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rainbow-femme · 1 year ago

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Thinking too much about AFTG again and I know we rag on Neil for being oblivious but I don’t think Andrew understands for most of the story that Neil likes him back

(FYI I haven’t read all the extra content, Nora may have said something about Andrew’s mindset that contradicts this, I don’t care it’s my literary analysis and I control my interpretation and the only canon that exists is what’s in the books. Also I’m Jewish, and the number one rule is anything can be true so long as you can back it up textually)

You’ve got the whole “I’m not your answer and you sure as fuck aren’t mine” line. By this point two things have happened recently: Neil has become outwardly more emotionally and physically vulnerable, and Neil has shown more interest in spending time with Andrew as well as interest in Andrew in general. And Andrew’s response to this seems to be the assumption that Neil is having a crisis he isn’t sharing and seems to have decided that Andrew is the answer to fixing that crisis. To be fair he is having a crisis, Andrew is just an unrelated benefit.

Which makes sense, most of his relationships are based, at least in Andrew’s mind, on him providing a service in exchange for someone’s presence in his life due to his belief that people will not be around him otherwise. So if Neil is looking at him in an open, appreciative, and interested way he seems to assume it’s because Neil, the terrified guy on the run from something, has found himself enjoying the stability Andrew provides and is seeing being near Andrew as a solution to his problems. That maybe Neil has tricked himself into thinking he has feelings for Andrew because he likes having someone take care of him and that’s the reason, and we see from Andrew stopping the kiss when Neil is upset that he does not consider being interested in someone while emotionally vulnerable to be real consent, therefore if Neil is interested in him due to being upset and afraid that is not Neil actually being interested. He also is clearly very agitated by this first kiss, seeming to see himself as a predator who lost control and harmed Neil by taking advantage of him.

He also continues to do nice things for Neil after getting back, despite initially seeming to express frustration, disinterest, and distaste for Neil. Giving him keys to the car, buying him a new charger, giving Neil the shotgun seat. Andrew’s habit of feeling the need to incentivize the people he cares for to stay with him, as well as what appears to naturally be his love language of giving gifts and acts of service as a replacement for verbally sharing emotions. I’m not saying that when he’s doing nice things it’s for personal gain, but I think part of him feels good doing it and part of him believes this is all he has to offer this person. He got back and didn’t say nice things to Neil because he can’t, but he can quietly take care of Neil in a way that says “please stay with me, I want you to be ok” that he verbally can’t. He knows Neil values the ability to leave upsetting situations, that Neil reacted positively the last time Andrew gave him keys, gives Neil a way to charge his phone ie have a lifeline to safety and Andrew when needed, and he’s saying that he still implicitly trusts Neil with things that are important to him. And of course shotgun means “I want you to be the person who is nearest to me”. He similarly starts making a habit of sitting next to Neil when the team is together. Andrew very much is a cat, he’s going to swat at you but also glue himself to your side

There’s also the various moments where Andrew states out loud that he has an attraction and growing emotional attachment to Neil that he has already written off as impossible. He calls Neil a pipe dream, says he knows nothing will come of having an interest in Neil without having made any attempts to see if Neil is interested. If you follow up a confession of interest with a statement that nothing will happen, you can’t be hurt by rejection because you didn’t give the person a chance to reject you.

And it doesn’t seem like it’s because Andrew is purposely avoiding attachments to people. Most of the effort he puts into his life is in his relationships, specifically into giving people reasons to stay near him. He makes the deals with Kevin and Aaron, he could have gone to a school with a more competitive Exy program but went to one where Nicky and Aaron could come and be on the team and in fact made that a requirement, he proves to Kevin that he made the right choice in making Andrew his shield by attacking anyone who hurts Kevin and putting a target on his own back. Before the start of the books we know he went out of his way to connect with Renee and do things for her that meant a lot to her, things that again seem to represent “I am doing her a favor, therefore she will be more likely to stay.” And anything else could be written off as born again Christian charity rather than acknowledge she has love and care for him.

He doesn’t see an attempt at connecting with Neil to be useless because he has no interest in building relationships with people, if there’s anything Andrew is passionate about it’s building and maintaining relationships with people. He sees it as obviously useless because there’s no way Neil would legitimately want to be with Andrew in the same way that Andrew wants him, that it is impossible to consider Neil reciprocating the way he’s feeling because all he wants is Neil himself and he doesn’t think anyone could just want him and think it’s enough.

Neil says he allowed himself to be abused by the Raven’s for two weeks on the chance he could help Andrew, that he wants to care for Andrew even without any personal benefit, and that is when Andrew calls him a pipe dream. Neil has just said that he, the guy who previously was so terrified for his own safety that he put it above all else, would willingly sacrifice his safety for Andrew. When Neil says this Andrew covers his mouth to make him stop talking, which to me suggests that this revelation was an absolute gut punch to him, that what happened to Neil was not only for his sake but accomplished nothing. Andrew’s reaction to Neil saying this is to say that Neil was supposed to be a side effect of the drugs. Meaning what Neil just said made him feel so strongly for Neil that he previously assumed it could not possibly be something he naturally has the capacity to feel.

(And he stills says that he doesn’t think he could ever have from Neil what he wants. So yeah Neil isn’t the only one who can hear a heartfelt confession and come to the conclusion that the other person is completely uninterested)

Also the whole “there is no this” conversation they loop through a few times. Again, Andrew loves building relationships, but they all are ticking clocks in his head, most of them graduation unless he can come up with something to convince them to stay. And then Neil keeps trying to say that there exists a relationship between them that has not been carefully negotiated with a clear end date, which is probably terrifying to a guy who doesn’t think he can trust anyone unless he is providing them something that makes him more useful around than not.

What Neil is proposing is that Andrew has intrinsic value and his presence is all Neil wants, and that probably seems terrifying and untrue. If Neil isn’t getting a tangible benefit that outweighs any perceived inconveniences, and if there is no point where they “re-up” their contract, then at any moment Neil could change his mind and take this thing away from Andrew. He’s had people he loved decide he’s not worth it, he knows it can happen and how terrible it is to experience. He willingly dealt with Drake and harmed himself to keep Cass, and he still lost her because he in and of himself wasn’t enough to be kept and loved because he wasn’t easy enough to love, he was broken, he was damaged. There can’t be a non transactional relationship between them because Andrew can’t see himself being enough and thinks losing it would be too painful to willingly risk

(Nicky, Kevin, and Aaron also seem to have this same view as Neil in their own way of Andrew’s inherent worth to them. Nicky really deserves more recognition for clawing his way to happiness then willingly giving it all up and upending his life and doing things repeatedly that make him unhappy because he cares so much for Aaron and Andrew, aligning himself against possible friends who could make him happy because he will always choose supporting Andrew over himself. And you have Aaron showing that he will fight Andrew tooth and nail if it means they can have a good and lasting relationship, and we see Kevin form genuine love and affection for Andrew outside of their deal, but again Andrew seems to view the relationships at the time as transactional or obligatory on their ends)

Or my favorite, the scene where Andrew makes a comment about Neil’s “neck fetish.” Neil has kissed his neck only about two times by that point, and both times it has elicited what is clearly a pleasurable response from Andrew. But Andrew can’t accept the idea that Neil is doing something with no benefit to himself and only a benefit to Andrew, that he is choosing to take time away from his own immediate pleasure to do something solely for Andrew’s enjoyment of the moment

Neil responds to the comment by saying “You like it, I like that you like it.” Neil is saying that he cares enough about Andrew to have paid attention to what pleases him and wants to take the time when they’re together to make Andrew feel good in a way that Andrew makes him feel good, that he knows Andrew has trauma with physical touch on most of his body but this is a way he can reciprocate that has no negative connotations for Andrew and serves solely to make him feel good. And Andrew does not or cannot let himself see it that way because it’s too vulnerable.

The sex is supposed to be transactional, this is what Andrew has to offer to make Neil stay with him, uninterrupted time of Andrew making him feel good and asking for nothing in return. Neil is breaking the rules, he’s making it reciprocated, if he is making Andrew feel good then Andrew doesn’t have that safety net of being the one with something to offer. So it has to be something that secretly benefits Neil, it has to be that Neil is getting something out of it or Andrew is back to not having anything special that he offers to make Neil stay with him. If it’s just Neil sitting back while Andrew gets him off then Andrew is automatically the most convenient sexual partner for Neil and he won’t look for someone else. If it’s reciprocal, then it stops being a favor Andrew is doing and takes effort on Neil’s end, as well as means the sex includes Andrew knowing what it’s like to be loved and cared for, which means he will feel it’s absence when Neil inevitably leaves because Andrew isn’t convenient enough.

It honestly seems like the turning point is his conversation with Aaron about breaking their deal, Aaron making him choose their deal or Neil. Because it A. Forces Andrew to see that Aaron intends to stay in his life without the deal, meaning that yes one of the most important people in Andrew’s world loves him without a contract. And B. It forces Andrew into a position where he has to take a leap of faith that Neil isn’t going to just walk away, that Neil sees Andrew the way Andrew sees him. And I wonder if Aaron brought up the conversation he had with Neil, that Neil said he didn’t think Andrew would fight for him, and he realized that Neil not only has been thinking about him the way he was thinking about Neil, but that he had this person in his life that he cared about and he was acting in a way that made that person not feel valued and it could probably cause the very thing he wants to avoid by pushing him away.

So you finally get the very end of the last book where Andrew doesn’t deny it when Neil says Andrew likes him, which is for him incredibly vulnerable. He’s shown that he will always protect Neil without their deal of protection, and Neil has shown that he sees everything about Andrew that other people don’t like and he loves Andrew anyway.

Because the story is from Neil’s point of view we see his internal growth as he learns to recognize and accept love and care from others but Andrew has been doing the same, realizing and trusting that Kevin and his family will still be there even if he has nothing tangible to offer, and accepting that someone could genuinely know and understand him, all the things that make him inconvenient, and still want him with no extra incentive because even as broken as he sees himself to be he still has value to others and he can trust Neil in the way he wants Neil to trust him

#long post #this got so much longer than I intended oh my god #this was supposed to be like 3 paragraphs max #I have a lot of thoughts about Andrew desperately wanting love without thinking he can have it #even though he has people who love him #aftg #all for the game #tfc #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil

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angel-graces-world-of-chaos · 4 months ago

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Author's Note

Hi! I’m Angel. I’m new at this, so constructive criticism and tips are much appreciated. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. A few things I’d like to discuss before the story starts:

Obviously, I don’t own Hogwarts Legacy or any of the original characters as well as any conversations that are in the game. I do, however, own my own character and any other characters I create, so please don't copy or plagiarise my writing.

This is a free space — bullying, insults, and the likes are not accepted here. If you have a problem with that, then don’t read :)

This is my first time trying to write anything that isn’t assigned by school or university, so go easy. However, as said before, tips etc are appreciated.

Although English is my first language, my writing will have mistakes here and there. I try my best to spot them and edit them, but sometimes I miss things. If you spot something, please let me know, and I’ll fix it asap.

I write in British English, because that’s how I was taught English. So words like ‘colour’ or ‘flavour’ etc, might be written differently to how you know them. Just to make that clear.

Hope you have fun reading and thank you for giving it a shot!

Angel xxx

Green and Silver Wonders

5th Year

Chapter i

Adeline Smith was sure she’d never seen such opulence in her life. That wasn’t hard though, given the fact that she’d been raised in an orphanage. But the Great Hall was certainly an imposing bit of architecture, in fact, the entire castle was an architect’s dream. The walls were lined with different coloured banners — banners representing the four houses, Professor Fig had called them. One of which, Adeline would soon be sorted into once the Sorting Hat made its choice. Four large tables ran parallel to one another down towards the front of the Hall. At the end, what appeared to be the staff table was situated on a dais, and on a circular platform stood a rickety little stool with the Sorting Hat on top.

As she hurried after the Headmaster, Adeline wondered which house the Hat would place her in: would it be Gryffindor? Hufflepuff? Ravenclaw? Slytherin? She wasn’t sure, though since discovering magic, she was itching to explore and see more of this new world and what it had to offer her.

“Professor Weasley! We’ve one more to be sorted,” Headmaster Black grumbled, as he marched up to the little stool, turning to watch.

“Welcome,” Professor Weasley smiled warmly to the young girl. “You’re just in time. Have a seat.”

With mild trepidation, Adeline placed herself on the rickety stool, turning to see hundreds of curious eyes on her. Shrinking in on herself to avoid the curious gazes, she felt Professor Weasley place the hat on her head. Suddenly, her mind was filled with an ancient voice, curling around her like a scarf, blanketing the murmurs of the other students.

“Ah, yes,” it muttered, “a bit older than the others, aren’t you? You come here with preferences and preconceptions — certain expectations.”

You’re not wrong, she mused, glancing around the Hall. “I’m certainly excited to begin learning more about magic.”

“Not wrong, eh? I should hope not.” The Hat chuckled, before continuing, “curious and eager to learn, are we? You’ll find Hogwarts has much to offer to those who seek it. Hmm. I wonder. Hmm. I detect something in you. A certain sense of — hmm — what is it?”

At this, Adeline couldn’t help but eagerly answer: “Is it ambition? I may seem single-minded, but it is important to go after what you want in life.” She concluded, satisfied with such a well-rounded answer.

“Perhaps…Very interesting. You’ve recently learned that you possess a rare ability indeed. I detect a growing sense of ambition. An eagerness for power.”

Power?

“Hmm, yes. Better be…Slytherin!”

The green and silver decked table broke into cheers at this, hollering their glee at being the House to receive the new fifth year. Professor Weasley promptly removed the Sorting Hat from Adeline’s head and transformed her uncoloured robes into ones matching those of her new housemates.

After the quick dismissal of the Headmaster, Professor Weasley ushered Adeline to the Slytherin Common Room. “Now tomorrow, I shall come to fetch you for your first class. I suggest you get some sleep, as you’ll have a big day ahead of you. The password for your common room is Aspiration.”

“Understood, Professor. Thank you.” Adeline smiled softly at the older witch.

“You’re most welcome. I hope you enjoy your first night at Hogwarts. Sleep well.”

Adeline awoke with a start, preparing to spring out of bed as she would have at the orphanage, before remembering that she was in fact a witch, that no, it wasn’t a dream, and it would probably be a good idea if she dressed. After all, Professor Weasley had said she would bring her to her first class, and Adeline had no wish to keep the kind professor waiting.

“Oh bother! I’m going to be late if I don’t hurry up!” Adeline cried as she tried to tidy herself up as quickly as possible.

With a glance around the room to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything important, she hurried out of the dorm room. She turned left to follow the stairs down into a large foyer, a roaring fireplace placed along the back wall, with a boy pacing up and down.

“I suppose there’s no time like the present. Let’s get these introductions over with.” One deep inhale later, Adeline found herself marching over to the brunette.

“Well, I suppose — no.” He muttered to himself, as he paced back and forth in front of the fire. The boy was clutching a thick tome, one that had definitely seen better days. Upon turning around, he noticed Adeline standing near him and placed the book on an armchair.

“Can I help you?” He questioned, giving her a mildly confused glance.

Adeline nods, unable to make a sound. She had such a good speech prepared for introducing herself but found herself quite tongue-tied now that she actually had to speak to a fellow student.

“Ah,” the boy suddenly grinned, “You’re the new fifth-year. I’m Sebastian Sallow. Welcome to Slytherin.”

Adeline couldn’t help but smile. The boy — Sebastian — had such a cheeky grin, and his eyes glittered with mischief: “Thank you. I’m Adeline.”

A nod. “Though I must say, Adeline” Sebastian kept grinning, “not everyone has a Ministry escort to school.”

Adeline smiled nervously, “He was a friend of Professor Fig’s who merely joined us for the ride.”

“Still — impressive.” Sebastian frowned, turning serious. “Dreadful way to go, poor fellow. Glad you and Fig are all right.”

Adeline recalled the terror she felt when watching George being eaten by the dragon. That same fear engulfed her when Professor Fig had told her to jump out of the broken carriage. “Professor Fig and I were lucky to escape with our lives.”

“Indeed. And how did you escape?” Sebastian questioned, eyes sparking with curiosity.

Adeline shifted. She wasn’t sure she could trust Sebastian entirely. Besides, Professor Fig had suggested it would be best to keep things, particularly her power over ancient magic, a secret. She answered, hesitantly: “It’s all a bit of a blur, to be honest.”

Sebastian understood immediately, “Didn’t mean to press. You just get yourself settled. We can talk more later.”

Adeline smiled at the boy. As she turned away, she remembered the book he’d been reading avidly. “Sebastian, if I may?” She began tentatively, “What book were you reading?”

“Oh.” Sebastian brightened, “A spell book I picked up. Has a few interesting things, but not exactly what I was looking for.” He went on to explain how not all spells that were needed, were necessarily taught at Hogwarts.

Adeline stared at him, disbelieving: “Are you saying some spells aren’t taught at Hogwarts? Which ones?”

“Ah.” At that, Sebastian chuckles, before continuing with a good-natured smile, “seems I may have met a kindred spirit. That is a conversation for another time.”

The two said their farewells, and Adeline left to investigate the rooms further. Having left Sebastian behind her, she found that the foyer opened up towards the Common Room. To her left she saw students gathered around a chess board, whilst to her right, students were sitting on settees and armchairs, happily chatting away. Ignoring the murmured chatter that accompanied Adeline, as she made her way into the room, Adeline found herself walking towards the students around the chess board, catching the tail end of a conversation.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” A tall, dark-haired girl sneered, as she leaned over another student’s shoulder, glancing at the chess board. “Not going to move there, are you?”

Adeline watched as the other student thought about their next step briefly, before moving their piece accordingly. “Here, watch this.” The boy stated, confidently leaning back into the chair.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” The girl smirked, watching in glee as the other student checkmated the king, winning the match. With another grin, the girl slammed her open palm on the table and stood upright. “Told you.” She laughed, shaking her head.

Adeline was unsure how best to approach, considering the display she had witnessed. Maybe it would be better to speak to someone else—

“He should’ve listened to me.” The brown-haired girl grinned.

Bugger. Too late now.

Before Adeline could speak, the girl continued: “Ah! I know who you are. You’re the new Slytherin, the one who barged in with Professor Fig last night. Interesting tactic on your first day — taking all the attention away from the first-years.”

Well, I didn’t exactly do it on purpose…

“I’m Imelda by the way. Shame I wasn’t with you and Fig. I could’ve lured that dragon away. My skills on a broom are legendary.” Imelda finally introduced herself, brimming with confidence.

Right. I’m sure you’d have been able to sweep that dragon from the sky.

Adeline smiled hesitantly, “Perhaps Professor Fig’s friend would have survived if we’d had your help.”

With a satisfied nod, Imelda agreed. “Precisely. Perhaps one of these days I’ll show you a thing or two about flying. I can teach you more than Kogawa ever could. Speaking of which, I’d like to get in some time on my broom before classes.”

“Imelda… might I ask you a question?” Adeline began, fearing she’d be shot down.

“You just did.” Came the snarky response. “But go on…”

Oh dear Lord, give me strength…

“Are you a keen wizard chess fan? You knew that boy was going to lose the match.” It had been fascinating to watch, despite the ‘commentary’ Imelda had provided.

“Not really, ” The witch responded, “much too sedate a pastime for me. It’s also simply not that challenging. The moves are always so obvious. Why does no one else see it?” The last part was muttered, seemingly as an afterthought.

Interesting…

“I see. And… do you have a lot of time to fly during school?” Adeline wondered.

Imelda grinned at that, “I make the time. There’s nothing like swerving through the spires of the castle and around the Quidditch pitch to clear the mind.”

“I see. Thank you, Imelda.”

“Nice meeting you.”

Casting one last look at the chess game, that had been restarted whilst she conversed with Imelda, Adeline turned to face the rest of the room. Although there were numerous students sitting around, she wasn’t sure how many more people she could talk to. Just as she was about to return to her dorm room, if only to wait for Professor Weasley, Adeline spotted a blonde boy leaning against a column, next to the Common Room windows. He appeared to be listening to some first-years that were eagerly waiting for a mermaid appearance.

“Wait, I - I think I heard one.” One of the students cried, shaking their friend’s arm. The two younger students pressed their faces against the glass, staring out into the dark, murky water.

The boy laughed quietly, “hmph, doubt mermaids find us that interesting.”

He looks… nice. Perhaps I’ll speak to him.

As Adeline began to walk over to the window slowly, she thought of how best to introduce herself. But before she could even say a word, the boy turned to face her. His eyes were a piercing blue, but appeared to be clouded over, dampening the colour.

Is he… surely, he isn’t blind. How on earth would that work?

“Ah, ” the boy smiled, face lighting up as he did. “Based on all the chatter when you entered the common room, I’m guessing you’re the new fifth-year. I’m Ominis. Ominis Gaunt.”

He has such a pretty smile.

Is that a mole? And dimples?

Focus, Adeline!

“Oh, erm, yes. It’s nice to meet you, Ominis. I’m Adeline Smith.” The girl couldn’t believe how nervous she was. She hoped she didn’t stutter or that her voice was shaking, as she answered.

I wasn’t this bad when speaking to Sebastian or Imelda. Pull yourself together, Adeline!

Ominis smiled sweetly, “well, you certainly had a memorable arrival.”

Adeline winced, recalling her similar conversation with Sebastian. “I’d much rather have arrived on time and without a dragon attack en route.”

A frown marred Ominis’ face, as he nodded his understanding. “I’m sure. How horrible. I can only imagine.” He smiled warmly at the girl, face brightening again, “Well, it’s good to have you in Slytherin. Do let me know if I can be of any help as you navigate your first days here.”

“Thank you. That’s very kind of you.” Adeline couldn’t help grasping for a way to continue the conversation. “Would you mind answering a few questions?” She trailed off, glancing down at the floor.

“Certainly.”

“Were you expecting to be sorted into Slytherin?”

Really, Adeline? Is that the best you can do?

Ominis turned serious, smile dropping slightly as he nodded: “Most certainly. My family on my father’s side are direct descendants of Salazar Slytherin — one of the four founders of Hogwarts.” He continued to explain his family’s obsessive belief in blood status and purity. “It’s not something I’m particularly proud of, mind you. It’s unfortunate that most of his descendants don’t fall far from the tree.”

He doesn’t appear to agree with those beliefs. Perhaps I’m reading too much into it.

“I see. If you wouldn’t mind indulging me, but earlier I heard that student, ” she pointed discreetly at the two first-years by the window, “mention he thought he heard a mermaid?”

“Yes, ” At this, a grin grew on Ominis’s face, brimming with mischief. “But I’ve never heard of a mermaid showing up outside our common room window.”

Mermaids do exist? Although I suppose if you can have dragons, mermaids don’t seem too far-fetched.

“It’s fun to play along.” Ominis continued, laughing softly. “Been known to keep some first-years on the lookout for hours.”

Adeline snorted, giggling at the idea of the younger years crowding at the window to catch a glimpse of a mermaid.

“Thank you, Ominis. Very nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure was all mine. Don’t be a stranger.”

As Adeline began to wander what else she should do, a voice called out: “Is the new fifth-year Slytherin in here? Professor Weasley’s waiting for you, just by the stairs.”

Best be on my way then. Don’t want to keep her waiting.

#hogwarts legacy #ominis gaunt #sebastian sallow #hogwarts legacy ominis #ominis gaunt x mc #ominis gaunt x oc #ominis x mc #slytherin oc #fanfic writing #hogwarts houses #fanfiction #fanfic #hogwarts legacy fanfic #wizarding world #slytherin #hogwarts

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sarahsmi13s · 1 year ago

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🌈🦋🌻🍉🌿🎀💞💝🤍💎

Hi nonny darling! Thank you for the ask! -> send me an emoji!

all my answers are under the cut!

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

i feel like "Natural Disasters" was a fic a struggled with, that one was very grief focused and it was difficult. but i'm very proud of it.

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

if i'm honest, i'm insecure about just everything when i post. like, is this what people want, or will it live up to this this and this that i've already written?

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

i feel like the amount of things my brain comes up with over whelms me sometimes and i'm afraid that by the time i get there... it'll be too late, you know? so like what's the point right? i'll tell you what the point is. i love writing, i love my little universes that i've created. so who cares if it's 'too late'? someone is going to read them and i'm still going to love them. i write for me

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

J and S has been a big help with my confidence, Sugar Sarah is a plus size woman who is engaged to a very fit and attractive man. writing the two together, without ever truly addressing that fact, is refreshing in a way. it's not blantatly Jake saying, "i love you, no matter your weight" it's Jake showing that. and i think writing Jake that way has helped me a lot do that make sense? probably not but yeah 😂

🌿how does creating make you feel?

it makes me feel accomplished in some way, you know? like "damn... i did that. i took that from the alphabet soup that is my brain and put it out there. look at me go" do i get down on myself and my abilities sometimes? yeah, i do. but once i get past it and finish something? it feels that much better

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

how dare you ask me to be nice to myself but one thing a will say is that i put a lot of care into the worlds i create, it's why some updates may take a little too long. even one-shots, i put as much love and detail as i would any series

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

i think everything is important honestly! it comes down to the story itself and the message or idea you want to convey! but the techincal stuff is always important

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

you know... i'm not entire sure.

💎why is writing important to you?

i love creating, i really do. and i think the joy it brings me to do it is important! but one thing is that somewhere, someone in the world may feel seen by something that i've written. and i think that's beautiful too

#💌 we just got a letter #vinny's mail #fanfic writer ask #writer asks #emoji asks #darling nonny

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morkiiimoo · 5 months ago

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @kanonavi <3

How many fics do you have on AO3?

I believe it’s about 27, though I have orphaned a couple of fics over time. I would estimate I orphaned about 3-4, so around 30!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

472,154

3. What fandoms do you write for?

A couple! I’ve written the most for my beloved Umbrella Academy and I have two current wips for Persona 3 and Umbrella Academy. But I have written fics for Bungo Stray Dogs and Boku No Hero before.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

BSD: Watch the Show - 2,285

come and pick me up - 2,083

going the distance - 615

i love you (even if you drive me crazy) - 537

that’s my name - 488

It doesn’t surprise me that BSD Watch the Show is in the top of these, but im pleasantly surprised by the amount that come and pick me up has considering I wrote it in like 5 days in a manic binge.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! It’s kinda fun. But people have been really mean to me before about BSD: Watch the Show because I didn’t finish it, so… I’m happy with the amount of comments I get now, usually on sfns or one of the TUA fics.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I guess… medicine of the soul? It was going to end happily, but it was def the angstiest one. I also never finished it lmao. last hope was also going to end sadly but that’s cause it was a canon-compliant piece and you know… canon sucks.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Any TUA fic honestly. I hate making those poor kids suffer any more than usual, so I would say that come and pick me up is the happiest ending for me. I love the dance scene at the end and I’m still really proud of that fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes lol. Mostly begging for me to update BSD: Watch the Show. I have gotten grammar corrections too, but those are mostly helpful, honestly.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. But I haven’t posted it. It’s been mostly fluffy though.

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

I wrote a fusion AU! It was of TUA and The Boys. I never finished that one either but I was really proud of it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah! I’m surprised that someone hasn’t asked for like… BSD: Watch the Show though.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep! Talk the Stars is the one I am writing with my lovely friend, Navi. I’m very proud of it and excited for the future!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

So many… but Shin Soukoku (BSD) will always be my favorite. I love them to death and miss them so bad, but the manga is killing me. I also like Xiaoven (Xiao x Venti) from Genshin and Akishinji (Persona 3).

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have two! I’m currently writing a Persona 3 x Persona 5 semi-crossover called start fresh next semester that I’m so proud of and so excited about. And I have a TUA fanfiction that follows Number Five (again) that I want to put out before the new season primeres!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’ve been told that I have this weird ability to create a world with my words? In the sense that I can come up with silly references on the fly to make it seem like characters have a life outside of the fic? Which I think is kinda fun.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Grammar! I’m terrible at remembering proper grammar and just write what sounds correct in my head and then don’t read through it myself before I post it which leads to grammar and spelling errors. I just get too excited.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It’s cute! I think providing translations is important, and having one or two words is helpful. In the TUA fandom / fanfic, Klaus canonically knows German and says words in it frequently and Allison knows seven languages. In Genshin, they’re all from different countries so I try to sneak words in there sometimes.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I believe Boku No Hero?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

start fresh next semester and come and pick me up. I’m so proud of both of them and I’m happy to see people like / still like them.

I have no one to tag but yayyyyy

#tag game

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lnenvs3000w24 · 11 months ago

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Blog 02: My ideal interpreter role

My ideal role as an environmental interpreter would be writing periodic editorial columns for various research journals. Although the role of a nature interpreter is commonly thought of as being a tour guide or a landscape expert, there are also storytellers who communicate experimental findings through editorial research journals. My personal favourite is the Journal of Experimental Biology. The types of articles noted as 'inside/outside JEB' are editorials written by scientists who interpret the primary research articles and deliver short synapses on what they entail. These editorials invite readers with different educational backgrounds into the world of comparative animal physiology, molecular biology, and much more. The editorials are provided in simple language and are easy to read without the complex scientific jargon. The way they are written aids people who are looking to learn about science or those who are looking for a quick summary of the research paper. Additionally, images are always posted along the editorials to give insight into the topic and cater to the different learning styles.

As a visual learner, reading primary research articles can be difficult as, most times, there are not many visual aids. Visual aids like graphs, tables, and images for context are helpful for me to retain information. Creating editorials with pictures and labels of various animals or plants could help others who learn through visual learning. I am also an active learner, meaning I enjoy relaying the information I have recently discovered. Sometimes, I tell my family about facts I have learned in class. As an introvert, public speaking is not my strong suit, so being an active learner is difficult at times. I struggle to express my knowledge and deliver interesting and informative aspects within the environmental field to people I don't know, and therefore, writing them out in scientific journals can help me in that regard.

My role would entail working for the journal as a writer to interpret the science from the research paper. I would love to work on local research done here in Guelph. I could become an interpreter who simplifies the research for those interested, regardless of their scientific knowledge. I could implement an audio version that summarizes the editorial to cater to the auditory learners. I am also aiding the sensing learners who enjoy reading facts about real-world applications since most of the research papers are based on comparative animal structures and how they function.

I am passionate about animals and the environment, so by combining both of my passions makes me content and having the ability to impact others makes this role inspiring. Many people may not know that this role exists so advertising it could help not only myself, but raise awareness and funding for researchers and their work.

The skills needed for this job are mainly the ability to identify important aspects of research papers while highlighting their importance- answering the big 'why should I care' question. It also requires communicating clearly what the goal of the research is and summarizing it into plain, engaging, and entertaining text.

#editorial #scientific research

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years ago

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OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT WEALTH

When we started it, there wasn't any; the few sites you could order from were hand-made objects become store-bought ones—a wire service article whose first sentence is your own ad copy. Every startup that isn't profitable meaning nearly all of them, but none of their software could compete with ours. Most of the disputes I've seen between founders could have been having this idea at the same time, of course, but as far as I can tell it must be hard by how few startups do it. People think that what a business does is make money. In any purely economic relationship you're free to do what you want, not money. With trend stories, PR firms usually line up one or more experts to talk about selling the company to them, we had no experience in business. A programmer can sit down in front of a computer and create wealth. A lot of them try to make relativity strange. In industrialized countries, people belong to one institution or another at least by reputation, the level of measurement is more precise than you get from smallness alone.

I don't think there's an answer. Switching to a new set of buildings, and do things that you do not, ordinarily, be a group. The company that did was RCA, and Farnsworth's reward for his efforts was a decade of patent litigation. Who cares if you could read the minds of the consumers, you'd find these factors were all blurred together. It's rare to get things right the first time in our history, the bullies stopped stealing the nerds' lunch money. I had the misfortune to participate in what amounted to a controlled experiment to prove that. The discoverer is entitled to reply, why didn't you? I know, without knowing they know, that they can create wealth. When we switch to the point of view of a programmer using any of the languages higher up the power continuum. What were the results of this experiment? It takes an effort of will to push through this and get something released to users.

But these had had literally orders of magnitude less scrutiny. By the end of last year. In fact, nice is not the only way to decide which to call it is by comparison with other startups. What you're doing is business creation. It's a good metaphor because it reminds you that when the audience can communicate with one another. The whole tone is bogus. If you want a potato or a pencil or a place to work. Good does not mean being a pushover. But this is a list of the biggest ideas at Google is going to come up with more. And for the same reason: their performance can be measured. When you hear your call is important to us, please stay on the line, do you think, all you have to know who you should be nice to everyone. Developing new technology is a pain in the ass.

Giotto saw traditional Byzantine madonnas painted according to a formula that had satisfied everyone for centuries, and to lose one's sense of humor is to shrug off misfortunes, and to a lesser extent Britain under the labor governments of the 1960s and early 1970s. They didn't care what language Viaweb was written in, or didn't care, I wanted to keep it. He probably considers them about equivalent in power to, say, Python? For one thing, the official fiction is that you don't realize that. And it can't have been heredity, because it was more valuable, but because it is a good bet, he's still at a disadvantage. Gas stations? In this case we get three: the NPD Group, the creative director of GQ.

I had that something was amiss was that I couldn't talk to them. Their reporters do go out and learn Lisp. It must have seemed to our competitors that we had some kind of consumer gadget. If you do everything the way the average big company does it, you should leave business models for later, just as you'd leave some trivial but messy feature for version 2. But Durer's engravings and Saarinen's womb chair and the Pantheon and the original Porsche 911 all seem to me slightly funny. This bites you twice: in addition to the direct cost in time, there's the cost in fragmentation—breaking people's day up into bits too small to measure. Like having more than one founder, one VC, and he'll chase down the implications of what one said to them. Why call an auction site eBay?

When you made mistakes, what caused you to make them. I am much the richer for the operating system FreeBSD, which I'm running on the computer I'm using now, and so is Yahoo, which runs it on all their servers. I never reach them through the Times front page is a list of 5 commands Don't ignore your dreams; don't work too much; say what you think; cultivate friendships; be happy. And God help you if you choose them. There is no shortcut to it. It seems unlikely this is a simple answer to the wrong question. If you have a much greater chance of succeeding. But once you've admitted that one high level language can be more powerful than a community of talented people working on related problems. Another thing blogs and open source have in common is the Web. Salesmen are an exception. The recipe for great work is: very exacting taste, plus the ability to gratify it. Our startup made software for making online stores.

They want statements with punch, like top ten. When those far removed from the creation of wealth—undergraduates, reporters, politicians—hear that the richest 5% of the people have half the total wealth, they tend to write it first for whatever computer they personally use. Presumably it killed just about 100% of the startups we've funded have had a founder leave. They believe this because it really feels that way to them. Ditto for many other kinds of companies that don't make anything physical. For most people the best plan probably is to go to work for them. Facebook rightly ignored, look for ideas from the other direction. But you don't need to join a company to do that completely. But more people could do it than do it now. We did it because we want their software to be good. I had that something was amiss was that I couldn't talk to them.

And we weren't the only ones they did great things for the companies they fund, why didn't they start them? Microsoft would still have signed the deal. You look at them and you think, all you need is good hackers: if you depend on an oligopoly, you sink into bad habits that are hard to overcome when you suddenly get competition. When my IBM Thinkpad's hard disk died soon after, it became my only laptop. Few know this, I mean the structure of the calculation. The sterility of offices is supposed to suggest efficiency. If there are three founders and one who was away half the time talking to executives at cell phone companies, trying to arrange deals.

Thanks to Jessica Livingston, Jackie McDonough, Trevor Blackwell, Ben Horowitz, Justin Kan, Aaron Iba, Robert Morris, Karen Nguyen, and Harj Taggar for the lulz.

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audreydoeskaren · 3 years ago

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do you know Chinese symbolism for homosexuality?

tw homophobia, pedophilia

Hi again, for gay men there are a couple really well known ones but I’m not sure if they were real or fabricated, because all the articles describing them always cite the same couple sources from Antiquity... I tried to verify them but the only articles that didn’t copy and paste from the same source came across as extremely homophobic, so I decided to give up. The most common and reliable one is probably 断袖 or “cut sleeve”, which I mentioned in a previous ask. I would like to use this opportunity to talk about some tangential but more important topics regarding homosexuality in China though.

As a followup to my previous ask where I said I'd look through some Ming and Qing novels to see how homosexuality was perceived at the time, the conclusion I (unfortunately) came to was that homophobia was very much alive and well in Chinese literature and society. A lot of people like to argue that gay people fared pretty well in China historically by either pointing to emperors who were or were rumored to be gay or time periods where gay sex was prevalent as a form of consumption. This is extremely shallow and also kind of Orientalist in my opinion, these arguments always go for the emperors and do not take nuance into consideration or dive into wider societal discourses on homosexuality in imperial China. If you research homosexuality in Europe by only looking at royalty, you’ll find plenty of homosexual behavior too, does that mean gay people had it very easy in Europe historically?? Not to mention that they usually don’t differentiate between dynasties, let alone centuries or decades, even though public opinion on homosexuality in China (or anywhere in the world tbh) could change very quickly. This is also sort of Orientalist, assuming “imperial China” to be a never changing entity with a never changing stance on homosexuality. Since I know nothing prior to the Ming Dynasty I’ll share some of my random findings on homosexuality and homophobia in the Ming, Qing and 20th century.

Gayness as disease

Nowadays the symbol of the cut sleeve is just a benign historical allusion but historically it seems that it was used in a negative and condemning sense, implying that people thought of homosexuality as a disease or deviation from the norm. The common phrase used for the cut sleeve is "断袖之癖", usually translated as "the passion of the cut sleeve" nowadays, but the meaning of the word 癖 here leans more toward "fetish", "obsession" or "hobby" with pathological connotations. I thought maybe this word had a different, nuanced meaning historically but it seems that it was used to describe what it means :(( The only silver lining is probably that with the progression of language it isn’t offensive anymore.

In a lot of popular novels from the Ming and Qing, homosexuality was depicted as a "perversion" and a decadent lifestyle that plagues morality, and gay characters were often either killed or straightened out by the end of the story. An example of this is the story 黄九郎 Huang Jiulang from the series 聊斋志异 Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio by 蒲松龄 Pu Songling written in the 17th century. In this story, one of the protagonists was gay; he died after confessing his love to the other guy in a very fast paced bury your gays arc which somehow reminded me of the Supernatural finale, and reincarnated as a straight man because of his piety. Thanks I hate it. Pu uses the symbol of the cut sleeve to refer to the protagonist, presumably in a negative manner.

Gayness as power/status symbol

Another thing was that historically in China a lot of people confused homosexuality with pedophilia. This is a global thing, but its presence in China is often overlooked. This could be seen in the popularity of another term for homosexuality, "娈童", meaning something similar to "pederasty". I read somewhere that since the late Ming, pederasty was considered a type of tasteful consumption for high society, along with things like fashion, food, music and art. This was not equivalent to the "cut sleeve" or homosexuality as we know it nowadays, which refers to a personal sexual orientation, pederasty historically often refers to an imbalanced power dynamic where a wealthy, privileged man takes advantage of a young boy as a leisurely activity. It’s more to show off that someone in a position of privilege and wealth has the power to procure sexual objects, gender and age don’t matter much in this regard. I cannot help but cringe violently whenever someone brings up pederasty as proof of China’s historical “openness” toward gay people. Talk to me again when in this time and place you could marry someone of your sex (not a minor) and be considered a respectable couple instead of two jerks with a degenerate fetish (not saying that gay people have to marry, it’s just that the ability to do so is an important indicator of equality imo). Pedophilia and homosexuality are not one and the same good heavens.

I hypothesize that the reason why Chinese society was historically homophobic despite having no religious condemnation of homosexual individuals was the idea that having many concubines and male children was a status symbol for men. Women of marriageable age were seen more or less as commodities and male children could supposedly "continue the bloodline" 传香火 and were vessels for passing down prestige, so having them were of utmost importance to a privileged man. Being just gay or lesbian, however, meant that you didn't perform the "man strong working woman weak making babies" heteronormative family prototype, and was thus prone to criticism. When gay men didn’t have children they “couldn’t continue their bloodline” and were emasculated, when gay women didn’t have children they failed to “fulfill their duties as a woman” and were shamed.

It kind of makes sense considering how being bisexual was never a problem in comparison, especially for men. If you were a rich guy who had both male and female partners, you would still have children and concubines both male and female so nobody gives a shit. Emperor Zhengde of the Ming (reign 1505-21) was presumably bisexual and had both male and female lovers, nobody had a bone to pick with that; he famously liked to fuck around but those who criticized him did so for his debauchery instead of focusing on the gender of his partners. This is different to homophobia in Europe where same sex attraction was considered evil and immoral in and of itself because of religious reasons, in China it was rather the other practical implications of homosexuality (not having children or a family) that attracted hate.

By the way can we just take a moment to talk about bi erasure in Chinese history. From all accounts of Emperor Zhengde I’ve read he comes across as extremely bisexual, but a lot of people try to make him a gay icon? I mean, he liked women too.

One interesting homophobic angle in ye olde China which I find kind of funny was straight women who wanted to climb the social ladder by marrying rich men talking shit about them after figuring out they were gay lmao. Historically, there were not so many work opportunities for women, so the easiest way to improve social standing was to marry a rich and powerful guy. Not saying that women didn't work, they did but their upward social mobility was restricted because they couldn't enter the imperial examination system which was how men became rich and powerful. This angle is relatively benign and kind of helps illustrate that historical Chinese homophobia was indeed fueled by classism and patriarchy.

Gayness as crime

I used to think that there were no anti-sodomy statutes in China (laws prohibiting sex between gay men), but it turns out that there was one decree in the Jiajing era (1521-67) and one in 1740, and private gay sex was not actually decriminalized until 1957. Same sex marriage is still not legal in China at time of writing. I couldn’t find detailed information on what these laws entailed or how they were enforced, but they’re enough to prove that homosexuality in China was legally punishable from the 16th century onward. On top of that, even when there was no law prohibiting private sex acts between people of the same sex, displays of gay affection such as kissing or holding hands could still be legally punished under “public indecency” or “hooliganism”, which was frequently what happened in the 20th century.

#lgbt #queer history #chinese history #gay #mlm #ming dynasty #qing dynasty #republican era

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wisteria-lodge · 2 years ago

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burnt bird primary (badger model) + lion secondary

I am the anon who you concluded to be a bird, who then said I'm not, and I felt terrible by misleading you and others. I still do so here I am. Please could you read this submission with more thoughts and conclude am I misleading you or am I confused after all. This will be long, written in a second language, and I am sorry for that. Sincerely.

All right, let's see what I can do. I did cut out a few sentences where I just wasn't sure what you were saying - so I couldn't be much help - but I didn't have to do that much, your English is very good.

Where do my values come from? A million-dollar question. I'm not sure, I don't know, or maybe it's complicated. Not only that, but I get confused when people are strongly convinced and reacting saying you can't do that, that is not right. I like that strong conviction, but something in me always asks “how do they know?” (I interpreted this as a burned lion thing, being able to trust yourself to a certain point. I just never know anything).

That's absolutely not a Burned Lion thing. Burned Lions never wonder about *why* their External Conscious is right. The External Conscious is Right, and the Burned Lion is Wrong, and that's all that matters. It's still an extremely feelings way of coming at things, just a Burnt Lion doesn't trust their feeling.

That isn't you. You don't trust your ability to reason. You keep asking yourself 'why' and getting no answers back. WHY are these people right. That is a Burned Bird thing.

Perhaps it's just because on those moments I don't find myself agreeing with them and never explored it or felt anything in particular about it. Even if I explore it a bit, I might still not have an opinion or a conviction.

My guess is that you're in an environment where you don't have the permission or ability to question and argue. That's an especially uncomfortable place for a Bird.

Can I change my mind about a value? I'm not sure, I don't know. Perhaps if I could change my views, it wasn't that strong in the first place, and I didn't care about it a lot. Although there are values, views and convictions I couldn't change. I just don't see it possible for those. I might go against it, I might have to, but I know these are stable enough for me to not change. Why? Thinking about it, I believe they make sense to me in every possible way.

Definition of a Bird right there.

Hurts someone, somebody - check, feels bad emotionally - check, doesn't make sense - check, and probably more points there that I can't think about now.

There, right there. You've got a sample checklist that you measure decisions against.

Hurts people

Feels bad

Doesn't make sense

I understand why you're confused, and I understand why you think you're multiple primaries at once. You look at your list and you go, 'oh, measuring decisions against what hurts the least people, that's badger.' 'Measuring decisions against what feels bad,' that's lion. But the fact that they are in a list at all, the fact that you're weighting them as equally important, the fact that the decision making process is this built and constructed - THAT is what makes you a Bird.

It was interesting you mentioned that burned Lions don't have these pings at all. I don't think that ever happened. I knew not to trust these, or had few of them, but can you completely be absent of them? Turn it off? But it's a flavour of life, how it just goes blank?

You're not a Burned Lion. Burned Lion, out of everything, is probably the state I know most about and can write best about. It's very, very specific, and I agree that if you haven't been there it looks absolutely crazy from the outside.

Do I trust these "pings"? It's complicated. Sometimes I don't have them, but think I should have them, and of course I can't trust them I do not want to and I can not get hurt over something so silly as a feeling of wanting to help or something being wrong.

Hmm. It sounds like you like (or even idealize) Lion primaries. Honestly, very common for Birds.

A life is not a painting where you can feel the colour balance, or not. That's why I loved art and hated it at the same time. I loved how I could be oblivious and just go with my gut, with the flow and with what I thought fits and how it looks best. And I hated all the art and colour theory, it made it all sound like computer science to me.

You're probably an in-the-moment, improvisational secondary (Snake or Lion) that's what I'm hearing here (and also what I'm getting from your writing style.) Painting technique is a method, after all.

Could I trust a ping drop out one major and maybe start a different one? No, of course not! I saw a lion primary talking about this, and I did the opposite and finished the thing I hated and knew I was wrong for. I wasn't happier, and I never felt at peace with that decision, but it was already made, who was there to assure me I will not feel the same way the next time, in a different major? Was I the problem, or was it not my path? Was that other choice the right one? Will I regret it in the end? Perhaps I will find a place here after all? I didn't know what would make me happy and what would be the right choice, so I stayed. I changed a lot internally, and not for the best, but I also gained things in the process.

I have 100% switched majors, and at one point schools, because I felt a strong enough 'ping.' And that felt moral and safe to me. But it doesn't make sense to you, because that's not how you think. It does sound like there's some Burnt Bird going on here though. You looked at all the sides of the issue... and didn't see a real reason why changing would be better. Birds can and do *make* themselves like a decision. It's very cool. But you seem in process of creating your system. And because it's half-built, you can only be half-content with decisions you make with it.

Also, I knew my mom was supporting my first major, and I never wanted to lose that support, and her being even a little proud of me being there, over just leaving because I knew I wasn't happy, and it didn't fit me. While my mother hates people and judges them in absolute, I never do that, at least I try. But I hate just the general idea of it all.

All things being equal, your Mom sounds like a really intense Authoritarian Badger, and you are really conflicted about her. I'm just putting that out there, because I think it explains some of the pressure you're feeling to not think about things - just do the the Badger thing - just do the thing Mom wants.

I'm a rule follower. If there's a rule, a code, I want to hold on to it. Unless it is actively harmful and hurting someone. Of course, rules are meant to be broken when they are harmful and hurting people, animals. Although it’s easier to just live in status quo. I don't see why I shouldn't follow the rules if they are fine and creating a stable environment to be in.

Bird with a strong Badgery influence.

It's not like I have a strong preference over these things most of the time.

You say that a lot. "I might still not have an opinion or a conviction." "Perhaps if I could change my views, it wasn't that strong in the first place, and I didn't care about it a lot. " And you definitely doesn't have to have a strong opinion about everything, nobody does. But I do wonder if you're maybe not *letting* yourself have strong opinions.

But I’m mostly ruled over by my emotions and general need to feel comfort, not pain in any of its forms. I’m nowhere near as thoughtful and data based as birds I've seen around in the community.

You could be a Bird whose entire system is "avoid pain." That's literally Epicurus. Sure, your system of thought does seem less developed than some others I've read. But you also seem younger AND it seems like you've spent in a long time in a situation where you were not encouraged to build out a personal philosophy.

I never know the answer unless it's absolutely right there under my nose or something is objectively wrong. It's really easy for others to convince me I was wrong, I did wrong, or just put at least a "maybe" in my mind. How can you function with a "maybe" all the time and with little to no memory for details and data you read about?

Being tortured by the eternal "maybe" is core Bird primary. (Having a lot of facts and figures in your head is not.)

I can remember what I experienced just fine. But details of how to do something, or details of something a research paper mentions and analyses? I'm out. I actually don't even care that much, just please don’t tell anyone else. To use something that are used in shc, if an information isn't shiny, new, interesting, my brain doesn't care a bit.

You do not have to memorize research papers. It's *fine.* You also don't have to care about ALL the information. No one does. It's not possible. Doing that definitely, definitely does not have to be this guilty secret or moral failing.

I was writing a paragraph about an actual situation but I thought the important thing is the why, the belief, so here it goes.

I like the specific examples better than the hypothetical examples, guys. Sadly I had to cut out the next paragraph because it was so vague and general that it could have meant almost anything. Absolutely change details if you want to make sure you keep yourself anonymous, but tell me a story.

I started to feel more things about life when I experienced it more, met more people, branched out, and also when I started hanging out on Tumblr. It provided me with things people thought are important, and I was like okay, yeah, I can’t see why not.

That's why I love Birds.

Even if it wasn’t my culture, my people or my country, I generally believe if you can, you should care, even if just for a little.

What can I say. I think caring - in any way that is not destructive to yourself or others - is good for you. What you care about can be anything. That's a big part of the reason why I also love Tumblr.

See, my life was always more about should and would than wants, which is why now I am so angry,

That is very much how it is, when you have an intensely Badger parent or grow up in an intensely Badger household.

I am not, but two things that tie me with Badger primary these days are – 1) that I feel so drawn to its burned explanation.

You can model Burned Badger. Which you probably do, if your Mom goes in heavy with the Badger-style dehumanization.

and 2) the power of having people around you. The more I keep going, the more I understand the need of having people around you, a support group. It's not coming from a happy place, it's coming from a realization, that while you can help yourself, a wound made by someone else will never heal by itself, it will always need someone else in your life.

That's a human thing. We're pack animals. We need connection, we need support. We just do.

I don't think I'm a loyalist

I agree.

although that pill was hard to swallow.

I hear you, and I've been there. It's hard, when you've got a lot of Loyalists in your life.

I will stay by the side of someone I care about when they need me, when they're hurt, when they need protection, support, be given space to talk it out. But I don't love them; I sometimes don't like the people they are. And I want that, almost the same as I want a relationship and a friend, or not to be alone. I want to admire them and like who they are. Not long ago I had a little head butting with someone from the family. We both thought that obviously our own opinion is the right one, and we should take the other to our side. I was aggressively asked why I am defending my side, why I always speak up for these people. I was a bit shocked to find out my freedom to hold my own opinion and talk about it and defend it while allowing them to do the same was met with such aggressive reaction.

And there we go. That right there is where the Burnt Bird energy is coming from. You want to do the Bird thing, debate a side, stretch your intellectual muscles. That's how Birds build and edit their systems. And then you're not even told "you're wrong." You're told "why are you even arguing at all."

Sadly I do not have a good memory for details and little to no control over my emotions in heated moments, so I never learned to argue, and I never have any actual points except my own experience, which is silly and people don't care about that, but it's the thing I know and remember the best.

I suspect that you're a Lion secondary. That's what this sounds like. And it sounds like your Lion might be slightly burnt, because it's been devalued. It certainly is not "silly."

I can only untangle, understand, clearly see and follow my train of thoughts and reasoning when I write it down (or maybe talk it out, but that’s too vulnerable sometimes, but satisfying also). I am useless in debates and heated moments.

Classic Lion secondary. Classic Bird Lion, actually.

Furthermore, I wouldn’t say something is right just because I feel it, but I would definitely be a bit dumbfounded and I would need time to figure what is happening in my head. Personal things are hard to untangle, but impersonal are easier.

I saw a beautiful and functioning found family that was underappreciated and brushed of by the media it was in. I felt that that would be enough for me, I would take that, would be happy and healthy. Not only that, but I can easily attach myself to these things that change my mind in this way and be like “this is my way now”.

I am not at all surprised that you are fantasizing about a beautiful and functional found family, or better - a beautiful and functional community. Bird primaries are external primaries after all. Their environments are really, really important to them.

I’m pretty confident now I am not trying to consciously and unconsciously appear as something, and even when I am doing that, it’s weirdly me. Imagine if I am a rainbow, I have at least 7 colours in me. Sometimes one colour appears stronger, sometimes I myself make a colour stronger, but I cannot appear as a colour that is not in me, I think.

This is a lovely, poetic version of the Lion secondary "dimmer switch" or "volume dial" metaphor.

I do not remember scientific facts about rainbows much, but I am kind of certain there’s no exact black or pink, or lake green. It would be a real hard work to produce these colours in me, although I’m sure it’s possible if needed.

I agree with one bird primary submission. The quiz is absolutely wonderful, but I can’t find the answers for myself, not because it’s not there, but because I see more than one, or I can’t translate what I think and feel into that answer.

That is indeed how pretty much every Bird primary interacts with the test. They could imagine building every single primary (and so they think that's what the other primaries are.)

When you think about it, I am a translator, of my mind and inner workings to this world, into words even. I like that thought. I guess everyone is a translator of their own world. No, an interpretation, because neither we neither the world is static, it does not stay the same after you translate it.

Beautiful, and true.

I thought I was loyalist, and strongly. And it has taken me a lot to take in the fact that I am not, although I’m not saying I don’t have doubts. The fact that I want someone I can see as admirable and having nice values made it clearer for me, it's a more idealized view and not actually seeing a person and taking them as they are or even needing that exact loyalist thing, just a connection, also me being able to cut ties in a blink of an eye. Thank god for my friend who is also probably not a loyalist for coming back. All I know her being in my world or not don’t change the state of my loneliness.

That's good. I'm glad you've got idealists in your life also.

On a happier note, I am just mainly writing to you, being an ass and asking can I really be a bird primary because if I am, I really require help to see that, because in a million year I would have never seen it. Do I sound combative and passive-aggressive?

Not at all. Sounds to me like you've got a sort of perfect, ideal version of a Bird in your head, and think if you can't be that, ALL the time... then you can't be a Bird.

My final thoughts (I hope so, I'm so sorry, this is so frustrating) (pls ignore if this is annoying you too)

Burned secondaries and their apologizing.

Thank you for your time and your opinion. I hope this will clear things up for you and for me too. I hope I’m not sounding ungrateful and rude.

Absolutely not. This was fun.

#submission #burnt bird primary #bird lion #lion secondary #badger primary model #wisteria sorts #sortme #shc #sortinghatchats

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notmuchofarolemodel · 4 years ago

Text

music- sia’s movie

originally written on jan 24 2021

I can’t believe i’m writing about this. again.

So, if you didn’t already know, Sia directed a movie about an autistic girl, starring Maddie Ziegler. This is problematic for so many reasons, including the fact that Maddie is allistic (not autistic), Sia did next to no research on autism before directing the movie, and after announcing the movie, she took to twitter and attacked autistic people voicing their opinions. But she’s done so many more awful things since. So yay, article by me, the sequel. /s

Sia has done a few interviews over the last while about her movie and has responded to criticism about it. (very badly.)

Despite her claims, Sia was never going to cast an autistic actor in the first place. She said:

“I realized it wasn’t ableism [Casting Maddie]. I mean, it is ableism I guess as well, but it’s actually nepotism because I can’t do a project without her. I don’t want to. I wouldn’t make art if it didn’t include her.”

It was also found that Sia said had written a film for Maddie a long time ago- in 2015- which almost certainly means she never had any intentions of casting an autistic person.

The plot of the movie, and a clip have both been leaked since the release of the trailer in November.

‘Music’ falls back on harmful Hollywood sterotypes again, and again- but yet, after it was no longer fresh news, almost nobody but the autistic community was talking about it. It’s still set to be released soon this year, but stereotypes such as ‘autism = special/savant abilities’ as seen in Rain man, and ‘Autistic people don’t have feelings’ - are ones that lead to underdiagnosis, and biases in the professional world.

“We are particularly alarmed that Sia has said it would be ‘cruel’ to cast a nonspeaking autistic person as an actor. It suggests that she thinks that autistic people don’t understand our own lives and aren’t the people who should be telling our own stories. When people tell stories about autism that cut out an autistic point of view, when storytellers view us as objects to tell inspirational stories about, or when autism is treated as a narrative device rather than as a disability community full of real people, the stories that are told fall flat, don’t speak to our reality, and are often harmful to us.” -Zoe Gross, ASAN

Sia refused to refer to her main character as disabled, and only used the term ‘special abilities’ which just further proves how these sterotypes affect people’s view of autistic people. In today’s society, autism is a disability, and that’s not a bad thing. She also described the film as “Rainman, the musical- but with girls”

There are several meltdown scenes in the movie, and one of them has been leaked in a clip. In this, Music is having a meltdown in a park, and she is then held in prone restraint. Meaning she was jumped on top of and pinned to the ground. This was not only unnecessary, but potentially deadly. This film is going to be big, if it gets released, and it was very much made for a neurotypical audience’s enjoyment. People will likely see this movie, and think that restraining an autistic person is ok. It’s not. This is how people get killed. Recently a story came up about Eric Parsa, a 16 year old autistic boy who was killed at the hands of the police last year, after they used this ‘technique’ on him.

Regarding this scene Sia said, “If they [cinema-goers] watch the movie, it will allow them to touch into their compassion. That scene was so important to me, because of all the people staring. I felt compelled to put it in.”

This is why people need to listen and learn from actual autistic people. There’s so much dangerous misinformation out there, and it’s unacceptable. There is nothing ‘compassionate’ about harming people, and autistic people are people. i.e people who deserve the same rights and dignity as everyone else.

Sia continues to further dehumanize autistic people by constantly talking about ‘levels of functioning’. humans are impossibly complex, and there’s no one way to function. In an interview with Sia, nonspeaking autistic people are compared to ‘inanimate objects, like wigs’.

Sia also said “People functioning at Music’s level can’t get on Twitter and tell me I did a good job either.” This is untrue, firstly because, again- there’s no one way to function, and just because a person can’t speak, doen’t mean they don’t have a right to opinions, and feelings (and it definitely doesn’t mean they should be compared to ‘inanimate objects’), and secondly because many nonspeaking autistic people have taken to twitter and social media to tell her she’s done a bad job, she’s just chosen to ignore and insult them.

This whole thing is so infuriating, and it’s very obvious that Sia does not care about autistic people.

“Sia being ableist AF while claiming she meant well is some serious abled savior bullshit. I can’t believe so many people green-lit this project & the press team approved the ‘special abilities’ language. Disabled people clearly weren’t part of this production team.” -Kristen Parisi via twitter

She also claimed she decided to make the movie because she was inspired by a 16-year-old named Stevie that she met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. “Stevie used to sit next to me in the front row at my AA meetings. He was low-functioning and on the spectrum with echolalia; he’s the reason I wanted to make this movie,” she said. Autistic people don’t exist simply to be inspiring or make you feel good about yourself. We’re people, who just want to go about our lives, the same as anyone else- we don’t need a cure and we don’t need to fit people’s idea of what autism is, just let us be, please.

Finally, I’m just going to touch on the question ‘Why isn’t any criticism being directed at Maddie?’ This is because she likely didn’t have much say in the film at all. Keep in mind that she was only 13/14 at the start of this project. Sia also said Maddie was worried that people would think she was mocking autistic people. The film is a mockery of autistic people, but Sia is at fault.

“She had researched her role for two years, we watched movies together, and I taught her the nuances and ticks I had observed from [a] friend [with autism],” Sia said. “We did this in the most sensitive and respectful way.”

I can confirm that that is very much not sensitive and respectful- not to mention that Maddie also watched autism meltdowns as a part of her reseach too (filming a meltdown is incredibly dehumanizing) , but the fact that she learned how to ‘act autistic’ from sterotypes, taught to her by a person who just, doesn’t know anything about autism is awful, but also quite absurd. It makes no sense.

No, I do not wish to watch an abled-bodied actor wear my stims like itchy clothes. A caricature of my being.

No, I do not want to see her dance around in skin not her own, profiting from a life not her own.

No, I do not wish to support yet another film that will profit off the lives of disabled bodies without one disabled body involved. -tiffany hammond

I recieved quite a bit of backlash when I posted the first time about why casting a nondisabled actor for a disabled role is bad- from allistic people, so if any of you are reading this as nondisabled people- I literally do not care if you disagree, you don’t get to dictate how autistic people feel. Try a little harder to get out of your own head and see things from another person’s perspective xx

Now, for the love of God, please don’t watch this movie if it comes out in February, and listen to Autistic voices. : Here is a thread of positive autistic representation instead :)

click here for thread!

Sign the Petition

Filming & posting videos of children's autism meltdowns on YouTube is a clear violation of YouTube's community…www.change.org

link

Sign the Petition

Sia has announced she is directing a movie about an autistic woman, and claims she wants to represent the…www.change.org

all other relevant links are linked within the underlined text.

my original article - link

#actuallyautistic #siadoesntspeakforus #siamusic #autism #neurodiversity #nothing about us without us #actually disabled #disabled representation

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7soulstars · 4 years ago

Note

Hello ☁️ Can I request a Sherlock x deaf reader who is very shy and self concious? you're an amazing writer!

Omg thank you for requesting darling! I had a lot of fun researching this but it was quite a challenge ! I wasn’t sure if you wanted a fic or an hc so I decided to do a hc ! I hope you like this !

Sherlock with a Deaf S/O

- Now it is not new to everyone that Sherlock doesn’t do feelings.

- BULLSHIT

- WHO THE FUCK EXPLAINS HOW HE SOLVES A MURDER VERBALLY AND THEN IN SUPER FAST SIGN LANGUAGE SO THAT YOU UNDERSTAND TOO ?

- He knew sign language, he had learnt it for a case years before meeting you.

- You kind of saved him from getting strangled by a murderer by knocking him out with a fire extinguisher the first time you two met at a library where he followed the murderous man.

- Why were you there ? Well it is a good place for an introvert to hang out. You were studying a bit of something related to your profession when that happened.

- John, Greg and his divsion had followed in a few mintues later .

- “Sherlock!” *looks at you who is staring down out the fainted body in absolute terror* “Thank you for helping him !”

- But you didn’t hear him, you chose not to wear your hearing aid that day either.

- “She’s deaf Gavin stop embarrasing yourself ! Really are you that stupid? ”

- You never thought you would see him after that but fate had it’s own gameplay.

- Next time you met him and John was when he scared off a creepy man following you.

- “Just a payback for last time”, he had signed looking at any direction but yours.

- You just stood their silently. You were too shy to talk so you decided you should take your leave from the undoubtedly handsome detective with a squeaky little goodbye.

- But he stopped you by saying that he needed help with a case related to your profession.

- He lied.

- He spent the entire night bothering Greg and Mycroft to find him a case involving you profession.

- Soon enough every single person who Sherlock was always around had to learn sign language even though you assured Sherlock you knew how to lip read.

- Sherlock speaks too fast so he always has to sign for you.

- You feel bad because you think it’s bothersome but your boyfriend doesn’t think so.

- “It’s quite entertaining keeps me alert and on my toes”

- Explains how he solved a case to you in rapid sign language because we all know that little shit will be all smug about it.

- Unspoken habit of not shooting while you’re at 221B because the vibrations startle you a lot.

- You are highly insecure and he read that out the moment he saw you but he doesn’t know the cause.

- So he asks. ( And has John by his side to whack some sense into him incase he blurts something rude)

- By the time you had finishing the duo had the biggest frowns on their faces

- The fact that you were rejected by regular schools for being disabled and were not accepted at a school for people like you for not fitting into the stereotype pissed Sherlock off.

- The fact that you underestimated yourself annoyed him even more.

- You are highly intelligent and Sherlock knew that very well, but your self conciousness always came in the way.

- He starts giving you little affirmations all the time.😭

- You often refuse to wear your hearing aids because they’re a bit uncomfortable but Sherlock insists you to wear them whenever he drags you out on a case.

- “Not everyonee is as smart as us darling”

- He doesn’t smoke anymore. Whenever he has a bad day he just gets home and stares at you.

- *stares*

- ”Need a hug ?”

- *wordlessly falls into your lap as you skim through his curls*

- Once did the same when you had a REALLY bad day and when you were extremely insecure.

- “You do this for me all the time you look like you need one today...”

- You cried in his arms and he said nothing. Just held you tighter because that’s what you needed the most.🥺

- IRENE WHO ? He figured out you felt like she was better for him than you and the man blocked the woman’s number and told her to not contact him again in the most polite way possible

- You’re the only one who can handle his childish tantrums when even John can’t.

- “You are MY GIRLFRIEND don’t side them !”

- “YOU ALMOST POISIONED MYCROFT !”

- “It was an ExPeRiMeNt Y/N !”

- You being the only one who is allowed to stay in the room while he is in his mind palace.😤

- “Anderson get lost, Y/N where are you going? Stay here”

- MUMMY AND DADDY HOLMES ADORE YOU !

- “Sherlock really loves you darling I just know it !”

- ”MUMMY !”

-”You better marry her”

- He makes you feel like the most important person in the room in the most subtle ways.

- Even his rivals know that you are a line they willl never dare cross because nobody touches Sherlock Holmes’ girlfriend or they will pay in unimaginable terms.

- Even though he would never dare to tell you, William Sherlock Scott Holmes was awfully and dreadfully in love with the local shy and deaf girl and the entire world knows of this.

Part 2

*Stops typing and wallows in self embarrassment because I think it's not perfect enough for my perfect readers*

Sherlock: it may be shitty but you tried

Me*nodding*: I tried😔

Moriarty: well, all you can do is pray that they like it.....

Me:*cries*

But in all seriousness I FINALLY finished this piece after battling with my writer's block. I know this is not at all accurate and that brings me to an important point. I research a lot for this hc but I was disappointed that there was rarely any information on deafness and experiences of people with disabilities and problems faced by them. What does that mean?

WE NEED MORE REPRESENTATION OF PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT ABILITIES AND AWARENESS ABOUT IT ON MASS MEDIA AND THATS ON PERIODT. WE NEED TO EDUCATE PEOPLE AND THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Again I really really really tried my best and I really hope you all like it. In case of any mistakes I've made or if I have written anything offensive or triggering please tell me in the comments so that I can make immediate corrections. Please like and reblog my work if you like it to support me. Comments and constructive criticism is always appreciated. Please do not plagarize my work I really work hard on it! I have 4 fics to be completed but I promise to finish it soon. Thank you guys for being patient.

~Love Hri! 😘

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virghogh · 3 years ago

Text

Guessing NCT's rising signs: Huang Renjun as a Cancer rising

Welcome to my first post where I write all about why I think this idol is X rising sign! I don't know how many of these I'll do because it heavily depends on how confident I feel in my guess of their rising lol for Renjun's rising sign, it's something I've been sitting on for a loooong time just to see if anything else comes into my head. At the end of the day we really have no way to know for sure, even if the idols gives us their birth time it still has to be taken with a grain of salt! But it’s still fun theorize and to test your skills while learning at the same time. So for now I feel pretty confident sharing my thoughts on Renjun as a cancer rising.

Let’s ✨explore✨ why:

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧long post! *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

✦ Before I even decided to look up his chart layout, there were 2 characteristics of Renjun that initially led me to think he’s a Cancer rising. His eyes and his physique. His eyes aren’t necessarily as big as idols we’ve seen with moon in 1st, but they’re still very notable features of his physical appearance that he’s very well known for. They’re bigger, soft and dreamy, and sometimes look like he quite literally holds stars in his eyes. The biggest physical feature though is his, well, petite frame. Next to his eyes, renjun is also really well know for his smaller build. It’s even a well known inside joke amongst NCT, they all him “big shoulders renjun” (lol) because “for a guy” his shoulders a on the smaller side. Both of these physical attributes can also be identifying characteristics of cancer risings.

✦ So, in general I think he is a Cancer rising. But if we want to be more specific; I do think he is a 3rd decan Cancer rising which is the Pisces/Neptune ruled decan. I initially chose this because his house and planet placements just make so much more sense to me when the rising is in the 3rd decan (I'll get into that below), but after reading about the 3rd decan I also think it fits his personality really well! With the Neptune and Pisces influence, he's more on the open side of Cancer rising but more notably, 3rd decans are a lot more inclined to art/creativity and sometimes, music specifically. These people also have a very dreamy attraction about them. He also has his Venus trine ASC which can further add to this kind of creative vibe he gives off, but is also drawn to! It emphasizes the importance of aesthetics, art and creativity in his life. If you've never been on Renjun stan twt then you might not know that a lot of his fans see him as this incredibly dreamy and ethereal boy (as they should) and I can see why!

*:･ﾟ✧house and planet placements *:･ﾟ✧

Scorpio moon, Sagittarius Pluto in 5th:

✦ yea... just yes. Okay but actually, if you read my NCT Dream Hexaco x Birth Chart analyses, I talked a lot about his chart already because I really like it. As someone with a Scorpio moon, I can't help but be really interested in how his plays out. And I have to say, I am quite attached to this theory because I think his scorpio moon in 5th just. makes. sense. I'm not going to go much into the descriptions of the placements, I'm mostly going to stick to the house influence. We know that Scorpio moons have really intense emotions, they internalize everything and are just highly sensitive people to their environments. Renjun has been incredibly open about his mental and emotional struggles ever since being a kid. I've honestly never heard an idol talk about their struggle like he has. He even opened up recently about how a few years ago he had an art therapist that really helped him and lowkey changed his life. I feel like a lot of this can be reflected in his 5th house. The house of creativity, expression, creation. His 5th cusp is also in Scorpio. 5th house in water tend to be really drawn to arts and music. Having a Scorpio moon, a moon sign that can be quite guarded, in a fire house can also explain his readiness/openness to share his emotions and art. Also let's not forget his chart ruler is his Scorpio moon in 5th! What I've wrote above are big themes in his life, which we've seen.

✦ As for the Pluto in 5th. Because his 5th house is in Scorpio this would mean the 5th ruler is in 5th. I know it might not make sense at first because it's pluto and pluto is misunderstood. But it makes perfect sense to me. Pluto in 5th is a deeply passionate and creative placement. It bring so much energy to this house, and can even create a borderline obsession with themes of this house. With creating and expressing. But I could also see having this and his scorpio moon in this house bringing so much energy, it just kind of adds to the confusion and intensity of a scorpio moons emotions and processing abilities, like, emotionally overwhelming. Scorpio moons always need an outlet and they usually figure that out the hard way at some point in life. The outlet can vary based off the chart, his is without a doubt connected to his art; whatever that may be to him.

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Aquarius Uranus in 8th:

✦ This part is brief because it's more of like, additional details to what's already in his chart. Something that is really well known about Renjun too is how much he is into space and aliens and stuff like that. He, once again, has been very open about it lol on variety shows I've seen him light up every time its briefly mentioned and he'll comment on how much he finds that stuff interesting. The 8th house is weird, it can manifest in a lot of different ways. The biggest point here for me is that the house is in Aquarius with Uranus here. I know someone with this placement too and, while they're open minded to astrology and tarot etc. it's a bit more focused on logic. I can't say for sure because I don't know him, but he kind of strikes me as the kind of person that would fight to death over aliens existing, but draws the line at astrology lol. I actually do think he would be open to astrology and tarot, but he'd need the right introduction to it. Anyways, yea this placement to me explains a lot of his interest in space and things we don't understand. He's expressed his curiosity in it. I think a lot of this is coming from his Scorpio moon and Pisces mercury/venus which is why I think it's just additional support.

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Pisces Mercury/Venus in 9th:

✦ THIS HOUSE right here... so much to say. Firstly, Pisces in 9th is probably one of the main culprits for his creativity, deep thinking and curiosity in the world. And more importantly: his imagination. I've mentioned this a lot when I talk about renjun but, he's very well known for his creativity, but I want to make it clear that there is a distinction between creation and imagination. His imagination is truly... on another level. Well, planet actually since it's pisces! Again, amongst fans it's really well known his imagination is just so unqiue. This is less about the 9th house and more about the fact that he has 2 pisces placements but it still affects it lol. He's very open about his imagination and speaks about it so naturally. He shared his drawing of a bird, hybrid, thing? and how it's an animal that steals your dreams in your sleep. Anyways, Pisces in 9th aren't necessarily the travelers we'd see with an air or fire sign here, but they like to travel mentally. He's also talked about how he's just in general a very curious person and you can tell his thoughts probably travel far and wide in his down time.

✦ What's really interesting to me about this house is his mercury is here and Mercury in 9th is a very specific kind of placement. It almost always guarantees an interest and talent in learning languages. I don't know if languages are necessarily a passion for him but he definitely is interested and cares about learning language and other cultures. He also did pick up on Korean and English with ease. Which also reminds me that, he actually was exposed to Korean at a young age because I'm pretty sure he went to a bilingual school (chinese and korean). This is also a big deal to me because planets in 9th, especially sun/mercury often indicate very early exposure to languages or other cultures... so yea that checks out. This can also be proved by looking at his IC in Virgo, which puts the ruler in 9th. His mercury is also sextile Jupiter. I also wanna comment that he has his Mercury in the 5th degree, I'm not great at degree theory yet but that feels significant to me. Of course we cannot forget his absolutely angelic voice. Renjun is also very well known for his stunning vocals. Not only are Pisces placements musically inclined but Pisces mercury are known for their sweet voices.

✦ As for the venus is 9th, I feel like I have more to say on his venus being in Pisces because that's where so much of his artistic creativity and imagination come from. But venus here adds to a lot of what I've written above, adding to his curiosity of the world. What I find most interesting about venus in 9th though, is it brings another inclination to art! He might really like art from different places in the world, or just exploring all types of art being very open minded to its different forms etc. Venus here also brings ease to language learning, and these people will naturally have other cultures and people from them as a big part of their life. I feel like, in general it's not surprising at all to me that as a foreign member (being from China), that he would have 9th house influence! It can often manifest as like.., travel, other languages, cultures and parts of the world etc. are just very naturally a part of their life. Some people never really contemplate life overseas or in another country. But for 9th housers, it's never not been an option. His 9th house influence can also make him a great teacher, mentor and just overall supportive person. We've seen some of this in the content he's made with NCT. Like trying to teach his members chinese with Chenle, except he was taking it way more seriously lol but was so supportive. He's also tried to get Jeno and Jisung involved in his art making, but keeping the process very open and fun.

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Aries sun, Taurus mars in 10th:

✦ This is the last part I'm going to cover because it is really just the icing on the cake to finish this up. The 10th house is considered pretty important when looking at celebrities/idols because it's very likely a lot of what we see from them is their 10th house influence. In the chart model I'm using for Renjun, it puts his MC in the very last degrees of Pisces, so there's a chance it's in Aries but either way with his sun and mars here they are still playing a big role. So for that reason, I'm opting for Pisces MC. I also think Pisces MC fits though because first it puts the ruler in his 7th house. Meaning he could really benefit and work well in something that involves a group! Because it's Pisces in Neptune, it also adds to his very ethereal vibe and how people just seem to love him wherever he goes. He's very magnetic and can come off as artistic and sensitive. He's known for being dreamy, unreal, artistic, sensitive.

✦ Again, we know he has an aries sun and taurus mars so I'm not going to explain them here, just how they affect the house, but having his these here makes so much sense to me too. Having planets in 10th also influences what kind of "vibe" people get from you, and what you're "known" for. Mars and Sun bring similar energy of being well known for for energy, drive, and even stage presence. Not being afraid to be on stage, being good with attention and spotlight. He's known for his kind of playful and childish behavior at times. He is charismatic, bold, brave, happy and upbeat. With the sun, he is again known for his creativity and creations and also self-expression.

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Thank you to anyone who read all this. I don't really expect many people to because I'm mostly writing this for my own curiosity and to finally just put this theory out there! Anyways, stan Renjun best boy <33

Thoughts and feedback are always welcome <3

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#tldr I love renjun #the way this is a whole essay and took hours to write #but there’s literally nothing else I’d rather spend my time doing #it’s my time I decide how to waste it lmao #NCT #kpop astrology #NCT astrology #NCT rising #astrology #zodiac signs #kpop #NCT dream #huang renjun #renjun #NCT 127

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just--another--daydreamer · 4 years ago

Text

Bound Souls

» Izuku Midoriya x male reader

» Genre: Angst & Fluff » Requested (by @thatcucumberwhore): Soulmates with Midoriya and male reader? 👉🏼👈🏼😊 » Summary: Soulmate AU where soulmates share the same superpower. You were born quirkless and fall in love with the insanely powerful hero student Midoriya » Warnings: just some angst and crying » Words: 2.6k

You can find a link to my Masterlist etc in my bio and pinned post

***

Soulmate AU where soulmates share the same superpower

“Are you Y/N from the General Education department? Class 1-C?” You closed your locker and turned around. A boy stood in front of you, a bit too close, which he noticed too and took a step back while muttering an apology under his breath. “Yeah, that’s me.” You looked the boy up and down. His tie was not tied properly, his green hair was a mess and he looked way too excited to see you while you had no idea who he was. Judging by the single button on the shoulder part of his uniform he belonged in the hero department.

“And you are…?” “Oh, of course, sorry!” The boy stood up straight before bowing shortly. “I’m Izuku Midoriya from class 1-A! I sent you an email about the tutoring yesterday!” “Ahh yeah I almost forgot about that!” You only vaguely remembered putting up a small ad on the school’s website, saying that you would be willing to help other students with different subjects and topics in school that they did not understand. Especially for students from the hero department it was not uncommon to need tutoring since most of them were way too focused on the practical part of being a hero and neglected basic things like maths or foreign languages.

You opened your backpack and pulled out your calendar. “It was English and maths, right? I’m free this afternoon, so we could meet at the café that’s quite close to the school’s entrance? You know which one I’m talking about?” Midoriya nodded, so you scribbled the time into your calendar. “Alright, I’ll see you after school then!”

***

The warm air in the small café smelled sweet like cake and waffles when you entered. A few students from UA and other schools sat in groups and pairs at the tables with their faces either buried in books or enjoying something to eat while chatting. Midoriya was already there; he sat at a table next to a window, so you approached him.

“Have you been waiting for long?” Midoriya shook his head. The hero student had changed after school, he was now wearing an All Might hoodie. Nerd. You sat down and put your backpack on the empty chair next to you. Even though Midoriya had prepared himself for a longer and more relaxed stay at the café, and thus had ordered a drink as well as a snack, you got straight to the point.

“I’m willing to be your tutor, but according to your email you ranked fourth during your midterms? Why would you need tutoring for that?” You watched Midoriya’s face turn red. “Well, that has multiple reasons,” he started to mumble incoherently. “Don’t want to fall behind… Need to do my best… Then there was the-… and I wasn’t allowed in class…” You could not make much sense of anything but the last part. “You-” you pointed at Midoriya and narrowed your eyes. “-were one of the students fighting at night, weren’t you?” The colour of Midoriya’s face changed from light red to tomato red. “Y-yeah…” he sighed. “I didn’t miss many classes but all that’s on my mind is the practical hero stuff like fighting and I train that instead of studying for the other subjects. So, before the written exams, I always spend my time catching up and studying way too much and I want to change that. I need to work more on that stuff throughout the term, not last-minute.”

“I thought so.” You opened your backpack and pulled out a pencil and a notepad. “That’s a problem many hero students have, so I’m willing to help you with this!” Midoriya started smiling. “That’s great, thank you!” He reached into his own bag and put some books on the table. “Let’s get started then!”

Izuku Midoriya. Now that you were watching him rewrite his English essay for the third time, you remembered where you had seen him before. He had stood out at the sports festival as the kid who had broken all of his bones while using his quirk. Strong and effective but useless at the same time. You wondered if his soulmate had the same problems using their shared quirk. Shaking your head, you dismissed that thought.

Midoriya bit his pencil and furrowed his brows at his paper. “Can I help?” you offered and Midoriya nodded. “Did I use the correct tense here?” He slid his paper over to you and you skimmed his last sentence. “Looks fine to me. But I’d use a different word right here and here.” You drew circles around a few words. “Your English grammar is great, but your vocabulary needs work.”

“Alright, thanks!” Instead of getting back to work, Midoriya took a sip from his mug and looked at you. “You’re a great teacher,” he told you. “Are you considering becoming one?” The question caught you off-guard. You put your pencil down, sat back and thought about the question for a few seconds. “It’s not my first choice,” you admitted, “but that first choice won’t work out, so I’m considering becoming a teacher.” “Then what was your first choice?” “I wanted to become a hero. Like everyone else.”

Midoriya curiously cocked his head to the side. “Why didn’t it work out?” “’cause I’m quirkless,” you answered dryly. It was not something you liked talking about. Quirkless people were looked down upon more and more, and not being able to become a hero was not the only downside. “Oh, I’m sorry.” Your vis-à-vis said and looked down on his paper. “Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault after all.” “But I brought it up and you seem sad about it.” While that was true, you did not want him to feel guilty about it. So, instead of replying, you tapped on his paper with your pencil. “C’mon, fix that sentence!” Your student complied.

Your study session ended after two and a half hours, in which you had forced Midoriya to re-write his essay about four times. Even though you had dragged him through hell, he asked for your number and to meet you again in the future. Once you had stepped outside, Midoriya pulled out his wallet. “So how much for this lesson?” You looked at him, dumbfounded, before you began to laugh. “W-what’s wrong?” Midoriya lowered the hand that was holding the money when you raised your hands to mutely indicate that you did not want his money. “But it’s your time that you could spend in other ways!”

Even though he had a point, you shook your head. “Normally I’d take money, but I had a different idea,” you explained. “I’d like to ask you to teach me a thing or two about self-defence and fighting. It’s always useful, y’know?” “So you help me with my homework, and I help you train?” You nodded and offered Midoriya your hand. “Deal?” Midoriya shook your hand without hesitation. “Deal!” With that, you started walking back to the campus together.

Since it was getting dark, not too many people were out anymore. A few UA students were on their way back to campus as well, but you did not pay much attention to them. The two people who caught your eye were two girls standing in front of a park’s gates. One of them opened her hand and let her palm face upward. For a moment, nothing happened. Then, a flower grew out of the palm of her hand, glowing in a warm, white light that lit up both the girls’ faces. The other girl clapped before doing the exact same. Shared quirks. Soulmates.

You looked down at your own hands.

Besides not being able to become a hero, never finding your soulmate was the other downside of being quirkless. Sure, the number of quirkless people was low in your generation, but there still was not that one person you could find. It was not even proven if quirkless people had a soulmate like people with quirks, who shared one and the same ability with their soulmate. It was not looked down upon to be in a relationship with someone who was not your soulmate, in fact, platonic soulmates were a thing as well as dating someone who was not your soulmate and people embraced that idea. And sometimes you held onto that romantic thought of meeting your soulmate and growing old with them together, either platonically or romantically. But being quirkless made that impossible.

“Why did you stop walking? Are you alright?” Midoriya was a few steps ahead of you already when he stopped and looked back at you. “Y/N?” You tore your eyes away from the girls and forced a smile. “I’m fine, don’t worry!” As the sun finally set, you reached the dorms and said goodbye for the night.

After that, you continued to meet Midoriya for extra tutoring as well as basic fight training, and you started to become friends. Whenever you saw each other on the hallway, he smiled at you sweetly, and you even ate lunch together every now and then because he needed you to read over his homework before class.

The training with Midoriya was exhausting, the hero students had some insane workout routines that you could never dream of completing.

But like every week, there you were again in your PE clothes in the small park surrounding UA. Next to you stood Midoriya, currently telling you about the importance of stretching as you popped your joints with every single movement.

After a while, Midoriya left you to do some push-ups while he activated his quirk to do some training on his own. He dropped his hoodie to the ground, exposing the many scars on his arms. It was not your first time seeing them, but they fascinated you every single time. Midoriya pushed himself so hard and got hurt so often, yet he never gave up on his dream of becoming a hero. You envied him a little – after all his quirk was insanely powerful. A sigh escaped you as you watched him from your planking position. “Are you done already?” Shit, Midoriya had caught you staring. A faint blush adorned his cheeks as he approached you, the green light from his quirk still surrounding him. “Yeah,” you lied, not having done a single push-up. You moved from your current position into a sitting one and Midoriya sat down as well.

“You didn’t do the push-ups, did you?” “You’re right, that was a lie,” you admitted. “You seem distracted, is there something on your mind?” Midoriya’s question caught you off-guard. “Of course, you don’t have to share, but I’m here to listen, if you’d like.” You nodded with a smile. “Thank you, Midoriya.” Taking a few deep breaths, you closed your eyes for a few seconds. The cool evening air smelled like grass and autumn, a calming scent that let you relax a little.

“One of my friends from class 1-C recently met her soulmate,” you told Deku. “Of course, I’m happy for her, she deserves it, but… but I’m jealous at the same time. People like her and you get to be happy with someone, but what about me? I-” you balled your hands to fists as tears dwelled in your eyes. “I’m just someone quirkless who’s doomed to never find someone, you know?” Before your tears started falling, you quickly wiped them away with your hand.

Midoriya looked at you with his brows furrowed. “You’re jealous of me? Because of the quirk I was born with?” His gaze fell on his hands. “Normally I don’t think about the soulmate thing too much, but- but I’ve fallen in love with someone born with a quirk.” Your breath got caught in your throat as you said it out loud for the first time. It was honestly surprising that you managed to admit that to yourself as well as to somebody else. Deku’s eyes shot up again and met yours.

“Oh,” he mumbled, “I’m sorry.” You let out a shaky sigh before you continued. “Deku, that person is you.” A sob shook your body. “But you have this amazing quirk, so I know that it’s already impossible, no matter what I do or what happens now that I told you.” Shock painted Midoriya’s face almost white. His mouth stood agape as he stared at you, no reaction. It was not like you had expected anything different to happen, but it still hurt. Your heart stung and the pain filled your whole chest.

Without your brain even telling your body to do anything, you got up and stood in front of Midoriya. “I’m sorry, forget it. I gotta go.” You turned around on your heels and made your way back to the dorms, stumbling across the grass with trembling legs. This was a nightmare. An actual nightmare. The cold breeze stung on your tear-stained cheeks, but the light of the dormitories was already in sight, promising warmth, and a blanket to hide beneath.

“Y/N! Wait!” You heard footsteps coming closer quickly and Midoriya’s voice yelling your name. “Please wait!” Your legs stopped walking by themselves and you came to a halt. “I- I-,” he struggled for words, but nothing came out, he just kept on stuttering incoherent words and sentences. He reached out and grabbed your hand loosely, but you still felt the way his fingers trembled. “Let me go, Midoriya.” With your free arm, you wiped the tears from your cheeks that had begun to fall again. “Please.�� Your hand dropped to your chest and you clutched your shirt directly over your heart. It hurt. It hurt so damn much.

“No.” Midoriya’s voice was quite yet he was sure of what he said. “Y/N, I- that was a lie.” He panted slightly from running after you. “My quirk,” Midoriya sighed as his grip on your hand tightened a little. “I used to be quirkless!” It felt like time stopped around you, Midoriya’s yelling echoed in your head but you could not make sense of it. “What?” You turned around slowly. Midoriya’s eyes were red and filled with tears, and he seemed to struggle with keeping his composure.

“I was born quirkless,” he repeated, calmer this time. His hand let go off yours and limply dropped to his side. “Somebody else gave me my quirk.” “All Might,” you mumbled and Midoriya nodded in confirmation. “Yeah. I inherited his quirk One for All.” He shook his head shortly. “But that’s not important right now.” Midoriya took a step toward you.

“Y/N, I-” a blush crept up his neck and painted his cheeks in a soft pink. “-I believe that you are my soulmate.” For what felt like the hundredth time that day, your heart skipped a beat. “But- but quirkless people-” “-don’t have a soulmate?” Midoriya finished your sentence. “I don’t believe that. And even if I did, it wouldn’t stop me from… from…” The faint pink changed into a deep red. “…liking you…” Your breath got caught in your throat. “You’re joking, right?”

“No! I like you, Y/N,” Midoriya repeated, more confident this time. “And I didn’t say anything because I felt the same way about being quirkless as you do, and because I thought that someone somewhere received the same quirk as me, but that’s not the case. I was born quirkless and I fell for someone who was born quirkless too.” His lips quivered as he told you this, probably dwelling in memories. Midoriya took a step toward you.

“Y/N, it doesn’t matter if we actually are soulmates or not.” He reached out and took one of your hands in his once again. “It doesn’t stop me from liking you. Please, go out with me?” All you were able to do was giving him a short nod.

#izuku midoriya x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #deku x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya x male reader #midoriya izuku x male reader #deku #midoriya izuku #midoriya #x reader #x yn #x you #x male reader #bnha x reader #bnha x male reader

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lokiondisneyplus · 3 years ago

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Sophia Di Martino was launched into the pop cultural consciousness thanks to her role as Sylvie – AKA the Loki variant on Marvel Disney Plus series Loki, where she trades barbs and shares background stories with Tom Hiddleston's God of Mischief.

Episode Three of the series found Loki on a wild adventure with Sylvie, after he accidentally sent them both to the doomed moon Lamentis-1, on a collision course with a planet. Facing an apocalypse, the pair hatches a plan to find the escape vessel that some of the moon's wealthier residents are hoping will carry them to safety and, while on the train to the ship, they discuss everything from the nature of love to their respective magical abilities.

When the opportunity arose to talk to her, we naturally jumped at it, so here is part of Chris Hewitt's conversation with Di Martino, who was frank and funny while chatting about getting the job, Loki's sexuality and more.

The last two weeks in particular must have been a heck of a whirlwind for you. What's it been like being at the centre of the storm?

It's been a strange one. Because I feel like I've been waiting in the wings for quite a while. And I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this until today. So, it's been a really strange few weeks, just watching the show start and listening to people's reactions, but not being able to talk about it. I don't feel like I've been in the centre of the storm at all. I feel like I've been watching it play out.

Have you been able to say anything to anybody, family friends... Postmen?

Absolutely no-one! My mum has no idea where I've been for the past two years. It's been really difficult. But to be honest, I'm actually really good at keeping secrets. So, I've perhaps been too good and haven't told anyone, anything. My agent, no one knows anything! I’m taking it really seriously, maybe a bit too seriously!

You and director Kate Herron have worked together in the past. Is that how it began for you?

Kate and I worked together on a short film of hers a few years ago now. And we stayed in touch, we're mates, we'll go out for coffee and do a bit of improv. We exist in the same circles in London. I'm trying to remember how exactly it happened. I was shooting another film in the UK, and I think I got a message from Kate saying, “I'm on this show, I'm not allowed to talk about what it is... There's a role, we'd like to see what you do with it. I can't tell you any more. Just wanted to give you the heads up...” A really vague WhatsApp message. So, then I got a request for a tape through my agent. But obviously, my agency also couldn't know anything about what was happening and what it was or anything. I was given a really short scene, made a tape of this scene and just had to guess what it was about. I think it was actually what ended up being the scene from Episode Three, which is Loki and Sylvie on the train. I think it ended up being that scene, but it was very different when I did the audition tape for it.

Did it have the word Loki in the script at any point?

No, no, no names! I think it was Bob and Sarah or something completely different. I didn't have a clue what it was.

I was really interested in how angry she is and how sort of laser-focused she is on this mission that she's given herself.

At what point did the penny drop? At what point did you realise that you were auditioning to play a Loki on Loki, and then this incredibly complex character?

I can't remember what happened first. It might have been the news that Kate was directing the new Loki came out. And then I was like, “Oh, maybe that's what I read for...” Or if it was that I was just offered the job, and they told me what it was. But yeah, it was a surprise. And I had a chat with Tom on FaceTime because he was in New York. I never actually met anyone because I was nine months pregnant, I couldn't fly anywhere. So, I was in London, everyone else is in the US. So, it was just that tape, it was all based on that. And obviously, I've worked with Kate before, so she knows that I'm not some weirdo. And she must’ve convinced them to cast me!

Let’s talk a little bit about Sylvie as we now know her. What's clear is that you're not doing a Tom Hiddleston impression. This is not your take on a Tom Hiddleston Loki, this is a very, very different iteration of their character. So where did you start?

Well, probably exactly there, making that decision that I didn't want to go in and do an impression of Tom, because that would have been awful. I'm really bad at impressions for a start! Sylvie’s very different to Loki in a lot of ways. There's the chaos and there's the mischievous, which are very, very Loki traits. But for me, I was really interested in how angry she is and how sort of laser-focused she is on this mission that she's given herself. And I think that plus the playfulness really helped me get into the character. And, and so that was the way I started.

The stunt training and the fight training really helped me with her physicality, and we were all really keen on her being a really strong, sort of street fighter, almost. She's not as elegant as Loki. She's fit and rough around the edges, she's had a harder time, in a way, she's been on the run for the majority of her life, getting into scraps. And I like the idea that she really enjoys fighting. And she'd really get something out of it. Because she knows that she's probably going to win. Right? And that's where her cockiness comes through, maybe. And so that was part of it as well. And then as soon as you put the costume on, you're there.

What was that like? Because the costume says so much as well. There's the headpiece, which obviously has a missing horn, which says a lot about the scrapes that she's gotten into in the past. And also says that this isn't the Loki we might be expecting.

We were really keen on making the costume look like it's been through the wringer a bit. And she's sort of gathered bits of it from places that she's been throughout her journey. We didn't want it to be too clean and shiny. And it was also important to me that it was a really comfortable costume and that I could actually fight in it, and I could kick in it and just do things that I needed to kick not have to worry about breaking it or being uncomfortable. And then Christine Wada, the costume designer, was amazing at just making it super comfy. But I still felt like a badass when I put it on.

The train scene has that wonderful moment where you’re talking about your romantic pasts, and Loki confirms that he is bisexual, which has been received rapturously since the episode came out. Did you get a sense of how momentous it was when you were filming it?

I knew how important it was, yeah. And I'm just so pleased that it's been received so well. And people are super happy to have seem that scene. And like I said, the show is inspired by the comics, and the comics for a long time have alluded to Loki being bisexual or pansexual. And his sexuality is not straight. And even back to Norse mythology. So, it was important to Kate, and it was also important to me and Tom, that this was represented in a six-hour story about that character. Because representation is important.

It's such a beautifully written scene. Can you just talk about your memories of filming those exchanges? Because we've only just met Sylvie, and we haven’t seen Loki consider the idea of love or falling in love or being frail or vulnerable in that way before.

It’s a super important scene. And it was interesting to shoot it because it's the first time that you see Sylvie vulnerable. And it's just a really important moment for the two of them to understand each other in a different way, and not just be miffed by each other for the first time. And when we were filming it, it is quite a long scene. And it just felt really good to do a long, talky scene. It didn't feel long when we were doing it. But it was nice to get into those characters, and it sort of felt like doing a play, when you go a bit deeper and it’s great. It's just another way of understanding the character that you're playing. And listening to Tom singing was also an experience! Didn’t he do such a good job of learning all those words? I was just amazed that he could learn a song in a different language. And he did it so quickly! Like, one day he got the words and the next day he was fluent in Norwegian! That’s Hiddleston, isn’t it? He’s just so smart!

#Sophia Di Martino #Sylvie #Loki #Tom Hiddleston #interview

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algumaideia · 3 years ago

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The ableism in the Acotar series

I was thinking about all the problematic aspects of the Acotar books, and I realized that they are pretty ableist. I don’t know if someone have already talked about it, but just in case I’ll do it. But before I start, I need to say some things:

1. I haven’t read the series for a while, and I don’t remember some stuff. So, I might write something that is wrong.

2. I’m not disabled myself. This post is based on my research about disabilities and how disabled people are represented in the media. I have a lot of interest in the subject, and I also researched about it because I’m writing a story with several disabled characters. I also did a school project about assistive technologies.

3. English is not my mother language and I’m still learning it. There are gonna be spelling and grammar mistakes. I’m sorry about it, but it is life.

4. I haven’t read the acosf book, so maybe SJM changed the story or some character in this book and therefore my post will be incorrect.

5. Besides the fact that I consider Emerie to be disabled, I won’t talk about her in the post. Because as I said I didn’t read acosf and I think that her appearance in the acofas has the same purpose that the other female Illyrians (since Idk how to write Illyrians this will be write wrong in the entire post, I’m sorry).

6. I forget the name of some characters and I don’t want to search it, so I’ll just give them new names.

Now let’s begin.

I’ll analyze the following characters in this post: Papa Acheron, Lucien, Cassian and Ianthe, the woman from the library and the female Illyrians, the female creature from the forest, the Illyrian soldiers that came back from the war and the girl who couldn’t fly. I think I forgot someone, but patience. In the end of the post I’ll talk about disabilities, ableism and worldbuilding.

I also would like to say that almost all her characters got their disability as a punishment, and the problem with this is that it always links disability with something bad.

Papa Acheron:

As I said Papa Acheron got his disability as a punishment, since he didn’t pay his debts, some people went in this house and broke his leg. I might be wrong, but I think that it didn’t healed well and because of that he has chronic pain. So, to better analyze him I’ll compare him to two other characters with chronic pain, Kaz Brekker and Melissa, one of my main characters.

Papa Acheron became useless after he became disabled. He thought he was useless and by extension Feyre thought it too. I’m not saying that internalized ableism doesn’t exist, but the narrative never calls it out. Feyre accepts this excuse, it is kind of implied that if he weren’t disabled, he would be able to help his family and get money. Now let’s look to Kaz (I haven’t read the second book of the duology, please no spoilers). He accepts his disability, not only that but he uses his cane as one of his symbols. He goes against the idea that a disabled person is stuck with a cane or a wheelchair or whatever. He feels free with his cane. Now, this doesn’t mean that every disabled character needs to feel okay with his disability. My character, Melissa, feels a lot of anger because of her chronic pain. It hurts her, it disrupts her plans, it makes her suffer. However, it didn’t stop her to live her life and she also is not seeking anyone’s pity, which is very different from the Papa Acheron situation. Mel has friends, a social life, she studies, she will have a job, she will date, get married and have children. She doesn’t feel mad because she is disabled, she is also autistic, and she loves that part of herself. What bothers her is that her disability makes her feels a lot of pain. Papa Acheron is just someone to you feel bad and angry about. He doesn’t do anything because he is disabled and believes that this makes his useless and the narrative kind of agrees with him.

Lucien:

Lucien doesn’t have one eye, and that’s what makes him disabled. He became disabled as a punishment for falling in love with a lesser fae and not only that, but he is only without his mechanic/magic eye when he is on his worse. He was without his eye when his family was torturing and banishing him. And then when he was UTM. Again, disability being connected with bad things. Now about his mechanic eye. The first time that Feyre describes his eye she says it is creepy. Which is bad. But also, why it had to be magic and give him the ability to see spells or something like that (this was never brought back btw)? Why can’t he have a normal mechanical eye? Why he needs a mechanical eye? Why does his mechanical eye need to compensate the fact he is disabled? He is as much complete with and without his eye.

Cassin and Ianthe:

I put this two together for one reason, their disabilities were cured. I’ll talk about Cassian first. When they invaded Hybrein (I also don’t know how to write the name of the country) they hurt his wings badly. And considering that to Illyrians the wings are as much a limb as an arm or a leg, he was disabled for a while. (I’m aware that to something be considered a disability it needs to be long lasting. But I think that the fact that it was cured is ableist, if I’m not wrong the text said it was a miracle he was healed.)Then we had Cassian in the floor with his wings all damaged, suffering a lot, what a horrible scene. But don’t worry! The next time he’ll appear completely cured, because being disabled is such a horrible thing and SJM never used deus ex machina to save her characters. So, this injured made him disabled for a while, and it could be interesting. The wings are the Illyrian symbol, the symbol of their toxic masculinity and their sexism. Cassian being disabled because of his wings would make him revalue his culture and his own idea of masculinity and it would be so amazing. But he was cured. I think that this makes Cassian falls in the disabled for one day trope. Just like Ianthe. First the way she became disabled was disgusting. Feyre invading her mind was such a horrible thing to do. I’m not denying that Ianthe is a terrible person/fae but that doesn’t change the fact that it was a horrible scene. I really dislike characters with telepathic powers, because for me their powers are crossing a line. They invade and control someone’s mind. They take off the person free will. They basically turn the person in a robot. If I remember correctly when Feyre made Ianthe broke her hand it was with the purpose to make it useless. And when she appeared again in all her glory she was, surprise, surprise, cured.

The woman from the library and the female Illyrians:

I put they together because their disabilities are used for the same two purposes. The first is that they became disabled as a punishment for being female, and the second it to show how FEMINIST Rhysand is. He isn’t feminist, so all these women suffered for nothing. Again, disability being linked with bad things. The symbol of the female Illyrians suffering is they becoming disabled. NOT GOOD AT ALL. About the woman from the library, she was there to also show how good Feyre is. She is there so we can feel pity of her. She didn’t deserve it.

The female creature who couldn’t see:

My problem with her is that it is implied/said that she has better senses because she is blind. And that’s not how it works?? People just pay more attention in what they hear, touch or smell when they are blind/visually impaired.

The girl who couldn’t fly:

I'm gonna call her Anna. First Anna is like the only character who just have a disability. No trauma, no war, no punishment. She just has. Then she is a great disabled character, right? Wrong. She has inspirational porn written all over her story. She is there to make Feyre feel better about herself and make other abled people/fae feel inspired. She is there so we can say: ohhh poor thing, but at least she overcame her disability and now can fly. So ableist. Anna is also only valued after proving herself useful. That is wrong. Disabled people should be valued because they are people. They don’t need to be amazing in anything to be treated with respect.

The Illyrian soldiers:

My problem with them is how their disability is used to reinforce sexism and make Cassian and Rhysand feel bad. But what about the Illyrian soldiers? How are they feeling? It seems this is not important. They also bother me because of worldbuilding questions.

Disabilities, ableism and worldbuilding:

First, why humans and fae feel the same about disabled people? Feyre has the same opinion the IC have. And the humans and fae were separated for 500 years. This doesn’t make sense. Every court think the same thing about disabled fae? Does something change if the disabled fae is a lesser or a higher fae? It should make a difference. A real world example of how social class affects the way disabled people are treated: the first school for deaf people created only taught children of the nobles.

And why the way people look to disabled fae didn’t change after the war? What about the assistive technology? You know what, it is unrealistic the fact that we don’t have any assistive technology in this world. But this happen in the antient times, how could there be any assistive technology? First, assistive technology is everything that helps a disabled person, a cane, a screen reader, a scooter. Everything can be an assistive technology. Second, assistive technologies exist since the antiente times. One of the oldest prothesis were found in a mummy. There is a painting of Hephaestus using a wheelchair. And considering that this series happens in what was supposed to be the Middle ages, it was supposed to have assistive technologies. Wheelchairs during this time were heavy and the user couldn’t use it by himself, but they existed. There are records of a king using a wheelchair during the middle ages. And I mean with the war something was supposed to change. The first place to blind people in the France was created because 300 soldiers came back from the crusades without their eyes. It was in the century 20 that disabled people started to be more included in the society. And one of the reasons were the soldiers that came back from WW1 and WW2 disabled. Not only that but in war times the technology improves, so a lot of new assistive technologies and materials were created during this time. The first record of guide dogs comes from 1819 in school in Vienna, but it didn’t work. Only after WW1 that guide dogs appeared again. And you know with what purpose? Help veterans that were blind due to the war. Braille was a system used for the French army during battles. Louis Braille only made it simpler. The war should change something.

Why is the world ableist? The excuse that this is an antient society doesn’t work my friend. The Egypt was a very including country. Blind people could be part of any social class. Dwarfs were part of the society since they had a dwarf god. In antient Japan blind people were expected to be independent. They could work with music, religion, telling stories etc. And the work of telling stories was very important since it made the Japanese tradition to continue. The excuse that this is an antient society is just this, an excuse. Now she could have used to say something. Leigh Bardugo used the ableism of her world to criticize the ableism of our world. I’m doing the same thing with my story. SJM made an ableist world just because.

That was my analysis. I’m sorry this was very long. I know this was a little confusing, but it was very difficult to put all the stuff that was in my mind in text. In my mind everythig made sense, but when I was writing it I realized I wasn’t following a logical argument. If that makes sense. Anyway, thank you for reading it.

If you read the books and realized I wrote something wrong, please tell me. If you are disabled and think I said something offensive, I’d love to hear you. If you are non-disabled and want to comment and give your opinion, feel free. And if you don’t want to comment, don’t do it. You can do whatever you want.

Best regards,

Me.

Ps. This is my first post in Tumblr, so I don’t know if I tagged it right, if you want to help, I would be really grateful.

#anti sjm #sjm critical #anti rhysand #anti feyre #anti acotar #anti acowar #anti acomaf #ableism #six of crows #kaz brekker #disablity representation #disabled characters #lucien vanserra #cassian

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daddywright · 3 years ago

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I have only recently got into the ace attorney fandom, and this story was the first story I read, and I feel spoiled! I absolutely loved every chapter, so I'm gonna word vomit here and tell you everything I love about this!

"She offers him a smile. It’s small, tentative, but it possesses a strength that makes a hidden part of him twist and burn with quiet envy." the first time we see nick's wish to be as strong as mia!

Considering the fact that nick didn't have any prominent figure in his life, it makes sense that he would look up to gregory so much

"Phoenix looks up, and starts walking towards Mia Fey

He doesn't stop for two years."

THE RELATIONSHIP THAT MIA AND NICK HAD WAS PRECIOUS AND DESERVES MORE THAN WHAT THE FANDOM GIVES THEM

"Larry’s arms wrap around him, squeezing almost too tight" People forget that Larry and Phoenix were good friends too, and Larry would help his best friend

"Nobody believed him, nobody but Mia" Maya is what Phoenix is to Mia and I adore that

"He wishes, desperately, that he’d said it while she was still alive. I loved you. For everything you did." Not you absolutely breaking my fucking heart

Also the first AA game felt unnatural in the sense of how seemingly unaffected Phoenix seemed at Mia's murder so I'm really glad you wrote it this way

"Expensive. Thoughtful. Too much." SHUT UP NICK YOU DESERVE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING

Also quick break to mention how I absolutely fucking love your writing style and i wish I was literally half as talented as you cuz the last time I read something that made me feel this multitude of emotions was ocean vuong. And I practically worship Ocean Vuong. So now I worship you too

"You're a stranger to me // When will I stop hoping?" I never really realised just how badly nick musta been hurt by good ol' bratworth before this fic, but now that I have read it, it would have hurt him so bad

"Is this why you never answered my letters? Because I was a reminder? Because it hurt too much?" Honestly what happened to miles and phoenix's friendship hurts so much because it should have never happened, and miles didn't deserve that.

"Maybe Miles Edgeworth is not the man he thought he’d be, either." yo when I tell you this hurt I mean this huRT

Fun fact! My birthday is on the same day as DL-6 anniversary. Gregory Edgeworth died on my birthday. I feel horrible now

"monster. You were nine years old and he's a monster. " No one has made me feel this much emotion for what happened to Miles in a single sentence other than you. I commend you for that

"I love you," he says quietly. He has never said those words to anyone, except for Dahlia Hawthorne.

Maya sniffs in his ear, crushing him tight. "I love you, too."

He has never heard them back.

PHOENIX HAS NEVER HEARD THE WORDS " I LOVE YOU" COME BACK TO HIM ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME WHY NOW I'M SAD

"Tell me everything. Every detail—" Miles is worried bout nick and why wouldn't he? gods you're so gay miles but tbf if I knew someone like nick irl i'd go ballistic too

"He determined the motive for his own assault...with amnesia. Naturally." My man's smart af and he is king

"Is that what she thinks of me? That I'm like that? That I don't care about who the bad guys really are?" Gumshoe noooo you're hella precious! Also this particular chapter was so well written! loved this soo much!

Also taking a minute to appreciate the pacing! Rarely do I ever come across an author who just hits that sweet spot of perfect pacing and you did! so thank you!

Alright so here are a few thoughts that I felt capcom needed to do which you did for us!

no. 1 - Address the trauma phoenix faced with not only dahlia but also with mia's death

no. 2 - Actually fucking flesh out a good relationship dynamic between larry and phoenix

no. 3 - actually! have! phoenix! be hurt! in bridge to turnabout! istg my man would not have dropped from a burning bridge to a freezing river only to have a cold

AUNT FRANZY AND PEARLS MAN!

THEY CUTE

ok so I have a LOT of feelings for bridge to turnabout and HOO BOY BUCKLE UP

So I always thought that in this fic, miles must have felt fucking awful! I mean he very clearly hates who he was and what that has led to but that must have been doubled over with this case! Phoenix would have died if not for mia and it would have been indirectly miles's fault. I think about that alot

Like he said that he very much regrets whatever he did as bratworth in the phone call with gumshoe but i don't think he anticipated this. poor edgeworth

Also I think this was the final nail in the coffin for miles. Phoenix forgave him, after all the fucked up shit miles did, and that made that man go "how is this guy so fucking compassionate awwwww shit I'm in fucking love with this idiotic brave man".

my main thoughts were "holy shit phoenix must have been feeling awful." like to learn that you were in love with a person who turned out to be a murderer but then not a murderer cuz everything you felt about that was real and just...... it must have hurt. He never fell in love with dahlia. it was iris, always. and WHAT ABOUT MILES DURING THIS!!! Like to learn that the man you love was falsely led to believe that he was in love with a person he rarely met and then learn that his ex who is not murderous might still be in love with him because "that was real. that part was real." like damn. people just gloss over this

also I feel terrible for iris F in the chat for iris lads.

Dahlia literally haunting that courtroom scene. I felt mia's power. I felt her desperation. I felt everything and I am once again in awe of the absolute power your writing holds.

also godsdamn pearls had to go through all that shit huh. also FRANMAYAAAAAA THANK YOUUUU

I too, am a hoe confused as to what I should feel towards diego.

Ok anyways we jump to disbarment now

"He just winks at her and says Maya has other talents, and if Mystic Maya overhears, she puffs up at him like the fish from the aquarium she saw once, the one with all the spikes and silly eyes."

you know what constantly amazes me? your ability to change tones so effortlessly. When writing from edgey's pov, the language is sophisticated. precise. when writing from pearly's pov your language is simplistic, child-like. from phoenix's pov it's natural. grounded

"She never knew anybody who made faces like him, growing up in Kurain, and it’s one of the things that makes him special." Yo phoenix is the most amazing uncle ever and we all know it ok he's brilliant

I'M RUNNING OUT OF CHARACTER LIMITS

PEARLY CALLING EDGEY AT FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE I'M SOFFFFTTTT

“I think I did something really bad." trucy baby no it's not your fault

pearl and trucy bonding supremacy. my girls would fuck shit up

"She’d meant to do this properly, one day." Thank you for giving importance to maya's feelings. thank you for treating her like a real human being. thank you

“Everything that happened...for what? It’s only gotten people hurt. Pearly. Our mother.” Me. Me." I felt so bad for maya here. I wish I could tell you in precise words about how this exact framing of the sentence is what broke me. "me. me" maya deserved more, but mia did all she could

"What do scared kids need? ...Food." not you breaking my godsdamn heart again. phoenix just knows what's it like being a helpless child, and he'll be damned if he ever lets anyone face that again

“‘Course, Pearls,” he says reflexively, before frowning. “What for?” reflexively. if every man in the world could be like phoenix wright then the world would be worthy of the gods

"Another one?" give it 2 years edgey she'll be your daughter too

"after countless hours creating the man’s living space in his mind from the background snatches he’d seen in the man’s ridiculous video calls." NOT ONLY DO THEY VC FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON BUT ALSO MILES ACTUALLY SPENDS TIME TRYING TO RECREATE HIS ROOM?? BECAUSE HE WOULD ONE DAY LIKE TO BE IN IT??? good gods these bitches gay. good for them

"because just as day is light and night is dark, Phoenix Wright is an honorable man." damn straight. you love to see it (it being a 27+ year old man pining for another 27+ year old man)

also hey miles! how do you feel about the fact that the man you love changed his fucking major and degrees halfway through college just so he could see you again only for you to be incredibly rude to him and make him end up in jail! (i bully edgeworth cuz i love him)

"Wright finishes, shrugging like it’s nothing, like his commitment and belief isn’t the most extraordinary thing that Miles has ever faced." it's more than pining at this point. it's incredible faith and trust. Miles had someone who cared about him even after all those years despite him having changed so drastically, ofc he would be surprised. Miles loves phoenix and so do i.

also HOT DAMN YOU WRITING IS JUST * MWAH *

Also the whole segment where they kiss is just !!!!! miles wants! it's beautiful! THEY'RE IN LOVEEE

receiving poisonous bottles which your ex tried to kill you with. My man can't get a break huh

Miles being chivalrous and protective and absolutely stealing my godsdamn heart (and phoenix's too)!

Klavier being the absolute king that he is we stan

The hostage situation section? gods miles must have been terrified.

Phoenix not being able to promise pearly that he'd always come back home and miles hearing it and like... ouch. my heart. you didn't need to do that (but i love your for it)

GODS THE CLIMAX WITH KRISTOPH WAS SOOO SATISFYING AND LIKE MY MAN PHOENIX REALLY PUNCHED THAT BITCH HUH

klavier baby I am so sorry

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL!

and thus my comment ends. I believe I have almost used up all of my commenting limits and i leave with these few parting words : HOLY SHIT YOUR AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU!

also I made a playlist on spotify for this fic! here's the link : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3k8lRHiO8ZXQDLpiTUL7SN?si=fc3b35b4ab064867

gods this was long huh

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY....WHERE DO I BEGIN...THE FACT THAT YOU BROKE THE CHARACTER LIMIT ON AO3 AND MADE A PLAYLIST? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

thank you so much for all the amazing things you said....i am crying on a Wednesday morning knowing my writing was appreciated this much. thank you!

#ask tag #long post #my fic #nymphietonkslupin

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