#regardless of their intentions. good or not

[yaoirotic]

Strilondes (or more specifically just Dave and Rose), a second gen immigrant reading.

Firstly, it’s important to note that Bro & Mom don’t hate their kids. I feel that getting this is pretty integral to getting them and getting their relationship with their children. They both are good intentioned albeit going about raising their children in bad ways. A lot of this comes from the isolation they felt arriving on earth and growing up without any guardians of their own, attempting to project traditionally western societal ideas. For Bro, it was full of violent, macho masculinity. For Mom, it was the busy house-keeping housewife.

Dave’s story of having traditional masculinity being imposed upon him by Bro is very comparable to how second gen immigrant kids experience masculinity and tough love. Bro was trying to toughen up Dave for the world albeit using violent methods that are comparable to how normalized it is to use corporal and physical methods of “discipline” as a means for punishing their children. Bro doesn’t hate him, but like some second gen immigrant parents his methods of raising Dave are extremely misguided and harmful. How he comes to terms with realizing that he did suffer from abuse is a lot more relatable when you look at him from a non-white perspective. He grew up in a household where this tough love mentality was idealized, and as a result he never really considered how bad his situation truly was until he was able to get out of it and realized him being given such extreme measures of “toughening” didn’t really help him at all in the long run.

As for Rose, her mother wanted to give her the childhood she would’ve wanted as a kid. Lots of lavish objects, giving her ponies and wizards while still inflicting child neglect on her in an alcoholic stupor. Even Mom’s tea set and extravagant bedroom imply a yearning to relive living a more lavish and feminine upbringing. It’s possible to interpret this from a transfemme perspective, and I think that’s right too. I don’t think they’re necessarily mutually exclusive by any means.

Rose’s reaction to her mother’s alcoholism and neglect is a lot more interesting from the reading of her being a second gen immigrant. She feels guilty for hating her mother in spite of her bad upbringing, for the lack of a relationship they ever really had. It’s similar to how a lot of second gen kids may feel guilt for having less than positive feelings on their parents due to them not necessarily trying to hurt them and being well intentioned, but still having faced abuse regardless. There’s an all too familiar sentiment amongst ethnic that regardless of how awful a family member may be, they’re still your family and you should be obligated to try and keep a connection or relationship with them, and reading Rose as a second gen immigrant you could very well see that she has a pretty bad case of this.

Hussie, whether intentionally or not (likely not if we’re being honest), wrote a pretty solid depiction of how children from ethnic backgrounds may realize and deal with their abusive upbringing, and I think reading it as such makes for a pretty intriguing read of their characters. In a way, Bro and Mom wanted to raise their children better than them. Bro wanted to harden Dave up for the world and raise him to an idealistic and reasonably unattainable level of masculinity. Mom wanted to give Rose a life of luxurious femininity and gifts, but in turn failed to meet her emotional needs. I feel that when you look at it from the perspective of a second gen immigrant (speaking from experience here) it’s a lot easier to sympathize with and understand their struggles and relationship with their parents. It’s a good, different depiction of abuse that breaks out of the mold of “abusive parents purely hate their children.” Because not all abuse comes from a place of hate for your children.

[leliwardens]

project joplin will always be a ghost in the machine of veilguard regardless of how you feel about the game. like yes the "it what could of been" is a good reason but what i consider a more concrete reason is the bones it was built from and how it bleeds into it even now.

like. i remember early on the marketing and promotion for rook specifically was (paraphrased) an everyman type character, one that didn't have a magical hand or special papers to do what needs to be done, "having to earn the respect rather than it just being handed to them" is presumably the takeaway from this approach.

however, personal feelings aside on that opinion for previous protagonists, it's simply...untrue? yes rook has no magical hand to land them the following they start out with or the warden with treaties that gain them a guarantee army, but rook has solas in their head providing critical information, the lighthouse and access to several eluvains, and the dagger as advantages. rook didn't earn these, they were given to them by fate or by chance. presumably the earning aspect is suppose to be for the companions (though, all games have you need to maintain their loyalty/respect) and factions. there isn't a big enough equivalent from previous games to parallel factions but you could argue the treaties are similar, or the allies you gain at the end with hawke (like zevran), but nothing relevantly close.

but this isn't the point. the point i want to make is trying to market rook as so vastly different than the previous protagonists as an "everyman" is simply not true in-game no matter how you slice it and makes little sense.

but you know what does make sense for that comparison? project joplin.

in it's inception to cancellation (at least what know publicly) was a smaller scale story set far away from the previous games' direct influence: a "heist" type set up in tevinter where you would travel in a rickety old boat with your crew while on the hunt for solas assumedly under orders of the inquisitor. you were essentially a sunderland's company, or more or less what absolution was.

now this makes far more sense for the intention of rook to simply be a random, a nobody, that just so happens to stumble into something bigger and have to earn everything because they're literally an agent on a war table mission esp because the release of elger'nan and ghilan'nain was midway through the concept vs the start.

this makes me more sad than anything, because yes if project joplin was what was released it could of been vastly different than the artbook suggests since that's how game development works, but clearly it shows the capitalism bloodsucking machine that ea is a front for they had pick at the bones of a previous project and scramble to build something out of it rather than be given the time to properly change course into something actually fresh and fitting. it's not commentary on the competency of the devs either because there is only so much you can do, truly.

(and no I do not believe, claim, or otherwise think this drastic of a change happened between marketing -> release, that's stupid lol and also not how game development works)

[uhhhj13iguess]

the kind of love you deserve

wc: ~2k

summary: you go on a date with theo, and it's all stiles can think about

this is very loosely edited, be warned

hey, do you mind if i come over?

stiles stared listlessly at your text, legs shaking against his will.

this evening you'd been on a date with theo, and stiles made his stance on the situation clear from the moment you told him about it. he didn't have an ounce of trust in him or his intentions in general. but when it came to you? he was more wary of theo than he'd ever been.

he didn't know what to say. he didn't own you. but he'd seen the way he had stared you down, the way he flirted with you when he needed an in with scott. he didn't trust him, and he couldn't not say something.

"i don't think you should go, (y/n)." he said firmly, arms crossing over his chest.

you stood shocked. "excuse me?"

"you know i don't trust him. i haven't found anything yet but he's slimy and there's something off about him. i don't think you should go out with him, he has to be doing it for a reason."

you let out a scoff at his comment. you expected some pushback: in all honesty, you hoped it would make him a little jealous. but this was just hurtful.

"what, so the reason can't just be because he likes me? that someone might want to take me out? jesus stiles, that's low."

he felt his whole body shake in retaliation. "no no, no, no that's not what I meant, come on, you know that,"

he stepped towards you as you shut your locker door, his hand reaching out for your own. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

you shook your head and pulled back from him. "whatever stiles, i'll let you know how it goes."

those were the last words stiles was left with, and he had no idea what was going on or how you were. he skipped practice and spent the entire evening pacing his room, wondering how your date was going.

he felt sick at the idea of you having a good time. not only did he feel stupid that he lost his chance to ask you out, but to lose it to theo? he couldn't bear the thought of him making you laugh, or worse, having his hands on you. the thought nauseated him.

but he didn't wish for you to have a bad time either. thinking of you being uncomfortable or in any kind of situation you didn't want to be in made him dizzy with fear. he couldn't handle the idea of you being hurt, in any way.

so as he saw your text come up a few hours after school ended, he didn't know what to think.

obviously he instantly invited you over. I mean, what was he going to say, no? of course not. regardless of the outcome, he needed to see you. he needed to hear from you.

he followed his response with another, letting you know the door was unlocked and he was upstairs. he began to tidy what he could of his bedroom, tossing clothes both clean and dirty aimlessly into his closet, trying to make things somewhat presentable.

after about 15 minutes, stiles jumped at the sound of a soft knock on his bedroom door. he turned to see your meek figure hiding away in one of his sweatshirts as you practically cowered in the doorway. you had the hood pulled up so he couldn't see much of your face, but he could hear your soft cries.

stiles's chest felt as though it'd been replaced with a 50-pound weight looking at you.

he set down the hamper he was holding and walked over slowly. "hey..."

you refused to meet his eyes. "hi,"

he reached out for your hand and you took it silently, walking the two of you to his disheveled bed. you sat down on the edge together, stiles running his fingers over the back of your shaking hand.

"you were right."

he looked at you puzzled. "what?"

"you were right, about theo. i should've listened to you. i don't know what I was thinking -- going, I mean. as if anyone would care to take me on a date for real."

you looked down at the two of your hands in your lap. you hadn't yet looked at him. you didn't know how to.

"(y'n), what happened?"

you still didn't know how to, so you didn't meet his eyes as you slowly slipped off your hood. you sat in insecurity, feeling ashamed in your own skin as you sat there.

stiles' skin, on the other hand, was boiling.

his eyes grazed your face, his stomach twisting at the sight of a large gash across your cheek, bruises painted all around. you finally made eye contact with him, tears threatening to spill from your soft eyes as you looked at him for the first time. in turning your head towards him, he got a clear sight of the handprint-shaped bruise revealing itself across your neck and he felt as though his bones were vibrating with anger.

but that wasn't the emotion you needed in this moment, so he held himself back. you needed him to be strong, to care for you. but as soon as you were gone, he was going to have blood on his hands.

he reached up to your cheek slowly, caressing the tinted skin gently under his fingertips. he nearly threw up when he watched you wince in pain, immediately retracting his hand and grabbing yours once again.

"oh my god, (y/n). i, i don't even, are you okay? what happened?"

you grew guilty at the question, breaking eye contact. "I was stupid to even go. i don't know why I assumed he'd want me over to do anything other than fuck me,"

stiles was going to have more than just bloody knuckles.

"i went over, and he just got touchy really fast, and the second I made it clear that wasn't on the agenda, he just... he got, physical with it." you continued.

stiles listened as you spoke, still crandling your hands in his. he let out a shaky breath, trying to get out a question he didn't think he could ask without getting ill.

"did he, i mean, he didn't... did he?" he glanced down at your body.

"no, no nothing like that. i didn't let it get that far. but he just, he just got so angry. instantly. and he grabbed me and threw me, and he held me up by my throat and I,"

"i couldn't breathe stiles. i didn't know what to do."

stiles was going to kill him. he was going to tear every limb off his body one by one as he died a slow and agonizing death, and then he was going to resurrect him on the nemeton just so he could kill him again.

"i just feel so stupid. i should've listened to you, you were right. i don't even know why I'm here, maybe I feel like you deserve the satisfaction of getting to say I told you so." you let out a pained chuckle.

his whole body shook in protest as you spoke. he jumped up in front of you, hands grabbing either side of your shoulders. "no, please don't say that, oh my god (y/n). none of this is your fault, I need you to understand that. i was wrong for intervening to begin with. please, do not put this on yourself."

you shook your head softly against his hands, attempting but failing to avert his gaze.

"(y/n), I'm serious. please, just listen to me."

you let out a sigh, moving to free your body from his grip and leaning your head on his stomach. it was an awkward position for a hug as you sat and he stood, but he enevoped you immediately, wrapping his arms around your upper body and pulling you close.

"i'm so sorry, (y/n). come on, let me clean you up."

you nodded against his torso, letting him grab your hands and lead you toward his bathroom. he helped you slip the sweatshirt off your fragile frame, not having time to acknowledge that you were wearing his sweatshirt. he mentally made a note to review the thought of you wearing his clothes another time. he guided you onto the counter, and you let out a raspy laugh as you watched him frantically dig through the cupboards for a first aid kit.

your face fell quickly though, feeling embarrassed to have bothered stiles to begin with. you wouldn't have even gone on this date if you knew how to control your soul-crushing infatuation with your best friend. you thought theo would be a nice distraction, and you'd be lying if you said you hadn't been flattered at the attention. yeah, that sure went over well.

stiles met you face to face with his supplies, sick to his stomach as he brought a damp cloth to your cut. he matched the tears flooding your eyes as he cleaned it as gently as he could, seeing you in pain filling his stomach with rocks. he whispered soft apologies to you as he continued, making sure to care for you the best he knew how to.

once he was done, he grabbed your hands again, helping you off the counter and guiding you back into his bedroom. he walked you towards his bed, not letting go of you until you slid under his covers. he practically tucked you in, shrouding you in as many of his pillows as he could find. you snuggled in, feeling your body beginning to relax for the first time that evening.

stiles brushed the hair out of your face with a sweet smile, causing you to blush as you met his eyes. he turned and walked towards the door.

"wait, where --"

he turned to you with a soft smirk on his face. "relax, honey. I'm just going to grab you some ice."

the term of endearment lit your face up like a red light and you silently thanked the universe that he had slipped out prior to seeing your reaction to his comment.

you nearly dozed off in the few minutes he was gone, stirring at the rush of piercing cold against your cheekbone. stiles mumbled a few apologies yet again, raising your hand to meet his and hold the ice pack in contact with your bruised skin. he fumbled his way over you on the bed, crawling across your legs to make his way up to your side. you both blushed as your thighs pressed together as you sat, the close proximity bringing waves of limerence over you two.

you shuffled even closer, if that was possible, resting your head against his chest. he reacting instantly, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in. he ran his fingers through your hair, letting his eyes close in the comfort of having you so close.

you let out a sigh. "i'm just sorry again. it was stupid of me to think someone would want to actually take me on a date."

stiles felt his body stiffen, angry at the situation all over again. he tried to weigh his words carefully, but the distaste in his mouth got the best of him.

"i think you just need the right person to show you the kind of love you deserve, if that's even possible. you deserve the world." he added the last part with a whisper.

you scoffed at him, letting out a laugh. "yeah, right stiles. this was my first date in like, forever, and look how it went. I'm starting to think this is what I deserve."

"please don't say that."

"no i mean really, maybe i'm meant to be alone forever. this seems like a pretty clear sign."

"let me try,"

your eyes contorted into a puzzled look. "what?"'

you felt stiles shift under you nervously, fingers trembling in your hair. "i stand by the fact that it isn't humanly possible to give you all that you deserve, but if you let me, I'd really love to try."

you lifted your head slowly to meet his gaze, your head spinning not only at his words but at the feeling of your noses brushing against each other as you looked in his big brown puppy eyes. you smiled as you watched his gaze flickered down to your lips every so often.

"i think that sounds like a date."

[asktheritobowyer]

(Hello all, blogger here again, returning to, well, a lot it seems after my last post)

I'll start by saying I greatly appreciate all the support I've been receiving, and the supportive messages that have been sent my way, by all manner or kind hearted folk to help me cope with the unfortunate circumstance I've found myself in. It truly helped keep my spirits up.

Again I want to reiterate @askthenewritoelder @asktheritochampion @asksakitherito @askaritobard @askthehylianchampion @tulin-sageofwind @thewonderknight and any other blogs that I may have missed, that happened to be part of the responses, asks, and reblogs regarding the whole thing. It's not your fault. No one could have predicted this would happen. No one could have predicted I'd be relentless targeted because of other blogs responses. No one could have predicted things would turn out like this. No one could have predicted the situation would continue to escalate as other blogs decided to add their responses. No one could have predicted the reactions towards me would end up becoming so negative to this extent because I characterised someone with a more grounded rational approach to things.

I've read your responses. You're not to blame for any of this. It was out of your control.

To those that have been following my blog, you may or may not have noticed that I've actually removed a good number of my reblogs, that had Harth responding to some asks on the other blogs.

Again not your fault, but it become clear to me a lot of responses from other blogs from characters such as Teba, or Saki, or Link etc... whether they were negative, positive or neutral, regarding the whole thing, have all been turned into something that could be used as reasons to, well, as you know, send me ill spirited messages about me or Harth regardless of the intentions. Since returning here I have gotten more, alongside some very heart-warming messages, which I'm currently dealing with, and I guess you could say, this is my way to try a prevent things from continuing to escalate on both sides.

I'm not going to delete all the asks that I've done, or delete all the reblogs I've done. Nor will I tell or ask you guys to delete any posts of yours. You guys haven't done anything wrong, and your posts were simply you guys pitching into a scenario, and in no way trying to escalate something that you had no idea was even there. If you do decide to delete any posts, do it because your happy to remove them, please don't feel pressured to do it because of what ended up happening to me.

I'm not going to disappear, and I will get back to answering asks as Harth, and myself soon, just like I did before. I still very much want to continuing answering and interacting with others as Harth. I just need some time to get my thoughts together, and be in a better state of mind.

Once again thank you for all of the kind words you sent my way. Harth and I greatly appreciate it.

[ensemblesongs]

Hello, I’m the anon who said I was disappointed and I’m here to apologize. When writing that comment I was going through a mental episode which (due to unrelated and personal issues) isn’t an excuse but definitely aided in the way I wrote that comment. I realize that it sounded very rude which was not my intention and makes me disappointed in myself. I was really sad to see one of my favorite enstars creators support the boycott because from the research I’ve done, by observing the reactions from both Japanese and Ryukyuan Enstars fans, they don’t seem to be very happy with the racial part of the boycott. Some are definitely still not happy that Akatsuki went from 3 to 4 but it has nothing to due with race for them. The reason I said the boycott itself seemed racist is because I’m seeing a lot of boycott supporters saying that BECAUSE of Ibuki’s Ryukyuan heritage he shouldn’t be in any unit at all and should remain by himself which makes me sad because he deserves a loving and supportive unit which Akatsuki definitely is. Again I’m very sorry for the way my previous comment came off and I still appreciate your work. I just hope that this informed you on the perspective of actual Japanese and Ryukyuan people.

Sweet thing! It's okay! Don't beat yourself up. I hope I didn't come off as aggressive, I can be emotional in the face of criticism but try my best to leave it out of my responses. I was explaining my motives!

He DOES deserve to be in a unit that will give him love. I felt a bit sad seeing him be neglected during the Esupuri debut, and I was personally hoping for him to be able to shine as a solo idol because that'd mean he would get to collab with all sorts of units like Madara does, and it felt like he was being set up to seek freedom and parallel him in some sort of way given his rejection of his role as a kid, but I would have also loved for him to belatedly join the rest of the new face idols in Esupuri, because I think his dynamic with Esu could have been interesting ♪ I even pondered the delusional combination of Ibuki and Kaname, though that would never happen, just because it's interesting to imagine.

I've definitely seen the people you're talking about, and also those who focus more on the AKATSUKI dilemma than Happy Element's mishandling of Ibuki. I only mentioned it because I think both are valid to be upset about and thought that maybe you didn't see anything wrong with the story at all. But one issue is so much larger than the other, especially when it's being done in a game with as big of an audience as Ansta, and I feel sad seeing people misdirect their hatred towards Ibuki — not just because he is a child and the victim here regardless of Keito's kindness (the traditional, Yamato Japanese character who is here to guide the proud, "indigenous demon" character down the right path. Do you see how that sounds? It's one thing for Keito to be his senior, drawn to him because of his experience with Kurou... ah, I don't know...), but because he is not real. The people who love him and feel connected to him are, though.

The "because" factor is less that because of his ethnicity he doesn't deserve to be in a unit, and more so that they are really doubtful that the writers will be able to pull it off inoffensively or that they already find it offensive due to the implications. At least, that's most of what I've seen. And again, the execution was just very poor. Ibuki and Esu are my favourite of the new kids, as I've mentioned. When it was revealed, I felt a sense of dread that still doesn't fade days after, cementing itself in my stomach as I watched the stream featuring the seiyuu via a third party. The way they're going for it is already rather reflective of history and not in a necessarily good way. I want to have hope that they will find a way to make this better, but I don't deserve to tell AKATSUKI-p to have that same faith, nor do I expect them to. It's sad that Happy Elements' official account is blocking people with genuine criticism, and very immature of them.

Anyway, I hope you'll feel better soon, Anon! And know that I, and many others, really do mean well. I've only seen two or so tweets in Japanese addressing the racism angle, honestly... even that much I was happy to see. Not that I think they're stupid or unaware. But there's a lot of work put into brushing Ryukyuan struggles under the rug.

[skybiie]

I really love how Smokescreen was written. He’s not just the cliche cocky guy that hyperbolizes his strength, when in reality he’s weak and can’t back up any of his flaunts. Smokescreen has his merits, he’s super agile and no wimp. You’ll never see him refusing a task because it seems too great (minus him refusing the prime status but he knew his limits so it’s admirable regardless). I love how his flaws aren’t written as him being a nobody/can’t pull his own weight unlike how he shows himself. Instead his flaws aren’t with his mentality. He clearly had training, and learned so much from Alpha Trion and all of the studying he did. It glorified the idea of fighting and war in his young head, and he yearned to get out on the field himself, not realizing the consequences were so, so real.

He’s not going in completely blind when he wakes up from stasis on earth. Smokescreen clearly handled the cons before team prime showed up, using what he’s learned. He lacks the experience, not the knowledge on how to fight.

Smokescreen’s upbeat, overly optimistic and even competitive view on the missions he’s sent on reasonably drive the veterans like Arcee, Bulkhead etc up a wall. He is so clearly shown (in my biased eyes) that he has good intentions, especially with him telling Arcee “there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you guys” in the midst of him getting scolded. He has the spark to do good, he just doesn’t know how to go about it.

I love how we see him progress in the series, down to small exchanges where he learns to read a room and understands he needs to be serious. It all isn’t a game, nor is it as glorified as those books he read. He’s learned that. And what’s even better? He doesn’t let it harden him. He definitely hasn’t seen anything compared to his superiors, but he’s had his fair share of near death/painful/scary/traumatizing encounters within his short time on the show, but he still retains his silliness, and puts it on a halt when need be. He’s one of the few in the show who’s graced with a full circle of development and I wish more characters got similar treatment. Butttt I am grateful because I love smokescreen and he deserves the development lol

Anyways he’s been on my mind sorry yall for the ramble

[nightcolorz]

I'm saying this as a black fan, and this is more directed at your other anons than you, but...

The similarities between the trial and a lynching, and Baby Lulu's resemblance to minstrel acts of the time are clearly not some reflection on Armand? It's meant to be more a reflection on the theater as a whole, on how vampirism *isn't* a freedom from racism the way Louis dreamed it would be. He and Claudia aren't free from the systems of oppression and how groups wield power. It's not about *Armand* (like nightcolorz pointed out the show is very intentional, that isn't in line with their depiction of him otherwise) it's about *vampires* as a group.

Shocking to me that they cry and sob and piss their pants over Armand when Lestat was so often more thoughtlessly racist to Louis and Claudia. And I say that as a Lestat and Armand fan.

omg yes thank u anon this is perfectly said. Literally the only good thing about these stupid anons is I end up getting actually good, correct iwtv analysis handed to me on a silver platter after responding to them. Thank yooouu!! This is making me roll around in joy.

but yea, this exactly. The racist allusions aren’t by accident, but the direct connection to Armand is unfounded and a huge over simplification of a genuinely really interesting thematic component of iwtv. I loooveee how iwtv frames vampirism almost as like this metaphor for white oppression. The way the black and brown characters are trapped into these racist systems, being forced to preform mirrors of the same oppressive roles they thought that being a supernatural would give them an escape from, literally for eternity. That’s why Armand being anti black would defeat the point, bcus he’s not the oppressors, he’s another unfortunate cog being forced into the machine. Regardless, if Armand actually was explicitly anti black (which I truly don’t think he is), he still wouldn’t be in charge of any kind of lynching, bcus in a system built around white supremacy , he’s never going to have any real power. Armand’s power entirely depends on whether or not his coven *likes him*, and he knows it. At the end of the day, armand directs the trial under Santiago’s ruling, and then he does the dirty work in the shit room right after. That’s why his betrayal is so interesting and powerful, that’s like, why u guys are destroying the nuance of iwtv with ur weird takes 😭

also ur last point, yeah. The entire reason I’m getting this anon hate mail is bcus I said that I don’t see why people hate Armand but love Lestat bcus they are both bad in the same ways 😭 what a crazy thought. But lestat is 100% objectively written as racist absolutely and you’ll never catch me arguing over that. (I still like him tho 💀 pick ur favorite criminal ass show)

[ruruvxz]

#05 — Just stop. (Semi-written)

The Woman Who Left Too Soon: Lara Raj, the lead singer and coveted music producer for Katseye, has never felt the need for useless romance. Don't get her wrong — she loves a good chummy romance, but it was never really for her. That could partly be blamed on her past lover, who abruptly left her just to become some indie artist, but then again, the tides change, and so do the people. And what the — she's famous now, she's unstoppable, she can pull anyone, so why the hell is the woman who left her in the dust, pretending to be all buddy-buddy with her.

#masterlist, ‹previous, next>

Lara had always been someone in tune with her own emotions, even when she had conflicting ideals, she managed to keep her composure regardless. This small detail about herself is something many adored about her, the ability to be so mentally sound also regarded her as a reasonable person.

So why now, of all days, was she acting so differently?

The poor desi-girl who usually disregarded phony tabloid tweets, suddenly had such a strong visceral reaction as she scanned the post Daniela had sent. Disgust wasn't even a good enough word to describe how she felt, she found this whole ordeal incredibly amusing, yet despicable how anyone could jump to such a conclusion.

To put it lightly she was not happy, not at the situation, nor the fact Daniela found this, oh so, humorous. And Lara made it very clear whenever she had set boundaries, that they should never be crossed.

Lara found her blood boiling by the second, why can't Daniela just drop this whole ordeal? Why did she have to push her so much, of course, the same argument could be made on Daniela's side, as she found Lara's reactions, just so... unprovoked. I mean, in Daniela's eyes, it's not like Lara ever cared about you, or your music before hand, so why was she so defensive?

The red-head desperately wanted to brush this whole situation under the rug, making it seem like all some coy joke. But no matter how much she joked, her facade was slowly slipping, and as observant as Lara was, her members where also as observant as her.

It also didn't make the situation any better by the fact that Megan, the girl Lara appointed to be the only one to bare the secret, that both you and Lara had extensive history together, was out here airing her out. Megan had only been so lucky though, if she happened to be in the same room as Lara, her phone would've been projectile thrown out the window.

"Fuck Megan, can you shut up." Lara whispered under her breath as her phone blew up with messages. Her irritation growing to a new high as Daniela, truly, had no intention of stopping. Daniela was never the type to stop half-way-through, and Lara knew that better than anyone, and also the fact that Daniela knew how to get under anyone's skin for her own benefit. But that didn't scare away Lara one bit, she wasn't going to out herself because of this, and you know what they say, two big personalities cause too big of a problem.

(And yes, Lara and Megan both knew that this matter had no concern, it's not like the others cared much about each other's love lives that much. But Lara had a fiery attitude when it came to love, since she had so much passion when it comes to her relationships, that the stories she told the girls about you, where mostly exaggerated. So to say that the girl's didn't like you, well didn't like the idea of you, was an understatement, they despised your guts because of all the stories Lara told them. Thank god she never mentioned you by name though.)

Seeing Daniela's response after being scolded by Sophia altered something in Lara's brain, she was about to go off once more, but she decided not to. Going offline for a few hours left her contemplating about what she had said. "Did I go to far?" Lara mumbled under her breath as she stared at the screen of her monitor, mindlessly creating housebeats to take her mind off of things.

Lara felt terrible for everything she said, in some way, she definitely blew this out of proportion, but a girl can only get so defensive. Daniela wasn't completely at fault of course, but she had a reason to be curious, so Lara gave her that.

After a few more moments, her overthinking began to overcome her, she could barely focus on what she was doing, her fingers rested on the knobs of her DJ mixer rotating and fiddling with before her thoughts became too much to bare. She closed her computer and flopped onto her bed, her red hair resting on the pillow as she stared at the blank screen of her phone. Finally after what felt like hours she opened her messages and scrolled all the way to Daniela's contact.

Staring at the past messages, she swallowed hard and began texting.

taglist: @lara4eclipze, @yunjinncentral, @meretmanondefender, @1luvkarina, @kristalag, @artrizzler19, @xochitlisbest, @yuenamoon, @meizinisnumberone, @meganskiendielsbtc, @c-yerim, @vrtualstar, @yeetaberry127 (TAGLIST OPEN)

[hanasnx]

thank goddd ive been blocking people even more liberally than i had before. tag cloggers, idea stealers, friends of ppl i think shouldn’t be on tumblr, anything that remotely annoys me or pisses me off. god it’s fantastic. this is what stopping and smelling the roses is like

[lazycranberrydoodles]

getting back into the untamed and i had a thought. / follow for more yllz babygirlism

[ohnoitsz1m]

Uhh post canon Barney

Man who has not had a break since the rescas and refuses to start now. Alyx and Gordon are hiding his gear as we speak while Kleiner distracts him.

I was sposed to do Alyx too but I blinked and it was 3 am so. Next time

Oh also I forgot to make a note but he does carry a sidearm

[nan0-sp1der]

There is a pause. Immediately, her eyes are drinking in all the little details of the accessory: the delicately stitched stars dotting the fabric, the puffs of muted blues and reds that drifted between them, the charms—oh, goodness, so precious, like dew drops that caught the very essence of starlight in their form. Sure, it was rudimentary, clearly hand-made with whatever materials he could afford and attain, but the sentiment was held in the very fabric of this tote regardless. She was... touched. In the end, all Bridge could express was a moment of stillness that stretched into the minutes, her eyes locked onto the bag in Cris' hands with an intensity that could be considered somewhat concerning. It brought on questions of her appreciation of the item, if she even understood the gesture at all. There was sparse conveyance in her expression. She did. She truly, sincerely did. And for all but a moment, even in the sweltering doubts that started to crawl their way back up to the forefront of her mind—that this is underserved, an effort best made for someone more worthy of this effort—she found herself to be truly grateful. It was a shame that she was standing here empty-handed and unable to repay him for his kind gesture. Until a thought stuck her and brought her gaze to dart to the wall of her humble dorm where the still-preserved assortment of flowers from several months past were lined up. Her intent was indeed to give them away over time, and what better opportunity to grant one of the bouquets a proper home than now?

"One moment..."

Bridge turned to meander over to the wall and browse the assortment she currently had-five bouquets total. Their origins were still a mystery, as she was never able to identify who the secret admirer was in the end, though it did not discount their beauty. Instinct told her that the bundle of sunflowers would be appropriate. Hopefully the vibrant color would bring some brightness into his otherwise dreary days. With a wave, she brought the assortment in their protective barrier of plasma to levitate towards herself, the bubble that once shielded the flora dissipating and allowing the fragrance to gradually set in the air, reaching Cris as she turned to walk back over and hand him the bouquet in one hand.

"... I could not bear to accept your gift without granting you one in return. I have been... Trying to find new owners for these flowers for a while."

Only then, when he took up the bouquet himself, did she accept the tote bag.

"I have a feeling they will be best-kept in your care."

open rp starter ⎯ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ 💌

Between Christmas cafe sales, preparing gifts, and general household malfeasance, Cris might have not had enough time to rest.

There was still so much left to do. Ramona needed more litter for her cat, so that was extra shifts at the cafe. He would be needed at the cafe anyway because so many people went home for Christmas, and he had to adjust that top for--

Oh, whatever. It would be fine. He can pass by the cafeteria at HQ just in time for that strike mission he has later and be fine. He could even work on the gifts, and grab a coffee!

However, just as the soft breeze of the Nueva York floated against his skin, as he took a nice sip from his hot beverage, and as he pulled out his sewing kit to get to work on the gift...

It's just like something came over him. His eyes started to feel heavy, and his brain started to turn off, maybe it was the last two weeks he hadn't slept, maybe it was... was...

Thud!

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

mdzs tumblr post au but it’s just “what were you doing at the devil’s sacrament” (nightless city)

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Your theories are more thought out than the author's own

If ya talking about rahafwabas, then not really. My theories are formed on what’s already there, even if it may have been unintentional. Rahafwabas was like, what? a teen?, who was clearly still learning how to speak English and wanted to make a go at creating an au/sans au like everyone else was at the time for a game they loved.

They didn’t expect killer to get so much attention, and people clearly seemed more focused back then on asking about shipping (such as with nightmare) and hating on killer or sending strange asks. It was enough to the point that rahafwabas had to clarify her choice to delete stuff about killer wasn’t because of anything or what anyone in the fandom did.

clearly rahafwabas had conflicted feelings about killer. i have the benefit of not having had created killer or having gained a massive following to learn more about a character/story that belongs to me (aka rahafwabas seemed hesitant to fully commit to or correct anyone about anything with killer—what isn’t correct or what is, to discourage any shipping, things like that—out of either fear of backlash or not wanting to ruin peoples fun. it appears to have been stressful for her) im just using what his actual creator laid down, or what remains of the flooring, and building up.

[maxphilippa]

i think that the major misinterpretation that people have with taco is that she didn't get attached to mic because of her sad face in the end wanted to show regret because "she hurted her friend". like. no, she wasn't sad because she regretted what she did. she was sad because she's alone again, but she knows very well at the end that she had it coming. the reason as to why taco was so desperate of wanting mic to tell her that she did gain something is because. she SAW pickle in mic, but of course their situation is very different. "Oh but Taco couldn't have done what she did to Mic to Pickle, Mic was fully aware" but she did do that. Mic herself says it. That is pretty much what II is telling you. Taco isn't a good friend, and is not exactly a good person either. Mic was aware that Taco was/is a bad person, but Mic's nature makes her believe in whoever acknowledges her. Taco made Mic feel like she needed her, just the way she made Pickle feel back in s1.

she didn't really change thanks to mic. her faces of "regret" aren't her actually lamenting all of the stuff she did to microphone, but rather just her realizing that she proved what everyone said about her as a result. i will give it to that she might've tried to change, but not because of mic. she wanted to win the prize so she could prove others wrong on her being a loser and a coward, by being a loser and a coward. if anything, mic made her realize that she hasn't changed. she pretty much just ruined everything for everyone who saw her as a friend, and for herself.

taco's whole arc is constantly just downgraded to questionable takes and listen. i do agree that she is heavily flawed as a character. she is morally gray, but ii doesn't portray her as a good person with good intentions, nor she should be really be treated as if she was. neither she had those good intentions with mic at all, i mean, their "friendship" pretty much started because of taco wanting the prize money, taking a part of microphone's prize if she made mic won, you know, an offer. she would get the prize and mic would get recognition. but everyone seems to forget that probably, the main reason as to why she's doing all of this, is because she does regret how she acted on s1. she doesn't exactly regret doing all of that to microphone, and even if she does, it's for the wrong reasons. (that's because she did the exact same thing to you know, pickle, her once best friend, the only person she truly ever cared about)

people do tend to forget that taco keeps sending letters to pickle, and that's often just used for pickle angst and making it his only character trait, but. it's not that. it's the fact that taco keeps on writing those letters, despite fully knowing that she did hurt pickle because of her actions. taco's biggest flaw is that she can't accept that she has ruined everything and wants so desperately to be back on pickle's life because she ended up caring about him deeply as a person. as a friend. but she was never there at all, either.

taco can't seem to understand that she has hurted people badly. sure, she seemed like a "friend" to microphone, and you can argue whatever you want but a fact is that taco IS smart, and she knew that the only way to possibly keep mic by her side is pretending to want to be better, you know, the same way she pretended to be just a odd fella so pickle and her could remain together and have an advance at the game. she played with both of them. because both pickle and mic believed in her but were just used by her for the game.

however, taco does seem to regret the way everything went during-post s1. you can see how she yearns for another chance and is saddened about not getting it, but that's not only for comedic purposes, but that's because the writing is telling you that she won't get a second chance. at least not here.

what i want people to understand is that, yes, taco is a complex character, however trying to sugarcoat what she did is pretty much missing the point of her writing as a whole. she isn't a good person neither was she a good friend. she hasn't grown because she was never able to let go of something that she thinks that she can fix with some words and a prize. she thinks that she can still fix her friendship with pickle, she thinks that she can clear her name (even if she was the one who tainted it), but she only ended up proving knife right. she proved everyone right. she hasn't changed. a morally gray character is that. they're not exactly fully bad or fully good, but it's taco's actions that speak a lot. words are cheap, and taco's title is "The Liar", and that says a lot, because she kept on lying to microphone and to pickle on both of their games. she won't heal unless she lets go.

and i want to be clear here: i do think that taco can go through redemption. i do think that taco can become a better person, but not in the way people portray her to do so. because it just pretty much goes against what her arc has settled in for us, and the other arcs that were involved in hers as well.

taco's arc is meant to be somewhat a parallel with nickel's in a way. hell, even with knife's arc if anything. she treats knife as a simple bully, but when she saw that he became smarter and way more emotionally aware than what she had expected, she felt attacked by that, because he was stable. he became a better person and he was rubbing that on her, and it made her feelings of anger way worse regarding him, but it is true. knife is pretty much everything that taco wants to be, but here's the thing that made them so different:

knife stayed. taco didn't stay.

knife is accepted by everyone in the hotel because meanwhile he hasn't explicitly said that he had a change of heart, he has shown it through actions and a big difference too is that he was there for pickle, even if they weren't close in s1, and taco is on the woods because deep down she is aware that she can't go back. not if she doesn't have something to offer as an direct apology, but here's the problem. whether or not she got the prize, she still wouldn't get forgiven by anyone due to what she said that day.

again. her problem is not being able to let go and to accept when she has messed up badly. she has been lying to everyone but she has also been lying to herself as a whole. she can't keep on doing this because it's just hurting everyone and herself. keeping grudges and holding onto past friendships that were doomed to fall is just hurting her. she is not on the state to keep on trying, she wasn't at all ever.

taco's arc most likely will have closure on a way that fits her character, and i feel like that would be with her letting go of inanimate insanity as a whole and of what she can't fix anymore. her trying to find herself after years of lying to everyone and to herself. she's not a good person. but she can become one. only if she knows what she did was wrong and that her second chance isn't there, and never will be, and if she recognizes that meanwhile she did that damage, she can still become a better person. just not there.

pickle and mic don't owe her anything, especially pickle. taco does owe them an apology, but they won't accept that. the least she could do is to accept their wishes, understand that she needs to leave them and grow to be a better person. maybe, if she does that, she would actually heal.

she doesn't need anyone to fix her. she needs to fix herself.

[uncanny-tranny]

The most infuriating form of sanism is this idea that mentally ill people/people with mental disorders are just too stupid or too unenlightened to know how to be a proper, well-adjusted person

So many therapists have ignored signs of my unwellness simply because they assumed I was just... being stupid, and I just needed educating about why I'm acting disordered (apparently, mental disorders stop disordering you once you are condescendingly told why you're just disordered and dumb, who knew (sarcasm)).

Like, I could tell them that I knew my behaviour wasn't "rational," wasn't "reasonable" to do or believe and I'd still be treated like I was so dumb I needed hand-holding and scolding about why I'm acting disordered.

I truly wish that people would be able to take the idea of guidance and stop twisting it into "I am superior and enlightened and the people I am trying to help are stupid and wrong and beneath me!"