#reconcile both images into one body is so interesting

[kazmaniandevii]

kaname date with the brown roots >>>>

[probablyasocialecologist]

Palestinian liberation is a feminist issue. While this truism should need no elaboration, it has, as with so much that relates to Palestine, necessitated discussions, clarifications, analysis and documentation, again and again. Palestine rights activists have long been familiar with the all too common phenomenon known as PEP: Progressive Except for Palestine. Less known, but no less common in feminist circles is FEP, the Feminist Except for Palestine phenomenon. Books such as Evelyn Shakir’s 1997 Bint Arab recount incidents of FEP going back to the ’60s, with many Arab feminists being shunned by their American friends over their support for Palestinian liberation. FEP had one of its early expressions on a global stage at the 1985 United Nations World Conference on Women in Nairobi, Kenya, when Betty Friedan, an icon of second‑wave western feminism, with its slogan ‘the personal is political’, tried to censor the late Egyptian feminist Nawal el‑Saadawi as she was about to walk up to the stage to deliver her address. ‘Please do not bring up Palestine in your speech,’ Friedan told el‑Saadawi. ‘This is a women’s conference, not a political conference.’ Sadly, little has changed in global north feminism’s rejection of the very humanity of the Palestinian people, as evidenced in their continued exclusion from national and global discussions of women’s issues. White feminism has continued to align itself with orientalist imperialist militarism; Ms Magazine cheered the Bush Administration’s US war on Afghanistan in 2001, calling it a ‘coalition of hope’, and suggesting that invasion and occupation could, indeed would, liberate Afghan women. The white feminists in the Feminist Majority Foundation, which bought Ms Magazine in December 2001, never consulted with Afghan feminist organisations such as the Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan, who denounced both religious fundamentalism and western intervention in Afghanistan, and who opposed the US attacks on their country. More recently, hegemonic feminism’s desire to exempt Israel from criticism led to the fragmentation of the Women’s March, the coalition of women’s and feminist groups that came together to denounce the election of Donald Trump to the presidency of the US. The co‑chair of the 2017 Women’s March was Brooklyn‑born Palestinian American Linda Sarsour, a grassroots organiser who had long championed Palestinian rights. When journalist Emily Shire asked in the New York Times ‘Does Feminism Have Room for Zionists?’, Sarsour responded with a resounding ‘No’. Many felt threatened by her outspokenness and visibility. Another Palestinian feminist, Mariam Barghouti, also asserted in a 2017 article that ‘No, You Can’t Be a Feminist and a Zionist’, and explained that: ‘When I hear anyone championing Zionism while also identifying as a feminist, my mind turns to images of night raids, to the torture of children and to the bulldozing of homes.’ In the wake of Israel’s latest war on Gaza, white feminists are denouncing the unsubstantiated accusations of sexual violence against Israeli women, without addressing the Israeli state’s amply documented gendered violence against Palestinian women, children, and men. ‘Feminism cannot be selective. Its framework comes from true and absolute liberation not just of women, but of all peoples,’ Barghouti continues, building on bell hooks’ analysis of feminism as a complete liberatory movement. ‘A feminist who is not also anti‑colonial, anti‑racist and in opposition to the various forms of injustice is selectively and oppressively serving the interests of a single segment of the global community.’ Simply, ‘feminism’ that aligns with regimes that engage in racial and ethnic oppression is gendered supremacy; no ideology that hinges on supremacy and discrimination is reconcilable with feminism.

[luna-rainbow]

idk if you've seen that post, it's from years ago at this point, where someone is surprised to hear that Bucky has a disability. i think it's in an ask with a response like HE'S MISSING AN ARM. remembering that left me thinking,,, what are your thoughts on Bucky's own comprehension of his disability? like, i'm sure he experiences chronic pain, and he's aware of his disability *especially once he has a metal arm that can be detatched as we see in tfatws* but i also feel like he might feel guilty taking the title of disabled because he has the serum and is "super" plus he doesn't feel like he deserves the support/help that can and should be given to disabled people when they need it. ALSO he hasn't had all that much time to process as a human rather than a controlled weapon that he is missing an arm. his prosthetic has been welded into him,, with probably less sensation,, but it functions like an arm,, idk i just feel like it probably hits him out of the blue, too 🥲

Oooh thanks for the interesting ask nonnie! And yes I do remember that hilarious post.

Here's my usual disclaimer that this is just throwing out ideas and that canon lends itself to many different interpretations.

I think the first thing to consider is Bucky's relationship with disability as a concept. He was good friends with Steve, a chronically ill person, but sometimes people have a different bias when it comes to invisible illness versus visible body difference. I have seen people, including disabled people, who are more accepting of one type than the other. He had grown up during a time when disability was considered a "defect" and there was talk of eliminating them from the gene pool, so there might be some inherent fear of being seen as "disabled". At the same time, he had also fought through one of the bloodiest wars of human history but also post the antibiotic era, which means a lot of major injuries became survivable compared to WW1. He likely saw many people around him become physically marked in one way or another. I have a feeling that that experience would have reconciled him with the fact that the value of life is greater than physical wholeness. So overall, I think Bucky probably had a fairly accepting view on disability and illness back when he was able-bodied, and while he needs time to process the loss, that acceptance is probably somewhat protective against self-hatred.

The second thing is the curious subject of Bucky's bionic arm. I have met (lower limb) amputees who reject the "disabled" label, because to them once they put on a prosthesis they could walk and run and work and exercise. I think worrying about being "deserving" might be a small part of it, there's a bigger part of worrying about social perceptions of disability -- they didn't want the "handicap" label to be used to hold them back. I suspect you are right, in that Bucky probably sees himself as very capable, even super-humanly so, with the (very high-tech) prosthesis. He most likely feels that being a soldier is a big part of his identity and sense of worth. I suspect also...going back to what Bucky's relationship with the word "disability" means, his interpretation of that (given he came from the 1940s) might mean something that has a profound impact on function, and he may feel that he doesn't fit that mark.

The third thing is Bucky's relationship with body image, which has varied from movie to movie. The Winter Soldier had no qualms flaunting that arm, but then the Winter Soldier had no mind of its own, and its handlers knew the metal arm was intimidating. In both Civil War and TFATWS, we see Bucky wear gloves and long sleeves to hide his arm, which he removes when he starts a mission. It could be that he doesn't want to scare people or draw attention to it day to day, or it could be that he associates the arm with the soldier part of himself and he doesn't want to see it when he's trying to return to a normal life. Interestingly, in Wakanda, Bucky had been quite content to walk around without any sort of prosthesis at all. This might suggest that he's less bothered by the missing arm than he is by the need to wear a weaponised prosthesis.

But you know, people are fickle creatures, and I am sure when he's hit by PTSD or a bout of anxiety or depression, his views on body image and his physical limitations would take a very nasty turn and he would have to work through all the stages of grief again.

[pillowfriendly]

hey be unwell about kethry and g'raha more >:3

o7 IF I MUST

to me there's definitely something to the dynamic between a historian and someone who is an Object of History. g'raha is obsessed with the past, both real events and myths and legends, especially with figures that appear larger than life in the stories told about them.

kethry, on the other hand, is uneducated and knows neither jack nor shit about history, but feels its effects constantly. the echo gives her visions of the past that are often traumatic/violent/generally unpleasant, and literally painful. (ive always found it interesting that the echo visions seem to hurt...) she's pulled into insane quests that occur because of longstanding historical conflicts and fuckups from decades if not centuries ago. to her, the past is something that is always trying to Get You.

so plot happens and g'raha, history guy extraordinaire, gets punted into the future. in the stories that got passed down, kethry became one of those hero figures he loves, but also she was right in her misgivings and one of those longstanding wars eventually killed her.

when they meet again, what must it be like to reconcile the grand historical image and the real person he knew, once? do the legends overshadow the real memories? how does it feel to be the kind of person you know she resents, dragging her into yet another massive conflict, except it's the only way to give her and thousands more a future of their own?

given where kethry is emotionally/mentally when they meet again, there's no way she believes he's doing any of this for good reasons. ya boi is some hooded stranger and yet another lord, and it sure fucking looks like he's holding her friends hostage to get her to do what he wants. and at the end of all the fighting she does for this man, wielded as a weapon once again, when her body is tearing apart at the seams--she finds out he's the guy she almost loved from years ago who left to shut himself in yet another Ancient Problem? AAAAAAAA

[orpheuslament]

Hi! I adored your poem so much that I got excited and had lots of thoughts about your lovely writing. So one thing led to another, I wrote some notes, and I thought it might be a fun experience to share my thoughts with you. So here are my notes on Sharing a Cigarette with Joan of Arc. This isn’t nearly everything that there is to say about this piece, I just wanted to gush about my favorite aspects of my initial reading (which may or may not have happened when I was drunk, I will admit). 

(Also, sorry if it’s a bit confusing, there are lots of grammatical mistakes and lacks structure. I mostly wrote/adapted this on my phone this morning while commuting and English isn’t my native language. I’m so sorry if I’m not quoting you right too, I’m mostly doing this from the top of my head)

As a queer person myself, I am very familiar with feeling small & vulnerable, grasping at the straws to figure out who (what?) I am, stuck in limbo, which is probably why I love it so much that your barebone characters melt into one another, the mirroring and entanglement that lasts only for a moment but isn’t any less significant. I loved the metaphorical give-and-take between the reader and Joan (a conversation that never happened between past and present. A revelation of sorts? Euh, I can imagine that) echoing the banality of sharing a cigarette with a stranger at the bar (Joan borrows your lighter but she rolls your cigarette and you’re sharing the same experience). I loved the economy of words, the graceful dryness of the writing. There’s no need to say too much for us to see what we’ve been looking for; your poetry is a mirror (I don’t remember what was the first piece of you that I’ve read, but I thought it was cruel; demanding & merciless. I loved it).

I love the parallels between the scene and the content, the characters are standing in between spaces (religious & secular space, masculinity & femininity, freedom & constraint, etc…) both figuratively and literally  (‘the emergency exit of a Parisian bar”). More generally; I love the back and forth between temporalities, the inside & outside, the person & the saint.

Ok, here’s something interesting; the figure of Joan of Arc is very ambivalent. She’s revered as a martyr and a Catholic saint (she was beatified in 1909 and then canonized in 1920 if I remember well, so that’s pretty recent, and an interesting political move) but she’s also considered a feminist icon, and a national symbol,  so as far as historical figures go, she is associated with various movements and currents of thoughts. Joan is a figure of antithesis. During World War I, her image was used to fuel the French national sentiment, and during World War II, she was simultaneously a symbol of Pétain’s France of Vichy, a symbol of the Résistance under de Gaulle's leadership, and of the Communist resistance. This is kinda crazy when you think about it because nowadays she’s mostly associated with the monarchists, and more generally the  French far-right (every year the RN celebrates JoA on the 8th of May. There’s a funny story to it). Her legacy is rich and contradictory, and it tells you exactly nothing about who she might have been; because she had no say in how her story was recorded, and the chronicles of her life were written by people who had lots of stake in how future generations would interpret her actions (& their inaction). We know nothing about who she was; “ I don’t want them to keep me. As a saint you lose all autonomy, your body is not yours to bury.” But that’s also what makes her so fascinating, right? I personally very much love the ambivalence of Joan's image; because to me as a French person, she’s deeply associated with a sense of identity (Joan’s sense of self is her divine right), but she’s also a symbol of individuality, transgression & defiance against social norms. That’s why I loved the ideological scope of your poem so much; a reinterpretation of the myth that reconciles every one of these facets. I love her for what she tells me about the loneliness of the struggle; the push to action; the jaded resilience and determination. (On a side note, did you know The Second Coming of Joan of Arc by Carolyn Gage or  I, Joan by Charlie Josephine? I’m kinda betting that you do cuz you seem pretty well-read, but if that’s not the case, those might be interesting and right up your alley) “In poet’s tongues & in the tip of the artist’s fingers. In the sound, a young girl’s hair makes when it falls to on her shoulders, in the way a boy creates himself with a pair of kitchen scissors & his parent’s dismissal. Patron saint of non-conformists, angel of the oversized sweater, of the buzzcut & the transsexual.” Those are my favorite lines, you have no idea how much i'd wanted to hear that.

I love the use of religious imagery in this context; the run-on pattern of light and fire that is so pervasive within the Christian mythology that’s associated here with the cigarette, which simultaneously joins the images of fire, smoke, and ashes, and defines the temporality of the piece as well; that transient moment of sharing a cigarette & chatting with a stranger at a bar (watching a small fox chasing a butterfly). Of course, Jeanne was burned at the stake so the association with fire is pretty commonplace, but what I love most is how you’ve capitalized on so many aspects of the symbolism of light and fire at once, be if within the Christian mythology and some sort of collective imaginary driven but many other influences, a rich network of associations feeding into one another. For instance, fire is often used as a symbol of God's presence in Christianity (‘ to be touched by God is to be destined to early fire’). In the New Testament, Jesus is the one who brings fire to the earth, and the Holy Spirit is the "tongues of flame" (in this case, I love the idea that there are so many readings available to your poems because your art is also a revelation, this is also your language,  ‘in poet’s tongues & in the tip of the artist’s fingers’) In Joans’s hands, the cigarette becomes an object of worship, much like in Christianity, the worship of fire was preserved through ritual candles (‘omens of a future in which her name is constantly lit by candlelight’). Religion and sanctity are simultaneously the conditions that make transcendence possible and the reason why Joan’s freedom is constrained. Fragile and illusory (the angel is parallel with a bird, a butterfly chased by a small fox. Which almost feels like a warning. Being seen is a point of no return. Doesn’t mean it’s not worth it). More generally (I’m thinking of Bachelard’s book, The Psychoanalysis of Fire, but I’m pretty sure any dictionary of symbols might say the same), and maybe more crucially, fire is associated with change, passion, or inspiration. Fire is the element of conversion in alchemy because everything that touches fire is irreversibly transformed, and often changed beyond recognition. But I kinda imagine that it’s not so much that fire has the ability to change something but instead fire reveals the underlying form of an element. Something that was there all along, a potential. As an element, fire has also mixed symbolism because it represents vitality and destruction, life and death, the lights of heaven and the pits of hell, a force that can be helpful when controlled (a candle, the cigarette), but volatile if left unchecked (the early fire; the pyre).

Association between the reader (you) and Joan, threading both into the same thoughts and experiences, creating a sense of belonging and understanding. I love the reference to physical transformation as liberating and cementing your sense of self and identity. Also, the repeating sequences about the hair reminded me of Patti Smith’s poem, “jeanne d’arc” which is also a subversion of the myth though she’s exploring a different alley. I love these lines, “got no hair / weighing me / cut so close / scalp is nicked”. I never knew it was such a universal experience, cutting your hair real short for the first time. I used to be so scared.

I love the choppy rhythm of your prose, the use of asyndeton that was kinda taken to the extreme, with the short sentences, you often dropping the subject clause, speech melting into thoughts into memories. There’s something organic about this that’s not quite like the usual stream of consciousness. Your poetry is like being out of breath.

Moreover, the dynamics of the passing of time are really neat in that piece, because you get the feeling that time stops, and freely moves backward (recollections; but also Joan’s presence - a sweet apparition) and forward (anticipation, and our knowledge of history, the cost of transgressing social norms throughout the past centuries. How far we’ve gone and how far we still have to go), which allows the reader to connect the dots on their own and retrace the underlying stories that transpire between the lines (Joan’s past, her fears, and doubts, her aspirations, etc… everything that makes Joan her own person before she is a Saint dispossessed of herself), gradually revealed in a smooth mix of inner dialogues, more distant thoughts & flashbacks, every aspect of the events connected to the characters and their journey. How brilliant.

On a side note, I am often reminded of Angels in America reading your poetry, mostly because you’re very similar in how you’re queering religious spaces (that is using religious motifs to express ideals, devotion, while simultaneously criticizing religious institutions & the dangerous hypocrisy of their tenants). You’re more radical tho, and I love your writing for that.

Alright, I'm done rambling. Good evening & take care!

THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL IM GOING TO CRY i loved Loved LOVED reading your thoughts about my poetry im always stunned when people take the time to analyze something ive written. sometimes you guys figure out things i didnt even know i was doing!! its such a cool way to discover things about myself + my writing. ill admit that sharing a cigarette is not the best thing ive written but seeing how it resonates w people fills my heart with joy. also i cant believe youre comparing my work to aia that play was extremely formative for me ive read it three times i think!! thank you sososososososo much!!!

[sighonaraa]

i know ur knee deep in ask games rn but i neeeeeed to know ur take on the shandy storyline and how it relates to keeley’s storyline in s3 (and how that might play into the long s3 fix it! if you would like to talk about that!)

so the thing about me is i LOVE being annoying about the media i consume and the fics i write about the media i consume and i ALSO love being sent asks like these. tl;dr: i would very much like to talk about this bc. i have So Many Thoughts.

re: keeley's s3 storyline. it was. Disappointing. to say the least. and i turned it upside down and shook it, and two things fell out that really struck me: 1) keeley's established fear of abandonment (played for laughs in season 1 but Very Important To Me Personally) and, 2) the fact that, as much as i dearly love her so much, keeley is all about accountability but rarely is given or takes the opportunity to take accountability for her own actions. one change i'm making for keeley's storyline in the fix it is, i'm going to have her and roy's break-up be mutual -- but mutual in the sense that the breaking up is mutual, while the reasons for each of them wanting to initiate the break up are quite. different.

BUT THAT'S ANOTHER POST. ANYWAYS.

now to shandy! personally, i was SO EXCITED for shandy when she was introduced. she was fun! she and keeley had fantastic banter! she genuinely was very smart and had good ideas, until they... yeah. y'know. mark me down as angry AND disappointed. the only woman of color in the show aside from dr. sharon (whose role in this season is a whole other... issue. BUT THAT'S ANOTHER POST) and THAT'S what you do with her?? bad and icky. baaaaaad and icky.

essentially, i've come to the conclusion that what i wanted from keeley and shandy's storyline, specifically, was a parallel of keeley and rebecca's storyline from season 1 -- but slightly to the left. because when i look at it, what i see is two women who both came from working class childhoods, got into modeling, dated footballers, and on the surface are more or less a stereotype of that sort of character. but with keeley, we got a subversion of that! and i want to dig into that subversion with shandy's character too! i think it would be really interesting to approach their storyline from the perspective of, like. keeley "got out". she "escaped" the narrative of this character archetype. and in doing so, she "abandoned" her past, and along with it, the people in her past. people like shandy.

so there's going to be a lot of butting heads between the two of them, and eventually keeley's going to be forced to take a step back and reflect on her own behaviors, not only regarding shandy but also regarding the mistakes she herself made in her relationship with roy. and in doing THIS, she'll ALSO be forced to reconcile herself with her own fears of abandonment. plus! i'm going to have that whole "starfuckr" thing (which was. another Choice the season made) actually play into the leaked sex tape storyline, and examine issues of public image and perception, having agency in what sorts of things are online re: you and your body, modeling as a profession that commodifies bodies, etc., etc. i want keeley to actually approach shandy and be like. hey. we've learned to view our bodies as Things, but we shouldn't have had to. and this sort of app isn't okay. and to have both of them be able to, like. talk to each other about the toxic environment of modeling and how that's played into their own senses of self-worth and self-esteem.

ALSO! my last point and then i'll be quiet lmao. but keeley and shandy and barbara will all be FRIENDS. and they will be wonderful and support each other. this is very important to me.

[soulsanitarium]

Mexico 🇲🇽 Three different films: Perdita Durango, Alucarda & La Tia Alejandra

1. The film La Tía Alejandra (1979). 🎥Aunt Alejandra arrives to a familiar household consisting of two parents and three children. Immediately the woman’s presence begins to interfere with the couple’s happiness and also sexuality. Everything seems to be surrounded by an aura of mystery.

Auntie teaches children witchcraft but when one of the children mocks her, she caused his death…She comes to a bathroom and makes the water so hot it burns the teenage girl’s body. Children hate the Auntie and she revenges. Husband starts to drink and is driven away from home. Finally Lucía, the wife, tries to save what is left and takes the active role.🔥👵You can compaire this movie to mother-child relationship in Carrie, or Psycho, depicted as abnormal and perverse. Lucía too desires independence and yearns to lead her own life, yet she is unable to break away from her “auntie’s” dominating influence. As a fantasy it is an important developmental step so that the separation - individuation process is completed and we can get distance to the mother. More interesting than average ⭐️⭐️⭐️

2. 🎥Alucarda (1977): Constant screaming and overacting. Movie borrows a lot from Carmilla - Sheridan Le Fanu’s novel and films and the rest from Mother Joan of the Angels, TheDevils... Perhaps it is more interesting to look for the psychological side of the film.

👯‍♀️ Alucarda (a Dracula, Mircalla - Marcilla - Carmilla) deals with twinship -themes. Is she just a fantasy figure? Justine’s sadistic inner world?

✝️Name ”Justine” is perhaps borrowed from DeSade’s novel. Is Alucarda just a channel for the aggression and shame, is it about Justine’s own sexuality? The film becomes more interesting if you look at it from different sides of one person.

Enlarge the image to see the borrowed dialogue

💞We all have the need to feel a degree of alikeness with other people. Processes of internalization are motivated by and emerge as the self’s protection of its existence through increasingly advanced ways to ensure the object’s availability in the individual’s world of experience. Identification is an essential form of internalization processes. (Tähkä 1996 & Tähkä R.) What it means to be treated as human by others? ”What I really want is just a sister” can be a wish of a clone-like relationship. Heinz Kohut (1978) calls this phenomena a twinship-transference / - self-object. This longing can also be sexualized.

☸️ In the Jungian psychology, in order to reach a relationship and integration of the Self for the individuation process, typically a person must face, reconcile, and assimilate two central components of the personal unconscious: 1) the Shadow, 2) Anima. Perhaps like in this scene (below) from Perdita Durango.

3. 🌪This is for the friends of Santeria, black humor and 🩸 violence Perdita Durango, released as Dance with the Devil in the United States, is a 1997 Spanish/Mexican action-crime-horror film directed by Álex de la Iglesia, based on Barry Gifford's 1992 novel 59° and Raining: The Story of Perdita Durango. It stars Rosie Perez as the title character and Javier Bardem.

🎬The film is reminiscent of many great other films. Such as: Wild at heart, Badlands, True Romance, Natural Born Killers, Bonny and Clyde, Il Capitano…both Perdita Durango and Wild at Heart go back to original novellas by Gifford. Isabella Rossellini played PERDITA DURANGO in David Lynch’s WILD AT HEART.

🔪Of course, real-life killer couples also come to mind, like: Homolkas, Sarah Jane and John Makin, Ian Brady & Myra Hindley, Mona Watson & Michael Howell, Suzan & James Carson…

🎭In the movie Romeo (Bardem) is a self-styled Santeria guru who spends most of his time flitting from one crime to another. When Perdita and Romeo hook up, all Hell breaks loose. Actually Romeo steals the show from Perdita…he is just amazing Santeria priest…captivating like a Rockstar ⭐️ Gandolfini, Perez …casting is Great

😨😨😨😨Human sacrifices, sadism, kidnapping, rape, murder, featus trafficking …

😂😂😂 Funny but then suddenly again not…

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Furious magic

🔪🔪🔪🔪Violence - Hay drogas y mucha violencia

😆 Screamin’ Jay Hawkins has a role in the film

🐆 One of the rear male witch performances in the film that actually is really worth seeing !

Best quote:

Romeo Dolorosa : I'm going to dance with the devil under the pale moonlight!

Perdita Durango : Go fuck yourself, Romeo.

Romeo Dolorosa : What's wrong? It's from Batman.

Perdita Durango : Fuck Batman!

✂️✂️✂️! The original Spanish version runs 10 minutes longer and features more sex and violence and ends with some characters digitally morphing into the scene finale from Vera Cruz. 🇩🇪 edition was original 126Mins.

©ST

Recommended Source:

Reenkola, E. (2002). The Veiled Female Core. New York. Other Press.

[xzacloudx]

All of this! I also love @marketableplushieenthusiast 's additions in the Replies section:

These both so well explain why Spamton is so popular, & why so many of us (myself included) are so passionately attached to him.

(And I have more of my own to add! Long post ahoy!)

Also, he & his setting can fit so many aesthetics: 80s-90s nostalgia/vaporwave, early Internet, the Matrix, cyberpunk, romanticized celebrity glamor, sharp businessman, creepypasta, trippy existential horror, analog horror, hacker/cyber thriller, even giant monster/Kaiju!

Plus there's unknown but potential personality traits he might've had at points in his life, which are so fun to fill in the blanks with: maybe as a regular Addison/the email guy, he was a shy dork with a stutter, or always was sleazy & spoke how he does now.

As a big shot, maybe he was an insufferably smug asshole, or maybe insecure & constantly stressed out because he already KNEW he could lose everything at any moment, or he was smoothly confident with a powerful aura (in a way that many find sexy).

Then there's all the "what-if" scenarios his many experiences & life phases inspire. What if he reconciled with the Addisons? What if he joined the party instead of becoming an item? What if in the NEO body he became way more giant, escaped the mansion, & ran rampant? What would he be like if his corruption could be cured? What if he COULD become real?

Between all the many already compelling things Spamton embodies in canon, are so many spaces we long to fill in. And his many aesthetics are a great takeoff point to apply him to so many visuals & concepts we find comforting or interesting.

And he's a character full of so much wistfulness & longing, nearly all his life. And as we got to know him, we also long on his behalf, for him to succeed in his goals, for his life to get better, for him to finally be happy... This creates deep emotional investment in his character, & compels us to both internalize & externalize his struggles & triumphs.

And all that means: Spamton inspires our imagination & creativity. He's the perfect subject for such a wide variety of media depictions; fanart, fanfiction, comics, animations, songs, & memes.

And because he's that unique blend of tragic, creepy, emotionally unstable, powerful, powerless, & cartoonishly silly, as well as varying in appearance/size/proportions throughout the game... Pretty much ANYONE of ANY talent level can comfortably draw him! (Though that is the case with ANY character of course, with Spamton it's easier to realize that, & feel less afraid of judgment about using the "wrong" style or supposedly not doing the character justice). A quick silly little meme scribble or image edit from a non-artist, a neutral piece by a mid-level artist who's still (in general) inconsistent with detail levels & doesn't get proportions right yet, & an epic hyper-detailed masterpiece... all featuring Spamton... can all stand together & be just as thoroughly enjoyed in different ways but to similar degrees. Because Spamton naturally fits ALL those styles & everything in-between!

He's just... one of the most approachable art subjects I've ever seen, & many other artists have expressed the same. So he INSPIRES & ENCOURAGES us to just get in there & DRAW HIM, so we get more practice. And by doing so with less (perceived) pressure, we feel more free to experiment with various styles, expanding our abilities. Thus, we become better artists in general! And that quality of his has even gotten people to finally try drawing/painting for the first time, & I've witnessed several of them improve to SERIOUSLY GOOD at a WILD rate! (🥹 I'm so proud of you peeps out there!)

And in terms of storytelling, getting to realize that a single fictional character can have SO much depth & variety has also inspired people to write deeper stories with more complex characters, rather than assuming they should each be constrained to single archetypes.

Bittersweetly, over time, many creators have taken off the Spamton fandom training wheels, & are now riding their bikes on exciting new trails (making art for different fandoms), & even off-roading in their own directions (focusing on original art & characters). But I'm sure they'll never forget the [insert adjective here] character who gave them the confidence & skill increase that's helping them more fully embrace their passions. 🥹

Spamton is a gift that keeps on giving. He not only entertains us passively, but also begs to be actively brought to life by our creativity. And in return, he enriches our lives in so many ways, & has expanded people's abilities & horizons. Spamton has changed many lives for the better!

((Gah! I was only gonna add a couple little lines, but I couldn't stop thinking of reasons Spamton is so compelling! X333))

sometimes i feel like toby fox made spamton and the addisons especially for people to hyperfixate on. everything about them seems so perfect for people to go rabid about its insane to me

for one, spamton himself pretty much counts for 4 people, those being addispam, big shot spamton, in game spamton, and spamton neo. now sure you mostly see people going rabid about in game spamton but ive seen plenty of people who are obsessed with a version we dont get to see on screen

secondly, even the main in game spamton himself is kinda up to interpretation. loads of people characterise him differently. if i compared two aus to eachother theyd often be very different and depending on the ones i chose could be almost like 2 different people, and then if i compared those to in-game spamton, theyd still be very different. also since you dont see addispam and big shot spamton on screen you dont even know what they acted like so again basically you can make your own guy to fixate on with a few prompts as to what he was like

dont even get me started on the addisons. now im biased as fuck here seeing that ive been fixated on the addisons for like 6 months now (send help) but toby fox basically gave us 4 templates for us to have fun with. sure based off of in game dialogue you have a bit to go off of when it comes to their personality (pink being an asshole and blue being caring for example) but even then every addison in every different au is slightly different and i have never seen two addisons turn out exactly the same. ALSO you dont even know the relationship these characters have to spamton meaning you can have them be siblings, you can have them be friends, or you can ship them based off of what you enjoy. OR you could just ignore them altogether (which a lot of people do lmao)

also another thing is the fact that you dont necessarily need to have your addisons' personalities just reflect off of spamtons. I mean the main 4 addisons give you enough to go off of to make your own, and you are given cyber city, an entire fantasy world for you to put them in. cyber city again is up to interpretation, some people have it be like a normal city, some people make it a utopia, some people make it a hellscape. the choice is yours!!

and even then in game spamton is so versatile. he is perfect for angsty stuff, fluffy stuff, or jsut silly stuff, and none of it is out of character. you couldnt really make an angsty spongebob edit could you, itd be weird and out of characer and no one would take it seriously. but also you couldnt make a silly walten files video, sure people do but its out of character and wouldnt actually happen canonically. but spamton on the other hand. hes the kinda guy who you can draw holding a wallet in his mouth like a cat and generally being silly but also you could draw him sobbing at the bottom of dumpster and neither would be out of character!! AAAA

also extra thing i thought id add but his backstory is also very up to interpretation, like i dont think ive ever seen two people who think spamtons rise and downfall went exactly the same. sure everyone has the same general idea of how it went but some people believe in acid theory, some people believe in puppetification theory, some people have a mix of both, some people have their own idea of how it went down, and with that you can project different parts of your own trauma onto whatever happened to him.

ok sorry that was so long thank you for reading my very biased ramble about why spamton is perfect byeeee

[emustockings]

I have a pet interest in religions, and this little bit of writing struck me as a fantastic image for exploring the subtle but no less insidious ways imperial powers construct "truth". Other times it's not so subtle at all of course, but what's described in this excerpt feels very relevant to a lot of well-meaning leftists within our own spaces. From Catherine Keller's On The Mystery, which is a book on Christian theology but specifically about reconciling the faith from a leftist perspective in the context of American right-wing extremism... I say all this for the comfort of anybody reading who has a heavy allergy to Christianity lol So you can either stop reading here or be like "ok as long as it's not bigots."

"What is truth?" Thus the Roman legate [ie Pontius Pilate] retorts in his exasperation with the difficult Jew before him [ie Jesus] (John 18:38). He asks the best of questions--if only he were actually asking. It would become possibly the world's most famous rhetorical question, uttered with the world-weary shrug of one accustomed to moral contradictions and religious extremists.... The Bible in its living context can only be understood "in the light of an omnipresent, inescapable and overwhelming sociopolitical reality--the reality of empire, of imperialism and colonialism, as variously constituted and exercised during the long period in question." From Egypt and Babylon, on to Greece and Rome, Israel was engulfed by globalizing cultures based on the involuntary coexistence of multiple ethnicities and their deities. Imperial order demanded a de facto pluralism uncharacteristic of prior, more local or tribal, unities. The fierce particularism of the Jews, especially when it irrupted in the anti-imperialist fervor of messianic movements, posed special problems for Roman stability in the region. And it also threatened the local elite, the class of rulers which in that colony, as in all nations subject to colonial rule or neocolonial dependence since, benefits from collusion with the imperial overlords. So, then, what "truth" could the difficult figure before Pilate signify under such circumstances? ... [We] feel the lashing irony of Pilate's question. It encapsulates the pluralism of indifference. It recognizes the differences of peoples, their gods, and their truths--with a shrug. It tolerates them as long as they remain "politically innocuous." But there was uncertainty about this case. So with a rhetorical shrug he tortures Jesus before handing him over to crucifixion. ... The Digest of Justinian summarizes succinctly the Roman policy: "By torture we mean the infliction of anguish and agony on the body to elicit the truth." So it seems that beneath the indifference to truth, a different approach to the truth and its confession is operating. This "truth" would be information you could extract from another, a proposition you could abstract from the quivering flesh, from the anguish and the resistance. Indeed, the ability to transcend the pain of your victim in the interest of truth would mark you as superior, rational, civilized. .... Might we recognize in the tortuous truth an extreme instance of every totalizing absolute? For doesn't every notion of a truth that can be demanded or commanded top-down finally threaten to extract its confession through torture--whether now on earth or later in hell? Such a "truth-regime" (Foucault) brooks no uncertain terms, no slant: a simple yes/no, either/or proposition is exacted. .... "Empire," writes Joerg Rieger of both Rome and the present one, "presents its own claims to truth even if, as in the contemporary embodiments of the postcolonial empire, often in hidden fashion."

[hoursofreading]

The 14 Precepts of Engaged Buddhism - Thich Nhat Hanh

Do not be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. Buddhist systems of thought are guiding means; they are not absolute truth.

Do not think the knowledge you presently possess is changeless, absolute truth. Avoid being narrow-minded and bound to present views. Learn and practice nonattachment from views in order to be open to receive others' viewpoints. Truth is found in life and not merely in conceptual knowledge. Be ready to learn throughout your entire life and to observe reality in yourself and in the world at all times.

Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrow-mindedness.

Do not avoid suffering or close your eyes before suffering. Do not lose awareness of the existence of suffering in the life of the world. Find ways to be with those who are suffering, including personal contact, visits, images and sounds. By such means, awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world.

Do not accumulate wealth while millions are hungry. Do not take as the aim of your life fame, profit, wealth, or sensual pleasure. Live simply and share time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need.

Do not maintain anger or hatred. Learn to penetrate and transform them when they are still seeds in your consciousness. As soon as they arise, turn your attention to your breath in order to see and understand the nature of your hatred.

Do not lose yourself in dispersion and in your surroundings. Practice mindful breathing to come back to what is happening in the present moment. Be in touch with what is wondrous, refreshing, and healing both inside and around you. Plant seeds of joy, peace, and understanding in yourself in order to facilitate the work of transformation in the depths of your consciousness.

Do not utter words that can create discord and cause the community to break. Make every effort to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.

Do not say untruthful things for the sake of personal interest or to impress people. Do not utter words that cause division and hatred. Do not spread news that you do not know to be certain. Do not criticise or condemn things of which you are not sure. Always speak truthfully and constructively. Have the courage to speak out about situations of injustice, even when doing so may threaten your own safety.

Do not use the Buddhist community for personal gain or profit, or to transform your community into a political party. A religious community, however, should take a clear stand against oppression and injustice and should strive to change the situation without engaging in partisan conflicts.

Do not live with a vocation that is harmful to humans and nature. Do not invest in companies that deprive others of their chance to live. Select a vocation that helps realize your ideal of compassion.

Do not kill. Do not let others kill. Find whatever means possible to protect life and prevent war.

Possess nothing that should belong to others. Respect the property of others, but prevent others from profiting from human suffering or the suffering of other species on Earth.

Do not mistreat your body. Learn to handle it with respect. Do not look on your body as only an instrument. Preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realization of the Way. Sexual expression should not take place without love and commitment. In sexual relations, be aware of future suffering that may be caused. To preserve the happiness of others, respect the rights and commitments of others. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world. Meditate on the world into which you are bringing new beings.

[marino222]

THE FOURTEEN PRECEPTS OF ENGAGED BUDDHISM Do not be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. Buddhist systems of thought are guiding means; they are not absolute truth. Do not think the knowledge you presently possess is changeless, absolute truth. Avoid being narrow-minded and bound to present views. Learn and practice nonattachment from views in order to be open to receive others’ viewpoints. Truth is found in life and not merely in conceptual knowledge. Be ready to learn throughout your entire life and to observe reality in yourself and in the world at all times. Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness. Do not avoid contact with suffering or close your eyes before suffering. Do not lose awareness of the existence of suffering in the life of the world. Find ways to be with those who are suffering, including personal contact, visits, images, and sounds. By such means, awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world. Do not accumulate wealth while millions are hungry. Do not take as the aim of your life Fame, profit, wealth, or sensual pleasure. Live simply and share time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need. Do not maintain anger or hatred. Learn to penetrate and transform them when they are still seeds in your consciousness. As soon as they arise, turn your attention to your breath in order to see and understand the nature of your hatred. Do not lose yourself in dispersion and in your surroundings. Practice mindful breathing to come back to what is happening in the present moment. Be in touch with what is wondrous, refreshing, and healing both inside and around you. Plant seeds of joy, peace, and understanding in yourself in order to facilitate the work of transformation in the depths of your consciousness. Do not utter words that can create discord and cause the community to break. Make every effort to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small. Do not say untruthful things for the sake of personal interest or to impress people. Do not utter words that cause division and hatred. Do not spread news that you do not know to be certain. Do not criticize or condemn things of which you are not sure. Always speak truthfully and constructively. Have the courage to speak out about situations of injustice, even when doing so may threaten your own safety. Do not use the Buddhist community for personal gain or profit, or transform your community into a political party. A religious community, however, should take a clear stand against oppression and injustice and should strive to change the situation without engaging in partisan conflicts. Do not live with a vocation that is harmful to humans and nature. Do not invest in companies that deprive others of their chance to live. Select a vocation that helps realize your ideal of compassion. Do not kill. Do not let others kill. Find whatever means possible to protect life and prevent war. Possess nothing that should belong to others. Respect the property of others, but prevent others from profiting from human suffering or the suffering of other species on Earth. Do not mistreat your body. Learn to handle it with respect. Do not look on your body as only an instrument. Preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realization of the Way. (For brothers and sisters who are not monks and nuns:) Sexual expression should not take place without love and commitment. In sexual relationships, be aware of future suffering that may be caused. To preserve the happiness of others, respect the rights and commitments of others. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world. Meditate on the world into which you are bringing new beings.

“Interbeing: Fourteen Guidelines for Engaged Buddhism,” Revised edition: Oct. 1993 by Thich Nhat Hanh, published by Parallax Press, Berkeley, California.

[ajappendix]

Amanda Jane interviews Miah Marlow and Miss Moonstar

Miah Marlow introduces her Tumblr blog with a list that immediately reveals her to be multi-talented. “Gender-fluid, Digital Artist, Writer, Musician, Professional Organizer, Philosopher, Activist, Model, Humorist.“ Her partner, in every respect, he calls Miss Moonstar.  It is my pleasant task to interview this special and interesting couple whom many people know from social media. 

Amanda

Our past has much to do with our present so let's begin by delving into the past, before you met. Despite the wondrous childhood images our culture likes to promote, many do not have an enviable start in life to carry forward into adulthood. My first question to both of you is:-

”What circumstances, experiences and events of your early years do you feel greatly influenced the person that you are now?"

Miah

My Mother left when I was 3 years old. Two years later my Father remarried a woman who, with his assistance, tormented and abused my young life for the next 13 years. My early years are marked by insecurity, fear, shame, and pain. We were incredibly sheltered, and I had very little contact with my extended family for many years. One of my deepest memories is that of missing my Grandparents, whom I knew loved me very much. Sometimes, I even dreamt I was at their house, and when I awoke to find it not true, I would cry uncontrollably at the reality until I puked. 

The most influential memory of my life happened the night my Dad drove me to the store at the end of the road. I was 7 years old. He pulled the car over and said "You'll always be special to me, but from now on SHE has to be first. If not she'll leave us. You will call her Mom." It was the day my Dad lost his spine, and I lost my Dad. I hate to start so negatively, but this is the truth. When I was old enough for them to leave me home alone, around 11 or 12, I began to create the earliest incarnations of what would become my gender fluidity. There is no question that being ruled by a strong, evil woman, and a weak spineless man, led me to be confused about where to find role models. So, I went deep into my own mind and made my own special place, and accompanying version of myself, galaxies apart from the me I showed the world. It would be a lifetime before I would reconcile the two. 

Miss Moonstar

Growing up as the youngest and the only girl in a home with all males and no mother or female role model was confusing and difficult but, it was also a lesson in strength and intelligence. I was already "different" than all of the other little girls around, with my dark complexion and my "strange" features. Add in being raised in a home full of only males and no mother, and that was a recipe for the perfect weirdo. I had a great father, who back then, was the wisest and most resilient person. He taught me to find solace and knowledge in the the earth, the water, the sun, the moon, and the nonhuman creatures. And books. So those were my friends, my teachers, and my counsellors for most of my young life. Making human friends as a young person proved to be almost impossible because in a small, conservative, 99.99% white, Christian town where ANY outsider is unwelcome; the mothers of the little girls don't trust a strange darker girl who does not have a "good god fearing mother to tame the savage out of her" (I actually heard things like that growing up), not to mention I literally had B cups at age 9, and that is a heavy accelerant for ignorant, insecure, small town women .....So I think as I matured into a young adult, these things helped mold me into being as disarming as possible because I just wanted women to see me, to like me, to understand that I'm one of them. These things probably played a role in me being insecure with my body image for most of my adult life, as well. The same experiences also taught me to be stoic, to never stop educating myself, to embrace my intelligence, to understand my power, and to never wield them for wicked reasons. To remember that no living creature is more valuable than another. And to recognize the internal beauty in the rare and unique people that the earth puts in my life.

Amanda

Both sad and at the same time beautiful answers. I think it has taken a long time for the social sciences to recognize the significant impact of our childhood years on what we become as adults, especially the first four years of our “formative years” (birth to 8yrs). 

Miah, “At what age did you realize that you were different from those around you, and begin to question where you fitted in the narrow binary gender view of the time.”

Miah

I mentioned that I began dressing feminine in secret around age 11. Up until 16, I was certain I was unique in this behaviour, and I certainly thought I was doing something wrong. I had no idea there were others like me, until finally, one day my mind was opened to a whole different world. Remember, this was 1991. There were no smart phones and being "online" was not quite universal. So, as a 16 year old wanting, no, needing porn, I had to turn to the medium of the time, magazines. Club Magazine to be exact, because it had penetration pics. I only had one copy stashed away in a secret spot, and since many of its pages were stuck together, I often found myself gooning to the back pages, where the 1-900 numbers were advertised, along with ads for other interesting publications and VHS tapes. This is where I saw what my immature mind could only describe as a chick...with a dick! She was tall, and skinny, with tiny, if there-at-all boobs, long brown hair, and a boyish yet beautiful face, advertising something called “Shemale BDSM”. I immediately fell into the fantasy of wondering about her, imagining how she came to be, and ultimately, being her. From that day forward, I never stopped imagining myself as a feminine thing, destined to someday flourish as I wanted. This was the moment I realized that boys could be girls, and maybe I was one of them. 

Amanda

Miss Moonstar, a slightly different question to you. “Growing up in a male environment and shunned as 'different' by the mothers of girls with whom you could have been friends, did you ever question your gender or did you always firmly feel that you were female?”

Miss Moonstar

For a long time, I didn't understand that the reason that I was "different" was because of my ethnicity and my over developed young body. I thought that it was because I was some form of weird boy. It's a strange explanation but, I was in a home with only boys, I did all the same things that boys did, I played with boys, I wore my brothers' "hand me down" boys clothes, I liked the same things as boys liked so therefore, I must be a boy. The day that I truly started to understand that I might not be exactly the same as my brothers and father was when, my dad walked by the bathroom and I was in there going pee, with the door open; my dad asked me what I was doing and I told him I was peeing. He asked me why I was standing up, over the toilet. I just always assumed that was how you went pee. That was how my brothers and my father did it, so why wouldn't I? My dad took me for a long walk that day, explaining to me the physical biological differences between boys and girls, as well as many other things. After that day, I kind of started to rediscover my body, feeling and knowing that I had something different than all of the boys and in my mind, that made me special. I was still very young and had much more to learn and understand about my sex and gender but, the pivotal events of that day subsequently began my journey to embrace my "femaleness" and my femininity. I still have many "masculine" personality traits but, I know that I was absolutely meant to be a woman and, even though womanhood can have it's negative and sometimes scary moments, I would not trade it for  anything. 

Amanda

A question for you both. “What kind of life were you leading just before you met? How did you meet? What attracted you to the other? Was the start of your relationship one of slow growth or was it quite sudden?”

Miah

I was beginning a new life when I met Miss Moonstar. Two years prior, I got divorced. I had lived with my then wife and her two children for 6 years. When I look back on it, I think it was my last ditch attempt at having a "normal" life and shutting out the girl inside who had caused me so much trouble. I struggled with the sexless relationship, but found personal growth in the raising of two boys. I never wanted kids of my own, but I got to teach them decency, and logic, and compassion, and I got to coach baseball. Sadly, I secretly found my feminine time through it all, until I could go no further. When I lost a job, she kicked me out. We tried to remain friends for the sake of the kids, and I finally told her my secret.

I had been doing some serious soul searching the past year since being kicked out. I was getting tired of hiding and lying, so I made the decision to come out in my city. My relationships were suffering, especially the one I had with my Grandpa, as he never could never quite understand me, because I was never honest. I had to set myself free. So, I told him, and my boss, and my few friends, and my ex step kids, and began my transition from secret crossdresser to gender-fluid girl. It was a whirlwind of a time, all culminating in an epic night out at a local bar, where I would make my hometown debut. I had some new friends who would accompany me, and one of them was a young lady who you have come to know as Miss Moonstar.

I could write for a year straight and still not address the scope of Miss Moonstar's arrival in my life. I was literally done with relationships. I planned to be a bachelor forever, taking lovers and being a sex Goddess until I died, when my friend Dawn introduced us. What I remember from that moment is often a blur, but I do remember a very specific feeling that overtook my body as she and I spoke. Nostalgia. Even though we had never met before, I knew this person. She was one of my kind. In fact, the last time I felt this way upon meeting a woman was my college days when girls and guys weren't all that different, just young humans with big dreams. One of us would say something and our eyes would meet and we would laugh in our minds together. On day one! My attraction was instant. My knowledge of her felt reliable and certain. Yes, she was beautiful,  yes, she was sexy,  yes, she was charming, but it was her softness  and intelligence that ultimately won my heart, as no one had ever used such a gentle hand with me, or a thoughtful approach, ever. Still, to this day, her soft love and understanding is unrivalled in my life, and one of the main reasons I'll try to keep her around forever.

I think we were dying to jump into an intensely heated affair, however, do to my gender fluidity and her metered approach, we took our time and tried to go slow. Soon enough, however, we were inseparable and have been ever since.

Miss Moonstar

About 2 years prior to meeting Miah=Jer, I had suffered a miscarriage at around 21 weeks. I cannot accurately articulate the feeling of that loss. To lose someone that I had loved so much but, that I would never be able to meet, was one of the most profound tragedies of my existence. While I was unconscious, the nurses contacted my romantic long term partner/father of my child, as standard procedure but also, so that I would not be alone when I came out of the anesthesia. When I awoke, the nurses gently informed me that my partner would not be coming. Since I could no longer be a vessel for his child, I was no longer a viable partner. I was a failure in every definition of the word. I spent the next almost 2 years grieving, searching for answers in every pocket of the world, and rebuilding myself. I had come to the conclusion that I deserved to love myself and that the only people who deserved to be in my life, were the people who encouraged and supported me loving myself. I also had decided that I was not going to have relationship partners ever again. Male and female lovers but, no relationships. Before I would embark on being the world's greatest womanizer and seductress though, I was introduced to Miah=Jer, through my friend Dawn. This person was physically the most beautiful human that I had ever seen, on both ends of the masculine/feminine spectrum and everything in between. However, when I sat down and started to talk to this person, I felt like I was finally home. I had always wondered what the feeling of "coming home" was. I never felt like I had ever been "home". Not with my family, not in the place that I grew up, not in any state or city that I had lived in, not around any humans. But this person, this strange feeling that was both foreign and more familiar than anything I had ever felt, this was exactly where I was supposed to be. We started our conversation that night and for the next almost four years, haven't stopped. The attraction was cerebral for me. Of course he has endless physically attractive traits but, I love Miah's intellect the most. I love that Miah is much more intelligent than me, I love that there is no topic that is off limits, I love his constant quest for knowledge, her never ending thirst for learning. And his patient, gentle approach to all of my crazy idiosyncrasies. I also have a dark, twisted, sick sense of humour and Miah is the only person that I've ever met that can go toe-to-toe with me on that. Because we both were in a place in our lives where we refused to keep hiding our true selves and, couldn't continue to pretend that we weren't total freak shows, we both needed to build a safe space for each other, so as much as the feeling of "home" was sudden, we slowly nurtured and grew our relationship. As ridiculous and cliche as it may sound, Miah=Jer is my soul's recognition of it's counterpart. Miah=Jer is the love of my life and I will love him for as long as she allows me to, but I will start with forever. 

Amanda

What wonderful answers both of you have given. So powerful, so touching. What an irony that two people, both sworn to lead single lives, should meet and almost immediately know they had just met their soulmate. It is a rare and special story, well worth telling. So many yearn to meet the “right” partner and have not. Let’s hope such readers will be encouraged by your stories.

Now that we are up to the present, it is time for a standard question for you both. “What age are you now, where do you live and what do you do to make a living.”

Miah

I'm from Ithaca, NY, I'm 46, and I have a unique arrangement from which I obtain resources. I've been demonized by some family members for this lifestyle, but I wanted to be honest with you all. Coming out as genderfluid hurt my career path a bit. If you think poorly of me after reading this, well, fuck off.

I care for and work for my Grandpa. I manage his life and his business. He's 89, and he requires assistance in almost every area of his life. Some of that is personal care and daily needs like food, various appointments, his finances, and his medical needs. But, it also entails acting as property manager for his apartment building, and rental agent when an apartment becomes available or a tenant has needs. I also maintain the property physically and do the building maintenance. I do this because I'd be dead without my Grandpa, and he was abandoned by his immediate family when his wife, my Grandma, died. He saved me numerous times in this life, and it is only right I repay his love with love in return. Both Miss Moonstar and I have promised him that we will be here until the very end so that is what we will do. This work I do amounts to anywhere from a demanding part time job to a full time job depending on the week, but we have our own house on the same property, food and necessities, and some of the rent I generate becomes mine. I supplement this by working for another elderly person in town in a similar assistant capacity. This is how I get by. I definitely did not expect to be doing this at 46, but loyalty has its price, and its rewards. It's no secret Miss Moonstar and I will inherit this place when the saddest day of my life comes, and it will help us take care of each other moving forward. I hope some of you will still be here for me then. I probably won't know what to do with my grief.

My career is not over though. Many people do not create their legacy until the second half of their life. I fully intend to pursue my dreams as long as I'm alive. I'll probably find my way back to a non profit agency where I can use my law degree for some good, and I definitely plan to add 'published author" to the list of things I've done. Heck, I could still get a record deal. Crazier shit has happened. 

Miss Moonstar

I'm 39 years old. I now live in Ithaca, New York. For a good chunk of years I was a pastry chef, before and after I graduated culinary school. I earned my associate degree in social sciences with the intention of pursuing my B.Soc.Sc in sociology but, the culinary dream had already sunk its teeth in me. After graduating culinary school in New Orleans, I stayed there and continued my career as a pastry chef. I spent some time doing that in various other cities and states until I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. At that juncture, I knew that I needed to make some serious life changes so, I did. I attained my B.Soc.Sc in sociology, and entered the world of social work. I finally found where I belonged when, a nonprofit that I connected with on a deeply personal level contacted me, offering me a position as a victim advocate for survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. It has been one of the most humbling, heart wrenching, and necessary experiences that I have ever had.  

Amanda

What a talented and qualified couple you are. I cannot see why, Miah, anyone should think less of you. To put your own life on hold to assist your Grandfather shows that you are a person with moral and ethical values. Yes, there are advantages for you too, but for my own part, I applaud you for what you are doing. Miss Moonstar, from indirect experience I know something of the emotional strength and determination that it takes to be a counsellor to people experiencing heart wrenching situations. I know too how difficult it can be to find a balance of compassion and professional distance that does not burn you out of this invaluable but difficult counselling practice. I also know that arthritis is no fun at all and that you often have to deal with pain. You both deserve medals.

Miah, I know you have written about this several times on your blog, but for this interview “Please clarify what “gender-fluid” means to you and why you feel that the various terms crossdresser, trans, sissy etc do not correctly describe who you are?”

Miah

As the years have passed, my definition of my gender has changed yet I still use the same word, gender-fluid. I suppose this is simply because it's the most accessible word available, even though many people still don't know what it is. I'm gender-fluid in the literal sense, meaning my gender is fluid. While many people find themselves leaning feminine or masculine or in between, I am all over the spectrum depending on my mood or desire. Often times, this manifests as either the "girl" or "guy" me, which is sickeningly binary to me, but it is what it is. At least I can move on the spectrum as I wish. I think of gender as different from biological sex or sexuality. I still view myself as male, and my sexuality really has no bearing on my gender, or vice versa. 

The other words you mentioned either aren't strong enough to define me, or undermine me entirely. For example, the word crossdresser is a weak action descriptor. It merely says that one crossdresses, similar to how biker indicates one rides bikes. The word sissy adds a sexual element that is not always present in my regular behaviour, and also indicates that I might be submissive, embarrassed by what I am, or negatively influenced by the internet. None of these are true. Finally, transgender can never be the word for me because I do not claim womanhood. I think that is the essence of being trans, that one is the alternate sex from their birth body. I am simply not a woman, and one hundred percent biologically male. I claim femininity as a skillset and part of my gender, hence my reliance on the term gender-fluid. 

Amanda

Personally, I appreciate the nuance of the term gender-fluid as you describe it. The words gender and sexuality are not synonyms. I generally refer to myself as a cross dresser but I agree that all that term really implies is that I cross dress. 

Miss Moonstar, many women would balk at living with and loving a partner who presents as a male one day and as a female the next. “Can you describe how you feel about this and, by doing so, help other women to appreciate the possibility of doing likewise?”

Miss Moonstar

 First and foremost, I love Miah=Jer's gender fluidity and all of the different characteristics that it entails. Regardless of what end of the gender spectrum she presents as, he has the same heart, the same mind, the same emotions, the same voice, the same body, everyday. This was never something that I "needed to wrap my head around" or do any deep soul searching about when I Miah=Jer. Yes, I first met him when she was en femme but, the very next day we met for coffee and she was en masc. The familiar cerebral conversation, the relaxed nature, and the attraction did not change with the gender accoutrements.

Being with a man who knows that he is a man who, also knows that he has many genders is the most liberating and refreshing feeling that I have ever experienced. I've always been a pansexual woman, constantly seeking out something that everyone I knew told me did not exist. But it did exist, it DOES exist. Having a male partner who not only loves femininity and all of the different tangible and intangible layers but, who understands it, enjoys it, and LIVES it, is something that I will never take for granted.

I know that some people want me to say that during the beginning of our relationship, I was worried about; whether Miah would be "masculine" and "manly" enough for me, what people would think of me when they saw us together in public, if my friends/colleagues/family would approve of our relationship, how our sex would work, what do I say to people who question me about Jer and/or our relationship. The truth is this, in the same order that I listed the "thoughts": I did not consider her manliness or masculinity. His gender is fluid, her masculinity is always there, just as his femininity is. As far as his manliness goes, he is a man, he identifies as a man and when he needs or wants that manliness to be at the forefront, it is and, I don't get to decide either of those. No one has the right to decide his gender except Miah=Jer. I fell in love with her BECAUSE of her gender fluidity, NOT IN SPITE of her gender fluidity. I have never cared what people think when they see us together in public. If someone that I care about doesn't approve of our relationship, that's their problem, not mine. If you can't be seen in public with us, then you don't need to be seen by me, at all. I don't have time for that shit. If someone genuinely inquires about Jer or our relationship then of course, I explain what gender-fluid means, who Jer truly is inside, who I am, the beautiful love that we have, and why I'm the luckiest person in the world. And as far as our sex, I think everyone wonders what the sex will be like when they first enter in a relationship, regardless of the dynamic. I wasn't worried about Jer not desiring me, not because I'm arrogant, it was just pretty obvious that he desired me and my body as much as I desired him and his body. I don't need to go too in depth but, for the first time in my life, I feel sexually liberated with Jer. There is no judgment, no pressure, no weird expectations. We agreed from the beginning that sex is meant to be a joyful experience and, we encourage each other to free ourselves of our sexual insecurities. And he's a real hellcat in the sack 😉.

In light of all this that I said, the key to success to my relationship with Miah=Jer has been honesty from the very beginning. Honest with each other about who we are and what we want and, honest with our own selves. To the women who are considering entering into a relationship with a gender nonconforming male, I can try to offer some gentle advice; don't judge the person's sexuality based on their gender, they are two different things. Don't secretly try to devise some kind of plan to convince the person to mollify or allay their femininity. That's just shitty. Think about it, you would be asking a person to tear out a piece of the fabric of who they are. If I asked Miah=Jer to diminish his femininity, it would be the same as him asking me to whitewash the half of me that is indigenous. You can't simply "accept" that part of them as if it is some negative trait that you can "deal with" but, as long as they keep it to themselves. You embrace and you love the whole person or you stop wasting both of your time and you move on. It may sound harsh but, it's just the way it has to be. That person is sharing a part of themselves with you that they have had to hide and feel societal shame about for longer than you can begin to fathom. Just like you, they want to be loved completely, they want to be seen, and they want to shed the layers of secrets and stigmatization and degradation that our society has forced them into. Gender is such an innocent thing and yet, the world has bulldozed and browbeaten male humans into feeling that embracing their feminine gender is an errant and nefarious act. So, the last thing they need is you giving them a false sense of security by allowing them to finally open up to you, telling them you welcome them and approve of them and then, turning around and invalidating and undermining their existence.

Just be real with them, be real with yourself. Fuck society's bullshit narratives and judgments. If you think you will lose family and friends simply because you're in love with a gender nonconforming person, then you don't really have those family and friends to begin with. Anyone who abandons a person, who they purport to love unconditionally, entirely based on that person's partner's gender, doesn't actually unconditionally love that person.

What Miah and I have is something beautiful and special and I really am the luckiest girl in the world, however cliche that truth may sound. It is not something that other people could easily attain or maintain and I understand that. But, it is possible for anyone who really wants it and who is willing to nourish and cherish and grow it. 

Amanda

Miss Moonstar, I really do hope that those who read your answer will take your statements and advice to heart. No, loving only part of a person is not unconditional, nor is it truly sustainable.

Your blog describes you both walking, shopping and visiting places together (you have addressed the matter of public reaction in your blog at times). So, “Would you both tell us about your negative and positive experiences of typical public reaction to you as a couple, and how you felt about it both at the time and in general?”

Miah

The public reaction to us as a couple is entirely different from the public reaction to me when I appear alone. MM is a bulletproof vest for me. When we are together, we are rarely bothered by anyone. We have had a couple belligerent people try to invade our space, and gotten some strange looks from a passerby, but generally speaking, I don't think people dare approach us. Sometimes, I wish more people would come up and talk to us. I miss people. The protection, which MM exudes but doesn't purposefully project, can sometimes insulate me from the world. I am certain my presence does the same to her. However, I stray from the point. I think most of the public likes to see us, at least in our liberal city. Occasionally, someone is a little too excited to see us. For example, the other day a guy parked his truck backwards in a turnabout so he could watch us take pics at a park bench. He just brazenly gawked at us until we moved spots. When I drove by him, he smiled and waved to us. At this point, it is what it is. We may never be the couple who can come and go unnoticed, but for the most part, we both enjoy the thrill and we do our best to laugh at ourselves and remember we do what we do for joy. Haters are always gonna hate but you gotta get to the point where you don't register that. I think we are almost there. 

Miss Moonstar

For the most part, the public reaction seems to be positive, or at the very least, NOT negative. There have been a couple of times that I had to get gulley and let some redneck, hillbilly, TERF bitches know that I would bring the ruckus. They thought they were going to prevent Miah from using the bathroom. Miah is always so dignified and pleasant and shy so, she was trying to walk away and avoid making a scene. Normally, I would be the same way but, I completely lose my shit when someone fucks with Miah, especially women like that. They think she won't defend herself because she is a gender-fluid man and they are "women". So, I get a little crazy, say something totally inappropriate, threaten to bang their husbands, and they end up backing off......Other than those assholes, the public treats us pretty well. Men can get a little intense in their appreciation for us but, we take it in stride. Most women love us too. Miah has a commanding presence and most people respect her, even if they aren't sure of the dynamic. I think most times, people see her and then see me and wonder why she isn't with someone equally as amazing and beautiful as her. I wonder that too. Regardless, I feel lucky as hell to have her and to be treated so kindly by most strangers. 

Amanda

It is so interesting to hear that you are treated differently as individuals than when people see you as a couple. It surprises me that you have not had many unpleasant experiences. That says a lot for the progress of acceptance of those who are gender non conforming. 

This is a cheeky question you can answer together, but from your blog you sound like a fairly sexually active couple when so many couples seem to complain about their partner and not having enough sex. It is not easy to define 'sex' or quantify it, so for this question consider it to include any sexual activity engaged in as a couple. I can give you a choice of two typical questionnaire questions. "Together rate your level of activity on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being inactive and 5 being very active." Or, to be more empirical, "How many times a month do you engage in sexual activity together?" 

Miah and Miss Moonstar

I'd say we have sex anywhere from 4 to 9 times a month. As with any couple, life will steal days from us occasionally. Someone may not feel well, we may be too busy, or and unforeseen event will stop us from coming together, but we never have an issue reinvigorating each other. The sexual space we have created is one of absolute non-judgmental joy seeking. It is one of the most free spaces we have ever entered. We are open about what turns us on, we have no insecurities about any aspects of our bodies or our sexual skills. We exhibit whatever feelings we may feel across the gender spectrum without fear. You can imagine that makes for a really fun experience where we can let go and just enjoy. We understand that sexuality is not static, so we try our best to facilitate each other's dreams and fantasies and it has been more than wonderful. We don't believe couples who say they screw every day. It's not about quantity, it's about quality and ultimately, having fun. 

Miah. I’ll add that a day never goes by where Miss Moonstar doesn't grab my ass and tell me how sexy I am, even though she's the real Goddess. I'm a very lucky guy.  

Amanda

In the light of what I hear on social media, I think you are both very fortunate to have each other as sexual partners.

Another question. ”With separate answers, how do you feel and how do you react when your partner is the object of coarse or crude comments and offers of sex online or in real time?” 

Miah

I get more of this online, while Miss gets more real life propositions. I think we handle this quite well, considering the crude way in which people show their love. It is, however, occasionally a mine field to navigate. I've made a point of making it grossly clear that I am taken, and in love, and not missing any lustiness in my life. I am also wildly flirtatious so I try not to lead people on. Over time, I've developed a kind of rule I follow when dealing with sex fuelled online friends. It's a one chance rule. I always forgive the first crudely worded or dick pic included message. I thank the person for their interest in me. I understand that people find me attractive and sometimes can't help themselves. I believe in the decency in people. So, I implore them to reconsider approaching me a different way, so we may be able to be friends. Often times, even someone who began with a dick pic will turn back into the good person inside once they realize I am much more than a sex object. Besides, being my decent friend online is the best and only way to get my reciprocal flirtation and the occasional salacious ass shot in your inbox. 

As for Miss, and the guys who come on to her: I do nothing. She's beautiful and sexy and I fully expect people to approach her. I also trust her to handle it, which she always does. I never feel insecure or mad that she gets love, or attention. I'm flattered, actually. Everyone needs attention and I'm glad she gets it. If anyone really crossed the line, I'd kick their ass. I'm still a 6 foot tall man. Come get some. 

Miss Moonstar

This is an awesome question and I probably should be ashamed of my answer, but I'm not. I could lie and pretend to be dignified but, I won't. The truth is, I love it when Miah is the object of people's sexual fantasies or desires. How could I not love it? I have my own dark twisted fantasies in which Miah is the main attraction. The difference is, I get to act out my fantasies with Miah, as others do not. Well, except for the occasional weekend when I need to make some extra money so, I turn her into a Red Roof Inn glory hole queen.......I'm joking, I do not pimp out the love of my life......I love that Jer has many admirers and fans. The only time that I am bothered is when he is bothered by it. If he truly feels uncomfortable or disrespected, then I try to comfort him and give him advice on how to proceed.......Miah gets a great deal of online (as well as some in real life, that seek her out online) admirers and mostly, we just laugh at the ridiculous things that people say because it is highly entertaining. 

Amanda

I think the strength of a relationship is shown by enjoying the fact that one’s partner receives attention. It shows trust and confidence. But, yes, if that line is crossed……Watch out!  Some of the things that anonymous admirers suggest they would do to us would test the skills of an acrobat, but they are certainly amusing. 

Before we move off the subject of Sex, I note that you have been asked before about your interest in the Chastity fetish. “Being largely ignorant about what motivates people to wear cages and be submissive to another person, would both of you like to comment on this subject for me?”

Miah

Since I have written extensively about chastity, I'll keep it brief. A chastity cage is a sexy novelty item to me. It's jewelry for my dick. It's a naughty game we play occasionally but it's not what you think. I'm not submissive unless I decide to be for a period of time. I don't hate my cock, nor has it become useless because of occasionally being caged. But, we are an open minded couple and the cage necessarily changes the sexual dynamic when it's being used. When it's on, I utilize a more feminine based sexuality and we enjoy that space until it comes off. Mostly though, I like to wear it us an accoutrement that helps minimize my bulge with certain clothing and makes me feel dreamily sexual all day long. So, yes, we enjoy chastity but I'm not a cuckold or a subbie, nor is Miss Moonstar a true Dominant. We are just an adventurous couple with a wonderfully safe sexual space. 

Miss Moonstar

My interest in putting Miah's dick in a cage and exerting dominance over him can pretty much be summed up with one word, followed by an overstatement of facts. That word is REPARATIONS.....Miah=Jer is white and I'm indigenous (biracial). Ya'll motherfuckers caged my people onto reservations and stole my land, so now, I get to steal your anal cavities and cage your dicks. Lock up your husbands and grandfathers ladies, I'm coming to cage their dicks and blow out their holes!!!.....too soon?.....too far?.... You're welcome.

Amanda

I somehow didn’t think you two were into dominance and submissiveness in any serious way. I get it now. Using a cage as another part of a repertoire of sexual experiences together makes absolute sense. Miss Moonstar, you have a wicked sense of humour, though with a tinge of understandable strong feeling. I envisage a myriad of white guys clutching their privates, tightening their anal sphincters and hoping not to be found in their hiding places. Retribution indeed.

Of all your talents, Miah, music stands out as appearing to be the most important, so let’s address that topic. My question to you is “What motivates you to express yourself in music and how long have you been composing? Is there a connection between your music and your sexuality?”

Miah

Music is my God, and my drug addiction. Seriously, music has helped me through the parts of life another person cannot. Music has soothed me, inspired me, healed me, and guided me all my life. I can't explain my connection to it other than to say it's otherworldly. When I was 18, my first roommate in college had an old acoustic and taught me the chords necessary to play “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd. I've never been able to afford lessons so I just downloaded and printed tablature of my favourite songs until I learned to strum and properly form chords. I remember having the tablature for the entire OK Computer album and learning all those songs and the weird chords Johnny Greenwood used in that album. Eventually, I realized I also needed to learn to sing. In the same manner, I just hacked away until I figured out how to use my voice. It's taken years. I probably wrote my first songs in 1998. I played in a band in college where we played the songs I wrote, rudimentary as they were. Then, life happened and I stopped playing music for a decade at least. When I met Danie, all my passion for life returned and so did all my demons and fears, and those are what I write about. The trials and tribulations of an emotionally dense life. Mood music for the soul, if you will. 

You asked if my music was connected to my sexuality. Of course it is. Everything I do comes from my dicks' brain, in pursuance of the honey hole. I'm a man, after all. 

Amanda

Miah, that you taught yourself is really interesting. What an achievement. Yes, as a guy having two brains, it is always a struggle to know which one is motivating and making decisions on one’s behalf. 

Miss Moonstar, my question to you is “I am sure you are supportive of Miah’s musical talent, so would you like to comment on this area of life with Miah?”

Miss Moonstar

Yes, I love Miah's music, I really truly do....music is pretty much the sole reason that I did not become a homicidal maniac many many years ago. Without music to be my therapist every single day, I think they might have opened Alcatraz back up to incarcerate me for the heinous atrocities that I would have committed. I have known many different types of musicians throughout my life and many of them were either, just trying to make as much noise as possible without making much sense or, they were too interested in "acting" like a musician but never actually BEING a musician. I still always tried to find something true and positive about their art to encourage them. I love all kinds of music from Jackson Browne to Tupac to Nirvana to Buddy Guy to Stevie Nicks to Alicia Keys to Ani DiFranco and everything in between and outside of those artists, including and especially Greygh0st (Miah=Jer). I am completely tone deaf and I'm partially deaf in my left ear but, I fucking know great music when I hear it. That is me exhibiting my arrogant and narcissistic side and, I apologize for that. I've done that quite often in these questions and for that, I'm truly sorry. I can't sing or play an instrument or keep a beat but, I know when something is special, musically. My body hears it before my ears do....I don't love Miah's music simply because I love Miah. I have loved people before and could not love their music because, well, they sounded like Gary Busey hate fucking Rudy Giuliani while they both had third degree explosive diarrhea (you're welcome for that imagery, by the way). I love Miah's music because it soothes me, inspires me, humbles me, etc., because it makes me feel all of the emotions that music should evoke. Every song evokes a different emotion. And, like emotions, some of Miah's songs are easier to handle than others but, they are all valid and beautiful and important. I was so relieved when I knew that he wrote and made great music. I was also relieved when I realized that he wasn't interested in pretending to "act" like a rock star. He is interested in making music. He just truly loves his art. I love and am honoured to be able to witness and be part of his creative process. Creative processes can be difficult at times for various reasons. When Miah writes these songs, the lyrics are many times, from his own experiences, and from my own personal experiences. He has had to go to these emotional places that he has not visited in a long time, or he has to kind of "temporarily tour" my mind and memories. Those things can be a shock to the system. But, they are also worthy of being inspirational. They happened, we went through those battles, and as I have reminded him many times, we found our way back, and when we did, we found each other so, it's ok to leave it all out on the paper. As in, turning those hard experiences into beautiful songs, is the best kind of redemption and reclamation and the greatest way to honour the people we were and the people we became...I've never asked him to write a song about me, or him, or us. When he comes to me and says that he has an idea for a song, I've encouraged him to write it, regardless of the concept. I have always just kind of said, "trust your instincts babe, trust your own creative and emotional intelligence, you're the musician"....

I guess I'm just trying to say that Miah is one of the best lyricists that I've ever heard and her songs are from all different perspectives and different genres, so you would have to be quite an ignorant, dark hearted, fuck-show to not be able to enjoy at least ONE of them. On top of her profoundly keen and penetrating, intuitive lyrics, comes that magical melodic voice that has calmed the raging, thunderous storm inside of me that has the propensity to leave me lost at sea. A voice that has  galvanized me into taking my own power back. A voice that has brought me to my knees, with the realization that someone finally saw me, and still wanted to love me. A voice that is in my head as much as my own voice at times. A voice that is the perfect combination of sweet and savoury and tart. A voice that is impossible not to love. So yeah, I'm her biggest fan. He calls me his muse, but I just feel lucky that I get a front row seat to this magnanimous, multi faceted, beautiful soul.....plus I get to bang the singer, backstage after the show.

Amanda

Well, Miah, I knew music was important to you, but I see now just how much so. Miss Moonstar, what a powerful answer. I suspect that all amateur musicians would just love to have the support and motivation that you give to Miah. 

Interviews do get lengthy and I would love to go on exploring further, but it is time to draw this to a close. My last question is not likely to be an easy one to answer, the topic requiring you to look ahead, act as a futurist and predict the possible outcomes of vitally important but contentious issues in our society. I word the question a little differently for each of you. 

Miah, the attitudes and social mores of our culture seem to be gradually changing towards greater acceptance of the LGBTQ community, but much reluctance and hostility remains among the more conservative elements of our society. Both clerical and political elements are themselves conflicting on the matter, yet both camps exert much influence on the unfolding processes of acceptance and rejection. My question is "Given the sharp division between those whose thinking is "left" or "right", the assault on democracy and the preoccupation with more urgent issues such as climate change, mass migrations, and the threat of further pandemics and nuclear hostilities, what do you see for the near future of the slow trend for acceptance of the LBGTQ community and how do you feel it may affect you personally"?

Miah

I think it's important to look at the bigger picture but, when one looks from too far away, the problem can seem unsolvable and immense. The truth is, the world will never be a safe or fair place for any one type of person. Those are social ideals. The question we must ask is: are there enough quality spaces for us? Is the number of those spaces growing, and are the spaces themselves expanding? I think the current moment in time is one of growth, not suppression, as indicated by the many changing opinions about gender and race that have been seen in the past couple decades. That said, times of growth are always times of danger for the growing. We have to be strong and vigilant, while simultaneously rising above the fray. You want change? You have to be a part of it, even if it will only affect the future world. And, anyone can be a part of it by simply joining the discourse. My only prediction is that we will continue to struggle for a while, until the bullies are exposed as our biggest fans, or better, the very things they fear. Even the binary minded live in a spectrumized world, they just don't know it yet. (Yeah, I just made up a word.) 

On a smaller scale, I'd say the current definitions of sex, gender and sexuality have been muddled into a variety of all encompassing words meant to be identification markers but effectively amount to political and social positions. This is helping to create the divisive arguments ensnaring non binary movements around the world. We have given up trying to explain ourselves, and we defend that with a sense of entitlement that is, sadly, defining this recent generation of freedom fighters. One of the worst things a knowledgeable person can do to an ignorant one is to hide the truth. In order to be understood, one must first admit core truths, and in this world of counter spin, that is increasingly becoming harder. Every story now conveniently has another side. I think this is the main problem with social constructs like gender and race. We've given them such meaning, they now mean too much. To some they mean everything. I think it's time to dial that back and stop attaching such importance to the individual self. If I've learned one lesson in life it is that selfishness is the fastest path to ending up alone. My advice: learn to share. Your world will immediately be a better place. And, if you can't or won't explain yourself,  don't expect to be understood. 

As for me personally, I just keep getting up and living the new day. I don't give a shit what people think about me much anymore because there is just not enough time in the day. All I really have to do is live life until it's gone, and treat others right while I'm here. Just like the world issues you mentioned, I have always been a polarizing character and this has always surprised me. I know myself to be good, loyal, honest and just. I've never quite understood my detractors other than to chalk them up to what could be described as a intrinsic jealousy of my free swinging gender and sexuality, or anger at my inability to label myself as trans or gay or some other binary. Otherwise, I'm not sure how a person could hate my gentle soul. After all, like Bryan Adams said, "Everything I do, I do it for you." Including my music, so if you love me, please follow my YouTube and listen!!! 

PS Thank you all for taking the time and thank you Amanda, for the opportunity to share and for all the hard work you did preparing and executing this project. You are truly a shining light in this Tumblr world and I love you, girl.

Amanda

Miss Moonstar, you strike me as a woman who has strong opinions on many issues, and is prepared to be vocal about them. My question to you is similar to that which I have asked Miah but of a different focus. The question is "Given the ......what do you, as a female and a member of an ethnic minority, see for the near future of the "human rights movement", particularly those relating to ethnic and gender equality in our still male dominated society, and how do you feel it may affect you personally?"

Miss Moonstar

I think that the last four years shattered what little integrity the United States had left, in regards to the human rights movement. I am not blaming one person. I am blaming an ideal that brought people out of the woodwork to defend it. I think that it is going to take some time for us to bounce back from that. And ultimately, while there are more people now than ever who support equality and are fighting everyday for it, America never has been an equitable place for minorities of any race, gender, sexuality or otherwise. I don’t know when or why we tried to convince ourselves that this country was a haven of sanctuary. This is not a home for the free and this land was stolen from the brave so, I think that if we just admit these things to ourselves, we can begin to move forward. 

Pretending that this country treats everyone equally is a mistake, and the federal government is the biggest gaslighter of that flame. The first thing that needs to happen is; all of us people who are fighting for equality and rights need to stick together. We need to stop dividing ourselves. I can guarantee that the same people who think that there is no such thing as systemic racism or police brutality against Black people are the same people who think that everyone has a right to use American Indians as they see fit, that they are owned by everyone. Using “Indianness” for nationalist pride, for advertising strategies, as a Halloween costume, a sports team, for spirituality and self help advancement, etc. But when the Indigenous people try to explain how hurtful and dehumanizing it is to have their entire ethnicity mocked, these entitled people say that Indians are being too sensitive. They are good enough to be used in every possible way but not valid enough to have sovereignty or equality, or dignity.

And THOSE particular people who think that about Black people and Indigenous people definitely do not have any regard for the gender movement. They do not have any regard for anything that is not straight, white, and christian. So, instead of the LGBTQIA+ people on one side, the Black people on another side, the Indigenous people on another, the women’s rights movement on another side, other POC over on another side, instead of that menagerie of messiness and embarrassment, how about ALL of us on the SAME side? We need to stop shitting on each other, we need to stop acting like it is acceptable to hold someone else down in order to prop ourselves up. I see a lot of gender nonconforming white people who turn a blind, deafening silent eye in regards to POC. I hear people deny the truths of systemic racism and police brutality against Black/Brown people and, in the same breath, talk about how hard it is for Indiegnous people on reservations. Admitting how much Native Americans have been fucked over is cool but, admitting that Black people have been fucked over is a hard limit? Give me a goddamn break with that bullshit.

We all need to create a safe space for each other, we need to stop pretending that fighting each other is going to change ANYTHING. Fighting the establishment that wants us to fight each other is what we should be doing. Holding the guilty accountable, not staying silent. Too many people “don’t want to get involved”, because they think that staying “neutral” is peaceful and proactive. I have news for those people, 1.) you are already involved 2.) neutrality is no longer an option, not in these regards 3.) if you can stand by and watch a Black person be mistreated by the police, or see the huge number of Indigenous women who are missing or murdered, or watch women lose reproductive rights, or watch LGBTQIA+ people fall through the cracks and lose their entire livelihood in order to gain a fraction of efficacy...if you can stand by and see all that shit (and more) happen, and then look me in the eyes and tell me that you support all of those people but, you have to remain neutral; then you are NOT neutral. You made a choice, you are just too much of a coward to admit your choice. You are the establishment that we are fighting against and we do not want your superficial, complacent bullshit. 

If these things that I have said bother anyone on a deeply personal level, then I strongly urge them to look inward to find out why. I am not a hateful person, I only stand for equality and peace. Sometimes, you have to fight for peace and I prefer fighting with my mind instead of my fists. I have never once used physical violence in my life, but I have seriously considered throwing a bag of shit on Marjorie Taylor Greene’s hideous face. I am at a loss as to how to do that, though. How do I put Marjorie Taylor Greene into a bag and then take that bag of Marjorie Taylor Greene and throw it on Marjorie Taylor Greene? Talk about a fucking paradox.

PS Thank you to those of you who have supported Miah throughout the years. It brings me much warmth to know that she has so many beautiful souls in her corner. You are all some of the most special and unique humans on this earth and I am grateful for all of you. Shine on, you crazy diamonds!! 

Amanda

Those are both insightful and powerful answers to a difficult question. Miss Moonstar, your words, in particular, should be shouted from the rooftops.

Well, Miah and Miss Moonstar, interviewing you as a couple has been a most interesting and informative experience and you deserve to be  congratulated on having given well thought out and honest answers, many clearly from your hearts. 

My hope is that those of us in our community who are willing to read and learn from the experiences of others will enjoy and find strength in reading our interview. 

Thank you for opening yourselves up to us so sincerely and freely,

Take care and stay safe,

AmandaJane

[daringdarlingdt]

Ok there’s been an influx of stranger things fandom posts coming across my dash bc of a few mutuals and I haven’t really interacted much with the fandom in the past despite liking the show, mostly because I watched it all a while after season 3 came out and all talk about it had kinda died down so I’m really excited about actually getting a bit hyper fixated on this and talking about my Thoughts. Yay!

On that note I have to say I am unsurprised and delighted at all the queer shipping going on and I will never deny a queer ship to those who want it but I must admit that I don’t really bc Steve as queer. I 100% think Eddie is and I think they’re besties and I get the impulse to hc Steve as queer in some way because he is The Best Character and it would just be great if he were representing you and he totally could be queer and I want y’all to be happy with your gay or bi or anything else Steve hc but headcanoning him as straight actually makes me personally the happiest. For two reasons.

1. I’m in love with him. I myself am bi and not even fully a female person and if I did headcanon him as queer I think he’d be bi but then I’d want to imagine him and Eddie as a thing and I’d rather fantasize about dating him myself… y’know?

2. I actually think it’s so much more satisfying and endearing that he is a straight, able-bodied, affluent white man and is still the best character because he wasn’t when he started but he went through this character arc where he stopped catering so much to the expectations put on him by his social status and became a really wholesome, accepting, maternal, un-toxic guy who rolls with the lgbt and regularly parents a bunch of freshman all while maintaining his perfect hair and being a ladies man. D’you know what I mean?? Like it’s important that Steve is able to be both a cishet fairly masculine guy and also stand with a towel over his shoulder, hands on hips, telling his adopted children ‘no, because I said so’ and also immediately support his best friend/crush when she comes out to him and not out her to anyone else btw even when everyone’s like why aren’t you dating her?? I know it’s the bare minimum but still it’s important.

Plus i don’t think the lesbian/himbo solidarity is quite as funny and iconic if the himbo is also queer because then it’s just queer solidarity and like. That’s important and good too it’s just not the same. And I recognize that the complexity and focus on Steve’s character is why he would be such good queer representation and lots of straight characters have these qualities and are given this depth but even on the show the other canon queer characters are given a fair amount of stuff that they have to deal with and there are other non-canon characters I believe are queer who are also complex. Like Eddie. That one tumblr post is right he could have been pretty stereotypical but instead he is both soft and cool and brash and also terrified a lot and reconciling the image of Cool Guy Steve with the fact that he’s actually an amazing person and becoming friends with him and dealing with high school biases and the feeling of needing to be morally superior than other cliques and realizing its all bullshit. That’s really interesting. And he’s gay (at least I think so). I also believe that Max is somewhere under the bisexual umbrella. Possibly pan idk. I think she would kiss a girl without a moment’s hesitation because she’s just awesome like that.

All that having been said. I do still ship Steddie a little bit on the DL. Like if I see a post about them. I will like it. It will make me smile and if it’s really good or has anything to do with Steve and Robin’s friendship, I may even reblog it. I ship Steddie and believe Steve is straight simultaneously. My feelings aren’t that strong either way and whichever brings me more joy in the moment will rule. This is just my explanation for why I’m fine with him being the token straight friend. But as I said before I never deny a queer ship unless there is something seriously wrong with it. So like go off little gay ppl in my phone watching this truly fucked up show about teens fighting interdimensional monsters and only focusing on the teens personal drama. I feel you.

[elendiliel]

Women of Star Wars (9 ABY edition)

[AKA evolution of an art style in sixteen figures.]

In honour (in intention if not execution) of the most awesome woman in the history of this planet, here are some drawings of a few of her near-equivalents (OK, not very near, but who is?) in a galaxy far, far away, circa 9 ABY. I honestly have no idea what might bring all these women together, but it would be glorious to see. (For anyone who doesn’t know, for Catholics and many other Christians today is the Feast of the Annunciation, also called Lady Day, one of many feasts celebrating the Blessed Virgin Mary.)

Helli, Nai, Gwen and Lookup are my own OCs. Helli is a loyal if not always conventional Jedi Knight who survived the Clone Wars and fought in the Rebellion; Nai was a padawan when Dooku seduced her to the Dark Side (not in any other sense) just after Geonosis, and became his student, then an Inquisitor. She saw sense shortly before Endor, and luckily ran into Helli before the Empire could catch up to her. Gwen and Lookup were assigned to members of Helli’s squad, Echo and Spark respectively, in the Clone Wars; they were reunited with their old pilots as the Rebellion really started to take off. In my fics, Katooni, Ganodi and their friends escaped the Temple siege and eventually became Helli’s unofficial padawans; by now, they’re full Jedi Knights, and may even have padawans of their own. Barriss is here because I’m ridiculously optimistic and firmly believe that she can be alive, free and reconciled with Ahsoka after the Rebellion.

(A note on my style: as I have the natural talent of a GNK, for now I usually find references I like and trace over them, making alterations as appropriate, and pick colours I want to keep directly from the reference. They don’t always turn out as I hoped. And yes, I know my handwriting’s appalling in both scripts; would a transcript be a good idea?)

Design notes below the cut, in case anyone’s interested, in the order in which I drew the figures.

Hera

Starting with an easy one… Hera’s reference was taken straight off Google Images, and used as it stood. I did look at some pictures of Eleni to try to get a feel for how Twi’leks age (it’s been nine years since we last saw Hera, and she’s fought in a war and raised her and Kanan’s son in that time), but couldn’t see any obvious markers. I also toyed with the idea of giving her some sort of indicator of marriage (as far as I’m concerned, she and Kanan are married in the eyes of the Maker, if not legally), but couldn’t find anything Twi’lek-specific. A promise ring seemed too generic for her (and probably a human import) – unless Kanan gave it to her, in which case it would never come off. He’s marked on her kalikori, and that’s enough. (By the way, the patterns on her lekku aren’t natural markings; they’re tattoos, indicators of great bravery, as lekku are among the most sensitive areas of a Twi’lek’s body.)

Omega

My starting point for grown-up Omega was her only unaltered brother, Boba, specifically a photo of a still from TBOBF. I tried to narrow her shoulders and waist a little (not too much; her bone structure will still be similar to Jango’s) and change the shape of her chest, guided by pictures of Bo-Katan, and added her signature blonde bob for recognition purposes – freehand, which is why it’s a mess. The shot I chose was very well-lit, so I reused my colour scheme from a drawing of Torrent (the reference for which was an action figure of Cody). Her armour is, of course, in Bad Batch colours. (It’s proper beskar’gam, by the way, not plastoid nonsense; if even a child of the Watch admits that Boba has the right to beskar armour, Omega – heck, all the clones – should be entitled to it as well. I suspect there’s a long story behind hers, involving Hera, Sabine, the rest of the Bad Batch and an Imperial shipment.) And yes, I know the Greek alphabet doesn’t technically exist in the SW galaxy, but I couldn’t resist adding the omega.

Sabine

For Sabine, I had to merge two screen-shots from “Family Reunion – and Farewell”; her upper half is from the epilogue, as I wanted to get her post-war armour and hair right, but there wasn’t a suitable full-length shot available, so I spliced it with one from the main body of the episode, hence the angles perhaps being a little off. Her armour was daunting enough that I tackled her face first, instead of leaving it to last as I had previously, and it worked surprisingly well, so I switched to that order for the rest of these drawings. (I guessed at the part of her armour that was under her satchel strap in the reference picture, and had to improvise for her left hand, as it was out of shot; hopefully they look OK.)

Ahsoka

Again, Ahsoka’s reference is straight out of Google Images – live-action Ahsoka, of course. In retrospect, I could probably have lengthened her lekku, but I can’t really picture how they’d behave in that pose.

Barriss

Oh, this one was an adventure… To get the pose I wanted, I had to go through her duel with Anakin frame by frame (something Disney+ won’t allow, but YouTube does). There were some I liked better than this, but Skyguy kept getting in the way. The shot on which I eventually settled didn’t have enough detail on her face, so I spliced it with one from the beginning of their confrontation (to get her hair colour right) – unfortunately, the same couldn’t easily be done for Ventress’ lightsabres (which I’m not sure she still has in any case). The braid was a freehand addition, inspired by a drawing I once saw on Tumblr (and will probably never find again) of her, Ahsoka and Sabine on a road trip to find Ezra.

Leia

For Leia, I went for another Google Image, an action figure of her at the battle of Endor. Colouring her outfit turned out to be even more interesting than drawing her braid, but I think it worked out all right.

Helli

As I’ve said before, Helli started out as a self-insert, so her design is a modified self-portrait, from the same photo as the reference sheet I did a while back. I think I’ve got a bit better at shading since then – not that that’s hard. This is also the first time I’ve drawn her lightsabre properly, rather than inserting a recoloured photo.

Nai

Stars, this was complicated… Nai is the first non-self-insert OC I’ve drawn, and her design wasn’t fully solidified when I started planning this project. The pose is taken from a picture of Ventress I found via Google, as I originally likened her to a Nightsister. (Part of Ventress’ outfit was very dark and the picture had a black background, so I ended up making the outlines white at first, tracing over some of them in black at the colouring stage.) There’s a bit of that reference in her tabard design, as well; it just felt right for Nai, not as stripped-back as Helli’s but not standard either. Otherwise, she’s wearing the standard Jedi robes, but in a decidedly non-standard colour scheme. I initially considered black and white to match her natural colouring, but she’s had enough of black, so her trousers are dark blue instead. Her tabard is a very pale grey, a nod to her second Jedi master, Quinlan Vos, who by now could probably be called a Grey Jedi. Under his guidance, she’s learned not just to accept but to own her past, hence the deep red inner tunic. Her lightsabre is meant to be Haysian smelt, the colour of which I copied from Cal Kestis’ sabre; the blade colour was copied from Mace Windu’s, naturally.

I intended to use live-action Dooku as my facial reference, as he and Nai are from the same gene pool, but it just didn’t come out right. I imagine her as beautiful, so tried splicing in Padmé instead, keeping a lightened version of Dooku’s colouring; it didn’t work out as I intended, but I can settle for “she’d be beautiful if she stopped scowling at everything”. The pale skin and spiky black hair are meant to reflect part of her personality – prickly, defensive, and having a tendency to see everything in black and white.

Katooni

After all that, it was a relief to reach one of my favourite not-so-tiny Jedi. Katooni’s pose reference was a photo of live-action Adi Gallia, taken from Google; her face and lightsabre are her own, and also from the vast holonet. I kept Adi’s colour scheme for the robes for simplicity’s sake.

Ganodi

Gani was a little more complicated, as the only female Rodian I can think of is Lolo from the Clone Wars episode “Senate Murders”. I rewatched all her scenes (muted and without subtitles), but couldn’t find a pose I liked. Google furnished some concept art, but I decided mid-outline that her dress wouldn’t convert well into Jedi robes. I therefore changed tack and used a Googled picture of Master Bolla Ropal, using Lolo and Ventress as guides for how to alter the figure. (I didn’t narrow her waist very much, though; Lolo’s is ridiculous, and surely not natural.) Gani’s face and lightsabre, of course, are her own. I kept Master Ropal’s choice of colours for the trousers and boots, wanting some earth tones somewhere in the design, but white and blue were the natural choices for this born pilot’s tabard and tunics.

Fennec and Cara

I chose to draw these two directly from the same reference, as I love the interplay between them in The Mandalorian. Unfortunately, the photo I picked (from Google again) had some nonsense in the foreground around their feet, so I had to improvise a bit; hopefully it doesn’t look too bad.

Numa

Again, I couldn’t find a solo pose I liked in either of Numa’s episodes of Rebels, so drew her on her blurrg instead. Blurrgs are fun to draw, it turns out, but a ‘mare to colour. I made sure to include her tooka sketch and Boil’s name on her arm-guard; knowing the story behind them, how could I not?

Gwen and Lookup

I thought the droids would be nice and easy to draw. I was wrong. Straight lines are far less forgiving than organic shapes, and droids have plenty of the former. Especially these two. I hadn’t actually worked out Gwen’s class before reaching this stage; she ended up being an R2 unit, drawn from the series’ poster boy, R2-D2. Forest green just felt right for her; perhaps I’ve read The Silver Chair too often, and mixed it up in my head with the Arthurian legends from which Gwen and her friends R4 (who Fives tried to call Dragon) and Wizard got their names. Lookup is based on QT-KT from the D-Squad arc in Clone Wars, who I think is an R3 (comparing her design to that of the spy ‘mech R3-S6). I tried to darken her paintwork a bit; I know she’s feminine-programmed (I wouldn’t have included her otherwise), but there’s no need to stereotype. (My starting point was actually the uniform of a boys’ school near where I used to live.)

Peli

How did I come so close to forgetting Clan Mudhorn’s on-call mechanic, sass provider and (with Cara) brain-cell co-custodian? (Yes, in my book Peli and her droids, along with Cara and Greef, are definitely part of Din’s aliit.) Her reference, again, was pulled straight from Google; apart from simplifying the textures, I didn’t do anything fancy to it.

This was surprisingly enjoyable, considering how much I dreaded art at school. More along the same lines may be forthcoming; I’m considering a prequels/Clone Wars edition (with some of my favourite Jedi and senators, and Suu and Shaeeah Lawquane, for a start), and a sequels-era one (including some seriously underrated characters from Resistance). I didn’t have space for a few of my other favourites from this time-frame, so might do separate portraits for them. Watch this space.

[hacked-by-jake]

Take you home ²

𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞...

>𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟷

Summary: Jake can’t accept that this has been done to you, the thought torments him, and all he wants is revenge, and he gets it.

Words: 4,2k

Genre: Angst / Fluff

Warnings: Swearing, insulting

A/n: Well, hi.

So, this one has taken on some dimensions again, they weren’t planned, about 3k. Now, it is a bit more. Actually, the whole thing should not be quite so extensive, but well, once Jake starts, he doesn’t stop.

Thank you alls so much for the support in part one, I was really surprised. And thank you very much for wishing Part Two, which means a lot to me. ❤️

So, that’s a bit more related to alternative two of part one. Actually, it was supposed to get a little darker and generally the plan was different. The ending should be different and longer, but I think it’s good as it is now.

I hope you’ll like it.

And apologize for the mistakes.

(I think I wanted to say more but I forgot xD)

Anyway, have fun, stay healthy and take care of yourselves.❤️🌹🎭

There lies the hacker now, in the early morning hours, not even the sun has risen already, wide awake, full of emotions and agitated.

In his arms, you, fortunately asleep, deep and firm.

He also wanted to sleep, he has been trying for two hours but it doesn’t work. And how should he? After the past hours it is practically impossible to sleep.

The only reason you sleep is probably the effort you had to experience. Your body was finished after the shower. You were still shivering from the adrenaline, agitated and yet so terribly tired.

So now he lies here, doesn’t know what to do with himself, doesn’t know how to react, how to feel. TThe pure fear that lay in your voice when the call came suddenly, gives him goose bumps again, crawling all over his body.

This fearful tone of your voice won’t let it go.

What if he hadn’t been there in time? If he hadn’t been able to save you in time? If it took him a minute longer? If something had gone wrong?

He can’t even imagine what could have happened. At this horrible imagination in his head, he pinches his eyes tightly. Try to remove the images from his head that make him sick, he would like to vomit, so horrible is the thought of it. He shakes his head, tries to drive away the thoughts, but they don’t go away. His fingernails drill deep and firmly into the skin of his palms. It hurts, it’s uncomfortable, and if he still squeezes even harder, he’ll start bleeding, but he has no control over it. In his mind, the worst scenarios circle and he can only imagine, if even he feel so bad now, how bad did you feel in this moment?

He controls himself to be quiet, exhorts himself to loosen up again so as not to wake you. You need sleep. You deserve sleep. But these pictures, these fucking pictures, they're not going away. The imagination that someone would touch you- NO!

The hacker opens his eyes wide! He must not go in this direction, he must look straight out and make sure that you get your revenge, as you deserve! That he protects your honor, that he makes everyone see what happens when someone wants to do something bad to you.

He’s Jake, one of the best hackers in the world and now he’s gonna show what he’s capable of.

-

His breath is so heavy, so full of anger and hatred, so full of negativity that he would like to hit the next wall.

He bites his lower lip when he thinks about leaving you here alone. He needs to be in his study. He just has to find out who this guy was. That bastard.

Just really reluctant, actually he would just like to lie here with you, but he has to, he's winds cautiously out of your embrace.

He can’t lie here and wait, he has to do something. Now!

Even if he feels weird with it, he opens the laptop that is in his bedroom and directs it so that he can see your sleeping shape. He will simply connect the laptop to his PC to keep an eye on you. As soon as you get restless or wake up, he could be with you right away.

That’s how he’s gonna do it.

He gives you a final and gentle kiss on the forehead before going to his study.

-

After he has prepared his work setup and everything is ready, he wastes no time and immediately gets to work. Quickly scan the data of the man who was tracking you.

Everything that had ever happened in his life, the hacker would find out now. And of course, the most important information is quickly obtained.

Name

Age

Date of birth

Address

All bank accounts

His social security number

Where he grew up

As what he works

What friends he has

With whom he is friends

His pets

On what elementary school he went

On what high school he went

Who his parents are

The siblings

All information about each individual family member

And at the very end, the police certificate of conduct with all the information who are important for him. And that’s more interesting than he thought. The further he read the information from the police, the more his emotional state changes.

It starts with drug abuse

Bodily injury in two cases

Insult

Gun possession

Domestic violence against his ex girlfriend

....

The list is shockingly long: a two-year stay in a prison, probation and community service.

The further Jake read, the more worried he is that he couldn’t have been there in time with bad luck. But he’s all the happier he could save you.

At the same time, he’s thinking about telling you who the guy is, because he doesn’t know how you’re gonna take this information. But he would worry more about that later.

As he glances at the laptop’s camera, a smile creeps up on his lips. Meanwhile, you are lying on his side of the bed, your arms are tightly wrapped around his pillow and your head is pressing into the soft fabric, as if you were looking for his proximity in your sleep.

How perfect can a person be? How perfect is this beautiful being lying in his bed? Immediately the tingling starts in his stomach, as always when it comes to you.

He’s so terribly in love. So insanely strong.

Again, he begins to regret that it has not progressed further between you. Everyone knows that he loves you, and everyone knows that you love him. And yet you both have not yet managed to finally do what you both so much want. But the fear of destroying everything is so great. You two spend so much time with each other, become best friends, best friends who feel more for each other than just friendship.

In addition, his fear of putting you in danger is added. He is not a simple man, no one who prefers a regular daily life, no fixed working hours, no fixed income, even if he earns more than most others. As a hacker you have one or the other possibility. Nevertheless, he is still wanted by the government. Not as strong, and the danger is not as great as it was a few months ago, but it still exists.

But last night’s incident somehow inspired him to think, and he feels different when he thinks about it. He wants you, he wants you with everything you have, he wants you by his side. He always wants to protect you, he always wants to be there for you, he wants you by his side, he doesn’t want to live alone in this apartment anymore. He doesn’t want to be alone anymore, he needs you, he has always done it and he will always need you, he wants you so bad!

This incident clearly shows that life is always uncertain, and this incident shows him that he is lying to himself. He wants to be able to say that you’re a couple, he wants it so badly. So fucking urgent.

"I want to share my life with you," the hacker murmurs, driving through his face with his hands. Now his thoughts have drifted in another direction again, but you’re just sitting in every corner of his mind. You are the biggest and most important part of his life and that since the first time you met.

But now something else is more important. After that, he can think of you a lot, but now revenge counts.

He breathes in and out again before turning back to the screens and begins to gather more information.

-

About half an hour later, he releases himself from his cramped posture. The further he delves into the life of the man, the more aggressive he becomes.

This guy’s not a petty criminal, the way he thought he was, this guy’s got dirt on him through and through.

And the further he reads, the more he wonders why this guy is on the loose and not in a maximum security prison.

From organized crime to gang activities. Drug dealing, counterfeit money, prositution. All the shit every gang is involved in.

Disgusting chat histories, images, threats of other people, extort protection money. And the hacker just assumed the guy is just a disgusting bastard. But he thought wrong.

And yet, it’s actually only good for him, really very good, because Jake has now a lot more options than he thought.

He thinks hard about how to proceed. How best to tackle this whole situation, so that he has the best chance of success.

But what’s also positive for is the fact that this guy really doesn’t deserve anything other than what the hacker’s up to.

To destroy a person’s whole life is actually nothing that he would do; he simply cannot reconcile this with his morality. Even if it’s about you, but now he’s not just doing it for you, he’s doing it for everyone. This is a favor he does to the whole society.

Oh and he’ll do it with pleasure.

-

Meanwhile, he has gained access to the man’s laptop and can take a closer look at the living room. He also got lucky and found some camera shots taken by a bakery that is on the street where you were being followed.

Unfortunately, it has no sound and yet it is more than enough. He saved the recording and censored you on it.You don’t have to be broadcast in video format all over the world.

But it is still clear that he's persecutes you. It is more bad than quite recognizable on the videos that he is angry and that he shouts something, but when you see the video, everything is explained by itself.

That was number one on his list.

Let's continue with point two.

And point two is a summary of all the information he could find that could even remotely involve anything criminal.

And this is a really long list, he can prove everything, he can prove every single point. With all the information that will help.

Videos, chats, pictures, recording of conversations. Locations, meeting places, other names.

Because his plan has changed, and it’s not just about destroying this man anymore, it’s about destroying all the criminals around him.

-

Point two, finish! Now, point three, and that’s the confrontation with the man.

The most important information is in front of him as he puts on his headset and leans back relaxed.

The recording program runs as soon as he turns on his microphone. The recording is automatically converted into the computer voice and then sent as a video along with his sign, the eye, as a gift to his new friend.

He puts one leg over the other and folds his arms in front of his chest.

"Hello Ted, my identity doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’ve made some serious mistakes, and about this, I will teach you now."

-

And send.

Soon the man’s cell phone will start ringing, and it will only stop when he gets up and then listens to the hacker’s nice message on his laptop, which will breaking his little world in which he lives.

But it’s his own fault.

A look at the camera of his own laptop tells him that you still sleep quietly and calmly, which makes him happy. -

The ringing of the mobile phone and the terrible ringtone of the persecutor annoy the hacker so slowly. He didn’t think it would be that long before Ted wake up. But when it finally happens and a door is opened, a slightly arrogant grin appears on Jake’s face.

It’s Showtime.

"What the hell?" grumbles the sleepy guy as Jake makes the video file pop up.

The eye flickers on the screen and Ted skeptically approaches it.

He pulls back his desk chair and sits down.

"What the fuck?" he hisses angrily and pushes a button on the keyboard.

"Hello Ted, my identity doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’ve made some serious mistakes, and about this, I will teach you now."

Amused and eager, Jake follows the course of the situation.

Ted becomes more and more hectic, the more facts the computer voice enumerates. He probably didn’t expect this to ever come to light. He wildly presses all the buttons he can find, tries to turn off the laptop but he has absolutely no control over it.

At the very end, after all the crimes have been enumerated, the computer voice informs him that he has video footage of his nocturnal activity.

"That was a big mistake, Ted, and it’s time you understood that you understand how unimportant you are in this world"

-

After Jake has decided to leave Ted alone, with the knowing that he can now say goodbye to his life as he knows it, he move on to point 4.

And point 4 involves sending all the information to everyone who can do something with it. But don't worry, that’s not the finale.

The finale will be something special.

Everything collected is sent first to the police in Duskwood. He doesn’t think much will happen, but the police will certainly not be the agency that will take care of Ted, in the end.

After the police, Jake sends the information to his place of work. He won’t be needing the job in a few hours anyway even longer.

Then his sister gets an e-mail with everything there is about her brother. Because Jake found out that poor girl always had to take care of him. Had to pick him out of the cell at night, had to pick him up of the hospital one or the other time and things like that. Among other things, good Ted broke into her apartment once, but this was not reported to the police. Jake saw in a chat that Ted promised to stop doing criminal things. This didn’t work out that way. The hacker feel sorry for the sister, she certainly doesn’t deserve it and yet this is about more than just that.

And after all the important people have received the information, he finally go to the final, which the hacker is most looking forward to before he can finally return to you.

Back to you, to his bed where you lie, this day can’t be more beautiful, can it?

Well, the morning show on TV sounds good, doesn’t it? The channel is littered with scandals and really unscrupulous means of getting attention.

No one will be angry with him if the actual broadcast is interrupted for a few minutes to do something good. And to appease his vengeance. All he has to do is fade in everything, play the video and the rest would come by itself. The spread on the Internet. The information is forwarded to other authorities like the State Police Authorities as it is about more than just the pursuit after revenge for his love. Gang crime is not liked by the state.

So then, curtain up, the final begins.

-

About half an hour later, now it is shortly before 9  in the morning, the whole took longer than he had expected, he sinks back on the soft mattress. Satisfaction spreads and seeing you sleep so peacefully also makes him tired.

Carefully he pulls the blanket over himself and then grabs again around your body to bring you back into his arms. He hides his head in your neck bend and a few moments he falls asleep with a smile on his face.

He couldn’t stop himself from posting some things on Ted’s Instagram page for his personal feeling. Pictures that Ted prefers not to watch for the Internet, but Jake doesn’t care; in a few hours, Ted will never have access to the Internet again. Hopefully Ted makes friends in prison fast, or it won’t be so funny for him.

Well, don’t mess with the hacker’s love.

----------

When you open your eyes, Jake still lies peacefully asleep beside you.

His hair stands wildly off his head and he has put his arms protective around you. Immediately a feeling of home spreads within you and you smile.

His body nestles warm against yours and you wish you could always wake up like that.

Bu, if you didn’t have to use the bathroom.

Carefully peel out from under his arms without waking him.

With leaving Jake’s arms and getting out of bed, the first pictures of last night immediately come back into your head. A few moments you stare at the wall before you shake your head. You don’t want to think about it. Actually, you never want to have to think about it again, you just want to forget it, focus on everything that’s more important now. And this is you, your feeling that you don’t want to get involved in this situation, you don’t want to leave room for this man. You don’t want him to have room in your life, and you don’t want to investigate any further. Actually, you don’t want to know who this guy is. You just want to focus on how lucky you were, that everything went well, that Jake saved you, and that nothing happened to you.

Jake!

You want to focus on Jake! And most importantly, that you finally want to be with him! He was there to save you right away. He was ready to help you immediately, he protected you, especially the way he protected you. The way he sounded, as if he was doing everything he could to save you. And this irrational fear that this could not work with you two, it’s bullshit! You want him with everything he has and you don’t want to be just friends anymore. You long for his lips, for his kisses that don’t just go on your forehead or cheek. You want to finally be able to say that you are a couple, you want him so badly, so damn badly.

Like a miracle cure, the thought of Jake really distracts you. You didn’t even know where your thoughts went, it just happened. But it always is, it’s just in every corner of your mind.

-

After you left the bathroom, you turned on the coffee machine. You’d stay awake and pass the time until Jake wakes up and you could have some breakfast. While the coffee is cooking, you drop down on the small sofa in the hacker’s living room and decide to pass the time with a little bit TV.

You switch through the channels looking for something interesting but don’t really find something you like.

When the Coffee machine gives you confirmation that the hot drink is ready, you quickly jump up and leave the remote control there.

While you prepare your coffee, you listen to an advertisement about an electronic toothbrush and then one about the latest vacuum cleaner.

With your cup you go back and then put a thin blanket from the sofa around your legs.

The News Show that you sometimes see starts broadcasting.

And you really expected a lot, really a lot, but you never expected what was actually going on.

While the news announcer reports on a gang crime, a picture is displayed. There’s a man to be seen, and you’re a thousand percent sure that’s the man who chased you yesterday.

Silently and with your mouth open you are listening as a whole gang was arrested, warehouses and factories were stormed. Drugs and counterfeit money were confiscated and in the end, how a hacker uncovered all this.

During the narration about hacking another channel and the materials shown there such as images and video, your heart begins to beat faster and faster.

And when it is shown what was published there, you put your hand infront your mouth in shock.

"Oh my-" you watch the camera shots where you can clearly see the street, which is only a few streets away from your apartment.

And then you see a censored shadow running, a few moments later a man.

You and the man who was now identified as Ted.

Jake.

That was Jake, you know it!

You don’t know how to react. While the pictures and videos scare you, since this man met you yesterday, you feel moved to tears on the other side. When the hell did he do that?

Did he do it because of you?

Where does he get so much information? Sure, he’s a hacker but THAT?

When the news anchor finally ends her post with the words "This man will probably never see the light of day again" and "The whole Internet speaks about this man and the victim who was persecuted by him. When you see this, we wish you all well!"

You have the feeling that you are breathing again for the first time. Like you’ve been holding your breath all this time without noticing.

You stutter at things, try to explain, sort out and understand your feelings. But somehow, just like last night, it’s too unreal.

"You shouldn’t know that in this way"

Startled you turn around as Jake’s sleepy voice appears behind you.

He's leaning in the door frame and yawns once.

With an open mouth you stare at him, "Did you-?" but you break off immediately because you have no idea what to say.

"Is everything okay? Shouldn’t I have do that? I wanted to tell you myself but now it’s too late. I wanted to teach you gently," explains the hacker, and his gaze slowly turns into a worried one.

"Did you- I mean- you were -" you stutter, can’t bring out a normal sentence. Point you to the TV, to you and back to Jake.

"I’m sorry, MC, I didn’t mean to hurt you or anything," he explains straight away." It was just, I don’t know, I was so mad! I still am! This disgusting bastard was following you, he-"quickly breaks off. His hands are clenched into fists, his eyebrows pulled together and his breath accelerated. However, he doesn’t want to remind you unnecessarily, even if that didn’t work out so well through the news. He really has to hold back from screaming completely and somehow making sure that Ted gets more than what he already has.

"No Jake, I-I" you just can’t find the right words and before you know it, you threw yourself awkwardly over the sofa, rolled over it and stood two steps later directly in front of Jake. Without control, you reach into his neck with one hand and pull his head down towards you. Not quite gently your lips hit on his.

And just as quickly as the kiss came about, you finish it as quickly.

"Oh, um, I... so.. I-" you laugh nervously, still holding his head. "Um, sorry?"

Jake also laughs nervously.

"I shouldn’t have done that," a little embarrassed, you let go of his neck and kick a few steps away from him.

"No, no, everything was fine, I thought it was great, so I mean-" a slight redness adorns Jake’s cheeks.

"Sorry" you mumble with a much too high voice and try yourself on a grin that probably looks like you’re in pain. Jake makes an waving off hand move, then it’s quiet between you for a moment. You chew on the inside of your cheek and let your foot slide across the floor in a semicircle, "Did you..- Did you say you thought it was great?" You ask as unimpressed as possible, as if it were a question about the weather.

Jake’s eyes grow big, "Did you find it bad?"

"No, no, of course not!" you assure him quickly." It was great, I would do it again and again."

You sigh.

Smiling, you put one hand to your forehead and look back at the hacker. Jake smiles too, and then you start laughing out loud. Until you have to hold your stomach and the first tears run out of your eyes.

"We’re so ridiculous," you chuckle, shaking your head over you two.

"Do you think?" Jake asks, grinning, "I find us great together"

"Me too" you agree and look back at him.

"Jake I-"

"MC I-"

At the same time you start to speak and then both of you are immediately silent to let the other go first.

"Do you first" you offer and he returns it to you.

"No, I’m fine, say what you wanted to say," you confirm.

"I can wait, you start"

You’re twisting her eyes again.

However, Jake understands this wrong and at the same time the magic words leave your lips "I love you"

Masterlist

-

And thank you @a-d-alison your submission gave me a lot of motivation🤭❤️

-

[fatehbaz]

“Being a bad biocitizen.”

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Marlene Feenstra (née McCorrister), my grandmother, was a Cree woman from Peguis First Nation. Peguis, our nation, is nestled among the ancestral lands and shared territories of the Cree, Anishinabeg, Assiniboine, and Métis peoples -- our homelands that sprawl out from the forks of the Red and Assiniboine Rivers in what is now Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. [...] Gram [was] born in 1936 [...]. She attended residential school [...], and then, as an adult, she was legally denied residence on her reserve due to her marriage to a non-Indian [...]. Yet, despite these and other experiences, and like many Indigenous people, my grandmother never thought of herself as being colonized. [...]

Three years ago, when my grandma passed away, I spent a few days going through the old photographs, newspaper clippings, calendars, and notes she had archived for over sixty years. [...] I was glad, on that cold Winnipeg afternoon, to appreciate her taste in interesting imagery. Their combined content lays out a scene ripe for analysis: One card depicts what it called the “Discovery of Canada”: Jacques Cartier presenting the “weird apparition” of an Indian Chief to the king and queen of France in 1536. A postcard named the “Canadian Rockies” displays a scene of Alexander Mackenzie, Simon Fraser, and La Verendrye: on the back, the card describes them as “great explorers who played stupendous and courageous roles in western development.” Another postcard features the nineteenth-century Métis leader Louis Riel, sitting inside a prison cell awaiting his federally sanctioned execution. Finally, at first glance out of place in this set, is a postcard with the name “Science and Invention” and an image of a basement laboratory peopled by Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, and Frederick Banting.

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It is difficult to say whether Gram chose these cards for how, taken together, they illustrate the curious relationships between colonial expansion, the confinement of Indigenous peoples, and scientific inquiry. If she did conceive of the reciprocal relationships connecting the logics of exploration, discovery, and innovation with histories of colonialism, then she was in good company.

Historians of colonial science, for example, have shown that there is a historical relationship between the development of what is now considered modern science, the technoscientific advances indelibly marking Western civilization, and European imperialisms and colonialisms. Further, Indigenous studies scholars have located modern science within an ongoing colonial system that, working in tandem (and, at times, in tension) with other institutionalized fields, overwrites Indigenous peoples’ knowledges of their existence as peoples in terms of the logics of citizenship, rights, sovereignty, and capital. [...]

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Advances in genomic knowledge are both intriguing and frightening given that the “gift” and “weight” of science and technology fields have always been simultaneously present for Indigenous peoples.

When I was invited to speak at “The Gift and Weight of Genomic Knowledge: In Search of the Good Biocitizen,” out of which this special report evolved, I was enthused by the rich conference rationale provided by organizers Joel Reynolds and Erik Parens. Consistent with Foucauldian scholarship such as that of Nikolas Rose, Carlos Novas, and Dorothy Roberts, the conference framed biocitizenship in relation to that shift provoked by increasing amounts of biological, and especially genomic, knowledge and data that are changing the ways that citizenship is being imagined. Civic responsibility in the age of biocitizenship, Reynolds and Parens observed, encompasses being and remaining healthy for the sake of ourselves and for the greater good of human populations: biometrically monitoring one's physical activity, seeking out direct-to-consumer genetic tests, coughing into the inside of one's elbow, employing barrier methods during sexual intercourse, and on and on are all examples of good bio-practice. In this spirit, biocitizenship -- the emphasis on the human population as biological -- has been endowed with the capacity to reconcile historic wrongs. The conference and this special report, as I understand them, are challenging us all to take pause amidst the accelerating pace of biomedical and genomic data generation and to critically reflect on the seemingly simple yet hugely difficult questions, what is a “good” biocitizen, and how do we become one?

I propose that one analytical pathway leading to said aspirational goodness might be found in its reverse: that is, in badness.

Following bell hooks's description of politicized looking relations, I am establishing these provocations to reorient, from my explicit vantage point, the set of concepts and real-world problems that this special report explores. As examined by hooks, in resistance struggle, the power of the dominated to assert agency by claiming and cultivating “awareness” politicizes looking relations -- one learns to look a certain way in order to resist. Reframing the terms of the discussion is a critical practice in also restructuring the power dynamics that shape common-sense ideas about what it means to be good. The exogenous generation of genomic knowledge about indigeneity, for example, exerts a scientific claim that one can see indigeneity in a way that actually matters. Seeing indigeneity through the prism of genomic knowledge is shaped by colonial lenses insofar as it is based on an understanding of indigeneity as primarily real, genetically. Academic and other ways of thinking that try to make sense of and represent genomic realities of the present are also structured by colonial looking relations. [...]

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Over twenty years ago, among the formative scholarship of early Indigenous studies, Vine Deloria Jr. published Red Earth, White Lies: Native Americans and the Myth of Scientific Fact (1995). Through this book and his other works, Deloria locates modern science within a colonial matrix that seeks to secure itself as a panacea of truthful knowledge creation at the expense of Indigenous sovereignties. [...] Fields, including scientific fields, that attempt to externally translate Indigenous peoples’ self-conceptions into a categorical or taxonomical language are interfering with their sovereign way of being.

Since the publication of Red Earth, White Lies, others have considered what the complicated entanglements of Indigenous knowledges are as they exist in relationship to science and technology fields. In Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants (2013), Robin Wall Kimmerer, for instance, provides a textually melodic illustration of the complementarities between botany, Potawatomi ecology, and the human and nonhuman relations that sustain her everyday experience. Noenoe Silva's Aloha Betrayed: Native Hawaiian Resistance to American Colonialism (2004) similarly considers how Kanaka Maoli have leveraged modern technological advancements in press and printing to oppose the illegal annexation of their territories. These works and others like them have unlocked methodological potential that is not premised on orthodox cultural expectations by framing the use and formation of twentieth- and twenty-first-century sciences and technologies as being instead Indigenous. These novel works set a stage for elaborate consideration of how engagement with technosciences on Indigenous peoples’ own terms might support their local governance systems: their ways of relating in and with localities of misewa (all that exists). [...]

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Fundamental to colonial civilizing missions were the so-called gifts of science and technology that Western imperial powers gave to their colonies and subjects.

Through the rhetorical prism of gifting, scientific claims to the “greater good” have been an enduring logic justifying scientific pursuits, while the collateral damage characteristic of incremental and experimental scientific methods have been disproportionately felt by Indigenous peoples as well as all other bodies deemed unreasoned (including human and nonhuman). [...]

Although there are now many versions of justice in concept and practice, many if not all of them are shaped through the presumed possibility that a normative good exists and that the journey of becoming good is, in itself, good. [...]

I charge non-Indigenous and Indigenous peoples alike to be bad: unpack and undermine the investments they have in propertied [...] state-based sovereignty and nationalism, capitalist cultures of consumption, and settler fantasies of being rightful and good.

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Jessica Kolopenuk. “Provoking Bad Biocitizenship.” Hastings Center Report Vol. 50 Issue S1. June 2020.