#real humble and genuinely good people don’t need to do that

[pleaseeeimjustagirl]

does it ever feel like other peeps are in the conversation but you're not really there to them, and you're saying things in the gaps in between the "real" conversation? but nobody is really listening?

Red Flags In Friendships

Heyyyy babeee<333 first I’m sorry for such a late reply to your submission and I’m sorry that you around a group of people that are ignoring you or keeping you out of “real conversations” but to me that sounds like a red flag and a sign that someone isn’t a good friend. I have dealt with this when I was in middle school and in my earlier years of high school. I had a group of friends who did the same to me and I realized that those people didn’t care to hear what I had to say and they didn’t really want me to be apart of the conversation but couldn’t tell me directly. I had to accept it and make a choice and I did. I decided that’s not how I wanted to be treated anymore and I left those friends and found new ones. I’ll be listing down below some red flags to look for in friends and reflect back on them and see if these pop up in your friendship and if they do babes it might be time to get some new friends<333

Red Flags

♡ Gossiping. All they do is gossip about people—their friends, family, anyone. Sooner or later, you’ll become the topic of their conversation too.

♡ Pessimist. They’re a negative person, constantly focusing on the bad in everything they talk about. Being around them never leaves you with positive emotions.

♡ Belittling You. They put you down, find ways to "humble" you, or worse, belittle you in front of others. That’s not a friend—that’s a personal bully.

♡ Competes With You. Whether it’s your grades, clothes, job, or anything else, they view you as a competitor in everything you do or have.

♡ They Are Never Happy For You. When something positive happens in your life, they never celebrate it, yet you're always there to cheer them on for their accomplishments.

♡ Never Apologize. Even when they’ve hurt your feelings, this person struggles to apologize or may never apologize at all.

♡ Cross Your Boundaries. They disregard the boundaries you set and continually cross them, even after you’ve asked them to stop.

♡ You Can’t Be Yourself With Them. You feel the need to wear a facade around your friends, unable to show certain aspects of your personality for fear of judgment.

♡ Only Speaks To You When They Need Something.You only hear from this friend when they need something from you, but when they don’t, they’re nowhere to be found.

♡ Pick Me. They crave the attention of others and will put you down to gain validation from those they admire.

♡ Trauma Bonding. The two of you only discuss your traumas, never bonding over shared interests. Your friendship feels more like it's held together by shared painful experiences than by genuine connection.

[myguidingmoon-light]

“And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.” (Luke 2:7)

No room. That’s something I’ve heard too much lately. Palestinians have been hearing that for 75 years. Since they were driven out of their homes—more than 700 000 of them—in 1948 to make room for the colony of Israel, there has been less and less room every day. Less land, literally, as even though lines and walls have been drawn over the years, Israel continues to illegally settle in Palestinian land. Less room to breathe, as the population of Gaza grew within the illegal blockade walling them into a tiny strip of land. Less room to live now, as Gaza has been under constant attack by Israeli bombs and guns and while the civilians of Gaza are pushed by this violence into even smaller and smaller “safe zones” (though there is nowhere safe in Gaza right now).

But also no room our conversations. No room in our imagination. No room in our understanding of our world of “human rights” and “developed nations.” You’d think “Palestinian” is a slur for how quickly it shuts up (or heats up) dialogue. These are our neighbours, and it feels like pulling teeth to get people to engage with their humanity—let alone ask their MP to ask our government to ask Israel’s government to please stop bombing civilians for the third month straight.

Today we recognize when a Jewish Palestinian family was forced by the state to leave their home, shelter in unfit terrain, give birth without proper medical care, survive a massacre, and become refugees. We Christians call the baby born in that family Emmanuel, which means God with us. God was born in Bethlehem, behind the border wall, in an occupation. What does that tell us about who God is?

Our Christian siblings in Palestine have asked us not to let this Christmas pass as usual. To that, I ask, what is Christmas as usual? If we don’t see our neighbours in the story of Jesus, what is the point? If we need to put the real, genuine injustices of the world out of our mind so that we can be comforted by Christmas, we are frankly doing it wrong. The point—the whole point—is that love and justice are possible for the unloved and the oppressed, even when it doesn’t feel that way. It is our responsibility to make that happen, and we can’t do that with our eyes closed.

You should feel uncomfortable about celebrating Christmas while a genocide is going on. We need to have room for that. We also need to have room for the hope that Christmas represents. We need to have room in our hearts for justice, lasting peace, and a free Palestine, because we are all needed to make it a reality.

And for God’s sake, CEASEFIRE NOW!

“He has brought down the mighty from their thrones/ and exalted those of humble estate;/ he has filled the hungry with good things,/ and the rich he has sent away empty.” (Luke 1:52-53)

.

.

.

I am indebted to Rev. Munther Isaac for his wisdom in helping so many of us walk through this time. Personally, I just finished his book “The Other Side of the Wall”—if you are a Christian, you have to read this book. I’ll buy you a copy if you want.

I also want to note that this post isn’t really supposed to be an explainer or an argument. I didn’t cite anything here, but if you’re curious about anything I referenced (e.g. why did I bring up medical care?), send me a message and I’d be happy to give you more details about what’s happening in Palestine. I’m no expert, but I know some people just genuinely don’t know the extent of the injustice and don’t know where to learn more; if you have questions I’m happy to help, but I’m not here to fight with you.

Same deal if you want to help but don’t know how. I’m happy to give you some ideas and even help you out with them (distance permitting). One important action you can always take is contacting your Member of Parliament. You don’t have to write anything fancy—just tell them honestly how you’re feeling and ask them to support an urgent ceasefire. This is literally your right as a Canadian, so you don’t have to worry about doing something wrong.

[lightofraye]

for someone who "loves and cares about Jensen" you sure seem to be pretty resolved to believe he is a shitty person.

a douchebag who lies about loving his spouse, a deadbeat father who doesn't give a shit about leaving his kids with an abusive woman, as long as he gets to be far away from her and keep his reputation intact.

a fucking asshole who would leave his fiance at the altar instead of talking about it like a freaking adult before things go too far.

i just don't get it! how can you stan a man that you think is a liar and a backstabber?

you think so low of him, despite of all the testimonies of people who actually know him, who agree that he's a humble guy with both feet on earth, a sweet and kind man who genuinely cares about other people.

but you rather believe he's a piece of garbage who doesn't care about his own children.

just admit you don't really like him and move on.

God, anon, you’re like a dog with a bone. Yeah, I got your asks—twice. You realize you are not entitled to my answer, right? No more than you are entitled to the anonymity of the asks (which I graciously allowed on for now).

But very well. Let’s talk, shall we? I really hope you’re ready for the answers. Because you won’t like them, I guarantee it.

First, I have never said he’s a “shitty person”. You did though! Way to infer the worst from what I written.

I never called him a “douchebag”. You did. I never called him a “deadbeat”. You did. Let’s get that clear right now. You are the one calling him this. Not me.

Yes, he is in fact lying about the stories with his wife. I do think he did care about Danneel at one point, but that affection vanished real fast when her true character came out. He’s staying with her for the kids; I imagine if he divorced her, people would call him a shitty person for ruining a marriage, etc. He wouldn’t be able to win with you all. Not one bit.

He isn’t leaving the kids alone with her though. There’s the housekeeper, gardener, more than likely one or two nannies (because Danneel has never parented alone, ever!). They’re safe as any child can be with that many adults. (And if they’re decent people, if Danneel actually harmed them, NDA or no NDA, they had better speak up!)

I never said he should’ve left Danneel at the alter with no explanation. The hell? Way to infer the worse without any reading comprehension. I did say he had cold feet and thought about not going through with it until his groomsman and his father talked him into it. (In the case of his father, essentially forced him to go through with it.)

I don’t think he’s a liar. I do believe he backstabbed Jared in regards to The Winchesters and am very disappointed in him over it. But that isn’t going to end my support for him.

As for his lying… I actually understand it. I don’t agree with it, but I do understand it. He believes that having a “wholesome family man image” is good for him in Hollywood. Some would agree—were he actually consistent and legitimate with it. He doesn’t even need to do a ton of outings with Danneel; just grab the kids and go to a local theme park. The local family park, for that matter. Hire a photographer to do candids, not posed pictures. Tell genuine stories at conventions, as the gaping holes in them are large enough to drive a semi through it.

As for having to constantly lie about Danneel… do you honestly think his stans would be okay with him calling a “bitch” and “awful wife”? I mean… really? No matter what, he’d be in a no-win situation there.

I don’t think low of him. You inferred that, once again. Instead of making it about Danneel—which every single damned post of mine has been about—you are making it about me and how you perceived/interpreted my writing to be.

In regards to the situation of his children, he’s actually in a rock and a hard place. If you think it’s that easy for a victim of abuse to divorce their abuser when children are involved, you are ridiculously ignorant and need to educate yourself. The worst time in an abuse situation is when the victim tries to leave—the risk of death jumps to 70%. If children are involved, murder-suicides can happen.

So sit the fuck down, quit misinterpreting what I’m saying, and stop thinking you are in any shape or form entitled to my answers.

[cannibalismyuri]

People aren’t obligated to reblog your fanfics if they don’t enjoy the writing. You don’t get as much attention because you’re not as known. You haven’t been publishing as long as the “big authors” you pretend to love but then bash them immediately afterwards. It sucks, but you can’t buy people’s affection. You pretend to be more humble than everyone else but then get pissed so easily because you don’t have bragging rights.

i never said everyone has to enjoy my writing. also the Thing is; these big authors have been publishing for longer yeah !! and their writing is absolutely marvelous and i genuinely adore them. but. they also are popular bc they're seen as Better than other creators and put on a pedestal. which is both uncomfortable for them and Highly discouraging for others. and this is due to a cliquey mindset. it Is. as much as u like to pretend it isn't, it rlly rlly is. people can be just friends. there is nothing wrong with supporting ur friends' work more or being more invested in ur friends' work. the problem lies in the fact that many people just disregard other rlly talented creators in favor of the already popular ones (who are popular for a reason. their art / fics / wtv Are really good and i read their stuff too! not trying to put them down here, just trying to lift other people up) which makes for a fandom that is going to die out. and dont u fucking dare bring my fics and my engagement and me into this. maybe i was petty abt that before and i acknowledge that. but i haven't made a single post abt how my fics are getting less engagement in Months. the post i did make and the one ur probably so butthurt abt wasn't even initially abt cliques. it was just saying that we need to rb more and be more vocal of our support of creators in the tags or - wherever. NOT underrated / underappreciated / smaller / less popular creators. i was Very general abt it. creators. period. the talk of cliques came into play when i peer reviewed someone's tags on that post. bc they were extremely real and the problem of less vocal support affects "popular" creators too! ive been noticing that they're also getting less engagement. but mostly the people affected by it are creators in the fandom with no prior popularity. and it is an actual issue. also when the actual fuck have i ever bought someone's affection?? im too broke for that, my dude, i struggle to pay rent most months. and i've Not acted humble or holier than thou. the reason i have so many moots and friends is bc im a genuinely nice person who wants to support and uplift EVERYONE in this fandom. i do have personal beef with people, but im civil to Everyone. thats the reason i have friends. unlike you, i dont send anon hate bc im butthurt over one (1) post <3 hope that fucking helps <3 also the post wasnt even abt ME. bc i genuinely dont give a fuck abt people seeing and liking my writing anymore bc i have Grown Past That and just... adopted a give no fucks mindset. the post was abt the fandom slacking and not appreciating creators (PERIOD.) enough. it was never abt me. also bragging rights? babe nobody's bragging abt how they get more interaction. that's rude asf and entirely out of the question. and those popular writers ur talking abt who Could brag if they wanted to DON'T. bc they aren't despicable human beings who love to put others down. i'm Friends, or at the very least, friendly moots w the writers ur talking abt. and im not trying to put them down. im trying to lift other people up, which is smth u just Don't understand apparently. i even contributed in a whole ass event to shine light on talented, less popular writers in the fandom. bylerficrecweek? u might ive heard of it. it helped, or i like to Think it did, with helping people branch out, but the problem wasn't completely solved. people who are equally as talented as the already popular creators have talked abt their experience with engagement in the exact same post that ur so pissed abt. im going to put tags from various people under the cut so that u can see exactly how much people are affected by the prominent clique problem in the byler fandom. hope u have a good day and u wanna kiss me so bad it makes u look stupid 😚

THIS is the post im talking abt in question, the og post along with denise @bylertruther 's tags. i'm going to be putting screenshots of people's tags on this post with due credit. (to any of the people featured here : if u want me to remove ur tags feel free to say so!)

via @holyvirgilscriptures

via @runninguplenorahills

via @unwisewizard

via @apatheticlexicographer

via @fireflywitch

via @hawkwidows

via @sandinmybed

via @katimanki2

ANDDDDD thats it! hope u fucking realized that i was speaking generally and also Many people face this problem. kiss my ass 💋

[aeternallis]

The only thing I’m gonna say about the Build Jakapan drama is not mentioning anything more substantial about that dumbass who’s so full of himself that even up to now he’s still facing controversy (3rd? 4th time?) and only that I hope wherever Bible is, he’s doing okay and that he’s flourishing. I feel like out of everyone, he’s the most affected, jfc. From what I see on the bird app and insta though, it seems like he’s thriving, so good for him.

I really hope when they do the casting call for 4 Minutes, BOC and Sammon will find an acting partner for Bible who will blow out of the water whatever on-screen chemistry he may have had with Build, because he deserves so much more than what he was left saddled with. I hope they find someone who will be easy for Bible to work with, their chemistry will be natural, and the friendship or whatever may come of that working relationship will be truly genuine.

BibleBuild will always be something special for a lot of people and I get it, but after the past month and a half of this new controversy (first, it was homophobic slurs, then his drama with Poi, and now he was shit talking his co-workers?? For real, dude??), it’s clear now that these two were never as close as they were thought to be, at least definitely not from Build’s side. It’s painful, and I can’t even imagine what it’s like right now being a fan of them as a ship, but life be like that.

Even from a practical standpoint, why work in the BL industry if you’re uncomfortable with the subject matter in the first place?! I know this was a thing back 10-13 years ago, but socmed was not what it once was then compared to how it is now. And it’s not as if KP is old, it’s about 3-4 years old at most, including the Filmania era.

If KP Season 2 ever becomes a thing (and I’m still hopeful; it’s too big a story with too much potential to just let go of after one season because of 2 dumbasses’ actions who couldn’t keep their relationship woes out of the public eye) I hope to the gods above that Pete’s character is either re-casted or just written off (maybe he’s staying with his grandmama for the duration of the season, Idk). Because honestly, I cannot imagine the awkwardness of having to work with his ass again after all this shit has gone down. Like, for reals?? He would mock even Barcode?! What the hell did Barcode do to him?! He was 17-18, for gods’ sake, and Build is a grown ass man (at least on paper).

I can understand having beef with maybe one or two co-workers, that’s normal, but damn, this idiot had beef with almost everyone; it’s no wonder they unfollowed his ass on socmed, yikes

I hope he gets the help he needs and Idk, maybe moving forward, don’t be suck a d*ck to his co-workers so it wouldn’t bite him back in the ass like this. And for the love of all that is decent, just be more humble 😩 It’s because of that narcissistic tendencies in the first place that he’s in such hot water.

[keef-a-corn]

Dat’s right, People, it’s time for ‘Keef watches TFP and you just get the notes!’

This is for season 1, episode 13: Sick Mind.

(OH HELL YES!)

I write down the timestamps, but I watch Transformers Prime on Stan (an Australian streaming service) so they may be slightly off.

ALSO! I try my best to note points for every character, but tend to get a little caught up by Bee (although I think I do a pretty good job with the notes regardless) so do be warned.

~~~~Transition~~~~

00:07 - that’s amazing and so useful.

00:11 - hehe penetrate. + the kid’s faces look so funny.

00:12 - Bee’s looking at the roof. His gaze is too high for him to be(e) looking at the same thing everyone else is.

00:24 - honestly I really like the way that line was delivered. Just makes it sound like Ratchet’s hypothesis was created on the spot.

00:25 - I just think it’s silly how they’re all just standing like that.

00:30 - Arcee and Bee are in sync and I love it.

00:38 - Suspense, my beloved!

00:44 - didn’t even think twice about bringing his husband, huh?

00:51 - I don’t think he brought his medical ki- LOOK AT THEIR HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

00:57 - holy shivers.. the visual is so beautiful and yet so dark.

01:07 - ‘lemme get us in first’ proceeds to make door.

01:12 - it’s at this point that it’s weird Ratchet doesn’t have a battle mask. Maybe he doesn’t need it. But I think he still would.

01:17 - Optimus checks to make sure Ratchet’s okay. Y e s .

01:31 - h o l y . Imagine seeing that!

01:34 - I was going to point out that they’re all the same model, then I saw the veins and the eye sockets and started crying.

01:48 - Ratchet touches da Booba.

02:01 - why was that bot fastened up there?!

02:04 - It’s confirmed by this- if Optimus was to be bot in an apocalypse, he would let the group know. Also a slight detail I like is that Optimus goes to touch his eye, but doesn’t, knowing he’ll probably make it worse.

~intro~

02:58 - everyone else staying very fair away

02:59 - Cybonic Plague like bubonic plague.

03:00 - why did they both look at Bee?

03:12 - if you ever get stressed, I recommend just watching Bee. The way his eyes wander away from the children is adorable.

03:20 - Goddamn. Amazing how he wasn’t infected.

03:31 - HE SOUNDS LIKE A WORRIED HUSBAND.

03:40 - this is what we call foreshadowing

04:08 - That’s it. Smaller bots do cool ass gymnastics tricks when they feel stressed out. That’s my new hc.

04:16 - KnockoutKnockoutKnocko-

04:22 - he knows they’re there. He just doesn’t want to deal with Autobots.

04:24 - yes, I know Arcee’s there.. but where did Bee hide?? Like he’s yellow, he doesn’t have any hiding spots.

04:41 - Optimus is literally dying and is concerned Ratchet was infected!

05:22 - Bee’s little nod when Arcee says ‘it’s Megatron’

06:01 - She said the title!

06:32 - that was a humbling ‘no’

06:53 - The intensity of this scene is so well portrayed.

07:06 - with confidence I know Bee said ‘I’ll do it.’

07:09 - The way Raf’s voice breaks when he said ‘Bumblebee’

07:13 - shut up! This team is so supportive! It could make a grown man cry.

07:29 - Well that was rude.

08:38 - Dunno what’s going on with these two, but they should kiss.

09:08 - Arcee bending down to Bee’s level like she’s talking to a child.

09:23 - pretty visual

09:54 - delicious, more lore.

10:18 - BEE GETTING SO EXCITED TO SEE OPTIMUS!

10:20 - Ratchet having to tell Bee it’s not Optimus after he was about to go hug him.

10:34 - Bee hiding behind fake Optimus

10:38 - ‘One Shall Stand and One Shall Fall’ foreshadowing.

10:53 - it’s the intro!

10:59 - noo he genuinely got upset

11:09 - the little door wing bounce. ⭐️👄⭐️

11:13 - what the fu-

11:24 - Real or fake, Bee will protecc Optimus.

11:33 - amazing how Megatron will sooner remember Bee by his rank than by literally anything else. (It shows that he thinks he’s superior to Bee)

11:50 - let’s all agree Bee absolutely said ‘W h a t ?.’

Also the tilt! He’s like a little Puppy!

11:51 - Megatron’s initial reaction is a mix of shock and horror. It’s short lived, but it’s there.

12:06 - Hehe I love how Ratchet pronounces ‘Bumblebee’

12:10 - The height difference! OH DEAR THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

12:27 - ‘what are you?’ ‘M E G A T R O N’

12:29 - They look like father and son rn

12:38 - Ordinarily a logical theory as to why clones showing up would not be good is because they would be a road block to the protagonist. In this situation, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that the primary reason as to why the clones showing up would not be good is because no one wants to watch Bulk, Bee and Optimus die.

12:42 - Why is Megatron so casual about Bumblebee now? Like he looks Bee in the eyes when Bee says something.

12:46 - What?. Megatron gave Bee a moment to try and communicate with the imaginations.

13:00 - excuse me but what the fuck? WHY IS MEGATRON EXPLAINING IT TO BEE??

14:44 - this is such a serious situation… then there’s ‘Bumblebee’, such a cute and silly word.

15:07 - you’re telling me that Megatron looked so deeply into Bee’s eyes that HE REMEMBERED WHAT HAPPENED?!

15:32 - ya know.. he’s addressing Bee and is talking very calmly.. who is this because it ain’t Megatron.

15:35 - e v e n more calm?!

15:43 - the way Bee’s eyes move!!

16:33 - Megs ain’t even humouring Bee anymore. What the actual frag? If someone wanted to use sick mind as a reason why Megatron and Bumblebee could have a relationship (not love, more friendship or caretaker-) I would be 100% on board.

16:48 - What can we infer from this situation? That Bumblebee is not showing nearly as much fear and is most likely being a little snarky? Absolutely!

17:12 - a bit rude to say ‘speak now’ huh?.

17:20 - shooting Starscream would do no good, he’s already got his hand on the cord, if he’s his he’s going to accidentally pull it out. She’d be better off aiming at Soundwave.

17:51 - Okay, honestly got no clue what Bee could’ve said.

17:54 - I paused the show and it honestly looks like Megatron’s going in for a fist-bump.

17:56 - Bee looks at the formula, then at Megatron.

18:04 - ‘what the?’ Fight me. That’s what he said.

18:05 - Megatron honestly sounds like a parent doing a temptation test on their child.

18:07 - ‘what?’

18:48 - Ratchet became more animated in this moment.

18:53 - Why is the place being destroyed? Is that this risk of the C.P.P.?

19:04 - technically he didn’t.

19:08 - Megatron sounds kinda desperate at this moment. It makes sense considering that his mind is essentially breaking down around him.

19:30 - Amazing aim

19:49 - fun fact, I actually used this photo as a reference for Soundwave’s side profile.

20:13 - there’s something so sweet about Optimus immediately putting his hand over Ratchet as support. + the gentleness of Ratchet’s voice.

20:18 - Bee gotta cheer rather than just clap… Now if you look at Raf, you realise Bee’s just copying him.

20:25 - as soon as Ratchet heard ‘physician’ he gestured at Bee.

20:27 - THEY LOOK LIKE PROUD PARENTS

20:59 - (inference) the only reason that Soundwave had to keep Megatron alive was because there was brain activity, so wouldn’t now be a good time to tell Soundwave it would be best to give up on Megatron?

21:02 - The BOOOOW

21:06 - Bee jolts slightly and his eyes dilate, how did no one notice that?

———————

And that was Sick Mind!

Honestly I enjoy that episode a lot! And watching it right after predatory makes the episode even better!

The episode fleshes/metals (I’m so funny) out a lot of the characters and the impact Optimus has on their lives and how far some may go, especially Bumblebee. I also think that the episode does some justice for Megatron, showing that he's not pure evil and will listen to reasoning, and there’s a progress between him and Bee where he gradually shows Bee more respect, although the dynamic was short lived, it was still very refreshing.

The episode also sets up that Bee is really good with communication (despite the barrier) and persuasion, using what he knew about Megatron to get the cure.

Genuinely a great episode 10/10.

[liketwoswansinbalance]

Things that annoy you??

Hmm...can my answer be “everything?”

No, not really, but I can get irritated frequently even if I never actually do or say anything about it.

Let’s see—brace yourselves /j

Having to repeat myself

Being interrupted or not being listened to

Group projects

When other people are inconvenient about schedules (I'm a hypocrite about this one.)

Loud noises/when people speak too loudly

When people are overly theatrical in real life (How ironical, I know.)

Side note: If you're simply expressive, I hope you actually mean it. (Again, I can be a hypocrite with this one. And if it's starting to look like I despise all whimsy, that's not true. Some things just have a right time, place, and execution for them to appeal to me.)

When/if people mock me

Immature senses of humor

When people seem insincerely nice

Artifice in general

When people do not value literature/literacy or think STEM is automatically the superior domain

When people are overly enthusiastic for reasons I don’t understand (No offense to anyone—probably too many things seem performative/ritualistic to me, but again, I get it if people are just expressive.)

When people are too “cutesy” and infantilize themselves (Honestly, doing this feels dumb—I have no real reason for having this opinion as far as I can tell. I just think people should act their age, in most cases. Of course, I understand if someone cannot. That's different from people who try to make you like them or who are trying to sell you something. This also applies to some neologisms. I mean, "icks?" Come on. Not everything has to be akin to baby-talk or onomatopoeia. Also, “boo-boos.” If you’re not a parent, child, or pediatrician, why use it?)

When people are overly, unrealistically optimistic

When people are overly humble and use too much self-deprecation without prompting (I understand to an extent and sometimes people need conversation buffers, but do you want me to agree with you or disagree and reassure you? Sometimes it’s hard and I have to lie. You’ve just created an uncomfortable situation for us both, especially if it's irl. Why would you admit all your shortcomings to me??? I don't completely understand that either.)

Small talk when literally no one cares (Occasionally, it can be nice. Usually, it is boring.)

In a similar vein, talking about vacations or weekends, sometimes

Food if it’s cooled down too much

Glaring sunlight

Electric toothbrushes

The fact that my neurons will die if I don’t sleep

When people shriek and scare me without meaning to

When students I tutor have the same, old problems in their essays (It gets old, but I can understand why it happens.)

Frauds and possibly some conspiracy theorists, snake oil salesmen, anyone who cheats the elderly, etc.

When people are wishy-washy

Certain malapropisms. (The only exceptions are if you're clearly doing it on purpose (real-life puns? use in literature?) or are named William Shakespeare. Aside from those instances, I can't think of anytime that this wouldn't interfere with conversation. Though, if you genuinely don't know, I will not fault you.)

Incorrect grammar (Ok, this one’s tendentious—I’ll just say my opinion on this may shift and I’m in the process of re-evaluating my views. I will forgive anyone who doesn't know any better or wasn't taught or has reasonably forgotten, just not people who do it on purpose—unless it's for stylistic purposes or for another good reason. I.e., unless you're trying to make your point more precise or you're making some kind of deliberate, rhetorical move, why would you use certain constructions? Generally, there are a few I do not like, but that's subjective.)

Too many sequins or general tackiness and some plastic, modern things (This one's also subjective, of course. Sorry if I have terrible taste to you.)

Certain technological updates that require me to adapt or that have a learning curve/starkly different visual display

Hot wax

Certain too-saccharine things, and that's both on a literal and figurative level. Take chewing gum for instance. Also, certain types of cake frosting.

[aemiron-main]

twitter bylers consume all our analysis, but bully us to pass as good/non-crazy bylers.

other day they were making fun and spreading false rumors about kendra, even though they share her analysis all the time without knowing it's hers, since she changed username....... lol

REAL!!!! Smh all byler twitter users know is mcdonalds, charge they phone, eat hot chip, steal analysis, and lie. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄😬😬

Like there’s that one big byler twt acct that drives me a little Insane because they take tumblr analysis (and specifically theyve taken my analysis multiple times), type it into a tweet as if they came up with it, and then stick the credit in the replies. They don’t add a single original thought to it. Which, while I do appreciate the credit in the replies, the way they do it makes it seem like the tweet is 100% their original thought and you can tell that its intentionally worded that way and it’s just. Frustrating. Like damn at least add SOME extra input or something instead of just taking what I wrote and pretending you did it.

And then all the comments are “wE nEeD tO gEt yOu iN tHe wRiTeRs RoOm” and im like…. Why? So that they can sit in the writers room and copy paste more tumblr posts and pretend they thought of them?

And exactly, I’m not a fan of Kendra after some fallout between her and I on here, but the posts about her on twt are bullshit. Like if youre gonna shittalk someone at least do it for genuine reasons instead of making shit up.

I will say, though, it is a LITTLE funny to see people calling kendra’s analysis production errors/saying she’s looking too far into it after she did the exact same thing to me.

And it’s also funny to see people talking about how Kendra should be humbler after Kendra made those condescending posts telling people (including me) to humble themselves.

Like obviously twitter is wrong and these choices ARE intentional/it IS that deep/not production errors & they shouldnt be bullying kendra but also… you reap what you sow. if youre gonna mock people for being confident in their analysis & for looking deep into things, then its gonna be funny when the same thing happens to you. Like damn kendra have fun being on the other side of the production error allegations 🫡🫡🫡

[nancydrewwouldnever]

You know what I’ve never understood? Why he feels that someone being self deprecating is a good trait to have in themselves, even himself. I would rather say someone who is humble. But the self deprecating thing always made me question the depth of his insecurities and self-hate. Where did they stem from? How deep are they? They seem pretty deep based on some of the things he’s said. I hope a part of him doesn’t think it makes him attractive, because while I understand people can have insecurities, and I have them too, to go as far as saying you hate yourself isn’t cute.

I mean, you can be as good looking as he is, and be humble about your looks, but not to the extreme point of being drastically self deprecating. I wonder if there’s a part of him that thinks liking yourself or even being confident and loving who you are is tied to being egoic, when I don’t think it is. I’m just starting to understand spirituality and the whole “ego” thing, and from what I get, it’s okay to love yourself. In fact, it’s highly encouraged in spirituality. When you love yourself, genuinely, it raises your vibrations and your energy isn’t clouded, it’s light, it’s peaceful, it’s positive, and that’s how you manifest good things in your life.

I think someone had it right when they said something about how, when he says certain things, it’s a projection. Here’s the thing: I think deep down, he does want a deep connection, but what a lot of people don’t understand is that you have to be open to it, and VERY open, to the point of vulnerability, and you have to let go, you have to give up some kind of control. And I think he struggles with that. I think he has this doom-gloom, warped idea of love and relationships. I think he’s internally afraid of stepping out of the comfort zone he would have to step out of in order to get the real connection he’s looking for, and the life he wants, and the career he wants. That’s why he keeps certain people around. It’s also probably why he keeps going for the same kind of woman, sometimes twice; it’s a comfort zone, and he’s in control of that comfort zone. He’s not challenged, so his growth is stunted.

At the moment, I’m also frustrated at the situation and the manipulation (again, it’s him wanting to have control of the narrative) but I do hope he finds the healing he needs, and the connection he’s looking.

Yeah, that "I hate myself" moment in the SMA was a bit of a full-stop moment. He's always been self-deprecating, and I can understand that, especially as a way of managing self-expectations. (I can imagine it probably gets a little much in Hollywood sometimes, where there's a lot of people blowing smoke up your ass, and you might want to develop a little bit of self mockery just to keep yourself level.) But, yes, Chris' has always seemed just a little bit too prevalent, it seemed. But to step up from giving yourself a good-natured ribbing to a complete "I hate myself" is escalation.

(Just to make sure: this moment was not in the video, was it? I only remember seeing it in print, and they added a *laughs* in there. If it's on video, I want to see his expression while saying it.)

Okay, in my answer to this I'm going to have to get a little more personal than usual, that's unavoidable. So, I have severe anxiety co-morbid with depression. While the depression is an inherited trait that runs through my family, the severe anxiety is definitely PTSD/trauma related from very, very early childhood. It's picked up steam over the years, as people tried to treat the depression without treating the anxiety or PTSD. (Because, wow, how many therapists don't actually ask the right questions.) The problem is, the anxiety was always more in the driver's seat, I think. Because of the "annihilator".

The "annihilator" is the worst of the internalized self-loathing thought cycles in my head. She's the one who isn't around all the time, but when making an appearance, basically destroys all forward momentum at once. She knows exactly the right single button to push, single word to utter to reduce me to an incomprehensible mess. As a result, I have very little self-confidence or positive self-image, because that anxiety monster has been on and off picking me apart for 35 years.

So, when I heard him say that, my first thought went to - what is his "annihilator" telling him?

Because I don't think he gets regular therapy. All he ever mentions is a few sessions he had that only dealt with his fear of success/failure about taking the Captain America role. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. (Otherwise Jenny wouldn't have made all those therapy tweets she did.) I think he's adopted a whole bunch of coping mechanisms over the years, and perhaps might even be medicated, but I don't think he's ever really come to that point where he's ready to do the work of dismantling.

No matter how disappointed I may get due to his choices or actions, I still always hope he can get to a point of happiness. Not just "content", but happy.

And don't worry about me, I have a really good therapist now, and we're making a little progress. When your therapist says, we're doing inner child work now, just know you're about to be in for a huge bumpy ride filled with a lot of ugly crying.

[pinkandgoldensoul]

(Some) F1 drivers as guys I’ve met in high school

: ̗̀➛ Charles Leclerc - the fattest crush of my life. literally would turn red like a traffic light anytime I saw him enter the classroom and choke on my own saliva whenever he said hi to me. Not helpful, since he’s been my historical deskmate. I honestly don’t know how I survived sitting next to such a positive, fun, confident, trustworthy and shamelessly handsome guy. Brown hair, big green eyes either sparkling with childhood mischief or pure innocence, and the most athletic guy I’ve ever seen in real life (he’s a sportsman). Definitely had any girl lying at his feet - and he was extremely aware of it - but only cared about his girlfriend and never bragged about his charm. Humble af despite his family being quite wealthy and him being such a nice person. I’ve involuntarily been his point of reference for anything school-related and he’d blindly trust me, which always made my heart melt. He’s the type of guy you need to send a “let me just screenshot this so that I discuss it with my bff-lawyer before replying” text when you see a notification from him. And he’s also the one you look from afar, contemplating his senseless perfection. “I’m so lucky to live in the same historical and geological era” “I don’t know if I’m worthy of him” kind of vibe.

: ̗̀➛ Carlos Sainz - a unique type of nerd. At the beginning he deliberately ignored me. Then he started slowly talking to me about things he really enjoyed and, seeing I was okay with it, he began showing me books he liked, getting all excited in passionate perorations, lending them to me and demanding I’d give him my piece of mind. Also bought and gifted me for Christmas  the copy of a novel he was reading ‘cause he thought I’d be interested (the weirdest and most awkward gift-receiving experience of my whole life. I’m not doing it again). Really liked to push all my buttons to see my reaction (but I ultimately gave him a lifetime lesson) and had a few banters. Don’t think we were really that compatible, he was too opinionated for me, but most of the times I enjoyed having conversations with him. Friendly jokes and benevolent banters with Charles; he’s been class representative for five years, once together with Max.

: ̗̀➛ Max Verstappen - the lonely, misunderstood genius. Didn’t give a crap about school and spent his free time riding motorbikes and getting hands dirty with engine oil. Everybody knew he was original (he had a lot of other hobbies and interests) and all my teachers always felt challenged by his way of thinking. Not afraid to speak up, at all. We’d never talked in five years, but during the dinner we had with all the professors before our finals, completely drunk, he sat next to me and started asking me things about my life. He seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say, but I think he struggled following the conversation since I had to repeat myself at times (he didn’t even hear a tipsy friend of his calling his name twice. “UH?! What?!”). It’s one of the deepest conversations I’ve had in my life. I think in another life we would’ve been good friends, at least. Elected class representative and we still don’t know how but ngl, it didn’t feel that wrong because we’ve always known he’s got that… plus.

: ̗̀➛ Lewis Hamilton - the dreamer. Not very focused on studying, but chased his dream of becoming a dancer like crazy. He was insanely good - like, national level - and skipped a lot of school days to attend competitions. Pretty energetic, confident, mr brightside; always blasting music through his wireless speaker whenever we got out and vibing. If he knew you had a dream, a passion or a special hobby, he’d push you and encourage you as much as possible. Incredible motivator and coach. S t y l i s h     a s     h e c k . Could rock anything but chose to beat us all every single day. Really good friend of Charles. Actually chatted with everybody, but wasn’t really that close with a lot of people.

: ̗̀➛ Alex Albon - the surprising kid. A mediocre student throughout the years, but actually a math and physics enthusiast and genius. He started to show signs of his abilities only in the last year and a half. The only one actually knowing what he was doing with formulas lmaooo Surely wasted in the type of high school I was in* and he acknowledged making the wrong decision, but he didn’t know back at the time he liked physics that much. One of the most chilled out and laid back people I’ve met, really pleasant to talk to. Would often find ourselves in bad situations and look at each other as to say: “It’s a mess, but nothing I hadn’t expected to happen anyway”. The defeated-but-we-already-knew-when-we-started resigned duo. * we mainly studied humanities. We also had physics and chemistry classes, but there are other types of high school more “science” oriented, which would’ve been way more suitable for his skills. #badchoices

: ̗̀➛ Valtteri Bottas - i haven’t figured him out. Like, he was pretty basic and easy to talk to, but had so many hidden interests. Currently studying aerospace engineering. Part-time cosplayer. His instagram posts have descriptions we’re still trying to decipher. Sometimes perceived as a low-key genius, others acting like a fool. I honestly don’t know what to think of him, he just confused me a lot lol.

: ̗̀➛ Bonus: Mick Schumacher - first love. From another class, but the same high school. A bit reserved at first, but the ultimate sweetheart. Thoughtful, polite, calm, soft-spoken, kind, just- you get it. Awkward hugs, talking on a bench for three hours as a first “date” and arguing about who’s going to pay for breakfast (‘cause I couldn’t accept him being the one to pay, like, we were just friends). That was the first time I felt the need to shower someone with love without caring about being reciprocated, at all. I’ve been in the friendzone - voluntarily - for 3 years only to get to know from a shared friend that he had got together with a girl four months prior but didn’t want/ didn’t know how to tell me. To this day he doesn’t know a thing. Not in love with him anymore, but unknowingly gave me the best thing I’ve ever felt. 

[cakejerry]

Listen whatever is the deal with jungkook right now I just know that something seems very sinister. Like there is something very wrong happening here. Doesn’t he have any real friends to tell him to maybe not broadcast his quarter life crisis to everyone to see? And mingyu and eunwoo aren’t real friends by the slightest😭😭😭 where is his family? His brother? Anyone? JIMIN?? Like whatever road he is going on won’t end well. Trying so hard to succeed in Hollywood which is known to be the most toxic industry on earth and the people in control are willing to take everything away from you just so they can get their money. And he is with scooter Braun out of all people. Literally the worst. Like he is literally throwing temper tantrums. Boy this is the industry you chose. Like I understand you had to give up a lot but like he needs someone genuine in his life. Someone to guide him before he throws himself in some serious shit just because he can’t control his phases and wants to seek “cool”. Like bro we get it many people think your cool and have been thinking that since you debuted. Koreans and international fans alike.

I don’t know what his current relationship with jimin is and if they were even ever more than friends because he just seems like a very lonely person. I think ms will be a very big change for him. He needs to step off the limelight for a good while and reassess what he wants and who he is. Because it feels like he has been in a constant battle for quite a while now lol.

anon ily 😭😭 you're literally putting into words everything I'm too scared to because I don't want people to call me a hypocrite for judging JK but... it is, truly, 'sinister'.

I'm not expecting jimin to parent him or anything but do they even talk about the big things atp or do they just fuck? because how did jk not learn anything from him? has that man not conquered his public image perfectly? jk was literally in the studio working on face, was that not what that album was about? finding yourself???

I feel like his 'friends' and family all tell him 'what's there to complain about you're literally bts' and management only sees the media buzz of 'loving idol who meets fans frequently' and no one cares that he's obviously going through something in these lives? pointing a camera at himself saying "I'm just doing all of this naturally with no thoughts" but his brain is so scrambled up with thoughts that he can't go a second without contradicting himself. trying to make a coherent sentence but failing. doesn't know what to do with fans, doesn't know what to do with fame. he doesn't even know what he wants except MORE. just deep deep in some type of denial or just plain immaturity

he needs to be humbled, and quickly. looking at the average idol lifespan since literally the start of kpop, when jungkook debuted he should have been expecting nothing else but to be RETIRED by now. it was only through sheer luck that bts did what they did and are still even active a decade later I don't think he understands how close he was to being a failed solo singer turned gym instructor by now. all he ever knew was steadily going UP and now he's moved the goalpost so far for himself he can't see how ridiculous he's being. fucking scooter brown...

he himself is the sole argument we need against debuting idols underage because bro has internalized the panopticon and is struggling to grow up in every sense of the word and I feel bad for even being one of the eyes on him. he's a person for real but most people (including himself) only see him as our entertainment.

no matter how we look at it, the military will be a much needed reset...

[alarrytale]

Louis anon here 👋 When I mentioned younger Louis I was referring to the pre Elounor-early Elounor era and I know that he was reaaaaally young back then but in my opinion people don’t change THAT much from one day to another. I agree with you for most part but things are looking worse instead of better. Obviously we don’t know the real Louis just like we don’t know the real Harry or any other celebrity , the thing is that none of the celebrities I like - support are this way and I completely understand that this image is fake but it’s been so long that in a hypothetical scenario the “real” him would come off as fake slash forced.

Hi back, Louis anon 👋🏻

I think as soon as they got on txf and signed the recording contract as 1D they were given their individual images. Louis was to be the oldest, the leader, the cheeky and funny one, the high energy one, the fearless and the extroverted one, with child-like behaviour. The response he got from adopting this image from the fans, and the other boys adoring him and looking up to him, gave him confidence. I still don't think what we witnessed back then was the "real" and authentic version of Louis. It was exaggerated and put on behaviour.

You're right, we don’t know the real H and L fully, but we still know a lot about who they are. Since H and L have had images to uphold since they were teenagers, and have not gone to uni or had real time to explore their sense or self, i think it took a long time for both of them to find out who they really are. (Hence Harry's "do you know who you are?). We don’t know who they would be if they were allowed to come out, and didn’t have to uphold a certain image anymore.

Would H or L or both be into gay activism and go to pride, protests or fundraising events? Or would they be yeah i'm gay, but i don't make it my entire personality gays? Would Harry reveal he spends hours on chess.com and Louis that he knows how to do forty types of hair braiding styles? Would it will be revealed that Louis was the one getting H into yoga, or that H gambles on horses? That Louis cried watching Bridgerton, but H was downright sobbing?

I think it doesn’t matter that we don’t know them fully, as long as we recognise the core parts of them, their motivation, boundaries and morals. I believe both of them to be good people; kind, considerate, empathic, caring and that they're self-aware, humble and grateful for their fans. I think real Louis knows Louis Tomlinson tm is a jerk, a homophobe, insecure and obsessed about male validation and appearing cool. Real Louis isn't any of that. But i also don't think real Louis is as confident or happy go lucky as early 1D Louis were. He is still as charming, cheeky, funny, caring, flamboyant and socially aware as early 1D Louis though. I think we'll recognise the real Louis when we see him. We will see that he's genuine and authentic, he doesn't need to tell us (or gaslight us into it). Real Louis isn't perfect, but real Louis will try to be a good person. It will show in his confidence growing and him being more relaxed and generally happy.

[saltysodacracker]

12:10am, January 4th, 2024

Final thoughts on being 21:

I really think that when you turn a new age you are physically that old. However, I feel that growing to the accustomed to what a person should be thinking, acting, saying, and doing at any age comes with the responsibility after you turn the new age. That is really when a person figures out what it means to be another year older.

A song that channelled into my mind after I wrote that goes, “I have this thing where I get older, but never wiser Midnights become my afternoons.” Maybe this is how it feels to be growing older.

As I turned 21 previously, I had no idea what lied before me. Thankfully, I figured it all out just 4 months before my new birthday. Otherwise I feel as though I would be stuck learning the same things as I did the year prior. It is as if you get it than you get it and if you don’t well then you don’t and nobody’s going to tell you how to figure it all out that is what the journey of self-discovery is all about. For me I have not a single clue what I am going to be learning this year as I am 22 today. All that I will figure it out along the way. Perhaps I have things I want to learn and am sure of them. One of those is being mentally kinder to myself and consciously kinder to the people around me. Make more of an affirmative effort to be kind and genuine. Not interact with so many random people on social media just to prove a point. I think this year I want to focus on character building and patience.

This previous year, I learned the true meaning of friendship. I have learned to see the good qualities in people. As well as I have learned how to be completely financially self-sufficient and independent. I learned to get over a breakup and honestly the key is finding someone or something that brings you a lot of excitement to your walk of life. Someone that seen you broken, hurting, and destructible. Willing to take away the ammunition that you were using to literally kill your self. Being sober became a huge asset for my life. I got smarter…

Again not sure why Taylor Swift is making an appearance, but again another song channelled as I was writing my last sentence, “You said the gun was mine… But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time. I rose up from the dead. I do it all the time….”

Anyway, being sober made me get my speed and ambition back. I am able to get a lot of stuff done with a clear head and thought process. I feel I am in my reborn era where now I am a hermit decluttering my life and organizing my existence. Everything from my sense of aesthetic, to fashion, interior design. I am taking a very minimalistic approach to living. If it’s eye candy and serves no other purpose than it needs to leave. I really want nothing materialistically anymore. Just want to live with the bare essentials. I am also trying to be super conscious of my purchases and what I am spending my money on as I want that to also be super minimal.

This year I want to spend more time with myself and get to know the person that I am. Hang with a few real people and just be so aware of what I am saying and experiment with how vast my influence is or can be. I know I am one of the billion ppl in this world, but I know that I do have a voice and I am important. I want to step into the potential and push myself to be all that I can be no matter how hard that may get. I want to be completely whole and bare. A person that is mysterious, open minded and open hearted. Kind, loving, understanding are all the attributes that I want to encompass.

I want to be passionate on all aspects of life, the good parts, the chapters or experiences that are sad and challenging. I want to be able to experience them from a healthy standpoint and stay humble.

The biggest thing I am learning is how valuable your true friends are when you figure that out. They will always want the best for you. Support you in every season and chapter of your life. They will always do the best they can to love you always. I have learned the same thing with my family. Not all of them want good things for you and are jealous like friends can be. However, true family sometimes can be thicker than blood. You can really love them, die for them, kill for them. That is being thicker than blood and how I feel about some of my family ad friends. As I am getting older I am realizing how much people truly mean to me and how they impact me. Also how I don’t know if I could be me or the person I am without them and how thinking about them not being in my life would maybe make me also not want to be here and try to be the best person I could be. I really feel like money is worthless and life is about the lessons you learn, the impact you leave behind, the friendships and connections you build. All the other things like how much money you make or assets you have are not meaningful. You can always make money, but you can’t bring the dead back to life. That is why it is important to treasure the people in your life as they are precious as silver & gold. Dictating this paragraph has me in tears because that is how it feels to love someone so much.

Besides that I want to be physically healthy and mentally sound that is true wealth also. You can be a millionaire and be terminally ill then how wealthy would you really be? If you can’t enjoy your life from a healthy frame of perspective than how rich is your life? Wealth and riches are vaster than just being financially based. It is also a state of mind. If you pinch your pennies and think broke you become rich too. Because you learned how to save and struggle like a poor person and live without things that a rich person takes for granted each day. Could be something as so simple as a coffee maker. I sold my Kerigue because it was so expensive to buy the pods for. I figured out that buying Maxwell house coffee tin for 8$ and use small scoop of it into a French press was saving me so much money every month. It is the little things I am nipping in the butt. I am not eating out as often and especially not fast food unless I get coupons in the mail for a meal deal outing as a treat. I am trying to figure out better ways to spend my cash and entertainment more wisely.

Another topic I want to touch on is sleep. I really learned how important it is. I have been napping more recently to give my mind a break and reset. There is a lot that happens to your mind when you sleep and it makes you age a lot less than if you just didn’t sleep. Your body can fight infections and prevent yourself from getting sick if you get a lot more rest. Reading also really helps to calm the mind and slow it down. This year I am going to do a lot more reading.

Last thing I want to talk about in depth is reading. I want to tab my books like I would if I was studying a textbook. I also want to write in my books if I want to. I want to really study the things I am reading. I want to get into more self-help books and gain more personal understanding from new educated perspectives. I also want to find some new authors this year. Maybe read some history and or read some new ghost stories or supernatural tales based more spiritual. With that maybe also some mystery in there I love a good puzzle to solve.

[tamerahardy]

Life before Korea

I had already known we were deploying back in 2021 when I first got to my unit. We left in October of 2022 to Korea. Apart of me was actually very happy if anyone knows me they know I love anime and I always wanted to go to Japan and Korea which is next door to Japan, but I had also been grieving the loss of my father and being away from Aaliyah in which my mom who I don’t have the best relationship with would watch her.

My time in Washington before the deployment I was actually very happy like genuinely happy I had beat my ex husband at his evil game I had a new home and a flourishing bank account. I was able to provide for my daughter compared to some years ago when I was living with my mom again working at Walmart making 300$ a check after I lost my job.

I was HAVING IT AGAIN” but life had humbled me deeply. After everything I typed prior to this I had truly been WOKE and very cautious and aware. I was very focused on my goal to the point where I didn’t pay attention to anyone at all except the people I needed to so I could get to where I needed to be.

My new job in the military was infantry I didn’t pick it at all but that’s how I got my job and benefits back. I survived fort benning ga and coming the my unit I was not here to play or hook up with anyone AT ALL. I was very driven and focused, I enjoyed my time as a single mother with my daughter. I loved the Seattle experience and finding things I liked and staying focused at work but after while I had began to feel lonely. The feeling I felt before I hooked up with my ex husband and finally gave him chance leading me down a dark path.

Anytime I felt a sense of “loneliness” I immediately internalized and thought of my previous trauma. It had seemed I hadn’t healed from my husband and I still needed to do work with myself. Mind you it’s 2021, I had found out my ex husband got his ex gf pregnant behind my back and they were planning a life together the year prior in 2020 the “spiraling years” so yes I need to get to the root of the pain.

Normally I would just go on his mistress page and check for anything she would post of him and their child SOMETHING that would hurt me so bad that I would become numb to it. That didn’t help at all really…it felt like I was looking for something to help me purge this terrible feeling and demon out of my body but I was doing it incorrectly.

Pain and trauma changes you. It makes you reevaluate your life and demean yourself not worthy. I didn’t have my dad to talk to I had cut him off because I looped him in with every other man that cheats. Initially what helped me to get over the pain I felt from my divorce and Damian was my spirituality. I don’t know if you are reading this but if you are you would know by now that I have been through a lot, a lot that words can’t even sum it all up especially when you are going through it in real life. I looked back at everything I had been through. When I was with Damian every single recruiter REJECTED me and could not get me back in the military for various reasons. I tried every recruiter from Colorado all the way to Tennessee but initially nothing worked. By the time I had separated from Damian I had an opening and that right there told me everything I needed to know. I was not meant to start my new life with Damian in it being that he had always made his mind behind my back and God saw it and STOPPED before the darkness went any further, this ALONE helped me. I stopped looking at his mistress page and I stopped looking for him and proceeded on the NEW path that God created for me.

Damian had blamed me for the downfall of his life and I internalized that as I have a pattern for believing I’m always wrong. I felt I wasn’t a good wife when in reality I was too young and moving too fast being overly anxious again as I have a history for that. I went through a very humbling lesson that made me very cautious and disciplined when it came to giving a man my body or acting off impulse whenever I felt “lonely”

I have no ill will towards Damian and yes I have him out my system now which I’m sure my dad is very proud of looking from above, I personally don’t even care if he reaches out for Aaliyah he hasn’t done anything for her over the years but demand money from me in which again I care no ill will towards but don’t get it fucked up if he come for me I’ll be ready and I’ll stand up for myself and my daughter EVERY single time!

Moving forward as I had finally healed from my divorce. I mean I still looked. I’m not perfect and someone caught my eye ….

[whatever-lmaoo]

Girlie pop this was so amazing 🙉🥹🌸✨

#“The modest diamond was brighter than anything considering its size compared to some of the others, shining with impossible brilliance on its thin, yellow gold band as Will held the dainty ring between his fingers.” STOP IT RIGHT NOW OMG IMG OMG

#GIRL WE JUST STARTED AND YOURE ALREADY TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY 🙉🙉🙉 I’m so happy for them😭💗

#“Will knew something humble and simple would be the perfect token to help symbolize your love even though both of you felt no need to conform to any of the traditional ways that people were convinced validated a relationship.” *cough* anon *cough*

#“hardly able to believe he was doing something he never thought he would do again in his life.” So happy that he gets to start over with a person that deserves him and who he deserves 🥹

#“What the hell are you doing that’s more important than helping me train?” Okay so I’ve been binging young Sheldon and if you’ve never seen it he has a train set and idk if it was the dyslexia or what but i thought they were about to build toy trains for a sec😂😂

#“No, I will not marry you,” LMAOOOO leave it to Benny😂

#“I did until her,” one of the sweetest things a guy could ever say 😭🥹💗✨

#“your love bringing him a freedom that wasn’t chaotic or terrifying.” “your presence in his life healing wounds he never thought could be mended.” Excussseee meeee🙉

#“having been given ultimatums if he didn’t propose, the cost of the hideous ring she wanted so badly putting him in more debt than he could handle.” That is so gross, I despise people that act like that😤

#“Okay, can I punch you now?” Benny is so me lmaoooo

#“The sun was beaming down hard on the back of Will’s neck as he walked through the front yard back and forth in neat rows” I would love to sit on the porch and just watch him 😩

#“My name is Patsy, and my husband is whose life you saved last week.” STOP I’m actually gonna start tearing up, I know it’s not real but it also happens yknow ☹️ I love how you give side characters a personality and make us want more of them 🥹 you give them a meaning as to why they are there and I think that is such an important part of storytelling that even some publishing authors fall short at!!

#I don’t actually have a line to attach this to but I just love how wholesome their whole interaction was!!! Patsy just seems so sweet and genuine and I think having this scene was such a great idea!! Especially if it helps Will continue to realize that his hands do more than strip away lives and spill blood☹️

#“realizing more than ever how precious life and love were, and he wanted to marry you on the spot if it was possible.” Eeeeee😍

#“the warmth from his adoration spreading through you like it was transferring from your fingertips that were connected to his chest and into every vein until it had you buzzing, his love for you always making you beam.” Excuse me🙉

#“forcing you down on his length as he fully penetrated you with a growl that resounded in your mouth.” That was hot🥵

#“Use me however you need.” That’s how you know he trusts you😩

#“Yeah? I’m right there too, baby,” he growled, bucking up into you to prove it as he gave up on trying to hold back.” You’re too good at this laurie dlidnvrjikskslen

#“soothing you as you came back to reality while he remained on cloud nine, his heart pounding furiously in his chest.” My heart🥹

#“your words coming off your tongue like you were still reliving every moment of it” reliving every moment we’ve ever had together 😩

#“his hand that wasn’t secured around the secret token” that is such a cute way to phrase it🥹

#“gently forcing it onto the mattress where he trailed the back of his closed fist up the inside of your arm until he reached your palm.” SCREAMING IM SO EXCITED!!!

#“Will adjusted his fingers until he had a grip on the band and slowly slipped it onto your ring finger.” 😮😮😮 that is such a smooth way to do it🙉

#“A shuddered breath escaped your parted lips and your eyes glistened with tears, and Will’s heart felt like it was either going to stop or jump right out of his chest when you looked from the sparkling ring on your trembling hand over to him, and somehow, he found his words.” Stoppp I’m gonna cry😭 I’m ready and not ready at the same time 😭💗

#“accentuating the feeling of the foreign piece encircling your skin.” Need you to start your own creative writing course 🥹

#“the love he had for you incomparable to anything else that existed and something he would spend the rest of his life proving to you.” AHHHHH I LOVS THEM SO MUCHHHH

#“you were hosting an engagement party in your backyard to celebrate with friends and family before the set day that was now less than a week away.” IM SO EXCITED FOR THEMMM!!! I love when couples elope, I think it’s so cute and personal🥹😩✨

#“Selfish prick,”LMAOOO GOTTA LOVE BENNY

#“Damn right,” Benny confirmed, staring at Jess with a look in his eyes that explained everything anyone would ever need to know about their blooming relationship. “I want her to have my babies right away.” THE SILENT SCREAM I JUST LET OUT KSMSNSOSK JENNY SUPREMACY😍😍😍😍😍

#“so being able to hold up your hand to show off your gorgeous ring and see their shocked reaction was half the fun” I love seeing those videos, especially when the person they’re showing it to takes for ever to notice it😂 it’s so wholesome and everyone is just so happy!!!

#“standing in the middle of the yard looking up at the indigo sky littered with stars” beautiful description and also I am NOT ready🙊🙊

#“Good, because I feel the same,” literally perfect for each other odksmjssk

#“How beautiful you look tonight. That dress…” don’t make me jump your bones miller😍

#“Will let out a low growl as his hands began to gather the skirt of your dress, lifting it up to access the white, lacy thong you had on beneath it, ripping them down your hips roughly.” O M G O M G O M G I NEED THIS MAN RIGHT NOW🥵

#“Let me show you, sweetheart.” Gonna be the death of me😵

#“Here?” you asked, grinding yourself on his hand even with questioning getting fucked in the semi-privacy of your own backyard.” Tehehe 🤭 I think that’s the best place😏

#“I’ve fucked you in far riskier places.” No lies detected, poor Benny doesn’t know how lucky his timing has been😂

#I wish it were my birthday because this would be the best present ever🙉😍🥹💗🌸✨

#“You make me lose all control…take over every part of me that fights for some fraction of restraint…” it’s all apart of the charm babes😈

#“You were just a slut taking my cock in the change room, and now you're gonna be my wife…” we can be both🥵

#“You want it rough, sweetheart?” Will Miller have you met us?!?!? Rough is our middle name 😉

#“My wife…” I am so ready actually 😍😍

#“one of his hands fisting your hair to angle your head back, the arch of your body accentuating where the pretty bow on your dress sat at the dip of your lower back.” I know I said this about the other one but this is definitely my all time favorite smut scene!!!!! I am so honored that you wrote this for me!!! Like if I could hang this scene up on my wall i totally would🥹😍🥵✨ It was everything I imagined and more and I will think about this for the rest of my life honestly cuz it was just🥵😵‍💫😵😮‍💨🫠🥵

#“his body slick with a generous layer of sweat that glowed in the silvery moonlight.” No more thoughts in my head😵

#“I can’t believe how lucky I am that I get to be fucked by you for the rest of my life,” REALEST THING ANYONE HAS WVER SAID!!!!

#“Damn right, sweetheart.” Say it again🥹😍

#“Your smile was covered by his mouth, his kiss claiming and radiating a happiness through you that had become so frequent recently, breathing him in deeply as you swept your hands up his slippery chest and reminded yourself once again that you had all of this to look forward to every day.” Your endings are always so good!!!!! Laurie this chapter was phenomenal🙉 From starting off with Will ring shopping, to getting that bit of closure with Patsy, to the way he proposed which was just so them by the way🥹, to their engagement party and this scrumptious smut scene🥵 I honestly can’t thank you enough for writing that scene for me🥹 it was so perfect, especially the roughness 😈, and I’m honestly about to go reread that part🤭 youll probably think I’m biased but everything you write is just so wonderful and I will honestly cry when you post the last chapter 😭😭😭😭

Breathe

Part 11

Pairing: Will "Ironhead" Miller x female reader

Words: 6.4K

Warnings: Rated E, 18+. Swearing. Alcohol consumption and smoking. Unprotected intercourse.

Summary: Will does something he never thought he would again, and after someone from his recent past seeks him out, things fall into place and call for celebration.

A/N: This is the second to last chapter and I'm feeling so bittersweet about it!! I can't believe how this world has unfolded and all the enthusiasm it's received, so a big thank you to everyone who has stuck with it and shared in my love for it! 💗 @whatever-lmaoo I hope you enjoy your scene! 🌌

Series Masterlist

The modest diamond was brighter than anything considering its size compared to some of the others, shining with impossible brilliance on its thin, yellow gold band as Will held the dainty ring between his fingers.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” he nodded, looking up at the jeweler who had been showing him engagement rings for the past hour.

It was the first one Will noticed when he started eyeing the vast and overwhelming array of rings, able to picture it clearly on your hand, but was persuaded by the salesman to continue exploring other options and not settle for the one that caught his attention first despite knowing in his heart that it was perfect. The rest of them were too large or flashy, some of the settings too elaborate and downright outrageous in cost, and Will knew something humble and simple would be the perfect token to help symbolize your love even though both of you felt no need to conform to any of the traditional ways that people were convinced validated a relationship.

“It’s a lovely choice, Sir,” he confirmed. “She’ll love it.”

Will blew out a breath to try to calm himself, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement, hardly able to believe he was doing something he never thought he would do again in his life.

He had just finished paying for half of it and set up the payments for the rest when his phone buzzed in his pocket, and answered it while waiting for the jeweler to return with the ring secured in its little box.

“Hey, Ben.”

“Where are you, man? You’re late. You’re never late,” Benny quizzed from the other end of the phone.

“Yeah, I know, sorry. Something took a little longer than I thought, I’ll be right over.”

“What the hell are you doing that’s more important than helping me train?”

Will laughed. “You’ll see, just get started without me, I’ll be there in ten.”

He hung up and thanked the jeweler for his help when he returned with the ring that Will couldn’t wait to put on your finger, making his way out of the store and over to the gym with a smile that couldn’t be wiped from his face.

“That was longer than ten minutes!” Benny called from the cage, his gloved hands raising up as he spoke.

“Dude, I’m sorry!” Will laughed, unable to shake this good mood despite his brother being annoyed by his tardiness.

“Why are you so happy? What were you doing? Actually, do I want to know that?”

Will chuckled again as he stepped into the cage, fishing the tiny box out of the pocket of his jeans.

“No, I will not marry you,” Benny joked as Will opened the box and presented it to him, both brothers erupting with laughter before embracing each other in a hug.

“That’s awesome, man, I’m really happy for you,” the younger Miller spoke, patting Will on the back while still in his grasp with his padded fists.

“Thanks, bro,” Will smiled sheepishly, looking at the ring one more time before closing the box and stowing it back safely in his pocket.

“Do you know when you’re gonna do it?”

Will sighed and shook his head, his eyebrows raised. “Whenever it feels right, I guess. I don’t really have a plan,” he admitted.

“You always have a plan.”

“I did until her,” he smiled, thinking of how much his life and the ways he went about things had changed since he met you. You had disrupted his life in the best way, taking the strict order of how he lived and the walls he built up for protection and dismantled it all, your love bringing him a freedom that wasn’t chaotic or terrifying. The way you turned his world upside down had actually put it the right way up, making him realize that all the things he thought he was doing right were actually wrong, your presence in his life healing wounds he never thought could be mended.

“Well however you do it, she’s gonna say yes and it’ll be perfect for you both,” Benny assured him. “It definitely won’t be like the first time!”

“Fuck no,” Will agreed, wishing he could erase his previous engagement to his ex, having been given ultimatums if he didn’t propose, the cost of the hideous ring she wanted so badly putting him in more debt than he could handle.

“Okay, can I punch you now?” Benny asked, bringing Will out of his past with a laugh, ducking as he threw a loose hit at his face.

The sun was beaming down hard on the back of Will’s neck as he walked through the front yard back and forth in neat rows, the loud buzz of the lawnmower drowned out by the music playing in his headphones.

With the weather being so nice and it being a Sunday, tons of people were out on the street; families walking with their young kids and dogs to the park, and a few older couples passing by the house hand in hand who gave Will a nod and smile as they strolled.

He was attentive to everything, already knowing what cars each neighbour drove and fairly in-tune with the consistency in their schedules, so when an unfamiliar car pulled up and parked in front of the house, it made Will pause and watch to see who it was.

An average looking woman stepped out, glancing at the house number before continuing to walk up the sidewalk to the driveway, and Will plucked his headphones out of his ears and shut off the lawnmower as he stared at her curiously.

She looked almost nervous, and in her hands she held a round dish, but when she gave him a sweet smile, Will couldn’t help but return it.

“Can I help you?” he asked, squinting in the sunlight.

“I sure hope so!” she exclaimed, her voice suiting her demeanour.

She stopped when she was a few steps away from Will, her arms moving as she spoke that told Will her hands would be flying about if she didn’t have something in them.

“I don’t mean to bother you, but your brother told me I would find you here.”

Will tilted his head slightly as he listened, leaning more onto the handle of the mower that he still held onto with one hand.

“At least I’m hoping you’re his brother!” she giggled, but Will remained quiet so she could continue explaining who she was and what she wanted. “You’re Will Miller?”

He nodded. “That’s me.”

“You’re a hard man to track down!” she blurted, her relief clear in her words.

Will smiled but still looked at her with confusion, prompting her to scold herself.

“Oh, listen to me! You poor man standing here as I’m going on and on and I haven’t even told you who I am!” She cradled the dish in one arm and extended her right hand out to him. “My name is Patsy, and my husband is whose life you saved last week.”

Will was taken aback as he took her hand and shook it, being surprised at her introduction an understatement.

“Wow, hi. It’s nice to meet you, Patsy,” he greeted.

“I really hope I’m not overstepping, but I just wanted to thank you. I went to the store and spoke with the manager who told me who you were…”

When she trailed off, Will knew why, nodding as he understood that the manager had explained to her both incidents that made Will's name a memorable one at Publix.

“So I looked you up but the last address listed was old and other people live there now…”

Will nodded again, knowing it was the house he had lived in with his ex, a sigh blowing past his lips.

“But then I saw there was another Miller listed and I got a hold of him, and oh your brother is just such a dear and he gave me this address. He told me you wouldn’t mind me stopping by and–”

“I don’t mind at all, Patsy, this is nice,” Will assured her, seeing her eyes light up. “How’s your husband doing?”

“Ron,” she started, and Will was happy to finally learn his name. “He’s recovering well and back home already.”

“That’s great!”

“It was our anniversary that day. Thirty-nine years now!” she explained, her eyes appearing wet. “He went to pick up a few things to make us a special dinner for it…to think he almost didn’t come back home…” Patsy said quietly, blinking quickly. “But thanks to you, we’ll hopefully be on our way to forty and more!”

“Wow, congratulations!” Will offered, genuinely, watching her wipe a stray tear from her cheek.

“Thank you, dear. We are both so grateful to you and we just don’t know how to thank you for what you did.”

Will shook his head. “It’s what anyone would’ve done. I’m just glad he’s okay.”

“Well, I’ve made you this pie. I don’t even know if you like pie…” she muttered under her breath, meeting his eyes again as she extended her arms to hold the dessert out for him. “It’s apple. Just give it a warm in the oven and it’s all set for you to enjoy.”

“Thank you,” Will beamed. “I’ve never been able to say no to pie and apple is my favourite.” He patted his stomach to assure her he loved to eat and she laughed, her kindness and warmth contagious.

“Is there someone you can share it with?” she asked, her question non-accusing or prying.

“Yeah, there is,” he confirmed, happily, any thought that went to you bringing out a bigger smile on his face.

“Oh, good. A sweet soul like yours deserves to be shared. Plus, you’re too damn handsome not to have someone!” She giggled at her own admission and clapped her hand on his forearm, patting it a couple of times before stepping away in the direction of her car.

“Thank you again, Will. You’re a good man.”

Will smirked and glanced at his shoes before meeting her eyes again, giving her one last smile and wave goodbye before turning to bring the pie inside the house.

Will still didn’t have a plan as to when he was going to pop the question, but it was even more on his mind now after his conversation with Patsy, realizing more than ever how precious life and love were, and he wanted to marry you on the spot if it was possible.

The rest of your Sunday had been blissful; cooking dinner together that was followed by two huge slices of the best apple pie both of you had ever tasted, and now your night was wrapping up in the best way you knew how with your naked bodies entangled after falling into bed straight from the shower.

Will hummed as he trailed his face up the side of your waist, his nose dragging along your soft skin that was still dotted with drops of water, the scent of your soap and the dampness clinging to you intoxicating him.

You moved to lay on your back, sighing out a pleasured noise as he continued to explore your bare torso with his lips, ghosting them over your stomach and hips, your hands smoothing over his upper back and through his wet hair.

He hummed again against your skin, the vibrations off his lips rumbling through so that it almost tickled, making you squirm beneath him.

With a slight chuckle, he grabbed your waist and pulled you with him as he rolled onto his back, guiding you to mount him where you looked down at him with a sweet smile, your hands splaying out on his chest.

“I wanna see you, sweetheart,” he purred, his eyes full of love and desire in the faint light from the lamp on your nightstand.

Your smile grew, the warmth from his adoration spreading through you like it was transferring from your fingertips that were connected to his chest and into every vein until it had you buzzing, his love for you always making you beam.

Water from your hair dripped down your shoulders and chest, the trails of it enhancing the curves of your breasts and valleys along your collarbones, catching Will’s eye as he watched you in awe.

You smoothed your hands from his pecs over to his arms, lacing your fingers with his as you leaned down to kiss him, your hands held securely together to support your forward motion, the water that fell from your saturated hair dropping onto his body where it peppered his clean, porcelain skin.

You breathed him in, your tongues beginning to tangle together as you settled on his groin, teasing yourself on his rigid cock that rested against your core.

A sharp inhale filled your lungs when his tip breached your entrance, filling just an inch of you with his leaking head yet still stretching your tight hole.

You rolled your hips forward, bringing him back out of you, only to have him angle his own when you seated yourself back on him again, pressing inside you a little deeper this time.

When you lifted off of him again, Will abandoned his connection with your hands and landed them on your upper thighs just below your hips, forcing you down on his length as he fully penetrated you with a growl that resounded in your mouth.

Your hands fell onto his head, raking through his hair as you deepened your kiss, grinding on his cock that slid in and out of you with your languid rhythm.

Will removed one of his hands off your waist and placed it on your cheek, gripping the side of your face with a demand that made your head spin as his need poured through his mouth, his kiss filling you with an equal want for more.

You broke away from his lips, your desire to ride him overpowering that to keep kissing him, moving your body against his faster, his flaxen hairs creating a mind-numbing friction on your clit.

“That’s it, baby,” he encouraged, his body tensing under yours as he took pleasure from your own. “Use me however you need.”

The roughness of his voice almost made you shiver, his offer to take whatever you needed from him to feel as good as possible making a cool heat shoot down your spine, and you sat up straighter, driving down hard against him while providing him a view of your body, his hands cupping your tits and plucking at your peaked nipples.

“Fuck me, you’re gorgeous,” he praised, his words making you tip your head back and increase your pace, hearing him grunt and moan with how good you were making him feel turning you on even more.

“Mmm, Will, I’m close,” you warned, your breathing ragged and your caution a whine.

“Come on, I want to feel you come on me.”

Your eyes were closed tightly as you focused on chasing down your high, and Will found it impossible for you to look more stunning now than you always did, your parted lips spilling moans while your body rocked and bounced on his.

“I want you– fuck! – I want you to cum in me, Will!”

“Yeah? I’m right there too, baby,” he growled, bucking up into you to prove it as he gave up on trying to hold back.

“God, I love you,” he called, completely enamoured by you.

“I love you too, Will,” you answered, your nails digging into his chest, feeling yourself start to come apart on his thick cock.

Will felt overcome by every emotion, and the thought of putting a ring on your finger sent him through the roof, pulsing hot ropes into you the moment he felt you start to clench around him.

He kept his eyes open to see you experience your orgasm despite wanting to close his own from how amazing it all felt, desperate to watch you fall into bliss and never able to get over the fact that he was the one buried inside you while you did.

Your fingertips gripped in the flesh on his heaving chest as you settled from your high, your eyes opening to meet with his, but you continued to rock your hips against his groin as you selfishly indulged in his warm, thick cum lubricating your tingling walls, and suddenly you were thrown into another climax.

Will held onto your waist tightly, forcing you to stay on his cock and take what you needed from him despite him having finished already, watching you with complete captivation as you quaked and jolted uncontrollably on top of him.

“Good girl,” he grunted, panting out his breath as he tried to hang on for you.

Your broken wails filled the air, combining with the addicting sound of the mix of wet between your legs, and fully exhausted from pleasure, you collapsed forward onto him in a heap, your breath hot on the sweaty skin on his neck.

Will stroked your hair and back, soothing you as you came back to reality while he remained on cloud nine, his heart pounding furiously in his chest.

You whined against his neck as he slipped out of you, and he continued to caress you and keep you close to him, pressing a kiss on your temple.

“Hey, you’re alright, sweetheart. You did so well.”

His hand cradled the side of your face when you uprighted yourself, stroking his thumb on your dewy cheek, his smile soft as he took in your almost delirious look.

“Why don’t you go get yourself cleaned up?” he offered, reluctantly letting you go as you nodded in agreement and removed yourself from straddling his lap.

Will laid there for a minute, watching you retreat into the ensuite bathroom before quietly moving off the bed to reach for his jeans, checking over his shoulder to be sure you hadn’t come back in yet as he grabbed the small box from his pocket and plucked out the dainty ring.

He closed it in his hand as he settled back into the sheets, his breath shaky as he stared up at the ceiling and tried his best not to smile too big.

You came back in and climbed into the bed with a bright smile that made his heart scream in his chest and met it with the broadest one of his own, relieved he didn’t have to try to disguise it now.

“Hmm, that was incredible, baby,” you praised, your words coming off your tongue like you were still reliving every moment of it, hovering over him before leaning down to kiss his lips.

He moaned into your mouth, his hand that wasn’t secured around the secret token he held rubbing up along your back, pulling you closer to him as he deepened your kiss and felt you melt into him.

You let your body lay completely on his, your tongues tangling together as if you were making up for the lack of kisses when you had rode him, and the small yelp you gave when he flipped you over onto your back and covered you with his weight was absorbed into his mouth that stayed locked on yours.

A deep breath filled his lungs and transferred into yours, inhaling your scent and everything about you as he nudged your left arm that was wrapped around his neck with his, gently forcing it onto the mattress where he trailed the back of his closed fist up the inside of your arm until he reached your palm.

Your fingers were extended and relaxed, toying with the sheets as your focus remained on your kiss, and carefully, Will adjusted his fingers until he had a grip on the band and slowly slipped it onto your ring finger.

He could feel your features move against his face as you tried to work out what was happening, and finally letting your lips part from each other, Will looked down at you to watch your reaction as you moved your hand that was still held in his into your view.

A shuddered breath escaped your parted lips and your eyes glistened with tears, and Will’s heart felt like it was either going to stop or jump right out of his chest when you looked from the sparkling ring on your trembling hand over to him, and somehow, he found his words.

“I want you to be my wife,” he spoke carefully and purposefully, his eyes locked on yours.

Your expression turned serious, and Will could see your pulse hammering violently in the side of your neck and swore he could hear your heart thumping like mad.

“You do?” you breathed, your fingers dancing with his, accentuating the feeling of the foreign piece encircling your skin.

“I do.”

Those two words made the corner of his mouth turn up in an astonished smile as the realization of actually saying it to each other one day soon hit him; what had seemed unimaginable that you could be his forever suddenly plausible and more real than anything.

In his next breath, he steadied his emotions, readying himself to legitimize the moment by officially asking the question he had rehearsed in his head over and over, his fingers closing between yours where he held your hand tightly.

“Will you marry me?”

You nodded quickly, tears springing from your eyes furiously as a sob that mixed with a laugh blew past your lips.

“Yes, Will!”

He squeezed your hand three times and crashed against your lips as you returned the silent gesture, feeling the most incredible sense of relief and peace flowing through him, the love he had for you incomparable to anything else that existed and something he would spend the rest of his life proving to you.

Within two days you and Will had decided exactly what you wanted for your wedding day, and without wasting any more time in knowing that you wanted to be made husband and wife as soon as you could, you were hosting an engagement party in your backyard to celebrate with friends and family before the set day that was now less than a week away.

“I still can’t believe I’m not invited,” Benny scoffed, his blatant disapproval for your decision to elope making Will laugh and shake his head.

“Sorry, man. It’s not like you’re the only one who won’t be there. We just want something quiet,” Will explained for the third time to his brother.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” he said with attitude before taking a sip of his beer.

“At least we’re doing this,” Will offered, motioning to the party happening around them.

“Yeah, I’m sincerely shocked you didn’t just up and leave without a word to anyone,” he said pointedly. “Selfish prick,” he added under his breath, earning him a hard shove on the shoulder.

“Fuck off, man,” Will laughed. “Maybe you’ll understand it one day.” He motioned over to where Jess was standing talking to you and the other girls, hoping that Benny had found his forever just like he had.

“No way. We will have everyone we love there. Hundreds of people. Maybe even our kids!”

Will raised his brows in surprise. “Is that so?”

“Damn right,” Benny confirmed, staring at Jess with a look in his eyes that explained everything anyone would ever need to know about their blooming relationship. “I want her to have my babies right away.”

“Well I’m looking forward to being an uncle very much,” Will grinned, draping his arm over Benny’s shoulder to give it a squeeze.

“Well, boys, it wouldn’t be a proper celebration without some cigars, now would it?” Santiago announced after walking over to them, lifting the lid open on a box that contained what Will knew had to be some pricey cigars.

“Frank! Tom, get over here!” he called, handing each of his Delta Force brothers one.

“We gotta get a picture of this!” Tom exclaimed in a loud muffle as he already had his stuck between his teeth, wrapping his arms around both Millers that he wedged himself between.

Molly was right there and ready with her phone to snap a photo, the five of them standing with their arms around each other with their lit cigars hanging from their mouths, the biggest smiles on their faces.

“Say cheese!”

The night had been even more wonderful than you had imagined it would be; the love and joy in the air infectious and making you wonder even more if this was all real, still finding yourself caught off-guard whenever you moved your fingers on your left hand and felt something you weren’t yet accustomed to and catching yourself mesmerized with how the ring looked on your hand.

Half of the people you invited had no idea of your engagement, simply inviting them over for a casual get-together, so being able to hold up your hand to show off your gorgeous ring and see their shocked reaction was half the fun, and witnessing how happy and excited everyone was for you and Will made your heart feel like it would burst.

It made you question if your choice to elope was the right thing to do, but as the night came to a close and it was just you and Will left on your own, you knew it was everything you wanted.

You had just finished the last of the cleanup, thankfully with the help of Frankie and a couple of others who refused to leave you and Will to do it all on your own, and were standing in the middle of the yard looking up at the indigo sky littered with stars after you had turned all but one of the outside lights off.

Will’s soft, but sure footsteps in the grass could be heard coming up behind you, and you smiled when his arm slipped around you, holding you close to him with his hand splayed out on your stomach, his chin resting on your shoulder where he looked up to the same point in the sky that you were.

“Hmm, what a night,” you sighed, happily, turning in his arms to face him.

“Did you have fun?” he asked, looking down at you lovingly with his hands resting on your hips.

You nodded as your grin stretched across your lips. “So much fun. It was perfect.”

You craned your neck and pecked a kiss on his lips and it took everything in you to pull away, choosing to satisfy your need to keep touching them by tracing your fingertip along the crease beside his mouth and then across the bow of his upper lip.

“What about you? What did you think?”

Will pursed his lips as he thought. “Well, I always have a good time when I’m with you,” he beamed, smirking crookedly at you. “But it solidifies that as much as I love being around our friends and family, I really want this to just be between us.”

“Good, because I feel the same,” you confirmed, feeling him relax after hearing your mutual views shared again despite knowing it was what you both wanted.

He was quiet, and in the moonlight you could see something hinting in his icy eyes.

“What else are you thinking, Miller?”

“How beautiful you look tonight. That dress…”

He growled as he bit his lip, angling his hips into you with implication, his hands tightening their grip on you to make you squirm and giggle.

You had found the little, white dress online and ordered it the moment you laid eyes on it, knowing Will would lose his mind over it, the bit of sweet with the large bow at the small of your back mixed with how sexy it was with the low neckline and short hem a lethal combination.

“Yeah? And what would you like to do to me in this dress?”

Your head tilted innocently to the side as you peered up at him through your lashes, your hands splaying over his broad chest that radiated so much warmth in contrast to the night air that had cooled significantly in the absence of the sun.

Will let out a low growl as his hands began to gather the skirt of your dress, lifting it up to access the white, lacy thong you had on beneath it, ripping them down your hips roughly.

“Let me show you, sweetheart.”

A deranged giggle fueled by lust and anticipation came out of your mouth as you leaned back against Will’s arm that was wrapped around your middle, letting your body hang loosely for him to do whatever he wanted with, and he smirked at your submission as he let his other hand slide between your legs to fondle your bare sex.

His fingers parted your lips, finding you already wet for him and spread your slick up to your clit and then back to your waiting hole, the action eliciting a long moan from you.

“Fuck, Will…” you breathed, gripping his shoulder tight to support you more. “Here?” you asked, grinding yourself on his hand even with questioning getting fucked in the semi-privacy of your own backyard.

He nodded, looking at you smugly. “Yeah,” he answered, nonchalantly and extremely cocky. “I’ve fucked you in far riskier places.”

You hummed a laugh as you let your eyes close, relishing in his touch rather than worrying if any neighbours would be up and out at this time of night anyway, and realizing they’d probably heard and seen you at least once or twice was a severe understatement.

His index finger slid inside you and then he added his middle one, filling you and stretching you with each stroke in and out, his breathing growing ragged that told of his faltering ability to resist fucking you right away whether you wanted him to wait or not.

You let your hand that was resting on his forearm sink down to the bulge in his shorts, taking hold of his hard cock through the material where you began to gently stroke it in languid motions.

His forehead rested against yours, his breath hot on your lips as he started to finger you faster and harder, your touch driving him wild.

“Do you remember the first time I fucked you?” he asked, his voice gruff from the cigar you watched him smoke earlier, pulling out a smile on your lips.

“Mmm, how could I ever forget?”

“I couldn't stop myself, and I still can't. You make me lose all control…take over every part of me that fights for some fraction of restraint…” He kissed your lips, claiming and wanting, his fingers hooking inside you to stroke your g-spot and make you jolt into him, your grip tightening on his cock.

Moving along your jawline, he ground his body against yours, getting as close to each other as possible as you both worked each other with your hands, his mouth smearing over to your neck.

“And fuck do I ever love you for it,” he growled, the tone of his voice sending a shiver down your spine that only increased when his teeth nipped at your pulse that hammered in your neck.

“You were just a slut taking my cock in the change room, and now you're gonna be my wife…” he uttered, his voice trembling with lust and excitement, the words vibrating against your sensitive skin.

You released your hold on his straining dick and pulled at his shirt, forcing him to abandon your cunt as you lifted it quickly over his head, a steely gaze shared between you before crashing against each other’s lips again.

The skin on his chest was impossibly warm to your palms as you smoothed them over his thick pecs, moaning into him as he teased your clit with the pads of his fingers that were wet from you, the band of your ring twisting as you slid your hand up to hold the side of his neck.

He peeled his mouth away from yours again, hovering against your lips as he spoke with a hoarseness in his tone. “You want it rough, sweetheart?”

“Mhm,” you whined, nodding your head as your other hand returned to his cock.

“That’s my girl,” he smiled, resting his forehead against yours again as he undid the button and zipper on his shorts and pulled them down his legs. “My wife…”

You gasped at both the sound of him calling you his wife and from him turning you around so quickly you didn’t even have a chance to react, his hands clawing at your hips to pull them back against his groin where you were given no other choice but to take his cock.

He dragged it between your folds only once before slamming it in, one of his hands fisting your hair to angle your head back, the arch of your body accentuating where the pretty bow on your dress sat at the dip of your lower back.

Something between a laugh and a surprised noise came from you, already satisfied by him keeping his word to fuck you roughly, your hands carding down your own bare thighs sensually until they landed on your knees to support the back blows you were about to receive.

Will didn’t fuck around, already hammering against your ass quickly with sharp enough thrusts they almost stung your cheeks, the sensation of his full balls swinging forward to knock your clit sending you into a frenzy.

“Fuck that pussy is so good, baby,” he said through gritted teeth, his breaths coming out heavy and laboured as he worked hard at ruining you.

His grip tightened slightly on your hair as he let go of your hips with the other, bringing it around to hold the front of your neck, his palm resting on your windpipe while his fingers squeezed the sides of your column gently.

You whined as a shiver shot down your spine, feeling dizzy and overcome by so much pleasure, and unable to resist adding even more to the combination, you reached one of your hands between your legs and started rubbing your swollen clit harshly.

“Good girl, you’re gonna come hard on my cock aren’t you?” he asked with a trace of amusement in his voice, and you knew what kind of feral look would be in his eyes if you could see them.

Your body responded to his question, jolting as ecstasy took over control of your nervous system, everything acting on its own accord in an uncontrolled way thanks to the intense actions of the man behind you.

You squeezed his cock in gripping pulses, tightening around him like a vice until you heard his grunts grow louder, the sound music to your ears.

“God damn!” he howled, increasing his pace to something almost barbaric, and goosebumps erupted on your skin at the thrill of it.

Will let his hand that was around your neck slip down your chest, roughly pawing at the low neckline of your dress until your tits spilled out, his fingers squeezing the fleshy curve of one of them as they shook to his movements.

Your moans and cries were growing louder as each second passed, and suddenly aware that any of your neighbours could hear you clear as day, you did your best to stifle them, but Will was quick to correct you.

“Don’t hold back, sweetheart. I wanna hear you scream.”

“Fuck!” you bellowed, instantly complying as he pounded into you even harder, and after a couple more sharp blows, you had no way of holding back anymore.

Your orgasm tore through you, your body tensing and stilling in meeting his movements leaving him to fuck you through your paralyzing high, your euphoric screams filling the quiet, night air.

Incoherent strings of praise spilled from your open mouth as you came back down to earth, hearing his satisfied chuckle sound in your ears that he’d made you cause such a scene.

“God, Will, fill me up. Please!” you begged, rocking your hips to meet his thrusts again.

“Yeah, you’re gonna get that load, baby…” he hissed. “...fill up that fucking cunt.”

You gasped as he somehow managed to increase his pace again, relentless in his pursuit of fucking you until you were dripping with his cum, his wild grunts telling you he had lost any ways of holding back.

He started to release inside you, but still slammed his cock in and almost all the way out of you as he came, his hot, thick load getting everywhere from deep in your cervix to all over your tingling lips that were stretched out on his girth.

Will stumbled slightly as he finally finished, his stamina faltering and his legs slightly shaking from his efforts, a deranged laugh decorating his words.

“I fucking love you, sweetheart,” he claimed, joyfully.

He grabbed your chin, his fingers digging into your cheeks without care as he turned your face toward him, leaning down to kiss you sloppily, the sweat that clung to his beard transferring onto your lips.

Will righted himself after stealing your breath, pulling out of you unceremoniously where you moaned from the loss of his fullness inside you, feeling his cum leaking out and starting to trail down your inner thigh.

You stood and smoothed your hair back, turning to face your future husband who looked more gorgeous than ever, his body slick with a generous layer of sweat that glowed in the silvery moonlight.

He smiled crookedly at you, a lazy, sated look on his perfect features as his chest heaved while he still struggled for breath, his eyes gleaming even more of a vibrant blue, looking like some sort of god in front of you that had you dumbstruck.

“I can’t believe how lucky I am that I get to be fucked by you for the rest of my life,” you uttered, your honest thoughts falling off your tongue in your blissful haze.

Will chuckled and held your waist, nodding in agreement.

“Damn right, sweetheart.”

Your smile was covered by his mouth, his kiss claiming and radiating a happiness through you that had become so frequent recently, breathing him in deeply as you swept your hands up his slippery chest and reminded yourself once again that you had all of this to look forward to every day.

---

Taglist:

@sotwk @dailydragon08 @sunnys-day @thedreadandthefugitivemind @glassgulls

@littlenosoul @glitterypirateduck @momia2910 @maggotzombie @rmwarn90

@paintlavillered @casa-boiardi @stealfromthedevil @kmc1989 @justreblogginfics

@spaghettificationandpretzels @whatever-lmaoo @steviebbboi @charethcutestory02

@daryldixonpls @christinhunnam @hp-hogwartsexpress

[filmyypeople]

My journey hasn’t been easy but the child in me keeps me going : Bidisha Ghosh Sharma

05 June, 2023 I Richa Devesar I FilmyPeople

A young girl, who has loved watching Bollywood films since childhood, had this dream of becoming an actress one day, but then there were no Filmy contacts, no formal training, how was she going to do what she eventually did and that too on her own?  It was her positive and lively attitude, enthusiasm, love and respect for herself, her life and people around her that brought her where she is today. Success didn’t come her way dancing when she started off as lot of struggle and hard work was involved. It took her almost 20 years to get the kind of role she had been looking for, all these years though she has done a good number of serials. It has been one long journey but what one needs to appreciate in her is her perseverance, spirit of never giving up and always giving her best, no matter what!

Bidisha Ghosh Sharma needs no introduction today, as everyone knows her as Teji Aunty, Viaan’s mother in Katha..Ankahee but her journey which started as Komolika’s sister in Kasauti Zindagi Key Season 1 wasn’t easy but worth sharing. Inspite of having good looks, confidence, talent and above all enthusiasm for life, it has not been a cakewalk for her. Bidisha, who apart from being an actor, is a writer, a painter and a singer as well. How did she make it all possible without much of a formal training? Its her passion, her will power, her positive outlook and the child in her that keeps her young and energetic and enthusiastic all the time.

There is actually so much to write about her not because of her talents alone but for the person she is..warm, humble, friendly, down to earth, sweet and honest to the core. It was a pleasure talking to this multi-talented girl who just loves life and is more than just grateful for what all she has achieved so far. Let’s get to know her more.

 Katha Ankahee is doing extremely well and people are just loving the serial, the story and the starcast. The first thing I would like to know is How did Katha… Ankahee happen? It so happened that Ravi Bhushan Sir who was looking for someone who could play Ehsan’s mother had seen my work in Dil Sambhal Ja Zara, which coincidently was a Turkish series adapted in hindi. So, I was called for the audition, then look test happened and I was told that since my face cut and look resembles Viaan’s, instead of Ehsan, I would be playing Teji’s character. And here I am!

Were you ready to play the mother of a guy who, in real life is just a few years younger to you or there were apprehensions?

Not at all, Not at all! The thing is that I had already played the role of a Grandmother few years back on a DD Show called “Khwaabon Ke Darmiyaan”. So that ways, I had no apprehension. Moreover, as an actor I like to do challenging roles. If everytime, its ‘me’ playing on the screen, there would be nothing new. So I found it challenging to get in to the character of an older woman who is not like ‘me’…No doubt …one has to prep for such a role… a lot but that’s what challenges me. And talking about Katha, it’s a very realistic serial and not one of those serials where a mother is given that typical look. Now if you see around, there are fit and younger-looking mothers everywhere…So, thankfully my character in the serial is quite contemporary.

Bidisha Ghosh Sharma in Katha.. Ankahee :

How are you finding the fame and the fan following ?

It is surreal! Everytime I go somewhere, people stop and talk to me, appreciate me, smile at me. I have been in this industry for quite sometime now and have done lot of work but the kind of recognition, popularity and response I am getting from Katha is phenomenal. And you know,  once in a while I do pinch myself and  say ’Okey, its good that people are appreciating but don’t get too excited, Bidisha.’ But honestly, I really love it when people genuinely praise our efforts and work.

Moreover, what happens is that when your whole work environment is positive, every one is working hard, you end up encouraging each other and the best version comes out. I feel Adnan is a fabulous person, too disciplined, too sincere and I get to learn so much from him. Then Samar, he is like… fabulous, so natural, so impromptu. With Priyamvada, its lot of fun, we laugh like kids and crack jokes and she is a brilliant actor and pushes me to be brilliant as well. Then there’s Aditi, although I haven’t had too many scenes with her but she’s also a fantastic actor..so warm, down to earth and humble. The writers are fabulous. I think, main jitna bolun utna kam hai about our cast and crew. And then, our director, the captain of the ship…. We toh blindly trust him because he knows how to get the work out of an actor. You know as an actor, sometimes when we give a shot we’re not sure but when we see our scenes on screen how they have turned out, our trust in our Director goes up like vo haan boley to haan.

You always wanted to be an actor or it just happened? 

As a child, I was crazy about movies. Like, Exam hai kal lekin mujhe Mr. India dekhni hai and you know when my parents would lock me up in the room during my exams main kaan lagaa ke sunti thi ke kaun sa scene chal raha hai. That time only I had decided that I want to be an actor. But it didn’t happen very soon because I had no connection in the entertainment industry. People say na when you really want something from your heart, poori kaaynaat ek saath ho jaati hai. The same thing happened with me. It so happened that when I was doing my Hotel Management Degree in Manipal, Govinda and Urmila had stayed in the hotel where our training was going on. They were shooting for Hum Tumpe Marte Hain. So, that was the first time, I got connected with a filmy crew..the assistant directors and the director. They would invite us to see the shooting and even when I came back to Mumbai, we remained in touch.

So, you faced the camera for the first scene for which serial and how it all happened? In those days, when I had just started out, what used to happen, we would drop our portfolios at the Production Houses. So, I had also dropped one at Balaji..and one fine day, I got a call and that was my first experience. I played Komolika’s sister’s role and it was kind of a cameo. But the journey had begun..like this I kept on playing small characters and trust me it hasn’t been an easy journey..it took me 20 years to reach where I am today. But yes, these small roles only made way for bigger ones and the first major serial that I got was Doordarshan’s Khwaabon Ke Darmiyaan, then Ye Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai , also Sufiyana Pyaar Mera , Kahaani Hamaari - DIl Dosti Deewaanepan Ki, and few more till Dil Sambhal Ja Zaraa came my way..but unfortunately Corona came and nothing more happened. But yes….things changed with Katha….Ankahee.

Bidisha Ghosh Sharma in Kasauti Zindagi Key Season 1 as Komolika’s sister: (Check 4:32 and 8:02)

Bidisha in Dil Sambhal Ja Zaraa :

Bidisha in Sufiyana Pyar Mera :

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Bidisha Ghosh Sharma (@bidisha_ghosh_sharma)

Have you had any formal training in acting?

Initially not! But yes just few years ago, I did an Acting workshop with Saurabh Sachdev’ which really helped me as an actor. And before that it was like whatever I knew of acting, all was learnt on the sets. It takes me back to my early days, one day when I was shooting for a serial, I just wasn’t able to give the right shot. At that time, a senior actor came up to me and gave me few tips and I incorporated that and again gave the shot and trust me it came out perfect and everyone there appreciated me. That was it! There has been no looking back since then. I started getting lot of offers as I discussed earlier serials like Khwaabon Ke Darmiyaan and all and one thing I would like to mention that I actually learnt a lot while doing this serial.

Bidisha in Khwaabon Ke Darmiyaan :

Bidisha, you are not just an actor. You are a writer, a singer, a painter and a reasonably good cook too? You sing so well, are you a trained singer, did you have any formal training?

Honestly no formal training as such except few days here there, its just that I’ve been singing since childhood and when I entered college there also I used to participate in competitions and my friends and seniors always used to encourage me like they would always insist on singing Asha Bhonsle songs. Infact, when I had not started acting, I participated in Channel V Popstar Hunt and Indian Idol  too and somehow managed to reach semi final round but then…I wasn’t selected So, I kind of gave up. This was the time when I had not started acting and just like that I thought of giving it a try. 

Bidisha singing Nainon Mein Badra…

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CpwczIJqTOW/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA%3D%3D

Now I would like to know about writer Bidisha? Please elaborate on that. When did you start writing? Also that unfinished book, you told me about?

As far as writing is concerned, I started writing poetry first, during my college days. Then there was a big gap. Then I wrote few short stories and during Covid time, I wrote screenplays. Very recently I have again started writing poetry and I post it regularly on Instagram. What happens is when you are writing a poem, you have to put yourself in other person’s shoes…unke emotions unki feelings..something you might not have experienced yourself but you listen to something and it touches you and you get in to that thinking mode…basically that’s the thing.

And as far as that unfinished book is concerned, that’s still unfinished. Somehow, I have not been able to complete that.

Bidisha’s poetry :

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Bidisha Ghosh Sharma (@bidisha_ghosh_sharma)

Now painting, I have seen some of your paintings and they are beautiful? Since when have you been painting? Actually, from my school days only, I was reasonably good in drawing, making sketches. But I was scared of brushes and paint and had no idea how to paint on the canvas. One fine day, I told myself that I must learn to paint. So, I learnt to make one canvas painting from a painter and then started practicing it myself with the help of YouTube. I first started with oil paint but what happens is that you have to wait for the oil paint to dry in order to paint another layer…and that wait was a difficult thing for me. Then I started with acrylic and then…made lot of paintings and even held few exhibitions.

Bidish'as painting :

And now something about cooking?

I love to eat and cook. Although I don’t cook on regular basis but I do like to experiment a lot especially with salads, gluten free cookies, bread, pancakes, muffins and burgers. Basically it was during Covid time that I got to experiment a lot. I cooked for over months day in and day out and that gave me so much more confidence in experimenting new dishes.

Which is your favourite bengali dish?

It’s really difficult to pinpoint one Bengali dish..because Bengali food is really very tasty and flavours are really amazing. Now I’m not saying it because I am a Bengali, but genuinely. You know the thing is that Bengali food takes lot of time to cook…its very time consuming and that’s the reason it’s not easily available in Restaurants also. My Mom is an expert she exactly knows which masala to put in which thing, how much roasting to be done etc etc. So, I just relish all Bengali food, basically.

I read in one of your interviews where you said that at heart, you are just 21 and trust me it reflects in your personality so what keeps you going?

Absolutely! What keeps me going is that I never let the child in me die. People grow up thinking they have to be serious about life. But I feel, one doesn’t have to be. You need to love, appreciate and be grateful for everything you have. I love nature and I’m always excited about life, like a child. A child is always excited about every new thing. So when we grow up what stops us from being excited about things? Actually, in day today life, people forget to appreciate, they tend to reject normal things saying ye to hai hi. But what I feel is we must thank the Universe, and be happy and honestly, happiness is what keeps me going and I love people, I’m a people’s person, love interacting with different kinds of people.

12. Tell me something about your husband. How does he take all this, your acting career?

Oh! He’s very supportive. He drops me and picks me up from my shoot everyday and supports me in whatever I do. He even takes me to auditions. So, I feel lucky to have him by my side.

13. Anything you would like to say..

I really want to spread this word, I want the world to respect each other and every individual should understand the differences in one another and just love one and all unconditionally. We shouldn’t  differentiate people for who they are, what they do, what religion they are from. Infact, we should understand that we are one species and that’s it. I believe one should always be honest, sincere with yourself and others and Stay humble!

So, that’s the real Bidisha Ghosh Sharma!