#read some fan fiction
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I desperately want to interact with BG3 fan content, but it literally just came out on my console and I’ve gone this far without spoilers, I’ll be DAMNED if anything gets spoiled for me now.
#😭 I really do want to look at fan art and see the memes#read some fan fiction#look at head cannons#character inspired playlists should be alright though. right?#RIGHT??#baldurs gate 3#bg3
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The rookanis fan fic flavour of the evening? Domestic fluff
#I’m like a weather man of rookanis fan fiction#‘along the east coast we’re expecting some devastating angst however domestic fluff days to follow!’#me reading divorced warden rook asking Lucanis to kill her was a category 5 cyclone for me
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Alright all. Someone posted something a while ago about putting more niche jobs in fanfics. I'm still working on it, but I wanna see if there's any interest. I've seen so many teacher Steve fics, but mostly for middle or high school. So, picture this:
Steddie modern au
Rockstar!Eddie who steps away from his rocker life
Pre-K Teacher!Steve
Eddie takes custody of his little half sister after her mom dies and enrolls her at the school Steve teaches at
Eddie's sister is a weird kid, but it's not a bad thing cuz weird kids make cool adults
#steddie#steddie au#steve harrington#eddie munson#eddie stranger things#steve stranger things#stranger things#fic idea#fan fiction#what do you think?#im like a third of the way done#so im expecting 60 tousand words but could be more#i love rockstar turned guardian eddie so much#i made the kid obsessed with moth man#and lots of pop culture refs#its so self indulgent but also has some character analysis#also background buckingham#and someone said will and gareth was a cute couple idea so thats happening#but i aged gareth down a bit#idk im excited so let me know if yall would read this#def will be on ao3 at some point#also no upside down but lots of the same events happened so steve has hella trauma#all of them actually#but eddie wasnt ever involved#his trauma is unrelated to the party
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The first piece of writing by Octavia Butler I ever read was "Bloodchild." Followed by her author's note which - don't fully take my word for it, because I might be misremembering, but my prominent impression is that while the reader is reeling from the alien-reproduction-body-horror, Butler seems to have found this story quite pleasant and interesting (the Wikipedia article for Bloodchild and Other Stories backs me up a bit, with some whiplash between the story's background and critics' takeaways).
Then I devoured the rest of the collection, which also has some damn good stuff in it.
Anyway, if you have never read any Octavia Butler...I think you should also begin with "Bloodchild."
#some other people will probably recommend you work up to it#she has a VERY WIDE range frankly#including a range of stories in that collection!#but Bloodchild is phenomenal#(I don't consider myself a fan of body horror yet I am happy I read it)#(this is either a testament to its qualities as mind-blowing science fiction)#(or maybe a sign I *should* consider myself a body horror fan)#(or both)#I will say...I'd read enough bodice rippers before then that various aspects were not startling to me#like 'oh this is a new take on it. interesting.'#I had not considered it quite so cheery as Butler's author's note implied she found it though
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God I genuinely don’t get why people hate Nightheart so much. Every reason they have is they’re actually just angry at the authors not at Nightheart lol. Like you’re allowed to hate whatever character u want but I just saw a comment saying the fandom should scalp every Nightheart fan alive and it’s like woah okay. Jesus he’s just a cat dude
#I hate warriors fans#nightheart#warriors#warrior cats#wc#waca#“he’s so spoiled and is a bitch for no reason!#correction! you’re just angry that the Erins changed the characterization for sparkpelt#sparkpelt Squirrelflight and finchlight deserved better yes but what they deserved was for the erins to write them better#because the way they’re written they Genuinely do treat Nightheart badly I NEED the fandom to understand this#nightheart: I feel like there are unreasonable comparisons being made between Firestar and I and I wish you would stop.#every cat in ThunderClan: this is the most outrageous and unreasonable any cat has ever been ever let’s continue to ignore his wishes#idk the series of me defending literally every character in warriors continues#I fear you must understand the different between author intent + good faith reading and audience perception + paranoid reading#bc why are you reading warriors if you’re bothered by the authors problematic tendencies and you’re not have a good time#why are you on tumblr dot com threatening to torture fans of a fictional cat you don’t like#you exhaust me#I understand that you are disappointed your female faves once again have been thrown under the bus for a male character I know I know#I Get It#but I fear if you want to enjoy warriors you Have to understand that this is the way the erins work and it’s terrible but#…idk what did you expect I guess?#if it bothers you that much maybe warriors isn’t the fandom for you? like im genuinely saying this#it’s Good to care this much. it’s Not Good to surround yourself with media that actively makes you this Angry and hateful#I’m sure there will be some morons whose takeaway from this is that I hate women#or have high unreasonable expectations for women while I actively clear the way for male characters#so let me be So fucking crystal clear#👏 I UNDERSTAND THAT THESE GIRLS WERE SHAFTED FOR NIGHTHEARTS DEVELOPMENT 👏#👏 I UNDERSTAND THIS IS A BAD THING 👏#👏 IT IS THE UNFORTUNATE REALITY OF WARRIORS#👏 YOU THREATENING TO KILL FANS OF THIS CHARACTER ISNT FEMINISM 👏
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Rules/Recommendations for writing an Australian character/OC
(The following is just a list of things I personally feel should be included or considered if one makes a character of Australian nationality, descent or heritage. It by no means is a hard and fast ruleset, but just things that can be done to enhance a character’s flavour or add a little authenticity)
Shortened nicknames for fellow characters that follow Australian Shortening Conventions: multi-syllablic names are condensed down to one, and an -a/ah, -o, -zza, -y, or -sy is added, eg: McKenzie (or and Mc name) > Macca, Damien > Damo (Day-mo), Jeremy > Jezza.
Swearing. This is actually a common trap I’ve seen, with some Australian characters being less reserved in their language than others. This will depend on the specific background of your Aussie, as vulgarity is moreso a commonality in smaller cities and rural spaces, and less so in larger built-up cities. That said, we do tend to through the more vulgar words around with greater frequency than other cultures, with f### and c### being thrown around more freely.
Slang. Again another trap, especially with older “stereotypical” Australian slang that I personally hear more from my grandparents and older uncles and aunts and less so my own peers + 10 years. That said, some terms are still used very frequently and have no generational boundaries, including but not limited to: ute (pickup truck), bottle-o (liquor store), servo-o (service/petrol station), “the shops” (any centralised marketplace from your general stores to large malls), booze bus (roadside randomised breath testing/DUI checkpoints, some which do both alcohol and drug testing), hoon (reckless driver, typically young males in cars too powerful to handle at their skill level).
Weather tolerances. This varies based on a character’s geographical background, but you’ll find that most Australians have higher than normal levels of tolerance to extreme heat. However, those that live around the Brisbane latitude and north have decreased tolerances to cooler temperatures, decreasing the further north you go. (Personally I find myself pulling on long sleeves and hoodies after it hits 20 or cooler.)
There’s probably more here, but it’s approaching 10pm for me at time of writing, so for my Aussie followers/mutuals, please feel free to expand upon or add your own tips or recommendations to writing Australian characters in a believable fashion. Curious to see what they are!
#ramblings#australia#australian characters#definitely not trying to project my own personal feelings onto others#but the number of stereotypes i read in fiction and fan fiction is starting to aggravate me#like some of y’all have never actually spoke to an Australian person and it shows#even if i am guilty of employing some of these tropes and stereotypes to an extent in my own writing
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(This headcanon lived enough in my mind, it's time to get it out to the light, regardless of how incomplete it's )
• Musicians Jwds •
It wasn’t unusual to see Juwoon in this fancy bar. What was unusual, however, was seeing him tucked away in a dark corner at the far end of the place. out of sight, away from the piano, and not playing.
It had been like this today, yesterday, and seemingly the entire past week. If one looked closely, they would notice the pallor of his face, the exhaustion in his eyes. Maybe he had been staying up too late. He looked like he was waiting; his gaze lingering on each performer who took the stage, watching to see who would sit under the lights tonight and fill the room with melody.
But his mind was elsewhere, tormenting him with guilt. Why wasn’t he up there tonight? Why couldn’t he move past just two sentences from his father? He had endured far crueler words from him before. Why hadn’t he been more careful?
Not that it would have made a difference.
Juwoon had loved music since he was young. Giving it up as he grew older was far from easy. He couldn’t just toss his dream into the nearest trash can like a crumpled piece of paper, no matter how much his father tried to convince him otherwise. He had pretended -tried to act as if he had let go- but his short-lived lie hadn’t lasted. One of the bar’s customers had taken a picture of him at the piano. Somehow, that picture had made its way to his father’s hands.
And now, here he was. Unable to touch a single key, even if he wanted to nothing good could come from his hands. He should have quit playing instruments earlier. It would have hurt less. He had ruined everything .or so he believed.
His thoughts were interrupted as two people stepped onto the stage -unusual, considering most performances were solo-. A woman and a man.
The man carried what looked like a guitar slung over his back. Juwoon guessed he was the musician tonight. Maybe the woman was his companion, or his girlfriend, or… whatever. He wasn’t particularly fond of guitars, but whatever music came tonight, he was willing to listen.
Or rather -he was willing to judge. Was he really as terrible at playing as his father had claimed?
His view from this angle wasn’t great, but it didn’t matter. As long as he could hear the music clearly, it was enough.
The lighting shifted slightly to match the stage ambiance. Juwoon raised his glass, downing the rest of his drink in one go, just as the music began. The first few notes left him dazed. Both the man and the woman were playing.
Juwoon found himself standing before he realized it, drawn toward the bartender’s counter for a better view of the musicians.
The woman had long hair and appeared young; not a teenager, but likely in her thirties. She sat elegantly in front of the piano, every bit a seasoned performer. Her silky rose-colored blouse and a skirt patterned with tiny flowers added to her presence. Her playing was just as refined.
And the man beside her… The shadows partially obscured his face, but he sat behind her, cradling his guitar, fingers effortlessly weaving into the melody. His head bounced slightly in time with the music, making his slightly curled hair fall over his forehead and neck. Something about him was captivating.
Unlike his polished partner, his clothes were casual. jeans and an olive-green shirt, the top buttons undone, revealing a hint of his throat and chest. The sleeves were rolled up slightly. It wasn’t extravagant, yet it was effortlessly striking. Juwoon realized he had been staring too long.
Perhaps that was why he didn’t immediately recognize the melody. Perhaps that was why he looked suspicious. He only realized it when the bartender slid another drink toward him with a knowing smirk.
“You like their playing?” she asked, raising an eyebrow toward the stage. Juwoon hesitated, then slowly shook his head halfheartedly.
He had to admit. the guitar playing was beautiful. But he would always prefer the violin and the piano. Still, the pianist was better than him.
And he hated admitting that.
The dancing lights flickered in sync with the most powerful part of the song, illuminating the man’s face in full.
Juwoon froze.
Hazel eyes shimmered under the glow,warm, bright, and full of life. He was older than Juwoon, likely the same age as the pianist. He played with effortless joy, hands gliding over the guitar strings as if it were second nature. Juwoon’s gaze followed his movements, then …A resemblance.
It wasn’t just similar features, it was too strong to ignore. Were they related? No… They were more than just relatives.
“They’re the Lee twins,” the bartender said, shattering Juwoon’s thoughts.
He flinched, nearly spilling his untouched drink. A slow warmth crept into his cheeks. Had he been that obvious?
He could only hope the dim lighting hid the flush on his face. Clearing his throat, he muttered, “I didn’t ask.” The bartender merely smirked. “You were staring.” Juwoon chose silence. His mind was too occupied to argue.
So they were twins.
He should’ve noticed.
Juwoon raised the cup to his lips and downed the drink in one gulp, letting the liquid burn slightly as it went down. He turned to ask the bartender something, but before he could speak, a voice interrupted him.
“Ajusshi!” she waved to the stage.
woman on stage waved toward the crowd. Juwoon blinked, realizing that the music had already stopped. Had he really been that lost in thought?
“Eonni!” she called again.
Juwoon slowly turned toward the stage, just in time to see the musicians stepping down, making their way through the gathered patrons. They greeted a few familiar faces before heading directly to the bar.
Suddenly, the air around him felt different, maybe thicker, hotter, pressing against his lungs. Seeing the guitarist up close was something else entirely. He was even more handsome than Juwoon had thought.
“Who are you calling ajusshi?” the man protested, his voice laced with amusement.
“You’re an old man, really,” his twin teased.
“So are you!” he shot back, only to receive a swift kick to the heel. He whined dramatically before settling into the chair nearest to Juwoon, who remained stiff in his seat.
“Jaeyi-ya, I didn’t know you worked at such a fancy bar. If I had, I would’ve dressed up a little.”
Juwoon had been coming here regularly, yet somehow, this was the first time he learned the bartender’s name. Jaeyi. Not that it mattered much, but for some reason, it gave him an unpleasant impression of himself.
Jaeyi raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t I tell you before?”
the twin elbowed the guitarist in the gut playfully. “Don’t listen to him. I already told him. And that’s all he comes up with? Very disappointing, oppa.”
“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” the man sighed. “Neither of you is saying anything nice about me. Don’t embarrass me in front of such a handsome young man.”
All eyes turned to Juwoon.
For the past several minutes, he had been pretending not to hear, not to see, not to react. But now, there was no avoiding it. he had been exposed.
Juwoon shifted awkwardly, glancing at the twins and then at Jaeyi, who had just finished serving another customer.
“Ah,” she said, as if only just remembering. “That’s Han Juwoon-ssi. The former pianist. I’ve told you about him before.”
Juwoon felt a flicker of gratitude that she had started the conversation first, sparing him from having to introduce himself. But wait…did everyone here know his name already?
“Lee Yeoyun,” the woman said, offering a polite nod.
“Nice to meet you, Lee Yeoyun-ssi.” Juwoon returned the gesture, carefully avoiding the gaze of the man now leaning forward toward him.
“Lee Dongsik.”
Juwoon hesitated for a second before finally shaking his hand. His palm was smaller than Juwoon’s, but noticeably warmer. He could feel the heat seeping into his skin. Strangely enough, it didn’t make him uncomfortable. That fact alone unsettled him. Instantly, he pulled his hand back.
Their eyes met for a fleeting moment, long enough for Juwoon to realize he had just seen the most beautiful eyes he had ever encountered. And then Dongsik smiled. A slow, easy smile, the kind that made something twist deep inside Juwoon’s chest.
He could only force his eye away from him. He needed to think about something -anything- other than Dongsik’s lips. He only hoped his face wasn’t betraying every single thought in his head.
#well idk what im doing I'm just doing it#also I've some old sketches for Juwoon playing violin it suits him rly#i believe the twins were playing a song by dream theatre#(yes i was listening to dream theatre while writing)#Also should i turn this into a short fic?? au ? let me know if you would like to read that#beyond evil#jwds#괴물#주원동식#han joowon#lee deongsik#lee yuyeon#kdrama#shin hakyun#yeo jingoo#fan fiction#my writing#head canon
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I need help tracking down (yet another!) fan fic: It's a pretty simple oneshot, involving Martha Kent stumbling on a gay magazine that (a teenaged) Clark secretly had in his possession Basically, Martha realizes that Clark likes guys, & she confronts him about it. Pa Kent is brought in on it later, too.
Something I really really liked about this fic is that the Kents aren't angels. They're believably, realistically homophobic/biphobic, yet trying to be kind about it. Especially Pa.
I think it might've specifically been a Smallville fic? But I'm not certain. I can't find it no matter how I configure the tags on AO3 :( .
#I could've sworn I had it bookmarked. I'm gonna be sooo sad if it was deleted#superman#clark kent#dc comics#superbat#(the fic had nothing at all to do with superbat but I feel like some other superbat shippers would be likely to have read it)#clex#(you all too)#fic#fan fiction#fan fic#fic request
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What are some fanfiction pet peeves or icks?
I specifically had percabeth in mind but other ships or fandoms is fine too
#one of mine is when one character constantly brings up their ex’s while talking to their partner#for some reason I see that a lot in percabeth fics#and it annoys me a bit bc once is fine when they’re having a deep convo but when they start saying they still adore them and shit???#maybe it’s the jealousy in me or the fact that I’m here for percabeth#not for those other ships that are randomly brought up during conversation#and I mean constantly brought up#like yeah this place is nice it reminds me of ___ they would love it here#excuse me but you’re on a date with not that person#percy jackson#annabeth chase#pjo#percabeth#fics#fancition#ao3#fanfic icks#I made this post bc I can’t seem to read good fics that don’t have unresolved conflict or so much anger or isn’t just fucking sad#or they have that thing I talked about#for some reason percabeth fics with that haunt me and follow me bc I can’t shake them off#percy jackson and the olympians#heroes of olympus#hoo#fan fiction pet peeves#pet peeves#fandoms
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Hey, on the topic of my own fic writing, I’ve got a question for my followers/fic readers.
I have a tendency to never post any of my writing, because my various unmedicated (I’m working on it) neurodivergences and mental illnesses make it very hard for me to ever finish pieces, and I feel really bad about starting a fic that someone could be really into and then potentially never finishing it when my brain suddenly decides I’m not allowed to write any more of it. So a long time ago I made it a rule for myself that I never post anything until it’s 100% finished, even if I have like multiple chapter that are perfectly ready to be published. Which ultimately leads to me never posting anything and sitting on a hoard of writing that only myself and select friends ever see.
So my question is, it more upsetting to read part of a story that might never get finished? Or to know that there’s writing out there that you don’t get to read just because it’s not finished?
#it can be distressing for me sometimes to read fics that will never be finished because I’m autistic#and so I think I’ve always viewed starting wips through the lence of my own experience and assumed everyone would prefer it if I keep my#writing to myself unless I can commit to finishing it.#but the other day I saw a recent bookmark on one of my unfinished w2h fics#(that I would still love to continue one day bc I have the whole thing meticulously outlined)#that said something to the affect of ‘really cool story it’s unfinished but still definitely worth the read n hey maybe itll update one day’#and it got me thinking that my way of experiencing things isn’t universal#maybe it’s worth more to share my writing with other fans who might love it even if there’s the potential that I may not finish it#maybe part of the reason I never finish anything is because I put too much pressure on creating a complete work rather than writing what I#want to write and enjoying the process even if it means I leave stories incomplete#anyway this is a lot more personal and speculative than I generally like to get on this blog since people follow it to see me draw#gay people kissing#but I’m a lot more likely to get responses on this blog and I could use some feedback#any kind of input is appreciated!!#I have 10s of thousands of words of fic that never see the light of day because of this#rambles#fan fiction#writing
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Are there still Crown Prince!Wilhelm stans out there despite S3 turning it into the number one problem? Please report, we need to unite and no, that doesn't mean that I don't support Wille's mental health and happiness and that I love the monarchy, some people out there must get it
#young royals#prince wilhelm#any crown prince wille believers speak up please don't let yourself be silenced alskdjdh#i'mma be loud and petty and just obnoxious about loving crown prince wille in contrast to what else i see and what the show says#it just feels so alienating these days and like you're wrong in finding crown prince wille interesting and preferring it#and you're not allowed to even express different thoughts bc canon told you this is how it is and how dare you want this life for wille#I wish i knew about more fics too that write about crown prince wille. it feels like that's forbidden to do now unless he's unhappy in it#and it's just shown how horrible it is and how trapped he is and exploring a different alternative with him actually being a competent +#confident crown prince in the future and simon and him still working out and working together and bring changes to the system#but the show has made sure the fans can't come up with their own interpretation and that's completely 'unrealistic' now#and going against canon and exploring a different possibility is somehow impossible now#and means you're an evil spokesperson for the evil monarchy#god forbid i want him as the fictional crown prince in this fictional show reading/writing a fictional story#stories where he renounces (and that's all I see nowadays implied or otherwise) are just not interesting to me and i hate it#i even try to avoid reading most drabbles bc of the implied reality they portray and barely go through the yr tag on ao3 anymore#when i say it's alienating to be in the fandom these days i mean it. it's tough and frustrating#anyway...anybody else feeling this way?#let me know so i can follow some more i really hope there are more active blogs#mine
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do u ever have a fic idea and ur like. oh god I am not well-versed enough in any of this to execute this even remotely well
#yans stuff#to be clear I am a professional bullshitter and might do it anyways#but man.#it hinges on my knowledge of 1. ta'agra (non existant) and 2. early persian poetry (surface level at best)#bc I always thought that would be a place to draw inspiration from if I was to attempt some sort of ta'agra poetry#bc it's really beautiful and I think the themes of religion and love would translate well to the setting#and then it was brought to my attention that there's a fan made ta'agra poetry book in morrowind that's presented as a translation#to cyrodiilic and the intro was like. I swear verbatim the thing u see in real world 1800s orientalist translations of persian poetry#and I went OH PERFECT#(no shade to the author of that btw it does perfectly encapsulate the frustration of reading these older translations of texts and#it was likely deliberately done to emulate that)#but yeah poetry is hard. making up poetry in a fictional language EVEN HARDER#alas. I will go to great lengths for old man yaoi
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I'm at the point in this fic where it's almost too sad and intense to the degree that it's unbearable/unreadable. I mean, I'm trying to write a story that leads up to the first crusade, so it's not going to be a happy story. But still, I'm at this point where I just have to write it anyway and throw each chapter to the wind because there's no editing the plot at this point, and I really wouldn't want to change it or sugarcoat it.
#i say this but we all love whump and extreme angst sdfgfdsa so is it really unreadable??#idk but to the two or three people still following this fic ILYSM AND IM SO SORRY FOR WHAT IS TO COME#i'm just at a rough point in the story i think. after the mahdia campaign i'll try to lighten it up for some scenes#i just.. hate pandering to readers. because it never ends up good.#there will be a time skip anyway#and then it gets dark again because it'll be leading up to the crusade dfghfdshgfd#maybe i'm wrong but i feel like it's insensitive to write a fic about the crusades that's all funny and happy or just centred on romance#even though i've read so many bangers in this fandom that are centred on romance#idk it's just the type of story that this is. i'm trying to be kind of unflinching and honest here#that being said i did 100% pull my punches on a lot of these scenes#because you can only be so brave when posting fan fiction about this topic and i also don't want to be insensitive or too bleak#i knew this point in the story would come bc i literally outlined it TWO years ago but it's much scarier when you're actually posting it#anyway shut the fuck up and write sig
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does anyone have psych fic recommendations without spoilers? i want to read some so bad but i really really don't want to spoil myself because im loving watching the show for the first time
im at the beginning of season six right now, and part of me just wants to rush through these last episodes so i can start being a part of the fandom and watching the blooper compilations and video essays, but part of me just wants to go slowly and enjoy the moments
so like, even if it's like " this one is really good but you need to watch 6x14 so you don't get spoiled" it'd be something i can enjoy sooner than just at the end of the series
and ofc if you have stuff for after season 8 too im all ears but please please please tell me it's for after because i really don't want to be spoiled
#psych#psych tv#fan fiction#psych fan fiction#psych fanfic#psych season 6#shules#shassie#honestly any ship im down for#or gen stuff#i just really want to read some psych fic lol#fic recs#fic rec#psych-os#shawn spencer#juliet o'hara#burton guster#carlton lassiter#karen vick#henry spencer#buzz mcnab#woody last name#fanfic
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Read this post by @buddiex911 and ended up writing whatever this is in my notes app. In case it's doesn't come across it's not that Eddie's just unbelievably oblivious, he's just in that place where he's on the cusp of realising something that his brain has tried to hide from him for a long time and the feelings related to that are coming to the surface, but the reason for those feelings is still hidden (me projecting my own experiences onto my blorbos? Never!) Will I spin this into something longer so we get the actual feelings realisation and not just a pile of introspection and angst? Maybe. My track record would suggest otherwise but I've been writing more in general of late so you never know...
He hasnt been sleeping lately. Isn't able to. It's not like when worked at dispatch. When he lay awake at night staring at the ceiling while the dissatisfaction with his life ate away at him, at his carefully crafted veneer, exposing all the pain and hurt and trauma that he had claimed to have brushed off, that he had instead buried deep inside himself and pretended wasnt there.
It's different this time because Eddie actually understands his emotions now. Allows himself to actually feel his emotions now. And what he feels is sad. Incredibly, desperately and overwhelmingly sad. He just doesn't know why. He has Chris back, not only back in his life, but back under the same roof as him. That roof is in El Paso, but rebuilding his relationship with his son is worth the sacrifice of his life in LA. He misses it, and he talks about missing it a lot in therapy, talks about allowing himself to grieve that life. That's not why can't he can't sleep though. It isn't what's keeping him awake at night. Eddie can't sleep because when he lies alone in the dark, when Chris is asleep and the house is silent, he feels like something is missing, something vital. He just doesn't know what. Crying doesn't come easily for Eddie. Even on the rare occasion when he wants to he normally can't. He suppressed his tears so many times his body thinks that's what it's supposed to do. He can only think of one time before this when he really, fully cried as an an adult and that had felt more like he had no choice, like pressure had been building inside him for so long he had to release it somehow or Eddie himself would combust. Even then he had released most of that pressure by taking a baseball bat to everything in his bedroom. Now though his chest aches so profoundly and overwhelmingly with sadness and loss that it feels like there is nothing he can do but cry. He is so overcome that all he can do is sit out on the porch, so Christopher won't overhear him, and let himself shake with the force of his sobbing, without knowing why. How did he lose something that was so fundamental in his life that he feels like part of himself is missing and not know what it is that he's lost? How was he so unaware of what it meant to him that he didn't even register that it would be a loss until after it had already happened? At some point he made a terrible mistake, but he doesn't know what it was and so he can't make it right. There is nothing he can do but sit in the cool night air and cry until his head throbs, and his eyes sting and his throat feels raw. And still his chest aches. When he finally passes out from exhaustion he dreams the same dream he does every night. He won't remember it in morning beyond a vague sense of dread. Still unable to face it. He dreams that it's the day he left LA. He gets in his truck and pulls out from the curb while Buck stands in the rain and waves as he drives away. Eddie watches him in his rearview mirror becoming smaller and smaller as he gets further and further away. Watches until he's just a speck in the distance. Watches until he can't see him at all anymore. Watches until he's gone from Eddie's life. His entire body screams at him to stop, to turn around, to go back, this is a mistake, he's making a mistake, he needs to stop this right now! And he tries to, tries to slam on the brake, to wrench the wheel, to do something, why isn't he doing anything?! But it's just a memory. This has already happened so he can't can't change anything. All he can do is watch it play out the way it did that day. Watch as he keeps on driving, unaware that he's breaking his heart in the process.
#911#911 abc#buddie#eddie diaz#writing#fan fic#fan fiction#angst#eddie diaz in el paso#evan 'buck' buckley#ficlet#l guess?#or a drabble?#i am not sure what the difference is#i liked this at first but have now read over it to many times#but i am trying to get over my fear of having people read what i write#and this type of introspective angst is what the type of writing i tend to be good at#tl;dr here's some word vomit
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how much of my pay do you think they’ll dock if i take a nap at my desk rn
#i am soo tired#tbf i just read some fan fiction on company time so it’s not really like i’m making much progress today anyway
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