#rather than telling me to suck it up
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Somehow working on 3 wips at a time - Pining, Renegades and Knight in shining khaki (Follow up to Breaking Point with 🧼).
Logic would want I focus on one and thus finish it faster, but inspiration doesn't care about that.
#they all feed different needs i have ig...#pining: horny. wanna slam a pretty man against a wall.#renegades: bloodthirst. revenge. need more justice in this world. taking matter into ur own hands.#and if u find a cute guy with a equally strong moral compass along the way- all the better!#knight: tired of fighting. wish someone would do the fighting for me instead. get angry in my stead. only bc they care that much about me.#verbally and physically#if i get mugged i might just try to get stabbed just cos idec anymore ig#and then i want to be craddled real delicately by someone so concerned if i got a scratch#rather than calling me a weakling#rather than telling me to suck it up#i want the emotions in their eyes so intense it makes my chest burst with feelings both good n bad#rambling into the void#current wip#my wips#cod wip#cod x reader#soap x reader#johnny soap mctavish x reader#john soap mctavish x reader#soap mactavish x reader#cod x you
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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I think today I will cry about BC not making tour vlogs anymore 😔
#yes i'm still bitter about the live performance video they posted yesterday#it seemed more like something made for promotion and marketing rather than for fans to relive the moment#or for fans who couldn’t attend to experience it as if they were there#the frame wouldn’t span on one moment for longer than 1.5 seconds which made it kinda messy#and you didn't really get a good picture of what the show was actually like#they didn't show how awkwardly long it took for the curtain to be gathered and carried away 🤭#instead they showed moshpits THAT DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN DURING THOSE SONGS 🙄#and the content you see on their band account on tiktok/ig is no different#good for promotion i guess. uninteresting for their existing fans 🥱#i get that editing vlogs is extra work (for joonas) and that some of them may not want there to be a camera on their face all the time#and that *siiiiiiiiiiigh* ''youtube is dead'' 🙄#but i don't think i would have fallen for this band half as bad as i did if it wasn't for the umk/esc vlogs and the content from summer '21#followed by more tour vlogs from their other tours#nowadays it's only fast-paced tiktoks and promotion and joel's SUPER FUNNY filters 🙂#i would give up them all for 5-minutes of vlog-like content from the EU tour 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#whose dick do i need to suck for this huh?#joel is it yours (as the band's social media guy)?? i will do it in the back alley of your local sushi buffet#just tell me when and i'll be there but make sure your cock's already out and hard i haven't got all day
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Vampire’s Lullaby Part 2
Part One
Warnings for implied harm and death that happen off-screen. Otherwise, this chapter turned out to be rather soft.
***
The morning came, pale and peaceful and nothing was amiss. If anything, when she passed by the other hunters of their street on her way to work, they were in good spirits. They wished Dion a speedy recovery and told her to talk to them if she or her family needed anything.
She did not walk too fast, as she did all mornings now since saving the monster boy, making sure the shop was bathed in pale light by the time she arrived. It was almost strange, how normal everything was. She set the shop up as usual and greeted Mr. Bell when he arrived.
She had half expected things to go wrong, for some kind of punishment to come down upon her head for mingling with night creatures. Or that the vampire herself was going to do anything. But nothing.
The day passed like any other and that night the vampire was back once more, sitting on the roof and keeping watch. They spoke with each other for a moment and the vampire was polite and even friendly. Annabelle once again fell asleep to soft singing and woke to pale morning light, everyone she knew safe and sound.
A week passed in this manner and Annabelle started to look forward to the nights a little. To how quiet it had become and to the soft bit of conversation she shared with the vampire.
Right up until Mr. Bell sharply called her name during work, startling her out of her focused work.
Hurrying out of the back, she drew to a stop when she saw the man standing on the other side of the counter. Dressed in expensive, embroidered brocade, a necklace heavy with emeralds hanging about his throat and buttons gleaming golden. He must be one of the nobles and he looked very impatient.
His attitude did not improve as they took his order. The baron, as he introduced himself, was less than eager to be here, but apparently he needed to get something done fast and they had been recommended to him. He promised a pay hefty enough that Annabelle nearly gasped out loud and left them with a handful of gems he wanted to be part of the front cover.
"You're a true treasure," Mr. Bell whispered as soon as the baron had left, getting into an equally gleaming and elegant carriage, drawn by two snow-white horses. "You worked so hard even the upper crust heard of us."
Annabelle felt a small, hysterical giggle escape before she bit back the rest. Mr. Bell and she stared at each other, before they both started grinning and bustled into the back, chattering back and forth as they rapidly got to work.
If this man was satisfied or even happy with his order, they might get more expensive clientele. Mr. Bell was singing a cheerful song that usually was usually heard in taverns over an ale and Annabelle joined in, neither of them caring that they were not great singers in the least.
The day passed far too fast and even though Mr. Bell stayed until the final bell of the evening, they weren't quite done with the baron's order yet. The baron wanted to retrieve his book first thing in the morning and while such an order would have been nearly impossible for anyone else, they really wanted to get it done.
"We best get going," Mr. Bell said with great reluctance. "I'm sure we can finish it at dawn."
Annabelle glanced down at the book, then outside, gauging the position of the sun. "I'll finish up and run home," she said. "It should be done in just a few more minutes, right? Half an hour at most, it will still be bright enough that not many night creatures are out and about."
Mr. Bell hesitated, then sighed, "If you are sure?" At her nod he grabbed his things. "Alright, but don't come in first thing in the morning, understood? You deserve to sleep in after all this. And no matter what, your life is more important than money, understood? If you get worried or scared, go home right away."
She couldn't help but smile and nodded, focusing back on the book as he left. It was going to be a beautiful piece, made of dark green, thin leather, embossed with gold letters and decorated with the gems the baron had left them with.
When she was finally done, feeling satisfied and her back cracking as she straightened, she looked up and felt her heart drop into her stomach. It was pitch-dark outside.
How? How had she gotten so lost in her work that she had missed the way light had disappeared, only replaced by the lanterns and candles Mr. Bell had left on. Her mouth turned dust dry.
There was no way she'd get home safe. Maybe, if she was really, really quiet, managed to extinguish all light and hid under her desk, no night creature noticed her in here. Maybe she could hide here and hold out until morning.
The tinkle of the bell of the front door made her flinch and startle onto her feet. Had Mr. Bell not looked the door? Had he left the lights on out in the shop as well?
"Hello?" a woman's voice called out, curious and a little befuddled. "I saw the lights on, are you still in?"
It took her a second to recognize the voice over her panic and pounding heart. It was the vampire she had asked for help. What was she doing here?
"You didn't return home," the vampire continued and Annabelle heard the muffled sound of steps, as though the night creature was walking slowly up and down the shop. "If you are done for the day, I will wait outside for you. Unless you'd like to walk home alone?"
And be eaten? Surely not. "Thank you," she found herself saying, her pounding heart finally easing a bit.
"I told you I'd look after you and yours," the vampire said and Annabelle heard the tinkle of bells. "Those books are beautiful, by the way."
Then the vampire was gone and she exhaled in a rush, sagging a bit as tension drained out of her. Her hands shook a little when she rubbed them over her face, before she reached for her shawl.
She was scared to go outside, but she couldn't stay here. If she stayed, so did the vampire and then who would look after her family? Extinguishing all the lights, she wrapped the shawl tightly around herself and stepped outside.
Nerves made her hands a bit clumsy as she locked the door, glancing around. It was quiet and no street lights were lit in the crossroads, since no one lived here and the city had considered it a waste of resources. It took her a moment to notice the large shadow in the dark, wings half unfolded for balance as the vampire crouched on the ledge of a roof.
"I'm ready," she whispered, shoulders tense and heart still pitter-pattering nervously. She tried to calm down, taking a few deep breaths until she felt less like she was going to scream in fright at the next thing that moved too fast and too unexpectedly.
When she started walking, the vampire followed easily above her. It was surprisingly calm all around and she neither heard nor saw anything. The vampire didn't have to snarl or hiss, just paused once and tensed, clacking her claws warningly against shingles, then moved on like nothing had happened.
It made her wonder how powerful the vampire must be, to so easily command the space she walked through. By the time Annabelle hurried down the main road towards home, she felt...safe. Unexpectedly so, considering she was outside in the dark.
The other hunters of their street were worried and glad to see her, escorting her to the front door of her home and reprimanding her for staying out so long.
"You were very lucky," a rough looking woman said, the one Dion always chatted with while waiting for the sun to disappear. "What would I have said your brother if you got yourself killed while he's not there?"
"It won't happen again," she promised, before the door swung open and her ashen faced mother dragged her inside and into a hug.
Annabelle endured the scolding and worrying of her family and after a quick dinner, she excused herself. She hesitated, then opened the window.
"Miss Vampire?" she whisper-called, leaning forward a bit.
When the vampire appeared, upside down, between one moment and the next, she bit back a startled scream by the skin of her teeth. Instead she inhaled sharply and flinched back a step, pressing her heart over her chest.
"Was that necessary?" she found herself gasping out, glaring at the vampire who tilted her head, mouth opening into an impish grin and wings twitching. "You're impossible." She took a calming, deep breath. "But, thank you, for bringing me home safe."
The vampire chittered at her almost softly, then waved a hand towards her bed in a shooing motion.
But Annabelle was a bit too awake now to consider sleeping. Instead she lit a candle and glanced between the clothes she had to mend and the book she had intended to read. With a soft sigh she reached for thread and needle first. Work before pleasure, her parents had always said.
A tap of claws against iron made her glance over and the vampire was gesturing at the book. Did she wish to read it? Annabelle hesitated, then picked it up.
"Return it to me before you leave," she said as she walked to the window. "Treat it well, please. Books mean a great deal to me."
The vampire took the book with visible care and disappeared. Annabelle turned back to her sewing, when she heard the vampire's voice, clear and close enough that she must be right above the window on the roof. Reading the book out loud.
Annabelle sat still for a long minute, then she found herself smiling a little and started to sew. Two chapters in however, the vampire had clear opinions on the book.
"Is this considered romantic?" her voice was full of disbelief and offense. She pitched her voice, re-reading a sentence she had just read out loud, "'Not to say you aren't beautiful, however this hair style simply does not match you.' Who asked for this fool's opinion?"
Annabelle had to bite back a startled laugh and she couldn't help but agree. The book was dreadful. However, as the vampire continued reading it genuinely got better from there. Not because the book got better, but because those affronted comments were quite funny and very amusing.
The vampire got increasingly more offended at the contents of the book and Annabelle found herself laughing at last, quickly clapping a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound.
"I'll bring you one of my books," the vampire groused, audibly thumbing through the book at rapid pace. "Three hundred pages of this nonsense? How are you still sane?"
"I haven't read it yet," Annabelle answered, mirth bright in her voice and that was when she realized that she had stopped being afraid.
Somewhere between being guarded for a week, being brought home safe and being read to in an increasingly incredulous, pained manner, she had stopped fearing for herself. "I have another one you could read instead," she offered.
Instead of answering, a pale hand appeared at the top of the window, still holding the book with care. The vampire wore a delicate gold ring and a golden bracelet studded with topaz. The long sleeve that fell down to nearly her wrist was black with pale, shimmering embroidery.
Annabelle took hold of the book and traded it with one Mr. Bell had given her a couple of days ago. She settled down again as the vampire began to read and she seemed far happier with this book. In all honesty, Annabelle enjoyed this tale far more as well.
She listened to the story of a young boy who found a lost star and their journey to bring the star back home. It was the first time in far too long that an evening truly felt peaceful.
It was quiet outside, no monsters to be heard and the breeze drifting inside was cool and brought with it a refreshing scent.
Had the world been like this once upon a time? Before the dark had to be feared like it was feared today? Had there been a time when people sat together to read and chat beneath the starry sky? She had only heard about such things in stories and in this moment, she couldn't help but dream of a world so different to her own.
Something gentler, something almost peaceful. She wasn't foolish or naive enough to believe danger would disappear forever just because she wished it, but there had to be a way to make the world better than it was now.
"May I have your name?" she asked when she finished mending and the vampire paused, having read the last sentence of the book. "I would like to call you something."
The vampire hummed softly, thoughtful, but answered, "I'm Charlette, and who are you, sweet human that I guard?"
Feeling a little surprised and quietly flattered at those unexpected words, Annabelle hurriedly put away her needle and thread. "I'm Annabelle and I can honestly say that it is nice to get to know you."
Charlette chuckled. "You're the first human to say so." Annabelle heard her close the book. "Are those the sort of stories you enjoy reading?"
"Among others." Annabelle leaned back, her chair creaking softly. "I mostly love stories with happy endings."
Charlette hummed thoughtfully. "I see. I think I can find some of those." Her arm appeared at the top of the window again. "Here, I quite enjoyed this one."
Annabelle accepted her book and her breath caught in her chest when her fingertips brushed Charlette's accidentally. She was cool, but no colder than Annabelle's hands would be if she were outside right now.
"Why do you night creatures hate us so much?" The question slipped out unbidden in a soft whisper.
"I don't hate you," the vampire answered without a moment's hesitation. Then she added, "I've never had much of a problem with humans."
"Then what have we done to earn such wrath from the others? So much bloodshed and death?"
Charlette was quiet for a long moment. "I've heard rumors," she answered at last. "That humans killed the Night King."
That was the first time Annabelle heard of such a thing. "Who was the Night King?"
"A powerful and old night walker," Charlette answered. "You wouldn't find them anywhere anymore, he was the last one. I don't really know what he was like, but I know that the night folk felt safe under his protection. I don't really know much else, I haven't been long in the city and I lived in a remote, rather isolated place before that."
Annabelle frowned to herself in thought, absentmindedly tracing the letters of the storybook. "Is there a way to find out what happened? Or how to change what's happening?"
Charlette hummed, a strange, inhuman note underlying the noise. "I could look into it, if you'd like," she offered and Annabelle heard the faint tink of claws tapping thoughtfully on shingles.
"You would?" Annabelle couldn't stop the hope from singing through her voice.
There was a soft, near chirping kind of noise. "I find I'm...I quite like you, Annabelle. It won't be much trouble to bug some acquaintances or to poke around."
Relief made her feel lighter than she had in years. She peered out the window, though she saw nothing of the vampire. There wasn't even a shadow to watch tonight, not with clouds gathering in the sky and quiet disappointment shadowed the relief. She would have liked to see her face right now. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Charlette shifted on the roof and a moment later, Annabelle saw half of an elegant, black shoe dangling into view, along with the hem of a black dress, studded in clear crystals.
"Would you like anything in exchange?" Annabelle asked, finding herself leaning forward a bit and peering up, as though she could finally spot a glimpse of the vampire's face. "I would owe you a great deal if you could uncover this mystery."
And possibly bring an end to all the death and pain and horror.
Charlotte chuckled, low and darkly amused. "That's a dangerous promise to make to my kind. What if I'd like a sip of your blood? All your good dreams for a year? An invitation to your house so I can feed on you and your family while you sleep?"
Annabelle frowned, head tipping to the side. She didn't feel worried, not when Charlette had never done anything to her or threatened such a thing.
"I don't think you would." She swallowed and stood up straighter, even if there was no one to see her posture. "Not if I asked you not to."
This time the chuckle sounded less dark. "You seem to have me figured out. Then I'll think about what I'll ask for," Charlette answered, then her voice turned mock-dry and she sighed theatrically, "Since eating you is so evidently off the table."
Annabelle had no idea why that made her laugh, the sound quickly muffled by the hand she lifted to her mouth, half horrified at herself for liking such a macabre joke. It seemed Dion wasn't the only one in the family to enjoy such humor.
"I'd be pleased to find them all alive in the morning, thank you very much," she answered.
"Then you shall." Charlette sounded both amused and unexpectedly sincere. "I would hate to never hear your laugh again."
Annabelle felt surprised and touched at those words and found herself biting back a smile, lifting the book as though to hide her face from prying eyes. She hadn't known that night creatures, no, the night folk, could be so...sweet. Strange and frightening, yes, but also sweeter than she had thought. And kinder.
She didn't know what to say to that, lightly clearing her throat. "Well, if you keep doing what you're doing I guess I'll be laughing more in no time."
"Oh, consider it done," Charlette answered in a near purring tone that made heat gentle rise to her cheeks. "I don't think I could spend my nights any better than I currently do."
Flustered and flattered and having no idea what to do with any of those feelings, Annabelle shuffled away from the window.
"Speaking of night, it's, um, it's pretty late. I think I'll head to bed now," she said, pressing wind-cool fingertips against her heated face. "Good night."
She hurried to get ready for bed, accompanied by Charlette's quiet, throaty laugh.
"Good night," Charlette said as she slid beneath the sheets. "I'll keep watch until sunrise."
Curling up beneath the blankets, Annabelle kept watching the window. "Thank you." Ever since the vampire was there, Annabelle had felt safer than ever. Had slept better than ever.
When Charlette started to sing, the song was quiet and soft and Annabelle fell asleep, silently wishing the vampire could stay forever. Could be here every night, even once Dion was all healed up.
.*.*.*.
Annabelle visited Dion the next morning, using Mr. Bell's order to show up late to drop by the clinic first.
"Is everyone well?" her brother asked in a heavy voice, while looking as though he was going to fall asleep again at any moment. "Mama and Papa don't seem to be very alright."
Their parents looked worn and tired and Annabelle worried they weren't sleeping well. Her other brothers were quiet and withdrawn, faces tense and marred with deep frowns. It made her wish she could tell them that she had a deal, a promise, of safety from a vampire. At least until Dion was fully healed.
They would not react well to that at all, however. She'd be dragged to the priests right away, to make sure she hadn't been thralled or otherwise influenced. Someone would then stake out in her room to try and kill Charlette. The very thought made her stomach clench and her heart ache.
"They're fine," she reassured Dion, offering a calming smile.
She quickly distracted him by telling him about everything that had happened yesterday. She had visited him on her free day last, her parents and older brothers dropping by more often, since they were a bit more flexible with their time.
Halfway through her tale about the baron's visit, his eyes fell closed and his breathing deepened into slumber. Annabelle exhaled quietly and smoothed an edge of the blanket down. Sunlight shone through the windows, the bars casting thin shadows across his sickbed.
Her mind kept snagging at what Charlette had told her last night. The hope that had been ignited within her that this horror could end. That Dion could heal and go home and never again would he or anyone else be forced to pick up cold, hard iron in order to keep their loved ones alive.
She got up after another minute. Dion was fast asleep and he would remain like this for a while. He needed his rest. She left with a polite, grateful goodbye to Dr. Under, who waved her off with a vague noise, taking care of another injured hunter.
Mr. Bell was bustling around the shop when she arrived, in high spirits and praising her for how beautiful the book had turned out. The baron showed up an hour later, turning his ordered book this way and that, sniffing in acceptance, somehow simultaneously looking satisfied and not happy at all. He handed over more money than Annabelle had ever seen at once.
"It will do," the baron said in parting, sweeping outside as he added, "I think I shall be back."
Mr. Bell and she watched him leave with wide eyes, before they looked down at the money, at each other and then they were giggling like children, excited and almost speechless.
"Look at this!" Mr. Bell exclaimed, immediately starting to divide up the money. When he handed her what he said he owed her, she felt her breath catch. That was more than they had agreed upon first.
"You'll be able to hire a hunter now, while your brother heals," Mr. Bell said with a smile, waving off her sputtering protests. "We can always buy another printing press later, don't you worry. Besides, I'm sure we'll see that sour fellow again sooner or later."
She felt her eyes sting a little and couldn't help but pull Mr. Bell into a hug, who laughed and gave her a grandfatherly pat on the shoulder.
"Now, none of that, you hear me? There is no need for tears. Besides, we have more than enough work to take care of."
She nodded, sniffling once and pulled back, quickly pocketing the money before she took a deep breath and got to work with renewed determination. Mr. Bell chuckled and sat down at his desk, humming a soft, happy tune under his breath.
It was a good day and they kept working in high spirits, the other clients who dropped by to pick up their orders remarking on the good atmosphere. Mr. Bell left as he always did, a spring in his step and he told her not to stay too long, that she deserved to go home early as well.
Annabelle sang to herself as she finished up the last work of the day, the bell of the clock tower warning her about the setting sun. But for once she didn't feel scared, didn't startle into a flurry of hurried motions in order to get home in time.
She cleaned up and locked the door and went home with a smile on her face, nodding at people along the way and wishing neighbors a good night. The hunters on their street waved at her and she waved back.
Her family looked exhausted when she arrived, but they were glad to see her happy.
"We're safe," she tried to reassure them. "Everyone says they'll keep an eye out until Dion's back."
Guilt ate at her like sharp teeth when she kept the money she had made a secret. She wanted to save it, for when Dion was healthy again and Charlette wouldn't watch their house anymore. She wanted to buy her brother some more restful time if possible.
Charlette didn't show up that night, to her surprise. Instead, Annabelle heard a rumbly sort of growl and looked up, inhaling sharply in startled surprise.
"It's alright, you're safe," the large werewolf across from her on the other roof said quickly. "Charlette asked me to keep watch tonight."
Then the werewolf straightened, ears perked and placed a hand on its chest. "Thank you," it said with utter sincerity. "For saving my son."
Oh, this was the boy's mother. Now that she took a closer look, her heart calming back down from it's frightened beat, she did recognize the werewolf.
"You're both well?" she couldn't help but ask, remembering the limp, whimpering and bleeding lump the werewolf had been in Charlette's arm.
Those ears flicked once and the werewolf grinned, making her look even more frightening and fearsome, but her yellow eyes held a spark of warmth. "We are. He's been talking about you, you know. Says he forgot to ask you if you liked his picture."
"I did," Annabelle slowly, cautiously approached the window. Just because Charlette hadn't hurt her didn't mean other night folk wouldn't take the chance when they got it. "He seems to be a sweet kid."
"He is." The werewolf preened in pride, then settled down, looking relaxed. "And don't worry," she said, a growl slipping into her voice. "I'll keep you lot safe." She snorted, amused. "Not that I'm necessarily needed here, considering Charlette thoroughly claimed this area. But she said you'd feel safer if I was there."
Annabelle felt her heart warm at those words, a smile tugging at her mouth. "That's sweet of her."
"She can be," the werewolf agreed, elbow on her thigh and chin resting in her palm. "But only if she likes someone. My son and I were the only ones she cared for for a long time, so I'm glad to see she's found someone else whose company she enjoys."
Annabelle's smile grew. "Well, the feeling is mutual. Tell her I'll miss her and that I hope she's safe. And thank you, for being here."
The werewolf grinned again and this time it looked a little less frightening. "She'll be very happy to hear that. And of course, after you saved my son and made Charlette's nights better, it's the least I could do. But don't let me keep you up if you're tired."
It was probably for the best to get some rest. "Good night. Oh, if any of the hunters notice you, just leave, they won't abandon the houses they protect."
The werewolf nodded. "I'll be careful not to be spotted, but they don't have to fear me either way. I never hurt people who don't try to kill my family first."
Fair enough, Annabelle would not act very kindly or sweetly if someone tried to harm those she loved in front of her eyes. She got ready for bed and decided to leave the window open, in case the werewolf needed to get her attention for something.
When she laid in bed, she found she struggled to fall asleep. It was simultaneously too quiet and not quiet enough. There was no pleasant singing, no vampire on her roof and somehow that absence was loud in the gentle, calm of the night.
She fell asleep after long minutes of staring up at the dark ceiling, trusting in a promise being kept and a fierce werewolf guarding the house.
.*.*.*.
It took three nights before Charlette came back. By then Annabelle had gotten to know the werewolf, whose name was Ophelia.
Since Charlette had apparently claimed this part of the city as hers, Ophelia pretty much had nothing to do. They had ended up talking quite a bit with each other as a result and Annabelle had put books on her windowsill for Ophelia to read.
Still, Annabelle had missed the vampire, had missed her company and singing and the steady, calm and unshakeable safety she brought with her presence alone.
It had been a bit of a shock at first, to realize just how fond she had grown of Charlette. How there was a quiet sting of disappointment every night she saw Ophelia instead of her, even if she liked the werewolf.
"Welcome back," Annabelle said when she saw the large bat land quietly, a glad smile appearing on her face before she knew it.
"Finally," Ophelia said with good humor, leaning closer to Annabelle since she was sitting right across from her on the edge of the roof. The werewolf lifted a hand in front of her face to mock-whisper, "This one's pinning had gotten bad."
Pinning? Annabelle barely had a moment to properly process that, before Charlette tackled the werewolf straight off the roof and into the alley. There was growly laughter and hissing and startled shouts from a nearby hunter.
The two night folk quickly fell quiet after the hunter's warning yells and a few moments later, Ophelia hopped back onto the roof, while Charlette appeared suddenly in front of Annabelle, hanging upside-down in front of her window.
Annabelle smiled again, not even startling a little. Others probably considered this to be the height of foolishness, but she didn't fear Charlette. She didn't even find her nightmarish bat-form terrifying anymore. Oh, she knew Charlette was still frightening, that she could rip any human apart like wet paper, but Annabelle didn't think it was going to happen. Not to her, at any rate.
"I hope you're well?" she asked and Charlette swiftly ducked out of sight again, her voice answering a moment later.
"I am. I hope my friend took good care of you?"
"I'll take offense to that," Ophelia answered dryly. "But I'll forgive you this once. Now, please excuse me you two, you can make moon-eyes at each other without me having to bear witness."
With a jovial wave, the werewolf left, easily hopping across roofs and Annabelle heard a soft, aggrieved grumble from Charlette.
"Meddling friends," the vampire muttered.
"I wouldn't know," Annabelle found herself saying, Charlette falling silent. "I haven't really had a friend in years."
Not since their old neighbors had moved away when she had been twelve. After that it had been hard to connect with others and nowadays she spent all day at work and was locked up at home afterwards. It didn't leave much time for socializing and the few times people had flirted with her at work hadn't really led to anything.
"We could be friends," Charlette offered. "And Ophelia likes you as well, she said as much every time she came back at dawn. I'm pretty sure she already considers you her friend."
"Are other humans and night folk friends as well?" Annabelle asked, genuinely curious. Charlette and Ophelia couldn't be the only nice night folk in the world, after all. "I've never heard of such a thing."
Charlette huffed, amused and wry all at once. "Of course not. From what I could gather, you humans don't take well to such connections. But there are a couple of friendships and relationships across the city."
There were? So she wasn't strange or alone in not hating or fearing the night folk? Or rather, Charlette and Ophelia. She still feared the others and what they could do.
"Speaking of which," Charlette continued before Annabelle could answer. "I think I found out what happened to the Night King and why there is such carnage now."
Annabelle stepped forward, fingertips brushing the windowsill. "Please tell me."
"It's not pretty," Charlette warned, then continued, "The night folk demand revenge for the murder of their king. Until the price is paid in blood, there will be no peace."
Annabelle knotted her fingers together in worry. "I understand that, but it isn't fair to punish all of us for the transgression of a few." Then she frowned heavily. "And it's been so long already since the attacks started, the ones who did it are most likely already dead."
A moment of heavy silence followed. "I forgot," Charlette murmured, an unhappy note to her voice. "You humans don't live all that long."
"We live plenty long enough," Annabelle answered, feeling a little affronted. "It's you lot who live a ridiculous amount of time."
Charlette huffed a gentle, amused noise. "I guess you're not wrong."
Annabelle felt her lips twitch into a small smile, before it fell again. "Is there something that can be done?" she asked softly. "To make the night folk stop?"
Charlette exhaled heavily, almost sighing. "Someone strong enough could." She sounded reluctant now. "Once someone seizes control and calms the frenzy, things could change."
"Why won't anyone do that?" Annabelle found herself staring up, as though she could will Charlette into view to look straight at her. "Hasn't this gone on long enough?"
"It doesn't feel that long to them," Charlette answered. "Many night folk have fallen into mindless bloodlust and they cannot regain their senses by themselves anymore. There are only a small handful left who could take control, but they like to eat and drink as much as they please. They like terrifying humans too much to stop."
Annabelle was silent for a long moment, arms wrapped around herself in a imitation of a hug. "So this is it?" she found herself whispering. "We just have to endure this until one of the strong night folk decide they've enjoyed themselves enough? Or until they've killed us all?"
A low snarl curled through the air. "I would not let them," Charlette answered, voice hard. "Nothing will happen to you."
"I believe you." She really did. "But...this is no way to live, Charlette. To cower and hide and...and just endure until I'm old and frail and at last my bones return to the earth."
She felt exhausted and bitterness wrapped around her like a too-heavy cloak. Annabelle closed her eyes, trying to fight back the burn of tears. Weeping wouldn't change anything, no matter how much she wanted to cry.
Shattered hope was a horrible feeling, she realized as she stared down at her hands, cold and ink stained. She had only realized how fiercely she had hoped for an end for all of this now that there was nothing to be done. All she could do now was endure and that...that was no way to live, was it?
Charlette was silent for so long that Annabelle started to get ready for bed, her heart a heavy weight in her chest and her mood dreary and dark. She just wanted to lie down and not get up for a long while. She blew out the candle, casting the room in darkness when the vampire spoke up.
"You're right." Charlette's voice was soft. "I want more for you. And better."
Annabelle swallowed past her dry mouth as Charlette added, "That is really no life worth living."
Annabelle made a quiet, slightly rough sound in agreement. She couldn't keep living like this for the rest of her days. Frightened, small, scurrying. Scraping together what coin she could, working herself to the bone during the day, only to be terrified of all that came at night. Worrying she'd bury her brother, then her parents, then her other older brothers, until she was all that was left.
Even if Charlette would guard them all her days, something could always happen. Besides, other people still died. She would see the blood in her way to work, would see the haunted faces of hunters who stared at the sun like it was pure salvation.
"I'd do anything for things to change," Annabelle found herself saying, voice hollow and tinged in bitter sadness.
"A dangerous promise." Charlette's voice was soft and utterly devoid of teasing. "Don't give that promise to someone else, they'll ask for things you won't wish to give."
"Like what? My blood? My beating heart?" She'd give both if it meant the night folk stopped their rampage.
"No." Charlette sounded grim. She was quiet for a second, then asked, "Would you invite me in, Annabelle?"
"I think the bars are in the way." She wouldn't go and unlock the door, not when Gerard was still awake and weaving and Charlette could be seen entering the house by one of the hunters.
Charlette huffed, darkly amused. "Those are child's play. They don't keep me out, but I cannot enter a home I'm not invited to. No vampire can."
She hadn't known that, but it explained all the warnings to never answer any luring, sweet calls. And why one should never get thralled. Did she want Charlette in the house? In her room?
She did, she realized. She felt so cold and hopeless, she wished to at least finally see Charlette's face. Annabelle turned towards the window.
"Charlette, I invite you into my home, please enter," she said, soft but clear. A moment later that elegant hand came into view and slowly, steadily, pried the bars out of the brickwork.
Charlette was careful enough to avoid making a noticeable amount of noise, taking the time to wriggle the bars out bit by bit, until she could pull them away entirely. Annabelle found her heart beating a little faster. She had never invited anyone into her room since she had been twelve and her friend had left.
A moment later, a tall shape dropped onto the windowsill. For as much as Charlette looked like a human now, she did not move like one. There was a predator's grace as she smoothly stepped inside, feet utterly silent on the floor. Only her long dress made a soft sound as the fabric fell down to her ankles.
Charlette stood with a confidence Annabelle had rarely seen, something unshakeable and true. The vampire knew she was powerful and dangerous and saw no need in proving either by needlessly puffing herself up. For everyone else would know she was dangerous by simply looking at her.
"You don't look at me anymore as though I'm frightening," Charlette said, voice soft and clear and she took slow steps closer, bridging the distance between them.
There was just enough light cast by the moon outside for her to see her face. She was beautiful, her red hair long and her eyes the color of blood.
Annabelle looked up at the vampire, who stopped in front of her. "I don't fear you."
"I'm glad." Charlette's voice softened further, gentling into a near whisper. "I like seeing you happy."
Annabelle found herself smiling a little, almost shyly. "I think I owe you a favor," she said softly. "For finding out what you could about the Night King."
Charlette was quiet for a moment and Annabelle saw the the humorless smile appear on her face. "There is one thing I would ask, but not now. I think I need to earn a bit more of a favor for that."
Surprised, Annabelle tipped her head a little, trying to see her face better in the dark. "What do you mean?"
Charlette didn't answer and instead reached out, hand hovering near Annabelle's face without touching her. "May I?"
Annabelle felt her heart beat a little faster now, realizing it did so in the best of ways. "Yes." Her voice was quiet but clear in the silence of her room and the quiet of the calm night outside.
Gently, almost reverently, Charlette's cool hand settled on her cheek. "I don't think you know how much you captivated me," the vampire said softly, red eyes warm where her skin was not. "Your bravery, your laugh, your sweetness. How fearless you are and how much I enjoy speaking with you."
A cool thumb brushed along her cheekbone ever so gently. "I want to ask for something very brazen," Charlette continued in a near whisper. "Once I earn more of your good graces."
"You could ask now," Annabelle answered just as quietly, eyes caught by that blood-red gaze and she tipped her head a little, turning her cheek into that sweet touch. "Because I don't think you realize how much I enjoy your company, how fond I've grown of you."
This time, when Charlette smiled, it revealed a hint of fangs that would have looked frightening to Annabelle in the past. Now she was merely curious, knowing she had nothing to fear.
"What if I asked for a kiss?" Charlette said. "One you want to give me because you like me, not because you feel indebted."
"Then I'd say you should kiss me," Annabelle whispered back, her heart beating faster in excited anticipation. "If you like me as much as I like you."
"Oh, of that there is no doubt," Charlette breathed the words more than she said them, leaning in and Annabelle rose up on her toes. Long, soft hair brushed her cheek before lips ghosted across hers for just a moment. She smelled like fresh air and something soft and sweet, like flowers.
Before Charlette could pull back, Annabelle rose to her very tiptoes, pressing their lips together gently. Her hands came up, one lightly touching Charlette's arm and the other reaching up to cup her face, fingertips lightly tangling into silk-soft hair.
"Will you let me court you?" Annabelle asked in a soft whisper, opening her eyes. Charlette looked almost unbearably soft and it squeezed her heart in the best of ways.
Charlette laughed, quiet and brief and achingly fond. "I think I'm meant to ask you that. If you allow me to court you as well, I will gladly say yes."
Annabelle found herself grinning, the previous heaviness of her mood gentled and lightened, even if it wasn't gone entirely.
Charlette brushed a feather light kiss against the corner of her mouth, as though tasting her smile, before pressing another one to her forehead. She then gently rested their foreheads together, free hand rising to take Annabelle's, tangling their fingers together.
"I think I know what to gift you," Charlette said. "If you're willing to accept something intangible."
Now that made her curious. "Of course." She gave Charlette's fingers a little squeeze. "I think I have an idea for a gift as well."
They smiled at each other for a long moment, until Annabelle had to pull back, hiding a yawn behind her hand. Charlette smiled softly, brushing fingertips over her hair.
"Rest, my love," she said. "I will stay until dawn."
"Can you sing for me?" Annabelle asked. "I find I sleep better if you do."
Charlette's eyes seemed brighter, now a liquid red. "Of course."
And sing she did and when Annabelle woke in the morning, she found a red rose lying on her desk, on top of a letter.
A letter that held the promise to change everything.
.*.*.
Part Three.
#my writing#short story#chapter two#vampires#lesbians#can you tell that I squished all the soft into this chapter?#it's rather less dark than part one#but we still got part three ahead of us#which will be the last part for these two#they be lesbians Harold#I'll be honest with you I suck at writing flirting scenes#these two made me despair#hope this part turned out well!#and that I didn't overlook too many spelling errors#part three should be up either at the end of this week or early next week#dark fantasy
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i have a lot of thoughts on fandoms and treatment of female characters but i do not seem to have the words to put said thoughts into. frustrating.
#personal#vent post?#idk#fandom crit#like when you're scrolling through an art blog and the only time the girl characters show up is in group images#or when people are willing to bend over backwards to talk about male character but dismiss the female characters altogether#like on the one hand there's plenty of examples of male authors failing miserably to write female characters#but so so often i see fans act like badly-written female characters aren't like. symptomatic of a bigger issue#it's hard for me to explain but i think people have like. a difficult time admitting that misogyny exists in media#at least when it concerns female characters they don't like#bc it's fine to not like badly written characters imo#but it does seem sometimes that people would rather tell themselves that the author intended the character to be unlikable#ofc it's pretty much impossible to give a solid ''this is what the author was thinking'' without the author's commentary#or without being a mind reader i guess#so it's all speculation#but i do feel as though people have an easier time with ''she just sucks'' than ''this man can't write women and it shows''#idk i don't really have the words for it#to be clear i'm not innocent of this either#it's just. idk something i've been thinking about lately
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#cw rant#found out the reason my mom took my money is ‘cuz a tita staying with us needed like. a minimum of pocket money to leave the country#and she didn’t have that so. my mom took my money... she needed extra $20 usd i think and that wouldve been 150-200? depending on rates ig#it sucks to have money that i cant even spend because in my mind i'm like ahhh my mom will need my money later..#she woke me up with how loud she was being at 1 am anyways. she couldve ASKED and i just asked her abt it#and she raised her voice at me and told me she’d pay me back. i’m glad my money was able to help someone but maybe ASK ME before you take#*all* of my money. ok maybe not all i have like 2 rm in my wallet but#i'm genuinely so irritated and i know what was apparently the equivalent of $60 might not be a lot to you but it was MY savings still...?!?#ueueue maybe i’m just viewing the situation immaturely in which case tell me but :/ i’m just miffed#couldnt even buy a drink (literally 10 rm) online bc i gave my brother all my small change.. ahhhh#💭#my school tag thing had no money (we use it to buy food) and i didnt have anything in my physical wallet so i couldnt buy anything :|#i'd rather die than ask a friend... even if i did i wouldnt have the money to fucking pay them back anyways
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Maybe it’s the “avoidant” part of my “fearful avoidance,” but. I really just…don’t care if someone I’m attracted to romantically likes someone else, or doesn’t share those feelings. Like, you do you. We’re not dating or owe eachother anything, and it all boils down to autonomy and compatibility, anyway. (And let’s face it, I don’t believe I’ll ever be compatible with anyone in terms of physical intimacy and I’m not able to compromise that without bruising my own boundaries, so.) But also like. I’d just. Turn attraction “off” if I could reach inside my head and flip a switch. Sadly humans aren’t that simple. Absolutely unfair.
Nah. What does get me into the Fearful instead (and struggling with that FA push-pull of “keep away/please don’t leave”): whether or not someone even wants to be my friend. Especially when I also accidentally developed attraction to them.
#tiger’s roar#acengst#fearful avoidant#…and yeah. I really am just Stuck sitting with my feelings#the same way I have to Sit with my cptsd around environments and forming IRL friendships in GENERAL#absolutely unfair but whatever#it’s exposure work babyyy!!#kinda makes me wanna laugh. SARDONICALLY. when I have people tell me to ‘just work on myself’#this IS self work. learning how to cope with platonic and romantic feelings and the fears that automatically come with them for me IS.#and it absolutely sucks. believe me. I’d rather not feel them at all#I keep poking at them to try and ‘turn it off’ because my adhd brain wants to FIX it#but the only thing I can ACTUALLY do is accept that I have them#especially since admitting them to the person in question would 90% make things worse ‘cause of their own wounds and load#IF things could ever reach a point of nuance vs All or Nothing being accepted and not trigger a flee patterning again? maybe#but as it is I kinda feel like we talked around and walked right up to the elephant but didn’t take the sheet off it#yeah carrying it sucks. but since all I wanted was the friendship and NOT the addition of romantic attraction…#…anyway. they’ve done quite a bit to try and make up what happened.#and I’ve done everything I can think of to assure them that I won’r pressure them. value THEM more than the friendship#and…not exactly dropping hints but. trying to let them know IF. that’s their call. I just want the friendship healthy
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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Why does my family disappoint me so much
#woke up early in the morning and my sister drops me off at work but before that tells me how she hates her life so much and she wants to kil#herself and I try to offer solutions she screams that she doesn't want my advice she just wants me to listen#just like my twin lmao they both are so emotionally controlling and just want to shit on other people when they're life sucks#but would rather complain month after month than change anything#I need a car but I can't afford one and I'm so tired of being under someone's thumb my whole life#I made spelling mistakes but I don't even care :(
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#sorry I just#not to complain again but I need to#I hate when I’m enjoying my. 6:30 in the morning and then boom. ship art that I do not want to see#I have all the tags blocked. I have done EVERYTHING in my power to avoid seeing it#and. tis all for naught or something#genuinely like#tag your fucking ship art#literally just put character x character in your tags so that I don’t have to fucking see it#I’m being a big baby but like. I really don’t like seeing it like this one ship drives me up a wall#like genuinely ripping my hair out sends me into a blind rage you make me sick#and it sucks because I love these characters but I’m really starting to dislike one just because of this ship#I’m just. I have to see it all the time and I’m so sick of it#its literally everywhere#that’s my man do you MIND#I love him so much it’s literally suffocating I hate seeing him with anybody else#he’s mine idk what to tell you#I’d rather die than to see him with anybody else ever#okay I’m over it#I’m just. I’m not good rn and this isn’t helping#♡.bullet proof heart
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opened twitter today and literally half of the posts on my timeline were biphobia, which just kinda sucks to have the first thing you see on twitter that day be people who don’t even know me telling me i’m wrong about my own sexuality, or saying im not bi im just in denial about comp-het or blaming bi people for the biphobia they face and invalidating the homophobia they face because ‘you can just chose to be in a straight passing relationship’ 🫠
which… that’s really not how it works lol, like bisexuality doesn’t mean you just pick who you like and then get feelings for them, it works just the same as literally any other orientation and i thought that would’ve been common knowledge (although maybe i’m being too generous by assuming genuine ignorance there instead of deliberate obtuseness)
it’s not just online, people feel so comfortable being casually biphobic irl. like, i don’t get comments on it super often, but i’ve had a couple of comments made (mostly by other queer people!!) that are just super invalidating or insensitive things to say. but because they’re not being directly homophobic they don’t see it as being an actually fucked up thing to say.
there’s been a couple of things that i’ve laughed im off in the moment, or like gone away from the conversation and told someone else ‘hey listen to this funny thing my friend said’ only to realise days or weeks later that they were actually just saying something fucked up lol
just let me be bisexual in peace, im literally just chilling i don’t see what the issue is
#like i’m just being chill and happy#i really don’t see why it’s such an issue to people#people don’t seem to recognise biphobia as an actual thing#then when you do complain about it it gets minimised as not that bad#but like#some of the shit people feel comfortable saying to me is just straight up old fashioned homophobia rebranded#telling me i can choose who i’m attracted to and should just choose to be straight/gay instead of bi#and it’s so rarely cishet people that feel comfortable saying this shit??#like i don’t mean to start a fight within the community but the comments i get from cishet people are just regular homophobia#it’s only really other queer people that make comments specifically about my bisexual rather than generally my queerness#kinda sucks!!!#anyway#being silly and having fun#sheeb bi posting
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whats tough about like. Having Chemistry and spending time with someone at the start of the spring semester is that valentines day is coming up and its like a make or break point with what you may or may not Be and you have to question what direction things are headed in and its a pressure just Not present in the fall semester idk. idk
#we uhhhh. kinda hit a bump in the road ...... idk.#hes. been very gentle and kind and understanding about where im coming from and so we havent talked in a couple days but just ....#god ok fuck it. we were hanging out saturday night and at some point we were going somewhere where parking sucked so i just suggested we go#in his car rather than separate bc finding parking for ONE car is a Struggle. anyways so afterwards we went back to where i parked my car#and i hahahhaaaaa was NOT leaving. it was just past midnight and so we were just hanging in his car talking for abt an hour#in there at some point i told him about that last crush and how it dragged on and he was like jesus CHRIST sia thats a lot#i was reclined in my seat and shutting my eyes listening to the music and i caught him looking at me a couple times andddddd uh#yeah basically i ended up in his lap and then we were kissing and touching and grinding for like the next hour and a half#and he asked if i wanted to go back to my place and i was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh not now so we stayed in there and just made out & talked more#and then he TOLD me. basically hes in a similar situation i was in this time last year. like a girl he liked and was talking to actually#has a bf. hes sorta in limbo and she still talks to bim and is stringing him along and playing off his hopes theyll get together for.#entertainment ig. everyone at this school is fantastic btw. jesus fucking christ.#so yeah he told me bc he said he didnt wanna hurt me or end up fucking me over and that i deserved full honesty and didnt want to get my#hopes up. which i REALLY appreciate. we talked for 8 days he got carried away once and immediately owned up. i do appreciate that#so like. he said that we can just be friends with or without benefits and i said id think about it. then at like 3 am we went home and he#check in with me to make sure i was alright since he could tell i had a LOT on my mind. i said id call him the next day and so we talked#and basically i explained the reason for my apprehensions and why i said no to hooking up (csa) and he was really understanding#and then like. i just asked him more about what was going through his head the night before & he described it as a heat of the moment thing#(which i agree it was) and like. he was genuinely concerned about me tho. idk#i told him that after i got home i had to shower for an hour scrubbyat every place he touched me and that im tired of feeling used#and he really heard me out and listened. he also asked if he hurt me and i said no but it def could have gotten to that point and i#and so he said 'im sorry for making your life at all hafrder to deal with' and i REALLY really#appreciate him being as honest as he was. so i said its cool we can be friends but i just need some space rn & he once again was really#understanding & said 'for as long as you need. just let me know whenever youre ready to just be friends again & if you need me to stay sway#from [xyz places we hung out] just let me know and if you need anything for class just feel free to reach out'#and. GOD i appreciate him. so that convo closed out on good terms. i was worried id need WEEKS but it rlly was just a few hours after that#i was ok again. traumas all about narratives and before that convo all i could see was another instance i was usee but like.#after actually talking it out all the fear around it dissipated and i can just see it for what it was: 2 friends who got carried away#but i really REALLY appreciate how hes handled this and we're both single & attracted to each other and so the question im thinking now is:#crushposting
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hysterically sobbing over can’t handle this by bo burnham again because being an artist sucks and the world is cruel
#bo burnham posting again yeah whatever but his work actually makes me think about being an artist like. so hard#i love being an artist and would rather die than make anything else my life but. wow#young hollywood sucks and i feel bad for my friends#the music industry also sucks and so does everything else#your industry will never treat you as kindly and generously as you treat it#i just want everyone to be able to do what they love and not get fucked up for life in the process. thank You#i always convince myself thinking abt tbis is dumb bc it sounds so waaah i do things and nobody likes them :((((((#but there’s a reason why not everyone does what we do and i have to keep telling myself that#my skills are not pointless and unprofitable. or whatever
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not to be dramatic but I literally feel like I’m going insane lol
#first of all I must acknowledge the percy of it all. I don’t know how many of you are reading those posts and honestly I’m not conveying#how I feel very well but I’m so deadly serious when I say I feel sick when I think about those books and not even in a bad way necessarily#just nauseous whatever. second most pressing issue is the whole “am I going to drop out transfer suck it up or kill myself”#okay I’m really not considering that last one I have to live to see dani in july but I haven’t the slightest clue what I’m gonna do next#year. on one hand I hope this school explodes on the other transferring sounds so unfun but back to the first hand I hate this city#and I hope it explodes to and I have nobody I know to live with off campus next year and tbh I would rather die than live w sarah suitemate#which brings us to sarah suitemate. how in the hell is my only friend in this god forsaken city like kind of subtly homophobic#In addition to kind of being a bad fucking person. like lol! yes ladies six months deep with no other friends and I Am that desperate#also it’s the very beginning of the quarter and I kind of hate all my classes. okay I know they just started and it’s very early to judge#but I already feel like I’m going crazy I preferred my other two quarters where I was eating literally 12 credits I was satisfied with that#I’m just scared and lonely can I say that outright is it embarrassing to admit that outright at 11am on tumblr#the only thing that gives me comfort genuinely is just repeating that “everything works out in the end” saying bc I really do believe that#even though I hope my closest friend within a reasonable radius of me drops dead and I’m directionless and I want to kill myself#whenever I think about the book I’m reading it will all be okay#anyways time to eat the pastry I got from the campus market is not a good time to tell you guys I didn’t eat breakfast or could you tell#carmen.txt
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I've worked with animals my entire life, and I've been bitten by so many things. Here's my chomp list (this is not all-inclusive): Cat, dog, horse (three times), goat, ostrich, emu, rabbit, rat, hamster (dwarf and syrian), gerbil, mouse, guinea pig, cockatiel, military macaw, hahn's macaw, sun conure, green cheek conure, little corella (cockatoo), budgie, kakariki, curl-crested aracari (tiny toucan with a neat hairdo), red-rumped parakeet, ringneck dove, lovebird, chicken, duck, clouded leopard (it's a long story, and DO NOT seek out big cats to pet), California king snake, Honduran milk snake, ball python, and probably like so many random species of other birds that I'm forgetting right now. I think maybe a keel-billed toucan? Not entirely sure.
The horse bites have been my least favorites. The worst one was when I was turning off a hose near this really ill-tempered gelding's stall, and for some reason he decided to reach over and try to take a chunk out of my arm. He managed to break skin through my four or five layers of clothes, and I ended up with a hematoma that didn't go away for months. That one was definitely not my fault.
I've taken some bird bites that were my fault for not reading the animal well enough. The snake bites have been mostly random and not a big deal. Snake bites sting for a second, and then you promptly forget about them.
As for the clouded leopard... That happened when I was doing a study abroad program to learn about clouded leopard conservation in Thailand. The program was connected to an AZA accredited zoo in the states, and I had the opportunity to go because the zoo in the states was partnered with my school. The one that bit me was a very young cub and he wasn't trying to hurt me, so he didn't do any damage. Still, this does mean I get to say I've been bitten by a leopard. Obviously this is a very abridged version of the story, but I want to state that I do not endorse messing with endangered wildlife for funsies. Please do not try to pet clouded leopards or other big cats, and don't go to places that advertise doing so as an activity.
And yes, I am the champion of two truths and a lie.
If you said yes to the first 3 please explain in the tags what animal it was and what was the damage
#and because the original post says to tell bite stories in the caption:#the most exciting thing is definitely the clouded leopard#to be clear I was doing a study abroad thing learning about clouded leopard conservation and breeding programs in Thailand#and this was a baby#I was working with an AZA accredited zoo in the states that was directly connected to my school for this program#said zoo is really big on clouded leopard conservation#I promise I didn't just like grab a random clouded leopard#I do not endorse messing with wildlife for funsies#but I gotta say it is kind of cool to be able to say I've been bitten by a leopard#also no he didn't really do any damage#I think he might have gotten a pinprick of blood tops#look when you spend a lot of time working with animals you end up with some really weird bite stories#things with mouths just... bite sometimes#horse bites are still the worst on my list though#parrot bites also suck#toucans can bite me whenever#toucan bites still hurt but I'd rather be bitten by a toucan than most other things especially other birds#snake bites are also fine just startling#it's like getting jumpscared by a paper cut
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I think one of my friends hate me? ☹️
#i know i suck a lot but I've said that i would rather they come up to my face & tell me what im doing wrong rather than talk behind my back#about it#vent post#& really id prefer it if no one replied to this post
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