#roadblocks do happen
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So, was that tag mentioning "fairy deer lycanthropy" /j or /srs ?
#Maybe#I dont know#Im thinking about it#I want you to know every time im like 'ooooh I have this idea im not going to do it though' I am looking at my audience with big beady eyes#Mostly I do that to gauge interest because if I really didnt want to do it I wouldnt bring it up#almost no one has said anything about it but I am in fact insane about bodyhorror#Id have to figure out the logistics tho and I think thats my biggest roadblock rn#I have to make a design also I have to come up with a justification for how the fuck fairy lycanthropy works#because I am absolutely not making it canon that fairy bites just do that#maybe its partially somatic#I have no idea if thats the word im looking for#like he gets the idea in his head that itll happen and because of the magic in his blood he accidentally curses himself#that would be so beautiful#deep down he knows hes a monster and he starts externalizing that...#oh god im talking myself into it#fop nature au
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( I would actually send you the gif but I'm scared of going off anon)
*insert cat hug gif here*
HIIIIII I just wanna say I love your art and I think your style is so cool and I wanna look like that irl but more then anything I find so amazing the amount of thought you put into your designs!!!!! Like I specifically remembered when you designed the limited life area and the amount of thought and work you put into it so it would all have a cohesive theme! That's not easy and it's really cool how you can tell you do that for your art :)
(Also making bread Bridge into a roller-coaster??? That was such a clever way to make it make sense AND be pretty AND match the rest of the theme!!!)
-dt fan
here the feeling is mutual i'll do it for you
thank you!
another anon said it better than me, minecraft is such a simplistic medium there really is so much room for artistic liberty. There's popular takes yet there are no right or wrong answers when interpreting mc. I try (at least) to explore other avenues when looking at the thing - like filling the metaphorical void or smth
whatever
im glad my art was able to inspire ^^ - may you find more inspirations in the future!
#ask stufff#you reminded me- i really wanted to continue that series for the other alliances#team TIES base was my roadblock (i knew exactly what i wanted to do. but the task for my skill is difficult)#maybe one day i will return to it. like what happened to LLApoc
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Physically, I'm already lying down.
Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.
#sonder speaks#personal#but also if I wasn't fine with this being read/reblogged without context I wouldn't have posted it here#this week has been exhausting#I feel like I need permission from someone to go crawl into a nest and cry#one of my budgies died a few days ago#but I was looking after other animals that normally have a more dedicated caretaker#which was hard enough to handle that I couldn't really mourn my budgie much#especially when I need to keep happy around the remaining one so he doesn't grieve or get lonely#and I had to do a few specific tasks that are really really hard on me because nobody was there to help#and I tried to help my sister with things but none of the things worked#and a plan our family is excited about started to hit roadblocks#and one member of the family had a meltdown that triggered trauma in others in the family and drove things downhill#the family members at the center of this meltdown normally help me with chores and animal care#I was looking forward to them being home so I could rest and recuperatr and mourn#and now the meltdown has followed them here and it's built on top of years of other meltdowns and everything is tense#and of course it's bringing up old traumas and expectations and fears for me too#and I end up as a 30 year old feeling like he has 16 year old problems again#my whole body is tense#I'm not tired enough to sleep#I almost feel like crying for my budgie and all my fears and the things I let mysrlf get excited for#the things that either won't happen at all or are tainted by this veil of persistent bitterness that followed them home to me#almost#but I fear the possibility that crying could make things worse in any capacity#and I've struggled to cry for years anyway#so I'm just trying to use therapy tools to quiet the spiraling thoughts#and making this post because it feels like journaling without the pitfalls I fall into while journaling or talking directly to a person#hoping I'll get enough sleep that I don't accidentally trigger a sleep-deprivation/stress seizure my meds can't stop#and tomorrow I have to get back to studying which is very hard for me but gets me closer to making money#I liked when things were mostly good and calm and just sucked on a passive level -- can I have that again?
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"BLJ" actually stands for Biden Long Jump <isnt sure if youre aware of mario 64 speedrunning technique backwards long jump
and if joe biden was put into half life 2 he'd do an "ABH", as in: Accelerated Biden Hop
#ask#catboygirljoker#oh of coarse i know the mario speedrun tech#i was doing that shit when i was like 6#i cant remember how we learned it but id have to imagine either before or after learning about gamewinners dot com#we used that site for like. everything. especially when we were trying to find blue coins in mario sunshine#speaking of mario. im reminded recently of something didyouknowgaming brought up in a mario 64 video#specifically that the 1-up hidden in whomps fortress's tower behind the breakable wall#and they were like ''oh this was found recently'' (as of the posting of that video) but me and my family knew about it when i was a kid#i couldnt tell you how we knew but. i remember breaking open the wall as a kid through my foggy memory#also as for hl2. recently been doing another run on my new computer.#specifically another gravity gun only run. this time on hard mode just to make sure its possible for me to humanly do#which. i got past the part i thought wouldve been an insane roadblock for me to get past#i have a lot of fun doing the challenge. this is like my 3rd or 4th time doing it.#granted the first few times i did it. it was more me trying to figure out the least ammount of weapons to finish the game.#which my goals with the first few times was like... me just playing through relatively normally without too much speedrun tech#which mainly avoided doing prop jumping. only because i thought it wouldve been much harder than it truely is.#i am a little sad that if i do happen to stream my go-through of the run that it may not be as magical to watch with me knowing what to do#i dont know if id feel confident in streaming at any point in the future. im hugely self conscious#but anyway thank you for your biden tech!!! :)
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i have a disease that makes me start new projects i have 0 of the skills for and yeah. it's incurable
#so unrelated i have committed to TRYING to learn C++ ........#DEEP SIGH#im not rlly expecting it to go anywhere but i AM getting excited about what if it did anyway#hrnngg.. every few years i need to pick up a new skill i have absolutely no background in#it was animation in 2019 and then 3d modeling in like 2021 and then claywork in 2022 and then html a few months ago#tho i still do not Know html by any means...#and now... now it is. this. i do not know anything about game design. we gonna see what happens#god i just dont understand code. why does it look like that. how are u supposed to know what these FUNCTIONS do!!!!!!!#i will learn. i am on a solid path and only had minor roadblocks working from an outdated tutorial for my software 👍#but we troubleshoot. problem is i truly hate troubleshooting. this is why i do art and not computers. if its wrong u can tell#but. i shall do it anyway. for the insanity
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Had another stupid semi-nightmare about my piece of shit brother...... Can he just kill himself already please, so that way at least in my dreams I can be like "wait you're dead this doesn't even bother me" lol
#its like once a month or so that he shows up in my dreams amd its been this way for years and i hate it. i hate him.#a few years ago they changed from 100% being nightmares any time he showed up to slowly being able to stand up for myself to him to openly#telling him to fuck off and not letting him interfere with whatever i have going on in the dream. and now its pretty rare that they turn#into full blown nightmares but it does happen. more often than not when he shows up in my dreams now he acts as sort of a roadblock or an#uneasy presence that emotionally keeps me from doing things or something like that. just a fucking nuisance.#i havent spoken to this guy inover a decade and as of about 6 months ago he lives on the other side of the country now. im so beyond ready#to never think of him again and never dream of him again and i genuinely hope he kills himself for what he did to me and the way he treated#every woman in my family. hes already dead to me i guess but i do wonder how my dreams will change once he actually dies#while im on the topic - i do have him to thank in a way for my outgrowing my suicidal thoughts when i was younger...... when i was like 19#or so he lived with our grandparents and me for a brief time and he pissed me off so much that i vowed to myself that i was going to live#at least long enough to see his grave. i wanna live in a world without him in it someday. that spite has kept me going lol
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kinda thinking i want to scrap the current draft for superfluous chp 4 entirely and even backtrack the last chapter. i kinda wrote myself into a hole i can’t find a satisfactory way out of. kinda want to switch course entirely.
i’d have to try my hand at the new version first before committing to anything bc this is just a fledgling idea. honestly i was reading nasty renheng and the thought came completely out of left field, have no clue what prompted it lol
chp 3 wasn’t really a hit w the girlies at all anyway so
a lot of the same story beats can be reused tbh, just altered to fit the new plot line
#girlies is gender neutral in this context just wanna clarify lol#i feel like if i don’t figure the issue w this fic out soon then it’ll be left in the dust#and i really don’t want that to happen#but roadblocks such as these are a sure fire way for me to just. avoid doing things that are somewhat difficult#i love plotting and i love working through the pieces of my puzzles#but it comes to a point where it becomes Nah too much energy i’m just not gonna and so i don’t#ever again lmao
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#ya boi be fucking around and FINDING OUT.#do yall remember (no) that text post i made back in november saying i am so sexy and fast there will be no rammies from this#anyway high key still dealing with the rammies and next month doesnt look great either REGARDING : the rammies#anyone: oh hey a few times i saw u were dating someone but u dont really ever talk about it#yeah dude because of how good of an idea it was and how its going and the choices ive made and how good its been for my life#that whole thing started in january but it only happened because of my november stuff if ur following along#anyway im single and soon nobody will be living with me and i CANT get into it all its so messy and ive been so silly#getting thru this work day with grit and spite and protein shakes. someday ill be able to stomach food again haha#its just that what would be in my way if i didnt manually create several difficult roadblocks for myself in quick succession#i would have to learn to identify sources of road blocks that are not ME something i have prior to now not had a lot of experience with#(due to that 95% of the roadblocks are placed in advance by me)#anyway lakevida voice if i speak with fewer than 4 layers of metaphor a sniper will shoot me thru my hoop earring so this is all u get#unless u are my sister which none of u are#NOT sure which substances r hanging out in my system in what ratios at this moment due to the sort of choices ive been making in the last48#but my boss is ALSO doing about how i am and we're both like. we left the problems at the DOOR of the BUILDING.#now what we have are the SYMPTOMS of the PROBLEMS and we are going to treat them with MANIC COMPLAINING#its gotten us thru a full hour of work so far but if i make it to lunch without throwing up i think they might throw me a party#anyway expect 4 more of these in the next hour due to the previously referenced substances
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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but please don’t break promises you make to yourself just because it’s you the promise is being made to. You told yourself you’d go on a walk tomorrow morning? Do it. You said you’d get more consistent with your skincare routine? Make it happen. You promised yourself you would work on establishing boundaries regardless of who’s on the other side of them? Follow through with that. Don’t wake up the next day and go “well I don’t HAVE to do this” “it wouldn’t hurt to postpone this” “this isn’t a big deal” because it literally is. Every promise broken is another nail in the coffin of your self-actualization. It’s another major roadblock to developing healthy self-love and self-respect. Weigh promises you’ve made to yourself the same way you would weigh promises you’ve made to others.
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in response to the other's answer in regards to what jervis would prefer on his toast, jack simply nodded. he'd found himself at a loss for what else to say even though that was actually quite rare for him. maybe it was the idea that barton could be outside at that very moment, listening in, that made jack suddenly feel like a fog had rolled into his mind; making it so that he could protect himself without even knowing for sure that there was a threat in the first place.
barton didn't like talking about julien - he'd pretty much stowed away every single picture but one the family had with him in it, in fact. for it still hurt him too much to look at them. therefore, especially considering his father's history of not being able to regulate his moods well, jack might have to perform 'damage control' if that were the case. but crossing the bridge if he were to get there seemed to apply quite well here. so, the farceur chose to move on and it turned out to be wisely, too.
jervis did look very tense lying there with jack visibly appearing to want to curl up into himself and never come out. after going to the nearby trunk in the room, he opened it. this was done as a means to distract the both of them from succumbing to the weight of their own differing circumstances. though there was certainly a good cover reason for jack to, ❝ oh, wow. ahh... i almost forgot that its supposed to get down into the forties tonight so you might need this. its going to be cold, after all, ❞ it was also hitting sundown at that moment as well.
jack could tell by just looking through the crack in the curtains of the one window in the room. while gnawing on his bottom lip, he pulled out the plush blanket inside of the chest only to shake it out a bit. now, as jack tossed the blanket up just enough to cover jervis's body without touching him? something matilda told him a few years ago echoed in his mind during a conversation they had late at night: 'you know, i know you'd like nothing more than to get rid of all your feelings sometimes - but i hope you never change.'
jack just remembered looking up at the tent he was in that day of camping afterward, as he decided he should probably get to sleep. but it felt validating in a way he couldn't explain as well even now. because jack's first instinct upon seeing jervis was that he was struggling, so he should help him; though one could definitely say that sense of responsibility had made him suffer in the past. thank goodness sucking in a deep breath through his nostrils and exhaling could allow jack to quiet his mind then.
he tilted his head at the other's words and squinting his eyes, deep in thought. of course if jervis didn't believe in one, that was fine, but it appeared like he might. these sorts of concepts could trigger whole debates for a reason, however, as spirituality was something that jack affiliated himself with. but religion? he wasn't so sure, so he more than understood when jervis settled for saying his loved ones being at peace was simply something he wanted to believe in. with jack's sudden exit came the arrival of a much less benevolent figure, to say the least, and barton couldn't say he blamed jervis for seemingly somewhat disappointed that his son left.
jack was easy to get along with, and with just a little bit of time spent with him, he might just win someone over with his compassionate nature. barton knew this well along with the reality he had to learn other people's behaviors throughout the years to appear at least 'semi-normal.' how that was going for the doctor would often depend on who you asked, though. barton could only snort derisively at that, ❝ funny. just remember, you'd be in arkham right now if it weren't for me and my daughter. ❞ he pointed a sharpened nail in the direction of jervis as he proceeded into the room.
the same crack in the curtains jack had once looked through was soon closed with a quick 'swishing' motion. barton was personally raised with a very limited exposure to faith, as neither wesley nor winslow were particularly religious father figures. but barton could admire those who participate in it regardless of their level of involvement in it. though it could be used as a force of evil as much as it could be used for good, a lot of humanity existed in shades of gray.
so even if they were under the treat of suffering through something like eternal damnation after death... in barton's mind, it was only a matter of time before someone used a widespread thing like faith to their own advantage. and maybe this was bad of him but thinking about wesley being in such a place somewhat brought him a sense of twisted satisfaction; because at least barton would be getting a form of justice for every fearful moment wesley put him through that way. barton only blinked as his eyes trailed from jervis's face, to the teacup that jack had presumably brought him.
shockingly enough, all he felt when he discovered that marty's father was a powerful figure was an incredible amount of disbelief for a moment before it fizzled away. barton was used to things getting worse even if he couldn't have seen this coming. plus, he'd gotten frighteningly good at treating human lives like this police captain's more as obstacles than actual beings. it remained to be seen which one jervis was to barton. he squinted his eyes before standing up and ultimately finding out that, yeah, he had done that too quickly.
barton felt like he was green around the gills all over again, ❝ that is one way to put it, jervis. but don't worry. you just reminded me that, although we're going to have to get creative, there are ways of getting away with it. i'd say pinning his murder on someone else might be the best. ❞ he uttered after swallowing thickly, making a 'turn around' gesture with his finger towards the other. barton talking about murder as if it was light dinner conversation said everything that needed to be said about how he felt about their current predicament.
maybe it was because he was still feeling a lot of malaise, but no part of it bothered him in particular. the doctor was more worried about jervis becoming queasy because he accidentally saw the scars where he'd stitched on yves's arm to his own body, ❝ uhh, just in case you didn't get that, turn around. i'm going to change my shirt. ❞ once that was done, barton slipped his current bloodied one over his head only to replace it with the other. he slumped down in the chair to the table opposite of jervis and looked over the tarot cards laid out before him.
barton, too, knew how to interpret them. ❝ what were you two planning on doing with these? a 'past, present, and future' reading? because i can do it while my son's gone for you. ❞
Jervis gave the barest of shrugs as he glanced at Jack through his bangs, the quiet rhythm of their breathing, the slow drip of the IV, and the faint shifting of the cards against the tabletop the only sounds piercing the air. "Either one sounds perfectly agreeable. I defer to your good judgment." A ghost of a smile, pale and wan, tugged at his mouth for an infinitesimal moment.
Call it the lingering pangs of paternal instinct or projection, whatever you felt was most appropriate, but some flicker of warmth—worry mingling with concern—stirred within Jervis' breast; softening the veneer of exhaustion and discomfort that clothed him like a second skin. Like an invisible cancer that had latched onto him, draining his vitality—a slow-acting poison decades in the making; only this time, the source was external, a reflection of Jack's own unease radiating across the space between them.
Jervis drew in a shallow breath, feeling the tightness in his chest not as his own, but as if their nerves had blurred and grown entangled. He tried to focus, willing his own breath to steady, his hands to unclench. A low chuckle escaped Jervis' chapped lips at Jack's query. The medications in his IV coursed through him, cold and prickling, sending a frisson over his skin as goosebumps rose in response. And yet, somehow, it eased the deep ache within him, dulling the edges of both pain and nausea. He could feel the weight of his discomfort receding, just slightly, as though the medicine were smoothing his raw nerves; coaxing him toward a delicate, unfamiliar calm.
Not quite like ketamine.... not like the cozy, blithesome feeling that coursed through his veins with each dose. Even when most of his prior consumption of the drug hadn't been consensual—thick enough to cut his teeth on, it ensured small pockets of blissful ignorance hardening into a dissociative shell, like callus. (God bless those poor, ministering angels at Arkham... only a trace of spite and animosity there, rage bleeding with sorrow at how his autonomy and consent was completely ignored, snatched... one wrong move, and he was left cowering in a crumpled heap, or otherwise dead to the world... but now? Would the scales be tipped, if they managed to drag him back there? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know that answer.) If Odysseus and his crew had been desperate to escape the Lotus Eaters only to stumble unwittingly into the clutches of Polyphemus, Jervis felt quite the opposite.
For better or worse, the ketamine had left him numb to everything.
The pain, the grief, the anguish that tore gouges in his heart and mind; lacerated his psyche to shreds, in conjunction with the ECT. Somehow, he compartmentalized it... gravitated to the cannabis as an alternative upon his discharge, once he'd regained his center of gravity and emerged from his self-immurement; the fractures left by his losses and lessons grinding him to the bone. Everything it cost him and what he'd earned in exchange. Simon. Arabella. His time in Ireland. Sylvie. The flood. Alice.
The lengths he had gone...
And so Jervis chuckled; the sound dry and hollow, barely touching his eyes. He met Jack’s gaze, his expression tightening as he mulled over the question, tasting the irony in it.
“An afterlife…” he murmured, his eyes drifting. Thoughts and memories broke the surface like apples bobbing in a bucket: Simon and Stephen putting aside their differences over the blessing at Passover; his and Arabella's quiet, but spirited discussions of Heaven and the saints and catechism, the differences between the Old and New Testaments as they strolled along the shoreline. Stories of the witch trials in Ireland, of John Calvin and his legacy in Scotland.
All the old beliefs he’d grown up with circled back and hit like a tidal wave, tied as much to memories of family as to the concept of religious faith itself, all its beauty and diverse forms, yet it left him feeling frigid now. For a little over three decades, he'd told himself that he could appreciate the mythology of it all, even found it strangely comforting at times, but belief? That had always been a different thing entirely.
Jervis' mind tugged him back to reality. He could sense Jack’s curiosity pressing at the edge of his own awareness, a secondary presence so strong it was almost rendered a physical form. "That's.... a complicated notion, from where I'm standing.” He let out a slow, careful breath; curled his fingers back around his necklace as he dissected the question. “But... yes. I'd like to think our loved ones are at peace."
He could map it all in a dozen lines, right down to his own lived experiences, the rules he tried so hard to follow, the ideals that always seemed to warp and fray. There was karma, consequence, perhaps even the lingering shadows of what people might call a curse. But the idea of any higher being calling the shots? It gnawed at him like an old wound. And so Jervis looked back at Jack, almost apologetic, the faint sting of an old ache flickering beneath his words.
He was spared from elaborating with Barton's sudden appearance; lurking on the threshold like a wraith. Poor Jack's confidence and ease withered like a hapless petunia caught in the dead of winter. A few quiet words of dismissal and a pat to the shoulder were all that heralded the reluctant, leery departure of his one potential ally in the wolf's den.
'As phantoms frighten beasts when shadows fall.' Jervis sighed, slowly pulled himself into a sitting position, looked Barton in the eye; as well as he could, anyway, with the lingering gray spots and his missing glasses still impeding his line of sight. “Maybe we each make our own heaven—or our own hell.”
Perhaps that was petty or harsh of him to say out loud... though that was the truth of the matter. Jervis didn’t need religious belief to drive him, after all; he needed only his own peculiar code, that precarious balance between curiosity and cynicism, and the sense of duty he still felt for a daughter who had deserved something far more stable, more secure; safer than the patchwork life he had known. Whatever his flaws, his faults, some small part of him still respected the right to believe—what faith meant to others; its power to inspire, to build, to destroy. The cause and effect of human history, the double-edged promises of faith. And maybe that was the root of it: faith could be a tool, a guide, a balm.
But then the stark, often bitter truths he’d learned through survival would come rushing back. Besides, he reckoned, Barton likely wouldn't give a damn about any of his prior train of thought. In any case, on the topic of hell, Jervis never pictured the vast, cavernous expanse of fire and brimstone that Jonathan Edwards had once preached about in the summer of 1741. No. Hell always conjured up fevered images of a frozen lake in the deepest, darkest part of the center of the earth, untouched by light and warmth and life—the last of Dante Alighieri's nine circles.
'I sometimes think we must be all mad and that we shall wake to sanity in strait-waistcoats.'
He was torn from the thick mire of his thoughts, yanked back outside his mind as if caught in a sudden hurricane at Barton’s next revelation. Jervis shut his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, then reached for the cup of tea Jack had brought him. The liquid within was a warm, golden amber—like sea glass he’d once collected as a child in Bermuda, or the bits Alice would gather along Gotham’s coastline on their rare visits when she was little.
How simple those days were...
"Well." Jervis' voice was completely flat, his brow creasing with incredulity and disgust. Barton’s outline weaved and blurred before his eyes like a will-o’-the-wisp. No more, no more… no room, no room. He felt completely hollow. "Trading one problem for another, are we?" His scarred knuckles bulged as his fingers curled around the delicate porcelain; his grip hard enough to produce a faint, foreboding crack.
He would weep, if he had anymore tears left to shed over their predicament. For Marty and his partner, for the trouble Jack and Matilda had been brought into by association… but none for himself or Barton. He wasn’t certain he was worthy of it; and Barton had no qualms over their actions, he’d freely admitted it at that bistro earlier. Jervis’ hands tingled, as if they were still covered by the bloodied gloves he wore when he dispatched the driver in order to retrieve Alice’s rabbit, wielding his hatpins on pure impulse; there was no premeditation involved, but there was no discounting how surgical his actions had been in their efficacy with each targeted nerve cluster and artery. He wasn’t indulging in self-pity, oh no… nothing so shallow or solipsistic. Not like that at all. Just a pure ant mill of growing dread and horror and regret, one that couldn’t be encompassed by words alone.
His teeth sought the gouges in the corner of his mouth from where he’d previously bit himself in the throes of his nightmares, worrying at the cuts till they began to sting anew.
‘Despair has its own calms.’
#divingdownthehole#tw: religion.#tw: unhealthy family dynamics.#tw: mentions of child abuse.#tw: illness.#tw: mentions of murder.#AHH i mean it took me a bit to reply to this one as well so you're all good LOL#and ooh gosh i remember hearing about the food poisoning you'd gotten but i'm so sorry that that happened to you again ):#though aww well i sometimes wonder what i did to deserve you myself but you did so by just being you okok <33#but GAHHH you are too freaking sweet for words! ILY2 and you're so welcome!! but yesss you haven't hit a roadblock at all or anything#like that i promise you!!! your replies have been just as if not even more top-tier than they usually are in my humble opinion but PLSSS#you're about to make me cry in the club right now ;u; TYSMMM it makes me so happy that you like my portrayal of barton and my writing!#but omg... i was about to say like 'oh do i need to tone it down with everything going on in the RP? because i can if you need me to' but#its good to know that you meant that in a positive light haha though same here if i'm being honest (': like i know i could technically#make it less suspenseful right now but where's the fun in that am i right / hj LMAO i kid i kid... well halfway anyway but that is such a-#good comparison of them. like i truly couldn't have said it better myself and AHH trust me when i say after inserting some of the things#that i did in this reply i'm even more hyped than i was before for what's to come but i'm also kind of UHHH. concerned for barton-#though i know i'm the one writing him OFC i just... man's has some serious issues that he needs to address and they kind of came through#here more than a little. but i loveee how you inserted quotes from dracula and dante's inferno here?#like you big-brained that FR and ohhh okay. that's interesting as i didn't know that was a thing until now. the brain really is fascinating#in its complexity but jervis having schizophrenia cannot be easy. i know that it can be severely debilitating when left untreated but-#i'm not an expert either of course. that is just based on my own research as well but nahhh don't worry! i didn't take it that way at all#the muse doesn't equal the mun after all so its all good haha. i know that barton is being a bit SICK and TWISTED here but that ain't me
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like every other game dev born after 1985 i've had thoughts of making my own Pokemon-like and the main roadblock for me has been: how do i come up with a typing system that doesn't just mimic Pokemon's? and the answer is you don't come up with a system. maybe there's types but they're completely ad-hoc - you could even have one-off types just for one specific mon or move if you want. the flexibility is dizzying; you can add dozens or hundreds of new types whenever. sound type, radiation type, magic type. go wild! you begin to run into combinatorial explosion. strengths and weaknesses grow more nonsensical as you start skipping over most of your ever-growing type chart anytime you add a new one. after all, who cares whether food-type mons are weak or strong versus electricity? they just need to be weak against munch-type attacks, and maybe mold-type too. to make full use of the increasingly-specific types you've been coming up with, some of your mons end up with 5 or 10 types. your spidershark monster is, at the very least, a spider, shark, swim, beast, and bug type. overlaps happen; redundancies crop up. music type, nuclear type, mystic type. have you done those before? don't worry about it. 3 years into development you cannot imagine having ever hated anyone as much as you hate yourself
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i dont think there was a definite time period for platinum arc bc everything moved so fast so. can we jus say 2 wks?? that puts the entire saga at pushing 3 months which is half the time sun and moon spent trapped in ultra space
#i am not tagging but i am gonna ramble#i still think... its plausible for moon to be older#given her poison mastery and recklessness and maturity level its possible that#if she was the berlitz heir at one point#then that title was given to platinum instead who was more levelheaded and studious#moon going off to alola to gather antidote ingredients could be as much about proving herself as it is abt curing piplup#not as like a vye for power/'i want my position back' but as showing she can still live up to the berlitz name#the only roadblock is rotom#since rotom's research came abt in the pt arc and wasnt known until then#it wouldnt make sense for moon to be taking one to alola before that point in the story#but like/////// ignoring that briefly#her dad and platinum work under rowan#yanase was in another region for a long time#theoretically the piplup moon poisons could still be her sister's by being part of rowan's pkmn that plat looks after#maybe lets say moon was never the heir or discard the heir thing since yanase mentions#'its family tradition to do this' w/o bringing up succession also since she says she did when she was younger#that means mr. berlitz married in and may possibly explain some of his misgivings on letting plat go alone#anyway!!!! moon leaves sumo plot happens 6mo entrapment in ultra space starts#plat is now the only berlitz daughter w/o any way of knowing if moon is alive#entire dppt saga happens in 3mo time#looker fucks off to unova to investigate the sages (im assuming post-bw?????)#but before that he and anabel spend time in alola gathering info on various ubs#yanase is the go-to between looker and plat so in theory she comes across him while trying to learn more abt the distortion world#since looker knows the existence of other dimensions the theoretically there might could exist an 'other side of the world' too#or at the very least p&u could have been teleported into ultraspace so why not approach someone who knows of it#another 3mo passes and moon returns from ultraspace#thats plenty of time for ppl in sinnoh to do their own research on the matter w their newfound knowledge gained in the pt arc#moon comes home cures piplup and in 4mo decides to move to alola#aaaaaa this is long + tag limit but basically i......still think its plausible for moon to be older#and for dppt to take place between sumo and usum (while keeping sumo after xy/oras)
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#it went better than i thought#like dont get me wrong#i very much knew it was gonna happen someday#and i thought when it did id wanna kms#but i dont?#like i do wanna cry but i also have a test tomorrow and i kinda care more about the test?#like could i do it?#absolutely not ohmygod never#but like good for her#the part of me that hates her is happy cuz its like everything she does makes her memory shrink more#the person i used to know and her now are so different that if she started texting me from a random acc that i wasn't knew was her#i would never figure it out#but also we wont be friends cuz wow i realised how much i dont like her#the part of me that loves her is happy cuz shes happy#i feel like this was closure for me#like i can stop checking her socials#the fact that she made a new life without me somehow makes me feel like it's okay for me to make a new life for me#like all the grief i had over her was so heavy and now its jusy so tiny#its like a cute pebble on the side of the road instead of a roadblock#people will keep falling out of my life and it'll keep being okay#honestly it was kinda cringe and creepy and weird of me to keep checking her tumblr when i missed her for a browser cuz she blocked my acc#like ew that was a loser moment that my future therapist will have to deal with#but that post felt like the closure i needed so ig i did reduce the total amount of therapy id need cuz of her#anywayyyyyy#i hope someone feels that way about me someday#ALSO HOLY FUCK ITS PAST MIDNIGHT THE TEST STARTS IN 9ISH HOURS BYE
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lmaoooo love using tumblr as a way to process shit about what i need to do
#jaytalking#just wrote a big ass rant about how im sick of being talked over in dnd#which like. if it keeps happening im Going to bring it up because that is an issue with bigger groups.#but also i just. need to do things that *I* can do to fix the issues :+1#:+1:#like having plans for my characters to do things#because i think that's my biggest roadblock tbh. i just cant think of things right in the moment all the time#(and i now i feel like everyone else in my groups is like. planning things in private between their characters. but fuck feeling left out im#going to forcibly put myself in there. get fucked idiots!!!!!!!! now you have to talk to ME!!)#i literally just need to reach out. fuckin. january-feburary mass depressive episode amiright?
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HOW TO HEAL AFTER A BAD DAY ৎ୭ ॱ ₊ . *
“ It doesn't matter what anyone says. If there's something you want to do, don't mind what others think and just trust yourself.” -Lalisa manoban
Healing after a bad day is essential to maintain your well-being and resilience. Here are some strategies to help you recover and find peace after a challenging day:
by: ★﹕bloomzone﹒
1.Acknowledge Your Feelings:
Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment. Acknowledge what you're feeling, whether it's frustration, sadness, anger, or disappointment.
Journaling: Write down your thoughts and emotions to process and release them. Writing can help you gain clarity and perspective on what happened.
2.Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself: Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend in a similar situation.
Positive affirmations: Repeat positive affirmations or self-compassionate statements to counter negative self-talk and boost your self-esteem.
3.Physical Relaxation:
Deep breathing: Practice deep breathing exercises to calm your nervous system and reduce stress. Focus on slow, deep breaths to bring relaxation to your body and mind.
Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and release each muscle group in your body to release physical tension and promote relaxation.
4.Engage in Self-Care:
Take a warm bath: Soak in a warm bath with Epsom salts or essential oils to relax your muscles and soothe your mind.
Engage in a hobby: Do something you enjoy, whether it's reading a book, listening to music, painting, or going for a walk in nature.
Healthy meal: Nourish your body with a balanced and nutritious meal to support your physical and emotional well-being.
5.Connect with Others:
Reach out to a friend or loved one: Share your feelings with someone you trust and feel supported by. Talking to others can provide comfort and perspective.
Social support: Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who uplift you and make you feel understood.
6.Mindfulness and Meditation:
Mindfulness practice: Practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment without judgment. Mindfulness can help you calm your mind and reduce stress.
Guided meditation: Listen to a guided meditation or visualization to relax your mind, release tension, and promote inner peace.
7.Reflect and Release:
Reflect on the day: Take some time to reflect on what happened during the day, what you learned from the experience, and how you can move forward positively.
Let go: Release any lingering negative emotions or thoughts through activities like meditation, visualization, or simply taking a few deep breaths and letting go of what no longer serves you.
You are capable of overcoming any challenge that comes your way. Remember that setbacks are just temporary roadblocks on the path to success. Stay focused on your goals, believe in yourself, and trust in your ability to rise above any obstacle. You have the strength, resilience, and determination to achieve great things. Keep pushing forward, stay positive, and never underestimate the power of your own potential. <143
#becoming that girl#glow up#wonyoungism#wonyoung#dream life#it girl#creator of my reality#divine feminine#it girl affirmations#love affirmations#mental health#self healing#self care#dream girl journey#dream girl tips#clean girl#girly tumblr#girlblog aesthetic#girlblogging#pink aesthetic#aestethic#jang wonyoung#just girly thoughts
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random astro observations part 14. ⋆.˚🦋༘⋆✨
✨just for fun im just talking random ass shit based on PERSONALL observations..✨ part 13 here. 🎬
tw: mention of death on the last observations.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅pisces, cancer and scorpio risings WILLL be treating the date like a job interview. With that earth 7h (virgo, capricorn and taurus) TRUST that we have checked out your references and will get back to you in 2-5 business days. 💅 but no fr we need security bc we are real strict over here.🔒
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅its only to protect our hearts bc we just truly desire someone we can emotionally connect with (water 5h) and also be open to talk to about our fears and desires and the other shit we keep to ourselves (air 8h + 12h) 😤
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅my friend was telling me about how the lines that actors get immense praise for end up being improvised most of the time and that really reminded me of the aqua-leo axis. When you detach and are willing to experiment (aqua) the more likely you are to be recognized because you are becoming in tune with your natural talents (leo).
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅Every single time I'm in the shower I always get an epiphany or an idea of some sort or make a connection (usually its me thinking about peoples birth charts LOL) but every single fucking time im like wtf I gotta remember this when I get out this is good ass info! and I always forget!!!
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅^ It has to be my uranus in the 12h triggering that. Uranus= sudden downloads of information. 12h= secluded spaces, like the shower. I guess thats why I forgot so easily though (real 12h subconcious shit). Next time im bringing a whiteboard in there or some shit
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I was talking to my pisces venus coworker and she was saying that for as long as she could remember she had always daydreamed of love. She said she would was always trying to mold herself into the ideal version of what her crushes liked (its in her 7h) and as a 7h sun myself I was shook but I also understood how this happens even in a subconcious way u can mirror people. but the love she's looking for is literally HERS. she has so much love to give and she was like who can accept this? YOU. GIVE it to yourself.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ She had been in a relationship before with someone who was SHIT person but its like she kept forgiving him or in a sense blocking it out. like thats the thing about pisces placements they will talk about some unhinge ass shit someone does to them in a such a casual way it will have you being like oh okay for a sec until you're like oh,, oh yeah no thats bad.. really bad. I say this as a pisces rising.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ and AGAIN AND AGAIN that's what helps me as someone with a lot of neptune aspects, a pisces rising, pluto squares, pluto in the 10h, lilith in the 11h, like ppl have done me FUCKING DIRTY in social and groups settings and I use to make it so much worse for myself by not nipping it in the bud. that's why anytime someone does some shit that FEELS FUCKED up you take that as a sign.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ^ dont sit there and try to rationalize it, dont try to put logic in it, dont talk about how well, when they were in 2nd grade their hamster died so maybe its their trauma. When people show you who they are you ACCEPT IT. if someone does something that a piece of shit would only do, then accept that maybe they suck. I dont mean your friend forgot to get you a straw when they bought you a drink. I mean when people do shit on purpose that puts your well-being (emotional, mental, physical) in harms way. trust me bby ik what im talking about >___<
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ and honestly, if you are plutonian or have a lot of neptune aspects or saturn in your chart as well, you're gonna learn shit the hard way. With different energy ofc. Pluto energy = will have you learning through trauma like someone passing away or trying to sabotage you. Neptune energy = will have you learning through deception like someone backstabbing you. Saturn energy= will have you learning through roadblocks, like other people being able to get shit the easy way out like a parent paying for their stuff and you having to bust your ass to get it.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ pluto in your chart can also show where people try to humble you, not like a saturnian restrictive way but more like to put you in your place because they could feel intimidated. for ex I have pluto in the 10h and my coworkers will say backhanded shit like "Oh woooow you really are going all out huh?" like instead of being normal and being like wow that is great work! they try to subtly hint that maybe im the one doing too much instead of it being them doing the bare minimum.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ If you have pluto in the 1h people could just say in general that "you're too much" or "too much to deal with" or "abrasive." Pluto in the 3h and during conversations people might look around, eyes wide, wanting you to tone it down or say that you're being inappropriate or too intense. Pluto in the 4h and people ESPECIALLY your family trying to humble you by bringing up the past: "Oh you like that now? I remember when you were a kid you..." Pluto in the 4h will especially get humbled by their family anytime they want to change or try something different than the way they were raised, like girl?! this is a family not a damn CULT.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I have a pluto in the 4h friend who has family members that will tell the most fucked up stories about what they do to each other but then sigh and be like "but family is family so we have to accept them" or her family members say stuff like "blood is thicker than water." like no... pluto in the 4h ppl, family is who YOU CHOSE!
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I have a coworker who is sooo nice to me but still theres something that makes me feel suspicious of her and it makes me feel so bad BUT TO BE FAIR she does have her mars in my 7h and we did have a slight rift when we first started working together. but even now, im still like do u secretly hate me...
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ She has mars in the 12th house and I also feel like thats a big factor in it because 12h house energy is so... MUTED. with placements there you really gotta focus on peoples subtle acts of support that reveal their intentions versus their words (or lack of). And so far she has been a very supportive and helpful coworker. But yeah thats 12h energy honestly like my friends brother is a cancer sun and mercury in the 12h and she feels like hes so unloving and unsupportive and its bc baby boy is not gonna be straight up telling her! she needs to watch his actions, his mannerisms. she needs to understand him more through his actions over time rather than words. ofc it varies from chart to chart.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ people with 12h mars could often have people WONDERING, "oh are they mad at me?" or sun 12h ppl could have people wondering, "oh what are they hiding from me?" or mercury in the 12h could have people wondering, "Oh, what is that they are not saying?"
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Do you follow your profection years? For me, it’s wild how they line up. When I was in a 7H year, I got into my first serious relationship (classic 7H relationships vibe). When I was 7 years old, in my 8H year, my dad passed away (8H ruling death). Fast forward to my 9H year (travel), I visited family abroad after four years—that’s the longest I’ve EVER gone without seeing them.Then, in my 10H year (careers), I literally started my career. My 12H year? traumatic as fuck (I got into a serious car accident with friends and my back was fucked up and my friend had internal bleeding) but honestly the aftermath of that really forced me to grow the fuck up and surprise surprise, all of that happened bc I wasnt trusting my gut on who I was hanging out with. but anyhoo. Now I’m in a 1H year, and it’s all about me. I’m actually focusing on myself and being way more gentle in the process. It’s been kind of nice, honestly. if u wanna know yours just google annual profections it'll show u the wheel :)
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Saturn transits in your chart mean fucking BUSINESS! I remember my friend got married when saturn (commitments) was transiting her 7h (marriage/ contracts). Saturn transits will have you reflecting on what you want long term in your life and what desperately needs to be checked in on or discarded or cleaned up.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Saturn in pisces transiting in my first house had me acting right. I remember when a "friend" aka someone who was at fault with that whole car accident shit (someone who I dont speak to anymore) had asked me to do some shady shit after it. I was like FUCK NO! no bc 1) I have integrity but also 2) if I tried to take the easy way out or bullshit I knew saturn was gonna beat my ass HARDER. im glad I trusted myself and was the bigger person.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Saturn was still transiting my 1H during the accident, but it had just come out of my 12H, where I was actively in therapy. In my 1H, I’d been feeling way more at peace and healed, so when I started making questionable choices with who I was hanging out with, it was like Saturn decided it was time to knock some sense into me.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Me: walking on the ledge, ignoring my instincts, hanging with toxic people Saturn: "Don’t do that, you’re gonna fall." Me: falls Saturn: "DIDN’T I FUCKING TELL YOUUU?!"
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ but you know you live and you learn and at the end of the day it could have been so much worse (aka all of us being dead) but me and friend made a full recovery and everyone else had minor injuries.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I was watching this video called "the root cause of addiction" and in the video he said that at the end of the day we're are just looking for ways to go back to that child we once were and to experience genuine joy. and that was so 5h coded to me. He said in the video we do things like cooking or play video games because we want to get that joy back. The 5th house is all about sex, good fortune, art, creativity, pleasure, entertainment, birth, children. We really can use our 5th house to actively nurture our inner child.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ for example, cancer or moon in the 5th house wants to go back to space where they feel safe, warm, and comfortable. feeling free to express ur softness and vulnerability. a place you love going back to! they can do this through cooking, baking, or watching your childhood favorite movie with family.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ the little things, like baking a pie or getting out an old art project help us connect with the childlike wonder and happiness that we still have inside us. You can find your own special, simple pleasures by looking into the 5th House in your chart. And even if ur childhood was not the best (I completely get that) you can nurture your inner child now !! your hobbies and fave past times r not silly they matter too
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ and think about the 5h-11h axis, if anything your hobbies and creativity (5h) helps you find your people and be in groups that actually align with what u love and care about (11h)
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚and think about how sometimes that hobby or passion (5h) can bring u immense success, recognition and profit (11h)
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ with pluto in aqua we are going to see people (aqua) transforming (pluto) their lives in all aspects in regard to their hobbies and passions (5h). People are gonna continue to explore what they love and find their niche and for some their success will skyrocket over night, for others the process might be slower. think about the ppl making bank rn from tiktok videos organizing their fridge. bc it just makes them happy to do it.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ tw: death. I'm not trying to end on a dark note, its merely a thought I had so please take this with a grain of salt. but speaking of pluto in aqua, that reminds me of this video I was watching about how the Romans would have the Gladiatorial games, where combatants fought each other or wild animals to the death, BECAUSE they were so overindulgent in all other areas in life....
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ like you have sooo much that your idea of pleasure just gets distorted in this sense. what do you want when you have had everything?. The scale of these events was astonishing, with sometimes hundreds of animals being killed in a single day. Pluto in aqua is going to transform the way as a society we view, experience and talk about death.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ there are ppl that are gonna have so much wealth and power and be so fucking bored that maybe in 20 years from now someone gets jailed or some shit to try to recreate that. I remember reading this story in high school about this rich man who had an isolated island and he would have people lost on it to hunt them for sport. iM NOT SAYING we're about to get put on the wall like those deers when pluto goes into aqua, im SAYING THO that shit like that, ideas like that, could pop up
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I was also thinking about how pluto in aqua could mean more video games or tech or simulations (aqua) where you can try out how it feels like to die (pluto). like you can pick how and what you want to feel. some kind of shit like that. tech is only gonna keep getting more and more advanced now. we talk about the ipad kids and how they be on there typing and facetiming ppl and therye like 2 but imagine the kids growing up during pluto in aqua, I already know theyre gonna think we're soo uncool hahaha
#astro observations#astro notes#astrology notes#astrology observations#astrology#random astro#random astro note#astrology for beginners#rxmxa#mars#leo#aqua#profection years#anual profection#saturn#saturn in pisces#pisces#pluto#pluto in aquarius
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