#really it's mostly about jemma and her trauma

[shineyma]

fallout

So I wrote a thing and it’s....fitzsimmons. Which is obviously not my normal thing but the aftermath of tonight’s ep was begging to be written, and so....*shrug*

Warning: serious angst ahead. Also SP0ILERS for 4x20: Farewell, Cruel World!

The day is saved.

Aida and Ivanov are dead, the team (save Mace) is alive—even Mack changed his mind and fled the Framework at the last minute—and Fitz has been returned to his right mind. Talbot has taken control of the cleanup, leaving the rest of them to lick their wounds. The moment of reunion is at hand.

The day is saved. Fitz remembers her.

Surely, then, Jemma should be running to him. She should throw her arms around him, hug him close, tell him she loves him and that he must never leave her again. There should be joyful weeping and apologies on both sides.

But there aren’t.

Fitz stands frozen in the doorway, silhouetted by the light in the hall. Jemma is on the ground, arrested in the process of rebandaging her thigh.

Neither one of them makes a move towards the other. The silence draws out.

“You—” Fitz starts, only to immediately stop. She can’t quite make him out, not with such harsh backlighting, but she knows him well enough to visualize the way his throat must be working silently, the furrow to his brow as he searches for words. “You’re hurt? But the gunshot, it shouldn’t have—”

“Oh!” Her voice is too loud in the quiet of the closet; Fitz jumps. “No, no, this is—I was, um. Stabbed. Before going into the Framework.”

She winces even as she speaks. Besides too loud, her voice is also far too bright for such a stammering mess of a sentence. It’s certain to arouse Fitz’s suspicions.

Sure enough…

“By whom?” he asks at once.

Oh, dear. How can she answer that? She can’t lie—or, she can, actually (she’s much better at it these days), but it won’t last. Too many people—Daisy, Piper, Davis, Prince, Elena—know the truth. It’s certain to come out.

And part of her—an awful, horrible, unspeakable part of her—wants it to. She doesn’t know why. It will only hurt him to know, but still, the words are in her throat, waiting to be shared. Waiting to wound him as surely as his LMD double’s knife wounded her.

In the end, all she says is, “An LMD.”

It’s true. But it’s a kind truth.

For a long moment, Fitz is quiet. At a loss for words herself, Jemma returns to bandaging her thigh. It could be worse—certainly spending ten days lying on a table instead of walking on this wound did her some good—but it also could be better. Her abrupt awakening, to say nothing of their scrambling as they fought to survive the myriad threats they’ve faced since, caused some new damage.

“It was me, wasn’t it,” Fitz says. It isn’t a question.

“No,” Jemma says firmly. “It was an LMD.”

“An LMD with my brain, my personality, my—”

“It wasn’t you!” she snaps over him. “You didn’t stab me.”

(Or tie her up or hit her with a bucket or kiss her forehead or talk about marriage or strangle her—)

“But I shot you,” he whispers, and it feels as though all the air gets sucked out of the room at once. “I made you get on your knees and—and held a gun to your head and said—”

“It wasn’t your fault,” she interrupts. Has to interrupt, because if he says it again… “Ai—you were brainwashed. Programmed.” She swallows down the lump in her throat, fighting against tears. “And I killed your father.”

“He wasn’t real,” Fitz says, but his voice is weak.

He’s still in the doorway. Jemma is still on the floor.

They should be hugging, shouldn’t they? Isn’t that precisely what she dreamed of in the Framework? Ten horrible days of misery and despair, and she pushed through on spite and hope, waiting for the moment she could hold him again, could know that he was alive and hers and Fitz, not the monster Aida made of Leopold.

But she can’t move.

Perhaps it’s because she’s on the floor—though not on her knees—and in pain. It’s too reminiscent of the Framework. It was so horribly lifelike. The warm barrel of his gun against her scalp, the fury and the disdain in his voice, the burning pain where he’d shot her…

And the surety, the complete certainty, that she was about to die, and that his voice speaking hateful words would be the last thing she ever heard.

Fitz hasn’t moved either. Maybe he’s remembering the same thing she is—or maybe he’s remembering his Framework father’s last words, words of love and affirmation. Fake words from a fake man, but more than he ever got from the real thing.

The silence draws on. It’s cold in the closet, the kind of cold that reaches right to her bones.

“I’m sorry,” she says.

Fitz swallows audibly. “Me too.”

Jemma breathes in deeply, steeling herself. There’s only one path forward, and it falls to her to push them down it. Of course it does.

He never has been any good at letting go of her, no matter how insurmountable the odds.

“I think,” she says—and then stops, fighting for composure. Her tears have spilled over, and only once she swipes at her cheeks does she remember that she’s still wearing gloves stained with her own blood. She strips them off at once, ripping one in her haste. “I think we need time.”

“Yeah,” Fitz says. “Yeah, th—that’s probably for the best.”

The stutter tears at her heart.

“Yes,” she says, softly. “It’s for the best.”

Fitz nods. He taps his fist against the doorframe by way of goodbye, and then he’s gone.

And Jemma is alone in a storage closet with her medkit and her tears and his voice in her head, a strange overlap of You mean nothing to me and So we can get married, grow old together.

[buckyseddie]

traps and angry confessions

pairings — grant ward x fem!coulson!daughter!reader, featuring, bff!skye x bff!fem!coulson!daughter!reader, and bff!jemma simmons x bff!fem!coulson!daughter!reader

summary — in which, she’s avoiding her feelings and ward all together and their friends take the two agents’ fate into their own hands and decide to trap them in coulson’s office, forcing them to face their unresolved issues.

word count — 6.1k.

warnings — flashbacks, soft!ward, use of pet-names [princess], HELLA angst, fluff, mentions of both reader’s and ward’s separate traumas and past, first meeting in italics and so is the team talking about her behavior, both reader and ward get very heated and angry at each other near the end, SEXUAL TENSION, passionate (HEATED) kisses.

notes — hi! i’ve noticed that there aren’t a whole lot of fics for ward. so, i’ve decided to write my own (since not a lot of the ones i’ve already read/seen have really interested me). anyways, i’ve just started aos (finally! although, i’ve been wanting to start the show for awhile for fitzsimmons and skyeward.) and i just started s3 and i absolutely adore ward! i know a lot of the things he’s done and that he’s hydra (mostly, from spoilers because it’s marvel and we ALL know how obsessed i am with that universe, etc.), but i still love him (and i’m lowkey simping for him!). i truly can’t wait to see more of his character as i finish the show. anyways, i hope to make more fics about him and the same with general kirigan, since i’ve just started (and finished) shadow and bone, and i usually like to write fics for characters for ALL shows i begin and finish (if i end up liking them). also, please forgive me if i get any of the surroundings’ details wrong. after all, i just started the show! gif and divider creds to owner!

p.s., feedback is very much encouraged and appreciated <3.

main masterlist

THE MOMENT HE GIVES UP on knocking on her door and the sound of his footsteps finally fade away, [y/n] heaves in a deep sigh of relief. finally. 

after yet another one of her decisions to avoid him, ward instantly noticed the distance she had put in between the two of them and kept trying to approach her every time she walked into the same room as him. 

honestly, it was not easy avoiding him — when they’re literally colleagues and on the same team, it’s kind of hard to stop going to the places she normally would.

and it truly hurt him when it had crossed his mind that she may have decided that she doesn’t want to be around him. i mean, we all know that — as much as he tries to hide it and act all tough — he’s really just a big old teddy bear with so many sensitive emotions that he tries to hide.

and it didn’t just hurt him to come to this realization; when [y/n] had first realized she was failing to keep her feelings hidden and in check, it broke her to even think about ignoring him.

she may have feelings for him, but he has always been one of her friends, not just a teammate. thus, why she felt like she had to keep her feelings completely hidden and buried.

and the second she began to avoid him? she felt immense guilt and regret for hurting him — that had never been her intention. she wants him to be happy and she hates that she’s causing him pain like that. but, she doesn’t really have a choice. at least, in her head, she doesn’t.

because there’s something else that she fears way more than hurting him; ward finding out the truth.

she’d rather die than admit the truth and ruin what they have. because... surely, he could never love her, right?

after ward had found out about [y/n]’s distant behavior, it wasn’t very long before skye had found out about it, too.

the rest of the team found out about it soon after skye — [y/n] hadn’t been very discreet about her most recent behavior and actions.

skye, being the nosy and clever one of the team, was able to find out before fitz and simmons — although, they’re geniuses and all, they’re only able to figure things out fast enough when on missions.

but, in real life? it took the brilliant geniuses awhile to figure out what ward and skye had first noticed right away.

and coulson and may? coulson may have spent most of the time worrying over his only daughter, but he had his own problems to focus on. and may was too busy brooding and training to notice her friend’s — or rather, teammate’s — weird behavior.

but, one day, while most of the team was relaxing about in the lounge — for once, considering that most of the time, they’d be out on a mission — skye blurts it out

she’d been overwhelmed by the bizarre behavior from her friend for the past week. 

and not only did she have a reason to be worried, but it was in her kind nature to be concerned for [y/n].

with a trembling sigh, [y/n] nervously ignores the lingering gazes of some of her teammates — and the burning one of ward’s — as she stumbles over to a cupboard to grab a glass to fill with water.

as he continues to watch her do something as simple as getting water, a cloud of darkness overwhelms him deep in his gut — her ignoring his existence was really getting to him, more than he’d like to care to admit.

after noticing ward’s broken expression, fitz stops talking and moves forward to place a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. 

“mate, you alright?” he questions, still clueless of what’s going on between two of his closest friends, but still noticing the hurt that ward’s clearly trying to hide. 

usually, ward’s very good at compartmentalizing his emotions.

but, when it comes to [y/n]? it’s very easy for him to forget that he even needs to act a certain way, in order to hide his true feelings — he doesn’t need to necessarily hide his feelings, but with the trauma he endured as a child, and how he went through his childhood, he’s always felt like opening up was something he just couldn’t do.

realizing where he is and who he’s surrounded by, ward shakes himself out his daze. “i’m fine, fitz.” he mutters, not bothering to even look at him. 

the rest of the team’s eyes follow the upset and poor-looking woman’s figure as she hurriedly makes her way back to her room. 

sighing, jemma grows quickly frustrated. “does anyone know what’s going on with her? fitz and i have been trying to figure it out, but it’s been unsuccessful. she’s bloody good at not giving out any clues.” she questions, turning to ward, raising a brow at him in question.

“you guys, seriously haven’t figured it out yet?” skye bursts out incredulously, causing a more-brooding-than-usual ward to look up at her confusedly.

fitz and simmons turn to her, sputtering. 

“how would you know what’s going on with her?” ward questions in a suspicious tone of voice, brows knitted together. 

“did she tell you?” he asks again, trying to figure out how she could know that [y/n] is ignoring him. 

everyone stares at her expectantly as she opens her mouth to respond, but closes it again and repeats the action like a fish under water.

“well?” he questions once more, raising a brow at her, causing her to groan in defeat. 

“fine! no, she hasn’t told me. you all should know that; she doesn’t like opening up. she thinks it’s weak to be vulnerable. but, i have noticed that she rarely talks about herself anymore and spends most of her time in her room when there’s not a mission she needs to be on.” she states, catching may’s and coulson's attention. 

“and have any of you noticed how she’s never in the same room with ward anymore? or how she will race out of a room if he’s there? she’s clearly ignoring him for some reason.” she explains in a obviously-tone. 

ward deflates at skye’s confirmation. 

he was really hoping to get some answers. too bad he was unsuccessful.

after skye’s outburst about the truth behind the reason why [y/n]’s acting differently, ward forced himself to snap out of his self-pity and tried harder to talk to [y/n], even if it was damn near impossible.

and while ward kept trying — and failing — to get to the bottom of what was going on with his friend, the team, including coulson, began more aware of [y/n] and her behavior. 

and skye? well, she set out to speak to her friend. 

a knock sounds at [y/n]’s wooden door, startling her and snapping her out of her anxious thoughts about the current situation with ward.

“yeah?” she hesitantly calls out, moving away from the door and smoothing down her hair as she hopes to god that it isn’t ward back to try to talk to her some more. 

“hey, it’s skye. can i come in?” the calming voice of her best friend slowly eases her nerves.

“y—yeah.” [y/n] answers uneasily.

as skye opens the door and enters, quickly shutting it behind her, [y/n] shakily crosses her arms over her chest. 

“hey. how are you doing?” skye gently asks, moving to sit down on her friends bed. 

[y/n]’s brows furrow in confusion. “i—i’m fine.” she stutters, staying frozen in place. 

“can i ask you a question, [y/n/n]?” skye asks softly, trying to show her friend that she’s on her side. 

“sure, yeah. what’s up?” [y/n] nods, finally moving to sit beside her on the bed.

“you’re avoiding ward. is it because of your feelings for him?” she questions, raising her brows at her. 

[y/n] swears her blood runs cold, heart stopping. “w—what?”

“you heard right. [y/n], i’m not going to tell anyone, i promise. but, seriously, i see the way that you look at him.” she states seriously, not ready to let go of her question. 

“w—what makes you think that? how would you know?” [y/n] questions, quickly realizing that it’s too late to lie — skye would see right through her. 

“c’mon. you look at him like he’s your whole entire world. but, there’s also a nervousness and hesitance there, too. you’re scared that you’re going to do or say the wrong thing, right?” skye explains further more. 

“i—i don’t—” [y/n] stutters, not quite fully understanding how she found out. 

“—don’t beat yourself up over it. it’s not like it’s obvious to anyone else. not even ward knows that it’s because of your feelings. i think he just thinks that he did something wrong.” skye states gently, trying not to overwhelm her friend with the information as she places a comforting hand on [y/n]’s shoulder.

“w—what? he thinks he did something wrong?” she questions, heart stopping once again. 

skye nods. 

“how could he think that? he hasn’t done anything wrong and it’s nearly impossible for him to!” [y/n] exclaims to herself in shock.

“it’s not your fault that he’s clueless.” skye says, giggling, obviously choosing now to crack a joke. 

a trembling sigh leaves [y/n], not even hearing her friend’s joking statement — she’s too focused on her emotions that seem to be heightening by every passing second, after hearing this new information.

she didn't want to hurt him. but, now that she knows that it’s more than just pain he’s feeling — that he thinks he did something wrong — the guilt and regret quickly intensifies. 

tears begin to cloud her [y/e/c] eyes as [y/n] begins to think about their first time meeting, and how she’d do just about anything to go back to that. 

a groan leaves the young woman’s throat, rolling her eyes at the worried voice of her father’s on the other side of the phone call as she makes her way to the back of her parked car.

“dad, seriously! i’m going to be fine, alright? i have the training down. and besides! when i’m not out in the field, i’ll be behind a computer and helping out the two other brilliant geniuses you’ve added onto the team and acting as a guide for anyone out on mission.” [y/n] states in a matter-of-factly tone of voice, popping the trunk with her keys and making sure to grab the bags she needs. 

“i know that, honey. as much as you’re trained and know exactly what you’re doing, you’re still my daughter — i’m going to worry as much as i want to.” he replies seriously as [y/n] begins to sense the lecturing-like tone of his voice.

“okay, dad. i get that. but, you’re going to be there with me most of the time. so, you can worry about me then. i just need you to trust me, alright?” [y/n] sighs, hoping that agreeing with him will make the worried phone call end faster.

especially, when she and him can easily talk inside what he prefers to call ‘the bus’. 

a sigh is heard on his side of the call. 

“okay, look. dad, i’m already here and i need to bring in my things. so, i’ll talk to you when i get inside, alright?” [y/n] questions, still balancing her phone in between her shoulder and ear as she tries — and fails — to grab some of her things.

then finally, she’s able to grab each bag and her suitcase, and places them all on the ground, before shutting her trunk gently.

“alright, alright. i’ll see you inside.” he sighs again as [y/n] smiles in victory at getting everything out without any clumsy acts of hers. 

she snaps herself out of her little victory-daze. “okay, dad. bye. i love you.” she murmurs and then is quickly taking the phone away from her ear to end the call. 

with a sigh, a small excited smile twitches on her lips as she tucks her phone into the back pocket of her jeans.

excitement begins to consume her at the thought of doing something that could help people — it’s everything that she’s ever wanted.

the small smile quickly turns into a frown, anxiety easily forming deep in her gut as she senses the nauseous feeling in her stomach intensifying. what if the team doesn't like her? what if she messes up and disappoints her father? what if she ends up getting someone innocent killed?

more anxious thoughts swirl around in her head, causing her to take a few calming deep breaths as she places a hand on the edge of the trunk, leaning forward. 

“okay, [y/n]. just breathe. you’re going to be fine. don’t freak out just yet. you can do this.” after stating this to herself, she gets a few judgmental stares.

ignoring the sudden temptation to flee the area — the best that she can — [y/n] takes a deep breath and goes to grab her duffle bags, placing them wherever she can; her shoulders, her hands, her arms.

the heavy weight of the bags on her body weighs her down a bit as she goes to grab her suitcase. 

as she starts to turn around, dragging her suitcase with her and holding the handle by her hand, she only focuses on her bags and suitcase.

now, considering the area of the globemaster that she’s on, is almost completely filled with agents roaming around hurriedly, it may not have been the best idea for her to not be watching where she’s going. but, she continues to do it anyways. 

and if agent ward himself hadn’t been one of those agents walking in her general direction, maybe it wouldn’t have been such a big deal. but, he is.

and being the brooding and closed-off man that he is, he snaps at her when she accidentally runs straight into him. “mind watching where you’re going?”

“oh god! i—i am so sorry. gosh, i was really hoping to avoid being clumsy, but it seems that’s impossible.” she stutters out an apology, not even realizing the harshness of his tone as she instantly moves to bend down to grab the duffel bags that fell to the ground when she’d ran into him.

thank god she hasn’t really gotten a good look at the agent yet. because if she did, she’d be stumbling over her words more than she already is.

ward bends down to grumpily hand her some of her bags as she continues to grab the rest of her bags and her suitcase. “again, i’m, uh, i’m really sorry about that. i really don’t understand how i’m the daughter of a shield agent, yet have the klutz gene.” she stutters once more, nervous giggles leaving her lips as she looks up.

and when she does, her heart nearly stops. 

her throat goes dry and her heart starts to beat faster than ever, in the sense of her being nervous. even her hands start to get clammy with sweat.

all because of the extremely attractive man standing in front of her. 

agent ward stands in front of her, eyebrows raised and arms crossed on his chest, waiting for her next nervous response.

“w—wow...” she trails off, not even realizing she’s not being too discreet on checking him out from head to toe. 

he clears his throat, snapping her out of her very aware daze.

shaking her head, she nervously runs her fingers through her hair, anxiously beginning to fidget.

“uh, sorry. i—i’m [y/n].” she stutters once more as she lifts a hand up in the air to shake his, only for him to stare at it warily. 

without another response, he turns around and walks back inside.

“o—okay then?” [y/n] mumbles to herself in question form, confused. what is his problem?

a nervous laugh comes from behind her, causing her to turn around.

“sorry about him. agent ward usually keeps to himself — he’s pretty closed-off and rarely relaxes. but, he’ll eventually warm up to you.” jemma simmons states with her accent, giving [y/n] an easy-going smile as she goes to reach for two of her duffel bags that are hanging back on her arms. 

she glances back down, quickly realizing what she’s trying to do. “oh, thank you.” she says, letting jemma take the two bags by their straps.

“really, it’s no trouble. what’s your name? i’m jemma simmons.” she introduces herself as they walk further inside, [y/n] making sure to watch where she’s going this time.

“well, at least someone’s welcoming,” she mumbles, feeling a bit more hurt about ward’s harsh attitude towards her than she’d like. “uh, i’m [y/n], coulson — coulson's daughter. i’m supposed to have multiple different jobs here; i’ll either be in the field, helping you and leopold fitz, or helping guide anyone on missions through the comms.” [y/n] explains as jemma leads her to her assigned room.

after she puts her bags on her bed, she turns to her new friend, listening intently to what she’s saying. 

“so, coulson — your father — i guess, wants us all to meet in the lounge as soon as we’ve been inside.” she explains, leaning against the doorframe.

“oh, okay. let’s go now, then.” [y/n] nods, letting jemma lead her to where the lounge is. 

“oh, and jemma?” she asks, causing the young genius to turn to her in question. “yes?”

“i know i’m his daughter, and all. but, i don’t want anyone to treat me differently because of it, so you can just call him coulson around me — i really don’t want any special treatment.” she states just as they appear outside the lounge. 

jemma nods in agreement. “of course.”

as [y/n] looks around, jemma motions her boyfriend over to them. 

“fitz, this is [y/n], coulson's—” she starts, but quickly catches herself, “—this is [y/n]. coulson's newest additional agent to the team. and [y/n], this is fitz, my brilliant genius of a boyfriend.” she brags in a prideful tone, succeeding in changing the subject from the fact that she almost slipped-up.

ward’s attention becomes drawn to the three people, wondering what jemma was about to say about coulson.

he catches the nervous glance of [y/n] as she nervously shakes fitz’s out-stretched hand. 

“hi. it’s nice to meet you, [y/n]. welcome to the team!” fitz excitedly says, before coulson himself clears his throat, interrupting the little introduction. 

he motions for her to stand beside him in the middle of the room. 

“so, as some of you know, this is my daughter, [y/n].” he starts off as she moves to stand beside him.

she winces as a gasp is sounded nearby, which is obviously fitz. 

she sighs, accepting defeat and accepting the fact that she’ll now be treated different because of this fact being revealed as she dips her head down in embarrassment.

“she’s going to be joining us. she’s got the training, but she won’t always be out in the field — other times, she’ll be helping fitz and simmons out, or will be guiding any of you on missions through the comms.” coulson finishes saying, not noticing the change in his daughter.

daring to look up, she notices the reactions of her new teammates.

ward looks shocked, although he’s trying to seem uninterested.

may wears a — somewhat — surprised look with a raised brow, obviously not that interested in making a big deal out of it.

jemma is wearing a frown, knowing why [y/n] didn’t want to make a big deal out of her being the daughter of coulson.

skye looks surprised, but gives [y/n] a gentle smile, after noticing the anxious expression on her face.

and fitz is only excited at the news. 

“oh, bloody brilliant!” fitz excitedly exclaims, a huge grin placed on his face. 

deeply inhaling in a nervous manner, [y/n] nods. “uh, yes. i’m his daughter. b—but, i don’t want any special treatment, or to be treated differently because of that.” she nervously stutters. 

“yes, of course. leo, sweetheart? you can do that, right? let’s not look at her as just his daughter and only that, yeah?” jemma questions seriously, trying to get his attention. 

after finally noticing the nervous expression on [y/n]’s face, fitz instantly nods, clearing his throat.

“hi, [y/n]. it’s great to meet you. i’m skye.” skye says, stepping forward with a welcoming smile. 

“h—hi. it’s nice to meet you, too.” [y/n] agrees, moving closer to her to shake her hand, feeling a bit more at ease. 

as everyone else starts to lead her to the kitchen and ask her questions, ward, may, and coulson stay put, silently observing her.

ward watches her curiously, almost feeling guilty for being so rude to her.

may watches her with open curiosity.

and coulson watches his daughter with pride over how she handled the situation so greatly.

later that night, [y/n] leaves her door slightly ajar as she makes her bed and moves some of her bags to the floor, just beside her bed. 

an abrupt knock sounds on her doorway, causing her to jump in shock, not having expected the sound. 

she raises her hand over to her heart, which is now beating extremely fast, and sighs in relief when she realizes that it’s just ward at the door.

he watches her in amusement, arms crossed on his chest as he leans against her doorway.

“oh, hey. what’s up, agent ward? do need something?” she questions, quickly becoming a bit nervous because of their first meeting earlier.

he chuckles, shaking his head.

“[y/n], is it?” he asks, raising a brow as she nervously nods. 

“don’t be so formal. you can just call me ward.” he says as she nods, sitting down on her bed.

“so... was there something you needed?” she questions after a few seconds of them just staring at each other in silence. 

he shakes his head, as if he was shaken out of a daze. “right. uh, yeah. i wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier today.” he replies, staying in his spot against the doorway.

“o—oh.” she stutters, brows furrowing as a thought crosses her mind. 

“y—you’re not apologizing just because you found out that i’m coulson's daughter, right?” she questions, hoping he’ll give her the right answer. 

“no, no. of course not. i mean, i’m glad i know who you are. but, i just realized that the way i acted was a bit too harsh.” he explains himself. 

“oh. well, thank you. that means a lot, ward.” she says, no stutters evident in her voice, for the first time all day. 

he nods. 

“goodnight, [y/n].” he says, before turning to leave.

then, he pauses. “oh, and i hope to learn more about you.” he says, turning back to face her, a glimmer of something that she can’t quite understand flickering in his eyes. 

“y—you too.” she stutters out as he finally starts to walk down the hall, a red color filling up to her cheeks.

“[y/n]? are you okay?” skye’s distant voice calls out to her, quickly noticing the faraway look on her friend’s face.

still not getting any response from the lost-in-thought girl, skye shakes her shoulder abruptly.

“huh? what’d you say?” [y/n] mumbles, finally looking over at her, a nervous look in her eyes. 

“i was saying that you should just tell him the truth.” skye repeats her earlier-said statement from when [y/n] was stuck in her thoughts and thinking of the memory of her first day — that day was months and months ago and her and ward had indeed gotten to know each other.

“w—what? why would i do that? that’ll just destroy what we have.” [y/n] sputters, fear practically consuming her. 

“[y/n/n], you know that he’d never let anything mess things up between you and him. i know the story about how you two met — simmons told me. and from the way you’ve bonded? there’s no way he’d let a secret or feelings get in between that.” skye sternly says, trying to convince her friend that admitting the truth won’t be as bad as she thinks. 

“y—you don’t know that!” [y/n] — not being able to help it — incredulously exclaims, abruptly standing up.

“look, maybe i do, maybe i don’t. but, what i do know, is that he’d never hurt you on purpose. and i think that’s what this is really about — you’re scared of getting hurt again. and it’s understandable. but, that’s what falling for somebody requires. love needs sacrifice. and it’s only ever up to you, to give him your heart — to trust him with it. when you love, getting hurt is inevitable. and i can’t force you to tell him. all i’m saying is that you never know whether this opportunity to tell him will be the best choice of your life, or the worst. i just want you to be happy. so, do what your heart truly wants, and i’ll support you, no matter what, okay?” skye states slowly, willing for her statement to sink in.

and it does — it leaves [y/n] almost speechless, so speechless that she becomes completely lost in thought.

and taking her cue, skye decides to leave her friend alone to her thoughts and feelings.

—————

SKYE’S AND [Y/N]’S DEEP CONVERSATION happened three weeks ago.

and every moment in which she saw ward after, was complete torture.

not only was she overwhelmed with guilt and regret over hurting him, but she was also filled with fear of getting her heart broken.

it made her realize that perhaps, skye was right about one thing; [y/n] is scared of getting hurt.

although, she doesn’t talk much about any of her past experiences with relationships — whether that means simply carrying feelings for someone, or dating, or having only platonic relationships — there’s a reason [y/n] rarely talks about herself, or her past.

not even her father knows — she didn’t want to seem weak or vulnerable or not capable of taking care of herself and the team to coulson, or to her teammates.

besides, coulson already worries about her as it is. she didn’t want him to worry any more than he already does. 

but, to her — and skye and jemma — there’s a reason she stopped trusting people so easily.

in every single relationship she’s ever had — except for her father — everyone always hurts her or leaves her.

to understate it, she’s got trust issues and abandonment issues.

and you can’t get hurt if you don’t let anyone in, right?

but, with ward? she unintentionally let down her walls.

she hadn’t even realized that she’d opened up to him and became vulnerable with him, until it was too late.

and honestly? it scared her to no end.

because when all you know is pain, you don’t want to feel it ever again.

and ward is someone that [y/n] will always care about and can never truly have in the way that she wishes. at least, that’s how it is in her head.

after skye helped her realize that the real reason she’d been pushing ward away, was because she was scared to get hurt… well, avoiding him became instantly harder. 

and her becoming much more paranoid and nervous all the time, makes it much more easier for the rest of the team to make a plan that will end the ridiculousness of the situation.

and let me tell you, the conversation between coulson and skye is quite the talk, when he finds out that two of his agents, which consists of his best agent and his only daughter, are harboring intense feelings for each other.

but, nonetheless, after processing what he learns, he eventually agrees that trapping the two heartbroken agents in the same room to talk, is a good call.

after all, if agent ward is the one thing that will make his daughter happy, he can’t exactly object to it. 

after they all finally finish the planning, may — being the best liar of the team — knocks on [y/n]’s door and tells her that she’s needed in her father’s office. 

after hearing the statement, [y/n]’s brows furrow in confusion.

but, nevertheless, she doesn’t think much of it and makes her way towards coulson’s office. 

on the way down the hall, she notices an excited look shared between jemma, fitz, and skye.

she frowns, wondering what the three of them have planned for god knows who.

if only she knew that the excited looks were for her.

sighing, she walks inside her father’s open office, staring down at her feet anxiously.

nervous thoughts swirl around in her head, making her wonder if her father had finally noticed her behavior and was going to lecture her on it. 

but, the sound of the door clicking shut from behind her causes her to snap her head up in the direction of the door. 

“what the hell?” she mutters, racing over to the door, trying to open it, but it’s no use. it’s locked.

after coming to this realization, she groans in defeat, before turning around and leaning against the door.

and when she does, she catches the eyes of the one person she’s been trying to avoid. “w—ward? what—what’re you doing in my father’s office?” she asks in a trembling and wavering voice, swallowing thickly.

“that’s what you have to say? you’ve been ignoring me for weeks. and the first thing you say to me is, why i’m here?”

“wow.” he scoffs, his jaw clenching in frustration. 

“w—what do you want me to say?” she asks quietly, trying to keep herself calm and collected. 

“how about... why you needed to talk to me in coulson’s office? or, better yet, why have you been pushing me away for weeks?” he exclaims, throwing his arms up in the air for emphasis.

[y/n]’s brows furrow in confusion. “ward, what are you even talking about?” she questions, crossing her arms onto her chest. 

he scoffs once more. “are you that desperate to stay away from me that you need to act like you have no idea what i’m talking about?” he exclaims, jaw clenching harder, if that’s even possible. 

“wha—no! grant, i’m not talking about that. i was talking about the other thing; i never asked to speak with you in here. i’m only here because may said my dad had to talk to me in his office.” she states, raising her brows at him in question, trying her best to act like his words aren’t affecting her as much as they are. 

he turns to her, brows knitted together in confusion. “skye said you had to speak to me urgently.” he states, realization now hitting him.

[y/n] groans, tossing her head back in the air. “great. it can’t be a coincidence that two people on the team said to go in here, right after skye talked to me. they obviously tricked us.” she mumbles dejectedly, before she’s sliding down the door, lost in thought. 

for a moment, the two agents just stare at each other emotionally.

ward’s once angry eyes soften as he notices [y/n]’s teary eyes. 

he heaves in a deep breath, hoping he won’t become more frustrated as they talk. 

“why’d you do it?” he asks in a gruff voice. 

“b—because i had to.” she shrugs, not liking that she’s being forced to remember what she did. 

“that’s not good enough. tell me more.” he sternly says. 

she sputters, the annoyance and frustration deep inside her slowly seeping through her. “not good enough? are you fucking kidding me, ward? you have no idea how hard this has been!” she exclaims, having had enough as she stands up, eyes blazing with anger.

it’s rare that she ever let’s her anger control her, but she’s been bottling everything up for weeks. 

his jaw ticks as his mouth shapes into an ‘o’ shape. “oh? then, make me understand, princess.” he tensely states, using the nickname that he knows annoys her, as a dark look crosses his face. 

she groans at the nickname — that’s what he calls her when he’s upset with her.

he calls her it to remind her that she’s coulson's daughter, knowing that she doesn’t want special treatment.

“how could you possibly understand? besides, the second i tell you, you’re going to hate me!” she exclaims, ignoring the insulting nickname as she throws her hands up in the air frustratedly. 

“try me.” he insists, the dark look still placed on his face. 

slowly, the tension and anger and built-up emotions between them grows and grows by every passing second. 

and then, it’s like it all pops — exploding — and [y/n]’s control over her anger and hesitance to keep quiet is quickly forgotten. 

“alright, ward. you wanna know what’s going on?” she asks annoyedly, tone almost dangerously calm as he slowly nods, jaw still clenched as he takes notice of her anger.

“i've been, what you call, ‘pushing you away’, to protect you. you see, i haven’t opened up, or been vulnerable with anyone in a long time! you know why? because everyone either hurts or leaves me! i haven’t trusted anyone or opened myself up in a long fucking time. and then, you,” she angrily says, walking over to him and poking his chest to annunciate the word ‘you’, “you fucking walked into my fucking life. and for the first time in forever, i didn’t even question it as i just let you in — i let my walls down, i trusted you, and i let myself get attached!” she continues on, getting more angry and emotional by every second as he simply listens, trying to ignore his own anger that’s starting to build up deep inside him.

then, the tears start to cloud her vision, making everything blurry.

but, she doesn't let it stop her and she doesn’t let them escape. 

“and you know what i got? i got falling for you. i got the realization that these little secret feelings that i've been harboring for you for months could destroy us. i got my heart broken over the guilt and regret and fear of getting hurt. i got my best friend telling me that i’m scared of you hurting me, and telling me that you thought you did something wrong! i got her telling me that i’m hurting you. and i got her telling me that i need to tell you how i feel, or i’ll lose you forever!” she yells this time, almost completely falling apart as shock overtakes ward.

“don’t fucking tell me that after this, we’ll be fine. because we won’t! you don’t feel the same, and i have to live with it.” she continues, practically shaking at this point.

“so, ward. you wanna know what you did wrong? the truth is, you did nothing wrong. you’re fucking perfect. because it wasn’t you, who did something wrong. it was me. and you wanna know what i did wrong?” she questions, her voice breaking. 

he’s silent now, tears of his own surfacing.

“i let you in — i fell for you! and it’s my fault!” she exclaims, now hitting her fists onto his chest, tears and sobs leaving her. 

not being able to completely get a grasp onto what she’s confessed, he lets her use him as a punching bag. 

“so, ward. tell me, is everything going to be fine?” she spits out, continuing to smack his chest angrily. 

and then, it’s as if he snaps out of his shocked daze and the anger is tumbling out. 

“yes. it is.” he mutters.

he easily grabs onto her wrists, stopping the constant angry hits from her. 

she gasps. “ward, what—” she whispers, still emotional, as he drops her hands to fall to her sides and grips the back of her head.

then, he heatedly pulls her to him, instantly closing the distance between them as he smashes his lips to hers.

a strangled noise of shock leaves her, but she doesn’t hesitate to kiss him back.

the kiss is full of angst, anger, and love, all combined. 

his tongue enters her mouth and the kiss becomes much more heated as she moves her hands up to his hair.

she tugs on it, bringing a groan to leave ward’s lips.

and then, they’re pulling away for air. 

“w—wow.” [y/n] stutters, gasping for air. 

he nods, thinking the exact same thing as he gently caresses her cheek, most of his frustration gone. 

“i thought you didn’t feel the same. but, i guess that kiss is my answer then, huh?” she mumbles, blushing as he chuckles.

“i can give you that answer again, if you want?” he offers with a smirk.

“yeah. yeah, i’d like that very much.” she says, giggling as he closes the distance between them again, this time being a lot more gentler.

and… let’s just say things got a lot better for them after that.

[angry-slytherin]

I posted 7,914 times in 2021

81 posts created (1%)

7833 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 96.7 posts.

I added 1,543 tags in 2021

#queue are my heart and queue are my home - 724 posts

#agents of shield - 199 posts

#daisy johnson - 105 posts

#doctor who - 92 posts

#dousy - 87 posts

#fitzsimmons - 84 posts

#daniel sousa - 81 posts

#and queue - 59 posts

#jemma simmons - 58 posts

#angry posts hp??? - 54 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#from daisy’s wearing only street clothes(essentially) and jemma and fitz’s preppy casual to ward and may and coulson’s suits and tac suits

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

daniel and daisy are both gryffindors so naturally they go on a skydiving date at least once.

(it’s not to get over their trauma or anything).

28 notes • Posted 2021-01-11 00:47:44 GMT

#4

Hey! I love your jolex fics - I just love reading anything that involves jolex babies and so you certainly fill that gap for me. I hadn't seen aos before but actually started watching it after seeing your other fics and now both roommates are also involved so its become nightly entertainment! Would love to read your take on a post 16.16 pregnancy! Honestly would love if meredith turns up and drags his stupid ass back herself but don't mind how he finds out tbh

hello anon!! I apologize as this ask must be olddd

anyway, I love to hear that my fanfic inspired you(and your roommates) to watch AOS. that makes my whole heart full<3 hope you enjoy it & continue to read my fan fiction, as well as all of the other talented and amazing AOS authors.

going to go on a limb here: this is probably not *exactly* what you wanted, but it’s my own personal headcanon:) & it works with canon so yay!

——————————————

“You’re what?”

“Yeah,” Jo swallows, laughing nervously; bitterly.

“With... Alex’s baby?”

“Well, it’s not Jackson’s.”

“Damn, Wilson,” Meredith sighs, “How are you feeling?” Jo’s heart warms at her friend’s reaction of concern. She half expected Meredith to immediately badger her to tell Alex.

“How do you think?” Jo scoffs.

“I’m so sorry. Unless— are we happy about this?”

“No,” Jo says, her voice thick with an emotion she can’t place. “I haven’t decided yet how I feel about being... pregnant.”

“How far along?”

“Ten weeks? Eleven? Twelve? I guess whenever he left— the last time— yeah.” Jo lets out a deep breath, stretching her neck. “Mostly I’m angry at the son of a bitch for knocking me up and then leaving me for nowhere town USA.”

“Jo, he wouldn’t have left if he’d known. Alex loved you— a lot. You know that.”

“He didn’t love me enough, apparently,” Jo swallows roughly. “Let’s just end this conversation, okay? Because I’m trying to keep my lunch down, and mentions of Alex make my stomach do that nervous butterfly thingy.”

“Okay. If you didn’t want to talk, why’d you tell me? Now I’m going to feel all guilty lying about it.”

“I had to tell someone.”

Then Jo wakes up.

Fuck. Is her first thought. How did she end up here? She couldn’t even tell Meredith about her stupid pregnancy. She couldn’t tell Link, not when he had a new baby, and was taking care of three other children. Then she had a horrible idea.

She picks up her phone, regretting every action. Jackson Avery arrives at her door fifteen minutes later.

“You said it was an emergency,” He gives her an annoyed look.

“It is. Get in; Schmidt is at Nico’s place,” Jo shuts the loft door behind her friend.

“Was it a sex emergency?” Jackson asks, his voice going up an octave.

“I’m pregnant,” Jo sighs, taking a seat on her bed.

“Wha— oh. Well—“

“Relax,” she rolls her eyes. “It’s Alex’s. And I’ve probably killed it with my eating and drinking habits anyway. Or given it some horrible disease.”

“Pregnant,” Jackson repeats. “Why did you call me? I mean, whatever you need, I’m here.”

“Meredith is in a coma, and Link’s busy raising Meredith’s kids. Levi has boy problems. I don’t really talk to anyone else, cause ya know, COVID.”

“Damn,” Jackson sighs, taking a seat next to Jo on the bed. “What do you want to do?”

“Call Alex. Well, no. I don’t want to talk to that son a bitch. But, he deserves to know. And I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t tell him. I just— I needed a hand to hold.”

“What’re friends for?” Jackson sighs. Jo can tell he feels more than slightly awkward, but she was unconcerned with his feelings at the moment.

“Here goes,” Jo strains. She types Alex’s number into her cell, before letting it ring.

“Hello?” A voice comes through after it rings twice, and Jo’s heart skips a beat. “Jo, are you there? Are you okay?”

“I’m here.” Jo squeeze’s Jackson’s hand. “Alex, I have to tell you something. I just found out last week, so don’t think I’ve been keeping this from you, or whatever.”

“What is it?”

“I’m pregnant, Alex. It’s yours.” There’s a moment before he responds.

“Oh.”

32 notes • Posted 2021-03-29 23:10:04 GMT

#3

home

Daisy Johnson has never been a romantic. She’s never been one to dream of white weddings, and happily ever after in a field of flowers. She’d probably have a run-down house or something. She assumed she’d live on S.H.I.E.L.D. bases forever.

The first time she saw herself having any semblance of a normal future was when she was with Lincoln. She allowed herself to imagine their future— living in a house together, settling down together. It was the first time she looked at her future and saw someone else beside her in the ficticios house. But Lincoln was a hero, and he died being one. Daisy stopped imagining someone beside her in the house.

Then Daniel Sousa came along like something out of Daisy’s wildest fantasies. And suddenly he was in the house; but Daniel wasn’t just in the house. Daniel tended to the garden of flowers, and he put his clothes in the drawers and he slept in the bed beside her. Daniel didn’t just sit in the house with her, he lived in the house with her, like a permanent residence in her mind— in her heart.

35 notes • Posted 2021-02-15 23:29:07 GMT

#2

We Really Like Fluff

a totally incomplete guide to dousy fan fictions that are a must:

according to me, anyway

no idea where to start? looking for a fic you read a year ago? I’ve got you.

help me find the tumblrs of those not tagged (if they have one)!

all we do is drive. (romantashas) @romantashas

Daisy has missed the open road. She used to always love taking her van out and just driving. Los Angeles was where she liked to stick around, but she would always go on these road trips just because she wanted to explore somewhere new.

She's always liked running away from things.

It was different, having someone with her.

In which Daisy Johnson helps Daniel Sousa explore the modern world by taking him on a cross-country road trip in a van. Post-Finale road trip AU with MCU tie-ins.

the first beloved fic by this fandom. completed in august 2020, it strays from canon somewhat at S7E11, but the characterization makes you forget that anything is different at all. truly a masterpiece, and definitely a must-read.

6/17/55 (lazyfish)

6/17/55.

She never thought it would mean 1955.

(Spoilers up to 7.06.)

one shot. soulmate au. beautifully written. it’s only just under 2k words but one of the most popular fan fictions under the tag on ao3. absolutely adorable and you’ll feel your heart flutter for them.

One Year Later (marvelsquake) @marvelsquake

Set right after the series finale's 'one year later' part where Daisy stares into space with Sousa and Kora.

Inspired by the 'anatomy analysis' bit Jemma says to Daisy.

there are so many amazing “anatomy analysis” fics out there. that is one of those “if you know, you know” things;) this one is really thoroughly written, and marvelsquake took their time to make every detail perfect. really, just excellent.

Stay (SteeleHoltingOn) @steeleholtingon

Not everyone knew she could feel heartbeats. Sousa’s sped up every time he looked her way.

His reaction wasn’t particularly unusual, and Daisy was an expert at fending off unwanted advances. But that was just it: Sousa hadn’t actually made any advances, and if he did, Daisy wasn’t sure she’d ward them off.

Her heartbeat, it seemed, liked to match tempo with his.

this one needs little introduction. it has been recced(??) to death, and rightfully so!!! the author is this incredible genius and I love them for giving this to us. it’s over 150k words, so be ready to commit some much deserved time to this excellent character study on both Daisy and Daniel.

Feel Good(I Like It) (enigmaforum)

It's not the the first time she’s felt something for someone since Lincoln but it’s the first time she felt like it had the possibility to actually turn into something. Something Good.

I’ve always loved the title of this fic, but that’s besides the point. enigmaforum is a very talented writer who does plot AND characterization like a pro. definitely an A+ in terms of quality. also part of a series with some other excellent works!

Exposure (agentquakingskye) @blcssqvake on instagram

Dying in a half-second blast of radiation wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be.

Dying all over again, slowly, because of that half-second of radiation?

That was worse.

okay I lied. we also love angst and this work is angst central. it’s a cancer AU following the finale, but it’s just as happy as it as sad. prepare your tissues, but also prepare for some seriously good writing.

A Week After Death (manoutoftimeandquake) @puddle-of-awesomeness

An explosion in an alien junkyard sends Daisy, Sousa and Kora back in time to meet some people from Sousa's past.

the astro ambassadors sent back in time to meet the AC cast(essentially). such a fun, action-packed, hilarious work. such a classic. go read it now!!

Where I Need To Be (JennaPotter)

This is set from Episode 7x03 onwards and follows the story of Daisy Johnson and Daniel Sousa, and how their relationship has been developing throughout this amazing season of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.! This story mostly follows canon but is interspersed with missing moments between Daisy and Sousa that I imagine could have happened off-screen.

almost 200k words of absolute beauty. it’s incredibly detailed and excellently written. it’s like reading a published novel!! but with dousy!!

you’ve got that power(over me) (romantashas) @romantashas

"It's you," Daniel whispers. He's in awe, looking at Quake. She steps back away from him. "Let me help you," he says, reaching out toward her injured arm slowly.

Daniel only gets a moment more to admire her glowing eyes and her purple hair before she turns and runs away, her hand slipping out of his.

In which the superheroes of the Marvelverse actually try to keep their identities a secret and Daniel Sousa is determined to figure out who is behind the mysterious Quake mask. Superhero AU with MCU tie-ins.

yet another classic(I’m definitely misusing that word… it’s deserved by these authors) work by romantashas. the description gives the gist of it, but it’s one of the best dousy AUs out there.

get ready for the shameless self promo…

Your Heartbeat On The Highline(Once In Twenty Lifetimes) (doctorsimmonswilson) @angry-slytherin

He’s a man out of time and she’s an orphaned superhero. They’ve just got to figure out what to do next, after the mission is over.

[aka Daisy and Daniel’s story post finale]

welp… I included my own story. honestly it’s because it is one of the most popular in the tag(I’m sifting through too kudos and top hits). I’m really super proud of it, so read it if you’d like. it’s canon compliant (and extremely fluffy for the most part:)

somebody hurt you(but you’re here by my side) (agentmmayy) @agentmmayy

Daniel doesn't leave Daisy's side, even when she's out of the healing chamber.

very popular, and for good reason. such a sweet, nice fic. I very much enjoyed it and it’s a quicker read than most on this list!

and here’s to the question marks

aka: unfinished works that are beautiful and deserve your attention

want you(to unravel me) (IzzieBee)

Daisy never wanted to be rescued, by anyone. She never wanted to owe someone that debt, but especially not to a handsome WWII Vet, traveling through time. Daniel, who was brave and decent, and kind of funny, and who she could easily depend on, which was way too dangerous to consider.

OR

Daisy really wasn't ready for Daniel Sousa.

sexy, fun, well-written… what more could we ask for? it’s missing the last chapter, but the brunt of the story is there, and it’s satisfying either way.

A Truth Stranger Than Fiction (wordsmithraven)

Daniel Sousa was having the worst day of his life...and he’d lived through a war. Service had always been something he’d understood. Honor. Sacrifice. Duty. He’d just never thought his journey would mean leaving everything he loved behind.

a lot of daisy and daniel getting to know one another… a little bit of season 7 adventure… a whole bunch of fun.

Loving The Journey Together (manoutoftimeandquake) @puddle-of-awesomeness

Moments in the lives of Daisy and Sousa (and Kora) after the end of the team's final mission.

this one is a WIP(being updated currently). manoutoftimeandquake has some amazing snippets/slices of life waiting for you in that work!

it’s in the subtext (eggsaladstain)

Snippets of the relationship between Daisy Johnson and Daniel Sousa through the words they said and the ones they didn’t.

SO. FREAKING. GOOD. just go read it, okay?

and finally, some links to some authors who’ve written a bunch of amazing stuff.

romantashas

manoutoftimeandquake

enigmaforum

@hecckyeah

lazyfish

hereforthephilindafics

dearemma

seriously, there’s so many more amazing fics in this tag. I didn’t have the energy to include all 800+. these are just some that are most popular and/or deserve your attention.

thank you for taking the time to read through all of this! I hope you’ve found some things to bookmark(or binge-read;)

69 notes • Posted 2021-08-11 21:45:17 GMT

#1

Daisy: Do you ever think about the fact that both of us have had a boyfriend die in space?

Jemma: My husband died here on Earth

Daisy: My husband died 33 years before I was born

Fitz:

Daniel:

Daisy: Anyway so how’s Alya doing in school?

Jemma: Oh WONDERFULLY, she won the science fair last week.

197 notes • Posted 2021-02-03 20:00:54 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[ohifonlyx33]

Over all this season had a lot of disappointing plot and villains that I mostly tuned out. I still don’t fully understand what was going on with the timeline stuff. I was especially disappointed that we never got Fitz until the end. But there were things I enjoyed throughout. They were mostly character things. Fun lines of dialogue. And relationships. Dousy, even if we didn’t get to really see them as a couple. Deke and his Nana just being good to each other. Mack and Daisy moments, Mack and Sousa moments, May and Coulson, Daisy and Coulson, Jemma and Daisy, Deke and Mack, Mack and Elena. So many little family interactions snuck in between big action moments. 

But I always want more of them. 

THEY GAVE US SO, SO, SO MANY CALLBACKS. Gravitonium and Lola and Pbbles and Tremors and the pulse-staff weapon that Ward used in 1x02. Lightbulbs were going off in my head the whole time at all of the references. But there’s never enough. Talbot? Cal? Trip? Mike? Lincoln? I mean the list goes on of things they could call back. They can’t do it all. I get it. That’s why I prefer more heart-to-hearts to show me the love between characters. These characters love each other SO much and have been through SO MUCH together... I can never imagine them expressing it enough.

But like I said, Aos is the show that always leaves me wanting more of what they don’t show. More of the character development that they tease us with and sure it’s there but it’s like.... intangible sometimes. It’s there but I can’t always manage to grasp on to it. I always want to crawl deeper into the character’s minds and see how they cope with things in the quiet moments. 

More of Fitzsimmons building a home, not just a montage but like MORE of what it was like settling down after so long. Even though I take everything we got happily.

More of the Bus Kids. Just anything Fitz and Daisy pls.

More of Fitz in general these last two seasons... Talking to the team--hugging Daisy and Mack and Coulson and May. A conversation about how they both died. May crying over fitzsimmons reuniting. Sousa reacting to... any of that.

The team meeting Alya Fitzsimmons. DEKE KNOWING ABOUT ALYA... 😭😭😭

Then at the end... the team almost felt like strangers at the end of the finale. But they all lived and all loved each other and keep in touch. That’s all I could ask for. And I am SO grateful. But I just want to get Deke back with #science and have them all meet up for Christmas and I don’t CARE what Enoch said. Family doesn’t just go away. “This will be your last mission together” but like... half of them are still doing missions anyway. I know Fitzsimmons have a kid... but the rest of them felt like they parted ways because they were told to. I have a hard time believing they don’t talk more often. That they never visit in person. And Christmas is NOT overrated, it’s mandatory.

Where are my fics? I need my fics.

I want more. More about how they cope from day to day now that they’ve all parted ways. Does sitting in that groupchat once a year make them relive bad memories? Do they have bad dreams. Does Daisy ever cry on Sousa’s shoulder about her family or is she at peace? What *are* they doing out there? Is it SWORD? Does Fitz still hear the Doctor? Does Jemma ever have panic attacks? Did Mack and Elena adopt Flint and send him to Coulson Academy? What does May teach exactly?

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE IMPORTANT DETAILS THE SHOW LEFT OUT. BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS THEY GAVE US PERMISSION TO EXPLORE THOSE THINGS.

And they didn’t end the show with everyone heartbroken about the latest trauma (*cough*5x22*cough*). It was all I could ask for.

And the end of the day they said Empathy saves the world and Family is what we fight for which is lovely.

This is the most satisfied I’ve been with a finale of AOS in a while. And there’s still so much more I wanted.

[smallblueandloud]

fsk emotions: the playlist

(i’d like to apologize in advance for how long this is going to get. UPDATE: yeah, this is around 4k, i am So Sorry.)

in case y’all weren’t aware, i have fitzskimmons emotions ALL THE TIME. my poor friends have to deal with me texting them at 11 pm like “i’m freaking out about fsk again” embarrassingly often. so, i figured i’d try to share some of those emotions with y’all, in the form of songs from my private fsk playlist on spotify. 

that playlist is 63 songs long. hopefully i will not feel the need to talk about ALL 63, but i’m not going to make any promises. y’all know what i’m like about this. i’m planning on giving you a list of the songs for your listening pleasure, and then go into detail about the lines / vibes from each song that i think especially fit the ship. we shall see how this goes.

just a warning: my music taste is very all over the place. i associate the sound of 80s love songs with fsk, so there’s gonna be a few of those, but also some weird obscure indie songs and some pop and just... bear with me, okay? these songs are in no particular order, because i have no idea how to make a “”legit”” playlist or whatever the heck y’all are doing to make such good mixes. i’m just gonna stick a tracklist here and move on.

can’t fight this feeling // reo speedwagon

gravity // sara bareilles

new year’s day // taylor swift

don’t go breaking my heart // elton john & kiki dee

dancing in the dark // bruce springsteen

born to be yours // kygo & imagine dragons

i choose you // sara bareilles

ordinary people // john legend

carry on // fun.

blackbird // the beatles

thunder road // bruce springsteen

the long and winding road // the beatles

the archer // taylor swift

army of angels // the script

paper rings // taylor swift

lucky // jason mraz & colbie caillat

wonderwall // zella day

team // noah cyrus

i melt with you // modern english

cornelia street // taylor swift

coroner’s report // molly ofgeography

two // sleeping at last

fair // the amazing devil

arms unfolding // dodie

making love out of nothing at all // air supply

all the song explanations are under the cut, because this is going to get long. there’s also ten honorable mentions if you manage to make it to the end of this. let’s get started!

1. can’t fight this feeling // reo speedwagon

i felt legally required to put this one first because i literally named my magnum opus after it. i like this song a lot on its own, but it specifically reminds me of fsk because the idea of your partner(s) as the place you will always gravitate towards is peak fsk for me. also, these three are canonically each others’ reassurance and rock and i’m just... i love them a lot, okay? this song’s imagery and lyrics have come to be inextricably associated with fsk for me and i love it a lot.

important lyrics: “And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night”

“And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore“

2. gravity // sara bareilles

this one goes second because it’s probably my favorite song of all time. i play it on repeat whenever i’m feeling sad or anxious or pining or happy or just... anytime, lmao. but i also think it’s a very fsk song, and more specifically the fitzdaisy relationship! not only does it have more of that “gravitating towards each other” theme (more literally in this case), but the lyrics are also... very much fitzdaisy, i think, who are very much each others’ safe space and have been vulnerable with each other from the very beginning.

important lyrics: “ Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile When I thought that I was strong But you touch me for a little while And all my fragile strength is gone”

(although really every single lyric fits really perfectly, so go and check out this song! it’s genuinely my favorite song ever and i think everyone would benefit from a listen or two)

3. new year’s day // taylor swift

the most underrated song from reputation, this song is probably the most INTENSELY fsk song i’ve ever heard. these three have grown up together, have changed together, have left their mark on each other in ways that can never be undone. the thing i’m most nervous for in the series finale is the show completely ignoring that impact (along with all three’s relationships with coulson and may especially!). no matter their romantic configuration, none of them would be the same if they hadn’t known the others. and new year’s day really articulates that, along with a really sweet feeling of trust and the image of them cleaning up together after a party - which makes perfect sense when you think about canon, and how they’d stick together even after leaving the life-changing experience of shield. even though there’s no more life-changing adventures, they’re still going to be together, and that means something. y’all, this song is really good and the best fsk song ever and you NEED to listen to it.

important lyrics: “Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you”

“Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere”

4. don’t go breaking my heart // elton john & kiki dee

look, just let them be happy, okay? also, i really love the trust aspect of this song, which i associate intensely with the fsk relationship. after all of the betrayal and pain and suffering they’ve experienced, i really love thinking about how much all three must trust each other, even in canon. also i wrote a fic where all three danced to this song and now i won’t ever get that image out of my head.

important lyrics: “Don't go breaking my heart I couldn't if I tried Honey, if I get restless Baby, you're not that kind”

“And nobody told us 'Cause nobody showed us And now it's up to us, babe Whoa, I think we can make it“

5. dancing in the dark // bruce springsteen

okay, this song is a bit darker than the others but i am a secret lover of springsteen, shh. also the mood works VERY well for three agents of shield who haven’t gotten a break since they left college. i really like the idea of them making their own happiness in the middle of the darkness together, because that’s part of why i’m so emotional about them! they are each others’ safe space and protector!

important lyrics: “You can't start a fire Sitting 'round crying over a broken heart This gun's for hire Even if we’re just dancing in the dark”

6. born to be yours // kygo & imagine dragons

heck yeah, let’s talk about the fact that no one in the ot3 would be the same if they hadn’t met the others! not just that, but the fact that they support each other and are a big reason why each of them have made it through the pain of the series with, like, less trauma then they could’ve. fitz was there for daisy when she developed her powers and is the one who talked her into coming back in s4, daisy was there for jemma when she came back from maveth (and in the framework), and jemma and fitz have been supporting each other since they worked things out in s3. also, they know each other insanely well and i think this song does a great job of expressing that!

important lyrics: “I never knew anybody 'til I knew you I never knew anybody 'til I knew you And I know when it rains, oh, it pours And I know I was born to be yours”

7. i choose you // sara bareilles

they! change! together! thank you for coming to my ted talk! also, i’m just... very obsessed with the idea of them choosing to be together, choosing to try to work through their problems, even when there have been so many. i am also obsessed with the idea of them spending their lives together. leave me alone.

important lyrics: “We are not perfect we'll learn from our mistakes And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you I am not scared of the elements I am underprepared, But I am willing And even better I get to be the other half of you”

8. ordinary people // john legend

i really, really love this song, actually? i’m a big fan of a lot of his music lmao. but i like this song specifically because it’s about how complicated love can be sometimes, and i think fsk’s love gets really complicated sometimes! and like, despite it all, they love each other and they’re trying to work it out. but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s really hard sometimes! (shoutout to the fic i titled with a lyric from this song that exemplifies that exactly)

important lyrics: “I know I misbehaved and you made your mistakes And we both still got room left to grow And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first And we'll make this thing work but I think maybe we should take it slow”

9. carry on // fun.

first off, this song has INTENSE post-framework fitz vibes. this is very much how i headcanon his relationship with violence works after they escape from the framework and fuck canon. but also, just, the idea of them all healing together? the idea of them moving on together after shield? poetic cinema. chef’s kiss. they’ve all changed SO MUCH since the show started, and yeah, not all of that change is good! but at least they’re still together.

important lyrics: “You swore and said we are not We are not shining stars This I know I never said we are Though I've never been through hell like that I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back”

10. blackbird // the beatles

i don’t know what about this song reminds me of jemma but something in this song reminds me of jemma, and fitz and daisy helping her heal. regardless, i am So Into them helping each other heal! mostly because the way that the show refuses to give them a break is SO FRUSTRATING. (also it tends to involve them being soft with each other and i am Weak.)

important lyrics: “Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly”

11. thunder road // bruce springsteen

this is probably my second favorite song of all time. i am Absolutely Unbiased For Sure. regardless, i adore the imagery of this song, the contrast between the poetic feeling of it and the down-to-earth lyrics. this song, to me, is about people coming back to each other at the end of a long long journey. being in love while tired and recovering from a long, painful, messy life. and that just fits them... so well.

important lyrics: “Well now I'm no hero That's understood All the redemption I can offer girl Is beneath this dirty hood”

“With a chance to make it good somehow Hey what else can we do now Except roll down the window And let the wind blow back your hair? Well the night's busting open These two lanes will take us anywhere“

(y’all do not understand how hard it was to not copy All The Lyrics. you really really have to listen to this song.)

12. the long and winding road // the beatles

EXACTLY THE SAME THING THAT I SAID FOR THE LAST SONG. god this song works so well for them. they are never going to be able to leave each other because they’re so interconnected and yeah, part of that is circumstance, but so MUCH of that is CHOICE. they CHOSE to spend time together, they CHOSE to spend time together, i’m getting emotional over here.

important lyrics: “The long and winding road That leads to your door Will never disappear I've seen that road before It always leads me here Lead me to you door”

13. the archer // taylor swift

this is THE definitive daisy pov song. try to tell me i’m wrong. you can’t. daisy showing vulnerability is a BIG DEAL because of how easily she deflects things! she shows vulnerability to people she loves, most notably mack, coulson, fitz, and jemma! it physically pains me to think about how much she trusts them, y’all. there’s also this sense of melancholy throughout the song, because she’s never going to be the person that she once was. I’m Upset, Y’all.

important lyrics: “Combat, I'm ready for combat I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you Easy they come, easy they go I jump from the train, I ride off alone I never grew up, it's getting so old Help me hold onto you”

14. army of angels // the script

this song is courtesy of @theclaravoyant, who recommended this as THE fsk song, and i think she’s very right! they fight TOGETHER, y’all. i’m very emo about it. their love is TRANSCENDENT and helps them OVERCOME their obstacles and i’m Really Upset About It, okay?? this song especially sounds like jemma’s voice, but it works so well for any of them and i Love It.

important lyrics: “When they got me cornered Close to giving in Oh I feel you round me like a second skin”

15. paper rings // taylor swift

*sobbing* i just want them to be HAPPY. i think part of my feelings about this song stem from, like, how fsk manages to find love during really, really dark times? and manages to be in love with each OTHER during the events of the show, which are VERY DARK as i think we can agree. and yet they managed to get together! and they managed to stick together! and idk, y’all, i’m just so soft for permanent partnerships and people being Married(tm) and this song brings that in SPADES.

important lyrics: “Kiss me once 'cause I know you had a long night Kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause you waited your whole life”

“I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this“

16. lucky // jason mraz & colbie caillat

this song just SCREAMS domesticity to me and no it’s absolutely NOT because i used a lyric from this song to title my collection of domestic fsk ficlets, i have no idea where you would get such a ridiculous idea. they are all BEST FRIENDS okay and they’re in LOVE and they come HOME TO EACH OTHER at the end of the day. they genuinely like spending time together. god, this song is so cute, i love it so much.

important lyrics: “I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Lucky we're in love in every way Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed Lucky to be coming home someday”

17. wonderwall // zella day

before you tell me i’m being stupidly cliche, look at the artist. and then realize that the artist doesn’t make a different for how cliche i’m being. first off, this is such a wlw song (google that one car commercial if you don’t believe me) and skimmons is kind of. my peak wlw song. but also this song is so lovely because it’s about people persevering through challenges to be together, even their own feelings, and that’s VERY good and VERY fsk. i’m just very gay, alright? leave me alone.

important lyrics: “And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I would like to say to you But I don't know how Because maybe You're gonna be the one that saves me And after all You're my wonderwall”

18. team // noah cyrus

this song is from @bobbimorseisbisexual’s fsk playlist (thanks al i love you) and it’s VERY GOOD for this ship. god, i have so many emotions about them being on the same team (which is part of why it’s so FRUSTRATING when the show tries to split them up-). especially because trust is such a big aspect of their relationship? look, these are three people who have been betrayed a lot, even by each other. it’s so IMPORTANT that they trust each other to be on the same team!! (also this song is one of the only songs i’ve ever heard that’s apparently singing to both a man and a woman, and i’m gonna ignore the fact that it’s a duet. let me have my poly songs.)

important lyrics: “Whenever you're winning I'll give you strength, boy And I'll share your name, girl 'Cause I'll always be on your, I'll always be on your team Yeah, I'll always be on your team”

19. i melt with you // modern english

this song is sponsored by @florchis, who not only was the person that first told me about this song but also named her entire fsk collection after one of the lyrics. she has very good taste. first off i love how high-energy and happy this song is. declaring your love for someone is a VERY fun thing to do in the best of circumstances! and i just love the idea of them taking time for each other in the middle of all of their shield business. i love them so much, y’all.

important lyrics: “Moving forward using all my breath Making love to you was never second best I saw the world crashing all around your face (let me hear you) Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace (c'mon)”

“I'll stop the world and melt with you You've seen the difference And it's getting better all the time There's nothing you and I won't do”

20. cornelia street // taylor swift

YES, i know this is the FOURTH tswift song on this list. she’s really good at songwriting, okay? also... y’all.. the VULNERABILITY. the LONGING. the idea of having to deal with the very real fear of loss fits VERY well for a ship where everyone involved is in mortal danger three times a week. also, the idea of never being able to separate the memories of a place from the people? that’s peak fsk. i know i keep saying this but they’re all HUGELY INFLUENTIAL on each other and it’s a BIG DEAL!! they’re never going to get over this relationship, this love, and I’m Never Going To Get Over Them.

important lyrics: “And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend I'd never walk Cornelia Street again”

21. coroner’s report // molly ofgeography (aka @ofgeography)

first off, everyone should listen to this ENTIRE ALBUM because it’s VERY GOOD. secondly, i know this song is really sad but imagine this as steeling yourself for the series finale. canonverse fsk hurts SO MUCH, y’all, and i love them so much. the metaphor in this song is *chef’s kiss* and the guilt of losing love is.... yeah. i’m sad. please be sad with me.

important lyrics: “How do you bury love, and what gets carved into the stone? If I had waited by the window would love be safe and back at home?”

“We held hands in the procession, black and veiled and strange You said, ‘love was good when love was here,’ it didn't ease the ache“

22. two // sleeping at last

okay i definitely think that part of this is me being an extreme 2 and therefore considering this song the Peak of Romance. which is probably a little unhealthy but leave me alone. i don’t know enough about enneagram types to diagnose any of the ot3, but definitely this song resembles all of them to some extent, especially daisy. (i am in pain.) this song, to me, feels like daisy pining for fs in canonverse. (i am in PAIN.) she would ABSOLUTELY give parts of herself up for them and count on the fact that they wouldn’t notice. god, this hurts so much. i love this song so much. if it helps, i think in a happier universe they all also sacrifice parts of themselves for the others? which hurts too but in a good way.

important lyrics: “Tell me, is something wrong? If something's wrong, you can count on me You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat”

“I just want to build you up, build you up 'Til you're good as new And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too“

23. fair // the amazing devil

this song is CRIMINALLY unknown. GO LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW AND THEN MEET ME BACK HERE. this song just screams fsk at me. the humor, the depths of love, the good-natured resentment, the depths of love... god. it’s so good. i definitely think the strength of their emotions for each other overwhelm them sometimes. i think they find comfort with each other, i think they tease each other, i think they’re disgustingly in love all the time. god.

important lyrics: “She promises to fight them all when it all becomes too much And he, he curses at the world for Leaving him behind and he's falling out of touch And she is stronger than he's ever been he knows And she brushes her hand through His hair, he's got so much fucking hair”

“And he holds her close just to keep the world at bay And when they're sure no-one can hear them She'll turn to him to say, she'll turn to him and say It's not fair, It's not fair how much I love you“

(yes i DID copy more than i’ve been copying for the rest, because the songwriting in this song and album are PHENOMENAL and YES i will harass y’all until you listen to it because LOOK AT HOW GOOD IT IS.)

24. arms unfolding // dodie

i know, i know, this is a really short song. but it’s really pretty and i think it fits daisy, like, extremely well. think about daisy during early s4, specifically. she loves them enough to break down her walls. that’s what this song is about. and that’s what i’m gonna go cry over now. god this post is so long what the heck.

important lyrics: “Hope I'm not tired of rebuilding 'Cause this might take a little more I think I'd like to try Look at you And feel the way I did before”

“You know I could live without or with you But I might like having you about“

25. making love out of nothing at all // air supply

okay, so i admit it, i’m actually a HUGE fan of really cheesy 80s music. but i really love this song for them? especially jemma. i think it fits jemma really well. first off, it’s that good old vulnerability with admitting that she doesn’t know everything! and it’s admitting that she specifically doesn’t know what she’s doing with this relationship! and admitting how much she loves both of them even though she might not have wanted to! and i think she’s just... so amazed, so so amazed at the way that fitz and daisy are able to forgive and be loving even when they’re in the worst situations? which is definitely a big message of this song. (oh jemma, i love you and your violent tenancies. i see al’s valid criticisms and i am Loving You Anyway.)

important lyrics: “I know all the rules and then I know how to break 'em And I always know the name of the game But I don't know how to leave you And I'll never let you fall”

“And I don't know how you do it Making love out of nothing at all”

jesus CHRIST this got long. i actually also had a bunch more songs that i didn’t have a LOT to say about but i thought they fit anyways, so uh, honorable mentions:

can’t help falling in love // elvis presley (”wise men say only fools rush in / but i can’t help falling in love with you”)

the longest time // billy joel (they’ve influenced each other)

after all // peter cetera & cher (they’re never going to be able to forget the influence they have on each other)

leave a tender moment alone // billy joel (daisy pov for skimmons. that is all)

she // dodie (i am Soft and Gay and skimmons is also Soft and Gay)

bremen // pigpen theatre co. (honestly idk what to say here, it’s just The Vibe)

say something // a great big world (similar vibe to ordinary people)

saturn // sleeping at last (Science and also Influence On Each Other)

celeste // ezra vine (thanks to al for this one too, i REALLY want to write a fic about them and this song at some point)

 you’re the inspiration // chicago (i just love the sound of this song. also i think all of them - but jemma especially - are inspired by the others to be better)

[sosadandyetsoamazing]

me venting

not gonna lie, it's IMPORTANT to me to write Jemma as someone who does NOT become the stereotypical female character who is super empathetic and sympathetic and works as the healer, physically and emotionally, lets others do the fighting and the scienceing and the thinking while she comforts and supports and follows their plans.

Jemma Simmons showed up as a female character who loves science MORE than she loves helping people, the first two seasons she pointed out fifty times that her very first priority was to satisfy her scientific curiosity, THEN helping people, she is very proud of her PhDs and brain. I don't believe it's a casual choice (and hey, she can't be the same as Skye/Daisy who from the beginning was told/shown to GET people to be able to connect with them emotionally almost right away, told by Coulson she'd be great recruiting/dealing with enhanced people) But also: - she was ready to let Mike Peterson die in the first episode when she didn't immediately see a way to save him. -she didn't realize it was inappropriate to be excited about human beings forced/manipulated into being super soldiers who may die over it because hey, crazy biological work there! -she didn't realize it might be creepy to say she wanted to dissect the alien guy to find out how old he was -she didn't realize that no communicating with Fitz and friends before making a big decision involving leaving would lead them to think she abandoned them 

-she thinks it's 'silly' that after ten years together she has missed Fitz when they have been apart for months for the first time and that she wants to vent about it, and she can't really tell Fitz, is NEVER able to actually tell Fitz anything that she has done or has happened even though he has known her for ten years -she unapologetically wants Ward dead and it's implied she was watching him stalker-like while he was in his cell, keeping track of him there -she doesn't just want him dead, she's calm, she smiles, as she opens a suitcase with splinter bombs and talks about how she will put one on him and poof, no more Ward -she IS very confident in her looks, fashion sense, and tells Skye she slept with a hot guy who come by to say hi in a deleted scene at the academy that she picked him for sex because he has low body fat and he's very symmetrical (aka he's good looking and that's all she needed), her not knowing how to talk to other humans doesn't come from having spent 26 years as an innocent&isolated woman like it happens sometimes with female characters to justify why they are bad at this, she knows exactly what she's doing and saying, she's been around plenty people, she's just BAD at it. -she spills nerdy facts any time she can -when attacked by Bakshi she immediately hits him hard enough she kicks him to the middle of the room, she's not defenseless compared to the average woman and doesn't only rely on her brain to save herself, sometimes she just HITS

she DOES have a big heart and was ready to die to save her team, she is loyal to her friends, she's not cold to them, she's not inexperienced around people, she's not super shy or insecure, she doesn't seem to know the perfect words to comfort someone so she tries with little touches, she does lose hope pretty easily at first like you'd expect anyone in her situations to do and needs encouragement, she doesn't want people to suffer. But she's still BAD in social situations, she has her own special set of morals and skills, which up until the first half of season 3 stay consistent.

and as someone who watched tv and played game more than the average person because unable to leave the house, I got tired early on of the fact that female characters in a group of mostly male ones in videogames were ALWAYS the magical healers first, which you could maybe train in offense later. I got tired of the trope of the wife who calms down her impulsive husband, who knows what to say and takes care of social situations, diplomatic, nice. I got tired of women whose intelligence had to be emotional, whose physical strength couldn't be about brute force but involved elegance or being sexy or being empathetic and forgiving and choosing to fight 'like a woman' with her heart, because I'm sorry, but I do not see many examples of women who just get to smash someone's head on the wall without having to be the super cold one or the super manly one, but simply a woman who will fuck you up I don't see many female characters who get to be the not be forgiving/understanding/one, the one who manipulates the guy with words because she can be smart enough to stay out of a fight, who instead get to just be 'god I love this fight' and 'i want to punch you first and think next' and 'I have no idea of wtf is he feeling and I don't care' 'male friend help me out understand this emotional situation because I'm at loss'

I love that Jemma Simmons has been so atypical and special, just like I love Skye/Daisy for being so inspiring and kind. But while Daisy stayed inspiring, kind, among other amazing qualities she has, Jemma has turned into whatever the plot needs her to be, but especially the one who takes care of EVERYONE, who is somehow capable of ignoring her traumas to the point of showing any trace of them days or weeks or months after, functioning perfectly and being so sweet and understanding, always knowing what to say, encouraging Fitz and telling him that they'd make it back to the past two seconds after being rescued from actual enslavement, on the heels of 3-4 more big traumas, and she should have been in fetal position crying the second Fitz started saying they wouldn't make it. "The steps you take don't need to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction" from the person whose biggest plot in s2 was to be considered a traitor/outsider because she had seen Fitz's anger and pain over the brain damage and how slowly he was improving and had decided to disappear to help him, because she had no other options? Nope Jemma comforting Elena about the loss of her arms, comforting Fitz, being comforted once by him in a deleted scene because afraid of the timeloop, but NOT helping Fitz solve the gravitonium issue even though it’s a sci-fi issue and they are BOTH not equipped to deal with it but also both geniues who can put their brains together, instead she ended up being there just to check on the others’s wellbeing? nope

and so on

[ramblingromance]

Tagged by @literaryillusions to list ten of my favorite heroes and ten of my favorite heroines from romance novels. I always blank with posts like this, but I’m gonna try my best. These are not listed in any particular order, just the ones that came to the top of my head were listed first.

Favorite Heroes:

1. Sebastian St. Vincent, Devil in Winter: Perhaps a polarizing character for some, Sebastian is one of the ultimate reformed rakes in my opinion. (Maybe a tired trope, but a personal favorite of mine nonetheless.) While he tries to act cold and uncaring, he wants nothing but the best for his heroine pretty much the moment she steps foot into his life, becoming a better man in the process.

2. Vincent Hunt, The Arrangement: One of the biggest cinnamon roll heroes I have ever had the pleasure to read about, though not a surprise coming from Mary Balogh. Vincent is also probably one of the youngest heroes I have ever read about as well, and also lives with a disability after having been blinded during war.

3. Anthony Bridgerton, The Viscount Who Loved Me: The stuffy older brother archetype who is forcing himself not love due to past traumas, but oh does he love a whole hell of a lot, sucking out bee sting poison and all.

4. West Ravenel, Devil’s Daughter: This man right here had such sweet redemption arc, and it didn’t even happen in his own book! Bit of a reformed rake, charming and funny, also wonderful with children! He’s a catch.

5. Liam MacKenzie, The Highlander: My first Scottish hero, and he left quite the impression. He’s rough and brash, but goodness does he just adore his heroine. I don’t tend to like heroes that are super high on the alpha charts, but there’s something tender about Liam too, maybe where he’s already a father when we first meet him. Kerrigan Byrn’s stories tend to have an old school feel to them, and are often filled with very dark pasts and lots of drama, so just a fair warning now if you decide to pick this one up for yourself.

6. Chase Reynaud, The Governess Game: Ah, another devil may care character? What a surprise! Chase likes to keep his feelings in check due to past trauma, but the truth of the matter is, he feels, like a whole lot, and especially for those two charges he claimes he wants to be rid of.

7. Colin Bridgerton, Romancing Mister Bridgerton: Goofy, and seen as nothing but a smooth talking sort of fellow, Colin often wishes he were taken a bit more seriously. Funny and adventurous, his favorite things are his wife and food, in that order, though I’m sure his family makes the list somewhere in there too!

8. Leopold Daughtry, A Duke of Her Own: Known mostly as the Duke or Villiers, he is featured in every single one of Eloisa James’ books in her Desperate Duchesses series. Smooth talking, rakish, and also a bit of a matchmaker. Throughout the series he decides to start doing the right thing after decisions in his past begin to catch up with him.

9. Robert Blaisdell, The Duchess War: I need to read more from Courtney Milan, because I really liked her take on this particular hero. A radical duke trying to atone for the past sins of his family, oh, and refreshingly enough, he’s a virgin!

10. Andrew James Rokesby, The Other Miss Bridgerton: Knows how to Captain/Sail a ship, witty and a great person to have a conversation with, he also will take you on an adventure in Portugal and make sure you get to taste some delicious malasadas for yourself!

Favorite Heroines:

1. Evie Jenner, Devil in Winter: Seemingly a quiet and and shy wallflower with a stutter, she secretly has more sass and bite than she let’s on. Also has one of the biggest rakes wrapped around her little finger.

2. Sophia Fry, The Arrangment: Another quiet and unassuming young lady, she thinks pretty lowly of herself, but throughout the course of the story she gains strength and the ability to realize that she does deserve love.

3. Kate Sheffield, The Viscount Who Loved Me: a bit loudmouthed and always finding herself in some sort of trouble where her hero is concerned, she entertained me to no end, and I found I really wanted to be her friend. A wonderful older sister. Plus she owns a corgi!

4. Lillian Bowman, It Happened One Autumn: You either like her or you don’t, but I found I liked her very much. She’s brash, stubborn, and isn’t afraid to speak her mind. During the course of her book, I found she was making me laugh quite a bit.

5. Penelope Featherington, Romancing Mister Bridgerton: Often looked over, and having been pining over her best friends’s older brother for like...ever, Penelope has more wit than people give her credit for, as well as a very big secret.

6. Samantha Masters, The Scot Beds His Wife: A tough cowgirl from the Wild West, she finds herself in Scotland as she runs from her past and her problems, going toe to toe with her hero, who just so happens to be her very annoying, very Scottish neighbor.

7. Wren Heyden, Someone to Wed: Wren has spent most of her life as recluse due to a somewhat disfiguring blemish on her face, as well as a past filled with traumas. Her story of learning to accept herself, finding love, and face anxieties really spoke to me. I found myself crying during this one, which for me, can be a rare treat in a way.

8. Penelope Campion, The Wallflower Wager: Preferring the company of animals to that of people, aside from her choice of a few close friends, I found myself relating quite a bit to Penelope, while also being drawn to her sunny personality.

9. Constance Stonewell, The Earl I Ruined: Coming across as flighty to others, and seemingly only having interest in gossip and fashion, Constance actually has more wit than people give her credit for, as well as a big heart intent on helping others.

10. Jemma Duchess of Beaumont, This Duchess of Mine: Unabashedly scandalous, clever, and a hell of a good chess player. She’ll entice, intrigue, and entertain you even from her first appearance in the Desperate Duchesses series.

Okay, so there’s my list! I know there’s plenty I’m forgetting, maybe even some I like better who didn’t make it onto this list simply because my memory failed me. Either way, this is what I wrote up, and I’m sticking with it.

I’ll tag @thebooklrandtheduke, @natreadsromance @all-the-kissing-books @pollyssecretlibrary @sunnysaysbookreviews @mfred and anyone else who might like to participate! Also don’t the feel the pressure to do this if you don’t have the time, or if you’d just rather not.

[agentofship]

Detour chapter 6/10

Detour chapter 6/10 Pairing: FitzSimmons

Rated E, 22,6k words (as of now)

Summary: Tired of recovery from his brain trauma not going fast enough, Fitz decides to take an extended leave of vacation from SHIELD to go home and see his mother. But when it turns out that spending all his days with his mother doesn’t really help either, he goes for a drive and his car ends up breaking down next to the cutest coffee shop and guest house in Perthshire. So he thinks maybe a change of scenery would do him some good and it only has a little to do with the muffin baking angel of a woman managing the place. Set around the beginning of season two except Jemma didn’t join SHIELD. Beta’d by the wonderful @libbyweasley​ who made this so much nicer to read for you :) Just a head’s up. This is the last fully written and edited chapter. I’ll be working hard to keep posting the next ones about once a week but it might take longer what with Promptober coming and the other WIPs I’m finishing right now :) But at least, I think I left this at a pretty nice place :)

In typical Scottish fashion, those last few days of nice, warm weather were followed by an equally terrible one and Jemma's next day off started with a loud rumble followed by an absolute downpour. It didn't look like it would stop anytime soon, which meant they were definitely not going back to the lake, or even out at all.

Which only seemed to deter Jemma for a minute. Apparently not even considering not spending the day with him, she had come up with another plan before Fitz could even finish his, admittedly huge, bite of muffin. It had only been a week since he told her but she'd already found exercises to help get rid of the last of his symptoms. These days it was mostly the shaking of his hand that seemed to make a comeback every time he got a little nervous. It was an incredibly nice thing she did, dedicating so much of her time to him, especially considering how busy the coffee shop had been getting since that blogger posted a very positive review about it two weeks ago. Although, Jemma being who she was, she'd probably been suspecting what had happened to his brain a while ago and just waited for the right moment to talk to him about it.

So, right after breakfast, they'd ran back to his place so that they could start working and everything would have been fine by him if his mood wasn't so ridiculously attuned to the weather. His mind had been buzzing with ideas, thoughts and feelings quite a lot lately but now, he felt… electric, for lack of a better word. Which probably wasn't the best moment to work on his calm and ability not to overreact. Especially when Jemma seemed intent on standing or sitting so close to him all the time, sending his already hyperactive brain in overdrive.

"Ugh, this is useless!" Fitz groaned as he stood up and started pacing. "We should do something else, w-watch a movie or something…"

"Fitz, wait—"

Jemma was cut off by a loud rumble that made them both jump. The wind changed direction and the rain got much louder as it seemed to hit the living room windows almost perpendicularly.

She stood up and grabbed his arm to make him turn around.

"Let's just try something else, okay?"

He sighed and nodded as he looked up at her. He couldn't really refuse her anything when she used that soft tone. Read the rest on AO3

[saltyaos]

and I’m also gonna bring up again that while Liz is having more screentime this season than, say, season 2, the last storyline she had that wasn’t about Fitz, saving Fitz, making Fitz feel better, or storyline that wasn’t about her acting as an unofficial therapist and cheerleader in general was the mini-arc from 4x01 to 4x05, mostly just a thing that was happening but only was mentioned twice, of her being in a high place in SHIELD so she could have a bit of power and keep her friends safe. Which had no real consequences, the kidnapping would have happened anyway because she was needed as an inhuman expert. And wasn’t really a theme if not in 4x01 and 4x05. And was also all for nothing because Mace wasn’t evil.

Meanwhile the last time she was shown reacting to her traumas was right after Maveth, and it was made into a romantic situation only because the PTSD disappeared, and I’m still waiting to see some physical or emotional reaction to LMD Fitz, the Framework and Kasius and don’t give me the ‘she keeps it in a box’ crap because if it was doable for a person to do that and not end up having visible tics or hypervigilance or actual mental disorders out of that level of depression (or as a reason why you can repress that well) everybody would do it. And tumblr is also an example of this, with all the users who explain how they were affected by their traumas, generally not as violent as Jemma’s, even in small but visible ways whether they repress it or not.  (and the only person we have seen talk to Jemma directly about a trauma and try to help her through it was Ward after FZZT, by the way, and some forced therapy with Andrew which really meant nothing and was even used for her to point out that ‘she feels weak when people keep trying to help her’ and Andrew agrees, which is once again a great take to have on therapy on tv. Great example for who is watching. Season 2, no acknowledged trauma whatsoever, if anything she was treated as an outsider or an enemy or selfish. In s3 that bit of therapy gone wrong. No comments on Hive!Will!Ward happening to her. Nothing even mentioned about literally anything else that happens next. Ward knew he had to look after her and help her get up on a tree, and also told her she was really brave, while, and I’m sorry because the scene was cute at the time, Fitz was complaining about how he couldn’t save her and she had to tell him he was the hero there and not Ward. After years of Jemma comforting him I don’t find that scene cute anymore) 

[haleyface]

TASK 009 →

Haley’s been tested for ADHD three times, but every time, it was felt she didn’t have it. 

She loves succulents and has them all over her bedroom. Of course she names them; the one on her nightstand right now is Marty McFlyTrap

She’s seen the third season of Digimon at least eight times. She could write an entire dissertation on its emotional impact and implications of childhood trauma, if only she had that kind of patience and knew what a dissertation is.

Her favorite Studio Ghibli movie (and movie in general) is Howl’s Moving Castle.

Her sun sign is in Virgo, her rising is in Capricorn, and her moon is in Cancer. (Born 09.17.95 @ 4:37pm)

Haley is surprisingly organized. The only thing that’s really a mess is her though content, but her actual living space is very neat and somewhat minimalistic. She doesn’t do well if she’s surrounded by clutter.

She loves things with her name written on them.

She makes sure people know it’s Haley. Not Hailey, not Hayley, not Haileigh. Haley.

Her favorite dessert is strawberry shortcakes.

She thought she had a cat once. The first day she moved into her apartment right after moving to New York, there was a cute fat orange cat roaming around her apartment. She assumed it was a house warming gift and the cat came and went through her fire escape as it pleased for months. It wasn’t until she was getting ready to move out that she learned it was actually the landlady’s cat who frequently snuck out. She also learned the cat was named Tater Tot, which sort of fit since Haley had taken to calling him Hashbrown.

Because she’s a gymnast and mostly competed with people who were averaging at 5’0” for years, Haley is super insecure about her height.

She’s a Connect Four champion.

Jemma convinced Haley she was adopted for a solid two weeks when they were kids.

When she found out Fruits Basket was being rebooted, she cried.

Haley was almost arrested when she was 17 because some local kids had started a fight club behind the local Walgreen’s. The cops came to break it up and haul all of them off to jail. All Haley wanted was to buy some skittles at 11pm, and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The only reason they didn’t arrest her was because she started crying.

She cries a lot.

Like…. a lot.

She sleeps with socks on.

She’s very bad at remembering her keys, so she had a bunch of spares made and keeps one in her purse, her wallet, her gym bag, and at Jemma’s apartment. She has not told Jemma that she has a spare key at Jemma’s apartment. Coincidentally, since moving out of her sister’s place months ago, she’s never lost that apartment key.

She went as Cinderella for Halloween five years in a row.

She doesn’t believe that Denmark is a country.

Haley doesn’t understand Snapchat.

[2minutes2midnight]

AoS Positivity Week: Day 7 - Looking forward to season 6

I can’t believe that today is the last day of this incredible week! And there is only 34 days left to the premiere of season 6 (yay! Finally after almost a year ;)).

I was thinking what I want to see in season 6 and here’s a “little” list of what Im looking forward to :) :

1. Fitzsimmons (epic) reunion - we all know that even death can’t stop them from being together. But after Jemma lost him and is looking for him in space I hope for really emotional reunion. I’m so happy to see Simmons fighting for her man.

2. Bus kids friendship - after everything that happened in season 5 I really hope to see those 3 being friends again. Daisy helping Jemma find Fitz, hopefully conversation between Fitz and Daisy about what happened with other Fitz and...I just want those three to be best friends again.

3. Team being a family again - one of my favorite things about this show is how much they all care about each other. So after fighting in season 5 I really hope to see them being close and supportive again.

4. Fitz’s and May’s hug - okay I was waiting 5 seasons for that and I really hope to see this happen in season 6, especially after May saw his death

5. Mack being awesome director - there was a moment when Mack wasn’t my favorite, but that changed (mostly thanks to people in the fandom) and I can’t wait to see him as director. I think his gonna be great, and I’m really curious how he’s gonna handle difficult situations.

6. Daisy kicking asses in her new suit. I really want to see confident Daisy using her new powers and to see what exactly serum did to her.

7. New girlfriend for Daisy - it’s about a time! After every boyfriend of hers died, maybe that means that she should have a girlfriend - Pipper would be great much ;). And I love Deke but please don’t put them together!

8. May/Elena working together - I really want to see them working as a team, training together. Helping each other after everything what happened to them.

9. Healing - I know there are still bad guys out there, but it would be nice to see whole team heal after their losses and traumas. I hope to see them talking to each other more. I hope to see Fitz fighting with doctor and winning, Daisy talking with about what he did and forgiving him, May talking about losing Coulson, Yo-yo about losing arms, Jemma about losing Fitz. Just team talking about what happened.

10. Fitzsimmons family - hope to see them bonding and I hope to see Fitz and Deke having better relationship than in season 5.

11. Darth!Coulson - I hope it’s gonna be interesting story behind this character. I can’t wait to see Clark playing bad guy. And I hope that in the end we gonna see Coulson back, because May deserves to have her man back.

12. Mackelena - I know spoilers from 6x01, but I really hope those two gonna be together, they’re so cute.

13. Pipper and Davis - I love those two, and I hope to see them more in new season.

14. Amazing VFX - I can’t wait to see amazing visual effects! Especially in space!

15. More light - I barely saw anything is season 5, so I hope they’re going to spend more time outside or at least bought some lamps or flashlights ;)

16. More humor - I want to believe Liz that this season is gonna be funny. I miss season 1 and all those moments when I was laughing and characters were happy.

17. Iain de Caestecker killing me with his acting skills. He’s doing this every season so I know he’s gonna do this again. And let him wear white t-shirt, or blue shirt. Or he can be shirtless ;).

18. Ghost rider - please bring Robbie back, if not for whole season maybe for few episodes? Please?

19. Huntingbird - I miss them!!! I was so happy to see Hunter in season 5, so I would love to see him and Bobbi again <3

20. Season finale without Fitzsimmons separation - please this one time leave them alone. Give them some happiness!

I know that I’m never gonna see a lot of those things but for now I’m gonna dream lol. I love this show and I know that I’m gonna enjoy it, even if it’s gonna make me cry. I’m so excited and I can’t wait for season 6. I know our cast is gonna be amazing <3.

And I want to thank everybody who took part in @aospositivityweek. All of you are amazing and I had so much fun reading all posts. And thanks to everyone who read my messy posts. This fandom is the best <3!

[agl03]

I know this is something the FS fandom have had to contend with a lot - their ship going through something traumatic and not getting to see them work through it - but as a Philinda shipper I’m annoyed by the 1 year jump ad we won’t see May/Daisy grieving or the team rebuilding. When we come back, Coulson will be in the past and the work May will have to do to grieve will have happened off camera. We got Philinda for all of 5 mins, and now we don’t even get to see May work through loosing him.

Hi Anon,

Its nothing new for AOS to jump over the grieving and healing part of the trauma they inflict on the characters.  While they are a drama they are mostly an action show and that is where their focus will be, on the action.

Its okay to be upset right now about Philinda.  I don’t think there is anything I can say here that will make you feel better or would do justice to the pain and frustration you are feeling right now.  

As I addressed in an ask yesterday they needed to have a good jump in order to clear the decks, set things up, and tee everything up to jump into the action. 

Chloe has confirmed in interviews that Daisy seems to be through most of the grieving process and I am betting that she and Jemma took off pretty quickly to start looking for Fitz after the finale. But that doesn’t mean there still isn’t something to come or the pain has gone away.  She still grieves for Lincoln.  Returning from over a year in space to see a baddie with your mentor and father figures face planning who knows what is not going to be easy at all.  

 Just based on the promo I do think that we will see May still grieving.  She didn’t seem like she was over anything while talking with Mack.  Out of everyone one the team, Darth Coulson is likely to effect May the most.  Reopen old woulds and make him difficult for her to fight.  And we can’t forget the side mission Ming eluded too at SDCC.

A huge unknown in the mix still is how long did they have together in Tahiti before Coulson passed away.  Also will there be flashbacks of it?  If there are it will have to be something for the current story.

I do think you will get a May/Daisy team up but it won’t happen until later in the Season once Daisy is back from Space and everything is just really hitting the fan.  I’m personally very excited for the new team up of May and Elena in the field and also to see May helping to guide Mack as he has growing pains as Director.  She saw Coulson through many of his own.  She can also be of support to Elena as it puts a strain on their relationship.  

A common thing we see each season are the teams to be mixed up a few times.  So I can see Fitzsimmons shifting to an arc with Deke when they get back while Daisy will jump into the action of the earth team.

As for Philinda itself I really don’t know what the future holds right now.   the recent confirmations we’ve gotten have shifted a few of my theories.   Clark is confirmed to be playing a new Character (my gut is he’s someone from the comics) with a new name.  He doesn’t know the team or have Coulson’s memories.  If there is a chance or a way to get “our” Coulson back then it won’t happen until the the end of the Season or even into Season 7 depending on how the writers decide they want to play it.  Or as much as I hate to say it, there is a chance “our” Coulson is gone for good as they want to preserve the ending in Tahiti and explore this new person with Coulson’s face and the fall out from that.

As I said above I don’t think there is anything I can say here that will make you feel better.   But I do get the frustration and sadness of having something you’ve wanted for your ship for a long time taken away and the uncertainly of the future due to a massive plot twist.

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

S5 Fitzsimmons rant

I know the vast majority of people are angry at the erasure of Fitz’s arc through s5, and I get why. But personally I welcome it because it gives the writers another shot at what went so drastically wrong in s5.

Before I start I just want to say that I didn’t hate season 5 at all as a whole. I couldn’t say the show got better or worse, but there were so many good parts for me, in particular towards the end Coulson, May, Mack and Philinda. I don’t even dislike Fitzsimmons, Fitz or Simmons, especially after having finished the entire season. I know that the whole thing about late s5 was how the team fell apart, I just got so mad at how it was handed and how much was ignored and glossed over. this is mostly a rant about the writers; the actors were phenomenal as always. This is honestly the first time I’ve had any big negativity about the show; everything usually works out fine in the end, just not this time. It was pretty unpleasant as I basically completely stopped shipping Fitzsimmons, and I simply just want to vent.

I was mostly into it up to 5x15. I was a bit skeptical especially with the whole marriage thing as they never once talked about s4 trauma etc, but I went with it. I loved most of the wedding. I loved Coulson and May being Fitz and Jemma’s parents, I loved that Mike and Davis who have been there since the start were there, I loved how happy Mack and Daisy were, I loved that Deke was revealed to be their grandson. I loved everything except ‘I don’t deserve you’.

But anyway I beetled on happily enough until 5x14. Obviously I was devastated at the trauma all of the Bus kids went through, but I was also glad because they were finally addressing the mounting pile of previously mostly ignored trauma, specifically the Framework and Fitz’s brain damage which had not been directly mentioned since s2. Plus I was hyped for some angsty FitzDaisy at long last.

5x15 was when everything started to go downhill. Instead of having any kind of empathy for Fitz (as she has suffered similarly before), Daisy got flat out angry and quaked him against a wall. Which I might understand, had she not played the 'Fitz is sick’ card later on. And suddenly Fitz is a supervillain? Real supportive guys. Fitz is no better though. I expected to see him drowning in guilt and remorse, but instead he just keeps insisting it was necessary and he doesn’t regret it when talking to the person he drugged, tied up and injured. Whatever he believes, that is not the way to go about making amends with someone who is supposedly one of his best friends.

I really hated the we’re invincible’ plot. Jemma’s actions in 5x16 in particular I found completely disgusting and completely ooc considering she’s the one who’s always preached that time can be rewritten.. Whatever delusions she had about her own invincibility in no way gave her the right to terrify Mack and her own husband like that. Even worse is that he lets it go?!? Like your wife just risked her life in the most stupid, unnecessary way possible and you’re gonna brush it off with a joke and a hug?!

So s5 went on and I got more and more disillusioned with fs every episode. There were so many adorable moments that I didn’t care about in the slightest because they felt so fake to me. Worse, Fitzsimons suddenly just felt like such an unhealthy relationship and they never explored it. I understand it could have been the end of the series and they were trying to fit in fan service amid all the plot, but I hated it. I longed for a few episodes where they talked at length and worked through all their trauma and emerged a stronger couple. Instead, just because they had proof they would be fine (Deke), suddenly they were fine. They also never mentioned the state of Fitz’s mind again, except for Mack insensitively telling him that he needed to change the person he was being. There was just so much not discussed or mentioned again, not least the whole FitzDaisy angst I was so hoping for as it is such an underused brotp.

I kinda liked the whole Fitz dying thing because me being heartbroken reminded me just how much I loved Fitz, despite all the bs that happened and how much of an ass he acted at times. I know a lot of people were mad because it erased all his s5 character development, but to me it was not really development?? At least not positive development. The writers will have to address his trauma again in s6, and this time I hope Jemma and the others will handle it earlier and better and we’ll finally get the resolution we need. On another note I’m super hyped for Director Mackenzie and I nearly cried when he finally got the validation he deserved in 5x22

[shewassoferal]

okay but in my blog I wrote actual specific arcs and I intend to resolve them too  Jemma in 2: battling PTSD and losing because she’s not even willing to accept she was hurt in the first place when others are ‘hurting so much worse than her’, believes wholeheartedly everything is her fault, when told the scariest change is hers and that Fitz didn’t trust her with Daisy’s secret in case she’d decide to hurt her she learns she’s *that* kind of person in the eyes of her loved ones and will never forget it, she also believes it because Fitz and Daisy are the best people she knows and if they see her as a threat, deep down they must have sensed all that darkness that she feels every day anyway. Starts being more reckless and violent, goes to kill people like Ward so they won’t have to and he won’t hurt anyone else. Still sorta loves science while so wary of alien things because every time people around her get hurt and die and it’s on her for not figuring out how they worked. When she makes up with Fitz it’s not enough to fix anything, given the circumstances, beside the fact that now she feels less awkward and worried to walk into the lab and a bit more hopeful. Then Maveth happens and breaks every single part of her.   Jemma in s3 up until s4: she re-learns how to be a human among humans, has plenty set-backs, has to learn also how to be her new self and deal with her inability to do 50% of her biochemist job, starts training to fight, starts feeling too much pain thinking about what she lost in terms of academic abilities. She goes to therapy, a lot, because she’d do anything to keep herself from accidentally hurting the people she loves.   Jemma in s4 up until the last third of the season: starts getting healthier, therapy is going well now, every now and then help a little with biotech as long as it's not something that makes her sick, is training and going to the field more, still not comfortable claiming she's dr. dr. Simmons like she was before. She has her own safehouse/apartment, it’s super cute, full of light and flowers and fairy lights, so she never has to be too scared. She has hope.  Jemma after the first two thirds of s4, when all the horrifying nightmares happen, and then during s5: loses ability to control herself, not completely but dangerously so, is re-traumatized and given new traumas as well, she closes off, can't do anything about their scientific needs, barely recovers in time to use her fighting skills to help, loses hope even more as time goes by. Hates herself so much or needing not be saved from enslavement, has killed her enslaver but now she’s back to needing physical space from others, doesn’t want to be touched for a while, not even by people like Fitz and Daisy who were allowed to be close to her after Maveth, because right now she might not attack them but she still flinches away, feels the need to be free to move and dress however she wants more than ever too.  Jemma during s6, which is what I mostly write in this blog: really good fighting skills after all the training, doesn't mention she's a genius, doesn't work on scientific projects, kinda longs for them, is still closed off but if away from SHIELD deep down she's looking for a reason to open up while being grumpy - if in SHIELD she's just grumpy -, has lost hope to ever have a normal life, has lost hope to ever have a romantic relationship, kinda wants more friendship to happen but at this point she's not sure of how to get it if Fitz isn't there to help her, re-learning to be physically close to people, begrudgingly helps everybody expecting the worst to happen, very set on 'I'm not meant to be a good person and do good but I will keep doing good anyway, though when necessary I'll use bad methods and do whatever it takes so that the good guys won't have to dirt their hands and be like me'. Can't resist sweet, kind, good people. Can't resist bickering with sassier people though at first she also returns to her quiet state. Will fight anyone any time.

Jemma... in season 7 or what I want after this? Re-discovers her love for science even if she can't dissect much, isn't asked to be a medical doctor but just a scientist, can take pride again on how much of a genius she is, still more of a... sci-operative than a scientist or an operative, is in a place where there is mutual support, less tragic&violent adventures, finds more friends and still loves her SHIELD friends, finds love. Is healthier. Gets the damn cat and dog she wants. Therapy. A pretty house again though she’s probably also going on missions to help whoever she’s with a lot and happy to be in company.

[eg515]

honestly, I'm really not happy with what AoS did to Fitz and fitzsimmons, for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I'm scared for them. Jemma changed a lot since cryo-sleep!Fitz last saw her - obviously.

how many time can fitzsimmons lose each other, find each other again after becoming different people and work things out in their relationship?

first they fell out when Fitz gave his life to save Simmons, and that ended with Fitz with permanent brain trauma and Simmons sent to Hydra undercover. when they met again, neither knew how to treat the other. it took them most of s2 to fix their relationship again - only to be ripped apart once more. Simmons landed in a different freaking solar system, and Fitz gave his everything to try and get her back. and when he did, they were different people than the last time they saw each other. it took them half a season and several near-death experiences to finally fix things. and then after a short happy period, the Framework happened, and one full season later they still haven't fixed that shitshow. Jemma went into a virtual reality to save Fitz, only to bring back a very different, very broken man. and they didn't have a chance to work that out, instead Jemma went to future space, Fitz went into cryo-sleep, only to meet up again as different people - Fitz the space marauder, Jemma the scientist forced into slavery. and they never really fixed their relationship after that? they just kind of swept it under the rug, only talking about stuff when absolutely necessary - like when a surprise visit from the Doctor happened.

and now, when Jemma will find Fitz, they will once again meet as different people. Fitz with all his Framework baggage fresh in his mind and the Doctor's voice in his head, trained to be a space marauder, filled with worry and questions about the future he will land in; and Jemma after forced into slavery in future space, escaping it, making it back to the present, marrying Fitz, finding out about their now maybe non-existent future together, seeing Fitz becoming the Doctor, all the weight of saving the world, trying and failing to save Coulson, losing Fitz once again.

I'm glad we will get a Fitz in one way or another, but I'm worried about how many more times they can get to know each other again and fix their relationship.

[ohifonlyx33]

3x17 rambling mostly about the KISS

The Team is an all-around solid episode. We've got the team turned against each other and it seemed to me that it was a 75% chance that Daisy was the one that was infected BUT they did an excellent job casting shade on everyone else where you hd to doubt just for a minute... and through it all, Elena is a queen. And Daisy's plan is so smart. 

now then, on the fitzsimmons side of things, the narrative timing still feels a little weird because of 3A, and the fact that 3B has been really super chill about showing Fitzsimmons after all that Quality Trash Content in 3A... but they're trying to push past all of that needless angst... so we start with “not fascinating: quarantine.” and then we get fitzsimmons, mostly simmons, flirting  while she does a full brain biopsy on a corpse which is like A PRIME SIMMONS MOVE. oh jemma, will she ever learn to chill? ...but really who else is gonna love her like fitz, even with her weird gross quirks? but it's a hint that Jemma's thinking about Fitz (which honestly we don't get enough narrative about Jemma’s perspective).

and besides that, fitz is basically just in there to be her sounding board... he doesn't really do much but talk to her and maybe hand her a few things... but in between trying not to lose his lunch and pretending like jemma didn't just ask herself out on a movie date with him, he brings up how tired he is of the constant fear and stress of the job. and that's when Optimist Jemma comes out to remind him that this isn't the worst day ever, even despite the hazmat suits. 

oh and we all gotta love protective-fitz coming between simmons and potentially-swayed-lincoln like oh my gosh fitz he could kill you both and you can’t stop that by just pushing him aside all suspiciously. but hey then they duck out of sight and find a closet and lock the door or something idk idk

and now bunkered down in what I assume is Fitz's room, it’s jemma is at a loss. her brain is working overtime to come up with a solution and she's worried and tired. and fitz switches over to optimism. Simply because he knows they'll sort it all out like they always do. (TOGETHER.)

And anyway, she leans her head against his shoulder like it’s her pillow and she does it so comfortably like she’s always done so... but Fitz is so nervous... just about leaning his head against hers, but then their hands are entwined and if that hand been all that transpired i would have counted myself blessed.

but then their heads are tilting and nature takes over. and it's so quiet and still and just this soft, sweet moment that neither of them planned (except that Jemma totally planned it the moment she got Fitz alone and put her head on his shoulder... girl knew the game she was playing...) and he looks at her face seeking confirmation and there she is just... waiting for him. And now finally there's this KISS...

I feel like out of all their kiss scenes, this one has the best build up within the scene.... and yet within the bigger picture context, you don't really expect it... going into this episode. no one was expecting fitzsimmons to cuddle up and smooch trying to unlock the secrets of inhuman biology. but at this point, there is some unspoken understanding between them that underneath the re-established friendship there  is a promise of more... 

but it seems kinda impossible for fitzsimmons to get there after so long... because they went from friends, to confession, to brain injury, to separation, to barely even friends, to angry, and back to being friends, then back to being maybe-more-than-friends, and back to being separated again, to being awkwardly reunited with a heap of trauma, hindered by curses, overcome with jealousy and guilt, and then back to being friends with a fresh start.... y'all they have psychiatrists everywhere BAFFLED with how they managed all that in just the first 3 seasons. man, before Andrew changed, i would have LOVED an episode of him just trying to figure that out.

but then he pulls away and jemma looks disappointed that his lips are gone.... and worried even... until he apologizes. and she’s relieved.  he’s apologizing??? BOY FOR WHAT THAT KISS WAS TOTALLY MUTUAL... so maybe not for the act of the kiss itself. in fact, I think it was maybe just because the kiss was getting too intense? just a theory i had. because clearly they both waaaaaanted that kiss sooo badly, but you see he's the one who goes to deepen it. like things were about to really start happening... and he basically panicked and worried he’d messed everything up again. i mean, his response is only natural since they've never made it this far without something awful happening. and she is the one who reassures him no more waiting. AND GOSH HAS HE BEEN WAITING. up to 13 years according to some headcanons... but at least 2-3 years depending on your interpretation of canon. but she doesn’t LET him panic. she wants this and she knows he wants this... just like at the end of season 2 when he starts to walk away and say there’s nothing to discuss... she doesn’t get scared by his dismissal. she knows he’s just scared and whatever. so they start rambling over each other and then they make promises to never be ripped apart by anything ever. so basically they’re engaged for like the third time since she went to that death planet.

then he pulls out a cheesy pick up line and makes her laugh. and just as she looks at him with her heart and soul completely bared in her eyes as she goes in for the MOST DELIBERATE ND PASSIONATE KISS BUT-

he stops her and makes a joke and gosh the thing she does when she shuts him up with a kiss got me doing the HEART EYES AT MAXIMUM. because jemma is done talking at this point she wants her man to kiss her. (DARN SHADOWS TURN ON A LAMP YOU GUYS WERE DOING RESEARCH THere SHOULD BE MORE LIGHT!)

and I fully believe they made out for at least a few minutes before Jemma's mind figured out the solution to the problem they'd been working on.

and this episode really doesn’t feel fitzsimmons-centric but it’s sUCH a good episode.

even though something bad happens at the end. of course.