#reblogging this so that when the person this is directed at stalks my blog in the morning she can see it and see that im really not mad

[sk3l3t0n444]

@tr0ubl3d-tr4n53nd3r

google search how to tell someone that you arent mad at them or anything and youre just scared of being vulnerable and in your mind saying hi is the same as spilling your guts about your deepest insecurities

[unhappytimeleaper]

Character analysis; main concepts

A lot of this references some hints to lore and stuff I found. Not a lot are direct spoilers, but since Venti is built on his vagueness to his past, this likely will be able to be subject to change as time goes on.

Also, I wasn't sure if I asked if anyone would reply to whom to pick for my analysis. I asked some friends on a Yandere discord server, and in passing, one of them mentioned Venti, so I just went with it. Shout out to them. I hate making decisions. And leaper lore, but Venti is the reason I got into Genshin, so I guess it's fitting he is first.

Anyway, that means sending who I should do next. I'd prefer to space Genshin characters out, but anyone on my lists can be requested, as well as general requests being open.

The final quick personal note is I wanted to thank everyone for the 150 followers. I know it's not a lot, but I am thankful for the handful I know have been around for a while and for those who have considered following; Tumblr and most other SNS are rough for creators as reblog ratios are so low and other issues, but I am very grateful for those who keep coming back.

Venti [Barbatos]; Unedited. Gender neutral reader. Part 1 of 3

Warnings; yandere!! It touches on every main category of the troupe, so if you are sensitive to manipulation [emotional and mental], alcoholism, codependency, guilt [even self-imposed], obsession, lying, stalking, some general creepy behavior, breaking and entering, possessiveness, delusional thoughts, unwanted touching [sfw], and anything else you can think of being related to yandere troupes, then it's best to just not read. Also, a massive warning for talks about religion, idolization in the 'church,' and abuse of power within religious settings.

Word Count: 8.4K

This blog is 17+ please have your age in your bio or tagged; any ageless blog and below the age asked for will be blocked at the end of the week.

Maxed Stats

General manipulation

As a key component, Venti is a general trickster; he comes naturally with the skills of forgery, fabrication, pilfering, and illusion-making. These tools under his control make him naturally an enigma but build into easy traits of manipulation as he needs not just to you but to anyone. And for an early establishment, Venti's natural manipulation is not just tied to these specific skills. Still, it almost comes coded into how he exists as more of himself is revealed. Though these particular skills of lying are much harder to pick up on, between the riddles of his words and decent, innocent appearance, it's easy for him to pull off a twist of words or lie his way out of a situation.

As pointed out, manipulation is a skill that Venti can best use against anyone. To you, he is likely able to find excuses to keep up his actions. Outside of the wall of Mondstadt, he can quickly find reasonings as to why he's there, too. More often than not, he's somewhere close. While in areas like Windwail and Brightcrown, he can stay hidden, only needing to reveal himself if you find yourself in trouble, in regions like Starfell and Galesong, you can often see him not too far off in the distance. Even if you doubt his reasoning, it's hard to find proof of his stalking, making the moments unsettling, but his cuteness and way of words make it hard to get upset. Guilt festers as he looks so sad with accusations of something more sinister and that he has ulterior motives. Or how within the walls Venti is quick to find you and cling on, either in close proximity of walking or physically bound to you somehow— it's easy to tell when he's been drinking as he tends to be much more touchy in those moments. While it takes a lot for him to truly get drunk, he likes to play it up as there are so many more benefits and things you let slide. You have to take care of him in some way, and he always has a reason to be around longer.

In cases of late nights together, Venti sometimes lets you feel as if you have the upper hand, too. Pretending to be more drunk than he is and more open, allowing you to handle your chance at burning questions as he wistfully gives answers. Often, they are still vague but do let you delve more into his past, the trauma he has endured, or the loneliness that has come into his life. The more you learn, the more guilt grows at the idea of rejecting him. Of leaving Mondstadt in favor of exploration or answers. It's also not one where everything he shares is a goal of manipulating these feelings or actions.

Venti's love is absolute; for that, he wants to share what he can, with his goal of being bound to you, which means sharing these personal moments. For him, learning about you is so much easier with his status and age. Still, you can seldom learn about him in the same way, even more, as he can't fully spill his guts about his past at a moment's notice. However, he can think of this as an added benefit; manipulation, even if it's not the goal, is still emotional manipulation.

These times, there often are levels of manipulation about other places and people he puts in place. Different regions and gods aren't free from their past either, and Venti is known to share moments of these in his riddles. Aspects of how the lands have changed, how they have changed, but the imposing struggles carry through their lands. It's not really shit-talking them, nor a full-on slander campaign, but the language and words he uses are often dulled in favorability of what they could be. Similarly, he might often find ways to weave in things that could cause greater fear in you to manipulate you into thinking you are much too weak for the creatures that lurk there. While some parts you can chalk up to his story-telling nature and that by making it more dramatic, it sounds better, there often is a growing uneasiness about how vicious parts it could really be. More than countless times, there have been moments of your own danger, only saved by the grace of the wind and Venti nearby… In contrast, he speaks of Mondstadt and its people much more positively, and while he has some jealousy of those in his region you gain closeness with, he also tends to have a much more positive relationship with them, allowing those to be better tools to help in his love life than those in say Sumeru or Inazuma. He tends to maybe add in some more lighthearted jabs that can have an air of jealousy in them, even more if Venti feels you've been around them a lot recently, but in the way he talks, it often is more of playful bad-mouthing than down right insults.

As touched on, Venti's manipulation of you isn't always intended or done with negative goals. One side of this is again linked generally to how he speaks. Being this enigmatic person whose words are always wistful and hold more profound meaning, there is a natural draw to learn more. It's only made more of something that is hook when he doesn't often go around sharing this self-lore to someone so known but distant in Mondstadt to just anyone. It's almost like a balloon or bubble; the hints that are added build up little by little as time goes on without seeking out Venti for more until it pops. A droplet of information at a time until it consumes your mind, going back looking for more details to answers to the questions you'd had running in your mind for days. Soon enough, you are the one asking where the mysterious bard is to the townspeople, only cementing more in their minds the nature of your relationship being more than platonic. It also, again, just makes you feel special, a self-imposed superiority that you are the person who knows him best [which this ego can be inflated more if you know him as barbatos as well]. Venti knows these actions are manipulative in a sense, and again. At the same time, it doesn't truly harm anyone; it's still manipulation at its core in building this unique reliance on him.

And Venti's manipulation is ever present in the town and the people of Mondstadt. The key ways he uses these are to get more information about you and, as usual, get away with things. However, as briefly stated, Venti uses the wind and himself as a factor in starting rumors that there is naturally more to what is happening between you that can be exploited for later use. But back to the first point, Venti is able to once again use his 'charm' and way of speaking to easily coax others to give out more information about you. He literally likes things about your past, interests, personal relationships with others, likes, dislikes, and such through his friendly demeanor and guiding the conversations. And while he can easily track and monitor you through the wind, by talking to others around and having them tell him where you are, it helps set up a close alibi if you were to question him later. Essentially, in this case, the guards and townpeople become effective scapegoats for his stalking if needed. Furthermore, these questions end up helping intensify any rumors as the questions, over time, can become more and more romantic.

His manipulation does also be a benefit as he really is one with the people, if not distant in details. By having personal connections to groups like people in the Adventure's Guild and Knights of Favonius through people like Jean & Kaeya, they easily can be tools to help with his… well, propaganda. Even the temple with Rosaria. You ask about traveling and other nations to people in the Adventure's Guild, and they tend to often only share more gruesome or darker aspects of their stories. Of have plenty of tragedy by the time they reach the 'positive goal' that it's a natural persuasion to not want to often venture too far outside of Mondstadt. Or say you are one to leave; Venti could use points of manipulation he's built to have, say, Rosaria or Kaeya go with you, depending on where. The wind can always join you, but Venti isn't up and one to fully be able to run off from Mondstadt for long periods of time. If you plan to go on just a trip for travel, it's one thing for him to run off and join you, but freedom itself in Mondstadt is unique. It's not necessarily true freedom, and while he's awake with a purpose, he can't in his heart run from Mondstadt to travel with you. And while he'd be able to do anything in his power to persuade you to not leave, he's one to physically force it unless you're genuinely trying to run off for something dangerous. However, if someone else were to go. Friends of you and Venti… you'd have to come back, right? Kaeya can't leave his post forever, and it was him who accompanied you for this task, so it would be unfair to go on alone and not see him back… Yes, through others, you'd always be lured… guilted into returning home to him eventually.

Manipulation is also used here in more of a test; he does this often with people but imposes an idea or thing involving you. Those he wants to use in a way of getting close, he bluffs some lies out, and their reaction or steps they handle in regards usually is how he tests to see if they are reliable in what he needs. It's nothing extreme, but it's best to know if he can trust their feelings and opinions on you before letting you get too close. If they fail, well, a little bending of the truth to make it so neither of you wants to interact and never really hurt anyone.

This all helps build into how appearance tends to help. Not only for the general public but even for you, as his boyish charm and looks naturally tend to frame him as innocent. People are quick to brush off his questions even if they progressively get more concerned as 'puppy love' or that it's simply 'too cute' to see the young love from the bard. Many might even favor this as they see it as him likely being willing to turn a new leaf and grow into something worth settling down [i.e., get a job and place to live, though really, instead, it grows more into him crashing at your home and still playing song for whatever he can— money or alcohol]. His verbal actions are easily brushed off, but even the physical side of things, too. Pilfering is a great talent of his, but when caught with your items or breaking in when you're out, he tends to be pushed aside if he plays up his demeanor and lies. Scolded with warnings, sure, but scratching his head and sighing with a 'promise I won't do it again' tends to get everyone to roll their eyes and back off. As mentioned, his appearance can even present him as harmless to you; if someone brings it up, you might also awkwardly laugh and brush off the events. It's just Venti being Venti. He truly is primarily harmless, and he's stayed over so much at this point him breaking in was likely just a result of a habit of being in there…

And the limits of manipulation can be pushed if he so chooses. Call it divine intervention, more or less cause while he does so more with a dirty conscience, he can be driven as Barbatos to truly step in. Religious intervention. It seems weird when the Church of Favonius suddenly comes in contact with some old documents, ones with never seen details of an old love interest to their beloved god. The news and rumors sweep the nation, and even weirder, most of the details and notes recount someone… like you. Things seemed to get stranger, and from there, only more documents could be found of this exact figure appearing throughout history, like some sort of reincarnation. The fascination of it all quickly became the center of the topic, and with the likeness you bared in the story and aspects of appearance, you're status seemed to shoot up within the night. Not so much a holy figure but deemed with some strange uplighting in the way people spoke. That is, or how Barbatos ever seemed to come back to Mondstadt, you'd need to be there just like how the past reminisced. For those who do know, it weirdly only pushes you away from them if you ever seek help, that that story must be bound to fate, and that Venti can't be as much of a nuisance if you give it time. The problem is only dug in worse as Venti creates poems and ballads of the sort, claiming he actually had heard of these but never sought to share them until now. As the stories grow, you're pushed more and more to the church with the idea of gaining barbatos' favor and attention. Leaving… just became much more complex.

Dependence [reversed]

Dependence comes in a weird form, at least compared to others. While in general fashion, dependence typically is the idea that they want you to solely rely on them for everything, not only for power and love, it can even be with money, housing, or other necessities. While Venti likely would be much more dependent on him being really the main source of your love and affection, the rest… he doesn't care so much about. Power may be a little; he doesn't need or want you to depend on him for it, but it does give him a little ego boost when you have to or ask him. And too many other aspects of actual dependence go against aspects of his belief in freedom. Venti's course of manipulation never truly prohibits your own freedom; again, less you actively seek to do something he knows poses a threat; it just often forces you to rethink and become more hesitant in actions or thoughts.

As for other forms of dependence, well, Venti doesn't have them. He steals, only really eats apples, to your knowledge, and is homeless. It's quite pitiful in a humorous way. However, as you get closer and bond more with the bard-friendly nature, it is hard for you to let him live like this. Well, in certain ways, stealing alcohol or bribing others to give him some with songs you can't really stop unless you plan on going bankrupt. But more frequently, you invite him for meals and shelter him in your place. Even more frequently if the weather is bad or as winter approaches. Venti isn't manipulating you necessarily into these tasks, but dependence some with a factor of self-guilt. He's your friend, someone you've gotten close with, and with that, he's come to truly rely on you for these things. He was fine in the past, but to leave for who knows how long and let him fall back into such a life would make you a bad person. Right?

Logically, Venti knows he doesn't need to depend on you for these things as they don't have any real effect on his life, but it's so domestic. He gets access to all your items; you put time and love into meals, or even sharing what you purchased from Good Hunter fills him with warmth. On cold nights, he finds it easier to slip under your blankets and, even if it's fake, pretend to sleep like how couples would. Being a god comes with a lot of good but a lonely life, and after seeing so many, there comes a time when it's nice to indulge in it. Gluttony has always been a crime of his, it seems, such as with alcohol, but this also can't be that bad if no one is getting hurt. So just let him depend on you a little longer. At least until he can find out some solution before he sleeps again.

Self Harm

Similar to dependency on basic things, one form of manipulation that Venti doesn't do on purpose but knows that there still is a benefit to his actions is his indulgence in drinking. While it takes a lot for him to truly get drunk, as noted, he does like to play it up for you, and it's not uncommon for you to have to take care of him or come help him. In all sense, Venti, while not necessarily drunk, is an alcoholic, and to a detriment, it is a form of self-harm. Through learning more and hearing the tales and songs of his past, it's apparent the wounds run deep, and Venti's only way he knows to deal with them is through drinking in an attempt to numb or forget. The reality of knowing this is hard; you see it with others you've likely gained closeness with and how drinking has affected the lives of so many.

This leads to two outcomes: this, again, guilt that breeds when thinking of leaving. The connection Venti has formed is tangible with how deep it is to you, even if you don't reciprocate in that way. That's if you were to leave, would things only get worse with his drinking problem? Unlikely, he would died from drinking, but it's more than just drinking; it's the mental state of him in that position and how the loss of more people would rip the wound open even more. Furthering, if you had actually spent time talking about his past and working to unpack and find better ways to cope with the trauma outside of alcoholism, leaving would be a dick move and revert all that progress no matter how you explained it. How much could you're conscious take knowing this? How far could you make it without the guilt of him back home as the stories of his past cloud your mind? The wind tickling your skin and almost like a whisper reminding you of it. It's one thing to share a drink or two with the bard and have a fun night in the tavern, listening to his songs and dancing. It's another to picture him alone under a tree, empty bottles scattered from stealing from him alone, reminiscing about his lost friend and the imagery of war. The wind gets colder, licking the back of your neck, and the guilt is painful, ready to burst out your chest for even thinking of it. Some wounds you cannot heal, but the idea of making them worst or abandoning the person who's come to need you most is mentally crippling.

General obsessiveness

Venti doesn't necessarily read as obsessive. Not outwardly, at least, though it's easy to blame his charm for that. Okay… well, maybe not charm, but within his manipulative nature and looks, his actions and questions regarding you don't play as obsessive to those who listen. It's unlike many others who you can just look at them and feel in your bone there is something off, or in how they speak, they care just a little too hard. His sharp tongue and trick of words allow people to very easily give up information without thoroughly having them aware they have, making his tendencies go far under the general public's radar still. And for those who do somewhat witness it, he doesn't mind playing up his role a little more. Just a young, helpless bard looking to woo someone. It isn't a crime, right?

The mask he wears holds many layers. The bard, the god, the lost wind. Not many will ever get a look at what really goes on and what is an exaggeration. Or under exaggeration when it comes to you. In most cases, Venti stretches his stories up, his words riddled and larger than life that people have to dim down to work out the true meaning. So when he sells his obsessive love as much less, people are quick to brush it off or dim it down further to avoid those actual layers of emotions being peeled forward.

A chunk of this also extends to the shame and questions it brings out of freedom. Venti has never tried to take it away in a solid way, but is it true freedom to either of you when you fill so much of his thoughts that you can't really do anything without him? It is the thought that replays and replays of you and him doing things; it's the obsessive nature of having to know where you are, who you're with, and what you're doing. Are you safe? Are you planning on leaving? Should he come to find you just to be sure?

What about the images. The visions he remembers from the wars, from the people he's lost, and that truly, at any time, perhaps something will happen, and you'll be next. The flashes of violence and fear that only make the goal of getting his next drink to numb them go away— or you. The sight of you, the smell of you. Having you hold him and remind him that the past is gone.

You'd be able to see it, maybe not the full extent, but you've come to know the bard enough to tell when the cogs in his mind are turning and the way he tries to drown out aspects of himself. It's hard to tell what he's thinking, but you know some of it is tied to the past as he holds the stolen wine in one hand and grips you so tightly with the other as you try to stumble back to your home and out of sight. You can tell something is off when he's snooping through your things early in the morning as you're just waking up and when he's clearly been inside your place while you were out with a friend. Or that he's been leaving more and more questionable lyrics? No, less like poems or lyrics but ramblings about love and fear and what can only be aspects of you on the counter as he runs around god knows where. It's worrying. It's uncomfortable to an extent, but not enough or in a way that you can just cut him off. Kick him out. Maybe just talking or setting a little break, but the pressure in your chest and bile in your throat at the thought of cutting contact brings you to a sobbing mess each time.

But, what does keep him from being fully obsessive is that Venti still has things to do. Freedom of Mondstadt and giving up his title as the god doesn't mean he's abandoned his role truly, and if he's awake, that means between drinking, being with friends, telling stories, and everything about you, there is something he has to do. He still is out fulfilling a duty no one, but he knows of, and really, part of that seems more scary than anything he's done to you. You know he'd never hurt you; it's not a fear of that, but as Venti opens up more to you, the parts he still keeps hidden remind you that this is only a fraction of what you know. Guess it's good that you still have some time and space to yourself, but as obsessive as he is in his thoughts and other flaws, he can dial it back if needed for a short amount of time. At least from your perspective.

Wrong idea; type 2

In a sense, Venti is give an inch; he'll take a mile. Like a stray cat. You feed him once he keeps coming back for more. One thing is that this wrong idea can start more slowly, but the second you mess up and do something more romantically affectionate, it instantly becomes much more intense in the progression of what he's willing to take or do.

As mentioned, for anything to start, you need to be at least on a friendship level basis with Venti, and a sorta higher level of one. Nothing extreme, but the type of friends who do spend a considerable amount of time together and, for example, willing to open your house to him to stay in occasionally. Not even in a 'stay in the same bed' type way, but he knows aspects of your personal life, and to a level, you learn more of his 'Venti' side for any of his traits to really start manifest. However, it is already very easy to set off more and delve into the realm of leading him into the wrong idea territory.

Some ideas of how this might be are such as gaining more physical contact. While the intent is friendly, Venti is from a different time, and being touchy already seems less common than you already have a 'flirty' aptitude. Grabbing his arm or hanging off of him when sober makes his heart flutter that there could be more. Certain gifts, flowers, or making uniquely special foods just for him. Not just any meal, that's normal, but if you were to make something sweet with apples that wasn't a typical dish, it leads his heart to beat just a little harder. Or that one time when he did stay over and you fell asleep holding onto him rather than the usual routine of wandering off to your own spot after putting a drunk Venti 'to sleep.' You must have been exhausted… but this is his first time really getting to see you up close.

You must be doing all this with some… ulterior motive. Sure, he's heard of courting; he's older than people think and knows more of the ins and outs of things. People treat him like someone far more innocent by these looks— not just with drinking. And yeah, it comes in handy sometimes, but not when people talk down to him about this. At first, there was some apprehension. Teyvat was in a dangerous time, and as carefree as he plays himself up, he's always guarded about his next move.

Obsessiveness starts more simple. His questions are more of curiosity about many things, and what is better than to trick it out of people and you. Sure, he knows most basic things of your life, but that couldn't mean you aren't linked to more questionable things and had figured out he was Barbatos, either. He comes off a nosey at best. When digging to see if you'd ever been caught doing 'bad things' most inform sure— but in the sense you had been a kid and teen once. You'd easily gotten into trouble more than a few times but never was it for anything imminent or serious. He digs more into the lineage of your family and the other people you associate with. Nothing strange… fine, but perhaps a different route. He remembers some old common courting techniques, and he's seen some of them in this era, too. He's not blind to it, but as he shares more of the details, the more people tell the 'young' bard. It's probably a hint that he should reciprocate. I mean, he already hangs off of you like a hangover anyway. It's surprising he isn't already attached at your hip with how much you both sort of rely on each other. Although you tend to treat him more as a companion than him, he depends on you like a leech.

And the switch flips.

In certain aspects, if you did have some sort of crush, it likely would melt away with how quick his obsessively wrong idea notion takes over. What was harmless flirting testing the waters is instantly blown into a large scale. Even if you didn't like him in that way and other signs were one of platonic closeness or accidents, it doesn't seem to make a difference. His touchiness is insatiable, and the amount of time he starts demanding you spend with him is much more intense. If you try to brush him off, his poutiness damps the air, and things just an uneasy tingle. You find him trying to make all sorts of snacks and now haggling not just for drinks but for gifts. Every story he tells, every song he sings, and every poem has some romantic undertones that, paired with former questions and actions, people know it is about you. And the stalking doesn't help.

Venti's turning point makes him feel like there is more and that there could be more. He's not fully delusional. There are aspects of a lucid point that you're pulling away, but that just means he needs to try harder, right? He's seen so many relationships go like that. If you stop trying, if you let them pull away, that's really how you lose them. It's obvious how much time he puts into this, how much he thinks about how to move forward, and how he can use things like his skill sets of manipulation to keep you bound to him [not literally but in a figurative state]. However, it is only time before you get worn down from trying to fight and redirect… adapting does become just so much easier. Conversations, trying to explain, just don't seem to reach him. Lucid and all, you can't understand him or his goals anymore, and even when he does calm down back into a slight breeze, the second you give him a bit of that former closeness back, it picks back into a blustery.

Stalking

While Venti's stalking habits have mostly been pointed out, there is one other big thing that needs to be recognized. Sure, in Mondstadt and the borders of other regions, he often can find himself about to sneak away and physically follow you around for extended periods of time [days, weeks, etc.]; what happens if you leave. Of course, Venti can easily manipulate others to go with you as a safety net and use it to get you back home, but things are rough when you're gone. Luckily, or to your dismay, you aren't ever really alone as the wind follows you. No matter how far you go, how pleasant the weather is, or how rough the wind is a constant companion following in your wake. It's often a nice breeze, though it picks up a significant amount if you're nearing danger or in danger. Though a strange pattern of it picks up when you spend a little too long talking with locals…

Yes, the wind itself can't do much, but its following reminds you of your faithful companion back home, the one you'll have to eventually return to. And while 'freedom' is given, it's never truly 'free' as the wind follows far and wide until you come back to your love.

Final [unique]

Where final comes in is related more to Venti's 'sleep.' From the context, it seems Venti has less control over when he sleeps and for how long. It's not that he chooses to abandon his land in the time. It's that he cannot fight when he goes into his slumbering state. For hundreds of years, and the times he wakes up are only that when there is something of great importance. This wouldn't be much of a problem before you— Mondstadt was given their freedom, and it was just how it was. He awoke, he came, he helped, and he left; nothing more or less.

However, he had been awake for longer than usual. There was something, even outside of you, that had brewing. Something deeply important kept him awake, even if he didn't know what. And he established a life. A true life this time, with friends in the taverns and everyday 'enemies' with his habits. He found a 'job' and a 'home' within his city as one of the people. And he fell in love. It's one thing to become intrinsically a part of an environment, and even if you don't feel the same way, have that connection knowing any moment it could be lost. To go back into a long-standing sleep with every person, even facet of that life is potentially gone when you are to wake up again. To lose that loved one to time.

Venti has lost so much, each person he's established a bond with passing or having to move on to more incredible things. When he awakes, everything is different; every person is mostly a new face, with few exceptions of those only being a few like him. Is it wrong for love to be so fragile when he knows the change of fate of it being lost is greater than the reward? That if he were to fall asleep, you would easily be able to move on. Find someone new, forget about him, or at least be nothing more than a distant memory. He knows other types of love can be platonic, that the affection you give to the city kids isn't the same, or the way you play with the cats as he watches from a distance. He knows that when he sees the couples in Mondstadt, he's supposed to be happy for them, and imagine if it was you two rather than have the breeze pick up ruining their outing. That he shouldn't be this jealous or bitter; it's unsuiting of his persona, but how else are you supposed to know when love is useless if not with you, the one person he could so quickly lose. When you're not around, this gets worse. Celestia, be damned if he were to fall asleep without at least getting to see you one more time.

This acknowledgment does considerably bring out more of his obsessive nature, almost like paranoia, but in a way that no one can quite place. That he needs to have knowledge of where you are and how long you've been gone, or that he needs to be with you to make up for the time. The obsession leaks into you're time together; since he doesn't need sleep, he'll just lay there watching you. Hands sometimes ghost your face as he pulls you close, worrying about if he can't save you if he were to suddenly fall back asleep tomorrow and never see you again. It's the way sometimes he grips your arm a little too tightly and breathes in too deeply when hugging. That he needs to find a solution to keep you immortal so if he does sleep, you'll still be there when he awakes, or even better, you can sleep with him [and awake] at the same time. You'd never have to be alone, he'd never have to be alone. And sure, it's a stretch, but it's not a loss of freedom because once awake, you can still go anywhere you want together, and even with this idea, you still have full mental awareness and control over your mind.

General Delusional [unique]

Venti isn't delusional. His perceptiveness to things around him and his need to protect himself, plus his lifetime, has made him more or less hyperaware of things and life around him. He hears the prayers of people and the lives of others, and being lucid/logical is simply a must for that of a god. But he hears the prays, he hears the others speak, and he yearns in a sense to be able to have the luxury of being delusional. Of just being able to let everything go and pretend things are good or that you like him back in that way. It sounds nice. Easy. To be able to imagine your life together as some fantasy story, he's the knight who'd come and save you and live happily ever after.

Scratch that. barbatos isn't delusional, but Venti can be. The mask, the person he's playing can be. He isn't just a storywriter; he's a storyteller. An actor, a character of his identity. So no, deep down, he knows the truth; he's extremely aware of that, but why not just play the part. Let him play as if he was lost in those delusions and that whatever it is can be that way. When you're cooking dinner for each other, Venti knows you're just making a meal as always, but why not play it up. That you're coupled and that this is making a meal together as a such— it was a little weird when he came over to help, but you didn't question it. At least he was doing something. But meal times together when he would help progressed weirdly. Putting his arms around you as you try to cut things, holding out utensils for you to try things on. It got very strange the one time when baking, he leaned over and licked a crumb off your face. You didn't bake for a while after that.

Or going out. What once was normal progressed into him inching closer and closer, then hands briefly touching. You didn't think much. It's the bard unless your Diluc. He's been pretty much harmless around the city. You think. So what if he was one to try to hold hands or brush arms that just matched his bubbly personality. Though the linking of arms and leaning into when waking, staring into your eyes with such affection did change things a lot.

It's nothing more than a role, or sort of game to Venti. The delusion is there, but it is more like oil sitting on top of water. He can turn it off at any moment, but where is the fun in that when everything in his life is so serious. With you, it's easier to just pretend. At least he still has all the control and lucidity of the problems when needed.

Projection

This has been touched on already, but to relate it back, Venti isn't so much delusional in the sense he believes it's real but that if he projects the message hard enough through stories, through songs, and to the people of Teyvat that you're together then in some way, that will be true. The projection of his words he knows are false, and he knows in some way, even if it isn't true, that if a story is spread enough, people take it as fact. And if everyone takes it as fact, then it's just easier for you to accept it as well. He really doesn't have to do anything to force you. It's not taking away anything. It's just altering it so that way things work out in his favor. Much like the general sense, it pairs as well. If he tells himself it's true, perhaps he can force that delusion to cloud the lucidity he feels about all of it. It's almost like in a state of being drunk, where you know what's going on to a certain level, but it's foggy. It's rose-tinted enough that if everyone thinks it, he can, too.

This projection is only made worse if he gets involved as Barbatos. It changes things from just the slightly weird couple who, honestly, the people of Mondstadt can't really explain how they ended up that way. They remember bits of it, but it seems like someone through someone, though some random grandma just mentioned you were taken, and everyone ran with it. But if the church were to find the falsified relics and stories, then there just is nothing you can do. Now, it's not only Venti trying to project something there but the whole church following, believing that you are some saint and by having you married? Honestly, you aren't really sure what all this goal is to have you 'connected to Barbatos' even means, but whatever it is… it doesn't sound good. The expectations of you are doubled, and the projection of you being more than human is suffocating. But it's only made worse when Venti comes forward as Barbatos to you, saying you should just play the part. Stay with the church as some saint and with him. You'll still have a life of freedom outside of it, just with some more expectations about how you interact with others. You'd be bound by the marriage of some sort, and he'd find a way to make it eternal. It doesn't sound too bad, right? Freedom isn't truly free, but it never has been. It's an elusive concept, something subjective, but if you still have the right to enjoy your life and the good of being such, then it should be okay. You can still leave the church figuratively and travel, arguing it's on some journey for something. You aren't restricted in how you speak or think, but things like infidelity and how you speak of love need to be more kind. Yet you'd live a life of peace, one of never needing to be allowed and have the blessing of a god in your favor.

If not, think of the projection people will have if you say no. If you try to run away, you lose everything. That would be the true loss of freedom. The loss of your friends, your loved ones. Your home. Venti projects this idea of love and what love should be for you two, not between you and him necessarily, but to everyone else, making it all the more terrifying at the consequences when he finally does. Not if, but when.

Monopoly

This is where things get rough because Venti is possessive in a way that can't be controlled. He feels it settling in his chest when he spends too long talking to the shopkeeper or giggling a little too hard at a friend's joke. He hates it when you work and when you dedicate your time to the kittens outside The Cat's Tail. He whines when you have to leave in the morning and when you turn up to Angel Share just a little too late, begging to know who you are with. It hurts him. He can't explain it in the way it crushes his soul, seeing you give your time to others, your energy, and your care. It pains him so deeply to see you run yourself thin for the world around you, for those who could never understand you like he does.

Venti knows it would be easy to whisk you away. To use his godly powers to keep you safe, to keep your attention and love only on him. How things would be so much better for you, for each other, if you could just monopolize your time for him and you and no one else. The idea weighs on him like a pile of bricks. He knows it's wrong; he knows it goes against everything he stands for. And call him childish, but he can't help how he feels.

It's true he never really acts on it. Clinging onto you and carping over it, sure, the way he tugs slightly on your arm after you keep talking to the passerby you bumped into, an old friend, ready to drag you off to somewhere in Mondstadt, you can be alone. How he holds on just a little too tight when you talk about events at work and the people you chatted with, quickly wanting to move to a more interpersonal topic.

Venti never really monopolizes you or your relationships, but his bratty and more childish act really is brought out more with you around. You still get the socialization and ability to be around whoever, but it always needs to be rightfully compensated with some alone time with the god as well, so pick your battles sparingly and just go with him when his fuse starts to burn out.

Bizarre Seeking [unique]

Tying back to his sleep issue, the case of bizarreness only relies so much on how far he's willing to push to keep you immortal, either through godhood or other means. It's surprising he'd even consider it; his testament for Celestia is apparent in conversations, and the path to godhood is not seen in a much higher light based on conversations. But Venti knows sacrifices need to be made to get what you want, and if that means the pursuit of godhood or immorality to not lose any more of his loved one, then that's a sacrifice to be made.

Because of this, Venti ends up pushing you into countless more and more weird scenarios. You end up visiting a certain alchemist more, not really ever knowing the reasons why, and stranger things of yours seem to be going missing. What is that strange bruise on your arm, and why does this one piece of hair seem slightly shorter than the rest? You also swore that Caramel Pinecone tasted weird last time, but even when you ordered the Love Poem instead, it was still off…

The limits of Venti's morality are very much pushed with the goal of finding a way to extend your life more permanently, and while the actions he takes are questionable, they aren't anything he would do less deemed necessary. Beyond that, once he finds the key to unlock it, his bizarre-seeking tendencies end up dying down or stopping altogether.

Also, while he considers and will try to push for a Celestia ascension if push comes to shove, the ability to actually achieve godhood this way is much more complicated and dangerous. Something he might keep trying for, but this way is much less likely to succeed, and he knows this, which is why other bizarre tendencies take priority.

General protectiveness

Overall, protectiveness is a standard feat. Venti doesn't want you to get hurt and will do nearly anything to prevent it, hence a considerable factor of his stalking outside of walls of the city or towns. Even with others, if he thinks they pose some physical threat, Venti has little fear of stepping between you and 'the threat.' It's not so much a protective coating or an extreme case where he needs to check everything you do, touch, eat, drink, or interact with. Still, there is a natural sense of him wanting to protect you and watch over you to make sure that nothing can gravely hurt you. This mirrors why the wind follows you if you travel and picks up to warn you and redirect you away from dangers, a protective aura of Venti that trails after you. It's not even a doubt that you can't, but the inherent need to make sure you make it back in one piece.

There is, again, only one primary reason Venti will use full force to intervene, and this is if he knows you are purposefully trying to run off somewhere that will put you in danger for any reason. Often downplaying his strength of wind, the storm, if needed, will border Mondstadt making it. Hence, nothing gets in or out until you agree to drop it, tearing nearly everything that comes in contact with the barrier if you don't agree to listen to him first and think of a genuine plan. The wind sees all, and while terraforming isn't much on his bucket list anymore, Barbatos has no fear of proving his worth and power if in the name of love and protection. Even if it hurts you to know whatever your goal is foiled, if it's the one-stop against your freedom, there are some things not worth being risked.

Lowest Stats

General [none]

The one trait Venti inherently lacks is sadism. Nothing he does to you or others is derived from the pleasure of hurting or seeing others hurt. And while those such as the abyss creatures for fatui foot soldiers are at the whims of his fighting, it's not done with the goal or satisfaction of a battle but rather a necessity for 'his' people and you.

It's apparent that actions that long-term hurt you or have serious effects, both mental and physical, that fundamentally change you aren't truly a goal. Yeah, the immortality would literally change you, but not with the goal of making you conform or transform into a new mental mindset. At least not right away, as he knows that a long life naturally changes people, but there never is a purpose to rid you of traits. To tie you down and break you until you love him the way he loves you.

Freedom, as touched on, is never truly free. Not of people, not of actions, or even of mindsets. But is it that Venti wants you to be you; be the self you choose to be and the freedom that comes with that, even if aspects of it hurt him. It's why if he has to let you go to Sumeru for a festival he knows wouldn't be possible for him to also attend, he lets you know you'll come back to him without the burden of being changed or conformed to have to come back. It's why, in every case, Venti does whatever is in his power to keep you from being genuinely hurt, even if he can't always fulfill that promise. It's why, despite everything, he can't hurt the people who create the fires of jealousy in his core being.

Venti has an awareness that many of his actions are immoral and that he has dirtied his hands in the past just as much. he knows of the guilt you struggle with, and then he is using his skills to manipulate and play everyone like a fiddle, but in the eyes of a god and one who believes in freedom, it is not in his role to harm anyone in the light of you. It's a turning point he could never come back from if he were to directly hurt you or anyone else with the goal of keeping you with him, and it would be a dishonor to everything he was created from. A stain on the nameless bard he honors so deeply, so while the envelope of what is okay is pushed every day with his other actions, there is never once a hand that is laid on you for the sake of 'love' from Bardatos.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

Statistic diagram; Venti [Barbatos]

[dottores]

okay well, i logged back in, obviously, because there are clearly some things that need to be addressed and have been taken out of context. just because i’m leaving doesn’t mean i should sit here and let my name be smeared. 

to preface this, anantaru and i had a discussion where we came to a congenial understanding of what happened, there's been an acknowledgment on both sides of misunderstanding and believing distorted rumors and people that we probably should not have, but i’m still going to give a full explanation as to the background of everything so you all can understand and come to your own opinions. plus, if there's going to be a call-out post directed majorly at me made, i want an official address of it.

please do NOT send any hate their way, we have ended this discussion on good terms and have worked out what exactly was stirring this discourse between us. (spoiler alert: there was a third-party shit-stirrer that we both considered a decent friend at the time!)

i don’t really need a reason to block someone, and i shouldn’t have to explain it, but i did and i will again but more explicitly this time: @/anantaru made a post that i did not like. it’s as simple as that. it was a post about genshin characters and sex icks and one of the lines were “venti: too drunk.” i’m not anti-dc, but there are topics that i am sensitive about because i was sa’d in my freshman year of college—that is something i have talked about on this blog before, many of you who've been around since my tr era are aware of it. i acknowledged, and tee acknowledged, that this was probably a joke and was not meant to be taken the way i took it, but the aloof/casual way it was mentioned without any TW of implied dubcon, and without acknowledging that it was at least dubcon and could border on noncon in certain interpretations made me uncomfortable. i don’t mind seeing it as long as i’m warned. if it was tagged properly, i would have moved on without much care, but it wasn’t, so i was scrolling through the post snorting and was hit with that and i was made uncomfortable because i didn't like how it was just being passed off as an ick, and i blocked. there was no reason for it to go beyond what it did, yet we are here. anantaru mentioned that if you frequent their blog, you would know that they often write about venti and reader being drunk—i don’t frequent their blog, in fact this was my first encounter with them being reblogged onto my dash by shared mutuals, so it rubbed me wrong. thats the end of it. 

i’m not sure the exact timing, but i believe it was two(?) weeks after this, when i reblogged an unpopular opinion’s post with an opinion that i thought was fairly harmless. sure, looking back on it i could have phrased it better, i’m not going to deny that, but pinpointing my one opinion out of the hundreds of others that were objectively far more controversial than mine and crucifying me for it is uncalled for. you guys know very well that i do not have the time or energy to sift through random people’s blogs to look for minors. every once in a while i glance at the notes of shit posts that happen to be on my dash and i’d be a bit startled at finding a minor in them because i still do think you should at least try to catch minors who interact with shit posts because that’s the easiest way to find them. but i was working at a medium sized firm for a year and a half at the time of the post and i am currently in law school, i do not have the time to be psychotic about people’s likes and interaction, and even if i did have the time?? i’ve always gotten incredible interaction from y’all lmfao, imposing the idea that i’m jealous is entirely inane. i do still stand by the fact that my words were twisted, i was made out, more than once and by more than one person after the next bullet point's events, to have been some psycho that stalks peoples’ posts for excuses as to why they get interaction when that is simply not the case. 

regardless, after this incident, anantaru made a vague post that was almost directly quoting my tags from the reblog and was thus sent to me because many shared mutuals put together that it was about my tags. this was upsetting for multiple reasons 1) i had blocked anantaru by this point so i felt a bit violated that i was being vagued for something by someone that i blocked. 2) i started getting hate anons en masse after it, some of which were very unnecessarily explicit. needless to say, i was very upset and made a subpost on my main account after noticing i’ve been blocked on ao3 because 1) i was already upset and i didn’t even know why anantaru seemed to have it out for me much less go to the point of blocking on ao3 which leads into my next point and 2) i thought it was a bit ridiculous because the only thing blocking on ao3 stops is people from commenting on posts and i clearly was not going to comment on a post of someone who i was not on good terms with. reasoning aside, anantaru can block who they want and i was out of line for making comments about that in particular. i’ll admit that, and apologize for it. 

a screenshot was taken from my personal—not a good moment for me, obviously, but anantaru claimed in their post that it was about them with no evidence. i dmed them about this in particular because i was genuinely confused, we spoke about it, i offered them proof that it was not them because i had a discussion about this post with a close friend at the time of posting it and they believed me. i will attach screenshots below (cropped because there's no reason to attach the whole conversation) because i feel as if this accusation was rather extreme and i wish it would’ve been removed because it was obviously not my best moment. an explanation for the post itself, i was upset over plagiarism accusations regarding something i put my heart and soul into and then seeing the same person that made them consistently on my dash just straight up triggered me, for lack of a better word lol, so i made a vent on my personal. how it got misconstrued as to be anything about anantaru is baffling to me but i suppose that's a question for the subject of our next bullet point. i don’t want to go into detail about the accusations in themselves because i don’t want people to send the actual person who it’s about hate. regardless, that post was not about anantaru, i have never called them a cunt nor have i ever called them a gatekeepy cunt, though i’m beginning to think i should probably remove the word from my vocabulary atp, i use it far too flippantly. anyway, i do not know them well enough to formulate any sort of opinion like that. aside from that, in our discussion we came to an understanding over it and i wish that would have been cleared on their blog as wel. so i'll attach here (i crossed some out because i don't want to breach any boundaries regarding what anantaru might be comfortable sharing but i do think it's fair for me to want this particular point fully cleared as it was a bold accusation remaining up):

5. in our discussion, we came to realize that we have/had a shared mutual who was fostering discourse between the two of us. many of you will recognize her as audri aka alucrds, who has supposedly left tumblr by this point—i suspected this and anantaru has confirmed it while we were talking. audri was sending anantaru my posts claiming that they were about anantaru, but i will stress that the only actual discussions i ever had with anyone about anantaru was with tee and eris about that initial joke because it had upset me at the time, it never extended beyond that and it certainly was never with audri. my only conversation with audri that mentioned anantaru at all was probably around a week or so after i made the post in point 3, when audri asked me about ao3 blocking in casual conversation and i offhandedly mentioned that anantaru had blocked me on there—audri was a close friend at that point and iirc, she had actually told me right after that that anantaru had her blocked on tumblr, i had no idea that they'd been mutuals at all but either way, it was an offhanded comment that led to nowhere (or so i thought LOL). looking back on it, it was clearly her baiting me into giving her information about the post i made a week or so prior because after talking with anantaru, they explained that they got an anonymous message claiming that i was shit talking them for blocking them on ao3 and the only person that could have put together that the vent post from point 3 was about anantaru was audri herself. audri continued to evidently cherry-pick random vent posts of mine to show anantaru and claim that they were about them. why? i wish i could tell you. i considered audri a decent enough friend, and though she had her fair share of issues with mutuals and other friends of mine, i never really thought she’d stoop to this with me. but i guess there’s really no explaining people who thrive in discourse.

6. my comment in my most recent post about being harassed on ao3 and in comments and in asks was not about them at all. i thought it was very clearly about heliotropes (my dottore series) and pressure to update from certain readers, but i'm clarifying that now.

7. i never intended on directly addressing this, which is why i did not directly name anantaru in my post, if i’d known at the time that tee was going to end up addressing all of this, i would’ve just been straight up with all of it.

anyway, i think that’s all, hopefully this will be the last post for real as i am tired mentally and now i am also physically sleep deprived. i've been up since three so forgive me for typos and grammar errors. this all has gone on for over a year. sorry for all the discourse on y'all's dash, wish i could have left with a bit more grace than this. rumors have been blown out of proportions and blindly believed, things have been taken out of context, such is life. i made my fair share of mistakes on my personal blog with my vents, others have admitted and owned up to their own mistakes, some will never admit to their mistakes. such is life. it moves on, always does. i know all of y'all are smart enough to come to your own opinions.

over and out, sorry again, and logged out (hopefully for real this time),

cat

[secret-tacos]

my response.

yesterday, i was ''called out'' by @deathmetalyaoi. i put that in quotation marks because OP has stated this is not a callout post, but a ''warning to people in the fandom'' in an effort to ''cut off the diseased tissue at the source'', positioning this as not only something good but necessary, justified, and righteous.

let's unpack that.

my ''ides of march'' event was not a ''most controversial dead dove'' contest, and implying as such is a deliberate misreading of the situation.

i don't actually have a copy of the original post, which has been deleted for over 3 months, so i'll be using this screencap from deathmetalyaoi to illustrate my point--

the explicit intent of the event was to promote and create dark content. i created this as a direct response to events like the christmas and valentines ones -- not because i had an issue with them, but because i wanted to see content that was more accurate to the dark and brutal show that i fell in love with.

deathmetalyaoi later posted a clarification which proved to be a deliberate misreading of the situation, moving me from ''aggressor'' to ''victim'' and misgendering me in the process--

i want to set the record straight -- the original prompt list was my idea and mine alone. this includes murder, gore, stalking, cannibalism, and torture, all of which are concepts that frequently happen within the show that we all claim to have watched.

when i was creating this event, i spoke with basu, who urged me to include nsfw prompt options, and insisted on having incest be one of the options, despite my reluctance. we have spoken about this, she has apologized.

shortly after posting the event advertisement, it was screencapped and posted in a discord that i was also in, where several people made baseless accusations about me (including that i was a pedophile, that i hated survivors, that my event was edgy and baseless and devoid of any merit), leading me to delete the post. several of those people are now liking and reblogging the original callout and using that as an excuse to pat themselves on the back for being ''against harassment'' and ''doing the right thing''.

deathmetalyaoi refuses to speak to me or ask me for clarification -- all they've done is throw around extremely serious accusations and play with people as if they're paper dolls. but, i'll bite. deathmetalyaoi is implying that i -- and the other people named in that post -- are bad people, while they, by contrast, are good.

so, who IS deathmetalyaoi?

deathmetalyaoi is a 22 year old person who claims to have DID -- a serious condition that real people suffer from -- with their primary alter being pickles the drummer from metalocalypse.

they frequently suicide bait, beg for money to escape toxic living situations, and then spend the money on luxury purchases before going back to begging for money.

they also like to go through people's blogs and find old receipts to hold over their heads.

and leave rude comments on fanfiction they dislike -- primarily of the explosiontooth/tickles variety, as they operate under the ableist assumption that toki, as a canonical age regressor and potentially autistic character, is a child incapable of making decisions by himself.

they also like to use their labels (primarily being trans and autistic) to label anyone who does not agree with them as bigoted.

here's another example of them begging for money and then misusing it -- they seem to have a habit of remaking blogs whenever people catch on.

they also make music labeled as lolicore -- this is a genre originating on 4chan which primarily gets its name from the sampling of lolicon porn. they claim the name is purely ironic and that using it does not make them a pedophile, which is correct. however, in the same breath, they also accuse triplefaggot of being a pedophile for drawing an au where toki and murderface are safe for work, fully clothed, unsexualized children, implying that simply using the word 'loli', even if ironic, is unacceptable and cause for cancellation.

to be quite frank -- this hurt me. i am upset. this is a show that brings me a lot of comfort, and several real life incidents occurring in close proximity have left me desperately in need of that comfort. i don't like the idea of having to walk on eggshells to avoid being raked over the coals by a fandom perpetually hyperfixated on the idea of ''moral purity'' -- the idea that wrong step can leave you irredeemable, and that it is your god-given duty to lambast this person for being impure, lest everybody else believe you, too, are Bad.

there is no such thing as a person without sin. the best people fuck up and make mistakes and don't think straight and act based on emotion all the damn time. you are never going to find your perfect fandom darling, and cultivating an environment where everybody is paranoid of being attacked for having beliefs that differ from yours is not only pointless, but specifically, objectively cruel -- you have accomplished nothing beyond making people afraid in a space meant to be about enjoying a cartoon and making a fool out of yourself.

i know that you aren't going to read this, @deathmetalyaoi, because you blatantly ignore anything that paints you as being incorrect. at the very most, you're going to make a text post about how people are being mean to you when all you want to do is think about nathan and pickles kissing sloppy style, and people will shower you in sympathy and pictures of kittens and puppies.

but i'll know, and that's enough for me. i'm not doing this to call you out, nor am i trying to warn people -- it's my honest response. you get what you give.

[killerlookz]

I NEED TO GET SOMETHING OFF MY CHEST

I am a young adult. Born in a time where it was seen as cringey/insane to be obsessed with a singer. I remember going to school and my friends making fun of one direction fans/ Justin Beiber fans. I must admit I was in on that train at one age, but then it hit me.

What the fuck is wrong with people enjoying a person's music and showing their love?

Nobody is being harmed. Nobody is being discriminated. Nobody is being in anyway impacting the lives of others. Why do we as a society put down these people? (This excludes fans that were harassing/stalking)

And for years I respected those types of fans from a distance, never quite understanding their love but seeing how it brought them so much joy.

Then I discovered Joost.

My world has changed completely. I began listening on the day before TRAFIK came out and I was hooked.

I love everything about him. From his music, persona, fashion, friends, and even this fan base.

I am embarrassed sometimes of what a big fan I am, and that's not right. I wish nothing but the best for Joost and in my time of being a fan I have ensured I have done nothing that could make him uncomfortable.

...

Except maybe read RPF but I truly in my heart of hearts don't think he will mind, because the shit he wrote about himself was no better. And if he ever came forward saying it made him in anyway uncomfortable I'd never read it again.

Seeing how you and many other have explained RPF has really helped me get over my worries. Though I won't be putting it on display any time soon, I am a huge Joost fan.

Anyway, thank you so much for opening my eyes to the wonderfulness of Joost and reblogging so many different types of media.

You have helped me discover so many different blogs that have quickly made their way into my heart.

Sorry if this is all a lot. I just really needed to talk it through and I admire you a lot :)

hiiiii !!! thank you so much for your message :-)))))

i don’t know what it is in particular about the joost fandom that is so anti rpf hahaha but it’s kind of commonplace in most other fandoms so i’m not sure where the insane amount of outrage comes from when joost hasn’t said anything about it himself …

like i know there are obviously people who are anti-rpf in every fandom but its not usually such a big talking point??? like people keep it to themselves.

even I MYSELF used to not enjoy rpf for a time… (until i turned to the light) but even then i literally did not gaf if people wrote rpf??? like i literally did not give a single fuck? and i didn’t expect the people who it was about to share my stance either so i don’t really understand this fandom in particular

but whatever! don’t be ashamed of regular shmegular fandom activities! this shit is so normal and i think here it joost was ever to communicate anti-rpf boundaries we would all completely understand that :-) were just having fun here, and no harm is intended, just creating little stories with an artist we admire!

people feed into the stereotype too much that people who participate in fandom or fanfic are just all creepy stalkers who think about whatever celebrity 24/7 and try to invade all types of privacy. i just don’t think that’s true- but the stereotype has people literally gripped by the throat that so many people are turned off from fanfic / fandom without even trying to get to see what it’s actually like!

but i’m so glad you’ve found your space here!! i love the joost tumblr fandom so much <3 they’re so great!!! such a fun little community for real :-))

[thisiskatsblog]

Kat. It’s so weird that after all these years you still have antis stalking your blog and talking about you. I just saw an anti (she’s a solo harrie) who stalk larries blog since 2016 and just today she stalking your blog and laughed at you for saying that you didn’t go to Louis’ show because you’re too old for the band.

What? Also...she was laughing at you because she believes you and other larries are abandoning larry/louis and he’s losing fans. You included. My God! Antis really have no life!

Oh it's a life, just not a pleasant one. Imagine having such as an unhealthy hyperfocus on people who annoy you because they don't confirm your worldview. It's sad really. Life is so much more pleasant when you grow up and accept that some people are simply not going to agree with you. That Louis isn't going to go away.

When we were in Rainbow Direction, Ed always used to say "don't worry about the hate mail, it just means you're doing something right, you can't change anything without ruffling some feathers", and he was so right. So thank you for letting me know that I'm STILL the little stone in someone's shoe, after all this time. Definitely think we did something right there.

I already reblogged the misinterpreted post earlier in the day - it's clear this person doesn't follow my blog too religiously though. All summer, I've talked about hoping to have recovered enough from my accident to drive to Antwerp, but doubting that I'd make it to London .

And for the record, it didn't exactly look like he was losing fans to me yesterday at Antwerp Sportpaleis. That’s the venue One Direction played in 2013 when I joined the fandom. Even with the balconies closed, it was still double the capacity of the venue he played a year ago. He's not losing fans, he's gaining fans. Also who cares who has the most fans, I care about who makes the music that pleases me the most, who does the shows, that I enjoy myself best at - again there the haters are with their need for external validation.

And speaking of validation - the fans yesterday were super energetic, and really having a good time. They knew every word of every song to the last word and shouted along - every word of every entire song. The energy of Louis’ fans is crazy, the energy of his band is crazy, and people are niiiiiice. People next to you don't pretend you're not there, they smile and speak to you and are kind. It was very much a “we’re all in this together” kind of mood.

Fucking family he said.

I really enjoyed looking around at the audience and watching how much they all enjoyed this.

Final note: as mentioned in my reblog, I consider myself outside of the target age group of former One Direction band members - but for the fucking record, I do not consider myself too old for Louis' band. Boy did I enjoy watching his drummer go at it yesterday...

[deathinfeathers-a]

Guidelines

Introduction

Hello and welcome to my humble RP blog! You can call me Cinna (they/them Pronouns please), your friendly neighborhood autism creature who exclusively writes fucked up pieces of flaming garbage! I am in my mid twenties with a solid fifteen-ish years of writing experience under my belt. If spending the brunt of my mortal existence on tumblr has taught me anything it is the importance of curating your online experience to the best of your ability so we are very much private and selective in this neck of the woods! Before you engage with the characters you will find lurking on this blog, please make sure that you are not a child! All children will be corralled into the pit and made to fight to the death for my own, personal amusement! Thank you!

I am exceptionally mentally ill and will run and hide for weeks on end for literally no reason whatsoever! I am sorry I am hard to get a hold of OOC! Being perceived terrifies me but I love you all the same!

Content warnings

On this blog you may find mentions/implications (but no graphic depictions) of the following:

Child exploitation and grooming, CSA, SA, r*pe, suicide

You may find graphic depictions of the following:

Religous themes, systematic religous brainwashing, child soldiers, internalized misogyny, blood, gore, violence, abuse, fetishization of death and murder, cannibalism, torture, toxic and abusive relationships (work/romantic/familial), substance abuse, sexual themes and settings, sex as a coping mechanism, mental illness, PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks, stockholm syndrome, (fictional) hate speech, death, kidnapping, stalking, body horror, religious abuse and torture, cult-ish themes and settings, hard drug use, suicidal ideation, self harm

This blog is, in a big way, dedicated to the in-depth exploration of many uncomfortable topics. Keep this in mind before you follow.

Roleplay etiquette

This should go without saying but please refrain from godmodding/taking control over my character in our interactions, this includes auto hitting in violent/confrontational situations. No info-modding or meta-gaming, your character should not be able to glean information out of any internal dialog unless they can straight up read minds (in which case I would like to be made aware of this power beforehand). Remember that the muse and her values and behaviors are not a reflection of the writer. I do not agree with or condone 90% of the things that she says and does--her actions are not to be glorified or romanticized, Lute is absolutely meant to be viewed as a villain.

Interactions

Friends/mains will always take priority when it comes to threads--some of you may find this unfair but RP is a hobby and I reserve the right to engage with it In whatever way is most fun and fulfilling for myself. Don't let this discourage you from approaching if you have a plot in mind or sending in memes/starters. I'm happy to run with all sorts of stories and scenarios granted I'm given an idea to work off of. That being said, I am incredibly disorganized so threads have a tendency to slip through the cracks, don't be afraid to (politely) remind me of our interaction when this happens. I will reblog memes somewhat regularly but OOC plotting is my personal preference. I tend to struggle scrounging up enough motivation for threads with no clear direction. Lute is a character who shines the most when she is acting as an obstacle or an uplifting force to the people around her. She thrives poorly in slice-of-life type of scenarios, please keep this in mind.

Fight scenes

As a general rule, I won't write figh scenes with sinner muses. Lute isn't somebody that mortal souls are meant to be able to fight off—as the first lieutenant of the heavenly host she wouldn't be much of a threat if she sat around their power level. This isn't something I see myself budging on unless you have very solid reasoning for why you think your sinner could take her on. Same goes for the hellborn, lower class angels and humans. That being said, if your muse (sinner/human/anyone weaker than Lute) goes out of their way to taunt or harass her she will respond with violence. Keep this in mind before you go pushing her buttons.

Shipping

Ah, shipping, the magical thing which makes the rpc go 'round! Lute is not easy to ship with, like, at all! I wouldn't call her unshippable necessarily but you must be aware that she is an incredibly twisted and broken individual, ergo, any relationship she finds herself being a part of is at major risk of becoming unbalanced and/or toxic. I am very, very, veryveryvery picky with her romantic candidates as a result. Do not try to force ship with her, that is a surefire to be irrevocably crossed off as a potential partner. Lute has a tendency to develop crushes on a very specific type of people--do not take this as a sign that I'm trying to push a ship on you--it's just a character quirk that she has. Shipping will never take priority over the overarching plot of this blog. Again, Lute isn't a character who does well in domestic situations, tension, action and conflict is where it's at for her.

Smut

I will write smut on rare occasions, mostly on sindays. I exclusively write this type of content with longtime mutuals. Feel free to ask me for a link to my NSFW blog.

Drama

As a rule of thumb: don't. If there's a problematic individual you feel I should be made aware of, address the issue with me OOC. That's all I have to say on the matter. I like to keep my space as drama/discourse free as possible.

Blocking

Please hardblock me when you unfollow! I have a very poor memory so it's not unlikely that I might refollow if you fail to do this. If you happen to find yourself blocked by me, rest assured that it is very rarely a personal matter. Chances are I just don't see us vibing or you're somebody that i decided to unfollow for one reason or another. All the same, block evading is not cool if there's a legit reason behind it (and you will be made aware if there is). Please don't do that!

Thank you for reading my guidelines. This list will be expanded upon as I see fit!

[devilishchaos]

Request Rules and Guidance*

Requests are currently OPEN, for Mr. Rúben Dias. :) x

Thank you to everyone who reads, reblogs, likes and gives me feedback when it comes to my work. <3

Thank you everybody, who have sent requests so far and to everyone who is thinking about sending some. <3 I love reading your requests and working on them. Hopefully I'm fulfilling your requests and I am reviving your fantasies. x

I write for my sake most of the time. Because I want to; it's fun, relaxing and it entertains me. I do it when I want to, when I can or I feel inspired.

I'm a college student and I often choose to spend some of my free time writing or reading, but sometimes I need a break from writing. It may take awhile for me to post an imagine, so please be patient with me.

Keep in mind that I don’t answer requests until I finish writing / editing them. Time and day is determined by me. There’s no guarantee I will write your request right away or ever. Sometimes I don't have the creative capacity, so I need more time..it can take months. I simply can’t write every single request that comes my way. Don't take it personal.

What you should know before sending a request:

Please be polite when requesting. 

I don’t write imagines in a specific order. I write based on what inspires me the most, not by who requested first.

I will continue to write imagines that I want / I like / I think of.

Please try to be as detailed as possible in your request. It speeds up the writing process and gives me a bit of inspiration to make it as good as it can be.

If you can't specify, don't get discouraged, just give me a one sentence concept or say you give me a green light and permission to be creative with the plot.

If I choose to write your request, I’ll reply to it publicly on my blog.

If I decide NOT to write a request or if a request makes me uncomfortable enough that I know I won’t write it, I will probably not reply to it and just delete it from my Ask.

Reader’s gender will be mostly female.

I will put a trigger warning at the beginning of every imagine so that I don't put my readers at risk. 

If your request seems like too much of a repeat of something I’ve already written or read, I may or may not direct you to that imagine instead of trying to rewrite it. 

Please do not feel as though your request is crappy.

Sometimes I might give a twist to a request, for it to be a bit easier to write with my style or I might combine two or more requests.

Feel free to give me feedback.

I WRITE:

- imagines;

- one shots;

- one sentence concepts (might be icluded in an imagine and / or combined with other concepts);

- character x reader;

- character x me;

- dad!character x reader;

- husband!character x reader;

- fluff;

- smut;

- a little angst;

- slight kinkiness (choking, spitting in each others mouth, hair grabbing but affectionately, ect.).

I DON'T WRITE:

- A - Z NSFW content;

- au;

- song prompts;

- sad concepts;

- preferences;

- drabbles / blurbs - I can't write only a couple words / sentences;

- don't know how I feel about headcons / reactions..never written any;

- toxic or illegal ships;

- the reader / or the person that I'm writing for is a different species (wolf, fox, bunny, etc.);

- incest;

- pedophilia;

- abortion / miscariage;

- depressed, su!c!dal, abused readers;

- assault or stalking;

- death;

- racism, sexism, ablism, transphobia, homophobia or any other form of bigotry;

- political or social issues;

- hateful, discriminatory or offensive requests;

- LGBTQ+;

- BDSM;

- degradation / humiliation;

- foot fetish; or any kind of fetish (strangling, daddy / mommy, blood, necrophilia, ect.);

- drug addiction.

*the rules and guidance will be updated regularly.

[bisolationist]

Almost like my post was about the general patterns and a broader context of how male SA victims are treated by people, and not about you specifically and you alone, nor even about your text and your text alone but how it's used in practice by many. Much like your post was also about a broader context of societal interactions - which I do agree with to a decent degree, mind. But it's just not the whole story.

So yeah, you're right - I don't know you. I didn't even reblog from you. You are not, as far as I know, one of the "so many" to whom I refer. None of it was aimed at you specifically. This is a thousand note post, not a small personal one, so I very much doubted you'd even notice my comment, and it didn't matter to me if you did. I didn't bear any particular hostility towards you personally.

But as a male SA victim I am very familiar - far more than you - with the broader context of why so many people are eager to believe certain things about us, including the central rhetoric of your post, because of what they can use it to justify beyond the explicit text you personally wrote.

Again, yes, much of what you said is true. But framing male victims as "mere collateral of the patriarchy" is also a tempting justification and absolution for A) those who want to believe any and all behavior they commit towards male SA victims is preemptively justified and has the moral high ground. B) female rapists and those eager to defend them. C) people eager to overlook and excuse both previous groups as harmless and inconsequential.

“maybe I can ask a question and become better informed about what this person is saying.”

What, like you did for me? Did you consider why I might be upset about this subject matter and how people treat it? Did you consider I have direct and personal experience with people defending and espousing the things I listed, and using justifications like yours to say why what they did is good? Did you consider the tags were not meant for you, but for the people stalking my blog and actively harassing me and telling me for 6 months now how the woman that correctively raped me for being SSA just didn't do anything "that bad"? Did you consider anything at all except that I'm "delusional" and don't know anything about the life-experiences of SA victims and personally trying to attack you for no reason?

#I also don’t believe you’re serious about thinking I really pick and choose when to care about sexual assault#no normal-minded person does this

Again, I don't know you specifically. But yes plenty of people tell me day in and day out they DO pick and choose when they care about sexual assault. They tell me repeatedly, shamelessly, and openly. So in very fact, my exact point of this post was that people who do this are not "normal minded" persons despite their high-minded justifications. Whether that applies to you or not I could not possibly say.

the reason male victims of sexual violence aren't taken seriously is the same reason female victims aren't and that's because men are the overwhelming perpetrators in both instances. some men being silenced is not the fault of feminism, it's the necessary collateral of upholding the male dominated sexual hierarchy.

this is like when people say "more men are murdered than women so why are women afraid of men?" who don't seem to understand that it's men murdering those men too, and that "men are the ones overwhelmingly murdering men and women" is not a fact that should rightfully make women less wary of them.

[mareastrorum]

Irreverent ranting, don’t mind me.

I think I spent too much time on Reddit to bother with most of the curating advice like block buttons. The only time I’ve blocked anyone is for spambots because that helps keeps bots from taking over (I guess?).

Listen, my MO was to go onto Reddit and browse a curated front page of weird subreddits I subscribed to for maybe 10 minutes. 13 years of curating specific subreddits for whatever niche hells interested me. After a bit of that to ease my way back into the internet, I was ready to dive into the unhinged shitfest of /r/all for the rest of the day.

/r/all is like going into Tumblr’s trending page with 0 moderation and staff to prevent the unsavory bits from getting there. All that mattered was upvotes. I saw the most absurd shit. Getting to the top 100 of /r/all was considered an accomplishment, of course, except for the people that rushed to post breaking political news ASAP for an easy ride to the top. But I didn’t stop at top 100. I kept digging with RES endless scrolling because I am a hater. I wanted to be outraged. I wanted to see things that made me think “why would you post that?” and “why did people upvote this?” and weird crap I would have never otherwise encountered in my life. I was there for the two broken arms AMA. I was there when Victoria was kicked out of /r/IAmA. I was there when /r/bestof decided to exclude the default subs and again when they added them back in years later. I was there for the Ellen Pao revolt and sexist horseshit that came with volunteering to be the sacrificial lamb. I was there for the /r/jailbait debate and ban and aftermath, and for each ban wave after that. I was there when Grumpy Cat became a thing. I was there for the WSB GameStop insanity became a DFV cult and watched the subreddit turn into a conspiracy theory sub instead of the loss porn gambling with your life savings sub.

And if I needed time to chill the fuck out, I went to /r/law because at least there some of the takes were reasonably educated and thought out, usually eviscerating the dumbasses that came in with some political agenda. Oh man, 2016-2021 was an ERA of STRIFE, and I loved my time there. The insanity, the drama, the intrigue.

I never really encountered the DNI stuff until coming here. It’s just like, what? Do haters listen to that? Like, I am a silent hater, I’d flag people with RES to track bad faith asshats so I knew not to waste too much time on replies to them, but I didn’t stalk or block people on Reddit. I guess that’s how people do on the blog website? Here, I follow several people I don’t agree with because I don’t think that is an important part of my internet experience. I’m an attorney, I literally read and write things I vehemently disagree with as part of my every day. What would my life be if I didn’t? Fucking boring. Hell no.

When I started a Tumblr blog a few months ago, it was just to follow specific fandom stuff because the subreddit for it was surprisingly sparse. I laughed at the “hellsite” moniker because man, I would award that to Something Awful, not this place. Tumblr has issues, but meh.

So yeah, anyway, to all the redditors: if you’re like me, ignore the bullshit about block buttons, and just don’t be rude to OP if you want to avoid getting mass blocks. Getting blocked means you get to do less from that blog, but of course, you could always make a new one. Reblogs don’t work like a subreddit, they work like posting to someone’s personal sub and the OP gets all the updates of people responding to YOU. That’s kinda shitty, so it’s a nono. Same thing with the tags. Just be aware that OP sees them just as much as a direct reply comment would.

I’m off to douse myself in someone’s drama bullshit again, woohoo.

[secretaryunpaid]

@jerzwriter I cannot express my gratitude for the true representation of my character that you have shared in this reblog. Thank you my dear friend!

Since I joined the writing community I have been pointed out to be someone that I am not to prevent any sort of recognition, something I have deeply appreciated but never looked for. I am one who appreciates being in the shadows, trust me.

You are among the phenomenal writers that I respect on this site. It is never easy to exist here, not even in a supportive nature. I don’t know what makes them think that this sort of thing would impact any friendships that have been formed, because that would imply that no one who associates with named persons has any idea of how to judge someone’s character, which in itself is offensive.

I have never seen nor read any actions that would support these unfounded accusations from any of us. Since when is self promotion of your characters considered stalking? It is keeping your blog active and present in the minds of those who enjoy the content! And if it annoys you, staff and/or fellow mutuals can surely assist you in learning how to filter and block unwanted posts/comments.

To insult persons because they support someone you do not is a waste of effort, energy and emotion. It is also a sign that this person has no one either supporting them or talent that they do not have confidence in. There will always be those equal, superior and inferior. One would have to attack the entire population if this is the case.

Okay, since I was called toxic… I am of that personality that is hard to erase from thought, because I am always here offering support and encouragement of the many writers that I have come to read on this site, not just of the Choices fandom. It has not and will not deter m participation.

Questions like: Why are you even on here? Etc… I think the person asking should self direct these, because they seem to be the ones most bothered. I wish them a better experience, but it won’t be at my expense.

Just because you don’t see physical comments, reblogs or acknowledgments of your content being read does not indicate that it is not being viewed, read, liked/loved. People tend to draw away from blogs with negative attention as they do not want this attachment for themselves. I just happen to be a bit more stubborn. I choose for me, no one else.

So to those that I was once a major presence on and fade away, it is mostly because this site hides many things from my view. I also do have a very busy offline life, and make my own apologies for not being able to continue being as present as before. It was not in any way an attempt at riding coattails or meeting people. I don’t have to climb on the backs of others and would never attempt to. These words aren’t casting stones, only expressing that my character is constantly attacked — the “good guys finish last bit”… I don’t shed tears over such childish things.

People can be very petty and it doesn’t make sense. You wish to write at the caliber of the person you are downing, work harder… do your writing research… you can even observe the patterns of what people respond to more and give it a go for yourself. It doesn’t take stealing or infringement of another writer’s works, but it does serve to show what people enjoy reading. Figure out how to incorporate that in your own writing…

Best of luck to them! I will always wish them better, because it reduces the need for such low quality antics.

As for those blogs mentioned, I do apologize that my name has be thrown into negativity on your blogs. It won’t deter any support that I show. I am mature enough to know and do better.

I have enough decades away from my teen years to be drawn into these pointless efforts. Keep giving the excellent and loved content as you have been! Let’s hope those attracted to negativity see the true character of those pointed out, and it has positive outcomes instead!

Hello, I don't really know you but if you're friends with somebody like chickensarentcheap then that raises a huge red flag for me. Not only are they stalker material re: Rachel and Chris, obviously hounding them at all hours, they're also friends with problematic people on here like asirensrage, chrissymunson, secretaryunpaid, traficalyhip, munstymind and it goes on. It's basically a network of toxic connections. You seem like a fun loving soul and nice so I am just warning you about them 🙂

Right, you wanna do this Anon, let’s fucking do it.

“I don't really know you” no, you don’t, you don’t know a single thing about me but I know a hell of a lot about you.

You’re obsessed with @chickensarentcheap. Constantly sending hate to her via other peoples inboxes because she’s getting interactions on her fics and that makes you jealous. It’s not her fault you can’t write for shit.

Not sure how you can stalk and hound someone by posting publicly available photo and gif collections of them, photos and gif’s that other people send her.

She’s an incredible author, friend and mother who takes no shit from people like you.

You’re currently harassing @asirensrage, multiple times a week in fact. Guess you’re a glutton for punishment because you keep coming back after she makes you look like a complete gronk.

chrissymunson, well you bullied her so badly it negatively affected her mental health and she deactivated. There’s hard proof of this.

@secretaryunpaid is hardly on here because she busy in her offline life. When she is online she reblogs baking recipes, aesthetic photos, fics with hands down the BEST comments that are accompanied by amazing gifs she makes. She’s an incredible person to talk to when you’re stuck with writing, I can’t count the amount of times she’s helped me through a block. She also sends the best cat videos.

No fucking idea who traficalyhip is but I know a @tragiclyhip. She’s the best kind of reader. Interacts with all posts, reblogs with comments, boosts you up. She’s also an incredible at graphic art. The stuff she makes is fucking phenomenal. She’s got more talent in her little toe than I do in my entire body.

As for @munstysmind, that’s me you fucking idiot. If you’re going to make these bullshit messages “warning” others about people, at least do it right and not copy and paste  the same one to everyone.

You’re right, I am a fun loving soul, a genuinely nice person, something @babeyyemor will attest to, but you’re never going to have the privilege of seeing that side of me, because you’re a cunt.

We know who you are

We have proof of what you’ve done

Now, before you go crying to mummy about how the person on the internet is being mean to you just remember, you’re the one who started this, not us.

[donnerpartyofone]

This probably isn't true, but a long time ago I heard that penguin cognition is so simplistic that they think that non-penguin animals are just ugly penguins. Like, they probably recognize the otherness of critters that are relevant to themselves, like fish and polar bears, but a human, for example, is just a really shitty penguin to them. This morning I'm thinking about this because of how fandom mentality seems to work. Many years ago on this here ancient blog, I made an extremely rude comment about furries. Well, it was actually about the then-nascent trend of listing every single fact of you entire being in your blog description, where your deeply personal medical and psychiatric diagnoses that are nobody's business rub elbows with, say, being a furry. My bad, insensitive joke involved a made-up indexing string like this, but for whatever reason, the only people who got upset were just furries. One of them rage-reblogged it, and then like a thousand furries spent the rest of the night complaining to each other about it. Even though I wouldn't make that type of joke today (I mean I still think that overexposing and hyperindexing yourself like that is bad, but I find it more worrisome than risible), I still laugh when I think about this one response from someone who had a name like dolphinlemur69: "Maybe she's just jealous because her fandom isn't popular." Like...someone whose thing is being a hybrid of a dolphin and a lemur that blows you while you blow them thought I was just bitter because whatever thing I'm a stan of was too niche.

This is still funny to me, but it's also kind of fucked up when you think about how the person was so deep in the fandom state that they couldn't even imagine someone just not being involved in fandom at all. It was totally beyond their imagination. To them, I had to be just a really shitty fan. It's not hard to see how all-consuming the fandom mentality is; we've all seen cliche, sappy, horny fan content for movies and shows that haven't even come out yet, and we're all seeing what's happening with Breaking Bad on the part of people who've never seen the show and, just as often, don't even know what it's about. I admit that some of that Breaking Bad stuff is kind of funny, but the fact that people's brains will automatically start running the fandom script on anything they've ever heard of with more than one male character, and just start mindlessly converting it into like yaoi for babies, is really disturbing.

I'm currently trying to decide if this style of needy, overheated attachment to real people is more or less disturbing than it is with fictional characters. On the one hand it's like, well, at least we're edging slightly closer to organic relationships with other humans when there's an alive, non-fictional person involved. But on the other hand, while it is possible to know everything about a fictional character and therefore develop informed opinions about them, this is not possible with celebrities you've never met, so that form of fandom necessarily involves a lot of psychological projection.

It's weird to assume a lot of things about a complete stranger just because you want to fuck them when you see them on your TV screen, and it's probably not good to let your horniness tell you that there can't possibly be anything wrong with that person in spite of, say, a growing mountain of evidence that they don't treat other people well. What's grosser still is that when someone comes forward to clarify that Celebrity X sucks, at personal risk to themselves, where personal risk = everything from public embarrassment to doxxing, gang stalking, and death threats, fans will just accuse that person of being a shitty fan. The fandom mentality says: "Everyone is the same as me. Everyone is a fan, the same kind of fan that I am. Everyone equally craves the same level of contact with Celebrity X that I do, and if anyone has anything bad to say about their own direct experience with Celebrity X, they must be doing it because they were left unsatisfied as a fan. It must be that they didn't get exactly what they wanted, and they must be feeling the same burning jealousy I feel when I hear that they got to interact with or even fuck Celebrity X, whether or not the fucking was desirable or consensual. Anyone who has the nerve to criticize Celebrity X is just looking for attention from Celebrity X, because that's what I would do if I were them." I submit that that is usually what they're doing in the moment that they are promoting the innocence of someone they absolutely do not know anything substantial about, when all they know is that public criticism flies in the face of their own purely personal projections about an attractive stranger.

You can tell something is wrong when a fan's pseudo-political outrage, say about the idea of the MeToo movement protecting psychopaths who just want attention and financial reward for victimhood, is only attached to Celebrity X. The fan is not interested in furthering public education about the nature of consent, or about personal sexual responsibility in general. The fan is not interested in encouraging parents to raise boys who are respectful of boundaries, or empowering girls with a sense of their own autonomy. The fan is not concerned about clarifying legislation around harassment, stalking, or sexual assault. The only thing the fan cares about is that they are not prevented from continuing to masturbate to Celebrity X; that they don't have to learn anything so unpleasant that it ruins their good time, and they have to find out that life is more complicated than they thought it was a minute ago when they believed that anyone who gives them a boner must be a good guy.

Of course I'm not saying that there are no attention-starved, money-grubbing, malicious slanderers in the world. Of course there are those people. I don't happen to think that it's extremely common to happily risk a radical loss of privacy and personal safety just in order to get attention; I don't happen to think that's as common as the desire for justice and protection from further harm, and I do happen to think that when you have a huge aggregation of people who feel an obligation to speak up despite the risk to themselves...you know, I think that when something that is not fun to do gains critical mass like that, then smoke probably indicates fire. But my opinion on this matter is actually beside the point I'm trying to make. I'm just saying that if you only express how deeply you care about mature, responsible sexual etiquette on occasions when someone points the finger at your personal favorite complete stranger, then the real problem is out of control fandom pathology. It's like people who suddenly care about human trafficking when Pizzagate comes around, but they can't muster the slightest interest in the safety of women and children when it doesn't give them ammo against specific celebrity politicians.

My unsolicited advice is this: The next time you find yourself obsessively defending the honor of a total stranger who is getting kind of famous for being a dick, ask yourself if you're only doing it because you've jerked off to them so many times that you've hypnotized yourself into thinking you know that person. The next time you find yourself obsessively denouncing rape victims in some specific case where it excites you to do so, ask yourself when was the last time you felt like defending someone who was raped, or if you ever felt motivated to find out what that experience does to your life. And the next time you find yourself up in arms about how other people should manage their relationships and handle their own unwanted sexual experiences, ask yourself if you ever think about any of this stuff when it doesn't involve Celebrity X. If you don't, you probably have fandom brain damage, and you might want to see a doctor about that.

[thefloofartist]

So I was curious as to your opinions on Lilith Fairen aka Team HLRT?

TL;DR: Fairen is not a good person. Block on sight, do NOT engage. I'll be honest, I don't know much about Fairen herself outside of how I've seen her treat other people and myself. From my own experience and the posts she's made, Fairen loves getting attention and does so by any means necessary. This usually means levying the worst type of internet accusations at other people she doesn't like, because on the internet, inflammatory language and causing problems will garner attention and views. The only reason I know Fairen existed to begin with was because when Celtic's Fixing RWBY Volume 5 was airing, she made several posts about it. Every one of them was a lie designed to get RWBY fans riled up and shit on the project. I was initially going to write the details for each of Fairen's lies on this post, but many of them involve other people and artists I respect, so I don't want to speak on their behalf. I will say however that Fairen's posts can be easily debunked just by watching the episodes. Fairen is not a source of trustworthy information. This is a reminder for people not to trust everything you read on the internet. Look up other sources, or better yet, look for the direct source before retweeting or reblogging a post that could contain false or harmful information. If you have questions, just ask the source or people who are informed about it instead of people with no relation to the source who gain attention from spreading misinformation. When skimming posts about or by Fairen, much of what I've seen Fairen do is call someone or something racist, sexist, misogynistic, and homophobic with little to no evidence for it. In the event she has "evidence", it's usually so misconstrued and warped by her response to make her argument that context is completely lost. More often than not, her source for her arguments are practically something she made up herself to have an artificial argument over. Fairen will also mock anyone who responds in kind to her inflammatory posts, taking their comments which she then finds a way to weaponize against them even more. From my viewpoint, Fairen doesn't appear to know how to speak normally with other people outside of insulting them. Much like CanonSeeker, Fairen also employs the use of sockpuppet accounts to bypass bans and blocks. She's been blacklisted from just about every Magical Girl fandom spaces and banned from Sufficient Velocity for where she, again, just accused people she didn't like of being horrible sexist bigots before the mods over there had enough and nuked her account. If you block her, she will stalk you across social media platforms, almost but not quite to the same degree as CanonSeeker. Fairen's already demonstrated this behavior with myself and the few posts/comments I barely make on r/RWBYcritics, even one instance of Fairen responding to my comments on Reddit on her Tumblr in realtime in the moment of me making them on Reddit. My thoughts on Team HLRT? It's nothing more than Fairen's harassment blog. Fairen is so proud about her behavior that she documented it for her audience... at least before it got nuked. The way the blog was run was reminiscent of a high school clique. The entire blog was nothing more than unacceptable behavior. There's no reason for her to treat or talk to people the way she does.

What I find most depressing about this whole thing is that Fairen doesn't appear to ever truly talk about why she likes these shows she's so keen on defending and being insanely aggressive about. From my viewpoint, she's only interested in using these pieces of media as a crutch to justify bullying people. There's nothing productive about wallowing in negativity all the time, and believe me, it took myself a long time to get out of that hole I dug myself in. It's a lesson that takes time to learn. I'll be direct: Fairen needs to get a grip and learn that this behavior is unhealthy, horrible, and much like CanonSeeker, I would recommend that Fairen take a lengthy 2 month break from social media. She should try finding something like a hobby that she truly enjoys doing, especially if it's away from any kind of digital screen. I can't stress how important it is for people to take a break from social media because of how it can impact people and their behavior. I do know that Fairen has been pulling this behavior for over half a decade now, so I don't believe she'll change, but we'll see.

[arcadialedger]

Please note that I am most likely leaving this platform. I am done being abused. But first? We need to have a discussion. A discussion about hate and bullying in fandom.

All online-- I encourage you to read my story below. Reblog and spread awareness. The Dragon Prince fandom especially -- I implore you read my words, every single one of them. The short of it is that I am done. 

This all began with losing and being blocked by a friend because I shared something they disagreed with. I don’t care what you feel about my initial reaction to this (which I’ll explain below) -- I’ve apologized for not handling the situation correctly. But I will not be shamed for speaking my mind and standing up for myself.

Because no human being deserves to go through what I have endured since last summer.

Following the “callout” post made about me by one of, if not the largest blogs in this fandom, I received hundreds of threats, harassment messages, and death threats. Messages and posts telling me to kill myself were also prominent, on a multiple times a week basis for awhile.

Messages from people who were well aware I have struggled with being suicidal. Due to one of their favorite Dragon Prince blogs speaking out against me, they thought it was okay to suicide bait me.

And it worked. I already struggle with hating myself, am already insecure, and being flooded with these comments which, while I made mistakes, did nothing to deserve, drove me to try and take my own life after years of progress in my mental health.  

Mind you, this is like a 200 follower to 4k follower power dynamic. Which yes, plays a role-- because when you have a large following and influence, you have power. Yet the person behind this had the gall to claim Tumblr clout isn’t real.

People blocking and condemning others instantly at your word? Is power. If people read your words and are influenced, or have their minds changed, or buy or don’t buy something, etc.-- you are an influencer. You have power. And when you’re one of the largest blogs in a fandom, you have a LOT of power.

So take responsibility. 

I was hurt because I lost a friend who I had chatted with for months, did a podcast with, and was generally not only one of my favorite blogs but the center of my experience in the Dragon Prince. I may not have been perfect in my words, but when I was asked why I was quiet/ inactive, I explained how I was hurting, anonymously. I was understandably in pain and upset. I had been cut off for just having a different opinion on a matter, for thinking differently. Even though it was within their rights to block and do so, it felt wrong and it weighed on me.

Is that such a crime?

The callout post and previously described abuse followed, lasting for months until later in the year (this began in June, or around then). It also included screenshots of tweets, when this user does not have Tumblr, and they have stated to have screenshots stored up on their computer of my various posts and interactions. This is creepy behavior, and freaked me out. I felt like I was being stalked, “evidence” being filed away for the very purpose of being used against me. 

I eventually talked things out with the blog per recommendation of my therapist, and thought all would be fine. For a little while, it was. I largely stayed off of Tumblr to heal. Once in awhile I would have a rough, tearful night because something reminded me of what I lost, but I would make it through. Overall, I was making progress.

Then? My Twitter got hacked by one of the people sending me hate. For what had turned out to be much. And after they tweeted some purposefully incriminating and bigoted things to make me look bad, I came home from a weekend in the mountains to a shitstorm.

Twitter has a love hate relationship for me and I barely opened the app unless actively chatting with a friend. So when I saw 700+ notifications, I was surprised. It had never happened before.

I began to scroll through, and when I saw what had happened, I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

I had lost over half of my followers and a solid 60% of previous Twitter mutuals had blocked me. But worst of all, I had hundreds of hate tweets directed at me replying to the hackers tweets. Messages had been sent in DMs and accounts blocked, followed, and unfollowed as well.

If you have never felt that loss of agency-- that sickening feeling of words you never said next to your profile-- be glad. Because it is traumatic. I value my words. I value what I have to say. And having that taken from me was worse than anything I had been through here on Tumblr, outside of the suicide baiting (the most direct attack to me and my emotions/ insecurities throughout this entire ordeal). Further, this hacker had clearly stalked my tweets based on some of their comments. 

Hundreds of tweets bashing me, calling me aphobic slurs (knowing I am asexual mind you, as it was in my bio), making fun of my appearance and targeting all of the insecurities which lead to my first suicide attempt in high school, and taking/ editing images of my face and mocking them. This all culminated in a doxing threat-- a doxing threat which made me feel unsafe on a campus I had already been sexually assaulted on. I was once again, after starting the healing process, thrusted back into the darkest time of my life and spiraled into anxiety and depression. I cried a lot overwhelmed by it all, had difficulty sleeping, and felt sick. I started fall semester and couldn’t concentrate on school. I was a mess.

I had once again been condemned, this time for something I had no part in. I tried to example what happened but nobody listened. I had been hung without trial. People were understandably confused, and my entire reputation on the platform, and my page, became a mess of lies, misunderstandings, and more.

If you don’t know the feeling of already hating yourself and being insecure, and having these beliefs reinforced and spread by hundreds publicly across the internet? Of already feeling lonely and unwanted and having the one space you thought you had taken from you? Consider yourself lucky. 

I had a lot of voice actors and creators following me-- accounts I interacted and greatly cherished my mutual with. A handful of them unfollowed, understandably. This online hate mob was sending messages to people demanding they unfollow me, including some of these creators. They had no idea what to make of this mess or what was real and true and just didn’t want to deal with it. Most of the others just stopped interacting with me. @aaronwaltke (tagging so those who don’t follow already click and do so, because he is absolutely fantastic-- he’s a writer for ToA)  who had followed me on the platform, graciously wished me peace with the entire situation after I checked to make sure he had not been subjected to messages or hate, either from my hacker or other accounts. His was the greatest compassion I got on Twitter, before I ultimately ended up just having to delete.

I lost podcast deals because of this with Adrian Petriw, Aaron Ehasz, and Justin Richmond. I do not blame them one bit and would have done the same in the confusion not wanting to get dragged into anything. 

Only to have one of the friends I lost who helped start this interview these very people on their own podcasts. A slap in the face. A zine I had bought to support them came to my door, with the front page proclaiming to “spread a narrative of love.”

I was never granted that chance. That compassion. I had the vultures sent after me with no mercy. And anyone who has been through online abuse and systemic harassment knows just how much it feels like they’re slowly but surely picking at your flesh ( a metaphor I used in one of my old, since deleted posts discussing the situation, and still find accurate), wearing you down until you have no strength left.

Make no mistake, my story is not a one off situation. Many share the same tale of abuse and being driven off of platforms that once gave them great joy. These attacks are coordinated, systemic, and common hobby for these people-- who largely claim to be loving and accepting of all. They are a cyberbullying phenomenon which has risen with the presence of fandom on the internet. And I want to make clear, with current discussions of “cancel culture”, I mean nothing political in that statement. Some might call my experience cancel culture, but I don’t.

It’s just bullying. It’s just hate. These people get off on ruining people’s lives.

And my life was greatly set back and ruined. I had a stain on my past in fandom I could never be rid of. I had to shut down my podcast, took time off of all social media, and most of what I had built, most of my growth, was taken from me while those who incited and/ or spread hate thrived and continued to grow and find success. That was the greatest sting of all. 

I asked the one previous friend who hadn’t blocked me, but had just stopped interacting with me (which I understood and respected, and also greatly respected her perspective, help, and support though this situation in which she largely unfortunately ended up in the middle) for help after explaining everything, and got nothing. They didn’t seem to care, and just blocked me on all platforms. Once in awhile, I would find I was cut off from yet another old friend, or a blog that I had never interacted with before but clicked into, interested. It hurt being cut off, unable to fully interact with the fandom, but I could move on.

That pain would never go away, but I made clear I did not blame them for the actions of those who abused, harassed, and threatened me. I also made it clear they did not owe me anything, including unblocking. 

I just wanted to move on peacefully, but those with the power to enable that did not wish to help. I slowly, when I felt ready, began to be more active on Tumblr again, and once again the hate started up. 

Sometimes when I was hurting, I expressed my pain and loss to my followers just to reach out, because I was sad. I had no idea how to rebuild from all that had happened. This got me more hate an accusations of emotional manipulation and gaslighting. I had no idea what to do, and got trapped in a cycle of needing to talk about it, and getting hate and backlash, but not knowing where else I could turn. 

My doxer came back into my asks, ultimately making me switch schools, and refueled the drama. Speaking up about this got me more backlash-- mostly accounts reblogging (one with tags saying “fuck you”, despite not knowing the full story, and commenting and then blocking me so I could do nothing to respond or get it off of my page. I deleted all posts of the matter, as requested by these people (who validly pointed out they were in the main fandom tags, which I hadn’t thought of and understood), and hoped to move on.

But it hasn’t stopped. I have been beaten down and emotionally bruised for months. I have had my life and safety threatened, my education and by extension life path altered, and lost work (podcast) opportunities due to this-- alongside the irreversible emotional damage from trauma and abuse. My mental health issues and insecurities-- which I have been very open about to destigmatize the subjects and encourage conversation-- were actively targeted to inflict the most pain possible. 

And I can’t even talk about it, without enduring more hate and accusations of “playing the victim”.

Death threats, suicide baiting, doxing, months of bullying and harassment to the most vile degree, which a lot of these people don’t know about because they don’t even bother to read my words. Yet I’m playing the victim. 

And the accusations of bigotry and being hateful hurt, because it couldn’t be further from what is in my heart. I believing in love and acceptance of all. I don’t know how many are religious here, but I found God after my first suicide attempt and that is what his word has taught me. 

I’ve been through too much in life to tolerate this, for lack of a more eloquent term, bullshit. I know what abuse and victim blaming looks like when I see it. And in my 20 years of life, I have gone through too much: constant ridicule and bullying, suicide attempts, sexual assault, major spinal surgery, to just be stomped over and not stand up for my right to basis human decency. 

I refuse to put up with this, so unless I get an apology and some semblance of justice for everything I have been through, I am leaving. I will not participate in a space run by hate and toxicity. I will never claim to be perfect, and I have apologized for my mistakes and wrongdoings. Now, hold those who did this accountable. If you’re reading this you know very well who it was, and I am not naming them for those who don’t. Because at the end of the day I still send nothing but love and wish no ill will towards them.

But I’ll be damned if I don’t expect accountability of one of the greatest influencers in the fandom for their complacency in abuse, threats, suicide baiting, and and absolute ruining of my life and online experience. They enabled this and were well aware they had the power to stop it-- to ask their followers to stop-- and did nothing. They didn’t care-- about a human’s life and well being. 

@dragonprinceofficial, are you aware that this is what many of the fans of your show, which preaches love and an end to the cycle of vengeance, do to others? That this is happening in your space? If you stand at all by the values you preach, condemn it. @staffTumblr/ @supportTumblr-- shame on you for allowing this abuse to happen and ignoring my reports. Shame on you for permitting these people to operate in your platform and for being okay with hosting hate. People have been driven to suicide on your website-- I am one of the lucky ones. 

If you care at all about humanity and stand against this behavior, reblog and spread awareness. Share my story so I may not happen to anyone else. Tag @dragonprinceofficial until they notice and speak out. 

This is my story, and so many others. Make sure it doesn’t happen ever again. No human being deserves to be treated how I was. Everyone deserves compassion, decency, and respect. And everyone deserves a place in fandom. Do better. If you want to reach out to me DMs are open, as well as my email, which is attached to my account. Until this change happens and I am given the support/ help needed to safely function on this platform, this blog will not be active outside of that. 

Thank you all of the many accounts who have supported me, and I am working on getting back to all who have reached out! Your love means the world. You know who you are, and I don’t want to tag in case people come after you for showing me kindness. I am sorry if this is goodbye, to all that have enjoyed my blog. I enjoyed it for a long time  too. I loved sharing my passion for stories, culture, having a space where I could analyze and discuss my favorite things.  I loved getting to share what I had to offer with the world, having fun and posting jokes with my unique sense of humor. I loved interacting with intelligent people/ fellow fans and discussing my favorite stories, offering each other new insights and growing together. I loved the many, many kind and wonderful people who reached out to me in a variety of ways and provided support and friendship.

In the end, it just isn’t worth all of this pain and trauma, and I know when to put my foot down. I don’t want pity, I don’t want apologizes, and I’m not a martyr. I just want my story to make a difference-- to spur positive change in fandom culture/ spaces.  I will be tagging all fandoms in which I have seen this kind of abuse present as well, to reach as many as possible. 

Be safe, and be kind.

- The Arcadia Ledger/ Ryn/ Katie, signing off.

[thecitythatdoesntsleep]

Imo (because personally I feel this -> way) that's because it's really scary. Like not with gifs, but whump writing/prompts/etc that you write yourself getting to "normal" (🙄 lol) parts of Tumblr. Especially if they involve extra sensitive topics. It's very scary to put it out for one specific community and know that one reblog from the wrong blog that branches out to hundreds of others could make you have to delete the post/possibly your whole blog because you have 50 anons screaming at you that you're a criminal and telling you to kill yourself in horrible graphic ways all because you write whump, and even when you turn off anon a lot of them just make sockpuppet accounts to do it more. Once you're on those people's radars they don't let it go, I follow someone stalked years later :( And people shouldn't have to be worried about having anon on, because it's nice when shy people can still talk to you. Idk about other reasons and that might not be what you were referencing but that's definitely one reason :(

-Long post, ranting from the mayor-

First of all, I just want to say that I'm extremely sorry that you've experienced these things, even second hand and I wish that the blogger you follow, didn't have to either. I don't think it's right or fair that people take things to such extremes and perpetuate such visceral hatred when it should never escalate that much.

So, my sincerest apologies because that's atrocious.

I'm aware that it gets too serious extremes but I guess it was more generalized; in those cases, I completely understand why people would like to keep to their side of the internet. In such extremes I understand.

I guess what I was referring to was the fact on some reblogs, through the years I've seen fear and shaming of reblogging content that is harmless. I've seen people directly close out other groups because of what they enjoy or go back and put something nasty like: 'No kpop fan reblogs' or 'no weeb interactions/reblogs' and I guess what I mean is, even if you don't like what someone is into.

There's absolutely no need to be cruel and unappreciative that someone on a completely different end of the universe, liked something you liked. I have k-pop followers, I have anime followers, and I have likes and reblogs from all kinds of fandoms and niches. Especially now that tags are on the activity page, it makes it even more obvious and direct when tags are made.

And I personally, love it.

I would never want to isolate someone and say, oh because you like this thing, I don't want you liking or enjoying my content or following me to keep up with it. Stay away, don't come close because you like this thing and I like that thing.

I want this blog to be a safe space for everyone to just chill with some vampires and bask in some drama. Something fantasy, something to help draw them from their worries and problems. I write about violence and dark tropes the same way horror authors do. The same way thriller novels do, so I refuse to feel shame about it when so much culture is soaked in the same thing.

I'm just saying hey, for that story you were writing; try this scene on and see if it gives the kick you want. Even if it's not whump, if someone likes it and it helps them unstick something, even just the fundamental basics of a scene; I'm so ridiculously happy.

While I understand people have certain issues and that severity of hatred and such can come from all edges; like you said it only takes one blog to hurt someone... I won't speak on those matters as those are unique and I feel each person needs to do what they can to protect themselves.

But on a very shallow, very surface-level; I don't understand why some people get angry and write tags or posts that demand no interaction from xyz fans/fandoms/exct. On a much deeper level, I understand the psychology behind it, don't worry. My heart, however, doesn't understand why people do it in the first place. :( Just let people have fun.

I used to run a semi-popular anime blog and sure enough, I've had all of those things you've mentioned happen to me aside from intensive stalking. Because of liking a certain ship, I would get threats, hatred, and things that would be personal attacks from posts I've made prior.

I'd get messages not to reblog posts that weren't related to anime but I liked and wanted to share with my few thousand followers. Even things that were anime-related but in a different fandom than I was.

Even now, I've had a few reblogs from different fandoms, apologizing if they 'weren't supposed to reblog it' or if 'op doesn't mind if I reblog'. I put this content in a public space with the knowledge people of all kinds can find it, even if I specifically dabble in whump, whump is everywhere. And while I understand some may argue that whump is 'weird' in comparison to other things; I'll heavily argue that.

Everything just about that anyone likes has a form of whump in it. Anime has violence, heavy topics, gore, and plenty of emotional suffering. Anything with real people in it has usually, emotional suffering if not physical. Even fans that write for musical artists or authors or celebrities; they're usually dabbling in something whumpy. Unless it's smut which depending on how they make the relationship, can still be whumpy if someone is not being treated well in the fiction.

But I hear you and I'm sorry if my prior post offended anyone, as it's not deep or aimed at anyone specifically; just an observation of mine that I wanted to mumble into the void. (I will probably delete this post and the prior one, and reform it into something a little softer as I don't want anyone to feel any kind of way about it.)

I have no issue if people need to keep safe and do what is best for them but we're not in cults or sects that have to be segregated; at least I'm not and I won't be treating anyone that way.

I apologize that the internet has made people so volatile and unable to feel safe. That's honestly not fair and the people that do that, shouldn't have accounts. To take something so fun, so light-hearted and turn it into violent death threats and hatred, I'll never understand it.

It was also a general lament about the fact that I enjoy seeing blogs that aren't whump blogs, get down to a post I made. I love seeing people relate to my content, even if they aren't intimate with the whump community. Again, I assure I meant no harm or would ever think someone is wrong for wanting to keep to themselves. For whatever reasons, even if it's just anonymity.

I just really enjoy sharing, I guess and it's pretty heartbreaking to hear that people can't enjoy everything, all at once without being victims of the mean and hurtful.

Seriously guys, just love creation, if you can't love the people creating. Be good to each other, know that your words can hold more power than we'll ever know, and use them to uplift our fellow bloggers.

I might be a whump blog but there's nothing I hate more than real-life cruelty and people getting torn down for what they love. If they aren't hurting themselves, animals, or others; leave them alone if you can't say anything nice.

Just to anyone, not you anon, just... To anyone thinking about robbing someone's tiniest ounce of joy, from a life you'll never know they're having to live.

These are just thoughts, from a lover of life and a creator at heart.

Take care of yourselves and do what makes you happy, for however long you can grasp it.

-xoxo

[blossom-hwa]

fashion major!kevin

ANYWAY THERE WAS LIKE ONE PERSON WHO CALLED FOR A FASHION MAJOR KEVIN SPINOFF OF THE COLLEGE MODEL JUYEON AU I JUST POSTED (linked below) anyway! hope you enjoy, please reblog if you did, and check out my other dumb overly long blurbs in the stream of idiocy tag on my blog <3

pairing: kevin x gender neutral!reader

wc: 2.5k

genre: fluff, university!au

triggers: cursing

college model!juyeon

TBZ Scenarios Masterlist | TBZ Drabbles Masterlist

kevin moon is known on campus for two things: 1. his bright personality literally everyone loves him and if you don’t you’re jealous of him like sorry not sorry i don’t make the rules you know i’m right and 2. his.... unorthodox fashion sense. like eric thought his snake patterned shit was weird as hell?? but there are weirder things in kevin’s closet i swear to you. anyway this unorthodox style is what got him accepted into the fashion program at the university and even though there are a few assholes who stick their noses up at kevin’s work the vast majority of people are cool w his outfits even if they personally wouldn’t wear them and kevin is v well-liked in his major and on campus in general bc he knows everyone and is nice and polite and really a v cool person to be around when he’s not being a fucking idiot

and on campus there are fashion shows a few times every semester to show off the fashion majors’ work, and let’s just say that this university if p well know for its fashion major so some famous people sometimes come along to these events so EVERY TIME a fashion show rolls around the fashion majors get nervous as FUCK and there’s a lot of speculation on who will get noticed and whatever and everyone is secretive about what they’re working on and just. everyone goes fucking haywire and kevin is always v happy when the stress winds down after a show

(no one knows it but kevin has gotten offers from several companies to work with them after he graduates. he hasn’t told anyone except a few friends like juyeon/jacob and his family)

anyway you are also a fashion major who secretly really admires kevin’s stuff?? like you just think he’s so daring and creative and all of his work is absolutely amazing even if it’s a little weird and honestly you don’t even feel overshadowed by his talent and hard work you just feel in awe that you can be in his presence at all. you’re p sure kevin has no idea who you are bc even though you have a lot of the same classes you’re always too shy to sit or work near him bc even though he seems so nice and approachable he’s also just.... god he’s so good

BUT THEN. one of your professors announces that for the next fashion show they’ll be modeling projects that he’s assigning right now. which is weird asf bc usually you’ll all take your best clothing and like fix it or tweak it for the next show, like sometimes people will make something completely from scratch but that’s nerve-wracking and not many people do it unless they’re in a real pinch but it gets even WEIRDER bc this is not a regularly scheduled fashion event?? it’s like a smaller event apparently that they’ve organized just for this project AND THE WEIRDNESS TAKES THE CAKE when your professor says that YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE MODELS. YOU ALL ARE GOING TO PICK SOMEONE IN THE CLASS TO MAKE CLOTHES FOR AND THEY WILL MODEL YOUR OUTFIT

and this SENDS EVERYONE FREAKING THE FUCK OUT??? bc oh god you can’t rely on the models you’ve been using all semester now??? and you have to make flattering clothes for someone you might not even know v well and it’s just. holy fuck holy fuck holy FUCK

meanwhile you already know who you want to create for (/ahem kevin moon/) but you’re also chicken so like??? you’re just sitting in your seat looking over at him but not saying anything until your friend chanhee just pushes you out of your seat in kevin’s direction and is like GO ASK HIM BEFORE YOU LOSE THIS CHANCE and you’re like JESUS FUCKING CHRIST CHANHEE but kevin’s noticed your movement and he’s looking over with a smile on his face and you’re like jfc i can’t do this but chanhee shoves you again and so you kinda smile (you really hope it looks like a smile) and your voice is LITERALLY shaking when you go over and ask if it would be ok to use him as a model for this assignment and he’s like.... oh my god yes

because what YOU don’t know is that kevin has been ogling your designs all year?? like he enjoys his own style and is comfortable in it but he loves your work as in LOVES IT. he thinks your designs are absolutely flawless and original and you combine styles so effortlessly that he just wants to look into your brain when you come up with ideas bc what the fuck?? you may have different styles but kevin knows how to admire art AND YOUR DESIGNS ARE ART. 

so you’re reeling a day later bc now you have kevin moon’s number and he has yours and he’s now texting you on when you think you’ll have the first preliminary designs ready and when you can meet up so you can get each other’s measurements and all that and when you eventually meet up your hands are shaking so much that you can barely take his measurements and kevin is screeching in his mind as well bc oh my god you’re going to model his clothes YOU’RE GOING TO MODEL HIS CLOTHES

most people are again being secretive about their designs and even though someone in their class is modeling for them this time so there’s a bit less secrecy they’re still working alone so you get a shock when kevin asks if you want to coordinate your outfits. like work on designs together and maybe make something that matches a little though ofc retaining your own styles and you just shriek when you get the text and poor childhood best friend younghoon spills his coffee (you have been friends since basically birth and there are no romantic feelings whatsoever ok it’s strictly platonic like you watched younghoon vomit after eating too much bread when you were like 10 and he watched you get tangled up in a soccer net when you were 13 there are no romantic feelings stemming from any of that)

needless to say you reply yes yes ye sYES and kevin is grinning so wide on the other end that juyeon wonders if he’s gone slightly insane (which he has but we’re not gonna dwell on that) and both of you show up to the work rooms nervous as all hell (i’m not a fashion major i have no fashion sense i still think t-shirts/leggings are the way to go so idk how any of this works do not sue me) but kevin has a natural ability to defuse any tension in the room so within minutes you’re comfortable and laughing with him and wondering why you were so scared to approach him before and THEN YOU’RE REMINDED WHY when he shows you his design for you because... oh god.... it’s unbelievable. like it has a distinctly kevin feel to it but he’s clearly been paying attention to what you wear and what you design because it’s something you would like to wear and something you even think you could look good in. holy shit

and you just blurt out like kevin what the fuck this is so good did you like stalk my designs or some shit?? and you mean it as a joke ofc but kevin just goes beet red and mumbles something about how he really likes your work and how it’s so sharply elegant but also insanely creative and you’re just. open-mouthed like. dude i’m in love with your work too oh my god i’m gonna cry my fashion idol just said he likes my designs i’m gonna screaM

kevin stops you from screaming though even though he also feels like he’s gonna scream and this is the start of a very productive partnership between the two of you like most of the fashion majors are friendly despite the competition but you and kevin are on a whole other level?? and you start hanging out more and more often even when you’ve finished designing and are actually sewing (you ask him if this part can be secret bc you want to add a few things as a surprise - he ofc says yes and winks and tells you he has things he wants to add too which just makes you want to scream out of excitement)

and it’s a week before fashion show day and you and kevin are finished with putting together the designs and you’re excited as all hell and kevin is literally about to burst from his own skin and you insist that he goes first and when he pulls the outfit from the bag you’re just. in absolute awe. the colors match the design you made, it looks like it’ll fit, and even though it screams kevin moon it also has a distinct vibe from your own fashion style and you just yell KEVIN MOON YOU GENIUS as you snatch it from him and go change

(you don’t know obviously but kevin is blushing like a tomato while waiting for you to finish changing)

it fits almost perfectly, kevin marks a few places to fix and is debating whether or not to compliment you bc??? that sounds like he’s complimenting his own work and that’s egocentric as hell but then you say something like does it look fine and he just blurts out more than fine. you look great

AND YOU’RE SO FLUSTERED THAT YOU ALL BUT THROW YOUR OWN BAG AT KEVIN and are like GO CHANGE 

so he takes out the clothes and goes silent and you’re like.... oh my god does he hate it i mean we worked on the designs together and he said he liked it then but what if he changed his mind but then he looks at you and his eyes are sparkling and he’s like y/n this is perfect. literally perfect and he rushes to go get changed and when he comes out your eyes are bugging out of your head bc holy hell you pictured kevin in these clothes obviously since they were made for him but he looks so much better than you ever imagined

and then you blurt out something like holy shit you look beautiful

and kevin blushes again

anyway you both take your measurements and run out and then the day of the fashion show rolls around and both of you are freaking out backstage but the instant you two go on it’s like you both are literal gods bc you feel so confident in each other’s clothing and the crowd can feel it THEY CAN FUCKING FEEL IT and they go nuts when you two walk out!!! and even though it isn’t like a huge major fashion show, it’s just for this one project that your professors cooked up, you and kevin are both beaming like the sun when it’s over despite the fact that it wasn’t an important event bc holy shit you two had fun and everyone’s complimenting your clothing and it’s great it’s just great

finally all the chaos is over and the clothes have been put away and the makeup removed and you and kevin are now standing outside the venue in a kind of stunned silence that all of it’s over. it’s all over. and then you suddenly thrust out the clothes you made that kevin wore and tell him to keep it. it’s a present. and kevin takes it but he also forces you to take the outfit he made for you. and then there’s silence again

but if there’s anything you’ve gained over the past few weeks it’s a bit of courage. courage that let you talk to kevin, courage that let you design clothes for him, courage that let you become friends (and maybe something more) with him. you’ve also learned that kevin is a massive dork and a lovely human being and you’d really love to at least stay in contact so in that the moment you smile and say ‘if i asked you on a date, would you wear that outfit?’

poor kevin looks like he’s about to have a fucking aneurysm and you start to lose confidence but then he’s nodding like there’s no tomorrow like yes ye sYE S OH MY GOD YE S and omg you now have a boyfriend whom you like very very much and kevin has a partner whom he likes very very much

you two may not be a pda couple but you ARE that couple that matches every outfit they wear, you make jewelry and accessories for each other and also make each other clothes every so often. everyone is jealous of your combined fashion sense bc even though the outfits might look outrageous, you two both manage to pull them off and look fabulous at it, but also they can’t even be that jealous bc you two are the sweetest couple and are absolutely lovely 

both of you do wear the outfits you made for that show on your first date which is to like a musical or smth bc theatre kid kevin is something you can pry out of my cold dead hands and everyone’s staring but you two are in your own little world and it’s amazing

kevin admits at one point that he was afraid to ask you out bc he thought younghoon was your boyfriend and you just snort and tell him everything stupid younghoon’s done and by the end younghoon is done with you, kevin is about to vomit he’s laughing so hard, and you are smirking like no tomorrow

for the end of year fashion show you and kevin fix up and accessorize the outfits you two made for the show that brought you two together and there is absolutely no surprise that several different fashion companies scout both of you (and a couple modeling agencies too since you and kevin decided to model your own clothing again - younghoon whines that you’ve replaced him but you shut him up with chocolate bread)

kevin’s a sucker for romance (you CANNOT tell me this isn't true) so your first kiss is on the roof of the fashion building at sunset when kevin does the cheesy thing where he says you look more beautiful the view and you almost slap him but you’re laughing so hard and kevin’s cackling and somehow it turns into a kiss

you are a dork and kevin is even more of a dork and it just works out beautifully bc you’re so absolutely in love that it makes people fake vomit from the sides (looking at chanhee right here) but it’s also really sweet in that you two trust each other completely and would do absolutely anything for the other except murder. kevin made that v clear but really only bc blood would stain his clothing and he doesn’t need that. you agree wholeheartedly (younghoon/juyeon are looking from the sides like what the fuck is this couple do they need help and you two are like just go away and let us be the weird couple we are ok). the conversation ends in a v soft v sweet kiss and just. ik i said it with juyeon but kevin moon is also best bf ever ok you cannot convince me otherwise. 

and that’s how it goes :)

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

(1 reblog = 1 prayer for this weird-ass couple)