#DRAGGING MY HANDS DOWN MY FACE
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Me, waking up: Pedri gave Gavi the armband.
Me, drinking my tea: Pedri gave Gavi the armband.
Me, on the train: Pedri gave Gavi the armband.
Coworker: Hey, can you-
Me: Did you know Pedri gave Gavi the armband?
Coworker: Uh, what?
Me: Okay, so it all started on November 25th, 2002, on the island of Tenerife-
#dragging my hands down my face#I have thought of nothing else today besides the symbolism and intimacy of Pedri giving Gavi the armband#I fear I am useless today#somebody help me#basil posting#Pedri#Gavi
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No one. Absolutely no one:
Me: I wonder if I could make the solas getting pegged art ALSO be tender and full of yearning....
#turns out the answer may be yes!#look try as i might the smut always ends up looking.... tender#they look utterly FORLORN this is RUINING ME#dragging my hands down my face
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look i know that many conditions, including many mental illnesses etc, are chronic and will never fully go away, i do, and i realize that many of the things going on in my own brain qualify for this
but when i see posts talking about how things will never get better with these conditions it does in fact act as a trigger for my suicidal thoughts
#dragging my hands down my face#better doesn’t mean ‘cured magically’#it doesn’t even necessarily have to mean ‘lessened symptoms’#it can just be about having better ways to cope with things#when you say ‘no nothing will ever change stop saying it will change we are stuck like this forever’#then why should i WANT to live#suicide cw
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the continued weewoo watching adventures of glitz
my evil friend charlie (aff): hey when you get to s4e12 you gotta tell us. that whole episode is WILD.
me: oh sure! i’m actually only like one episode away from that. watch party?
charlie: YES *vibrating* I mean cool cool just let us know
me: *watching the episode* okay this doesn’t seem that wild. bobby’s being sus, is he gonna relap—HOLY SHIT OH MY FUCKING GOD HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK JESUS CHRIST OH MY FUCKING GOD?!??!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK THEY FUCKING WHAT I KNEW THIS HAPPENED AT SOME POINT BUT I WAS NOT PREPARED. I WAS NOT PREPARED.
#HIT BY A FIRETRUCK OF EMOTIONS#911 peeps i gotta hand it to you this sure is a Show#won’t someone please release eddie from the prison of compulsory heterosexuality#he’s fucking married!! to buck!! it’s just that neither of them realise!!#dragging my hands down my face#you people lived with this for years without knowing even one of them was gonna turn out bi?#y’all are stronger than me#911 abc
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heavy on “I fear being alone more than anything else. So why do I do this? Why do I push away the people I love? What is so very wrong with me? I don’t know. And I don’t know how to make it stop.”
#she doesn't want to be loved because she so desperately wants to be loved DO YOU GET IT#DO YOU UNDERSTAND#she is fully aware that she is horrible she KNOWS what she is and that self awareness is a curse#and she regrets opening her mouth every time!!!!! everything she says and does is wrong and she knows it!!!!!!!!!#how does she curb her nature!!!!!!! how does she dull her blade!!!!!!! it's all she has!!!!!!!!!!!!#WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH ME AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT STOP WAHHHHH#something something 'i have a monster inside me ... think that she hates me i'm feelin' it lately' RAAHHHHHHH#dragging my hands down my face#ONE DAY one day.....one day she will feel safe enough to be silly to be warm to be 'good enough'#she already is she IS good i will fight but. one day she will feel peace :((((( i swear it :(((((((#someday i will click clack memes and drafts and not just shitpost rants
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"well, it's not a universal task, and i don't strictly have to do it because it's not actually the next challenge"
so you're not going to do it, right?
so you're not going to do it, right??
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hey so i'm pretty sure discord just broke all my fucking image links i had on toyhouse
#mun chitters#dragging my hands down my face#i have them all saved in a dump channel but that's gonna be hell to fix and idk if i have the energy for that in this lifetime
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idk meta about my interps of riddler and aaron and what it means for them and how they treat each other
spinning off in my own little world has yielded what I am absolutely sure to be an only slightly insane interpretation of tb!riddler; this is someone who's been dismissed, belittled, scapegoated, used countless times, whose inflated sense of ego is... yes, an inflated sense of ego, but also a cover for an insanely damaged self-esteem and general inability to connect with other people. he's defensive of his interests because they've always been mocked until they're useful, he's defensive and selfish with his skills because when he works for someone else and does as he's told he's accustomed to taking the fall. he doesn't trust when people are nice to him because he's been primed to see it as an attempt at manipulation... and he worked as an operator for a carnival game in what I see as his late teens + early twenties while he was getting his degree, so he knows full well what it's like to be manipulative. being an operator for a fun little carnival game where the fun of playing is the real prize is different from leading someone on and stealing their work, though. the biggest similarity is that the games are rigged from the start and only an idiot wouldn't see that (he didn't see that, what does that make him).
so it leaves him intensely distrusting, competitive, accustomed to relying on only himself (except for his little nerd armada, god I love the riddlemen they're perfect in every way) and letting himself be the only person to call the shots. at the same time... he is desperately reaching out for connection. he's lonely! he wants to be validated and treated like he has value for being just a person, not for his immense smarts, though he'd appreciate that too.
aaron coming into the picture doesn't necessarily change things so much as it puts a new coat of paint over it, because eddie finds himself in the same position his own father was in (and failed) but also... not at all. not in the slightest. he saw, in aaron, a kindred spirit who was used, who was abandoned, someone who wanted to get back at a system that was rigged from the start. and, I mean, it's not like Batgirl and Robin aren't on the scene. (and prank and scorn, which is its own thing.) the way I see it, eddie didn't intend for aaron to be more comfortable as sphinx. it just... happened. eddie sinks deeply into riddler as a protective layer against the world (prickly intellect and a mean streak that quite frankly dissolves the very second it's not of use?), aaron takes the thing he loved that became a horrible burden and a source of pain and turns it into the weapon he uses to get back at the world as sphinx.
to some degree, eddie is trying to protect and nurture the child in him that loved puzzles and was shot down at every turn. aaron is the opposite; he grew up fast, too fast, was on a global stage at fourteen and acting like an adult (without the adult privilege of making decisions for himself) and being treated like an adult with his area of expertise. eddie trips facefirst into love with someone who is only using him, and pays the price; aaron carefully portrays himself as someone unattainable and undesirable in his relationship with the other villain sidekicks, prank and scorn. (the context for that is sphinx went to them each separately, after their respective disasters, and went; hey. nobody's going to look out for us. people are going to try and use us. people won't take us seriously. we have to look out for each other. and they have a groupchat where aaron talks scorn down from doing dumb violent shit and donnie goes through cycles where he relapses into prank with joker. all very interesting. I should talk about it later. he's very much a mother hen because like eddie, he needs a sense of control and he cares deeply for people).
so... aaron acts like an adult, mainly. eddie helps him make a fake identity and aaron takes over from there. he's trying to be as convenient as possible, and it never comes out but he's afraid that he'll be discarded as soon as he's more trouble than he's worth-- which would distress eddie if he found out. sphinx is useful, and smart, and eager to please, and takes care of himself. sphinx is altogether more comfortable to be than aaron, who is anxious and doesn't know how to ask for help or care and feels ashamed that he wants it. eddie is his superior, not a father figure. neither of them know how to navigate this.
when aaron graduates high school, he goes to college-- this is when he stops being sphinx and starts being tyto, triggered by him investigating the disappearance of a classmate and friend and discovering a seedy underbelly to newark. it's where his and eddie's similarities come to an uncomfortable forefront. aaron, when given the opportunity, is obsessive. he's willing to wait, but only for so long. a few years ago I was pretty adamant about aaron not killing, but over the years I've honestly changed my mind... I think that he doesn't intentionally kill, but it's happened. and with the people he's targeting, he's not especially guilty about it.
anyway, eddie doesn't figure out about tyto for a while, he thinks that aaron's just retired aside from visiting gotham and doing sphinx stuff for him as a favor on long weekends and holidays, and when he does he's surprised at how much he does not like it. he did invite sphinx into the whole business with the promise of getting back at people who hurt them (and the world, in general, and the way things are rigged, and it's fine for them to break the rules because nothing is fair) but that was stealing money. blackmailing people, at most! silly bullshit like jello bombs. people in speeding cars they control so they're not really in any danger. distractions. you know. supervillainy? tyto is not a supervillain. tyto is not even necessarily a vigilante, though that's what he's treated as. tyto is indeed getting back at people with precise and violent intent, much as an unsupervised nineteen year old with extensive training and too much compassion for his own good might.
it's not going to end well! it's a hopeless crusade that leaves power vacuums and is endless work, and what's going to happen when aaron graduates? How the hell can Eddie respond to that? he can't tell aaron to stop because he's not in charge of him anymore. he doesn't disagree with what aaron is doing but it might get him killed, and in fact there is a high chance that it might get him killed.
anyway I think that's what makes eddie realize that he cares for aaron a lot more deeply than he ever expected he does, or should. and once again things are spiraling out of his control and the only thing he can do is watch and hope there's enough pieces left to pick up.
#aaron griffin#tb!riddler#the riddler#me post#DRAGGING MY HANDS DOWN MY FACE#sidekick squad is immensely important to me#andy kills william when he gets out of prison => graduates to vigilante (stalker)#RH kills joker and prank eventually goes solo as a tiktok influencer => jester#aaron has a lot of trauma about a lot of things and sees a chance to make a difference by putting his hands around someone's throat => tyto#jester is a batgirl rogue and it's fantastic. they are friends. donnie gets enough tiktok money to move out of his dad's apartment#and buy clothes that FIT#donnie is absolutely being neglected lmao his clothes don't fit his hair is messy he latches immediately without question onto the#first adult to treat him with respect and pay positive attention to him#which contributes to the cycle of... joker approaching him again and again with small; generally harmless pranks#getting him to escalate. keeping him essentially huffing low dosages of joker gas in their little planning warehouse.#pushing him to do more and more dangerous things until donnie pushes back like hey I don't want to actually hurt people#and then joker goes too far and donnie runs away and comes down off of a week-long gas high#and two or three months pass... cycle repeat#for andy william is like 10 years older than him so old enough to step in as a 'parental' figure but with none of the skills#pressure pressure pressure on andy who has trouble adjusting to seeing him as an authority figure#putting on a show of being good brothers and a good team to everybody else while being wildly dysfunctional#living in their parent's apartment while their parents are in prison#william taking his teen brother on jobs to be a thug. more pressure. hatred for people who have better but unable to parse it#as sadness and jealousy#both of them getting gassed; william going to jail; andy is a minor so he's released on probation and goes to live alone#detoxing off of a concentrated dose of joker gas#he's the foil for dick so while dick loses his parents and gains a new support and purpose in being robin#andy is wrapped up in scorn and likely goes right back to being a thug for people when he needs money because#what else can he do?#aaron is both of their lifelines as the closest thing to a functional adult they can trust (while he is actually younger than andy
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"... well, whatever." i know what you are
#kal.dir#theeeee jump from. ''my hanging out with yorishima is none of your business'' to. ''a heavy burden can be shared''. like.#dragging my hands down my face
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I don't think I'll ever get over Fenris just showing up one day wearing Hawke's favor on his wrist and their insignia on his belt.
He doesn't say one word about it, doesn't ask for permission or acknowledgement of it, he's literally just wearing his heart on his sleeve.
All this after their disaster of a night together that they haven't talked about, they haven't reconciled, they haven't figured their shit out as a couple or apart.
And he wears Hawke's colors anyway.
#drags my hands down my face#fenris you have ruined me#how am i supposed to romance anyone else ever again
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decode
@steddiemicrofic June prompt: stuff || wc: 483 || G || established relationship, moving in together, language, Eddie being chaotic
Confused, Steve grabbed the keys he'd just set down, and -- yep, right apartment number.
When Steve had left their brand new apartment that morning, he'd known that Eddie and Wayne would be relocating their things from point A(ll yours now, Wayne!) to point B(abe, this is ours. Ours.), but Steve didn't realize--
"Eddie?"
The apartment had been completely empty that morning when he'd left for work, the mattress that Steve had tied to the top of his Bimmer ("I'm not sleeping on the floor.") and yesterday's clothes being the only things left behind. Now, however, Steve wondered if there had been some kind of mistake with a hypothetical delivery service that he knew Eddie and Wayne definitely did not hire, because there were mountains of boxes in front of him. Towers. A miniature King Kong would have a field day in this apartment, and Steve could only stare, overwhelmed by the amount of....everything.
Until, finally, a familiar head of hair popped out from behind one of the towers.
"Eddie, is this really-?"
And then Steve's face fell, lips pursed at the sight of his boyfriend, blissfully oblivious to Steve's presence, absolutely jamming to the music blaring from the headphones clamped over his ears. Steve bit back a laugh at the guitar solo that Eddie vocally mimicked with his eyes closed as his air guitar got downright shredded.
Eddie bumped into a stack of boxes, then paused, hands held out placatingly to the swaying stack, and said, "Excuse me," before he went back to wailing along with the guitar in his head.
Steve could have taken him right then and there.
He settled for a light touch to get his attention, since it was obvious that Eddie would otherwise remain oblivious to Steve's presence, but when Steve touched his arm, Eddie's eyes flew open and the guitar wail turned into a banshee shriek, his arms flailing wildly as he fell back and into a tower of boxes in surprise. Steve tried to grab him, but it was no use. He followed Eddie to the ground, and the boxes crashed next to them.
"Jesus fucking CHRIST," Eddie cried, starfished on the floor, his chest heaving under Steve's hold. "Damn, Steve, you scared the shit out of me. I think I just lost five years of my life."
"I'm sorry," Steve couldn't help but laugh.
Eddie, winded, grinned back then winced and turned toward the toppled boxes next to them. "Hope those didn't have records in them."
Steve frowned at words scrawled on the toppled box. "It says The Prancing Pony?"
Eddie relaxed. "Sheets and stuff."
Steve's confusion only grew when he saw other names across the other boxes, until he landed on one that said Rivendell.
He knew that name.
"Why is Rivendell on that one?"
"That, my liege, houses aaall of your hair care stuff," Eddie smirked.
"....Eddie, no."
Eddie grinned wider and winked.
#why yes. eddie did in fact label the boxes with middle earth locations instead of writing 'kitchen' or 'bathroom' on them#wayne thought it was funny#only because he doesn't have to deal with it as much anymore#'....the shire??' 'that's the living room!' 'this doesn't make ANY SENSE'#EDDIE YES#steddiemicroficjune#steddie microfic#steddie#steddie fic#steddie ficlet#drags a hand down my face: this is the first thing I've written since February really
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(You are bound to the Universe's will the same way the moon is bound to this planet, the same way the planet is bound to the sun, the same way a puppet is bound it's strings!!!!!!)
top ten pieces of dialogue ive screencapped because of how normal it is and how normal it made me feel
#in stars and time#isat#siffrin isat#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#sorta? kinda. its got implications...i guess...#sammi draws#[drags my hands down my face] UUUUGGHHHH. i love when theres a protag whos got puppet in them. hows that lack of control for your situation#its just a trope i never get tired of exploring. i screencapped that dialogue specifically to draw smth for it#and honestly? could still make like another 3 pieces all radically different from this one#but i wanna do some sprite redraws next and ive got smth based off “eternity” cooking....maybe ill get to that...who knows..#anyway um. please enjoy? :) siffrin isat i adore you and your issues and maladies
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update on my college tuition bill: 65 bucks of it has been covered! the bad news is i still need $335 USD to pay for the full thing. i'm done being prideful about this. i caught covid so i'm bedridden and miserable right now. any shares + donations would be greatly appreciated. thank you
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i need to be more passionate about math and science. just because i'm married to english literature doesn't give me an excuse to be ignorant. you can't write if you don't know anything.
#🐉#not a dig at anyone except myself but i refuse to take pride in my own ignorance#drags my hands down my face. i neeeeeed to apply myself to the technical side of my interests.
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how the thought of you does things to me
#Arcane#Silco#Viktor#silvik#vilco#my art#me dragging my hands down my face: man; what a year huh?#sb: it's only June#me: fuuuck bro
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Imagine if I could keep an antagonist muse for more than half a day
#dragging my hands down my face#i had a great idea for one for rioa!!! half way through designing and just. nah. nvm. there goes the fun brain idea#mun chitters
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