#references to PTSD

[scullcrusher101xd]

clinically curled

[sexhaver]

i wholeheartedly and fundamentally reject the notion that we as leftists have to treat unrepentant US veterans' PTSD like any other disability. it is literally Being Reminded Of Your Own Crimes Against Humanity Disorder. jumping every time they hear a car backfire is like seven orders of magnitude below the punishment they deserve

[yet-another-heathen]

On the topic of realistic conditioning/deconditioning,

If the trigger is something whumpee wouldn't hear often when they're with caretaker but whumpee still wants to break it because they might hear it elsewhere (like kneel being taken as a command)

Would whumpee ask caretaker to casually trigger them so they have the opportunity to challenge it in their own head and in a safe place? Would this be a good idea for recovery?

And of course being there with the praise everytime whumpee makes just a little bit of progress, or comfort when they don't.

Heads up, anon: your ask was an EXCEPTIONALLY good one, and I ended up writing another mini TED talk (~3-4 min read) in response. Thank you so much for sending it in!

...on Conditioned Whumpees - Part 3

[ Part 1 - Part 2 ]

That is a very, very good idea! You're spot on with all of it, particularly operating in a safe environment where whumpee is ultimately calling the shots. Having that comfort/support readily available will make a huge difference in how well whumpee can tackle the matter. And while the process isn't fun, approaching desensitization with this much intent is much, much more likely to result in success.

I can offer a few pointers that can add another few layers of realism, as well as some other things to think about while tailoring it to your story:

if whumpee is actively working through their conditioning in this way, memories of their trauma will become closer to the surface. As a result, all of their other PTSD symptoms will be elevated during the course of their practice sessions, as well as for at least a few weeks after.

flashbacks are a very common experience during times like this. engaging with triggers like this is going to cause their flashbacks to become more frequent and intense.

during such flashbacks, it is almost a given that whumpee's mind and body will enter a similar state to the one it was in during the time when the flashback was taking place. By that I mean that the fear they felt in that moment, where it was physically located in their body, will echo into their body in the present moment. Same goes for other all other emotions, and sometimes even phantom aches surrounding any injuries they received at the time...

while the emotions tend to be identical to the ones felt during the trauma, in my experience, the pain comes out distorted in a similar way to the way it does in dreams: less intense, and more "blurry" and imprecise in location. When we say that someone having a flashback is "reliving the moment", we mean that their body literally feels as though they're in the same immediate danger that it was in back then.

this is true even though they'll be aware to at least some degree that they're presently with caretaker and safe.

the flashbacks don't always happen immediately after the conditioning trigger is used. Often they flare up hours or days later, sometimes without warning, sometimes as a result of encountering a different flashback trigger. The whumpee's thresholds for what counts as a trigger will drop, which is part of what causes the flashbacks to happen more often. Something they could normally ignore is going to affect them much more while they're like this.

your whumpee is more likely to experience severe mood swings while in this heightened state. Especially feelings like irritability, frustration, anger, loneliness, and grief. This stuff ain't pretty, folks. Even your sweet cinnamon bun is most likely going to lash out at someone as a result.

PTSD episodes are also exhausting. your whumpee is going to feel mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. And, to add insult to injury, being tired amplifies the emotions listed above.

Now all of this said, your whumpee may or may not know that this is to be expected. If they've worked on processing their trauma before this, they'll have figured out that one often leads to the other. They'll go into the deconditioning practice knowing this is coming, and will approach it carefully, but with a fairly level head. Knowing that it'll suck, but they'll come out the other side okay.

If not, they're in for a rather nasty surprise.

For the latter, they will feel at first that the deconditioning practice is making everything worse. They're suddenly struggling the way they did when the trauma was fresher, and it can be tempting to stop and refuse to touch it again because the mental/emotional pain gets so intense.

If they do give up at this stage, it will make trying again far more daunting in the future.

But the trauma being stirred up is actually a sign that it's helping. It means that the whumpee is starting to process what happened to them, which is a fundamental step in being able to heal.

Note: All throughout the process, crying is a very good thing. It lets them physically get rid of a lot of the brain chemicals associated with these surges of emotion. Letting themselves cry over things they couldn't cry about back then can actually help them let go of those feelings in a similar way to if they'd been able to process them in the moment. [Which is the basis for much of EMDR, a specialized tool used in trauma therapy.]

Okay. So now we know what other effects can cascade from the actual deconditioning practice, now we have some things to consider.

First off, what time parameters are whumpee and caretaker working within while deconditioning? There are three basic options:

they sit down together and practice repeatedly using the trigger for [X amount of time; usually <45m at once] back to back. Once that time is up, caretaker will no longer use the trigger at all, the excercise will end, and they'll get up to do something else.

whumpee sets a specific window of time [X number of hours] within which caretaker will use the trigger word at random points. Once that time has elapsed, the exercise is over.

over the course of days, caretaker uses the trigger word at random points without giving warning. the excercise only stops after being ended by whumpee.

Now why is that important? Because of something called hypervigilance. It is another symptom of PTSD which, to put it into the simplest words, is whumpee waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's a heightened state of tension and wariness in which whumpee is expecting that something bad is going to happen, and is constantly searching for any sign to indicate when it's coming.

It is beyond exhausting.

Imagine knowing that someone is about to slap you as hard as they can, and you have to sit there with your eyes closed, waiting for it. The breath-holding, the flinchiness, the rigid tension in your body as you strain to listen for when they're coming.

Only now, stretch that moment out into hours. Days. Weeks. That is hypervigilance.

A hypervigilant whumpee is not going to be able to relax. Or rest. Or decompress. Or readily trust much of anything around them. They're MUCH more likely to flinch at sudden movements/sounds. They might start biting their nails or showing other signs of nervousness and distress.

These methods above have a gradually increasing chance of setting off whumpee's hypervigilance. If they know exactly when the next trigger is coming, as in example 1, then their 'waiting for it' tension will be low. But the more uncertain they become of exactly when it's going to happen, as in examples 2 & 3, the worse the hypervigilance is going to get.

The trade off is that the later examples are more effective in desensitizing them toward the trigger. The more their practice mimics encountering an unexpected trigger in day-to-day life, the easier it will be to fall back on that desensitization when the time comes.

Therefore, it would be a very good idea for a whumpee who's new to this to start with number 1, then gradually progress to 2 & 3 as time goes on. They should be the one to decide when the next step is made, and if/when they need to dial it back.

Other questions to ask yourself while plotting:

how mentally prepared is whumpee for worsening symptoms? what about caretaker? did either of them know it was coming?

how much of this heightened PTSD stress can your whumpee take before it becomes too much? how do they react when they do hit that tipping point?

if caretaker feels that whumpee is getting too distressed during practice even though they're not tapping out, would they call it off themself? Or would they ultimately leave that decision to whumpee?

based on the answer, how would whumpee feel about caretaker's decision? Relieved? Belittled? Betrayed?

does whumpee have any grounding tools they can use while practicing?

how does caretaker handle the mood swings and instability that come with whumpee's heightened PTSD? You should consider both their internal and external reactions on the matter.

how does whumpee prefer to decompress after a practice session? what things would help them calm down and recover?

how long do they need (hours or days) before the next attempt?

Even with all I've just written, there's far more to the resulting hightened state of PTSD than flashbacks and hypervigilance. PTSD symptoms that they're most likely to encounter in the background while doing deconditioning practice include:

Flinchiness, anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, exhaustion, emotional mood swings, outbursts, crying spells, depression, executive dysfunction, dissociation, numbness, racing thoughts, freeze responses, tremors, inappetence, muscle tension, and heart palpitations.

Yes, usually many of them at once, even those that contradict. Your whumpee is going to have a LOT going on at once, and it is not going to be a fun time. I recommend looking up any of the above symptoms you don't recognize, and looking for whump inspiration in what you learn.

(Because everyone experiences PTSD episodes differently, there's a lot of wiggle room in which ones whumpee will encounter. Don't feel pressured to use all of them, find what you want to write and have fun with it!)

Thanks again for the incredible ask, anon. And again, I want to congratulate you on how spot-on your original ask was. You nailed it. I know this was a lot more than you asked for, but I hope this provides helpful context for your whump! My inbox will always be open if you think of anything more <3

[tinfoil-jones]

Jerk Ford AU: "Quality" Time

Jerk Ford returns home slightly earlier than in canon, sometime between the episodes "The Love God" and "Northwest Mansion Mystery".

Compared to Canon Ford, despite being rude and unpleasant to everybody, Jerk Ford spends much more time with the family! And also his former lab assistant; Retired Tech Billionaire, Old Man McGucket. This is because he and Stan are not fighting, so Stan doesn't try to keep Ford away from everybody. He encourages it, actually.

Results may vary.

Jerk Ford with Stanley:

*exactly 10 minutes after Jerk Ford dispatches the gov't agents*

"Stanley, I'm so glad to finally be home. You wouldn't believe how much I missed you. I knew I'd come back eventually, but I'm sorry it took so long and you had to save me from my mistakes again. I can't wait for us to move on with the rest of our lives."

"Me too, bro. Now-" *hands him a pamphlet*

"What's this?"

"A catalogue of therapists. Pick one."

"...Wha-."

"If you don't pick a therapist in the next five minutes I am going to drag you by the hair to the nearest shrinks office you emotionally constipated, underfed f**k."

Jerk Ford with his Niblings:

Wendy: I've been having these nightmares about Northwest Manor...

Soos: No sweat, dude. We can go there, and see that whatever you're scared of is just a part of your imagination.

Jerk Ford: You're going to need my help. I'm going with you.

Soos: Hold your horses, dawg. No one asked for more help. This whole trip might just prove the girl-dude shouldn't be sleeping with her nightlight off.

Jerk Ford: Lava lamp.

Wendy: How did you...? What, did you break into my house?

Jerk Ford: *scoffs* Please.

Jerk Ford:

Jerk Ford: I break into everyones house.

Jerk Ford with his Grand-Niblings:

Dipper: I will send you STRAIGHT TO HADES, where you belong!

Jerk Ford: I'll see you there, pipsqueak. Well, I'll try to; I'd need a magifiying glass.

Dipper: Why you-

Mabel: Why can't we ever play a normal game of Go Fish?

Jerk Ford with Retired Tech Billionaire Old Man McGucket:

Fiddleford: It's an entire dimension of sentient robots?

Jerk Ford: Mhmm.

Fiddleford: And they have the ability to take the form of normal Earth vehicles should they choose?

Jerk Ford: Yes.

Fiddleford: And there's been a civil war raging between two factions of them for a thousand years?

Jerk Ford: What about it?

Fiddleford:

Fiddleford: Ford, you're talking about The Transformers.

Jerk Ford: The what?

[vilochkaaa]

i finally make almost full reference for my most favorite stormy farmer boy - Willow :3

i luv him soo so much <33

[netwatchsucks]

Johnny Silverhand born 1988, Second Central American Conflict (where he lost his arm etc) 2003-2010, Samurai founded 2003... you're telling me that man

Enlisted in the (i'm assuming) military for the independent republic of texas (born College Station, Texas - Texas goes independent in 1999 and is recognised as such in 2000) at 15 years old (possibly lying about his age)

Lost his arm and a good friend and deserted the army, running away towards Night City at... still 15 years old?

Said fuck it and with absolutely nothing to his name formed a band with (i'm assuming) a handful of other TEENAGERS

Disbanded Samurai in 2008 at the ripe age of 20 years old

Yeah no wonder he Acts Like That

[bumblingbabooshka]

Voyager should have done a whole episode that was just a series of horror vignettes of the entire crew in increasingly malicious/difficult/terrifying situations that start off seeming like normal Voyager antics (Every main character gets their turn to 'star' in one scenario somehow tailored to them sans Harry who's conspicuously absent and the Doctor) and end with like, Janeway once again heroically sacrificing herself for the crew after finally figuring out what's wrong only for the episode to end exactly how it began. Only the first scenario plays out until the very end, every subsequent scenario ends faster and more brutally than the last and as the episode progresses we see the crew retaining scars or pains from previous deaths we witnessed though to them these wounds are mysterious or they give a narratively coherent reason for having them. Though there are some clues as to what's happening this largely remains unexplained and unresolved until the NEXT episode which is 'The Killing Game'. Everyone would have loved this! They would have cheered and clapped!

[whetstonefires]

You know what else gets neglected? Wen Xu made Lan Wangji set the library on fire.

Like. Realistically he knew it was going to burn whatever he did, so making a point of defiance that would just get more people killed would have been stupid. (I assume a major reason cql swapped this out for the Headband Cave, besides building up Su She's craven villainy, was that this would have been very expensive to film.) Giving way on this point after getting his leg broken, with his Sect overcome around him and his father mortally wounded, was perfectly reasonable.

But it's also something that was guaranteed to be very traumatic for him. Putting the flame to that building with his own hands.

And then, not knowing the fates of his family and with a broken leg, he got dumped into the Wen indoctrination and wound up in the turtle cave alone with Wei Wuxian, and definitely took his trauma out on him a little bit, though all things considered he handles himself with great restraint.

And then there's the war, and he takes time out of the campaign to try to find a presumed-dead guy whom he almost definitely regrets only being kind to when he wasn't really coherent, and then even though that guy is no longer trying to befriend him gets himself assigned to his theater of war to watch his back.

Lan Xichen is shown in that one tent flashback in the Nie Mingjue empathy section to know full well his brother is in Jiangling because Wei Wuxian is in Jiangling.

During the unclear-but-plural number of years the war went on, Lan Wangji was away from Cloud Recesses more or less all the time. Repairs were, we may assume, made in his absence. The collection was rebuilt as much as was possible, and housed in a replacement building, that may or may not have been complete by the time he went home to stay.

(Presumably one of the irreplaceable texts Xichen smuggled away was a list or index of the more replaceable ones, that got burnt, so they can go around to their contacts in an organized way asking to make copies. They seem to have done so very well at replacing such a large library so quickly that I can only assume they had had a very generous copying policy, and reaped the reward of this after the war.)

So after the war, when Lan Wangji is spending most of his time closed up in his room working on music, his being fixated on saving Wei Wuxian from the spiral of his own cultivation method is the least worrying explanation.

Because the alternate reasons Lan Xichen has to hand for this behavior are 1) Lan Wangji's ptsd is totally crippling and he's potentially going to become a shut-in for life or 2) the trauma he suffered at the start of the war, in the Cloud Recesses, being made to act against the Cloud Recesses, against his own safe place, means that he no longer feels secure or comfortable there, and is shut away obsessively cultivating to avoid their family and home.

And ngl I tend to suspect based on the timing of some beats that Lan Wangji did wind up funneling a lot of the energy from his war trauma into his romantic attachment. Because during that crucial window from 'Wei Wuxian has gone missing' to 'Wei Wuxian is dead' he believed that Wei Wuxian was someone he could help, if he could just figure out how.

And a huge predictor of PTSD, much larger than how 'objectively bad' something was, is how helpless you felt in the face of harm to yourself or others. So channeling his intensity and control issues into the contained and should-still-be-possible issue of Wei Wuxian's well-being would have been....

Not actually the worst coping mechanism, although it sure would have been a better one if Wei Wuxian had in fact been possible to help in some more substantive way than 'watching his back in battle' lmao.

[ruegarding]

anyway here's my rant:

despite her comment in son, hazel doesn't have much adhd/dyslexia coding. her treatment at st agnes has more to do w being a black girl in the 1930's and her powers/curse than her possible adhd/dyslexia, considering she never mentions any symptoms specific to adhd or dyslexia in her backstory. the closest things are her interest in horses, which could be considered a hyper-fixation, and her flashbacks, which could be argued as daydreaming associated w inattentive adhd. furthermore, her powers could easily be used as a commentary on masking similar to the general attitude towards her vs other dead ppl (she looks alive, so she deserves to be alive, unlike all these other ppl who went thru the doors of death). overall, interesting set up, not expanded upon in canon.

similarly, the only time piper is ever implied to have adhd is in that boo scene, which doesn't hold much weight bc it's a general statement in an impersonal pov (as opposed to "piper was only able to keep track bc of her adhd/demigod abilities," still in third person pov, but a more personalized statement). this post began as a quest to answer the question "how does piper's adhd manifest," and the answer is "uhhhhhhhhhhh."

continuing w the trend, jason is never implied to have adhd or dyslexia at all. would have been interesting to see, considering jason has the whole gifted-kid-burn-out thing going on, but alas.

i'm not including the statement annabeth makes abt demigods typically having one or both and hazel's statement abt "just being a demigod," bc it's also established that it's not a requirement. the fandom wiki claims frank is the only demigod to not have adhd: if "just being a demigod" means that every demigod has adhd/dyslexia, then frank, inarguably, has adhd/dyslexia, as well.

more importantly, in a story where adhd and dyslexia are explicitly addressed and considered the cornerstone of the world building, i need it to be explicitly said that a character has adhd/dyslexia in order to give credit to canon (my personal hcs are a different story).

so, it seems like leo is the only one out of the lost trio w adhd or dyslexia, and it's only adhd. he frequently references things he's reading and shows no issue doing so, given that it's in a language he understands.

interestingly, leo claims "he couldn’t read ancient greek" in hoh, so it could be that the ease w learning ancient greek (and potentially latin) is exclusive to those w dyslexia. however, this has been as inconsistent as the actual dedication to giving demigods adhd and/or dyslexia. for example, chiron says the ability is "in their blood" in tlh w no mention of dyslexia, but in tlt annabeth says percy has dyslexia bc "[his] mind is hardwired for ancient greek."

the only character to bring up how dyslexia affects them in hoo is percy, making it seem like his dyslexia is much worse than annabeth's, the only other character who we know is dyslexic (from pjo, it's never mentioned in hoo). if leo is "seriously adhd," then percy is seriously dyslexic. something to be said how they're both treated as comic relief in fandom, considering.

frank not being diagnosed despite his dyspraxia coding could be used as a commentary on medical racism and the model minority stereotype. since frank is exclusively listed as the only demigod to not have either diagnosis and his dyspraxia coding eventually disappears, it doesn't appear that that was the intention.

moving to a more theoretical discussion, it's hard to say what is/is not definitively adhd/dyslexia symptoms, specifically using canon, considering we rarely see any of the demigods acting "normal." the majority of the time, they're on a quest/in an extreme situation. contrast w pjo, where we learn things abt percy's adhd and dyslexia while he's at school, a relatively normal situation, and then can apply it to the rest of the series. w hoo, it's almost all guesswork.

leo mentions that his adhd affects his memory, so we know that similar moments can be attributed to his adhd. but is hazel forgetting part of sciron's story a symptom of adhd or just a normal thing that happens bc forgetting things in stressful situations is normal? is jason's seemingly permanent amnesia a symptom of the memory wipe or is it exacerbated by adhd? is piper's aversion to feminine clothing and make up caused by sensory issues? we'll never know, bc they're never said to have adhd.

[thechthonicherbalist]

Drinking a giiiaant mug of herbal tea with honey with Bun Bun and Mojo to help with the pneumonia. 😖

[idontknowreallywhy]

Estera Ch 37 - Warmup

Oh hi! We’re back 🤪

Story so far

Previous chapter - 36 - Lost

(and if you’re new to this, might be worth starting from a couple earlier to figure out what on earth is going on 34 - Anniversary 35 - Ten)

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

The mid-May sun radiated its cheerful warmth at the trio as they contained their journey towards the shore. Estera was oblivious, noticing only the bite of salt in the light breeze that could make your eyes water if you weren’t careful.

She led them away from the main road and its friendly ice cream coloured houses and took a winding route through a series of more generic residential streets. Less direct but space to breathe. Space to run… she’d have suggested it by now but Scott was moving unusually slowly, seemingly lost in thought and it seemed best not to interrupt for the moment.

How had everything gone so wrong, so quickly?

She’d intended a fun, stress free day - a lighthearted day to distract the both of them from darker memories and yet in the short time since he’d arrived she’d somehow led him from one disaster to another.

The prickle of cold sweat at her hairline intensified as her mind replayed the image of him leaning back so heavily over the bannister and focussed in on the magnitude of the drop behind him should it have broken or he’d overbalanced… it sent another little shockwave of horror roiling through her gut. Did she even get that right? In the moment she’d felt she’d known exactly what he needed… but… what if? What if she shouldn’t have left him. No, she shouldn’t have. Even for a second. What if? Should she have grabbed him? Pulled him away from there? No… no, shocking him would probably have made it worse. He was far stronger than she was.

She’d been foolish to let Bez go ahead though. Foolish to think that after one brief meeting she’d magically fixed that issue for him. She knew full well that wasn’t how it went and should have been far more careful.

It had taken several long moments for him to recognise her. His pupils so dilated his eyes were more black holes than blue pools. Not like the very first moment she’d looked into them, when the blue burned so brightly, more like the second when his face was strained with terror and he’d screamed at her to…

No. She had to stop this train of thought before it made her even more useless to him than she’d been already.

At least she’d got him out of range before the little voice of her pupil piped a cheery “byeee Mr Scott”. Hopefully it was unlikely they’d run after him even if the connection was belatedly made, but it was another reason to steer clear of the main road.

She hadn’t known what the younger sister’s name was. Would never have guessed his mother was one of those fans. Though the knowledge did throw a couple of the stranger remarks little Jeff had come out with into a new light.

Scott didn’t seem to be struggling with a flashback or anything now, thankfully, just walking quietly, a slight frown on his face, his gazed fixed a little above the rooftops. The only clue he was even aware of her presence was the way her elbow, looped through his own was clamped lightly but firmly to his side. Bez trotted at his other side, glancing up at his new two-legged friend almost as often as his mistress was.

“I’m so sorry, Scott.”

He seemed to shake himself. “Don’t be silly, not your fault.”

“I didn’t know…”

“Even if you had, Estera, we couldn’t have done anything different. Tracy needed help, so we helped. And it’s ok! Really. It is.”

He looked down at her and… well she wanted to believe him but… a little groan escaped her and she found herself gripping his arm slightly tighter. He patted her hand.

“It was just a little… strange! I’m glad she didn’t realise that I… well. It would have been a shame to disappoint her, you know?”

“I hardly think you’d prove a disappointment.”

Yes, there it was - the slight twitch of his jaw that somehow she knew was coming as soon as the words left her mouth. Estera felt rather the same way she did when she saw one of the children berated by a stressed-out parent for breaking or losing something again…

“I meant she’d want to know if she was right about… about Dad, wouldn’t she? I mean it’s kinda amusing to imagine him going all vigilante… but if he is… well he’s taking his sweet time about bringing the World Government down and getting home.”

“Mmm… maybe they are more robust than people think.”

He snorted derisively. Interesting, maybe she’d probe that one some other time.

“Well if he does manage it and then makes a grand reappearance, I’ll give him a hug first, then congratulate him…” the corner of his mouth quirked and his eyes glinted a little “… and then I’d kick his ass for leaving me with all the paperwork.”

She burst out laughing, partly out of surprise, partly relief. He grinned and gave her arm a squeeze. They followed a path through the last row of houses and emerged into an open field, to be greeted at last by the vast sweep of the sea in front of them. Scott took a deep breath:

“Thanks for the rescue though, you think you’ve heard them all, think you’ve got all the lines ready but…” he waved a hand in lieu of finishing the sentence.

“She was really quite keen wasn’t she? I mean do you think her husband deliberately…” Estera caught herself just in time. The distinct downside of how easy Scott was to talk to was that she sometimes really REALLY needed to stop talking.

“Deliberately what?”

“Nothing. Inappropriate thought.”

He smirked “Well now I really want to know!”

“No! Not…” Estera blushed and whacked him on the arm “… not like that!”

“Then…?”

Their pace had increased without her realising and she was needing to take three steps for every two of his. She huffed, realising that if she held out he’d be assuming even worse. “I just meant… well…” she dropped her voice in case anyone was listening out of a window “did you notice the husband’s hair? Just like… your Dad always wore his in the old documentaries.”

He looked at her for a moment before letting out a single explosive “Ha!” and shaking his head.

“The sweep and flick! I’d forgotten that. He used to say it was the most dashing style you could maintain in a space suit… kind of controlled helmet hair I guess. He wore it a lot simpler, more formal once Mom… once he started all the TI stuff, you know?”

She rather thought she did know but before she could think of how to respond he continued:

“I reckon it must be deliberate, he seemed like a smart man and whatever works… Anyway, before I think any more about people finding my dad sexy…” he pulled a revolted face “How did it go?”

“What?”

“The lunch! How did it go?”

Scott Tracy could change topic as fast as his beloved rocket could U-turn. Estera felt slightly as though she had whiplash but hastily endeavoured to catch up. She’d spent most of the previous day looking forward to sharing the details with him but given everything so far this morning they had all slithered out of her mind.

“Oh! Of course. Ok, I think?”

“Only think?”

“Well, if I don’t think about any of the awkward things I said or the names I immediately forgot after Lady Penelope introduced people… I’m usually good with names but apparently as soon as you add titles as well it seems I get scrambled. I mean I didn’t even know there WAS an Earl of Devonshire? He was alright, if a little old fashioned but some of them were so strange and rude. Others were pleasant though. I hope I didn’t show Penelope up too badly, she was very kind to invite me. And I enjoyed it! I did. Except the more I think about it in retrospect then more I am sure they all knew I didn’t belong there… and… ah, I probably got carried away going on and on when I should have just smiled and nodded, you know?”

She tailed off and cleared her throat, embarrassed at the sudden flood of badly ordered thoughts. She tried to summarise but it came out like a generic answer to an interview question:

“It was a good learning experience.”

Scott was smiling in an irritatingly knowing fashion as he slipped his arm out of hers and started fiddling with his wrist comm. Bez, apparently content that he was no longer required to prop anyone up, bounded away in hot pursuit of something small and fluffy.

“What are you looking so smug about?”

“I had a message from Penny last night.”

The sun was suddenly far too hot. “Oh. Oh no. What did I do? I upset people by ranting about controversial things didn’t I? Ah. Aaaah I knew it! I really SHOULD have smiled and nodded and just been normal I’ve always been awful at that. I just… I sometimes forget to slow down and how I’m supposed to act! I’m so sorry Scott, I messed it up! Don’t look like that! It’s not funny!”

“Shall I read it to you?”

“I don’t know that you should.”

“I do.” He cleared his throat importantly and tapped his comm before reading aloud as they walked.

“Scott darling I’m afraid you will have to spend less time with your new friend…”

Estera suddenly felt incredibly nauseous and slowed her pace. She couldn’t work out why he found this so amusing. She knew he valued Lady Penelope’s opinion and, well, in honesty Estera had begun to do so too. It was disappointing to think she had managed to lose favour so quickly.

Scott paused and waited for her to catch up. “There’s more!”

“You will have to spend less time with your new friend because I would very much like to claim a little more of hers myself. Lady Smythe-Gibbons was entirely charmed by the manner in which she set Sir Fancypants in his place on the new immigration bill. As you know, the two of them have never seen eye to eye and once she saw how put out he was about it I believe I can now count on the good Lady as an ally in that particular campaign. I do hope Estera enjoyed herself and wasn’t too put out by my commandeering her Saturday afternoon.”

“Oh.” Estera took a moment to process. “I’m fairly sure it wasn’t Smythe-Gibbons…”

“I may have taken poetic licence with some of the names she mentions here.”

“I really should remember the names…”

“You’re missing the point a little here, E. You did good! Y’are officially PCW-approved!”

Ordinarily she’d have been delighted to point out how his accent slipped when he was excited, but the satisfaction of it was tainted by the thought that this seemed to have been some kind of test and she’d only passed it on a fluke.

“Well it’s a relief but it’s also entirely by chance! I could have as easily upset the wrong dignitary and ruined all Lady Penelope’s plans.”

Scott shook his head vigorously.

“Naw, I’ve found that one of Penny’s greatest tricks is unleashing the right person on the right person at the right time.”

“How do you mean?”

“If you upset Lord Fluffington-McDoodieface it’s because she intended you to do so. She wouldn’t have let you loose anywhere you could have done any real damage. Well, any damage she doesn’t want to occur anyway.”

Once again Estera found herself not knowing quite how to feel about Lady Penelope.

“But… what if I’d…”

“The best thing is to go with it and enjoy the ride. At least you got an interesting political debate and a decent lunch. Usually I just end up distracting some oblivious executive’s wife with mindless chitchat while she extracts information from the husband and I starve to death on tiny food.”

“Don’t you feel a bit… used?”

“Nah. She does so much for us and for International Rescue. If my buying a drink for a pretty girl or… well… if I’m being entirely honest it’s more usually a septuagenerian millionaire with a terrifying glint in her eye…” Scott clutched a fist to his chest, all virtuous melodrama. “If that helps her uncover a nefarious plot or raise a ton of cash for charity, I’ll do it. Occasionally.” He chuckled and then added with a grin “When I can’t find an excuse to be elsewhere.”

“A terrifying glint, huh?” Estera couldn’t quite hide the smirk.

Scott turned to her with wide, mock horrified eyes.

“So terrifying. Honestly. Occasionally if they are standing between me and the door, leaping out the window seems the safest option. But I stand my ground for the greater good.”

“You are sooo brave.”

“I really am.”

She shoved him lightly into the hedge.

“Tell me though, which is the more terrifying - the predatory pensioners or the tiny food?”

“I think we both know the answer to that.”

“Well luckily my plans for later involve very decent portion sizes. But first, you have to earn it.”

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Next chapter

[dootznbootz]

I went on tiktok to just watch some silly Odysseus videos but then I mostly saw people going like "Yeah, maybe Odysseus cried on Calypso' island every day but honestly he had that coming after what he did Achilles and Patroclous/Circe!!!" and "Everything that happens in Odyssey is deserved cuz he took Patrochilles to war!!!" and "I feel so bad for Circe and Calypso and Penelope, they deserved better!!!"

For fucks sake I beg you, read anything different from Millers bs and like educate yourself- And please stop goddamn saying that rape victim. deserved it.

Circe probably didn't give a flying fuck, Calypso is a rapist and abuser and Penelope deserved everything she wanted and SHE WANTED ODYSSEUS

I think I've had enough internet for today, imma go wash my eyes with bleach. Anyways sorry for ranting here, i hope you don't mind it lmao

It's alright. I absolutely understand the vents about the whole thing. :'D No one deserves to be a victim of such a thing no matter WHAT they've done. I hope your eyes are okay after the bleach

Like Odysseus does so many fucked up things but Calypso and Circe? He is the victim. Period. It's very clear that Odysseus is in extreme distress on Ogygia. And Circe wasn't some sort of FwB situation. There's fear and numbness in the language he uses when talking about it. There's so much victim blaming and it SUCKS.

Even then, Odysseus' journey was kind of about "temptation" or just straight up "Die or get out of my sea." From Poseidon. "I don't want you in my waters so I'm gonna try and give you things that will keep you on land or just kill you."

Immortal goddesses wanting you would be many people's dream come true but not for Odysseus. And I think that's the point. His determination, how he clawed his way back into the arms he never wanted to leave in the first place, is incredible. Many people would've given up and just started a new life but he never would because no life he could ever create would compare to the life he had before. Even if it's different, it's what he's always wanted.

He literally tells Calypso "I'm not stopping until I'm home. I don't care if I suffer more until I do. I'm going home."

“Mighty goddess, do not be angry with me over this. I myself know very well Penelope, although intelligent, is not your match                                          to look at, not in stature or in beauty. But she’s a human being and you’re a god. You’ll never die or age. But still I wish, every moment to get back to my home,                                                       to see the day of my return. And so, even if out there on the wine-dark sea some god breaks me apart, I will go on— the heart here in my chest is quite prepared to bear affliction. I’ve already had so many troubles, and I’ve worked so hard                                  through waves and warfare. Let what’s yet to come be added in with those.”

(Book 5, Johnston)

Circe's a goddess and what happened is nothing like Dionysus and Ariadne and Apollo and Hyacinthus for example. Circe never gave Odysseus a crown of stars and he would never go out of his way to kill 120 people for bothering her. They did not love each other and he can't refuse as she's a goddess.

If you interpret them sleeping together the entire year,(It's only explicitly said that they had sex once so that's what I go with personally.) that doesn't mean he was happy with it! Even then, the whole situation is not what a healthy FwB should look like! I'm asexual and even I know that no one in a FwB situation should have to BEG in any way that basically says "Please let me go or kill me" with supplication!!! The fact that he leaves so quickly he forgets one of his men? The fact that during Elpenor's funeral, he doesn't greet Circe himself? He was avoiding her. Wouldn't he want to get "one last night together" during Book 12 if they were fwb? 🙄

It's bonkers to me that people hate him for being a "cheater" when A.) having multiple lovers wasn't uncommon in Ancient Greece, and B.) the two people he is explicitly said to have "cheated" with, weren't his choice. He wasn't actively searching for pretty women either!!!

As mentioned, while it was common for men to have many lovers, Odysseus never had any listed unlike some of the other men. (not bashing any of them. I'm just making a point in comparison.) He also has no other children besides Telemachus in Homer's works. There's no evidence of him having other lovers other than speculation. (funny enough, I once read somewhere that the reason why Odysseus is so mean is because he doesn't "bond" enough with the other soldiers. 😂)

Does that mean he didn't have other lovers? Technically, Nope! It's just never explicitly stated either way. He has slaves but none were ever said to be concubines or that he sleeps with them. He has deep bonds with his fellow soldiers but that doesn't mean he sleeps with them. That doesn't mean people can't write or talk about him doing so even though it's not mentioned! Just like it also means that someone can write him not doing so as there's nothing that says it either way in Homer's Works! :D

It's fucked up when people say "He didn't try to leave Calypso enough" or something of the like. It just tells you how A.) they didn't read the Odyssey or have piss on the poor reading comprehension or B.) ...you should probably stay away from that person...

With Circe though??? I can understand the confusion but digging deeper and looking at the text, he wasn't having a good time. Or at the very least was walking on Eggshells the whole time. I hate bringing up that essay over and over again but like...I literally wrote everything there.

I also don't like how people take Circe's morally gray-ness away from her. Let her do something fucked up to be fucked up!!! Let her traumatize Odysseus!

Idk, I kind of hate that I'm "known" for this but I relate to this idiot asshole a lot and it means a lot to me that his story, despite what happens to him, has a happy ending :'D

[omarigold-au]

Kel's reference! 🏀

[velvetvexations]

an alt-right Transformers fan referring to the IDW comics as "divisive" is the most filtered through an niche echo chamber take I've seen in a really long time

[jesse-pinko]

(Holds gently) more deets on Diane Cipher, my OC Matilda Pines’ past life as a Euclydian! She is a crumpled tissue creature and she has known nothing but misery and strife! She was Bill Cipher’s older sister, and I’m thinking he did something to amplify his powers when he destroyed Euclydia, and that Diane, acting out of rage and desperation, used the same conduit to give herself powers just before she died so that her spirit could survive and take revenge/ stop Bill from destroying other dimensions. She has appeared every time Bill has attempted to conquer dimension 46’\ to assist humanity in keeping him at bay, even working with the first ever witch, a Mesopotamian woman, to help humans learn to harness their dimension’s power so that they could help defend themselves from Bill, though her own powers are even more limited than Bill’s because she is technically also dead and a ghost. She has managed thus far to keep her continued existence a secret from her younger brother because, quote, “why would I want to talk to that @$$&*!€?!” During the establishment of “Silas Birchtree’s” cult, Diane meets Estela De La Cruz, a scrappy young woman out to collect money Silas stole from her brother, who is in prison and owes money to some dangerous people. Emmaline Butternubbins and Estela help Diane put an end to BillVille, but Estela is killed by Bill/Silas in the process. She allows Diane to possess her body so she feels no pain upon her death, and the sudden, threatening shift in Estela’s demeanor disturbs Bill, but he can’t put his finger on why. Diane is in despair after Estela’s death, confiding to the Axolotl that she feels she is using people up to achieve her goals just like Bill, and wonders if the cycle will ever end. She can’t possibly win in the end; he only has to win once and it’s all over. The Axolotl presents her with an alternative: reincarnation as someone who would cross paths with Bill. She would be able to manifest her powers in the physical world, but she would have no memory of her previous life. Maybe it’s traitorous, an insult to their memory, to let go of all she has left, of all that is left of Euclydia. But the memories are too painful, and now she can have a new start, a new, loving family. And she’ll protect them no matter what.

[macksartblock]

Every time I think about Grant Wilson I think reading THG trilogy would’ve done wonders for him