#i still have my shitty days and whatnot it cant be helped

[clownwwx]

kind of realizing that ever since i left my job and have been doing nothing but focusing on my hobbies / drawing,, i have been the happiest

[vellichorom]

(My signal was shitty last night so I dont even know if my ask about Shuu even went through or not, pfftt)

BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT TO THIS ONE!

Get positive beamed because now I'm fueled.

Shoutout to Thierry for being snarky but oh so silly, shoutout for him not being ashamed of his body build because that was HIS CHOICE and it reflects off how HIS ROSEMARY TREATS HIM. We cant have our Narrators starving themselves around here, nope, that is a SHAME and it is UNACCEPTABLE. Shoutout to him having creative timing and making me genuinely laugh with him THAT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE, LAUGHING WITH A CHARACTER IS MORE ENJOYABLE ANYWAYS!

Shoutout to Thierry for being socially anxious and still trying to keep conversation. I see you and I love it. Shoutout to him having the mushiest, sweetest soul that even the most simplest compliment sends him bouncing out of his seat. Shoutout to him not judging people for anything that may come up because that's not how you behave in game or the real world.

Shoutout to him being willing to learn more on a topic he knows nothing about just because a friend loves it. Shoutout to him loving autumn and Halloween and being so dorky about it because his excitement just fuels my own and makes life less boring if I followed his lead.

Shoutout to his comfy as shit cardigan with his little gold chain clasping it together like its the grandest cape but in reality it is blanket for Wife to Steal.

I still don't understand where they came from or why, but this seemingly group of little haters who think trashing on people's characters, for any reason, is okay, are literally juvenile in behavior and need to go outside and play in some dirt. Good for character. They need to go dig some holes and bury some leaves, sticks and acorns.

I know that its not as simple as "ignore the hate" because its so massive and near unending, but please dont forget that they don't get to decide what you create or how you do it. Because if they did, I wouldn't have an awesome mutual who's inspired me to draw fatter characters. :3

One day, I will achieve peak Twinkie fat men,,,, it will be my magnum opus.

I will make my men fat because they deserve it.

I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF WORDS FOR THIS ONE EITHER but god. GOD !!!!!!! it's harder times like this that i can't forget i have loving friends who KNOW my intentions & KNOW my character far better than anyone else with their gross little jokes ever will have the FUCKING PLEASURE TO UNDERSTAND

how unspeakably happy i am to know what you've picked up on & what of his character lingers with you or anyone else, it's extremely important to me & reminds me of what i love about this character - or moreso what i've / we've put into him through our silly little roleplays & imagines & whatnot

IT MIGHT NOT WIPE AWAY EVERY BIT OF BULLSHIT but it earnestly does help & i genuinely appreciate your input more than i can say. thank you ghost i love you so much ❤️

( also i didn't get that ask please send it again )

[uwumessenger]

Could you do the RFA and ofc V and Saeran in an ATLA universe? I love your stuff!

omg yes ofcofc ! sorry some are kinda short lol ;-; but i hope u enjoy B) i’m rewatching atla for the fourth time this quarantine wHEW

btw i feel like mc would be the avatar here...like imagine taking down rika and saving yoosung and shit lmao omg. if you reply/reblog with ur own headcanons for yourself or an oc that would be awesome sauce id love to see it although i highly doubt anyone would do that LOLOLOL IDK BUT IT’S AN OPTION

also SPOILERS for rika’s back story. if the name mika doesnt ring a bell, it’ll be a major spoiler!!!

btw i added rika as well. i was scratching my head @ how to make the plot similar while also staying as cannon as possible but i dont think that’d really work here? so sorry if the relationships are kinda confusing LMAO so saeran is not seven’s brother in this universe. mostly bc the sibling relationship between azula and zuko seemed more fitting for rika and saeran, not saeyoung and saeran, so saeran is rika’s broski here. rika and v had no romantic relationship here, too. lastly, mika is rika’s dad in this au, so she’s genderbent. will be referred to as mikah !

Yoosung

i cant imagine him living anywhere other than ba sing se

hes a pretty good earthbender but he doesnt participate in any underground fight clubs or anything

and he would definitely work in a tea shop

but he eventually joins the dai li UH OH

MC plz save this kid

Zen

um WATER TRIBE

but he cant bend </3

he definitely performs at a water tribe theater and carries every single show

helps MC find a waterbending teacher

hes kinda like sokka and is one of the reasons why MC’s team avatar can function well

honestly zen kinda reminds me of the cabbage guy too so when hes older he’d probably have a business but it’d constantly get destroyed HAHAHA

Jaehee

airbender type beat

jaehee is a MASTER and she trains avatar MC

kinda like avatar yangchen tbh

she is apart of the white lotus !! and an absolute boss at pai sho and teaches MC how to play as well

peaceful queen

would secretly watch zen’s plays on ember island before he joined team avatar and is super excited when he joins them

Jumin

jumin is a firebender

he’d be like piandao except he can bend as well. he’s the person that trains MC in firebending

invented wine in this timeline

and dont worry, elizabeth the third still exists here!! he enjoys tea with only her

part of the white lotus gang gang gang

secret fun fact: when MC was on a rest day, jumin asked zen if he wanted to train as a swordsman. zen agrees and jumin became zen’s master B)

Saeyoung/707

earthbender!!!

hes like toph; the most powerful and skilled earthbender out there

likes to make inventions in his downtime as well

and helps zen with strategizing for attack plans and whatnot

he joins team avatar and trains MC

was never really into tea and preferred inventing weird sugary drinks throughout team avatar’s journey

pop up note: the spoilers for rika’s backstory will be in rika’s hc (but is first mentioned in saeran’s) which is coming up!! scroll past or click off now if u dont want to read da spoilerz

V

v is lit rally just uncle iroh but younger

he does his best to get saeran back on the right path no matter what

he’d be a grand lotus in the white lotus

plays pai sho w/ jaehee every now and then

gives MC a lot of advice when they need it most. over a cup of tea ofc

yoosung’s therapist after ys leaves the dai li

also saeran’s full time therapist

and he always cares for saeran...but thinks rika is beyond repair and not worth trying to help

Saeran

literally zuko

BUT he cant firebend....considered weak and is easily manipulated by rika

eventually gets banished from the fire kingdom for embarrassing his family once so

also went into a coma after doing one (1) good thing

cant make good tea even if his life depended on it

is good by the end of the story and works with zen at his business as well as trains with jumin

wont admit it but he sees v as a father figure especially since mikah was such a shitty one lol

Rika

ok look i LOVE female villains but i do not like rika for some reason

rika is azula on crack

whoever her mom was, is long gone lol like ursa

fire lord mikah convinces rika that the fire nation is so organized and well structured that they deserve to take over the entire world but dies before their first attack

this is a nod to mika being the real brains behind mint eye and passing away before she could see it get carried out

rika believes that mikah died bc she is much more powerful than him and the universe would rather have her be the one to take over all the nations

by the end of everything no one knows what happens to rika. there’s an intense battle between her and the avatar but rika’s end is all dependent on what the MC decides.

[gwasgy]

Okay. So. Here’s an elaborate multiple days of brainstorming ideas as they come PracticalMagicnatural AU nonsense. Thank you.

- Bobby and Rufus would be the Aunts and they'd be bffs not siblings and would have Vibes but it would be... hm. This is not a Bufus story is what I'm saying.

- the Curse would be on the men and for the women they love of course (classic fridging :/)

- this works for Bobby, (Rufus,) John, and Sam. (Supernatural is bad)

- so this is where it's kind of. Hm. Bc Sally and Gillian are not one to one for either boy. Where Sally and Gillian BOTH have identities separating family and magic (family business), these ideas are inseparable for the brothers.

- alsooo dean and sam to BE dean and sam they would've had to be "raised" by john until they were at least near-grown, even if they had a home base at Bobby's house.

- John still kills himself with grief MAYBE but it's like /later/ and more through self destruction and revenge and alcoholism, leaving the boys to live their later teenage/early twenties in the Bufus household

- Azazel is the one killing all the Wives in this curse. And if they use The Resurrection Spell to bring them back, he is possessing them

- hmmmmmmmmm they need to still be hunters I think buuut what if. They also did witchcraft.

- Dean would cast the love summoning spell, making it so that he uses angel descriptors unwittingly or on purpose because he doesnt think angels are real and therefore cannot exist for him to fall in love with and kill (bc the curse)

- it would be fun and very cringe fail embarrassing for Dean if sometimes he thought about His Angel and accidentally occasionally prayed to Cas

- Anna could show up and be Dean's red herring

- Dean could be in an About to Die situation and think, as a joke or whatever, "fuck. I never even got to meet that hot angel chick that's in love with me," and Cas shows up (with wings bc hot), saves him, *handprints*, then leaves

- OR. There's a blinding light and screeching noise and Dean blacks out and wakes up with a handprint safe and sound

- Cas and The Guy From Practical Magic That's A Cop both bend the rules of their superiors for their person easily and pliantly. except for the initial pushback. Hm.

----

- it's weird bc in practical magic there's this whole vibe of I'm Done With Magic And You're Dragging Me Back Into This And Ruining My Life but sammy had gone away and rejected The Life THEN found the woman he loves and THEN tried to resurrect her mayyybeeeee wait wait wait it wouldn’t be Jess bc she isn’t evilll...

- DEAN would be the one with a bad boyfriend that they accidentally kill and have to resurrect... hmmmmm

- maybe it's like a Boy Best Friend of dean's like maybe he is on a hunt with Benny and he accidentally chops his damn head off and tries to resurrect him to cover it up

- and that fucks up something in the afterlife and Cas is sent to Fix The Problem of whatever the fuck happened to this guy's soul when they did this

----

- it's wonderful to think of the PTA mom shenanigans Dean and Sam could get into but I don't think that Dean would have any sort of kid in this besides maybe jack?

- I mean, it could be that Ben is still around and he was with Lisa but never Loved Her on principal, and left in time so the curse didn't fuck her up, but they're still friends and he will still pick Ben up from school sometimes

- I don't see how the phone tree could work into it but I don't think that it's necessary bc sam and dean and cas's version of this story does not and can not revolve around them being outsiders in their own community but overcoming it and accepting who you are and integrating into the community through girl power and witch magic

- BUT. the potential of sammy being possessed is yeah. It’s extremely. Yeah.

- They could have a nice bonding moment of I'm never gonna leave you you can do this like from Swan Song. Like Sally joining Gilly in the broom circle to help her while she’s being exorcised

- their brotherly bond is NOTHING like Sally and Gillian's, though. Like YES. they would no doubt help bury the body, but they aren't giggling about their love life under the covers together. They simply are not that type of girl

- also I guess there wouldn't be the tension of You're Ruining My Life That I've Constructed Just By Being Here between them.

- WELL.

- Dean WOULD say something shitty about cleaning up Sam's messes though. He is just that type of guy

----

- Dean can definitely be the one chopping and hacking at the rose bush and cas would DEFINITELY get distracted and heal him in the middle of his conversation with him

- Dean oh dean he and his close Boy Best Friends could totally fuck with the curse. Like-

- Dean: Oh my good friend Benny he’s the first person ive really allowed myself to get attatched to in a while but that’s fine! he can't die because i don't love or like him like that because he's a guy! Haha, I'm not gay! We are just guys being dudes just two bros hanging out :)

Benny: *dies anyway*

Dean: FUCK

- Sammy would totally make that new age witchy herbal shop that Sally had! that would be so fun. Also ft. periphery what the fuck is up with those people type locals

- maybe Rowena shows up still and Crowley is also there hmmmmm and Rowena teaches Sam magic stuff and it gets him to make the supernatural a part of his life again without having to do any hunting hmmmmmmm or it's just another tool in his arsenal and he just always deserves to have magic powers

- the supernatural ladies could work in the shop :) like Meg and Rowena and Ruby anndddd Alya :) Ava? The psychic hunger games MVP girl

- or all the kids work at that shop!! I miss those dang kids. Max, the twins, death lesbian, Jake, electric guy, and all them :)

- Rowena is like a witchy shop owner up in town that buys Sam's wares to sell in the city #CareerWoman #GirlBoss

- Jody and Donna can also hang out I guess. Since we're at Bobby's place

----

- Dean casts the love summoning spell after either Regular Heartbreak with Cassie, his first love, when he was 15 or whatever, OR after the behated Boy Best Friend death. Hmmmmmm

- it makes more sense for the story for dean to have someone die on him and apply to the curse. But I don't wanna kill Benny ):

- well I don't think he was ever In Love with Crowley or Benny like he was with Cassie (or even Lisa)

- when he was 15 or 14 and John was still around but had left him at the Bufus household he got hold of that love summoning spell and made sure it was impossible so he would never experience heartache again. He does so while crying teenagishly and 11 year old sam is like. Why the fuck are you summoning this weird monster girl to fall in love with you

- and Dean is like no no this kind of monster doesn't exist. Anyway they'd have glowing blue eyes and they're as big as a building and and they hear me whenever I call no matter far away

- Sam: that...... sounds like an angel, dean.

Dean, having already done the spell: WHAT. NO. NO IT'S NOT IT IS SO NOT LIKE AN ANGEL. ANGELS AREN'T REAL

- Cas in Heaven, a bunch of flower petals swirling around him: what the fuck is that. That's weird

- Cas like 13 years later when he sees a cajun zombie vampire demon: okay I'm already getting weird prayers from some guy down there I'm just gonna check that out

- by the time Cas gets down there they've killed it again and buried it and hmm

- It's weird because it's the opposite of Practical Magic here bc Cas is the one that needs to be believed about something supernatural BY dean

----

- what if they accidentally kill JOHN instead of a hot bf. Dean kills John bc John tries to kill Sam, and they panickedly try to resurrect him immediately

- yeah yeah yeah yeah and John, possessed by Azazel, gets killed again while still being possessed and is buried underground. There can still be a rose bush and frogs and whatnot

- I doon't know why Bobby and Rufus would just leave the brothers in their house if John was alive until then?

- Alright John's been missing for like 5 years and the boys have just been living there and assumed he's dead. Then he comes for Sammy bc Sam is Turning Evil or whatever and John's a huge loser about it

- so Bufus is like "you guys are acting insane and you aren't telling us what's wrong so we’re just going to leave and you're going to sort it out yourself." Like the aunts

- then, when cas shows up to track down the weird resurrected demon-possessed serial killer abomination Dean and Cas are EMBARRASSING like completely totally absolutely embarrassing cringe fail love where they can't talk normal with eachother and Cas keeps getting too close and staring but Dean forgets to tell him to back off or anything and he just stammers uselessly through thin dumb lies

- there aren't any children there to comically thwart Sam's plans to get rid of Castiel as he is investigating Dean and Sam but it could end similarly

- where Cas finds Sam making a small angel banishing symbol and is like "okay. You guys aren't to be trusted and you're doing something evil (and i don't understand what’s happening to me when i’m around Dean). I'm just straight up going to leave then" and boom he's gone

- the fight Sally and Gillian have right before Gillian gets possessed can play out pretty damn similarly with Sam and Dean, but it's a LOT different too

- like it's their DAD not some random serial killer bf. You can't choose your dingdang dad! So the part of "I cant keep cleaning up your messes" WHOSE MESSES who even says that to who whose mess could this even be

----

- Sam has a girlfriend that dies from the curse and it’s bc of being caught in the crossfire when Hunter Bullshit Happens. The Women of the Winchesters’ way. So he moves back specifically to get back into hunting and witchcraft to BREAK the curse hmmmmm.

- Much like Sally with Michael’s death. “I don't care what he comes back as. As long he comes back. Please do this for me. Please? Please? Please? Please?” :(

- I think Dean is an Of Course I’m Not Going To Fall In Love kinda character, like younger Sally before Michael. very pessimistic very self depreciating. He only confides his deepest darkest desires (to be loved simply and openly without fear of the Curse taking anyone. To be held and to take care of someone who will appreciate it) in his fakey fake pretend prayers to his imaginary angel (this turns out to be very cringe fail embarrassing when Cas shows up)

- Cas holds onto these prayers like Hallet (the cop from movie) does with Sally’s letter to Gillian, not knowing or understanding why he’s so fixated on them and why he can’t stop reading them/playing them back/listening in

- John… maybe he was pulling a Gordon and was killing all the psychic kids and was eventually going to have to kill Sam, and Cas was for some reason Put On The Case as an angel or was Allowed to Interfere or whatever bc it was fudging up God’s Plan

- and that’s how Cas justified being so fixated and taking notes on Dean’s prayers, like Hallet did with the letter. It was a good lead. It was about their father, and Sam seemed to be having psychic tendencies or whatever that could turn dangerous

----

- Okay okayokayokay so Sally and Gillian’s story is them escaping the ostracization they feel from the people in their physical regional community. The Owen’s family has always been outsiders, even before the curse came into being. They are persecuted for being witches (and sleeping around and being sexy).

- the sisters try to escape this either by just LEAVING: going to a place they can be themself without shame, or assimilating and abandoning a part of themself so that they can stay.

- the Winchester brothers are, I guess, ostracized by the hunting community because they are kept away from it and moved around a lot in the show. Okay okay okay okay okaywaitwaitwait

- Okay so the Winchesters feel alienated from both civilians and the hunting community, and they both eventually choose to do similar things to Sally and Gilly..! Sam LEAVES and assimilates, while Dean stays and just accepts his role his father gave him.

- Gilly and Sam LEAVE, while Dean and Sally STAY. Gillian and Dean embrace what makes them Different, while Sally and Sam reject it in favor of Being Normal

- The witchcraft/hunting thing especially doesn’t mesh well here though because Hunting is KILLING it’s literally murdering sentient beings. It’s war propaganda it’s desensitizing you to Even Though The Enemy Is Capable Of Good Individually They Are, As A Group, Evil And Should Be Slaughtered.

- Witchcraft in Practical Magic is just… a way of life that’s considered outside the accepted norms of society. It’s being openly queer, it’s being from a different country of origin, it’s being non-christian religious in a small town. Accepting witchcraft doesn’t have any moral good or badness, it’s just with or without the consequences of being “out” in your area. While accepting Hunting as a lifestyle is to accept putting yourself in bodily danger doing morally ambiguous/BAD things to protect people you can’t relate to or find a community in. Hmmmmmmmmmm

----

- Sam and Sally both have natural talents/instincts but don't want to use it in favor of being "normal"

-

[drabblesanddreams]

Hi !i hope you enjoyed your vacation! Can you write a atsushi x blind reader and she falls in love with his voice and it kinda takes him a while to like her?

Hi! I did enjoy it thank you so much:) Sorry this piece took so long i was honestly kind of scared to write a disabled reader as i didnt want to fuck it up but at least i tried haah! Also i tried writing a reader who didnt work in the ADA which i hope worked out good, regardless thank you so much for your request, i hope it turned out to your liking though i did get carried away as its a little longer than usual…

Word count: 2.6k

Pairing: Atsushi x reader

TW: nothing

Summary: Basically u cant see much and atsushi is insecure cutie again

It was a long day ofworking and there was nothing that you wanted more to do then go to bed forwhat would seem like all of eternity, that’s how tired you are. Yawningslightly, you made your way up the stairs to your apartment with a relativeamount of ease. 

Your body had already gotten familiar to the pathway to your livingspace, although you were partially blind. You had been partially blind yourwhole life, only being able to recognize the shifting of light and whatnotbehind your (e/c) eyes. 

The familiarity of the routine encompassed a feeling ofserene comfort. All your life, you relished in the concept of order, everythinghad their place in the world and you greatly respected that notion. It onlymade living life a tad bit easier, with that belief you had clung onto.

As you continued toclimb the stairs, you briefly let go of the railing in order to place a handupon the wall, letting it travel upwards as you felt up the hard, stone surfacebeneath it. 

You recognized the sudden shifting of light and realized that youwere at the top of the stairs now. Making haste, you walked the approximate numberof steps that you were familiar with in order to get to your door and unlockedit, before scurrying inside in and shutting the door behind you.

You briefly turned onthe light in order to recognize the area in which you should place yourbelongings and did so before making your way sleepily to your bedroom.

 You didn’teven bother changing into your pajamas and instead just settled for strippingout of your work clothes so that you were in your undershirt and underwear.

  Allin all it was kind of a shitty day, you thought as you settled into yourbed. See, you worked in a café that normally wasn’t this exhausting but todayit seemed as if you had received a greater number of either ignorant or rude customers.Accompanied by the fact that your manager asked you to stay back to close onlyirked you even more. 

This had overthrown your routine and you were upset aboutit as you had most likely missed your favourite part of each day.

Unfortunately, youlied in bed feeling quite awake now.

Of course, that was until you heard it, hisvoice.

Smiling to yourself,you rolled over in bed until you were closer to the thin walls that separated youand your neighbor. You could clearly make out the mutterings and comments madeby your neighbor, Atsushi Nakajima. 

Every night the poor boy would come backhome and spend half an hour or so speaking to someone, most likely over thephone, about the day’s mission he had to endure. It was always so entertainingto you, his whole life was an adventure to you, almost like a good book that hewould speak verbally out loud to. It always lulled you to bed ever since hefirst moved in. 

From what you could gather, he was a recent employee of theArmed Detective Agency starting from a few months back. 

This agency was right besidethe café that you worked at so you always managed to hear him there as well asin the mornings when both of you would greet each other a good morning.

You let your eyelidsfall shut as you homed in on his soft voice. Unlike the noisy sounds of thecity that so often gave you a headache, his voice was incredibly soothing andquiet.

 It was always accompanied by gentle undertones as well which shocked youslightly at first as you couldn’t believe how someone could be that type ofkind. 

His voice was almost to the point of melodic, the words that would takeform by his tones would spin into a plethora of stories and recounts that youyourself liked to listen to as you fell asleep.

Besides his voice, hehimself was a kind and gentle person. You had heard that way he had interactedwith his co-workers in your café, his undying patience in the antics of his,what you assumed to be, supervisor Dazai Osamu. 

The interactions between thetwo never failed to make you chuckle as you would hide your amusement behindthe coffee machines.

Through all this, itwas no surprise that you fell in love with him.

Unfortunately, the feeling was not mutual as both of you were mere acquaintances. 

But you werefine with this, as much as it pained your heart you accepted that not everyonein the world was lucky enough to be loved back by the person that theycherished close to their heart.

With this thought inmind, you let yourself quickly let yourself succumb to the sweet promise ofsleep with Atsushi’s voice in the background.  

Hours later, yousnuggled into your comforter serenely, turning over and inhaling deeply. It hadbeen quite a while since you’ve been this well rested.

 In fact… the mere notionof how well rested you were feeling was a tad bit suspicious.

 Throughthe foggy haze clouding your mind, you shot up in bed as a shocking realizationshot through you. It seemed that you had been so exhausted the previous nightthat you had forgotten to set your alarm for the upcoming workday.

The possibility thatyou had slept in quickly caused your heart to speed up slightly in fear thatyou completely missed your shift. “Siri, what time is it?” you demanded as youdistressingly rolled out of bed.

“The time is 6:47 am” YourAI responded back in that calm, robotic annoyingly professional voice. A suddenbout of irritation shot up through your body, how could this stupid phone be socalm when you were here panicking the hell out, trying to find your belongings?

 Shaking your head, you focused on the fact that you had 13 minutes to get to workand you had to scram!

You paced around the room, hands reaching out and patting every surface insearch of your work attire. Thank god you had memorized the layout of your flatotherwise you would surely be stumbling across every piece of furniture in yourwake. Okay, so maybe you were stumbling, but not as much as if you were in a completelyunfamiliar place.

Suddenly, your handsfound several articles of clothing and once you had identified them as yourwork clothes by running your fingers over the logo stamped on the shirt, youwasted no time in pulling them on before racing out the door. 

Not so carefullysprinting across the living room, you grabbed your backpack from where you hadthrown it the previous night and pulled open the door. 

Shutting the door behindyou, you turned the corner to the right in order to make it to the stairsbefore you collided with a taller, harder body.

The impact sent yousprawling to the ground and in return, you heard some of your belongings fromyour backpack crash as well. Oh my god, you thought Did I just make afool of myself?!.

“I-I am so sorry sir!”You hurriedly apologized as you dropped to your knees, quickly trying to searchfor your belongings so you could get the hell out of there in order to not be moreof an embarrassment.

“A-ah no it’s my fault,here let me help you,” the other body hastily said back, and you felt your bodygrow hot with the awful realization that you recognized this man’s voice. It wasyour neighbor, freaking Atsushi. It seemed that you had indeed made yourselfout to be an embarrassment. Crashing into your crush on a 7am morning wasnot how you wanted to make your first impression on said crush.  

“You’re too kind, haha,thank you!” You anxiously said back as the both of you quickly gathered the itemsthat fell from your backpack. Once he had finished handing you your items, theboth of you stood up. 

“I-I’m really sorry again, I didn’t see you there,” hesaid, the sound of him scratching the back of his head could be heard and youcould only smile at his nervous behavior. His antics were adorable if you hadto be quite honest. 

“That’s alright Its kind of my fault, I was too much of ina rush to get to work to remember the layout of my surroundings,” you said backapologetically.

A brief pause followed before he cleared histhroat, “You can’t see?” he asked and you could only imagine the cute way hisfeatures would scrunch up, the widening of his beautifully coloured eyes,whatever colour they may be.

 Shyness coursed through you as you nodded, youhoped this fact didn’t define you or change how he would possibly see you inthe future. 

After all, you were more than your disability. You then explained, “I’vebeen visually impaired since I was a kid..b-but I can still see shadows and light,even movement.”

Another pause followedand you swallowed in anticipation of his reply.

“If it’s no trouble miss,please let me walk you to work to make it up for crashing into you!” Atsushi rapidlyoffered and your (e/c) widened. You felt your jaw drop slightly at hisproposition but before you could ask why, he answered for you, “I- you work atRen Café right? Near the ADA?”. You blinked at this; how did he know? Could hehave possibly remembered you from the small interactions you both shared?

“It’s just Dazai’salways talking about how good the coffee you make is which I guess is how I knowyou and its also on the way so it would be no problem.” He shyly explained andyou felt your cheeks heat up at this.

“A-alright,” youaccepted hesitantly and the both of you made your way down the stairs and outof the building, Atsushi kindly offering any assistance if you were in need.

Days turned intoweeks, and slowly this became a part of your routine.

More precisely, Atsushi kindly walking you towork before moving on forward to his own workplace. On those walks, not onlydid you learn more about Atsushi himself, you got to hear more of his voice.

 Throughhis words, you learned about his special ability, about his work as a detective,how Dazai managed to do this, or how his other co-worker Kunikida managed to dothat. It was still as lovely to you as it was back then and only caused you tofall for him even more as you got to know him.

The slight low pitchof his voice grew increasingly more attractive to you with each passing day.

On this particular day,you opened the door of your apartment, “Good morning Atsushi-kun!” you greetedcheerfully, knowing full well that he would always be waiting for you on theother side of the door to walk to work. 

“M-morning (Y/n)-chan!” he replied, andyou could basically sense the smile on his lips. 

Shutting the door behind you,you looped your arm through his before rounding the corner like you would do everyother day. Humming, you let your stride fall into a small skip, unwillinglypulling Atsushi along with your movements. 

“You seem like you’re in a good moodtoday,” he commented as the both of you made your way down the stairs. His armtightened around yours to ensure that you wouldn’t fall as you had done the daybefore. 

Oh, how much you had laughed from the sheer embarrassment of it all ashe quickly fretted over you in clear worry.

“What?” you asked,feigning offense, “Am I not allowed to be happy?” you accused. Laughing at howhe stumbled over his words in an attempt to deny your words, you shook yourhead, “Just kidding!” you giggled.

“(y/N)-chan!” hewhined adorably at your teasing before quieting down, “(y/n)_chan..” he saidquietly. “Hm?” you hummed at the sudden change of tone.

“I-uh, are you evercurious to how I look?” he asked, and you blinked, turning your head to hisdirection silently probing for him to expand. “I mean, you know what I am.. I mean…the monster inside of me, but you still want to be my friend..” he hesitantly said,“What if…what if it’s only because you can’t see me, the person I could really be…”

You took in his words,confused for a moment before you realized. Something you had not known beforebefriending the detective was his incredible low level of self-confidence. 

Itwas no secret how close the two of you had become recently, you even taking theinitiative to visit him at his workplace as he would do the same to yours. 

Hemust have been blaming his current happiness of your friendship because you couldn’tsee, and thus was never witness to his transformation into his alter ego of thetiger.

 Because of this unintentional avoidance of not seeing him at his worst, hemust think that I am in an ignorant position.

Huffing slightly, youfelt your growing irritation spike, “Atsushi, me being blind doesn’t haveanything to do with our friendship or my judgment of your character,” youstated annoyed, “I don’t need to see in order to know what you can become andthe fact that you even think that I need to see in the first place so that our friendshipcan have true meaning is frankly offensive” you furrowed your eyebrows angrily asyou placed your hands on your hips.

“A-ah Im sorry(y/n)-chan! I didn’t mean to insinuate… I just…” Atsushi trailed off andyou sighed, letting your arms fall.

 Softly you took a few steps forward untilyou were sure you were much closer to him. “Atsushi, you know how I know you’rea good person aside from what you’ve told me?” you gently asked. “No, I don’t…”he whispered back.

“Your voice,” youstated.

“M-my voice…?” hestuttered out in confusion.

“Yes Atsushi, yourvoice,” you reaffirmed, “You speak in such a gentle manner, in a way that is socomforting and serene to the people around you, its so full of kindness andpatience and that is so rare to find in a world like this.”

“It paints me all thepictures ill never see which I’m fine with because I would honestly just have yourvoice then see any of the sights of the world…and I don’t know about youAtsushi but I don’t think anyone would describea monster like that” you continued to explain before letting the silencesink in as he took in your words. 

Exhaling, you took a step forward and reachedfor his hand, intertwining it with your own. Tilting your head upwards, you leta sudden burst of confidence fill you as your nose brushed against his, “(Y/n)-chan”he stuttered out, but you never let him finish.

“Your voice is the most beautiful thing I’veever heard” you admitted in a shy whisper.

 Where this confidence came from, youhad no idea, but he had to know how much of a good person he was, how he wasnot the monster so many people had previously tried to make him out to be.

 Itseemed as even though you were blind, you could see things this man couldn’t.

“(Y/n)-chan…”he breathed out as you felt his hands caress the sides of your face. His foreheadrested upon yours before he whispered, “thank you” and then you felt his softlips claim yours.

[thismysteriousrose-blog]

Stab My Heart; Take My Pain Away(Chapter 5)

Levi hated annoying people, that's for sure. Hanji was one of those people who fit the annoying type. He can't deny the littlest bit if amusement he felt towards the scientist.

After pulling the woman by her arm when she didn't listen, he dragged her to the parking lot. Nifa gave him an encouraging smile; the brunette's assistant looked at Hanji with worry.

Hanji didn't mind getting dragged by a man she just met either. In fact, there was something about the way he handled her. He wasn't as gentle as Moblit or too harsh like her father—she liked the way his calloused hands brushed against her skin. It was no big deal, too. She was just treating him to lunch and nothing more. After, they would just be back to being strangers again.

The rain had ceased outside. To her confusion, Levi hastily walked with her in tow. It seems like he didn't like the crowd. The women gawked at him as he passed and some even glared at her.

"Geez…"she muttered under her breath, too low for Levi to hear. "If they wanted closure, they should at least talk to this short stack."

Unknowlingly, she chuckled at the new nickname she made for him. Levi looked back, annoyed. Maybe Petra was right after all—the woman is crazy!

After reaching the parking lot and Levi's car, Hanji stopped laughing and grinned instead. "Nice car, shirt stack!"

"Tch." Levi unlocked his car door and slipped in. He unrolled the passenger seat's window ang glared at her. She, of course, wasn't fazed. "And what the hell do you know about cars, Shitty Glasses?!"

"None," Hanji admitted. "But judging from the shiny coat on this, it must have been new. Mine's been almost a year old and—"

"I get it already, Hanji."

"Ha-Hanji?" the scientist blinked, unsure what to respond. It was her first time hearing the shorter man speak her name.

"What's the matter, Shitty Glasses? Isn't that your name? If not then what is?"

"Ah?! Well…That's... kind of you," Hanji admitted. Butterflies dwelled inside her stomach and she didn't know why. To hell with the butterflies! She shouldn't be feeling these kind of things...

'He's just so... different,' Hanji thought. 'I like different…'

"Stop spacing out. You're still going to treat me to lunch because you insisted. Hurry and get in," Levi spoke.

Hanji jumped at the sound of his voice. For how long was she spacing out exactly?

She opened the car door and got in. For some weird reason, the number of butterflies increased. Hanji fidgeted nervously in her seat to which Levi noticed.

"Tch, " he murmured. "Tell me where the duck we're going. I'm starving, idiot."

Hanji looked at him and nodded silently. "You're right. Sorry for that—just remembering unpleasant memories from the past."

The words she spoke is half-true, too. She did remember how her father used to treat her after her mother died. All the scoldings and whatnot. Those were some of the unpleasant memories.

"I get them sometimes," Levi said. He didn't look back at her. He didn't have to. He knew that Hanji must be looking at him in pity.

Unbeknownst to him, Hanji smiled slightly. A blush tinted her pale cheeks—not that she noticed. She was glad she had someone who remembered unpleasant memories with. Weird as it may sound, Hanji wanted to ask him about it but she refrained herself. They were just strangers who happen to bump into each other on the way to work.

Come to think of it, what was his work? She never saw him in the neighbourhood she lived in. As an extrovert and a friendly person - Hanji decided to gain more friends - she went from house to house while totting a bag of cookies.

"Hey," she called out. "What is exactly is your—"

"Quit talking. Give me directions so we can leave."

"Yes, sir!" Hanji chuckled at her sudden outburst. "I'm sure you're familiar with the Leonhardts' gymnasium! Everybody knows where it's located! Beside the establishment is a small restaurant!"

Levi knew where the location was. Erwin took him there once but the sanitation is awful so he never went back there again.

Without giving Hanji anytime for another set of directions to be blurted out, the engine roared to life and the both of them sped up towards their destination.

"WOHOO!" cried the scientist as she spread her arms wide, momentarily blocking Levi's view if the road. Hanji's eyes sparkled in excitement. Setting aside the butterflies and weird vibes she was feeling from this guy—Hanji is happy. Way more than happy. She got a ride from a stranger she just met, she's going to have a delicious lunch in her favorite restaurant and voila! A happy September the tenth!

Levi tried to concentrate on his driving. He didn't want to get stuck in traffic nor did he want to get stuck in traffic WITH a mad scientist. That's outrageous! But there was still a flicker of amusement he felt towards her. Even if just a tiny bit. Too bad she is going to die by his hands.

For a second he checked her out and saw that she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Maybe she wasn't going to die by his hands.

Fifteen minutes later, Hanji jumped off hear seat. Her smile didn't fade as she watched Levi with bright eyes who just unbuckled his seatbelt off. He took the keys from the ignition and opened the door to his side.

When Levi noticed she was staring, she asked, "What?"

Hanji shook her head and nervously laughed yet again. Her ponytail bounced as she skipped towards the restaurant. Levi rolled his eyes at her childishness. He couldn't believe a childish a person like her could qualify for a smart scientist that needs to be killed because of some reasons Erwin personally kept to himself.

The door chimes jingled as Hanji pushed open the door. Levi silently followed, wishing she didn't smile as much—people were beginning to look at them.

"Quit smiling, Four Eyes," he growled under his breath.

"Can't help it, Levi. You cant stop a person from smiling all day long!" she exclaimed, spreading her arms wide as she faced him with that grin of hers.

"And... Smiles are contagious," she added.

Levi scoffed and crossed both arms on his chest. "If that's true then why am I not smiling, stupid?"

She stepped closer towards him. Levi remained poker-faced. She noticed the rich and deep color of his eyes and immediately admired it. Once, when she was a child, she asked her father why she couldn't have her mother's eyes. To be honest, she didn't want to have the same eyes as her father because it reminds her that she's just a daughter of a corrupt politician.

"You'll see, " she said, moving away from him.

"If you insist," Levi replied. "If you make me smile today, I'll be the one to treat you to lunch sooner or later. But if you won't then you need to stop smiling."

Hanji thought about that for a moment and decided it's worth the risk. She hardly believed his threat—nobody can stop nobody from smiling after all.

Or so she thought.

[perdizzion]

I just happen to stumbled upon ur account and saw that you'll be quitting med school. I have a dilemma that I want to share with someone. Im a newly enrolled first yr med student and classes just started a week before. But I'm starting to form some doubts whether I really want to be a doctor or not. Its not that I cant handle the academics its just that do i really see myself being a doctor in the future and actually feel happy about it.

I dont even know if being a doctor is my dream anymore or just my parent’s.

Hiya! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, anon! I don’t know if my answer will help you or not, but I will try to do my ABSOLUTE BEST to reply!!

Ok so. Med school. Tricky stuff. I’ll tell you a little bit about my background and what I’m up to right now to give you a Good Feel about how things are going after the decision I’ve taken and whatnot.

I got into med school about 4 and a half years ago, and like any student who worked their asses off for their desired universities’ entrance exams, I was beyond ecstatic when I found out that I had gotten in. I started attending lectures, group discussions, student projects, and for the first few years, I felt like hey, I think I can actually do this! The exams were pretty tough, I can’t say I liked pharmacology and neurology, but I passed just fine and so I thought that things were going to be fine.

[Narrator voice] things were, in fact, not fine.

I started having doubts around..3rd year, I think? Everything just started to become so dull no matter how much free time I was using to do my hobbies (drawing and doing art in general) and I think that was when my depression started to really rear its ugly head. I started to miss classes, isolate myself from my friends, stay in bed all day, and the only people that had kept me sane were my family and a few close friends of mine telling me to take care of myself when I was too depressed to do so. I tried thinking about whether I’ll be happy being a doctor in the future, and then I noticed that I couldn’t even imagine myself in a white coat, working in a clinic and talking to a patient.

This is when I finally realized that all this time, my wanting to go to med school wasn’t even because it was my dream. It was my parents’.

I struggled a lot to get through some of the days, but I managed to keep up the facade in front of my uni friends until I finished 4th year and received a “degree”. (In Indonesia, finishing 4th year of med school grants you a “bachelor of medicine” though you can’t really use it for anything yet until you’ve finished 2 more years of clerkship and get a “dr” in front of your name).

Clerkship happened after 4th year. If I had to use one word to describe clerkship, it would be hellish. I don’t know if this is how it works in every country, but in Indonesia, clerkship demands med students to attend hospital shifts with inhuman amount of working hours. We had to do 36 hour shifts every twice a week, and 9 hour shifts every other day. This might sound pretty light to some people, but it was super tough for me what with the amount of additional assignments and exams that we still had to do during our rotations. 

After 2 months of clerkship, my depression grew so much worse to the point where my best friend (bless her heart) had to call me almost everyday to help me sleep at night because the thoughts in my head wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally, I called my sister who lives in a different city to fly to where I was living in to take me to see a psychiatrist. It didn’t help because my doctor was super shitty about my condition (“all med students experience depression at one point because med school is just that hard, don’t worry, I’ve been there”) but I did take the meds. And I was planning to carry on with clerkship, until one day the meds gave me orthostatic hypotension (it was one of the side effects of the drug that I was taking) and I fainted in the middle of a surgery. When my mom (who lives in another city) found out about this, she was livid. She flew to my place right on that exact same day to take care of me, though she hadn’t known about my depression yet at the time.

The next day, I told her everything. Like, everything. About how med school had truly been stressing me out, about how I didn’t feel like med school was the right place for me anymore, about how clerkship had been making me feel like I was a worthless piece of shit because the doctors kept yelling at me, about how clerkship had also been making me realize that I wasn’t good with patients and that their lives are literally in my hands and that a single mistake could lead to their death and how I could never live with that much guilt in my life, about how I was so tired of being too sleep-deprived to properly function everyday, let alone to stitch a patient’s cut-up hand back together.

I told her that I wanted to quit. And so I did.

And you know what? It feels amazing.

I’ve been sleeping regularly for the past few months. I get to draw everyday now, and still make money out of doing commissions. I interact with my family a lot more and I don’t check up on them only when I need them to transfer me some money to buy food. I eat three meals a day like a normal human being and it feels so, so good. I applied for a scholarship so I could earn a Master’s degree in biomedicine abroad (it’s not art school, which is where I actually want to go to, but it’s not med school either so I’ll take it), I passed the first stage and now I’m just trying to do my best to pass the next two stages so I could get a full-ride. 

Things are okay. Things are good.

Things haven’t always been good, of course. People tell me that I was “so close to reaching my dreams!”, that my parents “must be so shattered to hear that you wanted to quit!”, that I am just “wasting away my potential.” My grandparents called me a disappointment a few weeks ago while telling me that I should just give up on my scholarship application and go back to med school. My dad told me that he wished I could “go back to the way I was and be happy again.” My mom cried multiple times. It hasn’t been easy on my mental health, but honestly? Fuck it. Fuck every single guilt-trip that my parents have had to put me through. Fuck everyone at uni who’s been spreading false rumors about how I quit med school because “I got cancer” or “I got knocked up.”

I absolutely hated how the doctors did anything back in the hospital. The rich patients got immediate treatment, and the poor got dismissed. The mentally ill were mocked behind closed doors, and med students were treated like trash. Rooted seniority where the senior doctors hazed junior doctors were still a thing (in Indonesia, at least). Literally everyone in the hospital had a superiority complex and I fucking hated it. Neither my parents nor my grandparents will have to be the ones to experience this on a daily basis for years though, so fuck outta here with your negative comments about my decision.

I quit med school because I did it for me, and only me.

This is by no means supposed to scare you away from med school just so you could jump into my bandwagon, heck no. I’m telling you this because nobody told me that this could be a possibility. Everybody I knew kept telling me that the only thing you’ll need to succeed med school is firm determination and hard work, and while that may be true for some people, I required a lot more than that, like a stable mental health, a good support system, etc. I failed to meet these requirements, and so everything turned into a shipwreck for me. My other friends, however, who were well-prepared with all of these, are managing to continue med school just fine.

That being said, this answer is definitely supposed to make you think about your decision more thoroughly. One of the most often things that people tell me post-med school is that “you should’ve quit earlier if you hadn’t liked it; it would’ve saved you a lot of time.” I hate the fact that I agree with this. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve still had time to search for a school that was more relevant to my interests and start over from a blank slate. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve been able to graduate from a new school and earn an actual proper job by now so I could help my parents out with our finance. Of course, my parents would’ve been way more harsh on me if I had told them that I wanted to quit so early on, but if you own the privilege of having parents that would genuinely and willingly listen to you, please talk about it with them. I had a friend who quit med school around a few months before 1st year ended; he’s in business school now and from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty happy with where he is right now.

Whew, that was long. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be this long!! Let me know if any of that helped or if you just want to talk off anon with me in general! I know firsthand how this kind of dilemma can eat you up whole, and it’s not a fun experience, so just hmu if you want to chat

Have a nice day!!

[craicchapel]

Leanne is everything ok??? Did something happen with your man

yeah sorry im about to rant big time here sorry...everything was going pretty good. no change..we were constantly talking..he was constantly telling me how much he liked me & crazy he was about me..he was always hinting at saying he loves me. we had a trip planned and everything. he was constantly telling me how he wanted me to move down there and be with him..he’d literally non stop talk about wanting to have kids with me and our future and all that shit. soooo i guess as a backstory - he broke up with his ex right before we met and things were pretty ugly between them. he vented to me about it a lot and how unhappy he was with her and how his entire family hated them together and whatnot. they didn’t talk, blocked each other’s numbers and deleted each other from social media..and he moved out of their place, came to my town for his temporary job, and had to move to mississippi for his new job......so then yesterday..after he’s talking all sweet with me...i go on facebook and see he posted something cute/funny and tagged her in it (when literally a day ago they weren’t even friends on it) and then on top of it...she had a dog who kind of became his as well cause they lived together....and he changed his profile pic back to a pic of him and the dog and then was answering peoples comments that were like ‘how did she do with the move’ and he goes ‘she’s still in st. louis.......for now :)’ ...and then was planning a play date for another person and their dogs....so im like ‘where did this come from’ like the ‘for now’ comment...as if his ex is going to move down there..and planning future play dates with dogs. im completely blindsided by all of this and he starts off by being like ‘we talk, im sorry, we’re friends’ to eventually him being like ‘sorry i care about you, but i have a lot of history with her and love her’ so after a lot of talking...and by that i mean me questioning him and him totally avoiding it all and trying to change the subject...he pretty much says he wants to get back together with her. he called me later and when i was upset and crying he just couldn’t understand why i was so upset ??? and is acting like im overreacting and that i should have know...when the last i knew he hated her? and he was constantly talking about how much he liked/loved me.  So then this morning he doesnt text me or anything...which he always would...so my pathetic ass text him because i just needed to talk and i was like ‘sorry i freaked out last night’ (giant eye roll @ myself cause i shouldnt be apologizing) and he was like ‘its okay :)’ not even an ‘im sorry’ or anything. and then is like “i miss you so much leanne come visit me’  ????? and im like ‘are you just saying that to make me feel better’ and he’s like ‘no why would you ask that’ so im like ‘because you say this stuff to me but literally just told me that you want to be with your ex’ and hes like ‘well im sorry, i can’t help it that i love her, i shouldnt have said that to you’ why is it so hard to not be shitty and not mess with my emotions like that. dont tell me you miss me and want to see me when in reality when it comes down to it, you don’t. and now he’s like ‘im sory i upset you, im sad now.’ okay..join the fucking party..put yourself in my shoes. i just hate it cause i feel like i got hit by a bus with all of this because he never even hinted at things he just leaves it for me to see shit on fucking facebook....out of all places. where we have mutual friends from work who are reading this shit. dont act like you’re crazy into me and love me but lowkey be trying to mend things with your ex without even giving me the slightest heads up. and now he’s trying to text me all normally and i cant even respond normally because i feel like he’s just talking to me to keep me on the backburner if things don’t work out with his ex or something i dunno. Oh (sorry this is all out of order and just a random ramble of my thoughts) he’d constantly act all insecure that i was going to start talking to someone else and not like him anymore and i’d always have to be like ‘you’re crazy, i only like you, you know that’ and he always be like ‘well i hope you know you’re the only person i talk to, im totally committed to you’ yadda yaddda yadda...and then he hits me with this...and does exactly what he was worried i would do.

[r-o-se]

EXACTLY 101 comments over P101 S2E4 wow how did I manage that don’t ask me also sorry for the shit screencaps lmao NOTHING THAT CUTE OR COOL HAPPENED IT WAS JUST SAD

Yo those eps are getting subbed faster than they used to idk whats going on but I’m definitely not complaining lol lets get riiiiiiiiiight into the neeeeeeeeews

1.      Flashback scenes to Jisung and Jinwoo’s teams losing are not appreciated at all stop the MMO abuse

2.      ‘3000 votes is too many’ I AGREE the Be Mine team is training everywhere and all the time poor fucking kids

3.      Who edited this and thought that ‘wow a piano rendition of out song would be a great and dramatic choice’ newsflash it’s not I’m already done with this song lmao

4.      SHINEE SHINEE SHINEE REPLAY TEAMS YOOOOO

5.      Pink team Ren and Yuehua chinaliners vs green team Sanggyun  and MMO Jaehan and Taewoong

6.      The pink cutesy Ren team is…. Too aegyo-ish  I’m older than 80% of them yet I feel like a pedophile watching this SAVE ME SOMEONE

7.      Sanggyun and Justin are the centers and both fucking wreck their roles in the best way possible

8.      Justin is so overacting and cheesy I’m rotting lmao love my kid tho

9.      Lee Gunhee aka the (RBW?) kid whose intro vid was him singing while getting hit by shit to show how stabile he is keeps getting out of tune I’m sad and worried

10.   The vocals trainers in this show I stg their method is just singing the high notes and then looking at the trainee like ‘what u cant do this lol? Try harder’

11.   Ren is comforting the kid whos dying of self doubt u g h

12.   AND HERE WE GO LMAO THEIR SMILES ARE SO BRIGHT SOMEONE STOP THE PINK TEAM

13.   U get the most flowerboyish pretty boy that has ever lived (Ren) and u give him the ugliest haircut u can think of pretty sure this counts as a crime

14.   GUNHEE DID IT IT ONLY BROKE A BIT IN THE VERY VERY END HE PULLED IT OFFFFFF AND HE PULLS OFF ALL THE NOTES AFTER THAT TOO

15.   Zhu Zheng did a frontflip of course he did lmao also Jihoon is probs pissing his pants because everyone around keep winking lmao

16.   Team 1 is playing around and being cute w the camera but team 2 look a bit troubled also ugh they are too hardcore for this fucking god Zhu Zheng kiddo I love you but you put them into such a shitty position aaaaa

17.   Here we gooooooooooooo green team lookin cuter than I expected holy damn Sanggyun is SINGING and it’s SO GOOD FOR A RAPPER

18.   HE IS ALSO SHOWING HIS ABS LMAOOO THIS ISNT THAT SORT OF SONG AAHAHAH FUCK

19.   Their performance is really good? A Lot cuter than I predicted and the vocals are so goooood

20.   Why do all other trainees look so sour did u want them to fail or some shit just let the kids live they were forced into such an uncomfortable concept aaaaaaa I WANNA VOTEEEE

21.   Time for pain and results team 1 won with ~70 votes im SAD Sanggyun was the only one who took the position points win aaaahhhhhh  ngl I was rooting for #2 eventho #1 had Ren and Yuehua kiddos also 3000 votes is TOO FUCKING MUCHH I HATE P101

22.   Now its Mansae aka power vocals vs the leftovers rip

23.   Woodam is one of my fav vocals overall this season all of the shit he’s done his intro clip his evaluation and reeevaluation clips are all so golden I love that dude and obvs he’s SLAYING THIS SONG TOO AGH

24.   Team 1 Yoonsung left due to health problems this is what happens when u don’t give kids food and make them get stage ready within a week and rearrange within 2 days

25.   It stressed Woodam the fuck OUT and he messed up a looot during rehearsals, missing notes and whatnot

26.   Their rapper reminds me of cube Soyeon last season with his kinda small and cutesy looks yet super charismatic stage presence

27.   Woodams VOCAAAAAAAALSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

28.   Ok now the leftover group I really hope they will do alright they make me really sad ugh I really really really hope they’re okay u g h

29.   Theres this kid Hadon who is really salty about being in that team and leaves in the middle of practice and then won’t cooperate during trainers thing aahhh kid please

30.   Neverminddd they got nothing to show shit this is gonna be bad I am Very Worried

31.   Kahi is so nice I love her so much she’s so friendly and sweet and good truly the queen of this show without her it would be so much worse

32.   Hadon got his confidence back and their teamwork is so much better now and literally all of this got started by Kahi I LOVE KAHI SO MUCH BEST GIRL

33.   Their energy is a lot better than I expected I’m so glad they went through with their training and everything

34.   The Kim Youngjin kid has absolutely acceptable vocals I’m so glad they didn’t make any mistakes and just agh this team makes me sad

35.   Team 1 wins with overpowering 500 votes they got 500 votes MORE than team 2 it’s just so fucking sad dude 600+ vs 150

36.   But WOODAM ALONEGOT 207 VOTES WHICH IS MORE THAN ENTIRE TEAM 2 HOLY SHITTTTT THIS IS WHAT A POWER VOCAL DOES

37.   SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

38.   I’ve waited for this stage for sooooooo long they got all of my fav kids in Minhyuns team and then Ha Minho and Seonho and Namhyung in the other team aaaaaaahhh I’ll call them red and black since that’s their suits Minho ‘s team is red and Minhyun’s is black. They all look so good truly nothing wrong with a nice suit

39.   Minho and Namhyung want to insert a self written rap since they’re both rappers and Sorry Sorry has no rapping parts

40.   Minho really really wants to rap but Seokhoon (the vocal coach) doesn’t want to let him and also is mad at him because he wants to rap instead of singing like wow what? A rapper wants to rap instead of singing?? Wow unbelievable

41.   CHEETAH CAME IN AND SAID HE WANTS TO HEAR THE RAP THANK U THANK U THANK U Minho kiddo looked like he’s gonna tear up when he saw her

42.   Seunho was chose to jump on other’s backs since hes so handsome and APPARENTLY ALSO A PIANO GENIUS WOW WHAT ON EARTH DID HE JUST PLAY

43.   I really hope this group will do good since their opponents are sooo strong

44.   Aaahahahha fuck their choreo is so good and the harmonizations I might be biased but the Sorry Sorry stages are literally The Best of this show so far

45.   Seunho is like what 16 yrs old who let him look so good go away his body build makes him look so much older

46.   DANCE BREAK IS SO GOOD DUDE WHAT AND SEUNHOS JUMP WAS SO GOOD HIS EXPRESSION AFTER THAT WAS SOO IMPACTFUL AAHAHAH FUCK DUDE some dude in the audience screamed like someone bit his leg off honestly same

47.   I’ve watched maybe 3 original SuJu sorry sorry versions yet I can sing almost the entire thing that’s what an impactful song means lmao

48.   TEAM 2 AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH THERE THEY ARE MY ULT KIDS

49.   JR is taking care of Hyunbin this is like Sejeong and Sohye last season honestly SO CUTE I LOVE JR SO MUCH THAT KID IS THE SOFTEST LEADER I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

50.   Their vocal coach tried to drag JR’s leadership uhh maybe kindly fuck off that kid doesn’t need your picking to hate himself when will he stop BLAMING HIMSELF

51.   Hyunbin is making mistakes and their dance coach keeps bullying JR like fuck no other leaders got this much shit even when their teammates couldn’t get it done right

52.   He takes all his time to take care of the others like help Hyunbin and Jaehwan with their dance and sleepy/sick Daniel

53.   JR finally broke when Hyunbin isn’t taking it seriously enough

54.   Sorry Sorry black team laughing together in deliriously sick sleep deprivation and choking stress is still probably the most beautiful ray of hope and sunshine in this ugly show I LOVE THIS TEAM SO MUCH

55.   There we go the best stage of this cursed show is here Seungwoos expressions are SO ON POINT ITS SO GOOD JUST DEBUT THEM NOW

56.   They all look so good I’m shook Daniel with a middle part was something I didn’t know I needed before I had it

57.   Lmao Jisung jokingly doing the moves along when Daniel appeared

58.   JAEHWANS VOCALS AND HARMONIES!!!!!!!! F U C K !!!!!!!

59.   I’m so biasaed towards this team if u decide to bring my follower count into single digits for this it’s understandable

60.   But I still really love team 1 too please don’t misunderstand Ha Minho is my lil kid with enough balls to speak his mind even if he gets fucked by rude coaches for it

61.   ‘Result is important but other team did well so I told them that too’ I love JR ok friendship is magic

62.   HYUNBIN GOT THE HIGHEST SCORE OF THEM ALL. WHAT THE HECK DUDE LIKE BRO FELLA BROTHER I LOVE HYUNBINN HAVE LOVED FOR A WHILE BUT. THE HIGHEST SCORE?? BRUH? HIS OPPONENT ONLY HAD 7 VOTES THIS IS SO SAD IM SAD THIS KID IS DEAD INSIDE

63.   Everyone in team 2 besides Seunho got really low votes I’m so sad…… bruh…. They’re so so so so SO talented but they went against the popular kids…

64.   Showing individual votes is so cruel and 3000 EXTRA VOTES IS TOO MUCH IM E M O THIS IS SO UNFAIR FUCK THIS SHOW!!! Team 1 looks so wrecked I’m so sad they have almost a 300 vote gap

65.    It is BEAST TIME ONE OF THE BOYS HAS A CRUTCH WHAT THE HELLLLLL

66.   The crutch boy is Dongmyeong and he’s in team 1 as well as Sunghyuk with thick lips and looks a bit like Shownu

67.   Team 1 has a loooot of problems distributing parts and practicing in general while team 2 was almost ready

68.   Sunghyuk is sadddddddd and crying bc he feels like they’re gonna lose but in the end the practice went better tho thank god

69.   They look great Dongmyeong’s hair looks like vanilla ice cream with strawberry swirls and he’s sitting in a chair and singing doing the choreo with his hands SO CUTEEE

70.   The second team is very vocally gifted and has AMAZING HARMONIES WOOOO their main vocal Jinhyung is AMAZING

71.   Dongsoo from S.How I think got forced into a rap position and has a leg injury but he’s covering it up from teachers

72.   DONGSOO DID SO WELLL SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEYE SHOWED IN PRACTICE THANK U MNET FOR SHOWING HIS PROGRESS

73.   EVERYDAY I CHUG (CHUG) EVERY NIGHT I CHUG (CHUG)

74.   Team 2 won by like 100 votes, all of the team 1 members are very hopeless, esp Sunghyuk,  Team 2 Park Heeseok only got 5 votes holy shitt POOR BABY THIS MUST FEEL SO BAD HE LITERALLY TAUGHT THEM THE DANCE

75.   BE MINE BE MINE WOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK THIS SONG WAS MY FIRST EVER KPOP FAVE

76.   Hwiseung already did his military service holy shit he looks so young

77.   I don’t even know who I am rooting for both those teams are great team 1 has great vocals and teamwork+FNC Hwiseung the power vocal. Team 2 has great dance, more popularity + the little Woojin, Takada Kenta, BNM alpaca Youngmin and oldie Sungwoo

78.   Team 1 has an injured ankle too, Yehyun, but he’s still dancing  without crutches or anything

79.   HWISEUNGS VOCALS SAVED MY LIFE I WANT HIM, JAEHWAN AND WOODAM IN A TRIO PLEASE

80.   They changed Sungyeol’s ‘Can you hear me?’ into ‘Pick me pick me’ im ded

81.   Kahi is the best teacher I love her so so so much she’s the best thing in this entire show

82.   I FORGOT TIPTOES WAS SUNGWOOS NICKNAME THIS IS AMAZING

83.   I’m so glad they’re doing Infinite honestly I love Infinite can we do B.A.P or Teen Top or VIXX next

84.   Team 2 wins almost exactly by one hundred and the votes are veeeeery equal and Youngmin barely got anything why are the dancers not appreaciated

85.   AVENGERS VS BAEKHOS TEAM YOOOOOOOO Baekho has also Sangbin and Guanlin and RBW Lee

86.   IM CHOKING THE AVENGERS ALL SOUND LIKE BABIES WHY DID THEY CHOOSES THIS SONG IM CHOKING

87.   They can’t really sing, the avengers, damn. They lay it all on Daehwi but like cmon hes 17 and just tryna survive with the popular kids lol

88.   AAahahahahah they’re just little kids this is so funny to watch I’m sorry all Avengers fans but like shit when they break into the chest pounding part I just start to laugh their voices are so high don’t get me wrong I looooooove Samuel and Sungwoon but fuck this is funny

89.   They should’ve gone with Seventeen or SHINee something with a morer fitting image

90.   The Real Fuckbois team is now up fuck I love this team so much aahahahah like no shit they will lose to all of those popular kids but still

91.   Oh nooooo Baekho pointed out that the Avengers were cheating and using a third vocal for thhe high note without telling anyone WHAT AN EVIL MAN anyways Baekho produces music and does vocal coaching he knows what he’s talking about lmao lmao

92.   THEY LOOK LIKE SUCH DIRTY FUCKBOIS HOLY SHITTTT THIS IS BEAUTIFULthis stage is SO LIT dude I love it they just carried Guanlin as if he was on a throne now both Cube kids get to sit/step on other trainees lmao

93.   SOMEONE DID A BACKFLIP WHOS THAT IT’S THE BLONDIE KID WITH A LOOSE TIE ITS LEE INSU

94.   Team 2: are fuckbois

Entire dressing room: stands up and claps

It’s true I was there, clapping

95.   Guanlin trumped Samuel, Baekho trumped Sungwoon, all other wins go to team 1

96.   Am I salty? Yes I am Team 1 won with abt 200 votes. They have more views and likes on YouTube though.

97.   Mansae first team got the most votes out of all teams and gets to go to MCountdown IM SO GLAD ALL OF THOSE KIDS WHO AREN’T ON SUCH HIGH RANKS GOT SAVED I’M SO GGLADD

98.   I’m SOOOOOOO FUCKING ANGRY SO MANY A AND B RANK TALENTED KIDS ARE IN SUCHHHHHH LOW RANKINGS THIS IS DEPRESSING

99.   Lbr for a moment this show really isn’t about talent it’s about popularity and visuals

100.  WOODAM GOT FIRST THO IM SO FUCKING AMAZED THIS KID DESERVES IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH DUDEEEEE THAT KID IS SO TALENTED I’M SO GLAD PEOPLE RECIOGNIZED IT

101.   SANGBIN FELL TO LAST PLACE WHY ARE THEY GETTING SO SO MANY VOTES 3000 IS TOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO MAD ALSO THEY SHOWED JINWOO FOR A MOMENT AND SANGGYUN IS WORRIED IM SSO SO SADDDDD THE NEXT EP IS ONLY A FEW DAYS AWAY ITS RELEASING ON THE SAME DAY AS BAP ARE IN GERMANY

YOOOOOOOOO Sorry for the screencaps again also pls message or talk to me I am... So Emotional over this show I love everyone i will cry when this is over and I won’t see like 40 of my kidws ever again

[kissmefelix]

good morning all my lovelies !!

i won’t be as active in the next week or so, because i have midterms for school and i need to study !

saturday i have a robotics competition all day [wish me luck!! we might be going to states!] so i wont be here at all

sorry about that! 

few things to keep in mind

1] i closed the drabble prompt thing, please dont send me anymore numbers. despite the fact that i said it was closed, i still got several asks about it. most of them were duplicates, but still. all duplicates will just be deleted. :)

2] you can still send me asks/submit stuff/message me ! just because i wont be here a ton doesnt mean you cant share your hc ideas or ask me things

3] i promise i’m still doing my best to write the drabble prompts! ive been jotting down ideas for them and what not. the first couple were kind of shitty and i sincerely apologize for that, i had writer’s block and was trying to push through. but it helped! so the next ones will be much better! theres one or two im considering writing full fics for ;)

thanks for understanding ! im really sorry i wont be here a ton, but again, wish me luck on midterms and whatnot <3 i love you all so much

[hoffnung-und-gleichgewicht]

1/15/19

Work was kind of shitty today but, nothing that happened reflects how I perform at my job. If anything, today (like many others) demonstrated my willingness to attempt to get things to work and to communicate issues in a timely manner. How the day went or how anyone perceives the situation does not define my self-worth. I could go on a rant about what I deserve and whatnot but, I'm not gonna. All I know is the book is helping. I should probably do a big summary post the day I finish it to recap everything for reference (and to share). That'll be one of my usual 5 days a year I spend on Tumblr on my laptop.

Things still sting, I still want things I cant have for awhile and know I can't have. But, I have hope. The future holds something great for me, all because I'm working hard for it now. It really is a struggle but, it's worth it. The positivity I feel now is absolutely amazing. I cannot wait to feel this for a large portion of my life (as resilience is amazing but, trying times always occur).

[groundramon]

even numbers for the ask thingy

2. favourite movie?

BIG HERO 6 because i am a weeb

4. dream date?not to be nsfw but id love to c*ddle and watch dumb anime w/ my bffs some day (i’d @ them but i dont wanna scare them ysdbcakjf and one of them doesnt have a tumblr but - rainy moony sharpy ily sobs)

6. what are your hobbies?Doing dumb shit, drawing when my tablet decides to work, writing when my brain decides to work, watching Appmon, and crying

8. if you could look like anything, what would you look like?DRAGON.

10. what’s your favourite type of weather?The kind of cloudy that blocks the sun but not a rainy cloudy, a cool breeze, maybe mid 70s during the day and 60s at night, p dry humidity but not like super dry humidity because my body will start falling apart, … raining is also ok but 1. its gotta be cooler and 2. i just dont wanna get wet so not during the day when im out pls

12. what are your turn ons?dr. agons.

14. if you got a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?I’ve always been partial to orioles and I’ve thought abt getting one of those dove-symbolic tattoos but with an oriole, probably with something in its beak that promotes love an acceptance (or since it’s like the dove from noah’s ark, incorporate a rainbow theme into it, and smth about how it can mean multiple things) and im not sure where it’d be but probably on my shoulder, low enough to see if i roll up my sleeve but high enough that i can cover it if i have to

16. dream job?Television writer for kids’ animation!!! serialized/fantasy animation like ATLA, Hilda, TDP, ect

18. dream vacation?Visiting ALL the pokemon centers in japan (or at least like, the biggest ones, Please)

20. if you had kids, what would you name them?Fuckboy and lavagirl

22. worst traits?Ok I dont want to be self loathing BUT a pet peeve I have @ myself is that every time I get a shiny pokemon im like “oh i am so fucking sexy I love SOS hunting” and then I try SOS hunting again and i die after 3 hours of misery for like 10 times before I get lucky again, and then the cycle repeats

anyways im off to go sos shiny h-

24. what do you want to eat right now?Hnggg i havent had blackberry frozen yogurt for so long

26. favourite city?whatever city in japan has the biggest pokemon center, thats my favorite

28. favourite article of clothing?awfully bold of you to assume that I avoid being nude for any other reason than dysphoria and self-conciousness

30. favourite meal of the day?I do enjoy my daily morning fruit loops

31. what are you excited for?HNG I might adopt a snek from my local reptile rescue place… my mom likes this 1 snake called a rosy boa and we think it might be rlly good for our situation!! because i’ll obvs have it (hopefully) going into college and although I want to move into a place where I can have the snake by my third year, my parents may want to go on vacation before then, sooo even tho feeding isn’t an issue water is.  HOWEVER rosy boas can go for pretty long periods of time without water, it seems like? so they might be perfect!! they’re also docile and small and apparently really stupid.  We were gonna ask abt the rosy boa and stuff tomorrow but my dad might need us to pick him up while costco works on his car :/ but we’ll look into the individual snake more soon.  This is kind of what it looks like btw!!!

so i realized after answering this that I did this wrong F so ill just answer the right question now but leave this

32. not excited for?Going to costco with my dad instead of looking at cute sneks at my local reptile rescue :/

34. dream house?So many plushies…….bed of plushies….bed of kinetic sand…..many reptiles….but like nice ones, i cant keep iguanas they make me sad :(

36. what’s something you love about the world?REPTILES but uh, honestly?  If humanity wasn’t so much of a hivemind as it is now thanks to the internet and whatnot (which sounds terfy and suspiciously aphobic but stay with me) I feel like humanity would have such amazing potential to structure itself in such an amazing way.  And by the hivemind, I mean we’re all connected and most of us function off of the same idea of human rights and government format.  I really believe in the freedom of speech but it’s hard to defend it when homophobes are the majority instead of the minority.  Plus, humanity isn’t evil, but the way corporate capitalism is has beaten us all into heartless monsters.  Socialism WOULDN’T work in america at large because capitalism turned us into greedy bitches.  It’s not fundamentally flawed, but we’ve been shaped into something incompatible with socialism, sadly.  So I kind of just bitched about the world but my point is, humans are very flexible, and we can change so much in so little time.  It takes effort to change an entire culture, but the flexibility of human nature from generation to generation is heartwarming.

38. what kind of sleeper are you?It’s super hard for me to fall asleep if there’s even like 1 sound but once im asleep im dead fucking asleep.  I wear ear plugs so you cannot wake me up.  Today a fridge repair man came and my parents said he was running this super loud machine but the only thing i heard was the dude leaving after everything was over bc thats when i happened to wake up.

40. are you a cat or dog person?CAT CAT CATCATCAT BUT IM ALLERGIC SOBS like dogs are good boys but we don’t get along.  I mean dogs like me, but I think - especially in more intelligent dogs - we kind of just respect each other from a distance.  Meanwhile I’m basically just an uglier cat so

(also i like snakes because they’re basically cats but noodlier, stupider, and im not allergic to them)

42. free! ask anythingSOL YOU DIDN’T ASK ME ANYTHINJG

44. are you trusting?It depends.  If you’ve done smth to make me suspicious, then I’m suspicious.  If not, then I’m not.  I’m also kind of just an open book to everyone i meet as long as I think they’re LGBT friendly and whatever so yeah, i dont have a lot of secrets lmao

46. what labels do you commonly get?I’m pretty sure this isn’t related but my friend diagnosed me as Digit from Cyberchasers-kin today

48. what issues are you dealing with right now?Jesus christ where do i fucking start okay:- tablet broken, dont know why (well i know whats wrong but i cant fix it), have to draw at particular angles to draw, cant use paper bc of sensory overload, big sad- mom’s phone is breaking, dont know why, big sad- fridge broke, its fixed now but i need cold water to not have headache and its taken all damn day to cool down- still grieving over Peppermint- politics Suck- Friends upsetti over miscellaneous shitty (not at me tho we wuv each other)- sensory overload makes EVERYTHING SO LOUD- we’re almost out of milk. i dont know if ill have enough milk for my fruit loops tomorrow. help.- my fingers?? were literally peeling because it was so dry here for a lil while??? theyre kind of better now but then i decided to sew so i fucked them up again- also did i mention im super behind on plushies- also my sewing machine isnt working with the thread i need it to work with (or im dumb)- I still have hang nails and im constantly worried abt nose bleeds bc of the lack of humidity Please Help Me- I owe my parents so much fucking money for vet bills and plushies.  They didnt even charge me for the more expensive vet bill or the cuddle clones plush, just the first bill.  But I only have like $32 left on that and I owe like $44 for plushies that I bought after the vet bill so I’m also just stupid- cuddle clones hasnt contacted me since i placed the order and i never specified the pose (bc there wasnt enough fucking room) so im concerned- i sent the reptile rescue guy an email but he didnt get back to me and im Big Sad bc if hed Reply i wouldnt even have to go (well obvs i would eventually, but i just mean like, rn)- mom’s battling in court for her inheritance because my step grandma is a bitch, and my dad’s been having Drama with his siblings after my grandma passed away, and im big stressed

50. what’s something about you people don’t know?Like how many people we talking here? bc if you mean nobody knows then aw piss this doesnt count. but if you mean just like tumblr/excluding like 3 other people uhhh i might be working on a warrior cats fanfiction because oh you know im a weeb.  But if you mean nobody knows then i want to write a harujin fanfic but im lazy. also you could probably guess that i want to write that but. it still counts.

[bangkok-dangerous]

big sad ramble time. MAN im at one of those points where the only inkling of a feeling of emotion or sincerity within me can only be evoked by these tacky nostalgic songs 

like simple and clean and other sappy anime stuff. these past few days its like ive almost gone out of my way to burn bridges or at the very least appear like i dont want to be around anyone, and for all i know thats actually true.

i just cant see past this idea that everything everyone (including me) does is motivated by selfishness, be it fun, an ego boost, or their own sense of satisfaction for “helping” out their friend who obviously isnt having fun. i think i got invited to a friends house at near midnight just so they could have enough people to play pictionary. i was only otherwise ignored or treated like a punchline and an incapable idiot with no drive, which in my mind is the least true thing someone could ever assume about me. ive spent about 4 years now teaching myself 3d modelling, animation and drawing, on top of dabbling in programming and youtubing, and it pisses me off so much when these cunts who think theyre my friends just dismiss it because im so uninterested in participating in their shitty game and conversations that they mistake me for being an easy target.

right now i so badly want to feel sincerity and believe that there are people who are inherently positive and willing to help others and just have a fun time, and i want to believe that im capable of that too, but i just cant. even people who behave altruistically and characterise themselves with being kind and caring are just after the good-chemicals boost of being able to tell themselves that theyre a good person.

what really sucks right now is that theres so little i can do about this but wait it out for about a month until uni starts and ill ideally be too busy or overwhelmed to bother thinking about how terrible i and the people around me are. right now i have maybe 2 friends that i actually want to spend time with, while the rest are boring, unmotivated, shitty ‘friends’. There were so many things i wouldve liked to do in the 6 fucking months weve all had off school like go to the beach, watch movies together, do more podcasts and other youtube shit but my 5 or so ‘hangout’ friends are such boring ‘gamer’ dudes that they either dont want to go out or dont find us fun enough as a group to do outdoors stuff with, and I hate that. I want to be around people who are as fun and motivated as i am, but just being around these people is so depressing and draining because all they do is play counterstrike, go to work, sometimes go to a shitty club, and thats it. i just cant muster the energy to organise stuff like this and invite them just for it to either end up boring or for it to fall apart and never happen.

ive tried reaching out to 2 friends about this who i thought would understand and be able to either convince me that good people are real or at least that i can trust them, but it comes up with nothing. they have nothing to say about it other than that my feelings are valid probably. ive always tried so hard to be a good friend, someone who is endless fun and jokes but can always put shit on the shelf to listen and be supportive when needed... and for nothing. the friends ive done so much with, tried so hard to keep together and keep active has just fizzled out into complacency. Im down to the one friend who ive had since year 8. it started with the two of us and now its ending like that too. even then it might just be a matter of time until we finalyl get to know each other well enough that we cant stand each other. ill get too clingy and then come to notice and be annoyed by every single one of his flaws.

its so hard to look back on my childhood and teenhood because i did so fucking little with it, and most of the cool things werent my choice. i didnt have a cool set of childhood friends to run around with on weekend and ride our bikes and play video games together. i didnt have a family that watched movies together or a dad who i could watch while he played SNES games. i didnt even own any of the GOOD ps2 nostalgia games like kingdom hearts, sotc, and any final fantasy. instead of pokemon and FLCL i watched the same 3 episodes of beyblade and whatever shitty french/australian/canadian cartoons the ABC could license.

I barely made any significant/lasting amount of friends in high school. i went in feeling invisible and assumed the guys and girls didnt like me so i acted accordingly... like an angry antisocial cunt. i just rode the current of the same friendship groups melting and molding into other ones over several years, never bothering to make real connections or interests with people outside of my small group. i went out of my way to avoid doing the extracurricular activities that wouldve helped me make friends in my school. joining a band, a club, even just bothering to participate in mandatory sports. i was so miserable and lazy and just like now took comfort in my artistic skill and determination to one day make it all worth it. to be fair i had better friends and we had plenty of fun sleepovers and whatnot, but i still feel like i missed out on so much in those first 4 years of bullshit.

anyway ill edit this if i have more shit i want to complain about but rn i started a preety cool drawing so imma do that peace

[maxchou]

i cant do this anymore i cant keep living in this abusive house I NEED TO FUCKING LEAVE!!!!

i guess i should elaborate first of all, i live in a shitty muddy swamp area and my home has been transformed into a hellhole of a """"farm"""", run by my mom- or as i like to label her- abuser. we have three horses and a donkey, a flock of chicken, a ton of rabbits, two dogs, and four cats. and my mom expects us(my sister, dad, and i) to do all the work for her when SHE wanted this place to be this way. she wanted this life, she has it, and shes forcing it on those who dont want it weve lived here for almost three years (3rd yr will be nov 2017) and this place is a disgusting hellhole now. chickens are out of control, fences are makeshift, weak, and unsupported. when it rains, the water gets all over the deck and floods the front door, leading to tons of mud inside(and im usually stuck cleaning it) theres constantly chicken shit on the deck and every inch of the land. we have foxes in the forest so rip chicken. sound terrible so far? that isnt the worst. we had an empty guest room on the firsr floor that is now FILLED with chicks and whatnot. The floor is covered in bedding, which gets sticky and gross as it gets shit on and rotting food(guess who also gets stuck cleaning that). the air doesnt ventilate properly so my bedroom is constantly the hottest or coldest room in the house with zero in between. our water comes from a well thing but our pipes break so often. okay so also, my family is underprivilaged. were white blah blah whatever but were also very mentally ill. i have the depress and the anxiety, my sister has those two plus OCD, and my mom has the first two and a brain injury from a car accident. so anyway, were underprivileged. my mom goes to a foodbank, which used to be nice. until she started going almost every day. she has my sister and i bring all the food down every day and put it away. we have too much. all the previous food goes bad since a lot of it we cant or dont use. so it sits there and rots and molds and we're stuck breathing it in until its thrown out. we dont even have a trash pickup service since we can't pay that. all of us dont hace phone service except my mom who gets hers through her work(which she doesnt do). all we have is wifi service, and thats dwindling too now. its almost impossible to talk to each other when we aren't at home. and my mom is the root of our problems. our rent is over $2000 every month. my mom is VERY VERY manipulative. she has had a past of drugs but other than that, shes lied about what shes done. shes lied about having miscarriages, being raped, everything. im older than 18 and all i know about my mom is that she was a drug addict. its believed that she still does heroin or something similar. its confirmed she smokes both cigarettes and weed. she goes into her bathroom and disappears for hours on end. i don't have a job or a license and im about to graduate HS, so im constantly stuck at home when I'm not at school. my mom doesnt let me stay after school any more. the only thing she cares about is her animals and herself. im not exaggerating. she threatened to kick me out and/or admit me to a,group home or something all because i accidentally hurt a rooster TAIL FEATHERS. she has very few friends and turns them against her family. anyone she meets, she'll manipulate into believing her family is full of bastards. she seems to believe she is above the law(she owns a gun and has a brain injury...) and that she can get away with anything (she has made my sister take drugs tests for her, has bought precribed meds from other people, has had my dad take an entire regime of pills so she can get high without repercussions.) its sickening how fucked up she is. and she has targetted me mainly now. she constantly puts me down and gives me degrading work and has made me work past 12am outside on the farm. she calls me lazy, useless, insults my weight, insults my mental illnesses, pretends i dont matter at all. her priorities are elsewhere and IM SICK OF IT. sure, she helped me get medicine for my depression but immediately uses it against me. id rather be depressed than under her thumb. ive had so many thoughts of killing her or her killing herself. id never tell anyone to kill themselves except her. ive never hated someone as much as i hate my own mother. happy mothers day.