#real life interferes
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On the one hand, it’s very cool and fun that academics get funky little outfits and rituals for graduation.
On the other hand, it turns out it’s terrible for my anxiety, because I keep worrying that there’s some Secret Code I forgot that lets me graduate even though I have paperwork that proves beyond a doubt that I did in fact graduate.
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My main part-time job is as a tutor for high schoolers and usually we get a little "Interests" summary from their parents before we start and uh. the trends in what interests they list are SO funny. Why are all these 7th graders into coding? Why is your 17 year old into stock trading? I am biased because I think anyone who says they WANT to major in Business is lying but why is this 16 year old's hobby "reading about economics." Why is this 8th grader into entrepreneurship? WHO is the 16 year old into AI and fantasy football? I hate to say it but the kids may not in fact be alright.
#when I was in 12th grade my interests were: reading. writing. complaining. maybe Model UN#but maybe that's a sign of my agéd existence. I probably would've been into coding if that was a thing back then#but also these are written by their parents so of course they want to make their kid sound super cool and grown-up#nobody ever lists video games which is my biggest tell for parent interference. I know those guys are out there making torture chambers in#roblox. as is their god-given right. but it's not as cool as stock trading i guess#it's all real life
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My hot take is that if Merlin didn’t love Arthur, the Disir episode would have still gone exactly the same.
#he didn’t do it strictly because arthur’s his friend. he believes in the prophecies.#kilgharrah literally instructed him to prevent mordred from killing arthur to fulfill the prophecies (long-term solution vs. easy out)#how many times has merlin tried to interfere only for shit to down spiral? look at 4x03. or even merlin saving morgana’s life in 2x12#but also. most importantly. merlin’s opinion is not the ultimate decider on this. arthur is the one whose opinion actually counts here#and frankly he made his decision here without any convincing from merlin#merlin did not provide any real argument or counterargument to arthur’s points#arthur only did it because he believed it was right (or rather it’s easier for him to believe that magic corrupts people)#like genuinely. rewatch the scene. merlin did not provide any reasons for his stance. he just answers ‘no’ to a ‘yes or no’ question#arthur could have easily acquiesced to the disir#merlin missed an opportunity to attempt to convince arthur otherwise sure but arthur’s shown to ignore merlin if he thinks it’s the right#thing to do (think back to 5x01 for example)#genuinely merlin does not make a difference here. he’s just a witness who has the misfortune of knowing the possible outcomes#both the favorable and destructive#with a penchant for blaming himself#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merlin and arthur#merlin meta#my meta#bbc merlin
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#look i just couldn't handle seeing them failing to get a good selfie for 5 real life minutes#i'm taking this into my own hands#these outfits 😭😭😭 i gave them other ones too but it's a canon event i can't interfere
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i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure
#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked 😭#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again#bc my head feels like its about to explode#and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm#my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is#like. Hey man can you grow up#also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me#also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ❤️#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions#hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ❤️#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was#unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre#and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol
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I'm baaack.....
What did I miss this week? 🤩
#jikook#kookmin#i was visiting family then on a business trip#how real life can interfere with tumblr#im leaving again on tues for another week#what am i missing here
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hmmmmm ketil anime backstory bad
#it adds nothing to the story and interferes with his character progression imo#the point of ketil is that nothing that bad has happened to him until now. he's done everything right and it's always worked for him#and when it goes wrong he completely breaks down and makes all the worst decisions for everyone around him#also it ruins the conversation between sverkel and arnheid :( which is so good and understated in the manga#all he says to her is 'it's your decision' and 'i wish i could help.' manga!sverkel genuinely feels for arnheid. she's a real person to him#but anime!sverkel bringing up ketil's sad backstory when arnheid is going through all that just feels super insensitive#obviously ketil has nothing to do with arnheid losing her family and he didn't enslave her himself#which imo is part of why arnheid has been able to accept being with him! she knows she could have ended up with someone much worse#but like. he owns her. she has to devote her life to him whether she wants to or not.#it feels super gross for another character (and the story in general) to direct her/our sympathy onto ketil in that moment#her son was murdered so that she would be more desirable to men like him! this scene should not be about ketil's pain!#(also the line about why hjalti was killed was conspicuously absent from the anime which takes some of the teeth out of the whole storyline#fandom musings#vinland saga
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good morning. we officially have world lore for the mbzAU
#it has all the good things an apocalypse universe should have imo#a corrupt sect of government poisoning the public#quarantined cities#media coverup & military interference#slaughter fields that are highly irradiated#we even have half & partial monsters!!#radiation obviously works a lil different in this universe than it would in real life but#it’s fine. i’m taking some liberties for the sake of the story ok#it’ll be good though. it is good. i think#i actually really enjoy working in this genre tbh#i should’ve done this way sooner#rainyrambles#dl
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I remembered why I was thinking about Naruto in the wee hours of the morning, which is because I finally investigated what Jujutsu Kasien is and turns out it's just "Naruto but everyone is trendy, the power of friendship doesn't work, and every time anyone tries to talk to the demon inside the protagonist it calls them a little bitch and then threatens to do a murder."
#like im sorry its not bad but like.#spunky hero with funny colored spiky hair who is host to an absurdly powerful demon#and has no clue how the settings powers work despite being prodigal in terms of just raw untrained power#aloof dueterogonist with spiky dark hair who was part of a presitigous Fighter clan whose emotional range starts and ends at annoyed#also hes like. renowned in universe as being a prodigy#the third character who is violent and rude to the hero who is obsessed with being beautiful and is mostly just there to be The Girl#their teacher. a laid back chronically late older dude with white hair who covers his eyes takes nothing seriously and his special power is#being incredibly fast#the first real arc is going to a neighboring place#befriending the secret bad guy#and then having to fight them while lamenting the fact if it wasnt for the bad guy#being groomed into 'evil' by an older bad guy + a life of abuse and bigotry#second major arc is 'fun tournament/competition between schools! except then the bad guys interfere and things get dangerous!'#lile its not *bad* and all art is derivative and there are no new ideas under the sun but its Just Naruto so far
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other day i was like "yeah virtually all my dreams are defined by anxiety / every goal/hope being Thwarted, but at least i never really have nightmares" but it's like well what's the baseline what's the reaction, b/c i also then have to be like "but does it count if yeah i had a fairly typical dream sequence that was like, 'uh oh, i'm on The Horrors Street and the monster is probably after me, which i'm staving off by hand but it's kind of difficult b/c it can dissolve its own corporeal form in a somewhat gory manner as it tries to gnash at My corporeal form' but i was like 'i mean this is some bullshit but typical tuesday' level reaction so it wasn't a big deal?" like i don't even know when In Real Life it's also typical to have stress reactions like, just now going "smh obviously this sucks. i know i'm stressed. i know this is unpleasant bullshit & somewhat alarming. but typical tuesday (on a thursday)" and only due to noting some physical tremors is it like oh right i guess i'm also having an adrenal response. i tend to bring the like "smoke grenade! disassociation!!" response to a dream in that i can kind of Respond to it by withdrawing / distancing myself, sometimes even like [pushing things into being: as though it's a video game. pausing, exiting, etc] & like it's My psyche & it's brief sequences melding into each other anyways so okay, we'll pivot. other times it's just like yeah this is bullshit but shrug guess we're doing this, until it pivots anyways. Outliers are usually like, "just had an unpleasant Worldwide Peril scenario premise :/" or that like yeah once in a blue moon like sometime the past year my dream was so stressful i woke myself up b/c often when Urgently Confronted w/ Alarming Dream enemy i launch into fight mode & that one was just so [!!!] >:((( that it pushed the urgency into "oh shit, wake up maybe??" response levels. get their ass!! but mostly it's like "ugh i'm at this Job & im not sure what i'm doing, didn't get enough training for this. thinking about getting food but can i afford it" like yeah thee horrors but not as urgent. but then sometimes it's urgent or at least threatening & it's still like literally zzz / well this isn't ideal clearly but it doesn't even occur to me like Do i have nightmares i just shrug off? idek man. call that nightmarinating
#like child me was really fdring it often Worried About Nightmares but i don't particularly remember Getting them#beyond the zany Very Young nightmares a couple of times still being memorable. you are skinamarenough fr#going like oh i've definitely had that bit! in a work that exists via crowdsourced ''unsettling memorable childhood nightmares''#was it a nightmare then? i guess!#presumably also already like ''again my Standard is that traumatic levels of stress is mundane / fairly literally Everyday so like...?''#on occasional alarming car crash near misses i don't think i had a ''big'' reaction b/c. typical tuesday#tending to be more Moved by like shit that's more conceptually disturbing to me that tends to not exactly be [stressful alarming] style....#like the Worldwide Peril dreams being more unsettling but never like [aa!!] at any exact moment#it's like well yeah it All ''interferes'' but also it's still Usual it's still Typical. starting to see limits to any metric of Disruption#even if that Disruption is made individual like is it in Your way / throwing You off by Your standards#not really; not really....#one fun stress dream thing is like; ppl asking ppl who've already gone nc w/parents like Any Regrets (chorus of No's from the house)#(bonus: Ugh Every Time re: whom regrets trying to get back in touch lol)#anyways when i first went nc i sometimes had stress dreams like aaugh parent; i would physically fight them off w/like a shovel#nowadays usually my dream self readily is like Well [Tells You Off] Then & perhaps then also physically fights off just more handily#like yeah i know i've Leveled Up in these nc years but it's definitely fun that organically my Dream Encounters have shifted likewise....#basically just Getting Through It & dreams eff off into another thread readily enough#only exceptions are like ''i get so Suddenly & Proximately Alarmed i get pissed off & leap into action. just like real life also''#harangued by like ''im Slowly Driving but the brakes work Incrementally Gradually & i can't get the damn thing to a full stop'' like woes#abt ''if i get ticketed for an inexorably rolling nonstop. or hit anyone'' but i never actually do. keep having the dreams here&there But#it is not a mystery like wow can't believe i virtually never have an okay time or am not overtly sabotaged from pursuing that#i got it yeah lmao....that the school dreams continue for me as for anyone like i'm sure that's fine & necessary for us all#yeah yeah The Horrors we've all been incessantly beset#thee best is the way i sometimes dream abt Performing & have so much fun even the invariable thwarting doesn't get in the way#i'm missing rehearsal missing cues don't know my lines can't find my costume etc etc etc etc Still like ''oh whee haha hoorayyy''#all these experiences you gotta compare notes like tbt ''hang on do some people take a dump like Daily? fr?''#except that one's more like. an inherent part of having a digestive system. vs thee the horrors levels & regularity varying
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So many books, so little time. I might need holiday for reading purposes only
#everyday chores really be getting in the way of reading#why does my social life has to interfere with my desire to read?#acotar#how I love these books#sarah j maas#i love reading#i love books#booksarelife#reading#chaotic academia#dark acamedia#this struggle is real#a court of mist and fury
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see this is what happens when youninvite someone into your problems... they get involved! and then they're forever involved and they also thinnk they now have a RIGHT to be involved, to advise, to "problem solve" to INTERFEAR! your life will no longer be yours alone. they say a problem shared is a problem halved... well it's also your life halved too.. your life is also then shared too with that said involved person!
the take away... stay lonely,stay private, shoulder the burden alone or you will spend the rest of your life repaying for that share!
#real life#heartache#mental health#mental illness#real life problems#mental ill health#sress#worry#interference#mylifeisnotmyown#lonliness is peace
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so the thing about redwood To Me is that they dont really seem like the traditional domestic partnering type of husbands, lorewise the closest real life equivalent to what they had in last life is the common law marriage -- which is fine until you consider the fact that common law marriages have no real legal standing beyond like financial negotiations Maybe (some usa states give financial protections to common law couples but in england, aka where mumbo and martyn live, common law marriages are practically an aesthetic addition legally speaking and get no protection whatsoever except maybe when they get joint back accounts but you can get those even without getting married i think)
#mine.txt#found out while researching that there was actually a law/bill proposed in england wherein common law marriages can have legal protections#but the government said no and that they should concentrate on the reformation of the legally recognized tyhpes of marriages first#which. ok then.#i mean i know im getting pissy about this cause it interferes with what i want for my fic#but the thing about fic is that i can do whatever i want and nobody can tell me no#when it comes to real life however this is pretty sad#like if a couple wants to have a common law marriage type situation then i think they should be able to do so and have legal protection too#like it doesnt Have to match domestic partnering or even civil unions one-to-one but like. at least Something??#like financial protection at least???#anyways i shall be ignoring the declination and will write as if the bill Did get passed cause man#c redwood tag
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If your argument is "there are no people of color in [x] because I personally don't see this person as a person of color" than it's like. a faulty argument.
#max rambles#this is about percy jackson#like. idk what theyre trying argue about#first this person is saying there arent any naturally blue eyes blond haired people of african decent without white interference#(there are with 0 white genes)#then theyre like theres no colored characters in any of the work#then when i gave a list of actual people of color they said i meant Main characters and im just like. all of the people i listed Are mains.#theyre literally in the same story.#and this all started bc someone else starred a different argument with me how black people cant see themselves in annabeth#and didnt have reason for how they cant other than the characters insrance isnt based off of race?#like. wtf are tiktokers On#ive learned more negative stuff in the world from tiktok than i have on anything else#like the people insisting that people cant be religious and gay bc then theyll be living a life of sin#like. its even worse than it is the real world bc they think bc theyre online rhey can get away with everything#edit: hes using the fact that he says hes black to say nothing hes said is racist#hes saying i must be white lady....bc i gave him examples of why hes wrong#like. im not a lady and. idk what to say abour the white comment since im technically not white either#but when i tried talking to him he just kept saying that#then when i pointed out hid Own racist comment he said 'im black so i cant be racist'.....#...........what#idk anymore man#i was talking about something else in the first place. he talked about something else and got mad when i didnt want to talk to him anymore#idk what he wants me to say when i comment and he ignores it or when i comment and he says that what he asked for 'doesnt count'
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#wdym i have to work when i just want to sit here and write my silly little stories#it should be illegal for real life to interfere with my hobbies and passions
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U.S. says Russian bots, RT operatives sought to interfere in U.S. https://www.npr.org/2024/09/04/nx-s1-5100329/us-russia-election-interference-bots-2024
Remember, this happened in 2016 and it's happening again. Be mindful of what you share and what biases it may have.
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