#razor gate

[sluttycinderella]

hello!

they do actually have two razors (thank god they’re not sharing… trimming their balls or whatever the fuck)

Dan holds up both for like half a second, so they did lie (kinda) since they said they only have one?

AAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH! I could've sworn that when Dan came back in with the razor on the stream it looked like he was holding one in both hands but then when he went to sit down he was only holding one so I got super confused. Do you have a timecode for when this is in the stream so I can take a look at it? I think I'm gonna be making a follow up to my original razorgate post because people brought up some good points and I'd love to include this bombshell!

[valyrfia]

charles and max's shenanigans at the end of last season WASN'T soft-launching a charles to rbr move which unfortunately means that they were probably just flirting with each other

[gothmothgoblin]

im tired, im tired of pretending and believing in hair-free karlach & toned/muscly gale. karlach literally has dreads. shes been a prisoner, shes “punk” she would NOT shave her pits. she would not shave her pussy.

HOWEVER!!! gale literally eats magic and has 2 max strength, bro WOULD be chubby. he WOULD have bald pussy. dont fight the truth, lets all be adults here.

[azurityarts]

Hero & Partner Week (@heropartnerweek) - Day 1: Cooking | Combat | Getting Lost

Brooke: Now with Scalchops (plural)!

[bg3smash-or-pass]

[fermentedrice]

Made myself a tiny batstarion rug !🍷🦇

[elusivewildflower]

i apologize now because i haven't finished the game and know little to nothing about dnd.....

but is anything ever said about the fact that Astarion's siblings all have glowing red eyes and a mouth full of razor sharp teeth/fangs and yet Astarion just has red eyes and normal "vampire" fangs?

like why does he look so normal compared to them?

[mfhunter]

Different logos from bands I admire and like

[sluttycinderella]

Razorgate Part Two: The Thrilling Continuation

Welcome back guilt ridden cockroaches of the scorched earth, to this absolute madness! I've decided to make another post because a lot of people brought up some good points that I want to address and some damning new information has come to light in recent days. So let's get into it!

First of all, some of you pointed out that it's actually not that weird if Dan and Phil share a razor since their junks always touching each other anyway. I don't shave and I'm sure it's pretty obvious but I've never gotten to the point in a relationship where I'd be cohabitating with a partner so I have no frame of reference for this sort of thing. I appreciate all of you who had the courage to call me out on my bitchless ignorance.

Some of you also mentioned the hair cutting videos, which I can't believe I forgot to include! It really was a glaring oversight on my part, how dare I call myself a researcher! So let's do a good old fashioned razor analysis on both hair cutting videos.

Trying To Cut My Own Hair

In Phil's hair cutting video, he refers to this as a "professional barber [razor]" (he says lazor at first, oh philly...)

This is the Surker K9S which I don't think the company actually sells anymore as I could only find it available on Ebay:

But yeah it makes sense why even if they still own this one, which who can say if they kept it in the move, they wouldn't use it for their slits as it's fucking gigantic and would probably take their entire eyebrows off.

One thing of interest is that Phil says he bought the razor specifically for this video, meaning that either they didn't have the Manscaped razor at this time or he didn't feel it would be adequate to cut his hair with (probably the latter.)

I TRY TO GIVE DAN A HAIRCUT

The Surker K9S is once again the weapon of choice for Dan's hair as well.

So in both the hair cutting videos, there are no ball shavers present unfortunately.

The Smoking Gun

So originally when I watched the stream, I had sworn that when Dan left he came back in with two razors, one in each hand:

BUT, when he goes to sit down, he's only holding one

BUT! Then the lovely user @finding-you-in-any-world sent me this ask:

And I went back and watched the part of the stream they referenced (1:45:45) actually on 1080p this time because for some reason my laptop streams YouTube at 360p automatically, AND THERE ARE INDEED TWO RAZORS!!!!

You can see in the stream that Dan comes in holding two razors, then transfers both of them to one hand, then places both of them down! Let's watch it back in slow motion shall we?

So yes, Dan and Phil do indeed own two electric razors but since I've already regaled you all with far too much information about the first razor, I thought it only fair to do the same for our new challenger.

Now a quick Google image search has led me to believe that this is the Philips (teehee) Norelco Bodygroom 7100 which has since been discontinued. The product information page claims it's for "anywhere below the neck" so not quite as damning as the Manscaped one but still very clearly not a face shaver.

But how old is the Philips Norelco Bodygroom 7100 exactly? Well, we can't be 100% sure but I did find this ad from 2016 which both puts its release somewhere around 7 years ago and is also just kinda hilarious:

So yeah, Dan and Phil do indeed own at least two electric razors! And considering one is the most recent (and incredibly overpriced) Manscaped razor and the other one pre-dates the election of Donald Trump (and is also literally called Philips) I think we can guess with a lot of confidence whos is who's.

That's all for now! Thank you for being here with me once again to share in my brainrot and if there's anything I missed or stuff you want to add, please let me know!

Razorgate: an empirical, peer reviewed study*

*there is nothing genuinely scientific about this, it is merely a result of mental illness and unemployment.

So we all saw this right?

But after this bomb was dropped I began to get curious about the other slittenings. Did they use the same razor for all of them and no one had noticed? Do they actually own more than one razor? And if they don't, if this is truly the only phrazor, then I don't think I have to tell you that raises a lot of questions.

Firstly, I went back to where this all began, Phil's Birthday stream, to identify the razor that carved the very first slit and forever cemented itself as a part of herstory:

Now that is very clearly the Manscaped logo, no question about it. Here’s a high quality photo of the logo for comparison:

(You can also clearly see in the Twitter post that it says "Manscaped" across it but I like to double check my work and I also wanted to prove that they were both Manscaped)

And it's a good thing I did double check because OP made a CRITICAL ERROR in their post! They claim that the razor in question is the Lawn Mower 4.0 when in fact it's the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra! Unlike the PUNY, PATHETIC, UNMANLY 4.0, the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra comes with an interchangeable foil blade, a USB port, and a more advanced spotlight!

How could OP be so careless? Dan and Phil would never own an outdated razor! They require only the finest in ball shaving technology!

Also fun fact: The first appearance of the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra on the Manscaped YouTube channel falls right in between the dapg return announcement and their first video back so make of that what you will...I for one shall be sculpting my own hill out of the very earth itself, "Manscaped Sponsorship Hill", I encourage you all to join me.

So after spending far too long researching the intricacies of razors that shave an organ I don't even have, I now needed to check if it was the same razor being used in every slittening:

Here they are side by side for comparison, left is Phil’s birthday, middle is the We're All Doomed post-premiere, right is Dan’s birthday. Now it appears the WAD one is missing the logo but I'm going to go ahead and chalk that up to the poor quality of the clip I found (if anyone has a better version PLEASE hit me up so I can confirm my hypothesis). And considering the photo taken in the aftermath seems to show Phil holding the 5.0 Ultra:

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's the same thing.

“But,” I hear you shouting, “so what if Dan and Phil used the same razor for all the streams? They already said they only owned one razor so who cares?” Well this isn’t so much about proving that they’re the same razor as it is establishing a baseline. It’s hard to trust basically anything Dan and Phil say lately, what with piggate and the “pillow” bar and the fake view from the Phouse, knowing that they aren’t lying about only having one razor (to the best of our knowledge) is crucial in figuring out what exactly is going on. Remember, we’re doing science here.

And with that in mind: In my professional opinion, I can say that for all three slittenings, the Manscaped Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra was the weapon of choice.

Sidenote: I went down a bit of a rabbit hole of Manscaped reviews during all of this and apparently Manscaped razors are kind of just a scam. This razor is $109 and they try to trick their customers into subscribing to their "Peak Hygiene Plan" which you don't actually need by offering a deceptive discount and hiding the terms where people aren't likely to see them. So yeah, fuck Manscaped and I for one think we should cancel Dan and Phil for not ethically consuming under capitalism.

But that's beside the point, we know that they indeed only have one razor and that that razor...is for balls. What does that tell us?

Conclusions

There are a multitude of conclusions one could jump to in the light of such a revelation, I shall display them in a convenient numbered list for your viewing pleasure:

One of them prefers to use straight (lol) razors to shave their...you know...I don't actually know if this is a thing people do or if it's even possible, people with balls please sound off in the comments, thank you

Only one of them actually shaves in which case I support them as an infamous pussy hair enthusiast (iykyk)

They share a razor (Please, God, no, that's actually disgusting)

Either way, this thing was on someone's balls and then it touched both their faces so I really hope they cleaned it properly!

Alright, so that whole exploration may have been a bit useless, it indeed only confirmed what we had already been told, but I spent literal hours comparing photos of ball hair trimmers and I'm not one to admit defeat. Consider yourselves peer reviewed, Dan and Phil, and maybe check out Beardscape instead! Apparently they have better, more comprehensive razors for the same price.

If anyone even more demon than me has any corroborating evidence (maybe of them using straight razors at any point or anything else razor related that they've said in the past) please let me know so I can take it into consideration! Thank you all for your time.

[infraredmag]

New Music Review: SALEM'S CHILDE 'Unbound'

Rating: 9 / 10 Stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Rating: 9 out of 10. SALEM’S CHILDE is: Johnny Oravsky (vocals), Rob Salem (guitar), Mark Oaldon (guitar), James Gates (bass), Scott Earley (drums) REVIEW – SALEM’S CHILDE returns with ‘Unbound’, an electrifying album that cements their evolution as one of modern rock’s most dynamic acts. Scheduled for release on Thursday, August 16th via Pavement Entertainment,…

[monstersholygrail]

So about this Demon priest, I'm intrigued... go on. I can imagine as he's in the middle of a sermon, reader walks in, as reader just felt led to enter the church. As soon as Demon priest sees reader... he stumbles over the carefully and well prepare recitations. Sight focused on the back pew that reader silently sat on, not even noticing the uncharacteristic falter of the priest, nor realizing his eyes trained on them. He's been enraptured.

This is amazing, I am all for making this canon to Demon Priest. He’s so stinkin cute.

When you first walk into the church, Demon Priest swears he’s finally been graced with the presence of an angel once more. Your beauty ethereal, your presence divine in nature.

Hope blossoms within his chest that he has finally completed his repentance. That he will finally be welcomed back into those pearly gates. With heavens light shining back at him in your eyes how can he think otherwise?

He meets you after the service and realization dawns on him that you were not a messenger sent from above to take him to rejoin his fellow brethren. No, he realized instead that you were something far greater.

As part of his repentance, Demon Priest feels the pain of remaining inside a holy sanctuary. His feet burn with every step he takes, his hands while holding all blessed liturgical objects, and his face with the use of Holy water. With his demon healing they heal, only for them to come once more. Yet they each leave their own scars.

But as soon as your hand slips into his in greeting, Demon Priest feels as though a balm has been washed over his soul. The pain leaving him instantly with your touch. You certainly weren’t there to bring him home but perhaps you were something better than he could’ve ever imagined.

You were a gift.

Sent down from above and placed on his path. A testament to his strength and devotion. And he would be so utterly devoted. To you.

At every turn he seeked your approving gaze. At every chance he could risk he seeked your soothing touch. You had so utterly consumed him, turning his world upside down until it all came back to you.

It wasn’t long before he could no longer resist the idea of what it would be like to feel more of you. To grasp your supple flesh in his palms. Take your hardened nipples between his razor sharp teeth. Taste the sweet nectar of your essence on his tongue. He wanted all of you. To consume you as you had him.

Now as his hands run all over your body, leaving a lustful heat in his path, he finally has. The stain glass windows of his office shine down on you, illuminating your beauty as you ride his cock.

Your body bouncing so prettily along his hardened length, his eyes watch you with a feral hunger. Claws digging into your hips as he fucks up into you, not being able to help himself from taking you as roughly as he’s been wanting to. Your cries of pleasure being the most lovely sound he’s ever heard.

“Yes! It’s s-so good. Feels so good. I can’t believe we’re doing this,” you exclaim, baring your neck for him. His cock twitches within your wet heat, the curves of your body driving him closer to delirium.

He molds himself over your form, not being able to get close enough to the ecstasy of your skin. His lips latching on and sucking heartily at each of your breasts, leaving you panting as you try and match his every thrust.

“Tell me, my beloved, how can I be expected to deny you? That which I most crave. My greatest temptation…” he growls and you feel the vibration move through your body and shoot straight to your soaked core.

His claws sink into your plush hips, using his hold to slam you down on his needy cock. A hoarse cry is ripped from your lips. Hands finding purchase and bringing a soothing relief to his shoulders as he drives himself into you.

“Let me worship you,” he whispers with an intensity that sends chills up your spine. Yet you can’t focus on its meaning as your pleasure bursts through you, clenching down as you cum hard on his cock.

Demon priest grunts, his fierce eyes never leaving your expression so deeply filled with ecstasy. The sight of your pleasure enough to send him right over the edge with you, stuffing you full of his length as he shoots his cum deep into your womb.

And it’s in that moment he knows. He has found salvation in you.

[anetherealpoetess]

armand finally hearing lestat say i love you but it wasn't to him that's sick that's sick this show is sick i love it so much the layers are layering the vampires are fractured and fighting and transgressing all boundaries of compassion when doing so. oh and the razorous corpse-memories of ex-lovers are howling at the crumbling gates of the homestead and the homestead itself is a shadowed puzzle of memory stolen and memory reshaped

[geeneelee]

Minthara spells it out for you, but really the line between your tragic companion that you’d do anything for and just another casualty, if a little unfortunate, is razor thin in Baldur’s Gate 3.

It could have one of the other Sharran, one of the other spawn, one of the other Githyanki that were scooped up by the nautiloid, that you then met and slowly befriended, peeling back their layers of trauma and abrasiveness.

And then it could be Lae’zel as just another enemy you kill when she tries to take the artifact back for Vlaakith, it could be Shadowheart as just another Sharran you strike down in the House of Grief, it could be Astarion as just another vampire spawn you’re considering sacrificing so that your tragic vampire friend can ascend.

The game doesn’t shame you for the number of people you kill in self defense or for a greater goal, it wouldn’t be a DnD game if it did, but it’s a vaguely alluded to horror of the setting: being an acceptable casualty to a hero is entirely situational.

[cntloup]

Knight!Ghost saves Queen!Reader from an attack

The sharp-edged silver blade meets the last enemy’s neck, slashing through flesh and bone, severing the head with a swift, smooth swing. 

Simon’s chest heaves, sharp breaths wracking through his body. 

His body trembles with fury as he clenches the hilt of his sword in his fist. 

How dare they plan a siege, attack his land and assault his queen, his soon-to-be wife? 

He takes heavy steps and opens the gates to your chambers. 

His razor-sharp gaze which was filled with rage moments ago, softens as his eyes land on your shaking form, curled into yourself out of fear. 

He softly calls out to you.

You lift your head off your knees, startled at first, but sighing in relief as you see him alive and breathing. 

You jump on your feet and sprint towards him. 

He drags his feet along wearily, but they give out before he reaches you and he collapses onto his knees. 

“Simon!” you gasp, rushing to his side. 

“Are you injured?” you ask shakily, worry and anxiety engulfing you as you kneel before him and hold him in your arms.

“No, my queen.” he rasps out, panting heavily and leaning into your warm embrace as his body succumbs to exhaustion. 

“You’re safe now.” he whispers into your neck, his breath warm against your skin. 

“Thank you.” you say as you cradle his head in your arms and kiss his forehead. 

You remain quiet as words fail you to express the overwhelming waves of emotions flooding through you. 

He pulls you closer as he kisses you with all his love for you seeping through the kiss. 

You both sob in each other’s arms, relief finally washing over you after the horrors you experienced. 

“I’m sorry. I have failed you.” he apologizes shamefully. 

“What for?” you question, confused expression etched on your face. 

“I should have protected you better.” he responds, voice slightly quivering, glossy eyes glaring into yours. 

“You have, Simon. You have gone above and beyond to protect me and I cannot thank you enough. I owe you my life.” you remark, reassuring him as you caress his cheeks softly, wary of the fresh wounds that litter his face. 

“They should not have dared to come in here in the first place.” he retorts, head hanging low in shame, guilt and remorse. 

“Simon, there is nothing you could have done to prevent that from happening. You have proven yourself, your love and loyalty time and time again. You have fought honourably with all your might. You should be proud of yourself as I am.” you respond firmly. 

“You flatter me, my queen.” he says while a faint smile finds its way to his lips.

“You deserve it, Simon.” you say calmly as you lean in to kiss him. 

“I love you.” he murmurs as he rests his forehead against yours. 

“I love you too.” you respond, a fond smile painting your face. 

comments/reblogs are greatly appreciated ♥ 

[tcustodisart]

Connecticut Tav | Wood Half-Elf | Beast Master Ranger

So, this is my sheet for @bareee's @tav-dex. Went a little overboard and made a whole ass character sheet (man the last time I made one of those was so long ago). I want to write something about my cringe boy so. Buckle up because it's going to be long and poorly written (I suck at writing).

One edit because I'm a dummy, his alignment is neutral good not true neutral idk why I did that.

He was born and raised in his mom's and step-dad's tavern called Crow's Perch (not as fancy as Elf Song but in a different category as Blushing Mermaid)(the tavern thing is just for the sake of a joke that the most popular drink they serve is called 'Connecticut Water'). He has an older brother, who's a bard. Despite the description for Urchin background ("After surviving a poor and bleak childhood") he had a happy childhood, filled with love and support. The two brothers treated the whole Lower City as their playground: breaking into places just for fun, pick pocketing nobles, climbing Wyrm's Rock Fortress etc.

His love for beasts and creatures of any kind comes from the stories told by his step-dad (both him and Tav's mom are retired adventurers). Step dad was the one who told Tav about Darkmaw the Wicked *wink wink*.

At one point he got tired of the city life and decided he wanted to become a ranger. After successfully fulfilling some contracts he became so confident of his skills he tried to build a trap all by his own. The trap exploded right into his face (he himself has no idea how it didn't kill him or damaged his eyes). After that he was sulking in his hunting hut for a month. The experience humbled the boy. Most of his adventuring prior to the nautiloid could just be boiled down to hanging around one village and talking local boars out of destroying potato fields, and occasionally getting rid of poachers.

Before the abduction he was on his way to Baldur's Gate to see his family (which he hasn't seen in months).

Trivia (because it's easier to write stuff this way):

His hair started to go grey at the start of Act 3 from the weight of responsibility and stress.

In Act 1 he was corresponding with his family thanks to Faust. After entering The Underdark he stopped sending letters (In Underdark because it would be hard, in Act 2 because he didn't want the bird to be killed by Shadow Curse).

Despite being close to his family in Act 3, he didn't visit them or send any messages in fear that Gortash and/or Orin would hurt them.

He carries with him a razor and some fancy oils for his beard.

His brother wrote one ballad about him, soon after that Tav forbid him from writing more (it was very much not accurate).

His step-dad taught him how to fight with a sword, while his mom taught him archery and the art of stealth.

Tav's biological father died when he was very young so he has barely any memory of him.

Tav's a walking Merlin app, he can identify any bird by just listening to it.

He loves climbing trees. Either to rest on a branch or to scout the surroundings.

He loves picking up herbs and making potions.

Despite growing up in a tavern he's not much of a drinker.

He's very self-conscious about his height and chest-to-belly area. He tries his best not to show it.

At one point he was persona non grata at Sharess' Caress.

He enjoys fishing.

Sir Daisy Dewdrop Fluffington is a name of his childhood plush.

He knows how to play lanceboard (he often plays against Gale and tries to teach it to Wyll).

He draws in his journal. He drew all of his companions at least once.

He almost cried when Jaheira called him 'cub' and almost called her 'mom' in response.

He's scared of Lae'zel. But tries his best to understand and help her.

He had countless heart-to-hearts with Karlach.

In his journal he described Astarion as 'his equal on the battlefield'.