#i think its safe to admit that rather than indulge in sui ideation. i think. i dont hate myself i want to live and today has been the best
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i literally hate my life
#i think its safe to admit that rather than indulge in sui ideation. i think. i dont hate myself i want to live and today has been the best#day ive had in a while but everytime i talk to my parents i just want to end it all. but what i really want to end is not my life but this#period of time i have to spend with them. i want that to be over already so i can just leave and have days such as today everyday#but i really hate how my life is right now. like. this constant dissonance between the real world vs my home life#the manipulation and abuse i experience there vs literally just normal life in the outside world#its like i have to be two different people all the time#im at my worst at home. i could literally rot here my whole life. and knowing that is scary. that could be my future. just rotting here and#repeating the cycle my parents repeat#i could rot and die here. i could have a miserable future but i know i have to choice to make a difference in my life. and its going to be#good. i swear it bc otherwise just fucking kill me. this life has to work. im going to make sure it works out.
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