#really speaks to the truth of brotherhood

[offtorivendell]

So,..I’ve read two different books that are elriel coded: NALINI SINGH’S Archangel’s Storm and Black Dagger Brotherhood, Lover Awakened. Books that if I’m not mistaken are one SJM’s favorites… Have you read it? It’s interesting that the both MMC are talented singers, scarred, killer and doesnt speak much. Jason, the angel who is a spymaster, shadow daddy and “hears secrets whispered in the winds” is so Azriel. Zsadist, the vampire with PTSD, similar personality as Jason. I saw a mixed of Jason and Zsadist in Azriel.

Their love interests are princess or aristocrat, very beautiful and well etiquette. Princess Mahiya, the angel (Jason’s mate), helped Jason with spying and she has puma eyes. She loves animal and can create a glowing ball of light. Bella, the vampire aristocrat that killed her kidnapper who is obsessed with her. I felt like I was reading Elriel in both books.

If SJM keeps the inspiration from Archangel’s Storm then it would make sense with the “fanged beast” on Elain’s part. I really think Elain may become a shape-shifter like faes from TOG and could create “a ball of light”, like Yrene or because of the starborn ability? (Oh btw, I was wondering if there’s a possibility that Yrene’s powers are connected to Starborn?)

Do you think Elain’s book will be more of beast themed? Something that is connected to Dusk Court… Anyway, what do you know of the first faes on Prythian? Are Starborn faes the oldest group that founded the Dusk Court, possibly migrating from the Erilea? It sounds like TOG faes are the first generation fae and they sort of evolved in Prythian and Lunathion? SJM made Lunathion connected to Prythian and Erilea. So, I’m wondering how Erilea is connected to Prythian? I know Aelin saw Rhys and Pregnant Feyre in KOA, but that’s it.

Ugh.. sorry for so many questions.. 🫣

Hi anon, and thanks for stopping by!

Disclaimer: the following is all theoretical; while I hope at least some of it will come true, we have to wait for SJM to let us know for sure.

Spoilers for the entire Maasverse, as well as parts of the Black Dagger Brotherhood series, are below.

I haven't read any Nalini Singh, though friends have recommended her to me a few times, so I really should fix that. I obviously cannot comment on any similarities - though I have heard similar rumours that SJM loves the books (but have never tried to corroborate them) - but @shitwillnotbegiven has posted a comparison of Elriel scenes with passages from 'Archangel's Storm' that is very compelling. I definitely recommend giving it a read. Of course we can't say for sure whether or not it was intentional, but yeah. There are similarities.

That being said, I have read the first five or so 'Black Dagger Brotherhood' books, and yeah. Read them for yourself of course, but there is a lot to notice. It was a couple of years ago now, so they're not fresh in my mind, but I remember being very 👀👀👀 at a lot of the similarities, especially between Zsadist, Bella and Phury with Azriel, Elain and Lucien. The lovely @silverdreamscapes has posted about many of the parallels existing between each trio, though imo it goes even further than shipping.

But first, I would like to state for the record that I do not think having an inner beast or monster makes someone bad or evil. I do think lightsingers could be a race of faeries that A) are related in some way to the shadowsingers - witches? - with whom we are all hunky dory (so no hate from me until proven otherwise), B) may in fact be facing persecution over some sort of un/intentional misunderstanding and/or rewritten history, and C) that the library actually acts as a sanctuary for these persecuted beings, in addition to any other battered women, who are both vilified and attacked for nothing but their species. Of course I could always be wrong, but I am expecting a twist that diverges from the "truth" about lightsingers that Cassian gave us in ACOSF.

But I digress. I've forgotten a lot, but I do remember that there was a character with teal eyes, who had been cursed by a goddess to carry a monster within him... if lightsingers have an inner beast* - and two of our teal-eyed priestesses have been lightsingers - you can see where I'm going (and for some fabulous rundowns on the lightsinger theory, please see posts by @silverlinedeyes and @merymoonbeam).

As I have said before, I suspect that shadowsingers and lightsingers could be more similar than we know. I wouldn't be surprised if they both have the ability to lure, and both have a beast form/some sort of inner monster or being. Because the teal-eyed character, Rhage, carries his beast in a sort of living tattoo... and whose shadows have been described as appearing like twins to the tattoos on his chest? You betcha. It's Azriel, our favourite shadowsinger.

A corner of Azriel’s mouth curled up, the shadows about him sliding over his neck like living tattoos, twins to the Illyrian ones marked beneath his leathers. Shadows different from anything my powers summoned, spoke to. Born in a lightless, airless prison meant to break him. Instead, he had learned its language. - ACOFAS, chapter 7

As for Elain's potential powers, I'm all aboard the shapeshifter train (please see @wingedblooms for some brilliant theories), and I cannot wait to see what sort of light she can wield (if any, of course, but I do think she has been tied to it in a lot of ways). Can she Sing light and dark (light) to See what she must? Or to travel someplace very far away? I also wouldn't be surprised if Elain and her light/s act as an executioner for whatever Valg-type being exists in Prythian, as Yrene did with Erawan in KOA. I suspect that the King of Hybern may have been possessed in some way, and that Elain's role in assassinating him could have purified him such that he could die, thus beginning her parallels with Yrene.

As for which Fae are the oldest, I personally suspect that the Starborn Fae did found the land that would have become the Dusk Court, and that some may have travelled to Erilea, but I haven't looked into it enough to have quotes at the ready so I'll tag in @wingedblooms and @silverlinedeyes - or anyone else who wants to join in - because they have had more thoughts on this than I have. It seems that the Starborn faeries are different to the shifter faeries from Erilea, and that both ended up in Midgard thanks to Rigelus and his machinations (but as to which is the original fae species, if any, it hasn't been explicitly stated).

Rigelus chuckled again. “We shall get to that in a moment.” He went on, “Danika realized that the shifters are Fae.” Bryce blinked. “What?” “Not your kind of Fae, of course—your breed dwelled in a lovely, verdant land, rich with magic. If it’s of any interest to you, your Starborn bloodline specifically hailed from a small isle a few miles from the mainland. And while the mainland had all manner of climes, the isle existed in beautiful, near-permanent twilight. But only a select few in the entirety of your world could shift from their humanoid forms to animal ones. The Midgard shifters were Fae from a different planet. All the Fae in that world shared their form with an animal. The mer descended from them, too. Perhaps they once shared a world with your breed of Fae, but they had been alone on their planet for long enough to develop their own gifts.” “They don’t have pointed ears.” “Oh, we bred that out of them. It was gone within a few generations.” An isle of near-permanent twilight, the home world of her breed of Fae … A land of Dusk. - HOSAB, chapter 73

A few of my friends and I - @psychologynerd, @elrieldreamer and @ladynightcourt3 - think/hope that IF we get a crossover of sorts in Elain's book it may be to Erilea, in the past. @psychologynerd has previously pointed out that a pretty faerie with raw magic (which Elain has as a Made faerie - here and here) once visited Mistward before being invited to meet Maeve in Doranelle, never to be heard from again. It's also possibly significant that Elain has been linked with owls - check out @wingedblooms Blodeuwedd and Suriel theories for starters - and Maeve had a healer trapped in owl form at her beck and call (thanks @ladynightcourt3 for your help with the quotes).

“But,” Luca chattered on, “no one here has any exciting or rare abilities. Like shape-shifting into whatever form they want, or controlling fire”—her stomach clenched at that—“or oracular sight. We did have a female wander in with raw magic two years ago—she could do anything she wanted, summon any element, and she was here a week before Maeve called her to Doranelle and we never heard from her again. A shame—she was so pretty, too. But it’s the same here as it is everywhere else: a few people with a pathetic trace of elemental powers that are really only fun for farmers.” - HOF, chapter 11

“It also explains why Aelin reported an owl at Maeve’s side when they first met,” Nesryn said, gesturing to Yrene, whose brows bunched. Then Yrene blurted, “The owl must be the Fae form of a healer. Some healer of hers that she keeps close—as a bodyguard. Has let everyone believe to be some pet …” - TOD, chapter 65

“Speak freely, Connall,” Maeve said, her faint smile remaining. The barn owl perched on the back of her throne watched with solemn, unblinking eyes. “Let your brother know these words are your own and not of my command.” - KOA, chapter 8

Some pet... as Hunt suggested he was for Bryce?

“I’m sorry,” Hunt interrupted, “but are you implying that I was made by you two assholes? As some sort of pet?” He pointed to Thanatos, then to Apollion. “Not a pet,” Apollion said darkly. “A weapon.” He nodded to Bryce. “For her, whenever she might come along.” - HOFAS, chapter 61

A weapon, just like Elain becoming "the knife in the dark" to assassinate - and potentially purify the Valg from - the King of Hybern?

I've theorised before that Elain might have plant/earth related powers - which ties in well with her reaction to the Hewn City in ACOSF, and what we learnt about Sathia/Flynn's reaction to being on Avallen in HOFAS - and many of us have long thought she may have some sort of healing magic (here and here). So was the pretty faerie Elain?

I would combust.

Anyway, I hope I answered everything, and I'm SO sorry for this response taking literal months. If you do see this, my bad.

[charcoaldustonmyfingers]

Little Shadow 2/2

[ 1\2 ]

When I was little I thought my brother was the coolest person in the world. I wanted to be just like him!

Now that I’m older though, I’ve grown into my own person. Now, my brother and I can stand on equal footing, side by side. Whenever he asks for my help or advice, I will always remember how much he helped me when I was young, and I am immensely grateful to be able to do the same for him.

I don’t know if he misses having a little shadow, but I know he’s proud of me :)

[marshmellowtea]

idk i guess my philosophy when it comes to damien and mark has always been like.....damien isn't a bad guy, really, i do think he has good intentions most of the time, but given the environment he's in and how much money and power he has access to, it makes sense to me that he'd occasionally stoop to underhanded or scummy methods to get what he feels like he needs or deserves. meanwhile mark is also not a bad guy—though he certainly tends to be more selfish than damien—but he's been severely hurt and has never been properly supported through all of it due to a combination of the time period he's in, the people he's around not fully understanding him, and his own self destructive tendencies. oh, and house entity also. that's very much a factor here.

[cherikyassss]

Cataloguing my top ten Cherik fics in order of popularity, in case anyone fancies some new reading material 😉

https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryRed/works

Five Nights in Nuremberg

When Charles escapes from the mutant prison he has been held in for the last two years he knows that he’s going to need help to avoid being recaptured.

What he doesn’t expect is that help will come in the form of a mysterious German man who rescues Charles and takes him to his home; a handsome stranger who, frustratingly, doesn’t speak a single word of English…

Bound

Is there anything worse than someone else’s wedding? Well, perhaps your sister’s wedding- where the groom just has to invite his boss and that man just happens to be your ex-boyfriend; a person you had an extremely passionate and tumultuous relationship with that ended badly.

Charles hadn’t seen Erik for a year by the time Raven had told him about the wedding. He wasn’t looking forward to the occasion, particularly when Raven explained that they would be celebrating the event with a two-week extravaganza at a luxury hotel, meaning that Charles would be forced to spend a whole fortnight with the man who he’d given everything to; the man who had ultimately broken his heart…

Can You Feel My Heart

Erik Lehnsherr hates Charles Xavier.

It’s as true as the words written on the wall in the bathroom at the university that Erik attends. Erik sees them one day- accompanied by a crude drawing of Erik and Charles glaring at each other- and recognises the truth of the sentence, and smiles.

He hates Charles.

Probably…

The Best You Never Had

By the time Erik is in his late twenties he has grown tired of his mother meddling in his love life- always setting him up on numerous dates with various suitors.

But then Erik’s mother offers to set him up with someone he used to know- the gorgeous blue-eyed boy Erik had a crush on in school, the boy Erik desperately wishes he had been nicer to.

How Erik ends up entering into a fake relationship with the man in order to keep his mother happy is anyone’s guess…

Forgotten

Charles is having a really bad day. Not only has he woken up in the middle of the afternoon with no idea where he is or how he got there, but when he returns home he’s confronted by a stranger with intense eyes, who insists that he knows Charles rather more intimately than Charles remembers…

In Service of the King

Co-authored by the wonderful @pinkoptics

The people of Britannia have been saved from an unbearable fate at the hands of Emperor Shaw. In order to express their immense gratitude, they offer the ultimate tribute- Charles Xavier, the beloved son of their leader.

Far from naive, and even before agreeing to be made a gift, Charles is only too aware of what such an arrangement will entail- a life spent on his knees for more reasons than one... But upon arriving on Genosha’s shores, it soon becomes clear that sexual submission may not be all that is desired of Charles, and that King Erik may have some notions of how he wishes to be serviced that are not at all what Charles expected...

Power and Control

Charles had done a number of stupid things in his lifetime, but this was probably the worst.

Deciding to piss off the leader of The Brotherhood of Mutants was a recipe for disaster, particularly when said leader had a reputation for swift and bloody vengeance. But, as it turned out, being murdered wasn’t what Charles would need to worry about. Apparently there’s a great many things you can do to exert your power over someone, rather than simply killing them…

Enemies With Benefits

Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr are the leaders of two opposing mutant factions; their rivalry played out over televised debates and in the articles of tabloid newspapers.

The tension between them is so palpable that, naturally, everyone assumes they're fucking- which they are, not that Erik is particularly happy about it... But he is content to console himself with the idea that it's just sex and nothing else, and that he is in no way interested in the spoilt little rich boy he can't seem to stay away from.

But then an attempt is made on both their lives and they are relocated to a safe house- a secluded cabin in the middle of the woods. At first Erik hates being forced into such close quarters with Charles, but gradually he begins to realise that 'hate' might not be the emotion driving him after all...

I Know

Charles had always considered himself quite a moral person, so he was as surprised as anyone to one day find himself with his mother’s boyfriend between his legs…

The Right King of Wrong

When Erik accepts a job working as a mechanic for the Xavier family he thinks it will be the solution to all his problems; a way for him to get inside the Xavier mansion without raising suspicion, so he can find out more about the labs rumoured to be hidden in the basement- a location where numerous mutant experiments are said to have taken place.

The mission is only supposed to take a few weeks, but then Erik meets Charles- the nineteen-year-old heir to the Xavier family fortune, who is back from Oxford University for the summer. Rather suddenly all of Erik’s carefully made plans fall spectacularly to pieces as the two of them embark on a love affair that has the potential to alter both of their futures, and their lives, forever…

[honey-minded-hivemind]

Ooooooo

I have come, with something!

So, imagine reader is a young adult instead of the teen. They already gone through the system, was never adopted, so they have a lot of resentment to parents and such. And they actually work in the school as an assistant teacher. The team thing happens and when reader realizes they were being used, they quit, and after, cut out anything showing they’re a mutant. Maybe filling the claws way down to look like normal nails, or if it’s like wolverine’s, they use a rock to break it.

How would everyone react to seeing reader after that, either fresh from their self mutilation, or some days after?

Thanks for reading my rant!

🌂

Oooooo... Okay, okay, that's interesting! I still plan to have Reader as a teen in the main au, but Reader as a young adult? Not bad, if I say so. I'm going to count this as an au of the Smilodon AU, because I have an idea for how Reader finding all of this out goes, but... I really like this ask. So good job! Let's do it-

If the others, the X-Men and Brotherhood, saw Reader like that... I think they'd feel nauseous. Light-headed. Sick. Because their... whatever Reader is to them, is missing parts of their mutation, the parts that were part of them. Their claws... they're filed down, hardly there anymore.. Their fangs... not near as long or sharp as they used to be. And the small bits of fur or fluff that used to dot their arms and legs... they're gone, leaving the skin underneath. This isn't what they wanted. They wanted Reader as their, well... okay, they had used Reader. They didn't want to, in the end, and the teens wanted to stop it, but- They just couldn't. They tried. The adults... they feel remorse. A bit scared. Because now they know Reader can and will harm themself (and likely had before). When Xavier looks deeper into Reader's thoughts, he sees their inner-self, and it isn't a monster or a beast or an evil person... it's a scared, lonely, hurt child, who wants love, but has been denied it so long that they don't trust anyone. And after what all they've done... Reader doesn't even trust them anymore...

Xavier, Scott, and Jean would try to speak rationally with Reader (their version of rational). It goes out the window real quick when Reader's thoughts turn darker, sadder, spiraling. Scott wants to know why Reader did what they did, because he's sorry, and wants them to know they care. He wants them to see it their way. But he mostly wants to make things better between them. Jean wants to help Reader, and comfort them, but now there's a literal mental wall between them, full of bitterness. She wants to reach them,, to stop them from doing this to themself... Xavier wants to convince Reader they meant no harm, and to give them and the X-Men a proper chance to make it up to them. He knows that Reader will be hard to convince. But they have to hold out hope. If worse came to worse... they can try and move Reader in with them, albeit unwillingly. It might be the only way to keep an eye on them and their health...

Kurt, Kitty, Ororo, and Beast regret getting Reader's hopes up, only for the truth to come out about why they started trying to befriend them in the first place. Seeing Reader remove parts of their mutation, leaving them almost defenseless... Kurt feels scared. He has a visible mutation as well, and while he hid his with the holo watch, Reader didn't have something like that. And they got rid of parts of themself! It's... it's so hard to look at... Kitty wants to hug Reader, wants forgiveness. She's so sorry about what happened, she wants them to know that! But... why would Reader hurt themself? Are they hiding any other wounds? What If they hurt themself again?... Storm is doing her best to stay calm and motherly, which sadly doesn't get her very far. She knows they've hurt Reader, and it doesn't feel good, for Reader or for them. But they need to own up to it. The best they can do is apologize, and hope Reader forgives them, or at least doesn't hurt themself further. Perhaps getting Hank to talk with them would be better... Hank would try and help them, would try to talk with Reader. He wants to provide therapy, or at least get them to have a medical exam. He needs to know how bad they hurt themself. But they're not budging. He doesn't want Charles to force Reader. No. But if they want to help them, they need them under their care. And sadly, Reader does not want to be under their care or protection after everything...

Rogue, Evan, and Logan feel guilty. They know they didn't trust Reader at first. That they didn't want to give them the benefit of the doubt. But seeing how bad it's hurt them, that they'd rather hurt themself than them... It's a tough pill to swallow. Reader already had trust issues. They already didn't have a high opinion of themself. And they just made those a whole lot worse. Rogue is truly sorry, wanting to have Reader stay with them so they don't hurt themself or disappear. She's scared that if they look away from them, they'll be gone. That Reader will leave, or worse, be dead. Evan wants to apologize, but he also wants Reader to give them a second chance. Even his aunt is in on it, and maybe Reader would believe two of them over just one? He really wants them to not give up on them... Logan knows he hasn't handled knowing Reader very well. He knew about some of their past, and wrote them off as a bad influence. And they weren't. They're the cub of his "brother" (he doesn't know if that fuzzy maniac is his brother or not), but they've never even met the guy, let alone know who he was. It wasn't fair of him to get mad with them, to treat them as a potential threat. Seeing them harm themself though... It makes him realize that they had every chance to go after all of them, but instead they turned on themself. And for that... he realizes he shouldn't have been been hard. So cold.

The Brotherhood teens want to throw up. Their favorite assistant teacher, the one who tended to see the best in them, is missing parts of themself, or has cut them down. And it scares the cr*p out of them. This is their favorite teacher! Their go-to adult in school when things go wrong or people won't leave them alone! And they've. Hurt. Themself. They didn't want to use them! They swear! But... they're not sure this is an easy fix. This isn't as simple as saying sorry. This had consequences, and they've (mostly) learned that one has to own up to them, no matter what they be. Lance doesn't want to imagine Reader leaving them. They're the one adult he trusts. And now they're scared, or at least wary, of all of them. The X-Teens are in the same boat, so while he hates to say it, he might have to work with them to get Reader to stay, and hopefully heal and regrow their claws and fangs and fuzz. Todd feels sick. He didn't realize they could do that. They could actually remove parts of their mutation? Just like that? Thinking about it gives him shivers. Who would give their powers up? Who'd willingly hurt themself? He understands why they'd do it, he just wishes they hadn't. Fred wants to hug Reader and cry. His favorite adult (who's only a few years older than all of them) just hurt themself. And is upset with them. And is sad. He doesn't want them to be upset! Or hurt! He's trying to apologize, and is on the same boat as Lance to get the X-Teens help in apologizing, if it means Reader might forgive them. Pietro knows what they did. He knows it was wrong. Is he sorry?... Yes. But he still wants Reader with them. Seeing them they way they are... he still thinks they should be with them, even more now. They need help. His dad can get help, okay? H*ck, if they have to, they can pull Sabretooth in, okay?! He just... he doesn't want Reader to hurt themself even more. They're nice, and pay attention to him and his sister, good attention. How can they let them hurt? Wanda is asking Reader why they did it. She wants to know Reader's perspective on this, on why they did it, how they feel about them all. She doesn't want to hurt them, and she won't, but Reader needs help. She will not have her favorite adult die on her or hurt themself, so they'd better hurry up and go to her father or Xavier and get them involved, otherwise, they're going to have a problem. Mystique feels for Reader. Being distrusted by everyone. Having mutations that single them out. It hurts. It hurts her even more knowing she has hurt Reader with her actions. But this proves to her Reader needs a team. A group. She's grateful Reader hasn't taken their anger or hurt out on them, like their father might have. She knows they deserve it. But... she isn't sure if they should turn to... the X-Men... blegh... or to Magneto... who she's mad with... And unfortunately, those are her two options. The joys of being an adult, being responsible... Hopefully they can reach Reader before it could be too late...

[cherllyio]

Why the Newer Villians in Lego Monkie are more scarier

So we all know that in the start of Season 4 MK said:

MK: "What if this is the part in our hero's journeys where things get a little bit darker."

And yea, im pretty sure we can all agree witht that-

But then, while i was writing an analysis/theory video on the villians of lmk, i reailzed something.

The newer villians are more "scarier and darker" because of two things:

How they interact with our heroes

Their colour symbolism and its influence on feel of the show

How they intereact with our heros

Now when im talking about "newer villians" im specifically talking about:

LBD and the mayor

The ink demons

The Brotherhood

The hooded guy from the underworld

First of all theese villians are much more smarter with how they plan things out.

While past villians like DBK and Spider Queen are hurrying to do anything to defeat our main characthers, our newer threaths plan things out more.

They are built up more slowly, but that also means that they can suddenly come out of the shadows and attack our heroes where they thought they were safe, and end up terryifing both for the characthers and us watching.

Hell, we havent even truly met the hooded guy yet, but he has already managed to give MK and idenity chrisis, kill Wukong for a period of time and introduce us to the ink demons, who are scary enough of themselves.

And in that scene where LBD was tormenting MK for the first time, she was moving slower, but she still scared the living shit out of everyone. This is probaly because she put herself so much apart from the normally high paste show we are used to, which just felt so wrong.

That they also have time to grow in the shadows, means they can also learn a lot about our main characthers, which leads to one of their best but scairest skills, manipulation.

For an example, LBD may be dead, but she still haunts the show because of her genius but terrifying manipulation she planted like a diseasce in MK and the rest of the show.

Their colour symbolism and its influence on the feel of the show

Villians like DBK, Spider Queen and even Macaque, though meant to be evil, they still match very well with the feel of the show.

This is because, like the rest of the show, they still are shown in bright colours.

But again with our newer villians, they have more blue, grey and/ or a more monotone look, again putting them apart from the rest.

The colour symbolism, both positive and negative, and influence speaks enough for itself

Blue: Melancholy, sad, visdom, truth, effectiv

Grey: Mysteries, lonlieness, death, deressing

Conlusion

Im really scared for season 5

2.

3. I have more way more things to say about these antagonists, more specifically LBD and that hooded guy. So i am currently, as i mentioned earlier, writing an analysis/ theory video about them. Its acutally about a quiestion thats been bugging me for a while:

If LBD's goal is destiny, while the guy from the underworlds goal is chaos, two very the most opposite goals, why are they both evil?

I plan to have this video uploaded on Youtube at some point in the next week, since its sunday today, so look out for that if you are interested. I will make a post about it, when i upload it.

Update: ITS UP!!! (here)

[cienie-isengardu]

After digging deeper into Mortal Kombat 1: Khaos Reigns and how everyone was portrayed there, I wish NRS went with the original mention of Cyrax as absolutely loyal to Bi-Han. The NRS’ storyline choices would still be frustrating in regard to the brotherhood of Kuai Liang and Bi-Han, but at least it would make everyone from the Lin Kuei-Shirai Ryu group look much smarter. 

Blindly devoted Cyrax still could have the change of heart - especially when first-handy experiencing the threat of Havik and seeing how Lin Kuei was vital to Earthrealm's safety, while I would not have to wonder WTF was wrong with Scorpion to claim Cyrax is so loyal to Bi-Han in MK1, when literally the first thing we learned about her is how she is disrespectful toward her teacher and Grandmaster (rolling her eyes when Bi-Han praised Sektor for objectively speaking a good job done for example). Not only that, but despite being Lin Kuei her whole life, she has zero idea that even as the good guys Lin Kuei were not there for honorable fight but to exterminate any threat in any way? Bi-Han, Kuai Liang and Tomas did not have any objection to sneak into Shang Tsung’s fortress to capture kill him nor with attacking from behind the guard(s) or ambushing the enemy. How can one be trained since childhood to be Fire Lord’s ninja and be disconnected so much from the reality of the job at the same time?

The way Cyrax was written in Khaos Reigns really makes me question why would Sektor or Bi-Han ever be interested in her? Beside the fact she is one of the main protagonists in the story mode and needed to be there, I mean. Not to mention how Kuai Liang's choice to not confront Lin Kuei during MK1's events is weakened by the fact that Cyrax is not blindly loyal like he claimed and if he bothered to contact her or tell his folks the truth, the schism could be stopped or at least lessened. Like… MK1 and Khaos really can’t even agree on its own, common established lore, can they? Cyrax is absolutely loyal to Sub-Zero and would support him no matter what but not Kuai Liang, except nope. Bi-Han lied to the clan and corrupted Lin Kuei! Except it seems only Kuai Liang, Tomas and Cyrax have any problem with his choices, as the rest of clan like, doesn't give a fuck about Liu Kang or their "duty" to Earhrealm. Which is frustrating. I simply wish the NRS made up their mind about the inner workings of Lin Kuei and how characters fit into the new worldbuilding (without giving each character a serious damage to intelligence).

Also, not that I hate Cyrax, but she came off as... meek compared to alternative timeline's Cyrax and I wish her choice to leave Lin Kuei was more about her as person than about Kuai Liang. But I guess this is curse of being turned into female character.

[unironicallytes]

Also like, my reason for making Domitius' Vow is because I wanted to explore why vampires in the Dark Brotherhood are accepted, but on conditions. Why is it ok for Vicente Valtiere to be a vampire and share the gift, but not for Greywyn Blenwyth? Why is it ok for immortals themselves to exist within a faith that values mortality?

To be immortal is in itself an act that goes against my explanation of the Brotherhood's belief system in Dear Brother: they believe death is the natural state of the world, and life is but a brief anomaly. Pursuing immortality is disrespecting your Father, it's running away from home when all he does is try and provide for you! How dare you? To want the immortality itself seen as a selfish and naive blasphemy.

However, when approached from the angle of extending your service to the Brotherhood, it's regarded in the totally opposite light. Now, it's selfless of you to leave home on such a longer mission trip than the rest of us, because you've proven that you're using it towards our duty, rather than to gallivant. You caught a glimpse of the Void and can reaffirm the faith of those around you by speaking its truth louder.

But that contradiction is why The Black Hand wouldn't tolerate the formation of the Crimson Scars. From a player perspective, we're like "yeah why WOULDN'T they all be vampires? that makes their job easier. that's why I'm always a vampire archer assassin bro", but in the setting, the reason can be two-fold. To have too many immortals in the Brotherhood 1) threatens the powers-that-be and 2) goes against their very teachings. It disrupts the hierarchy and scripture all in one.

I wanted to have an in-universe fable to emphasize how seriously they regard this. It's something I would see people like Vicente, who was around through the Crimson Scar Purification mind you, holding close to help guide his behavior as a vampire. It's why he would be so particular about who he shares his Dark Gift with ... which, to be honest, he would probably need permission to share it in the first place. 3E433 Brotherhood is only 12 years out of the Second Purification, and its ruling council is probably really touchy about who gets vampirism. They will uplift a few who are pious and worthy of receiving the Gift (Vicente's route), but it's not something they can afford to give to just any and every Dark Sibling they find (Greywyn's route).

Anyways. Yeah. Tldr; Brotherhood vampires are only conditionally accepted and held up with respect, the condition being that they devote themselves to Brotherhood service and faith like an evil cult monk.

[aleiiii]

Hi there! Just wondering, since everybody has speculations, how would Mac(ncheese) and Wukong react to Ná dead or dying? Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable! (Also were you the person who said you'd block people who didn't have ages in their bio?) Thats all, thank you!

Hiya!

Going off the idea that they both get attached quite closely with her and are very deep in attraction, of course it wouldn’t be fun for anyone. In a way, Nà is the glue that brought Mac and Wukong back together to be somewhat friendly to each other. They were in a sworn brotherhood before, but of course Mac was still very upset at what he did. I digress, so once she passes, all emotions are heightened- they’re sad, angry and just overall all over the place. The two would start bickering and getting into some nasty arguments.

It would dawn on them that arguing is pointless, it’s not going to bring her back from the dead. They would distance themselves for a while, both being able to just grieve on their own. After a while they will come to terms and reconnect again, speaking about Nà in a reminiscent manner, perhaps even continuing to speak about her to the new babies that are born on the FFM. Maybe even dedicate a small shrine to her that they will visit every so often.

Those would be some somber monkeys…..

((Oopsies I forgot to mention too, I hadn’t said anything about people having ages in their bio, but it is appreciated if you do 😭 I do plan on having this a 16+, maybe 18+ space, just because I would feel more comfortable that way, and if I ever really need to I use the mature filter and hope yall are being truthful when yall put your ages into the settings. I haven’t done anything too explicit but there is content that I wouldn’t be comfortable having a minor around 💀))

[ofliterarynature]

TBR TAKEDOWN: Week 1 (June 2)

TLDR: I have too many unread books, and I’m asking tumblr to help me downsize. Pick one or none, we are keeping it simple and friendly! Book descriptions below the cut, see my pinned post for more info. Comments and questions welcome!

A collection of blue covers to start us off!

The Language of Thorns by Leigh Bardugo

Tbh I’ve kind of given up on Bardugo at this point, especially the grishaverse, but I like myths/folktales.

Love speaks in flowers. Truth requires thorns.

Travel to a world of dark bargains struck by moonlight, of haunted towns and hungry woods, of talking beasts and gingerbread golems, where a young mermaid's voice can summon deadly storms and where a river might do a lovestruck boy's bidding but only for a terrible price.

Inspired by myth, fairy tale, and folklore, #1 New York Times—bestselling author Leigh Bardugo has crafted a deliciously atmospheric collection of short stories filled with betrayals, revenge, sacrifice, and love.

Perfect for new readers and dedicated fans, these tales will transport you to lands both familiar and strange—to a fully realized world of dangerous magic that millions have visited through the novels of the Grishaverse.

When I’m Gone Look for Me in the East by Quan Barry

I really enjoyed the author’s first book! I admit I’m less drawn to this one based just on the description, but not uninterested. The most recent addition to my shelves this week.

From the acclaimed author of We Ride Upon Sticks comes a luminous novel that moves across a windswept Mongolia, as estranged twin brothers make a journey of duty, conflict, and renewed understanding.

Tasked with finding the reincarnation of a great lama—a spiritual teacher who may have been born anywhere in the vast Mongolian landscape—the young monk Chuluun sets out with his identical twin, Mun, who has rejected the monastic life they once shared. Their relationship will be tested on this journey through their homeland as each possesses the ability to hear the other’s thoughts.

Proving once again that she is a writer of immense range and imagination, Quan Barry carries us across a terrain as unforgiving as it is beautiful and culturally varied, from the western Altai mountains to the eerie starkness of the Gobi Desert to the ancient capital of Chinggis Khaan. As their country stretches before them, questions of faith—along with more earthly matters of love and brotherhood—haunt the twins.

Are our lives our own, or do we belong to something larger? When I’m Gone, Look for Me in the East is a stunningly far-flung examination of our individual struggle to retain our convictions and discover meaning in a fast-changing world, as well as a meditation on accepting what simply is.

The Assassin’s Curse by Cassandra Rose Clarke

I don’t know? I’ve had these for so long. But it’s got sailing ships, pirates, and assassins, so…

Ananna of the Tanarau abandons ship when her parents try to marry her off to an allying pirate clan: she wants to captain her own boat, not serve as second-in-command to her handsome yet clueless fiance. But her escape has dire consequences when she learns the scorned clan has sent an assassin after her. And when the assassin, Naji, finally catches up with her, things get even worse. Ananna inadvertently triggers a nasty curse -- with a life-altering result. Now Ananna and Naji are forced to become uneasy allies as they work together to break the curse and return their lives back to normal. Or at least as normal as the lives of a pirate and an assassin can be.

[blaisenova]

(half) brothers

Miguel O'Hara finds out the rather unfortunate truth about his biological father and makes a decision to do something really stupid, but not without properly saying goodbye first.

or

Gabriel O'Hara does not think it's cool that Miguel suddenly wants to call him his "half-brother."

-------------------------------

a fun little exploration of gabriel and miguel's relationship that's inspired by this post by @/flipsidesfangs! needless to say, i was inspired.

because of sensitive content (suicidal thoughts/ideation as well as implied/referenced self-harm) the actual work will be beneath the cut, but, despite the angst, it does end happily!! gabriel and miguel brotherhood for the win!

i'd also like to apologise if any of the spanish is off at all. i've been learning it for years now, but some of the stuff i wanted to say was a bit beyond the stuff i can consistently get down just yet. i did my best to research the stuff i was unsure about, but the internet will never be as good as an actual speaker. if you speak spanish, please don't hesitate to correct me!! (thank you @/anneichigo for the correction already!)

anyways please enjoy <3

-------------------------------

Maybe, before, there was a time that Gabriel would have been grateful to find out that Miguel was technically his half-brother – namely, when he’d first found out about whatever was going on between Miguel and Dana before that, too, fell apart (which, really, just proved even more that they were family; they both had the shittiest luck with women, though Miguel’s misfortune was, admittedly, a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy) – but, regardless of how much his asshole of a brother could piss him off and make him wish they weren’t related, Miguel was still one of the only good parts of Gabriel’s childhood and would always be the closest family he had.

So, when Miguel had dropped by in the middle of a nasty rainstorm (fortunately, during one of the rare occasions that their mother was out) looking an awful lot like he’d just been told his holographic dog got run over and he was ready to jump in front of the car, too, Gabriel hadn’t hesitated to bring him inside and lead him to his couch; even if the rainwater that had soaked Miguel to the bone jumped to Gabriel’s couch, as well.

There were very few times that Gabriel had seen this look on Miguel’s face – eyes distant, their red hues not hidden behind sunglasses for once, and even redder than usual, like he’d been crying – except for maybe when their parents would fight. Then, Miguel would go distant just like he was now, but, even then, he had never stopped holding Gabriel until the sound of shouts and shattering glass bottles settled back down to silence. It wasn’t often that Gabriel got to return the favour, and even less often that Miguel would let him, though he was, admittedly, kind of miffed that Miguel had chosen right now to finally take him up on the offer; getting beaten by cops didn’t exactly leave him feeling ready to take care of someone else.

It took Gabriel a few moments to collect himself and regain his bearings as he rooted through his still unfolded laundry for a towel in an attempt to save his brother from hypothermia, but, with a deep breath, he clenched the half-threadbare, yellowed fabric in his hands, and returned to the living room where he’d left his brother.

“Think fast,” he quipped, tossing the towel towards his brother in some attempt to bring him back to reality, only to flinch when the towel simply landed haphazardly on Miguel’s head without garnering a reaction.

Gingerly, Gabriel settled himself next to his brother, pausing and scooting a bit away when he felt a bit of water seeping through his pants. He fixed Miguel with a pointed look, though the look quickly turned to a frown when the older wouldn’t meet his eyes. A hand reached up, and he gently flicked one of the man’s cheekbones, mouth falling agape when even that didn’t earn a reaction.

“Dios mío, Miggy,” he mumbled, sitting up just enough to reach the towel that had landed on Miguel’s head to scrub it around enough to sop up the excess water, “And here I thought I was having a bad day.”

Gabriel removed the towel from his brother’s head, leaving behind a fluffy, tangled mop of hair that he couldn’t help but snicker at; strands of half-dry hair stuck up in the air in a gravity defying show. The short sound of laughter was enough to earn a glance from Miguel, though his eyes just as quickly darted away again, and Gabriel just caught the subtle way that his older brother’s brows furrowed even more.

With a frown, he rolled the towel up into a deadly weapon and skillfully snapped it against Miguel’s chest with soggy squelch.

That was enough to earn the older man’s attention in full as he bit out a yelp, sitting up stick straight before fixing Gabriel with a snarl, fangs bared. “¿¡Qué chingados?! What was that for?”

For all of Miguel’s ridiculous height and increasing amount of muscle that turned him into quite the intimidating figure, Gabriel just didn’t have it in him to be afraid of his own brother. Miguel may have been much bigger now, and, even without the super powers, he could have folded Gabriel easily, but that felt more like an older brother staple than just a S-Man thing.

“Mi, mi, mi,” he unabashedly mocked, towel held out threateningly in his hands. “It was for freaking me out, you dick! What the shock is wrong with you tonight?” He shrunk back a bit, a finger pointing at his brother’s fangs accusatorily. “Put those away… I’ve been beat up enough for one day.”

Cheeks reddening a bit, Miguel dropped the snarl, carefully situating his fangs back behind his lips. His voice turned more muffled, almost slurred, as he worked to keep his teeth hidden. “I shouldn’t have come here,” he bit out, venom in the words. “I should’ve just-”

“Ay, coño- Alright, Miguel, I get it,” Gabriel began, raising his hands, only to wince backwards when Miguel all but yelled,

“No, Gabriel, you don’t get it!”

Silence filled the room again, thick and tense like the humid, smog filled rain that pressed down on them outside. Gabriel’s eyes narrowed as Miguel’s widened, the light of the overhead lamp doing well to illuminate the bright red of the older brother’s eyes that had replaced the brown they used to share. In a way, it was almost poetic that the physical characteristics they shared would be ripped from them as their sense of blood bond was ripped away, too. After a few moments of tense eye contact, Miguel was the one to break it, eyes darting to the ground with a frown.

“Gabri, I’m-”

“No, no,” Gabriel cut in once more, waving what he hoped was an apology off. Bitter words rested right on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed them down, forcing himself to remember the uncharacteristic distance that Miguel had entered the house with. “Help me understand, then.”

Suspicion flashed behind Miguel’s eyes as he forced himself to look at his brother again, though his expression softened as he didn’t seem to find the sarcastic vitriol he was searching for. His shoulders remained tense, muscles flexing and unflexing beneath his shirt in an unconscious, nervous rhythm that both impressed and worried Gabriel. Rain sounded from outside enough to make the onward stretching silence just a bit more bearable, though only for so long as seconds turned to minutes.

“Miguel?” Gabriel coaxed carefully, feeling an awful lot like he was talking to a wounded animal, a strange and novel experience with his brother who used to protect the both of them; though whatever had ended up with Miguel becoming 2099’s Spider-Man had seemed to shift something in the man he once knew, for better or for worse. “Talk to me, man. What’s going on?”

Talon tipped fingers came up to rake across Miguel’s face (which only momentarily scared the shit out of Gabriel before he realised that the claws seemed to retract when they came into contact with skin), and the older man sighed.

“I just… came to tell you that I loved you. In case something happens with the whole ‘Spider-Man’ thing,” he began, a nervous waver concealed behind monotony that might have fooled anyone else, but not Gabriel. “I know things haven’t always been great between us, considering everything with Ma and Dad, and…” a beat, “with Dana too, I guess. But you’re still my brother…”

The word trailed off, and he sighed again, his fingers pinching at the bridge of his nose.

“Coño, estoy jodiendo esto…” Miguel mumbled, so quiet that Gabriel almost didn’t hear it. “Look, what I’m trying to say is that I care about you. I wanted you to know just in case anything happened.”

If possible, Miguel only seemed to get even more tense once the words were out there, as if it pained him to say. Gabriel watched him with some semblance of disbelief, eyes narrow and mouth slightly agape. When it became clear that was all his brother was going to say on the matter, his eyes only narrowed even further.

“¿..En serio?” he squeaked out, only to backtrack as Miguel gave him an extremely pointed look. “I mean, you’re a little late on that, aren’t you? You’ve been doing the whole S-Man thing for a while now. Are you in trouble? What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Gabri,” came the response, bit out in the same way that things always were when Miguel was lying, “I just wanted to make sure you knew. That’s all.”

“No chingues, man,” he scolded, doing his best to sound angry and only succeeding in expressing his concern. “Seriously, what’s up with you? This sounds like a goodbye.” A nervous laugh fell from him and landed flat; Miguel wouldn’t even look at him, his hands wrapped so tightly around each other that his knuckles were white. Horror settled in Gabriel’s stomach, heavy and nauseating. “...Wait. Wait, Miguel-”

“Don’t be stupid,” Miguel hissed, too little and too late. There was a sort of desperation to the way he shot to his feet, eyes still anywhere but on his brother. “I have to go.”

Gabriel was quick to follow him off of the couch, grabbing onto his brother’s wrist and not letting go even when Miguel bared his fangs at him once more. “‘Go’?” he echoed. “Where are you going?”

“Let go of me,” came the hiss.

Gabriel didn’t deign to fulfil the request. “Answer my question first.”

“What are you, my mom? I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“Then you’re not going anywhere.”

That earned a bonafide laugh, dark and bitter, from the larger of the brothers, and Miguel stepped closer, shoulders squared and talons out. His fangs flashed noticeably in the light as his lip curled back in a snarl as he finally met his brother’s eyes, their red almost seeming to have a faint glow to them. “You’re going to stop me?”

To his credit, Gabriel didn’t flinch. “I sure as shock am. I’m not just going to let you leave and kill yourself, Miguel.”

“You can’t keep me here,” he seethed.

Gabriel’s grip on his brother’s arm only tightened, his brows furrowing into something pained. “So, you don’t deny it, then?”

At that, Miguel’s face fell again – eyes wide and terrified – and his shoulders went tense once more. “I…” Then, all at once, the rage was back, and Miguel pulled against his brother’s grasp again, enough to pull Gabriel forward with the force. “I shouldn’t have to deny something that stupid. Let me the shock go, Gabriel, I’m not kidding.”

“And I don’t believe you,” Gabriel retorted, undeterred.

“I didn’t come here to be mothered.”

“Yeah, you came here to say ‘goodbye,’ and I’m not letting you,” he said, grabbing Miguel’s arm with his other hand and practically wrapping himself around his brother. “So help me, Miguel, I’ll latch onto you like a shocking koala. The only way you’re killing yourself is with me attached to your arm.”

“What is wrong with you?” Miguel tried again to push Gabriel off, to no avail. “You’ve already been beaten all to hell once today, do you seriously want to make it a second?”

The thinly veiled threat drew a scoff from the younger, who looked up at him entirely unimpressed as he tightened his hold on the other’s arm. “What, you’re gonna beat me up if I don’t let you commit suicide? So much for ‘you’re my brother! I love you!’”

“Half-brother,” came the shout, and that was enough to get Gabriel to pause.

“...¿Cómo dices?”

Caught off guard, his grip loosened just enough for Miguel to successfully push him off, giving him a much better view of the anguished expression on his brother’s face.

“Half-brother,” Miguel repeated, the words spat out like they were something foul.

For a moment, Gabriel could only reel at the admission, and, when he finally managed to force something out of his mouth, his voice came out equally as strained. “I… ¿Te cae?”

“Me cae.” Then, again, quiet, until Miguel couldn’t seem to take it anymore. “I was… I was furious about what that bastard Tyler Stone did to you, and I… I was going to kill him, Gabriel. I really was.” He almost seemed horrified with himself at the admission, his hand coming up to his face once more. “I was at his house. I was going to break in, and I was going to kill him. It was going to be so easy. No one would’ve known it was me, and I wouldn’t have regretted it. Not one bit” His own pathetic whine cut him off, and Gabriel, with his own muted horror, could clearly see the way tears had sprung to his eyes once more.

After a moment, he quietly – half afraid, but not in the way Miguel had so desperately wanted him to be mere moments before – pushed, “...but?”

“But Ma was there,” Miguel answered immediately, sounding rather out of breath for how much he was breathing. “Ma was there, and she blackmailed him into letting Kasey go.” A laugh; short, breathless. “I thought she was talking crazy, or lying out of her ass, like always, and I thought I was going to have to break in to save her, but Stone just laughed and- and kissed her.” His expression screwed up into something equal parts disgusted and mortified, but he didn’t pause, even for a moment. “They argued, and he admitted that all the bullshit that led up to me becoming this monster was nothing but a lie, and, as if that wasn’t enough, Ma says he’s my father. Casually. As if it didn’t mean anything. And Stone didn’t deny it.”

Cautiously, Gabriel laid a hand on his shoulder, so gently he wasn’t sure it would catch his brother’s attention. “Miguel, breathe-”

Fortunately, the feeling was enough to knock Miguel out of the horrific retelling, but the agony didn’t leave his eyes as his head darted to look at Gabriel as tears finally spilled over. “I can’t live knowing I’m his son, Gabriel. I can’t live knowing all of this was for nothing – just a lie.” His breathing hitched, almost stopping completely, as he mumbled breathlessly, “necesito morir. No quiero vivir. No lo puedo hacer. No puedo más. No puedo más.”

It was, admittedly, extremely frightening to watch Miguel – Gabriel’s older brother, and the one that had, somehow, always managed to keep it together for the both of them, even if he’d become an asshole to do it – unravel before him, nails digging into his own skin as if it was the only thing keeping him from dying on the spot. His chest heaved dangerously fast, and Gabriel could feel the way his body trembled just from the minimal contact he had with Miguel’s shoulder.

“Miguel,” he called, gently.

The word earned him no response, and Gabriel frowned, concern spiking in his chest like a too firm grasp on his heart, and he rushed to try again, louder this time. “Miguel.”

When that, too, didn’t work, Gabriel was well and truly terrified, and, without thinking, latched onto Miguel’s hands, wrenching them from their grip on his own skin and leaving crescent marks in their wake.

“Miguel!” he cried, loud enough to make Miguel jump, but finally earning the man’s attention. “Mirame. Necesitas respirar, ¿vale? Respira, güey. Si no lo haces, morirás, si quieras o no, y yo no quiero eso, ¿entiendes?”

“No puedo,” Miguel wheezed desperately, voice trembling almost as violently as his hands. “No puedo.”

“Cállate,” his brother immediately shushed, squeezing Miguel’s hands tightly. “Sí, puedes. Hazlo conmigo.” It was a fairly straight forward demand that didn’t need much of an explanation, but, even then, as Gabriel took as exaggerated of a deep breath as he could managed, he was more than a little relieved to see that Miguel was attempting to follow along, albeit shakily.

The first few breaths Gabriel managed to coax out of his brother were still shallow at best, falling back off into wheezes the moment he finished exhaling, but, after a few minutes, Miguel had managed to bring his breathing back into some sort of regular rhythm. His shoulders still shook, and his hands still trembled, but he was, at the very least, no longer on the verge of passing out, or so Gabriel hoped. Once he was sure that Miguel could manage to breathe without his guidance, he allowed his hands to slip off of Miguel’s, brows furrowed in concern.

“You okay?” he asked, going right back to that gentle tone of before.

It took Miguel a moment to answer, heaving a sigh as his hands wrapped around one another again. “...Yeah. Lo siento.”

“Ay, don’t start with that shocking ‘lo siento’ nonsense,” Gabriel immediately huffed. He almost sounded offended, probably because, in a way, he was. The idea that Miguel would ever need to apologise to him of all people for something like that. “That was a heavy discovery,” he reconciled. “It’s not your fault you freaked out over it. In fact, I’d say you earned that panic attack.”

The wording earned Gabriel a glare, which he took as a sign that his brother really was feeling better, and he returned the look with his own shit eating grin.

“Gee, thanks, asshole,” Miguel drawled sarcastically, making Gabriel snicker.

“Hey, I’m your brother. I’m contractually obligated to be an asshole to you in your lowest moments,” came the retort, and there was a certain sort of pride to the words that only seemed to lighten the mood for a moment.

Visibly deflating again, Miguel mumbled, “half-brother.”

Whatever playfulness that had managed to find its way back into the atmosphere was immediately iced once more, and Gabriel couldn’t help but frown, his grin chased away by the sombre mood. For a moment, the two were quiet again as Gabriel considered and Miguel wallowed, before he not-so-gently pinched his brother’s bicep, drawing an ungraceful yelp from Miguel who immediately swatted away the offending hand with a snarl.

“¿¡Qué mierda?! ¡Pendejo!” he all but shouted. “Have I not suffered enough today? What’s your problem?”

“Don’t call me your half-brother, stupid,” Gabriel said instead of answering. His tone left no room for argument. “There is nothing half about us being brothers.”

Apparently not having the impact Gabriel had hoped for, Miguel gawked openly, blinking in disbelief. “Gabri, were you listening to none of what I just told you?”

“Oh, my god, Miguel-”

“No, I’m serious,” he said. “Did none of that mean anything to you?”

“Yeah, actually!” Gabriel answered bluntly. He fixed his brother with a look that said he was the one being weird here that Miguel clearly didn’t buy. “Who the shock cares who your biological dad is?”

“I do!” he hissed, clearly not getting the message as he gestured to himself furiously.

“Well, I don’t!” Gabriel hissed right back, shoving Miguel’s shoulder and trying not to be embarrassed by the fact that Miguel hardly moved. “We grew up together, man. I beat you when you’re already down. It literally does not get more brotherly than that.” 

“Acting like you’re my brother does not make you my brother,” Miguel groaned back, and there was a beat as Gabriel just frowned up at him. 

“I don’t care who your ‘real’ dad is,” he repeated, making his position clear and impossible to miss. “He’s clearly just as much of a dick as the one we grew up with, and that means he’s close enough for me.”

And there was that suspicious glare again, as if there was no possible way that what Gabriel was saying could be true, and that meant he must be lying. It would have been hurtful if Gabriel wasn’t acutely aware of the fact that it was more a reflection of Miguel’s shit mental state than of him. Red eyes searched brown and were once again left without finding whatever they were looking for. For the second time, Miguel’s face fell, and he leaned forward to hide his frown in his hands.

“I don’t get how this doesn’t bother you,” he mumbled.

“Miguel, how do you want me to react? I’m being honest with you, and I don’t care. Please tell me what you want from me,” Gabriel practically pleaded. “Do you want me to have a panic attack, too? Disown you? Tell you that if you’re not my full brother that you’re not my brother at all?”

There was a short huff of what was either a laugh or a sob; Gabriel couldn’t tell which with Miguel’s face hidden the way it was. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “Maybe.”

“You cannot be serious,” Gabriel deadpanned.

The tone made Miguel sit back up, frown clear as day. “I said maybe-”

Immediately, his brother cut him off, “Like that makes it any better?!”

“Wha- Doesn’t it?”

“No?!”

With a groan, Miguel raised his hands in surrender, though his expression more screamed frustration than defeat if the way his lips unconsciously twisted into a snarl said anything. “Ay, coño- Alright, alright. I didn’t mean it.”

And, for a moment, Gabriel simply studied his brother’s face again. They had the same eyes – or, at least, they used to, before brown turned to red – and the same nose. They shared their mother’s rich, caramel skin tone and prominent cheekbones, and the same deep brown hair colour that almost looked red in the right lighting. Really, they were the spitting image of one another, stress induced wrinkling included, though Gabriel, admittedly, hadn’t quite earned the few grey hairs that Miguel had already managed to grow despite only being in his late twenties. Nevertheless, Gabriel couldn’t understand how Miguel didn’t see their similarities; the things that screamed beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were related; that they were brothers.

His brows furrowed as he continued to stare, and Miguel’s furrowed in turn. He glanced between his brother’s eyes and anything else uncomfortably, hands shifting in his lap.

���...What-”

“Were you really going to kill yourself?” Gabriel interrupted instead, and Miguel immediately went tense again.

“I… was thinking about it,” he finally admitted; whisper quiet as if he was afraid what would happen if someone else heard.

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed once more, the glance of suspicion now on his brother. He could only hope his look was as effective as Miguel’s was; that Miguel’s skin was crawling just a little bit under the glare. “‘Thinking’ as in ‘the thought crossed your mind?’ Or ‘thinking’ as in ‘you actually had a plan?’”

“What difference does it make?” Miguel murmured, eyes boring holes into the floor. “I’m here. I’m not dead.”

“Miggy, I don’t think you realise how much a non-answer reveals,” Gabriel stressed a bit desperately, though he quickly cut himself off as his brother shifted.

With a growl, Miguel threw his hands up in frustrated defeat, turning his glare to Gabriel once more. It looked more tired than he probably meant for it to, and there was a pang of guilt that hit Gabriel at the realisation. “Alright, fine, yes, okay? I was going to do it,” he hissed. “I fought with Dana, and I said goodbye to you. All I needed was to see Xina, and then I was done. So what?”

“So what?” Gabriel echoed in disbelief, eyes wide.

“Yeah,” he confirmed, the high of frustration still pulling the words out of him with ease. “So what?”

All of the anger seemed to dissipate as Miguel caught sight of Gabriel’s face; he looked crushed, and, honestly, he felt it, too. Tears threatened to spill over onto his cheeks, and, honestly, Gabriel had half a mind to let them just to try and knock some sense into his brother. It was a bit of a petty thought, and maybe selfish, too, but if selfishness was what would keep Miguel around for another day, then so be it. He could have thrown the Spider-Man card – told Miguel that he was the only one that could save people – but it wasn’t Spider-Man that Gabriel was trying to save.

“‘Lito, eres muy estupido,” he nearly whispered, voice strained. “Me importas. Te quiero mucho. No puedes decir ‘so what’ como si no estuviera loco si estuvieras muerto. ¿A ti eso no te importa? No quiero que mueras. Te necesito.”

Miguel shook his head, brows furrowing again, though his voice didn’t have the same bite as it did before. “Eso no es justo. No es sobre ti.”

“Pero estaría herido,” Gabriel insisted, and Miguel grit his teeth, averting his gaze once more.

“Me vale verga,” he spat, the words intentionally harsh and biting.

But Gabriel didn’t believe them. “Mentiroso,” he shot back without hesitation. “If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have bothered to say goodbye.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I shouldn’t have,” Miguel snapped.

Again, there was a brief moment that Gabriel really wanted to be hurt, but he’d seen enough textbook cases of Miguel lashing out because he was frustrated with himself that he didn’t believe for a second that his brother meant what he was saying. He could be upset later, when his brother’s life wasn’t on the line. They could have that conversation once they finished having the more important one.

“But you did,” he insisted once more. “No es neta que te vale verga.”

“God, you’re so shocking full of it,” Miguel bit back, face flushed a furious red that almost matched his eyes.

“Yeah, if ‘it’ is knowledge,” Gabriel huffed.

Talons flipped in and out of hiding in a frustrated rhythm that, admittedly, made Gabriel a bit nervous as Miguel continued his furious rant. “Por el amor de Dios, why the shock did I have to end up related to you? You’re the worst brother anyone could ever get the misfortune of being stuck with.”

And, really, this time Gabriel couldn’t even want to be offended because how could he do anything but grin at that? “Yeah,” he agreed, “brother.”

Anger was driven away once more – and, really when had Miguel ever been able to stay mad at Gabriel – replaced by some sort of actual defeat, and he sighed as he placed his head in his hands again, correcting himself. “Half-brother.”

“Brother,” Gabriel insisted.

As if he was too exhausted to even feign anger for the fourth time in quick succession, Miguel simply allowed a half-hearted scowl to peek out from his hands. There was a hurt behind his eyes that he didn’t seem willing to acknowledge, but Gabriel knew him plenty well enough to see it clear as day.

“What is it with you?” Miguel feebly sputtered. “I’m not worth it.”

With his own sigh, Gabriel carefully leaned against Miguel’s shoulder, peering down at him with an equally as tired look and allowing his own hurt to shine through, too. Thankfully, Miguel didn’t move to try and push him away. “Shouldn’t I be the one who gets to decide if you’re worth my effort?”

“Maybe you don’t know what’s good for you,” came the weak retort.

“Oh, yeah, bold words from you,” Gabriel shot back; a much better counter, he felt.

Apparently, Miguel felt the same, grumbling out a frustrated and almost inaudible, “touche.” He allowed his hand to slip back over his face and hide the way his eyes shut wearily. “Can I leave now?” he tried, though he certainly already knew the answer.

Nevertheless, Gabriel humoured him with a snicker, leaning even harder onto his brother as if to weigh him down. “After all this? Fat shocking chance.”

“You know I’m stronger than you, right?” Miguel hummed. “That I’ve got superhuman strength?”

Unfettered, Gabriel wrapped an arm around Miguel’s with an exaggerated yawn. “Yeah, yeah, and you’re gonna, what, beat me up?”

Miguel sat up, knocking Gabriel’s head off of his shoulder but not managing to get his brother to let go completely, much to his chagrin and, even moreso, to Gabriel’s delight. Miguel fixed him with the same suspicious look as before, though there was a certain lightheartedness to it that hadn’t been there before, something else that added to the intensity of Gabriel’s shit eating grin. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

“Maybe I will beat you up,” he threatened, but Gabriel was a brave man when it came to empty threats.

“You wouldn’t.”

At the very least, his unhesitant bluntness seemed to catch Miguel a bit off guard, his eyes widening for a moment before his face dropped back into a scowl. “Do you really wanna risk that?”

Again, Gabriel just yawned, being so daring as to release Miguel’s arm only to lay entirely across his lap. His eyes were half-lidded, as if he were mere moments away from falling asleep, and he made a show of settling into his position before meeting his brother’s eyes. “As a matter of fact, I think I do.”

An indignant choked sound was pulled from Miguel’s throat, though he didn’t move to stand up, which would have easily solved his problem and given Gabriel a few to deal with himself. The man crossed his arms over his chest, scowl deepening as he gave his brother the most overtly annoyed look he could possibly manage, complete with flared nostrils and a twitching vein in his forehead. Despite how many times Gabriel had drawn that exact look from the other, it still never managed to get old.

“I’m not feeling very beat up,” he teased. “Or, at least not any more than I already was.”

“Some half-brother you are,” Miguel mumbled, but he still didn’t move.

“Brother,” Gabriel corrected, allowing his eyes to slip shut.

And, a moment later, “brother,” Miguel agreed.

[notetaeker]

March 25, 2024 - Sunday  | Ramadan Challenge 15/30

Day 15: islamic lecture series / podcast / book recommendations:

Lecture series: 1, Moments of the Qur'an (Miftaah Institute) - A month-long discussion every Ramadan about each Juz. I love it because the imam and mufti are actual brothers lol and they banter in a way only siblings can. Also It's very very reflective and makes you think of things in ways you haven't before. All the brothers are also great models of brotherhood and treating parents properly. I learn a lot from them. 2. Seerah of the Prophet by Yasir Qadhi - The best thing about this is that he brings out every single opinion that exists from the scholars. You really get to know the prophet as a person as opposed to just learning a bunch of events like you might do from a book. Honestly this series changed my life and gave me such a connection with the prophet. Before this, I had always wondered how ppl felt such personal love toward him. Honestly I also love it because it's like storytime lol I love hearing stories

Book: 3. In the Early Hours (By Khurram Murad) - This book is great honestly. It's not dense like many informational islamic literature tends to be. It wastes no time and speaks directly to you and unveils the truth of life and how to succeed to you lol. This is one of my fave quotes:

"Indeed the one who is unsure of his destiny in life, torn between this world and the next, like one standing with his feet in two separate boats, will be thrown off balance."

It's a great book for people who have decided to begin a journey to improve themselves Islamically. Usually those types of books are full of boring basics but this book is full of so many profound quotable things I def recommend it 10/10.

[merlinmagicitself]

Listening to the song "Amigo" by Ataque 77 on the radio on Friendship's Day (July 20th in my country - the same day that I, not-so-coincidentally, started this blog, since I love the way bbc Merlin portrays the value of friendship, brotherhood and loyalty). It immediately made me think of the show. I think it captures the essence of the characters so well.

Now I really want to make a video edit with it haha! If, by any chance, someone happens to make one, please share the link, I would love to watch it!

Here are the lyrics translated into English:

You are my soul brother, truly a friend,

who is always with me on every path without needing a reason why.

Although you are a man, you still have the soul of a child.

The one who gives me his friendship, respect, and affection.

I remember we went through very tough times together,

and you did not change however strong the winds were.

Your heart is a house with open doors.

You are truly the most reliable in uncertain times.

In certain difficult moments in life,

we look for someone to help us find a way out.

And the words of strength and faith you have given me,

give me the certainty that you were always by my side.

You are my soul friend on every journey.

A smile and a festive hug on every arrival.

You speak such great truths with open phrases.

You are truly the most reliable in uncertain times.

I don't even need to say all this,

but it's good to feel

that you are my great friend.

[bigfan-fanfic]

Storytime (Male!Reader x Paladin Danse)

Requested by @iliumheightnights for  Fic requests you say!? I got you friend! How about Paladin Danse cuddling with his boyfriend/husband who tells him about life before the war and what it was like?

A lot of being married to Danse involves, pun intended, general deprogramming.

Most of what Danse remembers is filled with Brotherhood of Steel propaganda and he needs those ideas broken.

With your settlements allowing ghouls and synths and not tolerating prejudices, Danse needs to work out his own trauma and fears.

And something helpful to him has been hearing of your stories.

Your life, so far in the past, before the world collapsed in nuclear fire, is something that can bring him something he realizes he's never really had before.

Truth.

There's an opportunity here for him to ask someone who was actually there for it, and dispel his brainwashing.

Because in ways, it was good. In more ways, it was bad. But it's different than what Danse has heard.

You tell him about your life before the war. Military service, having a son. You think about sanitizing it but then you know that's not what he needs.

You tell him about the prejudices in the war paranoia. The way people were exploited, the way costs would fluctuate, how Vault-Tec played on fears.

Danse does give the big questions at the start - how did the tech work back in the day, did it really affect people like the Brotherhood said?

And you're honest. In part, yes, but really, it was just people. Technology and information can help fuel the conflict, but really it's people who do this - the Brotherhood taking it away just blinds them from the knowledge that they're becoming the same.

Eventually he starts just asking about daily life. About you shopping for Shaun's crib and nursery. About your hopes for him.

He imagines white picket fences and crisp lawns. Bright paint and smiling neighbors, but that's not what intrigues him. Facade and metal is all well and good, but he likes the most hearing about your human experiences. Something that just shows that human or synth, old or new, all of us are the same.

You play with his hair, letting him rest his head in your lap, and you speak. His eyes always close, but you know he's listening. You barely register your own words, a story about just going to a school dance, but the smile that creeps across his face is just so beautiful.

Sure, things are different. Traditions and society that have changes so much over centuries, but there's that core of common experience that remains in it.

And soon, the positions reverse. Danse holds you, and when he thinks you've fallen asleep, he speaks.

Tells you of his thoughts. Of scenarios of meeting before the war's end, thoughts of meeting in the Brotherhood. A thousand different scenarios, little snippets of lives you could have lived in other universes, but always, he kisses your temple and whispers that he wouldn't change a thing.

That of all the innumerable possibilities, he's grateful that in this universe, he was able to meet you.

And that's how he knows he's real. Everything can be simulated, manufactured. But the love he feels for you? Nothing could imitate that.

Danse loves you. Not because you make him feel human, but because with you, he doesn't have to be anything other than himself.

[yanderes-galore]

Would you be able to do a Yandere General Tullius? He's from Skyrim. Just a general concept is fine, like the usual Romantic/Platonic. Thanks! (I love your work sm btw)

Sure! Takes place after Civil War quest on Imperial side (I did this quest, which is funny as I did Dark Brotherhood before it so... oops!) Thank you for loving my work :D

You are both a Legate and Dragonborn.

Yandere! General Tullius Concept

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Slight abuse in power, Dubious feelings, Brief blackmail mention, Brief Imprisonment mention, Dubious yet forced companionship/relationship.

His obsession would not fully have time to solidify until after the death of Ulfric.

Tullius knows you as the Dragonborn.

He is aware of you living through Alduin's first attack, he knows you saved the day by then defeating the beast during the temporary truce...

It's not like he doesn't know about you by the time you enter Castle Dour.

He wasn't expecting the Dragonborn to join him in this fight, he even expected you to stay neutral.

Yet your help is greatly appreciated.

Honestly, he should've known the moment you joined the Stormcloaks had no chance.

You have grown in power since the start, he even heard from Rikke that you commanded a dragon to attack a fort.

You're strong, capable, it's at this point he does show some interest.

As forts fall you rise in rank.

It's an honor to him to give you new ranks as you prove yourself.

Soon, by the end, you become a Legate.

You help the general raid Windhelm to take down the traitor Jarl.

The moment Ulfric was struck down after refusing surrender, Tullius was able to breathe properly.

Ever since then... you've been a loyal Legate to him in Solitude.

You really are just a natural born hero.

It's at this point that the general begins to display interest in you.

Be it just as a loyal Legate by his side... or something more akin to romance.

Tullius is rather accepting of people regardless of race.

Even when he isn't able to study every culture due to moving around often for the Emperor, he still tries to be respectful.

Tullius is a brave and caring leader who is loyal to the Emperor.

As a result I imagine he'd want loyalty from you as his Legate.

After the dragon issue and the war... Tullius is able to know you more.

You two no doubt share a hate for the Thalmor which comes up in discussion at times in private.

Tullius would try to be understanding of you, he cares for you as one of his Legates after all.

You'll notice his obsession is subtle.

He's tactical as a general.

It's things like calling you in for private jobs or keeping you as the castle more often.

You're one of his strongest soldiers due to your shouts and affinity with dragons... which is why it's odd when he insists you stay with him instead of going with Rikke.

He claims he just wants someone to talk to, that the missions don't need someone as strong as you right now.

You can't just use dragons every mission, right?

Tullius insists you relax with him and talk about Imperial matters.

If you really want to talk culture he can try to listen.

Truth is he just likes your presence.

He feels he's lucky to be on such good terms with a hero such as you.

Many around Skyrim applaud your victory.

Perhaps even Tamriel.

At first he allows you on some missions to keep you occupied, yet he'd rather speak with you in the castle.

He appreciates help in planning and paperwork.

Tullius wants to keep you beside him for two reasons.

It shows power, everyone (or most) respects you and him as Imperial heroes.

He also has an attachment to you and your company now, regardless of the reason.

I'd imagine with him there would be an unhealthy power dynamic.

You are a rank under him, which means he can order you around and you can't really disagree.

He's respectful and tries not to force anything.

Yet he'll order you for company in private.

I guess if he felt romantically he could nudge you to bring him comfort physically, but it seems like something he tries not to do.

He's too respectful of you.

If he did wish to show affection, implying he leans into more intimate feelings, then he starts small.

A hand rubbing your back or over your shoulder while planning.

A compliment here or there along with some praising.

Soon he'd try to move from there, slowly manipulating you into feeling the same for your general.

He'd be a subtle yandere trying to manipulate you into listening to his every order.

Although... if you refuse his company... he could frame you enough to jail you.

He isn't all that forceful.

He also isn't the biggest one for crime since he's Imperial... unnecessary murder isn't something he'd do.

That would serve as blackmail to listen to him, plus it would keep you under his command.

Although, I think for the most part Tullius would treat you with respect and patiently plan out his obsession.

He's incredibly caring with you.

If he's learned anything as a general, patience is a required skill...

With enough planning and patience... you can win wars... and get what you want.

[highwaytothedangerzone502]

Foxtrot Alpha Alpha - Chapter 27

Pairing: Hangman x Female OC

Word Count: 2074

Warnings: Talk of death, angst

Summary: Hangman learned his lesson a long time ago to never show his true feelings when someone's words or actions hurt him. To do so showed weakness that could be exploited, and Seresin men couldn't show weakness. Of course, there was an exception to every rule, and Jake's always came in the form of women, three in particular: his mom, Juliette Kazansky, and the girl whose name he could no longer bring himself to speak. She was the girl that got away; she was his biggest 'what if' and his biggest regret; she would forever be the ghost that haunted his dreams. Jake believed that's where she'd stay, for he would surely never see her again after what he did.

Or so he thought.

Notes: This is the sequel to India Lima Yankee; I'm using the same callsign for the Female OC as in Ghost Story because I just really like it, but they are different characters; chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Also sorry for the delay in posting this (again). I just got settled into my new place, so trying to get back into the swing of updated. Also happy belated birthday to Juliette and Ghost, who both share my bday :)

Chapter Songs: Stay Blindedsided

****

Ghost and Hangman left Texas the day after the funeral. It turned out to be a rough day for both of them because, after the ceremony, Jake had left the Blackwoods to grieve at their patriarch's headstone in private- despite knowing they would've been perfectly fine with his presence- and strolled through the cemetery until he came to a stop in front of a familiar marble stone inlaid into the soft grass. His body had reacted on its own accord as it slowly collapsed to the ground onto his knees. Hangman's eyes had stared at the engraving on the stone: Natalie Seresin.

He had talked to her, apologized for getting her killed, for cutting her beautiful life short. He told her of the fiasco he'd made of his life: how he'd pushed everyone he ever loved away, how he'd fucked things up with Ghost, how terrified he was to screw it up again, if the fallout would destroy him like it tried to last time. It'd come so close to succeeding before…

Hangman had told her of Michael Seresin's health issues and how Nick was on the lam; how he and Matt were rekindling their brotherhood and trying to be a family for once in their lives; how adorable her granddaughter Sophie was and what an asshole Jake had been to hold off meeting her for so long because of his anger at his father and brothers.

Ghost had found Hangman. She had silently knelt beside him, taken his hand in hers, and waited for him to speak the first word. He didn't remember what he said, but they ended up in his truck mindlessly driving on back roads for hours, sometimes chatting, sometimes not, but those silences never felt awkward, and only when they returned to North Island did Hangman's fear of losing her rear its ugly head again, telling him he didn't deserve her, let alone a second chance.

It was those thoughts that consumed him while he and Ghost sat on his couch with alcohol in hand. She had dreaded spending the night alone tonight, and Hangman was more than happy to oblige her request to stay with him for a bit. They were in the middle of watching the 2005 Pride and Prejudice, which she and Juliette adored. It'd even surpassed Ghost's love of The Notebook, and honestly, Hangman could kind of see why. It certainly had a happier ending!

"Okay, Mr. Darcy-" he began, pointing at the TV with his whiskey glass and nearly sloshing the liquid out- "or Noah Calhoun?"

Ghost groaned in despair. "Why would you do this to me?"

"Because I love you." The truth slipped out so casually, but Ghost would never suspect he meant it as anything more than platonic. She had never figured it out after all these years, and Hangman was content with the situation because it let him get his feelings off his chest without any risk of getting his heart well and truly broken by her inevitable rejection.

"That kind of question makes me think you hate me. If I had to choose…" Ghost bit her lip and then took a sip of her Bailey's and whiskey. "Darcy. I'm such a sucker for the brooding type."

"Is that why you fell for Rooster?" Hangman teased, bumping her knee playfully with his.

She glowered at him, but the hint of a smile tugging on her lips took the venom out of it. "We were both in shit emotional states, and he looked a lot better brooding than I did."

Hangman's face fell into one of disagreement. "I hold an informed opinion when I say you look better brooding. This may have to do with me having to watch Bradshaw pine for Juliette from the moment he saw her when we arrived for the training. Don't get me wrong; I get it with their history, but still, annoying to deal with on a daily basis. Especially because those lovesick puppy eyes were involved."

Ghost raised an eyebrow at him. "You staring at Rooster's face a lot?"

"I had to gauge my competition, both for the training detachment and romantically. Bradshaw wears his heart on his sleeve, and you can see whatever he's feeling. From the first night we arrived, he had his eyes set on her. I had history to contend with, and I figured out pretty quickly winning her heart was a lost clause."

"You really liked Juliette, didn't you?" The question came out more of a statement, and Hangman winced at the sound of it. "I knew you had a flirtationship, but I never realized you had genuine feelings for her."

Hangman shrugged to give an air of indifference. "It is what it is. My family isn't exactly lucky in love, except for Matt."

"I've seen the way girls look at you. You could have any girl you want. What gives?"

None of them are you. "Haven't found one I clicked with in a long time," he replied, eyes trained on the amber liquid in his glass before knocking the rest back. "You want more to drink?"

Ghost nodded and followed him to the bar, where he poured their glasses fuller than he should've. He probably didn't need more, considering the strong buzz he currently felt, so Ghost had to be buzzing as well, although if she was, she didn't show it outside of talking more animatedly. She'd always been able to hide her drunkenness well. Sometimes too well.

"Who was the girl you clicked with?" Ghost prodded. "Was it back at the Academy?"

"Yeah, but she didn't feel the same. We shared one drunken kiss, and that was it. I was actually doing it to save her from some creep." Jake bit his tongue, realizing he might've said too much. Ghost would figure out he spoke of her if he said anymore. He had to move past it. "It is what it is. Besides, I'm happily married to my job."

Ghost leaned against the bar on her forearms. "Did I know her?"

"Yeah, you knew her." Hangman hoped his short response would end that topic of conversation.

Ghost had other ideas. "Who was she?"

"I don't see the point in saying it since it's in the past, and telling you now won't change anything about it."

"Well-" Ghost began matter-of-factly- "she missed out, but I think you got it wrong about her not returning the feelings. All the girls at the Academy had a crush on you at some point. Hell, I'm pretty sure a few of the instructors did."

Hangman searched her eyes, and a certain amount of anxiety crept into his heart. She knows. She knows I'm talking about her. But why isn't she saying that aloud? Is Ghost trying to save me from the embarrassment? Or maybe... is she trying to save herself from it? 

Hangman decided to play the game. "All the girls," he echoed, straightening and stepping closer to her. "Does that include yourself?"

Ghost stood but still leaned against the counter. He saw her breathing hitch a little, giving him his answer. "Like I said. All girls had a crush on you at some point."

He took another step toward her, so close now that one deep breath from either of them would cause their chests to touch. "And now?"

Do not start anything! This is a bad idea. Abort mission. Abort! Abort! Abort! The warning bells clanged loudly in his head, but seeing Ghost's eyes drop to his mouth wiped those thoughts from his head in one fell swoop. 

"Jake-"

His name rolling off her tongue broke him. Hangman leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, soft, restrained, and questioning, giving her the opportunity to pull away in case he'd horribly misread the signs. In case he'd overstepped any boundaries.

Ghost hands found their way to his face, gentle but firm. Hangman's willpower caved at the green light she'd granted him, his arms wrapping around her torso to pull her close to him, her soft curves flush against his solid abdomen. He couldn't get enough. Couldn't get enough of the taste of his whiskey on her lips, the smell of her Jo Malone perfume enveloping him, the softness of her hair as one of his hands tangled up in it. 

"Stop." Ghost's quiet voice dragged Hangman out of his euphoria. He leaned back to look at her, wondering what happened, what he had done wrong.

"What is it?" he asked, carefully brushing a stray piece of hair from her face.

Ghost disentangled herself from his arms, leaving him feeling cold and empty. She backed away while shaking her head. "I can't- I can't do this."

"I'm sorry. I- what did I do? Did I misread-" Hangman started reaching out for her but immediately stopped when she stepped back.

"It's not y- I can't do this. We just..."

"What is it?" Hangman inquired, dreading where this was going.

The pained expression on her face only deepened. She opened her mouth but closed it just as fast, searching for the words she wanted. "Why? Why did you leave me?"

He blinked, processing her question, fearing the route he knew they were heading. "What are you talking about?"

"After the accident, when I was clinging to life in sick bay, when I had just lost my best friend, where were you?" Ghost demanded, taking a challenging step toward him, fury temporarily wiping away her sadness. "I died and came back, I waited for you, I asked Coyote where you were, begged God for you to come see me, and you were nowhere to be found. For fuck's sake, even Cyclone and Warlock visited me despite the shit they were dealing with in the aftermath of the accident to see how I was holding up. Phoenix, who I barely knew at the time, came to check on me. Coyote was at my bedside every day and tried to cheer me up even though he was reeling from the loss of his girlfriend, and you-" Ghost's breath hitched- "you were nowhere to be seen. Why?"

Hangman gulped, desperately trying to gain control of his mind and block out the horrific memories and thoughts that plagued him from that time. In a strained voice, he replied, "I thought you didn't want to see me. I thought- I thought you blamed me for the accident."

"Blamed you? Jake, I know Javy told you I wanted to see you. I even asked fucking Cyclone and Warlock to send you, but nothing! Why would I ask for you if I hated you? Why would I defend you in the trial for the accident if I blamed you for it? And I know you avoided me before the trial, how you always managed to disappear before I could reach you from across the room. So, I'm not buying it. There's something else that stopped you. What was it?"

"I- I can't-" Hangman found himself at a loss for words; the images of what he'd seen, of what it reminded him of, rendered him speechless, incapable of defending himself against the barrage of valid fury and hurt Ghost hurled at him. God, he wanted to tell her, to tell her everything, but he couldn't. Hangman couldn't bring himself even to the edge of that long, dark hole of endless despair he'd spiraled into after Ghoul's death. If Hangman did, he was terrified he wouldn't be able to pull himself out again.

"I have never needed anyone in my life," Ghost said, her voice cracking. Tears brimmed her eyes, threatening to cascade down her flushed cheeks. Barely able to get the words out, she whispered hoarsely, "But I needed you then, Jake. When I needed you most, you left me alone. Why?"

I loved you. That's why I couldn't be there. The words lodged in his throat, paralyzing fear taking control of his body.

Ghost scoffed in disgust. "Even after all this time, you still can't tell me. I should've known. Goodbye, Jake."

She turned on her heel, grabbed her purse, and exited his apartment, leaving Hangman rooted to the spot and realizing that goodbye had been final. She'd given him a second chance, and he'd blown it. She handed him the perfect opportunity to explain himself, and like the coward he was, he clammed up. 

The black hole of despair he'd escaped for years finally won as he tumbled back into it.

****

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