#ren faire worker

[ratt-teeth]

@sweet-milky-tea705 Hope you don't mind me making a whole post about this, but this would probably get too long for replies and I figured this was a good opportunity to share some experiences and advice for anyone who might be interested in working the faire circuit~

Disclaimer before we get started, I wanna be sure to mention that everyone's faire experience will be different, and I can only speak to what my experience has been like. At the time of this post, I've been on the road about 10 months now and am by no means an expert, but have gotten input from my partners who have been doing this longer than me.

This is gonna be a long post, so buckle up!

Intro

So let's cover the basics. If you already have experience working your local faire, you may already know some of this, but it's always good to refresh.

Most, if not all, ren faires are privately owned, with different owners for each show. While some folks work directly for the faire in positions such as clean-up crew, ticket booth, and (in most cases) food sales, a big chunk of people you see work for individual vendors; the shop and game booths that make up most of the faire. Think of it kind of like a mall: the faire is the mall itself, and the booths are the stores. Each booth has an owner, manager, and employees.

Most of these employees consist of road rennies (like me!) Many of us are essentially contract workers, and will work different gigs for different shows, depending on which vendors need employees. It's not uncommon for rennies to have their hands in a bunch of different pies.

Two other types of workers you'll encounter at every faire are Cast and Performers. While these two positions sound very similar, there is actually a distinction. The cast are like the face-characters at Disney. They walk around the site in-character and bring life to the faire. These are roles like the royal court, town drunk, and, at some faires, fantasy creatures such as fairies. Many of these positions are filled by local actors who only work one show.

Performers are the ones who put on the stage shows. Musicians, comedians, sideshow acts, and jousters are all performers. They have a set schedule with a number of shows they do each day. Many performers are also road rennies who travel show-to-show full time.

Now that we have a general overview of who makes up a ren faire, let's get into some of the nitty-gritty.

Travel

Traveling for work means reliable transportation is incredibly important. If you don't drive, or have a travel companion that drives, a life on the road will not be impossible, but it will be much more difficult. I, personally, don't drive, but my partners do, so I consulted them for the majority of this section.

When spending so much time on the road, you're gonna want to keep up on routine vehicle maintenance, oil changes, tire pressure, and tread. It's best to keep a roadside emergency kit with things like jumper cables, extra windshield wipers, flat tire repair kit, and a flashlight. If it's possible for you, it's also a good idea to get AAA, as well as have some money tucked away for any emergency repairs.

Look up your routes ahead of time to figure out travel time and what states you'll be driving through. Every state's road laws are different, so look up and get a basic gist of the different laws of the states you'll be in. Try to give yourself plenty of wiggle room with your scheduling; things like traffic, rest stops, and bad weather can add more time to your trip than you think.

You'll also want to plan to arrive on site at least a few days before opening day to give yourself time to set up, get settled in, and familiarize yourself with the camp and faire grounds.

Camping

Most faires have some sort of on-site camping for employees. The rules and regulations vary a bit for each faire, so I encourage looking up the rules ahead of time for the specific festival you'll be attending. Nearly every faire will have camping fees that must be paid to stay on site; while some employers will cover these fees on behalf of their employees, not all will, so it's best to check with your employer about this. If you will be the one paying your own camping fees, make sure you have your payment ready when you check in at the office. If you are traveling with a pet, most sites will also require an additional pet fee.

After you check in, you will likely be assigned a camping spot by the campground director. (Some sites will allow you to choose your campsite, but don't hedge all your bets on this.)

When picking out a tent for camping, remember that this is what you will be living in for the run of the show; while some tents are great for a little weekend camping trip, they don't fare well when you're living in them for weeks to months at a time. Larger tents (8-12 person) are gonna be the best to ensure there's enough room for you and your belongings. Try to avoid dome-shaped tents, as they tend not to do as well in bad weather. The stakes that come with the tent are usually pretty garbage, so definitely buy some heavier duty ones.

Do not drop a ton of money on an expensive-ass tent. It will never be worth it. Even the most expensive tent is not meant to be lived in full-time, and it WILL eventually break and you will have wasted your money. Walmart has plenty of decent, affordable tents that work just as well. We go through about 2-3 tents a year due to weather damage and general wear-and-tear. Have a basic tent repair kit on hand for little fixes, but learn to accept when you just gotta toss it.

Besides a tent, here's a list of some equipment you'll definitely want to have while camping:

Battery powered lights and lanterns (and extra batteries)

A cooler for drinks and food

A cot or air mattress

Power bank; we recommend the one pictured below from Walmart, since it has built-in jumper cables and air compressor

Plenty of bottled water

Propane space heater for cold months

Tarps (you'll want one over the entirety of your tent for better rain and sun protection, as well as heat retention when it gets cold)

A small folding table (trust me, you'll want a flat surface)

Campgrounds will also usually have some type of shower house, but you'll still want to stock up on bottled water for drinking, brushing your teeth, washing your hands, etc. Also, a lot of camp showers are... not great. I definitely recommend looking up gyms or truck stops near site for a better bathing experience.

Mentally prepare for bad weather. It will happen, and it will suck, and you might lose some belongings. Come to peace with it.

Camping can be really stressful, from setting up your tent, to keeping your shit dry when it rains, to shitting in a hot port-o-potty. You will get frustrated, and you will cry. It comes with the territory. We've literally all been there, just remember it's not the end of the world, and things will be okay.

Community and Etiquette

Living in a campground means you're gonna be sharing a space with all kinds of people. Most of them you'll get along with, and some you won't. It's life.

Overall, it will benefit you to be friendly and social. Community is a big thing for us, and we often consider ourselves a big weird family. Reputation is absolutely everything, and your reputation will dictate how you fare in this environment. Word travels fast in these circles, and a bad reputation will prevent you from making friends, forming connections, and getting work. Networking and word-of-mouth are your ticket to staying on the road.

Easiest way to stay off of everyone's shitlist is to just be courteous and follow some basic rules:

All sites have a speed limit (usually 5mph) FOLLOW IT. This goes for the campgrounds as well as the faire site. Don't go haulin' ass around the grounds, it's wildly unsafe for everyone on foot, and it tears up the dirt roads.

Campgrounds also have Quiet Hours. Usually like 10pm-7am, but these also vary by site. Don't be the dick blasting music and shouting during quiet hours. Some people are trying to sleep, and may even have kids that go to bed early. It's super rude and you will 100% get reported to the camp director.

If you have a pet, basic pet etiquette applies. Pets must be leashed/tethered at all times when outside. Yes, even your cat. No one cares if you cat hates their harness, leave them at home then. Make sure you pick up after your pet as well, no one wants to step in shit on their way to the bathroom at 2am. If your pet is loud/untrained/unruly, it sucks, but it's best for everyone if you leave them home.

Keep communal areas clean. No one wants to pick up after you.

You'll be surprised that I have to say it, but don't take/touch stuff that doesn't belong to you without express permission.

Remember that this is all a shared space, with all the benefits and difficulties that come with that. You'll deal with some things you normally wouldn't. You'll be sharing a toilet with dozens of people, some more hygienic than others. You'll hear people stumbling home drunk, arguing, having sex. We live in nylon sacks 10 feet from each other, it happens, and you'll have to get used to it. But on the flipside, you'll also have some rad times. Most people are super rad and chill, and ready to lend a hand when needed. From helping pitch a tent, to sharing food and resources, to just being stellar company. Folks are always planning fun community events, so don't be afraid to get involved and have fun.

In addition, make sure to join in the online faire communities as well. If you don't have a facebook, or haven't used yours in years, it's time to dust it off. Every faire has a facebook page, as well as a private group for participants and campers. Most announcements are posted in these groups, as well as tons of community resources, so you'll absolutely want to join.

Work Life

Like I've said before, every employer is different, and will have different duties and ways of doing things, so you'll want to talk to your boss about what both of your expectations are to make sure you're all on the same page.

Most jobs on the road pay cash, so keep in mind that you'll likely be missing out on normal job benefits.

Each job will also have different expectations for garb; some will expect you to have your own, while others (mostly clothing shops) will require you to wear garments sold from the booth. Either way, you'll want to have appropriate garb for all types of weather. We're working outside, rain, snow, or shine, so you'll want to have work clothes you'll be comfortable in.

Some jobs will offer different types of week work for extra compensation. These are usually things like restocking, doing inventory, or making products. Week work is typically voluntary, but it's good to pick some up, since money can get tight on the road. If your employer doesn't offer any week work, you can always ask around if anyone else needs help during the week. This is totally common, and you can get the chance to learn some new skills.

While it may seem like an easy-breezy gig where you "only work two days a week," remember that this is still very much a job and should be treated as such. It can be a very fun job where we get to be creative and goofy, but if you slack off or treat it like one big party, people will notice, and they will not appreciate it. It is a lot of hard, sweaty work, but it is wildly rewarding.

General Tips and Cautions

There will be Drama™️. You get enough feral weirdos together in a shared space for long enough, and shit WILL go down. Do your best to stay out of it, it will keep you sane.

While this life is very fun and rewarding, it is also very mentally and physically demanding. You will likely experience burnout. Make sure you schedule some downtime into your circuit. December is the most common time to take a few weeks off, as there are less faires going on, and most folks want to enjoy the holidays.

Most festivals have horrible phone service. At some sites, you'll have to leave site completely to get enough signal to check your phone. Be prepared to go into town fairly regularly.

General motto is "prepare for the worst, hope for the best." Disasters can happen. But that's when it's great to have a community to lean on. Learn to roll with the punches.

[dreamtigress]

Ready for opening weekend at MD Renaissance Festival....

[jupiterjunebug]

I can understand not liking someones nerdy presentation but razzing on someone being a dork while watching a 5 hr ppv for professional wrestling feels a bit pot and kettle to me. Like we are wrestling fans. This is one of THE dorkiest things you could be doing with a sunday

[nat-20s]

"why are there furries at Ren faire" GIRL SOME OF THOSE ARE EMPLOYEES

[o-sachi]

Record Store - Drabble for WinBre Week!

ᯓ you and kaji working together part-time at a local record store ᯓ character; kaji ren (wind breaker) ᯓ tags; fluff, college au, technically a budding workplace romance, has a 500 days of summer reference, afab reader, no y/n

[🐟]: for day 6 - part-time job prompt! @windbreakerweek

There was this guy you worked with at the local record store. He was pretty quiet and always wore headphones no matter what—which was fitting for a record store employee, you thought.

But that meant it was almost impossible to talk to him. So the register and the customer service were left in your care. He mostly handled the logistics like carrying the boxes containing new records and arranging them on the display shelves.

On his chest he wore the same employee nameplate that you did. It said "Hi I'm, Kaji," in black letters. You assumed he was the one who wrote his name with those asemic strokes. But all that mattered was that the nameplate served its purpose and everyone now knows his name is Kaji.

Unfortunately, that's about everything you know of this guy. Too bad he can't write his life's story or his favorite food on something he can plaster somewhere on his body.

Kaji was intriguing though. You found yourself stealing glances at him while you stood behind the counter and he'd be walking back-and-forth between the shelves and the storage room. The only time he'd talk to you was when he absolutely need to, but would you really consider conversations about work as ACTUAL conversations? No, not really.

It was a rather slow and peaceful day for the record store. To be fair, you've never experienced a busy day here. It was one of the many charms of this place. But you were bored out of your mind doing absolutely nothing at the register while Kaji was busy with rearranging the vinyls.

An idea popped into your head and you found yourself making way to the very same shelf he was at. Scanning his work, you realized he was arranging records by genre, so you started doing the same. He didn't protest—or maybe he really had no words for you—but he silently let you help him.

The music streaming through his headphones were loud enough that even as you stood a few inches away from him—you could hear it clearly.

"I love Deftones."

Kaji lifts one side of the headphones. "What?"

"I said I love Deftones."

He kept it lifted off his ear while he thought of something meaningful to say.

"You have good taste in music," you add, hoping that he could springboard from that.

"You like Deftones?"

"If like, you should stay down beneath~"

"Yeah, I love them."

Holy shit. Kaji was short-circuiting like an idiot. Normally, the news that someone listens to the same music as he does is nothing amazing. But finding out the pretty girl at his part-time job did? It had him feeling some type of way.

Safe to say, you caught his attention. Hook line and sinker. He removed the headphones from his ears completely, setting them slowly around his neck—telling you that he was ready to listen whatever else you had to say.

"That's cool," he stammered out.

For a long while, the only sound between the two of you were the sounds of the records being shuffled on the shelf. The tension was more palpable than ever.

"There's this music festival on Friday evening," you said. In all honesty, you wanted to continue the topic of music and that seemed relevant at the moment, but it was too late once you realized the implication of it.

He cranes his head to look at you, wanting to make sure he wasn't reading into it too much. But it was accidental and he did read into it too much. "Rock music?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Who's playing?"

You decided to double down on it. "Let's go together and see."

The slight shift in his expression was a dead giveaway that your words had an effect on him. "Eh... uh... like as co-workers?"

"Ouch, not even friends? Besides, who goes to events like that as co-workers?"

"So... what? Friends?"

Jeez. You sigh. "If I called it a date, would you mind? And no, not a friendly date."

What date isn't friendly—he thought. Hearing the word d-a-t-e, there was no way he'd misinterpret that. He was hoping your invitation was for something more than friends anyway.

"Sure, it's a date then."

o-sachi © 2024 pls do not translate/copy/reupload my work on other platforms.

[ketchupstrain]

Forever thinking about that one time I was at the REN Faire and a worker said “I like your One Piece shirt, who’s your favorite straw hat?”

And I go “I think Brook or Sanji”

And he just hit me with “😏 You like perverts don’t you?”

[johannestevans]

apologies if you've addressed it already, but where *do* you buy your shirts from? the local charity/thrift stores seem to have a lot of fast fashion these days, but i might not be looking in the right places.

So, my ruffled front pirate blouse with the ruffled sleeves is from Violent Delights, and so are the black brocade trousers I wore out tonight and a few other things - Violent Delights is absolutely on the pricier side, but for me it's well worth it for the construction and design of their clothes, many of which emphasise the waist, have good layering and warmth to them (which many of this sort of "costume" clothes don't consider), and also have a huge range of sizes, going from XS and sometimes XXS right up to XXXL.

When not wearing that blouse, the most common pirate-adjacent shirts I wear are actually plain old Ghillie shirts, which are intended for formal highland dress - you want it to be of good, breathable 100% cotton, and then you can either lace it with string or ribbon or leather strings.

And other than that, I actually have quite a few Western shirts (collared shirts with pop-buttons and cuffs, with and without detailing on the shoulders and waists) that work really well in combination with my gothier and more vintage wardrobe.

In general, I recommend that if you want good quality piratical gear and similar and you're not in a good area for finding that sort of stuff by thrifting, your next best option is genuinely specialty costume shops - not the ones that sell you a packet with a basic sexy French maid's outfit, but the ones that cater to LARPers, specialty performers, sex workers, etc; and similarly, non-high street stores that cater to alternative lifestyles and fashions, especially ones that are likelier to favour a high level of architectural and constructive appreciation for their clothing and/or are subcultures more likely to involve themselves in the construction of their clothes, i.e. Steampunk, certain Goth strands, Lolita.

And as well as the above, this is much more of a niche, but we used to have a fella when I worked at a rare book shop who dressed exclusively in cast-off costume pieces from theatres in London - whenever the opera or ballet or I think some of the Shakespearean companies sold off or auctioned off excess from their wardrobes, he'd buy that stuff and have it tailored to fit him. So like, he would just be wandering on a casual Thursday in a velvet Phantom cape, and that fucked.

So if you do live near to a city and you're likely to see this sort of costume auction or sell-off of excess, especially toward the end of a show's run and/or the end of a season at the ballet or opera, that's certainly an idea as well.

It's so hard to avoid a lot of cheap fast fashion things, and especially like, what my dad always ends up sending me is extremely poorly made of poor materials pirate costume shirts that are literally for someone's like, last minute Jack Sparrow costume, and they're literally bought and sold with the assumption that they'll be bought and worn for one night only, at the very most once every one or two years. It sucks, especially when it even invades charity and secondhand shopping as well, or when vintage stores end up stocking loads of 90s and 00s stuff that's not actually much better constructed then shite today.

So yeah, when in doubt, look for the specialty people - bop your head into a local tailor or seamstress' shop and be like, hey, do you know anyone who does x or y?

Even looking in your area for certain subcultures, especially different LARPers, ren faire or medieval performers, metal band enthusiasts, leather dykes and daddies, steampunk and formal goth enthusiasts, costumers and especially historical costumers, lolita enthusiasts, et cetera - these are all communities that even if they don't have specifically what you're looking for when it's a specialty or specific garment, will almost always know the right person to ask or refer you to, or at least have a vague direction to point you to.

[hccn-overseer]

Issue 1, 4/19/2023 - Hermitcitizen Hub Online!

Issue Masterpost About The Overseer

This week, the Hermitcitizen Hub launched to the joy of Hermitcraft fans across the internet, providing a space for all of us to geek out about Hermitcraft and our own newly-minted Hermitcitizens.

Since its debut on Tumblr on April 12th and subsequent spread to Twitter on April 13th, the Hub has grown to a staggering 500 citizens, a number that has only increased since the writing of this article.

With this influx of new citizens, the Admins are looking for more moderators in order to keep the server safe and fun for everyone involved! More information on applications is available in #announcements, for all those interested.

This week has been productive to say the least, and with each passing day comes new things in the Hermitcitizen Hub! For starters, mod applications are open! Full information can be found in #announcements.

PluralKit was also recently added, which we would also like to remind is not to be used for roleplay! PluralKit is created for systems in the server who would like to use it- again, more info can be found in #announcements or #bot-channel!

Limited Life episodes are in full swing, so any and all talk about it should be kept to #Limited Life: Spoiler Zone so if people haven’t watched it yet they don’t get unnecessary spoilers.

Lastly, please make sure you update your internet browser for safety reasons- Safari and Google Chrome have both released updates that are important to keeping your internet time safe. Here’s to another great week, citizens!

Now onto other news below the cut!

Please keep in mind there are many news featured today and will take a bit of scrolling.

BREAKING NEWS - Former King’s Court Makes Plans for Revenge

By Virtual

Former members of King Ren’s court held a meeting this week that could spell disaster for the fallen King of Hermitcraft. The court has scattered to the corners of the server in the weeks since the fateful revolution, but they have gathered once again with a single mission in mind: Making Ren pay. 

In the wake of King Ren’s rise to and subsequent removal from power, the lower members of the court have seen their diamonds and status go down the drain. As it would seem, being on the losing side of a monarchy does very little for one’s coffers. Some would expect a meeting of the King’s former court to end in schemes to return Ren to the throne, but it seems that the former King’s disastrous reign has soured the hearts of the people against the possibility of King Ren making a return. An anonymous source from within the king’s court notes, “There [has] always been a huge dissatisfaction…between the lower court members.” They then went on to describe at least five separate counts of espionage against King Ren. This dissatisfaction does not seem to have disappeared with the monarchy, and many are willing to go far to get their pay. 

However, though the former King’s diamonds are surely as far gone as a Scarland worker’s sanity, the ex-monarch’s court doesn’t seem to be looking for material payment. Instead, they’re looking for something more like karmic retribution. Another anonymous member of the court summarized their mission with the phrase: "Karma is a bitch, and today we shall be bitches.” It’s not quite a worker’s union, but the newly formed Court of Vengeance is looking to get their fair pay just the same.

For those concerned about the impacts this may have on their chances of death, fear not. Reliable sources say that much of the court has sworn off true violence against former King Ren and any other server members. Citizens should be on the lookout for the occasional trap, but beyond that the Court of Vengeance doesn't seem to be taking their lost diamonds and dignity as an invitation for all-out-war. What they do seem to be looking for is something more dramatic, fantastic, and royally frightening for Ren the Dog. Safe to say, watch out for fireworks, and stay tuned this week for what is looking to be one hell of a show. 

Weekly Weather Report

By Rainy N. Autumn

Thursday - SUNNY, 40% chance of falling anvils serverwide between 6AM and 6PM (GMT)

Friday - STORMS, 95% chance of the Limited Life finale. Frequent lightning strikes anticipated

Saturday - RAIN, 2-5cm of precipitation expected. Flash floods possible. Perimeter residents are advised to stay off the bedrock until 9AM Sunday (GMT)

Sunday - CLOUDY, be aware that low visibility may make it harder to spot Scar’s dragon if it gets loose again

Monday - SUNNY, 75% chance that Tango returns to streaming on Mondays. Expect phantoms around Deep Frost Citadel after sunset

Tuesday - SUNNY, the chance of getting hit by a falling anvil is low but never zero

Wednesday - WINDY, citizens are advised to exercise caution near Nether portals that are outdoors in the Overworld, as strong gusts may travel through

Days Since Last...

By Il

We all know that Hermitcraft is basically a safety haven and no OSHA violations have ever happened so let’s see how this week our table of days since last work accident are doing:

Ancient Ruins (BdoubleO base): 0 - please walk in caution, holes in the floor are not part of the final design we hope.

Total Chaos: 0 - we would like to remind everyone that tunnel to Total Chaos shoots fireworks that will kill you.

Perimeter: 0 - flying anvils, dragons, slimes, wardens, the usual stuff.

Etho’s alien base: 0 - do not sleep under trees inside the building, they are a tree farm.

False’s base: 0 - getting ominous banners is a hard job and we salute all of you.

Scarland: 0 - HotGuy still going strong with his shots, if you still have arrows stuck in you ask someone for help with removing them.

Rift/Grumbot laboratory: 0 - if you get stuck inside Grumbot please scream loudly, and if you are stuck behind the Rift then pray, we will try to get you out.

Gem’s village: 0 - sparring with your boss is technically not an accident, but it still causes workplace death so we count it. Aside, someone got stuck inside the head of the Gem statute.

Hypno’s base: 0 - dear beekeepers, remember that bees actually can sting and are not huggable.

Jevin’s cathedral and castle: 0 - fall damage is strong in this one, remember about your elytras.

Dwarven Keep: 0 - railings are there for a reason, and the reason is to stay behind them.

OMEGA cave: 0 - I know that iskallium looks tasty but it is in fact inedible.

Pinball Machine: 0 - you cannot parkour on the letters on the side, we checked.

Keralis’ base: 0 - lava pool may look tasty but it is not soup, please restrain from eating.

Mumbo’s Vault: 0 - falling into the screeching crevice will not end well same with being squished by vault door.

Pearl’s Alien Landscape: 0 - I know that the trees look tasty, but they are not edible and the hospital in there is not working, so please refrain from that.

Gigacorp: 0 - going inside creeper farm will blow you up and going into pumpkin farm will squish you. Crastle: 0 - the warden is still in the Vault and it is hungry

StressMonster101: 0 - drinking expired enchanTEA will end with tummy hurting or worse.

Decked Out: 0 - splashing into redstone will not end well, falling down unfinished landscape will not end well, falling down the Citadel will not end well and last but not least cuddling the ravagers usually ends up poorly.

TFC’s branch mine: 0 - when you stumble upon a ravine, look up.

VintageBeef’s map island: 0 - beware, phantoms and entity cramming. TCG Arenas: 0 - guys, you will get squished by an anvil if you stand for five seconds.

Welsknight’s Village area: 0 - do not go near Garry, there is a huge hole under there.

xB’s base: 0 - the ravagers in the zoo are not a part of mini zoo, do not pet them.

Xisuma’s ribcage: 0 - when you step out of his portal, stop, think and then move.

Zedaph’s place: 0 - whatever Zed asks you to drink is probably an OSHA violation.

Atlantis: 0 - we encourage you to be careful when walking on the high spaces and generally when walking because you never know when Jevin will strike.

Shopping district: 0 - it is encouraged to be careful while doing anything as there were seeing if loose wardens as well as wild HotGuy, when throwing away loose TCG packs stay behind the chains, when leaving iBuy go through the door and when going close to the Entity - don’t.

Spawn Village: 0 - the ravager near the mattress store is not a great cuddler, Elven Cookies are not mob proof and try not to fail at Octodrop next time.

Game Updates

By Winter @winterwhipbird

Welcome back to the Games Update! Decked Out just saw its first test runs! Zedaph went 3/12 in testing, giving him a 25% win rate. I’m sure the wranglers are proud of their ravagers! Decked Out is still being worked on and we’ll be delivering an update when it opens. 

TCG on the other hand is wrapping up with the tournament. Currently for the Semi-Final bracket we have ZombieCleo vs xBcrafted and Docm77 vs EthoSlab. Viewers are reminded that if you do choose to go see either match, beware of falling anvils, as it is not a Scar safe area. If you’re not one to look up, or you’re a zombie, make sure to bring a hard hat, and always remember to wear sunscreen. If you’re looking to get some snacks during the games just pop by Prickly Punch! You can purchase cactus drinks and prickly pears for one diamond each.

For the Results we’ll be sure to bring you coverage of these exciting matches, so stay tuned! Send your predictions to predictions@thehermitnews.org.*

The high scores are as follows: With the Most Games Played is iJevin with a total of 15 games. The Most Wins go to iJevin with 9 wins. The Most Losses goes to Joe Hills with a total of 8 losses. The best win percentage currently goes to EthoSlab with an 80% chance of winning.

*not a real email address

Now lets look to some interviews and going-ons with the hermitcitizens day-to-day lives!

Affiliate Happenings

By Roo @nova-skittle and Jamie

What Have the Citizens Been Doing?? The affiliate channels, put in place with the rest of the server, give citizens the opportunity to connect with other citizens living near, working for, or otherwise connected to specific Hermits!

BdoubleO100: Nothing important. Morning Gorgious. Cubfan135: Good news, they’re fans of Cub. Nothing has changed. All is well in the world. Docm77: They’re planning to start a union. Finally, the dragon is dangerous as hell. Also! It has been discovered that the perimeter is indeed radioactive. Better think carefully about going to work for him, it seems all of the staff are starting to be radioactive themselves. Oh, and Doc is afraid of catboys. EthosLab: “Ninjas work in the shadows”, apparently. Aka, no one feels like working for him. FalseSymmetry: They’re just discussing how awesome False is. Dw, we fully agree. GoodTimesWithScar: This just in - cat ears or elf ears are now part of the Scarland Staff uniform! All of the Scarland staff have been shot by Hotguy at least once, seems a bit sus, no?? Visitors eating the gravel and cobble paths has become an increasing problem at Scarland and staff says they will revoke your visitors path if you are found nomming! Staff repeatedly says they are not liable for any harm, sickness, or strange curses that come to you after visiting! After the many incidents with Hotguy, staff has printed out a pamphlet stating how to avoid such attacks, and deal with those that are unavoidable. Grian: One of Grian’s fixers got stuck inside of Grumbot! Lemon is unhurt, but may be slightly traumatized after being unable to get out of the giant robot. The Fixer robots were quick to the scene and easily got them out. Now that the Rift is closed, a member of Grian’s staff is ALSO stuck behind it! We don’t know how they got behind the Rift in the first place, but there’s no foreseeable way to get them out now. Other staff members have been contemplating ways, but nothing stands out so far. We should likely be concerned about Grian’s staff, given that these incidents happened within a week of each other. GeminiTay: The only thing that has gone on is that only two people are Geminis. I MEAN WHAT WE’RE ALL GEMINIS!!! We are all Geminis who just so happened to be hired by GeminiTay! Hypnotizd: No news! Currently hiring: Hypno affiliates. I know you’re out there. Where are you hiding.   iJevin: There’s been no activity. Wheres the Jev affiliates huh.  ImpulseSV: They’re been nice and discussing their shifts :)) And where they work in iBuy, which is fair, considering how large of a building it is. Iskall85: hallo! JoeHills: They’re just enjoying themselves. Keralis: They’ve come to the conclusion that Keralis is just a creature. Just a guy :)  MumboJumbo: They ate a lot of redstone and discussed their favorite redstone components. Mumbo am i right. PearlescentMoon: Announcement: she’s just a silly guy in a silly world. The end. Rendog: They might be rising an army. Don’t worry tho they’re a bunch of friendly theater kids.  StressMonster101: They say hello :D  TangoTek: Ravagers seem to attack workers despite being trained! Also I think a sleepover is being planned? In Decked Out? Which will be very safe I’m sure. TinFoilChef: They’re miners :)  VintageBeef: They’re just chilling! Dw there will be plenty of TCG talk soon.  Welsknight: They’re posting various images of welsknight. I dont know what else was expected.  xBCrafted: They say hi as well! Xisumavoid: he do be rockin.  Zedaph: They’re taking photographs of everyone around. By the end of this week they’ll probably have more Zedvancements than the man himself. ZombieCleo: They’re talking about working in a flower shop :) also i missed the episode of limited life where ZombieCleo dies in a glue trap, when’s that one going to be up? HC Recap: People sure are there!

Decked Out 2

By Winter @winterwhipbird

The greatly acclaimed game is continuing in steady progress! Winter has talked with several of the employees of Decked Out 2 to give us an interview from within the Deep Frost Citadel

<Winter> First of all, thank you for joining me today to tell me about how Decked Out Two is going. I have a few questions about how the game is going. First of all do you even get paid?

<ShadowsCome> In diamonds? no, not at all <redstoneman> Paid in experience! <glypharia> I’m not sure if he knows half of us exist <Azalea_Bush_Heart> I don't think half of us are even employed imma be honest <ShadowsCome> In here you either get paid in experience, emeralds or whatever you can find on chests. (In response to Azalea) Yeah that's fair... we ain't technically employed here. <rainyinautumn> I'm literally just doing this for fun, so…

<Winter> Oh, that certainly breaks some workplace laws(in reference to the no pay thing). Does anyone plan on playing the game once you finish it?

<Azalea_Bush_Heart> absolutely not :D <glypharia> Nope! <ShadowsCome> I've died to enough ravagers while fixing hazard doors, don't need more of those on my stats <redstoneman> Nope! I am afraid of ravagers. I don't go inside the caverns at all. <rainyinautumn> I've seen the ravager death statistics from testing. no plans to play it myself, I'll be busy anyway

<Winter> Does anyone have a favorite place in the citadel?

<Azalea_Bush_Heart> Pearls room on lvl 2, I eat lunch there a lot :D <glypharia> The back entrance! I like the stairs <ShadowsCome> outside of the game? Gotta love the middle tower, you can see most of the server from there <rainyinautumn> My office. It's way down in the basement by the game itself, but it's where I do all the reviews of game footage and sort stats. Very cozy. <redstoneman> i kinda like just being in the spaghetti!... the redstone stuff, that is <Azalea_Bush_Heart> I got lost in the spaghetti once <ShadowsCome> yeah the spaghetti is fun to be in <glypharia> it’s so weird in there

<Winter> is there anyone that you're excited to see in the dungeon?

<ShadowsCome> Etho. 100% <Azalea_Bush_Heart> I used to be excited to see revenger #3, but they've been replaced by a fake :( <glypharia> Scar, just to see him die every time <redstoneman> shh ... whaat... nothing happened to beast 3... <glypharia> rest in peace ravager #3 <rainyinautumn> Can't wait to run stats on Etho. <ShadowsCome> I want to watch the crazy strats some people are going to try to pull <Azalea_Bush_Heart> hermit wise I guess Scar? I like his building style and its the only chance I get to see him where he's not shooting me <redstoneman> i'll second etho, he was great in the first one! keralis as well!

<Winter> has anyone placed bets on who will be slain the fastest?

<ShadowsCome> not yet, but I think some of us will want day 1 stats before betting <Azalea_Bush_Heart> hey guys we should place bets on who dies fastest, I vote scar <rainyinautumn> I mean. I don't think anyone can outdo the wranglers honestly.(There was a lot of agreement on this point) <glypharia> i don’t think we’ve placed bets yet but i vote scar <redstoneman> common opinion is scar! Lol

<Winter> is anyone going to be monitoring the tango cam/will you use DO2 as a haunted mansion?

<redstoneman> i'll definitely watch some games! and it's already pretty haunted lmao so yeah <ShadowsCome> I would love to manage or monitor the camera for a bit! <glypharia> honestly watching the games sounds like a good down time activity <Azalea_Bush_Heart> I would rather not watch the camera but might for funsies if I get bored <rainyinautumn> I monitor cams all the time. Great for data collection. <ShadowsCome> we might have to set up a watch party for some players I think <redstoneman> we can place bets on those

<Winter> Will you allow other citizens to come watch/place bets on those matches, and if so who will they be able to contact?

<redstoneman> i don't see why not! <ShadowsCome> televised runs? We would have to ban hermits from getting in those in case secrets get revealed... but otherwise I don't see why not <rainyinautumn> Personally I frown upon betting on matches, but I'm not going to stop people from doing it. For me, the joy is in watching the game play out instead of hinging on certain outcomes! For others it might be different. <ShadowsCome> you just have to find whoever's on shift at the moment and they might be able to tell you where we're watching <redstoneman> hm true, so long as the viewers aren't looking to cheat by watching the games. maybe at the end of the game we can make a highlight reel or something lol <ShadowsCome> we all trust the honor system, Mr. Tek included

<Winter> That is very good thing to do. I guess in a few more weeks we will have to check back in on you guys and see if your predictions change. Thank you so much for this interview.

<Azalea_Bush_Heart> of course, please let the public know we are in desperate need of diamonds <redstoneman> thanks for interviewing us! <glypharia> thank you! <rainyinautumn> It was fun! I think most of us are like the dungeon master and don't get out very much, so it was good getting to talk to you!

ADVERTISEMENTS

By Jamie

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“Looks like things are getting saucy in the Perimeter! Residents continue to ask for ways to be rid of tomato stains. Please feel free to send in any tips or tricks you may have!”

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“Do you find yourself getting lost thousands of blocks away from your home? Has your elytra been breaking at the most inconvenient of times? Not to worry! Melody is willing to fly you back at all hours of the day! Just give her a text at predictions@thehermitnews.org!”

“Have you ever come across a mob that makes you go “hm?” Ones that are not acting right, or ones that you haven’t seen before. Well, next time you do call over Azure! They’re here to research any odd creatures you want them to! Just give them a buzz.”

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“If you’re good at PvP this job may be for you! Scarland workers are in desperate need for more security personnel and you could be hired as soon as today! Come on down to Scarland to complete your interview.”

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“Having trouble with accidental mob farms? No worries! Let the Scar Safety Service light up your base so that you can get back to the grind fear free!”

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“A Plea From Various Hermitcitizens, PLEASE CALM DOWN FOR ONE DAY. JUST ONE. PLEASE. Many thanks, The GGG"

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“Looking for a bouquet of daises. Meet Honeysuckle and Thistle at (coords for somewhere around G’s base) if you’re willing to help!”

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"Have you been infected with sculk recently? Are you interested in figuring out how it works and potentially finding a cure? If so, talk to the Sculk Research Team! We're more than happy to help new people out!"

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Fun and Games

Little games brought to you for a little bit of fun! Word Search and Crossword courtesy of Sirius @aurhisaurelio, Coloring page courtesy of Morph @imorphemi

Word Search and Crossword answer keys can be found in the Pinned of the Hermitcraft Citizen Newspaper The Overseer (OOC) post within #citizen-connections

Finished coloring pages can be shared in #citizen-art!

A transparent version for your coloring needs!

Please refer to #Nova North and #Nic in #citizen-information for references to Nic the cat and Nova the Avian!

And that's all for this first issue folks! Thank you so much for reading, and have a wonderful week!

[literary-lesbian]

summary of last night's mischief movie night!!! (26/08/24) (inspired by @whoops-im-obsessed)

Entitled "Renaissance Nightmare" (suggested by a child, other option was Medi-Evil Times), a horror/comedy with a monster set at a Ren Faire! (this is quite long)

cast was jon as oscar, hen, niall, josh, ruth, rhyanna and matt

both title and genre were suggested by children, and so jon was very annoyed about all swearing and the pants-shitting subplot

when asked for a genre a guy in the front row said "porno" very quickly and very loudly, and so jon frequently tried to steer the movie away from any and all suggestive elements

so it was about three brothers (matt, josh & niall) at a ren faire, matt was called jonathan and then bradley which led to his name becoming jonathan bradley

jonathan bradley's ren faire persona was Duke Craig and he had three scrolls for Decrees (and worked at qwik fit)(last year he shat his pants because of the mead)(this is unfortunately a recurring joke)

josh's character (unnamed) was King John and he had a sword

niall's character (unnamed) was called Princess Piss but oscar did not like this so he changed it to "the artist formerly know as princess" which is a great joke

they're all very dependent on their mother (rhyanna) and can't be trusted with money (niall's character compulsively throws it out of the window, josh's character bought a batmobile and jonathan bradley shits it out somehow)(he shits his pants a lot)

rhyanna did not realise they were in the car park and knocked on a door to enter the scene which led to a running joke about random doors at the faire

two ren faire workers, melissa (ruth) and the manager (hen) are worried about rumours about "a thing in the woods" (and also that jonathan bradley would shit his pants and die) (director's cut showed a scene of these rumours being created at the rumour mill, great joke from hen) but they wanted it to go ahead so they could earn £8000 from the 40 people attending PLUS "mead revenue"

best line of the whole show: "there's nothing quicker than a qwik fit shitter" (thanks hen)

there was a jig to open the faire

the brothers went to the jester's (hen) court - oscar paused and said that the jester would do intricate wordplay and puns - hen pranced around and told ZERO jokes but foretold much death

another character left the scene and IMMEDIATELY died (this was rewound because oscar found the abruptness hilarious), followed by the jester who did the exact same thing

jonathan bradley then shat his pants and was killed by the monster but crawled back to tell his brothers to hide in the woods (they'd all had their eyes removed btw)

niall + josh went to the woods and met two riddle monsters (matt + melissa) who were so focused on saying the same words at the same time that their riddle made no sense ("my first is in arm but not in leaf") so niall + josh literally just left the scene

they came to a troll bridge (hen) and clambered over him - oscar again reminding everyone about the children present + referencing porno guy

at the magic well (rhyanna) niall decided to go in to find out what happened to jonathan bradley - he confessed that he, too, shits his pants often. then josh confessed that he's the one doing the shitting and he shits THROUGH the other two. this scene was them talking about shitting and oscar pausing every two minutes to try and get them to stop (rhyanna was originally lunging to be the well but had to sit down because the pauses were so long)

in the well niall met the well monster (hen) who stole his eyes but he escaped to return to josh + their mother

the manager was panicking about all the death but melissa threatened him. he was forced to take up the jester's role.

josh decides to go into the well to find out what's happening. in the well is ruth. it's still unclear as to which character she was being. possibly the riddle monster.

he realises that in allowing his brothers to be attacked PLUS the shitting shenanigans, maybe HE'S been the monster all along. then the ghost of jonathan bradley strangles him so maybe JB was the monster. i think everyone had a different idea of who the real monster was

turns out melissa was the monster all along, she doesn't care about the £8000 and claims she could make the same amount "selling stuff on vinted". the manager is very upset that she doesn't care about the mead revenue and then she goes on a monster rampage, killing the manager and then everyone at the ren faire.

she goes to the magic well, who is her master? she has to kill niall or all the brothers can be resurrected

it turns out the well IS their mother, despite them having been in scenes together earlier in the movie

niall realises that at the ren faire you can be whatever you want to be and turns into a bigger, better monster than melissa (josh + jonathan bradley become part of him)

ends with an epic monster-off - the brothers vs ruth + hen + rhyanna

the brothers won and were resurrected. they all forgave each other for the shitting and realised they didn't need their mother anymore (which was good because she was dead)

ended with a nice song about brotherhood and then a reprise of the jig at the start of the faire :)

[missamyrisa2]

Cleaning anon again 🪥🫧 Thank you for humoring my silly little dream!!! I had fun typing it out, maybe a little too much fun haha 😳

I have tickle cleaning dreams allll the time, that just happened to be an especially vivid one. Some of my other favorites include the one where I was a professional lee and got hired for a fundraising event sort of like a car wash fundraiser, except customers paid to help clean me 🥴 then there was another dream where I was being washed in one of those old fashioned wooden tubs, and i squirmed too much and knocked the tub over so that I fell on the floor in the middle of a puddle of soap water. And the head ler stood over me and was like "dang it, we are going to get you squeaky clean if it's the last thing we do!" and then picked up my leg and started scrubbing my foot and then all the other lers joined in and gave me a tickle bath right there on the floor while I scream laughed my head off with pure joy.

Haha I always get carried away when I write about these 😭Anyway, you don't owe me anything but whenever you want to write a cleaning tease just know there is one reader who will be very VERY happy. Consider me camped outside your cleaning factory ready to offer myself as a test dummy for whatever wacky new cleaning method the factory workers are trying out 👍

Mmmhhh ~ oooh my gosssh this is soooo ticklehotttttt~

I loveeee the idea of ticklers coming in to clean at a charity even just allll those smiling smirking teasyyy cleaners stepping up with their scrub brushes and buckets and water wands to cleanse your body over and over ~

And your other dream reminds me of this vintage tickle pic I have somewhere at what looks like a ren faire where these three guys are in a big wooden bucket with their feet sticking out and this witchy woman is cleaning tickling them. I've alwaysss want that to be meee tooo ~ both sides. I'd be so smirky sassyyyy grabbing your foot and scrubbing it ~ and I'd alsooo be such a messss thrashing around the suds as people tried to clean my death spotsss~

But at the moment my lovely cleaning anon? I think I'd put you in my human wash which is like one of those single car washes where the car stays still as the machinery works around with jets and brushes. We'd have you strapped on a standing frame which is going to be slowlyyyy slid into the human wash as all that heavy machinery spools up with loud sounds. Walls of jets and spinning buffers threateningly move about into their sequence. You get to struggle and whimper seeing the suds being applied and spinning around the whirling buffers while the jets scan and take aim on your body, starting with the gentle fuzzy sprays to soak you down and raise your sensitivity before the precision jets target your belly and legs and underarms, kicking on with a blast to give you the thorough pre-wash.

Between the incoming walls of fluff you can see me with the tablet working away, flashing you a knowing smile. Just as my team of techs similarly wave as they look up from their stations, pleased as punch to practice their work on such a wiggly giggly cutie. The progress lights at the top show that your deep cleanse is about to begin with the multi-color buffers moving about twirling around your body from head to toe, spreading the tingly popping sudsy bubbles. The sounds of machinery rises and pumps away, your twitching writhing areas covered in the tickly solution. "We've got a squirmer!" one of the techs declares with a giggle as you hear an audible click to increase the speed of the buffers. More clicks follow, and between the melee of bubbles and buffers you can see the lights of phone cameras going off. They really love their work here at the human wash.

The buffers are barely finished before the eager scrub brushes are moving into place, locking in their targets to work a craft behind your knees and over your thighs and along your waist, up your belly to your ribs and under your arms and around your collar. Struggle all you like, they can't be deterred and you are so covered with tingly suds. The scrubbers merrily work on your body, polishing back and forth all around while we take notes and comment. "Hmm. Increase the frequency on the inner armpits and raise speed around the navel zone." "Definitely sensitive." "Engage the toe brushes." The progress bar dings as extra toe cleansing is lit up with rollers and detail brushes whirling down to get at your feet as the frame raises to expose them fully, assisted by little clamps for each toe. And the process only speeds up from there as the royal cleaning follows, with extra soft silky draping cloths are applied to your royal chest buttons and lower regal zone, the mechanical hands taking the utmost care to tease and coax out cleanliness on your most elegant spots.

Which is just pretense for me and my team to finally enter the cleaning chamber with our detail tools. Small as q-tips and equipped with delightful fluff puffs, we take the utmost care in ensuring your royal zones are shining clean. There's just some cleans that need the handcrafted human touch and we make sure our customers are totally satisfied with a thorough 3-step clean on these buttons. First a gentle spray from our tingle solution, then a deep cleansing brushing, and lastly sealing it all in with the silky cloths to buff those buttons to a perfect sheen ~

And we're so committed to satisfaction that if you don't tell us within ten seconds that you are completely, 100% happy and ready to write us a 5-star review, you'll get another full package absolutely free on the spot~<3

[dreamtigress]

I will be scarce around the intertubz this weekend, as I am off to a fabulous festival in North Carolina, to vend my art what generally makes me a living. Festival of Legends is a delightful mix of ren faire, fairy fest, myth, magic, and whimsy.

My art that isn't writing:

[zizz-asdf-re-r-o-u]

Dramatical Murder Battling NU Carnival

As a fan of both Dmmd & Nucarnival, yknow, I just had to.

If the 2 harems were to actually go into hand to hand combat.... Dmmd has only half as many people, Nukani has Kuya & Blade. And Eiden cannot fight period, so it'd be unfair. what i think might be more fair is paired off fights.

Clear vs Blade: Duh i had to do this. OG android vs new generation android. White-haired battle singing autism robot that calls their love interest a nickname vs white-haired battle singing autism robot that calls their love interest a nickname. 2012 sex robot learning human feelings vs 2022 sex robot learning human feelings. Cute service top with a depressing backstory vs cute service top with a depressing backstory. I think Blade would win by a landslide. Assassin Blade's biggest advantage is his durability combined with combat skills. In story (NOT game units) he can deal a shit ton of damage, take a shit ton of hits and instaheals super quickly. Meanwhile Clear also has great combat skills, but slower self healing and he is defective with a history of being damaged. So technically an unfair fight.

Koujaku vs Edmond: Both normal human swordfighters, ofc I also had to do this. I feel like their skills are matched for what they can, however Koujaku is a gang leader and is willing to get rough and Edmond... is a prim and proper(lol) knight for the most part. And if Koujaku went into Beast!jaku mode... well yeah Edmond's definitely lost.

Mink vs Quincy: the 2 big quiet traumatized depressed daddies whose communities died/were killed. I wanna say this would end up being a draw because Mink is a normal human that can be injured or killed, meanwhile Quincy is kind of immortal but has low motivation to fight unless he gets involved. if he had to, I'd imagine Quincy is supernaturally stronger though.

Rhyme Ren vs Garu/Karu: ok I'm just pitting them against each other cause they're the Dogs. However, although Garu/Karu is a survivalist, their stamina SUCKS & their fighting seems just passable. I love garu&karu, but Ren could 1HKO them. (Ren is also bigger, stronger, and more experienced than them so this is also an unfair fight.)

Noiz vs Dante: Originally I was gonna pair Noiz with Rei since they're both slightly apathetic special interest knowledge people, but Rei isn't really a melee hand to hand combat fighter. Dante can fight, and he has an advantage being bigger, more muscular, & having magic powers. (Interestingly, they're also both the youngest in their respective casts haha.)

Aoba vs Eiden...? The protagonists. However, this is also unfair fight cause um Eiden can't fight for shit and was recently a desk job worker lol. Whereas Aoba was a helluva punk, can still fight on his own, and has supernatural powers.

Ok now for fights that might be on even skill fighting levels and not just pairs.

Blade vs Scratch gang + the Alphas: Considering that Blade has been able to level entire battle fields and kill multiple sorcerers, I think this might give him a tough fight, even if he wins in the end. I will say, this also might depend on what weapons Scratch are carrying and how bulletproof Blade is. The "essence conductors"/guns got taken away before we can see how Blade reacts to them, but if Scratch had their guns, they might be able to take out Blade. (We don't usually see Dry Juice or Benishigure use guns, so I mention Scratch).

Kuya vs Aoba, Sei, Clear, & the Alphas: Technically, Kuya is also far too powerful, however I don't think Kuya is ever seen doing weapon or hand to hand combat fighting. So if Aoba & Sei can subdue his magic.... then Clear & the Alphas could pummel his old man body xD

Rhyme Ren vs Olivine: Nice smart guys with super powers and also very buff. I think people forgot that Olivine is Strongk as heck. Not sure who would win, but Ren is more offensive focused (although Ren has a pretty good hp/shield in Rhyme) whereas every time Olivine fights he's more defensive/support focused (but still seems to pack a punch). Let me know if you have thoughts.

Aoba vs Garu/Karu: Ok not just because they're both feisty ukes who are the shortest in the cast with fantasy DID, but they are also speedsters, rely on kicks a lot, frequently faint a lot, and have low stamina. So i feel like this fight is more evenly matched than against Eiden or Ren. It'll also be interesting cause both Reason!Aoba & Desire!Aoba would be willing to fight rough, whereas Garu is not & only Karu would be willing to fight rough. However Desire!Aoba would be willing to use Scrap on Garu/Karu whereas Reason!Aoba would not. Also, Aoba is 7cm taller than Garu/Karu, but Garu/Karu are significantly more muscular than Aoba everywhere. I feel like whoever runs out of stamina first will be the loser.

Clear vs Edmond or Dante: xD I just wanted Clear to be able to beat someone. And he was able to beat many cops & guards before and Edmond is basically a cop.

Eiden vs Ren in Sei's body: I also wanted Eiden to be able to win against someone haha. And Ren in Sei's body doesn't have Sei's powers, so they can probably do some comedic whacks at each other haha.

I know I've left out Yakumo, Rei, Aster, and Morvay. But i couldn't come up with anything for them, esp since they're more magical than melee combat (and not the same level as Kuya). Anyone have suggestions?

[leftsidebonfire]

Again, congrats on 800 followers. What an accomplishment. I hope they are all lovely and friendly followers too.

I'd like to take advantage of your follower celebration event. Since you said three moodboards max, does that mean I can request three different characters & dates? All characters are from One Piece and you've already worked with two of them for me! =D

These dates are going to sound so weird.

Older Benn Beckman + Cemetery Picnic—not even kidding, my dream date has always been a pizza picnic in an old cemetery at like 3am. I love cemeteries and I love pepperoni pizza. I told you it'd be weird.

Arlong the Saw (anime Arlong if possible) + RenFaire date because I like to pick on him.

My third one is the weirdest, instead of me being on a date could I ask for a moodboard for two characters I ship together? Buggy & Alvida on a Carnival Date. If not, I totally understand and we'll just stick with Beckman & Arlong.

Reference for me is this adorable picrew:

and the knowledge that I am 21+ & 6'1 in height. Still infinitely shorter than pretty much all One Piece men but still not short.

Hey!! So sorry for the super delay for this, I really hope you like your moodboards!!!

Cemetery Date!

Super cute idea!! Spooky and romantic at the same time! I just know Benn would pack your favorite foods and you two would make sure you both stayed up until 3am for prime spooky time!!

Ren Faire Date!

Also adorable!! I am biased because i also love Ren Faires. You and Arlong could have matching themes for your costumes and everything!! I think he would be grouchy about it but still enjoy his time secretly. Drag him along and tease him, it's worth it!

Carnival/Circus Date!

Well that's just perfect for Buggy :P He and Alvida would definitely win the giant prizes for each other. And by Win, I definitely mean they'd steal it from the carnival worker when they're not working!!

[swamp-spirit]

Swamp's Small-Talk Tips!

My power is that, despite being incredibly socially awkward in 99% of situations, I love small-talk. I'll get to know the person next to me in line! I'll talk about the weather! I'll learn what family members/pets/hobbies co-workers like to talk about!

The core of small talk is just saying "I am interested in your life and care about your experiences".

Small talk is fun because it has very clear rules and also you can win at it (make somebody happy). Here's my small talk tips-

-If it's a 'getting to know you' conversation, start with the shared situation. If you meet somebody traveling, you could ask where they're going. That opens up follow up questions. Going on vacation? What are they looking forward to?

-If they ask a question, and the question could also apply to them, it's polite to ask them the question back. ("Oh, I'm headed to Nevada. What about you?") Most people are not actually just trying to quiz you, and feeling like it can feel like doing all the work to keep the conversation going. Think of it like tennis: Receive the question, give a meaningful answer, return the conversation to them.

-You can give negative answers, but don't dwell in the negative. When somebody says "how are you today" they are trying to communicate they care enough to check in. You aren't expected to say "great, how are you!", but being negative is seen as a bid for sympathy and for the conversation to turn towards comfort. Some days, this may be what you need, but sympathy takes a lot of energy, even for the neurotypical. If somebody always focuses on the negative, it makes the conversation always focus on comforting them instead of something more positive and mutual. As a rule of thumb IMO, if you're in a normal bad mood, don't lie, but keep it light and shift focus. "Ah, I'm pretty sleepy. How are you?" (translation, I slept for hours and am running on a single protein bar and spite, but do not need to shift the conversation towards me). So, unless you really are asking for some attention and comfort, don't fake happy but downplay ("could be better", "still alive", "hoping to feel better after some coffee") and distract ("how about you?") This can also be good for reframing your own mood and focusing on the ways your day could improve or is going well.

-The reason weather comes up so much is because it's a shared experience with people in your area. We all drove to work in the snow today! Let us exchange Driving to Work in the Snow experiences! But there are many shared experiences that aren't the weather (and aren't touchy like major news stories). This is why things like traffic, location based sensory experiences (like loud construction), or shared inconvenience are common.

-Show interest in what the other person shares. Most stories have an intended reaction. "What happened was impressive, I want this affirmed." "That's awesome. What did she say?" "What happened was difficult, I want this affirmed" "Ah, that sucks so much. I hate it when that happens." Remember this is small talk. Most people are not looking for solutions right now. They probably don't know you well, and you don't know their situation well.

-Ask about previous conversations. Small talk is about showing you care, and remembering is one of the best ways. "How'd (your dog's name) handle the fireworks", "Did you end up seeing (your cousin's) play", "I know you love (media), did you see the (new thing)?". Remembering what's going on in their lives matters to people.

Some additional go-to topics: -Ask about plans for upcoming breaks/weekends. Often, the answer will be that they aren't doing anything or are doing something unpleasant, but you can affirm that taking a relaxing weekend is great or that having to spend the weekend doing taxes is rough -Follow their interests. Crafts, fashion, ren-faire, whatever. Find the things that make them light up. -Point out physical objects in their space. Cool earrings, a cute desk magnet, a photo of a pet, and compliment them.

Topics to avoid -Remember that not everybody has a good family relationship, and questions that assume that can be landmines -Lots of people are upset about being single, so don't ask if people are in a relationship -In general, avoid hot buttons like religion/politics until you know them well

Also remember a lot of other people aren't great at small-talk. Every office will have somebody who responds to every "how are you today" with a fifteen minute monologue of minor problems or never turns questions back to you.

You can deal with them through most of the things on this list (showing sympathy for their minor complaints, trying to show interest in what they're saying), or you can choose to disengage.

Good luck, and may you find the topic to make a stranger's day!

[damallarky]

So nothing gets me out of a ten year writer's slump like Dragon Age, apparently. I was going to write a quick character study for my Rook, but then it took a life of its own and turned into a 5000+ word monstrosity.

You can also read it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57135346

Anyway, my first fic in ten years. Enjoy!

-

At the Black Swan tavern in Minrathous, an elven man with bright red hair sat on a massive barrel, tuning a lute. At first glance, it would appear that he was entirely engrossed in the instrument. If they paid close attention, however, they would notice his green eyes dart imperceptibly from guest to guest as if taking stock of each person who entered the tavern. 

To be fair, this was exactly what Renan was doing. The Shadow Dragons had been given a tip that the Venatori were having a meeting here tonight. He had been given instructions to keep an eye on them, make a note of how many attended, and if there was anyone there he recognized. 

Ren was good at that, using his talent at the lute, voice, and good looks to get him information, and he used his particular skill set often. Sometimes, he played in chamber halls and ballrooms of the Minrathous elite, and they were goldmines, to be sure. But if he was honest, he preferred the establishments of the working class. One would be surprised at how much information could be gained at the taverns and brothels of the world. 

Even better, Ren was familiar with this particular tavern, having played here countless times before. 

‘See anything good yet, Hope?’ He thought through the bond to his spirit companion, currently flitting between the rafters somewhere. He thought he had caught a glimpse of black feathers once or twice, but he couldn’t be sure. 

‘No. Not yet.’ He heard her say. 

Suddenly, in his mind’s eye, he saw the vision of a mouse cleaning itself on one of the rafters, not noticing the great, winged beast lurking in the shadows a mere foot away.

‘Hope…’, Ren moaned internally, ‘I just fed you.’

‘Well, yes… But I am still hungry.’

‘Well, I don’t want to find puked-up mouse bones on my pillow tonight. Again.'

‘Ugh. Fine.’ Hope grumbled.

Ren could practically feel the eye roll from his companion, and he struggled to keep his face neutral. He was halfway through tuning a string to A when his own stomach began to grumble. He hadn’t had much to eat today, or at all, what little he did have going to fill his daughter Esana’s belly. 

‘Maybe I should catch a mouse for you to eat.’ He heard Hope say. 

‘Thanks, but no…’

‘When was the last time you ate?’

‘In the morning.’

‘Which morning?’

‘…’

‘Renan…’

‘…Yesterday.’

‘RENAN.’

Ren winced against the shrill voice echoing in his head. A man sitting at a table nearby gave him an odd look, to which Ren responded with a sheepish wave.

“Lute strings!” He said in way of explanation. “They don’t make them like they used to.”

The man merely grunted and went back to his tankard. 

‘Look, Hope.’ He said. ‘I promise I will get something to eat tonight after we’re through.’

‘I will hold you to that, Renan.’

The tavern began to fill in earnest as more workers ended their day shift. Amongst the crowd, Ren noticed a group of shifty-eyed men gathering at a nondescript table closer to the back of the bar. It had probably the worst lighting in the entire tavern, but the darkness made it particularly well suited for those who maybe didn’t want to be watched too closely, such as lovers…. Or secretive organizations.

Interesting…

‘Is Esana still in our room?’ Ren asked as he tuned a string to E flat. 

‘Yes,’ came Hope’s reply, ‘She was asleep when I left. Why?’

‘Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I don’t want a repeat of last time, where she snuck out for an entire hour without anyone noticing after I explicitly told her not to?’

‘Ah, yes. Wherever does your daughter get her complete and utter disregard for authority? It is truly a mystery for the ages.’

Ren couldn’t help but laugh at that. Hope had become quite adept at using sarcasm over the years. 

‘Fair.’ He said. ‘I suppose she does come by it naturally.’

‘What is that mortal saying about apples and trees?’

‘Har har. Alright you made your point.’

Out of the corner of his eye, Ren saw a man walk in that he recognized. The thin, balding man was a Magister, albeit a low-ranking one. Ren couldn’t remember what the man actually did in the Magisterium, exactly, only that it was something asinine.

Asinine or note, that didn’t explain what he was doing here, of all places. The Black Swan was a little too plebeian for most Magisters.

‘Well, well.’ He thought ‘Look who’s slummin’ it up with the rest of us. Interesting.’

‘That is the man in charge of grain tax collection!’ He heard Hope say.

‘He is?’ Ren asked. ‘How do you know that?’

‘Because I pay attention, Renan.’

‘Oh… Well, I’m glad one of us does…’

Ren’s interest peaked even further as he watched as the magister walk to the back, taking a seat at the table with the group Ren had noticed earlier.

Very interesting…

‘Alright, it looks like the Venatori dinner party has started. Table in the back.’ He said. ‘Let’s get to work, shall we?’           

‘We shall. Good luck, Ren.’

‘You as well, Hope.’

Ren walked up the stairs to the small stage at the front of the bar. With a bright grin, he played the first few notes of the song on his lute and began to sing.

“Oh, come along with me, love.

Come along with me.

Come for one night and be my wife.

And come along with me.”

While still playing the notes to the chorus on the lute, Ren stopped singing to address the crowd.

“Grata! Bienviedo! Welcome good people of Minrathous.” He said. “My name is Rook, and I am here to add a little song to your evening. But enough with the pleasantries! The night is young, and I don’t know about you lot, but I am far, far too sober!”

His grin broadened as the crowd began to laugh and cheer. Ren heard a few of them shout, “Here, here!” and his playing grew stronger as he egged the crowd on further. 

“So, let’s raise a glass,” Ren crowed, “and let the night of drinking and debauchery begin!”

And, with that, he began to sing once more, his voice strong and clear.

“Well it is of a jolly butcher, as you might plainly see,

As he roved out one morning in search of company.

He went into a tavern and a fair girl he did see

And said ‘Come for one night and be my wife,

Oh come along with me!’”

Ren jumped off of the stage and began to weave in and around the tables as he continued his song. 

“He called for liquor of the best

And he made such fortune play

‘Come have a drink, it'll make us think

That it is our wedding day’”

‘I cannot hear them, Renan.’ He heard Hope’s voice say in his head as he played. ‘Distract them so I can fly down and slip underneath their table.’

Ren began to maneuver himself to the back of the bar, stopping every so often to play at another table to make it look less conspicuous. He danced around a waitress as she was carrying mugs of ale, giving her a bright smile that made her blush prettily. Finally, he stopped at the Venatori’s table, placing his foot on the edge of the table top with a thunk. Balancing his lute on his knee while he played, he leaned forward and winked at the Magister, who fumed. So focused were they all at the elf and his sheer audacity, that they didn’t notice the small black figure silently fly down from the rafters, dodge the various foot traffic, and tiptoe underneath the table.

‘I made it, Ren!’ Hope crowed, triumphantly.

Ren beamed at the crowd and continued his song.

“Well, he called for a candle to light their way to bed

And when he had her in the room these words to her he said

‘A sovereign I will give to you for to embrace your charms.’

And all that night, that fair young maid lied in the butcher's arms.

Oh, come along with me, love

Come along with me!

Come for one night and be my wife

And come along with me.

Well, about one year later he went roving out once more,

And he went into the tavern where he'd often been before.

He wasn't in there very long when his fair maid he did see,

And she brought forth a baby three months old and placed it on his knee.”

Some of the crowd began to chuckle as they realized where the song was going. Ren’s playing picked up in volume as he reached the punch line. 

“And when he saw the baby, he began to curse and swear

And he said unto that fair young maid, ‘Why did you bring him here?!’

‘Well, he is your own, kind sir’, she said, ‘Do not think me strange

Well, that sovereign that you gave to me, well I gives you back your change!’”

The crowd burst into raucous laughter, and Ren couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride as he finished the song.

“Oh, come along with me, love

Come along with me!

Come for one night and be my wife

And come along with me!”

With a flourish he played the last few chords as the crowd’s laughter turned into applause. He gave a bow, and as he stood back up he saw a flash of red dart through the crowd.

“Dammit.” He muttered. 

‘What happened?’ He heard Hope ask. He turned to the crowd.

“Thank you! You have been a wonderful audience!” Ren exclaimed. “Don’t forget to tip your waitresses! If you need me, I’ll be by the bar.”

The crowd quickly went back to their food and drink, and Ren made a beeline for the bar. 

‘I thought you said Esana was sleeping.’ He demanded through the bond. 

‘She was!’ The spirit replied. ‘I thought she was. Oh! But she might have been faking, now that I think about it. The snoring was a bit too loud.’

To which Ren could only groan.

The Maker had to have it out for him. That was the only explanation. 

‘Don’t move, Hope.’ He said. ‘Keep listening in on the Venatori. I want to have something to report back to the Dragons before the night is over.’

“Only one song tonight, Rook?” Asked one of the waitresses, Rosa, as she carried a tray full of food and drink.

“Can’t be helped, Rosa.” He said as he approached the bar. The barkeeper, a jovial older man with a wiry frame and bright eyes named Julius, poured him a glass of water with a knowing grin.

“Loose something?” He asked.

“Ugh.” Was Ren’s articulate response. Julius only laughed as Ren downed the water in one gulp before setting the glass back down on the counter with a thunk.

“You didn’t happen to see which way she went, did you?” Ren asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Aye. She snuck out the back door.” 

“Thank you, Julius.”

“Best of luck, Rook!” 

-

Ren stepped outside, taking a deep breath of the cool night air to center himself. He needed to remain calm. Esana couldn’t have gotten far.

In the distance he heard the sound of cheering. Children cheering. He relaxed slightly; he had a feeling whatever was going on, Esana was probably around, if not directly involved.

He followed the sound of cheering until he turned a corner and found himself staring at a veritable horde of children all gathered around a circle. In the middle, playing what looked like a game of bones against an older human boy, was Esana.

“That looks like another game for me!” She exclaimed as she grabbed the copper pieces and put it in her already fairly substantial pile of winnings.

The boy didn’t seem too pleased. 

“That’s not fair!” He cried. “You cheated!”

“How do you cheat at bones, Dax?” One of the other children asked. Dax’s face only grew more red as the other children began to laugh. 

“Yeah, Dax.” Esana taunted as she began to count her winnings. “Don’t be a sore looser.”

“Why you-“

Whatever Dax was about to say was cut short by the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the alley. Out of the darkness, a behemoth of a man emerged. He had lank, dark hair that clung to his face and a scar that ran from one side of his neck to the other. He approached the children, most of whom had already scurried away, and sneered at them with yellowing teeth. 

“What do we have here?” The large man asked as he loomed over the children eyeing the pile of money. “You brats got some money for me?”

“No!” Esana cried. “That’s mine!��� She stood up, putting herself between the man and the coin. 

Ren could have sworn his heart had stopped beating then, as he watched the giant man loom over his daughter. His daughter, who looked so very small standing in that man’s shadow. Thinking quickly, Ren grabbed a bottle from a nearby drunkard and flicked a coin his way before the man could complain too much.  

“What did you say, little knife ear?” The man sneered as he pulled an out a wicked looking dagger. “Perhaps I should teach you a lesson of what happens when pests like you talk back to your betters.”

Esana’s eyes widened as the knife was held merely inches from her face. The man made to grab her, but before he could do anything, Ren staggered out of the darkness as if drunk, practically barreling into the man. He made a show of spilling the contents of his bottle all over the man’s clothes. 

“M’so sorry, serah.” He said, slurring his words together. “It seems I-“ and he hiccuped here for effect “-I can’t seem to hold me liquor! Can’t seem to carry it neither.”

Ren gave his best drunken laugh as he pointed to the almost empty bottle of booze. Predictably, the man took the bait, grabbing Ren by the collar and shoving him hard against the wall. 

“Stupid elf! I should gut you here and now!” 

Too busy threatening him, the man didn’t notice Ren pull on the Fade, summoning flames in his left hand. 

“Gut me?” Ren asked, feigning innocence. “While you’re on fire?”

The man stared at Ren in confusion before bursting into laughter.

“On fire? You must be drunker than I-“

Suddenly, the man let out an inhuman screech as Ren held the flame against the man’s alcohol drenched clothes, quickly setting them ablaze with a satisfying woosh. The man dropped Ren as he tried to quickly strip off his burning clothes.

Ren, for his part, didn’t need to be told twice. Grabbing his daughter, he took off running down the narrow alley. 

They had made it almost halfway back to the Black Swan when he stopped to catch his breath. He looked down at his daughter and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Getting down on one knee he began to look her over.

“Are you alright?” He asked. “Did he hurt you?”

“No. I’m fine.” 

Ren nodded. That would have to do. For now, at least.

Together, father and daughter ran the rest of the way back to the Black Swan. When finally they arrived at the back entrance, the adrenaline seemed to leave Ren all at once, leaving him drained. He sank onto one of the large crates nearby, placing his head in his hands as the reality of what almost happened hit him like a druffalo. 

Esana stood there nervously, sensing, perhaps, that she had crossed a line somewhere. 

“Papa, I’m-“

Ren cut her off. 

“Esana,” he began, frustration filling the void where fear and adrenaline once were, “How many times have I told you that you cannot go out at night on your own?”

“I was just-“

“And yet, you continue to deliberately disobey me. And for what? A handful of coin?”

“It wasn’t just a handful…” she muttered. 

Something inside Ren snapped.

“HE COULD HAVE TAKEN YOU!” Ren shouted as he gripped his daughter’s shoulders desperately. “PAWNED YOU OFF AT THE SLAVE MARKET! OR WORSE, HE COULD HAVE KILLED YOU! DUMPED YOUR BODY SOMEWHERE AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN NONE THE WISER. WOULD THE COIN HAVE BEEN WORTH IT THEN? WELL?”

Hot, angry tears streamed down Esana’s face as she pulled herself out of her father’s grip and ran into the tavern. Ren tried to grab her but she was too quick.

“Esana!” He yelled. “Esana get back here!”

Instead, he heard the sound of a door slamming from upstairs, where the guest rooms were. He looked around the tavern and noticed that it was mostly empty, save for a few stragglers who seemed too deep into their cups to notice the elven family drama going on around them. He also noticed a distinct lack of Venatori. They must have left earlier as well. 

Shit.

With a sigh, Ren felt all of the previous anger bleed out of him, leaving him bone-tired. With great effort, Ren dragged himself to the bar, rubbing at his eyes before anyone could see the moisture in them. 

“Julius,” he called, “Can I have another glass of water, please?”

The barkeep popped out from the kitchen, a bowl of something heavenly smelling in one hand and a tall glass of water in the other.

“I’ll do you one better.” He said, setting the bowl, some sort of stew, in front of Ren. “Here, eat. You look like you’re about to keel over where you stand.”

“Julius, you are a gentleman and a scholar.”

“Yes, yes. Tell me something I don’t know.”

Ren took a few spoonfuls before his appetite left him entirely as the monster currently gnawing at his stomach felt more akin to guilt than hunger. He stirred the soup in lazy circles with his spoon, occasionally making a half-hearted attempt at taking a bite before giving up entirely. 

“I need to go talk to Esana.” He said with a sigh.

“Rook, wait…”

Ren looked up and was surprised to see the old barkeep looking at him with eyes full of understanding… and a bit of sorrow.

“I don’t usually tell people this for obvious reasons, but… my father was also a freeman.” He said. “And an elf, too.”

Ren’s eyes widened. A lot of things about Julius suddenly made sense. The slight build, the bright eyes…

The easiness in which he accepted Ren and Esana… 

He looked at the man in a whole new light then, silently wondering how he never noticed the way Julius’s ears tapered to a point, a tell-tale sign of the man’s heritage.

“I’ll be.” Ren exclaimed. “I’d had no idea I was in the presence of a fellow knife-ear. I’ll make you a flower crown. Maybe even show you some of my favorite places to frolic naked in the moonlight.”

“I am quite capable of going to a whore house on my own, thank you.”

Both men burst into laughter, loud enough in the almost empty tavern to draw the attention of the last remaining guests. The confused stares sobered both men up fairly quickly, and Julius continued whatever point he was getting at.

“Before I was born,” he said, “my father had somehow managed to buy his and my mother’s freedom. Never did quite figure out how he managed to pull it off...”

Julius’s eyes grew distant as he stared at something only he could see. After a moment, he blinked, and turned his attention back to Ren. In all the years he had known the man, Ren had never seen an expression so solemn on his face as he did now.

“When I was Esana’s age, I also never… appreciated the sacrifices my father had made for my family. For me... And Maker, there were so many…”

“And you do now?” Ren asked.

“Aye.” Said Julius. “I do now. Very much so. And I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but Esana will too.”

Ren considered the older man’s words as he took a few more bites of his stew. He pushed himself off of the counter and dusted himself off. 

“Thank you, Julius.” He said. “For everything.”

“Anytime, Rook.“

Ren made his way up the stairs and down the hall to where he and Esana were staying. As quietly as he could, he crept in, closing the door behind him. 

They were fortunate enough to stay in a room with two cots this time, an upgrade to their usual fair. He noticed that the cot on the left was occupied by a relatively Esana sized lump buried underneath the blankets. On the desk , underneath an open window, was a rook. It sat atop a wooden perch as it cleaned its feathers with its long, grey beak. 

Hearing the door close, it looked up and flew over to where Ren sat on the empty cot, silently landing on his knee.

“Hey, Hope.” He uttered.

“…Why is your doublet singed?” Was the spirit’s response.

“Good to see you too.”

“Renan…”

Ren looked down at his doublet, his favorite one too, and, sure enough, he noticed singe marks all long the bottom hem. 

And lo, did the Maker say “Fuck this Elf in particular.” He thought.

“I suppose it does not matter. I am sure it can be fixed.” Hope said kindly. Then, through the bond, he heard: ‘Esana was very upset, but she would not tell me what happened.’

‘She decided to pick fights with grown men and then I lost my temper and yelled at her.’

‘Ah. I see.’

Hope climbed up Ren’s arm to perch on his shoulder.

“I think I am going to go out.” She announced. “Stretch my wings for a bit.”

“Have fun.”

Hope rubbed up against his cheek affectionately, nuzzling him much like she had when he was a boy, newly arrived in the Tevinter Imperium and being sold off like chattel.

‘You can fix this.’ He heard her say through the bond. 

With that, Hope flew out the open window and into the warm summer’s night, leaving father and daughter alone to talk. After a minute or two of sitting silently in the dark, Ren spoke.

“I know you’re awake, Esana.” He said. “Can we talk? Please?”

A loud sniffle from underneath the covers was the only response he got. With a sigh, Ren pulled off his boots and set them neatly by his bedside table.

“It’s ok, Esana. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” He said as he took off his now singed doublet. “I’ll talk then, ok?”

Ren took a moment to gather his thoughts. He stared down at his hands, looking at the small knicks and callouses from years of playing the lute. He unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt, and let the loose sleeves reveal old scar tissue across his wrists from where too-heavy shackles had rubbed his skin raw years ago. They certainly weren’t pretty, which was part of the reason why he always covered them, but they weren’t the worst of his scars. He knew his back was a gnarled web of lash marks, fifty in total. They still ached from time to time, too…

He made a vow, long ago, that the Imperium would never hurt him, or his loved ones, ever again. And he intended to keep that promise.

“I love you, Esana.” He said, finally. “And I am very sorry that I yelled at you like I did. I shouldn’t have lost my temper.”

In the darkness, Ren saw two bright blue eyes (her mother’s eyes, he thought distantly) peek out from underneath the covers, watching him warily. Taking that as progress, he continued.

“The truth is, I was scared. What you did was incredibly dangerous. I truly thought that man was going to hurt you, and that terrified me.”

Esana crawled out from underneath the covers and sat on the edge of the bed, hunched over and refusing to look anywhere but her bare feet. Ren noticed that she was already in her nightgown. She must have changed after she stormed upstairs. 

With a small smile, Ren patted the empty space beside him in invitation. Esana quickly crossed the short distance to sit with her father, but still refused to look up at him, even after he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to his side. 

“I just wanted to help.” She said miserably, swiping at her eyes as fresh tears  began to fall. “I thought that if I could earn money like you do, then you would let me join you for once.” 

“Esana…”

“I just wanted to be like you. I’m tired of being treated like a baby.”

Ren tucked an errant lock of red hair behind his daughter’s ear. 

“Esana,” he said, “I don’t need you to be like me. In fact, that’s the last thing in the world I want you to be. And while I appreciate the help, I’m your father. It’s my job to take care of you, not the other way around.” 

“But I want to help!” Esana cried, almost desperately. “I want to be out there, with you!”

Ren chewed his bottom lip as he pondered Esana’s words. He certainly did not want to expose her to the drunks of Minrathous, but he also knew that soon she would be turning thirteen. Too old to stay willingly cloistered away. Maybe he could bring her along every now and then, introduce her little by little to his world in a way where he could monitor her and keep her safe, rather than having her go out behind his back…

Still, he couldn’t help but feel he was missing something. Something important. There was a frantic edge to Esana’s pleading that Ren couldn’t understand. Not for the first time, Ren wished his wife were still alive. Leena would have known what to do. She was good at that sort of thing.

“I’ll tell you what,” Ren began, cupping his daughter’s chin gently, “how about I teach you how to play that spare flute I have? Then, you could play with me. Sometimes.”

Esana stared up at her father with wide, disbelieving eyes. 

“Sometimes!” He reiterated. “Only the jobs that I think are safe, ok?”

“Really?” she asked, excitement and a strange tinge of something akin to relief shining in her eyes.

“Yes.” Ren laughed. “Really.”

Esana launched herself at him, wrapping him in a tight hug which he returned without a thought. 

“I love you, papa.” She said.

“I love you, too, Esana.”

Not long after Ren noticed his daughter’s eyelids grow heavy and her shoulders begin to droop. He chuckled as he watched her try to stifle a yawn.

“Alright little Nuglette, I think that’s enough excitement for one day. To bed with you.” 

“Ok, papa.” Esana murmured sleepily as she crawled back into her own cot. Suddenly, that frantic edge that Ren noticed earlier returned.

“Papa…” she said, “Could I stay in your cot? Until I fall asleep?”

“Sure.” Ren said with a small smile.

Esana quickly scurried from her cot to join her father. She snuggled herself up against him, and he felt her relax as if she had been holding in some sort of tension. 

“Esana,” Ren asked as she tucked herself in the crook of his arm, “Is everything alright?”

Esana hastily nodded, not quite looking her father in the eye. Ren sighed.

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

Another nod. 

“Ok. Good night, Esana. Sweet dreams.”

Ren didn’t notice Esana wince at the mention of dreams. He didn’t notice his daughter squeeze her eyes shut, desperately trying not to think of the monsters in her dreams that hounded her, begging her to let them in. 

Instead Ren began to sing softly, voice barely above a whisper as he sang an old Elvish lullaby, one that his own mother sang to him when he was little. It didn’t take long for Esana to drift off into the Fade. No nightmares plagued her this time, safe as she was in her father’s arms and a song promising only pleasant things echoing in her ears. 

For Ren, however, sleep evaded him despite his exhaustion. If he was honest with himself, he didn’t mind and was content to watch the rise and fall of Esana’s chest as his daughter slept soundly, snuggled up against him. Truth be told, he cherished moments such as these because he knew that sooner rather than later, his daughter would grow too old to cuddle with her papa. For now, though, he placed a kiss upon his little girl’s brow and held her as tightly as he could without waking her.

He didn’t know how long he stayed like that, only that it was near dawn when Hope flew in through the window, the first rays of light gently reflecting off of her feathers, giving them a purplish hue. 

“Morning, Hope.” Whispered Ren as he watched her land on the bedside table. 

“Good morning, Renan.” She whispered back. “I am happy to see you two worked it out.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Ren shifted slightly to face his friend. “You were gone an awfully long time. Did something happen?”

“I ran into Neve Gallius. She would like you to meet her later this evening.” 

“Ah… and what did our favorite Ice Queen want? Did she say?”

“Only that she would like to introduce you to an aquantence of hers. Some sort of… novelist?”

“Of course she does…” Ren murmured tiredly, not really paying attention. 

They stayed like that for a while, enjoying the silence of the early morning. Ren was just about to finally drift off to sleep when Hope looked up from where she was preening her feathers and stared out of the window with an unusually concerned expression.

“Renan…” she whispered, so quietly Ren barely heard her. 

“Mmm?”

“There is a storm coming.” Was all she said.

-

Little did Ren know, as he later found himself staring up at the terrifying visages of his Dalish mother's myths, how true those words were about to become. 

[thejaymaniac]

Yesterday I forgot my car-scraper thing bc I'm from california and have never heard of weather, so I walked out of work to a positively iced over Scallawagon (what I call my graffiti'd 2001 saab) yesterday

luckily I just moved, so lots of extremely random objects are still in my car that I haven't gotten to taking out yet

which is how my new co-workers walked out to find me scraping ice off my car with a shitty samurai sword I got at ren-faire