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andrewmoocow · 4 months ago

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Rick and Haruko chapter 4: Squanch and Loathing (originally published on March 24, 2025)

Author's Note: At long last, we're back! So sorry to keep you waiting. Last we left Haruko Haruhara and Rick Sanchez, the Flesh Curtains managed to escape Repre S. Entative on the Gem Homeworld, but now they're left stranded on the planet Shuggazoom for the time being, but thankfully, an old acquaintance of Rick might be able to help them back on their feet. In the meantime, Medical Mechanica has formed an alliance with the Council of Ricks to bring in Rick and Atomsk, and they've already zeroed in on the Pirate King's location. What new dimensions will our motley crew discover? You'll just have to wait and see!

"That's it, Haru-san, you're getting better." Rihanna Raharu said as she taught her ten-year-old daughter Haruha how to play the guitar. "See, you didn't need to be so hard on yourself."

"I know, but I want to be as good as you!" Haruha exclaimed. "But sometimes I feel like I won't ever be good enough!"

"You won't know how good you'll be until you try," Rihanna warmly advised. Here, let me show you a few more tricks." Haruha always loved these tender family moments, whether spending time with her mom or sleeping with her Dad in his favorite chair.

Then, Medical Mechanica took her family away and ruined what she had left of it. And Haruko will do anything to get her revenge. No matter the cost.

"So, let me get this straight: you're raising monkeys to turn into some bizarro superhero team?!" Rick asked the Alchemist one afternoon on Shuggazoom. "What the hell kind of shrooms do they grow on this planet that gave you this idea, and where can I get some?"

"You may think my plans are ridiculous, Sanchez, but I assure you, it's for a good cause." The Alchemist stated as he worked on a drill-like weapon. "There will come a day when I and my good friend Captain Shuggazoom will no longer be able to protect our planet. Thus, I shall leave everything to what I call the Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce."

"That's seriously what you call them?!" Rick laughed derisively. "What are you, creating a team of defenders of the planet or a toy line?" While he was laughing, however, Rick suddenly discovered that a little blue monkey grabbed his portal gun and then closely examined the device's inner workings. "Hey, get away from my portal gun, you little hairball! I swear to God, if you start throwing your shit at me, I'm gonna throw a fit!"

"Now, Gibson, give the nice man his machine back; he needs it to leave this planet." The Alchemist gently scolded the blue monkey, who ooked in reply and handed the portal gun back to Rick. "Sorry, Rick, GBSN23 here loves to tinker. I think he gets it from me."

"I can see that," Rick commented before he noticed Birdperson entering the laboratory. "Hey, Birdperson, I've been wondering where you were!"

"Yes, the sound of your mocking laughter is easy to identify," Birdperson replied before a black monkey and a green monkey started climbing all over him. "I see you've acquainted yourself with the Alchemist's little projects. Personally, I can see why he chose monkeys as his subjects, considering how close they are to humans. However, I also hope you're looking after them well."

"No need to worry; I have everything under control." The Alchemist replied. "That reminds me. Where are those other two off to, Squanchy and Haruko, I believe?"

"Oh, them?" Rick answered. "I let them run off and play with Squanchy's motorbike in the jungle. Hopefully, they don't get into any trouble."

"Though knowing us, trouble will certainly find them." Birdperson added, only to feel something dirty and squishy under his foot. "Oh no, don't tell me."

"You're stepping in monkey shit." Rick smirked at Birdperson's expense as the two realized he stepped in poop.

"Oh dear, not again." The Alchemist sighed as he prepared to clean up the poop. "My apologies, Birdperson, this just happens sometimes."

"Okay, which one of you was it?" Rick asked a red monkey and an orange monkey, who started pointing accusing fingers at each other.

Meanwhile, Squanchy spent his free time exploring the jungle, where the Alchemist had made his base of operations on Shuggazoom. In times like this, when he, Rick, Birdperson, and Haruko weren't playing concerts or running from the authorities for their crimes, he often found it nice to relax and take in the scenery around him. However, he also possessed some spare parts he borrowed from the Alchemist's workshop to repair the Rick-stery Machine and help Haruko with something she's been working on.

"Here you go, Haruko." Squanchy said while handing the parts over to Haruko. "Took me a while to find all this squanchin' trash, since the Alchemist had so many."

"Now, let's see what we have here," Haruko muttered as she examined Squanchy's loot, but one piece of junk caught the pink-haired guitarist's eye. "Handlebars?! Hello old friend, I haven't seen you in ages!" she cheered excitedly while dancing around with the handlebars over her head. "Where have you been? I'm never letting go of you again, not ever!"

"Sheesh, why don't you two get a room?" Squanchy rolled his eyes with a smirk as he turned back to find more parts.

Later that afternoon, as Squanchy returned with more parts, he found Haruko dressed up in a white tank top with a matching and an orange jumpsuit with the upper portion tied around her waist as she inspected his Vespa scooter. "Zawa, this is all banged up. This sucks." Haruko complained as she held a broken part in her hand before she was struck in the back by an incoming wheel, causing her to drop everything and flail her arms around in fright. "Okay, who just did that, what do you want?!" Haruko cried while gathering all the parts she had dropped and protectively wrapped them in her arms. "You can't take these; they're mine! You hear me?!"

"Gee Haruko, chill the squanch out, it's just me," Squanchy said before the wheel rolled to a stop and clattered at her feet.

"WAUGH, DO MINE EYES DECEIVE ME?!" Haruko yelled in surprise at the wheel before picking it up to examine it.

"You know, you can squanch it if you want." Squanchy shrugged in amusement at Haruko's wild reactions as she peeked out from under the wheel.

"What, you mean it?" Haruko asked.

"Yeah, the wheel and my Vespa. I can get you more once I find some." Squanchy replied. "I see you're getting pretty attached to that thing."

"But the wheel has steel in it." Haruko answered. "Don't you need it for the Rick-stery machine?"

"The steel in the rim is unusable." Squanchy explained. "Basically, it's something that I'm not able to use."

"Something you are not able to use?" Haruko repeated quizzically.

"Oh no," Squanchy responded. "I didn't squanch it like that at all." He let out a sigh as he looked up at the sky. "So, I know the Vespa ain't in the best shape, but maybe we could go for a little afternoon squanch. What do you say?"

"Wait, you don't mean what I think you mean," Haruko asked, resisting the urge to laugh at any possible connotations.

"I meant an afternoon drive, you ninny!" Squanchy laughed out loud. "Ya see, I have this whole thing where my people and I replace certain words with squanch. For example, when I say afternoon squanch, I mean afternoon drive."

"Neat. Let me give it a shot." Haruko replied. "I squanch being with you guys." Much to Haruko's confusion, Squanchy's eyes widened in shock as his furry little jaw dropped. "What's with the look on your face? Seen a gentleman ghost or something? I just said I squanch being with you guys."

"Eh, I think that's enough for now." Squanchy laughed awkwardly as he and Haruko hopped on the Vespa. "Hi-ho Silver, away!" As the duo zoomed off to parts unknown on the motor-scooter, Rick just so happened to arrive at the spot where they previously were.

"Haruko, Squanchy, where the hell are you guys?!" Rick hollered with a burp. "Come on; Al was gonna help us fix the Rick-stery Machine!" Just then, Rick looked down at the spare parts Squanchy and Haruko had left behind. "Well, at least they left some parts for us to use."

As Rick picked up the parts and left, a green portal, not unlike the ones he creates with his portal gun, opened in the middle of the jungle, and out of it stepped Repre S. Entative and Demido Kuriya. "According to the coordinates on this portal gun, this should be the dimension where the Flesh Curtains are currently residing," Repre stated while examining the device in his hands. "But here's a problem: they seem to be going in two directions simultaneously. One seems to be going much faster, though; perhaps they're fleeing at the mere idea of reencountering us!"

"So, where do you think we should go?" Demido asked. "Personally, I'd go follow the one heading deeper into the jungle. Perhaps once we find Rick there, we may find a greater bounty with this Alchemist he's meeting with."

"Forget that; we're heading to the city!" Repre disagreed excitedly as he created another portal and dragged Demido through it.

"So, what's this he's doing with monkeys now?" Haruko asked Squanchy as the two stood atop a skyscraper in Shuggazoom City.

"I have no squanching idea why he's doing this either, but I gotta admire how earnest he is about it," Squanchy replied.

"Oh-yo-yo-yoh?" Haruko muttered. "I mean, why's he even doing this to these monkeys, though?"

"Beats me. Rick told me he's sometimes heard the Alchemist talking about Dark Ones or whatever." Squanchy said before Haruko offered him a burger that seemed to have its content hovering in midair. "Huh?"

"Want one of these hoverburgers I found?" Haruko suggested, already having a hoverburger stuck in her mouth. "They're like regular burgers, but they float. Not sure how they'll taste, but try one and see what happens."

"Well, if you say so." Squanchy shrugged as he took a bite out of the burger while gazing into the distance, where the two could make out the distinct shape of a Medical Mechanica factory installed outside the city. "Oh dang, look at the size of that squanching thing! Guess that means Medical Mechanica isn't too far behind!"

"Pisses me off," Haruko grumbled as she spat out her burger, thinking back to bad memories of when she worked for Medical Mechanica. "Pisses me off so bad, man! They already took over my planet; what do they want with this one?!"

"Worst case scenario, they abduct the Alchemist and force his monkeys to work for them," Squanchy said while a pair of silhouettes emerged from behind them. "Guess we should go back to Rick and Birdperson so we can skedaddle outta here!"

"Funny, we were just thinking you would do the same thing." The familiar voice of Repre S. Entative called out to the duo as he and the Lord Superior Officer loomed over the pair of Flesh Curtains. "Hello again, Haruko Haruhara. Oh, and her little furry friend, too. Fancy meeting you here."

"What do you bastards want now?!" Haruko groaned in annoyance. "I swear, you guys just piss me off every time I see you!"

"What do you think, you two?" Demido Kuriya stated. "Thanks to this portal gun granted to us by the Council of Ricks, we can now travel across universes in an instant, a far more environmentally conscious alternative to using Neural Omniscience energy to teleport from world to world. And guess what? We've been using it to track you, too."

"Neural Omniscience, or N.O, uses the left and right brain's distinct thought processes to open up an interdimensional channel capable of transporting things," Repre explained. "sometimes from light-years away in-"

"Okay, nerd, shut up!" Haruko rudely interrupted the representative director's explanation of N.O. energy by smacking him so hard with her Rickenbacker that he flew like a rocket into Shuggazoom's orbit.

"LOOKS LIKE I'M BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAAIN!" Repre shrieked as he got further away from the planet, eventually turning into nothing more than a twinkle in the sky. The LSO simply rolled his eyes at his right-hand man's swift defeat.

"So you sent my son into orbit, bravo!" Demido sarcastically applauded while clapping his hands. "I hope you're not too proud of yourself there, little girl! Now then, allow me to say this once, Vespa." He then grabbed Haruko by the neck with his mechanical arm and squeezed it tight as a way to torture her into giving him what he wanted. "Where is Sanchez?!"

"I'll never tell!" Haruko squeaked as the Lord Superior Officer's grip on her throat tightened. "You know, if you wanted to choke me out, you could've just asked! Don't try threatening me with a good time!"

"I see Rick is starting to rub off on you, little one." Demido sneered. "Unfortunately, it seems you won't live long enough to see him again if you don't speak up."

"Haruko!" Squanchy cried as he raced towards his friend before someone stopped the feline alien in his tracks.

"Not today, villain!" a superhero with a white costume, a black and orange cape, an orange scarf, and a metallic helmet declared as he appeared seemingly out of nowhere to save Haruko. "Let the young lady go, or you'll have to answer to me, Captain Shuggazoom!"

"Hey, where did Kamen Rider here come from?" Haruko choked raspily as the Lord Superior Officer finally let go of her neck.

"I suppose you must be those friends of Rick Sanchez that my dear friend the Alchemist told me about." Captain Shuggazoom stated just as Repre crashed back into the ground from his brief trip into space. "I advise you to leave the area immediately; I shall handle things from here."

"Don't worry, I can provide a little help." Haruko smirked as she presented a small black orb, much to Captain Shuggazoom's confusion.

"What is this?" the good captain muttered.

"Is that ohagi?" Repre asked before the orb suddenly turned into a swarm of flies that caused Repre to flail his arms in a panic as the bugs covered his body. "AGH, IT'S FLIES, THEY'RE ALL FLIES, FLIES EVERYWHERE, NOT THE FLIES, GET 'EM OFF! AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH! OH THEY'RE IN MY EYES, MY EEEEEYES!"

"Just a little something I've been cooking up on the side!" Haruko exclaimed as she hopped on the Vespa and sped off with Squanchy. "Okay, I love you, bye-bye!"

"Squanch yours, Medics!" Squanchy added while flipping the Lord Superior Officer and his representative director off as the LSO fought Captain Shuggazoom, and Repre continued stumbling around with the flies in his eyes.

"Come on, where are those two assholes?!" Rick complained while pacing around the outside of the Alchemist's lab. "I just got word that Medical Mechanica is here, and I'm getting worried!"

"Do not fret, Rick. I informed Captain Shuggazoom, and he should have things covered." The Alchemist said assuredly. "Judging by how uneased you feel right now, I should assume that this Medical Mechanica is not something to be trifled with."

"Indeed, Alchemist." Birdperson nodded. "Medical Mechanica began life as a startup tech company that quickly grew in power across numerous universes to suppress all individual thought in the multiverse. At least, that's the official story, anyways. I have a sneaking suspicion they're hiding something much darker."

Just then, Haruko and Squanchy returned to the lab, having just escaped Medical Mechanica's grasp and ready to finally leave this dimension. "Hey guys, anything we missed?" Squanchy asked.

"Yo!" Haruko declared. "We're not interrupting anything, are we meow?"

"Yo, what up, my glip-glops?!" Rick yelled excitedly. "Goddamn, I was getting worried for a sec! Come on, Medical Mechanica is after us. We gotta go! Now!"

"Hey, cool your jets, Doctor Who. I kept them a little distracted for a while," Haruko snickered. "Guess you could say I gave those a little." She then put on some sunglasses she conjured from nowhere. "Fly in their soup."

"YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" the yellow monkey in Birdperson's arms shrieked as if punctuating Haruko's cheesy one-liner.

"Thanks, Nova." Haruko said while petting Nova's furry little head. "You know, you kinda remind me of me in a way. Little rapscallion always causing chaos, yet you got a good heart deep down."

"I highly doubt that." Birdperson snarked. "Now come on, we need to leave."

"Yeah, save the funny one-liners for the next dimension we go to!" Rick said as he took Haruko by the arm and dragged her to the Rick-stery Machine. "Okay, Al, sorry to cut our meeting short, but my band and I gotta bounce to our next gig quickly! Good luck with those monkeys!"

"Farewell, Rick Sanchez, until we meet again!" the Alchemist gave a warm farewell as Rick and the band departed Shuggazoom through a green portal before his expression turned sour, and he started hearing the voices of the Dark Ones in his head again. "Though I fear I will not be the man you once knew should our paths cross again."

Meanwhile, the monkeys began gathering around a large black monolith in the middle of nowhere carved in the shape of Rick's Rickenbacker guitar. They started hooting and hollering in delight at their strange new discovery. In particular, the yellow monkey was fascinated by the stone guitar, as if she felt connected to it. Whether she would dwell on this is best left to the future.

Wealth. Fame. Power. Gol D. Roger, the king of the pirates, attained this and everything else that Dimension D-722 had to offer upon completing his long journey to the mysterious island of Laugh Tale. Before he was set to be executed, Roger's final words sent countless souls to the sea in search of his legendary treasure. "You want my treasure? You can have it!" Roger responded to an eager spectator about the location of the One Piece with a devious smile on his face, the last face he would ever wear. "I left everything I own in one place. Now you just have to find it!" Thus began the Great Pirate Era, where pirates from across the four oceans of the world set out to the very end of the Grand Line to make their hopes and dreams come true.

As the Rick-stery Machine sailed across the East Blue while transformed into a pirate ship, Haruko sat at the Rick-shaped figurehead as she gazed out in wonder of the vast, seemingly endless ocean before her. She knew the multiverse was full of infinite possibilities, but seeing an ocean this big made her mind run wild about what could be out there beyond the ship she lived on. The wide-open sea, the breeze hitting her face, the sun shining down on her, this was everything Haruko dreamed about. It was almost like home before Medical Mechanica took it over.

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me." Haruko sang cheerfully as she gazed out at the endless beyond while Rick steered the ship, Birdperson served as lookout, and Squanchy stood ready to weigh anchor at any given moment. "So guys, which island are we going to? Maybe we can check out Whole Cake Island, Dressrosa, or Loguetown, or maybe we can go all the way to Laugh Tale and find the One Piece!"

"Don't get too excited, Haruko; we're only visiting a small island on the East Blue that nobody will miss," Birdperson answered while looking at the map in his hands. "We'll be heading to Canfodd Island for our next show. Nothing amazing ever happens there; everything is ordinary; you'll probably forget everything that happens by the time we leave."

"Don't worry, though; I'm sure we'll be able to get some treasure." Rick said as he unfurled a piece of paper, revealing it as a wanted poster depicting a man with bright red hair and a bounty worth 1,040,000,000. "This guy is Red Haired Shanks, one of the most powerful pirates in the world. Some say he even served under the Pirate King Gold Roger once upon a time! If we get this guy's bounty, we'll be filthy stinking rich! Wubba lubba dub dub!"

"Yeah, wubba lubba dub dub!" Haruko cheered while Birdperson shook his head in dismay. He and many others had tried warning Haruko multiple times about how Rick might be a bad influence on her, but it seemed she still wasn't listening. Or maybe she refused to listen because something more sinister was afoot. Whatever the reason, Birdperson had to keep his beak shut for the time being before he noticed the winds changing.

"Everyone, I believe I can see Canfodd Island dead ahead!" Birdperson exclaimed.

"WOO, LAND HO!" Squanchy cheered. "Come on, gang, let's show this boring island how to have a little fun!"

As the Rick-stery Machine began sailing towards Canfodd Island, little did the Flesh Curtains know that someone else was also visiting this dimension, albeit for more sinister reasons.

Elsewhere, in a massive castle on the island of Mariejois, the Lord Superior Officer stood in a room with five well-dressed old men, with Repre S. Entative standing next to a large middle-aged man in a red suit while he picked flies out of his teeth. "Uh, so many flies." Repre groaned as he removed the flies and flicked them onto the man's body, which incinerated on impact.

"I consider it an honor and a pleasure that you made the time to see me today, Five Elders." Lord Kuriya announced gladly. "I'm sure, as the supreme rulers of this world, you must be very busy men, so I apologize if our meeting runs a little longer than expected."

"Enough brownnosing, sir. Give us one good reason why you have brought us here before you today." One of the old men, Saint Jaygarcia Saturn, interrupted Demido's groveling.

"Right, apologies," Demido stated as he presented a hologram of Rick and Haruko. "These two are Haruha "Haruko Haruhara" Raharu of Dimension GFL-618 and Richard Sanchez C-137. They are the leaders of a criminal rock band known as the Flesh Curtains, which have been bedeviling my forces for quite a while now. I have reason to believe your dimension is their next target. If left unchecked, their chaos shall tear your world order apart."

"Could they perhaps be more dangerous than Roger?" Saint Marcus Mars, another one of the Five Elders, commented tersely while stroking his long beard.

"Nonsense! What damage could an old man and a teenage girl cause?!" Marcus's compatriot Saint Topman Warcury inquired.

"Regardless, whatever this duo may be capable of, we need to be on our guard if our guest here is anything to go by." Saint Ethanbaron V. Nusjaro added. "We shall allow him access to our resources to further his goals. But make no mistake, we only do this to protect our world. Whatever you have planned for us, we refuse to take part in it."

"I suppose we have a deal then," Saint Shepherd Ju Peter said as he shook hands with Demido Kuriya, unaware that Demido had ordered his forces to install a Medical Mechanica factory buried deep beneath the ocean, where no one would find it until it was too late. Akainu, we shall place our guests in your capable hands."

"You have my word, sirs." Vice Admiral Sakazuki, better known by his alias Akainu, bowed compliantly to his masters while Repre continued picking flies out of his teeth, which Akainu found very annoying. "Can you please stop throwing flies at me?"

"Hey, let's see you try not to get hit in the face with a tiny fly bomb!" Repre shouted back indignantly.

Elsewhere, deep within the castle, a tall humanoid cloaked in shadow sat on a throne surrounded by nineteen weapons and gazed contemplatively towards the distance, having overheard the Five Elders' conversation with Medical Mechanica through their unique telepathic powers, now knowing of Rick and Haruko's presence in this world. However, they seemed to take an interest in Haruko in particular, almost like she reminded them of someone. With her free spirit, defiance towards authority figures, playful and wanderlust nature that seemed so attractive to so many people, and her penchant for causing chaos wherever she went in search of fun and adventure, it seemed like she could be a dead ringer for…..

"Joy Boy."

Canfodd was just as dull as Haruko was told it would be. Everything seemed too gray and dreary, giving her an uncomfortable reminder of Wasprus before its destruction. However, with the Flesh Curtains' presence, they could bring a little color to this island with their music.

"HELLO CANFODD ISLAND! CAN I GET A WHAT WHAT?!" Rick yelled to his audience, who didn't do anything he said, much to his disappointment. "Fine, keep being boring. But you won't be bored for long once we play some sick-ass tunes! And don't go away cause our guitarist here is eager to perform a solo! Come on out, Haruko Haruhara!"

As if on cue, fog began rolling in onstage, making the audience slightly interested as a silhouette of Haruko emerged, illuminated by the bright stage lights. "Well, well, well, what have we here?" she purred. "Just a bunch of BITCHES READY TO HAVE THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES!" The fog then immediately faded away, allowing Haruko to present herself in full while clad in a Playboy bunny costume. "Stars in the heavens! Flowers on the Earth! Love to the people! Warrior of Love, I am Haruko Haruhara!" And, for the first time since Haruko first came ashore, the ordinarily dour people of Canfodd started cheering brightly. "NOW ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!"

"YEAH!" the islanders yelled back.

"Oh yeah, now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!" Haruko yelled excitedly while tuning up her guitar. "You ready, boys?!"

"You have the slightest idea how little that squanches it down?!" Squanchy cried. "WE ARE THE FLESH CURTAINS! ONE, TWO, THREE, SQUANCH!" At Squanchy's cue, the Flesh Curtains began playing for their captive audience.

"Birth and growth, a low altitude flight. A discovery grasped tightly in my hand." Haruko started singing.

"Our cells are bootleg, our companion roulette. An advantage of being born in circles." Rick added.

"We will go on with our beloved Darwin!" Birdperson declared before the song's chorus kicked in.

"Never evolving, we're in the midst of returning to our origins!" the trio sang together. "We brag with ambiguity as our weapon! Rebo-o-o-o-rn to spiky seeds!" The audience began cheering as the first part of the song concluded. Not too far away, however, trouble would soon come in the form of a Marine ship sailing towards Canfodd.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Akainu growled while spying on the concert through binoculars that were melting in his hands from how angry he was getting. "They're playing music for them?! That's why we should fear these intruders?!"

"I'll give these guys this, I quite like their music." Aokiji, one of Akainu's fellow vice admirals, remarked while lazily leaning against the ship's mast. "If we're lucky, I can get a Tone Dial from them."

"You lied to us!" Akainu roared as he held Demido and Repre's necks in a vicelike grip, his arms turning into magma. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you both right now!"

"Now, now, Sakazuki, calm down, please." Kizaru, a tall man wearing a pair of fancy sunglasses, tried easing his fellow vice admiral's violent outburst, albeit somewhat sarcastically. "These criminals are having a concert; ooh, how terrifying! What else could they do next? Steal forty cakes? That's as many as four tens, and that's terrible."

"This is no time for jokes, Borsalino; what could these two be hiding?" Akainu grumbled as he dropped his two would-be victims onto the deck.

"You can suspect us of as much treason as you want, but you should also know who the true enemy is here." Demido proclaimed while dusting off his cloak and jacket. "As I am sure your superiors have informed you, Rick is one of the smartest individuals to have ever existed in any dimension in the multiverse, while Haruko's eccentric and violent nature is only exacerbated by her desire for the multiversal singularity known as Atomsk, which only makes her even more dangerous."

"He is indeed correct." Kizaru agreed with Demido. "Maintaining Medical Mechanica's agenda is our top priority."

"Yes, we shall take them by surprise and use the resulting chaos to our advantage!" Repre said eagerly. "And I will personally make Rick and Haruko pay for making me, Repre S. Entative, Medical Mechanica's most beloved and competent employee, look like an utter buffoon! I will prove to them that I am capable of far more than just a reoccurring threat for them to humiliate every week; I will be their worst nightmare!"

"It looks like he has something to prove," Aokiji dryly commented as Repre continued ranting.

"It's his insecurities and superiority complex fueling his desires to live up to my expectations as a clone of myself." Demido casually said, causing Aokiji's eyes to nearly pop out of his skull as he gave the Lord Superior Officer a funny look.

"Damage and recovery, a daring game of survival." Haruko continued singing for her captive fans. "A once-in-a-lifetime adventure!"

"Succession and descent, a lofty calling." Rick added as he played along with Haruko's singing. "The unchallenged position we've longed for."

"This is no time to be yawning!" Birdperson declared.

"Tonight is the night for the century plant to bloom proudly in full glory!" the trio sang the chorus together. "We'll give our first and final cry! Rebo-o-o-o-rn to spiky seeds!"

"Stand ready for our arrival, worms!" Repre boomed from a distance, suddenly interrupting the concert as the Marine ship docked at Canfodd, and he disembarked alongside Demido, Akainu, Aokiji, and Kizaru. "Make way for the homo-superior, you pretty things."

"Sheeeeeeeeiiiiiiit." Rick and Haruko declared in unison, dragging their profanity out for added emphasis on how screwed they were.

"Oh, what a terrible turn of events!" Repre said in overdramatic faux surprise before he smiled a wicked sneer. "I love a terrible turn of events."

"The Vespa Woman and the mad scientist, we meet at last." Akainu scowled. "Mr. Kuriya here has warned of how dangerous you can be, but so far, I do not understand what the hype is all about."

"Hey, nice outfit there, good-looking." Aokiji nonchalantly made a pass at Haruko's bunny girl costume. "Are you free tonight?"

"Oh shit, not these guys." Rick groaned in irritation. "Sorry, everyone, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut our show short on account of the goddamn World Government getting on our asses now."

"Hang on now, we're not here to hurt anyone; we just wanna bring these jokers in because we've been told they're a real big threat to the world," Aokiji stated. "Now, lemme see if I got the bounties right. Rick is 800,000,000 berries, Haruko is 600,000,000, the birdman is 210,000,000, and the cat thing is worth 500."

"Come on, I'm worth way more than that!" Squanchy complained.

"Put 'em all together, and you got…." Aokiji declared as he struggled to count on his fingers. "Shit, it was right on the tip of my tongue too. Ah well, maybe a nap will clear my head." Much to the Flesh Curtains and Medical Mechanica's shock and Akainu's annoyance, Aokiji began lying down for a quick rest. "Nobody wake me up until I feel like it."

"I'm starting to think this was a bad idea," Demido grumbled.

"I don't know why we were so afraid of these guys if that sleepyhead is not doing anything." Haruko chuckled. "Ooh, look, he's gonna take a nap; I'm so scared!"

"Don't start laughing now, Haruko; these guys are not to be messed with." Rick stated as he unsheathed his guitar, readying it for a fight." They're soon to become admirals in the Marines, or so I've heard, so don't underestimate these guys, especially Clifford the Big Red Homicidal Maniac here."

"Well, I guess if Kuzan isn't up for it, I suppose it's up to us now, Borsalino." Akainu snarled as his arm turned into pure magma. "Just try and keep up."

"Don't underestimate me too much." Kizaru smugly said as he vanished in a flash of light and reappeared just as quickly to strike Birdperson in the chest, sending him crashing into a nearby house.

"Okay, what the heck was that?!" Haruko yelled as she clashed her Flying V with Kizaru's abnormally long leg.

"They got Devil Fruits. Basically, take a bite of one of them, and you could either become a particular element, alter your body, or become a giant animal!" Rick said before discovering a massive army of Medical Machines flying towards Canfodd at Repre's command, led by a large bull-like machine dressed like a basketball player.

"Medical Machine Armada, transform and rise up!" Repre declared as the Medical Machines touched down and transformed into various deadly machinery to combat the Flesh Curtains.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think we're in the final battle," Rick commented.

"Really? We only got two chapters left in this baby!" Haruko added. "Of course, that's implying the author won't just forget about us like he did with Marvel Gems or Boiling Blood."

"Guys, save the snarky meta-humor for later," Squanchy said as he swallowed a pill, transforming from a small cat-like creature into a massive, hulking furry titan that began fighting Medical Machines left and right. "SQAUNCHY SMASH PUNY ROBOTS, SQUANCHY SQUANCHIEST THERE IS!"

"I guess it's like they always say: there's always more than one way to skin a cat." Repre grinned sadistically as he transformed his middle finger into a shearing knife and leaped towards Squanchy, leaving Rick and Haruko alone against Demido and Akainu.

"Okay, Ruko, here's the plan. I'll take Big Red; you settle the score with the Emperor." Rick decided as he charged at Akainu and swiftly dodged the vice admiral's lava-filled assault.

"Screw you, I can take 'em both!" Haruko replied with an audacious, Getter Robo-like grin as she leaped towards her archnemesis and landed the first attack with her guitar. "DAICON THREE!"

"Ah, I see Rick is starting to rub off on you, little girl," Demido observed with a similar smile as he drew his weapon. It looked like an ordinary bo staff at first, but with the press of a button, Demido revealed numerous weapons hidden inside its faux-wooden body, from lighters to screwdrivers, knives, corkscrews, swords, laser pointers, and various other tools for whatever situation the Lord Superior Officer found himself in. "Pretty impressive, huh? I bet you're pretty impressed. I had this custom-made with weapons I collected in my line of work. Like this one, right here." He gestured to one of the weapons that emerged from the staff. "They call it a Keyblade; I got it from a man named Xehanort, who was kind enough to give me one from this place called the Keyblade Graveyard."

In the middle of Demido's explanation, however, he was suddenly struck in the face by Haruko jabbing him in his mechanical eye with the head of her guitar. "So, you want to play hard, Vespa Woman?! I was hoping you wanted to!"

"I've been itching to settle things with you for a while." Haruko growled as she punctuated every word with a bash of her guitar over Demido's head, which he tried to deflect with his weapon. "Especially after how you took everything from me! My home, my family, my friends, my normal life! But now, I get the chance to take it all back! The only thing that would make this revenge even sweeter was if I had Atomsk empowering me to waste your sorry ass!"

"Ah, I see you're jonesing for Atomsk as well." Demido sneered, hoping to incite Haruko's righteous anger further. "Well, I don't know what to tell you, little one, but I don't believe Atomsk would ever be interested in someone as immature and self-centered as you are. He only sees potential in those willing to grow as people before lending them his power. And frankly, I don't see you being strong enough to capture any galaxy in any universe. You're no universal singularity, you're no Devil Fruit user, and you're certainly not Rick Sanchez! You're just a scared little girl trying to take some control over the little life she has left."

Despite Demido's attempts at breaking her will, his taunting only made Haruko angrier and angrier with every word he said with every intent of demeaning her, calling her out for being a mere tagalong to Rick and company and refusing to grow up, as something inside her began to snap. "Face it, Haruha Raharu, I've observed you for long enough." Demido scoffed before grabbing her by the neck and smashing her into the ground. "You have officially reached your limit."

"Limit? Limit?!" Haruko muttered in pure rage as she got up and glared daggers at Demido. "LIMIT?!" Then, like a pink blur, Haruko ran all the way to the very edge of the other side of the island, cluing Demido in on what she was planning to do.

"What is Haruko doing?!" Birdperson exclaimed as he continued facing off against Kizaru.

"Demido pressed a few too many personal buttons." Rick observed as he and Akainu gawked at what Haruko was planning to do. "He shouldn't have did that."

"LIMIT?!" Haruko screamed, letting out the most furious and deranged laugh she had ever let out while preparing to charge at Demido with everything she's got. "I'VE GOT YOUR LIMIT RIGHT HERE!" With an absolutely beastly roar, Haruko launched herself straight towards Demido with every intention of murdering him on the spot, a fact Demido was willing to accept as he egged her on.

"Come on, come on, I want you to do it, I want you to do it." Demido muttered eagerly as Haruko got closer and closer. "Come on, hit me, hit me, hit me!"

"Sir, get out of the way!" Repre yelled in horror, not wanting to lose his boss and father figure to a mere lower being like Haruko.

"Hey, what did I miss?" Aokiji muttered as he awakened from his nap, having missed out on everything that had happened since he dozed off.

"Come on, hit me!" Demido continued chanting, getting louder and louder until he reached his limit. "HIT ME!" And Haruko did just that, hitting Demido so hard that it caused an explosion that could be seen from all across the world, even from space.

On a small island in the East Blue known as Dawn Island, a young boy with a straw hat and a face like a monkey excitedly watched the explosion from afar with his two sworn brothers, even though none of them had a clue what just happened.

On another island, a green-haired boy trained rigorously in the art of swordsmanship when he noticed the explosion as it interrupted his workout.

Not too far away, on an orange farm situated within the Conomi Islands, an orange-haired little girl was caught off guard by the explosion and fell over while carrying a basket of oranges.

A long-nosed little boy saw the explosion and immediately ran into his hometown of Syrup Village, yelling to everyone that pirates were coming.

On a cruise ship known as the Orbit, a blonde boy with curly eyebrows who was cooking a meal stopped what he was doing when he heard the explosion.

On Drum Island, an island in the Grand Line that seemed stuck in perpetual winter, a blue-nosed reindeer wandering through the woods was briefly startled by the loud sound and hid behind a tree.

While hiding from the Marines hunting her down, a nervous black-haired girl briefly perked up upon hearing the explosion, causing the Marines to stop what they were doing and wonder what was going on.

A blue-haired boy dressed only in a gaudy Hawaiian shirt and a pair of briefs accidentally hit his thumb with a hammer he was using to pound in some nails on a plank of wood once he heard the explosion.

In the darkness of the Florian Triangle, a living skeleton with a large afro stood alone on the ghost ship his deceased crew once sailed, gazing out into the foggy sea before the explosion reached his ears. That is, if he still had any ears.

A large shark-like Fishman watched the explosion from afar with his pirate crew, all resembling various kinds of marine life. One in particular, a saw shark Fishman with a large, serrated saw-like nose, rolled his eyes with a grimace.

As the dust settled, Haruko panted harshly as her adrenaline high wore off and she collapsed on the ground from exhaustion. "How do you like that, BITCH?!"

Unfortunately for the Vespa Woman, Demido emerged from the smoke none the worse for wear, but he did reveal that his suit & cloak were damaged in the attack, and his cybernetics were beginning to malfunction. "All that, and the only thing you did was ruin my suit?!" he roared angrily while grabbing Haruko's arm in a way that caused all her other limbs to cease functioning and take advantage of her being completely drained. "I must admit, you keep impressing me, Haruha, but unfortunately, this is where we must end our little encounters." He then raised the barely conscious Wasprian to the sky, presenting her exhausted body to the crowd of scared villagers. "Now then, anyone else care to join her?!"

All was silent for just a few more moments before Squanchy, having been injured from his earlier battle with Repre and returned to his normal size, emerged from the crowd and defiantly tossed a piece of trash at Demido's face. "If you wanna squanch Haruko, you'll have to get through me first!"

"And me!" Rick added.

"And me!" Birdperson declared.

"And me!" a villager spoke up, inspiring others to stand up for the Flesh Curtains and their home in defiance of Medical Mechanica's cruelty.

"Dammit, Demido, I think you might've gone too far," Akainu observed as the people of Canfodd finally decided they had enough of Medical Mechanica's destruction of their home and began fighting off the Medical Machines. "You only recruited us to defend these people, and now you've nearly killed them all just to get rid of four specific criminals!"

"Wouldn't you have done the same?" Demido asked coolly, making Akainu's eyes widen in shock at this question before he facepalmed with a groan, realizing that Demido may have been right. "Good to know we're on the same page. Now then, without further ado!" He then turned to the giant basketball machine. "Kareem Abdul JabBot! I command you to burn this worthless island to the ground."

The basketball-playing bot nodded and generated a bomb in its hands to dunk onto the ground, causing another large explosion that shook Canfodd and its citizens.

"Oh my, he truly is a monster," Kizaru said as he watched the carnage. "Whatever shall we do?"

"So, it turns out our colleague is a sociopathic maniac, huh?" Aokiji muttered disdainfully. "Well, I've been sitting around long enough. Time for me to go to work." The Blue Pheasant then locked in as he cracked his knuckles, causing a distinct icy chill to blow in the wind as he lazily strolled towards the destruction the Kareem Abdul JabBot was causing. "Hey, you, giant basketball-playing robot, either stop what you're doing or I'm gonna have to shut you down! Who knows? Maybe Vegapunk will have a use for you."

The robot stopped its rampage and turned to Aokiji, steam blowing out of its nose as the vice admiral stood in defiance of the giant robot, a far cry from the lazy man he presented himself as earlier, as he conjured up a sword made of ice. "Ice Saber!"

"Look, pal, I get what you're doing, and I think your powers are really cool, but I think I'll go with a different approach." Haruko stated as she stepped up beside Aokiji, who noticed Squanchy riding on her back. "Let's go, baby, time to come on and slam!" Haruko quickly changed her bunny girl costume into a skimpy basketball uniform as she dribbled a ball she conjured out of nowhere, causing the robot to get into a defensive position.

"Well, this is new." Aokiji observed curiously as Haruko challenged the Kareem Abdul JabBot to an impromptu basketball game, with everyone else eagerly watching from the sidelines.

"You have got to be kidding me," Akainu grumbled in confusion at what he was seeing. "I don't get paid enough for this level of shit! And trust me, I've seen plenty of shit as a member of the Marines!"

"As a matter of fact, I agree," Repre replied dryly. I have had enough of this world; I just want to go home."

"Whoo, you go, girl!" Squanchy yelled as Haruko tried to score a goal, but the Kareem Abdul JabBot kept blocking her path.

"She's got moves," Kizaru said, admiring the Vespa Woman's fancy footwork. "And that robot is really good at basketball."

"Probably being programmed for such a thing helps," Akainu replied.

"Geez, big guy, could you try not to look so smug?!" Haruko smirked as the robot continued blocking, only to receive some unexpected assistance. "You!"

"Ice Block: Partisan!" Aokiji announced as he launched several spires made of ice at JabBot, and they all pierced straight through its massive body. "Now, Vespa Woman!"

"Don't have to tell us twice, Mister Freeze!" Squanchy replied. "Ready, Haruko?!"

"You betcha!" Haruko agreed as she prepared a final attack. "Hey, big boy! Prepare yourself for this! "

"Yo, what's she doing?!" Rick exclaimed.

"She is performing the ultimate game-making…." Birdperson began.

"THREE-POINTER!" the duo shouted in unison as Haruko jumped into the air, ready to make a perfect slamdunk. "SHE'S FLYING!"

"The left hand is a whole 'nother place!" Haruko and Squanchy declared as Haruko touched the robot's shoulder. The two smashed the basketball directly on its head, causing the Kareem Abdul JabBot to explode and ending Medical Mechanica's assault on Canfodd.

"It's all in how you dunk the ball." Haruko confidently said with the ball in her hands before she turned to Demido with a growl. "So, how's that for my limit, suit man, huh?! What's the matter, gonna cry?!"

"I see I have much more to learn about you, Haruko." Demido shook his head in disbelief at Haruko's skills. "I believe we've seen enough. All troops, evacuate at once and return to base! We are finished here." As the Lord Superior Officer gave his orders, the Medical Machines gathered around the destroyed basketball robot and began picking up whatever remains they could find before leaving Dimension D-722 through N.O portals.

"This isn't over, Haruko." Demido sneered as he and Repre began leaving, too, acknowledging the three vice admirals one last time as they exited via Demido's portal gun.

"I suppose our work here is done." Akainu proclaimed. "Surprisingly, you turned out to be quite helpful against Medical Mechanica, Flesh Curtains. But mark my words; your bounties are still in effect, and should you ever return here, we will hunt you down."

"Well, you know what they say, gubba nub-nub doo rah-kah," Birdperson responded. "That is how my people say, 'Whatever helps you sleep at night.'" With that, the vice admirals finally left Canfodd to rebuild itself after Medical Mechanica's invasion and boarded their ship back to headquarters. They were going to have a word with their superiors once they returned.

"And that, as they say, is the end of that." Rick declared before turning to Haruko and patting her on the back. "Not bad, kiddo, maybe we should shoot some hoops together sometime! You got some real good moves."

"Thanks, Pops," Haruko said coyly and gave Rick a peck on his cheek when the island's mayor emerged from the crowd.

"Rick Sanchez and Haruko Haruhara, for you and your band's efforts to protect our people from those vile mechanical miscreants, we would like to thank you and your amazing performance with a grand celebration in your honor!" the mayor announced.

"What, you're not pissed off after how we nearly squanched your home?" Squanchy asked.

"Eh, don't worry, this happens often on our island." The mayor answered. "In fact, we're used to it by now." He then turned to his people with his arms in the air like he just didn't care. "Now then, who's ready to party?!" The people of Canfodd began cheering for the Flesh Curtains as the band started another performance, and this time, they wouldn't have anybody interrupting them.

After what felt like a week of partying, the Flesh Curtains were finally ready to leave Canfodd for a new dimension to tour, but not without a final farewell present. Over the week, a statue was erected in the Flesh Curtains' honor, depicting Haruko's heroic basketball game against the Kareem Abdul JabBot with Squanchy clinging onto her back, with Rick, Birdperson, the admirals, and Medical Mechanica watching from afar.

Back at Marine Headquarters, the Flesh Curtains' bounties remained in effect, with Rick still being worth 800,000,000 berries, Haruko having a bounty of 600,000,000 berries, Birdperson retaining a 210,000,000 berry bounty, and Squanchy being worth a measly 500 berries, totaling in the Flesh Curtains being worth 1,610,000,500 berries. But this time, they would be joined by Demido Kuriya and Repre S. Entative, the former now having a bounty of 900,000,000 berries for his assault on Canfodd and eagerly endangering the lives of a whole island, while the latter was given a bounty of 700,000,000.

However, as the Flesh Curtains left Dimension D-722, Haruko sat in the darkness of her room, her only company being Demido's taunting words from their showdown on Canfodd. "Well, I don't know what to tell you, little one, but I don't believe Atomsk would ever be interested in someone as immature and self-centered as you are." Demido sneered in Haruko's head. "He only sees potential in those willing to grow as people before lending them his power. And frankly, I don't see you being strong enough to capture any galaxy in any universe. You're no universal singularity, you're no Devil Fruit user, and you're certainly not Rick Sanchez! You're just a scared little girl trying to take some control over the little life she has left."

Haruko began tossing and turning in her bed as Demido continued mocking her. "Face it, Haruha Raharu, I've observed you for long enough. You have officially reached your limit."

"Oh, I'll show him my limit once I find him!" Haruko murmured to herself while looking at the metal bracelet on her wrist. "Thankfully, Rick and the gang should be just what I need."

Outside Haruko's room, Rick began writing something in a notepad titled "THE MECHANICA MISSION."

Meanwhile, at Medical Mechanica's primary headquarters on a distant, heavily industrialized planet that bore a curious resemblance to Earth, the multi-dimensional technology conglomerate's board of directors stood together on a balcony overseeing throngs of excited cybernetic employees. To the left stood a cyborg dressed like a stereotypical wizard, a giant mutant cyborg ostrich, a cyborg gargoyle-like monster, a muscular red demon with a pitchfork for a hand and his horns shaved off, and an effeminate humanoid who decorated his cybernetics with lavish jewelry and was wearing sunglasses for no reason. To the right stood a mutated cyborg fusion of a gorilla and a baboon, a living computer virus in a robotic body with wire-like hair, an orange-skinned Rockinoid with cybernetic eyes and wristbands depicting the four elements, and a stereotypical pirate with hooks in place of fingers, his energy core sticking prominently out of his back, and peg-legs serving as feet.

"DEMIDO, KURIYA! DEMIDO, KURIYA! DEMIDO, KURIYA!" the servants of Medical Mechanica cheered as their supreme leader emerged from the shadows to face his subjects, accompanied by Repre, Yamaguchi, and a pair of Medical Machine guards wielding hard light spears. Elated to see his minions delighted by his presence, the Lord Superior Officer gave them all a little wave before he began his speech.

"Employees of Medical Mechanica, today is the most joyous of days!" Demido announced.

"Are you bringing back Taco Tuesday?" a mechanical hedgehog enforcer of the LSO's will asked excitedly while standing alongside a cyborg fox with four tails and an echidna whose fists seemed too big for him to carry.

"Actually, yes, but I was planning on keeping that a surprise," Demido answered. "But I have gathered you all here today for the presentation of our latest acquired asset! BEHOLD!" To the side, a sheet was pulled off a massive birdcage that contained a gargantuan, red-colored phoenix trying desperately to escape. "I present to you all the successfully captured Pirate King himself, Atomsk! If not for your combined efforts, he would not be in our clutches at this moment. As a reward, I shall give you all a week's worth of free tacos!"

"Yeah, you go, girl!" a crocodilian cyborg cheered delightedly.

"We love you, Demido!" a female frog-like cyborg squealed.

"SIGN MY READER-INSERT FANFICTION!" a dark-skinned cyborg woman cried desperately while Demido reveled in the adoration of his slaves.

"So, can we begin subjugating all who have ever existed, ever will exist, and ever could exist in the multiverse and eliminate all traces of individual thought now, milord?" Repre asked eagerly while rubbing his hands together like the sniveling worm he was.

"Not quite. We need to run a few tests first to ensure he's ready to go." Demido sneered as he turned to the computer virus and the wizard. "Malbyte, Mersid, how is progress going on our tests?"

"Which ones, the experiments on the ones we collected from Wasprus or our examination of Atomsk?" the wizardlike Mersid asked.

"Both are progressing splendidly, your grandness." Malbyte said in a surprisingly boyish voice for his intimidating form. "Soon, ultimate power shall be yours to take, and absolutely no one can stop us." Demido grinned evilly at the news.

"Oy, quit making a mess of me money bin, you five-fingered heathens!" an elderly duck yelled in a thick Scottish accent as he caught Rick and Haruko spray-painting "SCROOGE MCSUCK" on his massive money bin in Dimension DT-217, the pair being unaware of the sudden chill running down their spines as a warning that danger might be afoot.

In Loving Memory of The Pillows, The Music Behind FLCL

September 1989 to January 2025

Thank you, my twilight.

At long last, we are done with quite possibly my longest and most ambitious chapter of Rick and Haruko yet. I did not expect this to go so long, but then again, I've been putting off this chapter for a while now, so what do I know? Regardless, things went absolutely insane once we got to the One Piece world! We finally get a taste of just how evil Demido Kuriya is, Haruko is pushed to her absolute limits on what she's willing to do to hunt down Atomsk, and now it's becoming more obvious she's just using Rick and pals to fulfill her endgame. How will Rick eventually respond to a betrayal of this caliber? We'll just have to wait and find out! Hopefully I won't keep you waiting too long this time. Thanks for reading this chapter, everyone!

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