#repeating the cycle my parents repeat

[rockandrolldisgrace]

i literally hate my life

[stagefoureddiediaz]

The mess on the couch Margaret bought - that can’t be cleaned - the mess created by bringing a child into the world - while death is looming nearby.

How the whole scene is a metaphor for Bucks life - how his entrance into the world was messy and death was looming - how his birth was an attempt to keep death at bay but it came anyway and has held the hand of the Buckleys ever since. How the Buckleys tried to clean up the mess but their secret created an uncomfortable life for Buck - one that couldn’t be kept hidden and once revealed exposed the mess. How the couch is unsalvageable in much the same way Bucks relationship with his parents is - the mess will always be there in the centre of things.

How the couch is orange and how orange is a colour of superficiality arrogance and pride.

How Kameron batted Natalia away initially but ended up holding her hand - holding the hand of death while bringing life into the world - the same way Margaret was when Buck was born.

How Buck holding that baby and needing a few seconds but ultimately being able to hand it over and let go is a representation of him breaking the cycle even if he is still connecting himself to death he has broken one link in the chain - the link to his birth.

[sanddollarpoems]

But who can afford to be curious these days?

Those lofty ideas are not for the poor

who simply must strive for survival.

The itch of curiosity belongs to the rich

whose parent's pocketbooks

can afford them the halls of higher learning.

It belongs to the ones who have moments to spare,

and the lavish extravagance

of not living in fear of the landlord.

Who can afford curiosity when the cost of living

out paces those who are living,

dragging them into a frantic fight to float?

Curiosity has always been for the privileged,

for those who don't know the bitter taste of desperation.

Curiosity is only for the rich,

and because of this,

we will all remain poor.

[ccbatman]

actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.

[jankillbride]

everyday i wake up and think about what dc vs vampires could've been

[meimeikyu]

beep

[autumnhobbit]

my parents house genuinely just makes me so sad

[mischievouspoltergeist]

When I was younger, older people told me I'd understand my mother's abusive behaviour when I became a parent.

Then I became a parent.

I understand her even less.

I got a complex baby just like I was and it's been rough and yet I've always responded to my child with empathy and love. I enjoy our fun moments and I act as the anchor in the storm during the hard times. I am a constant, and I am consistent.

I love my child and I make sure she knows it every single day.

Am I perfect? No. Absolutely not. But we don't do abuse in this household. We do not do neglect. Children are not abandoned and their needs, emotional and physical, are met with patience and care.

Because they are children and I expect them to act like children.

[chqnified]

Love getting older. Like yes. I now have money to actually have that pinterest core room.

[martyrbat]

Embalming: History, Theory, and Practice, Sixth Edition

[TEXT ID: As we yearned for physical connection with the ones we love, we also longed to be present with the ones we had lost.]

[robinsnest2111]

slowly (once again) coming to the realisation how little my parents actually care about me. diasppointed to report it doesn't hurt any less the nth time around

[todayisafridaynight]

Prior to sending the ask I was just guessing what matrophobia meant based on the root words but I looked it up after and went ohhhh and then you confirmed that extra dimension to it and I went OHHHHH

I think that gets to the heart of what I've been thinking about, that bittersweetness, because despite his best efforts... of course he could never end up anything like Yoko, but he still ended up with an abusive "household." Because in addition to Masato ending up how he did, he has to see those same situations play out, feel that same tension in the air between Jo and Ichi, over and over for almost a decade straight.

Like, in a way, he's forced to put himself in Toshio's shoes when that happens. He can't really get through to Jo, in the same way Toshio can't get through to Yoko, but he can try to step in before lasting damage is done, and he can try to make it bearable for his son. You know. Have a nice talk. Treat him to Peking duck. I'm SO normal about the (drawn-out) parallels of those scenes

So then with Jo... he kind of does become his father, even if he never wanted to (no one wants to), both through his ruinous neglect of Masato at birth and through how he comes to look at discipline and corporal punishment. I'm sure it's not lost on him in Masato's case (owww), but with Ichi, it's not like he has any reason to see him as his son... But How Far Can That Take You.

Because it's like, at the start, he was openly beating Ichi in front of Arakawa and not letting up much when Arakawa intervened. But then you have The Yubitsume Scene and Arakawa walking in on All That and... he looks sorry. Sorry for being caught, probably, but sorry nonetheless. Like... what changed between then and now... have you two had a Heartfelt Conversation... do you know where Arakawa got that scar... are you unable to change your "nature" even then...

Side note bro your SHOE is the size of his TORSO I promise you do not need to kick him with all the strength you've got like what the hell is this 😭😭😭

BUT ALL THAT ASIDE thank you so much for delving into the symbolism! Wonderful read. I don't really have an eye for symbolism, so that makes it all the more enjoyable to revisit the comic and everything with what you've gone into. I think a lot of your experiences resonate with mine, so conversely I'm not sure what others would take away from it, BUT I think there's enough there that's so insightful and evocative that it's effective without personal experience. I don't think there's anything I could add, so. Yeah. For once I am happy to sit back and take it all in... On that note, definitely looking forward to your next comic!

AUUUGH YEAAAH YEAHEYA HYEAH THAT EXACTLY OUUUGH OWIEE OWW.....

that's literally it though. like no extra notes. except The Obligatory Few i dont think it was an accident that arakawa is set up as the beginning of the game's 'protagonist' and planting that 'troubled family' taste first thing in our mind. i remember how i felt when i first saw arakawa walk in on jo and ichi and then arakawa taking ichi out for dinner i was just like🧍‍♂️Girl No The Cycle.... It's Continuing...... //screams// LIKE UGH IT WAS SO GOOD BUT ALSO OWWW STOPPP and then on the REPLAY it just hurts more cause with the added context to jo's character its like Oh No...... You're Your Father's Son....

and youre right: jo doesn't have an implicit reason to see how he treats ichi is wrong, hence he similarly doesnt have any reason to stop- not unless arakawa intervenes of course (and i will stand outside my window thinking of the possibility arakawa ever did try to have A Conversation with jo... arms folded behind my back and all like Man™️....)

oh but yeah, absolutely no problem ! im lowkey of an egotist so i do like to talk bout the stuff i make. More In Depth (though thats obvious considering the fuckin essays in the tags i always leave ☠️☠️) gerjlgaELKjg. so i was happy to explain ♪(´▽｀) !! what i like about symbolism is that it can be intentional or not, and the fun is always finding it just by chance. i cant explain it properly, but i just think its a neat 'seasoning' of sorts to drawings (❁´◡`❁)

[sodrippy]

hearing about "and if you become eligible for permanent residency" is spinning me out like. ohhhh fuck im getting to a point where i really have to decide my future and stuff. like for real. like for REAL. oh jeez

[speckeltail]

idk meta about my interps of riddler and aaron and what it means for them and how they treat each other

spinning off in my own little world has yielded what I am absolutely sure to be an only slightly insane interpretation of tb!riddler; this is someone who's been dismissed, belittled, scapegoated, used countless times, whose inflated sense of ego is... yes, an inflated sense of ego, but also a cover for an insanely damaged self-esteem and general inability to connect with other people. he's defensive of his interests because they've always been mocked until they're useful, he's defensive and selfish with his skills because when he works for someone else and does as he's told he's accustomed to taking the fall. he doesn't trust when people are nice to him because he's been primed to see it as an attempt at manipulation... and he worked as an operator for a carnival game in what I see as his late teens + early twenties while he was getting his degree, so he knows full well what it's like to be manipulative. being an operator for a fun little carnival game where the fun of playing is the real prize is different from leading someone on and stealing their work, though. the biggest similarity is that the games are rigged from the start and only an idiot wouldn't see that (he didn't see that, what does that make him).

so it leaves him intensely distrusting, competitive, accustomed to relying on only himself (except for his little nerd armada, god I love the riddlemen they're perfect in every way) and letting himself be the only person to call the shots. at the same time... he is desperately reaching out for connection. he's lonely! he wants to be validated and treated like he has value for being just a person, not for his immense smarts, though he'd appreciate that too.

aaron coming into the picture doesn't necessarily change things so much as it puts a new coat of paint over it, because eddie finds himself in the same position his own father was in (and failed) but also... not at all. not in the slightest. he saw, in aaron, a kindred spirit who was used, who was abandoned, someone who wanted to get back at a system that was rigged from the start. and, I mean, it's not like Batgirl and Robin aren't on the scene. (and prank and scorn, which is its own thing.) the way I see it, eddie didn't intend for aaron to be more comfortable as sphinx. it just... happened. eddie sinks deeply into riddler as a protective layer against the world (prickly intellect and a mean streak that quite frankly dissolves the very second it's not of use?), aaron takes the thing he loved that became a horrible burden and a source of pain and turns it into the weapon he uses to get back at the world as sphinx.

to some degree, eddie is trying to protect and nurture the child in him that loved puzzles and was shot down at every turn. aaron is the opposite; he grew up fast, too fast, was on a global stage at fourteen and acting like an adult (without the adult privilege of making decisions for himself) and being treated like an adult with his area of expertise. eddie trips facefirst into love with someone who is only using him, and pays the price; aaron carefully portrays himself as someone unattainable and undesirable in his relationship with the other villain sidekicks, prank and scorn. (the context for that is sphinx went to them each separately, after their respective disasters, and went; hey. nobody's going to look out for us. people are going to try and use us. people won't take us seriously. we have to look out for each other. and they have a groupchat where aaron talks scorn down from doing dumb violent shit and donnie goes through cycles where he relapses into prank with joker. all very interesting. I should talk about it later. he's very much a mother hen because like eddie, he needs a sense of control and he cares deeply for people).

so... aaron acts like an adult, mainly. eddie helps him make a fake identity and aaron takes over from there. he's trying to be as convenient as possible, and it never comes out but he's afraid that he'll be discarded as soon as he's more trouble than he's worth-- which would distress eddie if he found out. sphinx is useful, and smart, and eager to please, and takes care of himself. sphinx is altogether more comfortable to be than aaron, who is anxious and doesn't know how to ask for help or care and feels ashamed that he wants it. eddie is his superior, not a father figure. neither of them know how to navigate this.

when aaron graduates high school, he goes to college-- this is when he stops being sphinx and starts being tyto, triggered by him investigating the disappearance of a classmate and friend and discovering a seedy underbelly to newark. it's where his and eddie's similarities come to an uncomfortable forefront. aaron, when given the opportunity, is obsessive. he's willing to wait, but only for so long. a few years ago I was pretty adamant about aaron not killing, but over the years I've honestly changed my mind... I think that he doesn't intentionally kill, but it's happened. and with the people he's targeting, he's not especially guilty about it.

anyway, eddie doesn't figure out about tyto for a while, he thinks that aaron's just retired aside from visiting gotham and doing sphinx stuff for him as a favor on long weekends and holidays, and when he does he's surprised at how much he does not like it. he did invite sphinx into the whole business with the promise of getting back at people who hurt them (and the world, in general, and the way things are rigged, and it's fine for them to break the rules because nothing is fair) but that was stealing money. blackmailing people, at most! silly bullshit like jello bombs. people in speeding cars they control so they're not really in any danger. distractions. you know. supervillainy? tyto is not a supervillain. tyto is not even necessarily a vigilante, though that's what he's treated as. tyto is indeed getting back at people with precise and violent intent, much as an unsupervised nineteen year old with extensive training and too much compassion for his own good might.

it's not going to end well! it's a hopeless crusade that leaves power vacuums and is endless work, and what's going to happen when aaron graduates? How the hell can Eddie respond to that? he can't tell aaron to stop because he's not in charge of him anymore. he doesn't disagree with what aaron is doing but it might get him killed, and in fact there is a high chance that it might get him killed.

anyway I think that's what makes eddie realize that he cares for aaron a lot more deeply than he ever expected he does, or should. and once again things are spiraling out of his control and the only thing he can do is watch and hope there's enough pieces left to pick up.

[thewingedwolf]

i don’t engage with iwtv fandom at all bc i know there’s a large contingent of people who didn’t like the way claudia was adapted and i enjoyed her and found her so well written that if i see someone implying she’s not deep simply bc she has no time for lestat (…which is book canon anyway) i will have an angry meltdown on par with my ouat days and that’s not healthy.

anyway claudia and claudeleine are better than everyone else in this series and yes i’m including all your other french whites and evil twinks thanks!!!!!!

[catmask]

tbh when i hear some people talk about 'breaking cycles of abuse', it becomes clear pretty quickly who has come to understand that phrase to mean 'since i was a victim of abuse/neglect by my parents/caretaker/s i will do everything to be nothing like them' and that is all. its not a completely flawed way of thinking either - something that hurt you would very likely hurt someone else; through empathy we learn to understand not to hurt others the way we were hurt too.

but what 'breaking cycles' looks like is more complicated than just not being your parents/caretakers - it's about recognizing how the things that happened to you changed you and how you can heal so you don't hurt someone else in turn. the survival skills you learned in an unhealthy enviroment often translate to poor if not unhealthy interpersonal skills in an enviroment where things ARE safe.

its a difficult pill to swallow for a lot of survivors of abuse (trust me, i know) because we have a tendency to simply want our pain to be recognized. by painting yourself as "absolutely nothing like my abuser" you can abstain from recognizing your own harmful tendencies and live comfortably in the role of victim hood for the rest of your life. it can be tempting to do this especially when so many people will do their best to deny what you experienced - almost like leaning into a stuck door that just won't budge.

the problem with this is if you never recognize that being mistreated made it so you LACK a lot of what other people learned from a loving enviroment, you can hurt people pretty badly even when doing your best just not to replicate what your parents/caretakers got wrong.

this also hurts for victims because, when it comes down to it - it's not FAIR. you were hurt for no reason, and most of us will never hear an apology or even admittance from the person who did it - so why do YOU have to change? why do YOU, the person hurt unjustly, have to put in the work?

and i mean. that's what breaking a cycle is. it means pushing against what's fair and comfortable deliberately so that you can stop something that's been repeating. it's work. its not just recognition of pain, it's the purposeful healing and treatment of it. but thats scary, and it's not fun, so a lot of people fall right back into it. its a lot easier said than done.