#relationship thoughts

[long-distance-love]

Being called "my love" will always be superior to just "love", I will not elaborate.

[newrelationshipgoals]

Genuine people don’t come around too often anymore it seems. If you come across someone that’s real and stays true, you may want to keep them close. Many are out for self these days.

[priyanshis-things]

A man who can't love but desperately needs to be loved is a dangerous thing indeed.

- Lisa Jewell, Then She Was Gone

[schattenhonig]

Friendly reminder if you are suffering from RSD and are just very insecure about what is ok in a relationship and/or friendship:

if your s/o or crush had a rough week at work and you have been fussing over them but they say they don't need anything right now, trust them. And if you're like me and now you feel like you're suffocating them, like you're the clingiest person ever and you generally messed it all up and they hate you now, breathe. Just breathe for a moment.

If that was the case, they'd probably tell you. Unless they told you you f*cked up, things are probably ok. And even if they aren't ok, you can't travel back in time (unless you have a TARDIS, in that case I'd like to re-visit some moments for... science) it already happened and you can only learn from it. I know, for this occasion it's too late and the rejection and the shame hurt like hell. Breathe.

You are still learning to love each other right (and I mean love in all kinds and flavours, like platonically or romantically or any and all of what this can be). There's no shame in that. You showed how much you care about them, that's nothing to be ashamed of. You maybe even made yourself vulnerable by asking them if you're being too much. That is intimacy. I hope they can respond in an equally honest and caring way. If they can't handle it, that's ok, it doesn't mean you did something wrong.

I guess what I needed to hear tonight, and I think some of you too, is: don't beat yourself up for caring a lot. And especially don't beat yourself up for being brave enough to show it. This was not a mistake. This was a tiny piece of a bigger puzzle that may eventually become an honest and trusting relationship. Now go get yourself a glass of water or a cup of tea, breathe a little more and cuddle your favourite plushie, pet or person.

[tananore]

We shouldn't be expected to sign up for the whole package of a relationship in exchange for simple human contact. I'm honestly fine on my own, I don't need a relationship, I don't have time or emotional capacity for such commitment. I just need a hug.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

When I gaze into your eyes, the world fades away, leaving nothing but the moment between us. I know it may sound like a cliché, but being with you takes me back to a time when life was simple, when I was a child, untouched by the weight of the world, and everything was pure.

[matlabimahila]

K-28

When you can physically feel them slipping away<<<<<<<

[aplaceforherhead]

It’s hard for me to deal with feeling unwanted by my partner. i know it’s trauma but i can’t help but feel like i’m not good enough. and although i know i am(for me) i don’t understand how each of my partners tend to stop showing affection and just get comfortable. maybe it’s my fault. maybe i tend to give more than i should so i create comfort. #

[smoldering-violets]

Some relationship musings and thoughts on coming out/being outed against my wishes under the cut

So my partner hasn't exactly been The Best about not outing me to people without permission so far. It thankfully hasn't caused any serious problems (yet) but I still don't like that control being taken away from me on who I'm out as trans to

Right after I came out to her she... struggled with processing things. She outed me to one of her friends the next day without telling me or asking (I only found out after talking to her later) and kinda pressured me to come out to one of our mutual friends earlier than I planned to so she could talk to that friend about me being trans. I know it wasn't malicious, she struggles with change and has a hard time processing things without talking to others but she did definitely pressure me into coming out to a few people before I wanted to

She also called off our engagement when I came out to her (honestly I thought she was going to break up with me for a solid week or two) so the not wearing her engagement ring after we'd already announced getting engaged and she'd been wearing it for a few months prompted some questions. She's not good at lying (and I can kinda understand not wanting to lie to family members even if I don't agree with it) which kinda led to her outing me against my wishes a couple more times

Not long after I came out to her she visited her mom, who asked about her not wearing the engagement ring. Her mom ended up guessing that I was trans, which my partner ended up confirming. This specifically made me pretty uncomfortable to hear about because my partner's stepdad (ish, it's a weird dynamic) has said some kinda transphobic stuff and I really wasn't comfortable with him knowing. It ended up turning out well enough, but it was really uncomfortable for me

A few months ago we visited her grandparents and some of her extended family. I'd given permission for her to out me to one of her cousins (who is also queer and we both trust) but she ended up outing me to her grandmother too when they were talking about the aforementioned cousin. Again, it wasn't a problem since her grandma was supportive, but it still could have been a problem. That weekend we were also kinda dodging questions about when we were planning on getting married (because my egg cracking pushed that back for obvious reasons) and after we left there was a scare that her grandmother had outed me to the rest of the family, but she actually just poorly explained why we were pushing off getting married

Anyway we're back to being engaged again and she's visiting her grandparents again this weekend, without me this time. She'll be meeting up with some of her extended family as well and since she's wearing her engagement ring there's going to be more wedding questions. She was kinda pressuring me again about coming out to her extended family and also saying that she didn't want me to be there for coming out to her family because she's worried about how they might react which is honestly valid, I'm just not ready to be out to her extended family

I guess we'll see how things go after this weekend but I'm just worried. I don't really blame her for most of the outing me against my will but it still felt shitty. She's not perfect in many ways (especially relating to queer identity) but she tries and I absolutely love and adore her. She's amazing despite some of these issues but idk. I'm valid for feeling like it's pretty shitty of her to out me against my will or pressure me to come out before I'm ready, right?

I haven't talked to her in detail about my feelings on this (honestly I'm kinda using this as a way to organize my feelings about this) so I know she doesn't really understand how it's made me feel but it still sucks

I don't really know the point of this? Advice is welcome but I'm also kinda just trying to get my thoughts organized and out there while also venting about something I haven't exactly been able to vent about

[sowhatnotcreative]

Intensity in romantic relationships doesn't need to be toxic and it shouldn't be either.

[aceteabag]

[newrelationshipgoals]

I pray you marry a person who will listen to your worries with an attentive ear. A spouse that will take your tears seriously and won't be annoyed when you falter. A spouse that will make every effort to see you smile and will protect your precious heart at any cost.

[oathena11-writes]

Thursday thoughts

Today I'm thinking about relationships especially when it comes to Jedi.

I'm thinking about my complicated relationship with relationships. With romance.

After all, I am AroAce. But I'm married with two kids. I don't understand romance. I don't understand why people wouldn't want romance- it's just a deeper friendship, right? (Apparently not? No, no explanations please, I'm just sharing my thoughts today, I respect everyone's views, and I've seen a lot of explanations over the years)

Growing up, I saw all sorts of relationships in my real life. My parents divorced when I was five. My aunt divorced when I was a teen. My grandparents were still happily married, and still are to this day, I believe they're past 40 years of marriage at this point and in their eighties. They were the best example of a relationship for me.

I guess I never really thought about how relationships worked. I just saw my grandparents and said "I want that". I wanted a best friend, someone who understood me and accepted me when they did not. I wanted one person I could always reliably come home to, one person that I could laugh and have fun with. I wanted someone I didn't have to pretend around, someone I could cuddle and share everything without worry. Sure, I wanted more than one person, but I wanted there to be one person I could have above all else.

And that's how I've always approached romance in my life. Starting with playing pretend with barbies, and eventually into my years writing fanfiction. 

I realize now that everything I wanted (and now have in my spouse) is not necessarily romance, though it is present in all healthy relationships I know. 

I still approach relationships this way. Not necessarily having lives revolve around each other (my grandparents spent most of their days doing their own things despite retirement), but one person who at the end of the day they know is at their side.

So when I ship Jedi? That's the approach I take. Of course, there are canonical reasons there can't be romance. 

I'm not sure I reliably write romance, despite shipping characters. 

I'm not sure what I'm really doing with these characters, honestly. 

But this weird complicated feelings around romance and therefore shipping makes it strange to read pro Jedi posts that say Jedi can't be in relationships for x reasons.

(Do not get me started about statements about marriage that are definitely false as a married person; five years married here!) 

It actually sometimes is hurtful, as those who are aro but a different flavor of aro act like shipping characters like the Jedi are wrong because they can't be in relationships for x reasons. It's hurtful to see it be because they're ace and they're tired of everyone having to be in a relationship. 

Because I am also AroAce... and this implies my experience shouldn't exist. It's a me problem, certainly, and I'm not saying they should stop. Their thoughts and feelings are totally valid. I just wish I wasn't so weird sometimes so I could actually have the 'real' experience and not feel so left out. 

I like shipping Jedi. I like giving them people they absolutely can rely on, while they still have their family when things go wrong. So they don't have to have only the one person. But it's still nice to have that person at the end of the day, the one person that just gets them.

These are just my thoughts though. Everyone's totally good to have any of their own hcs and ships. I just was thinking and could not get this off of my mind today. So yeah, here's my thoughts on this weird tangle of issues.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

You bring good to my lonely life, honestly, It's hard for me to look into your eyes, When I say that I would be nothing without your love, I feel the rush, and it's amazing.

[gongyussy]

good thing from jp twitter this week is queen of old man yaoi michiru sonoo discovering the term old man yaoi

update: somehow it got impossibly more wholesome

quick translation: おかえり: welcome home あ 終わった 終わった: ahhh, it's over! it's done! コーヒー? お茶?: coffee? tea? コ~ヒ~ ありがと: coffee, thank you~ ネクタイレア★★ ネクタイ取るレア★★★★: seeing him with a tie on, rarity level ★★, seeing him take a tie off, rarity level ★★★★ にあうな~: it suits him~

also please do follow: AraigumaSha: sensei's twitter account marureviere: maru, who does such valuable work highlighting bl manga for an international audience

[sleeplessv0id]

what doesn't kill you makes you weird at intimacy