#reason I don't really talk about social issues: bc while I know how I feel

[sumbril]

Step 1: Do I understand this issue well enough to have an informed opinion on it?

If Yes: Consider the wisdom of stating said opinion.

If No: Proceed to step 2.

Step 2: Am I invested in this issue enough to try to cultivate an informed understanding?

If Yes: Investigate sources for reliable information, consider the facts, reread the current state of the discussion in full, then return to step 1.

If No: Do not engage.

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[lhazaar]

hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.

hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.

so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.

those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)

there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.

i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.

i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.

if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??

the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?

so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.

you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.

they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.

this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.

you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.

[necrotic-nephilim]

For the ask game

au where brudick happens but they keep it VERY hidden to the point only cass knows but she thinks everyone does cause to her it's so obvious, so one day on their monthly family dinner that no one misses she ask's them why they have different rooms when they always go to eachother during the night. What do you think would happen? Would they deny deny deny? would they ask her what she's talking about? how does everyone else react to this revelation? do the other heroes find out? do they have opinions about it?

for the ask game!

I LOVE THIS SHIT. truly love Cass noticing things she shouldn't and assuming they're common knowledge, it's my fave flavor. this is such a fun idea-

so Cass knows from like, day one. and obviously she never says anything bc she assumes this is normal. in a way, the weird vibes between Bruce and Dick *are* normalized to the Batfam, everyone sort of. tiptoes around their weirdness (even if they don't know it's romantic) so Cass learns to do the same. she doesn't mention it bc no one mentions Bruce and Dick's bond, it's only ever acknowledged with shared looks. it takes years before she has the courage to ask and i think it's fun if she asks for an utterly mundane reason. like, Alfred makes a teasing remark about washing everyone's bedsheets and what a task that is, and Cass just drops it into conversation that Dick's bed is rarely used because he's always in Bruce's, so that must make it easier to handle.

Dick was try to play it off as a joke. just the mention would make Bruce go silent, for once finally not having a contingency plan on how to handle something. he and Dick were never supposed to happen in the first place, it was so accidental he's never considered the possibility of someone finding out bc they're so careful, though in hindsight, of course he should've known Cass would've figured it out. Dick would awkwardly laugh, try to say something to the effect of "very funny, but we're not *that* close haha" just to break the tension. Cass doesn't give in, though. she's not the best at social cues and doesn't understand the desperate look Dick is giving her, trying to get her to drop it. she pushes on and corrects Dick, insisting she doesn't judge them for it. Bruce would finally snap back into reality and give a more serious denial, quickly changing the conversation before anyone else can press.

the issue is, the minute Cass says it out loud, it becomes *so* obvious. especially to Tim, who has the biggest "oh my GOD" lightbulb moment of his life. there is no unseeing it. it takes him a while to process how he feels about it, the same with everyone else. for a week, there's an obvious tension. no one will say anything, but everyone knows and is trying to sit with it to decide how they feel. it's not a simple situation to feel one way or another about. that's when the questions start. Tim asks Dick questions, Alfred asks Bruce questions. how old was Dick, how did it happen, all the things Dick and Bruce have never wanted to have to answer. bc none of the questions have clean answers. it was a slow and gradual relationship. sure, they can say the first time they slept together, but that doesn't *really* count as the start of things. the start goes back to when Dick was still a teenager, probably underage. even if nothing happened, they both knew. and the way they dance around the questions makes that obvious.

most of the Batfamily i think, would begrudgingly accept it. it's too late to convince Bruce and Dick out of it now, and at the end of the day, Bruce and Dick will always choose each other over anyone else. fighting it just increases the chances of getting ostracized and pushed away by the two of them. feelings vary. i think Alfred would be the least happy about it because he was there when Dick was just a 10 yr old. everyone else only has memory of Dick as an adult, but Alfred watched Dick grow up, raised by Bruce, so he just can't shake that image. Tim sees it as one of those things you just have to accept about Batman, and carefully considers his role as Robin and makes sure he focuses on making sure Dick is happy/safe as well as Bruce. if nothing else, Tim will put his feelings aside to be the Emotional Support Child. Barbara would distance herself from the Batfam for a while just to sit on it, because she also saw Dick as a kid and it sits wrong with her. long talks with Dick convince her to let it go, but she does keep a *much* closer eye on Bruce to be sure this doesn't become a pattern. i think she'd enlist Cass to make sure Bruce never shows romantic/sexual attraction toward other Robins. Steph and Jason are equally apathetic toward it, being the ones who are most negative toward Bruce. they just shrug and go "yeah sounds like some shit Bruce would do". Damian's a bit of a toss-up. i think it'd really throw him for a loop and he'd be far more critical of Dick in the beginning, but once he approves of Dick, he'd *really* latch onto him.

i do think the rest of the hero community would find out. not on purpose, but the leak happens. Babs vents her feelings about it to Dinah, Helena, and Zinda. Tim mutters about it to the Titans. and Jason will tell anyone who asks because he doesn't have a rat's ass to give about Bruce's precious reputation. (if anything, he'd purposefully try to ruin Bruce with that info) the hero community... varies. i think Oliver would be the *most* pissed. Oliver is very similar to Bruce, in that he's taken in his share of strays, but he was objectively a lot better at it than Bruce. it causes a minor public scandal when Oliver drinks too much at some gala and just. publically beats the shit out of Bruce Wayne, incoherently talking about something to do with him being a creep. i could see Oliver rallying support from people like Barry and Arthur who also have young sidekicks and would agree it being fucked up. i don't think Bruce would be entirely ejected from the hero community, but he would be quietly removed as a chair member of the Justice League and have most of his power as a team leader stripped. no matter how much damage control Dick does, insisting he was an adult when anything real happened and he consented, no one can look at Bruce the same. sort of a bittersweet ending, Bruce and Dick are together and no one can take that from them, but there's still realistic reaction and blowback to it, which i personally think is a lot of fun.

[ac3-76]

Kai Smith Headcannons

warnings: none😊

General

Idc what anyone says he can cook

like him and Nya were on their own for most of their childhood and bc Kai is the oldest he insisted on cooking

also because he grew up poor he gets really creative in the kitchen

his body temperature is constantly at 102° Fahrenheit

he does well in colder climates and doesn't struggle with feeling cold or freezing, but in hotter climates he gets heat exhaustion fast

He pretty much refuses on taking rest days

like he has to work out every single day or else he gets really insecure

He has the largest social media following out of all the ninjas(if you don't include Lloyd's graffiti account that no one knows he runs)

his body insecurity stems from growing up skinny and underweight

He LOVES Supernatural and sees a lot of himself in Dean Winchester

He has 3 tiktok accounts, one for fashion, one for thirst traps, and one where he just talks, rants, or does vlogs

he also has a YouTube channel that does really well, it's mostly vlogs, pranking the ninjas, doing challenges, trying things

his YouTube channel is kind of a mix of Jake Webbers channel, Kalogeras sisters, and the Sturniolo Triplets

He only has 1 Instagram and he mostly posts pictures of him and the other ninjas hanging out and having fun

He has a public and a private Twitter

the only thing he posts on his public account is i❤️my partner type stuff and dates for things

He definitely did a tweet about how exited he was for A Good Girls Guide To Murder TV show to be released

His private account has tweets for literally everything he does and thinks

"ate a fire cookie🔥🔥"

"just took a narly nap"

"you guys"(with absolutely no rhyme or reason, everyone was responding to that one really confused)

"just watched Teen Wolf, Chris Argent is such a dilf"

The crazy thing is his private account has over 4 million followers, he accepts literally everyone that requests to follow it

He's extremely good at math, put any math problem in front of him and he can solve it in his head in 15 seconds

He's also very financially literate, he's got all of his money related things in order and is a millionaire by season 10 bc he got into investing and stocks

No one knows abt him being a millionaire tho bc he doesn't buy things that look expensive and he doesn't flex his money

He totally buys expensive things tho

it's mostly high end clothing

he has a huge shoe collection that costs at least $2,813

He's an absolute fiend for cosmic brownies

He's a huge car guy

His favorite car brand is Koenigsegg and he owns a black Jesko Attack

He also owns 2 motorcycles

Dating

He's hispanic and fluent in Spanish

If his S/O doesn't speak spanish he'll tell them things in Spanish and won't tell them what if means

He does this all the time

It's bc Spanish is his first language and it's easier for him to say things in his mother tounge

(Yk in Modern Family when Gloria says that no one knows how smart she is in spanish, yea Kai totally feels that)

(he's also a chronic Modern family watcher and he relates to Gloria and Hailey so hard)

If his s/o speaks Spanish he prefers talking to them in Spanish

(he also loves if they speak it bc its also Nya's first language which means they can talk to Nya better)

He absolutely adores physical touch and cuddling

Hugs from behind.

Neck kisses.

he loves his hair being played with

if his S/O wants their hair braided, he can do it

French, Dutch, typical 3 strand, box, godess, cornrows, triangle box, twist, micro braids, fulani, Havana

whatever you want and whatever ur hairtype, he can do it

He can also do any hairstyle on any hair type like it's the easiest thing ever

He def does a soft launch at first

once your relationship is public, he post you all. the. time.

he just loves showing off his lover

However, he makes sure that while ur relationship is known, it's private

he's not gonna post any fights or issues that you 2 have, he works those out in private

he let's you steal any of his clothes(as long as you give them back)

He's the right amount of jealous and possesive

if someone else if flirting with you he'll just walk up and put his arm around ur shoulders or waist

he pretty much never introduces himself when someone else if flirting with you, he let's you do that

He's very secure in his relationship, he wouldn't cheat on you and he knows you wouldn't cheat on him

BUT, as mentioned above he struggles a lot with body insecurity so you'll have to reasure him that you love his body

He's been cutting meat for people his whole life(first Nya then Lloyd) so if you don't wanna cut your meat he'll totally cut it for you

He's so they fell first, he fell harder coded

also unexpected love trope, but it's unexpected for you two, everyone else knew the second you guys met that you were gonna be together

Nya and Lloyd had a bet on how long it would take for you two to get together(Nya won)

[i-used-to-be-a-spy]

New Autistic Michael Westen Master Post

A) Special Interest

Michael's fixation on being a spy and getting his job back is def in special interest territory bc he values it A LOT. In the books, it's mentioned he blew stuff up just for fun as a kid to experiment and to get attention from his parents so spy shenanigans has always been an interest of his

B) Justice is something Michael feels very strongly about. He doesn't hesitate to help the little guy or families or anybody else who needs his help even tho he'll complain when it isnt convenient (which reminds me of Entrapta, a canon autistic character on a show, who gets annoyed when interrupted from her special interest inventing). Even when injured, he'll still help people. Michael wants to feel like he's a part of good in the world, helping right wrongs

C) Michael and relationships

He struggles maintaining deep relationships and doesn't always understand what people want from him. This is partly due to him struggling with processing his own emotions like for example his desire to be with Fi versus his desire to not see her harmed by being close to him.

He has a lot of miscommunications with his family over the years (not necessarily all his fault) and he doesn't know how to bridge the gap at first. Like how Maddie was mad at him for not reaching out on her bday but turns out he was in a hospital and it simply didn't occur to him to explain that

A great example of Michael not realizing how much he means to his friends is when he so readily believes they have abandoned him when Larry made it seem like they had to manipulate him.

D) Not understanding social norms and social queues or hierarchy

This is part of his problem up above but it deserves it's own section. A great example is when Sam asks for advice about marrying the love of his life and Michael says yes and then no and is just exasperated by what Sam wants from him

Michael simply doesn't give a shit about social hierarchies and will go straight through them to get shit done like when he talks back to the frickin head of the CIA in season 7

E) Most likely as a survival tactic growing up in an abusive household, Michael's ability to Mask and appear neurotypical while Undercover is a great example. He knows the human mind well and his friends are always shocked by how he's able to read strangers well but not his close friends and family. Michael is able to imitate people he's around well at least for the job

F) Repetitive behaviors & Sensory issues

Michael has at least two safe foods: yogurt and tuna tahini. We also know he likes spicy foods that have been mentioned throughout the show so he's likely a sensory seeking autistic.

He also really liked a deep pressure massage he got during a cover cause the bad guy had paid for the hour. Many autistics respond well to deep pressure even when they don't like light touch (Michael often seems touch averse outside of Fiona) which part of that is from being a spy but I think it's not liking unexpected touch (I myself like people to ask first then I like touch!)

There is another reason Michael may always wear sunglasses: autistics are more likely to have light sensitive eyes so the sun could be painful for him. He also has his fav particular glasses he wears which is part of his routine

G) Personality

Michael has a pretty stoic personality. He doesn't tend to have huge macro facial expressions when not undercover. It's the smaller smiles or tightening muscles around his eyes or a single raised eyebrow or throwing his head back that says how he's feeling. He also tends to not laugh loudly or out loud except for rare occasions. His humor is dry and sarcastic like many autistics

H) Demisexual

I do see Michael as existing on the asexual spectrum. He describes his attraction to Fi and also how he's never felt that way with anyone else in both the show and books. Demisexuals experience sexual attraction after forming a bond with people and I think that describes Michael well. He literally has hot women flirting with him all the time, especially villains, and he doesn't bat an eye or get tempted bc he's simply not into them.

And even tho he is attracted to Fi, he isn't always immediately as into sex as she always is like when she jumps his bones when he comes home from missions in season 5 look at his face as he tries to convince her to stop. Altho he gets into it eventually 😉

Many autistics are ace altho not every autistic is!

I) overwhelmed episodes

Michael tends to not process his emotions until something really big happens that pushes him over the edge like when he considers shooting himself after Victor is killed bc solving his burn notice seems impossible or when he finally has to process that Fi is gone

J) Smarts

Many autistics are gifted in a specific area and I do think Michael's tactical mind comes from his autism

Have a photo of Michael's smile after Sam compliments his brains :)

The End

Thanks for reading 😁

[some-murmurings]

so I've known I was system (unclear if I'm workin with OSDD 1-b or HC-DID) for ~2 years now, and I feel like I've gotten just about everything out of exploring it I can for the foreseeable future.

One of the things I've really struggled with is that so many systems are deeply invested in Fandom and I, bluntly, am not.

Not a judgment, just not something that appeals to me much for whatever reason(s). I bring this up because, when I was first exploring our system, I found there was way too much instability to identify/create concrete coherent "alters" in the common sense. My response to this obstacle was to use SimplyPlural as a shell for short-form poetry (generally prosaic bc formatting is hell on mobile) and engage with my 'selves' as closer to extremely distinct "modes of being" rather than full people.

Again, not a judgment, systems are different for the exact same reasons any people are different. I made just as many (if not more) totally subjective judgments about what my "self" and "selves" really were. I do, however, think the differences between me and the predominant system culture on Tumblr are EXTREMELY interesting and imply a bunch of cool stuff about the nature of our identities (and identity in general (but that's for later)).

For one: much of your "system" is utterly constructed. It's built. It's the result of an honest-to-god artistic process of deepset self-reflection, a series of creative social choices to present yourself(s) to others in the best way you know how. This is HOW any of this is real, not some "gotcha" that proves we're all fake or w/e.

For traumagenic systems, there's an underlying pathology that informs these choices in (as far as the medical discourse is concerned) that the neurological mechanisms which primarily influence self-identification are heavily disrupted, leading patients to actively create lenses they can view themselves through (or so the story goes, issues w/ this narrative imo).

I think it's extremely notable that many "endogenic" systems 1) have trauma disorders that disrupt their sense of self (e.g. OCD w/ psychotic symptoms) or 2) otherwise have environmental stressors that create similar emotional conditions to the "actual DID" systems among us (📮)

So, yeah, Endogenic systems ARE choosing to be like that. OSDDID systems are too. The self is always a social construct. This isn't news.

I do, however, see a common tendency (especially among 'bodily a minor' systems) to engage super carelessly with this artistic process.

This should be fun, it should be expressive, play is extremely important to human health, and you should totally be as imaginative as possible. The weirder you are, the better.

But. Shit like "bodily a minor"? Horrible idea. Really catastrophically bad idea, y'all, there are SO MANY different ways to explore the internal mechanics of your system that do not actively jeopardize your safety in the way and to the degree that misrepresenting your physical age does.

I think the feelings that the "mental age vs body age" dichotomy reflects are totally valid and SHOULD be expressed, I just don't think we're doing it smartly.

I respect age regression 100% but, psychologically, age regression is completely different from age advancement. Completely. It's a one way road.

So far, my best bet for expressing the "older" parts of us is to talk about parenthood instead. Caretaking. Or, responsibility, ethics. Sometimes we identify with eternal/timeless concepts, like "nighttime" or "love." That way the realities of age (and thus existing safety measures) are preserved while still allowing you to communicate effectively with other people.

I have more thoughts & critiques that I'll post more about later, for those interested, but if you want to see what I meant by "shell poetry" or "modes of being" my SP is:

the-murmuring-system

[minorisato]

okay so what if we put the gorilla in tfa

transformers / multiple ships implied / headcanons / warnings: PTSD, abandonment / notes: these are all copy-pasted from discord messages i sent to a friend because i was COOKING okay. optimus primal in tfa. / consider commissioning me!

"instead of taking the realistic gorilla route (bc realistic gorillas are fugly) take more of an animatronic route, clearly a robot pretending to be a gorilla instead of a robot that IS a gorilla"

"optimus was stranded on an organic planet and took on the appearance of a gorilla (or gorilla-like creature at least) after studying for a long time and seeing that they were closer to the top of the food chain if not at the very top, and he did this to survive so that less creatures would attempt to attack him so he could have some dominance on that organic planet"

"a LONG, LONG while later he's able to get off somehow (possibly with the help of decepticon technology? for Spice:tm:?) and by the time he gets back to cybertron or earth or wherever he is just. very unfamiliar with being in a society, he remembers what it was like to be in a society but he's super out of practice and he struggles bad with social customs and such? he's also just like… kind of a different guy now. he has anger issues, very irritable, and he's a lot more cynical and more of a hardass than he was Before this happened, but he's also a lot less unsure of himself- he still has his moments because this IS tfa optimus but surviving on an organic planet helped him gain a lot of confidence in his survival skills and leadership capabilities"

"same situation where elita and sentinel roped him into going to an organic planet in the first place but they probably get seperated at some point, and elita and sentinel get attacked away from wherever optimus is, and they end up needing to leave on their only ship in order to save themselves, leaving optimus stranded. their relationship entirely deteriorates after this point because they both blame each other and feel like they should have done more to try and help optimus when they really couldn't"

"elita is significantly more apologetic when optimus comes back and genuinely tries her best to repair things with him, and optimus is trying very hard to forgive her but it's difficult, because even though he knows she definitely didn't want to leave him she still did and it's changed him permanently- they're trying to patch things up but things are badly strained"

"sentinel is . uh . a dick? he's very disgusted by what happened to optimus (similar to how he reacted to blackarachnia) and he's pushed most of the blame off of himself onto elita (which they now hate each other for) so he isn't nearly as sorry about what happened. optimus doesn't forgive him and will not forgive him until sentinel admits fault (which might not ever happen) but they have some charged shit going on ok"

"optimus very much develops ptsd and he spends most of his time hanging around ratchet because ratchet like… gets it? and doesn't treat optimus like a monster for having problems? elita basically took his place on team prime after the fact but optimus does join the rest of the team when he's back (he and elita basically swap situations) and he's closest with ratchet out of any of team prime"

"prowl and bulkhead are sympathetic and treat optimus with respect though they don't really Get what he went through. bumblebee does Not get it and isn't like awful about it but he very much thinks optimus is lashing out for no reason when he in fact has a mental disorder."

"megatron is there."

general relations

Elita ;; tense friends. op is trying to forgive her but it's difficult. they're both working on it.

Sentinel ;; rivals with benefits. look . loo k optimus has some shit to work out okay

Ratchet ;; good & close friends. op trusts ratchet more than anyone else on team prime.

Prowl ;; fine friends. they don't really talk like friends but they get along.

Bulkhead ;; same as prowl- op gets frustrated with him sometimes, and he's trying to work on getting less frustrated with him

Bumblebee ;; teammates. they don't like each other.

Magnus ;; he pretends to care about op's wellbeing when he… really doesn't ? mostly concerned with him bc op is now like 5x the strength of the average autobot and he's a huge asset.

Megatron ;; similar to magnus, he sees op as someone who would be a huge asset to the decepticons and he wants to convert op sooooo bad.

[arlerts-angel]

hello mack! i hope i made it lmao im not good w physical desc but but js know that in this edit https://www.tumblr.com/aryomengrande/749530713692536832/keisukes-camera-roll-%E0%B4%A6-%E0%B4%A6-%E3%83%9E%E1%90%9F-cr-saecidal, thats me on the top, the photo in the middle and the one in the lower right, thats also me at the eras tour singapore 🤣

personality: very introverted. my mbti is intj-t. i don't entertain ppl if not necessary and usually keep to myself. i'm happy doing stuff alone. however, i'm actually a menace once i get comfortable lol. whatever stereotype you heard about being an eldest child, i fall in it—unhinged, hyperindependent, lots of trust issues, grew up quickly bc they had to raise their siblings, has a very difficult time asking for help, and etc. i have a bachelor's degree in biology and i was always the leader in our lab groupings (bc i'm reliable and i have like a million back-up plans bc i overthink a lot lmaooo) and was even the main author of our thesis and while i could've easily asked for help and my groupmates would've complied, i mostly refused bc i feel like it's like a testament to my shortcoming as a person/leader 😭 but will gladly accept help if it's offered 🥹🙏🏻. im not an overachiever, i js do what i can, i was always one of the tops in my class (top 8, 9, or 10). always nominated the class secretary bc my classmates think my handwriting is neat. i played lady capulet for theatre. im a three-time blood donor (cause i have the universal blood type hehe). my love language is acts of service. and you can ask all my buddies what their favorite trait of mine is, and their answer would be my loyalty. if you need me, i'll drop everything in a heartbeat if possible. i joined remedial classes (it was exclusive only to students struggling academically but still lol) bc my best friend who joined didnt know anyone there. my friends also go to me of they need real talk. rose-tinted glasses don't work on me—i will tell you as it is.

dislikes: physical or outdoorsy activities. i cycle 10 km a day and that's it for the day. once im lied/betrayed to, it's prob over. i loathe social gatherings. the first thing that comes to my mind when i see a cockroach is nuke the entire place.

interests: include mainstream pop music, but i really just listen to whatever spotify recommends. i love love horror movies. anything the horror genre has to offer. i love books, i love reading. ofc, drawing! both traditional and digital. i also love taking care of my son (my cat) lol i love sweets and my favorite dish is grilled tuna belly 🙏🏻

hope this is enough !! ����💗

fandom: tokyo revengers

𝑰𝑻'𝑺 𝑨 𝑴𝑨𝑻𝑪𝑯!

RARA !!! i've matched you with baji for a couple of reasons! he would so appreciate your loyalty, and the two of you would bond over acting/theatre because baji is a good actor! i think baji would try to change your mind about physical activity (within reason) and show you how much fun you can have! he will absolutely try to be cute and show off to you, he loves a good adrenaline rush.

[plato-repulsed-culture-is]

sorry if this is a weird question, but um, a girl i know asked me out. Shes aplatonic but alloromantic and allosexual. I do like her back, but im a bit worried.. ive dated a guy before who didnt have friends and what ended up happening is that i had to support him 100% of the time when something bad happened and i had to be with him after school every day because i was the only person he talked to and he would get lonely otherwise. He even threatened to do bad things to himself if i went to a friend's sleepover because it made him feel bad. Im really worried that something like this would repeat... it lowkey traumatized me i think. Is this a valid concern or are aplatonic people different and they dont really need much emotional support compared to non-aplatonic people? Or was my ex just uniquely an asshole? Thank u so so much if u respond

I am prefacing this with a disclaimer that this blog was never for giving people advice, especially when they view aplatonics with such suspicion and are not actually asking any advice related to plato repulsion which is what this blog is about. I can also only go off of your statements here to draw conclusions, and I am assuming you are stating the truth here (especially as this is online, I know there is a possibility people can lie, but may also be telling the truth.). Also, we are not responsible for anything that happens to you emotionally or otherwise if you make decisions based off of this advice, because thats not within our control.

From what you said, your ex sounds like he was being rather toxic and manipulative towards you. That kind of behaviour is harmful (threatening self harm as a form of control, trying to control who someone spends time with, and not respecting peoples boundaries regarding interaction or emotional support, are all harmful actions.) and nobody should be acting that way towards others, we're sorry that happened to you. You also don't need to be concerned that someone will act this way towards you just bc theyre aplatonic. Your concern is valid, but it is in no way something that will inherently apply to aplatonics.

If you are concerned about whether this person has unmet social needs then you should just ask her about her social needs and emotional needs and what she expects in a relationship, and communicate about your needs and emotions regarding these things too. If its possible to, maybe mention that you have past issues or trauma in relationships which is why you want to be careful about dating, while not making it seem like aplatonicism is inherently a reason you think someone might hurt you(because it's not).

Set boundaries about what amount of time you want to spend with someone you're dating, and state your limits regarding how much you are okay with emotionally supporting someone / what topics you are ok with talking about / etc. . Don't assume that someone will be toxic or abusive towards you just because they're aplatonic. Its not really like your ex was inherently aplatonic just because he didn't have friends, and it may even be more likely he was alloplatonic.

Some aplatonics have and/or want friends but some dont, and moreover, if someone doesnt have friends by choice, that's very different from someone who is lonely because they don't have friends and mistreats a partner because of it. I will also add here that I don't intend to malign mental health issues just because it sounds like your ex may have had them (as you mentioned loneliness - which is different from just being alone or even liking solitude) ; mental health issues do not innately make someone abusive or toxic, and one can have mental health issues and still be respectful to people.

Someone without any mental health issues can also still very much be abusive or toxic towards others. And honestly, if you associate the concept of aplatonicism itself with this trauma then maybe its not in the best interest of you or the other person to date? And if it applies maybe it could be possible that you are simply not ready to date someone again after what happened, which is also okay, but I don't intend to assume that or be harsh in stating it as a possibility. I will also add that not having friends is not a 'red flag'. If someone has a preference to date/ be involved with people who have friends, that's okay, but not having friends is not inherently a 'red flag'.

Some aplatonics may not get lonely if they don't talk to people (but this can also be true of alloplatonics), and just because someone is aplatonic doesnt mean they will expect their partner to support them all the time to an unhealthy level or to an extent that crosses their boundaries. I will also add that there is no surefire way to tell whether someone will be abusive or toxic, although if they cross your boundaries or are disrespectful to you from the start, its worth staying away from them. Even ppl who are very kind to you initially may at some point abuse you or mistreat you, and theres no way to tell for sure whether or not this will happen because thats kind of how social relationships of any kind are.

But don't profile aplatonics as inherently more likely to be abusive or toxic (I don't know if this is intentional on your part, but hearing the word 'aplatonic' and making all these assumptions about how one may be in a relationship wounds like either this and/or like a trauma trigger extending to the concept of aplatonicism). Not all aplatonics even approach social relationships the same way, and even those who don't have friends are still capable of respecting boundaries in relationships they engage in. I wouldn't say that aplatonic people don't have emotional needs, but people in general have varying social needs and emotional needs. Some people who don't want friends may specifically not have a social drive towards having friends, but this may also apply to people who want friends.

If someone is happy without having friends then they probably don't seek emotional or social fulfillment from friendship. They may have other relationship types even if they are aplatonic (such as familial , romantic, sexual, alterous, etc.) (I don't know if you and this girl are monogamous are not but if you are intending to be monogamous that obviously is excluding sexual and/or romantic then) , and I will add that people don't always need social relationships/ bonds for emotional support. Some people may process emotions through journalling, or may go to a therapist, or such.

Some people may have people they talk to sometimes but don't call them their friends. Having friends does not ever guarantee anyone emotional support, and neither does any other relationship. It just so happens that a lot of people end up mutually (i.e. more or less both ppl give the other emotional support, it doesnt have to be equal so much as it is respecting the boundaries of both people. It is also possible that people may be incompatible in this regard) giving emotional support due to just being around people they are close to and also due to having some kind of emotional connection.

Anyways, long answer short, aplatonicism doesn't say anything about someone's social needs or emotional needs, and neither does alloplatonicism, and its often better to communicate with people you are close to or are looking to be close to, about important aspects regarding relationships.

(Also stating here that this is not an advice blog, we will be deleting any asks seeking advice from now on. If you want you can send in asks as reply to this response, as long as you aren't asking for more advice)

Anyways I hope it works out for you, whatever you decide to do.

(Additional disclaimer - to anyone who sees this post - do NOT suggest that 'narc abuse' 'borderline abuse' or whatever is real, do not imply mental health issues cause ppl to inherently be abusive, and do not treat having no friends as a 'red flag', regardless of platonic orientation or favorability)

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

Wondering if the reason people make the thieves out as uncaring after 11/20 is because the game itself moves on too quickly from it? Not saying I haven't kind of fallen into that take myself, though not like harshly, just felt they didn't act like they cared *enough* as in it should have been shown more. Because of the way the game's social sim works, you don't get the thieves checking in on/visiting Akira whilst he recovered like you might see in a fic and it can just go straight back into the confidant ranks of helping people with their problems, with no special dialogue or anything to ask how he's doing beforehand; so I feel like that contributes to the takes a lot, especially when one hasn't replayed in a while (sorry your post gave me thoughts on how people get to that take in the fandom, like I think the plan sucked for other reasons such as "Surely someone would notice the lack of a body?" but that's a bit besides the point)

Yeah I think you're absolutely right about that. The structure of the game doesn't let the Thieves care about Akira afterwards. There's also a bit of dialogue during the plan explanation when Akira says "I'm just glad I didn't die" and no one responds to it, which is...kind of baffling. But that doesn't mean the Thieves don't care about him, it means the writers at Atlus made a weird choice. And we know that because we see in that same scene that all of them were very worried for their leader's safety, and like I mentioned before, Makoto herself says she's glad he made it out safe.

The structure of the game kind of fucks over Akira and makes the Thieves look like worse friends in general, too. He helps them throughout the confidants, and then they "stop hanging out" after that, once they all say they want to start helping him out like he helped them. So we don't ever get to see their friendships become reciprocal. But like, that doesn't mean they actually stopped hanging out in-universe. It's a limitation of the play style.

That all said, I do think there is a valid interpretation you can come to which is that the Thieves don't know Akira was traumatized, or the extent of the danger, because he never talks about it. He's overly selfless and doesn't ever talk about his issues, so I could totally see that happening, and it's my personal interpretation. But that doesn't mean the Thieves are terrible friends for failing to read between the lines like that. It's on Akira for refusing to communicate.

And you can even say that they should have been more concerned for him afterwards, and that they put him on too high of a pedestal and think of him as utterly infallible, especially after he escapes with his life. They're kids, and Akira did just survive the impossible.

Or maybe they try not to bring it up on purpose because they don't want hurt him by talking about it, but letting it fester just hurts Akira more and makes him feel like they don't care.

Point is, there's lots of ways to take this strangeness in the game and make it into interesting fic content to explore. There's absolutely a discrepancy going on and exploring that is super valid and interesting. But turning it into "the Thieves are ambivalent and selfish and completely blind to their leader's suffering" takes that way too far. And like...why do people want to do that? Well, at least in the cases I've seen, the answer is twofold.

First of all, there's a section of the fan base that really hates Makoto. This is mostly common among Akechi fans from what I've seen. I think it's a combination of misogyny and the fact that Makoto can be obnoxious sometimes with her defense of the police, which is especially egregious in this situation. Like, the police beat up her best friend, and she still wants to join them. That can read as callous...if you don't understand her as a character, but I digress. (Someday I should write a Makoto defense post bc yeah. People are very stupid about her.) Point is these people like making up reasons to dislike her even more, which is where I think the whole "the plan was her idea and just an ego trip" thing comes from.

And the other reason is that there are a lot of shuake shippers who really, really want Akechi to be Akira's only "true" friend who "really" understands him. Which like...is true to a certain extent, they do have a special bond and Akechi is the only confidant that doesn't ask Akira to fix something for him, etc etc. But them having a special bond DOES NOT EQUAL all of Akira's other friends being terrible friends who suck and DON'T understand him. There's room for nuance here! You can like the toxic ship between rivals without making it less toxic because actually he's the only one who REALLY respects and loves Akira.

Like, he shot him in the head, guys. Let's not delude ourselves here.

But yeah. I'm pretty sure these two sections of the fanbase are specifically Akechi stans, and so they twist actual parts of the game to make Akechi look better and the Thieves worse. They almost like, take Akechi's perspective to a certain extent? Akechi doesn't like Makoto, and Akechi thinks the Thieves are bad friends (maybe, presumably, we don't really know, but he definitely doesn't really like them all that much and he definitely thinks they idolize Joker too much), and these Akechi stans agree with him. Which is baffling to me. Maybe he has half a point, sure, but Akechi is also REALLY stupid and frequently wrong.

And like, to be clear in case anyone who doesn't know me sees this, I say all this as an Akechi stan (look at my username) and shuake shipper.

In conclusion, I do think there is something to be said about how the confidants are written to be unequal, the Thieves don't check in on Akira enough, and the idolization they very much do have for their leader! These are real things that could make for really interesting conflict in fic. But it can happen without villainizing the Thieves or saying they just straight up don't care about their leader. Which is an obvious lie.

I think most people do agree with me nowadays, I've seen a pattern of recent fic and fandom people talking about how this villainization is stupid and going out of their way to make it clear the Thieves do care, so that's good. It was mostly a thing in early fandom that disliked how Akira was treated by canon (valid), wanted to give him conflict in fic (very valid, I love Akira angst), and wanted to make Akechi the "better friend" (???) who understands Akira better than the others (technically true, but it's complicated).

(As for the body thing, Sae said she made sure no one would check the morgue, so you're not supposed to think about it I guess. Makes me wonder about the people who would have taken his body to the morgue, though. Like, did they not report the missing body to anyone? Idk, maybe Sae paid them off too, lol.)

[callmearcturus]

If PT!Benji met Canon!Benji, do you think that they'd recognize one another? What do you think they'd say to one another if they sat down and talked for a few hours?

Someone mentioned this in the comments of the latest chapter and now I am thinking about it. Not in the "what would they do" sense bc I don't know, I think they'd have tea and Dr. Benji would take a look at Agent Benji's injuries and try to help.

But as any longtime followers know, I really am fascinated by AUs and the tightrope walk of having aspects of a character that are constants, but also exploring how changes in the setting/circumstances create diversions in characterization.

To me, the primary difference between Agent Benji and Dr. Benji is a matter of dominion. Agent Benji is the supporting character in an action franchise, and what I love about him is his growth into competency. There is a reason Ethan reaches out to Benji and not Luther for Rogue Nation, and to me it's clear that while Luther is the best actual computer technician, Benji is a jack of all trades. Excellent marksman, has the initiative to throw himself into the fray without orders, is capable at tech-- he is not an unhinged tip of the spear like Ethan, but he is very inured to the lifestyle of being a spy and saving the world and all.

While Agent Benji is comfortable with all that, the travel and the missions and all, Dr. Benji's dominion is much smaller, but his confidence within it is much larger than Agent Benji's. Very early on in the timeline of the AU, Benji is handed a pretty significant sense of responsibility and control over a lot of really dangerous people. He's able to boss around all these agents and spies and shit, and when they are in his office, he's the boss.

I feel like all iterations of Benji have this capacity to run the show and issue commands, but for Dr. Benji it's very much heightened. By the time of Act Two, he is one of the only fixed elements of the IMF infrastructure, he has social capital with the agents, and he kind of knows it. He understands his position of authority and what it means. That sense of dominion and responsibility defines him. Which is part of why during the six months of RN, he's so lost, because he's separated from that dominion.

In short, Dr. Benji has a more collected, calmer sense of confidence than Agent Benji, but only in a specific arenas (taking care of people, getting laid, dealing with Ethan Hunt). Agent Benji, on the other hand, has grown into a world-weary person with a lot of broad confidence in his abilities and that he'll Get It Done, but it's not concentrated in the same way.

[golbrocklovely]

I think a lot of the younger fandom, the ones who often forget that Sam and Colby are both almost thirty, living their lives, while having a passion for youtube/paranormal, are indeed that. Adults.

They can take criticism and adjust if they want to, yet in my eyes I have no issues with them keeping life private, doing what they need to do and posting when they want to. I'm sure they are working insanely hard behind the scenes, the only problem really is that fans not all, but some believe they are entitled to have them engaging or posting when they want them to.

If they want that, then look for other channels, the Sidemen post every one to two days on one of their many channels plus on sideplus. A lot of british commentators post twice or three times a week.

Depending on the content and the context of what they are doing, taking time is better than getting a half assed not fully finished product.

As a fan who is older than most (at least I think so) it's shameful how others act.

/gets off soap box.

i agree with you. i think too many fans expect snc to just tell us everything that's happening with them at all times, bc they've done that for so many years. and bc fans are expecting that openness, when they don't get it… they feel like snc are hiding from us. when really they are just setting a boundary and all of those fans freaking out are just upset they don't have the inside scoop anymore.

bc look, if all of this was just about content and the lack of it recently, then i would be on board for the frustration. bc it is a bit sad to see less and less of them. but, if they don't want to share with us what they do in their free time, i'm not gonna harp on them for it. the one vid a month has been the usual for some time, they post on react weekly, and just bc they don't interact with us all the time like they once did doesn't mean they've changed.

like, the fandom 12 million ppl in it, even if snc wanted to talk to everyone in the fandom, they wouldn't be able to. and sorry, but it's not the end of the world if they don't want to talk to fans on twitter or any site for that matter. you aren't warranted unfeathered access to them just bc you buy merch or have supported them for years. it's not snc's job to interact with us. it's an added bonus, for our benefit (and theirs too). but it's only really mutual for them when WE AREN'T DICKHEADS to them.

personally, if snc only tweet out links to vids and merch drops from this point forward, i wouldn't lose sleep over it. who cares. my god lol

but the fact of the matter is all of this drama started with the girls. once they got in the picture, everyone started finding reasons to be hateful. and maybe now they aren't the sole reason, but they were the beginning. and snc have been flat out telling us that going on social media and seeing everyone's comments, mostly on twitter, is hard for their mental healths. and if the ppl on there can't accept that or want to argue about it, babes... you ain't got no one to blame but yourselves. bc snc have ALWAYS been forgiving, always been ppl pleasers. they wouldn't just randomly ice out part of the fandom for no reason.

but idk why i bother. if you don't agree with that side of the fandom, you're just an snc dick rider or too far up their asses to be "real" about them lol but look, if that means i know i can go to sleep at night knowing i haven't been ragging on their gfs for months on end or saying they've changed bc they set a boundary, then idc. call me snc's #1 dick rider.

[ruthlesslistener]

Different anon here (putting that just in case so you dont get mad or whatever), you did hit first. Claiming others are "icky" or "dangerous" is a lot more serious than you think, especially with lots of followers like you. And if you wouldn't mind me saying this, but it doesn't look like a sincere apology to me when you add the last bit that says "Well. We hurt each other so there". Can't you apologise without making things about yourself? The reply isn't meant for me, but I kinda notice you have this tendency where you make things about yourself in the end in a lot of your old replies concerning this issue you made for yourself. Which I think also helped fuel the flames to the old problems you faced. Idk, maybe its cause I'm so sick of seeing popular fanfic writers/artist control fandoms whether unintentionally or not. They also apologise like you, making the other party look bad by making it all about themselves.

(First off if this comes off as angry I apologize, I'm not angry I'm tired and confused)

I mean. Yeah I did say that it was gross, but I'm pretty sure I've already said that the error that caused the problem was that I had a completely different perception of what I was talking about than what was actually being said (a genuine error on my part), and also that I didn't realize my words had the connotations that they did, which was another misstep that lead to hurt feelings. Both of those were genuine mistakes caused by me a.) Not knowing what the fuck I was talking about and b.) me forgetting the fact that people don't have the same ideas about fiction that I do. Not really sure what else to do other than repeat that it was a mistake over and over, since the only other option would be to delete what I said but that would be dishonest and wrong. I DID fuck up.

As for the apology, I am sincere that I didn't mean to cause harm, but I am also sincere when I said that the response hit a specific trigger and hurt me as well- because it did. It did hit that specific trigger zone and I see no reason why I shouldn't be clear about it, especially since I wanted to make it apparent that I wasn't just shitting on people and dragging their name through the mud because I have some social status I wanted to flaunt or w/ever. I assumed it would make anon feel better while also asserting the fact that their behavior wasn't exactly okay either because I DID repeatedly say that I wanted the topic to be dropped and it didn't. Even the ground, try to lay down rules to prevent future conflicts, that sort of thing. It was a two-part statement- one, the apology and admittance that I was wrong, and two, the showing of vulnerability on my part to prove that I view myself as on equal standing as them and that I am also flawed and inherent to biases, while also pointing out how to not cause future conflict. I assumed that would be the most effective. I didn't even consider the fandom pov thing or power dynamics, bc this at its core was a misunderstanding between two people that had the misfortune of happening on a public platform.

I will agree that I do have an issue with talking about myself though, because to be frank, my own pov is kind of the only thing I know and so explaining my thought process as it goes is the familiar beaten path. When I say that I'm autistic and have been isolated my whole life apart from one friend (also isolated) and my immidiate family, that isn't a lie. I didn't start talking to more than the same 3 people for extended periods on a regular basis until I was 17. And those three people were my mom, my bff, and a close friend I picked up in high school when I was 15. And even then, those talking periods would be no longer than an hour at a time. This isn't a good thing by any means nor a method of excusing myself, just a means of explaining why I do it and that it's not because I think the world centers around me, just that I have to translate what I think to it for communication with other people to start making sense. Its def. something that I struggle with in even basic conversations, though I am working on that via interjecting various questions and comments about other people vs just proccing an infodump. It's most likely a low empathy issue that I still need to learn workarounds for, because I'm a very low-empathy autistic.

I CAN say that I grow more tempted to just delete and remake to start anew by the day, though, because the thought of being popular and having an influence/being on a pedestal puts me in a state dangerously close to a panic attack. The problem is that I cannot figure out a way to do that in a manner that would actually work, plus I cannot tolerate change.

But genuinely, the thought of power dynamics...it frightens me. My ideal would be a world where I can just push my thoughts and writing out and not be seen at all, except that I can't manage that because then I'd have nobody to discuss hyperfixations or special interests with. I don't WANT to have any sway over people. And its partially because of things like this- because I don't want to fuck up by tripping over an unseen landmine of a social error and then have my reaction be absorbed uncritically, or have that error be held under scrutiny. It makes me feel sick

[patchesproblem]

do you have any spare hcs abt karl or joyce 😭 im starved

YES I DO ACTUALLY!!! I think about those two sm like you don't even understand. I really need to talk about them more, tbh.

I have A Lot to say, so sorry in advance for my nonsensical ramblings.

Actual answer under the cut

OKAY SO!! Starting with our favorite pathetic bean sprout.

I'll separate the au hc's and actual main universe hcs just to keep everything semi understandable. It'll have HC's for relationships with Karl, Planck, Einslas, etc. Also including Elysia and Joffrey because siblings can't be separated <3

AU headcanons:

Joyce is smarter than he gives himself credit for. I'm being serious when I say this. It doesn't express itself as obviously as the Einslas, but that's only because his strengths are in other areas. While the Einslas are extremely smart when it comes to STEM, I feel as if Joyce's strong suit is more in creativity. It's hard to exaplain, but think writing / reading and all that. He enjoys learning new information about things he likes (examples include astrology, writing, etc.) and he will often be able to remember details that others normally wouldn't.

He probably spent a lot of his childhood reading stories, and was probably ahead of his grades reading level. He didn't really have many friends because he has social issues, despite the fact a lot of people did actually like him. He just knew a lot of people, but he wasn't really able to form any close friendships until his insane scientist bestie came along. Though that was partially because he just was awkward and didn't know how to talk to others. Was worried he'd come off as weird or get bullied for his interests.

Tesla probably comes to him sometimes to ask for help with her own writing, actually. Although he doesn't write much himself, he's somehow one of the best people to ask for advice LMAO. They probably bonded over their shared passions, even if they are technically different. (Different in the sense of she's into writing, and he's into reading. They go together hand in hand. Idk I just feel like it's a cute little thing. Besties and siblings <33) He also probably proof reads her stuff occasionally when Einsteins too busy to, though he might've had a few objects thrown at him at some points. He also gives her advice / ideas.

Has a fear of people leaving him bc his parents just kinda. Disappeared leaving him with Karl and Emma as his care takers, and Elyisa eventually left soon after because she got married to Eden and all that. Then when Einstein left with Planck it just kinda destroyed him. He's not upset with them, he's actually really happy for them. Though it gets lonely and he's afraid that he'll get replaced (haha Joachim haha. Sorry.)

Probably really close with Joffrey tbh. Does anything in his power to make sure his little brother has a good childhood. He reads to him A Lot, and actively engages in his ideas. For example: if he has an idea to make something Joyce will help him make it. He also encourages him to pursue his own interests even if it's a one off thing. He'll often draw / write with him too. He's very proud of him

Karl is basically his dad at this point. He doesn't treat him as his nephew, but instead he treats him as if he was his own son in a sense. He's extremely proud of him and that someday he'll make a positive impact on the world. Joyce looks up to him heavily, and wants to follow in his foot steps once he gets older.

When Ein originally came he was terrified of her LMAO. She was an absolute menace as a child and lived up to Karl calling her a brat. He was relentlessly teased and messed with by this tiny goblin who could turn on the water works at any second if she felt like it. She still actually is the reason he's called Welt. Though it's because he's the clumsiest mf in the world, so dual meaning there.

She's actually one of his first actual friends, and partially responsible for his love of space. How they became friends is blurry just because it's more of a "she won't be leaving I need to learn to survive" but despite being eccentric, he eventually came to see her as his bestie / sister. Though he's still absolutely terrified of her. He still has zero clue what goes on in her head and that's terrifying to him.

He's absolutely terrified of Tesla too. Both his besties scare him half to death and he's convinced one of these days they're going to be the reason he gets killed, but that won't happen surely. They're at each others throats constantly, and would probably be those two people threatening to kill the other in a waffle house at two in the morning. They want to throw each other through a wall, but also trust each other with their lives. The only man Tesla remotely tolerates along with Karl. They have sibling energy and you can pry it out of my cold dead hands.

Him and Elysia also probably used to be really close. She cares about him deeply, and would drop anything at a moments notice to help him if he needed it. Though she also does tease him often, as a big sister should. Eden acts as a parental figure towards him as well. They both met when he was young, and he grew up with her around a lot so he just started looking up to her tbh.

He originally goes to Lab 42 to become Einslas assistant while he went to university there, and would help them with stuff similar to how he helped out in canon. Though Tesla basically said "Fuck you, we're your superiors now so you'll refer to us as Dr. Tesla and Dr. Einstein now!" and that's how he started calling Einstein Ein lmao. Tes wasn't amused.

They also drag his ass to Alaska. He never wanted to go on work related trips with them after that.

He's terrified of Planck. That's all. He's terrified. Her constant midlife crisis scares him.

Okay so for non AU headcannons:

Tes and Ein 100% got together in private and planned how to torment him. Just Trust Me on this. They were feeling a little bit silly and goofy and just coordinated together on how to torment him next.

Him and Tes' relationship is a little bit different in the main universe, for obvious reasons. Though they stay besties and have sibling energy. Neither of them trusted each other at first. Tes didn't trust Joyce because 1. He's a man 2. He's a man 3. He's a man and 4. She was scared he'd hurt Ein (was also just jealous and scared she'd pay less attention to her but yanno), and Joyce didn't trust Tesla because she's an angry redhead who would probably kill a man if given the chance. Didn't help that she threatened his life and threatened to castrate him within the first minute of meeting him, but yanno it be like that sometimes.

Over time Tes begrudgingly accepted that he wasn't going anywhere for awhile and that she should probably get used to it. While Eins was out they probably were forced to bond, and eventually Tesla realized that maybe he wasn't as bad as she originally thought and slowly began to trust him. Honestly they were best friends by the time he just decided to die like a pathetic person on them. He'd stay up to make sure she got home okay and alive, and he eventually just became her rambling buddy. AKA Einstein was asleep and she just went on long nonsensical ramblings to Joyce while he just went "uh huh.. interesting.. they did what now?"

Probably admitted some embarrassing things to him in all honesty. Though he'd never be able to tell anyone that considering she herself didn't even remember telling him half the stuff she did, and even if she did she'd actually kill him if he said anything about it. Not like he really wanted to, anyways. Was just happy she was willing to talk to him and didn't completely hate him tbh. Was also happy that he could be there for her considering his whole depression thing and knowing how horrible it was to not have someone there for you.

Though she also always cared and worried about him. Her and Ein had read his 'profile' beforehand, and Tesla immediately was scared and concerned when she realized he quite literally was diagnosed with severe depression. Though she'd never admit that and would prefer to pretend she just found him annoying and pathetic LMAO. At least before his death, after his death is a different story. (AKA she finally admitted years later she cared about him to Einstein and still missed having his dumbass around and constantly had to be held back from nuking Otto off the face of the earth.)

Another note I forgot to add that I'm adding after the fact: He was actually amazed by Tesla's knowledge. Like he knew she was smart, but the extent of it surprised him tbh. Especially after hearing how she didn't even have her degree.

With Ein it's pretty much the same, though she's legitimately just an absolute menace to everyone around her. She intentionally dialed it to ten just to make sure that he was terrified of her and never knew what she was going to do next. She did it just for the funsies tbh. Things were going slow in the lab and as much fun as it is to tease Tesla, it was funny to be able to just bully some random man who had no clue what was happening at any given second. Plus added bonus points for being able to still tease Tesla but making it 100% worse because someone else is around and Tes just gets embarrassed and loses it.

VN is basically two lesbians harass and bully some poor traumatized man for an entire month.

That aside, I feel like him and Joachim got along really well. I like to believe that he took him out sometimes to watch him while Einslas were working, and that Joachim constantly asked the Finn to go see the three. While the Einslas taught him to gaslight gatekeep and girlboss, Joyce taught him actual life lessons and tried to negate the 'damage' the Einslas had done. AKA try to make him stop being even worse than them.

He cared A Lot about Joachim, and probably saw him as his little brother honestly. I feel like they spent a lot of time together, even if it often resulted in Joyce being bullied constantly by three people instead of just two. The explosions also didn't amuse him because he's lame and a coward.

He's terrified of Planck. That's all. He's Terrified.

After his death he intentionally hid from Tesla Einstein and Joachim. He didn't want them to find him, and try to bring him back. He felt like he'd disappointed them all and he felt guilty over what happened, and he was scared they hated him and despised him over what happened. He only shows up for Bronya because he knew that she'd be his successor, and even at that he refused to talk because he didn't want to disappoint her too. Didn't want her getting too attached to him, mainly because he's too scared to hurt yet another person.

Had to end it off depressingly, sorry </3 I'm sure you understand.

Was going to do non AU and AU versions for Karl too but like... He wasn't alive near long enough to even have hcs for the main universe. I've just hit him with the dad beam honestly.

Anyways AU Karl hcs <33

He's a dad. Literally just a dad. Will adopt any insane scientist within a 1000 mile radius.

He met Ein similarly to how he does in canon, and managed to convince her parents to let him and Planck allow her to continue her studies at a college level. Ever since then he's basically become her dad, and that's how she views him. Has accidentally called him dad before.

For a majority of the time he was one of Eins main mentors, though as time went on and he became more busy, Planck began to become her teacher.

He's awkward, and is kinda oblivious. Very Oblivious. He tends to not over think peoples words, and doesn't even think that there's a second meaning in most circumstances.

For the most part he's extremely dedicated to his work, and has issues with accidentally over working himself. All he wants to do is help others, even if it causes himself issues. He's often extremely busy and running about.

Though he also is extremely dedicated to his family and cares about them more than anything. If ANY of them needed anything, including Tesla, he'd drop whatever he was doing to make sure that his family is okay. He loves them all.

I'll have to add more later, but a lot of my thoughts have simply disappeared. I'll dm you on discord when I put more for Karl LMAO.

[misspickman]

curious about all of them but ESPECIALLY theory: existence is a mirror 👀

oh ive been wrestling with this one for a while and probably will continue to, its a tim's mental issues fic bc ive seen a lot of stuff about him being depressed/passively or actively suicidal but none of it really sat right with me so im trying to figure out how i think this would manifest with the character, but its tim and hes difficult. much to think about. so unfortunately this wip is a mess and im not working on it actively bc its so hard to get the vibes right and its frustrating. anyway heres a bit

“Don't you have anything better to do,” Leslie asks—complains—as she digs out a bullet out of his shoulder on a beautiful Friday night, “than run around clobbering people all night?” 

“Crime doesn't sleep.” 

“No, but you should. And you are not the only one for this job, are you?” she points out. Rightfully. Tim still feels unnecessarily defensive and just barely stops himself from trying to prove to her how needed he is out there, actually. “You're too young for this to be the only thing you do.”

That takes him aback. This is the sort of conversation that Leslie usually unleashes on Bruce. It feels… painfully unearned to be getting it in his place. 

He doesn't want to be a part of this discussion. He'll leave that to Bruce, Leslie and Alfred to ponder over, and he can go back to his work as soon as Leslie's done wrapping up his shoulder. The only reason he's here and not doing it in front of his bathroom mirror anyway is because Helena decided to play protective and basically dumped him in front of Leslie's door, and would not let him leave even if he tried. 

It's really not that serious. It's just a shoulder. 

“With all due respect, Leslie—” 

“Tim,” she cuts him off, taking none of it, “with all due respect, you are twenty one and sitting in my clinic with a bullet wound on a Friday night. And I know you're out there every night. Do you even socialize?” 

Tim bristles. It's embarrassing, and makes him feel just as young as she's treating him. “That's none of your business.” 

It doesn't feel good, being rude to Leslie, but it's an instinctive reaction. Tim is well sick and tired of people trying to tell him how to live his life. 

He thinks back on his last attempt to talk to a person his age who isn't involved in any of his vigilante life. He even likes Buzz, he wouldn't mind reconnecting with him, which is what he assumes the sudden invitation was about, but there's nothing like a miserable social interaction where you can't think of a single non-incriminating thing to say to drive home just how unadjusted you are to having a civilian life. 

It had been easier before, back when he had dad and Dana to keep happy with lies, and was basically forced to keep a normal life. Scratch that, it wasn't easier; he agonized over keeping secrets every waking second, he kept two messy lives and never seemed to make enough time for either of them, but it did mean he had some semblance of a normal life. He hadn't thought of it that way back then, but he can see it now. There's none of that left. 

Now, he has more than enough time to dedicate himself to being Red Robin instead of Tim Drake. He thinks he's been doing a pretty good job of it—except, nobody else seems to share his opinion. 

“You'll run yourself ragged until there's nothing left but the cowl,” she says, and Tim has an inkling that this is far from the first time she's said those words.

(title from this poem bc u know. vibes)