#to never think of him again and never dream of him again and i genuinely hope he kills himself for what he did to me and the way he treated

[hyunebunx]

˖˙ ᰋ ── you, blanket forts and heated kisses

﹙ʚɞ˚﹚. genre: fluff!! (and some heated kisses lmao)

﹙ʚɞ˚﹚. a/n: hiii! this is a continuation of this fic right here! you don't need to read that one to understand this, but they're taking place in the same universe. enjoyy and let me know what you think!! <33

“Let’s build a blanket fort.”

Said Hyunjin randomly on a stormy day, right after kissing you stupid and taking away your ability to think.

Unfortunately for him, you later engaged in an activity far different from the one he suggested, so different that he forgot all about his initial idea for the remainder of the week.

Until now, when you’re found in the same predicament – your beloved has come over with the biggest smile, elated to see you after spending the past month apart. Everything was fine and dandy until the sky suddenly darkened and it started pouring, trapping you both inside the apartment and cancelling all plans you might’ve made outside.

At least this time, the harsh weather took pity on your unfortunate soul and allowed the power to stay on.

“Alright, so it says here we can use chairs, a table, or even the couch for our fort.”

“Did you seriously pull up a wikihow article?”

You turn to him, a little embarrassed at being caught, his genuine laughter making heat rush to your face at an alarming pace. No words escape you and he coos, dropping the big pillows he got from your bedroom before stepping over them to hug you from behind, holding you close while his lips pepper sweet kisses from your cheek down to your neck.

“That’s adorable, baby.” Hyunjin nuzzles your neck, placing one last kiss on your cheek before resting his chin on your shoulder. “What else is your little article recommending?”

“Don’t make fun of me.” You whine, attempting to turn around in his arms with no success, quickly settling on hiding your face and embarrassment in your hands, just so he won't see them.

He’s laughing again, tenderly spinning you around by your hips so you’re face to face. “I’m not, baby. I’m just curious why you thought I don’t already possess all the knowledge we need.” He points to his temple, after prying your hands away from the beautiful face that has started to appear in his dreams almost daily.

“Alright, Bob the builder, knock yourself out.” You nod towards the mess he’s made on the floor, to all the pillows, blankets, and sheets he’s stolen from your room. His wish to build a fort made a lot of sense if you take into consideration his ferret nature he always denies. The tiny animal thrived on alone time, hid away in a secluded place away from everyone.

He gasps, bringing his hands to his chest as if he could really fool anyone into believing he’s actually offended. “I’ll have you know I’m an artist! An architect if you will! That guy has nothing on me.”

Giggling, you can’t help but get closer to kiss his pout away, bringing his smile back instantly. “Of course, you are love. The best of them all.”

“Are you making fun of me?” And just as it disappeared, his natural pouty lips can’t help but jut out.

You shake your head, amused at how the tables have turned. “Never.” Then, with the softest touch, you intertwine your fingers and begin dragging him along to the materials he abandoned in the middle of the room. “I’ve never built a fort before.”

“Never?” The look on his face is incredulous, pulling you by the hand to his chest to tenderly kiss your temple, feeling clingier than usual. “Let’s get down to business then.”

Turns out, building a blanket fort is as easy as reading a wikihow article, especially when your Loverboy does most of the work and knows exactly what to use to make it all happen. With the tripod he left at your place, you balance the sheets, keeping them up and creating the perfect opening to your little den of comfort and secrets. Your U-shaped couch was sturdy, assisting your building activities with the many ornamental pillows that became trusty pillars.

You don’t know how much time passed, absorbed into your current task, laughing away with your beloved and teasing each other in good fun. At some point, you get distracted and as he’s ranting away about something that happened at practice, one of your soft pillows collides with the side of his head. Hyunjin stops dead in his tracks, words dying on his tongue as he slowly stands from his crouched position while you try everything in your power to not burst out laughing in his face.

“What was that?”

“What was what?” You feign innocence, gingerly hiding the pillow behind your back like nothing has happened.

Hyunjin stares you down, the intensity in his gaze almost making you confess. Almost. The obvious glint of mischief in his eyes tells you he has an unused card under his sleeve, one you should not ignore.

Without another word, he stretches his arm and beckons you closer with two fingers, obviously expecting surrender. And the pillow that has now become his number one enemy.

When you shake your head and smile brightly, he pauses for a total of five seconds before stepping closer to take matters into his own hands. That’s your cue to flee, so you run in the opposite direction, laughing loudly when he follows and you begin chasing each other around the apartment like little kids.

He’s letting you get away, pretending to be slower and clumsily stumbling over his feet just so your laugh can continue warming his heart, providing the flowers in his chest with the sunshine needed to bloom to maturity.

Then, out of nowhere, he manages to sneak behind you, arms circling your middle and pulling you to his chest with ease, lifting your feet off the ground as both of your laughter blend beautifully. Hyunjin begins attacking you with kisses all over your face and you stop pretending you want to get away, melting into his embrace and fully accepting your fate.

“Caught you.” He says in a sing song voice, over the moon at having you in his arms once again.

Your hands move over his, pillow falling to the ground with a soft thud as you lean back, head on his shoulder to reach his plump lips and press numerous kisses over them. When you move to pull away, one of his hands instantly comes up to cup your cheek to keep you there, tongue sneaking past your lips cheekily. The air shifts instantly as he hugs you closer, kissing you as he needs it to keep living, strong arms serving as an anchor while your body’s buzzing like you’re intoxicated, tingling all over.

Summoning all of your willpower, you manage to pull away from him for the briefest moment. “Just because I let you.”

Hyunjin smiles but you have a feeling it’s an automatic response, his brain not actually processing any of your words as he dives back in, impatient to feel your lips on his once again.

Kissing Hyunjin was always an experience, full of love and passion that had you weak in the knees – but kissing him after not seeing each other for a while felt like the air in your lungs was running out and him, out of the kindness of his heart, kept you alive by sharing his breath with you.

You turn in his arms, just like earlier, but oh so different, one hand gripping his tank top while the other sneaks its way into dark hair, pulling lightly to deepen the kiss which makes him groan lowly. Hyunjin’s grip on your hips burnt, your whole body on fire as he explored it to his heart’s desire, handling you in the exact way one would a priceless sculpture, a work of art he couldn’t look away from no matter how hard he tried.

He tasted divine, and his cologne made you dizzy, just like everything about him did. Without warning, he begins moving, pushing back and guiding your body expertly, biting down on your bottom lip right before breaking the kiss, to your great disappointment.

“Baby.” His voice is hoarse, breath shaky, a nervous laugh escaping him at the look on your face. “Our fort.”

With a groan, you ignore him in favour of placing sweet, open-mouthed kisses up his neck. “You have been driving me crazy with that fort of yours, Hyun.”

His grip on your hips is a warning, sending you mixed signals as he can’t resist but connect your lower halves, needing you as close as possible while he tilts his head back with a heavy breath. “And here I thought that was my irresistible personality.”

You grin, looking up at him while holding onto his biceps for support. “Nope, only your blabbering mouth.”

The tension dissipates as he laughs, eyes wandering and pupils blown even as you tear yourself from him and exhale, trying your best to calm down before going back to the fort you’ve both worked so hard on.

In the end, after weeks and weeks of waiting, you and Hyunjin are finally in your very own blanket fort, giggling like two children who have somehow forgotten what has just transpired a few moments ago.

“This is nice.” You hum, resting your head on his shoulder, glancing at the fairy lights he somehow managed to hang up. You’re both sitting cross-legged on some pillows, surrounded by snacks and blankets.

“I told you I got this. I didn’t need any help or tutorial.” He puffs out his chest, obviously proud he impressed you.

You nod, eyes almost fluttering shut, his bare shoulder surprisingly comfy. “Good job, Bob.”

The words barely have time to escape before you get a pillow to the face, the soft feathers getting into your mouth and startling you awake. You’re frozen in place, not realizing what happened until Hyunjin starts laughing next to you, delighted at the stunt he just pulled.

You push his shoulder, biting back a smile and he laughs harder, toppling over while hugging the pillow to his chest. A part of the sheet gets caught under him and before you know it, the whole thing collapses on top of you, trapping you under along with all the decorations and food neither got to enjoy.

It’s silent for a second before your laughter joins his as you reach to help him sit up, only for him to lose his balance and fall over you, feeling a little claustrophobic under the restrictive sheet. Holding himself up above you with his bulging arms, eyes two crescent moons and engulfing the whole room in a light that could only be produced by him, you move to squish his cheeks together. Lovingly, of course.

“I love you so much, my little liar. But I’m revoking your architecture license.”

Fortunately, Hyunjin didn’t look disappointed in the slightest.

[pixeltwix]

-Fiddleford Missing His Family-

To me, one of the most heartbreaking details of Gravity Falls is just..everything McGucket related, but specifically him before he starts even getting his family back after Weirdmageddon

Because he spent the entire series and probably the last thirty years trying to recreate his family

It speaks volumes to me that despite a shunning son and a divorce on his pallet, and zero memory or how any of this even happened, that he’s desperately trying to recreate a life he doesn’t even remember but knows he at least had at one point and wants again

Obviously we know he did have a wife and son, hell he’s introduced as a father first and foremost in the story and I think most people forget that, but through and through he is inherently a family man

I myself struggle to understand this mindset, and most do as well, but some people genuinely want to have a family. Like that’s genuinely their dream and their goal in life alongside their occupational dreams, and Fiddleford completely comes off as that kinda guy. I think he just struggled to balance himself thinking he couldn’t do fifty fifty and instead put one hundred percent into things separately and fell short in both categories here and there

Regardless, we know Tate, and even though season one never planned on making McGucket anything other than a comedic side character we know that changed with season two in the shows new direction

All that really does is complicate things for why Tate is here. Obviously we can fill in the blanks with the lore later given last minute, maybe he wanted to see if his father was actually up in Gravity Falls, maybe he wanted to see if he could get through to him and it ‘wasn’t as bad’ as what he had heard or assumed, but that’s not relevant in this post at the moment

What I’m focusing on instead is the fact that just because Fiddleford can’t bridge the gap and connect with his actual son, because he has zero clue what it is he’s done, it doesn’t stop him from being in the community and playing roles that a ‘normal father’ would be doing for his kids

Ie reading town history to local kids (even if he just wound up eating the books after) it’s usually still an important thing parents tend to want to do with their kids (the teaching aspect)

Being there as a chaperone on a first date (I know it’s not the first for Gideon & Mabel, but the point is still there) as most ‘normal’ parents want to be active in their kids lives and make sure they’re being safe, & making good choices in the world

Being at the Sev’Ral Times concert (later seen crowd surfing, which honestly still cracks me up) but nevertheless he shows up out of the blue to be vocally supportive of the girls excitement for the concert and their plans

Yknow, as a parent ought to be when taking their kid to their favorite bands concert

Annnd then of course, far less subtle to anything else mentioned before regarding an image to general parenthood, we have raccoon wife

Again, there’s nothing subtle about this, it’s raccoon wife and it is bizarre that no one in town questions this. “Crazy local coot thinks he’s married to a raccoon? Yeah, makes sense.” (Though tbf there’s a local man married to a woodpecker, so ig it’s whatever for everyone)

Again x2 I’m not sure what to add on here because it feels pretty blatant what bro is shooting for mental wise here, it just makes me wonder wHAt about a raccoon reminds him of Emma May?

Maybe it’s just the pale round face, dark eyes, and brown hair that makes it click in his head

Regardless I still think it’s sweet that even when he’s gotten some recollection of himself back he’s still concerned for the raccoons in the apocalypse

Anywho, call me an emotional loser if you want, but the concept of this old man wanting his family back for some thirty odd years and not knowing how to get them back so he substitutes it with other things is horribly depressing

I can at least rest easy knowing his relationship with Tate has improved after Weirdmageddon :)

[artsfavoritehorn]

🎉🎂🥳🎈🎊🎁Happy Birthday to one of the most kind, humble, incredible, and talented human beings I've ever had the honor to meet and work with, David Howard Thornton! This photo was taken the first time I had ever met David way back in 2019- I had been so nervous at the time and I clearly remember rounding the corner and seeing him at his little table and I had to literally go hide around the corner and hype myself up for a minute before approaching him 😆🥹🥹 (More of my story meeting him for the first time and me gushing about how incredible David is will be under the read more because it's kinda long lol)😂🤡

I'm sure he could sense my nervousness when I finally got brave enough to go up to him and he was so sweet to me. He made it feel as if I was talking to an old friend instead of just a fan interacting with a celebrity. At the time, I only had a copy of Terrifier on a blu ray disc that I asked him to sign, and me being inexperienced didn't realize that I should take the cover slip out of the dvd box for him to sign directly instead of just on the outside plastic of the dvd and he smiled at me and was like "I can take this out and sign it directly on the paper instead of just the plastic case if you'd like!😄🥹" like I would've never thought of that in my scrambled mind at that moment to do that and I could tell that he genuinely cared about wanting to sign it correctly for me and it was just so special. He also signed a personalized message for me on a photo of Art in the iconic pizza place scene from T1, and I could tell he took the time to think of the perfect phrase to write on it and made sure he spelled my name the right way. I'm so thankful I got to meet him at the time I did as well, only the first movie had been released at the time and it was slowly gaining its popularity but not at the level it is today, Terrifier was still kinda my little secret that not many people talked about and David literally had no line at his table which meant I got time to really have a nice conversation with him longer than someone might today with how insane his lines are now🥹 He seemed so excited to take a photo with me as well, happily putting on his little top hat and grabbing his horn and he just put his arm around me so genuinely- 10/10 experience and one of my favorite memories now that I will sincerely cherish forever🥰🥰💜💜 Not sure if he'd ever come across this but I just wanted to say how proud I am of him- he's given me so much more confidence to be myself and accept the parts of myself that I used to think were "too much", and he's given me the confidence that I can achieve the things I'd love to do just like he did (my dream is to be an actor/performer and seeing where he came from to where he is now just gives me so much hope). It is an absolute HONOR to be listed in the credits with David for Terrifier 2, just the thought of me being able to say that the first big movie I was ever featured in was with him and that we're on the same playbill is just insane to me and is truly such a humbling and once in a lifetime experience for me that I will never forget. Again I am so beyond proud of him and am so happy for his success, he deserves every bit of it and I can't wait to see what he'll be able to continue to achieve next- he's got a fan for life in me and I can't thank him enough for the joy and happiness he's brought to my life🥰💕 Happy Birthday David (and I hope he feels better soon from his food poisoning he got the other day 🥲)🤡🤘🤘🤘

Thanks for reading ily🤡🤘🥰

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

On today‘s episode of „moments in the show that confuse me“, s5ep19 has a piece of dialogue that goes something like this

Marinette: (about how Gabe doesn’t approve of her) He thinks I‘m one of those fans who follows you around everywhere, showers you with gifts and knows all your (Adrien‘s) middle name days

Kagami: Isn‘t that what you used to do Marinette?

Marinette: Yeah but I did it out of love

This scene is so odd because it feels weirdly self-aware but at the same time it really isn‘t? To me it seems like the writers sort of admit that Marinette‘s crush was written like a celebrity crush, but then this doesn‘t go anywhere? It‘s basically just „it‘s the same as a celeb crush but it isn‘t actually🤪“

Like what kind of writing is this? I know I‘m again beimg nitpicky but hey I love hearing your thoughts on the show so do you have thoughgs on this?

I'm honored that you enjoy my rambled! And, yeah, I have a few thoughts on this one. To begin, here's the full quote for proper context:

Marinette: Oh, hey Kagami! How are you? Kagami: Hello, Marinette. I'm fine, thank you. Adrien: I'm sorry, Marinette, it's my fault. I just couldn't talk to my father. Marinette: No, don't apologize! It makes sense that you didn't make it work because that's you! I mean, not you, you but you, as in, not me. Your dad doesn't have a problem with you anymore, he's even become super cool, making you pancakes, giving you all the freedom you need. He's come such a long way and that's amazing. But he does have a problem with me. He feels worried and I would be too if I were him. He thinks I'm one of those fans who follows you everywhere, showers you with hand-knitted gifts and knows every single one of your middle name days. Kagami: Isn't that what you used to do, Marinette? Marinette: Yes... except no! I mean, yes, but I was doing it out of love and, besides, I've changed a lot. Kagami: You are correct. Marinette: Really? You think I've changed a lot? Kagami: No. Well, not that much. But you're right to want to talk to Adrien's father.

This is not a terrible piece of writing. There are pieces of media where this would be genuinely funny. I've previously talked about the fact that Marinette's crush on Adrien is written like a celebrity crush and not a crush on a real person or even a proper stalker obsession. In that post, I also discussed media that features a fan getting to date their celebrity idol:

Whenever stories do the thing where someone meets their celebrity crush and actually gets to know them, there's normally a noticeable shift in their behavior as the character mentally goes, "Oh shit, you're real now." They lose the freedom that came with this being a mere fantasy.

That is the type of story where this dialogue would be funny. A story where Marinette started out as a fan or former fan with an idealized view of Adrien, but ended up viewing him as a real person by the time they started dating. A story where her view of Adrien shifts, but the things she does to show affection don't because it's not exactly weird to want to know everything about your significant other or to want to shower them with gifts. The only concerning thing on the list Marinette gives is "following him everywhere", but she doesn't actually do that in the show, so we're going to ignore that one and focus on the actual problem here.

The problem is that Miraculous never gave Marinette a reality check. There is no point where dream Adrien vanishes to be replaced by real Adrien. The Adrien that she starts dating in season five appears to be everything that she's ever dreamed he would be. He is #boyfriendgoals where he only exists to make her happy. He never shows off his more annoying behavior (and let's be real, Chat Noir can be pretty annoying at times) or spouts any bad puns that make her roll her eyes in a mixture of annoyance and amusement. He is perfection and it's terrible. This is not how you write a solid romance. There's no learning about each others flaws or even meaningful personal growth for Marinette.

We spent four seasons watching her struggle to ask Adrien out only for the resolution to be that he asks her instead. She never has to overcome that personal hurdle. After that, her biggest struggle is being brave enough to tell her boyfriend that she loves him even though he has showered her with love and affection, proving that there is literally zero risk involved here. It's a deeply unbalanced relationship that feels totally unfair to Adrien.

To be fair, there are stories where the Marinette-can't-say-nice-things-to-Adrien plot point could work. However, they're stories where a lot of focus is given to Marinette's trauma and her journey to overcome it. Miraculous didn't do that. Marinette's trauma and Adrien's response to it are handled horribly by every metric because of course they are. This is a formula show that can't handle a plot like this with delicacy and grace.

There's also the issue that, for this plot to work, the romance needs to be way more balanced. We need to be shown why Marinette is an amazing partner for Adrien who just has an area where she's struggling. We need to want them to get past this trial and be together. As-is, it's impossible to support this relationship because there's no substance to it. They're barely even friends before they get together. I have no idea why I should want Adrien to struggle through helping Marinette or why I should want Marinette to work through her issues with Adrien. There are other fish in the sea! Now that the identities are out, she can go back to Luka who she had no issues with!

This all feels very badly written YA or New Adult drama and there's a reason that I don't read those! I don't enjoy wildly unhealthy couples whose main draw is their endless drama and baffling sexual tension. I want couples who I love but, at this point, I can't even summon mild enjoyment for the canon love square.

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Ideas #11: DA, but make it Warden!Inquisitor!Hawke 2.0

Or: Having finished Dragon Age: The Veilguard and having a lot of thoughts about it, I decided to update this terrible fic idea to include the events of DA4.

So: How would DA:TV change if were the Champion of Kirkwall and the Hero of Ferelden and the Herald of Andraste?

As background:

Everything goes the same as above, with Fereldan apostate and shepherd Edmund Hawke being mistaken for his Circle-trained second cousin Gregory Amell at Ostagar, running to Kirkwall the moment the Fifth Blight ends, and being shanghaied into saving the world again because of the Breach for the Inquisition. He is thus Hero of Ferelden, Champion of Kirkwall, Herald of Andraste, Inquisitor... and a whole host of other titles he does his best not to think about.

He is also very, very tired of having to save a world that doesn't want to be saved. It's an awful job, but somebody's got to do it and nobody else is stepping up. What started out as genuine love for his home has gained a lot of sunk cost fallacy over the years - though it doesn't help Hawke's case that he's endgame long before DA:I ever starts.

Picking up the extras from the time I tried to write this plot bunny: 1) Bethany learned spirit healing from Anders but could never quite forgive her brother for executing her lover in the hopes of saving the mages at the Gallows. She continued Anders' work in Ansburg, acting as a local agent for the Inquisition but nothing more; 2) Carver joined the Templars, dragged all those he could find unwilling to follow Seeker Lucius to Skyhold, and ended up third-in-command of Inquisition forces; 3) Carver and Merrill started a relationship c. Act 3 of DA2 (with Isabella a frequent casual third) and learned Merrill was pregnant shortly before the Conclave; and 4) Merrill, an actual elf, is the one to drink from the Well of Sorrows.

Which brings us to Trespasser.

The Inquisition's political, social, economic, and military strength at the start of the Exalted Council is breathtaking - easily 10x what it is in canon, given Hawke's extra heroics. Many established powers fear that he'll use this power to turn conqueror, building an Ancient Tevinter-style empire in the south. Those closest to the Inquisitor know Hawke is eager to disband his forces and return to as normal life as possible. (He gives serious thought to taking a leaf out of Cullen's book and raising Mabari on a farm in the middle of nowhere with Fenris.)

Now, when Solas disappeared following the death of Corypheus, Hawke didn't think much of it, as fleeing a Chantry-run organization is what any self-respecting apostate should do once the bad guy is dead. Besides, Hawke found him a little too condescending for someone who's supposedly also a self-taught mage. Learning Solas wants to tear down the Veil feels like a bad joke.

("How about you stop trying to end the world for one minute and try living in it! It's not perfect, but we're trying, and maybe if we got five seconds peace from madmen trying to burn it all we could try to fix some of it!")

Their conversation turns into a terrible 1v1 boss battle.

The sky darkens. The earth quakes. Hawke and Solas rain fire and brimstone down upon each other and neither walks away unscathed (Hawke looses his left hand at the wrist; Solas is blinded in one eye) - but they do manage to walk away.

Hawke vows to stop Solas from tearing down the Veil.

He intends to do this by disbanding the Inquisition and carrying on as he did in the years before the Conclave - running about the Free Marches with a small band of friends and doing what's needed where it's needed. But even at his most optimistic, Hawke knows that's little more than a pipe dream.

King Alistair names Hawke teyrn of Haven, Skyhold, and the surrounding lands. Empress Celene, not to be outdone, names him marquis of the corresponding lands on the Orleasian side. Though it's not his official title, Hawke becomes known as The Lord of the Frostbacks.

And so instead of chasing after Solas directly, Hawke is forced to play politics - converting Skyhold from a war footing to a noble seat, rebuilding Haven, and managing the madness of holding the borderlands for two nations that historically haven’t gotten along. He delegates the business of stopping Solas to his friends.

Varric - now Viscount of Kirkwall - is not his only agent. Pretty much every companion still living from DA:O on has a part, big or small. Varric is just the one that happens to be on hand when Solas starts his ritual.

Rook stops Solas from tearing down the Veil, but releases the last two remaining Evanuris from their prison.

The events of the game largely proceed apace in Northern Thedas, with Rook and their team working to stop the risen gods directly.

(Dealer's choice on Rook's background, but I find myself imagining a tiny, cheerful, ice blond dwarf with a Mourn Watcher background and thick Nevarran accent. Her name is Portia Ingellvar, but Hawke calls her Cassandra and Varric's necromancer love child. This is even funnier if Cassandra named Divine.)

In southern Thedas, things are a different story.

From his seat in the Frostbacks, Hawke leads the fight against the Sixth Blight on two fronts.

Denerim is lost in the first wave, but they hold the line east Redcliffe along the Imperial Highway for months before Elgar'nan brings his dragon to bear. King Alistair dies, heirless, on the same battlefield that took King Calian in a cavalry action that echos the Charge of the Light Brigade in futility, bravery, and cultural impact. The living fall back to the Frostbacks, where only Hawke's lands west of Lake Calenhad remain free of Blight.

Orlais has less Blight but more Venatori. Pockets of cities hold out, but only The Dales and a strip along the coast stretching just past the Imperial Highway remains reliably free of either. Gaspard, a brilliant tactician for all his bluntness, leads a brilliant march north from Val Royeaux. He makes it all the way to Andoral's Reach before Elgar'nan is forced to bring his dragon to bear. Gaspard is gravely injured in the battle, but manages to guard the retreat with his last breath, only dying after the last of his forces are behind Churneau's walls. Celene and Briala's efforts are less openly heroic, but they defend sieges, move supplies, and refuse to bend the knee to the risen gods.

Much of their success is made possible by Hawke, whose lands no Blight can touch - think the Girdle of Melian. The Frostbacks provide a refugee and a staging ground, and Hawke himself is a figurehead that unites armies in a way that no other leader possibly could.

(It helps that Hawke himself is a powerhouse. The one time the gods try to send a trio of Blighted dragons against Skyhold, Hawke almost single-handedly strikes them from the skies while his ballista teams are still reloading.)

It also helps that Merrill has much of Morrigan's DA:TV storyline - having drunk from the Well of Sorrows, she now controls the Crossroads from Skyhold, allowing the Eluvians to ferry soldiers and supplies between distant places. She also holds the shard of Mythal that Solas killed - though prefers to fly about as a barn owl rather than a raven.

But for all Hawke's strength, southern Thedas is still waging a long defeat until the risen gods are killed and Solas convinced to tie his life force to the Veil. After that, however, everything changes.

Using Skyhold as a base, Hawke retakes southern Thedas.

He marches east first. (It only makes sense. After Alistair's death, Ferelden is leaderless and all those with any claim to the throne either dead or Venatori sympathizers.) Along the way those Hawke helps remember how it was he who led the effort against the Fifth Blight, he who dueled Loghain and allowed him the mercy of becoming a Grey Warden after his loss; he was the one who saved them in the Sixth Blight also; he who Alistair called the brother of my heart. And so by the time they retake Denerim, Hawke is proclaimed King of Ferelden by the armies he leads.

At the same time, all of the various city-states are going we owe Hawke a lot for helping us during this Blight and he's clearly building an empire; let's send him tribute and hope that its enough. At least he's likely to be a benevolent overlord. Acting Viscount Aveline of Kirkwall openly pledges the city to Hawke and begs him to send some other poor soul to rule it. (Hawke sighs and sends Carver, who's never sure to thank or strangle him for it.)

And while all that is going on, the Mortalitasi effectively keeping Nevarra from breaking out in civil war by keeping King Markus "alive" decide the gig is up and have Markus will his kingdom to the man who was obviously going to come along and take it anyway a la Attalus III. The king promptly "dies", has a grand funeral, and his crown is sent off to Denerim.

Add in the fact that the new Archon of the Tevinter Imperium, Dorian Pavus, is an old friend of Hawke's and he has ties to most the other factions and powers in Thedas - Divine Victoria, formerly Cassandra Pentagast, of the southern Chantry; Grand Enchanter Vivienne of the Circle of Magi; Admiral Isabella of the Lords of Fortune; Prince Sebastian Vael of Starkhaven; King Bhelen of Orzammar; the new First Warden; the new Knight-Vigilant of the Templars; several Crow houses; &c - and very suddenly Orlais finds itself in an uncomfortable position.

Empress Celene is the last Valmont standing. She has no heirs and is long past childbearing. Her closest kin are either dead or Venatori sympathizers. She owes her throne to Hawke, who stopped her assassination, ended the civil war, and funneled troops and supplies into Orlais when the Sixth Blight was most dire. Moreover, in one fell swoop he seems to have brought most of southern Thedas to heel and allied with most of the rest. Seeing herself as having no other options, she adopts Hawke as her heir a la several ancient Roman emperors.

And so in a very short period of time Hawke goes from Lord of the Frostbacks to ruler of everything south of The Silent Plains and east of Antiva. They call it the Neromenian Empire.

Hawke, naturally, does not take it well.

But what can he do? Who can he turn power over to? There is no one else. House Theirin is spent. House Valmont is nearly spent. House Pentagast is large but, as with the Free Marches, turning power over to one would ignite civl war from the others. Moreover, everyone from every layer of society seems to want him to rule.

Eventually Hawke settles into ruling, if only because every other option is worse. He ends up ruling over southern Thedas for quite a long time, turning power over in his old age to Carver and Merrill's second child. Although he tries to encourage home rule as much as possible, the truth is the population of his empire is less than a fifth of what it had been prior to the Sixth Blight and a continent-wide spanning relief effort is needed more than petty kingdoms and infighting.

Throughout it all Hawke lives scarcely more lavishly than he had as a minor noble in Kirkwall. His only indulgence are the many Mabari pups he raises in his palace, much to the exasperation of his loving husband, Fenris.

Bonuses include:

As much imported world state as possible, assuming a purplish-blue, mage-friendly PC throughout the first three games. Alistair and Anora ruled Ferelden together, Loghain became a Grey Warden and was left in the Fade in DA:I, a three-way peace between Celene, Gaspard, and Briala was forged; &c. Hawke should know and have connections to - and is owed debts by - nearly everyone. And they should all make appearances.

At least a few people assuming Hawke is not so much the Herald of Andraste as the son of Andraste, sent by the Maker to save Thedas. A handful of others believe that he absorbed the soul of the archdemon at the end of the Fifth Blight and is thus an incarnation of the Old God Urthemiel. Their arguments should be just convincing enough to make certain parties pause and mostly used to amuse Hawke.

Hawke being the last person to realize he's in an Accidental Warlord AU - or, rather, he very much realizes he's a warlord, but thinks someone better is going to come along he can give the crown to until it lands on his head.

Hawke being known alternately as The Mabari King, for the many pups he raises in his palaces, and The Shepherd King, both for his pre-Blight career and his encouragement of many in the Hinterlands to take up sheep farming after the Sixth Bight - the wool trade providing much needed economic security in the aftermath. Nearly every statue of him in the future has at least one mabari at his feet.

While the main events of DA:TV are important, they're shown about as much on screen as the events in the south were in the game. Even so, Hawke should reward Rook for taking out the gods the same way he was rewarded: with more responsibility. (A Mourn Watcher Rook is made Count of Nevarra City; a Crow or Shadow Dragon Rook becomes a marcher lord on the borders of their homeland; &c.) But their story is very much in the background.

...and that's it. I think. I have truly an absurd number of thoughts about what any Inquisitor gets up to during/in the aftermath of the Sixth Blight and even more when it's my Warden!Inquisitor!Hawke. As always, feel free to adopt, just link back if you do anything with it.

More DA Ideas |More Terrible Fic Ideas

Terrible Fic Ideas #11: DA, but make it Warden!Inquisitor!Hawke

I have conflicting feelings about each game in the Dragon Age series having a different protagonist. On one hand it's great because it is terribly unrealistic to expect one person to be required to save the world multiple times. On the other, the only DA protagonist I can say I honestly would want to see more of is Hawke.

So: what would it take for Hawke to believably be the Champion of Kirkwall and the Hero of Fereldan and the Herald of Andraste?

Imagine it:

Mage!Hawke goes to Ostagar with Carver and runs into the Human Mage Warden, Greggory Amell, before his joining. As canonically the Hawkes are second cousins to the Amells, this is something of a comedy of errors as there's more than a little resemblance - especially in armor, and especially if Hawke shaves his default beard.

Regardless of the exact circumstances, Hawke becomes friendly with Greggory and Alistair, and is therefore devastated when his cousin dies during the joining. Hawke agrees to help Alistair light the signal tower in his memory...

...and gets dragged into the events of DA:O.

Crucially, enough people mistake Hawke for his newly dead cousin early on that he decides to run with it in an effort to protect his family. (It means a lot of shaving, because half the reason he has the beard is that he'll have a five-o'clock shadow by noon if he doesn't, but sacrifices have to be made.) It's beyond strange for him to be openly using magic after a lifetime of hiding, but no stranger than going by his cousin's name or pretending to be a Warden. Only Alistair and Morrigan know the truth.

After the Battle of Denerim, newly crowned King Alistair helps Hawke escape the attention by telling everyone that "Warden Amell" has gone to report to Weisshaupt about the Blight. In reality, Hawke goes to Kirkwall to track down his family starting with his uncle and is pleasantly surprised to find them already there.

...the events of DA2 go apace, with a few exceptions. Mainly, 1) Carver and Bethany are both alive, as Hawke's absence in the prologue led the family to flee earlier and faster, and 2) Hawke tells his family that he was captured at Ostigar and held in Arl Howe's dungeons until being released by the Hero of Fereldan. The gold he brought home was "reparations" from the king and goes a long way towards funding the Deep Roads Expedition.

Eventually he does come clean to Carver, who thought his brother looked awfully healthy for a man who spent a year in the dungeons of a notorious sadist, and to Fenris, because it's only right he tell his love interest the truth after they start sleeping together. As for everyone else? He regrows his beard and acts insulted anytime anyone mistakes him for his obviously less handsome and talented cousin. It's quite the act.

After the Chantry explosion, he goes to ground in the Free Marches with Bethany and Fenris while Carver stays in Kirkwall with Varric and Aveline trying to restore order. These three years are vaguely Robin Hood, with the trio moving between the Free Cities doing the job the Templars should be doing - that is, protecting the mages that don't want to hurt people and hunting those that do. Occasionally they'll meet up with Merrill and Isabela for their help ferrying people to safety, but for the most part it's just the three of them.

When news of the Conclave comes, Hawke decides to go - just to watch from the shadows and make sure nobody tries to do anything stupid, like order the deaths of all surviving mages or blow up the Conclave to make a point. He even shaves his beard with the vague idea that if things look really bad he can pop in, shout at people as the Hero of Fereldan, and disappear back into the Free Marches once the talks finish.

...and then the Conclave explodes.

At some point between waking up chained to the Chantry floor and running into Varric again, Hawke decides not again. He is not going to spend the next however many years shaving and answering to a different name, not when his siblings are old enough to protect themselves and he has a life to go back to. He tries to explain but only manages to get across yeah, I'm the Hero of Fereldan before Cassandra drags him out to deal with the Rifts.

Cassandra spends the journey to the first Rift asking where "Warden-Commander Amell" has been all these years. (Hawke tries to explain, but gets tripped up trying to figure out how his alter-ego got promoted when he's been AWOL for the last ten years, not to mention what the hell is going on now.) He doesn't manage it before they run into Varric, who of course greets him with "Hawke!" So he spends the first trip to the Breech trying to explain yes, I'm the Champion of Kirkwall, but first I was the Hero of Fereldan but back then I was pretending to be my dead cousin for Reasons; Fenris, Carver, and King Alistair know and now you three and I think Bethany might've figured it out? I never really was a Warden but I did kill the Archdemon, it's a long story.

It is, of course, a ridiculous mess.

It gets more ridiculous when he wakes up after The Wrath of Heaven and has to go through it again with Liliana and Cullen. (And maybe has a minor breakdown in the process because no, I am not the Herald of Andraste. I refuse. I will send the next person who tries to give me another title straight into the Fade.) Variations of this happen every time he has to go through this conversation, which is an awful lot. (It happens once during battle against a High Dragon, culminating with Hawke summoning a massive lightning storm that kills it dead in three strikes. It's terrifying and impressive and doesn't help things at all.)

...and so Hawke gets dragged into the events of DA:I.

Inquisitor!Hawke is just exhausted by this point. He's still humorously charming, but he's also so very tired of trying to save a world that doesn't want to stay saved. This leads to him coming across as a tired schoolteacher whenever he's not casually raining down destruction upon his enemies.

(There is at least an hour of ranting when Corypheus appears on scene along the lines of why doesn't anybody stay dead these days?)

A week or so after they arrive at Skyhold, Carver shows up with pretty much all the sane Templars left in the Free Marches - along with the remaining Kirkwall crew, minus Aveline. And so Hawke ends up having to mediate the Mage-Templar War.

Things get awkward at Adamant because by the Maker, I never actually was a Warden but fuck it all if I'm not going to use the rank they gave me to march into that fortress and take command. No one is more surprised than Hawke that it worked, though there are still a few jerks that fight and Hawke still falls into the Fade, because that's how his life goes.

Hawke spends all of Halamshiral dealing with questions about what he's going to do with the all Inquisition forces, mages, Templars and Wardens at his disposal - plus the friendship of the King of Fereldan and Prince of Starkhaven. If he ends up snapping, "If I have to end up conquering all of southern Thedas to fix your messes, I will," at the lot of them, who can blame him?

Throughout the entire fic, Hawke gets progressively more tired and jaded but still tries to put on his best face as he tries to clean up all of Thedas' messes, I swear to the Maker. It should also be incredibly hard for him to take most threats seriously after killing an archdemon, once leading to him giving everyone in the Inquisition grey hairs by going off to kill a High Dragon by himself.

He also starts out being very careful to hide his magic (he's something of a self-taught Arcane Warrior, channeling his magic through a sword-and-dagger combo), but gets progressively more casual about it. This isn't helped by the fact he's at his endgame long before DA:I starts. (It takes a powerful mage to flick their fingers to light a fire, but it takes a ridiculously powerful one to wave their hand and shoot a fireball that can kill an ogre.)

This is predicated on the beard making all the difference, but could be even funnier with a female!Hawke who makes no effort to disguise herself at all.

And that's all I literally have room for. Let me know if you adopt this bunny, I'd love to see it.

More Terrible Fic Ideas

[skhardwarevers1]

does everything suck or is it just me being over dramatic

[alittleemo]

guys I cannot believe I’m writing this but I had another dream abt linkedin boy. I appreciate gods commitment to sending me neon signs but I’m still not going to listen <3

[numiolaes]

i wonder how many people would stop bitching about the writing for this show if they could've binged it all and had at least one scene per episode where someone stated everything explicitly like that one scene w/ satan in futurama

[orcelito]

I'm tired of dreaming about my dad. I know it's part of processing, but I am just so tired.

[ironmanstan]

I am coming to the realization i have been slowly killing myself with work i think oops

[stepfordgoth]

Had another stupid semi-nightmare about my piece of shit brother...... Can he just kill himself already please, so that way at least in my dreams I can be like "wait you're dead this doesn't even bother me" lol

[vampirehizzies]

so i googled rachel gatina's fate and.. fuck that? my girl deserves so much more

[ronanlynchbf]

"all this foreshadowing abt declan dying and then he didn't even die" well personally i think declan got murdered dead by mstief in greywaren so. actually 2 me he did die. Badly.

[berryblu-soda]

bruh i started writing a random scene from the end of one of my OC stories and started crying helpp (TvT)!!

[worldwake]

Oh to be my neighbour's kid, practicing the clarinet unabashedly and loudly on the front steps

[girlivealwaysbean]

dni.