#reminds me of the time; where people thought I was Jen

[iiryoku]

We should all just change so Happy gets confused.

[agatharkn3ss]

Rio's flower theory (contains spoilers!)

Some people have noticed how Rio's flower kept making appearance in the last episode, so naturally I re-watched it for the 100th time, and made note of every moment we see the flower because I have a theory...

First appearance - Rio presents it to Agatha when she crawls out of the ground

Agatha pushed it out of her hand, but it's unclear what happens to it - I thought maybe it looked like she put it in her coat pocket, but actually I think she just threw it to the ground, she would be too angry to keep it. And so we see the flower back in Rio's hands when she merrily hops along the Road. She doesn't stop playing with it even when they stop to look at the trial house.

The flower (and also her knife) is also present in the trial. As we saw with Agatha's locket, amulets and Joe's spell book, the trial seems to let the witches keep things that are important to them.

When they exit the trial, frantically trying to save Teen, Rio is back playing with the flower again, silently observing Agatha.

This continues until the campfire. Seriously, why is this girl stimming so much?

The interesting bit is when Agatha returns from Teen. Her hands are in her pocket, so we can't see whether she's holding something in her hands or if she's taking something from her pocket. But in the next frame, as she sits down to join the coven, she has that flower in her left hand! I think Rio must have put it on the seat, waiting for her. There are some interesting looks!

Finally, when Rio gets up to go after Agatha, the camera pans out and we see the flower has actually been left back on the log, where Agatha sat... What is the meaning of it?....

So in summary, the flower has some deeper meaning to Rio and she seems to really treasure it, maybe even use it as a stimming device, maybe trying to control her emotions?

Enter the Marvel promo for Death tarot card!

In one hand, we see Death holds her dagger (looking familiar?), in the other hand she holds an object that people believe to be Death's black heart. But it also reminds me the shape of a flower. So what if Rio's flower IS her heart? That she keeps offering to Agatha?

But I wonder if Agatha realises the meaning of the flower yet. In ep.1 she looked a little surprised when Rio says she does have a heart, that it's black and beats for her. It would be hard to believe that if these two were an item for centuries, that they wouldn't end up knowing everything about each other. So Agatha's "you don't have a heart" could just be a snarky, hurtful comment to reflect Rio's possible betrayal (the "job" she had to do) or a more literal fact that she doesn't believe Rio can be truly human in any physical way (no heart, no scars), because she's Lady Death. Or both. So maybe Rio hid that part from her? They certainly seem like they didn't even talk and reconcile after the dramatic events because Agatha seems surprised at Rio's hurt and regret when she tells her "scar story".

Anyway, I digress... In short, I think flower is (or at least symbolises) Rio's heart.

Bonus content - we actually get a glimpse of that flower in ep.1 as it makes its appearance even in Agatha's fake reality. Even though the camera angles make it impossible to see it most of the time, there are scenes when Rio moves her head just enough that we can see a bit of her her clip - which looks eerily like the flower!

While there was no actual flower in their ep.1 fight scene, Agatha is wearing a flowery robe and the wallpaper is all flowers. So I think there is a deeper symbolism there that the show is trying to subtly incorporate - does it all link to the Green Witch powers? Or the language of flowers?

Even Teen places a flower on Sharon's grave, where would he even get it from in that dark place? And finally, Jen uses blue flowers when they summon the green witch (Lilia offers a rock, Agatha adds a leaf and it's not clear what Alice adds - some dust or fruit?)

So... after all that, I don't actually know anything about plants or gardening. So does anyone know what type Rio's flower even is? I mean, there literally is a flower called Rio, could that be a hint or is it too simple?

EDIT: My bad, Rio is a proprietary company name who sells those flowers. But what about this flower called Surprise Lily? (also called Resurrection Lily!) Doesn't look quite like Rio's but I like the name as it would be quite funny if it was true...

[zepskies]

One Exception

Pairing: CJ Braxton x F. Reader

Summary: Joey has invited you to a party at Pacey’s apartment, and CJ has agreed to go, despite the contentious history between him and your new friends. He doesn’t want to be the reason you miss out on a good thing, but it also means he’ll have to hide his apprehension (and his alcoholism).  

AN: Here’s the sequel to Good Morning! This story takes place in 6.14 of the show, with a little twist.

Word Count: 4K

Tags/Warnings: Mature themes, but it doesn’t really warrant an 18+ rating. Angst, alcoholism, hurt/comfort, jealousy, fluff, tinge of spice, and implied smut.

“Nice television,” CJ remarked, noting the giant monstrosity in the middle of this very loud apartment.

“See? Told you it’d be low-key,” you said.

More like high and off-key, CJ thought wryly.

Nickleback’s “How You Remind Me” was blaring. People you and CJ recognized from school were crowded in the living room around the TV, as well as milling around the kitchen with beers and solo cups, and it was pretty much a wall of sound that already grated on CJ’s ears. Pacey had to be in here somewhere too.

You squeezed CJ’s hand and gave him a sympathetic smile.

“You okay?” you asked.

He gave you a smile to hide his nerves. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He was no stranger to parties. He just didn’t often find himself going to parties where the host had once introduced his face to a brick wall.

Before he truly got to know you, CJ had a one-time unintentional fling with your (former) dorm roommate, Audrey. She’d been spiraling out of control in an alcohol-fueled depression. He’d seen a kindred spirit in her and tried to help her. He just hadn’t known that she was still sort of in a relationship with Pacey, who had a mean right hook when he wanted to.

And then there was Jen, Audrey and Joey’s best friend. CJ felt the worst for hurting her along the way, unable to reciprocate her feelings…

And, oh yeah, you still didn’t know about that last part. 

CJ silently stewed in all of this when you led him by the hand to find your friend and current dormmate, Joey.

“Hey! Glad you could make it,” she said with her wide, doe brown eyes and a too-bright smile.

You gave her a quirking look when you hugged her in greeting. She smelled like vodka and orange juice, but you’d never known Joey to go too hard in the paint with her liquor.

She gave your companion a little wave. “Hey, CJ!”

“Hey,” he nodded with a smile.

“You guys want something to drink?” she asked, gesturing to the row of liquor bottles and various chasers behind her on the kitchen counter. You internally paused for a moment, glancing at your boyfriend, but you turned back to Joey with a smile.

“Yeah, Diet Coke would be great,” you said.

CJ gave you a curious look, but he asked for the same. Joey bobbed her head before she went to pour the drinks into some plastic cups.

CJ leaned in near your ear. “Sweetheart, you’re allowed to drink. You know I’ve been to parties before.”

In fact, you and CJ had met at a club party. One where Audrey had been led up to some guy’s room while she was drunk, and CJ had all but broken down the door to get her out for you and Jen.

“I know, I just don’t feel like doing alcohol tonight,” you told him.

It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. You just didn’t want to risk making CJ even more uncomfortable than he likely already was, being near Pacey. You’d asked Joey to talk to him for you—a plea for him to not try and kill your boyfriend.

And there your esteemed host was, coming over now.

“Heyyyy, good thinking,” said Pacey. He went over to Joey’s side when she turned to hand you and CJ your drinks. He grabbed another cup to pour one for himself. 

“Hey, man,” CJ greeted politely. His hands were in his pockets, trying to mask his stiffness.

Pacey hesitated, taking note of CJ, but the beat of tension broke between the two men when Pacey graciously stuck out a hand.

“Hey. Good to see ya…not with my girlfriend,” he quipped with a smile.

CJ’s was a bit more strained, but he gave a wry chuckle along with his handshake. Joey elbowed Pacey in the ribs.

“Ah, what?” he protested. She gave him a firm look, pursing her lips. Then she turned to you and CJ with a smile.

“Hey, you guys have any whiskey?” Jen cut in, as she sidled up to Joey. “I’m not so much in a beer mood, but whiskey I could do. Maybe it’s the burn I’m craving—”

She stopped short when she saw you and CJ. Her smile thinned.

“Oh! Hey, there,” she said.

CJ offered her nod, but his insides tightened. He watched you brighten and give Jen a hug that the other woman couldn’t easily reciprocate. Jen’s eyes were on him, even while she hugged you.

You and Joey then broke off to catch up for a bit (CJ encouraged you to it), while Pacey went back to watching a football game on the mega-sized TV with Jack. CJ was about to join them when Jen’s voice stopped him.

“You guys look good together,” she said. She had a glass of whiskey in her hand and a small smile on her face. Her blonde hair was shorter now, cut just below her ears. Her black halter-style dress suited her.

But she wasn’t you.

CJ smiled more genuinely. “Thanks.”

Jen was a good person. He was still sorry that he hurt her, but he wasn’t sorry for choosing you.

You were happy to see CJ hanging out with his friend David, along with Jack and Pacey and some other guys from school. Meanwhile, you had the chance to catch up with Joey and Jen.

Maybe it would give you a chance to mend this weird rift of distance that had seemed to come between you and Jen in recent weeks.

You didn’t know where it came from, but you genuinely admired Jen as a person. She was smart, and she always spoke her mind and stuck to her principles. That was something you wish you had more of in yourself.

Now, she was a bit quiet while sipping her whiskey. Joey made up for it, with a kind of giggle-snort you'd never heard come out of her mouth before. You raised a brow, despite your smile.

"Yes, Josephine?" you teased.

"Sorry," she waved a dismissive hand. "Just remembered something. Like the fact that I really like vodka. I mean, it's clear, almost tasteless, so it's almost like drinking water, you know?"

You and Jen shared an amused look.

"Sure, that's what it's like," you said.

Joey's eyes went wide then. She leaned in close to you, leaning on your shoulder.

"Oh. Don't drink champagne though," she said, while eyeing Jen. She "whispered" loud enough to be heard over the music, and also hurt your left ear. "She once killed a girl with champagne."

Jen's mouth fell open incredulously. Your eyes went as wide as Joey's. This was some serious “girl time.”

"Wait, what?" you said.

Jen looked at her empty glass. "Well, would you look at that? Right on time."

She escaped to the kitchen to refill her tumbler, but you and Joey followed her; you out of morbid curiosity, and Joey because she too wanted more vodka than orange juice in her plastic cup.

Jen gave you a smirk as she filled up her glass.

"Don't worry, you're all safe. This is Jameson," she said.

You emitted some nervous laughter and leaned on the kitchen counter, trying to figure out where the joke was here. How the hell do you kill a girl with champagne?

“So are you sure you don’t want an actual drink?” Jen asked, gesturing at your soda.

“Oh, no. I’m fine,” you held up a dismissive hand.

“You sure?” Pacey said, coming up from behind your little group to find a beer. “I got your boyfriend a vodka soda. I can get you one too.”

Your eyes widened, though you tried to hide your alarm, smoothing your hands down your jeans.

“What?” you asked.

Pacey paused. He’d caught the surprise flitting across your face. “What?”

“Um…” Your hesitation came from trying to process information in record time. You looked over and saw CJ with David. Your boyfriend was indeed holding a different cup.

You returned your attention to Pacey. His brows were raised. Joey looked confused as well, while Jen was sipping at her own drink, in a way that hinted that she already knew what you were about to say.

“CJ doesn’t drink,” you explained.

Pacey brows popped higher. “Ah. He’s 21 though, right?”

“Yes, but he’s a recovering alcoholic,” you said with a sigh. You didn’t want to have to say that, telling CJ's business, but you didn’t know how else to explain why you were slightly freaking out.

“Oh…uh, sorry about that,” Pacey said.

“No, it’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it,” you said.

Pacey gave a wan smile and returned to the group around the TV, CJ included. You sighed and turned back to Jen and Joey.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know either,” Joey said.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” you said, shaking your said. “I’ll just check on him, if you guys don’t mind—”

Jen’s glass hit the counter, and she poured herself another whiskey on the rocks.

“By all means, check away,” she said.

“Hey, sorry man. I didn’t know,” Pacey had said to him, with a look on his face that also said:

Sorry you’re a leper. That’s rough buddy.

CJ found himself withdrawing from the rest of the guys, even as the smell of vodka wafted from the solo cup in his hand. He glanced down at it with a short sigh, but he didn’t drink it, even though his hand itched to raise the cup to his lips.

You startled him a little when your hand curled around his arm.

“Hey,” you greeted in a whisper.

“Hey,” he smiled back at you. But the worried look on your face made his smile fall.

“Wanna hang out for a bit?” you asked, nodding at a quieter looking corner of the living room.

CJ waved at David with the hand that held his cup, and he followed you over to the far side of the couch. You sat on its edge, arms crossed, while he found a seat on the sill of a large window.

You pointedly glanced at his cup. “Have you been drinking?”

CJ’s lips pursed. He took in your stance: arms crossed, shoulders tense, lips pursed, eyes deeply concerned and wary.

Are we having fun yet? he thought dryly.

“See, I’d be more inclined to answer that question if you hadn’t lured me over here under false pretenses,” he remarked. Though he did set the cup down beside him on the windowsill.

“What false pretenses?” you asked, your brows furrowing.

“You don’t want to be with me. You want to check up on me,” he pointed out. “You’re looking at me like an inmate who got loose in the psych ward.”

You frowned then. “That’s not true. I’m just wondering why you would take an alcoholic beverage from Pacey.”

“Your friend offered me a drink. It seemed rude to say no, so…” CJ glanced down at his hands in his lap. Your head tilted in concern.

“CJ…” you sighed. “Why the hell would you ruin your sobriety over something like that?”

“I don’t expect you to understand,” he replied flatly.

“Oh really?” you said. Your lips pursed in irritation.

“I just didn’t want to get into it with a stranger,” CJ said, throwing up a hand. “But thanks for telling him that I don’t drink. Now he’s apologizing to me like I’m dying or something.”

A sharper sigh fell from your lips. “I told you we didn’t have to come here. I didn’t want to make you feel pressured to—”

“Again, you know this isn’t my first house party,” he said.

“Yeah, I know it’s not. So why? Why did this happen tonight?” you asked. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been so disciplined with yourself. You have a set of rules, and you follow them.”

“Yeah, well, did it ever occur to you that maybe I realized that I was too strict on myself?” he said. “That maybe we wouldn���t even be together if I didn’t bend those rules?”

Your mouth fell open incredulously, a bit of anger sparking your blood. He knew he shouldn't have said that. It just kind of flew out of his mouth, immediately sparking his guilt.

“Okay,” you snipped. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t be bending those rules at all if this is where it leads.”

CJ's lips pursed. “What, because I’ve been sitting here, spending the last hour debating whether or not to take a drink?”

He gestured at the cup beside him. 

Your eyes blinked wider, with even more surprise, and a heavy dose of confusion.

“Wait, what? Are you telling me that you haven’t been drinking tonight?” you asked.

“Is that going to magically change all the conclusions you just jumped to?” CJ retorted.

You closed your eyes with a sharp, exasperated sigh. When you opened them again, you frowned at him.

“Uh, yeah!” you exclaimed. "Of course it does, CJ!"

“Well, it doesn’t work that way,” he said. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it. Fine. Just like I’ve been trying to find some normalcy with you here. But apparently you find that wildly insulting.”

He was getting wildly defensive right now. You sort of saw where he was coming from, but it was still frustrating. You held a hand to your chest as your heart raced with the force of your relief.

“Look, I’m sorry for assuming. I’m just…I was worried about you,” you said honestly. “I knew coming here might be stressful for you—”

“I can handle stress,” CJ said. “What I can’t handle is you looking at me like I’m a powder keg waiting to explode.”

You raised up placating hands as you glared at him.

“Fine,” you said. “Sorry for being concerned about my boyfriend. I’ll try to curb that behavior in the future.”

At that, CJ’s frustration and anger simmered down, swiftly followed by more guilt.

You got up and blinked quickly, like you were fighting tears as you shook your head. You aimed to get by him, but he got off the windowsill and went for your hand. There was no drunk excuse for his behavior now.

No, this one was all him.

“Hey,” he said, in a softer voice. He looked down at you with softer eyes too. He could see now that you didn’t mean to make him feel less than, like you had to watch him so he wouldn’t mess up in front of your friends. No, you were just genuinely worried about his wellbeing. 

You looked up at him warily. He held your hand more securely in his.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I am,” he said, when he noted your raised brow. “I’m really grateful that you care about me. That you’re concerned about me. But I’ve been dealing with this for a long time. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be yourself either, even when we’re out here in the wild.”

A small smile twitched at your lips. You held his hand back.

“Out in the wild, huh?” you quirked a brow. CJ smiled back and brushed your cheek with his thumb.

“I just need you to trust me a little more,” he said.

You nodded, smiling when his forehead gently rested against yours. The ends of his hair tickled between your brows.

“Okay, I’m sorry too,” you said. “Next time I won’t be so quick on the draw.”

You leaned up for a kiss. CJ met you there, sweetly at first. Then he tilted his head and deepened the angle of his lips moving against yours.

“Ooh save that for later,” Joey said, loudly from behind you.

It made you jolt in CJ’s arms. You turned your head and met your friend with a wide-eyed look of confusion. She held an empty wine bottle in her hand and waggled mischievous brows.

“Come on, let’s play.”

You really couldn’t believe that Joey was making you all play Spin the Bottle. For you, it was the stuff of awkward middle school horror stories of the highest form. She’d roped in you and CJ, Jen, Jack, Pacey and their roommate Emma, and Gus, a gross looking guy who was apparently her "fiancé" of some sort. 

Gus took the first turn, and got creative with it—giving Joey a nice lick on the cheek.

That’s what you get for making us play this dumbass game, you thought as you laughed.

Joey ended up giving Jack a sweet kiss, followed by him and Emma sharing a little lip-lock, and even Emma and Jen giggling as they came together for a peck.

But when it was Jen’s turn, the wine bottle spun, and spun…and landed on CJ. A chorus of “ooohs” came from the others.

You felt yourself bristle internally. It’s just a game, you reminded yourself. Just a stupid, stupid game.

You patted CJ’s knee and tried to school your face into amusement.

“You’re up, babe,” you said.

He looked a bit uncomfortable when he met your eyes, and then Jen’s. She wore a smile, though she was a little absent in the eyes. She’d been pounding hard liquor pretty much all night.

“All right, CJ. Let’s get this over with,” she teased.

He let out a subtle breath through his nose, but he uncurled his arm from around you so that he could lean over to meet Jen across the circle. Instead of the light peck that he was aiming for, she surprised him by taking his face in her hands and giving him a kiss deep enough to make him taste the burn of whiskey.

He parted from her with a flinch. His eyes blinked wide. A quick glance around the circle told him he wasn’t the only one who was surprised, but you were the only one he cared about. He settled back next to you and felt guilty for your muted disbelief, even though he wasn’t the real perpetrator here.

CJ frowned hard at Jen. She just smiled and crossed her arms around her legs, head bobbing to the tune of the alt rock music playing.

“Damn, Jen,” Pacey said, laughing uncomfortably. “That’s some dedication to the game.”

You were still shocked into stillness. You knew Jen was a bit deep into the bottle, but was she really drunk enough to try and make out with your boyfriend in front of you?

Joey finally dropped her hands from her face (she’d been watching the scene through the cracks in her fingers). She gave you an apologetic look. She was very effing drunk as well, you knew, but not make out with your boyfriend in front of you—drunk.

You finally looked over at CJ, not knowing who you should be more irritated with: Jen for sticking her tongue down his throat, or CJ for letting her.

“It’s your turn, bro,” Gus said. Not that he cared about whoever CJ landed on. He just wanted the chance to kiss another one of the girls. Preferably Emma.

CJ shook his head. “I don’t think I—”

“Go ahead,” you said. Your tone was a challenge, as were your crossed arms, and the tight expression on your face. “It’s just a game, right?”

That last part, you aimed at Jen. She finally had enough self-awareness to avert her drunken gaze. Your teeth were grinding.

Though you had to pause when you realized where CJ’s spun bottle had landed: right on you.

“Aw, well that’s good,” Joey said, with a nervous laugh that broke some of the tension in this little circle.

CJ let out a subtle breath of relief himself. But this was a whole new challenge as he met your steely gaze. He tried to give you a smile.

Your eyes fell. So with a small sigh, he gently took your chin between his fingers and tilted your face up to him, just before he leaned in to kiss you.

He plied you softly at first. His lips dragged against yours in a slow, lingering kiss. Then he angled his head away from the circle, away from prying eyes as he brushed his tongue across your lower lip, seeking entrance. You inhaled deeply, and you couldn’t help but let him in.

You uncrossed your arms and found his cheek with your hand. Your fingers soon delved into his hair, nails lightly scraping the back of his neck. He barely restrained a shudder.

“Ah, okay then,” Pacey muttered.

When you parted from CJ, your heart was racing, and there was a fire in your belly that you could see reflected in his eyes.

“I’m a little thirsty, you wanna…” he trailed. You nodded and let him help you off the ground where you all had been sitting.

CJ’s arm once again wrapped around your waist, and he led you into the first bedroom he could find. The door shut against the blaring music, the sounds of laughter and stories and dumb middle school games.

Until all that was left was you and CJ, and the sounds of quick breaths, clothes hitting the floor, and skin against skin.

“I’m sorry about earlier. With the game,” CJ later said. “Jen took me by surprise.”

Much later, where you were tangled up in his arms and the sheets, both of you mostly naked and tucked under the covers. You felt bad that you didn’t even know whose bedroom this was.

Jack’s maybe? You could only hope so. That would probably be the least awkward situation if you two were caught in here.

But at CJ’s question, your blissful mood of moments before was wiped away. Your face dropped into a frown. You turned in his arms so that you could see his face, resting your head on his arm.

“Yeah, what the hell was that with Jen?” you asked.

CJ soothed a hand up and down your arm. He knew it was time for him to come clean with you, even though he knew it might make you look at him differently. He could only hope that it wouldn’t.

“Before you and I started talking, dating—well, you know what happened with me and Audrey,” he said, expelling a breath of regret. “Before then, Jen had feelings for me.”

Your eyes widened. By now you could’ve guessed that Jen wanted your boyfriend, but you had no idea it had started way back then. CJ looked you in the eyes.

“I just didn’t feel the same way,” he said. “Then Audrey and I happened, just the one night. But Jen…I know I hurt her, and I felt terrible. I still feel bad about that, because I never meant to hurt her. I just thought Audrey and I had a connection.”

“And then Pacey,” you supplied, realizing where this story was headed. A fight between Pacey and CJ. Audrey left for rehab in California. And Jen was left to nurse her wounded pride and hurt feelings…especially when you and CJ began for real.

You closed your eyes on a sigh. This explained why she’d been so frigid to you lately.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” CJ said. “I didn’t want to come between you guys, or hurt her more by pursuing another one of her friends…I just couldn’t help falling for you.”

At that admission, you softened. You caressed CJ’s cheek, and you brought him down to you for a kiss. Again, it was slow and unhurried, yet no less passionate.

Your lips parted from his first, so you could meet his eyes.

“I’ll talk to Jen,” you said. “But…I’m glad I fell for you too.”

You and CJ shared a quiet moment then, each of you processing, hands intertwined. It had you thinking about everything he said tonight, even before the game. 

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it. Fine,” he’d said. “Just like I’ve been trying to find some normalcy with you here. But apparently you find that wildly insulting.”

You sighed and squeezed his hand. It was comfortably trapped between his bare chest and yours.

“Just for the record, you don’t have to be ‘normal’ for me, or be what you think I want around my friends. Just be you,” you said, meeting his green-eyed gaze. “I do trust you, CJ. I trust that you want to be with me, and that you have a handle on yourself.”

CJ smiled ruefully. He ran his thumb across the back of your hand.

“You were right though. The truth is I did get a little nervous tonight,” he said. “Being here, seeing Pacey…it brought up all that drama again. I took that vodka soda from him, and I was thinking about drinking it.”

“But you didn’t,” you said firmly. “Because you’re strong. Stronger than anyone I know.”

CJ looked down at your hand joined with his, at your face, set with honesty and vehemence. You seemed to believe every word of what you were saying. That alone made him feel strong.

“Thanks,” he said with a smile.

It hadn’t been all that long, but he knew this felt right. It always felt right with you.

You smiled back at him and leaned up for a sweeter kiss.  

“Thank you for bending your own rules for me,” you teased.

CJ chuckled. He stroked your cheek and pressed another kiss to your forehead.

“You’re my one exception,” he said.   

AN: As frustrated as CJ made me at times, somehow he weasels his way back into my heart. 😂💗 If you enjoyed this, let me know!

Ko-Fi Me ☕

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[lucianalight]

So theory time: Agatha has lost her child.

There was a room looking like a child's bedroom in her house which she looked at with sadness.

There are also rumors about her considering children. When Lilia talked about eating children, Agatha played it as a joke. But when Jen mentioned "another child sacrifice" that affected her, made her upset. It makes me think while the former is untrue, there's a grain of truth about the latter. Maybe it wasn't a child sacrifice, but her kid was lost as a result of her actions and the rumors say it like she did it intentionally while it is not true.

There's also that scene in WandaVision where she was drinking and said no matter how you try you can't control kids. She sounded sad and regretful in that scene.

And I think this was what ultimately persuaded her to help Teen in the end. Not him having magic, but the hair in her pendant which probably belongs to her kid and Teen reminded her of them and what happened to them. Maybe they shared the same enthusiasm and insistence and Agatha thought if she didn't help him sth like that can happen to Teen too.

Or maybe she didn't actually want to take him with her in the first place and just wanted to keep an eye on him making sure he doesn't actually go with them. Because there's another detail, Agatha didn't want Teen as part of the coven, and sent him away during the singing. It makes me think being part of the coven that opened the door to the witch road poses a greater danger than just tagging along with them. After all magic has a price in mcu. Well at least sorcery does according to Mordo so we can assume witchcraft has it too.

Whether Agatha's kid is dead or alive we don't know yet. She was really obsessed with how Wanda brought back the dead and wanted to know how Wanda did it. But when it turned out Wanda can't actually bring back the dead she decided to take her power. A power that can create realities in which people who were dead or didn't exist can exist. Maybe whatever she needs is not more power but specifically Wanda's reality creating power. After all she can always get some power from anyone she irritates enough to blast her. But magic on autopilot, that's what she can't do.

[somethingswift19]

Alt+Nerd= <3 Pope x (f) reader

| Warnings:

| Summary: The bubbly alt girl falls for Pope, the nerdy and serious guy.

| (a/n): I had a good reaction to the alt reader x obx so I wanted to continue that a little bit :) I'm so tired so if this is awful I apologize but I had fun writing it so that's really what counts right? Not proof read.

Leaning up against the lockers you watched as the whole pouge friend group walked past, sighing to yourself. Since freshman year you had had a thing for the smart one, Pope. He was so cute and serious and when he got all serious it made him even cuter and more adorable in your eyes. He was misunderstood and looked over a lot for John B and JJ. And even when he wasn't being looked over, he rarely noticed when girls hit on him. Green flags tbh.

But this brings you back to today...as you watched them all walk passed you knew you were probably not his type considering he was dating Kiara but a girl can dream. You had your black and blue hair straightened and pulled back into pigtails, neon green glasses, black cropped hoodie, skinny jeans, and orange nike airs on. "Hey! You ready for class?" your best friends voice snapped you out of your trance.

"Oh yeah, sorry," you shook your head and smiled before grabbing your bag and walking to AP biology. Tapping your pen on the desk, you day dreamed as the teacher went over the previous test. This was your favorite class but today you were just distracted. Before you knew it, the bell rang and you realized you hadn't taken a single note. Shit you thought. But that's when you had the idea... "Hey Pope!" you yelled after the boy as you ran to catch up to him.

"Uh...hi?" he looked at you confused. Honestly fair considering you have had probably two conversations with him in total. "What's up?"

"Oh, well...I kinda have a problem," you began. "Is there anyway you can go over the science notes from today with me? I didn't quite get all of it." Correction, I was staring at you like a total stalker for the entire class and wasn't paying any attention.

"Oh uh, yeah sure. Meet me at lunch and I'll give you my notes," Pope said as you nodded.

"Lucky I have the smartest guy in school in my class!" you responded cheerfully.

"Well technically Thomas Jennings is the number 1 in our class so he would be the smartest. I'm probably top five-" he rambled on before you cut him off.

"Pope," you stated. "Take the compliment and go with it. A cute girl is calling you smart."

As lunch rolled around, you met up with him and you copied down his notes from the day. "I like your glasses by the way." This snapped you out of you concentration.

"I'm sorry?" you asked not quite processing.

"Your glasses," he smiled. "They're cool. I like them."

"Oh," blushing hard core, you smiled. "Thank you!"

"Sorry if this is weird," he started, scratching the back of his neck. "You remind me of someone."

"Yeah? And who might that be?" you put your pen down and smiled. You were in the conversation now. Can't take this for granted.

"Abbey from NCIS," this time he came across as shy.

"Wait, no way! Thank you so much! I've always loved her and Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds. I think that's where my style comes from. But Oh my God Thank you!" you knew you were rambling but fuck it. "Wait you watch NCIS?"

"Oh yeah, I love that show," Pope chuckled at your enthusiasm. "I always wanted to be like Duckie. I want to be a coroner."

"That's so dope," you smiled. "I want to go into forensics."

"That's not people's usual reaction to that," he stated.

You could stare into his eyes all day, good God, "Hey, we should meet up at the wreck after school. I mean if you want."

"Yeah! My friends and I were already planning on meeting up there later," he started. "You can come with us."

"Ok! I would love that!," this time it was your turn to chuckle. "Maybe after we can have some alone time? Just the two of us?"

"Wait...what?" the quizzical look he had on his face was adorable.

"Here," you said grabbing his arm and writing your number down. "I've been flirting with you for the past half hour for the record." You winked at him and started grabbing your things.

"I-I'll text you," he called after you and JJ looked over at him giving him a thumbs up. You knew he was watching you leave as you walked out of the cafeteria.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time Skip After Shool~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as you got home, you got ready to meet up with the pouges and considering this was the first time, and you were hanging out with pope, you had to look decent. Deciding on ripped black skinny jeans and a blue halter top with David Bowie vans high tops, you threw your hair into a half up half down bun and put on some lashes. Your green glasses still adorning your face. Dabbing on some lip gloss, you took one final look at yourself in the mirror before heading out.

Pope's friends were really nice and very chill honestly! Kiara was standoffish at first but quickly warmed up. And you learned Sarah Cameron was nothing like you expected! "So Ms. (Y/n)," JJ exclaimed throwing his arm over your shoulder. "Pope has told us a lot about you." Pope was signaling for him to shut the fuck up but that's not what JJ does.

"Has he now?" you giggled looking over at him.

"I wouldn't say a alot..." Pope was trying to hide his face now.

"Really?" JJ began. "So she isn't the cool, colored hair girl who is the only person who is better in science than you?"

"And she isn't the sweet and talkative girl who reminds you of...what's that show again?" Kiara chimed in laughing and using hand motions.

"Ok, ok, leave him alone," John B very kindly said. "And the show is NCIS."

"That's right!" everyone exclaimed at once embarrassing him and making you laugh and look at him sweetly.

"So exactly how smart are you to be better at Pope in something?" Sarah asked putting a french fry in her mouth.

"Oh, um," you were blushing now from the attention. "I'm just freakishly good at science. He's still smarter than I am." He smiled and shook his head at you. After a couple hours the two of you snuck off, but not without whistles from the others. Walking down to the shoreline, having your feet touch the water as you looked at the shells and things washing up. "Thank you for inviting me to hang out with you and your friends."

"Oh, it's no problem," he stated. "Thanks for writing your number on my arm. JJ was proud." This caused you to chuckle a little bit.

"Earlier you said I wasn't what you expected," you said softly. "You aren't what I expected either."

This time his facial expression was nervous as he snapped his head to look at you, "In a good way or a bad way?"

Smiling widely up at him, "In the best way."

"(Y/n)?"

"Pope?"

"Do I have permission to kiss you?" he asked slightly awkwardly.

"Always," you responded sweetly. As your lips met, it was everything you had dreamed of. His hand came to rest on your face gently as he pulled you in closer causing you to throw your arms around his neck. The nerdy guy kissing the goth girl in the moonlight? How many cliches can you guys check off at once? But none the less, this was the perfect night.

[hannahssimblr]

The marquee holds extraordinary heat. It reminds me of the family holiday I took with Maureen and her kids to Florida, that phenomenal, stupefying heat, and the air like soup. I felt too tired to do anything but swim around in the resort pool for those two weeks, but that was the whole point. We went to laze about. I bobbed on a big yellow pool floater while the others slept on the deck chairs until the sun dipped over Daytona Beach and it was bearable enough to move again. 

Here, light permeates through polyester walls, diffusing a blue hue, and the air is constrictive like a panic attack. It smells too, of hot plastic and grass, and all the people who didn’t queue for the showers this morning. 

“It’s gross in here,” I comment, bellowing already because every voice in the whole marquee bounces off the walls and raises the volume to incomparable levels. 

Joe laughs and makes fun of my accent for Kasper’s benefit. “Gross, man, totally freakin’ gross, my dude.”

“Do you want to stay or go?”

“It’s Crystal Castles!”

“Okay, so, stay?”

“Yeah, duh.” With a hand on my back, Joe propels me into the crowd, where we push through, closer and closer to the front. The atmosphere is so unpleasant, so hot, so stuffy, and even though I’ve been drinking all afternoon, my head still twists with unwanted thoughts. I feel my phone vibrate. 

It’s Jen, as expected. 

Where are you? We’re going to see Slash now. Also, Evie has asked where you are a few times. 

I shove it back into my shorts pocket, and something crinkles against my hand.

Ah. I had forgotten about this.

I subtly pull out the baggie from yesterday, the one from Weed Alison, and turn it over in my hand. I know I shouldn’t, that I tell everyone who asks me that don’t do any of this anymore, but these little pink pills lure me in like a siren. They hold promises of escapism, if only just for an hour.

And then, what didn’t even seem like an option yesterday seems almost sensible today.

“Hey, do you want one?” I ask Joe, “you and Kasper. I’ve three.”

He cranes his neck. “What’s that?” 

“Ket.”

“Oh, I’ve never done that.”

“You want to try it?”

He looks to Kasper for reassurance, and his friend shrugs noncommittally. “Well, what’s it like?”

“Pretty strange.”

“Okay,” he says. I tip two tablets into his palm and one, the last, into my mouth.

He winces as we dry-swallow. “Ugh, it’s disgusting.” 

I suppress a cough. “Did you expect gourmet?”

“I didn’t expect pure shite.”

“Well, it’s probably worth it.”

“Probably?”

As I watch the stage, I eagerly anticipate the moment my soul separates from my body while the roadies prepare. Once the gig starts, the ground begins to sway like a fairground ride. It’s the same thrill too, the same loss of control as when you’re floating through the air, when the floor gives way beneath your feet and you’re weightless, like something caught on the wind. 

“Woah.” Joe cries at one point, and I am viewing both him and Kasper through a fisheye lens. I just laugh, because everything is silly, and nothing matters the way it did this morning. Thoughts derail like train carriages tipped off the line, and my brain emerges from a pool of cool water, washed clean of every thought that has ever held significance in my whole life. 

I was sceptical of Ketamine once, back before I understood it, and clung tightly to the edgy, but familiar high I got from cocaine. It was Alison who gave me some at a house party last summer, my first bump, and with plasticine limbs we danced in the kitchen to someone’s dad’s CD collection, with a sense that we could do whatever we liked, and it wouldn’t be weird. I hadn’t felt that way since I was nine. 

Kaleidoscopic lights mesmerise me in the marquee. The music is strange, but perhaps it is supposed to be. All music is strange, if you think about it. Who decides which beats and melodies sound good, anyway? How do we know that? The singer decides to crowd surf and comes close enough for me to touch her boot. It would be funny if I took it off. This is a fact. I lank at the laces while Kasper laughs, this maniacal, unselfconscious laugh, and I join in. I don’t know what I’ll do with the boot once it’s off, but it’s the funniest possible thing to do. Maybe I’ll display it in my college apartment one day, say it belonged to Alice Glass, and have to argue with everyone that doesn’t believe me. 

“I feel weird.” Joe says. 

“That’s good.” 

“No, I think- I feel wrong.”

“It’s not wrong. Don’t make it wrong.”

“I feel wrong,” and I look at him, with his pitch black eyes panicked, and then he heaves.

And he bolts out of the crowd.

“Oh.” I look at Kasper, and him at me, and realise my teeth are sweating. “Do you think it’s bad ket?”

“I don’t know.” He says, and I'm suddenly aware that if I attempt any more words, I will throw them up. 

Throwing up in a crowd is not the ideal place to do it, I know this, but it is difficult to escape with legs that feel lead-weighted, when the earth is tilted so dramatically that I am scaling it. 

“I’m going to vom.” I announce, and a path clears so quickly that it feels biblical. 

I hit the back of the tent, and it goes everywhere. Everywhere. It splashes on my shoes and up the walls, and Joe is there too, my partner in crime, vomiting just as violently as I am. I wonder if I should pat him on the back, or give him a high five, or something.

By the time Kasper falls in line and completes our trio, security is already on us, and all that seemed so easy and funny before now fills me with unspeakable dread.

“Outside,” one barks, grabbing fistfuls of my t-shirt and hauling me toward the door. “You’re pissed.”

“No,” I protest hoarsely, “We’re fine.”

Kasper retches again, inspiring another wave of nausea within me.

“Fuck sake!” the bouncer cries as I get sick on his trousers. “Youse are a disgrace. Get out.”

And we find ourselves the grass, lying face up as the clouds drift by, and the world is still tilting, like it wants to slide us right off the face of it.

“Should we do something?” Joe manages. 

“Like what?”

“Get a doctor?”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” I say, before I roll over to the side and throw up in the soil. 

Neil, the volunteer nurse, is very kind and patient with me for the time I spend in his company. 

“I imagine it’s all out of your system now.” He tells me. “How do you feel?”

“Tired,” I sigh, staring up at the ceiling I spent the last hour getting to know. I haven’t been sick since I got here, it seems I yacked it all out on the field, but I have been so thoroughly prodded and poked that I’ve become irritable, bored, even, as time ticks on and the festival rages on outside the flimsy doors of the medical tent. I turn my head to him, in his blue scrubs and the stethoscope he used on me slung around his neck, and the fear of his judgement arrives. It’s how I know the ket is gone. “That’s never happened to me before, by the way. That reaction was a new thing.”

“You said you’ve taken ketamine before?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, at festivals like this, you just don’t know where it’s coming from. It’s everywhere, but it’s so hard to know what exactly you’re getting. Those pills could have been cut with anything.”

I smile weakly. “Are you telling me off?”

“Not really. I’m just letting you know.”

“Cut with what, exactly?”

“Anything.” He reiterates. “I’m talking talcum powder to heroin and everything in between.”

“Ouch.”

He folds his arms and leans against a table. “Do you want to get in touch with a parent or guardian?”

“Is that mandatory?”

“It’s not, but you might find the best thing for you to do now is to get home and rest. You might like to let a parent know what’s happened today.”

I laugh, the kind of hollow, death-rattle of a laugh that could have come from a sick, elderly man. “Tempting, but no thanks. I think I’ll stay.”

Neil’s mouth flattens into a line, and he gives me a nod. “Well, I’ll just advise you to take it easy, right? And if you feel off at any point, please come straight back here. We’re open all night.”

“But in your medical opinion, I’m fine, right?”

“Yes, I think you’re fine.”

“Oh, good.” I sit up in the trolley and plant shaky, stockinged feet on the floor. “Because there are a few more bands I really wanted to see.”

“I understand.” He says, though he looks as though he doesn’t. “But listen.”

I look up. 

“Be wise, Jude.”

I laugh and lace up my vomit-splattered shoes. “Neil, I’m always wise.”

Beginning // Prev // Next

[criticalbeauregard]

how agathario could've won

EDIT: people are taking this post as me saying every ship needs a happy ending to have value or that the ending was bad bc they don’t end up riding off into the sunset. let me clarify this was just an idea i had (also without context for several jac interviews that have since come out)

i've been thinking a lot about the finale and how some people have been saying "what did you think was going to happen? you thought they were going to live happily ever after?" to which i didn't really have a good answer for but i've been collecting my thoughts and i have a bit of a "fix it" or alternate concept for ep 8 & 9 that could possibly turn into a fic down the road:

episode 8 is the earth trial and final showdown. i feel like the earth trial itself was pretty underwhelming in favor of sending jen and billy out of the "road" and also in the larger context of the rest of the episode i'm unsure of the purpose it serves. with the later knowledge that the road is all billy's design this makes sense, but agatha's growth (literally) in that moment alone seems inconsequential and essentially washes away when she exits the "trial" and sees rio. she says, with something that sounds like acceptance, "sometimes boys die." and she's in what would be rio's trial. she talks about life coming out of death, she literally grows a flower from a seed within the momento she carries for her dead son. it feels like an acceptance or understanding of rio's actions in a way. and possibly a nod to nicky not being fully gone. i would've liked (i suppose in a world where the road doesnt hinge on billy's knowledge of the coven members) for rio's trial to be more centered around her loss of nicky and agatha. the other trials focus on the greatest fears of the coven member associated with it after all. perhaps a trial that also forces agatha to reveal the true story of what happened to nicky to jen and billy, even ending similarly with sending the others away and finding true acceptance of what rio is and that she was nicky's mother too. maybe with prompting from the others and reassurance about how the truth is not "too awful" (which i think is a belief born of agatha's shame for not being able to protect nicky).

in the final showdown, rio is expecting a fight since agatha didn't make good on her deal. but agatha is coming to rio with something she doesn't expect, understanding. maybe rio thinks it's a trick and there's still some sparring there, billy then shows up and powers up agatha. rio asks which one of them is coming with her. agatha, injured, yells out "what would our son think of this?" rio falters at that. agatha talks about what she's learned and maybe even how that very nature she's hated for so long is what made her fall in love with rio to begin with. agatha wants to make a new deal, rio lets billy go and when agatha dies (a long long time from now) they will go reunite with their son together. rio regretfully tells her "that balance still must be maintained, i can offer only time" and agatha tearfully says "i know." they kiss, not a kiss of death, but of life. a renewal of their love. flowers bloom around them, all of the ones rio never got to give to her over the years. and when agatha opens her eyes again, rio is gone.

in episode 9 we see agatha and rio meet for the first time, agatha have nicky, rio play with nicky in the woods on some nights while agatha sleeps, everything else we see with nicky and agatha's relationship, rio and nicky's last walk and maybe also rio and agatha's first encounter after nicky's death, perhaps in which we gain some insight into why agatha is keeping up the witches' road con.

having heard the story during the earth trial and through witnessing her deal with rio, billy has a deeper understand of why agatha is the way she is. this reminds him of wanda and he realizes why agatha actually was so interested in what wanda did. she says the bit about him reminding her of nicky and how he always did even when he was young. he thanks her for buying him time, agatha tells him to make the most of it and that things might move quicker with another set of hands. "coven two." they go to find tommy.

idk lmk what you think and if i'm forgetting something very glaring but this idea was heavily inspired by @agatharkn3ss 's nicky's parentage theory post.

[hope-you-brought-kneepads-bitch]

Agatha all along spoilers

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Okay okay sure

First off! I’ve seen people on Twitter already going mad but I think I need people to understand, this show was never targeted at a specific lesbian ending, yes! Very queer show and of course lots of Agathario but Rio is death, I always thought a kiss of death would happen because otherwise we’re being silly with ourselves it’s not queer baiting and it’s not helpful to be mad because marvel wont want to do things like this again if we start getting angry, the cast and crew were so proud of this and we should be too (we can vent a little and I plan too but I won’t tag actors or creators because I’m not weird)

But! I will say dying for Billy (technically I know she did because of Nicky because Billy got into her mind like a loser and a bitch and she wanted to redeem herself or whatever) is a bit strange I guess I get people saying ‘oh well of course lesbians get screwed over’ but you know for a marvel show to have actual canon lesbians who are kissing, yeah it’s scraping a barrel but if it’s received well I have no doubt they’ll do it again, I mean in the comics agatha gets resurrected and who’s to say that won’t happen? Anyway I’m ranting and yeah a little sad about the ending because it does feel like the killing eve ending but! Let’s get into the two episodes

Alice! My love, my baby I’m so sorry! Rio was right you died doing your job as a protection witch but it still hurts! I hope the afterlife is good to you and treats you well I love you 🥰

Jen! My beloved you did it! You got your powers back, I can’t believe agatha bound her that’s so funny and messed up! God agatha were you that low on cash???

“He’s an abomination” Damn right Rio get him!

Also the change in agatha a little about not wanting to see Rio when she died like yeah it’s a quick change but I think it’s Agatha putting her shields back up, she does want Rio back she definitely does but also it’s like ‘oh actually I’m putting my guard back up because I’m scared and you did something that hurt me’ (she is my scar!)

Rio being pissed off that agatha doesn’t want her and that she loves it when she’s like this unfortunately ladies this foreplay went a little too far and got ruined by a man (fucking typical) them basically flirting through their whole fight was great too

Also going back to episode 1 where Rio said ‘so take my power’ and Agatha replied ‘cute, but you know that would kill me’ BECAUSE SHE HAD TO KISS HER TO TAKE HER POWER! Did I get it right? Pretty sure I did so I declare that in their private moments agatha never kissed Rio but just started at her neck so not to accidentally kill herself during sex (dramatic lesbians)

Also in ep 4 when Agatha tries kissing Rio but then Rio stops her, I have a depressing feeling that Agatha was so upset at being reminded of what happened to her son she was willing to take the kiss of death I guess? Or maybe Rio can control stuff like that and kiss Agatha fine if she holds her power in but thinking she’s death I think it’s the first one

Rio cutting the road and stepping through I’m not gonna lie I was shocked! I gasped guys and I don’t do that often like obviously they knew was fake but I didn’t I love just thinking about Rio stepping in and out of the road but also where is the ‘road’? Is it just Agatha’s house? Have they been walking around in circles this whole time, god the citizens of westview may need to start looking for other places to live

The Salem era! I loved it (I do want more backstory but I think we’ll get some interviews explaining it so that’ll be fun) ‘born from scratch’ beautiful line Rio turning up I was like ‘oh daddy’s here to help with the birth’ then I quickly remembered she’s death and agatha begging not to take him and then I realised daddy isn’t here to stay for good reasons (like most dads)

Little Nicky was adorable! Such a cute kid and helping his mother trick witches? Putting him to work agatha, I like it! Start them early I say

Also they created the balled! So cute and heartbreaking since Agatha had to sing it all the time when killing these witches constantly being reminded of her son

Also her killing everyday then the one night she doesn’t rio takes their son??? God Rio give her a fucking day don’t you have like billions of other souls to take?? Just walk very slowly 🙄

Billy carrying the trauma of killing three (that’s right I count Sharon too!) witches because he created the road makes the ending worth it actually (not by much) because he has to suffer the consequences and deal with ghost agatha, get recked!

Rio and Agatha will definitely reunite (source: Me) Rio says she hates ghosts but only because she’s death and ghosts probably don’t want to move on, be a bit like trying to round up cats. HER AND AGATHA CAN FINALLY WALK TOGETHER FOR ALL ETERNITY

Anyway I have work in an hour and I’ve been up since 4 it’s now 6 and I’ve slept about 3 hours soooo if this is all ramblings I’ll try to add things later but yeah I loved the last two episodes yeah we could’ve gotten a bit more Agathario but I truly think they didn’t anticipate the overwhelming reception for them (Kathryn and Aubrey did though definitely)

I’m up for any discussion too I love talking about this stuff but works been hectic recently hence why I’m watching the episodes before work because after I’m just knackered but I’m off this weekend so I can reply properly to people

[9w1ft]

fam…. wow, what a year.

in the summer, i went to karlie’s birthday show, and on the way back i stopped through santa monica and pacific palisades just to soak in the rich kid ambiance, and well, no, actually, i wanted to check out jennifer meyer! because, well, idk. inspiration struck. it’s such a fun kaylorverse brand! and i thought, if enamored enough, i might be convinced into buying a tiny heart ring or charm or something, but they had just gotten in one of something recently and when i saw it i immediately knew i would be talked into it.

…so i picked up this tiny necklace from jen meyer. for obvious reasons.. i couldn’t help it! it spoke to me!!

fast forward to a handful of weeks later and taylor is… wearing evil eye jewelry! several pieces! more than several pieces!! even an evil eye stud!! and i come to deduce later on that the first time she wore the bracelet was the day before karlie’s birthday concert. which is a true coincidence that i love, because, it’s the day @taylorrepdetective and i happened to arrive in LA. and so today, reflecting on the eye theory as i do, i was thinking today about how my life changed shape, because of all of these things.

for april 18th is, as you may know, eye theory day! the day @swift-79 and i finalized and i posted the og eye theory post, back in 2019. also known as the eyepocalypse, discovereye, the start of many things.

today marks the four five year anniversary. it’s pretty wild that we’re still kickin it five years in! and it’s become a sort of tradition for me where i like to post a little something personal in honor of the day. so allow me to continue this one gratis.

second part of my story is that a little over a year ago now, i went to opening night of the eras tour with @theprologues and the day after the concert, on my way back, i stopped through scottsdale and walked through all the boutique shops and souvenir shops and picked up a trinket. a ring that called out to me, for…obvious reasons.

i mean, how could i not?? to commemorate a wonderful trip to meet a dear friend, and for all the eye theory things that happened on opening night!

and it’s been a year since then and i’m one of those people that just doesn’t take jewelry off, so it’s been on my finger for all this time. it was a snug fit, and silver, so it both wasn’t coming off easily and wouldn’t be leaving a green ring on my hand or anything, so i have kept it there. for a little over a year now.

but the other day someone was asking me about it. and i was like oh, i got this in arizona and so i went to adjust it to show it off because the center stone was off to the side and when i twisted it i noticed a mark on my finger, an indent, for having worn it so long.. and i sorta laughed to myself because, you know, there is an indentation. in the shape of an eye.

so i decided to take the thing off for a sec and let my finger breathe and so i take off the ring and notice— the shape of the ring has changed.

what once was centered, has now fully to morphed and warped the right side. 🙈🙈 c’est la vie.

i only write this out to say that, it had me thinking. about all the fun we had for this fourth fifth (!) turn around the theory, all the dear friends i have met, all the tour outfits, the accessories and merch?!… all of the little connections we have made over this… thing 😆 it had me thinking about how there are always going to be these fun little moments in life where the universe winks at you and, and how if you can manage it, it’s a charmed way to live, really. reminded me of the time i lost karlie’s gem on my swarovski evil eye bracelet at rep tour tokyo! that is to say, when the going gets tough, it can still be fun. if you work to give yourself permission. as one might say…there are cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see 🥴

it didn’t really occur to me until this week just how close the release date is to the eye theory anniversareye ☺️ and i’m not sure what this countdown is for but it’s running out so close to when the op was posted five years ago so i decided to post around now :) not to say any of it was anything more than accidental. but hey, laughter is the best medicine, is it not?

so omnom, i say! omnom!

and so today, on ts11 album release eve,

i implore all of you (and myself) to open our hearts juuust a crack,

and keep on the lookout for the gold nuggets that are going to be there. assume taylor will perjure herself a bit during this trial, relax, allow yourself the enjoy what we get, like nobody else truly can.

and so eye enter into evidence…

literally a bajillion things let’s be real like oh my god

our tarnished post of eyes, my indentations, shaped like…occulations,

our talismans and charms.

the tap, tap, tap of me selecting bert memes, my veins of bloodshot pink.

all’s fair in love and…

poetreye.

[daryl-dixon-daydreams]

Words: 4,162 Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader Reader pronouns: she/her Era: S10/S11, The Reapers Warnings: language, mentions of injury A/N: This is part of a series! You can find the rest on my Master List, the pinned post on my blog.

Summary: Injured and scattered, the group tries to find each other.

Your name: submit What is this?

Daryl,

Our son is two years old today. You wouldn’t believe how much he’s changed in only the last few months. It used to be that you could only make out baby babble with a few words here and there, and now he’s stringing together full sentences, expressing his own original thoughts. He looks less like a toddler every day and more and more like a little kid, soon to be asking questions about the world that will be harder and harder for me to answer. He reminds me of you in so many ways and I hold onto this part of you extra tight. When I think of how much you’ve missed of his little life, of all the milestones we’ve already passed, every part of me aches, and to know he’s missed out on having you too... that hurts even worse. I know you would be the most amazing dad. You love as fiercely as anyone could.

When I think of you at all, it nearly stops me to a grinding halt, could bring me to my knees, the pain is still that sharp. If we never find each other again, I think I’ll walk around forever with this poignant sense of something profound missing. It’s hard to write this, but if it wasn’t for DJ, I may have given up by now… But if I know anything, it’s that you’re out there somewhere, still alive, still surviving, still protecting the people you love. I know that beyond any doubt, because that’s who you are. I just hope that in our continued wandering that we find some sign of you. I don’t know what it would be—but Jen keeps telling me not to give up hope, to trust that my intuition is right.

I’m not having that dream anymore—the one I wrote about before where you’re calling for me from the other side of the glass—but lately I’ve been having a new one. I find you again, out in the woods, wandering, and then the next moment you’ve vanished. It’s almost worse than the last dream, because I think I have you and then a moment later I lose you all over again. It feels so unbelievably real. I wake up completely gutted with my cheeks wet. I have to reach for DJ every time.

God, I miss you.

It’s hitting me hard today, on DJ’s birthday. I hope you’re safe wherever you are…

With love, Y/N Daryl was mentally running through the parts of your book he’d already read, and wishing he’d made the time to read more, but he was also thanking himself for not bringing it along. He was certain The Reapers had gone through his pack. He didn’t know what would have happened if Leah had found it… She’d know he’d found you again and then all of this—his pretended disconnection from “those people on the road” and the implied feelings he was manufacturing for her—it wouldn’t have been available for him to try to keep his family and Alexandria safe.

His hand strayed to the left breast of his vest and he could feel the stiffness of the picture in the lining. It was comforting. He hadn’t slept. He was too afraid to. His mind was too busy. He laid on his back on a cot, far off in a corner, and waited.

It had to be near first light when he heard bootsteps coming up the hallway outside. He turned his ear toward the sound, listening intently for anything else that could signal what was happening.

Carver showed up in the doorway. “Get up, dickhead,” he spat. “We’re moving on that info.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

A hand on your shoulder shook you awake and you startled at the sudden jolt.

“Easy.” Negan’s voice. His hazel eyes were looking right into yours beneath his raised eyebrows. The point of your blade was at his throat.

You let out the breath you’d been holding and lowered it.

Negan was in front of you, palms out. He relaxed as your knife left his neck. “I’m a little worried that reflex isn’t going to stop short one of these times,” he said.

You shifted so you could better sit up against the back of the dingy armchair. “Then stop surprising me,” you said. You winced as you moved and couldn’t help drawing in a sharp hiss of breath between your teeth. Your side, the knife wound from The Reapers, felt like it was on fire. “Fuck…” you murmured, shifting to attempt to relieve the worst of the pain to little success.

Negan’s brow furrowed. “How ya feelin’?” You thought you could hear genuine concern in his voice.

You shook your head. “Not at my best, but I’ve had worse,” you said.

He went on frowning at you. He swept a hand back over his short hair. “I don’t doubt it but, uhh, no offense… you look like shit. I don’t think the whole pale, graying skin thing suits you at all. I woke you up because I was starting to get a little paranoid that you might not wake up.”

You rolled your eyes. “Stop being so dramatic,” you scolded him.

Negan gave you a small tight smile despite the situation. “Can’t. Drama. Theater… It’s kind of my thing,” he retorted. He watched as you pulled your shirt up to look at the wound on your side. The surrounding area and the wound itself were an angry shade of red.

Negan saw it. “Well, fuck. That doesn’t look good.”

You closed your eyes for a moment and leaned back against the chair. You’d flushed the stab wound out as best you could and applied ointment but it didn’t seem to have been enough. “No shit,” you said. “Any other earth-shattering observations you want to hit me with?”

Negan let out a dry laugh and straightened up, grabbing his crowbar from where it was leaning against a dusty couch and swinging it absently. “You know, I am actually trying to help you here. You see anybody else around?”

You sighed. “Right. Right… Sorry. Just—this whole situation is—”

“Complete and utter-fucked, five ways ‘til Friday bullshit?” Negan finished for you.

You gave him a long look but eventually nodded. “Yeah.” You pulled your shirt up again and looked at the neatly stitched wound. Negan had helped you with that the night before, and you had to hand it to him that he’d done a good job. “It’s a local infection or the start of one,” you said softly. You paused to think. You had limited medical supplies left and had used the last of the antibacterial ointment the night before patching up your side and Negan’s leg.

“Alright, so, can we kick its ass before it becomes un-local? From what I hear, that’s something to avoid, what with the lack of hospitals and meds these days.”

You chewed anxiously on your bottom lip. The burning and pulse you could feel in your whole side made it hard to think. “Hopefully…”

He stared at you for a long moment, his expression darkening like a cloud passing across the face of the moon. “You have a fever?” he asked, and you heard some apprehension in his voice.

You shook your head. “I don’t think so.” You mopped at the cold sweat on your brow even as you answered, but you were pretty sure that was just from the pain.

Negan cleared his throat and stepped closer hesitantly. “Can I check without you slitting my throat?” he asked. “I’ve actually already had that done, courtesy of Rick, and it isn’t something I’d like to repeat.”

“Fine.”

He bent his tall frame and put the back of his hand on your forehead. He shook his head and let out a hugely relieved sigh. “No. No, I think you’re good.” You gave him a questioning look. “I had the thought that maybe they’d coated their blades… so that anyone that didn’t die right away would go full-blown undead asshole.”

You fixed a steely stare on him. “Oh, you mean like you did. To the Hilltop.”

Negan gulped and his face fell. His eyes turned down to the floor. “Maggie told you about that, huh?” he said softly.

“Mhm…”

“Yeah. That was pretty fucked up.” He was still avoiding your eyes. “But it was effective...”

“Negan—” you started angrily.

“Hey, I’m just stating a fact! And to be fair, it was a fucking war! I was looking after my own the same way—” he broke off abruptly at the look on your face.

You shook your head. “No. Not the same way I do. Not the same way they were. Not even close.”

“So, you’re telling me that you’ve never done anything royally fucked up to keep yourself or people you care about alive? Hmm? Doll,” he said, swinging his crowbar up onto his shoulder, a smirk on his face, “I ain’t buyin’ it.”

You scowled at him. “Don’t call me ‘doll.’ In fact, let’s just table any more nicknames you’ve got floating around in your head. And let’s get one thing straight, Negan. You didn’t care about those people at The Sanctuary. You gave them barely enough to stay alive and it wasn’t even a life. The only person you actually gave a shit about was yourself. And have I done fucked up shit? Yeah. Plenty. To keep me and my son alive… not to set myself up as some sort of wannabe god to assuage my bloated ego,” you spat at him, wincing and putting a hand over your side again and shutting your eyes.

There was a tense pause and then Negan rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and another small laugh escaped him. “I can’t really argue with most of that. You’re right. And I see that Maggie and Daryl have been pretty thorough in catching you up already.” He sighed and sank back down on the wooden chair across the room from you. “But none of that shit matters right now. So, what do we do about your tidy little ticking time bomb there? You have any more of that—”

“No, we used almost everything up last night,” you interrupted him.

Negan laughed humorously. “Now let me make something clear here; you’ve gotta be okay,” he said emphatically. “If something happens to you while you’re with me, Daryl will fucking murder me. That is not an exaggeration. No, he won’t just murder me—he’d probably carve off little pieces slowly. He isn’t gonna hear that it wasn’t my fault. So, for your health and mine,” Negan said, fiddling with the crowbar across his knees, “we’ve got to figure this out. So, what do I need to do? You obviously can’t go anywhere fast at the moment, which is really what we need.”

Your ground your teeth together and Negan saw the muscle in your jaw tense. “You’re going to have to find me some moss and get us some water and fuel for a fire.” Negan stared at you blankly.

“Sorry, did you say fucking moss?”

You nodded. “Yeah. A specific kind. I’m gonna tell you where it grows and what it looks like.” You pulled your pack closer and dug around inside it until you pulled out a small cloth bag and held it out to him.

“Is now the right time for a scavenger hunt?” he asked, but he got up and accepted the bag from you.

“A lot of mosses have antimicrobial properties that should fight the infection and—look, just do what I’m fucking asking, okay? Or I can go myself. Like I said, I’ve had worse,” you started getting out of the chair, pushing yourself up on the arms but the pain in your side seemed to ricochet through the rest of your abdomen and chest and you quickly froze, only partially standing.

“Whoa!” Negan grabbed your upper arm and helped you lower back down into the seat. His leg didn’t feel great, but it was definitely better than your side. “I’ll get it! Fuck, just sit the fuck down,” he shook his head at you. “I can see why you and that pain in the ass Daryl are together. Stubborn with an attitude,” he said with some amusement. “Moss. Water. Fuel. I can handle that. Just tell me what I need to know…”

You did. And Negan set out and returned a couple hours later with all of it.

Soon you had a fire going in one corner near a broken-out window, any smoke trailing up and out—though you’d made sure all the fuel was dry as a bone so it wouldn’t lead The Reapers straight to you. The water had finished boiling and was sitting to cool a bit. Negan was watching you with interest from his seat again as you cleaned as much debris out of the moss as you could.

Negan was casually peeling the bark off a stick, sitting on the stiff wooden chair and watching you work. “Are you going to tell me what the deal is with you and Daryl or what?” he asked.

Your eyes flickered up to his face for a moment and you paused, completely still. Then you went back to what you were doing. “No,” you said simply.

“Ahh, come on. What the hell else are we gonna talk about? I’m dying to know how exactly he ended up having a kid he didn’t seem to know about. Especially one that looks to be about ten years old.”

You tossed the handful of debris you’d been picking out of the moss into the fire. “I’m sure you are. But you’re the last person I’m going to discuss my personal life with, Negan.”

Negan sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Come on. It’ll pass the time!”

You fixed your gaze on him for a long moment. “I’ll give you one question,” you said, dusting off your hands.

“Hot damn!” Negan grinned. “I better make it a good one… Hmm. Let’s see…” A smirk grew on his face. “So, are you guys fucking again? I mean what’s the current status?”

“Negan!” you barked back at him angrily, color flaring in your face. He only chuckled.

“It’s just a question! Anybody can see the guy is head over heels. That was obvious by the way he looked like he was mentally dismembering me anytime I came within ten feet of you.”

You only glared at him. “Do me and yourself a favor and shut the fuck up,” you growled. You collected the moss and plunged some of it into the still warm water and let it soak for a few seconds. Then you removed it and wrung most of the water out. Negan watched with interest as you packed it over the wound in your side and secured it around your body with a long makeshift bandage you’d fashioned from a spare flannel you’d had stowed in your pack.

“That’s gonna fight off infection?” Negan asked, interested. “Seems counter-intuitive to stick some dirty shit you found outside right over a wound.”

“It’s not dirty. And yes, hopefully. Long before we had modern medicine, plants were doing what doctors and pills used to,” you said, climbing to your feet and sinking back into the armchair again with a sigh.

“How the hell did you learn this?” Negan asked, digging in his pack for his MRE and tearing off the top.

You shrugged. “Aren’t we all picking up new things all the time? One of my people, from my last community, knew a lot about medicinal and edible plants. I paid attention.”

Negan nodded, scooping another bite into his mouth. “So, we gotta just wait now?”

You nodded. “Just have to let it do its job.” You sunk back more heavily into the chair and closed your eyes, but they were only shut a moment before Negan’s voice broke the silence again.

“You’re really not going to tell me about you and Daryl?”

Your eyes opened. “No. I’m not.”

He sighed. “What if I tell you about my wife?” he said softly.

Your brow furrowed. “Which one?” you asked sharply.

“The real one.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

The next morning, you woke up gently. Negan was already awake, standing at one of the dingy windows, staring thoughtfully outside. He turned when he heard you shifting. “You’re looking better,” Negan commented.

You stood and moved without pangs of pain and sighed with relief. Unbinding your bandage and peeling the poultice from the wound, you saw that the redness was gone and it was no longer inflamed. The moss had done its job. You applied fresh, dry moss over the stitches and rebound the bandage.

Negan wandered over, watching you closely. “You good?”

You looked up and nodded. “Yeah.” You paused. “Thanks. For your help yesterday with getting all that stuff.” He nodded once. You slung your pack up onto your shoulder. “Come on. We’ve gotta get to that house. Maybe the others are waiting there.”

“You can’t be serious,” Negan said, nearly stepping in your way as you moved toward the door. “You want to keep going? We don’t even know if anyone else made it.”

You started to unbarricade the door with a grunt of effort. “They did,” you said matter-of-factly.

Negan shook his head. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do!” you snapped at him, standing up straight. For the first time, Negan saw something like desperation in your eyes. “They made it,” you said firmly, but he heard the shake in your voice. “Now, help me move this…”

Negan looked at you for a long moment and then sighed and pushed the heavy oak desk out of the path of the door.

_ _ _ _ _ _

Maggie, Gabriel, and Elijah waited in silence. The air was heavy with anxiety and Maggie found herself alternately pacing the length of the room and then standing frozen at the window, peering out through the wooden slats. Through the narrow space, she saw figures moving on the street outside but it was difficult to see through the leaves of the shrubs close to the house. “I got movement comin’ up on this side.”

Elijah stood and went to another window near the front door. His knife was in his hand.

“Oh my God. Oh, thank God,” Maggie suddenly sighed. “It’s alright. It’s Negan and Y/N,” she said, happy tears in her eyes.

A moment later, Elijah pulled the door open and the two of you stepped into the dilapidated interior, Maggie rushed over and grabbed you in a hug. “Thank God you’re alright,” she said.

You tightened your free arm around her, bow in your hand at your other side. “You too. All of you,” you said, looking at Elijah and Gabriel as she broke away, but at the same moment your heart sank. “Daryl?” you asked, your brow furrowing and casting a shadow over your momentary relief at seeing the others.

Maggie shook her head. “We don’t know. We haven’t seen Daryl or Frost. Alden’s hurt bad. I left him someplace safe,” she said, her voice breaking. “Agatha. Duncan. They’re gone...”

You hung your head and closed your eyes for a long moment. “Fuck…” Your knuckles shone white as you gripped riser of your bow hard. “Goddammit… I’m so sorry.”

She nodded solemnly and then scrutinized you and Negan more closely. “How are you two?”

You moved farther into the house and stood beside the small stash of supplies. “We took a little damage but I think we’ll be fine. What’s the plan?” you asked, getting straight back to your purpose.

“We’ll wait a little longer for Daryl and Frost, in case they’re tryin’ to get here. But then we have to move. It’s not too far to Meridian from here.”

Negan let out a small scoff and paced away in a small circle, rubbing a hand over his forehead.

Maggie bristled. “Somethin’ you wanna say?”

“Maggie, look at us. We’re hurt. There are only four of us. One more encounter like the one we just had and that number is going to drop to zero.”

“People back home are dependin’ on us. Hungry kids. If we can’t make this work, Alexandria is done.”

Negan sighed and leaned back against the wall, but he stayed quiet.

“So, unless you’ve gotta somethin’ helpful to add, just keep your mouth shut for once in your life,” she snapped at him.

“Hey—” Elijah said suddenly. “Something’s up.” _ _ _ _ _ _

The heavy bootsteps overhead seemed to press on your ear drums as the Reapers moved through the house. Your heart was hammering in your throat. Then suddenly—Daryl’s voice. You clapped a hand over your mouth to stop yourself from gasping with relief. Alive. He was alive. He was okay. But then your stomach plummeted into the pit of your stomach. But why was he with them?

It didn’t take long for you to realize what was going on. A voice. A woman. “You’re either with us, or you’re not.” Leah. It had to be Leah. It was the only thing that made sense.

Your chest tightened and it was harder for you to draw in even shallow breaths. You closed your eyes, straining your hearing. Daryl again. “What do you want me to do?”

Then it was obvious; Daryl was dropping as much info as he could to you hiding below. 20 people. Weapons. Supplies. Walls. And then he was picking a fight on purpose with this “Carver” asshole.

“Shaw. Wake. Up. Everything is a test now,” Carver spat. “If you think this guy is ever going to give a shit about any of us, you’re gonna fail.”

“He’s right,” Daryl said quickly. “I don’t give a shit about any of you. Except you.” You felt a sharp pain between your lungs. “I’m here for you. It’s no secret I made mistakes. But I’m here right now.”

You were trying to suppress a rising wave of nausea. You could feel Maggie and Negan looking your way and you ducked your eyes, kept them down-turned to the cement of the cellar floor. A second later, Maggie touched you on the sleeve and tilted her head toward the cellar door. With Daryl distracting Leah and Carver, you snuck away, but the painful bubble in the middle of your chest stayed with you.

When you were finally safely away from the town the Reapers had been combing, Maggie stopped all of you. “We can stop for a minute,” she said, out of breath just like the rest of you from rushing through the woods. “We’re getting’ close. About three miles out.”

Negan let out a disbelieving laugh again, but you silenced him with a look. Maggie turned to you and touched you on the arm and spoke to you in a soft undertone. “You know Daryl was only sayin’ those things to—”

“I know,” you interrupted her, nodding, but your face was downturned. It still felt like a knife was lodged upward between your lungs. Listening in on that, Daryl saying those things to another woman, to her, had been excruciating. You hadn’t even realized how much so until you were out of the immediate danger. They seemed to ring in your head. “I’m here for you.” “I made mistakes.”

Maggie frowned softly. “Y/N, you and DJ are his whole life. I was there. I saw it. I saw how he was after. We almost lost him when he lost you. And then he never gave up on you. He never stopped searchin’. Whoever she is, she’s nothin’ to him compared to you. Believe that. Trust it.”

You gulped and nodded again and managed to give her a forced smile, though the worry line stayed between your brows. “What’s the plan for taking care of these assholes?”

You all turned as sticks cracked nearby. Walkers were wandering in. Everyone fingered their weapon but Maggie stopped you. “Wait,” she said, looking at more following behind out of the trees. She glanced back at the group of you. “Think we can find more?”

[xsweetcatastrophe]

You Broke Me First

part 10

Zoe had every intention of calling him immediately... but she wanted to relish in this moment first.

The soft hum of the floor air conditioner, the cool air hitting her, cooling down the apartment at a fast rate. She might put on a hoodie! When was the last time she was able to do that?!

Zoe took out her phone and called Cillian. He picked up on the third ring.

"First date, and you get me an air conditioner?" Zoe said before he could say anything else.

"Hey, first time we met we had sex. There's no rules" He said, sounding sleepy.

Zoe smiled. Something about him bringing up ~that night~ made her smile. Maybe he thought about it as much as she did. Maybe he remembered more than she did. If that was the case, she was jealous.

"Well... thank you. You didn't have to do that. but I'm already putting it to good use."

"Well I would hope so, I don't even know how you dealt with no AC during these summer days. The second I closed the car door when I left yesterday I was on the phone ordering it for you," Cillian said. "Hey," He continued. "I also just wanted to see how you were feeling about today"

"What do you mean?" Zoe said. She was laying on her back on the hardwood floor in front of the AC with her eyes closed, in pure bliss.

"... the article and pictures are dropping today" Cillian said softly.

Zoe slowly opened her eyes.

It was to the point where she never hoped to be happy or content in a moment ever again. Because there was always something coming around the corner and kicking her in the gut.

"Oh." Zoe replied. That's all she could think. "Weird. I know what it feels like on publishing days. I never was on this side of it. Did she say what time it's being dropped?"

"Hannah said 10"

Zoe looked at the clock. 8:53. About an hour left before the whole world knew her.

"If you want to let anyone know... i'd give them a heads up" Cillian added. "maybe your parents.. sister"

"yea, will do" Zoe interrupted. Man, my dad sure would get a kick out of this shit, she thought.

"Why don't you come here and we can figure this out together" Cillian said.

"I'm not sure what is left to be figured out..." Zoe said, drifting off. However, the thought of being together sounded nice, she thought.

"I know... but, ya know that saying? Strength in numbers? I don't know. Just a thought. You don't have to-" Cillian started.

"No it's fine. i'll head over. Just text me your address. i'll get ready and come by"

"Don't worry about it. I'll send John" Cillian said, reminding her that they left their cars at the bar the previous day.

"ok, cool. Thanks" Zoe said, sitting up.

Cillian stated that he'll text her once John left to get her, and hung up with her to go shower.

Zoe herself stood up, hopped in the shower for a quick body shower, and stepped out and grabbed a pair of leggings and a Columbia T Shirt. She tired her hair up in a pony tail and grabbed her sunglasses and flip flops. She headed downstairs with the intention of waiting on the stoop for John. She hated anyone waiting on her, and she hated being late. She hated being an inconvenience; which is what she felt like most times, especially now. She felt like an inconvenience to her mom, and is convinced that if her and her sister were hanging off a cliff and she could only save one, her mom would save Jen. "Zoe is my tough one" she would tell people, and then sing nothing but praises for Jen. She felt like an inconvenience to her job, especially now. Donna knew her talent, and sometimes she feels like Donna hired her out of pity. She saw Zoe as a hurt puppy, someone you couldn't help but feel sorry for. She was a walking ASPCA commercial and Donna called the 800 number on the commercial and signed up to donate monthly. Zoe felt like an inconvenience to Cillian, who I'm sure didn't want to be wrapped up in something like this, let alone with someone like her. He could have a Victoria Secret model but nope! Zoe Parker for you!

John pulled up about 10 minutes later, and hopped out of the car to open the door for her. "Good morning, Zoe" John said with a smile. He had a smile that was contagious, she couldn't help but smile back. "Hey John! good morning" Zoe replied, sliding into the car. The leather seats were cool and she rested her head back against the headrest. "Did you have trouble finding it?" Zoe asked after he got back into the car.

"Not at all, I know this city like the back of my hand. And I have a very good memory" He replied, putting car into drive and pulling out into traffic.

The ride to Cillian's was only about 15-20 minutes. John pulled up to the section of town Zoe wouldn't step foot in.

"He lives... here?" Zoe muttered, loud enough for John to hear.

"Hey, he must be good at what he does, i guess" John said, laughing.

"Zoe, if you need a ride home, please let Cillan know. it would be my pleasure" He continued, turning around to face her and smile.

"I can call an uber John-

"No, no, they can't come through here. Just call me and i'll take care of it" He replied.

"Okay.. thanks John, i'll see you later. Thanks so much" Zoe said, sliding out of the car and making her way up the walk.

Zoe knocked on the door and looked around the neighborhood that banished Ubers. Big sprawling lawns, white brick curbs, wide quiet streets. Every house had a long driveway and most of the homes were protected by big spruce trees for privacy. Large old trees lined the curb, providing shade on the hot summer day.

I am so out of my tax bracket, Zoe thought.

Zoe was snapped back to reality by the door opening. "Hey, come on in" Cillian said.

Zoe stepped inside and looked around.

Did you ever step foot into a place and was scared to walk any further? As if one more step you take something would break. The perfect rug would crease. You'd get your fingerprint on something. Or you'd spill something; oh god you'd spill something red all over a white carpet. That's the worst.

Anyways, that's how Zoe felt. She looked around the foyer and looked at the connecting rooms. The room to her right had a piano with a record player against the wall, accompanied by a floor-to-ceiling record shelf filled with records. To the right was a formal dining room, with a dining room table and fine china in the china cabinet collecting dust. A winding staircase was in front of her, and just to the right of the staircase was the hallway to the kitchen, where Cillian was walking to.

Zoe followed him into the kitchen and was met with a dog barreling towards her.

"Scout Stop!" Cillian yelled, stepping in front of her to shield her from the dog.

"no that's ok! I love dogs!" Zoe said, pushing him out of the way. Scout jumped on her and almost knocked her over, excited to see her.

"Yea, this is what I was afraid of" Cillian said, pulling on his collar to get him off.

"No it's fine!" Zoe said, laughing on the floor and petting Scout.

Zoe hated people, but loved dogs.

"coffee?" Cillian said, getting up and heading further into the kitchen.

"Sure, Thanks" Zoe said, finally standing up once Scout was calm. She walked over and took a seat at the breakfast bar, wincing when she pulled out the stool and it made a loud noise against the floor. Great, i just scuffed his floor. It's probably made of italian marble, taken from the colosseum itself, it'll cost a fortune to fix, and you can't fix one, you gotta fix the whole kitchen, and i'll have to file for bankruptcy all because I wanted to sit down, Zoe's mind raced. However, Cillian hardly noticed. He was too busy pouring into a mug for her.

"it's gonna be... a little overwhelming today. For you, especially" Cillian said. "I just want you to know I'm here for you"

"I know. Thanks" Zoe said, taking the mug from him and taking a sip. "You have a really nice house" She said, changing the subject.

"huh.. oh. thanks." Cillian said, almost confused. "I've been trying to get rid of it for a while now"

"What, why? it's beautiful"

"reminds me of her" Cillian said, taking a sip.

"oh. Sorry" Zoe replied, wanting to evaporate into thin air.

"All good. People break up. I'm surprised she didn't want to keep this. This was her pride and joy." Cillian said, getting up and letting Scout out. "I guess it reminded her too much of me and since she couldn't stand the thought of me, she up and left"

"Thats... a little harsh" Zoe said, tilting her head. "don't' talk so badly about yourself"

"preaching to the choir, aren't ya?" He said, walking back to her and squeezing her shoulder. "You don't think i can tell when your mind is racing?"

"How could you possibly tell what i'm thinking about" Zoe said, her side leading against the breakfast counter. Cillian stared her down, taking a step closer towards her.

oh fuck.

"I may not know what you're thinking. But I know more about you thank you think. Like how you like your job but you want more, and scared to ask for it. You miss your sister. You feel stuck. You pick at your cuticles when you're anxious, which is at least 3-4 times a day" he said, picking up your hand off your lap and holding it, rubbing his thumb against your raw cuticles. "You want so much more, but you're scared to ask for it. You deserve so much more" Cillian said, softly.

"How could you possibly know all that from 3 days of knowing me" Zoe said softly, getting lost in his eyes. again.

Cillian smiled. "I guess I just...see you." Cillian said, squeezing your hand. Zoe smiled. there's those butterflies again.

And, in true fashion, around the corner was a gut punch to the stomach.

Cillian and Zoe were snapped out of their trance by their phones going off at the same time. They both reached for their respective phones. Zoe looked, and saw she had 4 texts and a missed call from her mom. She looked at the time.

"10:08" Cillian said. "Article dropped. Welcome to your new normal for the next 3 months."

Tags: @lau219 @@wolfieellsworld 

[aloneinthehellfire]

Chapter 8: Separate Ways

Season One | Season Two | Season Three | Season Four

Raining Hellfire: Season Four

Word Count: 2550 words

Warnings: swearing, vecna's curse [canon-typical violence], mentions of death, brief mention of torture, lots of trauma in this one whew

[A/N: did someone order a heaping pile of angst??]

Separate Ways

The room was empty, chandelier pieces still scattered around your feet as you stand there.

Alone.

You didn’t know where everyone went, panic setting in as you whisper their names into the darkness. But no one was there.

Or, so you thought.

“Y/n”

Vecna’s voice vibrated through the walls and you squeeze your eyes shut, shaking your head. Please, please, please.

“It’s time you know the truth”

You slowly open your eyes, anxiety expecting the red veined figure to be staring at you with ghostly eyes. But the room around you had changed instead.

You were still in the Creel House, now situated just in front of the door, staring back at the staircase. This time, you had a clearer view of the couple you had envisioned earlier.

A man, dark haired, was stood smiling down at a woman with a pretty prominent bump. She was pregnant. And something about her soft features reminded you of someone.

Frowning, you follow them as they walk up another step, laughing into conversation.

“Come now, Michael,” The woman smiled, her pretty features only enhanced by the glow of her pregnancy, “Don’t tell me you’re scared.”

“Never.” Michael raises his chin before resting a hand on her stomach, “But I’m worried that a fright could harm you.”

“I’m weeks away from my due date.” She bats him away with a flick of her wrist, instead looping her arm into his. “Besides, we didn’t travel all this way just to back out now, did we?”

“Jennifer.” Michael sighed, “Someday, you truly will be the death of me.”

His hands came up to cup her face and you slowly shake your head, wondering why Vecna chose to show you this. You had no idea who this couple was, nor did you think it would hurt you enough to allow him to take your soul.

“Michael and Jennifer” Vecna’s deep voice echoed out, darkening the joy of the scene in front of you, “They were drawn to the darkness, just like you”

“What…” You try and make sense of it all, eyes focused on the people but retaining no information.

“Their love for horror brought them here” He continues as you watch them ascend another stair, “But it cost them”

In that moment, Jennifer yells out in pain. The lights in the house start to flicker aggressively, casting haunting shadows onto the walls behind them as Michael reaches for her.

You step forward before realising you couldn’t help. This wasn’t real.

“Jen?!” Michael yells as she suddenly crouches to the floor, clutching her stomach.

“The baby.” She cries and the Creel House began to shake.

Flashing lights soon beamed from behind you, an ambulance arriving and carting Jennifer from the house, Michael holding her hand.

“I don’t understand.” You whisper, watching as the Creel House faded and formed into an old, vintage room you didn’t recognise, Jennifer holding her new born baby with teary eyes.

“Watch” Vecna orders and you swallow your fear, turning back to the couple once more.

They looked down at their baby, smiles etched into their faces before the door bursts open, a man stepping through with a few men in hospital clothing just behind him. Your breath hitched in your throat as you stared at the one in charge, older with striking white hair. El’s previous captor.

Brenner.

Behind him, a boy around the age of 18 stood with his hands clasped in front of him, dressed in white and seemingly awaiting orders. He had defined features, hair a perfectly cut blonde.

“My name is Dr. Martin Brenner.” He introduces himself to the shocked couple, extending a hand.

Michael stands from his chair, cautiously reaching out to shake the hand. “Doctor?”

“Is something wrong with our baby?” Jennifer panics, gently rocking the child in her arms.

“Quite the opposite.” Brenner steps forward, peering down at the baby. “In fact, I have reason to believe that your child is quite… extraordinary.”

“Extraordinary how?” Michael questioned, moving back to his wife.

“Don’t you find it strange that you went into labour weeks before you were meant to?” Brenner raised an eyebrow, “Or perhaps, the fact that your baby has yet to cry? I assume they were born into the world with… flickering lights?”

“What do you want from us?” Michael lowered his voice, a protective arm making its way around Jennifer’s shoulders.

“I am not a stranger to individuals such as your child.” He glances back at the boy stood patiently behind him, “I take them into my custody, allow them to grow under strict conditions in order to reach their full potential. It is rare to find someone who possesses any kind of ability, but we were alerted to your child’s presence once they showed immediate signs of a powerful being.”

“You want to take our baby?” Jennifer whispers out, clutching her child tightly.

“No.” Brenner shakes his head. “We need to take your baby.”

You stare at the scene as Michael stands from his chair, fist balled up in an angry flare.

“You will do no such thing.” He warns, glaring, “Now leave.”

Brenner simply sighs, nodding his head at the boy behind him. Finally, the boy unclasps his hands and moves forward, stretching his arm out in a manner you’ve seen El do multiple times.

“Then I suppose we must do this the hard way.” Brenner states, nodding his head once more and your blood runs cold.

Michael is suddenly flung against the wall, screams leaving his wife’s lips as the boy steps forward, crushing each of his bones.

You stumble back, a gasp escaping your lips as you watch Michael drop to the floor, covered in blood, mouth gaping open.

“Find her.” Brenner says and you whip your head around to see that Jennifer had suddenly vanished, the back door wide open.

“His death wasn’t the last” Vecna returned, changing the world you stood in once again until you found yourself staring at a familiar building, heart beating with erratic jumps.

A tear slipped down your cheek as you watched Jennifer hand the baby to an elderly woman, wiping away her tears and leaving a final kiss on her child’s head.

“She knew they would find her eventually” Vecna continued and in the corner of your eye, you see some kind of window, shining into a dark room that made your throat close up.

Tied to a chair, Jennifer’s head hung loosely, blood pouring from her head as the boy you had seen before stood in front of her with a murderous glint in his eye.

“Tortured and murdered” Vecna said simply, the words circling your mind over and over, “She never gave up the whereabouts of that child, forcing the men to wonder day in and day out if they would ever find it again”

Everything faded to pitch black, the darkness swallowing you whole as you breathed unsteady breaths.

“But they did”

It takes a moment for you to truly see what Vecna is showing you; a vision of the past. From a new perspective.

You can see the party, El clinging onto Mike’s back as she stares wide-eyed at Brenner.

“Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!” Dustin shouted and they started pedalling their own bikes.

“Y/n! Come on!”

You whip your head to where you stood, one foot on the ground as you frowned towards the man you never realised you knew. Brenner’s eyes found yours, his face dropping.

He knew you.

The vision faded as quickly as it came before everything plunged into darkness. All you could hear were your heavy breaths, the pounding beat of your heart in your head. But Vecna wasn’t done with you yet.

Up ahead, a light shone down on a girl laying on her bedroom floor, convulsing.

You didn’t want to move, shaking hands covering your mouth.

The desk lamp flickered as black dust entered her mouth, her body slowly raising off the ground as her eyes submitted to the dark. You didn’t need a closer look to understand what was happening.

Because you had lived it.

“Your parents died protecting you”

“No.” You let out a choked sob, falling to the ground and landing in a red puddle, soaking your jeans straight through.

Vecna stepped out of the shadow, looking down at you with a tilted head.

“You always wanted to know where you came from, who you were” He leaned closer, forcing your head to raise and meet his eyes, “You’ve been causing deaths since the day you were born”

Tears rolled down, staining your cheeks. It couldn’t be true. None of it could be true.

“The power you possess is far from your control” Vecna reaches his right hand out to cup your chin, bringing you to your feet and keeping your eyes on him, “This place is older than time and yet you were the first to connect with it”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You cry, unable to tear your eyes away from his milky white stare.

“When I came here, I found a mass of ancient particles that held stronger power than I had ever seen” His hand reaches up to grip your throat, “And despite all my efforts to take control, it always chooses you”

The claws tightened, restricting your breathing and you begin to struggle, trying to push him away.

“What do you want from me?” You gasp out before he throws you back, your arms and legs suddenly covered in vines and pinning you against the spindles of the staircase banister.

“Time is ticking, Y/n” Vecna begins to creep closer to you, the gravel in his voice sending pained shivers down your spine, “And you’re the only thing stopping me from completing everything I’ve planned for you and your little friends”

“You won’t win.” You try, your voice breaking as the feared hand claws above your face, the energy draining from your body.

“You have suffered enough” He announces, leaning close to whisper in your ear, “I can take away your pain”

His hot breath bared onto your cheek, flushing the tears streaming down. He had caught you in his web, and you did all you could to rip out of those chains. But nothing worked.

It was like a headache burned behind your eyes, his force compressing your bones until you cried out in pain.

His sinister smile would be the last image you’d see.

Here we stand

Vecna growls as music echoes around you both, his hand almost touching the tip of your nose.

Worlds apart, hearts broken in two, two, two

You try to focus on the lyrics, but your mind keeps slipping away. You can feel yourself drifting, Vecna’s curse taking effect.

Sleepless nights

Losing ground I’m reaching for you, you, you

“This is what you’ve always wanted, Y/n” Vecna tilts his head again, narrowing his eyes, “I see those thoughts you’ve tried so hard to hide”

Feelin’ that it’s gone, could change your mind

“You are afraid that they no longer need you”

You start to give up, submitting yourself to Vecna’s curse as your eyes flutter shut. Any happy memories you had were disappearing, replaced by the reasons you should let him kill you.

“You are afraid of being alone”

If we can’t go on

“They will all be better off without you in their lives” Vecna threatens, a horrifying smile on his face, “You are their curse”

To survive the tide, love divides

“Y/N!”

Max’s voice splits into Vecna’s mind games, pulling you away from him.

You open your eyes to find a swarm of black dust hovering in the air, waiting. As another tear slips from your eye, a glimmer of hope flutters in your chest.

You needed to fight.

“Let me help you” Vecna orders harshly and your eyes drift back to his.

“No.”

A single word leaves your lips and your mind clears, eyes burning black as the particles scurry towards you, grasping onto Vecna before throwing him across the lake of blood.

In an instant, you see your way out; a window looking in to the Creel House, your body floating in the air as your veins start to turn black. Everyone is screaming at you. And the music bursts back into your head.

Someday, love will find you

Creating a wall of black dust between you and Vecna, you run.

Break those chains that bind you

Your legs took you faster than you thought possible, heart yearning to reach the portal and return to your friends. Return to Max.

“NO” Vecna’s voice booms and you feel the wall you built crash down, piercing pain into your chest.

Stumbling to the ground, you look back at where Vecna stood, hand balled into a fist and taking small control of the particles in front of him, restricting their movements.

One night will remind you

How we touched and went our separate ways

The song pulls back your focus and you scramble to your feet, staring back at Vecna as he suddenly points at you. The black dust slowly starts swarming before shooting towards you and your breath hitches.

Looking back at the portal, your nose was running black and you could feel the toll it had on you.

You weren’t powerful enough to stop that.

If he ever hurts you

“Y/n, please!”

True love won’t desert you

Max’s cries pull you closer to her, sprinting to the exit in attempt to outrun the chaos Vecna had created.

You know I still love you

A scream escapes your lips at the first attack, the particles tugging at your feet. You stumble before catching yourself. You were so close.

Though we touched and went our separate ways

Another attack pulls you away and you land on your back, wind being knocked from your lungs. In a panicked attempt at breath, you turn onto your front, staring at how Vecna was suddenly descending the crimson hill, heading towards you.

“Y/N!”

The screams distracted you for a mere second. When you look back, Vecna is staring down, directly above you. His claws reach down to you.

“NO!!”

You whip your head back to the portal, seeing how your body was faltering mid-air, arms dangling by your side. Vecna keeping you here only made you weaker, your power draining the life from you. But you needed one last push.

As Vecna’s pull raises you from the slippery puddles, you reach your arms out either side of the monster to the black dust hurtling towards you.

And, in a flash, you use it to push you backwards, throwing you towards the portal and away from Vecna’s roar of anger.

Everything turned black and you were falling. Deeper and deeper down. You didn’t breathe, you didn’t struggle.

You just…

...fell...

Until a sore gasp left your lips and you crashed to the ground, barely able to move.

Everyone was rushing around you all at once, Separate Ways still blaring into your mind. Max’s face appeared in front of you, her own ears bare.

“Y/n?” She cried, pulling you into a hug and sobbing into your shoulder.

Once you regained the feeling in your limbs, your arms wrap around and cling to her, all the other voices drowning out.

True love won’t desert you

Chapter 9: The Shire Is Burning ->

if any are unable to tag i will colour them in red, my only suggestion is to check ur visibility settings :)

taglist: @gnnnne / @beepisbeep / @paintballkid711 / @eddiesbirdie / @livasaurasrex / @darktimelegends / @jackierose902109 / @mvrylee / @chervbs / @eternallyvenus / @nervouscatsuit / @f1nn-wolfhard / @hereiamhereigo / @ladybug0095 / @fangirling-4-ever / @astrolockley / @mothmanatemycat / @sheisjoeschateau / @champagnejoker / @umidktbh

[cowboyjen68]

hi jen, i just followed you and this is really random but ive seen some of your posts helping younger people and it really struck a cord and i need to just let the words fall out of me.

ive been having issues with my girlfriend she cheated on me but this situation is very complicated and we're both fucked up people but i know she still loves me and i really love her. but my anxiety and our lack of communication is really bad right now and im so worried she might not love me the same anymore

ontop of this im 18 and for the past id say 5ish years my mental health and family life has been getting worse, getting diagnosis is hard especially with mentally ill and just overall bad parents that somehow dont understand or believe. i know im deppresed and have been i have anxiety, sever paranoia maybe bpd and bipolar and autism and everything is just so much. now the one person i had is something thats making everything hurt more and i just don't know where to go, im trying to get help but its so slow in this country and i feel so lost and tired i barely eat now and when i do its ether rare or unhealthy and everything is so much i want to collapse.

i hope this isn't to much to randomly send anonymously but you just seem really kind and helpful. thank u for your reply if you do

HI and please accept my apologies for the delay on answering this. I am sorry you are going through so much. My kids are adopted from foster care and I had many kids in my home for up to 5 years who eventually went back home. That is to say I have a lot of experience with mental illness, the systems that treat them, trauma and kids who came from unstable home lives.

At the ripe old age of 18 you have plenty of time to find love and contentment but right now might not be the time. I understand there might be odd circumstances that caused your girlfriend to cheat on you. If you feel betrayed and lost trust that is a feeling that is next to impossible to overcome for people with no comorbidities let alone a teen trying to figure herself out and deal with navigating the broken mental health/care system.

It is actually quite normal for young love to change and get redefined into friendship even when the circumstance are the best. Her cheating on you might very well be a sign that your relationship is in flux and not what you thought it was. A romance that has run its course is not a failure, relationships do not have to last forever to be important and real and worth having had.

It might be scary to think of not being with her, of not having your "one" person that you can count on but I do believe you can get farther working on yourself if you put time and energy into you and not dividing it up between you and her.

There is a lot of precedent set for women to set aside their romance and intimacy in order to be just friends while one or both does some work on herself. Sometimes it is necessary to stay involved for emotional support or financial support, that is just the reality of our world. Living single can be very difficult.

Please consider letting go of the relationship in its current form and putting your energy of yourself. Letting go of the stress of trying to repair what you had with her will remove so much pressure from you and from her that you will feel much more ready to tackle your mental state.

I promise. You are not a failure, she is not "the bad guy" in this story. Take all the wonderful things you shared with her keep those with you when you want a reminder that it loving her was worth your time even if it didn't end like you planned.

Seek mental health help but starting small. A therapist can help you begin to talk through things and often she can help you find additional resources like a medical Dr, public subsidies for insurance or free clinics to assist you in getting medication and mental health support. Most counties have a social services office and those employees are a wealth of information.

[ice-sculptures]

hey everyone!! so, originally, i wanted to do one of these back when all of y'all were posting your 'follow forever' + favorite blogs lists for new year's eve, but at that point in time i didn't feel like i knew anyone well enough to make a full list. but now, it's been almost nine months (holy shit!!!) since i joined this fandom, and there have been so many people that i've connected with and who have made my experience on here so much fun and so special.

plus...it's my birthday today, so i thought - what better way to celebrate it than to show my immense love & appreciation for all my mutuals, followers friends, and anyone who has ever made my tumblr experience better?

this isn't really in any particular order, and also, i am so so sorry if i forgot anyone. i had to type this out at least six times over the past two months because tumblr kept deleting my progress for some reason, so i'm really sorry if i missed anyone because of it. i recognize the urls of anyone that regularly interacts with my posts, so i promise that if you've ever left nice tags in the reblogs of my gifs or replied to any of my WIPS or tagged me in a gifset or in a tag game or sent me a nice ask or anything at all, really, please know that i think you're wonderful and i love you all so much even if tumblr hates me and decided to erase all of the evidence of it 😅

okay, enough dillydallying!! putting this under a cut so that it doesn't swallow ur dash whole....n here we go :)

@fireplceashes hi jen!! i know i said like. just one paragraph above that this was in no particular order, but i immediately broke the no. 1 rule of law and lied, bc as my very first friend in this fandom you are so undoubtedly so special to me and i'm putting you first just because i Can and no one can stop me. but anyway. where do i even begin with you? you are easily one of the sweetest people i have Ever, ever met - not just on tumblr, but in my real life as well - and i really love talking to you So much. thank you so much for always listening to my rants, and checking up on me, and just generally being there for me. you're just a really soothing person to talk to and i never have to worry about being 'too much' or anything like that when i'm talking to you. and of course - you are also so, so talented, and your gifs are absolutely stunning. they always turn out so beautifully, and i'm so in awe of your editing skills. basically...i'm just Very grateful to have met you, and *mike wheeler voice* all of my other mutuals, they're great, but my fandom experience would not be the same without you ❤️

@basiltonpitch spencer!! i feel the need to echo the first thing i said to you and remind you that i think you're a genius :') fun fact that i haven't told you: when i first found your blog, even before i realized that you were That person who wrote the benvi meta that i loved, the first posts that i saw from you were your beautiful web weavings, and i was immediately like Who is this person??? and Who gave them the permission to stomp all over my heart like this?? wtf?? i just. i love ur brain So so much and i'm so grateful that i get to enjoy your creativity in not one but two of my favorite fandoms (soon to be 3 with 911 maybe?) oh also...this is slightly embarrassing but i've gone back through your blog a few times just so i can read your incredible meta because all of your thoughts are so valuable to me. you are the Only person on this site that i trust to Get devi vishwakumar and one of the biggest reasons why i'm so excited for never have i ever s4 to drop is so that i can experience it alongside you!! and even outside of your creative genius, you are one of my favorite people to talk to bc you're so kind and so supportive and such an absolute sweetheart and i really love hearing everything you have to say. so. um. basically. i am just a Spencer Enthusiast through and through 💖

@padmedala carson!! hello!! first off, i've said this to you a million times, but i want to thank you once again for writing one of my favorite pieces of byler fanfiction. do you know that one post about reading fanfics and having to stop because 'he would not say that?' well, your work is the epitome of reading a fic and feeling wholly satisfied because yes, he would say that - in fact, i would not hesitate for a minute to say that you have the strongest grasp on will and mike's characterization - especially their dynamic together - out of any writer i've met in this entire fandom. like...i enjoy your writing so much that i've read a couple of your pieces for IT despite not having any knowledge of the source material simply because i wanted to experience more of your work. you're also such a deeply kind and supportive person, and you have no idea how much i appreciate every single time you've checked up on me or sent me a sweet message or even just dropped into my inbox to say hello. you make my dash infinitely brighter, and i'm so very glad to know you and have you as a friend on here 💞

@wllbyers dani!! hi!! i have so much to say abt how wonderful you are, and i was struggling w how to articulate this for a while, but then i remembered that you once said to me that you found my presence on the dash comforting, and honestly, that's exactly how i feel about you. forgive me for the awkward metaphor, but seeing you on the dash is like coming home after a long day and having a warm, home-cooked meal. seeing your url and icon always makes me smile, and i'm so grateful that we're mutuals because of how kind, considerate, and utterly genuine you are!! i don't know if i'm describing this right, but you just feel so real, you know? i feel like your personality shines through with every post you make, and i always love seeing it. and i'm sorry if this is weird to say, but your openness and your authenticity about everything going on in your life makes me feel a little bit less alone about my own struggles. also do you remember when you started watching 911 and eventually ended up getting ahead of me, and you tagged each and every one of your posts just so that i wouldn't get spoiled? i know it seems simple, but the sheer fact that you thought of doing that just for me had me melting into a little puddle w my face looking like that one meme of kristen bell. you are just so, so lovely and i'm unbelievably glad we're mutuals 🥰

@willblogger ima i've said this many times before but i absolutely Need to say it again: you are genuinely the funniest person on byler tumblr. i cannot count the number of times that you've made me full-on belly laugh (to the point where my stomach starts to hurt) and completely destroyed my attempts to casually and inconspicuously scroll through tumblr in public places. i dunno how you do it at all but every single thing you say is such an absolute delight and i am always giggling n kicking my feet when i read the tags on all of your posts. the thousands of people on tiktok and twitter copying your jokes could never do it like you. you've also got this deep understanding of the way the text has been written and i really appreciate how your analysis honors the characters as they are instead of trying to make them more palatable them for this fandom. it's just. it's rare to find people that love these characters as they are and understand them as well as you do and i feel very lucky to have found your blog. also this is not related at all but ur plushies are cute as fuck & i love them :) OH!! n thank u sm for being my number one stevebucky enthusiast mutual n partner in rage when it comes to avengers endgame!! can't wait to have a hate party w you (if you'd like) in five days 💗

@willelfanpage SARA HI HELLO do u see me waving at you. this is me holding up a banner screaming abt how much i love you. as the resident fandom cheerleader who gives and gives and gives so much love to everyone she interacts with, you deserve someone cheering YOU back on and that is what i am here to do!! you are so brilliant and you have never made an incorrect post in your life!!! all your fics are wonderful and i've loved reading them!! you are kind, you are smart, you are funny, and you make everyone around you feel so safe and comfortable and welcome here. like. i can't tell you how much i admire how open you are with your kindness and friendship and how you give it so freely to everyone you interact with. i love talking to you so much - whether it's hearing about your life or sharing our ideas with one another or just. venting about anything i want to - and your enthusiasm is utterly infectious and makes me feel more hyped and excited to be in fandom. forgive me for being so sappy on main but i will never not be touched by your endless love for fandom, not only these characters and the works that people make, but for the people around you as well and i hope u know i love u very much too 💞

@jackietaylcrs hii marianne fellow haver of good taste!! i remember you once made a post wondering if your followers would still love you if your stranger posting went down to 0.5% and i wanted to lyk that i definitely would!! i really like reading your commentary on ST and yellowjackets, but even when you're posting about a show that i'm not familiar with, you have this Way of speaking that i find very charming and funny and entertaining, and you bring this inimitable energy to my dash that i doubt i could ever find elsewhere. i like the way you sign off your posts with 'and like i say: brf slt.' i think it’s Neat n it fits you very well. alsooo THANK YOU very very much for being the one to convince me to watch yellowjackets!! people have been telling me to watch it for a long time but in the end it was your posts that made me say, fuck it, and finally watch it. also. um. ur posts abt stephen harrison make me feel very Seen so. thank u. ok bye 💗

@emblazons hello marie my beloved mutual marie!! honestly, out of everything in this post, this message was the hardest to write because i don't even know where to begin with you!! you bring so, so much to this fandom - your thoughtful, entertaining, levelheaded commentary, your stunning gifsets, your logical and witty posts, your incredibly supportive and kind personality, and your endless passion for this show and all that goes into making it, as well as our shared love & enthusiasm for noah schnapp 😅 every time i think you've made the most brilliant observation or put out the most beautiful set, you go and top yourself by finding something new or making an even prettier gifset. if i had to pick one person whose contributions to the fandom enriched my experience of this show? more than anyone, it would be you!! and i could go on and wax poetic about your talent forever (as i have on many, many occasions bc you deserve it 🥰), but i'm gonna end it here by saying that you are a gift to this fandom and one of my absolute favorite people on here, and that i'm beyond grateful to know you.

@mikeandwillel sandy!!!! you are so so smart and your analysis is absolutely incredible. i look forward to each and every one of your analyses because you always find the most clever parallels and your deep dives into each of these characters' arcs are always written with so much care and skill. and of course, i forever have you to thank for writing The ultimate masterpiece (your s4 painting arc analysis) that finally convinced me of byler endgame and thus made my fandom experience so much more relaxing and fun. i also really love & how much you love mike for all that he is -- i feel like it's a little rare in this fandom, so seeing how much you adore his true character and how you Understand him better than anyone else i've ever met makes me really happy. and not to mention, i have no idea how you managed to get so good at gifmaking in such a short amount of time but all your sets are so beautiful!! you're a gem fr 💖

@babygirl-jonathanbyers abbyyyyyy hello!! do you know how much i love seeing you on my dash? i love your pure, unapologetic love for jonathan, jancy, and the byers brothers and it really makes my whole day when i see a post from you appreciating those characters/ships. your moodboards are also So pretty and your presence on my dash is so positive and welcoming. i hope you're doing well on your hiatus rn and i can't wait to see you back on here again 🫂

@elmaxed lumiiiii hi!!!! when i think of you, honestly, the very first word that comes to mind is creative, because you bring so much to this fandom and i'm so grateful for it. i'm obsessed with everything you write because your fics are so lively and fun and make me smile uncontrollably every time i read them, all your headcanons are brilliant and adorable, your moodboards are gorgeous and not to mention, your themes are always so beautiful!! you're just...such a ray of sunshine on my dash and i'm so happy to have followed you 🥰

@mlchaelwheeler sarahhhhh my favorite stonathan pioneer and one of my first mutuals in this fandom!! i think you already know this but your analyses were a huge part of what got me into the byler fandom in the first place and i have never looked back, so thank you for that!! i Love love love ur theories (especially the s5 spec stuff) and i love seeing u in my notifs and reading your lovely and enthusiastic tags on everything you reblog and i love your love for st's OST!! you're a really smart, sweet, and positive person with the best opinions and i am forever rooting for mike to get a sword in s5 just for you 🙏🏼

@bylrndgm dearest elz you have no idea how happy your blog makes me 🥹 you're one of the most talented gifmakers i've ever met, and i always find myself smiling so much whenever i see you've posted something new (especially your byler x TS edits 🥰) because they're always so beautiful!! i've also always felt like your blog and everything you've posted is one of the purest and most expressions of love for mike and will....it's so clear that you love them So much and your blog makes me so happy to be part of this community. you've also always been so sweet to me throughout my entire time in this fandom and you're one of the people that has made me feel most welcome here. also since i never ended up responding to your DM i wanted to say that whatever path you choose, i'm sure that you're going to crush it and i am rooting for your success always 💖

@madcleradin sierra madcleradin byhops finalgirlbyers willcoded!! ok i promise i don't mean this in a weird parasocial way but i kind of admired you from a distance for a while even before we were mutuals just because every single one of your posts that ended up on my dash had me nodding my head and tapping my brain in agreement and clapping for u like this 👏🏼 all of your takes are top tier and i love how passionate you are about everything you talk about!! you're def one of the sweetest, friendliest, and coolest people on byler tumblr and following u has been such a gift ❣

@byclairs hello emily!! your gifs are absolutely stunning and i love following you because i Know i can always count on you to have the most based takes, both on stranger things (especially ur will takes - those keep me sane fr) and on fandom as a whole. also just wanna say that you have the best taste in ships and that you've got a 10/10 banger of a url that always has me mentally giving you a thumbs up whenever i see you on the dash ❤️

@heroesbyler stav!! you're one of the most brilliant analysts on this site and i'm so in awe of all of the incredible theories and analyses you've posted!! i'm obsessed w all of your banger gay mike posts & i'm also both fascinated and disturbed by all of the dots you've connected regarding brenner, henry, & the lab. your posts are so insightful and compelling and you've made me think about so many things that i never would've noticed on first glance. i also love that you're both unflinchingly confident but also insanely kind - a rarity in most fandoms, especially this one, and i love that energy on my dash. i'm very proud to be your grandma (your words not mine -- no i will not let you forget about that 🙏🏼)

@mandycantdecide hiiiii amanda!! i love your blog so much, and even though we don't share all of the same fandoms i love seeing your posts about everything you're interested in because i can always feel your energy and enthusiasm for it no matter what :) in fact, it was actually your posts that made me want to get back into 911, and you have no idea how grateful i am to you for that because being in that fandom is the most fun i've had in a really long time. so thank you, thank you thank you for that, and for generally being so sweet 💕

@howtobecomeadragon ayla!! hello!! i know we don't know each other super well but i Really wanted to let you know how much i appreciate your posts and all of your contributions to this fandom. you were one of my first favorite blogs when i first joined in august and you have no idea how thrilled i was when you followed me back haha 😅 i looooove your theory posts so much and i think your fics are fantastic (and i am Eagerly awaiting the end of come back to me and forgive everything so i can read it). you're also super sweet and kind to everyone around you, and i love seeing you on my dash 💞

@mrperfectlyfinetv hi jake!! as my designated Swiftie Mutual i feel like i should let you know that i don't usually follow taylor swift blogs bc swifties are scary but your gifs are so gorgeous and your takes are so good that i just Had to break my rule and follow you anyway. i really enjoy reading all of your opinions on miss swift even if you are a rep hater asdkjendfcskjflejrf and i adore all of your pretty ST and taylor swift gifsets!! i also love how much you love speak now and you've definitely made me go back and give it a few more listens so that i can appreciate it more & at this point i'm begging taylor to release speak now tv soon just for you 🫶

@magentamee - hi bre :) your art style is absolutely delicious and your writing is so cute and i've always noticed how committed you are to uplifting everyone around you in this fandom. also this is random but your friendship with amanda and @/likegoldintheair is so cute and whenever you guys post about each other i always find myself smiling at how sweet your interactions are. you’re just a person who always brings a smile to my face when i see you on the dash and i want to thank you for that 💗

@paintingformike hi!! i've said this before but i really do think you've always been The strongest soldier in the byler fandom (like, ngl your posts were Carrying byler tumblr for a while there while everyone was still in their debating-over-s5-canon phase). you've always been so levelheaded and astute with your observations, and i've always admired and respected how your posts make it seem so simple and So clear how all of the overarching themes of the show are leading to byler endgame. you've got an incredible way with words and i'm so glad to have you in our fandom 💞

-

and now for the creatives in this fandom - some incredible gifmakers whose beautiful sets have been the highlight of my dash, some wonderful writers who have ripped my heart out over and over again only to stitch it back together seamlessly just one paragraph later, and brilliant fan artists who are able to capture so much and make me feel the entire spectrum of human emotion with just a few brush strokes:

@sharpesjoy - em!! you're an absolute sweetheart and such a joy to see on my dash. all of your gifs are so gorgeous and so clearly infused with all of the love that you have for everything you watch and i've added several shows to my watchlist because your gifs have made me want to watch them so badly 💞

@heroeddiemunson - kai!! your creations are so beautiful and you have this unique gifmaking style that i'm totally obsessed with!! your colorings and typography are always so pretty and i Love how special and creative your sets are, especially the D&D character sheets. like.....i have no idea how u come up w all these incredible ideas but i'm so very glad u do bc my dash is better for it❣️

@kaliprasad - hi!! your blog is amazing and i'm so glad that i found it bc all your gifs are fantastic and i love them So much. i think your talent is insane tbh, that byers brothers set that you made for me a little while ago is still one of my favorite things i've seen on this whole site, and i love that you love them just as much as i do 🫂

@kingofscoops - no one, and i mean no one, does coloring like you!! all of your sets are so vibrant and bring so much life to my dash & i think the ST fandom is very lucky to have you ❤️

@aliecenthightower - emilia!! your gifs are stunning and i'm completely in love with your song lyric edits. they're all absolutely beautiful and i'm in awe of how perfect and emblematic the lyrics you choose are, like you just Get these characters, y'know?

@mayahawkins - MADDYYYYYYY you are So talented, and believe me when i say that your gifs have been the Biggest inspiration for my own gifmaking journey. all your sets are so pretty & i love everything you make - including your playlists which live rent free in my mind!! but as a reminder i also love following your blog for You and not just your gifs :) you're an incredibly sweet person and ur presence on my dash is utterly invaluable 💗

@padme-amidala - hi erika!! okay, calling you a gifmaker almost feels wrong because that word doesn't feel like enough to encompass how beautiful your work is...all ur ideas are So amazing and you have such a natural eye for color and detail!! it is so clear that you pour so much love into all of your creations, and if i'm being honest, one of the reasons why i am so grateful to be a byler shipper is so that i can appreciate your craft to the fullest. and you're also Such a genuinely kind person that i always look forward to seeing on the dash!! thank you for being so lovely!!

@wiseatom - hi thea!! your writing is the ultimate definition of comfort. when i read ur work, no matter what i'm doing physically, mentally i am in my cozy bed with the fireplace crackling in the corner, surrounded by twinkly lights and warm blankets, sipping hot cocoa bc that is the kind of emotion ur writing invokes ✨

@byeler - irene!! your fics were my introduction to the world of byler fics and i admire you and your writing so very much 💞 i don't know how it's possible for one person to have this much skill and talent, but you do, and i'm so grateful that you've chosen to share it with us. eagerly waiting on a new heavy hopes chapter was one of the highlights of my fandom experience and that fic is a piece of writing that i will always come back to over and over again 🫶

@astrobei - suni i have been reading fics for over a decade now and i have still never encountered a writer that does emotion quite like you do, devastating me with every single fic you put out. i promise i mean this in the best way possible but you're So damn good at capturing all of that heartbreak and pain and inflicting the same agony on your readers, and it would have killed me by now if not for the fact that you're equally good at writing the sweetest fluff that has me melting into a puddle whenever i read 🫂

@hopelessromanfic - lyssaaaa!!! i've been Such a huge fan of landslide ever since you started writing it - it's one of my all time favorite fics in the fandom and i'm obsessed with the storyline and your characterization in all of your fics 😍

@artistaquinterob - hi!! your art style is so ADORABLE and your use of color in your work is stunning and i just adore everything you draw, especially your will and el art and your jargyle art 🥹

@junkoandthediamonds - your character studies are beautiful and i'm obsessed with your byler comics, your gifs and your ST x DC crossovers!!! i love your realistic style so So much and if i worked for the duffers i would 1000000% hire you to draw the official comics because i can't get enough of your work 🥰

@livsmessydoodles - fun fact: last year, when HSMTMTS s3 was airing, i remember seeing your rina art throughout the season and immediately fell in love with your style and your interpretation of the characters, and the same exact thing happened when i saw your ST work, and it wasn't until you followed me that i put the pieces together and realized that you were the same person 😅 your style is So gorgeous and your art just makes me so happy, and trust me when i say that i am mentally wallpapering all of your work to the inside of my brain so i can look at it forever❣️

and of course, a very special shoutout to all of the people that i don't know too well but are still such a comfort to have on tumblr: @miwism @yearninginblue @kittykat940 @robinsnance @jesper-faheyss @bylersheart @usergabby @achingly-shy @wheelersboy @wontbyers @stbyers @will80sbyers @watpoetry @frodohaven 💝

+ to all my other mutuals: tumblr wouldn't let me link your profiles because of some ridiculous limit, but please know that i see all of you and i am hugging you through my screen rn. thank you!! 👍🏼

[bengiyo]

Step By Step Ep 10 Stray Thoughts

Last week on HR Violations, Jeng made his feelings plain to Pat, and Pat was not prepared for one more emotional blow. Jeng had a complete emotional breakdown in a standpoint bit of acting from Man Trisanu. We spent much of the week unpacking exactly what happened with Pat, and determined that he’s just 25, tired, and overwhelmed. Ae had her baby, and nothing made sense from a practical standpoint. Jeng broke all of us with “It makes sense to me,” and now we’re supposed to just stroll back into this.

I still approve of Jeng doing the responsible thing and keeping his distance from Pat.

I love Chot so much. I am loving this new trend in BL about shows encouraging people to respect the feelings people are expressing, and reminding characters (and viewers) that I takes a lot of courage to express them. It’s still okay to reject people, but treat people kindly. Love Chot making the overall situation plain for Pat and confused viewers.

“It’s been eight years already. I’m used to it,” feels like a subtle commentary on BL itself. Chot has not been able to live his live a openly as he’d like with his boyfriend because the family wouldn’t approve. Coincidentally, that’s the same amount of time we’ve been in the current era of Thai BL. For all the money and interest that’s been poured into BL, lived queer experiences still face daily struggles.

 A carrot cake? Pat, please do better.

I see. The show is going to make me cry about Chot. It’s time to write an essay about Step By Step.

“It’s alright. I own this place.” Sir!!!

My man just trashed his own kitchen to get it in.

Smitten looks good on Pat.

He let me hit so I can follow back on Insta

These two have lost all composure. Hooking up in the company parking lot!

Chot is trying to cover for these two, but they are being unfortunately way too obvious.

I’m having complicated reactions to the homelessness scene. Feels like the show wants to quickly shine a lens on an issue important to the filmmakers, but it feels awkward as hell.

Hey, it looks like the Fjord project went well.

Okay, Pat’s dad is funny. I like his specific beef with Jeng. Still, I kinda hoped he’d ask harder questions like, “How is this supposed to work if you’re still his boss?”

They keep going to this one shot when they go to the bedroom that’s clearly from the closet and using Dutch angles. This feels intentionally designed to make me uneasy.

Oh they're using P' and Nong now.

Ben has a happy trail. Let me pause and collect myself.

WHERE IS THE BABY??

Did they give the hets a camera angle kiss??

Oh nevermind it was meant to cut to Pat and Jeng as a potential future.

Now you know Ae was aiming for Pat with that bouquet. She is messy like that.

Wait, so Jaab is seeing someone else now?? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to get from Jaab and Jen.

Okay, we found the baby.

I like that Beam and Ae didn't touch each other, if I'm reading this right. Glad we can put this to bed.

Oh, I don't like Jeng promoting Pat into his position. That's not good for either of them.

Suddenly, a glow up for Ying?

Whoa, was not expecting this EXTREME GEN X ENERGY from Ying in Pat's corner.

"Haven't I been strong enough?" is a whole mood.

Yet another instance of BL reminding us that they both have dicks.

"I want to be happy with you." Oh, Jeng. I am also lonely in my 30s. I get it. I really do. But, my man, you cannot put this on Pat.

Pat's resignation was inevitable. Jeng, who's normally so controlled, definitely lost all composure this episode.

I'm not jumping directly into the discourse here, but I will say clearly that I am only watching through Gaga. Do not send me comments, asks, or messages about episodes only available legally through WeTV fast track. I don't subscribe to spoiler culture, but please don't be rude.

As for this episode, I feel a bit muddled. I'm going to spend some time thinking about core themes and seeing what this show actually wants to explore.

[your-divine-ribs]

Ice Cold Part 12

Words: 3.4k

Warnings: multiple deaths/injuries, description of a mass shooting

Ice Cold Masterlist Main Masterlist

The function room was exquisitely decorated and I couldn't help but look around wide-eyed as the three of us stepped inside. The assembled guests exuded wealth and privilege and I would have felt very out of my depth if I hadn't felt the cool metal of my handgun pressing against my thigh, reminding me why I was there.

We all split up, swiftly moving around the room, eyes scanning all over to locate entrances and exits and possible weaknesses, spots where an assailant could hide and launch an attack from. There were many in the large room populated with hundreds of guests. I quickly located the target, a middle-aged man who looked outwardly like a respectable and upstanding citizen, but I knew better. I'd read his file, heard all about his dealings with international criminals, vile excuses for human beings involved with people trafficking, preying on the weak and vulnerable. It made me sick to my stomach, but I reminded myself that the very people that Van worked for were very much embedded into this dark world, and so by association he was also involved. They were merciless at picking off anyone who had crossed them, a relentless machine bringing death and destruction, crushing anyone who dared to stand up to them or get in their way. A stain on this world.

Raj indicated that he'd sit to the left of the target with a clear view of the main thoroughfare into the bar area and Jen and I took up our positions on the other side. Jen sat down but I stayed on my feet, my body already surging with adrenaline, eyes darting around the room, my heart surging every time I saw a tall figure move through the door. I knew I wouldn't see Van but I had no doubt in my mind that he was here somewhere, lurking in the shadows. I could feel it with a chilling certainty, his cold gaze sweeping the room, planning his attack. Had he seen me? Did he look for me like I searched for him among the sea of faces in the room?

As if reading my thoughts Jen spoke. "God, it chills me to the bone to think he's probably here somewhere, watching us, thinking out his next move."

A loud shrill laugh went up from the target's table and I jumped, whirling around at the sudden sound.

"For Christ's sake, sit down Lyla. He's not going to attack right now is he? He'd never get through this crowd without us seeing him. We've just got to bide our time. Keep our wits about us. If the target moves, we move too. He's more likely to strike when he's schmoozing with the other guests after dinner."

"Don't underestimate him," I said, grudgingly taking a seat next to her. "He'll find a way. He always does."

Raj looked over and gave a nod and a wink and I smiled back at him. This small exchange didn't go unnoticed by Jen.

"So... Raj scrubs up alright then doesn't he?" She grinned, nudging me gently in the ribs. "I was quite surprised when I saw him."

I sighed, knowing exactly where the conversation was headed. "What man doesn't look good in a tuxedo?"

"You know he's definitely got a soft spot for you. You should go for it. He's a nice guy, really sweet. It'd do you good."

"Fucks sake, we're on an important mission here, keep focussed." I hissed. "And besides... I'm not interested in 'nice and sweet'."

"Yeah, so I hear..." Jen said pointedly, arms folded with a disapproving look. I looked away, ignoring her, but she wasn't finished.

"You do realise Jason's been spreading rumours about you don't you? Now you know I'd never normally listen to that creep, but I must admit some of the stuff he's been saying kinda makes sense."

I felt my gut clench with a guilty kind of dread, anticipating what she was about to say and not wanting to hear it. Luckily a waiter came to our table to take drinks orders at that moment and I breathed a sigh of relief as another guest struck up a conversation with Jen over the table. If I carried on immersing myself in this illicit fantasy world I was so caught up in it would only be a matter of time before my traitorous ways were exposed. And then what?

Two more waiters walked past our table, catching my attention. They had their heads bowed, whispering to each other and I watched as their eyes shiftily scanned the room. Unlike the other staff who were flitting around, smiles on their faces, eager to help, they struck me as odd. My training had taught me to notice tiny peculiarities, very small details that would go unnoticed to the untrained eye. I watched the two men, noted how they held themselves stiffly, parting company but keeping their eyes on each other. Their uniforms looked almost perfect but I noted small irregularities, the scuffs on their shoes and the crumpled material that wasn't evident on the other staff's pristine attire. I could see a tattoo peeking out of the neckline of one man's collar, took in the unshaven appearance of the other. Something was wrong. I could feel it now, an intuition which I always trusted which had saved my life on many occasions flooded me.

"Jen..." I leant over to get my colleague's attention, but I was interrupted by yet another waiter who was rushing to our table purposefully, eyes fixed on me.

"Excusez moi mademoiselle!" He spoke hurriedly, diverting my attention. I noted he wasn't one of the waiters who had aroused my suspicions.

"Yes, yes, what is it?" I said impatiently. "I said I didn't want a drink!"

He noted my lack of French and immediately switched to speaking in English with a strong accent. "You must come to the bar mademoiselle, quickly!"

He was standing right in my field of vision and I tried to peer around him but the look on his face was urgent. I huffed, reluctantly tearing my eyes away from the room. "I really can't leave my seat, I'm sorry."

The waiter lent into me, almost secretively. "But the gentleman at the bar... he said it was urgent. You must come quickly!"

And just like that, like the flick of a switch, he had my undivided attention. My body moved almost independently from my mind as I rose quickly from my seat, glancing back quickly at Jen and Raj who paid me no heed as I started towards the far side of the room in the wake of the waiter. There was a short corridor which led to the bar, meaning I couldn't yet see the whole area clearly and my heart was in my mouth as I rounded the corner, quickly scanning my surroundings.

Of course it was obvious that I wouldn't find Van there, boldly perching on a bar stool awaiting my arrival, but nevertheless disappointment sank in me when I scoped the area and there was no trace of him. "What's this all about? Who gave you this urgent message?" I questioned the waiter who looked vaguely bewildered, turning his head this way and that.

"But... but..." he started, trailing off, before a thought seemed to occur to him. "Hold on mademoiselle, he left you a note!"

He'd been here!

The thought temporarily stunned me, but not for long. I moved quickly behind the waiter as he strode towards the bar, any concerns about the suspicious characters that I'd noticed before suddenly distant worries.

I waited eagerly as the waiter ducked behind the bar and appeared again moments later with a folded piece of paper. I snatched it out of his hands rudely, not caring at all, my heart almost at a standstill as I read the scrawled message.

GET OUT NOW

ROOM 510, 5th Floor

I'll be waiting

I read the message over and over, trying to process it. It was simple enough, an instruction and a location, but the decision of whether or not to follow that instruction was far from simple. I stood there, eyes fixed on the paper, my head buzzing with indecision.

And then all hell broke loose.

The first thing I heard was the scream, and a loud cry from the adjoining function room. "Someone call an ambulance!"

The piece of paper dropped from my hands and fluttered to the floor as my head whipped up and I started to sprint back in the direction I'd come from. I paused in the opening of the room, looking across to the source of the commotion and my mouth fell open. The target was on his feet, face twisted in obvious agony whilst he clawed at his throat. His face was scarlet and he looked gravely ill. Several other guests were gathered around him, an elderly lady was beside herself with panic and fright calling out for help but one look at the man told me that no amount of assistance could save him now. He slumped to the floor, gasping and writhing in his death throes.

I started into the room, noting Raj rushing over to the table but was shunted to the side by a stocky figure, and my foot caught on a table leg, sending me sprawling to the floor. I immediately scrambled up on to my hands and knees to see one of the suspicious looking waiters from earlier, and I watched on in abject horror as he reached under a nearby empty table and withdrew his hands. He was holding a huge black semi automatic rifle and he was pointing it at the table where the man now lay dead. Right where Raj was standing.

"No!" I cried, launching myself on to my feet and springing at the man, grasping the barrel of the rifle and pushing it upwards.

A shot fired out and up to the ceiling, shattering a grand chandelier, causing glass to tumble down like rainfall. High pitched screams and shouts rang out and chaos ensued as guests shot up on to their feet, falling over each other to get to the exit.

"Lyla!" I heard Jen's voice cry out and I watched as she lunged forward with her gun, firing off a shot at the man stood next to me who now had his rifle trained on me. He dived to the side just in time, the bullet whizzing past and into the back wall. I took my chance to sprint across the room, pushing my way through guests who were fleeing in the opposite direction, glancing back to see the man with the gun starting to rise up on to his feet again.

"Fuck, there's two of them!" Jen cried, and sure enough I looked up to see the second man over the far side of the room brandishing an identical rifle. My blood ran cold.

"Quick, tip this table!" I shouted to Jen, gripping the edge, and we both pushed the heavy piece of furniture until it tipped over on its side, allowing us both some cover.

We both crouched down behind it, wincing as a wave of bullets hit the surface of the table. And they didn't stop. For the next few minutes as we scrunched ourselves up as small as we could behind the precarious safety of the table all we could hear was the deafening noise of the rifles firing, and terrified shrieks from guests as they tried in vain to escape.

"It's a fucking massacre!" Jen sobbed as she clutched her gun close to her chest.

A brief silence and then gun fire again as the killers fired at will at the guests, more screams, some which curdled my blood as people were mown down and writhed in agony on the floor. A young woman who'd been hit in the neck slumped at my feet, her hand outstretched to me like a plea for help, her sobs cutting through the cacophony of gun fire but then trailing off as her life ebbed away. I needed to do something. I had to act, and I had to act quickly. My heart thundered wildly as I frantically thought out a plan.

"Cover me Jen!" I whispered and her eyes went wide. She didn't reply, just nodded, a solemn look on her face as she steeled herself ready for action.

Jen manoeuvred herself carefully so she could just peer over the top of the table and started firing off rounds. There was a brief pause in the rapid rifle fire and that was my cue to go. I took a deep breath, reciting a silent prayer in my head and then I slid my body across to the small opening between the table I'd been hiding behind and the adjacent table. The room was littered with dead and injured people, their screams of pain and sobbing filling the air. One attacker was taking cover from Jen's gunfire and I didn't have a clear shot but the other was moving across the room trying to dodge the bullets.

"Quick Lyla! I'm gonna have to re-load!" Jen urged.

I brought my handgun up in front of me, steadying it on the table top, and despite all the chaos around, a calm kind of focus descended on me. The man was in my sights, just about to spin around and return fire but I was too quick. My finger firmly squeezed the trigger, firing off a round that shot its path clear and true to the desired target. I watched, satisfied as the bullet punctured the man's back and he slumped lifeless to the floor.

"I'm going after the other one!" I called to Jen, who had just managed to reload her clip and she nodded quickly.

My initial fear was pushed aside now, replaced with a steely kind of determination to take the other attacker down and end this. I pushed myself up, launching myself forward but keeping my body low. Jen fired off a few rounds to provide me with cover. I was just about to raise my gun when I caught sight of Raj. He was lying on his side on the floor clutching his abdomen, his breathing coming shallow and rapid. Blood bloomed on his white shirt. I hesitated, my attention shifted to my fallen colleague.

"Lyla, watch out!" Jen's cry made me freeze and I looked up just in time to see my assailant break his cover and raise the rifle up.

The shot sailed past me, grazing my arm as it went, a red hot pain as I felt the skin break and blood start to trickle down my arm. But I didn't falter. I returned fire but missed, and cursed loudly as the man darted quickly to the exit and then he was through. I couldn't let him get away.

"Jen, Raj is down, he needs help! I'm going after that bastard!" I roared, giving Raj one last glance and then I was taking off through the exit, kicking off my heels as I went.

I shot into the corridor which led to the hotel foyer, leaving behind the gruesome moans and cries of the injured. The usual hustle and bustle of the hotel foyer had been replaced with a deathly quiet scene completely empty as the guests had fled outside to safety. I could see them all outside, stumbling around in states of shock, some lying prone on the pavement whilst others tried to assist. It wouldn't be long until the whole area was crawling with police, but I couldn't wait. The killer would be long gone if I hesitated another second. This was my job and I was damn well going to do it. The old Lyla, focussed and determined, doing what I did best.

The sound of a door closing to my right caught my attention and I rushed to it, pulling it open a tiny gap and peering through. It was a stairwell, and I could hear pounding footsteps ascending upwards. I slipped through, carefully looking upwards through the shaft where I could just make out the figure of the attacker. I aimed a shot, but it ricocheted off the metal handrail. The footsteps stopped and then a second later there was the deafening roar of the rifle. I pressed myself flat against the wall until I heard the footsteps start up again. I set off in pursuit.

I passed the first, second and third floor, moving swiftly, hardly making a sound with my now bare feet, easily hearing the path of the killer, his boots heavy on the steps and his breathing laboured as he climbed higher. I was gaining on him as I passed the fourth floor landing. Suddenly the sounds above me halted and there was the distinct sound of a door opening. He'd exited the stairwell on the fifth floor. My mind immediately went to the note that Van had left me.

Room 510, 5th Floor...

It was instantaneous. As soon as my thoughts drifted to Van I could feel my resolve weakening, my bravery starting to ebb. I grit my teeth, mentally willing him out of my mind. I couldn't risk losing momentum. I had this guy on the run and I was going to finish the job. Maybe I could claw back a little bit of the dignity that I'd lost by losing my head over Van.

I creaked open the door slowly, peeping out to scan the corridor but it was empty. I cursed inwardly, there were so many rooms it would be impossible to find the killer if he'd snuck into one and locked the door.

A loud clatter suddenly rang out from further down the corridor. I froze, trying to discern exactly where the noise had come from. It sounded distant so I took my chance, moving stealthily along the corridor towards the open door that I could just make out at the far end. My heart was beating so hard that I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. Nearly there...

"FREEZE BITCH!"

The gruff voice rang out from behind me and my heart nearly leapt clear of my chest as I span around, coming face to face with the killer I'd been pursuing.

He wore a mocking sneer on his face and he gripped the rifle with both hands, the barrel pointed right at my torso.

Don't show fear Lyla... you can still do this. You just need to distract him and take your shot.

I swallowed deeply, praying my voice wouldn't betray my fear and luckily for me it rang out strong and true. This wasn't Van I was dealing with, and I felt oddly in control despite the imminent danger. My old reckless self, staring adversity in the face with courage.

"Drop the gun and put your hands up," I commanded, my small but equally as deadly handgun stretched out in front of me in unwavering hands. "I've killed one of your lot tonight and I won't hesitate to take you out too."

The killer's smile widened and his eyes sparked with a murderous kind of insanity. He started to laugh and it was a sickening sound that chilled me through. "Call that a gun you dumb bitch? That's not a gun. Now THIS is a fucking gun!"

As if to demonstrate he lifted the rifle so it now pointed at my head, taunting me. "NOW YOU DROP THE FUCKING GUN!"

It wasn't happening, I wasn't going down without a fight. The silent prayers scrolled through my head now, along with images of my dad. Regrets of what could have been as my life flashed before my eyes. My finger gently squeezed the trigger as I saw my assailant's do the same...

"You heard him. Drop the gun Lyla."

The voice came from directly behind me and just like that my heart practically stuttered to a stop and my body felt shivered through with fear. Van.

I turned, slowly, my arm lowering gradually as I did, so that when I came to face him the gun was hanging limply at my side. I tried to speak but my throat felt closed off. I felt like my whole body was shutting down piece by piece, a weak, useless, pathetic version of myself.

Van stood there, cutting an intimidating figure with a pistol raised and pointed right at me, a lazy smile playing on his lips, his words laced with ice as he spoke. "I said drop it... NOW!"