#also i felt like rinne was too direct but also i considered that like. 1) hinata doesnt need stupid riddles and games right now and 2)

[mirrortouchedsea]

Everyone tells me to just stay the same (but it's not like that)

Word count: 1640

Summary: Hinata finally decides to tell Rinne about his past at Yumenosaki. CW for Setsubun mentions, identity issues, and mentions of abuse

Read on AO3

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Hinata isn’t entirely sure what compels him to send a message to the leader of Crazy:B. Rinne Amagi had a habit of doting on him and treating him like another younger brother, which he knew Yuta wasn’t a big fan of. Yuta would often call Rinne a bad influence on Hinata, but Rinne was also one of the only people who treated him like a normal kid. 

It was kind of addicting in a way. It wasn’t just Rinne who had treated him like that either. The rest of Crazy:B had taken him in as one of their juniors (despite the fact that Kohaku was younger than Hinata) and Alkaloid, or at least Hiiro, had taken a liking to him as well. He treasured those nights that he spent with Niki and Hiiro playing video games and snacking on homemade sweets late into the night. 

Maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising that the first person he texted was Rinne on the anniversary of Setsubun. It had only been a year and yet it felt so much longer than that. He was grateful that the year since then had been filled with smiles and warmth, much more than years previous had been. The Amagi brothers were partially responsible for that change in his life. 

Rinne responded quickly and asked if he’s alright since he doesn’t normally send cryptic messages like this in the middle of the day. He said he’ll be there in 15 minutes after debriefing with his unit. 

Hinata didn’t bother replying to that, instead opting to just tell Rinne everything when he gets to the rooftop garden with him. He needed to figure out exactly what he wanted to tell Rinne anyway. It’s not in the older man’s nature to judge people based on things they can’t control, and he would understand a lot of Hinata’s own problems…probably. Rinne also wasn’t fond of showing weakness in front of other people. 

Hinata sat at the edge of the garden, towards the back. Being so high up reminded him of that day, but this was almost cathartic in a way. He was in a better place now, with people who didn’t know about that incident at all and cared for him as his own person. As much as he knew Yuta didn’t like the nickname Rinne gave him, it was a comfort for Hinata. 

Hina, such a simple nickname and yet it was a breath of fresh air, a new start, and here he was about to change everything. He just hoped that Rinne wouldn’t change how he talked with Hinata afterwards. 

Hinata was dangling his feet over the edge, looking down at the bustling street below when Rinne finally sat beside him. 

“What’s up, Hina? Somethin’ on your mind?” Rinne’s voice was gentle today, soft and even. Such a strange contrast to the Rinne most people knew. 

“Mmm, you could say that,” he replied, not looking at the older man. “Rinne, have you ever felt like…people don’t see you for you?” 

Rinne chuckled. “Every damn day Hina. Even back home…” he trailed off. Hinata knew not to push that topic. 

The two of them were like peas in a pod in that sense. 

Hinata laughed too. “Yeah, I knew you’d get it.” 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Rinne waiting patiently for Hinata to keep going and Hinata searching for the words to say. But just having someone else there helped keep him from spiraling too much. 

“I just…feel like people wouldn’t miss me if I was gone, because they see me and Yuta-kun as the same person. It hurts a lot but I don’t know what to do about it because…I feel the same way. Like Yuta-kun and I are one person in two, but that’s not true anymore. I try to keep telling myself that we’re different but it’s hard to change how you think when it’s all you’ve ever known.  

Yuta-kun has so many friends and is always laughing and smiling with them and I want to be like that too, but after ah…” 

“After what, Hina?” 

“After Setsubun fes, people started treating me like I would break at any moment. I’m not grandma’s fine china or anything that will break if you handle it too roughly! But everyone at Yumenosaki can’t seem to get past that video.” 

Hinata still couldn’t look at Rinne, but he knew Rinne was confused. He hadn’t known about Setsubun at all. Of course he hadn’t, he didn’t go to school with them and was much too old to have been there at the same time as Hinata even if he had. It’s why he was drawn to him in the first place, along with his roommates, Niki and Hiiro. 

“Ah, sorry. You don’t have any idea what I’m talking about, do you?” 

“Not a clue.” 

“Long story short, I had a mental breakdown on the roof of the school last year and…it was filmed and everyone at the school saw it. It’s not like I had much of a choice in the distribution either, so everyone was just watching me like I wasn’t a real person.” 

Rinne moved a hand to Hinata’s back and began rubbing gentle circles between his shoulder blades. There were damp spots on Hinata’s cheeks. He rubbed his eyes with his hands balled up in fists. Why did his lowest moment have to be broadcast to everyone he knew? Why was it made to seem like a spectacle for people to watch and not do anything to help? Even after his monologue to his brother making it clear that he didn’t want to be treated like the same person anymore and not knowing how to distinguish himself without just moving into the background, nobody offered him help. 

He was drowning in the unknown and it took the creation of ES and Crazy:B for him to find a lighthouse to guide him to somewhere safe. Even when Crazy:B was against the entire world, hated by everyone, Rinne and the other members never once hurt 2wink. After their collaboration at the nightclub Rinne had taken a liking to Hinata. He was there for him to lean on when he wasn’t sure about the direction of his unit or how to be a big brother or a good senior to the new first years or just how to navigate life. 

At some point, Rinne had pulled Hinata into a side hug and just let him cry into his side. Hinata leaned into the touch and allowed himself to let it all out. 

Rinne’s hugs were always warm. 

It took several minutes of crying before Hinata ran out of tears. His sobs turned to sniffles and he pulled his legs to his chest. 

“You didn’t deserve any of that, Hina.” Rinne’s voice was serious, but not cold. It was a warm honey-sweetened tea on a rainy day. 

Another stretch of silence. Hinata’s head was spinning and numb and full of cotton. 

“But…I know how it feels. When I was younger, I had to keep my emotions in check, especially in front of other people. Any sign of weakness was always punished by my father. ‘A good leader doesn’t cry’ he would tell me. 

When my mom died, I was…eight or nine. I couldn’t cry at her funeral and when we returned home I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’ll spare you the details but he punished me severely. I never wanted Hiiro-kun to see me like that again and I made myself stop feeling. It felt like I was just there to be the next leader of the village, never allowed to be myself. 

What I’m tryin’ to say here is that I get it. I know how it feels for people to try and put you in a box that doesn’t fit, and how they treat you when you finally break. It’s okay to be frustrated and angry that it happened, but you can’t let it consume you. Show the world that Hinata Aoi is his own person, that you aren’t just that video and that you’re here to stay.” 

Hinata sniffled and leaned more into Rinne’s touch. 

“Thanks, Rinne-senpai. It means a lot, heh. I guess we all have our own burdens to carry.” 

“Yeah. Life is about learning to carry them and not let them drag you down. If it gets too heavy, I’ll be there to pick you back up and carry it for you.” 

“You don’t have to go that far, Rinne-senpai. How will I learn to carry my burdens if you take them for yourself? Wouldn’t that just make it heavier on you?” 

“I’ll take on everyone’s burdens if it means they get to smile just for one moment. I’ll fight fate itself if that’s what it takes.” 

“I’m not sure why, but I believe that you would find a way to do that, even though most people would say it’s impossible.” 

“Thanks for believing in me, Hina.” 

Hinata laughed, Rinne lightened the mood just enough that he felt like everything was at peace for the moment. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes would be puffy and red when he returned to the dorm, but at least he’d be smiling. 

Even if the world was against them, Hinata could count on Rinne at least being in their corner no matter what. Rinne was a lighthouse to people like Hinata, a steady light in the rocky ocean saying that someone is there, watching out for you. 

Despite the front that he put up and how he had a bad habit of pushing people away, Rinne was always there when it mattered. 

Hinata fell asleep curled up on the rooftop as Rinne hummed a gentle melody from his hometown. And everything was right with the world. 

[patricksilvrrozartistry]

Current Music Obsessions: January 16 - 31, 2017

I got a pretty long list for these two weeks. I came across A LOT of songs and purged my watch later playlist sooooo yeah lol.

Here are the honorable mentions.

The Silent Wedding - A Dream of Choises feat. Tom Englund (Evergrey) Cinq Element - Destiny öOoOoOoOoOo - Bark City (A Glimpse Of Something) Shoot the Girl First - God's Gift (Your Violence) Vetrar Draugurinn - Bleak Earth (demo) Mechina - The Synesthesia Signal Melrose - Hurricane Marcela Bovio - Stars Dark Lunacy - Howl Crystal Gates - Wild Sons of the Earth Terra Tenebrosa - Where Shadows Have Teeth The CNK - Dinner is Ready Hollower - Awakened Seven Kingdoms - Stargazer Class Actress - Bienvenue Hark - Disintegrate Diabulus in Musica - River of Loss She Must Burn - Eclipse Solarus - Shattered Skies On Letting Go - Soul Searching Space Unicorn on Fire - Broken Lose End of Aeon - Endless Agony

So let’s get into the main list now, shall we?!

1) Narwhal Tusk - Making Monsters

I discovered this band a while back through Unknown Power Metal YT and have been quite interested in them since. They’re a female fronted symphonic metal band (so different for me, I know) and I really like their sound so far. This song has more of a power metal feel to it than the last song I heard of theirs (Holding You Deep Inside). Really looking forward to what else these guys bring.

2) The Rinn - I Will Wake 

This is one of those songs you come across expecting one thing, but get something completely different. I originally thought I was going to be listening to some cinematic/emotive/theatrical orchestral stuff like Two Steps From Hell, Globus or Paulo J. Mendes, but no! This is a symphonic power metal band! The cover art threw me right the fuck off! It’s a really great track and I can’t wait to hear more from them, because so far, I’m loving what I’m hearing.

3) Stoneman - Mord ist Kunst 

This song was a random discovery for me. I just saw it in the recommended videos and decided to give it a listen and I really enjoyed it. It’s really hard to find bands the fuse industrial metal and have a good symphonic element that actually sounds good, and this song is just that! It’s also hard (for me that is) to find industrial metal bands from Germany that don’t sound as if they’re trying to be/sound like Rammstein or Oomph!, so it’s a breath of fresh air finding rather different.

4) Lord of the Lost - Liberty in Death feat. Nina Jiers (Neopera) 

I came across this song originally about a year ago, but thanks to my Facebook memories, I was able to rekindle my love for this song. I’m not that much of a fan of LotL, but this song is pretty epic. Once again, it’s an industrial metal band that has a really good symphonic element (or at least to this song) that is done right; and the fact that Nina has more than a line or a verse is really nice. Also, if you guys haven’t done so already, go listen to her band Neopera. Such an EPIC symphonic, gothic metal band that features a tenor on lead vocals! Think of them like a blend between Epica and Therion. HIGHLY recommend them!

5) Jetta - I’d Love to Change the World 

I came across this song while watching the Sense8 Christmas special earlier in January. The version they had in the show was a remix, but I wound up not liking it too much. But this version, the original, is BEYOND amazing! So beautiful and slightly dramatic. Yes. So much yes.

6) Starkill - Piece of Paradise 

Starkill is a symphonic, melodic death metal band with hints of power metal that have started creeping their way into my list of favorites. This song is definitely one of several standouts on the Shadow Sleep album, and it just might be my favorite off it. It’s so beautiful, lovely and slightly catchy. Parker and Sarah’s voices blend so beautifully together on this song. So good. So good.

7) Earthside - A Dream in Static feat. Daniel Topkins (Tesseract) 

I came across this song through Facebook one day. I can’t remember if it was a sponsored ad that popped up because it saw that I liked Tesseract or if Tesseract shared it on their Facebook page. I can’t remember, but I decided to give it a listen and it’s a wonderful song. Beautiful melodies and instrumentals. Such a lovely song to chill out to.

8) Obscure Sphinx - Memories of Falling Down 

This is one of the standout tracks for me on Epitaphs. It’s the true embodiment of post metal: ambient and aggressive/heavy. This song has creeped its way into one of my favorites by them (up in the ranks of Waiting on the Bodies Down the River Floating and Nastiez). It’s great to chill to and starts out very soft and ambient, but then explodes into an aggressive track halfway through and just when you get close to vegging out. If you haven’t done so, check out Epitaphs. It’s not as great as Void Mother in my opinion, but it’s still a great listen.

9) Shattered Skies - The End and the Rebirth 

This is another song that I discovered a while back and rekindled my love for. I was browsing through the Prog playlist I put together for myself a while back and came across this song and fell back in love with it. It’s very proggy, almost dkenty even. It’s a great song to jam out and just really great. And if I’m not mistaken, they just dropped a new song with their new singer. I can’t remember how I felt about it, but just know that they got something new out lol.

10) Divitius - Serpent Skin 

This band is quickly proving to be one of the best bands to come out in a long time. They’re a female fronted djent/progressive metal band from Portland and I am LOVING everything that they are releasing so far. Their music is just so epic, bombastic, but still can get really atmospheric (just listen to Lucid if you want something VERY atmospheric). This song is so epic and powerful and dramatic. I can’t wait to see what else these guys bring, because so far, they are making me lose my shit!

11) Transpherics - Tempus Edax Rerum 

This was a song that I came across on Facebook randomly one day and decided to give it a listen and holy tits is this epic. It’s intense progressive metal, but it’s just cleans. I LOVE it when bands do songs like this. They get so very intense and dramatic without getting very intense and dramatic with vocals and/or instrumentals. Can’t wait to hear more from these guys.

12) Malacoda - The Wild Hunt

Ritualis Aeterna was an EPIC EP (it did make my top 10 favorite EP’s of 2016 after all), but this song definitely takes the cake for being my favorite off it. If you like dark symphonic, power metal bands like Kamelot, you will LOVE these guys. Like it has the perfect blend of darkness, aggression and symphonic, power metal and it’s wonderful. DEFINITELY give these guys a listen!

13) Rave the Reqviem - Azalea

I’ve been a fan of these guys for a few years now, but The Gospel of Nil was the first full length album of theirs I listened to all the way through. It’s really impressive album with intense riffs, a kinda strong symphonic element and all while still being an industrial metal band. From the other songs I’ve heard of theirs that they previously released, this album definitely turned up the metal, and this song is pure proof of that! It’s so epic and intense and not at all what I was expecting from them and I LOVE it! This song is definitely my favorite off the album.

14) Teodasia - Two Worlds Apart feat. Chiara Tricarico (Temperance) and Fabio Polo (on violin) 

Metamorphosis is Teodasia’s first full length album featuring their new lead singer Giacomo (whom is also now Rhapsody of Fire’s new front man) and it’s a pretty solid album. But this song is definitely the stand out track on the album. It’s the ballad and is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. The chorus is everything. It’s so beautiful and elegant and I just can’t handle the beauty. Giacomo and Chiara’s voices blend so beautifully together. And the low notes Giacomo hits. Gurl. Yes. LISTEN TO THIS AND LOVE IT.

15) The Hardkiss - Closer 

This song was just an honorable mention in last month’s video for CMO, but this time a round it’s a full blown obsession. About two weeks into January, this song got stuck in my head and wouldn’t leave for about a week. It’s so good. I mean, The Hardkiss are one of my favorites. I’m also am really liking the slightly more heavy direction these guys are going in. It is a bit odd, considering that they are progressive pop band, but it’s giving them so much more dimension and I am loving it.

16) Temperance - Fragments of Life 

This song right here. Such a wonderful track off the new album. It’s so beautiful! They did really well with the new album, so many great tracks, but this one definitely stands out to me, and I’m not even sure why. It’s not the most eye catching song of theirs, but it’s the execution of it. Somehow they made a rather simple song into such a beautifully epic track.

17) Diabulus in Musica - Marble Embrace 

I about died while listening to Dirge for the Archons. Such an epic album! They definitely outdid The Wanderer (my favorite album of theirs) and turned it the fuck out! So many epic tracks, but this one definitely got stuck in my head the most, which is what makes it an obsession. There’s something about this song that is just so addictive. Such a great song. It’s not my favorite off the album, but it’s definitely an epic one.

18) Diabulus in Musica - St. Michael’s Nightmare (live) 

This version of St. Michael’s Nightmare is a bonus track on Dirge for the Archons and is beyond better than the original (which was already beyond epic). I’m not sure where this performance happened and if they had a live orchestra and choir, but those bits sound beyond spectacular. This version needs to be listened to on blast and with headphones in. Just let the choirs and orchestrations engulf your soul and send you into another dimension. So much yes. HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS!

19) Army of Lovers - Crucified 

I originally discovered this song several years ago through Atargatis’ cover it. They did a REALLY great job with it and made it into this symphonic power metal masterpiece. But the day that I found out that the original was done by this group, I had to give it a listen and see where it all started. Gurl. This shit is EPIC! I LOVE the campiness of the music video and the lip syncing. It’s just, UGGGHHHHHH, so good! Definitely listen to this!

20) Visionatica - Imprinting Lies 

I’ve known of this band for a little while now and found them back when She Wolf was just a simple single and didn’t have a music video. Then when they released Certainty of Benevolence, I knew I had to listen to their debut album Force of Luna. This song right here is probably my second favorite off the album (right behind Certainty of Benevolence). It’s so epic and beautiful and exactly what you want to hear from a symphonic, power metal band on their debut release to get you into them.

21) Omnimar - Out of My Life 

I came across this song in the recommended videos one day and fell in love. I’m not entirely sure if I should label this as industrial or dark electronic music, but what I can say is that it is amazing. There’s something about this simple song that is just beyond beyond. The video for it is also really great. Just give this a listen and watch the video too, you’ll love it.

22) Noveria - Acceptance 

Noveria is a progressive power metal band that I came across a few years ago, and when I saw they were releasing a new album in 2016, I needed to listen to it. This song is definitely one of my favorites off Forsaken. It’s so great and powerful.

23) Aphyxion - Nature of Mankind 

Aphyxion are a melodic death metal band that I came across in the recommended videos one day. At first, I really wasn’t too interested in listening to their new album, Aftermath, but after hearing and seeing the music video for Same Kind of Different, I had to give it a listen! This song is one of my favorites off Aftermath and it’s all because of the bridge. The breakdown with those synths just SLAYS me! Such an epic song and band.

24) Psyborg Corp. - Synthesize

I’ve been a huge fan of these guys since they made their debut a few years ago (The Mechanical Renaissance is one of my favorite EBM albums), so you can understand my shock when I came to find out that they released a synthwave track. I’m not complaining at all, I LOVE synthwave and retrowave, it just threw me off is all since these guys have been releasing harsh EBM for six years and then out of nowhere they drop a synthwave track. It’s the same Psyborg Corp. vocals with some epic synthwave instrumentals happening and is a wonderful song to chill out to.

25) Pryapisme - A la Zheuleuleu 

I have a feeling this band is going to become a new favorite of mine or that their new album is going to be a favorite of 2017. I came across these guys one day when their record label, Apathia Records, dropped some of their new tracks. This song is completely instrumental and is fantastic. It’s almost as if nintendocore (yes, it’s a real thing) and avant-garde metal came together and had this bizarre, seizure inducing arcade music baby and I love it!

26) The Autist - Age of Leviathan feat. Chiara Tricarico (Temperance) 

This band has quickly become a new favorite of mine. With each single they’ve released for their upcoming album, The Coldest Sun, I become more and more hyped for it! This song is nothing simple, but a complete ball buster when it comes to progressive, symphonic metal. Like holy tits, this song is beyond epic. I’m beyond excited to hear this new album, because everything I’ve heard so far is so good. AND they’re going to be releasing a new music video soon featuring Polina Psycheya and Alina Lesnik and I can’t fucking wait!

That’s it for these past two weeks! I know that was A LOT, but like I said, I purged my watch later playlist and got through a lot of shit. Now I just need to purge my list again and also listen to the last albums on my list of 2016 releases. So be prepared for long lists in again in February. I hope you guys enjoy all these songs as much as I did!