#rip to dh for

[drinkingteainthedark]

[ID: An image made on a website where users can make their own Star Rail Texts, featuring Dan Heng in Blade's dms. It reads:

"Please baby I'm sorry"

(2 unread messages)

"My beautiful princess with a disorder"

"Talk to me." End ID]

Post Jingliu's quest

[ririrules60]

Remember the swap au? Back at it again w more coherent content!

OK so i think i said once that i wanted the outsider to take corvo’s place, and i thought a fun way of getting there was making the outsider be some servant at dunwall tower that becomes friends with emily. Maybe she escapes her classes to play with him in secret, and eventually he winds up helping her with subjects she doesn’t understand, etc.

I was thinking of maybe placing Curnow as royal protector? Not entirely sure yet, but i really like the Emily-Outsider dynamic so i’ll just figure it out for the sake of these two beloveds! Also, no, i still don’t know what name to give the Outsider in this version of him since he’s technically just a regular human. These are the times when i wish there was some general fandom consensus on what his name was to spare me the awkwardness of giving him one myself, but oh well XD

I also feel like mentioning that, since the Outsider takes Corvo’s place as the marked one in this case, it’d be pretty fucked up for a 15 year old to get framed for the murder of the empress and abduction of her daughter and be sent to coldrige prison. He’s a freaking teenager. Maybe he gets some shared responsibility with Curnow, if i did just slap him into royal protector? I dunno. Still, food for thought. Hope anyone reading this enjoys my rambling on this two year old swap au that is slowly but surely going somewhere XD

[cameronmitchelljohn]

i opened ibispaint and didnt realize i did a drawinf last night and saw this and. i kind of fw it ?!?!?!?!?!

like how do half my nicest sketches come from when im half asleep 😞

[possible-streetwear]

D.H. PELIGRO -  Darren Eric Henley - R.I.P.

DEAD KENNEDYS - NAILBOMB - RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS -  Cat's Cradle - Feederz -  Jungle Studs -  Reverend Jones

[icedjuiceboxes]

She, Queen of Kings,

running so fast, beatin' the wind

nothin' in this world can stop the spread of her wings

[Song: Queen of Kings, Alessandra Mele]

[tumblezwei]

new favorite pastime is searching "Baiheng" on Twitter and seeing people tear each other apart on whether or not the Bailu = Baiheng theory is true.

And it is, but it's fun to see people so mad at the idea because they just aren't paying attention.

[jueying]

ayy not the exact circumstances i was wanting to celebrate this in but nice!

[culturalappreciator]

RIP to punk rock musician, drummer & member of the Dead Kennedys,

D.H. Peligro (1969-2022)

[akkivee]

they promised to each other that dotsuitare hompo was going to reach the top this time 😭😭😭😭😭

[ranboo5]

i mean maybe cranboo could be the higher/audioedited parts of no leverage no pleasure but that song is moreso both members’ insecurities having a conversation within cbee context

Hmm I don't think NL/NP quite applies in general. There are some lines that kill ("I have no leverage, so I feel no pleasure" is fucking insane in cbee context it works both ways and both of them make me want to chew through the drywall; "Can I have you, and can you be everything I need" is gonna make me commit a crime) and I can see wym with the chorus but just doesn't strike me as too particularly it

But ACTUALLY. HOWEVER. NL/NP WORKS REALLY, REALLY WELL FOR DEAD HAND

[snowflop]

Sorry for the hsr spoiler spam btw. I'll try and make sure everything is tagged for at least like, 3 weeks. The 2.1 story fucked me up and if I don't cry and wail about I will pass away.

[deathlonging]

anyway ppl who write billie rarepair fics are doing god's work

[mxdwn]

Dead Kennedys Issue Statement Regarding D.H. Peligro’s Cause of Death

https://music.mxdwn.com/2023/05/04/news/dead-kennedys-issue-statement-regarding-d-h-peligros-cause-of-death/

[toorumlk]

Hi I'm so freaking obsessed with your twitter.

Also what's your favorite Romione moment in the books and why?

ohohoho thank you, friend, i’m quite proud of some of the stuff i’ve posted on there B)

and as for my favourite romione moment in the books, when i read the question i first blanked out for a couple minutes, thinking of a bunch of smaller, sillier scenes. but then i remembered that i do have a favourite and it’s from chapter 11 of DH, when remus visited the trio at grimmauld place and filled them in on he goings on of the war -including the implementation of the muggle-born registry. ron’s response upon hearing this (after his immediate outrage) was

and it’s not just the hand holding and the “��you won’t have a choice’ said Ron fiercely” that played out so vividly in my head like this:

but this scene demonstrates so perfectly the political weight of this pairing (muggleborn/blood traitor) which i think is the immovable narrative foundation of romione. all of their silly moments and idiosyncrasies aside, there is genuine narrative purpose behind this love. ron has always had an astute understanding of the blood supremacist politics of the wizarding world (need i remind that he was ready to curse shitco at the ripe age of 12 for calling hermione the in-universe slur) and just how wrong it is. ron is a pure-blood wizard and by design has so much privilege in this society bc of it, but by virtue of having parents like arthur and molly, he’s grown up knowing the importance of fighting against blood supremacist ideology. always.

so, after hearing about the completely horrifying muggleborn registry ("People won't let this happen," said Ron. "It is happening, Ron," said Lupin.), he immediately turns to his muggleborn best friend and love of his life and says “i’m making you a family member, i’m going to use the protection my family-name has and use it to protect you from the awful injustice of our situation, no you won’t have a choice but to let me help you”

i remember having such a… visceral reaction while reading this scene like holy shit .. these kids, THESE KIDS!!!!! this is the bone-marrow-deep love that makes me feel insane. this dynamic of the blood traitor/muggleborn always there, from CoS all the way to the epilogue. We get to see that romione is the story’s pure blood/muggleborn that finally made it (rip jily and tedromeda :(). we see it in hermione keeping her muggle last name after they get married (oh my god these two actually got married) and we also see it in the hyphenated Granger-Weasley (granger being first!) in their kids’ last names (oh my gof these two had TWO kids). they are a true symbol of change and progress in their world.

also this is one of those moments where i’m so glad that our only window to romiones relationship development is through harry’s narration because it so brilliantly shows the readers this blossoming love story instead of just telling us about it because harry obviously doesn’t have access to the inner thoughts of his two best friends, he can only witness them fall deeper in love. showing the audience acts of love is always more powerful and my god is this an act of showing your love to your beloved.

(and not to go on an unrelated tangent, but this is exactly why i could never ship my girl hermione w any DE or DE-adjacent character. no fucking way. not when the concept of a muggle-born registry exists in this universe, not when the antagonists in this story wish to eradicate people like her from their society. idk about the rest of y’all but im going to keep taking the narrative seriously bc the worldbuilding obviously has real world ties/implications and i like engaging with the canon. tangently to the tangent, i saw someone (a ron basher) on twitter say that ron, OUR RON FROM THE ABOVE EXCERPT, was “one bad day away from becoming a death eater” ohhhh ohhh i ought to beat you with sticks bc HUH? this is the same kid who said he would’ve boarded the train back to kings cross if he got sorted to slytherin, the house notorious for birthing DEs, at the tender age of 11)

anyways, all this to say is that romione is incredibly, realistically, materially romantic and i love them and i love their love <3

[ladykailitha]

Soft Part 1 of 2

I was meant to be working on Grief (A Friend Indeed) this weekend because I didn't want to leave you hanging at the end of six (which I have written), but my muse wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote this one. It's a little more than 3k, so I'm splitting it up. Which will give me more time to write part 7.

It's called soft because all the way through writing it, that's what the feel was. It was all fluff. And I really couldn't think of a better title.

*

Eddie walked into the apartment Steve shared with Robin and found Steve crying on the sofa.

"Stevie?" he asked, gently creeping up on the sofa as not to startle him.

"Hey, Eds," Steve greeted mournfully.

"What happened, babe?" Eddie asked, easing on the sofa next to him.

"Anna broke up with me..." he muttered.

Eddie blinked. "But wasn't she the one that brought up marriage, like just last week?"

Steve nodded. "Apparently it was a test or some such shit."

"What did you say?" he asked.

"I told her that marriage is great when you find the right person, but that it wasn't for everyone," Steve explained. "I said it was great feeling to stand up in front of your friends and family and declare your love for each other."

"Sounds great to me," Eddie said. "What was her damage?"

Steve sighed. "Apparently the answer to the question 'should people get married' is never ever in a million years and I'm a misogynist for even thinking about it."

"Ouch."

"Stupid me for thinking otherwise," Steve groused. "Hell I even went and put a down payment on a ring. A very nonrefundable down payment."

Eddie closed his eyes and opened them slowly. "Shit, sweetheart. She should reimburse you for that, leading you on like she did."

Steve shook his head, pulling out a small box. "I bought this instead." He handed it to Eddie.

Eddie opened the box and inside was a beautiful white gold chain with a large clasp.

"That's pretty, Stevie," he murmured. "Birdie will love it."

Steve shook his head again. "It's for you. It's for your guitar pick." He jutted his chin at Eddie's necklace.

"What?"

"Can I show you?" Steve asked gently, holding out his hand.

Eddie nodded and took the necklace off and placed it in his waiting palm.

Steve set it on his thigh as he unscrewed one end of the clasp. He slid the pick off the bubble chain Eddie kept it on and onto the silver chain. He screwed the clasp back on and then brought the two ends back together. They connected without any help from Steve.

"Whoa!" Eddie said, enthralled.

"It's magnetic," he explained. "That way when you do shows you can do the whole rip it off your neck without having to buy new chains all the time."

He handed it back to Eddie, who put it on. He tugged on it normally but it didn't come off. He tugged harder and it came off in his hand. The chain slipped around his palm and reconnected. He wrapped it around his wrist and the pick fell perfectly in his hand so he could strum.

He played a little air guitar and then put back around his neck.

Steve ran his fingers through his hair. "I heard that picks really don't last long, and that that one is really special, so I had these made too."

He pulled the cushion out of the jewelry box to reveal about a dozen picks with a hole drilled into the top so Eddie could string them on the necklace.

Eddie picked one up and saw that it had initials on it. "JL." He picked up another one. "DH." A third. "LS."

"Steve..." he whispered.

"They each have an initial for someone you love," Steve murmured. "Your uncle. Your band. The kids."

"Not you?" Eddie asked, tilting his head around so he could get a better look at Steve face.

Steve blushed a dark red. He tugged on the necklace and it came off in his hand. "My initials are here." He pointed to the two clasps. And sure enough there were engraved into the silver was a simple S and H.

Eddie's heart stuttered in his chest. "Thank you." His lip quivered a bit before he spoke again. "You didn't have to do this, you know."

Steve shook his head. "I had to get something with down payment. This wasn't that much. I promise. I liked getting it for you."

Eddie just nodded.

*

Eddie showed up for band practice, practically vibrating out of his skin.

Jeff leaned back. “Whoa, man. Who’s put caffeine into your veins?”

“Lookie what Stevie got me!” he said and yanked off the chain, it immediately demonstrated the effect for him.

“Holy shit!” Gareth said bounding up to him. “That’s so freaking cool.”

Eddie grinned. “He also got me these.” And he poured the picks into Gareth’s hand.

Gareth picked one up, after another reading off the initials. “JH, ES, DH... GH?”

He looked up at Eddie in awe. He held up the GH. “Is that me?”

Eddie nodded, pursing his lips. “There’s a JL and a BM in there too.”

“And the rest all the kids right?” Brian asked coming up behind Gareth.

“And Wayne and Robin,” Eddie confirmed.

Jeff wandered over, too. “No pick for Stevie?” he asked, pushing them around in Gareth’s hand.

Eddie quietly showed them the initials on the necklace itself.

“Holy fuck!” Brian said, wide-eyed. “That’s a declaration of love if I ever saw one, man.”

Jeff nodded. “Yeah, Ed. That’s some straight up romantic shit.”

“Come on, guys,” Eddie moaned. “It’s not like that. He put a down payment on a ring for a relationship that went bust and needed to spend it anyway.”

All three of his bandmates just stared at him in disbelief.

He squirmed a little under their gaze. “I bet Birdie got something even better than this.” He held up the necklace. “It’s only silver, it couldn’t have cost that much anyway.”

“Dude,” Brian said. “Your rings are silver. That is something else.”

Eddie frowned and compared the two pieces of jewelry side by side.

“Oh.”

He chewed on his lip. “I think I know what metal this is.”

Gareth rubbed his chin. “It looks like my mom’s wedding ring. And that’s...”

“White gold,” Eddie and Gareth said together.

Jeff’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “You mean to tell me that Steve got you a necklace made of white gold and you still don’t think it’s a declaration of his undying love you?”

“Guys...” he whined. “It’s only the necklace. It can’t have cost that much, okay?”

Jeff ran his tongue over his lips, a sly look on his face.

“What?” Eddie barked.

“I’ll tell you what...” Jeff said shrewdly. “If he bought something for Buckley, too, we’ll learn all fucking ten minutes of Master of Puppets.”

Eddie grinned. But Brian and Gareth didn’t even have the decency to look worried.

“And if he hasn’t...” Jeff continued. “You’ll play Free Bird at the next gig at the Hideout.”

Eddie groaned. Both songs were long, but he thought Free Bird was boring. Not like Master of Puppets, that song had depths.

But then again... he was sure that Robin had something even nicer from Steve. Like diamond stud earrings or some shit.

“You’re on.”

Jeff smiled as they shook on it and it made Eddie doubt a bit.

Nah.

He had this on lock.

*

Eddie came bounding up to the counter at Steve and Robin’s job at the bookstore. Just another in their long line of jobs they had together.

“Where is your soulmate?” he asked the very disgruntled Robin.

She rolled her eyes. “He’s at home. With another migraine.”

Eddie winced. “That’s the third one this week.”

Robin nodded. “He’s got an appointment with a neurologist next week, but I’m stuck here, while he’s at home being miserable.”

Eddie pouted. “Poor Birdie. I can check up on him on my way home?”

“Thanks,” she said, a little bit of tension leaving her body.

“Speaking of your soulmate,” he said. “Did he show you what he got me?”

Robin shook her head. “I didn’t even realize he had gotten you anything.”

Eddie frowned, but took off his necklace and handed it to her.

She smiled at the initials. “That dingus. That’s really sweet of him.”

He told her the whole story. “So what did he get you?” he asked when he finished.

Robin furrowed her brow. “Nothing.”

Eddie reared back his head. “That’s not possible. He loves you the most in all the world. He would have gotten you something.”

She gently took his hand, the necklace tangling around their fingers. “Eddie, he loves you, too. Just as much, just differently.”

He reached out with his free hand and fingered the braided chain. “Jeff... the whole band really thought it was a declaration of true love.”

“They sound pretty smart to me.”

Eddie pursed his lips. He nodded. “I’ve got to go. Don’t worry, I’ll still check up on him.”

He untangled their hands and put the necklace back on.

Robin watched him go with a fond smile on her face. They were both stupid. But they were getting there.

*

Eddie had made sure Steve had taken his medicine and was lying down in his room with an ice pack on his head.

He was snooping. He was usually against that. Like with every fiber of his being, but this was extenuating circumstances. He couldn’t ask Steve as it was for a surprise for him. Couldn’t ask Robin, he loved her but she would blurt out the surprise. Just randomly. Without prompting.

So he was snooping around looking for a specific piece of paper he knew Robin kept in one of three places. Her nightstand. Wasn’t there. Next to the phone. Again, not there. So he was rifling through their junk drawer in a last ditch effort to find what he was looking for.

EUREKA! He found it.

He copied the information and then put the paper back. He carefully put the paper in his wallet.

He stayed nearby until Robin came home, but Steve slept straight through the changing of the guard.

***

Part 2

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[hollowed-theory-hall]

Hello I love your blog!

That being said woud really like to read your take on Harry's relationship with death and grief

And wich death do you think that impacted him the most

Thank you so much! I'm glad you love my blog!

I will warn this post mentions some suicidal ideation, mentions of self-harm, and a lot of Harry's grief methods and coping mechanisms, so be aware.

Now, Harry has a lot of grief in his life, and each death is one he reacts to differently, not only because of who dies but because his grief accumulates. So with every death, Harry is pushed closer and closer to his threshold. You kinda see this threshold in Deathly Hallows:

He could not draw breath. He could not bear to look at any of the other bodies, to see who else had died for him. He could not bear to join the Weasleys, could not look into their eyes, when if he had given himself up in the first place, Fred might never have died. . . He turned away and ran up the marble staircase. Lupin, Tonks. . . He yearned not to feel. . . He wished he could rip out his heart, his innards, everything that was screaming inside him. . .

[...]

The images of Fred, Lupin, and Tonks lying dead in the Great Hall forced their way back into his mind’s eye, and for a moment he could hardly breathe: Death was impatient. . . .

(DH)

Harry saw Fred die, and he was sure that was it. After Sirius, Dumbledore, Hedwig, Dobby, and even Snape, no one else should be able to die, and then he sees Lupin and Tonks are dead and his mind doesn't even know how he's supposed to handle all this grief. He actually can't process it at the moment. He feels so much pain and guilt because Harry blames himself for each and everyone that died. Even though they were adults who chose to fight on their own, he didn't force them, but he feels responsible for their deaths.

Even for his parents' deaths as I mention later. This is really a theme with Harry's grief — he always blames himself. If he just called Sirius in the mirror, if he just knew Occlumancy, if he just drunk the potion instead of Dumbledore. At points, Harry actually wishes he was dead instead of having to carry all his grief and pain:

And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.

(DH) - is it just me who feels like crying every time I read this quote?

Obviously, his parents' deaths affected how his life went more than any other death, but Harry never knew them. He never really grieved them growing up. He grieved the childhood he could've had. That above scene in Godric's Hallow is the first time Harry truly grieves for James and Lily themselves, not just as a family he could've had.

Cedric's death was the first Harry had to watch, and it was mixed in with a lot of other trauma. So, Harry doesn't really grieve Cedric, not really. He is sad he had to die, but Harry mostly grieves himself. He doesn't want to think about the graveyard and the nightmares. He comes off as somewhat numb to Cedric's death because they weren't all that close and Harry is suffering and has no idea how to process any of it, so he pushes all of it aside because there are other things more important.

Sirius, I think, is the death that hit him hardest. I mentioned how Harry's behavior changes after Sirius dies. Sirius was one of Harry's only support lines, and then he was gone. Harry's reaction to his death is the worst too.

He tries and somewhat succeeds in casting a crucio on Bellatrix. He has his outburst in Dumbledore's office that makes me want to throttle Dumbledore and hug Harry whenever I read it:

“Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human —” “THEN — I — DON’T — WANT — TO — BE — HUMAN!” Harry roared, and he seized one of the delicate silver instruments from the spindle-legged table beside him and flung it across the room. It shattered into a hundred tiny pieces against the wall.

[...]

“I DON’T CARE!” Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE —”

(OotP)

After that, we see this grief in Harry's behavior. He becomes more reckless, more mouthy. In the first books, Harry does a lot to try and avoid unnecessary danger. From the end of book 5, Harry just doesn't care about himself as much.

Sirius is a character Harry grieves. He mentions Sirius constantly in the early chapters of book 6 and I think we see him grieving Sirius all throughout the final few books as more deaths just mount on top of his guilty consciousness as Harry keeps blaming himself:

And Harry saw very clearly as he sat there under the hot sun how people who cared about him had stood in front of him one by one, his mother, his father, his godfather, and finally Dumbledore, all determined to protect him; but now that was over. He could not let anybody else stand between him and Voldemort; he must abandon forever the illusion he ought to have lost at the age of one, that the shelter of a parent’s arms meant that nothing could hurt him. There was no waking from his nightmare, no comforting whisper in the dark that he was safe really, that it was all in his imagination; the last and greatest of his protectors had died, and he was more alone than he had ever been before.

(HBP)

Dumbledore is a weird one. Harry grieves Dumbledore for both what he was and what he wasn't rather than the man himself. Harry grieves not actually knowing Dumbledore and Dumbledore's perceived betrayal throughout the majority of book 7:

But he shook his head. Some inner certainty had crashed down inside him; it was exactly as he had felt after Ron left. He had trusted Dumbledore, believed him the embodiment of goodness and wisdom. All was ashes: How much more could he lose?

(DH)

He mourns losing the trust he had in Dumbledore, not just the man himself. He mourns no knowing if Dumbledore really cared for him. He mourns not actually knowing Dumbledore and he mourns the loss of the one man Harry trusted would save him — his last and greatest protector.

Unlike Sirius, Dumbledore is a person Harry has a more complicated relationship with, so his grief for him is similarly more complicated. Where he thinks of Dumbledore the idea and Dumbledore the man as very different things and he isn't sure which one of them was more honest. And he mourns not knowing.

All of this is mixed up with his helplessness in book 7 and wishing Dumbledore had told him more to prepare him. All these frustrations affect the way he grieves. And, as we see, book 7 is Harry at his most reckless — because when Harry's in emotional pain, he throws himself into danger.

Harry's grief at Dobby's death is one that really stuck with me when reading DH, specifically this scene:

“I want to do it properly,” were the first words of which Harry was fully conscious of speaking. “Not by magic. Have you got a spade?” And shortly afterward he had set to work, alone, digging the grave in the place that Bill had shown him at the end of the garden, between bushes. He dug with a kind of fury, relishing the manual work, glorying in the non-magic of it, for every drop of his sweat and every blister felt like a gift to the elf who had saved their lives. His scar burned, but he was master of the pain, he felt it, yet was apart from it. He had learned control at last, learned to shut his mind to Voldemort, the very thing Dumbledore had wanted him to learn from Snape. Just as Voldemort had not been able to possess Harry while Harry was consumed with grief for Sirius, so his thoughts could not penetrate Harry now while he mourned Dobby. Grief, it seemed, drove Voldemort out. . . though Dumbledore, of course, would have said that it was love.

(DH)

Harry is right in saying grief drove out Voldemort more than love. Harry's magic is very intuned with his emotions and pushes Voldemort out on instinct. I believe this is a type of Occlumancy.

See, Occlumancy requires a clear and focused mind, Harry, not knowing how to process grief, turns to manual labor that causes him pain. There is the pain from his blisters, pain from his muscles, pain from his scar — and he relishes in that pain because it makes him feel numb. It clears his head and allows him to actually practice Occlumancy.

This is a kind of self-harm. Not a super obvious act of self-harm, but it is a kind of self-harm. Working himself to the point of pain and exhaustion so he won't feel it all anymore. Just like he shouted at Dumbledore at the end of book 5. We actually see Harry in this almost numb state in book 7 quite a bit.

His recklessness is a form of self-harm too, in a way.

As he followed Bill back to the others a wry thought came to him, born no doubt of the wine he had drunk. He seemed set on course to become just as reckless a godfather to Teddy Lupin as Sirius Black had been to him.

(DH)

As I mentioned a grieving Harry is much more dangerous to himself than a happy Harry. He's angrier, more reckless, and more prone to outbursts. He relishes in his own pain and danger in a way he hasn't before. Add that to his PTSD from everything else, and... god, I feel so bad for my boy...

Then we have all the deaths in the Battle of Hogwarts, of which Fred affected him most I think. But by that point, Harry is half numb.

The world had ended, so why had the battle not ceased, the castle fallen silent in horror, and every combatant laid down their arms? Harry’s mind was in free fall, spinning out of control, unable to grasp the impossibility, because Fred Weasley could not be dead, the evidence of all his senses must be lying—

(DH)

They're in the middle of the battle and immediately after this paragraph, Harry shouts at everyone to get down and away as more curses start flying and the Acrumentulas come in. He pushes everyone to act and to move because Harry has become so accustomed to grief and pain that by this point it's second nature to him to be in a state of pain:

Why was it so easy? Because his scar had been burning for hours, yearning to show him Voldemort’s thoughts? He closed his eyes on her command, and at once, the screams and bangs and all the discordant sounds of the battle were drowned until they became distant, as though he stood far, far away from them. . . .

(DH)

I mentioned in the past that all mind arts require a focused and clear mind. This state of numbness from grief Harry pushes himself into is what allows him such good control over his connection with Voldemort and when and what he sees from it.

Harry only lets himself start to grieve Fred when he sees his body again in the hall. And he doesn't want to grieve or feel, so he runs to Dumbledore's office to view Snape's memories. At that point, towards his own death, Harry's in the mindset where he's willing to do anything to not feel the pain and grief and guilt anymore, so much so that when Dumbledore asks him to die, Harry does:

And while that fragment of soul, unmissed by Voldemort, remains attached to and protected by Harry, Lord Voldemort cannot die.” Harry seemed to be watching the two men from one end of a long tunnel, they were so far away from him, their voices echoing strangely in his ears.

[...]

His job was to walk calmly into Death’s welcoming arms. Along the way, he was to dispose of Voldemort’s remaining links to life, so that when at last he flung himself across Voldemort’s path, and did not raise a wand to defend himself, the end would be clean, and the job that ought to have been done in Godric’s Hollow would be finished: Neither would live, neither could survive.

[...]

Terror washed over him as he lay on the floor, with that funeral drum pounding inside him. Would it hurt to die? All those times he had thought that it was about to happen and escaped, he had never really thought of the thing itself: His will to live had always been so much stronger than his fear of death. Yet it did not occur to him now to try to escape, to outrun Voldemort. It was over, he knew it, and all that was left was the thing itself: dying.

[...]

Dumbledore’s betrayal was almost nothing. Of course there had been a bigger plan; Harry had simply been too foolish to see it, he realized that now. He had never questioned that his own assumption: that Dumbledore wanted him alive. Now h saw that his life span had always been determined by how long it took to eliminate all the Horcruxes. Dumbledore had passed the job of destroying them to him, and obediently he had continued to chip away at the bonds tying not only Voldemort, but himself, to life! How neat, how elegant, not to waste any more lives, but to give the dangerous task to the boy who had already been marked for slaughter, and whose death would not me a calamity, but another blow against Voldemort.

(DH)

Not for a moment does Harry consider not dying. He mentions he wants to shout out, and wants someone to care enough to stop him:

He wanted to shout out to the night, he wanted Ginny to know that he was there, he wanted her to know where he was going. He wanted to be stopped, to be dragged back, to be sent back home. . . .

(DH)

But he doesn't shout out, because the only home he ever had was for a year at Godric's Hallow, and that home was six feet under, where Harry knows he should be.

Just, all of Harry's thoughts as he walks towards his death, to me feel like a reaction to grief. He heard Dumbledore's plan when he reached his threshold of pain and grief. It's why he doesn't consider another option if there's another way. He doesn't want there to be another way. He wants to live, but he also wants it to be over.

And in death, Harry considers staying:

Harry nodded and sighed. Leaving this place would not be nearly as hard as walking into the forest had been, but it was warm and light and peaceful here, and he knew that he was heading back to pain and the fear of more loss.

(DH)

Staying where it's warm and peaceful and there's no pain. But he chooses to return, he chooses to live, and I think that is such an important moment for his character and his journey with grief. It's the moment he accepts life is pain and decides he wants to live anyway.