—like he really hadn’t intended to express such a sentiment aloud. But he managed to smooth the sharp line of his frown back into that usual, smarmy, smirk of his easily enough. “But either way! Tell me more!” he grinned, reaching forward to grab a stack of blank paper and a fresh pen. “I’d love to hear all about it.”

.

.

The next day you were supposed to help the Drama Club start building some stage scenery for their newest play. It was proper grunt work, which was perhaps the only sort of work you were actually qualified for. And Vil always made sure that there were plenty of disgustingly healthy but still quite tasty snacks available for the help to munch on. The food spread alone would have been worth the trip, but on top of that, Vil had made you promise. Practically a blood oath, binding you and your meager free time to the shitty supply closet in the corner of the Auditorium. And as sour as he could be sometimes, you really could never say no to him when he always looked so heart meltingly fond whenever you did agree to while away the hours at his side. That lovely face and even lovelier smile of his were fucking lethal. A war crime, surely, to use it against someone as plain and susceptible to bribery as you were.

But today you were now an idiot on a mission—an idiot determined to spread the joy of a trashy holiday that really probably shouldn’t exist in the first place, let alone in a world where people worshipped storybook villains as veritable deities. And you’d already bought all the molds, and the trays, and you really didn’t have a lot of spare pocket money to begin with, so letting this investment go to waste would not only be a shame, but a terrible business investment.

“What do you mean you’re not coming,” Vil sneered, glaring down his perfectly straight nose at you.

“I really am sorry,” you said, mostly genuine. “But I have something I need to do this afternoon.”

“You’ve made other plans?” he frowned, something a little too unsettled to fit with his usual regality twisting across his expression.

“I have to get ready for Valentine’s Day,” you explained, and his brow tugged down further. Though that earlier twinge of panic seemed to have vanished at least. You pointedly shook your grocery bag full of goodies. “I’m going to make chocolates for everyone.”

“Chocolates?” Vil echoed, confused.

You nodded. “It’s a tradition back home. You give stuff like candy and flowers to the people you care about. Normally it’s a holiday for couples, or whatever. But. Well…”

The ‘I Am Fully Aware That I’m Single as a Pringle, Please Just Let Me Have This One Thing’ was left unsaid, but it hung in the air around your head like a very persistent storm cloud nonetheless. Vil, magnanimously, seemed perfectly happy to ignore the Woe Is Me implications spewing from your mouth. Instead, he leaned forward until he was dipping precariously close into your personal space. His amethyst eyes had lit with blatant interest at your ramblings, and he hummed low in his throat.

“Is that so?” he mused, gaze lidded and warm. “That sounds… intriguing.”

You nodded past the heady scent of his cologne fogging your head. What was it with attractive people, huh? It was so unfair. You don’t get to look and smell good. Pick a lane. Save some dignity for the rest of us.

“So, I promise I’ll help another day. I just have a feeling making chocolates is going to wind up being a lot harder than I think it will.”

Because that’s how it always went in your stupid slice-of-life shows. The poor, harried, protagonist thinking they’re doing a good deed—painstakingly constructing their own, special, homemade goodies for all their important people. Making them with love. And then having it all blow up in their face like a goddamn, cocoa flavored, nuke. Nope. Not you, motherfucker. Your chocolates were going to be divine. You were going to take every, tropey, precaution in the book. And that of course included allotting yourself ample time to make mistakes your masterpiece.

“Of course,” Vil grinned. “How could I possibly begrudge you for wanting to spend your time on something so heartfelt?”

“Thank you,” you blurted, relived. Because at least he got it. Azul had been so ridiculously insistent that you should prepare all your Valentine’s Day wishes as a team. Which was not the point. He’d spent hours last night trying to wheedle his way into your plans—with endless platitudes about ‘business partners always being there for each other,’ and ‘how would he know if he was celebrating to your standards if he wasn’t given a model to work off of first?’ Utter bullshit. He’d probably just wanted free labor.

“Tomorrow, then?” Vil beamed and you nodded.

“Tomorrow,” you confirmed.

“Well, then,” he hummed. “I better get to work as well. I suppose the scenery can wait.”

You nodded in farewell and began the trek back to Ramshackle and its marginally functional kitchens. You hadn’t realized Vil was taking on any new projects, but if it was enough to have him putting off the Club’s activities as well then it must have been pretty important. Maybe he’d get you tickets to it whenever he finished—whatever it was. If there were tickets? How did any of the things he did actually work? Hell if you knew.

.

.

Making chocolates was, in fact, a laughably easy endeavor. And you found yourself cursing every goddamn Shoujo Bullshit Manga under the sun for leading you to think otherwise. The hardest part of the entire thing was fighting off Grim and his wandering paws.

You made up some basic truffles which were, again, stupidly simple. Just some messily chopped chocolate, cream, and a little splash of vanilla to make it Special. Once those were shaped into messy blobs, you dipped them into some more melted chocolate and bam. That was it. That was literally it. You felt like a genius—sitting there mushing up balls of cocoa like high-end playdough.

By 6PM, you had all your little darlings tucked into the refrigerator to harden, all the gauzy, red, boxes lined up on your counter and ready to be filled, and Grim had been placated with an offering of all your dirty mixing bowls. The tiny, demonic, beast was passed out at the dingy kitchen table—one of said bowls wedged onto his head like an astronaut’s helmet. Hopefully it was just a food coma and not, like, an actual coma-coma. Real cats couldn’t eat chocolate, but Grim never really seemed real at all. So hopefully he’d be fine.

You wiped down your cooking space once, twice. Paced up and down the narrow hallway until you were wearing away the already threadbare rugs, and spent way too long just standing in front of the fridge—staring in on your chocolates like a psychotic kidnapper scoping out their next victims.

Eventually you realized that you maybe needed to do something with your evening that wasn’t just creeping on your confections, and set out into the frosty, night, air for a stroll.

Which is, of course, where you ran into your familiar, horned, friend—staring up into the starry sky in a wistful manner that darkened his pale complexion into something nearly ominous. He always looked a bit like that, like something unearthly and detached from the rest of the world.

“Tsunotarou!” you chirped happily, and that adrift-at-sea expression of his melted right off his face.

“Child of Man,” he greeted, inclining his head politely. “I wasn’t expecting to see you this evening.” His brow furrowed, almost confused. “Is it not too cold for you?”

Your breath was, in fact, fogging in front of your face. And you couldn’t really feel your toes anymore. But the electric anticipation of tomorrow was keeping you warm enough. Even if only in spirit.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” you waved him off. And then, because you couldn’t help yourself, you leaned forward on your tippytoes and blurted out, “Happy Almost Valentine’s Day!”

“Valentine’s Day?” Malleus repeated back at you, looking like you’d just handed him an unsolvable differential equation.

“It’s a holiday from back home,” you explained for the umpteenth time that day. “And normally I’m not too fussed about it, but this year I’m really excited to give everyone their chocolates!” You grinned. “And you too, of course. I have to make sure I give them to all my important people.”

The furrow between his brows vanished, but the blatant, gaping, confusion remained. He looked like you’d nearly startled him into an early grave.

“I am one of your most important people?” he asked, slow as a tortoise making its way up an incline.

You nodded cheerfully, still bellied by your earlier culinary successes and excellent mood. “Of course you are! We’re friends, aren’t we? And besides. Valentine’s Day is for showing people how much you care about them.”

“What an interesting concept,” he mused, bringing a finger up to tap at his chin. “To think your world had such a heartfelt tradition—it’s quite a lovely surprise.”

You laughed. “If you think the chocolates are special, you should see what some couples do for each other. Rooms full of flowers, fancy date nights—I’m just managing the bare minimum.”

“Couples?” he echoed, and you felt the first teeny, hot, thread of chagrin work its way past your enthusiasm.

“Well, normally Valentine’s Day focuses on, like, romantic things,” you said, averting your gaze just in time to miss the tension lance through his shoulders. “But it can be for all sorts of affection!” you hastily added.

“Is that so…” the Prince hummed. He lifted his pensive gaze once more and stared you down with that weighted intensity that you’d only just recently learned how not to buckle beneath. “And you wish to celebrate this day. With me?”

“…you don’t mind, do you?” you asked, hesitant.

“Of course not, Child of Man,” he beamed, his lips curling up into a smile that put all his too-sharp teeth on display. “But you’ll have to excuse me now, I’m afraid. It seems I have some preparations to undertake this evening.”

“Oh,” you blinked. “Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

“Yes,” Malleus said. “You will.”

.

.

It was officially Valentine’s Day, and you were ready to begin your mission of forcing your sweets onto every, single, one of your reluctant friends. Let them be pissy and tsundere. You weren’t afraid to weep and proclaim your undying, shounen-talk-no-jutsu, levels of friendship. Okay. Maybe you were a little. But these grouchy bastards had very easily become your grouchy bastards, and so help you God, they would suffer under your affection and they would like it.

There were plenty of small boxes—all nice, neat, corners with little bows perched on top. But you had also prepared a singular, larger, tray. It was cleaner cut than the rest, with bold, contrasting, colors and a simple elegance. You stared it down with a strange sort of disquiet brewing in your gut. Maybe you were being presumptuous. Goodness knows you’d more than dealt with the searing, emotionally destructive, consequences of that before. But all the same…

You squared your shoulders and spent a moment convincing yourself that your spine was quite sturdy—a proper, titanium, support system—and then popped the Big Box into the bag with the others.

Your first stop was Heartslabyul, and you burst through the ornate, crimson, doors like a manic home invader.

“I come bearing gifts,” you proclaimed, merrily doling out the boxes to your favorite idiot duo. You set three more aside, with little labels for Riddle, Trey, and Cater respectively. Normally you wouldn’t trust a dorm full of teenage boys not to devour any scrap of unattended food in sight, but Riddle had long since struck the fear of God into these poor lads. So you figured it’d be safe.

Deuce’s face lit up and he accepted the chocolate with near starry-eyed enthusiasm.

“Are these your holiday presents? Like the Santa Claus?” he asked, looking very much like a bouncy golden retriever preparing itself for congratulatory head pats.

You leaned forward with an indulgent huff to give him his pats. “No. But close enough.”

You pawned off three boxes on Ruggie when he tried to duck past you in the hallway—one for him, one for Leona, and one extra as payment for making him do your dirty work of playing delivery boy to Mister Grump in the first place. You slipped Jack his on the way into Trein’s morning lecture, and managed to press a box into Jamil’s hands before he slunk off to the library. Kalim cheered so loudly when you handed him one that your ears started to ring.

And then trouble arrived in the form of two, slippery, eels draping themselves across your shoulders. Normally the destructive duo seemed to act on their own prerogative, but on this fortuitous morning their Lord and Master was surprisingly not too far behind.

“Shrimpy!~” Floyd trilled, dragging you into a one-armed hug that was really more of a slightly-less-aggressive headlock than anything else. “Azul says you came up with this stupid holiday! And he made us work all day yesterdayto put together stuff for the Lounge! It’s not fair!”

Your legs shook under the weight of the new tumor that had made its home on your back.

“Now, Floyd,” Jade chirped. All finely manicured cruelty. “If you’re to blame anyone for going overboard with this entire situation, you ought to lay the fault on our fearless leader.” His bi-colored eyes flashed, amused. “Isn’t that right, Azul?”

Said ‘fearless leader’ looked like he was sucking on a lemon. He glared bitterly at his subordinate, seeming to share an entire, silent, argument with him, before turning back on you with a heavy sigh and the barest hint of angry flush in his cheeks.

“Prefect,” he grinned past his obvious discomfort, all sparkling, white, teeth. “I have to thank you for sharing so much information about this ‘Valentine’s Day’ of yours. It’s such a unique event, and it seems like our preparations at the Lounge are already being received incredibly well.”

“That’s good,” you nodded, trying and failing to shrug the Leech off your shoulders. “I’m glad I could help.”

Azul hummed under his breath, his eyes darting away for a moment. His glasses reflected the muted light of the hall in an odd way—making it difficult to read his expression. He cleared his throat and when he looked back up at you, the tips of his ears had gone pink.

“You’re more than welcome to come by, of course,” he beamed, suave as could be.

“I mean,” you blinked. “I would hope so. I work there.”

Floyd let out a bark of laughter and Jade snickered into his glove. The pleasant pink tinting Azul’s skin was heating to a near sunburned red. He looked down and coughed into his fist.

“Yes…” he mumbled. “I—I’m aware. But what I meant is… What I meant—” He frowned. It was a tight, pouty, little thing that scrunched up his entire face. That mottled red had spread to the bridge of his nose.

“I do believe what Azul is trying to say,” Jade stepped in, clearly taking some sort of pity on his tongue-tied friend. Or perhaps pity was the wrong word for it, seeing how smug he looked, “is that he would like to invite you to the event personally. As an honored guest, not an employee.”

“Oh,” you blinked, startled. Then hesitated, cautious on instinct. There was always some sort of catch to the Octomer’s kindness. “I don’t know if I could afford whatever fancy thing you’ve thrown together.”

“You wouldn’t be paying for it,” Azul assured you, some of that sickly flush having finally started to recede from his cheeks. You hoped he was feeling alright. “You’ve contributed more than enough for the day. It would be on the house.”

Jade loudly cleared his throat and Azul huffed, eyes sliding away yet again.

“I would be paying,” he finally mumbled. And then, even quieter, “As I believe is the custom.”

Just as you were about to thank him for his startling bought of generosity (and also ask after his health, because between the weird, pink, tinge to his skin and the aforementioned generosity, clearly somethingwas out of sorts with him), you noticed a sneaky hand working its way into your bag of goodies, and you immediately were on the defensive.

“Hey!” you snapped, spinning out of Floyd’s stranglehold. “You only get one!”

“Then I want the really big one!” he demanded, making grabby motions at it.

“No!” you squeaked, and clutched it protectively to your chest. The trio looked at you with varying degrees of surprise and you cleared your throat awkwardly. “This one—This one is special.”

“Oh?” Jade cooed, eyes flickering back towards Azul, who seemed determined to look absolutely anywhere else. “Is it now?”

“Awww,” Floyd whined. “That’s no fair! Who’s it for, anyways?!”

You gripped the box tighter and now it was your turn to stiffly avert your eyes down to the ugly carpet. “It’s not—I’m not—” you cleared your throat and forced the jitter from your voice. “I’m not ready to give it to him yet.”

The silence that followed was absolutely the worst thing you’d experienced in a long, long, time. Overblots and all. You could practically hear your blood pounding in your ears. You were just about to turn and beat a hasty retreat when a familiar, snappish, voice called your name from the other side of the corridor.

“There you are, potato,” Vil huffed, coming to stand at your side and bodily inserting himself between you and your tormentors. He met Azul’s petulant sneer with a frankly terrifying one of his own. “What are you doing here? I thought we agreed you’d be eating lunch with me today.”

You remembered no such thing, but if it got you out of this verbal minefield of a conversation, you were more than willing to take the claim at face value.

“Apologies,” Azul cut in with all his usual, mafioso, flair. “But the Prefect will be taking their afternoon meal at the Mostro Lounge today.”

“Is that so?” Vil hummed, sounding positively venomous.

“Unless you think you can make an offer good enough to sway them otherwise,” Azul chirped, equally as unpleasant.

Vil laughed—cold and sharp as crystal. It was the most elegant display of blatant irritation you’d ever seen.

“Of course you’d only consider this entire situation on a transactional basis,” he drawled, entirely unimpressed. Azul flinched and his expression screwed up into something near petulant. “I would expect no less. Are you planning to lock them into a contact too, hmm? Sign away everything in formal, sterile, terms?” Vil crossed his arms, and you were reminded sharply once more how very, very lucky you were to not be on his bad side (even if you hadn’t realized before all this that Azul apparently was on said bad side. You had no idea they disliked each other so terribly). “I really hadn’t expected you to have a single, romantic, bone in your body, and yet somehow I’m still disappointed to be proved so entirely correct.”

Azul looked ready to explode, and even though Jade and Floyd and melted back into the shadows at the start of this entire encounter, the pair of them were starting to look a bit murderous too—like sharks lazily circling the dark, ocean, depths.  

“Don’t you think you deserve better?” Vil asserted, turning back to face you with a soft cant of the head. You blinked back in shock.

“Uh,” you gaped, absolutely fucking lost.

And then, like a beacon of unrivaled, black-drenched, hope, you spotted Malleus making his way down the hallway. He was flanked by his trio of housemates-cum-pseudo-bodyguards. Normally you tried to leave him alone when his rabid, green-haired, guard dog was yipping at his heels, and on top of that, the idea of using your classmates’ ingrained fear of the Fae Prince to your own advantage upset your rather staunch sensibilities. But this was an emergency.

“Tsunotarou!” you called, and it absolutely sounded like the cry for help it was.

He perked up immediately and you watched him nearly crash to a standstill. And then his sharp, neon, gaze locked on the dueling Housewardens circling you like a pair of snapping wolves, and his merry expression shuttered into something positively glacial. Which was—Fuck. I mean. Come on. What the fuck was going on today—

“Child of Man,” he droned, crossing the short distance with all the grace of the near-mythical, arcane, master that he was. His posture was more collected and regal than you’d ever seen it, and he loomed all the taller for it.

Azul and Vil had gone tense at your side, one certainly more so than other. The Octomer looked incredibly unsettled at Malleus’s sudden arrival, but Vil just looked angrier. It was the sort of unpleasantness that bloomed whenever someone challenged him or his competencies over and over—inevitably pushing the normally composed beauty into an indignant rage.

“Happy Day of Valentine’s,” Malleus continued, slotting himself firmly into the veritable territory dispute going down. “Are you quite alright?”

No, you wanted to wail. No! I’m so confused! I have no idea what’s going on! I just wanted to give my friends chocolates!

But you never managed to get those words or any others past your lips, because Sebek Zigvolt shot to his master’s side with all the speed of the lightning for which he was so named, and immediately began to scream.

“HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT THE YOUNG MASTER’S AFTERNOON ROUTINE!” he shrieked at the top of his very impressive lungs.

You weren’t sure if he was howling at you (very likely) or just anyone who wasn’t Malleus, but Jade took the opportunity to slink forward from the shadows with a sharp tut-tut.

“Perhaps none of you deserve the Prefect’s special attentions,” he piped in, sounding very much like someone intentionally throwing a cannister of gasoline onto an already roaring fire. “Or any chocolates at all—let alone the ones set aside for someone special.”

At this, silence once more rang through the corridor and you wanted to throttle that stupid eel.

“There is a special box?” Malleus asked first, brow shooting up as his expression tugged with… something.

“I—I mean, I made all of yours special!” you defended, holding the wrapped treasure tightly to your chest. “But… I guess. Yes. There’s one that’s a little bigger than the others.”

At this, all three Housewardens exchanged pointed looks.

Jade smiled serenely once more, and then continued his absolute massacre upon your person.

“Yes, indeed,” he nodded. “And our dearest Prefect only just mentioned that—hmm. How did you word it? Ah. That’s right. ‘I’m not ready to give it to him yet.’”

The trio tensed. All looking absolutely ready to pounce. At—at what, you had no idea.

“Perhaps,” the wretch mused, “it would be best for you all to temper your rage until the victor is decided, hmm?” He paused to tap at his chin for a moment, and then his lips split into a mean, jagged, grin. “Afterwards? Well, I suppose that whole cheery sentiment about ‘love and war’ still holds true.”

You gulped, feeling startlingly like Jade had just tried to serve you up on a silver platter.

But when neither Azul, Vil, or Malleus made any further moves to murder each other… well. As sacrificial as it all felt, at least it must have worked.

The rest of the day passed in a tense sort of fugue. You certainly hadn’t expected your attempts at bringing some holiday cheer to Night Raven to go so… Uh…

But either way, you managed to survive through the rest of the afternoon, and before you knew it, all that remained of all your tireless efforts and good will was the Special Box. The big one. The one that you’d put together with extra care and hopes for better things. You glared down at it for a moment, feeling sweat starting to bead over your palms. But you couldn’t chicken out now. Not after you’d come so far! Everyone was acting so strange, and it was all so weird. And as much as that unfamiliarity had your teeth on edge and your hackles raised, you didn’t want to regret not giving out the last of your well-made sweets.

Well, here goes nothing, you frowned. You took a deep breath, willed yourself to be brave, and smiled your biggest smile.

“Here,” you beamed, more than a little shy and still a bit horrified by whatever pissing match had been going down earlier in the day, and finally offered the grandest of your chocolate boxes to the man standing opposite you.

Divus Crewel accepted your offering daintily, plucking at the crisp, sharp, wrapping with his crimson gloves. He arched one of his thin brows at you and you fought the nervous heat rising in your cheeks.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” you blurted. “I know it’s not a thing here, but I thought it’d be nice.”

The second eyebrow joined the first—practically jumping all the way up into his fringe.

“I appreciate the gesture. Though from what I understand of all the garish advertising I’ve seen for Mostro Lounge’s new event, I assumed this was a holiday for romantic overtures,” he intoned, wry.

You spluttered and waved your hands furiously. “I mean! Normally! Yes! But also…” You trailed off, fighting the urge to fidget. “If you don’t have a—a, well, someone, then Valentine’s is just a nice excuse to give something to people you care about.” You averted your gaze and lost the battle to twist your fingers into your jacket sleeves. “My family used to give me chocolates every year. So. I thought I could… Well…” you trailed off on a grumble, embarrassed.

Crewel sighed and popped the lid off the box. He plucked two truffles from their casing—keeping one for himself and handing you the other.

“Well, then. A very happy Valentine’s to you, Prefect,” he droned and popped the chocolate into his mouth with a thoughtful hum.

You lit up like a Christmas tree and happily gobbled up your own treat. So distracted were you by the one-two-punch combo of the delicious sugar and even sweeter taste of your Professor’s approval that you almost entirely missed the pointed glare he shot over your shoulder.

“I appreciate your regard,” he said, loud. Sharp. And like he wasn’t talking to you at all. “And while I’m certain that if you do pick a ‘someone’ for yourself to celebrate with in the following years, they’ll have to work very hard to be worthy of such a gift, hmm?” His lip curled unpleasantly, in direct contrast to the indulgent warmth that had been tugging at his expression only a moment before. “I could hardly allow you to waste such a thoughtful gesture on someone unworthy.”

The Octavinelle Housewarden had the decency to look at least a little panicked—his face going pale and gaunt from where he was shrinking into his high collar. There was a frantic look about him, like he was trying to weigh the cost-benefit ratio of going up against his professor in his head, and realizing that he was stupidly, willfully, walking right into a lose-lose situation. And that, sadly—miserably—he was going to keep doing just that. The other two, however, looked entirely undeterred. Schoenheit curled his lip right back at him, more than ready to duke it out here and now, and Crewel fought the urge to remind the blonde that he was the adult in this situation, thank you very much. The adult who could very well revoke the Warden’s access to his Alchemy Labs as it suited him. The very alchemy labs that he knew Vil had been using to concoct all kinds of new, personalized, gifts for you. Draconia simply looked on with that unnervingly ancient, green, leer of his. Like he was staring down a particularly fascinating game. The Fae Prince was the most unsettling of the trio, if only because that while Crewel was more than confident enough in his abilities to subdue his other wayward students, fighting off an Immortal, All Powerful, Dragon was going to require at least a little bit of prep work.

Divus Crewel sighed, and it rattled all the way out from the marrow of his bones.

“Come, then,” he rumbled, directing you to follow him back into his office. “It’s not chocolates, but I probably have some of those ridiculous cookies of yours lying around somewhere.” Which he did. Boxes upon boxes of them. Tucked away special for whenever you came to visit. Not that he’d ever willingly admit that, even under the pain of death.

Your eyes went wide and warm as you positively beamed.

It was rotten work, certainly. He shot one, last, warning glare down the hall at the trio of infatuated interlopers as he firmly shut his office door behind you and your absolute oblivious idiocy. He’d do it. Of course he would. But, Christ alive. He was going to need a stronger drink.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Japan is Winning on Kisses & Other Alternate Realities

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

March 2024 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - It would be great if we got the alternative romance with dead Kram from Tai’s perspective (JBL style.) Still I like this show. It’s a little bit like I Feel You Linger in the Air only with a love triangle. And while I'm not a fan of triangles as a general rule, I don’t mind it here because the set up is clever. Wayu and  ao are fun sides too. It sure is moving very quickly, which I like. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on. But that’s normal for me with this kind of Thai drama. 

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 4 of 8 - They are extremely sappy boyfriends. I love that mom has a secret gf. Could we please have more of them? The love triangle sides are ridiculous, but I do like that it’s all out in the open. I also like they are actually addressing the complicated parental dynamics of owning a sex club. Honestly, I think Khem should have to be a host too. Learn him the right way, girl!

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - It’s good, I like the fallout and them actually having to deal with crazy fans and past relationships. They’re so good at communicating it’s kind of a pleasure to watch them suffer through external pressures, because I have faith that they can make it through.

To Be Continued (Thai C3 Thailand grey) ep 6 of 8 - They are such cute puppy dads and so clearly meant to be together, the fact that they aren’t is just frustrating. The fight thing was stupid. And not a whole lot happened... plus singing. I’m getting fatigued with this one. 

1000 Years Old ep 7 of 12 - Did I miss something happening, or did nothing happen? 

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 6 - It’s so boring, there’s so much guitar playing, and it got weirdly voyeuristic (in a very much not sexy way). I’m totally out. DNF

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) ep 3 of 6 - I can’t tell if this is trying to be a BL Romancing the Stone, or a BL Hangover, or both. The problem with situational comedy is it must be both situational and comedic, not just option one. The problem with calling something BL, is that it must be BL. This show got 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. DNF 

Honestly, it's the HANDS with these two. They do beautiful beautiful things with their hands. If you're one of those hands-obsessed BLabies you should be watching LIBTSTA!

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues Youku YouTube & Viki) ep 6 of 11 - So the worst finally happened. The mountain of pain has fallen down upon us. And now, hopefully in the second half things get better for our boys. But what a rough ride. Normally, this is not my style of BL, but everyone is doing such a gorgeous job with it, I can’t fault it… except that it hurts. The red thread symbolism was elegantly done. I’d like to hope we get a reunion in the next one, but knowing this style of series they’re gonna draw it out. There's gonna be a more pain first.

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - Those fuck me puppy dog eyes were perfectly executed. I would not have been able to resist either. Gosh they are so damn cute. This is a great show.

Jazz for Two (Korea Gaga/grey) eps 1-2 of 8 - This comes from the Shoulder to Cry On team so I'm scared, but this one is all actors* not idols so maybe they'll be braver. Boy howdy does it have a fantastic opening sequence. Also the lead is fucking adorable. Mr Broody McBroodypants is cute too. Korea sure loves “pretty but broken.” On the JBL end of the spectrum, is everyone in love with their siblings? That’s weird. The dining room scene was painful. All in all, it's good, I'm intrigued. Let's see how you go little show.

I stand absolutely corrected the lead is a member of NEWKIDD (in my defense I'd never heard of them until Build Up last month). I did recognize him from To My Star because at the time I thought he was too pretty to be only a side character.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 10 fin - Again there was overuse of previous footage and maudlin navel-gazing grief over something we knew was going to happen. So I didn’t really feel much emotional connection to the drama. 7 year time gap.? t was a cute reunion but the moral quandary never really got resolved. I don’t know how to rate this, I’m not sure I will ever watch it again, so that is a big mark against it.

There’s nothing objectively wrong with this BL except how upsetting it is because of the foundational pygmalion story - grown man falls in love with an android who is basically both his slave and, by maturity level, a child. Yet that premise is crystal clear from the get go, so we watch it eyes open. The actors are cute, the romance sweet, the physical chemistry on point (of course, it’s Taiwan) and yet I was left ultimately unsettled by the concept, content, and plot. 7/10 

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 8 - I'm so ready for this to be over, and for Gaga to have something good on. Soon please?

It's done, ready to binge, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

It's airing but...

Graduation Countdown (Taiwan YouTube) - It's too much to ask me to keep up with 2 minute verticals, I don't have that kind of TikTok endurance training. Waiting to binge.

A Secretly Love (Thai Sat WeTV grey) 10 eps - I watched the first ep but grey is too much work for this inferior of a show. I may pick up and binge if it gets distribution but for now, it gets a DNF from me. KimCop might have held this crap together but Kim without Cop? No thank you.

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

Tangential to the genre

There has been the occasional discussion on this topic here in this little corner of tumblr so I thought there might be a few intersted in this podcast: AmericanThaiGuy Ron Weaver on the Complicated Issue of Racism in Thailand (The Bangkok Podcast)

Thailand passed its Marriage Equality bill through the lower house. It's expected to pass the high house and get signed by the King, but that hasn't quite happened yet.

And MaxTul dropped a photo shoot.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting Soon

3/31 Only Boo! (Thai GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - New main couple for GMMTV in an idol romance about a boy who dances good and a food stand vendor. Other side of the tracks grumpy/sunshine pair who fall deeply in love but, of course, baby boy idol can't date. Boyband but from GMMTV? Control your singing and I'm game.

3/31 The Next Prince (Thai ????) 12 eps - trailer. ZeeNew in a fantasy/historical set in a palace where Zee plays a knight and Nu a prince - YES PLEASE. (Apparently this is just the pilot, not the start of the actual show, see comments.)

4/1 Love is like a Cat (Korea ????) 12 eps - This completed filming Aug 2022(!) which means there have been serious problems with post-production. This is another of Silkwood's Korean+Thai colab projects. Mew Suppasit plays a rookie film star, called the Cat Prince (for his cold arrogance) who goes up against a charismatic puppyish animal daycare director (JM of JUST B). There is a side romance (love triangle?) with a veterinarian. Geonu of JUST B is also in the cast. Dual languages.

Hum, trash-watch-a-licious?

4/3 We Are (Thai GMMTV YouTube iQIYI) 12 eps - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon - basically the good kind of messy gay friendship group (so more My Engineer and less Only Friends). Looks a bit like the Kiss series but everyone is queer. I'm IN!

4/11 Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan ????) 10 eps - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why, they fall in love along the way. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake.

4/11 Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea ????) 4 eps - SooHyuk is only just surviving and reunites with YoonDae, an old friend. They end up living together. One of the leads is played by Choco of Choco Milk Shake.

4/18 At 25:00, in Alaska AKA 25 Ji, Akasaka de (Japan Gaga - may not be global) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn.

Seriously? You're killing me with these titles, boys.

4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks well complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.

I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous partner) and Best, news here.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Just these two, in my head, rent free. Thanks Japan!

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are too much work.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy. (With so many tags when does a weekly tumblr post become a newsletter? That is this week's philosophical question...)

[caelesjjk]

entangled | jjk&kth - teaser

⟶title: entangled

⟶au: marvel au

⟶ rating: 18+

⟶ genre: romance, smut, love triangle

⟶wc: 1.5k for this

⟶banner: by meee, and yes I’m insane and made a new one

⟶warnings: mentions of blood, kissing, a boob grab and an ass grab, but no actual smut for this, Jungkook calls you Data

⟶ summary: Jeon Jungkook is Spider-Man.

He saved your life twice. But he’s also been your sweet lab partner in college for the past two years and now someone who is more than just a friend.

You care about him…maybe even love him. But something tells you that you aren’t quite sure what love even is. How could you when you have feelings for someone else as well?

Kim Taehyung is the handsome stranger you’ve seen around campus and somehow ended up dancing with at Club Onyx. You were upset that Jungkook had stood you up once again and Taehyung made you feel like you were on top of the world.

What you didn’t know that night, is the dark secret Taehyung is trying desperately to hide, but the closer the two of you get the more difficult that becomes.

⟶ authors note: hello darklings. I know a lot of people have been waiting for this fic, and you’ll have wait just a bit more. But in the meantime, I offer this little teaser to hold you over. A little glimpse of spidey kook. First chapter will be posted in just a few weeks!

Also, if you asked to be on the taglist just now that I tried messing with it for a long ass time and got annoyed lol. I may try again for the actual fic.

“What are you doing here anyways?” You shove against his broad chest and feel his arm release your waist. He sighs, following you inside your apartment.

“I know you’re upset I missed the study session…” Jungkook starts to explain, but you twist back around to face him.

“If my friends hadn’t seen you around campus now and then, they would think I made you up, Jungkook. You never show. It makes me look pathetic.” You cross your arms over your chest and wait for the next excuse.

“You aren’t pathetic, Data. I’m just…” Jungkook winces when he reaches for you, a hand moving down to his ribs in pain. “Sorry, it’s healing it’s just slow.”

“What’s healing? What happened to you?” You let the fight go for a moment, closing the space between the two of you and moving his hand out of the way.

Beneath his fingers is a large cut, bloody but half hidden by his suit. It looks angry and inflamed. What could’ve made a cut like this?

“It’s nothing. I’ll heal up in a couple hours.” He pulls your hand away, blood stained on the tips of your fingers.

“It won’t matter how quick you heal if it gets infected. Come in here.” Your hand wraps around his and you pull him into your small bathroom. You steady him against your bathroom vanity and move to grab your first aid kit from the cabinet above your toilet. “Take that off.” You gesture to his Spider-Man suit.

“Yes, ma’am.” Jungkook teases, gingerly working his top half out of the suit. He hisses through his teeth as he peels the suit away from his ribs and lets it hang at his hips.

You are not the universe's strongest soldier.

Your eyes drift over all the dips and curves of muscle. A perfectly sculpted chest and abs you could literally eat off of are scrambling every sense you have in your head. You need to focus. Stay focused on the task at hand and not his ridiculously toned body.

“You okay, Data?” He asks, humor in his voice. That horrid nickname he had given you in your first year as lab partners is feeling more endearing these days. You clear your throat.

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine? Just tending to Spider-Man’s wounds in my extremely tiny bathroom.” You try to laugh but it doesn’t sound genuine.

You take out some bandages and gauze and get to work cleaning him up. But even as you tape down the gauze, you can visibly see the wound getting smaller. Super powers were really something else.

“Data.” Jungkook’s voice brings you back to reality.

“What?” You sigh.

“Please come here.” His hands reach for your hips and you give in, letting him pull you until you’re flush against him, suddenly nose to nose. “That’s better.”

“I’m angry with you.” You whisper, heart pumping a bit faster in the close proximity.

“I know that you are. I’m really sorry…I swear I wanted to be there.” You look down to see him slip his gloves off his hands and sit them on the countertop before they’re coming up to cup your face.

“Then what happened? You need to tell me.” Your hands wrap around his wrists.

“There’s something out there, Data. A…monster that we can’t figure out. He’s strong…and fast. Nothing I’ve ever seen before.” His thumbs brush the corners of your mouth.

“What does it want?”

“It keeps breaking into the Lab across the River. It’s looking for something. But no one at the lab is being very forthcoming with information.” His forehead presses to yours, “but Mr. Kim is working on that part.”

Seokjin Kim, also known as Ironman. He was a mentor and a good friend to Jungkook. He had helped Jungkook navigate the new world of being a superhero and also gave him a job to help him pay for school.

“Hasn’t Mr. Kim told you to call him Jin over and over?” You tease, hands coming up to rest against his chest. Jungkook laughs quietly, pulling you closer.

“He has. Guess it just slipped out.” His hands move down to palm your ass.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” You raise an eyebrow in question of his actions.

“Just feels like I haven’t touched you in so long.” His warm mouth finds your throat and he presses kisses to the skin.

“Two days is a long time?”

“It is when it comes to you. Thinking about how much I want you gets so distracting.” He nuzzles into the crook of your neck making you giggle.

“So what I did for you two days ago wasn’t enough?” You let your hands slither down from his chest and over the planes of his stomach.

“Never enough.” His nose skims over your jaw until you’re back face to face and his lips are devouring yours. “I’d like to pay you back.”

“How?” You moan when you’re cut off by his tongue sliding into your mouth.

“Let me show you?” Jungkook pulls away from the kiss, taking your hand and leading you out of the bathroom.

Thinking he means to lead you to your bed, you start to pull him towards it but he seems to have other ideas, walking you back out onto the balcony. He releases your hand momentarily to slide his suit back up over his shoulders.

“What are you going to show me out here, Jungkook?” You start to feel suspicious.

“Do you trust me?” He jumps up onto your railing with ease, still holding your hand in his.

“Not if it involves you swinging me around off the side of buildings.” You start to pull your hand out of his, but his web shooter from the other wrist shoots a web at your torso, using his inhuman strength to pull you up onto the railing into his arms.

“I would never let you fall. Never. Just close your eyes for a few minutes. I promise it’ll be worth it, Data.” He touches your cheek gently, and even though you want to throw up every time he does this, you close your eyes and wrap your arms as tightly as possible around his neck and legs around his waist. “Ready?” He whispers in your ear, one strong arm wrapping around your back.

You don’t verbally answer, just nod once before burying your face into his neck.

And then the ground is no longer beneath your feet and the sickening feeling of free falling is very apparent. You try to breathe, squeezing yourself around Jungkook as you listen to the whooshing sound of his web shooters discharge and swing you between the tallest buildings in the city.

“You’re doing amazing.” Jungkook kisses your cheek, “just another minute.”

You keep your eyes squeezed shut until the curiosity becomes too overwhelming, making you dare to open your eyes just the slightest bit. You see the sun completely setting on the horizon, orange and purple hues slowly disappearing beneath the river. As long as you don’t think about how high up you are, it really is beautiful up here.

Jungkook shoots a web straight up into the air, letting it connect to the side of one of the tallest buildings, slowly pulling the two of you up until he’s reached the highest ledge, tapping your thighs so you know it’s safe to put your feet down.

“Why are we up here, Jungkook? You know the heights..” he kisses you before you can finish the sentence.

“Can we try something?” He smiles, and it’s infuriating. You’re too weak for this spidey boy. You sigh with exasperation.

“I’m already very wary of saying yes.” You look away from the ledge towards the top of the building.

“Let me make you feel good…up here.” His cheeks heat a little when he asks.

“Is this some kind of weird adrenaline thing? Why would you want that?” Your voice cracks and you sputter, disbelief heavy in your tone.

“I think it’ll be intense…feel so good.” His lips move down and his teeth nip at your jaw.

“It’s insane…” you melt into his touch and the way his mouth sucks at your neck.

“If you don’t like it, I’ll take you home. And I’ll get you naked in your bed instead.” He pulls your shirt over your head, fully knowing you’re about to give in.

“Bed sounds so good right now…”

“Please, Data…just try it.” He tosses your shirt to the side, cupping your breasts and kissing the tops of them.

“What do I have to do?” You feel too good to let the fear ruin the way he’s making you feel.

“Lie back on the ledge, with your arms above your head and your wrists crossed.”

You let him lead you down onto the ledge, every nerve in your body is hot and on the edge. Jungkook makes sure that you’re settled before he stands back up straight, looking down at you while you slowly move your arms above your head the way he asked.

“You’re perfect, Data.” Jungkook stares at you a moment longer before he aims his web shooter and traps your wrists together against the concrete ledge beneath you.

[wutheringcaterpillar]

I’ll Be Your Girl

summary: You find yourself at a club, trying to be more out-going and more social than you usually were. Only to see your crush from high school there, still unable to work up the courage to approach her. She takes matters into her own hands, wanting to see the real you, and confessing her mutual feelings.

warnings: Girl!cock, introverted!reader, bathroom sex, smut, unprotected sex, possible breeding kink, friends to lovers

The room was packed with people dancing, and grinding on each other while the music blared extremely loudly, smoke billowing through the crowd.

Some would consider it dangerous for an innocent, attractive woman like yourself to be going to a party in the middle of the city, no friends or significant others to watch over you but that was what you wanted.

All your life you’d been a shut in, an introvert who liked to spend time in her room with your cats, often reading endless romance books and finding yourself fantasizing about a girl you had a crush on in school. Masturbating to the thought of her nude body pressed against yours, her cock pulsating around your lips, imagining every position she could fuck you in. No one would have guessed you thought such inappropriate things. You were very quiet in school, the polar opposite of Kitten as she’d like to be called. That was all the more reason to avoid confessing your long term feelings for her, she wouldn’t want to be with someone so quiet and shy, so you thought. You’d known her in school and had seen her out quite a few times since then, the crush had never gone away but you never worked up the courage to do anything about it. Twenty one years old and still unable to act upon your deep feelings for her.

As the room became to hot for you, the liquor souring your mood, you decided to go step out for a smoke until you stopped abruptly, noticing who was standing by the door, chatting with a couple of strangers looking like she was having the time of her life as she always did.

That was when she turned, nearly taking the breath out of you, eyes connecting in a heated gaze.

Butterflies formed in your stomach as your cheeks began to heat, your mouth dropping open subtly in disbelief that Patricia was here.

You felt like a school girl hiding from her crush that you considered to be way out of your league, causing you to blush and turn away from her, sipping on your drink as if nothing happened hoping she wouldn’t walk over to you.

“Darling! Look at you! You look fabulous!” Her hand settled on your shoulder, goosebumps forming instantly on your delicate, untouched skin.

Her eyes graze down your outfit, the leather crop top holding in your petite cleavage, roaming down your sides to your hips held snuggly in the matching short skit that barely held your ass in.

“My, my I haven’t seen you in so long.. curious, curious, ever so curious. What have you been doing, I haven’t seen you in years! We must catch up! Come!” She was still staring down your body with a lustful gaze not being able to control her own prodding thoughts of what the sight of you without them on would look like, perhaps her head buried between your thighs in your sweet heat. 

You felt as if a cat had caught your tongue. She tugged on your arm forcing you to follow her over to the bar, clearly not taking no for answer. Maybe this was the push you needed along with a bit of liquid courage.

After she had bought you a few rounds of shots, the liquor was really kicking in your blood stream.

In her own way, she was glowing, radiating a sense of natural beauty. Your eyes stared at the way her lashes were curled, how the minimal eyeliner really brought out her blue eyes. Her glossed lips looking plump, and enticing as she glanced over at the crowd.

She looked beautiful, eccentric, and you couldn’t help but think sexy, she didn’t even have to try. Even when she walked it was with confidence, her heels on the leather boots she was wearing clicking against the floor, her hips swaying with each step, as she guided you out onto the dancefloor.

A sexy, rhythmic song began to play and she finally started to see you come out of your enclosed, scared little shell. She watched in amusement, her eyes fixated on every inch of you, the way your flipped your hair so carelessly, smiling and dancing at if there was no one else in the room. She was completely hypnotized by every part of you. She began to regret not spending more time with you in school and came to the conclusion she couldn’t let you get away from her.

Holding out her hand, you worked in his arms, grinding against her crotch when she caught you in his arms. 

“Look at you! How can you lack such confidence! Youre not just cute like a little dove, but you’re hot! You don’t notice all these skeeves staring at you?” Turning around, all the men that were staring whipped their heads around away from you, Kitten rolling her eyes at their stupidity and arrogance. 

Her hand fell behind your thigh, just under your ass cheek as her eyes protruded into yours, her blue eyes that made your heart feel like it was about to explode each time.

Shrugging, you giggled, still dancing not missing a beat as you finally felt like you were having fun for once in your life.

“I guess I always felt like I was holding out for someone that would never want me. I never stood a chance with the woman I was in love with now here I am, dancing with her in a way I’ve only dreamt of. Besides Im not much to look at.” She was almost too stunned to speak, how didn’t she notice? How could she be so oblivious to the fact you were in love with her. Maybe she should’ve known from the stolen glances she’d caught you in, or how your cheeks never failed to heat up when you turned away from her. 

Grabbing both sides of your cheeks, she forced to look deep within her transparent ocean eyes, so you knew she wasn’t lying with what she was about to say.

“Listen to me my oblivious, darling face. I’ve always thought you were cute, adorable, hot, sexy all of those words. Moreso, I just always thought I was out-there for you. That I’d be bad for you, look at me, my life’s a mess.” Her eyes held back tears, her hands shaking slightly on your cheeks, gulping nervously, and feeling awful for not telling you her feelings earlier. 

You wanted to kiss her right then and there, but a part of you needed privacy even the slightest bit.

“Kitten. Let’s get out of here. Right now.”

“I have a better idea.” Her eyes spoke mischievously, pulling your arm, as you willfully followed her like a lost puppy. Within seconds she was pushing you into the bathroom stall, her lips colliding with yours instantly, her tongue exploring every inch, tasting the sweet amaretto liqour.

Your eyes opened like they needed to see her kissing you to know it was really happening. In that moment, all worry, all insecurities just completely washed out of you.

Her lips taking the breath out of you, shock and clarity resting gently within you.

The liquor settling within your veins, causing your vision to become blurry, faintly hearing the sound of other girls coming into the bathroom, yet you didn’t seem to care, too caught up in the moment.

Spreading your thin laced panties to the side, kitten bit down on her plump lips when she felt just how soaked you were from her. You groaned loudly when you felt her fingers enter inside your aching walls, desperately grinding against her touch.

Her digits curled inside of you, knowing she found that sweet spot of yours almost too easily as you nearly crumbled in her arms from thr overwhelming feeling of pleasure. You had never felt like this before, you felt delirious staring down, watching her fingers pump in and out of you agonizingly slow.

“Kitten, more. More kitten please!” She smirked, unbuttoning her pants, her hardened cock popping up against her chest in anticipation. She thought it was adorable how easy she had pushed you over the edge, the way your chest was rising up and down from how needy you were for her.

You lifted your leg, allowing easier access for her before aggressively pulling her back onto your lips, wanting to taste her again and again like your favorite dessert resonating on your tongue.

“Are you sure sweetie?” You nodded, biting down on your lip in anticipation and eagerness.

That was all the reassurance she needed before aligning herself with your succulency that was completely dripping for her, the sight flaring her eyelids.

Your eyes stayed fixated on the length of her cock and how thick it was just as she thrusted up gently into your core. For your first time, the alcohol was subsiding the pain, surely something you’d regret later. She watched your facial expressions intently, wanting to ensure she wasn’t hurting you and you were enjoying it.

“Kitten if you don’t shove that glorious cock in me, I’m going to do it myself, respectfully.” Giggling at your feistiness, she thrusted up all the way, the feeling of your tight walls cushioning her lengthy member causing her eyes to roll back as she gasped at your tightness.

“Holy fuck princess. Feel so good!” Wrapping your arms behind your neck, diving into her lips once more, you began to bounce on her cock, her hands cupping your ass cheeks to hold you up.

Every grind, every movement feeling so melodious, bringing harmony to your veins as your tongues battled for dominance desperately wanting to feel every part of each other.

Her cock slid in and out of you, disappearing every other second with each moment, her balls simultaneously slapping up against your wetness.

Your hands roamed to the top of the stall, leaving your body on complete display for her and her only.

Not being able to resist her lips latched onto your nipple, sucking relentlessly, causing you to squeal in pleasure.

“Kitten!”

“Does my pretty girl like feeling so full?” She batted her eyelashes up at you playfully, knowing full well what she was doing. Pushing yourself off the wall, you sat her down on the toilet curving you hips to the same rhythm she was pumping in and out of you vigorously. 

“Oh!” The sudden change taking her by surprise. Your thighs were trembling, your head nuzzled into her warm neck breathing in her scent. You’d never felt so full in your life, she was fucking the literal breath out of you. Slamming her hips, fucking you like a rabbit, hearing and feeling your muffled, high pitched moans, sounding like music to her ears.

“Do you want me to cum in you baby?” 

“Mhm… please, please, please!” God that sound of your voice cracking from desperation sent Kitten over the edge, much like she was doing to that divine pussy of yours.

Your walls were clenching down on her, she’d be damned if she was going to get off without a handful of your boobs.

She watched as you rode out your high, in a momentus, fucked out haze, your eyes remaining on her as you completely broke down, every point of your body trembling from her cock, feeling that plump head rub over the tainted, sweet spot in the middle of your core, over and over again.

“Kitten I- I’m gonna-“ She herself was also moaning, her eyes rotating up and down between your face and your breasts. What she would do to fall asleep right in between them every night. 

Arching your back, you moaned loudly, your body beginning to shake when an unexplainable, extraordinary orgasm took over every part of your body. 

The sight of your mouth agape, the sweat between your boobs, and how messy your hair was, looking like a fucked out mess had her not being able to hold back any longer, her seed shooting up into you as she held you down, thrusting as deep into your superior pussy as she could.

If it weren’t for the music, the people outside dancing would have definitely heard if not the whole neighborhood.

You collapsed against her chest trying to catch your breath, her hands roamed your back, swiftly rubbing your sensitive skin gently.

Getting off of her after a few moments, you fixed your attire, Kitten helping you of course, only to realize you wanted more than just sex and maybe she did too.

“Give me a call if you ever get lonely. I’m only one ring away, y’know!” Her lips smashed against yours one more time, engulfing her tongue ever so slightly into your mouth. Your thighs trembled, your mind in a whirlwind at what had just taken place. You felt as if you needed to do it again to believe it really happened.

Excusing herself from the stall, you leaned your head back against the door, biting your lip, staring up at the ceiling in a crazed disbelief.

Having no patience, you pulled out your phone finally having an ounce of courage to take the next step, you were done waiting around.

“Would you want to go on a date friday?” 

Feeling her phone vibrating, she opened it impatiently, her hopes and dreams coming true when she saw it was you. She couldn’t stop herself from blushing down at her phone knowing she had possibly found the love of her life. She couldn’t help but think that maybe this would’ve happened sooner if one of you had taken the initiative.

“That sounds lovely my dear. Can’t wait! Xoxo, your dear Kitten.”

[cineflections]

You know, if there was one manga that would be adapted to live action and succeed, I never would have guessed it to be this one.

I'm ofc talking about the One Piece Live Action on Netflix

A whole day binge right after release, I was READY, and thankfully, I was not disappointed. There are cuts and streamlining of the story, characters coming in earlier than in the manga/anime, and some of the emotional bits don't hit as hard as in the original. Still, I can feel the love the production team has of One Piece. The characters are goofy and lovable, but they are also serious and straight-faced.

One thing that I noticed throughout was the constant close up to faces and sometimes straight on, as if almost breaking the 4th wall. The very first scene with Luffy is like this, but there he DOES look into the camera directly, but the pov of the camera is revealed to be a newsbird. It's like a statement that they know this is a silly pirate romp, they know that some people will not take this seriously, but they will not do 4th wall breaks silly, but in-universe silly. Does that make sense?

I laughed at several points in the show, big and wide smile on my face and pointing at the screen several times...

But I do wonder how much of my laugh was on the show's on merit or if I was only calling back on the the source material. At times I did feel the straw hat crew not being as iconic as in the manga/anime. The extreme reactions, the over the top noises and actions, at the same time I realize that real people generally don't act like that.

I appreciate the show runners attention to details. Putting stuff in to tease future arcs, adapting some cover stories, some of the complete unhinged behaviors of characters (Garp I'm looking at you!).

This show adapted Romance Dawn, orange town, syrup village, baratie, and arlong park.

There are so many moments that are almost scene by scene taken from the manga. Luffy in the barrel and meeting Koby. Alvida with her giant spike club. We got to see some pre-captured Zoro moments (particularly him killing a baroque works agent!), Nami being a sneak.

Then we meet the one and only clown Buggy! They hammed him up, they made him a showman and a real clown (with a real bulgy nose as well, props!). I loved Buggy. Goddamn what a show stealer. Excellent casting, his devil fruit was show cased so well and it looked good!

Usopp's introduction is the most changed. The kids are gone and the Black Cat pirates never call in the entire crew or Jango. Instead of the fight on the slope by the beach it's instead in Kaya's house from which they cannot escape. The actor for Kuro nailing the mannerism and hand movements, altho his "teleporting" looks a bit wonky.

With Baratie we are finally introduced to Sanji! Who's British now 😆. And Mihawk's introduction tho! Badass and just so over the top and goofy. I love him so much! This is where we got the biggest change where we instead get Arlong and crew coming in smashing the place up (a tiny bit). Arlong may not be as tall as he should be but I love the practical approach instead of CGI, which means he actually feels present! All the fishmen we see are guys in costume and prosthetics!

Arlong Park felt a bit more rushed than the earlier parts, but I do think they nailed *that* scene tho.

If the bar for live action adaptation was below the ground, I would say now there's a new bar, which is on the ground 😅. I think it's a solid show but it might be my bias talking. I do have some gripes tho.

One thing that was constant in East Blue Saga was how much village people hate or are scared of pirates. I think they got the marines right, and the pirates, but they failed to really have the village people be a character in their own right. In the manga and anime the villagers are mostly a monolith who will think and act alike in situations and be part of the happenings either by watching or fighting. We got just about none of it here, except a mention in Arlong Park. They did some really good and cool world building with lots of people populating the sets in the background - but that's it, they're just extras to fill out the screen. There are ofc a few exceptions but I felt it was not enough.

I wish they had Luffy be more agile when using his gum-gum powers. Whenever he springs a pistol or a whip is stands in place, which I found boring (and they did so well with Zoro's fights!). I do think the explanation is that they decided for Luffy to be coming into his powers as we go. That we will learn with him all the things he can do (him not knowing he can blow himself up like a balloon proves this). I hope that in season 2 (please netflix!) they show the growth in his fighting!

But to end this long post. I just wanna say how much I fucking love the dude playing Mihawk. Goddamn he's so fun. MVP.

For the straw hats, I would say that Usopp feels the closest to manga version, and Luffy feels the most distant from it. But I don't dislike this, and I think the actor for Luffy has so much potential to really make the role his own.

It will never be "just like" the manga and anime, but that's ok! It's a new adaptation (in live action) made by people you can tell loves the source material and really really tried to make it work! I respect that, and I respect this show. Please watch it on Netflix! It's a fun and silly time, just like it should be!

[bedoballoons]

@aleksai42 thank you for this idea!! I hope you enjoy!!<3

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ✿𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ✿─

A/n: Modern School AU! Part 2! Requests/asks open!!

{༻~What type of classmate/bf they would be~༺}

(Includes: Diluc, Gorou, Itto, Alhaitham, Venti, and Childe!)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𑁍༄Diluc:

Classmate:

Diluc would be quieter than most, preferring to sit in silence as he listens to the teacher and not partake in the whispers of the other students. In fact most of the time he has nothing to do with his classmates, unless someone's being picked on or in some type of trouble. Whenever he sees something like that he'll step in, making himself known as a hero to the select few he's helped and one that doesn't require any thank you afterwords, walking away as soon as he knows the person's safe.

Boyfriend:

After the two of you started dating, you realized he had a lot more going on in his life than you had originally thought. He's a classic gentleman, holding the door open for you after walking you to school, carrying your books cause he knows they're heavy, and giving you a kiss goodbye whenever you part ways. His absolute favourite thing though, is when the two of you are alone, cuddled up together, his arms holding you tightly as if he never wanted to let you go.

𑁍༄Gorou:

Classmate:

Gorou is a bit of a teacher's pet, he has good grades in every class, follows every rule to the letter and keeps others out of mischief. He has really sweet personality, but because he is such a do-gooder he often gets bullied. He doesn't let that get him down though, in fact he always seems to have a good attitude. He can't pick a favourite class, they're all his favourite...though he really enjoys being outside.

Boyfriend:

He's honestly a ray of sunshine the second he sees you, getting a little hyper and talking faster than he normally does, usually saying how much he missed you. He absolutely loves when the two of you picnic outside the school, especially when you read aloud to him or you study together. Whenever you're walking somewhere his hands in yours, swinging your intertwined fingers gently back and fourth in time with your steps.

𑁍༄Itto:

Classmate:

Itto is considered, the tall class clown. He's pretty popular, telling jokes in the middle of lessons or answering questions so wrong everyone has to laugh. He's...not the brightest, getting low grades in most classes, but he makes up for it with his charisma and dedication to the things he enjoys. His favourite thing about school being his mechanical beetle fighting club, it doesn't have a lot of members, but that's never stopped him from having fun.

Boyfriend:

As soon as the two of you started dating your life became so much better, he was funny, sweet and he loved you so much. Sure he got into some childish messes you had to help him with, but he made it up to you tenfold. Planning adventurous dates, getting you gifts (some sillier than most) and absent mindedly complimenting you all the time, because in his eyes you're truly incredible.

𑁍༄Alhaitham:

Classmate:

He almost never speaks, to the point most of the class assumes he's mute, until a question he finds particularly intriguing arises and then he could spend a hour describing the answer. He's intelligent beyond his years and most people envy him for it, making alot of the class dislike him. He doesn't really care though, he'd prefer to spend all day reading books then discuss anything with them anyway.

Boyfriend:

He's not great at showing romance at first, not because he doesn't want to but because he simply doesn't know how. After a couple months though, the two of you find a rhythm and he turns out to be surprisingly good at being a boyfriend. He shows up early to walk you to school, holds you whenever he's reading (so very often) and whenever you two bicker, he's extremely careful to never hurt you. You're truly his favourite person and he'll do whatever he can to keep it that way.

𑁍༄Venti:

Classmate:

He's extremely charismatic, chatting with everyone at least once and going with the flow to avoid arguments. His favourite class is music, he can play almost any instrument, but his favourites are all string based. He also enjoys theater, though he's pretty good at being in plays he prefers to be the narrator, telling the stories in such a way that captures the whole audience.

Boyfriend:

His love language is touch, meaning he's always holding your hand, hugging you whenever he can and cuddling up to you during lunchtime. He leaves you origami paper birds in your locker and desk, each one a little poem for you. He also enjoys singing to you, especially when you come to one of the plays he's in and you're in the front row, he can't help but sing right to you, especially when it's a love song.

𑁍༄Childe:

Classmate:

Childe is slightly confusing to his classmates, he seems nice, always laughing and joking around, people even see him walk his younger siblings to school...but there's something about him that gives off a bad boy vibe. No one can really put their finger on why he seems the tiniest bit like a villain but everyone agrees that there's a reason. His favourite class is p.e., he really enjoys competitive games and is even apart of a sports team.

Boyfriend:

He loves when you show up to his games, it makes him work even hard to win and when you cheer it makes him confident he can do anything with you there for him. He brags about you often to his teammates and whenever you two are walking through the halls, his arms around you. He loves your kisses, begging you for them whenever you two have been apart more than a day. He also really enjoys when the two of you watch his siblings together, it never seems like a chore with you both there and after everyone's gone to sleep, he can cuddle up with you at last.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚Have a nice day!*⁠.⁠✧

[1824deadpoetssoc]

Spoilers for final episode of BBC Ghosts

So, Ghosts is over. I’ve seen a lot of people talking about being disappointed with the last episode. I’m not at all. I would have liked it to have been longer than the normal 30mins, just so we could get in to some of it a bit more.

Anyhow, I have some thoughts on what the ghosts might like about the hotel, and how Alison might leave the house but doesn’t really leave them. It’s a long one, and I made it mostly for myself as I wanted to get the thoughts out of my head!

So these are my head canons…

Alison returns there regularly to walk in the grounds with them whilst Mike plays golf, they have all their family celebrations there (A second child’s/grandchild’s christening party, wedding anniversary celebrations, graduation parties, milestone birthdays, Mia gets married there etc…), and the ghost come, join in & dance (because they love a party!) and they obviously return for Christmas every year.

I also don’t think the ghosts hate the hotel after a while either. There is an endless stream of guests and staff to keep them entertained. I like to imagine there is still the ballroom for weddings & functions, conference rooms, the library and a games room. I like to think the library contains the history of the house and holds a version of Button House archives for guests who want to know more about the history of the building.

Julian likes to mess about behind the desk with the booking system or follows the golfers around the course throwing shade about their skills. He sits in the members bar of an evening and listens in on the local Tory gossip from Barclay.

Lady Button spies on the guests/staff with faux disgust & gossips about them. The hotel hosts a murder mystery evening and she loves it.

Robin hangs out with the maintenance team & likes to mess with the lights to keep them on their toes. There are several chess boards in the games room, Alison sneaks a “reserved, don’t touch” sign on one of them so he can still play chess with Julian.

The Captain does morning inspections of the grounds, and visits the gym- there’s a PT employed there with very impressive arms (ahem, carry on). When the hotel hosts wedding receptions he is in his element.

Thomas has a dramatic “across the class divide” (his words) infatuation with a chambermaid who is working at the hotel whilst studying for her MA in English Literature. She sees his portrait in the Thorne suite & tells her friends that she finds him attractive and makes him the object of her regency romance style fantasies. This makes him extremely happy (and even more insufferable).

Pat loves the regular quiz nights hosted in the members bar. He still runs all the clubs in whichever function rooms are empty. Very much enjoys hanging out at the breakfast buffet.

Kitty likes to wonder down to the spa and watch people get manicures. She listens in on all the beauticians chatting about their love lives & celebrity gossip. She reads magazines over people’s shoulders whilst they wait for their treatments.

Humphrey also enjoys the members bar with Julian as he likes to hear people joking and having fun. There are a few French members of staff & Robin continues to help him learn the language by listening in on those conversations.

So, for me the Ghosts are able to continue a very happy afterlife, and are still very involved with Alison and her actual life.

[yakuzacanons]

haiiii!!! is it okay to request some dating headcanons of Yutaka Yamai from IW? :D

LAST ONE FOR TODAY I have saved my personal favorite ask of da day for last, I have been obsesssssssed with Yamai. Also if you didn't know, Infinite Wealth asks are officially on da table so smoke em if ya got me. Some mild NSFW below, and welcome Yamai to the blog!

Don't let his dark demeanor fool you. Yamai is actually a big softie inside. Bit of a romantic himself, you can easily find him daydreaming about what was and what could've been.

He can be rough around the edges but he does have a sweet side to him. Type of guy who, despite all apperances, would help an old lady across the street. Carries that energy into romantic endeavors as well.

Given his history, chances are he will not confess to you first. In fact, he may try to bury his feelings. More of a flirt than anything, he hasn't had a serious romance since he left Japan and there's never been a steady partner of any kind.

Has had his fair share of experiences though, let's get that out there. Did his time at the strip clubs and hostess clubs, sometimes with the strippers and hostesses.

One of the most open minded guys out there. Things like age or race or appearance don't mean a darn to him. If he likes you, he likes you. Period. End of story.

Will not fall for someone easily but when he does he falls extremely hard, it's almost debilitating for him. Man won't be sleeping right, he gets disorganized, hell he stops getting cold so often. Everyone thinks he might be like dying or something, it's that drastic.

A shameless flirt and good at it. Blame it on all the lonely years at the clubs in Hawaii. Not a talkative guy and not the most profound conversationalist but boy does he have good voice control. Also has the most wicked fuck-me eyes. Key word being wicked.

Speaking of which, he can be an animal in bed. He's not messy or anything violent but he can be frantic, if that makes sense. Once he hits a certain limit, he's gotta relieve himself, either alone or with someone. He can't just pretend that isn't there. Translate that to a long term relationship, and you get some very hot and steamy sex.

Down to go on dates, it's the relationship part that's scary. A date can just mean getting food or having sex. A relationship means FEELINGS. And the last time he did that he had to leave Japan! Not a gamble to take lightly.

As stated previously, it is highly unlikely he will confess. Having said that, if you do, his face will kind of shift. Suddenly he's not some sullen, dark eyed fiend. He just looks so... soft. Like a cloud, almost. If you weren't serious or making some kind of joke, he would probably just fade away into dust right then and there.

He and Joon-Gi share the trait of loyalty. When he's in love, you are his person. Would do anything for you, for better or for worse. Despite how much his past has scarred him and how that's affected how he deals with his feelings, he still hasn't learned, huh? All these years later he's still a lover at heart...

[see-arcane]

considering it was the late 1800s, do you think Seward and VH are oblivious to Jonathan's watchfulness because Stoker couldn't justify writing Jonathan implying that "vampirism and blasphemy are fine if it's for Mina, actually" beyond his initial declaration? We don't seem to get much more of it directly from Jonathan's entries either after that, just by implication.

I wouldn't be surprised if that was a factor.

Considering all the very potent metaphors at work in the premise of 'God has denied love and protection to my beloved over X Violation and/or X State of Being which is beyond their control, and I have decided our love is more holy than any decision of the Almighty, and I would rather be a monster with her than shun/destroy her As Is the Righteous Thing to Do,' Stoker was already dancing on the edge of acceptability with Jonathan making his secret vow even once.

But thankfully, that single vow--and the adamant refusal to even pretend to make a new 'Yes honey, I will absolutely vampire martyr-murder you like a good Christian boy! God says it's chill just like it was for Lucy and everyone else Dracula has snacked on for untold centuries! God's will be done!'--likely flew over a lot of heads back in the day (as it does now) and simply landed in a lot of hearts with the more obvious factor of...

"Oh. He is literally willing to brave Hell and eternal damnation as the conscripted undead, possibly even cutting down his stake-wielding friends, just to protect and be with his beloved? ...That's kind of hot."

Especially during a period when romance was basically just a bonus to tack on to the Job of Being Married. Jonathan Harker is proven multiple times to be the un-Victorian Victorian man, running from the Brides (mistress stand-ins), happily letting his wife take the lead and holding her up as his equal until he's peer pressured out of it (which leads to dangerous consequences! Social mores fucked everything up! And He Only Follows New Directions with Mina's Approval Going Forward!), and now here's this romantic motherfucker ready to skin Dracula and French kiss the Devil so long as it sees his beloved safe and un-slaughtered, even if she isn't ~perfect and saintly and non-monstrous~.

Girls gays and goths of 1897 were definitely fanning themselves at the next tea party book club once they reached October 3rd.

Even without the ell gee bee tee undertones to glean from Stoker's own romantic leanings, the idea of 'selfish' personal love, of a mere human being, getting held up as more important than God, someone worth Hell, was extremely spicy to depict during that period. If Stoker had had Jonathan repeating himself over and over regarding his secret plans, it would have started to sound a bit like writing a smitten Poe protagonist. Which would also be sexy! But it'd risk taking some of the heroic shine off of him towards the end.

Better to let it hang over the narrative's neck in silence like an axe waiting to fall.

Or a kukri.

[mantisgodsart]

THE WORLD'S MOST DATING POLL

As Kabbu's birthday rolls around, the internet turns pink, and people talk about "love" and "romance" and other things like that. Very ironic, considering the man is aroace, but in accordance with the season, we have assembled some very viable bachelors to... date, probably. Dating profiles below the cut, but you can choose from cliff notes if you want, we guess, this is just so the post isn't ABSURDLY long.

Bau (short for Bauplan) - They/any - Dune Cricket - 18-21 (varies based on fic, generally tied to Vi's age) - Bi/pan

When it comes to a date, you can't do better than Bau! Though dune crickets are normally more than a bit antisocial (and cannibalistic), Bau is an exception! Terminally friendly, great at parties, and unendingly loyal - they'll do anything for a friend, and if you can get friendly with them, they'll be more than happy to date if you ever pop the question! You'll have to compete with other friends, of course - not to mention other partners, and their criminal entanglements as a Bandit that often operates as an intimidation detail but really, is it that much of a downside?

Jask - He/they - Ashy gray lady beetle - Late 20s - Gray-ace

If you want level-headed, Jask is your bug! A bandit medic with years of expence under his belt, Jask is well experienced with taking care even the most dangerous of bugs - his boss, for example. Sure, he's a bit busy with patients - but there's a tender heart hiding under that tough exterior. You just have to stick around for... what, five months? Ten?

...more?

...you'll figure it out, we're sure.

Zoza - Whatever the bandits come up with that isn't immediately veto'd (usually she/her) - Damselfly - 70+ - None of your business

The Bandits' second-in-command, a feisty old damselfly with more than a few tricks up her sleeve. She's a bit old to be dating around like you young'uns, but this old woman can still be a loving partner - prove you can contribute to the Bandits, prove that you're strong enough to not die horribly on your first outing, and manage to build enough of a rapport with her despite her many, many vital duties, and you might have a chance... if you're into grandmothers, of course.

(...is GILF a thing? GMILF? Hold on, we need to do some research...)

Marigold - She/her - Death's Head Hawk Moth - 30s - Married to her job

The most eligable bachelor on this list by far, judging by how people have reacted to her! Marigold is a charmsmith with a good, stable job, a good, stable personality, and only a little bit of active torture going on in her basement! We, uhh... aren't entirely sure how you're planning on getting her out of her lab and into the dating scene, seeing as she hasn't really been anywhere near the zone of "dating" since she was... what, sixteen? But we're sure you can figure it out.

Agapanthus - Variable (genderfluid) - Orchid mantis - Older than you'd think - Pan

A waiter(and sometimes waitress) at Club Maenad, this mantis knows exactly how to show you a good time. Charming and attractive, even if they've been banned from bartending for the forseeable future, and flexible for nearly anything you might need in a partner, if you slip in the right compliments between rounds, you might very well have a shot! Just... keep in mind the waiver you signed at the door, and please remember that this is a bar for parasitoids and bugs of species prone to eating their mates.

ZM-32 - It/they - Io moth/cordyceps - 100+ - Fungus

Bugaria's most eligable bachelor! Everyone wants a piece of this, and for good reason! It'll be fierce competition, but maybe, just maybe, if you can evade the deadly lasers and circumvent the persistent hatred for the living that tormented it and its colony for years on end... you could win its heart.

Chips - He/they - Two-striped grasshopper - ??? - Has Better Things To Worry About

Green is in this year - and so are grasshoppers. This one is dateable! Probably. Just be sure to cosy up with him before his gambling debts do, or he might get eaten by a large praying mantis before you get the chance.

ZB-162 - It/its - Cordyceps symbiote - 100+ - Switchboard Operator

...are you into responsible bugs? Are you into fungi? Do you enjoy dating people who are preoccupied with regulating and operating the communication network used by an entire cordyceps colony? Well, ZB-162 might be the bug for you? Though, uhh, often occupied with its job, ZB-162 is a fine specimen of the cordyceps species, and certainly very attractive if you... if you...

...okay, we won't lie to you, this one's a bit of a fixer-upper. Not sure how you're going to drag them away from the communication channels long enough for

The Wraith - ??? - ???????????? - Reported active since Elizant 1's reign - ???????????

Mysterious figure from the Ant Kingdom's criminal underbelly. Married, but you can still shoot your shot, we guess...???

Marble - she/they - Wasp - late 20s - It's In There

…didn't this one get blown up? We're pretty sure this one got blown up. If you pick this one, you have to take mandatory bomb safety courses, we think.

Unit of Radioactive Decay - They/it - Iterator - First activated in late Gen 1 era - Aroace

This is... a building, but you can still give it a try, we guess? Honestly, we have no clue how you found this one. We're pretty sure it's not even a bug.

L2tM & Enot - Any u can call us anything u want bb &lt;3 - Former iterator & karmic wyrm slugcats - Gen 1 & ageless wouldnt u like to know - yes

Why are you two here?! Get out of our fucking poll!!!

[iloved1lfs]

El Mejor Novio Del Mundo

-PAIRING: Diego Lainez x Reader

-SUMMARY: You go out with your friends to the club and you have way too many drinks. Which results you into being drunk, you call him to pick you up since you want to go home to sleep and be with him.

-CONTAIN: Fluffy romance, bunch of Spanish don't worry I'll translate in parenthesis.

-WORDS: 715

-SONG REC: Glue Song by beabadoobee

-A/N: It's my first time writing on Tumblr so I hope you enjoy it! Please look forward for more!

You wanted to go home, once you got drunk you didn't like how crowded everything around you felt. You told your friends that you were going go home, so you called your boyfriend, Diego to come pick you up who didn't hesitate.

He told you to wait in the club near the bar where your friends were, that he will find you in there.

You sat there impatiently, wanting to go home you put your head down against the counter waiting for your boyfriend to pick you up.

"Y/n," You look up towards the voice, it was a familiar voice, but your mind was not working properly due to the amount of drinks you drank. Besides it was dim in the club not helping with your vision.

"Tengo novio y lo amo," You yelled over the music looking away from the man, expecting him to leave you alone. He starts laughing and you look at him weirdly. (I have a boyfriend and I love him)

"Y/n soy tu novio it's me Diego." He looked at you with the biggest smile on his face. (I am your boyfriend)

You shook your head and looked away. He leaned his arm on the bar counter laughing once again, you groan wanting the man to leave you alone.

"My boyfriend is going to beat you up. Es chiquito pero picoso." You point your finger in his face, and all he does it laugh at how funny you were. (Small/short but spicy)

"Mírame mi amor, soy Diego." You look at him, grabbing his face gently, trying to see clearly if it was him. (Look at me my love)

After moments of staring at him, it finally registers to you that he is in fact your boyfriend. You squeal pulling him in for a hug, as he returns the gesture.

"LET'S GO HOME!" You yell standing up, you were trying to find your balance, and Diego holds you by your waist steady. You wrap your arm around him, and look at him with a big smile. You say bye to your friends, and walk with him out the club.

"Cuidado I got you." he said, he was always extremely careful with you, especially if you were drunk. You are his priority, you were so lucky to find someone as caring as him, and lucky to get the hottest football player. (Careful)

He opens the car door for you gently putting you in, helping you put on your seatbelt. "Te quiero mucho." You giggle looking at him, and he gives you a kiss on the cheek. (I love you so much)

"Yo tambien te quiero mucho." Going to the drivers seat and hopping in, he turns on the car and your favorite song plays making you sing immediately. (I love you so much too)

“Shhhh y/n, mi amor.” He whispered and you covered your mouth giggling in the process, you both made it home safely and it was extremely quiet. Even though you both lived with each other, you will still pretty loud that he didn't want you to wake up the neighbors, since you were talking about randomly things. “Let’s get you to bed alright?” You shake your head and he leads you to the room.

“No tengo sueño leeet’s watch a movie?” Your words slurring a bit and giggling. (I’m not sleepy)

“It’s late bebe let’s sleep and cuddle.” You nodded your head, he gave you a shirt of his that you ended up changing into, and he went downstairs. You laid on the bed going under the blankets waiting for him.

"Here drink some water so you sober up amor." You grabbed the glass cup from him and drank some water. He sets it down on the counter beside the bed, and you look at him with the biggest smile on your face.

"Que?" He says. (What?)

"Eres el mejor novio del mundo." You open your arms wanting a hug from him, and he smiles at you, hugging you as he hops into the spot beside you on the bed. (You are the best boyfriend in the world)

"Ya lo se." He laughs, you mold yourself into his body and you cuddle him tightly. He gives you kisses on your forehead and he caresses your arm in circles, which slowly made you drift off to sleep. (I already know.)

"I love you." Was the last thing you heard from his mouth before you fully relaxed and let yourself sleep against his warmth.

Hopefully you guys enjoyed this little fluff romance, I will be doing more. let me know if you've enjoyed it, definitely request for more.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/9/2024

the BEAST (phil) has been SPAYED

listening

my sister ALSO, INDPENDENTLY, keeps tuesdayesqe lists in the back of her planner! which is what i used to do before these posts! You Got A Man by JAWNY is off her 2023 playlist. this philly artist's claim to fame seems to be that he dated doja cat for six months? the song is short, bratty, and fun indie/alt not-quite-rap. i have no knowledge of how much the man overlaps with the song. spotify

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reading

ive never watched supernatural, except by osmosis bc i signed up for this website in 2011. this book is what i imagine people say when they say "what if supernatural was good?"

Rebecca Roanhorse's Trail of Lightning (her debut) and Storm of Locusts takes Maggie, a typical lone hero/monster hunter/horrible bitch of a woman (i say this approvingly) and says listen! you can do way sicker shit if you like. accept help and community and have a support system. it does not read like booktok found family or approach this in the typical fanfic way, which is refreshing. it points out that you will be a much longer lived and successful monster hunter this way. this is optimization, if you really look at it.

most postapoc stuff doesn’t contend with the fact (if it even acknowledges indigenous people at all) that indigenous people have already lived through several colonizing apocalypses. these books make a very sharp point that there is not a tremendous amount of difference between the reservation before the apocalypse and the reservation after the apocalypse. the worldbuilding in these is a interesting spin on sea levels plus the Energy Wars, to keep all of that at arms' length the Diné built a magical and physical wall, which i think is a funny spin on the trump border wall.

neither of them are really romance or kissing books, there is romantic interest but they are kept extremely busy not dying and admiring each other's competence. they are action and gore heavy. this is notable bc the books are fairly short (took me about two and a half hours each) and they have pretty fuckin good action scenes! the first book has an underground club and fight ring run by a cat god: club atmosphere was terrific (there's a bit about them having to drag in hastily camouflaged cheap walmart tables to handle some overflow and i instantly knew exactly the table), it had a dress up scene I was very weak to. i thought the series of events by which they ended up at the big boss battle post-club was kind of stupid but (forgivably) the big boss battle was quite enjoyable. figuring out what to do with your life next when you’re highly trained for a very specific thing but also not trained enough to be a serious danger and were set up to fail was extremely compelling to me, an astronomy major who cannot actually work in astronomy.

second book really hits its stride and (girl who has only played fallout voice) feels very fallout-y. desperate quest to save a loved one. girls' trip through a bunch of weird places with a bunch of weird guys. there's a lot of references that play with tone without ever going HEY REMEMBER THIS OTHER WORK YOU COULD GO LOOK AT RIGHT NOW? there’s a plane and a weird guy that made me think of mad max thunderdome, except the weird guy is his own character and has his own arc. there’s a weird grandpa on a boat who i don't think is a reference at all, except maybe to the timeless genre of weird grandpas on boats. there’s a sentient casino trapping people inside that reminded me of the new vegas dead money expansion, except Maggie barely steps inside bc she immediately gets caught up in a day-long battle of wits against the god of gambling. Maggie is a little more settled in her own skin now that she’s regularly talking to other people and has rejoined her community in her own small ways on her own terms and it HAS made her a much more successful monster hunter. the dialogue is snappier, the action scenes are more elaborate and smoothly choreographed. it's nice to watch an author grow so quickly (from this is serviceable to oh SHIT this is fun) over the course of a duology :) this feels like it was meant to be a trilogy but this book came out in 2019 so i am not holding my breath. it has a nice solid endpoint right here imo.

past sexual violence is sort of orbited around but no sexual violence is actually depicted, which i appreciate as a woman trying to enjoy postapoc.

libby has a very helpful Indigenous Voices category/reading guide/thing. thank u libby now i want to read everything else she's ever written

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watching

saw a piece of fanart i cannot find now for the three minute short PUPARIA by Shingo Tamagawa.

Something is about to change drastically. We can only be witnesses to it.

it's a weird and stunningly beautiful little thing i am still worrying at like a dog with a peanut butter kong. if you have a thing about eyes or clusters of round shapes this is NOT the three minute short for you btw

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playing

the free epic game was the Eidos Montreal Guardians of the Galaxy game, and since i am allergic to dead moms i will not be playing it. widely reviewed as "good writing, but not very much fun to actually play" so i don't feel like i'm missing out on too much.

i have no good story to tell about my time with genshin this week. we're aiming for "can i turn my brain off for forty minutes in the evening" and grinding a lot of one specific boss while listening to podcasts does seem to be enough to turn my brain off.

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making

i have been frantically deep cleaning (including soaking the office in enzymatic cleaner [thanks phil]) bc my siblings are coming to town for a couple days and despite several setbacks (a completely different arrival time than the one they told me) and absolutely no sense of an itinerary we will be fine! we will all be fine and have fun! i will be SO fine and calm and chill and we will all have some fucking fun so help us god

ALSO also phil has finally been spayed and is now dealing with four separate issues: the giant wound still on her side, the spay incision, the necrotic abscess in her mouth from going too hard on a springy toy, and being underweight from trying to heal three things at once. we'll get there! we'll get there. it's just taking a while. we are going to have friday afternoon vet visits every week for the foreseeable future.

i love her so much and i'm glad she's feeling better but i genuinely think owning a horse would be cheaper than owning this one wonky cat. they shaved SO much of her tummy she looks even sillier than usual.

other than being Very Alert for the persistent little orange tomcat that keeps hopping up on my windowsill, mackie is doing fine. no concept of the fact that my siblings are going to pick her up more in two days than she gets picked up in a whole month. this is a girl that likes her feet on the ground thanks much

[liondanosaur]

Hi Finn! Keepin’ it on anon ‘cause I’m shy. Also, this opinion might be half-baked. I’ve read your essay! Great points were made — still, I’d like to contribute with something I’ve also noticed throughout the years: Not only some people may overstep on their too-complex-to-actually-put-into-words relationship, but overanalyze some of Dan or Phil’s comments as well. What I’m trying to say is, I’ve met people who idealized Dan and Phil’s relationship so much, that they get their expectations too high on their content, forgetting they are, in part, just creators.

Bringing my point further, I remember Dan jokingly (but also as a reminder) once said him and Phil were both content creators, not reality stars. As internet creators, it is true some of their comments (either on social media, or videos) are made to fuck around with their audience, some others may come up without a prior thought process, or were said just to be #relatable. The point is, these comments do not necessarily reflect their realities nor real feelings. I’ve read people actually doubt their relationship and love/appreciation for each other just because they joked about desiring other men, as an example. Hell, even people taking jokes waaayyy to seriously.

There comes the extreme idealization of relationships. Dan and Phil are internet personas at the end of the day, whatever they say or do on the web, most of the time, is not meant to be taken too literally. Idealizing their relationship as if their content has to necessarily reflect a romance out of a fairytale between the two at all times is foolish. Dan and Phil can say whatever they want online, be this recognizable character, speak about whatever or whoever. Not because they don’t act “couple-y” enough or make extreme jokes about swinging on a channel / talk about other people their relationship should be doubted.

That’s not how all relationships work. Their bond is very clear, sure, but hoping it will be straight out of a generic romance novel can be really harming to your expectations. Also, I feel like as if people tend to forget their content is about a duo out there being silly and queer, and making speculations of how does their relationship work off-camera based on their characters ends up distorting reality even more. They stated it several times. What is meant to be personal will be kept private.

Does this make sense? help

Thank you for sharing :D

I definitely agree and think that it is also adding onto my point of people who assume things, and how queer relationships can be very different. I think some people can get a bit attached to the concept that dnp are strictly monogamous and they can only be that or else it ruins the fantasy of their dynamic. They may be completely monogamous to each other and all the jokes they make about Dan being a cougar looking for twinks, or Phil and his 10 foot wang out on the town every sunday - and all their many other jokes that are sexual or romantic and not directed at each other - they may all just be funny and not mean a thing. But I still think the issue is peoples inability to believe that there are other possibilities outside of, again, the heteronormative monogamous relationship idea that is immediately put on them.

And I also think people can get a bit overbearing with this whole “well we know them, so we know they don’t interact with anyone else and are only for each other” even though they have said they’ve been to gay bars (in catboy costumes 😭) and out in clubs, seeing friends and obviously dan went out many times on tour - I think sometimes people become too attached to the idea that they fully know the both of them, but we only know what they choose to share. I think Dan covers a lot of amazing points in his “We are in a relationship” video about the parasocial nature that we share with him and also phil, but also them as a duo, but I feel that most people like to ignore the things that they have shared about privacy or how the parasocial behaviours have been really damaging to them, because it can make people feel like they’re hurting them - which I’m guessing most people don’t want to believe they are doing.

I think people just need to find a middle ground :-] its easy to respect their boundaries and still love them so much, but it should always be remembered how they are actually humans - who exist in a non-fantasy universe when the cameras are off, and to make sure you’re aware of their boundaries

And also to make sure you arent being too weirdly intense or rude to other fans - sometimes people can gain a superiority complex about “defending” dan and phil, or acting like they are higher than others, which is equally weird to do and also equally invasive to act like you know them enough to defend their dynamic / relationship.

[sapphicbookclub]

Author Spotlight: Lee Swanson

In a follow up to our previous club read, No Man Is Her Master, the Sapphic Book Club is excited to participate in another virtual book tour for Lee Swanson. This time, we're celebrating the release of the last book in the series, She Serves the Realm. Check out the full article below to hear more about lesbians in the Middle Ages, the No Man Is Her Master series, and stay tuned to Goodreads for club member reviews.

In my historical fiction series, No Man is Her Master, the novel’s protagonist and the married Lady Cecily Baldewyne engage in a torrid illicit romance. What makes their love affair doubly dangerous is that the recipient of Lady Cecily’s affection, Christina Kohl, is another woman who leads her life in the male guise of her supposedly-dead brother, Frederick. In the soon-to-be-released fourth novel in the series, She Serves the Realm, Lady Cecily learns her husband is dead and she is at last free to wed her beloved. Consequently, according to 14th century English law, Cecily is no longer guilty of adultery. But, if the authorities discover the truth of Christina’s gender, would they punish the two lovers for the crime of homosexuality instead? Probably not. First, medieval society largely viewed sex as a penetrative act aimed at procreation. Consequently, by this interpretation sex between women was impossible because, if it was sex, one of the participants must be a man and what they were doing then did not fall under the definition of an unnatural act. Is the fact Christina and Cecily engage in lovemaking an unusual act for lesbians of the Middle Ages? Apparently not. Etienne de Fougeres, the chaplain of King Henry II of England, authored a satirical poem in 1170, Le Livre des Manières, alluding to women’s desire for sex within their own gender: These ladies have made up a game: with two bits of nonsense they make nothing; they bang coffin against coffin, without a poker stir up their fire. They don’t play at “poke in the paunch,” but join shield to shield without a lance. They have no concern for a beam in their scales, nor a handle in their mold. Out of water they fish for turbot and they have no need for a rod. They don’t bother with a pestle in their mortar nor a fulcrum for their see-saw.

Then did lesbians in the Middle Ages feel free to pleasure themselves and each other sexually without fear of legal repercussions? Seemingly so, as there are only about a dozen recorded instances of civil or ecclesiastical trials of women associated with the practice. Of these, most of the accused had ignored one of the key elements in the definition of the punishable crime of sodomy. In one of the extremely few cases prosecuted against a woman, the German imperial court sentenced Katherina Hetzeldorfer from the Rhineland town of Speyer to death in 1477 for wanting to “have her manly way” with women, some of whom testify against her. Upon examination, the defendant admitted that she used a piece of wood held between her legs and had constructed a wooden device covered with leather and stuffed with cotton to penetrate her partners. Although obviously still incapable of procreation, the good burghers of Speyer consider her acts sufficiently heinous to drown Katherina in the Rhine River for her crime. Christina hides the secret of her true gender well, as revealing herself as a woman would ruin her standing as a Hanseatic merchant and clearly perturb King Edward II who had seen fit to knight her. It’s reassuring to know what she and Cecily share in their bedchamber will probably not be the potential cause of their demise.

Lee Swanson is author of the No Man Is Her Master sapphic historical novel quadrilogy. The series concluded with She Serves the Realm, which released June 11, 2024.

[spiderprincess-suffet]

Creepypasta au and oc facts:

Angel has color coded outfits usually determined by her lipstick color(s)

To differentiate Jane doe and Jane the killer Jane TK is more commonly called Blackwolf (yes this is a reference to her creator-)

Karma doesn’t actually see Ine as her child nor did she willingly take her in, Ine just refused to leave her alone cuz she needed a place to stay.

Angel is extremely socially awkward and not good at talking to people…so if she’s actively flirting with you that’s not Angel it’s Angie.

Liliana actually has glasses but prefers contacts, she actually used to have good eyesight but ever since her eyes gained the ability to glow in the dark it all went downhill from there.

Lazari Nicole Nina Ani and Kasei are all in a lovely group called the “I found out EJ is gay and I got rejected because of it club” they get together and eat ice cream, cry and watch sappy vampire romance movies together every month UwU

Despite being blind Lulu is actually a really good climber and scares the crap out of a lot of proxies by ending up on steep ledges and other dangerous places a blind kid probably shouldn’t be.

Despite not actually being a fox or fox hybrid ever since the experiments Ava has found herself taking on more fox and generally more animalistic tendencies and personality traits.

Bloody painter can’t stand Nina cuz he knows she has a crush on Dina and he knows Dina is starting to like her back as well (Dina and Bloody painter are daiting lol)

Nurse Ann is actually nice and motherly twords the kiddie pastas, normally she’s super mean but she feels bad that they’re basically being robbed of a childhood so she tries her best to at least be a bit nicer to them.

Slenderman would be considered a pack animal 🤷‍♀️

[mrdarcygenderenvy]

Recent Austen adaptations yelling

Ok I DID make this blog to review historical-set Pride & Prejudice adaptations (with an exception made for iconic B&P). But for everyone who was DEFINITELY WONDERING, yes I have also been storing away a lot of opinions about other recent Austen adaptations that I Must Tell Someone.

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Fire island (2022)

A modern gay party cheesy rom-com P&P that genuinely made me laugh. Having seen some other (whiter) cheesy gay romcoms that were extreeeemely PG & playing it safe, I was pleasantly surprised.

Also Bowen Yang and his story just came across really earnest in a way I was into - would watch this man cry again, 10/10.

Personally as an extremely disabled british nerd (now tragically unable to travel and/or go to the club...) this gay scene is a long way from my queer scene. But I still had emotions, you know?

Kinda wanted more of the Mary analogue and generally just normal looking people (almost everyone is so ripped) but I appreciate that's how beautiful smooth people often look in mainstream american films, we can't have everything.

DARCY WATCH: I do not want to dress like this adaptation's chinos Mr Darcy. But Conrad Ricamora was generally great and very hot and awkward and understood the assignment. Good ice cream throw.

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Emma (2020)

I know I know, it's pretty... but I don't think that's enough!!!!!

Lovely production, beautiful costumes, a candy wes-anderson cinematography that really suits the story, and it's fun to notice references to actual outfits and prints from the time but lads. LADS. UNPOPULAR OPINION TIME: Where is the chemistry???

You can’t make Mr Knightley a nice sweet boy (so funny to have cast a posh folksy singing man) and leave the plot the same and expect it to work!! Also I was personally pissed off that a lot of the promo/ ads for this made it look like ~forbidden love~ when it's the 2 richest white people in town getting together?? ? There's actually not even a class difference in this one, guys.

Basically this romance was nothing to me!!! I felt nothing!!!!!!!! WHERE'S THE DEPTH

I did like the bit where he lies down though. Relatable.

Also why are you drawing so much attention to the servants when you don’t seem to have anything to say about class...? 'Wow look how many servants they had! Anyway, they don't get any speaking lines'... it's 2020 guys!!! like what are we saying here. 'isn't it cool to think about how people were rich'??

kind of the point of Emma (character) is she's pretty superficial, but the story does not, in fact, have to be

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Persuasion (2022)

Weeping softly into a pillow........ did you know this version meant a version with Sarah Snook and Joel Fry got cancelled?? we could have had it all

(standing on a table yelling) THE MODERNISATION WAS NOT THE PROBLEM WITH THIS FILM!!!

Honestly I actively liked all the entire secondary cast in this. Louisa and Mary were extremely charming fun takes to watch. ('I'm an empath' IS right for the character if you're doing modern jokes!!!) And nobody can deny this was a correct and powerful use of Richard E Grant.

Henry Golding was naturally great. Apparently he got offered the lead and took the villain instead, which DOES mean the villain is super charming and fun to watch which is... hard to match and.... kind of shows up.... the main man.

It's been said before but the main two were WOEFUL imo. I have no beef with the actors I just question the DIRECTION and whether anyone making this knew (or cared) why people... enjoy things.

Book Anne is the quietest gentlest loser and I LOVE HER and so does basically every Austen nerd. Making her a quirky wine-bath girl who's honestly just cruel sometimes fully stops the main romance chemistry and plot from working.

And it means the main boy is still like 'god I'm so horny for how KIND AND CAPABLE YOU ARE' which is just 100% no longer true. You can't transplant a personality in a romance but leave the plot the exact same and expect it to work. The chemistry IS the plot in a romance..........

you can't act morally superior to your siblings and still rate people out of ten.... also so funny to me that everyone else gets period outfits and hair whereas this protagonist looks like she just glanced at a picture of any time in the past and grabbed a couple shirts from primark. it doen't even look good or build character!!!!!

Anyway, not to be an elderly man like 'ohhh why does nobody care about character these days' but the reason something like Clueless works is because it has the heart of the story right, instead of just copying the surface level stuff.