#rn it's last minute as i was told this evening to go into work tomorrow even though idk what days im working this week

[gothcarmelasoprano]

i've been to 30+ concerts so far as from march 2 years ago... i would go to more if most bands i liked ever came to ireland plus it'd save me money used for travelling 🤪

[nobodybetterlookatme]

My boss said nobody is working tomorrow so she asked if I can come in anyway like 😭 I'm gonna die fr 😭

[girlboypersonthingy]

Hiya!! Love your work so much😆

I was wondering if you’d write something where the paladins (especially keith hehe) have to go to a formal event like a gala to bring the coalition together (??) and how they’d ask y/n to be their date and/or how they’d react to y/n in their formal attire?? (maybe even add Matt too if you feel inspired) Thank youuu 🫶

Brooooo stoooppppp I am so weak for this idea holy shit 😩 And you are my first non anon request so THANKS FRIEND 🥹 I went with my three fav paladins 💙❤️💚AND Mattie boy 🧡Also I love writing with emojis, sorry not sorry. ENJOY DARLING~

KEITH ❤️

OH MY GOD POOR LITTLE SHY BABY BOY

He waits until the last minute to ask you, let’s be honest. Like a day before the event, he’s sitting beside you in the training room, trying to catch his breath when he goes “So that thing tomorrow. Wanna go together?” And you’re like 😏 “Are you asking me to be your date?” And now he’s like 🙄 “Shut up before I change my mind.”

It’s silent for a second but he’s staring at you. “So, are you gonna answer my question?” “Yes, Keith. I’ll be your date to the gala.” And he’s bright red in the face now.

He tries to act all cool and mysterious as you both leave the training deck and go opposite ways. As soon as you’re out of sight, he’s SPRINTING to Lance’s room.

“HELP I HAVE A DATE AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO ROMANCE!!!” 😰

He’s so fucking annoyed as he spends hours trying to memorize and properly recite pick up lines to Lance as practice.

He also totally does not steal a bottle of cologne from Lance’s bathroom before he leaves.

The morning of, he finds Shiro for wardrobe assistance. Big brother Shiro totally cleans Keith up, giving him a more semi-formal look. Keith thinks he’s too cool for a coat and tie. Shiro also convinces Keith to pull his hair back into a low pony tail.

He decides he’s just too nervous to meet you at your room so he kinda just sits on his bed for a while, fully dressed and smelling great and waiting for you.

Finally you step into his open door way, instantly catching his attention. He stands quickly, almost stumbling over his own feet as he approaches you, admiring your look for the evening.

“OH WOW. Oh…Uh…sorry. You look really nice.” You look so nice he’s stressed out about it like wtf why are you so gorgeous? He thinks you’re sooooo far out of his league.

“I like your hair pulled back like that.” You smile at him and he thinks he might just spontaneously combust rn.

He keeps his arm linked with yours as you walk together to the front of the castle where all the guests are.

Once there, you mostly hang out together or with the other paladins. You’re both kind of shy and you find comfort in being together. You’re like the two emo kids at prom who just stand against the wall and complain about the lame music.

At some point, you two disappeared from the party. Allura and Shiro are like Hello? Where did they go? Shiro wanders outside to look for you only to find you both laying on your backs in the grass right outside the castle’s front entrance, staring up at the sky. He smiles as he hears you laughing at something Keith said.

“Im serious! Lance told me to say ‘even in zero gravity, I’d still fall for you’.” “BOOOOO that’s a terrible line!” You laugh up to the dark night sky.

His hand moves slowly to the side until it meets yours. When you feel the touch, you link your pinky finger with his and look over at him. He’s still staring up at the stars as a smile grows across his face.

He was so worried about disappointing you tonight, he just wanted to charm you. But he didn’t need pick up lines or fancy clothes to make you smile. Just being his normal self seemed to make you happy.

LANCE 💙

You guessed it…Lance is going all out for you.

The morning that they are told about it from Allura, he’s literally interrupting the whole meeting to ask you to be his date.

Freaking cheese ball gets down on one knee, takes your hand and kisses the back of it softly. When he looks up at you, he’s got that flirty smirk on his thin lips. “Would you, (Y/N), make me the happiest man in the universe and be my date to the coalition gala?”

You: 😍🥵🤭

Lance: 😘😏😎

Everyone else: 🤢🫣🙄

Obvi, you say yes with dreamy eyes and a goofy smile on your face.

You thought it was cute that he asked you even though you’ve been dating for a while now. You just assumed you’d be going together anyways. What a sweet boy~

While you’re feeling fine about the whole thing, Lance is freaking out. He’s digging through his clothes looking for something fancy to wear, he’s doing double face masks, he’s forcing Pidge to smell different colognes and help him pick the best one, he’s practicing his slow dance AND his salsa skills. Keep in mind, the gala isn’t for another week but he needs to get prepared NOW!

“There’s not even gonna be music, idiot. It’s a gala, not prom. When are you two even gonna have the chance to do the lift from dirty dancing?” “SHUT UP, PIDGE! IT’LL HAPPEN!!!”

He just wants to impress you so bad. It’s his top priority at the moment.

The night of the event, he’s freshly showered, dressed for the gods, smelling like a whole bath and body works and he’s sitting in your room keeping you company while you get ready.

“Lance, the gala doesn’t start for another 4 hours. Why are you- nevermind. Forget it. You look great.” And he gets so excited at the compliment.

He watches as you get ready. He’s not as talkative as he usually is.

“You okay?” He nods with a dopey grin on his face. He’s just admiring you, that’s all. A compliment leaves his mouth like every 5 minutes as you continue to get all dolled up.

He follows along side you all the way there, his hand is in yours and it’s SWEATY. He’s so nervous.

Once you’re there, his attention span is that of a gold fish. He’s so excited and chatty and asking people questions and he never fails to introduce you to everyone…every single person…S E P A R A T E L Y. He just wants to brag.

“This fine little honey right here…yeah, all mine. I know what you’re thinking, how’d I get so lucky? I ask myself that every day.” What a sap omfg

He notices you’re looking less than happy, kind of tired. Your social battery is at like 5%. He can tell you need a break.

As you’re standing beside Allura, listening to her talk to an ally of the coalition, Lance grabs your hand and pulls you away. You’re running behind him just to keep up with his long legs.

“Where are we going?” “You’ll see.”

THIS MF SET UP FAIRY LIGHTS AND MUSIC AND CANDLES IN HIS ROOM. BRO IS LITERALLY SUCH A HOPELESS ROMANTIC I CANT DEAL WITH IT. That’s why he came to your room so early. He didn’t wanna risk you coming in to his room and seeing everything.

You might think this is so extra but if Lance is anything, it’s extra. He takes any chance he can to make you smile and feel special. He’s so sweet, it’s disgusting.

“I just really wanna dance with you, (Y/N)…” “You did all this…for me?” He nods with a shy smile, bitting his lip as he watches for your reaction. You’re over the moon, your smile uncontrollable now.

So you dance together for a couple songs. He gently caresses your back as he sways with you, occasionally letting his hands roam to your hips. At this point, his cheeks hurt from how hard he’s smiling. It’s cute and sweet and innocent and you’ve never loved him more.

PIDGE 💚

LMAO PIDGE WILL NOT EVEN ASK YOU.

Bc they’re too shy for that romantic shit.

They’re like “Who else would they go with? I’m not worried.”

They assume y’all are going together bc you’re obviously more than just friends.

They will get dressed up nice for you tho. They know everyone else will be dressed up too but they secretly WANT to make you swoon over them. Like plz feed their ego.

They actually go to Hunk for help with their wardrobe. Hunk is the best wingman to ever exist, change my mind. Also, they are really unsure whether they want to wear something more masculine or more feminine and they really trust Hunk with the topic of their gender identity.

“Hey, you guys ready?” You pop into Hunk’s room, all dressed up and ready to go.

“Almost! Hunk is just helping me with the zipper on-“ Once Pidge lays eyes on you, the little gears in their head stop completely. It’s like everything else faded away as they looked you up and down. You’re so angelic, wow oh wow.

“Aww, Pidge! You look stunning.” Aaaaand you broke them. You’re gonna have to turn them off and restart them.

“Uh yeah, you’re good now.” Hunk assures and nudges Pidge back to reality. “Go.” He whispers as he ushers them to move towards you.

You walk together in complete silence, your arm linked with theirs. Finally, they speak up first.

“Are you nervous?” “Yeah, are you?” “Yeah…” “I hate parties.” “Me too.”

So together you devise a plan: you’re gonna sneak around and pull silly little pranks on people and just eat all the food you can get your grubby little hands on.

And you do exactly that. You’re both having so much fun! You’re laughing so hard you’re snorting. You’re far from nervous now.

Pidge is the best at breaking you out of your shell and making you feel comfortable. You can be your true, authentic self around them. They are your best friend first and your ✨partner✨ second.

After a while, you two sneak off to their room to play video games. The food was good and the pranks were hilarious but you had both had enough.

As soon as the door shuts behind you, you’re both ripping off your uncomfortable fancy clothes and changing into pajamas.

You’re sitting beside them, watching the loading screen for the game. It’s taking a while…

“So…what do I have to do to get you to stare at me like that again?” Pidge whips their head around, watching you with nervous eyes. They take a deep breath before they speak. “I always stare at you like that. You’ve just never noticed.” “AAAAWWWWWWWW REALLY?!”

Forget the video game. CUE THE CUDDLEFEST!!! 💚💚💚

MATT 🧡

Matt literally goes like this: 😌👉🏻👈🏻 “Hey…uhm hey…wanna be my date to the gala tomorrow?” *blushies*

And you’re like “Matthew, we’ve been dating for 8 months.” “Yeah, so?” You sigh heavily. “Yes, I’ll be your date, you dork.”

He doesn’t go to anyone for help with anything. Man is so confident and he knows you love him no matter what he looks like.

But of course he cleans up for you. He dresses up all formal and uses mouth wash like 10 times. He puts on so much lotion. He got some from Lance bc his hands are always so dry. He just wants to hold your soft hand in his own soft hand, ya know?

He’s waiting outside your door for a while, giving you privacy while you get ready but being right there for you when you’re done.

Once your door slides open, he turns and now he’s looking at you like he just won the lottery.

“HOT DAMN, YOU ARE SO FINE! What did I ever do to deserve you? Oh my god, you’re so perfect. You are the most perfect thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on, did you know that? I swear, you are so precious-“ “Maaattttt, stooooopppppp.” You’re blushing so hard rn and he LOVES IT.

He walks with his arm around your shoulders, chatting with you about who is attending the event tonight and the importance of it all.

You sort of follow him around most the night, not doing much of the talking bc you’d rather listen to him talk.

He is so intelligent, just like Pidge. He uses words so big you cant even begin to imagine what half of them mean. He was so smooth with his words, the way he could spit facts about anything and everything without a second thought took your breath away.

At some point, you lost him in the crowd. He was busy, he was working to protect the universe. You understand. This is more than just a party.

You wander outside for some fresh air and a break from all the loud banter. Matt is meeting you out there within minutes.

“Hey. You alright?” He rests a hand on your upper back, rubbing his thumb back and forth between your shoulder blades. “Yep! Just…need a break.” “Yeah, I get it. It’s overwhelming.”

He turns and looks over his shoulder before he waves, a big smile on his face. “Oh hey! Yeah, this is (Y/N), my partner. The one I was telling you about.” He’s introducing you to an ally of the coalition who he’d just met earlier this evening.

You can’t help but smile, your heart pounding in your chest. He was talking about you to someone here tonight? What was he saying? Did he just call you his partner??? You’ve never actually heard him call you that. You’re so blushy and flattered and happy.

After a brief meeting, the visitor leaves you two alone. You pull Matt into a hug, squeezing him as tight as you can.

“You know I love you, right?” “Yes. You know I love YOU, right?” “Yeah, I know.” “Good, don’t you ever forget it.” You can decide who said what. Either way, y’all are so in love it’s not even funny.

[elis-blawg222]

November 8 - Friday

Whew! Caught up at last!! (took me long enough)

Today was actually pretty good. I called Angel before school which made me really happy!! (I love him sm ill sob rn actually). My class wasn't toooo bad. The teacher talked sooo much ugh, but I drew the whole time so it was fine. I made my oc thinnn n pretty, love him. Also we had to go around the room and talk to people for like 30 minutes. 30. (did yk you have 30 minutes??)

It was so nerve wracking, especially because I was unprepared lol. I bet I looked like such a total weirdo with the lack of eye contact I was making, but at the time I was just trying not to break a nervous sweat LMAO.

Then, after my class I went to the library (on call w/Ange) and did an assignment. I went home afterwards because my phone was gonna die, and I needed my charger.

After a bit at home, I went to my next class, and I had a test in this one. It went good I think! We studied beforehand which I'm really grateful for.

We had a break in this class, so I went to walk around for a minute, and during this my mom texted me with:

"Eli

What did u eat today"

...

nothing. So, I said "I had some chicken nuggetss after my class hehe"

to which she responded "No fries no pop. How many nuggets"

GURL. So i was like "I did get some fries lol? and i got 10 why?"

and she just CONVENIENTLY NEVER RESPONDED. UGH.

(but wait theres more.)

After my class ended I went home and got ready for work. I was otp w/Angel (because seriously when am I not?) and he was playing minecraft. It was so peaceful and entertaining to watch and listen to him play- I loved every bit of it. Then, we talked about how we should play together (I ltrly will do anything to idc).

Work was actually ehh, not toooo bad. My dad and friend and her mom stopped by which was nice, and also my hairdresser LOL. They both tipped really well (obviously my dad did but yk).

I went home after what felt like one billion years, I was so so so happy. When I got home I just said a few things about my day like I usually do, and made sure to slip in the fact that I got a free meal at work. Which isn't wrong, I did, but I didn't get anything. I actually am just gonna let my friend get something tomorrow. but they don't have to know all that shhhhhhhh.

Then my mom stopped in front of me and was like what did you eat? and so i repeated myself bc no one listens to me <3

(I told her fried chicken tenders, fries, mac and cheese for context, a very 'me' meal tbh or at least it was)

Then, she was like "how many chicken tenders?" "no drink?" "did you finish it? all of it?" "so then you ate 2 full meals today?"

oh. my god. like. genuinely.

why. is. she. interrogating. me. pls. fucking. leave. me. alone. IM GENUINELY MORTIFIED AND HONESTLY IM SO AGGRIVATED. LET ME STARVE IN PEACE HOLY FUCK.

I tried to act like a normal person and be like ??? why are you interrogating me? BC WHY ARE YOU (as if I'm not literally starving myself)

She was just like "because I need to make sure you're getting nutrients." ok girl.

Then, I went to my room and she went to bed. I cleaned my room a bit and did a homework assignment, so I'm pretty proud of myself.

Also if you couldn't tell by now I fasted today. I was gonna either 48 hr fast or do 2 24 hr fasts back to back, but I think I'm just gonna do around 36 hrs. I wanna eat in front of my mom tomorrow so maybe she'll start leaving me alone (I seriously doubt it).

It just gets really frustrating when every meal I have she thinks isn't enough, even when I'm genuinely full. I can't eat like I used to like I physically cannot, she has to get that.

Anywho, I was thinking of making some cucumber boats tomorrow, I think it'll be fun.

Total Steps: 6.7k

Look at me meeting my step goal for once. I'm gonna start really making an effort at meeting it!

'Til tomorrow :)

(P.S. actually getting activity on these makes me so nervous but haiii)

[miss-ery-3]

i dont have much to report on weight wise, as i havent weighed myself since thursday, because i've been drinking alcohol and therefore i am retaining water

i can feel how i am all swelled up rn - my rings feel tighter than normally. i'll weigh myself again once the water retention goes down

but, ofc, i have even more stuff about my whole ✨love life situation✨

i am seeing my bf tomorrow, and i will tell him that i dont think our relationship is going that greatly, and then i'll take it from there. i dont really like to think too much about it, but i also feel more at peace w it - and i think my lil crush is a huge part of that. i really dont need anyone to tell me that i'm a horrible person - i am truly doing my best, both in terms of navigating my feelings and my relationship and my mental health. i'm really not in a good place right now, but at least i can kinda pretend, that my troublesome feelings are some fun new drama that i can share w my friends (you guys teehee)

if you don't care about my love life drama, then its totally ok. if you are, you're in for a treat (maybe idk)

lets call my crush-situation W

aight, so W and i talked all night thursday, and i have quite a lot to report about that night, and then a little about last night

my friend started talking about one time i had a ons w one of my friends, like 3 years ago, and i was quite embarrassed to talk about it. but the others laughed and idk, i figured it was fine. W switched between not laughing at all, just looking down at the table, and then awkwardly laughing a bit while looking at me, and then the table. i dont know what that means??? just as the conversation ended he was like "do u wanna go for a smoke" and then we went outside, and talked about other things.

we had been drinking and joking all night, and he decided to tell some group of girls sitting in the bar, that he and i are childhood friends (big lie, i've known him since summer). and i was like "aight, whatever" and then he lied and told them that i had written him tons of love letters when we were children. and i just laughed and lied and said "yeah haha, i was totally in love with you". when we left the bar, like 2 hours later, and we were all alone, i teased him about something we told the group of girls, and then he was like "yeah yeah whatever, i know that you'll just send me another love letter. you're like tooootally into me hahaha" and i was like "oh yeah, haha, totally. u got me" while walking away and laughing. i might just be fucking overthinking everything but also... why lie about writing love letters? there are much more embarrassing things (for me) he could've said. idk, help me

he texted his girlfriend throughout the night (i think) but looked quite annoyed/not happy whenever he did, and at some point he left the table for like 15 minutes (probably to talk to her). idk

he kept touching my stuff. like my cigarettes and my lighter, he would just sit with them and play with them. i found it quite cute, idk

OKAY, and then to last night (friday) i was in another bar last night, helping out, 'cause i kinda work there (ish, like, volunteer-work) and W was supposed to have a shift later in the evening

he calls me to tell me that he will be running late, 'cause he was at an event, and shit hit the fan, idk. then he asked me if i could cover for him, and i said that i for sure could cover for him. we only talked for 1,5 minute, but idk. my fucking hands went sweaty and i couldn't stand still. i don't think i've ever picked up that fast. uuuughhhhh i feel so weird. whatever

he showed up like 1,5 hours too late (but it was ok, 'cause there really wasn't much to going on), and went directly out to find me (i was smoking) to hug me and apologize for coming so late. then i kept feeling his eyes on me, and i could hear him mention my name a lot of the night

we ended up doing some cleanup together afterwards, and it was just... really nice. we have such a good time whenever we're together and i feel so comfortable around him. except for the part where i keep thinking about how hot i think he is and how want to give him a big old smooch. i had hoped to talk to him some more, but we both went home when cleanup was done, and idk. its fine

i have not been able to keep him out of my head all day. its truly torturous

[rosebijoumme]

hi I’m this is your art big but I can’t be off anon rn bc of ppl harassing me on this account and I don’t want someone to user search me and find it.

But I was wondering how you avoid Zionist indoctrination while converting? Bc I decided to look into conversion last year (ultimately decided I do not theologically agree with Judaism as much as I thought) and after working in a Jewish community for a year, I found myself thinking more like a Zionist and agreeing with their beliefs. Until recently when I had to really get out of that and realize I was allowing myself to be told what to think. I think for me only hearing one side is what did it, and feeling like I have to be a Zionist if I want to be Jewish/reconnect w my Jewish ancestry. I feel bad bc I used to be pro Palestine or at least thought I was but my thinking started going down a pretty dangerous path and at two or three different points i had to pull myself out of it bc I felt like I was being radicalized.

whooooo boy.

The short answer is stick to your principles.

The longer answer is, you need to surround yourself with antizionist Jews and make a commitment to antizionism. I've actually had my conversion on hold for an unfortunate amount of time due to various life stuff causing me to leave my hometown, and have had trouble connecting with another Rabbi due to lack of community outreach for the region I live in, time, distance, etc. I've even reached out to rabbis and we started working on things until scheduling and other problems threw a wrench in the works. This is a sore spot for me so I don't talk about it much. But the thing is, a synagogue could be established in a 15 minute walk away from me tomorrow, and if it was predominantly run by zionists I would not go. This is because of my commitment. When I was 15-18, it was frustrating to see flags in the bimah, but I could ignore it- noting that I'm from the south and have had to learn how to cope with genocidal and regressive symbols like this (confed flags, dont tread on me, etc) being around me without any control over them basically my whole life, and that my hometown's temple largely didn't talk about Zionism. I'm sure thats different now and people there have likely gotten radicalized. I'm older now, and I can't, and frankly I dont think it was a good thing that I used to. I have no desire to participate in a temple that permits genocide.

You also need to critically think about... everything. Ask yourself "if someone said this shit about any other group, would I agree?" (For example, I would not agree that white Italians need their own state where being white Italians are central, and where keeping the white Italian birthrates high is necessary, and would recognize that as ethnonationialism- and people do say shit like that about Italy).

Additionally, you shouldn't. Ever. Lie to your rabbi/whatever other religious leader your branch of Judaism recognizes about something like this as a conversion student. It can turn on you very badly and very quickly.

Anti- or at minimum non-zionist rabbis and temples exist, though they aren't as common. I would prioritize finding antizionist Jews in your area and not only forming relationships with them, but asking their advice on who and where to go to. Sometimes there won't be resources that you can use as an antizionist. Sometimes you'll be stuck in a weird grey area for a long time. I'm not uncomfortable with this, honestly. The fact that I've stuck with it even through this only signifies my commitment. Abayudaya Jews created their community with few resources avaliable, and even through times of hostility. The commitment means I fully recognize them as Jews, even though plenty of them didn't convert the way rabbinic Judaism recognizes as sufficient. I care more about how other Jews who I have relationships with see me, knowing my struggle with community resources, than say, being recognized as a "proper Jew" by the Israeli state. This doesn't mean I think conversion isn't necessary (because people love to fearmonger about converts misbehaving); it just means that I don't feel personal spiritual unease with the way my path is going and the complications I've faced and still am dealing with. I keep to myself about these complications more because they're personal details and very stressful for me, so I don't care to share them in a public forum, especially because people treat converts very badly, and I'm also treated badly for not being white. And thats before considering that I'm not a zionist. People are going to do lashon hara enough about me without actually knowing private details like that.

Additionally, these in person relationships are necessary because a lot of rabbis won't loudly advertise that they aren't zionists as it can be dangerous for them, and whatever "advertisement" they do may be through orgs where there's a mix of "soft zionists" like If Not Now and JVP, and actually committed antizionists, and you won't know which is which because they don't do a lot of social media or etc.

[herri-writes]

真夜中のノクターン

Ritsu Sakuma x Reader

Note: OKAY an another Ritsu fic but this time, it's a songfic. Pls kill meheuheuehuehuheu

Okay lemme try writing for (!) era starting this year after writing a few fics that are in the (!!) timeline (Spoiler: Already did). Brainworms coming to rot my brain since I'm being productive af rn.

Translated lyrics here btw.

HEUEHUEHDHEUEHS anyways, why does the sakuma brothers have the most attractive voices I'm about to get an auralism atp. Herri not falling for the chara's voice challenge failed.

"(Name)? Why are you still... here...?" He yawned between his words. You just thought of the sleep expert you referred to and not even said his name.

Or so you thought when a sleepy, serene voice called you from the doorstep of the music room.

"Ritsu...? And why are you here...?" You asked him back and he answered, "I just woke up."

'Right... It's night time after all.'

He look at you with a questioning look. "I'll ask you again, what are you doing here?"

"I'm just... here to finish everything before the Repayment Fes." You tiredly answered. Ritsu looked at the stack of documents on your desk and wondering which are the ones you finished and are not. "That much? You'll lose yourself at this point, (Name)." He said and dragged you away from your seat. "I'll let you sleep on my coffin bed and rest. You're supposed to be with Knights by tomorrow."

Tired and sleepy, you yawned as the night arrived. How many paperworks have you done today? You've lost count. You could see the unfinished stack thanks to the moonlight's gentle glow entering the transparent glass from outside the window. Even though the unfinished ones seemed lesser than the ones you had done, you groaned in frustration and the deadline is a few days away— specifically a week before the said deadline.

An early passer you are seemed to be productive due to your insomnia. Oh how much you wanted to rest but the remaining energy and adrenaline is still coursing through every single fiber and cell of your being. As much as you wanted to get out of your overworking state weeks before the Repayment Fes, you couldn't.

"Ritsu... I'm almost done..." You tried to reach the desk but his strong grasp on you won't let you go. "Give me few more minutes... I'll be done after this..." Your body has not much strength remaining that you surrendered. "Fine... have it your way..." Ritsu grinned in victory.

He carried you on his back and brought you to his coffin bed in the music room. You somehow noticed that it was close to the piano in the room. You do know well that this is one of Ritsu's favorite napping place and the reason why the music room is one of his favorites it's because there's a piano. He placed you on the bed gently and remembered something he told you this afternoon.

"So, Ritsu, you said that you wanted to see me after Knight's live, right? But why bother seeing me to—" He immediatly laid on top of you and hugged you, making you cuddle with him.

"Good night."

That was the last thing you heard from him after he cuddled you and fell asleep on the coffin bed Rei made specifically for him. You on the other hand patted his head comfortably and lulled him to sleep.

He hugged you tightly as if he didn't want to let you go. His fear of being abandoned triggered in his sleep. He nuzzled closer and you could feel his warm breath fanning the crook of your neck. He is like a cat wanting your attention, from annoying you, interrupting your work, or cuddling you until he sleeps and never let you move as it's a golden rule for every cat owners known in the face of the earth— never move when a cat is on you.

Repayment fes is coming to a close and you've been overworking as usual. It's supposed to be special for the graduates of this year. It'll be the last time you'll get to see your senior in their green neck tie and their blue blazer. Especially Izumi and Leo, the only third years of Knights. Not to mention, you'll be the same as them next year, becoming a third year and graduate as a student of Yumenosaki Academy.

Ritsu knows you've been overworking a lot and it concerns him. He's grown attached to you ever since you became Knights' producer. Other than Mao, you were closest to him by bond that he's comfortable of sleeping with you near him. He felt safe ever since the first time he laid his head on you to rest.

The last thing Ritsu wanted is you abandoning him. He didn't want anyone to abandon him all alone when he needs you the most.

You could hear a faint humming, probably from Ritsu. You thought he's asleep but he is half-asleep. You felt your eyelids gettung heavier and closed tightly shut. Your breathing is light and slow. Your body finally felt rest after a few days of suffering from insomnia.

Your hand stop patting his head and he smiled. He didn't want you fainting in the middle of the day. Not to mention, he always want your blood fresh and sweet which it actually translates into "Go to sleep. You don't want to get an insomnia or die from blood loss." in Ritsu's language. He didn't want you to know what it actually means or he'll bite you without warning.

He continued to hum his own nocturne in midnight.

The next night, he caught you overworking again that he dragged your hand to the music room once again. Reason? It's because he wanted to show you something. That something he wanted to show you is sheets of papers, written in sloppy yet neat handwriting. Some of them are written in scribbles and random writings but most of them are understandable to read.

"Seriously?" You raised your brow. "Lyric and music sheets?" He hummed at your question. "Another Knights song? Did you steal this from Senior Tsukinaga?"

"More like I wrote that." He retorted and you chortled. You read the lyrics and let out a smug smirk. "This seemed like it's written for Isara. That dedicated?"

"I rather bite you than admitting for who I wrote the song for." He looked at you annoyed and you ignored it with a hum.

'Midnight Nocturne...' You read the name of the song written on the lyric sheet. You turned the page behind the lyric sheet and what was revealed to you is a music sheet for piano. 'I couldn't even read this...' You received a few lessons from Leo and tried to understand the music sheet from the genius but as a result, all of those went out of the window.

"I'm going to play." Ritsu said and sat on the piano stool. "If you fall asleep, I'll have you as my pillow until we graduate."

"Alright. I won't sleep. I promise." You hummed in response and ignored him. For sure you'll be punished by him if you provoked him too much. But Ritsu, this time, he'll let it slide.

He placed his fingers on the piano keys and pressed it with grace. A melody came out of the piano and it caught your attention. It sounded gentle and comfortable, just like the pianist.

You remembered him humming the same song before cuddling you to sleep every late nights. Somehow, it became your lullaby from him.

The moonlight shines upon my fingertips, the stave whirling into the night

Trapped in the forest of sleep, I think of you whom I can't be with

He can see himself in the middle of the forest, where the moonlight shined upon him. He can see himself reaching his hand to the gentle rays that peeked through the leaves of the trees and cupped it as if he held it like the knight he is.

His body asleep, yet his soul awake. He is trapped in there while you remained in his deepest thoughts in the midst of his sea of memories. The only thing he felt in his sleepy journey is your presence, where he can only feel even without you near him.

I feel you beside me, in this darkness where there is no one else

He pressed the keys, releasing a beautiful melody from the piano. All he could think of is you whenever he sang this song. You beside him, you sleeping with him, and him in your arms, where he felt safe from all of his worries in his sleep.

He sounded like he longed for someone, someone he couldn't see but he felt their presence. Though alone, he will always feel that someone is beside him.

Your beautiful smile, it's like it could melt into the sun

Ritsu can only think of your smile. Your smile brightened his sleepy nights. Whenever you wake him up, he only thought of your smile. He only search for your smile when he wakes up and it happened when you saw him awake from his slumber.

"Ritsu..." You quietly muttered his name. You are listening to... his song. A song made by him and him alone.

Even in a world where we cannot intermingle

I am not alone right now

Though close by distance, you are too far for him to reach. It's as if you're worlds apart.

In the dead of night, with my sleeping breath, Song for you

Because I'm singing a melody that brings us together

He glanced at you and the moment he was about to, you are sitting beside him and laid your head on his shoulder. He smiled at his own progress. He was far from ending it yet he knows it touched your heart. It's just like how Knights' songs touched heart

And how your presence touched his own.

His voice sounded like a lullaby, calm and gentle, like a mother lulling their baby to sleep. But him, it's in his quiet nature. It left you in a daze, letting you enter your own reverie.

Just my piano, the moon and you, in a transparent sky

You can imagine yourself leaning on the piano as he played it under the starry sky. The water rippling at your every movement and mirroring the sky. It feels like a dream. You held out your hand as if to reach the stars. You are on your toes, aiming higher to reach it. A shooting star showed up on your view and your eyes sparkled more than the starry sky.

They simply kept existing kindly in the depths of my heart

The way he saw your smile made his night even more beautiful. His serenade made you wander in his dreams. His nocturne made you dance as your feet on the water created ripples in its wake.

While the tedium persists, by letting my fingers dance

His fingers danced on the keys. It so graceful that it speaks out, "It's my music, my song, and my piano. A melody that I own alone."

I come to know a sadness that resembles feelings of unrequited love, but

A drop of water fell from the sky. You held out your hand and it became a light shower. You felt like rain existed in your imagination. It touched your heart. It felt that sorrow and loneliness embraced him and you.

Even in a world that we cannot share, I won't lose sight of you

You felt like your body was swayed by the wind. You realized that it's Ritsu dancing with you. He turned you for a spin and held you close to him.

His first dance is his last in your reverie, but it will remain as a memory.

No matter where you are, an unchanging Song for you

He cupped your cheek and held you tighter on his embrace, as if he didn't want to let you go. You held the hand that cupped your cheek and let out a sigh of content, which you let out in your dreams and in reality.

Because I'm singing an eternal promise

You felt your eyelids became heavy and your heart beating loudly, loud enough for him to hear. Your souls are dancing but you remained there right beside him, listening to his nocturne.

Even if you can't hear me, I'm right here

Because even if I can't reach you, we're always together

'I know, Ritsu...' You answered him in your thoughts, hoping that he knew the same.

The pale blue moon connects us

Now, close your eyes and let us sing

"Even in a world where we cannot intermingle," You sang while he continued to play the piano. He let out a smile and continued for you. "Once again, towards the night you see somewhere."

"In the dead of night, with my sleeping breath, Song for you," He heard you hum along as he sang. He could hear you sing clearly. You remembered the very last line that etched in your mind for this very moment.

"Because I'm singing a melody that brings us together..."

Ritsu let out a finishing set of notes and his hand left the piano keys. He heard light breathing from beside him. He turned his head to see you're sleeping on his shoulder with a smile.

He chuckled lightly and patted your head.

"Sweet dreams, (Name)."

W/N:

HEUSHUEHSHEUDHD OKAY I AM GOING TO SHED TEARS BC THIS SONG CAN MAKE ME CRY I AM NOT LYING NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I READ THE TRANSLATED LYRICS I AM BAWLING.

[roobylavender]

I wrote this during my breakdown so I'm not actually crying rn jshshjs

Being in a desi family means no matter what I'll do for my parents, I know they will always choose my brother over me, well at least my father will. I will never get the justice I deserve as long as I live in this family. Sure, my mom tried for me but that only lasted 5 minutes at most before she gave up. Maybe she knew it will never happen so that's why. It still hurts tho. Only trying once and then never again. And instead preaching ME to not get on my brother's bad side. I really, really loathe living in this family. I loathe desi men. My parents will never raise their voice for me to my brother. They will never defend me as he continues to bully me whenever he wants to. And as I continue to type this as I cry, I know it's pointless. Tomorrow I will act like nothing happened and continue to please my father, as if I don't have this thoughts running through me everytime I talk to him. I will continue to talk to my mom as if I don't think how she will never fight for me even if I told her all of this. Because what is the point knowing it will cause a meaningless discourse in the family that will only last a few hours or a day at best and embarrassed myself. Knowing it will be me who will get lectured. And I'm not even crying because of my brother rn it's the fact knowing my parents never did, and never will fight for me. I might've forgave my brother if only my parents did something and he apologized. But they never did. Every day I loathe and love my parents. Being in a desi family sucks.

i want to apologize again for getting to this so late and while i am more than familiar with how this is unfortunately a perpetual, never-ending kind of deal, i really hope that today you’re feeling at least a little better than you were when you were typing this. i’m not sure how old you are but speaking from personal experience i really think the best outlet for any desi kid is to try to be independent as soon as possible. if your family can afford it go for an undergrad degree in a different city. keep connecting with people so your network provides you with opportunities to get out and get a job. prioritize financial stability so that you have the means to move out even if it’s into an apartment. it depends from family to family obv but sometimes there’s a point where some families will not change and you have to do what’s best for yourself and that’s okay. i think it’s easy for us to harbor a lot of guilt that we’re ungrateful if we don’t stick around and try to fix some of the baggage ourselves but what i’ve learned is that even if you want to try to fix the baggage you need to be in a mentally stable place to do so. living at home doesn’t necessarily facilitate that. and i don’t know what your thoughts on it would be personally but if from what i assume you’re a girl then i again would highly highly recommend doing whatever you can to forge financial independence for yourself. even if it means working a minimum wage job for now. i feel like in a lot of desi families there’s a tendency to look down on that sort of thing (odd, no?) but it’s really a vital developing experience all people and esp desi women should invest in. my lack of financial experience has hindered me in so many ways and kept me tied to a familial situation where i am often very unhappy. i love my parents very much but we have ideological and practical divides and we’re at a stage in life where we need our space from each other (and i imagine that’s true in your situation too) and yet i don’t have the means to execute it bc i’m still figuring my life out. it’s easier said than done obv but i think if you develop the conviction early to get your life in order and work towards creating your own space where you can control how you’re respected it will be worthwhile. the pain of your parents’ faults and inability to protect you is always going to sting and esp within desi families there’s a very deep trauma every child goes through when evaluating what their parents have or haven’t done for them. but that sting will hurt more when you’re completely at your parents’ mercy (and your brother’s, in this case). when they’re not in control anymore it will be easier to manage, and i really hope whatever your circumstances that you’re able to forge that path where your life is your own and you’re not bullied for existing within this familial structure. iA let me know if you ever want to vent again, my dms are open as well so if you want to talk more privately that’s welcome, too. love you lots 🤍

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

yeah I was euphoric and overconfident earlier and that shit has crashed. I'm tired, I'm hungry, I want an entire jar of peanut butter or a goddamn burrito the size of my forearm or literally anything else that will physically hurt. After all my hashtag progress I was literally the exact same at plasma today and I know it's muscle and it's a good thing that theirs registers more than the ones at my family's houses but ughhhhh I wanna know my choices make a fucking differenceeee and I've lost my capacity to urge surf. I wanna get fucked up and ache

Also MUC had invited me to watch a movie tonight even though she knows full well and can see on my calendar that I have Thursday nights blocked off for "therapy homework" (which is only there so she'd stop fucking trying to spend every free goddamn minute with me). I told her no and was proud of myself. Cut to today, she leaves me a tearful voicemail bc she had a shit day at work and was asking if she could stop by my apartment (at LEAST 30 minutes out of her way) for a hug. I wanted to ignore the voicemail, I wanted to say no, but people remember what you do and how you make them feel more than what you say, and I'd just held another crying woman last night who broke down at my offer to help, and MUC needs help and I want my offers to be genuine. So I said yes, she could come by for a hug. I didn't start back up my work audits (I'd just gotten home from plasma) bc I didn't want to be interrupted mid-task but then she took longer than I expected so I was just impatiently hovering in my apartment for her to show up and theN SHE STAYED FOR A FUCKING HOUR. and y'all I am confirmed anxious avoidant, or maybe just straight up avoidant at this point, bc I just want to be alone and I don't want to be needed like that. I can't stand it. Then Ahimsa texted me asking for a "quick 10 minutes call" at 5:30pm so I know she's trashed and it'll be an hour of her talking shit on people and I just can't. I can't. I can't. I'm a black hole. I'm toxic and selfish and negative and I just wanna self destruct.

Not true. I spent most of today reading super uplifting articles about emotional intelligence, trust, engagement, workplace wellness, psychological safety, etc. I know I'm better than my impulses and defenses. But I'm tired and I'm hungry and I've got reeeeal big fuck it attitude rn, which is terrible timing bc my bonus sister is hosting Friendsgiving tomorrow and that is going to be even worse than Halloween. I think my most realistic goal is to not lie to my tracker and to keep moving as much as possible... and not get drunk or spend money. Everything else feels like fair game right now. Including the peanut butter.

Edit: tried 300 of cottage cheese and blueberries. We shall see if that works .. I'm freezing cold now but the pb still sounds good. God I want something hot and sweet .. KOA distact me

[kilosch]

Journal Entry: 9/25/2024

Morning & Meeting Frustration: Woke up as usual and attended the 8 a.m. meeting. For some reason, I felt really agitated and annoyed with how things were set up. The meeting was all over the place—disorganized, with topics bouncing back and forth, going in circles. We did manage to cover some topics, but the chaos just got to me. I don't know why people feel the need to take over someone else's meeting. Lowkey, it just annoyed me.

Music & Mood Boost: After the meeting, I grabbed some coffee and got back to CTC Facesheets while listening to music. Music always changes my mood, especially when Kendrick Lamar’s "I" came on. It was exactly what I needed to lift me up. That one line hit hard: "I've been dealing with depression ever since an adolescent..." It's like a reminder to push through. I've also been listening to "Not Like Us" since, honestly, I can’t stand Drake's music or the drama around him.

Lunch & News: I grabbed Chinese food for lunch, and while eating, I heard about a bombing at Santa Maria court that injured two people. It shook me up. LASD was put on standby, and I prayed for those injured. It was a heavy moment, but I tried to refocus on work.

Work & Odd Encounters: Caught up on more work and finally got my BLS certification rescheduled—Rancho Los Amigos in Downey is the new spot since the original class was fully booked. I also volunteered to help Aryanna (Teamlet #2 MCW of DMH) pick up medication and drop it off for a client. I don’t know why I volunteered, knowing it meant a lot of extra driving. Aryanna’s an interesting person—she’s attractive, but I’m trying to keep things professional. We had an awkward moment during a client visit when I hugged her as a gesture of thanks, and because of her height, I accidentally smooched the top of her head. She looked at me with a smirk that totally threw me off. I wasn’t sure if it was a bad thing or not, but my fellow EMTs sure had a good laugh when I told them. I apologized afterward, and she reassured me by saying, “You’re my friend now,” which definitely helped with the awkwardness. Now, I’m extra self-aware whenever I talk to her.

Last-Minute Work & Evening: Had a last-minute accompaniment assignment with Kaci, an RN. She apologized for the short notice, but I was cool with it—gave me a chance to get out of the house. I headed to DTLA Headquarters, parked, and rode an e-scooter to the location. Afterward, I picked up meds and dropped them off at Aryanna’s client’s shelter.

Dinner & Wrapping Up: Attended a quick debrief for my team and then finished my leftover Chinese food for dinner. That meal was a lot, so leftovers were perfect. Ending the day with a shower and aiming to wake up early tomorrow. Hopefully, it’s a better day.

[allofuswantgwinam]

1. I went to the gas station again tn but he was not there 😭 i was gonna be brave since im no longer confushion after last night 🤣 hopefully he’s there tomorrow cause im lowkey nervous he could get transferred soon bc that place be like that. I get attached to my friends that work there and then they just disappear😭😭😭 or im happy bc someone who annoyed me is gone 🤣🤣 guess it just depends 💀

2. Im done house sitting so I’m home now and literally when i got here i was so excited bc the cat from my neighborhood that i lowkey saved/stole *it’s a whole story, maybe I’ll make a post rambling about it later 🤣 it’s also not even lowkey, the whole street I live on supports me 😭😭🫶🏼 one of the lil kids called me her leader bc the cat doesn’t fw anyone but me 😭😭😭 and now my mom bc my mom started caring about the cat bc of me which is why she’s ours now 🤌🏼* is so excited that I’m back and it’s just hit me a minute ago that this is technically the first time I’ve been gone this long since she’s been more of an inside cat. it is so precious. I was like “girl, can I please just roll a blunt i love u why are I like this” and then it hit me 🤣🤣 she might have felt abandoned and confused BUT I literally made a whole trip to my house during this time period to bring her stupid ass back inside bc my mom had to go to bed and she told me the cat was out bc she knows I can’t live with that so of course I drove over here and luckily she was waiting under my moms car ready to come inside so she should know better, she stuck with me but anyways my other cat that we’ve had since I was like 4 is so old and he has the will of a mfer. he didn’t even get up when I got home and I’ve been a mix of emotions 😭😭 I was talkin to him and cryin bc I know he’s not happy and we don’t wanna really make the decision, we just want him to go to sleep and it’s sad asf. that has been my bestest friend for 20+ years. And it stresses me out bc these two cats have a dominance thing over me it’s soooo funny but also stressful, but liiike this old cat has not moved a muscle besides staring at me with his tired eyes😭😭… but this other cat has been in my face even as I am typing this rn she need to calm down 🤣🤣🤣 hopefully in like next 10 minutes max im smoking a blunt 🤞🏼💀

[luvingtsumu]

𝐀 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𖥔 ࣪˖ ( MIYA ATSUMU X FEM!READER )

atsumu was an art student, for his last project he was assigned a model to work with, you. the problem was that he couldn’t concentrate when he was with you, you were just so damn gorgeous.

★ genre: smut | content: artist!au, timeskip!atsumu, f/m!masturbation, grinding, throat fucking, oral (m!receiving)

★ author’s note: i did this at 4:00 am so i don’t know if i’m making sense rn.

When his teacher told him he was gonna have an assigned model for the last project, he never thought he was gonna end up in the studio of a big luxurious house with you naked in front of him.

You had been his model multiple times before in class, but all those times he always got really nervous, so now that you two were all alone, he was more than just nervous.

Your body was so perfect, you were so gorgeous and glamorous, you had such an alluring beauty that was able to make his knees weak. But you also were so damn intimidating, your serious stare and stern voice always send chills down Atsumu’s spine.

He just couldn’t look at you in the eyes for more than 10 seconds without wanting desperately to look away.

It’s been 10 minutes since you got naked and started to pose for him to draw, but you haven’t heard the sound of the pencil against the canvas yet —he wasn’t drawing anything.

“Sorry, ‘m gonna need a second.” he finally spoke, letting out all the air in his lungs.

You raised an eyebrow as you turned your head to look at him. You were gonna ask him why, but that’s when you saw his trembling hand and the sweat on his forehead.

You got up and put on the white robe again, hiding your nakedness.

“You always get this nervous whenever you’re going to draw someone?”

Atsumu felt so ashamed, he sighed and shook his head “No. Jus’ today, I guess.”

“We can continue tomorrow if you want.” you offered.

“Yeah, that’d be alright. Thanks.”

Atsumu was sitting in the edge of his bed. He was so frustrated with himself because of what happened.

He just couldn’t believe he got so anxious he couldn’t even draw a straight line, it was like he just forgot how to hold a pencil.

A broken whimper escaped his lips as he desperately fucked his fist, moving his hips up. He rubbed the tip with his thumb, letting out groans every time he did.

Atsumu wasn’t a weirdo —at all, he would never express how much he wanted you and how many times he had masturbated thinking about you.

“Shit—” he cried, looking down at his desperate cock “Oh, shit, ‘m gonna cum.” he whimpered.

His head fell back as he speed up his movements, he bit his trembling lip, wishing his hand was your tight cunt —cause he knew it was tight.

He wanted to know what you thought about him, he wanted to know if you also fucked yourself thinking about him. He could imagine you with your fingers deep inside of you, trying to reach a place he knew he could easily reach.

He released his seed onto his fist, letting out a loud moan as he did. His thighs trembling as he cursed under his breath.

His eyes opened to see his phone on the nightstand with a notification popping on it.

[10:17 pm] tomorrow at 5:00 pm.

Here he was again, taking deep breath’s before ringing the bell.

You were so gorgeous that was overwhelming for him, but he knew he will never have a chance with you, he felt like he didn’t belong next to you. You were so glamorous and stupidly rich, and he was just…Well.

“You’re late.” you said as soon as you opened the door.

“I know, ‘m sorry, the bus was delayed.” he stepped inside your home and started following you towards the studio.

“It’s alright.”

You opened the door and he stepped inside, muttering a small “Thanks”

He went to sit down on the couch that was in front of the easel. He took his things out of his backpack, concentrated on having his stuff ready.

He mentalized himself that this wasn’t any different from when he drew other people, that he shouldn’t get so nervous; but as soon as he raised his head, there you were, with your beautiful body exposed for him to draw, destroying all his confidence.

He gulped, gripping the pencil as he took a deep breath. He couldn’t let the same incident from yesterday happen, so he started drawing in the canvas slowly.

You heard the pencil moving slowly on the canvas, you knew every artist had their technic, but this man was so slow.

The position you were doing was easy, so after one hour you two allowed yourself to have a small break.

You brought him some tea and he thanked you before taking the cup in his trembling hands. You looked at the canvas, seeing messy lines and shapes on it; for the whole hour you two had been working, it was a very small progress.

“How much time you think you’re gonna need for every sketch?” you asked him “Because we still have to do 4 poses and you only have a week left.”

“I know.” he rubbed his face, placing the cup on the small table in next to the couch “I don’t know why ‘m workin’ so slowly.”

He did knew. It was because he couldn’t control his thoughts when being close to you, it was because you were drop dead gorgeous and he just couldn’t look at you in the eyes.

You sighed, he did need to hurry up, but you decided to not pressure him for now.

“It’s alright, you’re working well, and that’s a nice start.” you pointed at the picture and patted his shoulder.

The words got stuck in his throat when you touched him, he flinched a bit and looked away.

“‘m gonna try to work a bit faster.” he mumbled, pulling the neck of his shirt, cause suddenly it felt too tight.

You sighed, he had been acting nervous all the time and you couldn’t understand why.

“Listen, I understand that it’s the last project you have, but you don’t need to be so nervous.” you sat next to him, crossing your legs “It’s not like I’m gonna bite you if you don’t do a ‘perfect’ painting.” you chuckled.

He glanced at you, his eyes wandered around your body, suddenly remembering that under the robe you were completely naked.

He cleared his throat, his legs spreading slightly as he put an arm over his lap and looked away

“Y-yeah, ‘s jus��…I’ve never drew someone like ya before, y’know?”

You raised an eyebrow “Someone like me?”

“Yer really pretty,” he sighed “And elegant…I-I don’t wanna mess this up.”

You smirked, your body moved slightly closer to him, he started anxiously moving his leg.

“I’m flattered. But it’s a drawing, not a picture, so…” your hand went on top of his hand, squeezing it to give him a bit of reassurance, but that action only made him yelp a bit.

You raised an eyebrow when his face went all red, your eyes went to your hand on top of his. And that’s when you noticed.

“Oh.” you said, looking at the growing bulge on his pants “I see.”

“‘m sorry, I don’t— don’t think I—” he quickly moved your hand away and put on some distance in between the two of them “‘m gonna go n-now, ‘m truly sorry I…” he gulped, feeling sweat on his forehead.

“I didn’t say anything bad about it.” you said, leaning closer to him once again “Is that why you’re so nervous around me? Do you keep getting boners?” you scoffed.

You rested your elbow on his shoulder, your hand going to play with some blonde locks of his hair. A small whimper escaped his lips.

“I asked you something.”

“Y-yeah, that’s why…” he mumbled, looking down at his pants. His face was burning and he could feel your intimidating stare all over him.

The smirk on your face grew bigger as you got up from the couch. His face finally looked back up to look at you.

“What are ya gonna do?” he asked in a low tone.

“We have to fix your little problem, you know?” you didn’t hesitate once before sitting on his lap, your arms around his neck.

Atsumu’s face went even more red —if it was even possible. He wanted to speak but the words got stuck in his throat, only a moan escaping his lips.

“You need to finish those paintings.” you started slowly moving your hips in circles “And I know a great way to help you relax.”

He babbled something incoherent when he felt you moving over him, his head fell back and his hands gripped tightly the couch.

“y/n.” he whimpered “I-I want ya s-so bad.” he breathed.

You felt like you had all the power over him in that moment, and you did. You took off the large robe once again, letting him see you naked once again.

You kept grinding on him, moaning as you rubbed your clit on his desperate cock that wanted nothing but your attention.

Hearing Atsumu’s whimpers was like being in heaven, you grabbed his chin and made him look at you, he moaned at your sight. You leaned in and kissed him deeply, his eyes shut down immediately as he kissed you back. You helped his hands find their way to your waist, and they immediately went to work, grinding you against him as he pleased.

“Please let me have ya. Please, please.” he moaned, looking at you and waiting for any reaction.

“Not yet.” you let out a raspy laugh, your eyes closing a bit as he kept rubbing your pussy against himself.

“I s-swear ‘m gonna cum in my pants.” he said, desperate, almost pathetic.

You opened your eyes fully again, looking at him with a teasing smirk. You put your hands on top of his to stop him from moving you.

You got up from him, making him whine, but when you kneeled in front of him, his eyes sparkled. You took your time undoing his pants before pulling them down along with his boxers. Pre-cum dripping from his tip.

Atsumu was just looking down at you, fascinated as you stroked him a few times. Your hand definitely felt better than his.

Before he could even say something, you were already licking his length, your tongue making circles around his tip.

His thighs trembled and he didn’t knew where to put his hands, he just gripped his shirt as he bit his lip, trying to not let out the shameful sounds he was keeping.

You took his cock in your mouth, stroking the part that you couldn’t fit. You moved your tongue around as drool started to come out from the corner of your lips because of how good his cock was filling your mouth.

You moved up and down as you could, one hand stroking his cock, the other one on his balls.

“Fuck— g-give me a break.” he mumbled, squirming.

You felt so good for him, your mouth was so warm and he couldn’t help but let out pathetic moans as you moved your tongue on his tip.

He was putting up a show for you, squirming and gasping for air as his hands moved around, trying to find a place to be. He was a bit pathetic and that was turning you on.

One of your hands went down to your cunt, starting to rub your clit, letting out a groan that send delicious vibrations up Atsumu’s spine. Your eyes closed as you kept making a mess of him and his cock.

“I-I c-can’t…” he whimpered, feeling a lump on his throat.

His virgin cock had only received attention from his own hands, so all this experience put him on the edge in less then 10 minutes.

You were focused on rubbing your pussy so you stopped moving like before, and that made his hands finally find a place to be.

His hands grabbed the sides of your head to keep you in place before he started fucking your throat; his hips moved up in a steady rhythm as you gagged around his dick. Your hands gripped his thighs as he kept moving you like a doll, using your mouth to give him the most pleasure before he came deep inside your throat.

Atsumu was in cloud nine, this was just dreamy, a thing that he only thought would happen on his wet dreams.

His cum filled your mouth and came out from the corners of your lips. You pulled his cock out, swallowing his seed and looking up to see him crying and whimpering as he kept squirming; he never felt an orgasm so hard.

A moan mixed with a chuckle escaped your lips.

“You’re crying?” you got up, ignoring how wet you were, practically dripping.

“Mhg— n-no…” he looked up at you, wiping away his own shameful tears.

You smirked “I guess you can draw now, no?” you pinched his cheek, making him whine.

“B-but…”

“Let’s get back to the work, shall we?” you smiled.

Another whine escaped his lips as he saw you leaving back to your place, realizing he wasn’t gonna find out that day if your pussy was tight or not.

You were expecting him to draw when he could barely keep himself up. What an evil woman you were.

[sweeter-innocence-fics]

Can We Be Wrong Tonight? - Chapter Five

Pairing: Colin Zabel x Reader

Work Summary: In the wake of Missy Sager’s disappearance, you’re having trouble staying safe while making ends meet. Colin Zabel x Sex Worker!Reader.

Chapter Summary: Colin starts to worry that he hasn't heard from you.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Word Count: 1667

Read on AO3.

Masterlists.

Taglist: @trashmaximoff @raincoffeeandfandoms @josephines-simps-fics @mrs-kai-anderson @cursedandromedablack @pappachismoth @ang3l1te @missryerye

Taglist info.

Notes: Sorry it's been ages, I'm spinning a lot of plates rn.

---

You never texted him when you got home. Maybe that wasn’t so unusual. Maybe it was so late when you finally did get home that you didn’t want to disturb him. Or you might’ve forgotten. There was no reason to be worried.

Still, Colin couldn’t shake the creeping sensation that he’d ruined everything. He’d blurted out that he loved you in a drunken, post-coital haze. You’d just looked so pretty like that, looking up at him with those doe eyes, pushing your red dress down to cover yourself.

It was stupid. He was stupid. Men paid you to fuck them. He paid you to fuck him. This was your job and he shouldn’t have expected anything more.

As he was driving to work the next morning, a little hungover and very embarrassed, he mulled it over again.

It was your job. He paid you for sex.

Usually.

Not last night, though. You had said you’d needed it too. He’d fucked you up against a wall and you had marked up his neck with your teeth and told him he was yours. You’d told him not to worry about paying. He wondered if that offer still stood, or if he’d ruined it all when he couldn’t keep his stupid mouth shut.

It didn’t matter. He would pay you anyway, as soon as the money came in. You needed it more than he did.

He picked up the usual two coffees, plus a muffin for Mare to apologise for ditching her last night. Not that she seemed bothered by it. She didn’t even look up at him until he set the cup down in front of her.

“Damn Zabel, good night last night?” she asked, half-smirking.

“What?”

She pointed to the hickey on his neck, and he flushed bright pink. “Is that why you left in such a hurry?”

“No comment. Can we get on with work please?”

“… Fine.”

He managed to put you out of his mind for a couple of hours. He was busy with work. At lunchtime, he checked his phone and saw the open text chain with you. You still hadn’t messaged. But then again, he hadn’t either. Maybe he should say something. Just to get the ball rolling.

He sat there, staring at the phone for several minutes. He typed out a message, and then deleted it, and then another, and then deleted it too. In the end, he settled on:

Hey, hope you’re doing okay, sorry about last night, I’ll pay you next week x

He sent it before he could talk himself out of the ‘x’ at the end. Then he put his phone in his pocket and got back to work.

At the end of the day, you still hadn’t texted. He was staring down at his phone when Mare’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“Zabel.”

“What?” He looked up, startled, almost knocking over his water bottle in the process.

She just sighed. “You gonna tell me what’s going on with you? You’ve been acting weird all day.”

“Nothing. I’m sorry. I just…”

She looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Just what?”

“It’s nothing. I’m just getting in my own head.”

“Well,” she huffed, “try to get out of it. See you tomorrow, Zabel.”

“Goodnight, Mare.”

His mother was out when he got home, which he was thankful for. He really didn’t need to be interrogated about his love life right now. Instead, he stripped down to his boxers, and lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

You hadn’t invited him back to your place after the first time. So logically, he must��ve done something wrong then. Maybe he shouldn’t have left while you were sleeping? He didn’t know what the proper etiquette was.

Maybe you just realised that you didn’t like him enough to want him in your home?

And that was fine. Well, it made him want to cry, but he would understand if you felt that way. It’s not like he’d ever been lucky in love in the past. He put his phone on charge and rolled over, clutching a pillow to his chest. He didn’t sleep very that night. Or any of the following nights, for that matter.

*

It had been four days and you still hadn’t texted. He had sent a couple more messages, one a day so that you wouldn’t feel harassed. He felt guilty anyway.

The taste of you, the smell of your body in his clothes had faded after the first day. Now the hickey was fading too. The reminders of you were everywhere, and it made his heart sink.

Eventually, he made a choice. He was starting to get really worried. You’d never gone so long without texting him back before. Surely the sex can’t have been that bad? Surely the misplaced ‘I love you’ wasn’t enough to warrant this level of silent treatment?

So he sent you a message:

Hey, I’m really sorry that I keep texting but I haven’t heard from you. Please just let me know that you’re okay. I’ll leave you alone if you want me to, but I need to know that you’re safe. If you don’t text me back, I’m gonna come by your apartment this evening to check on you. If you don’t want me to, just say so and I’ll leave you alone. Forever, if that’s what you want. Sorry if I ruined everything.

His heart was pounding in his ears as he got dressed for work. He wanted to give you a reasonable enough time to respond to his message, so that if he showed up at your apartment, you wouldn’t be surprised. He tried not to think about it.

That was just about the longest day of work he’d ever experienced. His phone felt like a lead weight in his pocket. Mare had given up on trying to get through to him. He was about as useful as a brick wall right now. But she didn’t push. She just hoped he’d snap out of it soon.

By the time six o’clock rolled around, you still hadn’t texted back. His decision was made for him. He would go to your apartment, and hope that you were there and okay and wouldn’t slap him for coming over uninvited. That was the absolute best case scenario he could hope for right now.

It was payday. That, at the very least, was a good thing. He stopped by the bank before going to your place, taking out the money he owed you and stowing it in his wallet. After that, he got into his car and drove straight to your place. His palms were sweaty as he walked up the stairs to your apartment. When he came face to face with your front door, he almost couldn’t knock.

He hesitated with his fist raised, the look on your face when he told you he loved you bouncing around inside his head. You’d jerked away from him so fast. Colin felt like there was a fist clenching around his heart.

He knocked. No one came to the door. He knocked again, louder this time, and then stood there silent, listening. Your apartment was small enough that he would hear it if you were in the shower. He couldn’t hear anything.

Maybe you were out working? He was contemplating sliding a note under your door when a heavy hand landed on his shoulder.

He jumped, spinning around to face the person behind him. It was a middle-aged man, balding, with an angry look on his face.

“Who are you?” asked the man brusquely.

“I… I’m looking for Y/N. I’m a… friend of hers.”

The man scoffed. “She’s not here. She hasn’t been here in days.”

Colin felt all of the blood draining from his face. “Do you know where she went?”

“No. But she is late on rent. So if she doesn’t come back soon I’m going to have to serve an eviction notice.”

“You don’t have to do anything,” is what Colin wanted to say, but didn’t. Instead, he asked, “You’re her landlord?”

“Yes, of course.”

“How much does she owe?”

“$600.”

“It’s $600 a month to rent this place?”

“You got a problem with that?”

Colin swallowed hard. “Can I pay on her behalf? I have cash.”

The man regarded him for a long moment. “Okay.” Evidently he thought it was the way he was most likely to get his money.

“And just so you know, I am a police officer, so don’t try anything.”

“Okay, okay.” The landlord raised both hands. “I am an honest man. I will give you a receipt as proof of payment.”

“Thank you. I’m also going to need to see some documentation to prove that you own this apartment, and that the rent is the amount stated.”

“…Fine.”  

*

Mare was waiting for him at the diner when he got there. He had texted her as soon as he was done with your landlord. She raised her eyebrows at him as he sat down opposite her. There were two cups of coffee on the table, and she pushed one towards him.

“Thanks,” said Colin, rubbing his hands together, trying to warm them up.

“Are you gonna tell me what this is about?”

He looked down at his coffee, as if the answer might be floating in the cup. “You remember when we spoke to Y/N about the girls who had gone missing.”

 Mare gave him a confused look. “Sure?”

“Well… She and I… met up… a few times.” She raised both eyebrows at him. “But she’s gone missing. Her landlord hasn’t seen her in days and she’s not responding to any of my texts. I don’t know what to do.” The last sentence came out as a choked out sob, and to Colin’s horror, he realised that he was crying. Mare looked just as surprised as he did.

“Okay…” She put a hand on his arm. “We’re going to find her. Just start at the beginning.”

[obeiii-mee]

MC had a bad day or they’re dealing with a bad loss from a loved one. So they decide to seek comfort from the Brothers! But they don’t do it in a normal way, they just barge in the room where the brothers are all relaxing or hanging out at before MC just busts in getting their attention and they go “I need a hug 🥺”. Let’s see the some fluffy hc’s of the brothers comforting MC 🥰

And how could they not want to hug their cute human that is literally 3 seconds away from breaking down into tears?

The Brothers Comforting MC After A Bad Day:

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You’re right, they wouldn’t be able to resist, they love their human too much 😌

*soBS* I want to hug one of them so bad rn

Thank you for the request, I love writing fluffy HCs, it’s my weak spot and it gives me serotonin. I hope you have a nice day/night!! Uh, it’s sort of implied that MC is slightly shorter than them so sorry if that’s a problem-

————————————

Notes: Fluff, mentions of loss and dead family members/friends, mostly comfort though, short HCs

Characters: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beezlebub and Belphegor.

————————————

Lucifer:

-He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t really need to because him just being there, arms wrapped around you and hands lightly running up and down your back, is worth more words than any sort of verbal consolation he could’ve given you and because of this, you feel at ease

-His touch is firm but gentle and you relax almost immediately, burying your head against his chest and feeling him press a kiss on top of your hairline, tightening your hold on him

-He already told his brothers to back off because the last thing he wanted was for you you to get overwhelmed by their insensitivity so you two were left in the living room by yourselves

-In a bit of an awkward position though, because you were both standing and after a while, it was clear a hug wasn’t going to be enough

-That’s his excuse as to why he picked you up bridal style five minutes later and carried you all the way to his bedroom, a place he knows his siblings won’t ever trespass without his permission and somewhere he can shield you from any prying eyes while you’re in this vulnerable state

-At this point, he was basically cradling you like a baby, having you sit on his lap and waiting for you to tire yourself out until you couldn’t cry anymore and watching you slip into that hiccuping stage you get after a breakdown

-Lucifer is obviously going to ask what happened, but whether you answer him or not is up to you because he’s not one to push matters if he sees you’re uncomfortable talking about it

-However, he might insist if he concludes that it’s affecting you and your well being and that’s how you know usually know he’s worried

-His voice is soft though and just listening to it makes you want to tell him everything, whether it’d be something as annoying as a small inconvenience you stumbled across that day or the death of a relative, you feel welcomed enough to spill everything

-Even if you decide not to, he’ll stay with you until you feel better, until you’re no longer crying or shaking or anything of the sort. He speaks occasionally, almost soothingly about how important you are to him and how capable you are of overcoming anything in your way. For the most part, however, he remains quiet and allows you to mull over your thoughts, willing to forget about his paperwork just to let you cling to him for a few hours

-Maybe later, when you’re no longer as distressed, he could get the full story out of you and help you overcome whatever problem you’re having trouble facing but for now, he understands all you need is for him to be there

“MC?” He calls your name out because he was thinking that maybe you had fallen asleep but he realised that was not the case when you looked up at him, streaks of tears still sliding down your cheeks. When you don’t respond, he sighs almost contently “A bit longer?” You don’t answer again but this time, he could feel you nod against him and he smiles despite himself as he leaned his head against yours “All right then, just a bit longer.”

Mammon:

-Truth be told, he’s never been the best at comforting someone and normally, he’s kind of awkward when he wants to show his support because it feels so out of his character

-But it’s not like he was going to refuse you anyway. Not when you specifically came to him and asked him for help and not when you looked like you were on the verge of crying. He’d be a monster to deny you >:(

-It upsets him too, you know. He’s meant to be your protector, guardian even, so the fact that he couldn’t keep you from getting hurt makes him feel like he failed at keeping his human safe. Actually, it takes a lot of convincing on your part just to tell him that you’re not actually physically hurt. Just a shitty day…

-Mammon, despite the walls he puts up ever now and then, is someone that genuinely cares for you. And he’s also the type that does almost everything in excess, especially when it comes to you or spending money. That’s just his personality; he’s loud and boisterous and even though he wants to deny this, completely transparent with his emotions

-You ask for a hug? He gives you plenty of hugs! He lets you lay on top of him while cuddling so he can hold you!!! He brings you snacks and drinks!!! Shit, he basically cradles you the whole night!!! And he’s blushing and acting annoyed the entire time, refusing to accept how much he’s actually enjoying this

-The point is, he tends to coddle you whenever you have a bad day or if you’re really affected by the loss of a dead loved one. This is probably because he, in turn, likes to be babied and cared for when he’s feeling down and he subconsciously does that to you because it’s the only means of comfort he knows how to execute well

-A hug would’ve sufficed, but you’re his human and let him be damned if he’s not gonna give you the world on a silver platter if you keep looking at him with those sad eyes of yours

-By now, if you need anything, you just need to ask because even with a bit of grumbling, he’ll get it for you. More snacks? Say less. Wanna watch TV with him for a while? Immediately reaches for the remote? You just want to cuddle? His body is naturally warm for a reason bby, dig in. You want his heart? Give him a moment to surgically get it out of his chest-

-No matter what, he’s so glad that you trust him enough to talk to him about this sort of stuff and that he’s the first person you think of when you need consolation

-It makes sense after all, right? He’s your first pact so your direct happiness is his responsibility while you’re in DevilDom! It’s his job to make sure you function again by tomorrow morning and that you’re no longer troubled by anything

“Hey! What’s with all the crying huh?” He cups your face in his hands and softly squishes the flesh between his fingers. His thumbs brush over the tears in your eyes and he let’s out a small ‘tsk’ as your foreheads touch and his hands drip to your shoulders to keep you steady “The Great Mammon is hugging ya right now, ya know? There’s no reason for you to be upset, not when I’ve got ya in my arms like this, OK? So you can stop with yer water works now.” As noisy as his voice is, there’s a gentle note behind it when he speaks and embraces you, his cologne spreading everywhere “I love you, ya big idiot. So please, stop cryin’ and lemme hold ya already! Yer making me worried, ya stupid human.”

Levi:

-You stopping by his room is not unusual. In fact, you do it every day and it’s just part of the routine you have with him. However, he’s wasn’t exactly expecting you to stand there, all shaken up and ask him for a hug!!!

-And he doesn’t process this request for a second but then he freaks out so badly-

-Yells incomprehensibly about how you’re ‘pulling your normie tricks on him again’ and how he’s ‘not going to be fooled by them anymore.’

-You raise your head to meet his eyes while he’s still rambling on though and he sees your teary expression and now he feels guilty because you look really upset. Levi’s kinda scared he made it worse-

-He’s the type to usher you in his room and lock the door as usual but instead of doing what the two of you always do, you literally stay attached to him because you need comfort damn it!

-Levi….is sort of clueless about these emotional outbursts since he himself doesn’t deal with them very well. However, he’s watched enough animes revolving around romance to conclude on the best course of action so-do not fear! (Spoiler, he still doesn’t know what he’s doing)

-He’s really stuck and can either stay as quiet as a nun or start babbling in a language you probably wouldn’t even understand because he’s so nervous

-Or actually, he might start crying with you if I’m being fair; he’s very in sync with his Henry and your emotions

-Once he calms down, he’s actually not all that bad at comforting. Levi is a bit stand offish with his hugs at first but he relaxes into them and by now, you’re both standing by the side of his bed, with you leaning onto him and him holding your hand. He then intertwines your fingers together but subconsciously because he wouldn’t have the gall otherwise

-Later, he tells you to help yourself with the snacks he has hidden in his room. I guarantee you he has a whole ass mini refrigerator hidden somewhere for his all night gaming session, in case he needs any boosts. No one knows how Beel hasn’t found the stash yet and there’s no need to tell him

-Then you watch re runs of old shows together and make fun of the shitty editing and dialogue. He’s still holding your hand though and he’s really flustered and wondering if it’s too sweaty for you but don’t mention it because he’ll get even more embarrassed

-He glances over to you, every once in a while, whilst you’re cuddled up against his arm, eyes glued on the TV, to make sure you’re OK. You almost gave him a seizure or at least that’s how he felt-so he made it his mission to make you feel better by any means necessary. Fuck today’s raids, his team can get them done without him!!

“I-I don’t know why you would want me of all people to hug you but…” he trailed off in a whisper, having to lean down so you could wrap your arms against his neck and bury your head in his shoulder. He pulled you in closer, a streak of protectiveness coursing through him as he shut the door to his room with his foot “Lord of the Shadows would never leave Henry all on his own, so I’m not going to do that either. This is an important character development arc and-just, please don’t cry. I’ll give you more hugs, OK? Seeing you like this is not good for my heart-“ stopped mid sentence after realising what he just said and now he’s the one burying his head in your shoulder, flushed beyond hell “Forget I just said that! Holy Lord Diavolo this is embarrassing, why am I like this????”

Satan:

-It troubles him greatly to see you like this and he can sort of feel the world shift out of place, seeing you with tears running down your face and hands balled into fists out of frustration almost immediately makes him fly into a fit of rage because who would dare to hurt you-

-Oh, a hug? If that’s all you need, he’s more than happy to oblige but if you’re as distraught as you seem to be, he wonders if just a small embrace from him would be enough

-Satan’s hugs are very intimate and even passionate at times. He has one hand on the back of your head and the other supporting your lower back while you bawl your eyes out into his shoulder and getting his uniform wet

-You can’t really seem to focus on what he’s trying to tell you because he’s so warm and welcoming and even though he’s someone as renowned as the Avatar of Wrath, he’s shockingly patient with you as you let out the overwhelming emotions that have been consuming you all day

-It’s hard to not relax when you’re in Satan’s presence because he’s calm and he smells like musty, old books and mahogany wood and cats, meaning he was most likely cuddling strays he found on the street the entire day. The first visual that comes to mind is fire crackling behind a grate in a chimney and someone reading a book while swinging back and forth on an old, rickety chair when you’re around him

-He will wait until you’re no longer crying and then, before you know it, you find yourself in the library with him, drinking tea and being handed a plate of biscuits he took from the kitchen to help you regain your strength after all that crying. You’re still feeling pretty miserable about the day you’ve had but you quickly lose yourself in a conversation with him over a cup of tea

-Sometimes, you two talk for hours on end about nothing important just to hear each other’s voices and finally have some quality time spent together. Even though he wishes the circumstances were better, he’s glad to have been able to snatch you away from his brothers for a while and he’s even happier you chose him to confide in

-Satan practically doesn’t even mention your outburst and keeps the small talk minimal but he wants you to know that if you do wish to tell him about it, he’s more than happy to listen and he’s not so bad at giving advice either

-The topic of the discussion you were having with him changed abruptly by the end of the night and now you’re reading together from this book he started a while ago, both of you covered with a blanket, your head on his chest and his leaning on yours. He’s holding the book with both of his hands, but still managed to get his left wrapped around you. And because of this feeling of safety and warmth, you don’t feel desperate anymore. Tomorrow, you’ll be able to sort out your feelings but now, you’re content to just listening to Satan read, in his clear, soft voice

“Ah MC, could you turn the page for me?” You do as he asked to and you could feel him smiling as he kissed your hairline, sighing before going back to the book and the story within “Thank you. You truly are amazing, did you know that? I’ve never met someone as caring and as kind as you. Well, I suppose Beel could compete for the title but unlike him, you don’t really leave us in debt whenever we visit the grocery store.” Hearing you laugh makes him smile even more and he lets you hold the other side of the book while he plays with your hair and now you join in reading with him, out loud and trying to act out voices for the characters. As everything unfolds, Satan feels the world click right back into place.

Asmo:

-It’s a known fact by now that Asmo is willing to give you any sort of affection at any point in time, whether it’d be a hug, a kiss, holding your hand-you name it! I mean, whenever he’s feeling down, you being there to encourage him helps a lot so it’s only natural it works the other way around too!

-If he notices that you’re genuinely upset by something, then he would have no problem whatsoever with lavishing you in attention and really, a hug or two from him is the bare minimum in situations like this

-In any case, he always enjoys fussing over you and you having a bad day is the perfect excuse for him to do so! After all, he can’t disappoint you since you came to him with your troubles and he will do anything in his power to make you feel better. Actually, if he could, he would keep hugging you forever but as miraculous as his charm can be, it’s not effective against someone with this low of a morale

-His first suggestion is to take a bath! It’s his way of taking care of you; you’re tired after such a long day and he feels like you’re neglecting yourself a little because of it. So you relax in his bathtub with him for a while, him actively trying to get your mind off any bad, lingering thoughts while you splash around in the bubbles

-And obviously after that, you need to have your mandatory spa sessions with him since you need to unwind and what’s a better way to do that than to let him paint your nails and apply lotion to your skin? Besides, it creates a great opportunity for you to take things off your chest

-He’s in need to hear gossip constantly so if you don’t feel like talking, he’s gonna be a bit bummed out but he still respects your wishes enough to not push you. If your problem is as sensitive as the death of a family member, you’re not obligated to talk to him about it and he will understand, since people grieve in different ways. He too shut down after the death of Lilith for a while after all

-A bad day is nothing Asmo can’t handle. He’s had plenty of those before, mostly because of Mammon and his thievery, they’re usually common factors. It’s only natural you experience those yourself and he’s more than willing to be your support system if you need one. He wants you to know that you can go to him if you need advice or help with anything, or even if you just need to someone to hear you out

-To give a more detailed explanation of his hugs, they are usually really light and you never feel suffocated when you’re in his arms. He never squeezes you too tight and he always smells amazing, so you feel inclined to stay near him for as long as possible. Despite his overtly loud nature, he gets incredibly soft spoken with you and he traces patterns on your back and arms as you stand there together

-It’s important to mention, he never pulls away from you first. He lets you decide when you’ve had enough and when you’re ready to move on or if you require some other means of comfort

-And even if you’re no longer disgruntled, he’s still going to pamper you as much as possible the next day with either a shopping spree or another few spa sessions, this time done at a professional institution rather than the privacy of his bedroom

-Asmo is in touch with your emotions and it’s kinda scary sometimes because of how well he can read you, since he almost always knows what you need

“Oh darling, how could I refuse a hug from you?” You can feel his arms embrace you, even with your eyes closed and for some reason, this makes you cry even harder, sobbing as he tries to comfort you. You’re aware he let go of you at some point and returned with a tissue to dab away at your tears, gently to not hurt your eyes and now he’s hugging you again, a wry smile on his face “You don’t have to worry about a thing, MC. Everything will get sorted out, I promise. In the meantime, come to me if anything troubles you again, OK? No more crying, darling-it’s bad for your eyes.”

Beel:

-The type to immediately lean in for a hug without even questioning why. As soon as you ask him, you barely have time to finish the question and you already find yourself in his arms. The only exception would be when he’s eating or maybe in the middle of a work out but the point is he doesn’t hesitate much when it comes to you. And I mean, he loves hugs just as much as his siblings do

-Beel is not the most observant and he may not realise you’re in a bad mood unless you tell him outright. It’s not even that he’s emotionally distant, it’s just that if you tell him that you’re fine, then he’s gonna take your word for it and believe you since he’s pretty straightforward with his feelings as well. However, as dense as he may be on occasion, even he’s bound to notice that you’re not being your usual self and this is especially true if you start crying out of nowhere while he’s nearby. Probably assumes the worst and is under the impression that he did something to upset you because shifting the blame onto himself whenever others suffer is his coping mechanism and we’ve seen him to do it before

-If you’ve just had a bad day, he understands that things could’ve been very overwhelming for you and he wishes he had known sooner so he could’ve helped back then, instead of letting it come to this. But he doesn’t hesitate all that much since he looks like he’s built for giving hugs on a daily basis. I’m not even sure this would classify as a hug since you’re not touching the floor. Rather, you are attached to him like a koala and he’s carrying you around as if you were a baby strapped to his chest. And he genuinely doesn’t mind. He’s been doing it with Belphie for centuries now

-Please, after a while he gets seriously concerned because are humans supposed to cry this much? What if you dehydrate or something? So he makes you stay in bed and just gives you plenty of water. You look so pale and sad, he shares his food with you too because his heart is aching just looking at you like this. He feels like besides being there, he can’t provide you with much help and he’s starting to think he’s hopeless at comforting

-If a family member died then…Beel is one of the best people you could’ve gone to. Honestly, having dealt with his sister’s situation, he knows how horrible it is to lose somebody you love dearly (I mean, all the brothers do but I’m making a point saying Beel, Belphie and Lucifer were especially affected). Now he’s sad himself since he’s aware that you’re going through something similar and his twin might walk in on the two of you being emotional on the floor

-For the most part, Beel makes sure you keep yourself healthy even when you’re tired and depressed. Continues to bring you food, even if he eats half of it on his way to your room, and just keeps you company in general in case you get lonely. Seeing you upset makes him even more considerate of your feelings and you don’t have the heart to tell him that he doesn’t need to stay with you all night. He thinks he does because you’ve always offered to stay with him whenever he’s had nightmares before so how he’s gotta return the favour

-Beel gives these bear hugs all the time, since he’s so big and his hand basically covers your entire back. So, more often than not, you end up cuddling while standing because he’s a lot taller than you, with him being a demon and all. Despite that, you feel so unbelievably complete when he holds you like this. It’s hard not to feel protected since his whole body is practically concealing yours so easily all the time and you feel sheltered from the world and it’s….nice

-And Beel enjoys hugging you too, because he knows that as long as he’s nearby, you’ll be safe and that’s really all he needs. He wants to be there for you the same way you were there for him when he needed it most and comforting you when you’re having a shitty day is like his full time job

-You could come to Beel with any problem and he would never judge you, no matter what. He’s just really unproblematic and he just wants you to go back to your normal self because it hurts him to see you cry your eyes out. Now, not only are hugs mandatory but holding your hand is too. It’s like hugging…but your hands are doing the hugging

-Definitely even goes to Belphie after a while if he really doesn’t know what to do and that’s how you know he’s desperate to do something. Since the Seventh Born isn’t exactly someone that yields great advice, more so when it comes to other…people….and his twin knows this-

-Beel’s best strategy at the moment is to just maintain some kind of physical contact because he discovered that makes you feel better and it calms you down more than him trying to verbally console you. He even invited you to sleep in his room if you’re comfortable doing so just so you’re not alone. After that one incident, he’s trying to coax you to tell him whenever something is wrong so he can jump in and help, because that’s all he really wants to do ahakenksms

“MC? Did something happen?” He’s honestly taken aback by how shaky you are and how you’re hands are trembling as they’re reaching to connect with his. Without much of a warning, he feels a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach and now he discovers that he doesn’t like seeing you with tears trailing down your face. And he feels worse the longer you wail in his chest and he doesn’t know what to do. So, he wraps his arms around you so tight you think you might explode, strangely comforted by the feeling as he speaks again “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to upset you. What can I do to help, MC? We can just stay like this for a while if you want” And when he sees you nod, he proceeds to not move an inch almost the entire night. Obviously, hunger overtook him eventually but he shared his stolen goods with you so can you really complain? Doubtful, not when he hasn’t let go of your hand the whole time.

Belphie:

- Hugging him is a gamble. Realistically speaking, you’re not going to catch him standing upright long enough for you to give him a hug. He’s laying on the floor somewhere, asleep so you shouldn’t expect much from him to begin with. Even if you were to get lucky and stumble upon him while he’s wide awake, he might slump over and succumb to sleep the moment you embrace him because you’re so warm

-Cuddling is a different story altogether. He’d rather shoot himself in the foot than not have you cuddle with him so if you need to be babied for once, he’s a pretty good option to consider

-As usual, he’s in the attic and you go to him because it’s really late and you didn’t want to wake up any of the other brothers. Actually, Belphie is normally awake by dusk so to see him sleep like a log past midnight was quite surprising. You didn’t exactly want to interrupt but if you stayed alone for any longer, you would’ve gone insane. So you shook him awake. And he was understandably confused and probably forgot what planet he was on for a minute when you did so

-Technically, he was half awake and from his point of view, everything must’ve been pretty blurry. He did see you; the problem was that because he was still feeling very sleepy, he was basically in a daze and could only squint at you to try and figure out if you were really there or if he was hallucinating. His suspicion was confirmed soon enough because he reached out after a few seconds and poked your cheek just to check. His face the entire time and the action itself was so amusing that, despite tittering on the edge of a breakdown, you burst out laughing

-Once he came to the conclusion that you were, in fact, real and he wasn’t dreaming, he sighed and opened his arms out for you; a direct invitation to cuddle with him. By now, he likely didn’t even noticed you looked sad because, as I said, he was all over the place but this little ritual you two have was common enough that it got engraved in his memory. Now he does it out of impulse whenever you’re around and he wants attention

-So you basically tackled him and threw yourself on top of him so hard, both of you toppled over on the bed and now you were used as a blanket, with his arms wrapped securely around you; preventing you from getting up. Not that you were planning on doing that anytime soon but moving on-

-You thought he had fallen back asleep, because he went really quiet and he stopped squirming to get comfortable. To be exact, the whole room was rather still and the only thing you could really hear was Belphie’s soft breathing and the rustle of the bedsheets every once in a while. And since it was extremely dark as well, you couldn’t see a thing either so it felt like the best place to let go of your stress

-It’s not like you were making much noise but as I said, the seventh born wasn’t sleeping just yet. And he wouldn’t be able to because it was obvious to him now that something was wrong. He believed that he was bearing witness to something that should’ve been a lot more private than this so he didn’t say anything. You should have your moment, let you have a chance to recollect your thoughts and the next day, he might ask you

-It was too much to handle. It’s not like he was gonna get any sleep unless he knew your problem was solved otherwise he might get nightmares all night. Besides, if you’re crying this much, then something terrible must’ve happened. You realised he was awake when he gave your entire body a small squeeze, as if to reassure you and you froze because did you just wake him up???? Or worse, did he hear all that sobbing you were doing????

-Hugging him is similar to hugging a pillow. He’s soft and squishy and warm and it’s impossible to resist him when rest at a time like this is so tempting. His fingers running over your pact mark once or twice, as if to remind you that he’s right there and low whispers describing the best dream he ever had about you, hoping to distract you for long enough to help you fall asleep

-To him, it doesn’t make a difference if a family member died or if you’re just having a bad day. All he knows is that you’re having a lot of emotional problems because of either one and as a result, you need a shoulder to lean on. He’s glad that you trust him enough to let him assist and if it was up to him, he would keep cuddling you forever. You’ve already suffered enough so let him take care of you this time around, OK?

“Dumbass, why are you crying?” The gentleness of his words was a clear contrast to that quick insult he shoved at the beginning of his statement, though you couldn’t hear any malice behind it and the fact that he really cared about what happened to cause you to struggle with your emotions so badly, would’ve made you wail even harder. However, he managed to silence you pretty well because he kept speaking and you wanted to listen; you wanted to hear what he had to say so you reduced your sobs and you sat quietly enough to do just that. Belphie flipped you over, now with him on top and you underneath and he laid there, cheek sloshed against yours as he sleepily mumbled out more praise for you, “MC, are you tired? You should go to bed, you need to get some sleep. Tomorrow, you can tell me what the problem is and I’ll help. I promise-I’ll even get up early for you. Just…please calm down. I don’t want to see you crying yourself to sleep ever again. I’ll stay here the entire time, alright? And I’ll make sure you have nice dreams tonight MC…just let me hold you…”

[thebangtancloud]

I'm really afraid...

dearest readers, it's been the longest period of time I've been away from Tumblr - a place that really had become a stress buster for me for the past whole year. Needless to say, I'm more stressed than I've ever been.

Tomorrow by this, I'd probably be sleeping for 16 hours straight after finishing my exam. I really needed to come here and just let out a few of my frustrations before I can write my exam tomorrow. I'm really struggling with a shit ton of things rn, and it's really come to the stage where I've saturated my brain to the point where I go blank minutes into opening my book. Maybe I just need to talk about it.

Thankfully I'm not as anxious as I thought I would be. A few months ago - when my anxiety was getting out of my hand - there would be instances I'd simply pass out due to my stress, which I feared would happen during my exam or even before it. I made it a point to eat healthy food regularly to give my body the nutrition that it needs, but somewhere down the line, I haven't been taking good care of myself.

I've stopped working out like I used to, I don't run anymore and neither am I able to sit through long workouts because I'm exhausted from sitting at my desk all day. A few weeks ago I went through a really dark phase, to the point where I wasted a good week doing absolutely nothing but lying down in the darkness and thinking about all the things that could go wrong with my life. During that time, I excessively slept for almost 12 hours each day, went to cook some food or do some work and lie back down for another nap. That really terrified me, because one day I found myself taking the lift to the last floor of my building and simply standing by an open window - emotionless. That really... idk. That scared me. It planted a thought in my head that should never germinate, never even be there for that matter. I told my mum that night and needless to say, she was really shaken. She clearly told me the next day when she left for work, "Just take it easy. And don't go to the 18th floor. Just don't."

Of course, I haven't gone there ever since. Maybe it was me crying out to God every night - but I came out of that phase just as quickly as I slipped into it. I don't even want to mention this, but it's been playing on my mind for a while so why not. There was this big thing in my country regarding the postponement of the entrance exam. Apparently, the dates were clashing with a bunch of different exams and giving the students a lot of stress. A case was filed which was taken to the High Court because apparently there were 16 reported suicides due to the pressure on the students. The case - of course - was dismissed with the exam scheduled to take place as planned. That just really disturbed me.

I'm much more active now, just not like I want to be. I want to go for a run. I want to work out till my lungs burns. I want to go cycling in the rain. And I will after I'm done with this exam.

I know you're probably thinking of telling me to take it easy, but since I've given this exam last year and couldn't clear it, I know the stress and the disappointment that follows. I don't want to be in that same place again.

Thankfully, I feel healthy, unlike a few months ago when I'd feel lightheaded not even an hour after eating something (which was all due to my anxiety lol). I'm much more confident about my paper - the only fear now being blanking out in the middle of the exam.

*sigh*

I feel good to write this. I feel good to be back on Tumblr. The comments and messages people have left really warm my heart and make me feel so loved. Thank you so much for that. I love you all.

It's only me predicting the hibernation that I'll slip into after my exam, but my mum insists that I'll be too excited to even think of sleeping lol. If I do not end up sleeping for days on end, I'll soon be here to chat with you all!!

~Ray🌦

[chloe-online]

loved and i lost

hi, atm chris is my comfort character (its bc of re vendetta rbjhe) so i wanted to write a lil something :) honestly with everything going on rn im not putting too much effort into it (hence the title) and i do apologize for that. also want to mention i probably didn't paragraph right but ignore it. i hope you enjoy anyway!

pairing: Chris redfield x fem!reader

its been four months. four months since you got that call from the BSAA breaking the news to you. ever since your life hasnt been the same. Chris Redfield, the love of your life, died on his mission and his body wasnt recovered. you couldnt even have closure, all you were told is that he was gone.

you let out a sigh at the memory. you were trying your best to take care of yourself but it was just really hard. having chris in your life meant that you had someone to look up to, someone to work for, but now that someone is gone.

you sighed, pouring the milk into your cheerios. if chris was here you would've cooked a proper meal, but cereal was easiest and it filled you up just enough that it would last you till tomorrow.

you sat out on the porch slowly lifting the spoon up to your mouth over and over. you looked up to the sky, there wasn't a star in sight. the stars were shimmering, and it made you take your meal and go back inside. you couldn't handle the memory of eating under the stars with chris.

you flushed your cereal down the toilet and went to place your bowl in the sink, which was overflowing with dirty dishes. you meant to do them but everytime you tried you physically couldn't. while you piling your empty bowl in the sink you decided that a shower was well needed.

you made your way to the bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror. your hair was a mess, you've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days, and your face was smeared with makeup you tried doing earlier. you wanted to try and make yourself presentable because leon said he was coming over but you realized you couldn't let anyone see the state you were living in, so you canceled your plans with him and apologized.

you turned the water on, stripped yourself, and stepped into the warm shower. you just stood there for a few moments, soaking in the warmth. you were in and out in the span of 5ish minutes, you just wanted to clean yourself up a little bit and the warm water did that just fine.

you slipped into some black shorts and one of chris' shirts. it still smelled like him and it soothed you but at the same time it brought tears to your eyes. you missed him so much, it hurt. you curled up into bed and cuddled your blanket as if it was him. you couldn't stop the tears, they just kept coming.

you stayed like this for a long while. since you didn't finish what was supposed to be your dinner you thought it might be a good idea to get a small snack before you go to bed. as your feet touched the carpet you heard glass shatter from across the house.

there was no way it was leon or claire, they had a key so they would've came in through the front door. someone broke in. you scurried into the bathroom and locked the door. you put the passcode in on your phone and called chris' number, you knew he wouldn't pick up but you liked to leave voicemails, it made you feel safe. you tried your best to be quiet but you were crying and your voice was shakey.

"hi chris, i know you'll never get this but just pretending to talk to you is enough for me. someones in the house, I'm scared but i think I'm safe. i love you, i miss you so much baby," you managed to muster. you hung up and put your phone away.

it was silent for a while so you figured you'd just go check it out and if you felt uneasy, or if you knew someone was there still you'd call 911. the door opened with a creak and you tiptoed out to the kitchen.

you thought the coast was clear so you leaned your back onto the kitchen island, debating if you should continue to look around or if you should just lock yourself in the bathroom and deal with it in the morning. but when you put your back to the island it was already too late.

someone crept up from the other side and in seconds you were unconscious.

_________________________________________________

".... i love you, i miss you so much baby." *voicemail ends*

chris let out an angry sigh, this mission was too much. he knew he had to go make sure y/n was okay. her voice was shaky, and she sounded very scared.

four months ago he was assigned to a mission where he had to fake his death. ever since he'd get voicemails and text messages from you. it broke his heart to see how sad you were. this job was very important but he thought that you deserved to know that he was okay, it should've been like that from the beginning.

"hq I'm going home, i will be back."

"Alpha you cannot just abandon your post, this mission is important."

"i don't fucking care! i have to go make sure y/n is okay. someone broke in. canine and umber eyes are taking over till I'm back." Chris just hoped he wasnt too late

_________________________________________________

you were drugged, blindfolded, and tied up to one of the dining chairs. you could only hear them taking valuables, digging through drawers, cabinets, and any other storage unit you had. they paused and you could hear them pick up a picture frame and chuckle under their breath.

"well well, you're chris redfields girl? you're a fucking mess! there's no fucking way he put up with you. maybe that's why he died," those words hit pretty hard. tears threatened to start falling again. your lack of response clearly pissed him off.

"its your fault he's gone y'know, let that sink in. if you were good enough he'd still be here!" at this point he was grabbing your face, taunting you. he was obviously just trying to hurt your feelings, and it worked. satisfied with what he did, he threw your head back and let go.

"pathetic," at that moment there was a knock at the door. the robber voiced a very confused 'what the fuck?' you heard the door creak open followed by a loud thud. it sounded like someone hit the floor. grunts and sounds of fighting filled the room.

'is leon here to help me?' the sounds of fighting came to a stop and footsteps were heading your way. you felt a oddly familiar hand touch your shoulder.

"please don't hurt me, i don't want to leave my friends, we need each other."

"hey, hey baby its me," your blindfold was torn off and your eyes were met with chris' soft brown ones. once you were free of the chair you clung to Chris and buried your face in the crook of his neck.

"i thought you were gone, i missed you so much," you guys just held each other for a while. you pushed away and pulled chris into a kiss, which he gladly returned the favor.

"I'll explain what happened, i promise. just please come with me," you instantly agreed. chris was here and you couldn't be happier.

sorry for any typos, i hope you enjoyed!