#real life parabatais

[fairdale]

to william herondale, with love

you have two options when it comes about will.

you can choose to stay in the surface, to think of him as a sassy, sarcastic, superficial and selfish man who doesn't give a shit about anything nor anyone except for jem, who makes insensitive jokes and doesn't care if he hurts people.

or you can choose to know him. the little parts of him that make him wonderful, sweet, delicate and caring. and, oh, how much love will fill your heart when you realise how much he deserves to be loved.

and how much he craves it.

will is sarcastic, yes. he's funny, he pulls off jokes like it's nothing, he makes people laugh, he sings the demon pox song and makes everyone think he's a little crazy.

but he's also the kid who left his family too young because he thought he was cursed and he loved them too much.

he's also the kid who thought no one could ever love him anymore.

he's also the kid who felt terribly lonely after leaving his family.

he's also the kid who wanted jem to be his parabatai so badly he didn't care he was sick and that he would leave him too soon.

he's also the kid who didn't want people too close to him because he loved them and didn't want anything bad to happen to them. jem was different. it wasn't just because he was sick, it's because he was jem. because jem saw who he truly was when no one else did. his heart beat because jem's did as well.

he's also the man who loved to read. the man whose name will still be dancing in the walls of the library centuries later. the man who found a safe place between books.

he's also the man who was so in love with tessa he tried to break the curse after years of living like that, because his love was so pure, so deep, so real, he had to do something.

he's also the man who put his hands into the fire to save jem's yin fen, because he couldn't imagine a life without him. because he didn't want a life without him.

he's also the man who was desperately in love with tessa, but made himself scarce because he couldn't put his own happiness over tessa and jem's. because he saw how good they were to each other.

he's also the man who held jessamine in his arms when she died too young.

he's also the man who let jem go when he told him he didn't want to live like that anymore even though it would forever break him and he would take a part of his soul with him.

he's also the man who went to save tessa even when he felt his heart getting carved out of his chest when jem died.

he's also the man who learned how to have his sister next to him again, the man who went back to his parents even if he were terrified.

he's also the man who made sure tessa never doubted for a second that he was devoted to her.

he's also the man who travelled the world with her and wrote her letters to show his love.

he's also the man who made sure to love his children loudly, to tell them he was proud of them and that they weren't monsters.

he's also the man who fought against injustices in the clave.

he was also the man who died surrounded by his loved ones (because he was, in fact, so loved).

he was also the man watching jem and tessa's wedding dream since the other side of the river, being happy for them.

will was the man with a heart so big he didn't know what to do with all the love he held in it.

when someone asks me, but why do you love him so much? well, how can you not? how, when he tried to love so quietly but he was screaming, when he was trying not to care but he cared more than anyone.

will herondale was, is and forever will be the character i hold closest to my heart, the character who made me laugh, cry and love the most.

"he lies consistently. he always invents the story that will make him look the worst."

"but it was there, in the touch of his hand on her cheek, in the softness of his voice, in his eyes when he looked at her. it was the way she had always dreamed a boy would look at her. but she never dreamed up someone as beautiful as will, not in all her imaginings."

"all my life, since i came to the institute, you were the mirror of my soul. i saw the good in me in you. in your eyes alone i found grace. when you are gone from me, who will see me like that?"

"against his own will, almost, will felt himself understanding; he would have done anything, he thought, told any lie, taken any risk, to make tessa love him. he would have done— almost anything. he would not betray jem for it. that was the one thing he would not do."

"don’t you see, will? you’re a person like me. you are like me. you say the things i think but never say out loud. you read the books i read. you love the poetry i love. you make me laugh with your ridiculous songs and the way you see the truth of everything. "

"when she tilted her head up and brushed his lips with hers, he cupped her face in his hands. so many years, he thought, and each kiss was new as the break of day."

"wo men shi sheng si ji jiao," said will, and he saw jem’s eyes widen, fractionally, and the spark of amusement inside them. "go in peace, james carstairs."

"and in the shadows they’d whispered, reminding each other of the stories only they knew. of the girl who had hit over the head with a water jug the boy who had come to rescue her, and how he had fallen in love with her in that instant."

"she remembered when will had died, her agony, the long nights alone, reaching across the bed every morning when she woke up, for years expecting to find him there, and only slowly growing accustomed to the fact that side of the bed would always be empty."

"i don’t know how to live in the world as a shadowhunter without will. i don’t think I even want to. i am still a parabatai, but my other half is gone. if I were to go to some Institute and ask them to take me in, i would never forget that. i would never feel whole."

"i miss you. we miss you. someday, we'll all be together. not too soon, my angel tessa. i can wait."

...

"my name is herondale," the boy said cheerfully. "william herondale, but everyone calls me will."

[inkedbydave]

I havnt read those books in the shadowhunter chronicles yet, what are your favorite things about them? (Im curious whether I should read them or not since I have such a big tbr already)

Oh maaan you're in for a ride

I have no idea which series in the Shadowhunter Universe you meant exactly but i'll start with my fav

Part I:

The Dark Artifices:

Do you ever feel like your soul needs a good mix of romantic pining, chaotic battles, and emotional devastation? The Dark Artifices is calling your name.

But seriously if you love stories that combine heart-pounding action, deep family bonds, and characters so real you’ll find yourself thinking about them long after you've finished the books? This is the series for you!

This series follows a family of Shadowhunters in sunny Los Angeles (yes, there are beaches AND demon fights) as they deal with forbidden love, ancient laws that make no sense, and plot twists that will leave you staring at the ceiling at 3 AM like: what just happened.

It’s got:

Two people who can’t be together because of reasons but have enough chemistry to destroy you.

A goofy warlock with more secrets than anyone is ready for.

A soft boy who paints and probably writes poetry but will absolutely murder you if you hurt his siblings and childhood friend.

A broody faerie loner who says “I work alone” but would probably die for his friends.

“I would die for my siblings, but also, they’re so annoying” energy.

Found-family dynamics that will have you texting your friends, “DO YOU SEE THIS?”

And, of course, the *painful but addictive* mix of love, loyalty, and chaos...

Enemies-to-lovers? No, wait—friends-to-lovers? Actually, it’s more like "reluctantly obsessed but too emotionally constipated to say it."

Three people staring dramatically at each other like ‘Is this polyamory or a REALLY complicated love triangle?

Characters who will make you scream, “JUST COMMUNICATE,” but you’ll love them anyway.

Enough family angst to fuel a therapy session for years.

A genius, autistic boy who solves mysteries but can’t solve the mystery of his own feelings

Main characters? Let’s just say there’s a parabatai bond that’s more complicated than your high school crush.

The plot? Fast-paced, full of betrayal, and packed with vicious fight scenes.

The family? Everything is fine...except when it’s not.

The romance? You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll probably scream and definitely ship things that should not be shipped. :)

Basically a murder mystery, faerie politics, and the most relatable struggle of all: Trying to keep your family alive and well while the world is falling apart.

Fair warning: you’ll never emotionally recover (and you’ll love every second).

part II:

The Mortal Instruments:

If you’re looking for a fast-paced urban fantasy series full of adventure, humor, and heart, you need to pick up The Mortal Instruments.

It’s got everything: shadowy secrets, epic battles, forbidden love, and enough twists and turns to keep you hooked from start to finish. Plus, the friendships and family bonds will hit you right in the feels.

If you like:

Hot people with emotional trauma

Family dynamics so messy even you would say "y’all need therapy"

Enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-allies-to-love(maybe) but make it *gay*

Bonus gay dads with actual functional communication (because someone has to balance the chaos)

A love triangle that's not technically a triangle, but don't worry, it'll still destroy your soul

If you do then babe, let me introduce you to The Mortal Instruments:

It’s like Twilight, but everyone fights better is hotter and has sarcasm set to ✨maximum damage✨.

You'll question the characters' life choices, then realize your own aren’t much better.

There’s an overachieving golden boy with a superiority complex who definitely Googles his own name but is secretly baby.

A girl who just wants to vibe and maybe not be surrounded by apocalypses, but alas.

A cinnamon roll nerd who says, “I don’t want to be here,” but somehow ends up saving the day every time.

And a guy who walks in like: "I’m too goth for this mess," but then adopts everyone and pays for dinner.

The Mortal Instruments is what happens when an ex fanfic writer starts a writing carrier and makes a book series: chaotic, emotional, weirdly self-aware, and packed with heart. Read it. Your inner emo kid will thank you.

Bonus:

The plot? Like Supernatural on speed.

The dialogue? Whedon-esque but with more sass per square inch.

The drama? Every fanfic writer wishes they wrote this level of ✨chaotic bisexual disaster energy✨.

If this sounds appealing, congratulations! This series was literally written for you.

part III:

The Infernal Devices:

The Infernal Devices by Cassandra Clare is an absolute gem of a series, blending romance, adventure, and a touch of Victorian-era steampunk. If you love books with unforgettable characters, heart-wrenching love triangles (in the best way), and a beautifully atmospheric setting, this is the series for you.

It’s full of witty banter, emotional depth, and a story that stays with you long after you turn the last page. Trust me—there’s no ‘right’ team to root for, but you’ll love every moment of trying to decide.

The plot? Wild.

The romance? Devastating.

The side characters? Hot, chaotic, and probably more interesting than the main ones in most other books you’ve read.

Let’s not forget:

The Victorian Aesthetic™ (it’s giving Pinterest board).

A robot army that would make Skynet say, “You okay, bro?”

Poetry recitals that feel like life-or-death declarations.

And more tragic backstories than a Shakespearean play.

It's got:

a steampunk version of London where demons and shadowhunters roam the cobblestone streets, and your biggest problem isn’t the fog, but the ✨existential dread✨.

There’s a protagonist who just wanted to read books but accidentally became the center of everyone’s emotional drama (relatable queen).

A golden retriever boy who’s so perfect it physically hurts and is slowly dying.

And a sad boy™️ who looks like he stepped straight out of a My Chemical Romance album, only with a reading obsession.

A love triangle where instead of fighting, the two love interests are like, ‘Hey, what if we all just loved each other?’

Friendships so deep they’ll make you scream, “WHY CAN’T THE WORLD LET THEM BE HAPPY?”

A heroine who’s like, ‘Do I choose the guy who might secretly hate himself more than anyone else alive, or the literal angel in human form?’ (Spoiler: she chooses both. Iconic.)

Brooding boys who quote poetry in life-or-death situations (because of course they do).

*A love triangle where instead of fighting, the two love interests are like, ‘Hey, what if we all just loved each other?’

Start with Clockwork Angel and get ready to laugh, cry, and ugly sob over Will, Jem, and Tessa. But be warned: this series will RUIN you in the most beautiful way possible.

I won't write a summary of The Last Hours since i haven't finished it yet sorry babes, but hope you liked these *mwa*

[kitty-gray]

This is one of my personal favorites tbh

"Julian often thought the Clave was a black shadow over his life. They had stolen his older brother and sister from him just as much as the Fair Folk had. Down through the centuries, the exact way Shadowhunters could and should behave had been strictly regimented. Tell a mundane about the Shadow World and be disciplined, even exiled. Fall in love with a mundane, or your parabatai, and have your Marks ripped off—an agonizing process not everyone survived.

Julian’s art, his father’s interest in the classics: all had been regarded with deep suspicion. Shadowhunters weren’t meant to have outside interests. Shadowhunters weren’t artists. They were warriors, born and bred, like Spartans. And individuality was not something they valued.

Ty’s thoughts, his beautiful, curious mind, were not like everyone else’s. Julian had heard stories—whispers, really—of other Shadowhunter children who thought or felt differently. Who had trouble focusing. Who claimed letters rearranged themselves on the page when they tried to read them. Who fell prey to dark sadnesses that seemed to have no reason, or fits of energy they couldn’t control.

Whispers were all there were, though, because the Clave hated to admit that Nephilim like that existed. They were disappeared into the “dregs” portion of the Academy, trained to stay out of the way of other Shadowhunters. Sent to far corners of the globe like shameful secrets to be hidden. There were no words to describe Shadowhunters whose minds were shaped differently, no real words to describe differences at all.

Because if there were words, Julian thought, there would have to be acknowledgment. And there were things the Clave refused to acknowledge."

[bookishjules]

So I am rereading TMI after almost 10 years and my adult brain is processing small details that my middle school brain did not! I never realized how much Izzy has Jace’s back through the first three books especially. I’m on COFA now and Jace is having his dream about stabbing Clary but right before, he wonders if Izzy is the one knocking on his door to bother him. That got me thinking about that sibling pair. We get parabatai scenes between Alec and Jace but I would love to know what Izzy and Jace get up to as a duo? Their one-on-one conversations seem like such a mystery lol and I know you’re an Izzy enthusiast so if you have any headcanons about this please share 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️

i have so so much love for jace and izzy's relationship, but you're right, we really don't get much in terms of content for the two of them. which honestly?? tragic. not only do they top the shadowhunting charts, but idk there's just something about how the two of them function in life that would breed such great comradery imo like there's a reason they tried something romantic at one point, yk? they're so similar and they both hold the other in such high regard.. okay i could rant about them for a long time, but let's talk headcanons

jace was always quick to include izzy in any games him and alec would play, even when the latter was going through his 'my sister is so annoying' phase. jace understood what it was like to be lonely and didn't want to be the cause of izzy being forced to find some way to play on her own (or with her baby brother) when there was a perfectly good game she could join in on

the two of them did occasionally pull pranks on their older brother too. alec got so pissy about it, but that was of course the best part hehe

along with being pranking buddies, i think they also did a lot of confiding in each other. alec would get more withdrawn (into responsibility, into big brother protector mode, into hiding his crush on jace) and there was just something about a brother that wasn't quite a brother, who wouldn't reprimand you or worry about you or tell mom and dad on you. and of course not having any real friends around kinda made it difficult to have confidants who weren't also your siblings.

so jace was the first to know about izzy's first kiss, and izzy was the first to know about jace's first time.

because jace often felt like he had to look cool and desirable (not sexually just like.. worthy ig) to alec, it was often izzy who he'd open up to. about his past, about how hard the transition to new york was from the countryside, about how left out he felt when maryse wouldn't sing to him etc.

she shared her hair products with him and he would read to her on nights when her parents were fighting and it seemed to affect her more than any of the boys.

when he told her the spaghetti story she tried to make spaghetti for him at least once a month. never with positive results, but she was teasing him for his youthful obsession, so he'd tease her about her horrible cooking <3

she shared her hair products with him and he helped her study, since he was already well ahead of shadowhunter standards for their age

i feel like they're the kind of duo who starts out having a very casual, joking conversation that devolves into hours of deeper shit that they then have to go to the training room to sweat off together

[lurafita]

Malec Sims

Because Izzy is dating Simon, she knows what Video games are.

And because Izzy thinks her brother is in desperate need of a hobby, she makes him play the Sims.

And Alec makes all the Sims to be like the people in his life. He did not plan to get so into the game, but boy he does. And when sim jace starts flirting with sim Magnus, Alec might admit to be a little too invested in the game when he starts throwing his parabatai dirty looks in real life 🤣

Jace to Alec, after their training session: "Damn, man, you really weren't holding back there. Did I do something to piss you off?"

Alec, remembering last night's gaming session and how sim Jace was asking sim Magnus out for a drink: "…No. Of course not."

[darcyolsson]

What's the ultimate ranking of all parabatai pairs in your intellectual tmi-spiral opinion

thanks for acknowledging the fact that tmi is making me a bit crazy 💛 without further ado, parabatai pairs from worst to best at being parabatai:

luke & valentine - they get some points for participating in a Parabatai Love Triangle (tm) which we all know by now is an essential part of all parabatai pairs but i think it's literally mentioned once that they were parabatai and then it's never brought up again. clearly this was the parabatai equivalent of an embarassing teenage relationship. 1.5/10

lucie & cordelia - they at least take the whole parabatai connected-souls things quite seriously but they forgot the most important part and thats that you need to actually be friends. 3/10

jace & alec - these two however absolutely did not take it seriously enough lmfaoooooo there's real love between them but they hate communicating, talking and speaking to each other SOOOO MUCH. however i kind of have to respect it? sometimes a joint parabatai slay is that they both dont actually give a fuck ab being parabatai. they were kind of real for that. 5/10

james & matthew - i acknowledge that they tried but they werent very good at it were they. i think they kind of suffer from the same thing as lucie & cordelia in the sense that they interact too little to come off as besties even though they both want to be besties. however they did have quite a few moments of unwavering homoerotic loyalty and i do love that. didnt live up to their potential though. 5.5/10

robert & michael - yeah they ended on bad terms but at least they gave us the drama and the completely insane intensity i'm LOOKING for!!!! like i said earlier, almost 20 years after his death michael was still the person robert loved the most in the entire world and michael literally came back from the dead to attend roberts funeral. perhaps robert failed to notice michael dying but thats iconic in and of itself imo do you know how deep you have to bury your emotions to not notice your parabatai's death?????? complete emotional rollercoaster i love it. 7/10 no wonder jace & alec are Like That

simon & clary - they rlly just became parabatai because they could. overhated and underrated parabatai duo i think they lack a certain je ne sais quoi that other pairs do have but i'm obsessed w their friendship so i love them anyway<3 have we considered that more ppl should just become parabatai with their besties simply because they can? besides at this rate simon will be a werewolf or something in 3 months' time anyway so we can't ever blame them for jumping on the opportunity! 7.5/10

jonathan shadowhunter & david the silent - literally invented the parabatai bond. bestie goals. couldve made it more feminist and included a woman though 🙄 8/10

emma & julian - do i even need to explain. they burned down a church. objectively awful at the whole parabatai deal though but in such an iconic life-changing culturally historically and aesthetically significant way that i dont even care. 9/10

will & jem - our souls are knit. we are one person, james. 10000000000000/10

[alexanderlightweight]

hello~ wensday prompt: what happens if alec was 6-7 years older. he wouldn't be parabatai with jace because he will be 18 and jace like 12 ? or he start date magnus much earlier before clary show up?

I hope you doing great! also have you seen "bodies bodies bodies"? great comedy horror. recommend to see it~

thank you for writing all of these prompts 💕

Hello! you are not the only person to be interested in that idea and i love it! in my opinion, an alec who was 6-7 years older than izzy wouldn't be raised by maryse and robert. alec and jonathon were born during the circle, after they left. so this is part of a universe called walls of adoration, claws of desperations

there is another porition of this written and jsyk it's alec and magnus secret relationship.

also valentine wants soldiers and experiments, he'd encourage his soldiers to keeps the kids, maybe even convince them. but maryse wouldn't take a toddler or a baby with her, it would be a tactical error and distraction.

in my opinion and headcanon, alec is left with the trueblood or lightwood grandparents and if i'm going to go with either, i'm gonna go with the trueblood tbh. i'm biased cause i like maryse better than robert. alec has been living in idris with the disgrace of circle member parents because this is before its hidden. he's about to get his first rune and he's been raised loyal and to disdain his parents because they're traitors.

he's going to refuse to go with them and he's about to get his first rune and maryse is pregnant and will have another heir and the truebloods need one.

so yeah, thats kinda my meta for the background and hows and whys of this.

i am doing great! thank you so much for asking and today has been lovely and i have so many prompts i'm excited about.

I really am enjoying them so you're welcome and thank you for sending in a prompt

also i have not but it is now on the list!

<3 lumine

-

Alec prefers the parts of his life that are him living in the outskirts of Alicante. His grandparents have passed and while he is sent to train hunters at Institute’s across the world, he’s had no real interest or reason to officially be called to serve as a Commander.

At least until now.

With Maryse and Robert Lightwood being recalled to Idris, Alec is the only one related who has the qualifications and the right background for it. Robert and Maryse won’t be able to claim the clave is trying to strip the Institute from their family, not when Alec is heir to one of them.

Which is fine, it’s not the worst thing Alec has done and while he dreads the tedium of bringing an entire Institute full of hunters up to his personal standards, it’s not the worst thing he’s done.

It’s a bit annoying to have to stop his current study and projects and while Aline promised to keep him updated, Alec hopes that Sebastian will help remind her. Otherwise, he’ll be hearing about things once every six months.

Alec isn’t interested in politics the way his parents are.

He’s seen what they did to Maryse and Robert and now that he’s older, he understands things better and dislikes them more.

So, it’s with indifference that he goes to New York and it’s with prejudice that he kicks shadowhunters back to New York.

Izzy thinking she’s a shadowhunter informant at fifteen and that she can seduce information from seelies is the ridiculous thing Alec’s ever heard and while she wails and begs, he ignores her petulant whining. She’s her parent’s princess and he knows she’s rarely been told a ‘no’ that she didn’t ignore.

Jace is just as stubborn and the third time he gets himself and other shadowhunters injured, Alec has him with Izzy, Starkweather, and about a fifth of his Institute ready to be shipped back to Alicante.

“It’s a conflict of interest.” He tells Jia with a smirk over the video call that night. “They’re my precious little siblings, Jia. How could I put them through the same kind of training as the others?”

“You just don’t want to deal with them.” Jia accuses, having apparently already found out how much of a headache the two are.

Alec merely raises a brow because it is a conflict of interest and Jia knows it. Everyone knows it, which is why it’s hilarious that she’s still trying.

“Fine. But did you have to send us Starkweather? This is a mess, Trueblood.”

Alec simply hums and signs off, because at least now it’s not his mess.

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Shadows - Lightwood siblings

Summary: You have vivid nightmares but you’re family is there to soothe you.

Warnings: Nightmares, angst, blood, graphic dream description, crying.

Pairing: GN!Reader x Lightwood siblings (platonic).

Word count: 1,642.

Shadows. Always with the shadowy demons. No breaks, no mercy, just Shadows.

That was my nightmare, day in and day out, it never changed. I was born into a Shadowhunter family but I couldn't help thinking this life didn't agree with me. Whether I failed in training, got injured in the field or couldn't escape my dreams, life just never seemed to go the way I wanted it to. It was tiring, draining and I wasn't sure how much longer I would last.

My family had worked at the institute for centuries so I had grown up alongside the other children whose parents worked here like the Lightwood children. Alec and I were the same age and as we'd all grown, they became my siblings. When Jace joined the family it was no different, I just had an extra brother now. He was my family, just as much as the other three and that would never change.

Every day seemed to pass in a blur of lights and sounds, without ever seeming to become clear. Colours seemed to get blander as though my energy and colour were being drained from the world until all that remained were purple bags under my eyes, pale gaunt expressions and bruises from countless failures to dodge hits. If it wasn't for the loyalty of my family, I doubt I'd even be allowed to stay anymore. I was a liability to everyone especially my siblings and the thought of them getting hurt because of me, shattered my very soul. I lived for my family and the nightmares knew exactly that, perfect fuel to torture me.

Like right now, I knew I was dreaming, knew the street I was running down wasn't real, and the distant figures of my four siblings were actually tucked nice and warm in their beds but it felt so real. The dark, gruelling world in this dream had no end, just suffering and I was in for a night full of it. I tried to force myself awake, to see I was in the comfort of my own bedroom, Izzy just next door and the boys a little further down but my body refused to see it.

And so I was stuck suffering, barely hanging on, trying to pinch myself awake with the fear of being a failure looming as I watched them laughing together.

Shadows beneath my siblings' feet began to swirl and I hauled in a deep breath to prepare. Claws emerged from the shadows, scratching and scraping at their clothes and skin. Though I knew I would never win I tried to run, faster than I ever could but never seemed to get closer as the floor seemed to become treadmill-like. Eventually, my shadow sunk its claws into my arms, holding me back, locking me in place so I had to watch as the claws drew blood, splashing in rivulets on the floor, as it all mixed into one growing pool.

Alec's face was painted with determination as he tried to grab his siblings and Parabatai though his calves and ankles were shredded. Jaces was one of horror as it dawned on him that he couldn't save them. Izzy was in shock as she clambered to hold little Max and lift him away from the horror. Max was pure terror, the pain on his childish features as shadows morphed around his body and ripped his body into ribbons of flesh and muscle. I couldn't move, I was paralysed by the sight and no amount of willpower could make me escape as the shadows screeched taunts of my fauliure.

My jaw ached, my chest convulsing, with the scream of anguish, pain, loss and anger, red hot tears scorching my face like lava.

"Y/N! Y/N please." Izzy's voice called to me through the screams, a fresh wave of pain dousing me and taking my breath. Her shouts seemed to unlock my senses as the stench of blood and suffering filtered through as the fight seemed to leave my siblings' bodies. My knees caved under me, stopping me from getting closer to save them.

"Y/N," Alec's voice was gentle and calm, an awful contrast to the bare bone on his arms and the tortured look on his face. "You're safe, you're okay, just come back." I shook my head as dark rivers of blood oozed from his mouth, lips moving in time with the voice. I couldn't squeeze my eyes shut as their eyes started to dull and they sank to the floor in the huge puddle. "Come on, wake up, we're here." The reassurance echoed in my ears despite the dead eyes of my four siblings staring up at me.

I knew this wasn't real, but it seemed like it was. From the expressions of pain, the way they fought to protect each other and the way their life force seemed to drain before me. But, my siblings were shouting for me, calling me back to them, back to the land of the living.

"Y/N, you're scaring me." I struggled in the direction of Max's voice, towards my baby brother who sounded as if he was on the verge of breaking. Slowly but surely, feeling started to seep back into my body. The bed around me dipped with the weight of the four of them. I could tell by each touch who was where and it warmed my heart. Izzy's fingers were laced with mine, Jace sitting near my legs with a hand on my calf, Alec's Hand brushed my hair from my face and Max was just to my side, his small hands shaking my arm.

"I'm here little guy," my throat burned as I muttered to the child. "Didn't mean to scare you, Maxie, I'm here." He usually protested he was too old for the nicknames but right now he was a scared little boy and couldn't care less. I shakily slid myself up so I could face him and he buried himself in my chest. No matter how big he was, he had his moments where he was an ordinary child who got scared and sometimes just needed reassurance and a cuddle. I could never deny him that.

"It's okay, just a bad dream, I've got you." I lifted his chin, wiping his tears before he shuffled to lay beside me with his face on my chest and little arms wrapped around me. I couldn't tell if this was comfort for him or me but nonetheless, it was more than welcome. We all waited patiently for him to settle down, hiccups fading into long deep breaths and muscles relaxing as he went back to his own dreamland. I wouldn't talk about it in front of him whilst he was awake, id scared him enough for one night.

Once I was certain he was sleeping, I let out a long shaky breath, staring up at the ceiling as tears filled my eyes.

"Hey," Jace cooed, his thumb rubbing my calf to comfort me. "You're okay now." My chest ached as a few tears fell, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment. "Shadows again?" I nodded silently before opening my eyes.

"It seemed so real, it was awful. I knew it wasn't real but it seemed like it was." I shuddered, trying not to jostle Max too much. "Guessing I woke you guys up?" I already knew the answer, and judging by the movement in the hallway they weren't the only ones I had woken up.

"I heard you and woke Jace and Alec, it was worse than usual," Izzy admitted with a small smile. "Max heard us rushing in and followed us. He refused to leave until he knew you were okay." Her words melted my heart a little and I smiled down at his sleeping form.

"Every time, no matter what I try, I can't save any of you. I'm not strong enough, not good enough to fight them off and every time I watch the life drain from you, it's like I lose a piece of myself." My head pounded as I tried to hold in my sobs, comforted by the feeling of them around me. "I'm so sorry I woke you all up." I knew it wouldn't be the last time it happened but I still hated disturbing their sleep.

"You are good enough Y/N, you can't help what you dream about. You'll always be good enough." Alec's voice was tight, as though he was holding back his own emotions and I smiled up at him, taking hold of his hand with a squeeze. "You don't have to apologise for waking us, we're always here for you no matter what time of day it is, just like you always have been for us." I nodded and pressed a kiss to Max's head as the effects of my dream caught up with me, making me slump in exhaustion and stifle a yawn.

"I think we're gonna stay the night. Max isn't for shifting and you might sleep better with us here. Plus, I'm comfy now." I peered down at Izzy as she huddled under my arm and rested on my shoulder. I didn't mind them staying, my bed was sure big enough for a cuddle pile and I wouldn't complain about the company or warmth. We all scooted around getting comfy, my head lay against Alec who curled up on my other side, Max resting against us both and Jace manoeuvred himself to lay against my thigh without being kicked in the head by Izzy.

"I think I could do with the cuddles." I joked, huffing out a small laugh as sleep started to take hold. "Y'know I would do anything for you guys, right? You're my family and I love you all so much."

"We know Y/N," Izzy whispered sleepily. "We love you so much too. "

[julescarstairs]

To be honest, I think that real life Parabatai exist. Because there are people that come into our lives who we love and care for so much that we fear that it will break us, but that love does not once err on the side of romance.

There are people who come into our lives who understand us without even having to ask, who complete your inner thoughts without ever hearing them, who think like you when you thought that no one ever would.

Parabatai are the embodiment of a platonic soulmate, a twin flame, someone who complements your very existence with their own. Not everyone has a Parabatai — since not everyone’s soulmate is a friend — but those who do… they feel it.

You both feel it, like a steady beacon of warmth in your hearts. The steadfast presence of the other person right beside you no matter how far away you actually are.

There has to be real life Parabatai, because sometimes a person comes into your life and to call them a friend isn’t enough. They aren’t family, they aren’t a lover, they aren’t just a friend, but something entirely of their own. They’re special, in that way. So whilst there is no marking or rings of fire involved, the bond is definitely there, forged in an unspoken promise rather than an oath of angels.

[im-out-of-it]

part four of season 2, episode 2 “a door into the dark”

110. I think I left off here anyways, moving on. Magnus looks impressed

111. after screaming for Magnus and fighting for your life Simon but ya did it

112. “there are some serious risks”- jocelyn. but that’s why she’s having Alec do this and not herself. also it’s for parabatai

113. Alec: sis I’m doing this I’m an independent man so don’t try to stop me

114. Izzy is the only one that is trying to say it’s not worth it

115. I would understand if it were for Magnus or someone who cares for Alec but it’s jace and it doesn’t seem worth it to me

116. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY COULDNT HAVE ALEC ASK HIMSELF WHY AND IF JACE IS WORTH POSSIBLY DYING FOR BECAUSE JACE WOULD NOT RISK HIMSELF FOR ALEC WILLINGLY

117. jace couldn’t be on the run with Valentine forever and there was maybe one time I saw him actually doing anything for Alec but he can’t come back to the institute as a shadowhunter without seeing Alec first. I think maybe jace likes Alec and he certainly loves having someone do anything for him but he doesn’t respect Alec as a person and certainly doesn’t care about Alec the way Alec cares about him. it’s like Simon and clary. Clary expects Simon to drop everything and help her.

118. “he needs me iz and I can’t live without him.”- alec, you probably could. LET ALEC BE ALEC

119. there’s not a lot I complain about when it comes to the show but I would have loved for someone to just tell Alec off about jace PLEASE (Izzy would do)

120. you shouldn’t have to risk your life over and over again for someone who would never do that for you or someone who doesn’t respect you. I don’t think they should be parabatai but I can see them being just acquaintances who don’t care much for each other. Alec deserved a real friend. just drop jace and Simon can be Alec’s new bestie

121. the acting for clary is still cringe. and it’s no offense to the actress but it’s just not there for me, sorry

122. “we’ll stay with Magnus.”- clary. you can’t just invite yourself in without asking, the fuck? Magnus is a little preoccupied with Simon and now saving Alec’s life

123. ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (also I miss Gideon)

124. poor Magnus 🥹 (we will see why this hurts mags soon)

125. Simon not reading the room

126. Magnus: just take that and solve your sire squabble while I deal with my own squabble

127. no touchy Simon (I love the acting here because Magnus’s shock, surprise, upset, scared, alarming state all in a few seconds)

128. Simon is like my 19th birthday is coming up and I’d like to live

129. magnus proving he’s the best

stopping at 130 and one part to edit y’all

[make-me-ur-aphrodite]

guess who finally finished chain of thorns over a week later 🤩 my completely unorganized thoughts for the general public anyways chain of thorns spoilers ahead bros

- ghostwriter is the relationship i love them more than i love my life it's just like the cute little moments between them like when lucie was nervous before her parabatai ceremony with cordelia and he was holding her and comforting her i melted

- i honestly think james and matthews relationship was dealt with really well we know nobody is ever gonna top jem and will but i think they were written really well and them in edom together was so emotional to me

- tell me why i was so heartbroken when christopher died but i only cried when grace sent that fire message and wrote that it was created by kit 🥺lol i'll tell you why it's because we got zero real reaction about it

i wanted anna's pov as her baby brother died in her arms

i wanted cecily and gabriel seeing their sons body taken into idris and realizing what happened

where was sophie and gideon who also lost a child comforting them?!?!?

honestly i think that since christopher did die there was a lot of potential there

-i hated the love triangle and felt awful for matthew the entire time cause like didn't we all know jordelia was endgame i meannnn

literally love jordelia tho and i we'll never not think of james saying "sod that" and shooting the door open like sir 🫣also them traveling is something that is so personal to me i am in love with the idea of james and cordelia going all around the world and then taking their kids with them 😍

-after this book i feel like grace is a lost kitten and i want literally nothing more than to adopt her also did anyone else catch at the end when they said that grace doesn't talk much idk but i would like to give her a home

-the thomastair content 🤩🤩🤩 i love them so much i love that they're moving in together i love alastair with his baby brother i love eugenia saying she's gonna renounce her family if they don't accept thomas when he came out. every scene with them was a masterpiece

also alastair's personality like my boy is sassy and sarcastic and i would die for him

-i think the anna and ari's storylines progressed really well and they've come so far since we've first met them 🥺

-anyways my #1 ship matthew x sobriety came true and i could not be more thrilled

the moral of my rant here was that i really loved it and i think it's just cause im so in love with each of the characters but i loved almost every second of this book and didn't want it to end my only complaint would be how christopher's death and other potentially emotional topics (will and tessa crying when they found out the kids were stuck in london) were kind of just glossed over but overall i was in love with them all and i don't think i can accurately describe my feelings so that was my jumbled mess of thoughts

also can we talk about the fairchild twins please

[babswings]

Parabatai love: platonic, romantic ou something beyond?

You know, there's something that's been bugging me ever since I joined the TSC fandom in 2017, which is the way some fans get outraged when someone ships parabatai as a romantic couple. I know there are high controversies of what exactly the parabatai bond is all about, so I decided to give my opinion on it.

First of all, I'm not here to force you to like them romantically (because I myself am PASSIONATE about platonic connections), but rather to try to understand together how their bonding works. 

There is a law that forbids them to love each other romantically, as old as any other Shadowhunters' law. And where there is a law, there are reasons. Jem explains a bit in TDA about the reason, and that the connection that exists between parabatai unleashes a man-made power, with no direct relation to the angels, which makes parabatai magic dangerous. In this case, it gives the pair such incredible power that it can turn them into either true nephilim (giants) or great mages. But since there is the corruption, in both cases where this happened there was chaos and destruction. 

But while reading all of Cassandra's sagas, we come across at least one parabatai duo, from Robert and Michael to Emma and Julian. Several examples, several couples, and the most common thing about them is that one of them falls romantically in love with the other. Not in all, but so far in most cases.  For me the reason is simple: the parabatai connection involves both platonic and romantic love. 

Almost every time, it is mentioned that the connection is soulful, as if a part of their soul intertwines with their partner's, creating a kind of bond that simply does not exist in the world of men, mortal or immortal. It was a rune created by David and Jonathan with the intention of binding their souls to each other through the love they felt. A soul love is something beyond what we know. 

Imagine loving a person so deeply, loving them more than you love your own soul to the point that it is impossible to compare even with lovers and children? Imagine feeling the presence of this person as a part of you that lives outside of your body and brings you peace and happiness? The way Cassandra wrote both Will and Jem and James and Matthew shows that deepness, that overwhelming affection. It is a love that blends the platonic and the romantic, where the characters love each other not as brothers, but beyond that. 

So for me it is natural to read the books and feel the platonic affection that made us fall in love with the parabatai bond (and many of us, like me, have someone we consider our parabatai in real life) and also feel the vastness of the romantic love that exists between them. They love each other both ways and are not ashamed to admit it, it is so clear and at the same time a kind of love that those outside the parabatai bond would never understand in the TSC universe.

They love each other more than they love their own souls and that, to me, is the most beautiful kind of love there is. 

So yes, do ship them romantically if you want, ou platonic if you prefer. By all means, the parabatai is just the BEST thing Cassandra Clare ever created in the TSC word, so enjoy it the way you want!

[sharraus]

OMG UR SO REAL you just signed yourself up to hear a lot more from me. robert in 2 🥹 my beloved. please tell me ur also a robert&stephen bromance truther.. like theyre almost the same person and they being distant cousins makes it funnier. they're so similar but from what we know robert went through worse and i think that robert only wasn’t jealous of stephen bc he ALSO wanted to put stephen under a microscope and poke him with a stick 😆 i think robert wanted to really know stephen not to judge him but bc 1) he's nosy 2) he actually cared for him

OH now you have unlocked a monster. I will restrain myself so as not to spoil some things that appear in the fic but!!! broadly!!

About Stephen and Robert

I absolutely believe that they would be friends. I'm not sure they would be if it weren't for the Circle unless Stephen decided to adopt Robert but that hardly matters because the Circle does exist and they do meet there.

Now, we know that Robert had a hard time making friends because of the entire "rejected his first mark" fiasco that nearly killed him. It makes perfect sense that he'd get attached to the first people to pick him over anyone else at the Academy. It's not that different from his friendship with Michael, not really.

Stephen, on the other hand, lived his whole life in London before joining the Academy in Idris. He doesn't know anyone personally and doesn't fit in because he's been closer to the Mundane culture than anyone in Idris. Valentine, and by extension the Circle, help him with that. Given that Stephen is a Herondale and the Herondales are basically Shadowhunter royalty, I would not be surprised if the Circle, as a bunch of outcasts themselves, were the first people in Stephen's life to express interest in him beyond his family name.

And then these two meet. At the very start, I think their friendship would be built on mutual complaining about their families and their classmates being shit. Their situations are not the same but they can relate to each other's feelings of inadequacy easily (I imagine Imogen and Marcus would pile a lot of expectations on Stephen and well, we know he found them "suffocating"). Robert probably helped Stephen with Idris culture. Robert also grows up to be quite the politician and I firmly believe that he learnt at least some of it from Stephen.

Robert is also quite curious so I think he's the least likely to dismiss Stephen's interest in the Mundane, if only to see why the fuck Stephen is so obsessed with it. I also headcanon that Stephen was a fairly nice person when he came to Idris so Robert (and maybe Amatis and the others too) would be the one to tell people to fuck off when they were making fun of Stephen's love for mundane bands and things.

Some of the Idris kids probably tried to tell Stephen not to talk to Robert because he's weird and rejected the Marks and Stephen just didn't talk to them again. I also think Stephen liked Robert's parabatai because Michael wouldn't say anything about his Mundane posters and would absolutely just mess around with him for the fun of it.

As you've said, the fact that they are distant cousins is hysterical not least because they embody the energy of golden retriever/black cat so well. I mean, we know that Stephen was supposed to be very likeable and easygoing. Meanwhile, Robert basically sulks in the background all the time and is rude to people who aren't his parabatai, girlfriend, or Valentine.

After a while in the Circle Stephen would probably adopt their meaner attitude towards outsiders but I still think he was one of the more sociable of the gang. Robert, on the other hand, has not been sociable ever in his entire life, especially after his first mark.

[ladyhindsight]

I have a real problem about how CC is biased about some characters! She treats Stephen as the garbage of the Herondale, but acts as if Celine were a poor victim when she was the vilan of the fucking situation! The woman was obsessed with the guy since she first saw him, spent years learning about mundane culture just to have a subject to talk with him and got into the circle with the sole purpose of seducing Stephen and spliting him from Amatis. She would put Amatis down and as someone out of Stephen's legue because she considered she wasn't pretty enough for him while she considered herself of his level. She accepted two innocent people to die only so she could get herself on Valentine's good side and felt no guilty over it. Some people say she didn't do anything wrong since they were her parents and they put her through violence, but a person's intentions say a lot about her. She only found out they were her parents in the day of the trial, she didn't spend a thought on them even after Valentine said they would die. And the same goes with Amatis. Celine made sure Stephen wouldn't get hurt in the process of him being given to her because she realised how dangerous Valentine really was, but she didn't care what would happen to Amatis as long as she got him. Stephen was a coward as CC has remarked before, but had Stephen been the better man, he would be a widower man. Lets face it, had Stephen refused leaving Amatis, Valentine would have sent Hodge to kill her and Celine didn't care what happend to others as long as she got Stephen! Plus, I searched about her flower, wisteria, and found out that when associated with love, this flower means obsession. In the end, Celine is the one that showed complete lack of any morals and is excused because of age (even though she knew it was wrong to go after a married man), because her parents were awful and, mainly, because she was Jace's mother. Celine was awful, destroyed Amatis' life and yet readers don't care, they desliked Amatis mainly because she wasn't Jace's mother. And yet Stephen is always judged by CC and readers when he was a victim of Valentine and Celine, specially Celine. In the book of flowers, Celine's flower is associated with regret, but she didn't regret her actions as she never tried to fix her mistakes, she only regreted the consequences she had to face. And yet CC always talks about Celine with fondness while she reffers to Stphen as not a very good person and no empathy towards Amatis even though she had a hard childhood as well, being abandoned by her parents, having to finish raising herself and Lucian all by herself, losing everything (Lucian "died", Stephen left her and she became a paria from her circle's friends), lived a life of solitude with no family and friends, and yet CC and readers showed no empathy towards her. I just wanted CC and readers to be fair, as they weren't withSteohen and, specially, with Amatis.

I’ve always had a certain type of feeling about Stephen’s treatment as a character and a Herondale. Though Tessa bashes him, though Jace feels strong antipathy towards him, though the narrative—on the surface and somewhat generally—condemns Stephen and his part in the Circle (the Circle altogether), there are some bits that feel like edging on that Herondale favoritism but never going over the line just to be safe. Narrative gave leniency if not complete absolution for Jocelyn and Luke for their relation to Valentine, being his wife and parabatai respectively, as if those facts themselves frees them of culpability and responsibility. The writing never goes too deep into Jocelyn’s choices and psyche, instead Hodge is used as a vehicle to explain her and her marriage to already supremacist and racist Valentine (since he became more extreme in the later years, he already held tight onto some ideologies before that) and to free her from the same kind of judgement Robert and Maryse face.

Though Stephen was originally grouped with Maryse and Robert, the more Jace began to learn about him, more of the “extenuating circumstances” surrounding Stephen’s actions and choices were brought forward. His doubts, his receptivity to Valentine’s manipulation, his willingness to please him, whatnot. Maryse and Robert had to wait for their characters and part in the Circle to be unwrapped far longer and after a lot of bullshit bashing done by characters like Luke. Stephen never received such treatment from the writing. I am not saying the characters in the Circle should not be complicated or that the reasons behind their actions and belief systems aren’t conflicted or complicated (recommendable that they are lol), I’m merely trying to point out the lack of proportionality in the narration and writing when it comes to the different members of the Circle (that I think exists).

That being said, I think Céline’s character opens up more in the The Wicked Ones, and it’s not necessarily the pretty picture some readers like to associate with anything to do with Jace. I don’t know, is it hard to accept that neither his parents were particularly good people? Had they lived, would they have become better like Robert and Maryse had the chance to? I don’t know if Céline being murdered in the end is what brings up the empathy towards her when she is written otherwise doing pretty vile stuff and having less empathy towards others herself.

Her wikipage says that “Cassandra Clare has stated on Tumblr that Céline did not commit suicide and was actually murdered by Valentine Morgenstern, with the implication that it had actually been Hodge Starkweather himself who did the killing, and that the reason it is not mentioned in the books is because the characters, aside from the two involved, believed that Céline killed herself.” Which makes sense but is also such a cop-out because why did they kill her in the first place? In the narrative sense, her suicide made more sense because if she were to kill herself, the baby would’ve died with her, forcing Valentine’s hand (and Hodge) to cut the baby out of her dying body. Now there is no actual motive behind such a gruesome deed or why Valentine wanted Céline dead. Her previous actions—engineering to get Stephen all to herself and such—don’t build up to her murder being the consequence of her actions (comparably in Game of Thrones/ASoIaF you can see the trajectory of events and choices that lead to Rob’s death). Céline’s alleged suicide was associated with Stephen’s death, so it’s not exactly like there was a hurry to kill her a month before the delivery of the baby because of the Uprising.

I haven’t really read anything Clare has said about Céline, but going by your word and how generally Herondales in the series are, Clare’s fondness of Céline is most likely something to do with her being very young and impressionable and having suffered horrible abuse which underlines her later behavior. If we consider Jace for example, abuse victims acting out and being assholes and inconsiderate of feelings and needs of others it not exactly something Clare frowns upon. Amatis was definitely thought less of. I mean Clare was fine with Clary breaking Amatis’ property and dinner ware in her teenage rage fit and stealing Amatis’ gear without her doing anything about it. Seriously though, I don’t think the writing really ever considered Amatis’ story with the same consideration as you have highlighted here.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Somehow, I found the time to read Arthur's and Iris' chapters. I regret it (but not really, the pain is real, and I love it). The fact that the real plot hasn't even begun yet and I'm already sending you such long asks is very concerning, I legit will not survive LBAF VI/VII mark my words.

Max saying they will never cross the line between hating someone and hurting them when he is trying to destroy Other Max- you hypocrite (I love him so much I want to hug him so tightly). Also, I feel like he won't be the only one to cross the line

Okay what's wrong with David? Does he get sick a lot or was he pretending as an excuse to not go to Lance's recital?

Kincaid being jealous of Harry is adorable and him missing Joan is also adorable, I really like their friendship I hope they work out and become parabatai🥺

David telling Arthur that the world can be cruel to nice people like it was to him had me very concerned, but Arthur saying the world can suck it reminded me of Max, they both have so much of their parents it's so cute

Oh Lance isn't okay with portals he just wants to stay away from David Lance you idiot

overcompensation from a good heart that tried too hard should be Max's anthem honestly

Why do I feel like Kincaid knowing about Gwen and Arthur sharing so much about Lance with him will backfire?

Harry being suspicious of Devlin Corp and him finding out about everything will be super bad for everyone including him and will get Arthur in trouble right? Not to mention Arthur may lose him

Arthur being worried Lance will grow up hurting people breaks my heart whyy😭

Doesn't Other Max know what Max is doing? Selling blood while pretending to be him and all that

Both Lance and Kincaid made a promise to Arthur they won't keep perhaps?

Lanve sharing his music with anyone was extremely important to him vs him sharing it with Theia: I cry

Anjali for the win-what a queen (had to be said)

Why does Lance choose to work out more?

Danii why didn't Max and David ( being the suckers for romance they both are) have plans for Valentine's day??

Lance I love you but shut you sweet bitchy mouth Rafe and Max are a sensitive subject

What had Max and David fought over that took them two days to figure out?🤔

Theory number one: Lance will destroy Idris for either David or Arthur

Theory number two: Arthur has actual manifesting skills which would be super interesting

This must be the most important bullet point: Dying to see how David reacted to seeing Max's nose ring for the first time, I mean he didn't get to go feral over it in IALS so LBAF should give him some sort of compensation

Okay my thoughts are getting out of hand and that's just for Arthur's chapter. Expect an equally huge one for Iris,again the plot hasn't even started, we're in for a wild ride😅

On a different subject, I really hope that if your current job isn't what you really want to do with the rest of your life, you find the courage you give to your characters to pursue your real passion. I know it's not easy but if anyone can do it it's you. For what it's worth I would love to one day hold a copy of your first official book (and I say official because your current works are books too). I'm sure we will all love it as we love every story you share with us. But also so many other people will love it too, when they have the pleasure to know how amazing and crazy talented you are🌷🩷

You know what they say, Vicky. Love finds a way and all that 😎

Max saying he won't hurt anyone he hates and then hurting himself is literally the most Max thing ever. I love my self-loathing king :)

He doesn't get sick a lot. But that episode was real. This was implied, but his episode got triggered because Lance asked him not to come to the concert (I'm about to fight Lance. Just watch me).

Kincaid just looking at everyone who gets to openly love Arthur and making this face 🥺 will be the end of me. AND YES JUSTICE FOR JOAN AND KINCAID BROTP.

Arthur is a lil bit of everything. He is a babydoll ;)

Idiot confirmed.

Truly.

Oh yeah, that's gonna backfire on someone for sure...

I WILL PROTECT HARRY AT ALL COSTS HE IS NAMED AFTER MY BESTIE (doesn't mean I won't hurt him a lil bit hehe)

Arthur worrying about Lance makes me emo because as the younger sibling there is something so vulnerable about worrying for your older siblings.

He knows 😭

Perhaps...

Blackbane will be the end of me. Jot that down.

Always must be said.

Multiple reasons tbh. He wants to be 'ready' to fight Kincaid, self-esteem issues (especially after theia said Kincaid is buff), it's one of the things he actually likes doing together with Max (like how he enjoyed driving around with David rip), it's also something that helps him focus (like in IALS)

Mostly because it's canon-verse and they don't celebrate Valentine's Day usually.

What she said.

It could've been anything tbh. I didn't have anything specific in mind. Maybe even something about Other Max...

Niceeeeeee.

NICEEEEEEEEE.

We might actually see this. I'll leave it at that.

And thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement. It really means a lot - and was important for me to hear. I love what I do (Even though it is killing me hehe). But activism will never be just a job for me and I'll always find new ways to do it no matter what I do in life. But currently I'm stuck in the mindset of "but I want to do this too" so I'm just gonna try it. doesn't mean I'll actually write a book or even if I do, I'll actually publish it. but these wonderful people who've been in my head for such a long time deserve to get the hell out of there so we'll see. I have some hope x

Love you 💙

[rosechilds-writing-desk]

I think the only thing spiritual about my identity is that I genuinely feel like my fated love and/or real life parabatai is/is going to be a deer therian/deerkin. I have no idea why, but I keep subconsiously making deer related characters + I feel drawn to them but not in a kintype way or a synpath way. I just feel it in my bones that i have a connection to one somewhere.

I have no idea what this means or what to do with this information, but I wanted to share my experience.