#roached to meet you

[pipileo]

OC #3: Cucaracha (Species)

Again, Cucaracha (Racha, for short) isn't exactly an OC, but a stage of life for a species of Anthropomorphic Cockroach.

Rachas are the most common type of roach you'll see, since most roaches spend their lives in this life stage, after a Curichi grows up. It'll take them a while before they grow to the next stage.

STORYTIME! The roaches are literally just a science experiment gone haywire. A scientist wanted to find out what a chemical they developed was capable of, and they used a common roach to test it out. But they did it in their garage. The first test failed, mostly. The roach stood up on it's hind legs, but nothing more. So, in the next tests, the scientist combined the chemical with a roach larvae, and it started growing much larger than before. After coming to the realization that it might be way too risky to do this in a garage, they tried having it relocated to a much more secure laboratory, but on the way to the lab, the vehicle they were being taken in got into a car crash, and the larvae fell into an open manhole leading to the sewers. They were carried away by the water currents, which made it impossible to get them back before they hatched. Thus, once the new, anthropomorphic roaches grew and multiplied, they swarmed the Earth, and began their rampage.

FACT TIME! Rachas have a thick chitinous shell, which protects them from a lot of things, but smacking them with something heavy is usually enough to break the shell and make them more vulnerable. Guns are not the best choice, but try a baseball bat, or a hammer. Just make sure they don't crawl on you.

Most of these roaches usually won't attack if they're not around their kin. But even if they're alone, if you make them mad, you're probably toast. You can tell if a roach is upset if their antennas are curling upwards a bit. They don't show anger on their face, usually.

It's at this life stage when the roach starts speaking in broken English. Before a Curichi grows into a Cucaracha, Curichi's usually say "Richi," like a Pokémon. But now they can say stuff that a human can probably understand.

im done with this bug. the next post is going to be about the last life stage, and then im done with the roaches. cya!

[evilkaeya]

If Chuuya doesn't meet Adam in Europe what even is the point of sending him there

[carmillas-girlfriend]

[Source for this wonderful picture of our favorite fisherman here.]

Calling in two experts for this one: @thefandomeffect-noah and whoever is behind @ask-uncle-fang

And also me, I'll share my expert Fang opinion in the tags as well.

[tediousdelusion]

the absolutely most chaotic modern steddy hands au i can imagine is established couple ed and izzy with recently out divorce attorney stede.

like, izzy and ed got married young. maybe because they were drunk in vegas. maybe for the spousal immunity since they are and always have been involved in some less than reputable dealings. but they aren't exactly a "real" married couple in their own minds even tho they live together and their lives are needlessly intermingled.

ed is going through his midlife crisis. he's unhappy, wants to find out that there's more to life. and izzy is done with his shit after the most recent flight of fancy. because i love irony, i think that he buys a boat and comes up with some flimsy justification for why he needs it for "business purposes."

and so izzy threatens divorce, like he has a million times. and ed doesn't buy it because izzy is all talk. but izzy is serious this time - or at least he wants ed to think he's serious - and so he goes and hires a lawyer. not some bus stop lawyer either, no. he wants the real deal and his name is on the joint account, dammit, so ed's money can pay for it too.

enter stede bonnet, divorce attorney at law.

stede is from one of those old legal families. his father was a lawyer and his grandfather was a lawyer and his great-grandfather was... well, you get it. and stede doesn't really want to be a lawyer, but he doesn't have much choice in the matter. his biggest rebellion is practicing family law instead of becoming in house counsel for an investment bank.

for forty-odd years he plays the part of the good son, well after his father is dead. marries the girl he is supposed to, has two kids, a nice house, a steady job. and sure, he's never really happy happy, but he's a divorce attorney! every day he sees marriages so much worse than his own that he figures what he and mary have must be the best a person could hope for.

until woops! actually, no! his marriage is just as bad as half his clients' and now he's going through this whole process himself and oh, yes, on top of it all, he just realized that he's gay!

so between chauffeuring the kids, reading about all the gay culture he's missed in the past four decades, and catching up on his other cases, he ends up meeting one izzy hands. sad case, stede hates to see the end of a long marriage, but it seems easy enough.

except things aren't easy at all because 1) izzy and ed don't actually want to get divorced and 2) stede is starting to fall for ed, izzy's enigmatic and charming husband.

ed is falling for stede, too. of course he is! stede is interesting and new - he comes from this old family tradition that ed's never seen before, but he's also creative and witty and fascinated by ed. and so ed takes it upon himself to help introduce stede to gay culture, preferably by a hands on demonstration.

izzy knows what's going on. of course he does. he's seen ed take interest in someone before, knows what it looks like. but what he doesn't like is that stede is starting to return his interest. stede is izzy's fucking lawyer. if anyone should get to fuck him, it should be izzy.

cue a series of rom-com style hijinks where ed and izzy are both trying to seduce stede, stede is trying to save izzy and ed's marriage, and all three of them think they know what the others want. for more angst and more comedy, you can throw in some actual ethical rules, like how lawyers aren't supposed to start fucking their clients. (there's also a lot of conflict of interest here but shhhhhhhh)

of course, this ends in a throuple. exactly how could go a few ways. maybe izzy walks in on ed and stede and stede is waiting to be fired, but izzy just loosens his tie and joins them in bed. maybe they make it all the way to the first court appearance and when the judge asks if they really want the divorce they're like, nah. he's shagging the lawyer but i guess i want to be fucking him too. maybe stede forces them all to go to lucius sponsored couples counseling and they get perma-banned when they start making out on the couch.

anyway, no matter how it happens, i think stede quits divorce work to become izzy and ed's criminal defense attorney and they all have a long and morally bankrupt good time together

[martinkate]

sending you a mattea roach hug. it’s coming in the mail btw

this is me right now

[dreiiton]

....idk how to say this w/o sounding concerning, but I just wanna say that I'm truly truly Truly glad I've come to know you.

I'm glad I've come to know the 'silly little gay ppl' on my phone, to put it in a silly way (...that sounds dumb now that i tyoe that jdjhxjdj). I'm glad I've come to know such wonderful people who care, in big ways and small ways, who care so much.

I'm glad I've come to know you, to be able to laugh with you, to create with you. I'm glad I've come to know you.

I'm truly glad.

[pupyr0arz]

important scene to write: asking roach for his name and he signs cockroach but reader doesn’t know that specific sign. Roach shrugs it off and further questions but reader wakes up and he’s found a live cockroach and is holding it over them

[flavobacterium]

i really wish I could move out of the US #ngl but it's probably not going to happen for a good while.

[second-breakfast]

Friendship is...

Downloading a GPS location spoofing app on your phone so you can make a jukebox app think you're at the bar where your bestie is and paying the minimum $10 in credits to this app to be able to force them to hear a song they hate three times in a row because they made the mistake of letting you know where they are.

[codthefishgod]

A list of rules when interacting with an aroace person, by an aroace person:

- Do not romantic our platonic. We will not hesitate to smash a rock into your skull.

- Do not piss us off. We're all attached by invisible walkie-talkies. It's like roaches--if there's one, there's definitely another one nearby.

- Do not say things like 'when you're married' or 'when you meet that special person'. Trust me, coming to terms with an aroace identity in a romance-centered world is not a fun, quirky choice.

- Do not assume that we don't like seeing romance/sex in the media. I'm aroace and one of my favourite genres is romance.

- WE ARE LGBTQIA+. Doesn't matter if we're cis, heterosexual but aromantic or heteroromantic but asexual or any other combination of all the various shades of aspec, WE COUNT AS QUEER PEOPLE.

- Do not equate being aroace or on the aspectrum to being celibate. It's not the same thing. Being aroace is not a choice.

- Being aroace does not mean we're all lonely or sad. Eating garlic bread is scientifically shown to boost your serotonin levels (don't fact check me on this)

- Living with someone or wanting to live with someone doesn't mean we want them romantically! If you have the option to establish a hideout for you and all your buddies, why wouldn't you?

This was, again, a list of rules when interacting with an aroace person, shown to reduce chances of dying by burnt breadsticks and pasta by 100%!

[gayangelcrimes]

Dean and Lisa is just Leila by Legião Urbana. To me.

[lxkeee]

Just read your thing about lucifer with a morticia addams like character, and I already had alot of thoughts like, how would it be if lucifer then took her to the hotel to introduce her to the others, what would it have been like if she was at the hotel when lucifer came to see charlie, things like that, it was so great!

LUCIFER X OVERLORD! FEM! READER

—part two!

I'm gonna add a little twist to this;)

Which is jealous Lucifer lmfao.

PART ONE |

“Darling, are you sure you wanted me to be there? I don't want to intrude on your little family reunion with your daughter.” [y/n] says, her hand over her hips as she looked down (literally) on him. Her antlers form a shadow over his form, majestic.

“Darling, I promise you won't be intruding and yes, I want you to be there. I need your support.” Lucifer says pleading making [y/n] sigh softly, a small smile on her face.

“Alright, anything to make my darling happy.” she says with a giggle.

Everything she says and does makes his knees weak.

He's whipped.

Arriving at the hotel, [y/n] told him he should go inside first as she needed to take care of some... Pests...

Both of them are powerful beings so they are bound to have enemies that follows them.

[y/n] managed to sense those familiar presence who always wanted to take her down but failed spectacularly.

“Wait... I should go with you.” Lucifer says worriedly, holding her hands. [Y/n] just squeezing his hands in assurance.

“Do not fret, it's not something I can't handle and besides, they're nothing but pesky roaches that I could easily crush with a flick of my finger.” [y/n] says with a smirk before leaning down and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

“I will return quickly, and enjoy some personal time with your daughter. You owe it to her, hmm?” she says with a raised eyebrow and Lucifer sighs before nodding with a smile.

“Alright, just... Be careful okay? Promise me.” Lucifer says with a worried tone, [y/n] had to pat his hear.

“Of course, darling. I'll always come back to you.” she says with a small genuine smile, her sharp teeth can be seen before morphing her body into a shadow and camouflages with the surrounding shadows. Leaving him behind to deal with the threat near the hotel.

Lucifer sighs before eventually walking towards the door of the hotel.

Lucifer eventually met the staff and guests of the hotel along with Charlie. He doesn't like that Alastor guy, gives him bad vibes.

“And this is Niffty, she's our house cleaner.” Charlie introduces as Niffty begins to crawl Lucifer just so she could face him face to face, “I clean.” Niffty says with a giggle.

Charlie was nervous to say the least, she's nervous about what her dad is thinking about the hotel. Suddenly there was a knock on the hotel door.

The sound causing everyone to keep quiet. Charlie decided to open the door to see the infamous shadow demon, standing tall and ominous with a large grin on her face.

“Gree—” the tall demoness greeted but was cut off as the door was slammed shut.

Charlie decided to open it again to make sure she didn't imagine things, didn't imagine one of hell's powerful overlords in her doorstep, “tings—” the demoness continued but the door was slammed shut again.

Lucifer had to face palm while Alastor's grin widened as he heard the familiar voice of his deer friend (badum tsss) while also feeling a sense of deja vu.

“Charlie, dear. Can you open the door? It is rude to slam the door on someone's face.” Lucifer sighs with a chuckle making Charlie laugh nervously before eventually opening the door.

“May I speak now?” the tall demoness asked with a grin.

“You may.” Charlie said hesitantly but her hand was quickly grabbed as the demoness shook her hand.

“It is finally a pleasure to meet you sweetheart, your dad has been telling me so many good things about you!” the demoness says with a large grin on her face as she entered the hotel.

The princess of hell was confused.

“Wait... My dad told you things about me...?” Charlie asked as Lucifer walked beside the tall demoness.

“Um yes... Charlie, I would like you to meet [y/n] she's my.... lover...” Lucifer says, voice getting shyer at the end.

Charlie blinked, [y/n] just grins.

Charlie finally processed his words.

“She's your girlfriend?!” Charlie asked, mouth agape.

“Yes, for a few months now.” Lucifer says with a chuckle.

The others just stared at the couple, blinking as they tried to process it.

Well... They are both powerful and they kinda look like each other's type. They thought as they looked at the two.

“My word, I didn't expect you to snag the king of hell my dear friend.” Alastor says with a smirk, his familiar static voice catching [y/n]'s attention.

Lucifer's eyes twitch. This bastard knows his woman?

“Is that Alastor I hear?” [y/n] says with a grin, morphing her body into shadows as she teleports next to Alastor's side.

“[y/n]! It's been awhile since I've last seen you, how have you been my dearest friend?” Alastor greeted, bowing down to place a gentle kiss on [y/n]'s knuckles, a subtle smirk on his face.

Lucifer's left eye twitched as he looked at the scene in front of him.

He's not angry at [y/n], no, no. He is pissed at Alastor though.

“I should be the one asking you that! You've disappeared for seven years, I thought you already kicked the bucket my friend.” [y/n] laughs and Alastor laughed with her.

Lucifer quickly appeared on [y/n]'s side, holding a protective arm around her waist.

“Darling, I didn't know you're acquainted with this man.” Lucifer asked, his eyes glaring at Alastor.

[y/n] just chuckles, intertwining her hand with Lucifer's hand.

“Alastor here is an overlord so it would make sense we know each other. Considering we have our annual overlord meetings.” [y/n] explained, giving him assurance.

Alastor finds entertainment in teasing others and right now is a perfect opportunity to tease the king of hell more.

“[y/n] here is a charming woman, her presence is a real head turner. I couldn't resist getting acquainted with her.” Alastor says with a grin.

The others just looking at the scene happening between the three.

“Oohh... Drama...” Angel whispers to Husk, making Husk chuckle.

*cue the chandelier falling in front of them*

*cue the hell's greatest dad scene.*

[y/n] sighs, a small smile on her face as he watched Lucifer being shown around the hotel by Charlie and Alastor. [Y/n] decided to stay in the lobby as she wanted to get acquainted with others.

“So you and the short king?” Angel says making [y/n] snort.

“Indeed, quite a catch really.” [y/n] chuckles as she sat on the bar stool. Husk preparing her a drink.

“You know what they say, the shorter the height the bigger the—” Angel was cut off by Husk.

“I swear to God if you say dick!” Husk remarked.

“Heart! Goodness, Husk. Get your mind out of the gutter!” Angel laughed.

[Y/n] bursts out laughing, these people are so fun to be around.

“Goodness, you guys are so hilarious!” [y/n] says in between laughs.

Safe to say the others warmed up to her and her to them.

[y/n] spent the rest of her time just joking with the others, occasionally giving Niffty cleaning tips and Vaggie some suggestions on how to improve the hotel.

*Cue the loan sharks destroying the hotel*

Lucifer and [y/n] stood next to each other as they watched Alastor deal with the loan sharks. [Y/n] had an amazed look in her eyes while Lucifer just watched in slight caution.

[y/n] may be the type of demon who finds joy in others pain but at this moment, she places her hand on Lucifer's shoulder as a warning. [Y/n] can tell that Charlie was getting upset from Lucifer's remarks.

“Darling, calm down.” [y/n] says softly but Lucifer's emotions are controlling his actions.

“How can he have faith in me but my own father can't?” Charlie asked, clearly upset.

“Charlie, sweetie...” [y/n] says softly, approaching the poor girl. Squeezing the poor girl's hands in assurance.

Mother is mothering fr.

[y/n] can sense that Charlie and Lucifer needed to talk this out. Giving the girl a pat on her head before walking to Lucifer's side.

“Lucifer... I think it's time to tell her.” [y/n] says softly in his ear. Squeezing his hand in assurance before joining the others. Angel offered her some popcorn which she gladly accepted.

[y/n] looked so proud, watching the father and daughter hug each other. Her eyes sparkled in amazement as she looked at Lucifer's wings. It never fails to mesmerize her.

Lucifer finally agreeing in scheduling Charlie a meeting with heaven.

“Good luck, kiddo.” Lucifer says and extends his hand towards [y/n]'s direction. [Y/n] accepting his hand.

“You can do it Charlie.” [y/n] grins before the couple finally left the hotel in puff of sparkling red smoke.

“I hope Miss [y/n] visits, I like her.” Niffty says with a small laugh.

“Your dad's new lover doesn't seem so bad.” Vaggie says as she stood beside Charlie.

Charlie just smiled, “Yeah, she doesn't seem so bad.”

Charlie is glad her father found someone like [y/n], she can see the chemistry between the two.

“Are you okay?” [y/n] asked softly as she spooned Lucifer on his bed. Her arms wrapped protectively around him.

“I'll be fine. Thanks for being here with me.” Lucifer says softly, blushing slightly as he felt her place a gentle kiss on the nape of his neck.

“Anytime.” she says softly.

[s-4pphics]

click! 1 (e.w.)

SYNOPSIS: you need a roommate, and you love eggplant. [college au]

WORD COUNT: 3.7k

WARNINGS: photographer/roommate!ellie, ocs an artist with a reputation :p, they’re both rude as shit, crack, all ocs are black coded yeeahhh yeah, awkward meetings, slut-shaming, brief cunninglingus, mention of eviction, smut later yall know tha vibes 

two. three. four.

A/N: short part just stay w me lemme cook... excited 2 write this lets get this shit yall

“W-What do you mean you’re moving?” 

Your roommate and best friend wrapped her arms around your neck, pulling you close. Tears flooded in your eyes as she whispered the daunting news, your heart cracking in your chest. 

“I’m moving soon, stink.” Too soon, according to her. She’ll be gone by next week. Amaya snickered sadly as she cooed in your temple. “It's for good reason, though.”

Your ears perk, a curious hum vibrating her shoulder. 

“I got that internship— “

All sadness melds into excitement for your favorite person. You leap into her arms with squeals of congratulatory joy, planting smacking kisses all over her squishy cheek. 

“Oh my god! You should’ve said that first, bitch! What the fuck!” You wipe your tears on her hoodie. 

Her laughter rattles through your neck, “I just found out after class! I almost got hit by a fucking bus reading the email.” 

Amaya sets you down, rambles about her new position as a songwriting intern spilling from her like an overfilled glass. Tears of joy flow from you and her as she retells every detail about her acceptance. She’s leaving in a week and a half and going farther than you thought. 

“Girl… you’re really moving to New York?” 

“Only for like… four months, max. But yeah… Boutta be on BET come next year— “

“Maya.” 

“Hm?”

“… I can’t pay rent by myself,” you whisper, cringing and embarrassed. 

You hate to ruin her moment, but you’re concerned; Living off campus isn’t cheap and moving in the middle of the semester is less than ideal. It’d be a fucking hassle, and — to be frank — you’re not a people person. 

People like having you around because you’re fun, sure. But your reputation isn’t what you hoped for it to be when you moved out of your dad’s place for school. You wanted to be recognized for your creativity, and while your professors never hesitated to praise your talents, your peers failed to see past the status that was placed upon you. 

Frankly, you’re deemed as a dumb whore, especially after your falling out with one of the campuses best softball pitchers. 

It wasn’t even your fault. One raunchy snap to the wrong person and people think you live for sex and sex only! Just when you think everyone is over slut-shaming… 

“You thought I was gonna leave you to fend for yourself? Guess what I did.” 

Oh God. “What?” 

She twiddles her fingers together villainously, “I may or may not have set up an application on the student homepage— “

The small glimmer of hope washes away, shoulders dropping, fingers coming up to massage your temples.  

“Maya…” You exhale, trying to keep calm, “You know those things don’t fucking work!” 

Roommate compatibility is a fucking scam. No one ever notes how they actually are in the application. You think you’ve found someone that’s clean, quiet, stays out of your space without permission and the next day you find dead roaches under your couch. College attendees have no idea what bleach is and it makes you sick. 

“Damn… you’re usually optimistic.” 

“I’m optimistic about good ideas. I’m gonna be living with a fucking freak from Craigslist, thanks a lot.” 

“C’mooon! You’ll be fine, babe, trust me.” Amaya wraps her arms around your neck once more, wetly smacking your cheek before turning to paddle to her room. “Plus, you’ll meet someone new!”

When you don't follow, she spins. She must’ve noticed your impassiveness, poutingly asking to help me pack? Tears overwhelm your ducts once more, quietly taking her extended hand as she leads you to her bedroom. 

DAY ONE of roommate searching began, and you were already prepared to move back in with your dad. Amaya had enough time to orchestrate the housing agreement with you, making sure to highlight some of your most important characteristics in a roommate. One of the main ones being cleanliness. Some form of organization. 

DAY TWO was easier… Someone finally made it to the in-person interview stage. They didn’t make it far, though; They wouldn’t stop smacking their gum and it drove you crazy. Back to square one. 

DAY SIX came around and you were losing hope; Why are frat boys applying to live with you? You’d rather jump into oncoming traffic than house with any of Abby’s annoying, dirty friends. You've seen their house on numerous occasions and it never fails to make your skin crawl. 

It’s DAY THIRTEEN, and Amaya’s gone. After the sobbing fit with your best friend at the airport earlier, you got back to work. 

DENY REQUEST. 

…

DENY REQUEST. 

…

DENY REQUEST. 

You sigh in exhaustion and lean back in your chair. If you don't take a break from your screen in the next five seconds, your eyes will bleed. 

Why are people… so odd? 

The number of applications you’ve had to deny in the last week is criminal; Why are cis-het men continuously filling out applications knowing they’re not welcome in your space?! 

Even the people that made it to the in-person interview stage are incapable of being… not strange. You’d rather die than live with someone who collects dead maggots in mason jars (yes, you did almost call the police when they described their fascination with death in depth)!

All you need is one fruitful application with an identity to match! Just one. 

Amaya still calls from New York whenever she has a moment of peace to see how the roomie-search is going, but you can’t ignore the sadness that fills your heart every time she misses a call. Her laughter is gone, and your day-to-day life feels empty. 

They’re already working your bestie to the bone; You hope she can feel your encouragement from thousands of miles away. 

You scroll and click, scroll and click, scroll and deny deny deny until you pause, your eyes skimming over the application with a familiar name. 

ELLIE WILLIAMS. 

Ellie from stats, you instantly recognize. Curiosity perks and your brows furrow, sipping lukewarm tea as you skim over her contact information, her pet preferences, all the way down to her additional commentary. A snicker left at her blunt statement. 

temporary request. my last roommate moved and i’m poor. just waiting on this job approval. 

… Ellie in a nutshell. How relatable.

At least she’s not a complete stranger. Every interaction with her stirs in your mind as you jot her number down on a lone sticky-note. They were nothing special from your perspective: the two of you exchanging notes, her holding the door open as everyone scurried out of class, you asking for a pencil (and her asking for it back after the lecture), and you can’t help but wonder why she would want to apply to share a space with anyone, let alone you. 

She's only ever been described as standoffish by your peers. From the outside, Ellie’s blank. Flat tone, flat expression, plain appearance, and the fact that you never know what she’s thinking is unsettling. You’re thrown off your game whenever she’s near and you hate it. 

But the spot is temporary; Amaya will be back in a couple of months, and it seems Ellie’s leaving sometime soon by her small note. 

You down the rest of your tea and stretch where you sit, pondering. Trying to imagine Ellie in your space.

“I don’t know why I can’t take Maya’s spot. I’d make an excellent roommate.” 

Your expression flattens, glare piercing through your good friend. 

Abby scoffs, “C’mooon! I mind my business...” She pauses, leaning across the table, nearly knocking your coffee over. Her whispers send a shock down your spine, “…and I give good head. I’m a package deal.” 

A brow raises. Abby’s sweeter than candy and she puts it down, but you already made the mistake of living with someone you fucked before, and you vowed to never do it again. If Amaya hadn’t given you a place to stay after the blow up between you and your ball-throwing sneaky link, you’re not sure where you'd be. Definitely not a student; The stress would’ve forced you to collapse. And drop out. 

“Sorry, stink. Not happening.” 

She rolls her eyes, “Whatever.” She takes a sip from her drink, “Can’t believe you’d let that freak in before me.” 

You pause. “You’re a freak, too— “

“I’m the good kind!” She searches like someone’s watching her, voice dropping to a whisper, “Ellie’s fucking weird, dude. When’s the last time you’ve seen her interact with anyone? A literal fucking NPC. All she’s programmed to do is stand and look.” 

“And give out pencils,” You interject with a snicker, “Who cares. I don’t like most of the idiots here, either. I barely put up with your ass.” 

Abby raises her glove-covered palms in surrender, “Fuck it. When I see an alert about a missing student, I’ll know who it is.” 

“You’re so fucking extra— “

DING!

Your neck cranes towards the opening cafe door, shock surging through your body at the sight of the NPC in question. Ellie silently stands at the back of the line, headphones secured on her head and nose red from the cold, classically bored expression plastered on her face. 

“Oh, this is hilarious,” Abby huffs, “Go greet your new housemate.” 

Another glare is sent in her direction, “Can you shut up? Her name’s not on any lease. I barely talked to her.”  

“Do it now, then. Triple dog dare you.” Abby smirks behind her cup. 

You sigh and raise from your seat, “You’re a cunt.” 

“The wettest. Go.” 

You flick her forehead before making your way over to Ellie, who’s mindlessly scrolling through her phone. Her sniffles get louder with each step you take, metal music blasting through her speakers. 

You tap her shoulder and she jumps, sliding one of her ear cups over to hear. 

“Hey, Ellie,” you smile politely. 

“… Sup,” she mutters hoarsely, turning her body towards you, eyes filled with… nothing. Expected. 

Silence passes, and you fill it, “I got your app yesterday. Just wanted to come and introduce myself.” 

“Alright.” 

More silence. You can see Abby out the corner of your eye, mockingly swiping her tongue between her index and middle finger. You flush and stutter, and Ellie’s staring like you have two heads. 

“I, uh… yeah. I’ve been having interviews with some people that submitted a form. You free sometime this week?” 

“Uhh…” She glances down at her phone. “Yeah. Around five tomorrow.” 

More silence. Fuck, this is awkward. 

“… Cool.” You pull your phone out and text her saved number, the alarm ringing from her phone. “That’s me. Just call before you stop by.” 

She nods and turns her back to you, cranking her music to full volume. You gawkily shuffle where you stand before hustling back to your table, Abby cackling to herself. You plop down and kick her under the table, but she laughs harder. 

“What’d I say!” 

“Not a thing,” You hiss, “She’s just a little awkward. It’s not that serious.” 

“Oh, yeah.” 

“Oh yeah what.” 

“She’s definitely your fucking housemate.” She tsks in disappointment before a smirk appears, her eyes darkening. “Can I eat it one last time before she moves in?” 

A jolt surges in your tummy, your hand closing into a fist. You kick her again and she giggles. 

Time passes as you and Abby’s conversation carries on like normal. Another ding rings through the coffee shop after some time, and you watch Ellie’s backpack bounce as she rushes down the sidewalk; Abby’s rambles about a soccer player she’s trying to smash sound like gibberish. 

Ellie has a Spider-Man charm and laminated polaroid latched onto her zipper. 

… Cute. 

You’re going to fail statistics over a random.

Your professor’s voice sounds like white noise; Every pause she takes is used as an opportunity to sneak glances at Ellie. None of your notes are useful; The doodles and sloppy scribbles are solidifying that incoming F, for sure. Only fifteen minutes until you’re out of here. 

She’s two seats down from you, jotting down whatever she deems necessary for the midterm. You didn’t even register her answering the professor’s question, her rosy lips curving around her teeth with each syllable. 

Ellie blinks slowly, twice, three times before her eyes lock with yours, brows furrowed, evidently confused at your gawking. 

Your stomach drops with your gaze, fingers curled tightly around your pencil. 

The lecture finally comes to a close as your thoughts flurry, wordlessly shoving your books into your bag. A light tap on your shoulder yanks your attention. 

Ellie stands before you, puffer cinched under the bands of her backpack and cheeks just as rosy as before. 

“Hey. Can we switch the time?” 

“Huh?” Don’t stare, don’t stare. 

She sighs, “The time for the interview. Can we change it?” 

You blink dumbly, “Uh… sure. To what time?” 

Agitation creases her brows. “Now. Something came up and I can’t miss it.” She pauses, eyes flicking awkwardly around the room, weakly adding, “If that’s okay.” 

“Um… yeah, no problem…” You peer at the clock on the wall, “You want a coffee?” 

A slight wince from her. “… Yup.” 

She clearly doesn’t by the way her fingers are anxiously tapping on her thigh, but you nod nonetheless, hurriedly grabbing your belongings and leading her down to the student lounge. 

“I don’t want you thinking this interview is one-sided,” You pray your gentle smile is calming the evident nerves of the freckled girl. “You can ask me anything you want, as well. If you have any concerns, any questions, shoot.” 

Ellie’s eyes are glued to her coffee cup, but her head bobs, expression void. Silence simmers between you. 

“I usually start these off with an icebreaker to get the jitters out! Just list three facts about yourself and I’ll follow.” 

Ellie’s lone hand comes up to scratch underneath her ear before meeting your gaze. Her eyes are so pretty; Too bad there’s nothing behind them. 

“Or I can go, sure, so!” Your hands clap together, “I’ll start with myself. I’m majoring in graphic design, I’m secretly a theater nerd, and I dream about owning an eggplant farm.” 

The girl before you clearly didn't expect that last statement. Her brows crease and the corner of her lip arches upward in a barely-there smile. Foreign to her face. 

“That’s not a fact,” She mutters, the shell in her pupils cracking. Just slightly. 

“Who cares, I love eggplant. Best vegetable by a landslide.” 

“Sike.” 

You scoff in disbelief, “What?” 

“Everybody on the planet knows that squash is god-tier— “

You squint, “Squash? Are you deadass?”

“It’s fucking versatile!” Ellie’s voice pitches higher, and your grin widens, “You can put it in everything and you don’t have to do much. Eggplant sucks up everything in the pan and still comes out soggy and tasteless— “

Choked laughter leaves your mouth, “If you don’t know how to cook, just say that.” 

Her mouth drops in exaggerated shock. “I know how to fuckin’ cook.” 

“Right.” 

“I do, what the he— “

“Fun fact about Ellie: she can’t cook!” You kiddingly sneer. She chuckles and shakes her head, tongue poking the inside of her cheek. You almost miss her statement, “I take pictures.” 

“Hm?” 

“I wanna be a professional photographer... At some point. I take pic— “

Ellie’s phone vibrates on the table and she leaps into action, snatching her bag from beside her and standing from her seat. 

“Wait— “

“I gotta go,” She mutters as she straps her bag around her shoulders. “Sorry. See you later.” 

Ellie throws some bills on the table before dipping, her phone pressed against her ear, rambling about making time. She barely touched her coffee. 

Could’ve been worse, you utter to yourself. 

Days pass, and you don’t hear from Ellie. 

When you saw her in stats two days after the interview, she hardly acknowledged you, morphing into the hermit that you knew her to be. You noted how tired she looked, though. You would’ve asked if she were okay if she hadn’t run out of class without a word. 

You’re weighing your options: allowing a random oddball into your apartment, or allowing a random oddball who hates eggplant into your apartment. Rent is due next week, and Amaya’s space is still vacant. 

At this point, the roster is almost nonexistent, and Ellie was the least concerning candidate. Despite Abby’s concern, she doesn’t seem like the type of person to bury dead bodies in the front lawn. 

“I dunno, friend. She’s a little weird. Getting mad incel vibes from her.” 

Your eyes roll back into your skull as you munch on cashews, “You’re getting vibes from someone you never talked to. She seemed cool at the interview.” 

“Yeah, 'cause vegetable debates are so note-worthy,” Amaya scoffs. 

She’s starting to sound a little too much like Abby, “I think y’all are forgetting that this is a temporary solution. I’m not tryna spend the rest of my fucking life with her! I need rent paid and she needs a place to stay for a few months.” 

Your best friend’s sigh drags through the line, “Alright… It seems like you made up your mind.” 

“Like I said, rent is due. I don’t have many options.” 

“Stop stressing. You found my replacement, apparently.” 

She pauses before hollering, “BITCH, IT’S SATURDAY! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU INSIDE? WHERE’S ABBY?” 

“Out smashing soccer players.” You huff. 

“Damn… My fault.” 

“I’m chilling. I just need head.” 

“Go out! Find somebody!” 

You groan, “Then I’ll have to shave— “

“Nair exists, you bonehead! Just go! You keep calling in a bad mood and it’s getting on my nerves!” 

You ponder and glance at your digital clock. It’s not even ten… Abby did tell you that Kappa was throwing.

“I can hear the engines turning in your big head. Bye.” 

Laughter explodes from you at the dial tone. 

“Hey, Siri… call Abby.” 

“CALLING ABBY BIG DICK SLUT— “

Tonight has been a blur since you left your apartment. 

You remember making it halfway through Blam Boom before your speaker died, downing your last couple of shots of 1800, and Ubering to the location Abby pinged. 

It only took a few minutes for her to scoop you up onto the packed kitchen counter and shove her tongue in your mouth. One shout of I’m horny from you and she was yours for the rest of the night. 

Now you’re pressed up against some bathroom sink upstairs, Abby’s head shaking between your legs, your jeans and underwear flung onto the shower rail. Each flick of her tongue is both clumsy and precise, applying pressure exactly where you need it. 

Your clit’s throbbing under her tongue, the muscle igniting the flame in your tummy as your climax builds, zaps in your spine. Cries of her name meld with the booming music from outside, the walls rattling like nerves in your toes. 

Abby’s gorgeous under you, you know it, the drunk part of your brain knows it, your desperate cunt knows it, but you’re no longer thinking about her compared to earlier. Your mind is elsewhere, somewhere it shouldn’t be. 

You’re thinking of freckles. Green eyes instead of blue. Chapped, rosy lips, and you don’t know why. But you succumb to it. Ellie’s trapped underneath your eyelids, crowding your senses, your empty head suddenly full of images of her in any way you could conjure. 

Your orgasm shatters you, but you’re silent, trembling hand glued over your mouth as Abby groans in your cunt. She’s a doll, easing you back down to earth, dragging your underwear and pants up your shaky legs and getting you back home safely. 

When you’re showered and your teeth are brushed, she tucks you in, gently kissing your forehead. You beg her to stay with you, but she declines with I know how you get before silently departing. 

Your phone is squeezed between your fingers after minutes of trying to sleep, eyeing Ellie’s saved contact until darkness overtakes you. 

The pounding on your door is worse than the ones from inside your skull. Fuck Tequila, from the bottom of your heart. Waves of nausea crash over you with every waddle, hobbling your hunched form over to yank the front door open. 

A bored Ellie stands in front of you, a large camera and headphones hanging from her neck, seemingly cozy in her sweater and puffer, large duffel bags packed to the brim with clothes dangling from her shoulders. Your cheeks warm instantly. Gray sweats, gray sweats—

“I’m here,” She states plainly. 

“… Why?” You croak.

Ellie’s seems just as confused as you, her eyes piercing as if her appearance is obvious. 

“To move in.” 

“… Why?”

Ellie sighs and snags her phone from her jacket pocket, swiping a few times before nearly blinding you with her screen. 

Your jaw nearly hits the floor. When the fuck did you send that? 

“So, I’m here,” she slips her device back in her pocket. “Which room am I in?” 

“E-Ellie, uh… there's been a mis— “

“Look,” she holds her pale, veiny hands up. “I don’t wanna beat around the bush anymore. I got evicted and I need a place to stay until I secure this job. I’m willing to put down whatever’s needed for rent but I don’t have time to bullshit.” 

Ellie proceeds, sarcasm slipping, “Respectfully.” 

She pushes past your stunned form, bags accidentally brushing against your bare legs. You can't even move to stop her; You merely watch Ellie shuffle to inspect the living room, the small kitchen, pausing in front of the abstract painting you made for your dad before eventually moving down the hall and into Amaya’s empty space. How the fuck did she get in the building, anyway?

Your deer-like eyes lock with her void, mossy ones as she peers over her shoulder. 

“I still have some stuff to pick up. Please leave my key under the mat if you go somewhere.” 

Before she enters the empty room next to yours, you hear her gruffly say, “Leave the lease on the table so I can sign it, too.”

Amaya’s — Ellie’s door slams shut seconds later, the soft click of the door locking follows suit. 

…

What the fuck just happened. Gall almost surpasses your anger. The audacity...

For the first time, you’re grateful that your shift is in two hours. You need to get the fuck out of here before you cause a scene and catch a case. 

tagggiiiesss missed yall ;3 : @starologist @hrtmal @ohlawdthebirds @villainousbear @timmy-27 @inf3ct3dd @aouiaa @shurisbigtoe @emothurman @lonelyfooryouonly @imelliesgf @baumbii @brackishkittie @littletinyladybugs @r1miese @horror-whoree @elsbunny222 @elliesatchel @makemescreamel @lav3nd3rhaze @elliezflower @ellieloml @ellies-princess @saverdelrey @womenofarcane

[lxvvie]

On today's episode of Modern Househusbands (pffft), your faves and fatherhood:

Price - He figures he already has kids what with the way the boys (and his furbabies) constantly try his patience and make him proud at the same time so he's the Peepaw (as always) and you and Laswell are the Meemaws. As babies, they loved to pull his beard. Price also trimmed it once and it scared the grandkids (and Soap and you) so bad that he's forbidden from doing it again.

Gaz - If "It's What She Deserves" was a person, his kid would be it. The one who gives an immediate vibe-check. Such a sweetheart unless folks try them. If someone goes low with them, they go to hell. Gaz wonders where his little one gets it from (which earns him a HUGE side-eye from you). You and Gaz have had plenty of talks with teachers and you've had to tell your child to tone it down more than once. You two have also admitted in private that nine times out of ten, they're usually right on the money about these same people, too. At least you know nothing will ever get past them.

Soap - Is the girl-dad of the group. You two have three rambunctious daughters who have their dad wrapped around their fingers. Soap is the one who won't stop talking about his children. Ever. Everyone knows about them before the girls even meet them. One is also named Simone in honor of Simon. He's the dad who has no problem being the princess during tea time, wearing tutus, being on the bottom of the pyramid, having his nails painted, and gossiping with his girls. Oh, and you're all just jealous because he looks absolutely fabulous whenever they put makeup on his face. 😏

Ghost - The one-and-done dad. He has a son who's his carbon copy physically but is a jokester at heart and Simon loves it because he'd much rather his son be that than have his personality. His son absolutely loves to take the piss out of him though. You know the video of the boy laughing at his dad's accent? That's Simon's kid when he asks him to say pasta lmao. You're tickled each and every time and Simon can't help but be amused by it all.

Roach - Has the most adorable daughter who, as a baby, would only really sleep if she was on his chest. The dad who builds pillow forts in the living room for movie night. Thanks to her, he knows the entire theme song of The Backyardigans like the back of his hand. She always makes Roach promise her before every mission that when he comes home, you all will go out for ice cream.

Alex Keller - Has a pair of twins who love to hog your affection from their father, so you're in the center of this tug-of-war between Alex and the kids which makes him roll those big eyes of his. He can't help but be proud of his kids, though, because one stays getting intel and the other uses said intel to kick ass and take names. Yeah, they're pretty much unbeatable as a team. Alex's heart skips a beat every time he walks through the door and they greet him by tackle-hugging him.

Alejandro - The one who has the most kids due in part because he stays getting it in lmao. He loves his big family, though. Has both girls and boys. Alejo's kids expect him home at a decent hour and if he isn't, he's grounded. The dad who absolutely relishes in the hectic mornings because it's all the more reason for him to continue on and it grounds Alejandro the man.

Rudy - The mother hen. Has two kids, a girl and a boy, and you two ADORE them, okay? Rudy can't say no to them, especially when your daughter hits him with puppy dog eyes or your son flashes that beaming smile of his. He's also the one who wakes up at the ass-crack of dawn to make y'all's lunches because they love it when he makes cute little shapes out of the food. Is also the one who leaves cute little notes in your bags, too, especially when he knows he'll be gone overnight. Damn, aren't you glad you wifed him up? 🥹

Keegan - Has a son who he thought hated him as a baby because every time he saw him, the baby's eyes would get comically wide. Then it turned into the baby being captivated by his mask and his eyes and then it turned into him crying whenever he saw Keegan without his mask on. Now they're as thick as thieves and even still, Keegan can't help but be amazed that he has a family now.

König - Has the chonkiest of the chonks yet the baby manages to still look small in his arms. Turns him into a jungle gym as well. König is the dad who is simultaneously amazed by his kid and afraid that he's a horrible father, despite all evidence pointing to the contrary. He also makes it a point to put them in extracurricular activities so they're as well-rounded as possible, especially from a social perspective. Your child also believes they'll be taller than König if only for the explicit purpose of saying they're taller than him lmao.

Horangi - The brains to König's child's brawn. The one who sees and knows everything. Or something like that. The two stay making plans and getting into shit and just being rambunctious kids. Horangi is big on establishing a strong moral foundation for his little one and isn't keen on telling them about his past life at all. Horangi demonstrates his affection more through action than anything. Might be more willing to divulge the truth when they're older but for right now, it's best left unsaid. Whereas König encourages their children's shenanigans, Horangi is more exasperated than not.

Graves - Two words: Boss Baby. His little CEO. While he's not above spoiling his kid, they've also gotta earn that one toy and/or game as well. They are charming in their own right and Graves is very hands-on as a parent, even when he's away. Especially when he's away. Makes it a point to keep his occupation hidden from them and, to your surprise, has expressed that he does NOT want them to follow in his footsteps. He's okay with being the snake if it means his child is protected.

[evermore-fashion]

Met Gala 2024: My Top 8 Women's Looks

I can't believe it's been a year since I did this but here we are again, digesting all the looks from this year's Met Gala theme "A Garden in Time." Those that attended either met the brief, passed with flying colours and played this year's grand staircase and others didn't. Originally I was going to do top 5 but after going over every look on Vogue the list grew into becoming my top 8. As always my opinions are my own and not gospel. So please don't take what I say personally and let's remember that fashion is a form of art and art is subjective. 1. Mona Patel wearing Iris Van Herpen Holy shit this look was off the scale and I'm not being over dramatic either. I saw the gown this morning and loved it on her, but when I saw that it had MOVING PARTS and that she was styled by the iconic Law Roach, I was floored. This man is a stylist genius and Mona looked stunning from head to toe. 2. Zendaya wearing Maison Margiela by John Galliano I wasn't a fan of this look when I first saw it but the more I do look at it the more I love it especially in comparison to her second look. I just love that the gown is not black with the mix of green and blue making the gown standout. Plus I love seeing subtle details that fit the brief but aren't tacky or garish. 3. Lana Del Rey wearing Alexander McQueen Lana's overall look was giving me witch queen in the woods and I loved it. It was dramatic, bold and stood out amongst the sea of boring gowns and suits that resembled a large funeral procession. Plus it's Alexander McQueen, the fashion house that blended art and fashion together and is still iconic after Lee's passing. 4. Taylor Russell in Loewe Sometimes less is more and Taylor Russell's look was just this and I thought it was beautiful, especially the wood grained inspired corset. We all know what it represents and paired with high end fashion it was both perfect and different. 5. Tyla wearing Balmain This gown might've looked boring at first glance or even close up but the fact it was made of sand blew my mind. I love the fact that it represented the theme perfectly but wasn't about flowers, trees, birds or bugs, but the earth we stand on. Also I just love the fact that Tyla's purse was an hourglass with sand in it representing time itself. GENIUS! 6. Emma Chamberlain wearing Jean Paul Gaultier This was another gown I wasn't mad on when I first saw it. However seeing everyone rave about what the gown represented made me fall in love with it and thats... roots. Again I love the different take on this year's theme and the fact that's brown lace as oppose to the usual black or white. 7. Elle Fanning wearing Balmain and Cartier I just love the fact this gown looks like a water fountain thats been frozen in time and I think it's ethereal to a tee. The way the gown has been sculpted is just mind bogglingly beautiful and could easily pass for blown glass. All in all it's a stunning gown and suits Elle perfectly. 8. Alia Bhatt wearing Sabyasachi It's not often that you see gowns that represent a culture especially at the Met Gala but this one was a true standout. The amount of detail from head to toe and the soft colour palette just made me fall in love with the whole ensemble the second I saw it. It's tradition and culture that meets high end fashion and art and I love it.

[twinsimming]

Pest Control by Twinsimming 🐞

Sims with dirty homes now run the risk of roaches spawning around their lot, similar to The Sims 2.

This is a script mod that can be placed in your Packages folder. It was built and tested on 1.69 but should work fine on 1.67.

Roaches

Once a day the number of dirty objects on your sim's home lot will be counted, and if the Dirty Threshold is met or exceeded, roaches have a chance of spawning.

There are three thresholds: Dirty, Filthy, and Vile. The dirtier the lot is, the more likely roaches are to spawn and in greater numbers.

Dirty Threshold = 5 dirty objects, 10% spawn chance (2 to 4 roach spawners)

Filthy Threshold = 10 dirty objects, 20% spawn chance (4 to 6 roach spawners)

Vile Threshold = 15 dirty objects, 30% spawn chance (6 to 8 roach spawners)

All sims in the active household will get the new Vermin custom moodlet that lasts 12 hours and subtracts -15, -20, or -25 points from your sim's mood depending on the threshold the lot meets.

Roaches spawning also carries a 10% chance of a sim getting sick (like TS2).

New Moodlet

Vermin: Given when roaches spawn on a sim’s home lot, lasts 12 hours, -15. -20, or -25 mood (inspired by TS2 memory)

Tuning

All of the tunable values can be found on the mod download page under the header “Tuning”.

Conflicts & Known Issues

Depending on the terrain paint, roaches may be harder to see. To find any roach spawners you may have missed:

Enter build/buy mode.

Enable buydebug cheat.

Look for any white boxes on your lot. Those are the roach spawners.

Enter live mode.

Stomp on the roaches.

Success!

This is a new script mod so there shouldn’t be any conflicts.

Credits

EA/Maxis for The Sims 2 and The Sims 3, Visual Studio 2019, ILSpy, s3pe, Notepad++, Gimp, and Script Mod Template Creator.

Thank You

Thank you to @monocodoll for helping with a scripting issue!

If you like my work, please consider tipping me on Ko-fi 💙

Download @ ModTheSims