Minnie. All growed up. Crazy rat lady. Mama. Getting by and doing good 馃挄 (This blog runs on a constant queue)
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The funniest shit about my father thinking I'd accept him being a crappy grandfather is that he thinks he'd be the only grandfather so I'd allow it. Like an abusive grandfather is better than none.
And I have no idea where he got this idea from because my daughter has this whole other amazing family and her grandfather ADORES her. He's incredible. He does so much for my girl, let's her decide what they're gonna do, buys her things that a lot of thought has clearly gone into and spends time with her. He helps us, night or day, with household things when we're struggling, like electrics, cars or plumbing. If we can't fix it, grandad can. He's this amazing example of what family does for family, and the love and care we should show for each other.
Why tf would I need a grandfather who smokes with kids in the car with the windows shut? Who yells at kids because they aren't obedient automotons? Who treats his own daughter like shit and has no respect for family? Who treats kids like his personal emotional support? Why would I need that in my kid's life? I don't. He's never met her and he never will, and it's entirely down to the disturbing comments about my child that he made when I was pregnant. I was willing to give him a chance to be a grandfather but he could barely muster decent human being. So no. You don't get that chance.
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the author's barely disguised hobbies and interests
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A librarian told me the world would be a better place if more people spoke to their kids like I speak to mine 馃ズ
We're breaking cycles in this house馃挄
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For real though, I have never felt like I've gone wrong by just following my child's cues. We contact-napped until she didn't want to anymore, coslept until she didn't want to anymore, didn't use a pushchair until she decided she liked it at 11 months old, still happily breastfeeding, she's randomly decided she'd like to potty train earlier than I was ready for so now we're doing that, her sleep schedule is of her choosing and she goes to sleep when she's tired.
Has it always been easy? No. Has it always been 100% what's right for me and my child? Yes.
There's so much weird information out there about if you don't do x, your kid is doomed to always do y and 99.99% of it is just nonsense. My kid did things when she was developmentally ready for them, not when I was ready for them. I'm not in the mind of paying thousands of pounds to people trying to profit off struggling parents when the truth of it is that all kids develop and do things differently at different times. My kid was a terrible sleeper for a very long time, and was very much a velcro baby. I never once felt like I was doing something wrong by simply meeting her needs, and now she's a great sleeper who is fiercely independent.
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This year's anniversary came and went and I didn't even notice. Six years and for once I didn't think of it. I am so relieved, although it took so long. You are not such a heavy thought anymore. I talk about you sometimes, anecdotes, memories, moments.
But I am too wrapped up in being the mother I want to be, the mother my child needs, to be so wrapped up in my own mother. I wonder if that's a mistake you made, being so wrapped up in your own mother wound that you lost sight of being a better one. It's a cycle I feel like I've finally broken.
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