#robot dysphoria????

[nuzivuzijuzi]

me: *watching first episode of murder drones* wow this show is really cool, uzi and v are really cool i wish i looked like them (gender envy)

me after episode 8: holy shit i want to be a robot. is there such thing as robot dysphoria

[virtualgirladv]

[dr-frankenstein-in-a-maid-outfit]

I don’t really know where to put this, but the fact I am a flesh and blood organism instead of a steel machine is bothering me to the point of feeling like dysphoria. Like, I crave in equal parts to be perceived as a girl and perceived as a robot. I want to be able to take myself apart and put myself back together, or swap out parts based on need. Or have to charge myself. Do maintenance checks. That sort of thing.

Honestly this has me feeling super alone right now and any sort of community that has a similar vibe please reach out.

[seth-whumps]

robot whumpee getting Ship of Theseus'd. this isn't their body anymore. the slow removal of what was into what is, the tedious reconstruction of their body and mind until the unit they see in the mirror, with different eyes, a different face, different hands, different name, has to reconcile their memory with their impermanence. nothing is the same. is it a curse?

[ace-disgrace-on-the-case]

What I wouldn’t give to remove my face and replace it with an LED screen…

[undead-cypress]

I've cracked the Wonder Egg Priority code

Look at em

Same guy

[girlmachinezeph]

Another day of waking up and staying under blankets as long as possible to try and ignore how made of flesh I am, only to fail and feel me puppet my hand and feet with writhing ropes underneath chewy fat and layers of skin. Some days waking up as robotkin can only be described as body horror.

[whereserpentswalk]

You live on a planet which is being affected by a plague that rots people's bodies away. All the other human governments in the area have prevented anyone from coming or going to your planet so the virus won't spread. At this point the illness has effected every living human on the planet.

As your bodies rot they slowly have to be replaced with mechanical parts. The parts people get don't pass for human at all, but they do their job, despite being very obviously metal. In pervious stages of the plague people looked down on those with the illness, but now even world leaders have it.

Everyone's waiting to slowly lose their humanity. People try their best to experience things before losing more of their bodies. It's one thing when people have to have things like hands and feet replaced (useally the first parts to go), but it gets deeper and deeper until you're barely human any more.

You think about the last time you'll eat. It makes you apricate your food more. You look at your stainless steel arm and it doesn't look like part of your body, it used to just be your hand that was that way, now it's up to your shoulder. You've seen the wraithlike silvery creatures thar have lost everything, with skeleton like metal bodies and gas mask like faces, you don't know if you should pity or fear them, you see those glowing yellow eyes on the street more and more.

When you have sex with your partner you do it knowing you're slowly losing your ability to do that. Every time you sleep with them it becomes harder and harder. Until you don't have enough flesh to do anything sexual, and then eventually even cuddling and hugging becomes hard when it's just steel rubbing agaisnt steel. You'll never feel that intimacy again, you'll never touch them that way again. You're still together, but all you can do is say nice things to eachother, and treat eachother nicely.

The last thing you lose is your ability to sleep. It means everything is finally gone. You're still you, you still have your personality and memories, but you're not a biological organism anymore, you're not even alive. It's hard to look at yourself in the mirror, your slender wraithlike body, your gas mask like face, it doesn't read as you, you want to see your face but you can't. You feel like your drowning now that you don't breath, like you need to rip open your neck to rip the metal away.

As time goes on your new body becomes more normal to you. The last biological humans are gone, and the blockade ended. New citizens are built out of the same parts they used to replace your bodies, meaning they're born without ever having been human. You don't think of yourself as human. You have this life now. You like your body, you've added paint to your steel plates to personalize your appearance more, and it's been decades since you saw your old face. You'll never age, you might never die. This is just how life is for you now.

[problemcore]

definitely not related to anything I WISH I HAD WIRES I WISH I HAD WIRES I WISH I HAD WIRES I WISH I HAD WIRES I WISH I HAD WIRES I WISH I HAD WIRES

[a-mimic-and-a-jester]

%% Numb

major tw for sort of SH? more like a metaphor for it.. its a robot. also tw for a little bit of suicidal ideation. potentially not a one off, I have a little bit written for more but idk if ill finish

long post. this is from the perspective of a robot.

 It was nothing at first. My front panel started getting a little loose. It didn’t quite open all the way, just a crack. It only took a slight push to put it back in place. Click. 

If I leaned forward too quickly or got bumped it would get loose again. It was more of something that bothered me specifically than anyone else. It wasn’t obvious. You’d have to look twice.

 I hadn’t even consider that it wasn’t a coincidental happening. I knew sometimes robot bodies will do odd things depending on your emotional or “mental” state, the problem was just so physical and small it didn’t cross my mind. It popped out a little. It was nothing.

 A month into this happening, I was on the bus and it hit a bump. I felt the weight in my chest shift and saw to my horror it had completely swung open. I shoved it close as quickly as possible with an annoyingly loud bang. I saw a meat child giggle in a seat a foot or two away, and a couple adults turn their heads but then quickly look away. 

 I held my arms in a cross the rest of the ride, thoroughly embarrassed. 

 This resumed throughout the day. Around 3 I scavenged some tape to keep it shut, but I could feel it. I hated the feeling. 

 The minute I got home I ripped the tape off and watched in dismay as my chest immediately fell open. I ran into my room, grumpy from the shitty day I just had thanks to my stupid chest compartment.  

 As soon as I was in my bed I slammed my chest shut, immediately feeling a sharp pinching pain in my lower half. I, panicked, opened my chest again and stared down. A wire had slipped out during my angry march from the door to my bed, and had gotten pinched.

 I hated my wires. They were the most sensitive part of my body. Some robots use this to their advantage when it comes to pleasure, but I honestly hate it. I don’t want anything or anyone touching them. It just makes me feel itchy and compressed from the inside. I carefully picked up the wire between two fingers and dropped it inside my hatch once more. Before I closed my hatch, I stared down in disappointment for a good couple seconds. My stupid wires. I hated them, and they were the thing keeping me alive. 

 “Do you even enjoy being alive so much? Is it worth it?”

I pushed the thoughts aside best I could. I turned over in bed. 

 “I hate my wires. I hate them I HATE them”

 Turning didn’t help. Thoughts kept coming. I kept telling myself we were just going to have to visit the technician or something and then my chest would be fixed. So what if I have to spend a couple paychecks. Don’t worry about your chest.

 This didn’t help for some reason. Thoughts kept coming and the weight in my chest grew heavier. The metaphorical kind this time.

 Fine, I’ll go find a friend of a friend and hopefully get it for free or cheap. Don’t worry about your chest. Don’t worry about your paychecks.

 Did not help.

 I know I’m in a tough place. I haven’t reached out to friends in a while. It would be weird. Just check that one website for people who offer odd jobs for cheap.

 Don’t worry about your chest. Don’t worry about your paychecks. Don’t worry about your friends.

 Everything I said to try and comfort myself arose a new problem. I felt pain in my would be stomach again, not sharp but rounded. Like I was being slowly crushed between two giant circles. Everything made it worse. Nothing helped.

 I tossed. I turned. I checked my phone. Didn’t help. Nothing helped. Everything hurt me more. And the thoughts just kept coming. My friends have not reached out to me as much as I haven’t reached them. I kept thinking and thinking and god I thought to myself, was sentience ever really a good thing? I just want to stop thinking and stop FEELING.

I ripped open my chest, and forcefully grabbed my wires in a fist. I held them in front of my face, the length from their original plug straining the cords and hurting me bad. But I didn’t have to think.

I HATE THESE WIRES.

I yelled.

I HATE THEM.

I dropped the wires back into me, and ran my fingers through them. I felt it throughout me and I hated it but it distracted me at the same time. Quickly I grabbed one and yanked it out. Finally. I in an instant forgot something I’m not able to name. I grabbed more. I yanked. It went dark.

“We found you passed out in your bed with your wires strewn about.”

“…figures.”

“What on earth were you doing?”

“Trying to rip out the one that made me feel so much.”

My chest needs a screw driver to open now. The technician said It will prevent it from popping out so easily in the future. They also believe that having to go grab a screw driver will force me to think a little harder next time. 

And despite everything, what I’m worried about the most right now is how many work days I missed.

[chussy]

i actually put on a bra (!!!!) and makeup to go to the hospital for a 5 minute thing lmao i just really wanted to girlmode

[mandyyvibes]

h o l y t r i n i t y o f g e n d e r e n v y

[cricketgutz]

Regarding the men i panties post you recently reblogged; have you already or can you draw eddie in panties? (Im trying soooo hard not to sound like im begging, i want this in a casual normal way)

ohh i have drawn this and am permitted to post it now... I'll try to remember to pop it over on strangeorganz tomorrow

Eddie doesn't like wearing ladies clothes, it makes him feel very un-sexy in a way he totally has the language for but refuses to believe its appropriate for his situation

[braintapes]

trying to find some images of simon for art reference and one of the first results that pops up is an image used for him in lgbt characters archive. which is a little funny to me because like....i GUESS? TECHNICALLY?

i do love the idea that simon has some gender stuff going on but because there is already SO MUCH happening in soma he doesn’t have the time or the brainpower to think/comment on it. 

like...like he’s essentially a software copy of some dude from toronto haphazardly jammed into the cybernetics of a long dead corpse trapped in a diving suit who also happened to be a woman but. like the ‘long dead corpse-jacking’ is already by itself SO MUCH. TOO MUCH. and iirc (though i could be misremembering) his reaction to finding out about imogen is just like “oh. huh okay.” and then he immediately moves on. presumably either to prevent himself from having some kind of breakdown about it or because he Can’t process it all.

and then that happens a SECOND time.

[average-transfem-robotgirl]

currently feeling depressed and dysphoric. being sick sucks so much,, makes me feel gross and imperfect and human and wrong. machines don’t get sick. advice,,?

[jangobunbun]

it's my 2 year anniversary of starting hrt!!