#rather than me doing it everyday
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So I Made Every Wii Sports/Wii Sports Resort/Wii Party CPU Mii In The Sims
#sims 4#ts4#wii sports#wii party#wii sports sims#don't mind me making the first eight beginners#not finishing the next eight#and then coming back two years later with all 100#this took me 12 days#and this is me only doing their everyday outfits#though I did give them proper traits and names rather than just randomising them#also#do you know how hard it is to come up with personalities for 100 blank slates?#thank you to the wii sports wiki comments section and that one person who made a tier list of their headcanon tomodachi life personalities
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quick ivy for morale...... gnn
#i need to learn to balance my life better....#studies.. drawing#being with other people. going outside#eating... sleeping#id rather spend one day on one thing instead of doing everything everyday........ ugh#i wanna change. bring myself out more or something#whatever that means.... rn im too sleepy#i also wanna stop taking my studies so seriously without failing everythign ksdmfksm#but its really hard for me to do anything if i dont focus my 100% at it. immediately#whatever... better 2 act than think. and i think im sleepy#gnnn#diary#milk#take care of yourselvesv
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ཐི ₍ᐢ. ̞.ᐢ₎ ཋྀ
#oooof... it's officially my birthday#and i always have bad anxiety the entire day#just seeing the date on my phone or ipad makes me wanna vomit :///#i just hate it so much....#i know it is dramatic but yeah.. :(( i just dont feel good at all and i never do#it's such a deep feeling of that i am so very unimportant#and all i am is a worthless burden on everyone and i should've never been born#i fantasize abt being important and revered and like...#i feel embarrassed even saying it lmaoooo but i fantasize abt my birthday being inportant#even if i know that as an adult and the older u are the less big of a deal birthdays are#it's just that i missed out on sm of it... so i still wish for it#but i feel silly for even feeling that way bc im asking for too much to be important at all#i feel demanding and unfair and expectant and#it is so much easier to just hate myself and wanna die lmao#rather than ...... disappointment and sadness... even after all of these years i still feel so saf#SAD******#and i see my old friends having birthday parties and dinners with a lot of guests on their birthdays#and they still post on eo's walls and like#i wanna cry..... bc i cant even imagine more than one person doing that for me and barely even that tbh#and ppl.. allowijg ME to be important and centered for one day...? thats batshit insane never would happen#allowing******#i know its oversensitive and dramatic and every year im like god shut the fuck up crybaby#u havent been important for years and years and years get over it%#!!!!!* and i try to do that but still every year i get so unbelieavably depressed#excuse me for still having this childish need to want to be important#the way see all of them be.... 🙄 ugh anyway#i wanna die so i can stop being a bother and a burden and suffer everyday bc im not allowed to exist 🙏#im really trying to be brave and shut up abt it but my entire chest burns and my heart aches i feel so so so bad i just wanna cry but i cant
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#not to be like a boomer rn but#i just got a notification from windows on my computer telling me to try ai#the state of the way technology is going in the world actually worries and depresses me#i tell my therapist about this a lot when we talk about the world 😅#its horrible to me how fast ai is creeping into so many parts of everyday life#i feel like its kind of a train wreck in the making and its possibly going to get to a point where#theres not going to be much we can do about it because itll be so ingrained in everything#okay sorry my elderly person jumped out for a minute but that notification really got me#id rather have no technology than ai in everything change my mind#and not to mention how ai and the people working it are like actively destroying every aspect of art in the world...#dl
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will chase give me homework tomorrow!!! only the lord knows really
#omg kiera no one cares#honest to god ? probably will i do it ? hmm no i have a job#like let's chitchat for 100 a dollars i need to beat the shit out of like 3 people they can beat be back tho so it's fair i hate my body#i need to be thin so i can finally be happy but i need a new psyhc for 2 reasons#i would rather experience and go through extreme emotional abuse everyday for 18 years than live as an adult#I am scared to leave my job because everyone says that it's hard and awful and i have no skills i have nothing#i am nothing i never have been and i can't wait to die because then i don't have to do anything anymore#also aging propaganda everywhere that i can never believe but maybe it's because my life is going nowhere and 30 for me is just more disgust
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#not the most important of rants#but as a nonbinary trans person#i kind of hate how much JKR and Harry Potter have become the face of “transphobia”#honestly so much of the hp hate feels so performative#without actually doing anything meaningful to fight everyday transphobia anywhere#and i extra hate how it lumps together every trans person under this banner of#'you are hurting *me* personally if you still like jkr or hp'#even though i as a trans person would much rather focus on how the main themes of hp#are all in direct contradiction to jkr's modern stance on trans rights#since they are messages all about inclusion and acceptance and not judging people just because they were born different than you#and came late to 'your' culture#or the fact that when jkr first wrote hp#she herself was a struggling single mother living on welfare#and how maaaybe there could be a conversation in there#about how wealth and power can corrupt people#and how fundamentally decent people can grow in negative ways#not just in positive ways#if you let yourself forget how it feels to be 'the little guy'#(or if you get too focused on *staying* 'the little guy' when you maybe are not anymore)#(or not the littest guy in a given conversation)#instead of the performative#'you cannot like hp or interact with it at all in any public way OR ELSE'#that has actually happened#i am trans#i hate who jkr has become#but i still love harry potter and what it meant to me in my childhood#and i refuse to let other people take that away for objectively nonsensical reasons#that are never applied consistently across the board to other authors
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kind of realizing that ever since i left my job and have been doing nothing but focusing on my hobbies / drawing,, i have been the happiest
#jess things#the happiest ever since i graduated in 2020#idk where life is going to take me and i do feel a lil hazy and anxious rn#but also i have hope that everything will turn out okay#i still have my shitty days and whatnot it cant be helped#but still… better to have shitty days and i can take care of myself through it#rather than have a shitty day and then worry abt going to work at the worst place ever#anyways im v lucky to have some money on the side from some accident lol#and im still looking for a job throughout it all :’)#but in the meantime the little everyday moments make me feel so happy and at peace
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my brain loooves counting and tracking things and keeping streaks and does the ios fitness app that was set up without knowledge with a random daily step goal that i toss and turn at night if i don’t reach. me if i don’t close the circle
#p#its like the sheer pressure of losing my almost yr long duolingo streak that pushes me to do the lessons#rather than wanting to#but this step thing pisses me the fuck off cause i know for sure i complete that goal everyday sometimes i just don’t take my phone. FUCK YO#its peeving me its hexing and vexing me to see that circle not closed
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'we used to have intergenerational households where grandparents could help with chores' but also chores used to be. MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH harder. like that is actually a Pretty Big Deal historically that in the 1950s in particular household appliances got Way Fucking Better and the difference that made to women's empowerment. like yes there were intergenerational households in the Olden Days but also chores did take like. all day. a lot of the time. even WITH that.
#i assure you#in terms of like. chore enjoyability.#i would rather operate a washing machine on my own.#than wash clothing on a scrubber with my nanna there.#frankly sometimes Id rather my grandparents not be there at all honestly regardless of anything else#and I think it's sort of nice that I have the choice to do that#and that my everyday survivability doesnt rely on me NOT choosing that
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It feels undeserving 👍
#once again thinking if i should like. not tell anyone#not tell anyone when the festival will be held nor my thesis defense#dont tell anyone absolutely anyone so no one can come see me#whyshould i make people waste time on seeing probably one of the worst things i have worked on#i feel. judged everyday. nothing is as good as it should be#this does not feel like a feat but rather a terrible shame#who cares about my degree i always feel like im being shamed when someone broughts up the fact im working on my thesis#i like what i study. dont get me wrong. and i dont think this in general. this is a me only issue and iknow that#and i know everyone would get upset with me#not like my mind cares haha the thoughts wont stop even if i try to be rational#i feel like such a terrible burden just asking for help. i feel like everyones thinking what a disappointment i am#i shouldnt need help. i should be doing this alone. and it should be way better than the garbage im making#last class the professors asked me 'why did u rate yourself so low? your work is fine'#i didnt even pick the low option i wanted. i picked a higher one to be generous with myself. i wish i had picked a 1. thats what i deserved#even if they say it looks good or that they r excited to see what i make. it all sounds like lies in my head#no one showing up is what i deserve. i shouldnt ask for help. i shouldnt celebrate anything#i wish people would yell at me and tell me what a fuck up i am#'the people that love you would be excited to help you if you would actually let them'#it all feels like a set up for showing what an idiot i am#haunted.txt
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like i dislike obi-wan because i think he's overrated and he's the epitome of pretty white boy that the fandom fixates on and ships him with literally every single character in the entire franchise as a form of the roving slash fandom etc. but then seeing people dislike him because like oh he MISTREATED anakin or whatever it's so annoying like how dare you make me want to defend this bland ass white bread milquetoast man
#whats that one post. like everyone is so determined to blame literally anyone for anakin's fall rather than darth sidious and anakin himself#like can you all shut up about the failings of the jedi and obi-wan etc#there was a fucking evil wizard manipulating this little boy since he was 9 and you wanna cast blame to anyone but said evil wizard#and also anakin himself like idgaf what your master tells you to do. he committed MASS MURDER AND GENOCIDE !!!#hell he did the mass murdering of his own volition no evil wizard manipulation involved in that whatsoever#but oh yeah lets blame obi-wan all because he has like a very normal everyday human mistake of like poor emotional vulnerability#why are you people making me defend this man who i couldnt care less about. gawd#sorry im at the end of the movie right now and the whole obiwan padme anakin confrontation scene got me Contemplating#brot watches star wars
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jklkhjhjg
#everyday i feel like a spare tire that is only needed for house chores#'005 why dont you talk about your day more often' (talks) (gets shut down 1s after i finish to talk about THEIR day)#whole family doesnt trust me with jack shit even with basic things like paying the bill and would rather get my bro to do it than me#standing there talking about furniture and the way my mum just wants to keep asking my bro#despite him literally telling her to ask me and pointing to me#the way my aunt and uncle shuts down realising when he goes overseas they have to talk to ME and they dont trust me#i dont know why it's so hard. just 1) give me your problems and 2) i will solve them as fast as possible#mum convo with my bro : up to 3 hours at times#mum convo with me : 10 minutes tops#'005 why do you like to talk to yourself' yeah i sure Don't Know Why.#thank you for continuously reaffirming that i have no obligation to care for you when even basic topics get ignored#i am highly aware that i am not appreciated and that the lack of my existence wont affect the timeline in anyway but Come On.#i am practically a dummy for people to yell at every time they get grumpy or their vibes are off#idle thoughts
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one of the things that hurt the most is when my mom says that im lazy and just dont want to change bad enough. that i give "too much power" to my personality disorder. like i think it's fun being this way and as if im not dreaming about suicide everyday just so i dont have to live with this brain :p
#can i add that the psyciatric DUMPED me like i was garbage#told me there's no treatment for me. that they cant help me. that i should just get a job and everything will work out#so i have an untreated personality disorder and a bunch of other issues#yeah but i just dont want it badly enough that's it :D#lol anyway whenever my mom starts ranting abt that i feel so fkn bad. my entire inside hurts and i wanna throw up#sorry that im useless trash. as if i asked to be alive#as if i wouldnt rather just die but i cant bc my mom would be devastated. hahhhhhh ha#she doesnt even see how hard i fight to stay alive everyday FOR HER. she doesnt even see it#but yet i have to keep doing it bc the guilt of hurting my mom like that is heavier than how badly i want to die#whatever#wish i could burn myself but ofc i've lost my fkn lighter 🤬
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I would like to see more people talk about how jobs treat disabled employees.
I used to prep, wash dishes, and cook at mellow mushroom. I had chronic pain that wasn't NEARLY as bad as it is today, but it was still very debilitating. I told my employer "i cannot stand more than 4 to 6 hours. I CANNOT do shifts longer than this due to my illness." And even though i made my boundaries VERY clear, everyday i worked it was 8 hours at the least and 10 or 12 at the most. I would go up to my manager and say "look i really need to leave, my shift is over, my chronic pain is killing me." And he'd say "we really need to here, you HAVE to push through." And so i did, and after one, ONE month of that job my crps got incredibly worse to the point where i could no longer walk my dog around the block which was .5 miles. I quit, and that was FOUR years ago, and ever since that day I HAVE BEEN BEDRIDDEN AND HAVE TO USE A WHEELCHAIR. It is my biggest regret in life.
My best friend who has seen my whole journey has recently developed undiagnosed chronic pain, and she is in the EXACT same scenario i was 4 years ago. Busting her ass at a pizza place with extreme pain that hurts her so much she tells me "im in so much pain i don't even feel like a person." She doesn't feel LUCID. And her manager and coworkers are saying the same thing "if you don't help us you will let us down, we'll be in the shit."
That job thats hurting you isn't fucking worth it. I promise you no money is worth losing all your physical abilities and never getting them back. Your coworkers and boss do not give a shit about you, so don't you dare suffer for them. They will never understand your struggle and they will never try. They truly think being understaffed is worse than whatever pain you experience. They would rather you permanently damage yourself than inconvenience them. FUCK THEM. DON'T FUCKING DO IT!
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*sigh*
another year of being stuck at home instead of having a normal life :(
#not by choice#unfortunately#i would much rather be around other people than be alone and stressed 24/7#still haven't ever gone to a Halloween party#or even just gone out to a club or something#its fucking miserable dude#another year of my 20s that I'll never get back#i really just want at least one person in my life that actually wants me in theirs too#but at this point I'm doubting that will ever happen#idk why anyone would willingly choose this shit#but thats a conversation for another day#everyday i wish i could go back in time and make friends while i was in school#not that i didn't try#but i missed pretty much all of highschool#was too mentally ill to handle going#had to be “homeschooled” instead#also got mislabeled as autistic by my mom so she could get a social security check every month#which is what started my chronic social isolation in the first place#no one wanted anything to do with me#i was forced into downsized sped classes that i never actually needed to be in#all of my options for friends were kids who were 4-5 years younger than me developmentally#who i had nothing in common with and who did not understand half of whatever i said#now here i am almost 20 years later#completely fucking alone#all for a whopping $650 a month#and free sympathy from whoever she complained about me to
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do y'all fw my coat
#it was my moms in highschool#its practically falling apart#i have to sew it up all the time#i refuse to let this thing die#its my favorite style of coat#and kther coats like this are expensive#this thing will be buried with me#every winter my mom is like “bro you need a new coat”#and wvery winter i would rather die than get a new coat#i do have one other coat that i use sometimes#but this is my everyday coat#im just yapping now
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