#really need a tag for them now ugh
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Ren about False: I cannot think of a more worthy winner
HELLO. HELLO. HELLO. THIS IS GOING IN MY UNHINGED FALSEREN MOMENTS POLL wait
#hermitcraft grand prix#really need a tag for them now ugh#btw i actually have like a mildly hysterical falseren moments poll in the drafts but i couldn’t be arsed finding clips so it’s been there#in my drafts for half a year#pogsupremacy#using the old tag… which is too long
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mtt therapy moment except dust keeps taking breaks to talk to phantom papyrus and horror just wants this to hurry up so it can get to his turn because he couldn't give two shits about dust and killer's trauma and killer physically cannot discuss his issues and just starts zoning out while crying for some reason during it
and i'm the therapist listening to all of this writing down notes fervently because ITS CANON MATERIAL CANON I NEED TO GET THE CANON MATERIAL
#i have to break apart like 34 potential fights with my otherdimensional godly creator powers#i would be an ass therapist i will not lie. infact i would make them worse with my knowledge of their lives. never put me in a room w them#OH MY GOD I JUST REVISTED THIS IDEA AFTER LEAVING IT TO COLLECT DUST (hehehe) IN MY DRAFYS FOR A MONTH#ANS TJIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY HELP 😭😭😭😭😭 HELP😭😭😭😭😭😭#still real tho highkey i havent changed 1 bit. ITS CANON OMG WRITE THSY DOWN WHAY WERE THE EXACT REACTIONS#ive got these guys wearing microphones i got cameras in the room i got advanced psychologists watching to explain every detail#is it a therapy session or just a badly disguised interview#nooo nooo its therapy......DONT LEAVS!!!! (activates the chains (that coincidentally all are connected to eachother) (heheheheh))#now youCANT leave😈😈😈😈😈 not until im done asking my questions ASSHOLES. dont question the handcuffs that keep you guys together please#actually id probably get like nothing out of them because theyre all repressed and defensive and whatever. BUT im simply more determined so#tricule rant#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#fandom event if the mtt ever became real. we're all lining up to the facility to ask one question#world's hardest challenge: if you could ask the murder time trio one thing what would it be#FUCK idk...... id simply hav too many questions!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!#triglycercule do your homework SHUT UO RESPONSIBLE VOICE IN MY HEAD!!!! I WONT!!!!! NOT UNTIL THIS IS DONE#fall headcanons for the trio when. i'll think of them once i'm done with homework#see a reward system! now i have a thought that i dont wanna say in tags this will be going to the side blog#anyways! i think that's enough drafts undrafted and posted i REALLY need to do my homework#i dont even have that much it's literally 2 assignments but i know damn well doing 1 of them is gonna bring me to dream and nightmare's age#sigh......... i hate school bring me back to summer break i wasSO productive. SMH
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hey guys am i allowed to say on main that i dont like metadad . am i gonna get beaten up for saying this.
guys i think we all took the term found family too literally and now everythings flattened into a boring nuclear family. guys can we stop. hello . is anybody there
#text#it was kinda charming at first but it feels like everytime i try to look at the mk tag its always the same shit . guys. guys.#we can do so much more w/ their dynamics than just dad and son ugh its so . ughhh.#every since i realized i was like . really really aroace. ive started to grow a bit of a distaste for shipping culture#this is relavant i swear. iwanna talk about metadede#like ok in fandoms right. theres often#the enforcement of specific roles onto characters for a simplified understanding of them for memes and drawing ideas#we want gay rep but we dont quite have it canonically so we make our queer headcanons seem more legit#by giving a char a same sex partner. ok easy we did it. gay people are real now#and we get awesome art and its wonderful bc people are wonderful#but its like . the relationships themselves feel flat a lot of the times.#metadede never seems to be about dedede. its about mk having a boyfriend. bc we need him to date someone.#and im not like . mad at anyone about this. i participated in it back in the day. but like.#ok so. gay hcs are the most popular in most fandom things bc its easy; hot; and sweet#but things like aro or ace hcs? its just. they. how can you depict that in a single framed drawing of a char?so theres none at all.#its not even that i actively hc chars aroace its jsut this is my world view; how i default to reading chars#maybe this rant in the tags is unrelated after all.#but idk. ive got lots of thoughts about things.#anyways as ceo of meta knigth im right about everything#i can talk more about metadad stuff specifically if people want
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I just remembered the time I was a summer camp counselor and I tried to read the first Harry Potter book aloud to my campers, and I had to skip over so many fatphobic lines
Because why would I just expose these perfectly nice kids to a bunch of mean comments, played off as comedy, that they would use as ammunition against other kids and themselves? It's just plain cruel. Joanne was incredibly fucking weird for that
#cl thoughts#and Many other things#should I even tag the series?#i hate giving it any air especially online#harry potter#I can't believe I read those things as a kid I think it genuinely made me a more cruel person#harry potter critical#anti jkr#anti jk rowling#i kinda hate using the crit tags bc I know the ppl that need to hear it most will have them blocked but oh well#i have a lot of nostalgia for the series but it's really gross in retrospect#the racism antisemitism misogyny fatphobia transphobia queerphobia in general - the list just goes on#like why'd she have to be so weird with it she could've been normal#hell i reread the series multiple times a year from 5th grade to 9th grade#ugh#like i don't want to say these awful lines then hear the kids repeat them at camp for the rest of the week#obv those books weren't the only source of fatphobia - it was rampant back then and still bad now#but I distinctly remember this book being what introduced me to a lot of specific awful ideas around weight :(
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the bs going on in my life is so horrendously terrible im going to (remembers suicide jokes just serve to help make me more suicidal) kill the authoritarial figures that i once truly knew and loved and trusted that i can no longer offer my true love and trust to due to the harm that they have dealt to me and those that surround us, ultimately allowing those that have been affected by their prejudice and oppression to be free even at the cost of willingly trapping myself in a death timer.
#i couldnt remember how the original joke went word-for-word so heres a shitty paraphrasing of it#ultrakill#yeah this is about gabriel#mel/tav/fugo/marcy rambles#suicide tw#long tags#vent#its also (in a joking way) about how shit my life is atm#i might be physically seperated from my mother but she still demands i stay in contact with her and i just. i cant do that#i hate her. i really hate her.#and i feel like if im going to really get anywhere in life i need to drop out of college and get *Away* from her#because she's too much of a controlling force in my life and she refuses completely to relinquish any of that control#so that i might have any of my own independence#i feel like i need to do something drastic and sudden if i want to live the way ive been longing to for so long now.#which. in my case. id be moving in with one of my online friends across the country#taking as much as i can with me and heading over#ik that might sound bad but ive known them since i was literately 12 and they were like 15 when i met them and i dont trust anyone else#as much as i trust them#and they could wait for me but i Can Not Fucking Wait. i need to get out of here#im sick of waiting for year upon year to get out of this hellhole and get away from my parents#only for me to be unable to really do that.#i just need to break the connection in its entirety.#god. ugh. sisyphus and mirage and gabriel ultrakill please grant me the strength to do this.
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god i really want to sign up for a bad things happen bingo card and just like. write the messed up whump and h/c that my freaky (derogatory) little heart really wants lmaoooo, i haven't written h/c for the sake of h/c (aka without, like, turning it into a Fic) in so so so long, but also i have enough on my plate with ye olde trying to build a consistent writing habit with my mcspirk bingo card - which is more about writing stories for me lmao, and not just, like, me leaning over my keyboard in a dimly lit room rubbing my grubby little hands together as i hurt someone (leonard mccoy) and then let the people who love them kiss their forehead and comfort them.
but oh i was looking at the list of the prompts, and i was like, yeah, yeah i do actually want to let my h/c freak flag fly lmaoooooo
i know it's not a good idea because i do not want to let myself get overwhelmed and/or in over my head! but also. also. also. i still have le ongoing problem of wanting to turn everything into a capital-f Fic instead of just dashing off nonsense, like i'll dash off nonsense all day here lmaoooo, but when it comes to a story i want to??? this sounds so pretentious. i always want to write something??? Good???? i don't mean good writing or whateve,r i mean like a??? meaningful story??? (ugh so pretentious) (and to be clear i'm NOT saying i'm succeeding - only attempting!!!)
and the siren call of writing 1k about a cardboard cutout bad guy that has a knife to mccoy's throat while mccoy backtalks and kirk tries to bargain and mccoy is trying to hide the fact that he's already been stabbed in the side and spock has to carry him back once kirk shoots the bad guy??? listen. listen.
but also i do know myself and would i be Content with dashing off 1k nonsense or would i. still. the meaning. would i still the meaning. that's the question. the meaning. would i still.
am i looking at my neighbor's yard like wow that grass looks so green and takes no upkeep (probably), do i still want mccoy with a knife at his throat and jim's desperate eyes and steady voice and spock's steady eyes and the imperceptible tremble in his hands as he picks mccoy up from where he fell (absolutely)
i mean i could just get a card! it doesn't mean i have to write anything! (that's the devil speaking)
(the devil looks so hot tho)
(the devil's got them baby blues)
#this isn't even really about me writing this is me TRANSPARENTLY hoping someone will say ''just get a card'' lmaooo i am. being SO obvious.#i'll still put it in the tag#stretching that writing muscle tag#i do genuinely know it's a bad idea to be clear#and i honestly do not know if i could shake the mindset that i need to write? like? stories with meaning?#(i'm not saying i DO to be clear!!!! i just mean that feels like what i have to ATTEMPT is all (ugh so pretentious!!!!))#this is actually a bad idea isn't it. okay i think i talked myself out of it. (for now)#this is just me tryin to avoid what i'm supposed to be working on right now isn't it!!!!#i've connected the two dots / you didn't connect shit / i've connected them#(i give myself two weeks max before those baby blues make me a sinner lmaoooo)
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ok bad pic but here’s what i got done. got about ~14 “acceptable” vines plus words out of ~23 prints so better than half but not by much 😪 did some 8x10s too but didn’t look too close at those. i had TWO vines on this fancy confetti washi & those both came out ok thank god. did some plain with just text & then since i had the red out & wanted to print something that actually looked nice remembered i had this cute cute heart stamp i wanted to experiment with printing like a block (cause like why not) that i took from work & printed up a batch of those. i’m gonna carve something to put in the middle of them but not sure yet. so i printed about one million prints today but really mixed bag on success rate
#i’m eating a salad now 👍#ive also GOT to buy a good baren bc all of mine suck shit & my favorite tea canister lid is completely fucked (not flat anymore)#the tea canister lid is the only one i like but since it’s not flat i really need to find a real tool to replace it#if anyone has any reccs please drop them below#i have such a headache and i’m in pain from standing over my desk lol. i need to like. idk. stand better#photo record#art tag#chatpost#the words are hard to read but i decided i liked what that added to the message so whatev#maybe some day in the far future i’ll do these in a different color way#i need to buy more paper soon too i’m down to my second to last pack#ugh i’m tired. i hate when a print day goes bad it’s so.. sad. lol
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is it gay to be so overwhelmed with emotions by thinking about someone you care about so much you almost want to pick up writing again
#- but also it’s night time and you can’t fall asleep even though you need to get up early#and you’re just stuck imagining the lines you want written down#so your only options are to do it now while they’re still there#or not and then forget all of them in the morning and cry#hi i’m the gay one help i haven’t been in this state in a while#i’m just in that state again somehow i guess#probably because i never got a chance to tell this person how something so small for them meant a world to me in that moment#i hope i’ll be able to tell you all that myself in a more direction way but i love you so much you mean the world to me#okay i don’t actually want to scare you off by saying that but knowing what my mind is imagining for this you’d think that yourself anyway#i should probably stop taking now it’s way too late and i’m being tooooo emotionally vulnerable rn#hi guys sleepy night time frab here i’m the (other) emotion + vulnerable one#don’t you love to see it#i wonder if anyone is still down here reading these tags#hi if you are! send aaaa hmmm send a little ‘£; e’ if you read to this point#also why r u still reading? weirdoooo /jk love you#but really don’t be down here too long i’m sorta bleeding all my feelings out right now#because i’m so bad at expressing myself directly and as soon as i want to#ugh i’ll leave now i’m lonely and talking to myself too much again#night night everpony#frabrant#wonder if i’ll write more again… ok i’m LEVAING now gah
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Everyone tells me to just stay the same (but it's not like that)
Word count: 1640
Summary: Hinata finally decides to tell Rinne about his past at Yumenosaki. CW for Setsubun mentions, identity issues, and mentions of abuse
Read on AO3
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Hinata isn’t entirely sure what compels him to send a message to the leader of Crazy:B. Rinne Amagi had a habit of doting on him and treating him like another younger brother, which he knew Yuta wasn’t a big fan of. Yuta would often call Rinne a bad influence on Hinata, but Rinne was also one of the only people who treated him like a normal kid.
It was kind of addicting in a way. It wasn’t just Rinne who had treated him like that either. The rest of Crazy:B had taken him in as one of their juniors (despite the fact that Kohaku was younger than Hinata) and Alkaloid, or at least Hiiro, had taken a liking to him as well. He treasured those nights that he spent with Niki and Hiiro playing video games and snacking on homemade sweets late into the night.
Maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising that the first person he texted was Rinne on the anniversary of Setsubun. It had only been a year and yet it felt so much longer than that. He was grateful that the year since then had been filled with smiles and warmth, much more than years previous had been. The Amagi brothers were partially responsible for that change in his life.
Rinne responded quickly and asked if he’s alright since he doesn’t normally send cryptic messages like this in the middle of the day. He said he’ll be there in 15 minutes after debriefing with his unit.
Hinata didn’t bother replying to that, instead opting to just tell Rinne everything when he gets to the rooftop garden with him. He needed to figure out exactly what he wanted to tell Rinne anyway. It’s not in the older man’s nature to judge people based on things they can’t control, and he would understand a lot of Hinata’s own problems…probably. Rinne also wasn’t fond of showing weakness in front of other people.
Hinata sat at the edge of the garden, towards the back. Being so high up reminded him of that day, but this was almost cathartic in a way. He was in a better place now, with people who didn’t know about that incident at all and cared for him as his own person. As much as he knew Yuta didn’t like the nickname Rinne gave him, it was a comfort for Hinata.
Hina, such a simple nickname and yet it was a breath of fresh air, a new start, and here he was about to change everything. He just hoped that Rinne wouldn’t change how he talked with Hinata afterwards.
Hinata was dangling his feet over the edge, looking down at the bustling street below when Rinne finally sat beside him.
“What’s up, Hina? Somethin’ on your mind?” Rinne’s voice was gentle today, soft and even. Such a strange contrast to the Rinne most people knew.
“Mmm, you could say that,” he replied, not looking at the older man. “Rinne, have you ever felt like…people don’t see you for you?”
Rinne chuckled. “Every damn day Hina. Even back home…” he trailed off. Hinata knew not to push that topic.
The two of them were like peas in a pod in that sense.
Hinata laughed too. “Yeah, I knew you’d get it.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Rinne waiting patiently for Hinata to keep going and Hinata searching for the words to say. But just having someone else there helped keep him from spiraling too much.
“I just…feel like people wouldn’t miss me if I was gone, because they see me and Yuta-kun as the same person. It hurts a lot but I don’t know what to do about it because…I feel the same way. Like Yuta-kun and I are one person in two, but that’s not true anymore. I try to keep telling myself that we’re different but it’s hard to change how you think when it’s all you’ve ever known.
Yuta-kun has so many friends and is always laughing and smiling with them and I want to be like that too, but after ah…”
“After what, Hina?”
“After Setsubun fes, people started treating me like I would break at any moment. I’m not grandma’s fine china or anything that will break if you handle it too roughly! But everyone at Yumenosaki can’t seem to get past that video.”
Hinata still couldn’t look at Rinne, but he knew Rinne was confused. He hadn’t known about Setsubun at all. Of course he hadn’t, he didn’t go to school with them and was much too old to have been there at the same time as Hinata even if he had. It’s why he was drawn to him in the first place, along with his roommates, Niki and Hiiro.
“Ah, sorry. You don’t have any idea what I’m talking about, do you?”
“Not a clue.”
“Long story short, I had a mental breakdown on the roof of the school last year and…it was filmed and everyone at the school saw it. It’s not like I had much of a choice in the distribution either, so everyone was just watching me like I wasn’t a real person.”
Rinne moved a hand to Hinata’s back and began rubbing gentle circles between his shoulder blades. There were damp spots on Hinata’s cheeks. He rubbed his eyes with his hands balled up in fists. Why did his lowest moment have to be broadcast to everyone he knew? Why was it made to seem like a spectacle for people to watch and not do anything to help? Even after his monologue to his brother making it clear that he didn’t want to be treated like the same person anymore and not knowing how to distinguish himself without just moving into the background, nobody offered him help.
He was drowning in the unknown and it took the creation of ES and Crazy:B for him to find a lighthouse to guide him to somewhere safe. Even when Crazy:B was against the entire world, hated by everyone, Rinne and the other members never once hurt 2wink. After their collaboration at the nightclub Rinne had taken a liking to Hinata. He was there for him to lean on when he wasn’t sure about the direction of his unit or how to be a big brother or a good senior to the new first years or just how to navigate life.
At some point, Rinne had pulled Hinata into a side hug and just let him cry into his side. Hinata leaned into the touch and allowed himself to let it all out.
Rinne’s hugs were always warm.
It took several minutes of crying before Hinata ran out of tears. His sobs turned to sniffles and he pulled his legs to his chest.
“You didn’t deserve any of that, Hina.” Rinne’s voice was serious, but not cold. It was a warm honey-sweetened tea on a rainy day.
Another stretch of silence. Hinata’s head was spinning and numb and full of cotton.
“But…I know how it feels. When I was younger, I had to keep my emotions in check, especially in front of other people. Any sign of weakness was always punished by my father. ‘A good leader doesn’t cry’ he would tell me.
When my mom died, I was…eight or nine. I couldn’t cry at her funeral and when we returned home I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’ll spare you the details but he punished me severely. I never wanted Hiiro-kun to see me like that again and I made myself stop feeling. It felt like I was just there to be the next leader of the village, never allowed to be myself.
What I’m tryin’ to say here is that I get it. I know how it feels for people to try and put you in a box that doesn’t fit, and how they treat you when you finally break. It’s okay to be frustrated and angry that it happened, but you can’t let it consume you. Show the world that Hinata Aoi is his own person, that you aren’t just that video and that you’re here to stay.”
Hinata sniffled and leaned more into Rinne’s touch.
“Thanks, Rinne-senpai. It means a lot, heh. I guess we all have our own burdens to carry.”
“Yeah. Life is about learning to carry them and not let them drag you down. If it gets too heavy, I’ll be there to pick you back up and carry it for you.”
“You don’t have to go that far, Rinne-senpai. How will I learn to carry my burdens if you take them for yourself? Wouldn’t that just make it heavier on you?”
“I’ll take on everyone’s burdens if it means they get to smile just for one moment. I’ll fight fate itself if that’s what it takes.”
“I’m not sure why, but I believe that you would find a way to do that, even though most people would say it’s impossible.”
“Thanks for believing in me, Hina.”
Hinata laughed, Rinne lightened the mood just enough that he felt like everything was at peace for the moment. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes would be puffy and red when he returned to the dorm, but at least he’d be smiling.
Even if the world was against them, Hinata could count on Rinne at least being in their corner no matter what. Rinne was a lighthouse to people like Hinata, a steady light in the rocky ocean saying that someone is there, watching out for you.
Despite the front that he put up and how he had a bad habit of pushing people away, Rinne was always there when it mattered.
Hinata fell asleep curled up on the rooftop as Rinne hummed a gentle melody from his hometown. And everything was right with the world.
#shay writes#enstars#ensemble stars#hinata aoi#rinne amagi#aoi hinata#amagi rinne#dont tag as ship#i think about them too much. have you seen my meta post on main? have you?#this is based on that. ugh theyre so.#i read setsubun a month ago and then reread night club and i was like. oh this make so much sense#why hinata feels kinda distant from the other characters sometimes#the kid just wants to be normal but he really cant after setsubun huh.#and then you get these new guys who know nothing. and well. second chance.#also i felt like rinne was too direct but also i considered that like. 1) hinata doesnt need stupid riddles and games right now and 2)#rinne was very straight forward with hiiro in the main story so i think he can be up front about this stuff when he knows the situation#calls for it. so i think this is fine. its good. big bro rinne means so much to me do u understand#also he gives the warmest hugs. not necessarily the gentlest or anything but theyre very warm. to me#anywayyyyyyyyyy tag ramble over im waiting for an email from my loan provider#biting and maiming i need to pay my student loans please please please#okay im doneeeeeeee im done i'll cross post this to ao3 in a bit
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dust should have one of those mini zen gardens with all the sand and the little rake you use to make patterns but instead of sand its monster dust. specifically dust of people he doesnt like. how calming and tranquil this is as he puts a mini bridge and rocks and tiny tree into the garden filled with what's basically the human equivalent of blood!
#sand pit would also be funny. anything sand related can immediately be twisted#i WAS gonna say killer for this hc instead of dust but like....... idk#i just wanted dust to be a bit silly anyways. its his namesake he should get to play with it#it could also be a guilt thing. or self reflection. dust's time to mourn and judge himself. zen gardens ARE for inner reflection after all.#its like making a baby sensory experience with red paint except the paint is actually blood#horror is in disbelief and disgust once he figures out that shit is monster dust#how quaint! how sweet! how morbid#this is dust's version of an urn#urn sales in the utmv must be proportionally higher than here in our world#my favorite genre of utmv world building is figuring out what dust related products would be more highly valued#urns. dusters. vaccums. lint rollers (could that pick up dust?). what else#papyrus is like that pointing monkey with the rocks for the garden#yes yes brother place that rock right there.... and then the tree goes to the left. and now use the rake#its so silly so funny! the dust could be the dust of a previous killer and horror dust killed#he mustve REALLY not liked them. but also liked them enough to keep their dust. or maybe this is his way of taunting them after death? idk#mtt in a constant cycle of killing eachother/themselves/dying some other way and then replacing the dead with another version#anyways if all the mtt die i think someone (me) should mix their dust together#theyll never be apart now :333 forever trapped together and unable to distinguish what is themself and what is the other 2 :33 so kyute :3#today im gonna get my friend to watch underverse praying that she gets into utmv#i already showed her ink and she likes ink. i need her to like the rest of them. specifically a certain murderous trio#is this a rant of hc???? UGH!!!! i really need to figure out my own head. hc because its short#tricule hc#dust sans#should i tag the rest of the trio. i mention horrorkiller in tags.......... sure! it wouldn't hurt#i say as the bullet shoots through my skull and scrambles my brain#killer sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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RE the deleted bits in 108.37... I mean, Hickey is out there getting flack for graverobbing, meanwhile our guys Tozer & Armitage aren't even waiting until the fucker's dead. Tozer especially. Your own boots that bad, hon?
#the terror amc#solomon tozer#thomas armitage#i can see why they cut it#it is a bit funny#but also ugh tozer failing AGAIN at things#but also also tozer is SMART really smart he's sensible because good boot are essential#my post#i'm gonna cry now though#so pathetic and desperate the whole lot of them#i'm having so many armitozer thoughts i'm gonna explode#I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THEM PLEASE????#terror meta#well not really it's mostly in the tags
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slogging back through my downloads folder for a TTRPG that's probably the best single-player one i've ever found, because i'm fiddling with my own system that builds on a lot of concepts for mechanics that came from that one, and i want very much to give credit and rec it if i ever like. post about it anywhere. but i don't remember what it's called so downloads folder archaeology it is
#whosebaby talks#whosebaby makes things#whosebaby makes games#TTRPG tag#cannot overstate this is pretty much the only single-player ttrpg i've ever found that wasn't super frustrating#for a number of reasons; a major one being how many of them are the guided-writing version of 'now draw the rest of the fucking owl'#it's the perfect combination of room-for-elaboration and being meaningfully guided by the mechanics#i could go on because UGH it's SO GOOD#i really need to sit down and play it through properly at some point#i just wanted to mess around with a system that uses some of those core concepts while being built for different interpretation-prompts#but yeah i'm gonna find it and put it up here because it deserves to get some love
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.
#ugh#Prague is soooooooo far away#I need to see them again NOW#it's honestly starting to get disturbing how desperate I feel#I've lost my mind#which is why this is just a tag post#it really shouldn't be shared with the world#but I also feel like I'm going to explode and I need to scream
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Ugh I’m experiencing sad girl hours but I don’t have anyone to talk to about it which contributes to the sad girl hours
#I should’ve been asleep by now#basically I feel like I’m disappointing everyone and no matter what I do I choose wrong and I worked so hard to get here but somehow#still fucked it up#and maybe this is just growing pains#but I thought I was doing the right thing for me but what if I’m makigg my a huge mistake?#on the off chance anyone is reading these tags I just moved 2000 miles away to go to grad school#and it’s a good program it’s exactly what I want to study but no one expected me/wanted me to move so far away from home#and no one had heard of this school before#so everyone has to justify my choices instead of just being proud of them#ugh and it doesn’t matter what my family thinks#but it matters to me#I really need to go to sleep#personal
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#THIRD TAG RANT OF THE DAY#this time with Feelings#I am so soft for this boy I really am#but my life is such a mess right now#(and he knows that and he’s very reassuring and he’s told me a thousand times he isn’t going anywhere)#but I just! ugh#I just dropped out of grad school yesterday and I have no idea what I want to do with my career#and it feels like I’m just grabbing a thousand red flags and stuffing them in my bra these days#I just don’t know how to say ‘yeah I’m a mess right now but I promise I won’t always be this much of a mess’#especially when my track record with that Isn’t Great!#it’s fine I’m fine I’m doing all the things I need to do and I’m prioritizing my well-being and my mental and physical health#I just can’t help but feel like I am the worst investment anyone could ever make#ANYWAYS#ugh the one night I decided NOT to get high and THIS is what I get hit with#and ofc I cannot sleep so! time to spiral ♥️#my stuff#sorry for being a disaster today folks
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very fun watching the menu after making myself microwaved white castle cheeseburgers. the even poorer sadder mans cheeseburger... really immersive. tiny smally cheap cheeseburgers, a combination of both worlds...
#not really LOL#both cheap and minimalist food.. is what im saying#walked away from the movie with a furrowed brow unsure how i felt about it#the menu#norm.allie#idk if i should tag this as spoilers#i thought they were gonna be hunted for sport one by one#and im also surprised there was no cannibalism#ok now ill tag it as#the menu spoilers#white castle frozen cheeseburgers are actually pretty good#kinda gross and very sad but i like them#remind me of childhood LOL#i have lots of thoughts about this movie tho...#it haunted my dreams last night..#smores........................#also side note im sure the burger was really good but ugh too much meat and grease#it needs produce.. lettuce tomato pickles#to help offset that heaviness#the way the onions were made were *chefs kiss* tho
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