#ridiculous things i learn for my meta

[mollysunder]

For now, it's about 50/50 for whether or not these mysterious people that were included in the new trailer are members of the Gloriously Evolved. For fun, I'm going to break down why these people might be entirely unrelated to Viktor.

First, their bodies are clearly inlaid with gold, which does not replace their flesh. In the brief scene we get of these people the gold works as a conduit between their melodies and the magic around them. Meanwhile hexcore has entirely transformed Viktor's hand and leg into metal.

We know that Viktor's entire hand and leg have turned completely into metal because not only do his limbs make metal clinking noises and conduct electricity, but the animators on Bridging the Rift confirm it.

I've also seen some mention that the markings on the faces of these unknown characters represent Viktor's touch when he "healed" them. Upon closer inspection each character does have a five markings on their face, but they're detailed runes rather than Viktor's hand print, implying this may be related to a more intricate ritual rather than Viktor simply laying his hand on them and transforming them with the hexcore.

Really, these people have magic more similar to Mel Medarda. Mel is the one who appears to wear magical gold embedded in her skin to serve as protection magic. What Mel is doing with magic is likely far more simple compared to these people, but it's in the same vein. And that may be the entire point.

Viktor and his cult are the outliers. Whatever Viktor has done in season 1, and what he will continue to do in season 2 is a divergence (possibly perversion) of how magic should work/be treated in the rest of Runeterra, which makes sense! Viktor literally said he doesn't know what he's doing, he just keeps going.

What's likely happening in this scene is that some sect of mages, maybe they're acolytes of the mage that saved Jayce have become aware of the magical shenanigans in PnZ... and it's bad.

Then again, I haven't seen the leaks. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think this is all worth pointing out. (This is not a solicitation to tell what happens in the leaks).

[hauntingofhouses]

i know I've mentioned my interpretation of mizu's gender a million times on here but i don't think i ever fully elaborated on it.

so on that note i just wanna ramble about that for a bit. basically, it's my reading of the show that mizu is nonbinary, so let me dig into that.

putting the rest under the cut because it ended up being pretty long lol. also here have a cute mizu pic of her being happy and most at ease with herself, symbolised by her letting her hair down. <3 ok let's proceed.

thus, when i refer to mizu as nonbinary, i am interpreting mizu as a woman, but not ONLY a woman. not strictly a woman. she is also a man. she is also neither of these things, she is something in between, while at the same time she is none of these at all. i've said as much many times, but i just don't want people to think that when i say nonbinary, it inherently means a "third androgynous gender" that essentially turns the gender binary into a gender trinary. not only is that going against what the term nonbinary was crafted for (to go against rigid boxes and categorisation of gender identities), but also, not all nonbinary people fall under that category or definition, and that's definitely not the way i interpret mizu.

okay before i go deeper i'd just like to address some important things. first of all, this post is an analysis of canon, and thus everything i am arguing for is about my own interpretation of the show, and not some baseless projected headcanon i am projecting onto the character. please remember there is a difference between an interpretation (subjective; interpretations will differ from viewer to viewer, but ultimately it is firmly rooted in evidence taken from the source material) VS a headcanon (unrelated and often even contrary to what is presented in canon; opinions wildly differ and they cannot be argued for because there is no canonical evidence to back it up).

ALSO please note that nonbinary is an umbrella term. this means that it applies to a vast range of gender identities. other identities that fall under the nonbinary umbrella include agender, bigender, genderfluid, and so on. however, it's my personal preference to use the term nonbinary as it is, simply because i'm not a fan of microlabels (more power to you if you do like them and find they suit you more though!).

also, before anyone fights me on this, let me clarify further that gender means something different to everyone. it's not your biological sex or physical characteristics. but at the same time, gender is not mere presentation. you can be a trans woman and still present masculine—either because you're closeted and forced to, or because you just want to—and either way, that doesn't take away from your identity as a woman. same goes for trans men. if you're a trans man but you wear skirts and don't bind or don't get top surgery, that doesn't make you any less of a man. because gender non-conformity exists, and does not only apply to cis people! some lesbians are nonbinary and prefer using he/him pronouns while dressing masculinely, but that doesn't mean they're a man, or that they're any less of a lesbian. neither does this mean that they're a cis woman.

the thing about queer identities in general is that, like i said, they mean something different to everyone, because how you identify—regardless of your biological attributes and fashion or pronouns—is an extremely personal experience. so a nonbinary person and a gnc cis woman's experiences might have plenty of overlap, but what distinguishes between the two is up to the individual. there's no set requirements to distinguish you as one or the other, but it's up to you to decide what you identify as, based on what you feel. either way, by simply identifying yourself as anything under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, you are already communicating to the world that you are not what a conservative, cisheteronormative society wants you to be.

which is why i find all this queer infighting on labels to be so ridiculous. because we're all fighting the same fight; the common enemy is a societal structure that divides us into set roles and expectations purely based on our biological parts. that's why biological essentialism in the queer community is a fucking disease. because by arguing that women are inherently weak and fragile and soft and gentle and must be protected from evil ugly men, while men are inherently strong and angry and violent and exploitative of women, these people are advocating for the same fucked up system that marginalises and abuses women as well as effeminate and/or gay men.

anyway. i'm going on a tangent. this was meant to be a blue eye samurai post. so yeah back to that— the point i'm trying to make is that there's no singular way to identify as anything, as everyone's views on gender, especially their own, is specific and personal to the individual.

so with that being said, yes you can definitely interpret mizu as a gnc cis woman and that's a totally valid reading of the text. however, interpreting her as nonbinary or transmasc also doesn't take away from her experiences with misogyny and female oppression, because nonbinary and transmasc folks also experience these things.

me, personally, i view her as nonbinary but not necessarily or not always transmasc because i still believe femininity and womanhood is a very inherent part of who mizu is. for example, from what we've seen, she does not like binding. it does not give her gender euphoria, but is instead very uncomfortable for her both physically and mentally, and represents her suppressing her true self. which is why when she "invites the whole" of herself, she stands completely bare in front of the fire, breasts unbound and hair untied. when she is on the ship heading to a new land in the ending scene, she is no longer hiding her neck and the lack of an adam's apple. we can thus infer that mizu does not have body dysmorphia. she is, in fact, comfortable in her body, and relies on it extremely, because her body is a weapon. instead, what mizu hates about herself is her face—her blue eyes. she hates herself for her hybridised racial identity, hates herself for being a racial Other. hates that she has no home in her homeland. thus it is important to note that these are not queer or feminist themes, but postcolonial ones.*

* and as a tiny aside on this subject, i really do wish more of the fandom discussion would talk about this more. it's just such an essential part to reading her character. like someone who's read homi k bhabha's location of culture and has watched this show, PLEASE talk to me so we can ramble all about how the show is all about home and alienation from community. please. okay anyway—

nevertheless, queer and feminist themes (which are not mutually exclusive by the way!) are still prevalent in her story, though they are not the main issue that she is struggling with. but she does struggle with it to some extent, and we see this especially during her marriage with mikio, where we see her struggle in women's domestic spaces.

on the other hand, though, she finds no trouble or discomfort in being a man or being around other men—even naked ones—and does not seem stifled by living as one, does not seem all that bothered or uncomfortable navigating through men's spaces. contrast this to something like disney's mulan (1998), where we do see mulan struggle in navigating through men's spaces, as she feels uncomfortable being around so many men, always feeling like she doesn't belong and that she's inherently different from them. mizu has no such experiences like this, as her very personality and approach to life is what can be categorised as typically "masculine". she is straightforward and blunt. her first meeting with mikio, she tells him straight to his face that he's old while frowning and raising a brow at him. she approaches problems with her muscles and fists (or swords), rather than with her words or mind. compare this with mulan, who, while well-trained by the end of the movie, still uses her sharp wits rather than brute strength. this is a typically "feminine" approach. it's also the approach akemi relies on throughout the show—through her intelligence and persuasive tongue, she navigates the brothel with ease. mizu, in contrast to someone like mulan and akemi, struggles with womanhood and femininity, and feels detached from it.

thus, in my opinion, mizu is not simply a man, nor is she simply a woman. she is both. man and woman. masculine and feminine. she has to accept both, rather than suppress one or the other. her name means water. fluid.

as a side note, while i do believe mizu is nonbinary, i also primarily use she/her pronouns for her, but this is a personal preference. i find it's easier to use in fanfic (singular they is confusing to write stories with, but again, that's just my feelings on it, and this is coming from someone who uses they/they pronouns). i also lean towards she/her because it's what the creators and all the official promotional copywriting of the show uses. and even though i am a "death to the author" enjoyer, i feel that when interpreting things that are left open-ended, it does help to look at the creators' take on things. also because, in general, being nonbinary simply doesn't necessitate the use of they/them pronouns. nonbinary is not just a third gender. it's about breaking the binary, in any which way, and that's exactly what mizu does, constantly.

also, i'd also like to mention that one of show's head of story even referred to her with the term "nonbinary", rather than simply "androgynous" (see pic below). and it's possible this could be a slip up on his part, in which he believes the terms are interchangeable (they're not btw), but regardless i find it a very interesting word choice, and one that supports my argument.

so anyway yeah that's my incredibly long rambling post.

TL;DR nonbinary mizu rights 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 congrats if you reached the end of this btw. also ily. unless you're a TERF in which case fuck off. ok i'm done.

[bittersweetresilience]

there are twenty seven songs in my félix playlist which means a few more and i can do a monthly writing game. why am i saying this when i have several important wips i am meant to be doing? well, you see

[luckthebard]

I think a huge problem I’m seeing in some attempts at meta with C3 is that there is a subset of viewers who do not understand the place, value, and meaning of real world religion. It breeds takes like “well throw the gods out! Who needs them! They caused characters and the world pain! Free Vax from the Raven Queen!”

I throw that last one in there because it is the most ridiculous yet frequent and is really the crux of the issue. Vax’s story is very much about faith and the importance of faith and devotion. If you place no value on that you’ll end up grossly misunderstanding the character and the nature of his tragedy.

I’m going to out myself as an atheist, but I think the issue with a lot of these takes are that they come from internet atheists who are either resentful of and hostile toward religion because of personal experiences or do not know any devout people in their lives who they respect and can empathize with. And while I am not trying to downplay the very real phenomenon of religious trauma, when healing from it it is crucial to realize that all spiritual traditions are not synonymous with the one that harmed you. I would really implore more people to explore why many good people find spiritual traditions and religion to be a source of solace, community, and meaning before writing off the idea wholesale as something only functioning as a means of power and control that people can be educated out of believing. I encourage you to branch out and here are some examples of things I’ve done to challenge my own judgement over the last ten years: read the writings of gay Catholics exploring the queerness of Jesus. Read some beautiful poetry written by a trans man who specializes in Anglican theology. Explore religious observances different from the ones you experienced and attend a Seder. Go if a coworker invites you to a celebration of Ganesh. Learn the significance of solstice celebrations because your coworker is officiating one for a Wiccan event. Break fast at sundown during Ramadan with in solidarity with your roommate.

Deciding that all fictional religion must be an allegory for a specific kind of toxic nationalistic prosperity gospel Christian cult found in America will only limit how you engage with both fiction and the real world. It took me a long time to get to this place about it and I hope I’ve put the spark of curiosity and not judgment into at least one person reading this.

[guqin-and-flute]

For real! Hats from ANY culture are going to look odd when you first encounter them because it's a person wearing a thing on their head. Things like form, shapes, color, and decoration are highly contextual to the culture it originated in. They're going to serve a different purpose and signal a different thing in different places.

The official's hat is no odder than a cap with a brim only at the front (baseball hat)--it's shaped by what it is used for and the culture it was created in. One is just more common in Western culture and so Western people are immune to seeing it objectively.

The hat looks a little funny the first time you encounter it, the same way bicorns do. But if you watch enough of these shows or look at enough old artwork they start to just look like "hat that comes with particular setting." It is sillier when only one person is wearing one but Idk they're not any weirder than western historical hats...

[cobragardens]

Notes on the Scene in Job's Basement

Crowley is not tempting Aziraphale here. He's experimenting on him.

Getting Aziraphale to sin, or even getting him drunk, is not Crowley's intent in this scene. Eating food, taking pleasure in food, drinking alcohol, and even being drunk are not sins in most of Judaism or Christianity (and they're certainly not sins in British Christianity, regardless of any church's doctrine). When Aziraphale turns down alcohol, Crowley just suggests he try food instead; so it's not important to Crowley what Aziraphale tries, but it is important to him that he try something.

This scene is also the first time (chronologically) we see that Crowley likes to drink and likes to be drunk.

We know from

and from

as well as from Book Omens and Word of God that angels have no instinct beyond curiosity pulling them toward eating or toward gender. From this we can reasonably presume they have no instinct toward Beverages either.

That means that in this moment--

--Crowley is very likely the only metaphysical entity he knows on either side of the divide, or even knows of, who has ever experienced a physical pleasure.

And he probably has some Lingering Questions about it, like we all did the first time a physical pleasure blew our minds. Like,

Is it this strong for everyone?

Is there something wrong with me?

Am I going to hurt myself if I do this, like, a lot?

And it's not like the poor creature can ask anyone, because the answers for humans aren't necessarily going to apply to him.

So when he sees an opportunity, Crowley gets that one angel he knows who'll talk to him to try a human thing, and then he watches to see if physical pleasure hits the angel as hard as it hit him.

And that's why he looks so creepily pleased when it does.

Apparently it is this strong for everyone and there isn't anything wrong with him. Now he can relax and get sloshed without worrying, and he even has someone to talk to about how rad human stuff is.

A Dip Into Speculation

We know because we're shown this isn't the first time Crowley has gotten drunk that, watching Aziraphale, Crowley understands what he's seeing. I think it's really interesting that Crowley doesn't laugh at Aziraphale at any point during this scene, and he doesn't correct the way he's eating, either.

Maybe it's because this is what it was like for Crowley the first time. Maybe he got so drunk he passed out and woke up in a puddle of his own sick. Maybe he got so drunk he passed out and didn't wake up at all, and there was Paperwork and he had to get used to a whole new corporation just when he'd got the hang of having legs in the old one. Maybe somebody had to show him how to use a fork or whatever they had going on for eating utensils in Ancient Mesopotamia. I distinctly remember having to learn as a small child to chew with my mouth closed. There is every possibility Crowley doesn't consider the way Aziraphale is eating to be worthy of ridicule because whatever Crowley did the first time was worse.

Maybe he wants to leave Aziraphale set up for later embarrassment over his table manners. Aziraphale was a judgy bitch about the wine.

Or maybe it's something like Let him have this one. There can be rules to it later; let him just enjoy it, once, like a little kid with both fists in their birthday cake.

Maybe it's desire. There is some textual evidence for this. Once Aziraphale learns to eat properly, the way he does it is very attractive, and we know Crowley loves watching him do it.

I don't think it's overreaching even to interpret David Tennant's physical performance of Crowley watching Aziraphale eat as one of sensual or erotic pleasure. I mean--

I'm not saying it absolutely has to be erotic, but it's not a reach, or even a full extension of the elbow, to read it that way.

There's another meta somewhere [I'll link it when I find it again; if you know this meta, please drop it in comments!] that discusses how this exchange in Job's basement is filmed like an erotic scene.

Like Crowley, we all want to kiss this face.

Aziraphale isn't eating prettily, but he's eating lewdly, ravenously, desirously, and it's lit like romantic sex, not like gluttony. Whether that's funny or poignant or hot may depend on the viewer. Here's how Crowley's handling it:

Srs tho, any frame of this scene could have been painted by Artemisia Gentileschi.

Or maybe--and this is my favorite of the available interpretations--maybe this is what it was like for Crowley the first time and he doesn't interfere because he wants Aziraphale to come out of this as someone who's had the same experience Crowley's had so Crowley won't be so totally alone in having had it.

[opbackgrounds]

Out of curiosity what would you do with Kid? I know you said he’s similar to Luffy, but Blackbeard is his main foil

Well, firstly, Luffy has a lot of foils. I wrote a long meta on my main about it, but it’s one of Oda’s favorite things to do with important characters, especially villains, and different characters will highlight different parts of Luffy’s character or personality. So yeah, Blackbeard is one of Luffy’s foils, but so are Doffy and Kaido and Arlong and Krieg and Big Mom and a bunch of others. It’s a staple of Oda’s writing, some more obvious than others.

But since you asked, I think Kidd could benefit from featuring in a mini arc before Wano. One of my big criticisms of Wano is that it’s too long and has too many characters, and I think if you whack about 6 months off the arc and send some of the Supernovas and dinosaur minions to a precursor arc you could alleviate a lot of those problems. Kind of how Little Garden mops up several of the Baroque Works agents. Like, in all seriousness, what did Apoo accomplish on Wano? Why not have him and Hawkins, and maybe a dinosaur minion be the overseers of some minor Kaido colony or something. You can get in, beat them up, then head into Wano with a more streamlined villain roster.

As for Kidd himself, I think the most compelling contrast to Luffy that we haven’t seen in other characters is his impulsive brutality mixed with him also dreaming of the One Piece. Luffy at one point was equally hot headed, if less violent, but he learned from characters like Vivi and Iceburg how to be a more effective leader. Kidd either hasn’t had that, or has refused to listen to the people who tried to teach him, and that’s ultimately what causes his undoing against Shanks. It wouldn’t have to be all that different from the manga, but having his backstory and personality more fleshed out would go a long way in having his last scene feel more tragic and less ridiculous.

[robinsegghead]

Danny's Daycare Part 10

[Master List]

The coffee shop was one he’d been to before, though Jason wasn’t much of a coffee drinker. It had grown a lot in popularity recently and Jason vaguely remembered Tim saying something about coming here regularly. Putting in his order (a redeye- which was a normal amount of caffeine to drink Tim), Jason found a booth in the corner and sat down.

He was a bit early so he’d have to wait for Danny. He’d been surprised when he hadn’t gotten a text canceling their meeting after the night Danny and Miguel had had. Jason had almost texted Danny with an excuse to cancel just to make sure the man wasn’t pushing himself too hard but that felt a bit ridiculous.

Danny was a grown man, he could take care of himself just fine. If he didn’t want to cancel, he didn’t have to cancel.

Jason sipped his coffee and watched the entrance out of the corner of his eye. Danny arrived a couple of minutes late, his hair was sticking up in multiple directions like he’d just rolled out of bed, his shirt was inside out, and his jeans were wrinkled. Had he just woken up? 

Eyes landing on Jason, the man made his way to the table with a smile. “Sorry I’m late, I’m gonna grab a coffee and then I’ll join you.”

The barista at the front counter greeted him by name and they started chatting. Did they know each other? Was Danny a regular here as well? He waited for the man’s drink to be made (holy shit how many shots of espresso did they just put into his drink? That had to be a mistake) and thought about what he knew about the man.

He was somehow incredibly strong for his small build and short stature, probably a meta with super strength given his accidental murder of the Joker and easy take down of almost twenty-five men the night before- which. Jesus christ. Jason had learned some things about himself recently. Namely that he liked twinks who could easily pin him down or throw him around. 

Shaking his head, he dismissed those thoughts. Now was so not the time or place.

Danny ran a daycare and seemed to genuinely care about the kids he took care of, he’d taken in two street kids and was helping get them into school again, when Jason insinuated the kids weren’t worth the effort Danny almost snapped his head off, and the man went berserk when someone threatened ‘his’ kid last night.

He and his sister, Jazz Nightingale, had no other known family and their history was locked down behind an encrypted wall neither Tim nor Barbie were able to get through. Which was suspicious but… Jason hadn’t really cared much. He only knew Tim was looking into Danny because of last night.

Tim had blown up a bit when he realized Red Hood and Danny had met on a few occasions. Jason couldn’t exactly explain how they’d met and had instead dodged all of his questions before ditching him and the rest of the bats to go home and implode.

Why implode? Because Danny taking down a bunch of goons that had hurt his kid without holding back (once he’d learned they were child traffickers) was probably the hottest thing he’d seen since the very same guy killed Jason’s murderer. So. Yeah. He’d gone home and had a bit of a crisis thinking about how in under twelve hours he was supposed to meet with the guy to discuss tutoring ‘his kids’.

“Sorry about that.” Danny said, taking the seat across from Jason and startling him out of his thoughts. “Long night. Hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

Jason shrugged. “I like to be early if I can help it so it’s not really your fault I waited.”

He grinned and Jason decided he was a big fan of Danny’s smile. “So you’re good at English?” 

Snorting, Jason nodded. “It was one of the only things I was good at in school.”

“It was my worst subject. My high school English teacher had it out for me- though,” Danny blushed and Jason forced himself to continue eye contact instead of noting how pink his cheeks had grown. “I did fall asleep in his class most days.”

“Looks like not getting enough sleep didn’t stop after high school.” Jason noted. The man had bags under his eyes that rivaled Tim’s. And ever since Tim and Conner got together he’d been sleeping a bit more- mostly because Connor made him, but still. 

Danny groaned and took a swig of his coffee. “There’s a reason my drink has seven shots in it. You know how much time running a daycare, taking care of two teenage boys, and helping my sister get her GED takes up? Talk about burning the candle at both ends. I might as well have thrown the candle into the fire.” He chuckled as if what he’d just said wasn’t insanely worrying.

Also, Jason was pretty sure Danny’s sister was already attending college- why would he be helping her get her GED if that were the case? 

“So what I’m hearing is, you’re desperate for someone to help?” Danny nodded reluctantly. “Well, I thrived in English throughout high school and still read regularly, but you should know, I never finished high school or got my GED. So, technically, I don’t have any qualifications.”

Why the hell did he say that? He could have forged qualifications if he needed to! What if Danny didn’t want somebody who’d never even graduated to teach his kids! What was he thinking-

“That doesn’t really matter to me. I almost didn’t graduate high school.” Oh? “And like I said, my younger sister is working on her GED at the moment. We’re both plenty smart, a degree doesn’t determine someone’s intelligence, just their situation.” Younger sister? Wasn’t Jazz older than him?

“That’s… good to hear.” Jason admitted.

Danny finished his drink- what the fuck was with this guy? “Do you mind me asking why you didn’t finish school? You don’t have to answer, just curious honestly.” 

Make up a lie- “I died.”

What the ever-loving fuck Jason Todd? Aren’t you supposed to be good at keeping secrets? Fucking fuck- not only will Danny not believe him, but he’ll probably rescind his offer of hiring Jason- which- well, he didn’t need the money. He just wanted the opportunity to get to know the guy. But with a mouth as big as his it’s a shock he’s hidden his secret identity as long as he has-

“Oh.” Danny furrowed his brows and stared at Jason seriously. “Okay, yeah, same.”

Wait- What? Did Danny think he was making a joke? But he seemed serious still, something about the way he was looking at Jason was different from before, like he understood, like he meant it when he said ‘same’. “...Same..?” Jason asked, cautiously.

Clearing his throat, Danny looked away. “Yeah. Although, dying wasn’t what almost stopped me from graduating,” he chuckled. “That was more…. Everything else going on. But, uh, yeah- weird conversation to have with someone I don’t really know but-”

“You’re saying you died? Like actually died?” Jason cut in, still not believing what he was hearing. There was literally nothing about Daniel Nightingale online, no records he’d been able to find since he’d first found him a month ago- shouldn’t there be hospital records if he died?

“Yeah, look, I don’t like to talk about it much but yes. I understand. I,” He hesitated, nervously picking at the skin around his fingernails while speaking. “I died. Fully dead, came back… wrong. Different. So I’m not too worried about whether you graduated or not, as long as you can teach the subject.”

Right. The reason they were both here. Not whatever the hell else that was just now (which Jason was one thousand percent looking into when he got home today). “What are you thinking?”

“I suck at everything English except speaking it. The boys need to learn about grammar, how to read and analyze something, how to write papers, essays, etc.” Danny stopped picking at his fingers. “They’ve been out of school for three years now so they have a lot to catch up on. Not only that, Miguel will be going into his senior year and Santiago will be starting freshman year.”

Jason nodded along. “Yeah I can teach all of that. I’ve helped a few of my younger siblings throughout the years, none of them are really great at the subject.”

“I’d obviously pay you. There’s two of them and I’m asking a lot, so name a price and I’ll make it happen.”

“Name a price?” Jason repeated. “You sure about that, doll?” He smirked at Danny’s surprised look. “I could be some schmuck down on his luck trying to take advantage of you right now and you say ‘name a price’?”

Shrugging, Danny rubbed his temple. Did he have a headache? “I mean, you probably couldn’t name a price I couldn’t meet but I guess, hows $150 an hour sound? Wait- should I double it because there’s two of them?” He looked at the ceiling contemplatively while Jason stared in shock. “Okay yeah, $300 an hour good?”

“That’s… way more than necessary.” Jason managed, taken completely off guard.

Danny, who seemed to get some confidence from Jason’s shocked state, leaned forward and smirked. “I can go higher if you’d like, darling. $500 an hour? $750?” He’d lowered his voice and raised an eyebrow. “Ah hell, might as well make it a solid $1,000, I am asking a lot of you, huh sweetheart?”

Where. Had. That. Come. From?

All Jason could think about was how incredibly sexy that confidence was. Jason swallowed, Danny’s eyes followed the action, slowly trailing back up his face and- had Jason imagined the way the man’s eyes paused over his lips? Had the cafe always been this warm? “$150 is plenty.” Jason finally managed.

Leaning back and returning to his former air of laid back and slightly frazzled, Danny smiled. “Sounds good! We usually work in the evenings and weekends, what days and times work for you?”

“Any time on Saturdays is fine, any time after twelve on Sunday’s is fine,” Alfred always gave him the disappointed look when Jason missed a brunch these days. “And week nights… I could probably do seven to nine? Not sure how often you need me to work with them though.”

Danny nodded, thoughtfully. “Two or three times a week would be good. The boys don’t have a lot to entertain them at the moment so they’re trying to get a bunch of the school stuff out of the way. The latest entrance exam for Gotham Academy is the first week of August so they have almost two months but well- that’s not much time. We’re trying to expedite it as much as possible.”

“What if they don’t get in?” Jason asked.

“Then I’ll homeschool them.” Danny shrugged. “I want them to get into Gotham Academy for the social aspects and-” he paused, looking at Jason seriously. “And because I want them to prove to themselves that they’re capable of it. They don’t think they can get in, but I know they can.”

Jason wondered what it would have been like, to have someone believe in him that much when he was younger. Bruce had… he’d done his best, and sometimes Jason thought if there had never been Batman, never been Robin, things would have probably been completely different. If even a fraction of Gotham cared about others the way Danny did, it would change completely.

“They’ll get into Gotham Academy, we’ll make sure of it.”

~~~

Who. The Fuck. Was Dani Nightingale?

Tim had been looking into Danny Nightingale for months- learning everything he could about the man and his past which was, admittedly, not a lot, but he knew a few things. Daniel Nightingale had a bachelor’s in bio chemistry, he was super wealthy, he liked helping people, and he had one sister. ONE. Jasmine (Jazz) Nightingale, a student at Gotham U and intern at Arkham Asylum. 

So why was there suddenly evidence of a second sister, one younger than Danny, whose name was ALSO Danny but with an ‘i’? Where did she come from? Who was she? Why did she look so much like Danny but neither looked like Jazz? 

And another thing? Why was the only thing proving her existence, a social security number, birth certificate, and driver’s license? Where were the social media posts? The email accounts? Literally anything?! She hadn’t existed yesterday, and today- BAM! She’s a whole real person! 

“Tim, I think it’s time for bed.” Connor suggested.

Shaking his head, Tim continued to stare at the exact same information he’d spent the last forty minutes staring at. “I don’t need sleep, I need answers.”

“I will drag you to bed.”

“Kon-”

“Nope, too slow.” Connor grabbed him around the waist and dragged him out of the cave to get his first proper night of sleep in almost a week.

~~~

The meeting with Jason had gone well and they’d settled on him coming over to tutor the boys on Monday’s, Wednesday’s, and Saturdays every week. The boys had asked him how it’d gone when he got home and he tried not to remember the way Jason had called him ‘doll’ or how Danny had snapped back, calling him ‘darling’ and ‘sweetheart’ and checking him out the entire time- what the fuck Danny? The man was looking for a job and Danny had openly checked him out and clearly made him uncomfortable- Jason probably called lots of people doll- it wasn’t flirtatious.

So no. He hadn’t told the boys much about the meeting. Just that Jason would be helping with English from here on out. They’d also talked about Miguel’s outburst. The boy had tried to apologize but Danny wasn’t having it. Everything the boys were doing was hard, and he knew that; they didn’t deserve to feel guilt over getting emotional through the hard days.

The difficult stuff was for Danny to shoulder.

They had pancakes for dinner and the boys spent the night in his place again. Miguel was clearly quite shaken by what had happened but wasn’t ready to discuss it. Life had gotten in the way recently, but he’d promised Miguel a cat, and he thought the kid might need it now more than ever.

Nightingale: Hey, would you be willing to teach a friend of mine about cats? 

Nightingale: … You changed my name again.

Dami: It is your name.

Dami: …You changed my name again.

‘Nightingale’ has changed ‘Nightingale’s’ name to ‘Danny’

‘Dami’ has changed ‘Dami’s’ name to ‘Damian’

Danny: Anyways- will you? I can pay you if you want

Damian: I do not need financial compensation. When were you hoping I could teach your friend?

Danny: As soon as possible? He’s had a rough couple of days and I think the cat will help him. He’s already shown a lot of responsibility towards them.

Damian: This is acceptable. Tomorrow after noon I am free.

Danny: You can come by anytime after noon! Thanks Dami!

Damian: I did not give you permission to call me that, Nightingale.

Danny: I didn’t give you permission to call me that, Dami.

Damian: Touche. 

It seemed they were at a stalemate. The boy didn’t text him back after that which was fine, he’d be coming over tomorrow and Danny could tease him then. Shooting a text to Damian with his home address, Danny paused. Had he ever texted Tim? 

Shit. He was such a bad friend. How long ago had that been anyways? A month? Ancients fuck- Putting in the number he’d hastily typed into an empty memo on his phone, Danny shot out a text.

Danny: Hey Tim, it’s Danny. Sorry it took so long to message, things have been crazy.

He hadn’t seen Tim at the coffee shop since the last time- he didn’t really have the time to go anymore- and wasn’t even sure if Tim really wanted to be his friend or had given Danny his number out of boredom or something. Although, didn’t he say he didn’t get much free time? Plus, it was kind of rude to have waited so long to text.

Collapsing into the couch with a sigh, Danny decided to stop overthinking things (easier said than done) and go to sleep intentionally for once. He’d just closed his eyes when he heard the sound of a window sliding open. Whoever thought it was a good idea to break into the ghost king’s apartment especially after one of his kids was kidnapped was crazy. Before he could get too angry he was met by the sight of Red Hood squeezing through the window with a plastic bag in one hand.

“Wh- you know what, I’m not gonna ask.” Danny rubbed a hand across his eyes.

Red Hood looked startled when he realized Danny was there. It’s his apartment, why wouldn’t Danny be there? “Uh, sorry, you’re usually not here when I bring food.”

“Usually not where? In my own apartment? In the apartment building that I own?” Danny snarked. “Sorry, that was rude.” He stood up feeling the blood rush to his head quickly. “To what do I owe the-” 

He wasn’t quite sure what had happened. One second he was looking at Hood while approaching him, he blinked, and then he was looking up at Hood. They were also much closer than they’d ever been aside from the time the vigilante had taken him home via grappling hook.

Blinking hard, Danny pulled away. “What just happened?”

“You blacked out. Are you okay?”

Danny rubbed the back of his head which usually hurt after his power naps but felt completely fine at the moment. “Yeah,” he sighed, pushing himself to stand up despite Hood’s attempted protest. “Just my body trying to take a power nap. Anyways, thanks for the food- you really don’t have to keep doing that.”

“I want to.” Hood said almost automatically. “What the hell do you mean by power nap? That was a fainting spell if I’ve ever seen one- and believe me, I have.”

Finding a place for the food in the fridge was easy considering Danny hadn’t exactly had time to go to the grocery store in the last few days. “You know- a power nap? When your body tries to overpower you into napping? Happens a lot.”

“Danny- what the- that is NOT normal- you should see a doctor or-”

“Awwww.” Danny chuckled. “The Red Hood is worried for me?” He teased.

The vigilante went silent for a moment, staring at Danny like he was an idiot. “Yes! Jesus fucking Christ man, passing out is not normal and you should most certainly see a doctor about it!”

“Nah, I’m fine.”

Red Hood put his hands on his hips and tilted his head. It was kind of adorable how put-off he seemed. “It’s not fine. How long has this been going on?”

Danny pretended to think about it. He didn’t have to. He knew the exact date he’d started having this issue. He wasn’t keen on telling the Red Hood that he was a baby who couldn’t handle a little murder. “I dunno- a while.”

“Give me an estimate.” Hood countered.

“How long’s it been since we met?” Danny asked (as if he didn’t have the date memorized or hadn’t recounted the events that led to him being casually acquainted with his favorite vigilante). “About that long. You know- after I killed someone?”

Hood froze, his body tense in a way Danny hadn’t personally seen before. “Oh.”

“Yeah oh.” Danny scoffed, closing the fridge and leaning against the counter for support. “Look, the Joker deserved to die and I don’t regret killing him. I couldn’t sleep for a couple of days because of it, but I didn’t regret it. And then… life got crazy. Vigilantes were breaking into my apartment, the daycare was getting busier, the Red Hood was leaving me meals,” he gave the vigilante a pointed look. “Suddenly I’d taken in a couple of teenage boys and also my younger sister all of whom need an education I’m not qualified to provide but am somehow the only one able to do it- it’s a lot, man.”

Hood nodded in understanding. “That is a lot. You don’t have any… friends or family who could help you? Parents?”

Danny’s face darkened. “No. Look, this isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with this. Basically all of high school I got zero sleep and was expected to keep up grades and protect the town- I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, about that. You wanna tell me how you were a teenage vigilante?”

Shaking his hand, Danny huffed. “You want my origin story? Man, I’m retired. And you’ve probably never even heard of me.”

Hood didn’t budge.

“I’ll tell you what- you take off the helmet, and I’ll tell you my origin story.” 

“Not gonna happen.” Hood responded quickly.

With a smug look, Danny crossed his arms. “That’s what I thought. Thanks for the food, the boys always appreciate it, but I think we’re done here.” He moved to show Hood out (through the window) but the man didn’t move, staring at Danny intently. “What?” He sighed.

Hood lifted his arms and though Danny’s danger sense didn’t go off, he worried he’d offended the man. Although he thought very highly of the vigilante, he didn’t really know much about him. But instead of losing his temper or pushing Danny for more, Hood unlatched his helmet.

Danny gasped slightly as the man pulled it away and revealed- a domino.

“Oh you sneaky motherfucker!” He barked out, laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. When he was done laughing, he took in the man’s face. His black hair was messy, probably from the helmet, some of his hair looked… white? But what he noticed the most was the scar on the side of his face. It was a J. Although Danny wasn’t always the best at putting things together, he could extrapolate who’d left that there without needing to ask.

He sucked in a breath. “Okay, I take it back, I think I’m actually going to start sleeping better now that that fucker’s dead.”

Hood pursed his lips. Danny tried not to look too closely at his lips but Ancients damn he was failing miserably. The man was hot. Danny liked men. He liked men so much.

The vigilante cleared his throat and Danny snapped out of it. “Sorry. I guess a deal is a deal. You want tea? Coffee? Something to eat? It’s kind of a long story.”

It seemed that Hood was going to refuse his offer but thought better of it. Maybe he noticed the way Danny’s voice shook a bit when he spoke or the haunted look he tried to cover up with a smile. “Tea would be great. Anything black.”

Nodding, Danny set to making them each a cup of tea immediately. He had a simple decaf black tea that he liked in the evenings and set to making them each a cup. “Milk? Sugar?” 

“A little of each.” Came the vigilantes' response. He sounded farther away than he had a moment ago and when Danny looked over to see why he found the man looking at pictures of him with his fraid. 

When the tea was ready he brought it to the couch and set the cups down. “Those are my friends.” He said, startling Hood out of his apparently deep thoughts. Even with the domino covering his eyes, Danny could tell the man was thinking deeply about something. 

Instead of asking whatever questions he had, the man picked up the mug meant for him and took a sip. “Thank you.”

Danny grabbed his own mug and sat on one side of the couch, Hood followed suit and sat on the other end. There was a lot of room between them. 

“Anyway,” Danny took a sip of his tea to put off telling the story a bit more. “My… parents, Jack and Maddie, are what you might call mad scientists.” He noted the way Hood tensed. “They had a fascination with ghosts and proving their existence and studying them. When I was a kid Jack and Maddie began constructing a portal to what they called ��the Ghost Zone’. It took years. When they were done- it didn’t work.

“They were pissed, but my friends and I thought it looked pretty cool. So they dared me to go inside and take a picture. And- well- I wanted to look cool for my friends. So I went inside.” He paused, taking a sip. “Jack and Mddie are idiots and put a switch on the inside of the portal, and as a certified klutz, I tripped into it.”

Hood scrunched his brows together clearly tempted to interrupt but aware that he shouldn’t. It was cute. 

“I’d say the amount of electricity that went through my body was a few thousand volts. I died. ” He let that sink in for a moment, Hood’s lips had parted in shock. Danny held up his hand and showed Hood his lichtenberg scars. “I died but Jack and Maddie weren’t completely crazy. They were right about the ghost zone- although it’s called the Infinite Realms to those who actually inhabit it and while the portal opened through my body it was flooded with something called ectoplasm.

“Ectoplasm is part of ghosts. They need it to exist, they produce it, it’s like blood… kind of. So the electricity killed me but the ectoplasm tried to keep me alive and I ended up half dead… half alive. You with me so far?”

Hood ran a hand through his hair. “There’s... more?”

Danny laughed. “So much. But we won’t get into all of that.” Hood didn’t need to know about every rogue he’d fought, the fact that he’d become king of the Infinite Realms at fifteen, or what happened after high school…

“How old were you?” Hood asked like it was important.

He guessed it was. “Fourteen.” He managed.

Hood cursed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 “With the portal open, ghosts thought it was fair game for them to come through. Ghosts- and keep in mind, ‘ghost’ is a really generalized term, there are different kinds. Anyways, ghosts socialize through fighting and sparring so when they showed up and started attacking… I felt responsible.

“So I kicked their butts and threw them back into the Infinite Realms. They kept coming back and I kept dealing with them. Jack and Maddie, ever intent on catching a ghost to study, chased me for years not knowing I was their son. At one point the government got involved, it was a whole thing, eventually I was able to prevent the ghosts from coming back without permission and retired. Ta-da.”

Hood licked his lips and Danny knew- he knew Hood was trying to understand what Danny had just said but holy fuck why did he have to lick his lips? “So… You… died? And you… came back… wrong?” 

Something about the way he asked it struck Danny as strange. It sounded like a phrase he’d said before, something maybe he’d… heard others say? It wasn’t offensive, just… strange. “I guess you could look at it that way. I don’t know if ‘wrong’ is the best way to put it, just… different. Despite what Jack and Maddie will tell you- I’m still the same guy I was before I died. Well- as much the same as you can be after experiencing something like that.”

“This is…” Danny nodded encouragingly as the man tried to digest what he’d learned. “Okay. So- sure. Ghosts. Why not? How did you… deal with them?”

Danny had pointedly ignored telling Hood about his ghost form- it felt… too personal. But he did feel a need to explain a bit to the man- the Avenger of the Dead. “When I came back I had… powers. Like ghosts. I mean, I’m half ghost so… I can do the things they can do plus some other stuff.”

“And that’s how you accidentally killed the clown? Super strength?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

Hood stood up and began pacing- something he’d clearly been itching to do for a while but had held off for Danny’s sake. “So… when you died and came back- did you- were there like… side effects?”

“Like what?” Danny tilted his head.

“Uncontrollable rage.”

It was a strange question. The same way Hood asking if he ‘came back wrong’ was strange. Like he was drawing from personal experience rather than asking about Danny specifically. “Hood.” Danny stood slowly, no need for another fainting spell at such a fragile moment. “Why do you ask?”

There was only a moment of hesitation before the vigilante answered. “Because I died and came back wrong too.” 

Oh. Okay. Danny had never had this conversation before. He had to admit, something felt a bit off about Hood when they first met- but everyone felt a bit off in Gotham. It was in the air, buried under the streets built atop graveyards, it was embedded in every building and plant and person. The city reeked of that different feeling. So he’d brushed it off and learned to tune it out.

“Danny?”

Right, he was in the middle of an important conversation. “Sorry, I’ve just never… uh… There aren’t many people like me. Can you… tell me more about how you came back?”

Hood tensed.

“Or not!” Danny shouted. “Sorry! Ancients, Danny.” He sighed. “Look, I never had uncontrollable rage- although… Well…” Did he really want to go there? But the look on Hood’s face- even covered by a domino- told him the man needed answers. And Danny might have them. “There’s a… different version of me that has some pretty bad anger issues.”

“A different version of you?”

“An evil future me. He’s still around… somewhere.” Danny feigned nonchalance. Truth be told he didn’t know exactly where Dan was- he’d left that to Clockwork to handle, but last he heard his future self was getting therapy which- that was hilarious actually. Danny hadn’t worked up the courage to ask Clockwork about him. Not once.

Hood shook his head. “This is… crazy. You’re telling me-” He cut off, his head turned to the side slightly as if listening to something. “Fuck. Okay. I have to go- Spoiler needs backup- we are not done talking. This is crazy and I have a million questions, Jesus Christ- ghosts!” He rambled, looking for his helmet and taking his leave without so much as a goodbye.

Well. 

That went…

It went. That’s for sure.

Prev. Next

[wolfjackle-creates]

Bring Me Home Arc 2 Part 5

It's Wednesday again, you know what that means! I'm going to officially start calling this Arc 2 instead of Chapter 2 because it's too long already and I only *just* get to the plot with the end of this segment.

Story Summary: Tim and Danny are both neglected by parents who care more about their work than their families. They deal with this by spending too much time online and find each other playing MMORPGs. They keep up their friendship as Tim becomes Robin and Danny becomes Phantom and don't bother keeping secrets from each other.

First, Previous

Word Count 1.3k words

-----

Tim clenched his teeth, but allowed himself to be pulled to the counter where they ordered an obscene amount of food thanks to the appetite of four metas. He insisted on using B’s card to pay for everyone.

Sam didn’t even wait for their food to be ready before she started questioning Conner.

“What do you think of rich people?” she demanded.

“Um… What?” Conner looked to Tim, eyes wide, clearly lost as to what he should answer.

Tim just shrugged.

“What. Do. You. Think of rich people? It’s not a hard question. I’m just trying to gage your actual punkness.”

“I don’t… I mean, Mr. Wayne is cool. I’ve met him a few times and he’s always been nice to me. But Lex Luthor… He’s the worst.” Even now, Conner couldn’t help but shudder when he thought of his creator and Tim scowled into his soda.

“Don’t mince words, Kon,” Tim said. “Luthor should be shot and dropped in the deepest part of the ocean.”

Conner laughed and pointed to Tim. “Yeah, that.”

“Hmmm… It’s a start.” Sam nodded. “Really, there’s only one rule to being punk and everything else derives from that: the man sucks.”

“The man?”

And there it was. Conner was still learning a lot of slang. “She means the people in charge. That you can’t trust the government or people in authority to actually have your best interests at heart or to do the right thing.”

“Oh!” Conner’s eyes lit up in understanding. “Well, obviously! I’ve always had to look after myself. At least until I met you guys.”

Cassie elbowed him. “And now you’re stuck with us for life. You’re ours.”

“Damn right!” Bart held out a fist to Conner who bumped it with his own.

Danny laughed. “You weren’t exaggerating, Secrets. You guys really are ride-or-die.”

Tim looked over his friends and couldn’t hold back a soft smile. “Damn right we are. Just like you three.”

“Well, we know something about the ‘or die,’” said Danny.

Tim rolled his eyes. “You’re worse than Dick.”

Tucker’s mouth was open as he looked between them. “They know?”

“Yeah,” said Danny. “Tim’s known since, like, a week after the accident. And when they came by my house, my parents decided to show off the home defense system. Couldn’t keep it a secret after that.”

Based on Sam’s wince, she knew exactly what the home defense system could do to Danny. Tucker pulled out one of his devices and started typing on it. “Will you finally let me do something about that?”

Danny just rolled his eyes. “I’m fine, Tucker. Sam. Tim. All of you. My parent’s inventions never work right. Or they don’t know how to actually use them. They didn’t think the thermoses worked at first, for God’s sake!”

“Right.” Tucker rolled his eyes. “Because their guns have never worked. Tim, can I have your number and email? Maybe if we all get on him he’ll listen to sense one of these days.”

“Oooh!” Cassie bounced in her seat. “I’ll help! We’ve lots of experience in that with Tim. He’s also the worst at calculating reasonable risks.”

“Great!” Tucker typed her number and email into his PDA and they started setting up group chats. Bart joined in by discussing some of Tim’s more ridiculous civilian escapades.

Tim exchanged a look with Danny. This was so not going to end well.

“Well, while they’re sorting that out, more about punk!” Sam pulled Conner deeper into a conversation about fighting for freedom and liberty and how her ultra recyclo-vegetarianism fit into her beliefs.

Tim sighed and said, “Well, at least they’re getting along?”

Danny groaned and held his head in his hands. “We’re so going to regret introducing them, aren’t we?”

“I already do.”

And then their order was called. Of course Bart was at the counter before any of the rest had even registered it was their order, but Conner and Cassie jumped up to follow and help him carry it.

Sam tried to go help but Tim held out a hand. “They’ve got it, trust me. Having more people will just make it harder for them.”

She still stood, but by the time she turned to help, the others were already returning with hands full of loaded trays. She scowled as she settled back down.

“We would’ve helped,” she said as the others set the food down.

Bart waved her off. “We got it! Sides, most of this is for me, Conner, and Cassie.”

Danny shook his head. “I ordered just as much as you!”

Tucker agreed, “And I ordered almost as much.”

Cassie shrugged as she rooted through bags and grabbed her orders. “Well we got there first. Come on, I’m hungry. Quit arguing and grab your food!”

Danny passed one bag to Sam, “One salad for you.” And a second bag found it’s way in front of Tim. “And a nasty burger for you. You’ll never want to eat a batburger again after this!”

Tim rolled his eyes, but obligingly unwrapped the burger and took a bite. He hummed in appreciation. It really was a solid burger and the sauce was quite good. “I do like it, I’ll give you that. But I still prefer Batburger.”

“Ugh, you’re hopeless!” Turning his back to Tim, Danny addressed the others. “What about you three? Batburger or Nasty Burger?”

Conner shrugged, “This is great, but it’ll always be Batburger for me, too.”

Cassie elbowed him as she finished her bite. “That’s only because you and Tim get midnight burgers there too often and you are mixing up the taste with the memories. These are clearly better.”

Bart had already finished his first burger and was licking his fingers clean. “Yep. These are absolutely better.”

Tim threw an arm around Danny’s shoulders. “Fifty-fifty split! Means we can’t make a decision until you come to Gotham and try one yourself.”

“Oh, that’s what it means, does it? And when do you think I’ll make it to Gotham?”

“Any time you want! You can stay with me. Hell, I’ll even pick you up and bring you there.”

Danny grinned. “If I ever can guarantee a break from ghost attacks, I might take you up on that.”

“Right,” said Sam to Conner. “While they’re flirting”—she expertly ignored Tim and Danny’s spluttered protests—“have you ever tried wearing makeup? I think you’d look killer in eyeliner.”

Meanwhile, Tucker pulled out his PDA and some headphones and started showing a video to Cassie and Bart who shifted to better see the screen.

Tim took a large bite of his burger, unsure what to say to Danny after Sam’s comment.

Danny didn’t seem to have the same reservations and shifted so he could press his shoulder against Tim’s. “Sorry. She and Tuck like to tease me. They’ve been calling you my internet boyfriend for ages.”

That admission made his face heat even more, but Tim tried to shrug it off. “It’s fine.” He knew from Dick that if he continued to protest, everyone would just take it as further confirmation they were right.

Danny shrugged and grabbed another container. Tucker tried to protest, but Danny ignored him. “Here, try a chili cheese fry; they’re great.”

Tim let out a breath and grabbed a fry, getting chili and cheese all over his hands as he did. “Thanks.”

Somehow, the group managed to not get yelled at for an hour as they laughed and joked in the corner booth, but eventually an employee came over to ask if they needed anything else. Danny ordered a milkshake for Jazz, and the group filed out. Night had set in fully while they’d been eating and Tim looked up at the sky. The stars really were much more visible here than in Gotham.

And that was when a large, swirling-green gash opened up in the night sky and dozens of ghosts started pouring through.

-----

Next

Sam is so going to try and radicalize Conner. Tim is just gonna let it happen. At least this radicalization is better than what he'd been exposed to previously.

Tag List Part 1

@gremlin-bot, @bonebrokebuddy, @britcision, @lady-time-lord-, @welcometosasakiworld, @akikkobara, @phoenixdemonqueen, @dolfay, @skulld3mort-1fan, @we-ezer, @markus209, @sjrose1216, @onyxlightdragon, @dragonsrequiem, @jesus-camp-the-sequel, @spidey29phangirl, @kyrianclawraith, @evilminji, @introvert-even-on-the-internet, @emergentpanda-blog, @lexdamo, @v-inari, @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit, @longlivethefallen, @undead-essence, @xye-chan, @liandrin, @seraphinedemort, @kisatamao, @schalensitzbucket, @caelestisdreamer, @runfromthemedic, @nutcase8691, @channajen, @tonicmii, @ambiguouslyominous, @vythika96, @addie-lover-of-stories, @ironicvixen, @violetfox2, @pickleking8, @mysticalcomputerdetective, @ark12, @mygood-bitch99, @squirrel-wolf, @satisfactionbroughtmeback, @sometimesthingsfallapart, @automaticsoulharmony, @d4ydr34min9, @revnantdpxdclover, @midigeria, @raginblastocyst, @feral-bunny31, @lunaria618, @ghostreblogging, @ace-aro-as-shit

[spaceorphan18]

So, as a comment to my Season 1 meta, @mathgirl24 gave the interesting response of ::

I agree with the Lord Featherington stuff. It seems like he had zero connections to his daughters. In fact, with him and Portia as parents, and her sisters being how they are, Pen must have had a really kind governess as a child because I don't see how else she could have learned any goodness.

Which led to some fascinating thoughts!

It started me thinking -- how did Penelope become 'good'? But even -- is she 'good'? Does the concept of 'good' even matter?

Okay, so I'm prefacing this with -- Penelope Featherington Bridgerton is my FAVORITE character on this ridiculous show, and I adore her. But one of the reasons I adore her is that she can be a morally gray character. (Also, for clarity, I'm talking about show Penelope, and not book Penelope.)

So, let's talk about her parents and her possible, probable upbringing. It's probably to say that Lord Featherington was neglectful at best and possibly humiliating at worst. He never seemed to interact with any of his children (or his wife whenever possible) so I doubt he was much of an influence. If anything -- had it not been for the kindness of other male influences on her life (and I'll get to that in a second), I don't think Penelope would have had many positive thoughts concerning men.

Then there's her mother -- whom we know can be gossipy, catty, manipulative, and sometimes just mean. But... I would argue there's a difference between Portia and, say, Cressida's mother. Portia, despite doing so in the worst way possible, does actually love and care for her children. They (though you should put an asterisk possibly on it that 'they' are tied to status, and Portia does want status) are what she pays the most attention to, because she wants them to have a better life than she does. -- She doesn't believe it'll be through a loving means -- because she didn't find security through a loving means. But she does care enough about her kids, and she's not a doormat to her husband, that she would not do what Cressida's family does.

So here's the thing -- Penelope was mostly neglected by her father and while probably bullied a bit by her mother, was mostly neglected for her sisters from her mother, so Penelope was left to her own devices. (Which -- part of what's at play here is personality, too. She prefers the comfort of her books and her solitude -- and in a positive and warm environment, such as the Bridgertons, she might be like Francesca -- needing to step away and be on her own because sometimes it's too much.)

So, her sisters were raised in the shadow of her mother, and are dumb and sometimes cruel. But you know what Season 3 taught us? That even they could be redeemed. And as broken as their family unit seems to be at times, they do care for each other, and have a stronger sense of family bond than, say, the Cowpers.

My long winded first point is... that there is some family love there (even if you can categorize it as an abusive household) so, Penelope isn't completely devoid of all familial affection. But also -- leads me to, her family is an influence on her, and I think that she's (again) a much more morally gray character than so easily fits into a 'good' or 'bad' characterization.

Okay, so... we know her home life isn't great, how come she isn't as terrible as the rest of her family?

First of all -- her being the one being bullied all the time can push one to either conform (like her sisters did) or retract and go the other direction. On top of that, she recedes into books -- where there is often a more firm sense of right or wrong. Penelope, in a lot of ways, is self taught, and I think she's naturally smart enough to intuit 'good' and 'bad' just by the power of observation.

Secondly, there's always the argument of nature vs nurture -- and I'm of mind that both play a factor. And I do think that Penelope is, by her personality, a kinder person than her mother and her sisters.

But she does have a vicious side... (more on that in a moment.)

Thirdly, I do think there are some formative outside influence. Before I talk about the biggest and most obvious one, let's talk about the staff -- Rae seems to be a nice person. Varley, while I'm sure has a devious side because she's Portia's right hand man, is always kind to Penelope. And yes! I'm sure, there was a kind governess or teacher in her young life that did help teach Penelope what kindness is (at the very least).

Alright, so let's talk about one of the most influential aspects of Penelope's life... the Bridgertons. We don't know when exactly Penelope's family first moved in across the way, but we do know, as Colin puts it, they were literal children. (Unlike the book -- where Pen was 16 when they met -- it's a big difference.) So, Penelope grew up, not only having a BFF who adored her, but having a surrogate family around her, who loved each other and who were good to each other.

But it's also interesting -- Eloise, as her closest friend, is not the 'good' Bridgerton (of the girls, I guess you could say Daphne or maybe even Francesca would be better candidates for that title?). Eloise has her own dark and trouble making sides, and the two of them are nefarious influences on each other.

Also interesting is the thoughts of the Bridgerton boys, all of whom, are nice to her -- (Which, omg, I need to put a pin in the side tangent of all of them represent different forms of good.) Anthony probably would always make sure she got home safely. Benedict would always be charming in her presence. And Colin is a kind soul all on his own. (Also should put a pin in this, too, cause there's another tangent about how a) Colin can have a dark side and b) Pen's corruption is good for him... but that'd be totally digressing.) And even little Gregory, I'm sure thought of her as a fun big sister.

My long winded (again, sorry) point is that the Bridgerton family did show her what 'good' can be -- and since she was a child when she met them, she effectively grew up as one of the family.

But all of this brings me to the point of -- is she 'good'? And does she need to be?

I think one of the most interesting scenes of Season 3 is in Episode 8 where she and her mother kind of come to an understanding. And it's acknowledged that they're more alike than either realizes. I don't think that the conception and execution of Lady Whistledown comes from someone who is fully 'good' (and well adjusted). There's so much morally gray there, and so much of LW that is selfish on Penelope's part. It is her way of dealing with a cruel world, but it's also reflecting some of that cruelty back out on other people.

And she does learn her lesson, and she does try to use it for the greater good (and there are sometimes when I don't think it's bad/evil in the way people sometimes use it to justify her being a /bad/ character).

So, I mean, I think Penelope is a fundamentally kind person, more so than her mother or sisters or even Cressida Cowper. But I don't know that she's 'good' in the way that, say, Francesca is more so a 'good' person all the way around.

But that's really, okay? Because Penelope is interesting, and human, and fascinating as a character. And the fact that she is so well rounded and gets to be messed up and make mistakes and not be good at times makes her all the better. At least in my opinion.

So yeah, idk if this stream of consciousness made a whole lot of sense, lol! But I just liked the thought of -- well, how did Penelope turn out the way she did. :)

[thymejot]

About your meta, I guess the thing is if you believe that Word Of God is canon or not. Jac Schaeffer said that Agatha was thinking she wanted to save Billy and kiss Rio and that she never wanted to bring Nicholas back. For me it’s not canon unless I like what they say 😝 but the fun of reading meta is to see everyone’s sometimes wildly different takes and in the end of the day people can think anything they want because we all bring our preferences, our bias and even our traumas to it

I believe Agatha truly loved Rio, I believe there was considerable time in their lives that they weren’t toxic to each other in any way and I believe that aren’t done, they still have centuries to work out their issues but I know there are plenty of fans that don’t believe in any if that. who’s right, who’s wrong I don’t think anyone can know and as long as everyone is respectful it’s all good. I just hope this fandom continues to be fun for a long time cause we all need the distraction

It is what I love about shows like this. Honestly, I dont think there is a right or wrong way to look at things.

Like you say, everyone has their own bias and will project onto characters. I really enjoy it when people want to have discussions about the things I love. I really appreciate you wanting to talk about this with me.

And the fact that while you may disagree with me on some points, you are not mean about it and are challenging me to look at things from a different perspective. So, thank you.

While I find it interesting to read up on writers intent, I don't ever take it as gospel unless it is there on screen. Between now and a potential next project with these characters, the writers could have evolved their ideas or changed their own interpretation of the characters. So I try not to hold too tightly to what they say.

Instead, I like to take what I have seen on the screen. The characters have shown us who they are with word, action, and deed. Every choice they have made forms who they are. A show not tell approach if you will.

I agree with you, Rio and Agatha love each other deeply. There was a time that it was far less toxic, and there may come a time when that is true once more.

I want to see them in all of their evolutions and iterations.

I want to see Agatha, the mentor. She has never been one to pull her verbal punches, so she won't take any nonsense. Her dynamic with Billy is so good that I would like to see that explored more.

I want to see Billy explore his powers, find his brother, and grow up a little more without being hardened by the world.

I want to see Jen flourish as she reaquaints herself with her power once more. Still snarky but less brittle. If she ever sees Agatha and Teen, have her just turn around and get the fuck away from them. Because they only lead to death.

In the end, though, my opinion is just one in a sea of thousands. I will write some ridiculous fanfics to get this show out of my system. Maybe make them a bit too oc for my own liking. Hopefully, I will learn from that and get better.

I just want to have fun with things. I don't want to hurt anyone with things I post unless it is superficial emotional damage (I eat that shit up). I hope you keep having fun with it, too.

In the end, as much as it pains me to admit it, these are not real people. So why not just go buck wild with our imaginations and throw them in every conceivable scenario. It's not like it will hurt anyone, so why not.

Feel free to chat with me any time

[therealvinelle]

Why do you think Jasper also slept with Peter and Charlotte?

Because @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin and I differentiate between fic and canon.

We write our thoughts on canon on tumblr, but in fanfiction we are free to make our own rules and have fun.

Lines become blurred, however (bullet pointing for legibility):

What we extrapolate from canon impacts the canon of our fics Fun fact, therealvinelle only exists because people kept asking me questions about my choices in Nebuchadnezzar's Dream, and I thought replying to the same questions in the comment section was silly. So I made a blog, which became a beast unto its own. In other words, fic is impacted by how I view canon, and when people ask me my opinion on canon I tell them my view on canon. Example: Carlisle and Aro are not intended by Meyer to have been anything more than friends, but we think it's there and write metas with that starting point, and have it explicitly canon in our fics.

We keep our fics consistent with one another, sometimes using a minor tidbit from canon to justifty it and sometimes making it up Muffin and I are very stringent about this sort of thing. Our view on the characters is fixed: if something changed from one AU to another, the question is "Why?". If it just changed for no reason and the people remain the same, they're no longer real people and nothing really matters. Example: the Volturi guards all having consistent personalities, life stories staying the same, nevermind that we made up Demetri's personality or Aro's ridiculous collection of Carlisle art.

We write metas explaining our fics on our tumblrs See my fic meta tag. Anon asks "Why did character do thing?" and we go "well, character is a person who does things like that thing, remember in canon when they did that thing? So we had them do this thing in our fic." Nevermind that character didn't actually do thing in canon, because this was all in a fic. Example: see the fic meta tag on my blog or Muffin's masterpost.

Now to answer your question: to my recollection Jasper/Peter and Charlotte is first mentioned in For the Love of a Woman, where Bella learns that not a single one of the Cullen men are straight and she despairs (as does Emmett, who wonders what this means for him).

It was justified as a "Jasper was in a state of ennui, they were all beautiful, they went for it" type of thing, and perhaps more to the point it tells you, the reader (and the scandalized Cullens, per fics like Bleach on the Brain) something about vampire sexual norms being different than 21st century western humans and those humans already have plenty of casual, recreational sex.

So, canon doesn't indicate it, but we had Jasper/Peter and Charlotte be a thing that happened in our fics and the argument for it can be made (I do believe sexual norms among vampires, being excempt from diseases, pregnancies, children, and the type of obligation and routine human lives have, would be... recreational).

(As it is I recall this coming up on the blog before, but I think whichever of us got the question responded with essentially the above - "We don't know, but possible".)

[aftgficrec]

ah I'm so excited you're open!!! thank you for the ridiculous amount of work you all do 🙏ok, this might be too specific but any fics with an alternate take on Andrew and Neil's post-trk reunion? Andrew gets out of easthaven early, Neil leaves the Nest later, AU's, etc.? i think it's a really interesting point in their dynamic, and I'm a sucker for sober Andrew realizing someone was watching his back for once

Feeling a bit like a Bernie Sanders’ meme – ‘I am once again asking myself why I spent so much time on an ask,’ 😅 but it's because this is such an iconic and beloved scene for our fandom. For a super fun ‘live’ first-time reader reaction to this high drama, check out ‘The King’s Men, Chapter 1 – Hello Foxhole, My Old Friend’ by @nickireadstfc here. -A

also see

Andrew's POV of throwing keys off roof here

‘Come and Save Me From It’ here (completed)

‘Learning To Feel (When You've Forgotten How)’ and the fandom meta posts here

‘pipedream’ here

‘reaching for the heights’ here

‘Lost boy’ and ‘[Un]broken’ here

‘I Know You From A Nightmare,’ ‘The Marks We Make,’ and ‘Draw Me Out, Mark Me In’ here

‘Marked’ and ‘Soulmates who can feel each other’s pain’ here

‘Of Stars and Stories’ here

‘What’s normal now?’ here

long previous recs with reunion mention

‘No More Fucks To Give’ here (updated)

‘The Sphynx and the Hare’ here (completed)

‘corvus, vulpes, lupus’ here

‘never fallen (from quite this high)’ here

‘Not a Pipe Dream’ here

‘everything and nothing begins with you’ here

Andrew gets sober, Neil stays at Evermore

‘Oh Raven,’ ‘Jailbird,’ and ‘Take to the Wing’ here

‘Scared to Live (But I'm Scared to Die)’ here 

 ‘Comeback’ here

you may also like

Christmas at Evermore here plus song rec ‘Far From Home (The Raven)’ here

Proust here plus ‘if you really love nothing’ here

Neil’s a hallucination here

Andreil meet in Easthaven here

‘just a slow body’ here

‘Will you be there when I come back?’ here

‘Here With You’ here (complete)

‘i'm here right now (just be here right now with me)’ here 

‘We're All Stories In The End’ here

‘Spirits In My Head’ here 

‘Fold me in your palms’ here

‘The Raven Prince’ here

‘Thanks, Matty’ here

‘Lullaby’ here

Random Rec - Andrew Minyard playlists round up here

Just a Pipe Dream by loveroulettes [Rated T, 2781 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Summer 2021, Locked]

Andrew thought coming off drugs will get rid of all side-effects, so why is Neil still here? AKA the scene where Neil picks up the cigarette from the ground and smokes it, but from Andrew’s POV

tw: implied/referenced abuse

reckless/i like it by Willow_bird [Rated M, 27259 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2022]

One thing didn’t seem to have changed since getting off the drugs. One thing almost seemed to have gotten worse. ”The next time someone comes for you, stand down and let me deal with it. Do you understand?” “If it means losing you, then no.” --- 5 times Andrew realized this something he had for Neil was, well, treacherous + 1 time he admitted (at least to himself) that he liked it

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: kidnapping, tw: choking, tw: implied/referenced torture

In the rain by Lyndis [Rated G, 1147 Words, Complete, 2021]

Part 2 of Quick and Dirty, parts 3 and 15 here

Andrew is off his drugs for the first time in years. No one knows he is back from Easthaven and he just wants to see Neil.

Time Machine by Marquee [Rated G, 137 Words, Complete, 2023]

Part 4 of Aftg Poetry

Andrew wanting to kiss Neil on the roof, but he isn’t sure he should. But like a poem?? Yeah.

Tumblr Prompts by lipsstainedbloodred [Not Rated, Collection, 2018] 

Chapter 13: Page 12: What if Neil didn’t go with the monsters to pick up Andrew from Easthaven (Andreil) [T, 2434 Words] 

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced sexual assault

his solace by orphan_account [Rated M, 2292 Words, Complete, 2016]

Andrew’s first thought of Neil Josten was ‘fake’. He was a boy who was clearly lying, clearly pretending to be something he wasn’t; or at least, something he didn’t want to be. Andrew’s next thought of Neil Josten was ‘dangerous’. He was too attractive for Andrew to ignore, whilst single-handedly being the biggest flight risk he’d ever met. Neil looked for exits everywhere he went, and Andrew hated him for it.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: violence

Silent Words by Jeni182 [Rated M, Collection, Complete, 2018]

Chapter 2: Colors [T] Andrew hates color. It’s part of the reason why he’s always in black. It’s just easier. The color doesn’t make his eyes hurt. He doesn’t have to think about shit matching. It deters people, a lot of times.

When You Were Young by SpookyMiscreant [Rated T, 1831 Words, Complete, 2017]

It starts when the monsters pick up Andrew from Easthaven. Andrew sits on the roof of Fox Tower and contemplates Neil Josten now that he's sober. Set to the background music of When You Were Young by The Killers.

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied referenced child abuse and neglect

this hole you put in me (wasn't deep enough) by gaygoyle [Rated T, 3368 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil blames himself for not doing more for Andrew while he's at Easthaven. So, Neil returns the one thing he knows even with his ban- Exy.

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

Shades of Sunset by darkbluebox [Rated T, 1885 Words, Complete, 2020]

Andrew is five years old, and he thinks orange is the most beautiful colour in the world. Twenty years in the life of Andrew Minyard.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced csa

Tell Me How You Hate Me by Killingmeslowly_24 [Rated T, 30532 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2023]

Next to Kevin sat a man who was roughly Neil-shaped, but that was where the similarities ended. Because Neil was brown hair, wide eyes, and a skittish demeanor. Neil was hidden smiles and questions and questions, so many goddamn questions, and- No. This wasn’t Neil. This man was a collage of bandages and bruises, hair bathed in flame. This man was a slack jaw and blue eyes, blue like ice, like an ocean, like drowning, too much like freedom for Andrew’s comfort. ... Or, The King's Men from Andrew's POV

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: violence, tw: dissociation, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: depression, tw: blood, tw: panic attacks

Bury it deep down, keep it under your skin by All_for_the_andreil [Rated T, 2123 Words, Complete, 2023]

He only wants to jump off the roof half the time. He supposes that’s progress too. The other half he’s only thinking about it in theory. How many bones would he break? Would he die on impact, like his mother did, or would it take some time? Would he feel the pain, or would it be just pure shock? Would he laugh as he fell? -or- Andrew's life told in snippets

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: canonical character death

Promptober 2023 by djinthehouse [Rated T, Collection, Updated Oct 2023]

Chapter 2: Falling into his reverse based on the song, The drug in me is you, by Falling in reverse

tw: referenced drug overdose, tw: canonical character death, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: psychological abuse, tw: gun violence, tw: murder

Chapter 4: Weak for the Boy This is based of the song, Weak by AJR it is kind of the opposite of Falling into his Reverse. 

tw: referenced nonconsensual drug use, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: blood, tw: psychological abuse

drop the game by Joana789 [Rated T, 1647 Words, Complete, 2017]

Then, the pills are gone. The buzzing in his veins is gone. The too-bright colors of the world are gone, everything back to its overwhelming dullness again. Neil Josten is, startlingly, still there.

tw: implied/referenced torture

but i’ll know, i’ll know by neilpipedreamjosten10 [Rated T, 2709 Words, Incomplete, Updated Nov 2023]

After Andrew comes back from Easthaven, Neil is missing, and Andrew is the only one who remembers who he is. But Neil never left Edgar Allen. *** This takes place during TKM, a what-if? fic where Andrew returns and finds that Neil was like a figment of his imagination, but now he has to save the runaway.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: referenced overdose, tw: referenced suicide, tw: nonconsensual drug use, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: torture

Lost (I Don’t Want To Be) by Demiwitchwoodwalker [Rated T, 4564 Words, Complete, 2022]

Part 2 of Someone(s) To Stay 

Kevin didn't respond, couldn't, and he suspected Riko knew that as his next words oozed with some sort of satisfaction. "I thought I'd give you a bit of a heads up, as a… let's say Christmas present. Your precious Nathaniel's getting inked. It's a shame Jean already got three, it would've suited the little Wesninski."

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: panic attacks

NB: kandrew/developing kandreil

meta

*tw: may include references to Andrew’s canon trauma and suicidal thoughts

Andrew's time at Easthaven meta by series author @korakos [Tumblr, 2015]

Neil didn’t make Andrew want to live. He gave Andrew a reason to give into that want. meta by @haletostilinski [Tumblr, 2016]

The Extraordinary Strength of Andrew Minyard meta by @imaginedmelody [Tumblr, 2016]

the drugs went away and neil was still the same meta by @miniyrds [Tumblr 2016]

after they pick Andrew up at Easthaven meta by @evil-diabolical-oops [Tumblr, 2016]

andrew hates neil meta by @kickfoxing [Tumblr, 2017]

can you imagine Andrew coming back from reliving weeks of abuse… meta by @boris-pavlikcvsky [Tumblr 2017]

Midnight Thoughts about Andreil meta by @saltierthanbottomofapretzelbag [Tumblr, 2018]

Was "If it means losing you, then no" the final nail in the coffin? meta by @blogaboutyafavbirdboys [Tumblr, 2019]

meta about andrew and caring and wanting things by @sinistercacophony [Tumblr, 2020]

thoughts/feelings/deeper meaning of the (rooftop keys/cigarette) scene? meta by @bloody-wonder [Tumblr, 2020]

andrew thinking that neil was just a side-effect of the drugs meta by @twirlingflurry, @buriedinbaltimore [Tumblr 2021]

how utterly, heartbreakingly sad it is that Andrew calls Neil a pipe dream meta by @fortheloveofexy [Tumblr, 2022]

“You were supposed to be a side-effect of the drugs” meta by @sepulchralblues [Tumblr, 2023]

he cannot be real, he has to be a hallucination meta by @neveranniething [Tumblr, 2023]

neil just gives andrew his bands and knives meta by @grooviestguru [Tumblr, 2023]

you may also like

in the dream I don't tell anyone (you put your head in my lap) by Fortheloveofexy [Rated T, 1850 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

The real Neil would never allow this, would not let himself be this vulnerable. The real Neil can barely stand to be around him. Andrew knows this. But Dream Neil? Dream Neil is a different story.

Will you be there when I come back? by Shamman [Not Rated, 299 Words, Complete, 2017]

Andrew is trapped in Easthaven with an eidetic memory and tries to focus his thoughts on the confusing image of Neil Josten's face. -Because however terrible it may look, Andrew's current circumstances are much less pleasant. Furthermore Bee has been making him sing and play the guitar in a very therapeutic attempt to make him express some sort of actual emotion over the past year.

tw: violent imagery

You Gave Me A Key And Called It Home by glintchi [Rated T, Collection, Complete, 2019]

Chapter 19: Yes, I Admit It, You Were Right [460 Words] Renee was waiting for him in the basement, fingers already taped, hair pulled back into a tuft of a rainbow ponytail.

Foxhole Tidbits by SpangleBangle [Collection Rated T/M, Updated  2018] 

Chapter 14: My Friend, O My Friend [M, 953 Words]  Prompt for Renee's reaction after Drake/Easthaven and Andrew's return.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: canonical character death

Did You Miss Me? by Deathandcommas [Rated G, 555 Words, Complete, 2023, Locked]

Aaron and Andrew have a late night chat after Andrew gets back from Easthaven.

tfw spoons by StrawBerryRains [Rated G, 216 Words, Complete, 2021]

Nicky offers Andrew ice cream when they arrive home from Easthaven.

A Taste of Your Own Medicine by caffeine_withdrawl [Rated M, 66454 Words, Incomplete, Updated March 2023]

Set after the infamous Thanksgiving, but then diverges from canon. Andrew and Bee decide it’s time for Andrew to come off the drugs, but works some magic so that he is allowed to do it in Columbia. Neil is tasked with helping him through it. They decide to do it the same way Andrew helped Aaron sober up, by locking him in a bathroom. Andrew doesn't react well, and switches between rage and panic. Andrew wonders if Neil is real or if he made him up because of the drugs.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: body horror, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: flashbacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: drug addiction, tw: withdrawal, tw: vomit, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: ptsd, tw: emotional abuse, tw: hallucinations

making it harder to breathe by Azure_Allumiia [Rated T, 1643 Words, Complete, 2021]

Christmas Break with the Foxes, featuring Andrew at Easthaven and Neil in Evermore. Foxes celebrate New Years in NYC with the ball drop.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: medical abuse, tw: torture, tw: blood

Dead Birds by Noah98 [Rated G, 1601 Words, Complete, 2021, Locked]

Neil just got back from Evermore and Andrew has returned from Easthaven. Riko calls. He wants a rematch and oh boy does he get it.

tw: violence, tw: blood/gore

Art

NB: just a sampling of art for this scene

“Feel Again” original song by @whatbutandreil [Tumblr, 2020]

Picking up Andrew from Easthaven part 1, part 2 comic by @coldcigarettes

andreil keys off the roof scene: animation by @hahanken | comic by @rainbowd00dles | comic by @lunapiq | art by @esklinray

I hate you comic by @thematicallycoherent

I’m not a hallucination art by @clumsyartish

Stick around long enough to figure it out for yourself. edit by @m1nyards

You are a pipe dream art by @viennemort

“you spend all this time watching our backs” edit by @matthcwboyd

not a hallucination a pipe dream art by @kryptidfox

“you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.” art by @planetmontressor

"Go inside and leave me alone." art by @dimsunstuff

“No, you’re a pipe dream.” art by @starkingdraws

[mecachrome]

What is the hype around jendo? I am trying to do research but I feel like they barely had any interactions?? Especially recently? Is there a primer or something cause I totally want to try to get into them!

OMGGGG well i wouldn't call myself a jendo expert or anything but i can briefly tell you why i like them!!! also soz for late reply 😭

tbh the very first thing that converted me was watching this interview forever ago because i remember being deeply intrigued by lando's demeanor + relative shyness + how hard he tried overall to appear Respectable and Mature in front of jense while answering his questions??? like the way jenson smiles at him during "are you happy?" "UMMM... kind of" wtheck T__T

jendo honestly have a lot of lore though! again i am not an expert but @cuthechicane has so many fantastic clips and gifsets if you're looking for interax that will rewire your brain chemistry ☝️ (the sheer giddinesssss of their miami interview 😭 also this is a classic moment). part of their thing is that they're both "somerset boys" (lando grew up in glastonbury / jenson is from frome) so that connection also kind of adds an extra layer to jenson having raced for mclaren / lando looking up to him and the general hero worship or cyclical nature of f1 that is palpable in their dynamic and a lot of other f1 agediff ships. ofc rossi was lando's real hero but... you know jenson is jenson

really though i think what i like most about jendo is how much jenson genuinely ADORES lando lmfao like their dynamic is so ridiculous but in a really absurdly sincere way!!! ofc it's super fun to go all in on the rancid age gap power imbalance vibes etc. and the way they flirt in public and fluster each other but jenson 100% RATES lando and hypes him up constantly to the point that it's almost embarrassing negl. lichr him going all in on lando like 4 hours ago... what's craziest to me is that he sincerely believes everyone else loves lando too like his brain can't comprehend the mere concept of someone not being obsessed with his favorite little british twink 😭 he's those innocent guys on reddit who still post comments like "lando is so nice it's impossible to hate him!!!" as if we're still in 2019 or something...... i want to live in that world

imo there's also an aspect to jendo where it's like...? jenson sees so much of himself in lando to the point of having preconceptions about lando's mentality that he projects onto him a bit which i think adds dimension to jenson's vulnerability but that goes into way more my own Meta and isn't really relevant to this post. but part of jenson's personality is that he is very charismatic and a natural speaker and also Usually Right so he loves to SAY shit and although he's not quite a nico-level professional shit stirrer he does kind of um... always speak like he knows something you don't. as evidenced by his time as lewis's teammate wherein he won the idgaf war by not acknowledging it going on in the first place. this is also why he and oscar should banter more because i feel like the comparisons between oscar and jenson are honestly so apt HLSDFH i have a jenson/oscar/lando post if that is of any interest

ok sorry i'm getting off-track but >>>all of that to me is why jendo is fun... jenson presents as very self-assured but if you do a psyche deep dive you realize he was quite sensitive growing up and Personally Victimized by briatore and has been quite open about his anxiety and the way f1 culture functioned at the time, and he's always been quite emotionally regulated but obviously there was... also a lot of glamour that accompanied that until later in his career LOL. so getting to explore those sides of him with a 20-something lando who very much mirrors him (self-reflective and sometimes overly critical and learning to live the "highly committed and industrious playboy" life) but also makes his façade crack in ways you don't often see is so fun & fascinating...!!! imo you can take them in a lot of different directions as a ship :3c

^ bonus bits i like from his book

[humbledragon669]

S1E3 – Hard Times Write Up P2 – The Globe Theatre London (1601) and the Burbage Meta

This part of the write up for episode 3 is going to take on a slightly different format, in that it will only be covering a very short (approx. 4 minutes) section of the episode. It will also contain the details of a meta-theory I have based on the short conversation that takes place in this scene, and I’ll be analysing the comings and goings of the scene in greater detail to try and demonstrate how the theory came to fruition. I’m not going to lie – this theory is likely to be HUGELY unpopular. I am not a fan of it myself but it’s where my head canon is at, and if it were true might explain one other unknown piece of canon. So, with all that said, let’s get started.

Before we get into the weeds, I’d just like to take a moment to appreciate the soundtrack for this scene. I’ve spoken before about David Arnold’s ability to compose incidental music of all manner of styles to assist with scene setting and the piece playing in the background here is no exception. The use of period instruments, simple orchestration and playful melody do an excellent job in establishing our place in the timeline. Chapeau, sir.

Alright, let’s get the ball rolling with some familiar ground, specifically the obvious joy on Aziraphale’s face when Crowley arrives.

Look at that happy little face! It looks like pure reflex too, he just can’t help himself. Did you appreciate that little suggestion that this is a happy couple on a pre-arranged date? Well hold on to it, because things are about to get rocky.

I’m going to skip ahead a little bit, but I will be coming back to look at some of the other interactions that take place here later on. I’ll mention (briefly) that this scene is the first we learn of the “Arrangement” actually being in place and that they have invoked it “dozens of times” (the book confirms it was originally enacted in 1020). It took me a little while to twig, but the fact that they do work on behalf of the other doesn’t just mean that Crowley is capable of blessing things and using his miracles for good (the latter isn’t so dubious – they both seem to use their miracles more like magic tricks anyway), but that Aziraphale is capable of tempting people into (bad) things. Food for thought.

When I first started looking at this episode with a mind to doing a write up for it, there was one of Aziraphale’s lines that stood out to me:

The reason it stood it is because it feels almost… lustful. And it shouldn’t because he’s not talking about Crowley here, but the actor on the stage – Richard Burbage. I dismissed it because I did not care for what that might mean for our precious darlings. That’s ridiculous, right? Aziraphale desiring someone other than the tall dark prince. Absolutely.

Time for a tangent.

After I finished writing Dangerous Liaisons (a 5+1 fix-it fic I wrote based on the theory that the entire Final 15 is all just an act), I found myself wanting to fill in some of the gaps that I had touched upon in the fic. There is mention of certain events, and of declarations of love on both sides, at particular points in their history, and my brain was already whirring about if I was to write them (spoiler alert: I am 100% going to write them), what the details were. One of those events takes place in 1941, which got me thinking about Aziraphale spitting out that he did the “I Was Wrong” dance that year. Which in turn got me wondering about what that dance would have been for. Which in turn got me thinking about what the other instances of the “I Was Wrong” dance in 1650 and 1793 could have been for, and eventually I was at the point where I wasn’t just planning to write more fics about the events mentioned in Dangerous Liaisons, but my versions of how those apology dances came about as well.

At the time, I had a notion that perhaps the 1941 dance had been done as an apology for Aziraphale’s outburst in 1862 about the holy water. Similarly, I had an idea that the 1793 dance could potentially have been about the fact that Aziraphale had (very stupidly) gone to France during a war against aristocracy, dressed in finery, for nothing more than crèpes. But the 1650 dance? I had no clue.

Until I went back to this scene.

What if. What if that lustful undertone I thought I had detected when Aziraphale speaks about Richard Burbage wasn’t nothing at all? Honestly, when my brain offered me that idea, it felt like fireworks had gone off in my head. Did I like it? FUCK NO. Did it make a weird sort of sense? Urgh, so help me, it kind of did. So hold on people, I’m going to say it quickly, because I am not enjoying writing it about as much as you aren’t going to enjoy reading it.

I think Aziraphale had an emotional affair with Richard Burbage.

I think not only did Crowley know about it, but that initially he gave it his blessing. I think Crowley changed his mind when he realised how much he was hurting as a result of it. I think Crowley tried to talk Aziraphale out of it under the pretence of not wanting him to feel the pain of heartbreak when Burbage inevitably died. I think they had a huge row about it. And I think the 1650 “I Was Wrong” dance was Aziraphale apologising for it all.

Hate me now? It’s OK if you do, I kinda hate myself for thinking it in the first place to be honest.

I know you’re probably thinking “well, what on earth were the 1793 and 1941 apology dances for then? If the original dance was for something as awful as an “affair”, what could he possibly have done in later years that would have been bad enough that the dance needed to be repeated?”. I know you’re thinking it because it’s exactly what I thought when my brain force fed me this theory in the first place. So here’s the thing.

I don’t think the dances in 1793 and 1941 were for anything different.

I think all three of the instances of the apology dances were for the same thing – Aziraphale’s emotional affair with Richard Burbage. Because it’s the one thing Crowley can secretly never forgive him for, even though he gave him permission to do it in the first place.

I suppose I had better start talking to explain myself here, shouldn’t I? Well, alright then, I will, but only about my reasoning for the theory – the playing out of the dances I will be writing about in my fics.

Let’s start with the little glance at Burbage we see from Aziraphale when Crowley says he hates the ”gloomy” Shakespeare plays:

I’ve slowed it down so that you can see it, but Aziraphale’s primary concern about Crowley’s criticism is whether or not Burbage has heard it – that’s where his gaze initially goes to before being distracted by an approaching Shakespeare.

OK, OK, a single glance and a single line of script. That’s hardly a confession, is it? Well, I’m not done yet. Let’s have a look at Aziraphale falling over himself to reassure Burbage of his talents.

This sort of gushing simper is something you might usually see from a teenage girl trying to bolster the older boy she has a desperate (and inappropriate) crush on, often when responding to an attempt by him to fish for compliments or show the younger girl up. It makes me a little sick at just how desperately Aziraphale offers his support here to be honest. My feelings aside, his babbling flattery wins him Burbage’s attention, which clearly delights the angel.

I’m sure most people would be happy to believe that the reason Aziraphale denies his friendship with Crowley is because that is the standard for them both, but I think there’s more to it than that. I’m of the mind that Burbage and Aziraphale already know each other at this point, and that they’ve already begun to develop feelings for one another. Burbage asking Aziraphale about his “friend” isn’t just a general question - it’s tinged with jealousy. He wants to know who this man is, not in an attempt to garner more compliments, but because he’s feeling threatened by his presence. As well he should. Let’s also take a look at Aziraphale’s face after Crowley’s presence has been pointed out:

Does it look familiar to you? It does to me. It’s the face he pulls when he’s in trouble for doing something he knows he should be in trouble for. Just like when Nina drops him in the shit with Crowley for having a naked man in his shop:

We can also see Crowley starting to cotton on to things in this little exchange. He sees Aziraphale’s desperation and flustering, sees the human’s jealousy and possessiveness. So what does he do? He does what any self-respecting mischief-loving demon would do. He decides to join the pissing contest. You can see his decision in his expression here:

If that expression wasn’t enough to let you know that he’s entering the ring at this point, his dismissive response to Burbage’s challenge should be enough to tell you he now considers this man fair game.

I think you should get on with the play.

Ouch. Saucer of milk, Crowley? Or maybe just turn your disdain to the person you’re actually upset with? Ah, he’s got that covered, showering Aziraphale with sass when he heckles Burbage. You can see a little train of emotions going through his expression here – amusement morphs into shock and disbelief, finally indicating his incredulity with a head shake so subtle you can only just catch it in the movement of his hair.

Quick side note: in the script, Burbage gives Aziraphale a “grateful thumbs up” at the heckle. Very friendly, don’t you think?

And so we come to the hateful fateful line that got us into this mess in the first place.

He’s very good, isn’t he?

And now it takes on a whole different level of meaning, doesn’t it? This is him asserting his pride at Burbage’s talents, justifying his feelings in a thinly veiled confession, and subtextually seeking approval from the one person in the world that he would ever want it from.

Let me be clear: I do not believe that Aziraphale is sexually attracted to Burbage, or that he’s in love with him. I think he feels a deep emotional attraction to him and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that Burbage’s talent is what’s really driving it. It’s worth remembering that Richard Burbage was a real historical person, who was the resident actor at the Globe Theatre. He played virtually every major role in the company, and it is generally thought that the role of Hamlet was written for and based on him. He was possibly considered the greatest actor of his time.

Crowley’s response, which comes after a tiny pause, seems oddly out of character.

Age does not wither nor custom stale his infinite variety.

For those who don’t know, this line is an almost direct quote from Shakespeare’s “Antony and Cleopatra” (written after 1601, hence why Shakespeare makes a note of it when Crowley speaks). It’s spoken by Enobarbus, Antony’s best friend, who acts as a reasoned counsellor to Antony, offering advice unbiased by an all-consuming infatuation with Cleopatra. The pronouns have been changed in Crowley’s rendition (the resulting line in the play is about Cleopatra, so “his” becomes “her”). I have no doubt that Crowley’s subtext is pretty thickly layered here, so I’m going to try and break it down a bit:

We have a reference to age not having an effect on appearance. This is pretty obviously a characteristic of both himself and Aziraphale, immortal beings as they are.

The second half of the line he delivers is a reference to the subject having a range of moods that are unpredictable in their application.

The line as a whole takes these two ideas and wraps them in the suggestion that the subject is overwhelmingly attractive to many.

So taking all of that into consideration, I believe that the subject of Crowley’s line here is Aziraphale. He’s the one who doesn’t age, who is unpredictable and has fickle moods. It’s a reminder to himself of the things he finds attractive in Aziraphale and why others might also be drawn to him. It’s his admission that in this situation, he must be Enobarbus, the advisor, but that one day he can resume his role as Antony to Aziraphale’s Cleopatra. I mean, where else do we think he gets his 20th century first name from anyway?

That was a lot of analysis for a tiny handful of words. Aziraphale is less impressed with them, presumably because his little crush’s talent has not been recognised and he didn’t get the approval he was looking for.

The conversation that follows lets us know that Crowley has called this meeting. What’s interesting though is that according to Crowley’s opening line of the scene, it would appear that the location choice was Aziraphale’s.

I thought you said we’d be inconspicuous here.

This would suggest that Aziraphale knew that Burbage was going to be displaying his talents and that it would give him ample opportunity to show him off. Poor Crowley has been completely ambushed.

The majority of the conversation after this point is largely business-related, but it doesn’t stop Aziraphale from returning his eyes to Burbage at every opportunity, who is relentlessly charging through his lines in the background. Interestingly, the only line we focus on him for is this “the pangs of despised love”, which refers to the heartache caused by love that ends badly. And what other way is there for the affair between him and Aziraphale to end but badly? He’s human. He’s going to die. Leaving Aziraphale heartbroken. The frame just before these words are delivered would suggest that Aziraphale isn’t actually paying attention to him when he says them (shocking), so he’s probably missed that particular point entirely.

It's touching to see that Aziraphale does still care for Crowley, despite whatever else might be going on in his brain – his main concern, at least on the surface, is that it could put Crowley in danger if they invoke the Arrangement. In truth, I think he’s also considering the possibility that he might get to stay in London to spend more time with Burbage if he doesn’t have to go to Edinburgh; it’s written all over the lingering gaze he shoots the actor’s way when he’s offered the change to “toss for Edinburgh” (*smirk*)

And just look how disappointed he is when he loses:

And as if Aziraphale had not asked enough of his demon already, he overhears a conversation between Shakespeare and the oyster vendor (named Juliet, wonder if old Bill stole her name for anything he’d written previously…), prompting him to ask Crowley for a favour. I don’t think this could be interpreted as anything other than a secret gift from Aziraphale to Burbage. He obviously thinks it’s a marvellous idea and has set his heart on having it – just look at his silent ask of Crowley:

If that little eyebrow raise looks familiar, it’s because exactly the same micro-expression we see when he silently asks Crowley to clean his jacket in episode 2:

Let’s just for a moment say that my theory about all of this is complete guff. Why would Aziraphale be so desperate for Hamlet to succeed? Why this particular play? I’m prepared to settle and say the reason he doesn’t do the miracle himself is because he’s just lost the toss and is about to go and do Crowley’s job for him, but I can’t work out why he would be so keen for this play to succeed if there wasn’t some sort of emotional attachment involved with its lead actor and inspiration. So, I’m sticking to my guns on this one. Note: I’m not going into any metafiction stuff about both David and Michael having played Hamlet to high acclaim – everything here stays strictly within the GO universe.

And, like the lovesick little puppy that Crowley is, he gives his heart’s desire what it desires, even though it isn’t him. He even calls it a “treat”, and it earns him a pretty sweet smile of gratitude.

I don’t believe that Crowley’s gesture here is without subtext. I think this is him giving Aziraphale the approval he was fishing for earlier. And Aziraphale knows it – his secondary response (after that big soppy grim) is one of delighted relief. I have no doubt that Crowley is smarting a little by this point, and that’s borne out by the fact that he now leaves the theatre alone. If we look at the ends of each of the historical scenes, there are three where one of our hero couple leaves without the other (I’m not counting the departure in 537 AD where they both leave simultaneously). One is in 1862 (where Aziraphale refuses to supply Crowley with holy water) and another in 1967 (which I obviously haven’t covered yet) where Aziraphale leaves after delivering his soul-destroying “you go too fast” revelation. The other is this one. It’s seems very fitting that the only scenes where we see one of them leaving without the other are scenes where there is emotional tension between them. More importantly for this scene though is not so much that Crowley leaves, but that Aziraphale stays, his gaze instantly returning to Burbage on the stage. Not only is his face still fixed with a soppy smile, but he resumes eating – something we will see him using as a flirting device with Crowley in future years.

There’s one last thing I want to talk about from the beginning of this scene that I think bears mentioning:

Setting aside the fact that he miracles a coin out of thin air right in front of a human’s face here, there’s something else that draws my attention. The vendor in this micro-scene gives a customer two choices: oysters or oranges. Aziraphale chooses a third option, that we as the audience are not aware is available: grapes. Is it too extreme to consider this to be foreshadowing the choice that Aziraphale will make in this scene? As an entity, we have seen him try to choose between Heaven and Crowley for centuries, but here he will instead choose a third, previously unknown, option – Richard Burbage.

So there we have it. If you’ve stuck with me this far, I really do congratulate you. And I’m sorry. I’m not exaggerating when I say that writing this all down was actually really hard to do. I don’t want any of what I’ve theorised here to be true as much as most of the GO fandom, but once the idea planted its seed I could see how much sense it made.

If you’re still reading, and don’t hate me too much, I’ve written the prologue and first chapter of the fic that goes with this meta (you can find it here). I’ll be writing the second and third chapters covering the other “I Was Wrong” dances once I’ve completed the analysis for their relevant scenes, though that does mean the 1941 chapter will be a little while in the making.

Not sure I really want to include my usual sign off here, but… questions, comments, discussion always welcome. (Please don’t throw too much abuse at me!)

[pet-genius]

"No one deserves to be praised for kindness if he does not have the strength to be bad" - La Rochefoucauld

And is that not just "Snape to a T," as @dementedlollipop had put it while I was contemplating making a meta?

I think I can relate to the concept of goodness vs. greatness in HP that I've been toying with for actual years. The distinction first comes up in Ollivander's shop, IIRC, where Ollivander remarks that Voldemort did things that were "terrible" but "great", which makes Harry uncomfortable. But of course it does, because Ollivander is literally calling his parents' murderer "great". And that word keeps coming up: "You could be great, you know," the Sorting Hat whispers to Harry.

What if Harry's praiseworthiness is not in ending up in Gryffindor, but in choosing his idea of goodness (which was naive, as he was only 11 and his only source of intel was Hagrid)?

Dobby has always known of Harry's greatness, but not of his goodness, because the too things are not the same. The main "lesson" of COS is that our choices make us who we are, but how many 11 year olds are offered the choice? How many children ended up in Slytherin because no one had warned them about that House, because they had no personal stake in where they would be? Harry is not only a Gryffindor but someone who might as well not have been, hence his goodness. Harry constantly grapples with the knowledge that he is actually not special and has no outstanding power, and Dumbledore constantly has to remind him - the power of love. The power of choice. Picture young Snape, torn between the two, with Lily representing an idea of goodness that is increasingly foreign to him as she aligns herself with people he has good reason to despise. On his other shoulder, greatness - as he conceives it - whispers. It might be telling him something like... "There is no good or bad. Only power and those too weak to seek it." Or even something like... "our choices make us who we are. Do you choose to stay weak or come under my wings and learn how to be strong?"

He has every power to be bad, because his tragic life made that path the easier one. At some point, it might have looked like the only option. Certainly Dumbledore would not have humored a young Snape who had never been corrupted to start with, by the way. What glory or greatness could the Order offer him?

Funnily enough, his biggest criticism of James is that he was "mediocre" and "arrogant," neither of which translates directly to a "violent bully" in my eyes. I don't want to make another post about James, but I do think it says a lot about what Snape valued - at least at the time when James had been alive, when Snape probably verbalized his criticisms.

"Ought implies can", Kant tells us, meaning (as I read it) that moral duty arises only when the possibility exists. But we don't deserve praise for merely doing as we ought. Snape deserves praise just as much as deserves condemnation, because his story has always been that of choice between viable options. The option to be good must have seemed less viable when he was a short-sighted and traumatized teenager, but he always had it. Greatness, and goodness, praiseworthiness... belong to the adult we met, the petty and vindictive and still-traumatized and still embittered man who - even after killing Dumbledore, when capitalizing on his strength to be bad could not be easier - still chose the struggle. It feels like a good point to end the meta, except that I read it and I feel ridiculously self-important and like I barely skimmed the surface. I guess the quote in the title just really encapsulates why Snape is so endlessly fascinating, on top of just being, ultimately - good.