#rape and csa mention under the cut

[liesyousoldme]

my mom is getting her second knee replacement surgery today and i walked into the waiting room to the WEIRDEST conversation i’ve ever heard???? literally this man is telling this old woman how he enacts vigilante justice against child molesters and rapists by fighting them. when they’re tall specifically he takes them out at the knees. somehow this conversation transitioned into politics and as you have to be in texas i geared up for conservative bullshit but they actually both hate trump and Mr Vigilante Shit actually had opinions i agree with?? anyway that was bonkers

[kingsmoot]

hi! im not sure if you’ve spoken about this before but would be so interested to hear your thoughts on the dynamic between ramsay and the original reek? like the combined matters of reek already being a serial rapist and murderer before he even meets ramsay, the abject weirdness of an adult man being best friends with a child/preteen, and the fact that ramsay names his torture victim after reek despite no indication that he ever tortured the original reek? i always felt george was hinting at some kind of cycle of abuse thing with the whole “who corrupted who” line. anyway sorry this ask is so long but i love your analysis and would really like to hear what you think!

hello 🩷❤️🖤 firstly thank you for your kind words!! i have spoken about this before, but i'm happy to speak about it again, ty for your interest! i'm honestly a little surprised this is such an underdiscussed topic in general!! but not too surprised.

in short: yes. i completely agree with you. from my reading of the text it is obvious that reek was sexually abusing ramsay. i've made a few posts about it:

1. most plainly here

2. and i also touched on it here where i talked about ramsay's mama willingly and purposefully putting him in danger

I went through asearchoficeandfire and pulled every mention of reek i, the manservant that roose gifted to ramsay, so let's go through them all together

the rest is under the cut for discussion of child abuse, endangerment, neglect, and csa, as well as rape and necrophilia

there are three "reeks" in the text. reek, the manservant that roose bolton gave to ramsay and his mother. reek, who is ramsay in disguise in winterfell. and reek, who is the tortured remains of theon greyjoy. to keep things simpler and easier to follow i am only going to call these three people reek, ramsay, and theon, ignoring who might have been called "reek" at what time.

"Lord Bolton has never acknowledged the boy, so far as I know," Ser Rodrik said. "I confess, I do not know him." "Few do," [Lady Hornwood] replied. "He lived with his mother until two years past, when young Domeric died and left Bolton without an heir. That was when he brought his bastard to the Dreadfort. The boy is a sly creature by all accounts, and he has a servant who is almost as cruel as he is. Reek, they call the man. It's said he never bathes. They hunt together, the Bastard and this Reek, and not for deer. I've heard tales, things I can scarce believe, even of a Bolton. And now that my lord husband and my sweet son have gone to the gods, the Bastard looks at my lands hungrily." Bran wanted to give the lady a hundred men to defend her rights, but Ser Rodrik only said, "He may look, but should he do more I promise you there will be dire retribution. You will be safe enough, my lady . . . though perhaps in time, when your grief is passed, you may find it prudent to wed again."

acok, bran ii

this is the first we hear of reek and ramsay, and it's notable that they've only been over at the dreadfort + its surrounding lands for two years now. we learn later in adwd that reek and ramsay have been together since ramsay was a child, but they were living in weeping water with ramsay's mother

It was a few days after Alebelly's bath that Ser Rodrik returned to Winterfell with his prisoner, a fleshy young man with fat moist lips and long hair who smelled like a privy, even worse than Alebelly had. "Reek, he's called," Hayhead said when Bran asked who it was. "I never heard his true name. He served the Bastard of Bolton and helped him murder Lady Hornwood, they say." The Bastard himself was dead, Bran learned that evening over supper. Ser Rodrik's men had caught him on Hornwood land doing something horrible (Bran wasn't quite sure what, but it seemed to be something you did without your clothes) and shot him down with arrows as he tried to ride away. They came too late for poor Lady Hornwood, though. After their wedding, the Bastard had locked her in a tower and neglected to feed her. Bran had heard men saying that when Ser Rodrik had smashed down the door he found her with her mouth all bloody and her fingers chewed off.

acok, bran v

the above is referencing ramsay, of course, disguised as reek. here we have the account of how ramsay and reek were caught on lady hornwood's lands after they had kidnapped and raped her from the stark perspective (and filtered through bran's 7-year-old perspective as well) but a little later on we hear it straight from the bastard's mouth:

"Aye, but [Ser Rodrick] thought us friends. A common mistake. When the old fool gave me his hand, I took half his arm instead. Then I let him see my face." The man put both hands to his helm and lifted it off his head, holding it in the crook of his arm. "Reek," Theon said, disquieted. How did a serving man get such fine armor? The man laughed. "The wretch is dead." He stepped closer. "The girl's fault. If she had not run so far, his horse would not have lamed, and we might have been able to flee. I gave him mine when I saw the riders from the ridge. I was done with her by then, and he liked to take his turn while they were still warm. I had to pull him off her and shove my clothes into his hands—calfskin boots and velvet doublet, silver-chased swordbelt, even my sable cloak. Ride for the Dreadfort, I told him, bring all the help you can. Take my horse, he's swifter, and here, wear the ring my father gave me, so they'll know you came from me. He'd learned better than to question me. By the time they put that arrow through his back, I'd smeared myself with the girl's filth and dressed in his rags. They might have hanged me anyway, but it was the only chance I saw." He rubbed the back of his hand across his mouth. "And now, my sweet prince, there was a woman promised me, if I brought two hundred men. Well, I brought three times as many, and no green boys nor fieldhands neither, but my father's own garrison."

acok, theon vi

ok just a quick pause i LOVE ramsay's little monologue here it's SO CRAZY GOOD it's so good it's so

like telling theon to his face "aye, but he thought us friends. a common mistake." is CRAZY. it's so good!!!! after so many chapters of build up too the whole thing feels like being nailed down to a chair and put in thumb screw and every time there's a new bran or theon chapter they're tightened just a half-turn before this reveal where your thumbs are sliced clean off by a scimitar IT'S SO GOOD RRAUUUGHHH

sorry i got distracted. this li'l bit is interesting because it sets ramsay up as In Charge. he calls the shots. "[Reek]'d learned better than to question me," he says, and he sacrifices reek to the stark riders to save his own skin. the way ramsay tells this story sets reek up as disposable and submissive. a servant who is below ramsay's station, defers to him, gives obeisance, and gives his life for his master. (notable as well that this is not Lady Hornwood who they are raping the corpse of, but an anonymous northern girl, likely one of the smallfolk who live by and/or in the Hornwood keep)

ramsay's language here also makes it clear that this is habitual for him and reek. he likes to hunt girls, rape them, and kill them, and reek likes to fuck their corpses before they've cooled. romance. this was established somewhat back in bran ii when lady hornwood first introduced the pair, but we now have it straight from ramsay's mouth that this is their habitual game.

"I knew the first Reek. He stank, though not for want of washing. I have never known a cleaner creature, truth be told. He bathed thrice a day and wore flowers in his hair as if he were a maiden. Once, when my second wife was still alive, he was caught stealing scent from her bedchamber. I had him whipped for that, a dozen lashes. Even his blood smelled wrong. The next year he tried it again. This time he drank the perfume and almost died of it. It made no matter. The smell was something he was born with. A curse, the smallfolk said. The gods had made him stink so that men would know his soul was rotting. My old maester insisted it was a sign of sickness, yet the boy was otherwise as strong as a young bull. No one could stand to be near him, so he slept with the pigs … until the day that Ramsay's mother appeared at my gates to demand that I provide a servant for my bastard, who was growing up wild and unruly. I gave her Reek. It was meant to be amusing, but he and Ramsay became inseparable. I do wonder, though … was it Ramsay who corrupted Reek, or Reek Ramsay?" His lordship glanced at the new Reek with eyes as pale and strange as two white moons. "What was he whispering whilst he unchained you?"

adwd, reek iii

the above comes two books later, and now that we've gotten lady hornwood's perspective (and this is a perspective that comes from the general northern grapevine of people who live between winterfell and the dreadfort) and ramsay's perspective (which we will soon learn to doubt) we get roose's.

it's interesting too, i had always pictured reek as a grown adult man, but my friend @wormlips pointed out to me recently that roose does call him a "boy" in the above passage. i think i always pictured him as an older man partially since theon is transformed through his year of torture in an abandoned shipping container into an old man. i had just always made the logical leap that in addition to making theon smell terrible so that he is more similar to reek, purposefully torturing and starving him and turning him into a bent old man was also to emulate reek. to recreate him in a way. so i have always pictured him as being WAY older than ramsay, like rams is between seven and ten and reek is like... forty five. but wormie also pointed out that drinking perfume seems like a childish thing to do. i can see the sense in their reading of it! i have personally never pictured the two of them as being close in age, but rather ramsay as a child and reek as an old(er) man. i think the two incidents of reek stealing perfume might have happened when he was young but that he was an adult by the time ramsay's mother came to the dreadfort to ask for a serving man.

it's interesting also that roose implies with his question of who corrupted who that reek was not a serial rapist + murderer before he was given to ramsay. but idfk about that. the thing is that all of these people are unreliable narrators, so it's kind of a murky picture of a purposefully obscured past.

it doesn't make sense to me that the smallfolk would claim the gods cursed reek to "stink so that men would know his soul was rotting" if he wasn't already murdering and/or raping girls or defiling corpses. why would that be how they explained his smell if he was just a normal guy with a medical condition?

it's possible that roose only gave reek to ramsay and his mother because of his smell. because ramsay's mother wanted him to give them a servant to help her raise the boy so roose gave her one who smelled like an open grave being used as a latrine. but that doesn't seem like the kind of joke roose bolton would play. not to me! roose giving the troublesome mother of his rapebaby a man with a proven history of horrible violence? that seems like the kind of joke roose bolton would play. to me.

also reek and ramsay becoming "inseparable" reads as far less sinister if you picture them being the same age. i do not.

another point to reek being significantly older is that it wouldn't make sense for roose to send a child over to a woman who was asking for childcare support. even if he did, she'd send him back. he couldn't do any more work around the mill than ramsay could if they were both children, he would just be an extra mouth to feed. so even if he isn't quadrouple ramsay's age like i'm picturing him, he would definitely be older. like 16-7 at minimum i think.

to your point about cycles of violence, i would say that ramsay's entire existence as a character is about cycles of violence. the cycles are certainly cycling!!! but that's not exactly what i get from this particular snippet. i take roose's question about whether reek corrupted ramsay or ramsay reek in the same way i take his telling ramsay that his way has always been in favor of "a peaceful rule and a quiet people". he's full of shit!!!

my reading of it is that rams was obviously already a violent child. maybe he was killing animals, hurting his mother, hurting his fellow children. but he was a child. and reek was an adult man with a history of violence towards others. that violence isn't explicitly stated in the text but i think if the smallfolk were saying that his soul was rotting then it had to be pretty bad. i interpret this as reek already being a rapist and serial killer before he ever met ramsay (which is your reading too!).

"Has my bastard ever told you how I got him?" That [Theon] did know, to his relief. "Yes, my … m'lord. You met his mother whilst out riding and were smitten by her beauty." "Smitten?" Bolton laughed. "Did he use that word? Why, the boy has a singer's soul … though if you believe that song, you may well be dimmer than the first Reek. Even the riding part is wrong. I was hunting a fox along the Weeping Water when I chanced upon a mill and saw a young woman washing clothes in the stream. The old miller had gotten himself a new young wife, a girl not half his age. She was a tall, willowy creature, very healthy-looking. Long legs and small firm breasts, like two ripe plums. Pretty, in a common sort of way. The moment that I set eyes on her I wanted her. Such was my due. The maesters will tell you that King Jaehaerys abolished the lord's right to the first night to appease his shrewish queen, but where the old gods rule, old customs linger. The Umbers keep the first night too, deny it as they may. Certain of the mountain clans as well, and on Skagos … well, only heart trees ever see half of what they do on Skagos. "This miller's marriage had been performed without my leave or knowledge. The man had cheated me. So I had him hanged, and claimed my rights beneath the tree where he was swaying. If truth be told, the wench was hardly worth the rope. The fox escaped as well, and on our way back to the Dreadfort my favorite courser came up lame, so all in all it was a dismal day.

adwd, reek iii

the above always sends a chill down my spine... "a peaceful rule. a quiet people. that has always been my way. make it yours." you delusional lying bastard 🩷🩷🩷

this passage is notable as well because it shows us that rams is an unreliable narrator. it's not the first time either!!

Ramsay was clad in black and pink—black boots, black belt and scabbard, black leather jerkin over a pink velvet doublet slashed with dark red satin. In his right ear gleamed a garnet cut in the shape of a drop of blood. Yet for all the splendor of his garb, he remained an ugly man, big-boned and slope-shouldered, with a fleshiness to him that suggested that in later life he would run to fat. His skin was pink and blotchy, his nose broad, his mouth small, his hair long and dark and dry. His lips were wide and meaty, but the thing men noticed first about him were his eyes. He had his lord father's eyes—small, close-set, queerly pale. Ghost grey, some men called the shade, but in truth his eyes were all but colorless, like two chips of dirty ice. At the sight of Reek, he smiled a wet-lipped smile. "There he is. My sour old friend." To the men beside him he said, "Reek has been with me since I was a boy. My lord father gave him to me as a token of his love."

adwd, reek i

ah, but that's not true, is it, rams? your father gave him to you as a jest, to spite you and your mother. he was given to you both to harm you and it is a quirky little miracle that he ended up harming others with you instead.

rams tells himself and other stories about how he was welcomed into his father's house and beloved by him. how his mother was a great beauty who his father was in love with. and it's all lies. all dust upon the air.

i'll also note that roose describes reek as being "dim". i don't think there's much truth to that tbh. i think roose is proven time and again to view all the smallfolks as dumber than him. beneath him and mostly inhuman. this is really well defined in arya's acok chapters when she serves as his cup bearer and she is totally invisible to him.

"A fine rule, m'lord." "The woman disobeyed me, though. You see what Ramsay is. She made him, her and Reek, always whispering in his ear about his rights. He should have been content to grind corn. Does he truly think that he can ever rule the north?"

adwd, reek iii

[ALICENT HIGHTOWER VOICE] AND AEMOND... YOU KNOW WHAT AEMOND IS.

this btw is where my characterization of ramsay's mama really takes root. i think it's obvious enough what she was doing without this explicit confirmation from roose, especially with how ramsay acts and how he speaks about himself. but this is the crux of it. she had everything taken from her. her husband murdered and her raped under his still-warm corpse. and then she carried her pregnancy to term in the hopes that the gods would grant her a boy who could be given a place in the world that she never could be.

to me this is where the cycles start cycling. not with reek and ramsay, but with a desperate, violated, brutalized woman giving her son back to her rapist and insisting that he claim him. like, if she were... i'm not certain that i would call her a "Good Victim" for doing this but she could have aborted her pregnancy. tried to rebuild her life now that her husband was dead and she was physically brutalized. aboritcides are plentiful in westeros. or if she wanted to keep her pregnancy to term she could have lived the rest of her quiet life with her child in weeping waters in the shadow of the dreadfort. and she could have kept her son far from the leech lord who brutalized her.

but she didn't!!!!!!!! she shoved that baby right into the wide open razor toothed mouth of the monster who brutalized her!!! she knew exactly what kind of man lord roose bolton was and she was determined to get her child recognized by him and taken into his fold.

i love that rams is like... a personification of her all consuming rage as well as a personification of his father's brutality. it's great.

"He fights for you," Reek blurted out. "He's strong." "Bulls are strong. Bears. I have seen my bastard fight. He is not entirely to blame. Reek was his tutor, the first Reek, and Reek was never trained at arms. Ramsay is ferocious, I will grant you, but he swings that sword like a butcher hacking meat."

adwd, reek iii

further evidence of reek being significantly older than ramsay! a child would not tutor another child. further evidence also that reek was already a brutally violent man before he and rams started playing the most dangerous game in the woods. he taught ramsay how to hack people apart with a broadsword.

also calling reek ramsay's "tutor" here reinforces to me that their relationship was inappropriate. odd for a young child and his teacher to be "inseparable".

"He's not afraid of anyone, m'lord." "He should be. Fear is what keeps a man alive in this world of treachery and deceit. Even here in Barrowton the crows are circling, waiting to feast upon our flesh. The Cerwyns and the Tallharts are not to be relied on, my fat friend Lord Wyman plots betrayal, and Whoresbane … the Umbers may seem simple, but they are not without a certain low cunning. Ramsay should fear them all, as I do. The next time you see him, tell him that." "Tell him … tell him to be afraid?" Reek felt ill at the very thought of it. "M'lord, I … if I did that, he'd …" "I know." Lord Bolton sighed. "His blood is bad. He needs to be leeched. The leeches suck away the bad blood, all the rage and pain. No man can think so full of anger. Ramsay, though … his tainted blood would poison even leeches, I fear."

adwd reek iii

aaaaaaaaand back to ramsay's bad blood. "I had him whipped for that, a dozen lashes. Even his blood smelled wrong." :> where did all the bad blood come from, i wonder? his sire perhaps?

i love roose describing rams as full of anger. that's his mama's anger 🩷 calcified by roose's rejection of him and his refusal to accept this. spurred on by reek's proclivities and by reek's own rejection by his liege lord. just a horrible layer cake of brutality and violence and abuse.

that's all the quotes i have for you!!!

to me it is obvious from the above text that reek sexually abused ramsay as a child. possibly when he got older and bigger and stronger and reek was a much much older man, smaller and frailer, he really was meek and obedient to ramsay. but it didn't start out that way. his tutor would not behave with deference towards him. the man who taught him how to hack meat apart with a broadsword and how to hunt women through the woods before skinning them was not... subservient to him.

the closeness between them is suspect just because of their age difference and further suspect because of who reek is and what he does.

i also think that ramsay would never see this as sexual abuse. i think ramsay and theon have exactly the same frame of mind here where it isn't possible for them to be sexually abused or taken advantage of because they're men and that doesn't happen to men.

it's obvious that ramsay thinks of his relationship with reek fondly. fondly enough that he tells people reek was a token of his father's love. fondly enough that he creates a new reek for himself after the first one dies.

to your point about ramsay torturing theon into his reek when he never tortured reek, i do read part of that as revenge. like a sort of inversion of what was done unto him. i don't think that reek tortured ramsay the way ramsay tortures theon! but i do think he assaulted him. a major theme with ramsay is the playing of parts (a theme intensified and continued when jeyne is brought to winterfell as arya) so i see his sexual abuse and torture of theon as an inversion of what reek did to him.

i mean, i think ramsay tortures theon for other personal reasons. like resenting his beauty, his status as a lord's legitimate son, and the way he treated him in winterfell when he took it over. and just because he's a sadist who likes torturing people to get off. but also i like to think that it was an inversion of what reek did to him.

i'm unsurprised also that this isn't really talked about because the asoiaf fandom in general loves to say that the cycles are cycling but hates to admit that the evil monstrous characters who hurt people were also hurt themselves. so it's like bad fandom politics to say that ramsay bolton, who is a serial killing serial rapist, was also raped as a child. and put into situations with people he never should have been in because he was a child.

this is way too long it's way too many words it took me like the whole day to write it!!! i hope you read it to the end and don't get bored!!! thank you for your question mwah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[romanken]

Being annoying abt jjk under the cut lol

The gojo stuff is something I'm aware the majority of jjk fans either do not process whatsoever or choose to ignore and that's Fine it's Whatever it makes the story about a hundred times less compelling but it's Whatever. the thing that really grinds my gears is when people act like the extent of the zenin family's violence is sexists comments and isolation which is such an insane misread it blows my mind. The most prominent zenin man is a virulent misogynist who physically and mentally abuses his female relatives. The two most prominent zenin women have had their entire lives (and deaths) revolve around and defined by that abuse. The additional layer of sexual violence being part of that abuse is an extremely obvious reoccurring motif that comes up in literally every mention or scene of naoya. It is THE POINT!!! of the zenin storyline. But jjk fans are allergic to their Wizard Fight having actual themes so if you point out the repeated references to csa and how it connects to either the misogyny of jujutsu society or how it's entirely structure is predicated on child abuse you get called a psycho who wants sexism and rape to happen. Normal fandom

[paingoes]

destroyer talk, my bts

so speaking of awful things. noncon/nsfw/csa mention under cut, dead dove

also another genuinely horrible thing about destroyer and kind of the elephant in the room is that. the people on the thorn physically cant stop themselves from making rape jokes about paris and delta’s situation. like “okay you go take that svelte long-haired boy into your room for a long time again, we wont think any less of you 👍”. paris has fired people on the spot for this because the implication that its in any way sexual makes him so so so uncomfortable (but apparently not enough to stop doing it?). but the jokes freak delta out REALLY REALLY BADLY when he hears them because like. its one thing if its at school or in a throneroom or something but he is definitely aware of the sexual connotations of just being w paris alone and knowing he couldnt really do anything if it did escalate. paris would not do that though. this is not a constant or even a very common fear in delta’s mind but it does surface occasionally and its not a good time.

also im not explicitly canonizing this because i think it could come across as overplayed or reductive to his character but i did kind of subconconsiously write paris as a csa victim. thats part of why hes weird about touch. delta is also weird about touch but thats because he got severely physically abused and he has space autism.

also. final thought. i really enjoy moments where delta breaks character and i guess i cant help thinking of them as “breaking scene”. like any time he calls paris by name its really just shorthand for you need to stop.

hate all you want but you have to admit they had a very intuitive understanding of pagaentry

[ca-suffit]

Sam-reid reblogging posts from nalyra and accusing marius haters of having "surface level takes" is rich. She ignores everything about this blog (your blog which I love!) and deems to punish viewers for not being comfortable with a known pedophile rapist in a book. It's blogs like hers which make me glad to my bones that I'm not part of this fandom any longer. I get chills from the absolute hatred radiating from users like her and nalyra and oh the reciepts you posted about formerly Neilcfreak? I felt sick reading how she lashed out at that black fan who tried to explain to her about A03 and its policies. But sam-reid is a special brand of ignorance and cold indifference towards black fans and fans who have problems with certain areas of the books. She looks down on anyone who doesn't love every word of the books. If she's ok with grooming and rape more power to her; but she so arrogantly asserts that the ONLY reason someone might have problems with topics of RAPE AND GROOMING esp through a lens of pedophilia is because of surface level takes?!

Yikes. BIG YIKES. How someone can be so SURFACE LEVEL IGNORANT is frightening.

She seems to think only in fictional world terms because in the real world, rape happens frequently. Grooming happens daily. So for her to assert that the ONLY reason someone might have issues with a character is because of SURFACE LEVEL TAKES speaks volumes of what kind of human being she is.

Marius triggers victims of rape and grooming for very real reasons, as fiction tends to do, as reading tends to do. That's why we read, and that's why fiction affects us so DEEPLY. So while insensitive and callous racists like sam-reid use SURFACE LEVEL reasons to judge us, the rest of us will be over here, avoiding surface level jerks like sam-reid, on your blog as a safe place. ❤

hi and thank u for ur comment<3

Let me repost a link to the neilcfreak / gorrei / rei thing in case anyone needs to know the context, bcuz this is an important thing to know for ppl engaging with her. This just happened in 2023.

Anyway, I'm glad it feels safe here. I'm always happy to talk about this stuff or let ppl vent about it. The books *are* v triggering and most of the fandom will not talk about it, which doesn't help anyone tbh.

I'm gonna answer most of this under a cut bcuz of the topics, but let me clarify some stuff first. Anyone mentioned here is mentioned for a reason. There's been a real increase on complaints about sam-reid lately, so I hope she's rly paying attention and not just thinking everyone is saying this for no reason. Ppl get harmed when u have a big voice in the fandom and u say things like this and turn ppl against others who are more vulnerable than u, especially when it comes to real trauma issues? I'm gonna get into this more under the cut but just to clarify that this isn't some silly thing or personal bitching about someone for no reason. I don't have any thoughts about sam-reid as a person, idk them beyond posts here. But this same attitude is across all of the big fandom ppl and it trickles down to hurting everyone, which is a big reason why this account is even here.

(I posted these screenshots smaller together but they won't save like that so sry they post long like this)

I'd also like to say that monstersinthecosmos runs with the og white woman fandom bullies from before the show aired. The fact that the same usernames show up supporting each other all the time is never surprising tbh.

Anyway TW for trauma, CSA, abuse

Everyone handles trauma differently, so a lot of what I've seen from the fandom over the years is ppl who handle it like this ^^ insisting it's the only "correct" way bcuz they can't look at it any other way, yet or maybe ever. Since Marius is so tied to childhood sexual abuse, it's always made sense bcuz a) a lot of ppl read these books as kids and b) Anne Rice wrote things in a way that romanticizes abuse. If u have never looked at the characters and/or ur own abuse as an adult, then here we are. Everything is fiction, everything is fun, nothing needs to be "real." Bcuz abused kids disconnect from abuse that same way. Some ppl stay there forever.

I'm not shaming that either. U can't dictate how ppl move thru abuse and trauma. We all do what we do. Everyone who comes into the IWTV / VC stories however it happens prbly comes from trauma. It just sucks that Anne Rice inspired such a dogshit view of the world in ppl that a group that's already ripe for infighting (traumatized ppl) gets made worse bcuz she taught everyone to be loud and wrong and then louder and more wrong. Don't ever look at ur own actions, just shout ppl down!!

The reason ppl tend to dislike book ppl is bcuz nothing is ever discussed. There's this simultaneous mindset of "I'm v smart" but also "I'm never gonna talk in depth about anything." Everyone can see this but u can't ever get *them* to see it. Conversations are impossible. Then they constantly talk down on others like this to keep everything hostile. They have to be "right," so playing up as if their perspective is the only true one and acting as if criticism of Anne Rice or the books is "so mean" bcuz of misogyny or ppl lacking media literacy or "don't they know they're all monsters lol" is the only thing they know how to do.

Traumatized ppl don't like to feel stupid, ignored, and dismissed. These big voices don't come from nothing. A lot of the vampires in the books reflect real responses to trauma, both in their personalities and how they move around each other. We also reflect that. I wish ppl could learn from that more. Unfortunately, we're prbly always gonna be in two camps about it. That's why this fandom tends to remain small no matter how big anything gets. Those who want to speak more on these themes and explore abuse tend to leave, or at least leave a lot of public spaces, bcuz these ppl have set up to always take in new recruits and bully ppl in groups. They're a small number of fans tbh, in all reality, they just look bigger bcuz they work together to build that illusion. They don't individually have the strength to get attention on their own so they gather together to reference each other a lot, recommend each other to whoever (which has now extended to cast and crew as well), and get in more spaces. Then they get to feel more "important" and soothe all the childhood trauma of nobody noticing them then, but doesn't everyone notice them now? Except look at what u did to get there. They don't care tho, everyone they've stepped over is just a "hater" or w/e.

This is why it's crucial to examine these characters and then reflect on urself too and ask if maybe ur the fucking villain sometimes. The answer will surprise u!

[positivitycombopack]

kinda confused on your positivity post about "abusers who tried their best to do everything right and just fucked up". surely that's not an abuser??? an abuser is someone who intentionally and knowingly inflicts repeated harm on you. an abuser isn't a parent (or whoever) who loves you and does their absolute best to raise you or treat you properly and has the best intentions but ends up messing up

I’m afraid this simply isn’t true. Abuse can be unintentional.

I’m going to trauma dump slightly under this cut, as it’s the only example I can really think of at the moment. Discussion of covert CSA and mentions of SA below.

My parents abused me. Did they sit together, after I was born, and say, “You know, this child is going to be so easy to fuck up?” Obviously not.

My parents sat down and said, “The world has gotten so much more dangerous since we had her sister. We need to protect her.”

I was not allowed to lock my door. That way, they could get to me sooner if I was in danger. I was screamed at for locking my door once while I was getting dressed, because my father wanted to be able to get to me if he needed. Now I am scared to lock doors.

I was regularly spoken to about rape, far earlier than a child should’ve been told graphic stories about sexual violence, because I was a “prime target.” I had regular nightmares about this and regularly sat down on my own to plan what would happen if I was kidnapped. I was in middle school.

I had to sit through a two hour lecture wherein my parents showed me the WatchDog website, discussing how many convicted sexual offenders were within a 2 mile radius of my high school.

That last event happened because I had forgotten to text my mother and father that I had gotten to my driver’s ed class without being kidnapped. Drivers Ed was a 2 minute walk from the campus of my high school. It required crossing a single street. I was 16.

All of this was repeated, constant harm and overbearing abuse that led to me having a lack of boundaries growing up. It falls under the label of covert childhood sexual abuse — sexual abuse that was not direct contact, but still broke sexual boundaries (and trust me when I say, I did not share everything here). But my parents didn’t mean to do me harm by doing this. My parents did this to try to keep me safe.

To quote my therapist, because it really drives the point home:

“The sad thing is, your parents just don’t understand how to love you. The scary thing is, they’re going to try anyways.”

My parents did not know that what they were doing would do me harm. I did not communicate this, because I convinced myself for so long that, since they were doing their best, it wasn’t abuse.

It was. It may be unintentional, but it was still abuse.

[lewis-winters]

Ghost and torture for Nathalie?

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

I mean, aside from the ghost of her own bisexuality? Ok. I kid. The answer is a lot. But!! Primarily her biological mom, Poppy, who dies giving birth to her, but who Natalie never knew died giving birth to her, because her adoptive family told her she was left behind instead.

Nat's a haunted house, yeah. Her ghosts start with Poppy, though.

torture: Has your OC ever been tortured? Would your OC ever torture someone else?

under the cut for the following tws: mentions of incestuous rape, csa, and hate-crimes

Yes? kind of? to both??? the night her father tried to rape her, she beat him-- he was drunk and frail already, and she was bigger and stronger than him, and also very afraid and very angry. she had a right to defend herself, but let's be honest. she could've stopped at pushing him down the stairs. instead, she dragged him outside and did not stop until he was close to death.

then she DID stop, because, and I quote: "I want 'im t' live. I want 'im t' suffer. I want 'im t' walk and know that his faggot of a daughterson fucked 'im up enough to make 'im bleed. I want 'im to be afraid."

then... this is where the kind of sorta comes in? so. after a few set circumstances that resulted in one of the people she holds very dear getting beat up by homophobes coming out of a gay bar, Natalie, looking for someone, anyone, to blame, goes out and takes on about a couple of men she finds doing the same to another queer man they happened to come across coming out of a gay bar.

she comes out of the encounter alive, don't worry, and she does come out of it a little worse for wear-- the only thing she manages to do afterwards is crawl her way to dick and lew's new jersey residence and hope they find her before she bleeds out... does that count as torture?

[thelunarsystemwrites]

End KOSA. Wear your ribbons with pride.

(Talk of KOSA, mentioned SA and CSA under cut!)

"The teal ribbon is a symbol used to raise awareness for ovarian cancer, sexual assault, and many other worthy causes the world over."

"The most common symbol of the blue ribbon is to show support for child abuse and prevention. The ribbon color also represents anti-bullying, sex slavery awareness, and addiction recovery awareness. Keep reading to learn more about this awareness ribbon."

I wouldn't be where I am today without the internet, okay? I wouldn't have had access to resources regarding how to deal with rape, how to contact police, how to tell and reach out for help.

KOSA is going to censor that too, I bet. The reason I'm openly a survivor is because I want anyone else who survived to not feel alone.

KOSA will prevent stuff like that, make ot SO much harder for us survivors to get the resources we need. Learning about hypetsexuality, learning about trauma responses, yeah. Gone.

Please, don't let them hurt us any more than we've already been hurt. Let's, end, KOSA.

Reblog what you can, please. Look it up, call reps, tell family and friends—Or anyone who will listen.

Get KOSA trending to get it ending.

[gavinom123]

I didn't know who else to ask for this, but is there an English translation of NO SALVATION? Been searching but they all seem to be in Japanese, and I cannot find a doc like for ZENO daily life.

Also, love your shading!

There isn't! While some people have floated around the idea of translating it, all of the translators who have considered it so far have dropped the project very quickly once they played a bit more of the game. To put it simply, I am personally of the opinion that no salvation should never receive an english translation, nor that anyone should really play the game--especially on the english side of the marutoku fanbase as that trends very young--because of the severity of content present in the game. There have been large portions that I just straight up refused to read out to my friends while we were playing because it was so intense, and we're only about halfway through the game currently. The game is centered around horrible people doing legitimately detestable things, so the content warnings present reflect that. I'll put the CW list that my friend compiled for me under the cut but please be aware that the majority of these content warnings are an inseparable part of the game and its plot, and are also very much in your face when present.

And thank you! shading is something I have a lot of fun with so I'm happy to hear you like it lol

murder, rape, CSA, necrophilia, pedophilia, child death , child abuse , human trafficking, non-consensual sex work, attempted forced-suicide, suicidal ideation, rape used as torture, human experimentation, mass murder, explosions, burning to death, drowning, asphyxiation, grooming (non-sexual), child assassins, discussion of suicide notes, vomit, manipulation, kidnapping victim falling in love with their kidnapper, injury to genitalia, attempted strangulation, dismemberment, intentional blinding via needle, eye trauma, chronic illness, fatal illness, torture, forced necrophilia, forced rape

I feel like it is necessary to mention as well that one of the two main characters is a necrophiliac serial rapist. When I say it's inseparable from the game, i really do mean it unfortunately :(

While I'm at it, I'm also going to bring up that the only reason it's not R18 is because there's no explicit sex shown on screen-- there are still significant amounts of sexual content and references, just no detailed onscreen sex. JP rating standards are different from EN ones in that is the only requirement for a game being R18 vs R15, and if it were an EN game it would absolutely be rated Explicit/R18.

[x-neurotoxin-x]

Can ur new fic be read alone or do I have to read the series it's in? I want to check it out but haven't gotten the chance to read the other parts

Yeah, i try to make each fic work as a stand alone, though it's better to read as a part of the series, there's usually enough context and references to the previous part that theoretically you could jump in on the current part and hopefully not be too confused. Beginning of recent fics, i do include a small refresher/catch up section in the author's notes explaining the story so far.

If you're interested and don't mind spoilers for the series if you haven't read previous parts, I'll include a breakdown of everything under the cut :))

(TW/CW - mentions of domestic violence, unhealthy/abusive relationships, dubcon, noncon, drugging, power imbalance, past csa, past csem, past incest, coercion, torture, medical trauma, trafficking/forced prostitution, mental health issues including age regression, programming, sh, suicidal behavior, etc)

Overall plot: Paper Bag verse follows canon in the background timeline wise but it's not completely canon compliant. The series centers mostly around shigadabi with background spinaraki and spinnerdabi, and eventual spinarakidabi and explores their relationships and traumas as they spiral into deeper and deeper into unhealthy dynamics.

Individual fics and storyline:

Parts 1-3; Lights, Camera, Action , Mean , and I think worms and rats are living where my brain used to be centers primarily around Dabi, shigadabi and establish the relationship between them while also foreshadowing Spinner's later role in the series and the dynamics he builds with Shigaraki and Dabi.

The series opens with shigadabi being in an established casual sexual relationship that mostly serves as a means to an end/pass time for both of them. Tomura begins pushing boundaries within their relationship by filming/taking explicit photos of Dabi during their encounters, which triggers trauma responses from Dabi's past. It's revealed early on that Touya was sexually abused and exploited by his father and the hero commission as a child, and developed programmed responses and mental issues due to it, including a dissociative disorder which usually causes him to age regress and further complicates things as Tomura, for at least a while, isn't really sure why Dabi acts the way he does while they're sleeping together yet keeps triggering the same responses out of him-- sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.

In Mean, the League is homeless and on the run after the bar raid and during the overhaul arc. Things escalate when Shigaraki kinda starts venting his frustration over afo and Kurogiri being arrested and the league's current predicament onto Dabi by beating and assaulting him to get his anger out, and eventually trafficking him and forcing him into prostitution for money for supplies and resources. Touya starts further projecting his Daddy issues onto Tomura due to seeing similiarities (Enji took advantage of Touya's grooming and took his anger out on him frequently as a kid, then pushed him into the trafficking to "make Touya make up for not being able to be a hero). Tomura finds out about Dabi's past by basically forcing him to trauma dump about it while he's drugged. Tomura also has some issues himself, having been raised to be desensitized to violence, torture, and rape by all for one via being forced to witness and participate in such things from a young age, Tomura doesn't really grasp the heaviness of what he's being told and takes advantage of Dabi's trauma to establish control over him.

Meanwhile, the rest of the League is not really aware of the issues Tomura and Dabi are having in their relationship, but Shuichi starts catching onto things when Touya starts hanging around with him while regressed after incidents between him and Tomura.

Part 4-5; Scraped Knees and Codependency pulls Spinner into the mix and establishes a casual fwb sort of dynamic beginning between Tomura and Shuichi while further developing a friendship between Dabi and Spinner.

In scraped knees, Tomura's possessive streak causes him to get closer to Shuichi to try and figure out why Dabi/Touya hangs around him, and Shuichi starts to catch Tomura's interest when he notices Shuichi's got some serious insecurities, relationship inexperience, and is pretty desperate for positive interaction. This leads him to manipulate him into a sexual relationship by drugging him, coercing him, and then gaslighting him about boundaries being overstepped. Shuichi's lack of healthy relationship experience and general self worth makes him easy for Tomura to take advantage of. Dabi's not really happy with this, and he kinda starts noticing Tomura's doing similar things with Shuichi that he did with him, but Tomura writes it off as Dabi being jealous and worried about being replaced.

In Codependency, Tomura starts trying to further look into Dabi's past when curiosity gets the better of him. He knows some from what Dabi told him in Mean, but wants to find out more. He cashes in a favor with Dr. Ujiko, knowing that Afo and Ujiko know of Dabi's past since he was in the facility, and Ujiko sends Tomura leaked csem videos of Touya when he was a kid. It's through these videos that Tomura figures out Dabi was programmed through grooming and torture/drug-based-mind-control by the Commission and takes note of his cues and triggers shown in the videos.

He later tests some of the cues out on Dabi, and basically causes him to shut down completely. Tomura, drunk on power, ends up doing some really awful shit to Dabi to "test how far he can take it."

Dabi is hardly able to remember anything while under the influence of the programming, and when he confronts Tomura about what happened, Tomura tells him everything in detail and gaslights him about it when he gets mad, saying that he didn't fight back or tell him to stop, so he figured Dabi was okay with it.

Dabi's pissed about this and feels violated and all, so he threatens to leave which starts a whole fight because Tomura's control and abandonment issues are like "oh hell no you can't just leave me." Tomura uses some guilt trippy tactics, threatens suicide and cuts himself, but Dabi's low empathy swag makes it not very effective, then it turns into physical aggression and abuse, but before it gets too far, Shuichi interrupts and is like "whoa wtf are you guys doing? 😰 calm down"

Without knowing much of any context for this, Shuichi tries to kinda play mediator between them. Tomura lowkey lies/downplays it as them getting into a mutual fight and Dabi threatening to leave while also kinda playing the victim. Dabi doesn't attempt to defend himself or explain what's actually going on so that doesn't help. So Shuichi ends up thinking they just have some really bad communication problems and writes off the signs of abuse as mutual toxicity. That coupled with Tomura's abuse earlier ends up convincing Dabi to stay.

Part 6; Gold is the longest fic in the series and arguably the most plot heavy. It centers around Shigadabi's dynamic spiraling to some really fucked up levels and begins to fully establish poly spinarakidabi.

Spinarakis on again off again fwb dynamic continues, and Tomura decides to try to pull him into stuff with Dabi. He kinda gets the impression that Dabi and Spinner are into each other and because he's got massive control issues if they're gonna fuck he wants them to fuck on his terms only. So he goes about pressuring Spinner to have sex with Dabi while Dabi's drugged and unconscious. Spinner gets really uncomfortable with this and refuses, and Tomura pushes and pushes until he gets fed up and ends up forcing himself on Shuichi.

Dabi wakes up later to Shuichi a whole mess and tries to figure out what happened, then gets really pissed about it.

He goes to confront Tomura about it after taking care of Shuichi, but Tomura's casual as always and doesn't seem to think he did anything wrong. Dabi loses it and snaps because of everything, attacks Tomura, burns him, and they get into a fight which Shigaraki ends up on the upper hand of. Tomura's hella pissed Dabi actually went off on him, drags him into the bathroom to use the shower to keep him from being able to use his quirk, then basically loses it on him.

Tomura kinda snaps after that because he registers Dabi fighting back and being defiant as losing control over him, and he gets this twisted idea to break Dabi down mentally enough that Dabi won't refuse or defy him anymore. He then spends, like, a week heavy drugging Dabi and torturing him in his private bathroom through waterboarding, dehumanization, a fuck ton of sexual torture, and basically retraumatizing him until he breaks mentally and doesn't resist anymore.

Once Tomura decides he's good and broken enough, Dabi's kind of a mess from all the torture and needs medical attention so he takes him to Ujiko where, surprise, he's abused even more but given medical attention.

While this is happening, they make arrangements for Tomura's quirk upgrade operation, which Dabi doesn't like the sound of. He tries to warn Tomura that its shady and afo/Ujiko are using and manipulating him but Tomura won't have none of it, too shaken up by the idea of being replaced or tossed aside by afo after learning about the spares to think about defying him.

Meanwhile nobody's aware this that this is happening behind the scenes and Tomura uses the time outside of PLF business and fucking with Dabi to further manipulate Shuichi. He gaslights Shuichi about what he did to him before (the whole "you won't fuck Dabi while he's unconscious so I'm gonna noncon you") and then twists the situation with Dabi into sympathy points for himself, saying Dabi attacked and burned him (and conveniently leaves out that he's currently got him tied up and drugged in his bathroom) which makes Shuichi feel bad and blame himself for "overreacting and making them fight."

Tomura also writes off Dabi being MIA by making up a story about him being off with Geten doing stuff with their regiment. Shuichi later secondguesses this when he asks Geten about it and Geten got no idea what he's talking about or where Dabi is, but by the time Dabi's allowed, like, freedom, both Tomura and Dabi himself double down on the lie and claim he was out doing villain stuff, excusing his injuries as battle wounds from that despite them clearly not being that.

Dabi doesn't wanna be alone after everything he went through so tries to hang out and drink with Spinner. Tomura ruins it though, coming in on them and forces them into a threesome by playing it off as "I can tell you two like each other so I wanna see you fuck." It's all awful, but Dabi's too broken by now to even realize it let alone do anything about it and Spinner knows something is wrong but any attempts at stopping things or trying to do something about it gets shut down and he's basically forced to go along with it.

Tomura gets the feeling he went too far during it and covers his ass with more manipulation and gaslighting, which goes fine with Dabi but now Shuichi's not liking the way things are going and tries to establish boundaries and shit. Tomura more or less says he's gonna try, but doesn't really mean it, and just writes everything off as "well you're the odd one out Dabi and I thought all this was normal wtf" he also explains away the level of abuse and violence during it as a kink thing, basically tells Shuichi that both him amd Dabi are into cnc and rough sex with dom/sub dynamics and Dabi "likes it and wants him to do it," and it's mostly him with the kinks. Dabi kinda just goes along with it because, again, he got mindbroken.

Part 7; I'm Gonna Infest Your Brain is a shorter glimpse into the poly relationship developing and starts to explore dynamics between them all together while also setting up stuff for Tomura's operation.

Shuichi asks Dabi on a low-key date which he at first doesnt invite Tomura to because Tomura's been stressed af with the upcomimg surgery. Tomura's pissed about it when he finds out and not only belittles the idea over and over to Shuichi but also kinda puts him in the position where he feels like he has to invite Tomura along bc Tomura's obv talking out of jealousy and feels left out.

Both Dabi and Spinner come into this thinking it's more of a casual hang out not-quite-a-date date, but Tomura comes in, well, prepared to fuck with them bc he's insecure and thinks he's losing control of them, esp with the surgery coming up and knowing he won't have access to them for a couple months.

He gets them both super drunk then uses Dabi's cues like it's a party trick to "show Shuichi how cool it is." Shuichi is kinda freaked out but the more he freaks out about it the more forceful Tomura gets. Shuichi tries to, like, be gentle and stuff because despite thinking this is all a kink thing and not really grasping its abuse, he wants sex in a different way than they're doing it. Tomura however only gets more abusive towards Dabi while Dabi's in that state of mind because he'll basically just take whatever he's given. Shuichi's uncomfortable with it but Tomura forces him into a bunch of shit anyway (makes him watch him fuck Dabi, makes him give Dabi oral and fuck him, basically keeps going and going until Shuichi's begging him to let them both take a break.)

When he finally let's them chill Touya's already age regressed and a whole mess and Shuichi gives him aftercare while trying not to feel like his whole nights plans got ruined. He's kinda pissed at Tomura for the way he treats them and gets snappy about it. Hes still freaked out about the doll programming cues and stuff, and when he asks about it Tomura makes Touya tell Shuichi about his csa and csem and childhood trauma, then explains they're "doing all this to help Dabi work through his trauma" and that Touya asked him to do this. This is a blatant lie, but again, Touya just goes along with it.

This makes Shuichi even more uncomfortable with stuff bc he didn't know about any of that and now feels like they're just reenacting Dabi's abuse. Neither of them really listen to his concerns though, and he kinda freaks out when Tomura wants to go another round-- esp since Touya is in real bad shape and having basically a mental breakdown, Shuichi doesn't want him to drop further but Tomura's so pushy about fucking him anyway that Spinner kinda gives in and tells Shig to fuck him instead to at least give Touya a break. Shig does that and he's really mean and gross, makes Touya watch and touch himself as he hurts Shuichi and degrades them both.

Shuichi's really really upset after and snaps, and him and Tomura start arguing which turns into Tomura kinda having a breakdown both because a part of him legit feels bad/confused about why he does this shit and also his usual gaslighting/manipulation shit. Dabi feels bad they're fighting and ends up lying to take the blame for everything, saying it was all his idea when it wasnt, which creates a rift between him and Shuichi now too. Tomura gets mad and leaves, Dabi and Shu loom there in sad awkward silence for a bit then Dabi leaves too and Shuichi has a breakdown.

The 8th part; Star Tripping I'm not gonna spoil much since it just started but it will follow the days leading up to Tomura's operation and the months following after. This one will end up being the first one in the series that's more spinnerdabi focused than anything else as they try to explore their relationship without Tomura constantly getting involved, but also delves into the codependency and toxicity in the relationships between all three of them, Tomura's rising guilt about how he's treating the other two, the risk Tomura's taking with the operation and how Dabi and Shuichi handle it. There's a lot planned for this one and it ( hopefully ) won't be as heavy as previous ones but still will keep a lotta the same themes.

[eye-of-yelough]

🍋🍪🍫!!

eeeeeeee thank!! doing this out of order cos the worst memory definitely had to be put under a readmore 😬

🍪 - what is something sentimental to your oc?

saved this one for last and i still don’t really know. i don’t think he’s very materially sentimental though. i think when he peels the face bandages away after Gortash gives him the lip/neck scars it’s like. in tv shows when they get makeovers and look into the mirror and cry because they’re so beautiful lmao. truly an insane response. but the Orin lobotomy happens really not very long after that so he doesn’t get the chance to enjoy it for long.

OH. the spiders lyre that Minthara gives him. when i mentioned everything reminds me of her by elliott smith was an aerynthara song the part i forgot to mention was that i imagine him playing it on the spiders lyre 🥹 i don’t think this Literally happens but it’s a cute image. i think he does try to teach himself how to play it but he sucks so bad and his singing would make your ears and eyes bleed.

🍫 - where does your oc go to think?

do people actually have “thinking spots”? i feel like that’s not really a thing. (<- guy who never leaves his room) anyway i don’t think he has a thinking spot but his “stop thinking” spot is basically any body of water. amphibious little fucker. maybe he wouldn’t be so weird if someone took him on a swimming date.

horrible horrible shit under the cut i’ve talked about this a little bit before in the tags of a post a few days ago, but this is in more detail. mentions of rape, both physical and psychological is the only way i can think to explain it. it’s bad. and csa.

🍋 - what is your oc’s most painful memory?

it isn’t one specific occasion, more a chain of events that gets worse and worse. i don’t know how to say this gently so i’m just gonna be super matter-of-fact about it. Aeryn got groomed and eventually sexually assaulted by his private piano tutor as a kid. (the fact that gort plays piano. ick) emphasis on the “groomed” part cos when his foster parents found out and they tried to have the bastard arrested he killed them to protect him. i don’t know exactly what happens between that and him getting adopted by Zhander the warlock mentor, but he doesn’t see the bastard who did that to him again. at least uhh. not for a while. Zhander isn’t too bad of a guy and doesn’t mistreat Aeryn, but their criminal lifestyle exposes him (young) to some more people who do over the years. Aeryn coming into his bhaalspawn legacy makes him increasingly difficult for Zhander to handle, especially seeing how Aeryn is using the same language he uses to justify his grey morality to justify brutal murder. he becomes terrified of him.

ok why is this just becoming aeryn’s backstory. yknow what i’ve started now i’m just gonna keep going cos i’m on a roll

Zhander eventually can’t handle the monster he created anymore and sells him to. some kind of Entity. idk Great Old One, it’s weird. this part’s a little a fuzzy if you couldn’t tell lol. anyway The Entity eventually becomes Aeryn’s patron after uhm. some amount of time? lots of horrors experienced in that time i’ll tell ya that much. Aeryn joins the Bhaalist cult at 21, only 4 years before meeting Gort.

to get it back on track to Aeryn’s Worst Memory, at some point he tells Gort about the piano teacher when they were playing their weird “Gortash as Aeryn’s therapist trying to cure his sex addiction” game. a mistake. first off Gort is super fucking creepy about it. but the real horror is a few weeks later when Gort leads him blindfolded into his basement (normal bestie activities) and uhm. locks him in a room with his former piano teacher. (big windows of course) and has no plans on letting him out until he gets his revenge. and i’m not talking about killing him. “takes back his dignity” as Gortash calls it, while forcing him to do the worst thing you could do to another person. and he eventually does do it, to be clear. strangles him to death while he does it and cries until he loses his voice, but he does it. Gortash makes him say “thank you” after wrestling him into accepting being cradled and told how good of a job he did. 😬

oh and Gortash makes sure to adequately break the guy beforehand to make sure it is rape.

and for context on why Gortash does this, because there is a reason: it’s pretty soon after he has the “Aeryn is my literal heart” realisation, but before he realises that his heart is an asset, not a burden. in that period of time, he does a lot of the worst stuff he ever does to Aeryn, including this, in an effect to kill his empathy. his heart. he doesn’t succeed, he never could, but he definitely fucks him up scary style.

so um. yeah. sorry

[loser-female]

""you're susceptible to propaganda" said the ones that cannot make up a coherent reason on why porn sites like that should exist in the first place, especially considering the constant reporting of true SA (some of which ended up in, you know, actual convictions of rape) and CSA on the site and the refusal from the company side to do anything about it."

The thing is that isn't even fighting against pornhub. They know that the people who want to keep viewing their site will just use vpns. Pornhub needs to be held responsible, but this isn't doing that, nor is it going to fix the issues with the porn industry. Uploading your real government id puts you at risk of identity theft if the servers are hacked, so all this is going to do is fuck over the people who comply and push more people toward more illicit sites if they don't want to risk that. The liquor store doesn't keep a copy of my id after I leave.

I don't even use porn sites, and I absolutely want pornhub and sites that do similar to be held responsible. I want the industry to improve and change. But the more porn is pushed underground, the less chance there is of doing that and the bigger the market for actual sexual assault videos and csam will become because the people running the other sites that host it are better at hiding themselves.

Hi! All of these are actually good questions and considerations. I'll go technical with this on the cybersecurity side.

Under the cut because it's VERY LONG.

They know that the people who want to keep viewing their site will just use vpns.

Yes, but consider that most VPNs do still take your data for their own use - not to mention that a lot of websites don't allow you to register an account when you use a VPN because the risks of spammers. [Don't make me explain how a VPN works please, it's too early in the morning]. There are providers outside the US that might not be forced to hand data if petitioned.

Uploading your real government id puts you at risk of identity theft if the servers are hacked, so all this is going to do is fuck over the people who comply and push more people toward more illicit sites if they don't want to risk that. The liquor store doesn't keep a copy of my id after I leave.

These are three different things, I'll explain to you . First of all, when you take a security measure, any security measure, you weigh the benefits and the risks. And to me, a rando adult that gets their CC or ID stolen is surely a risk. But I think the social damages caused by children accessing porn sites or being exposed to (accidentally or otherwise) is worse than the personal damages caused by poor security on big porn sites getting hacked. And I don't mean morally worse - I mean materally worse. Also a child don't have the meaning (unless someone taught them how to) to access illicit websites. Security is not privacy. There are many many other examples I could make about this. You can have features that dramatically improve your security and the user security but completely invade their privacy And... I hate to break it to you, but darkweb activities are still monitored by governments. I do cyber threat intelligence for a private company and one of my duties is to monitor hacking forums and data leak websites. If I'm able to do that, definitely people who have much more training and resourced than I do will. Not to mention you need skills to access the dark web, skills most people just don't have(or they don't have SecOps, or they mess it up...), and google is messing up algorithms. Putting a barrier on accessing something doesn't necessarily work as physically preventing people from doing something, but actively discouraging them to do so usually is good enough.

Considering that the problem being addressed here is children accessing pornography, yeah, that's a good deterrent. Most GenZ don't use a computer, which would cut them off from the illicit websites.

I'm european and I have to hand my ID a lot when I do things like booking an hotel room or being pulled over, so I'm also used to have it checked. And now in certain cases you can do verifications without storing the data (which seems to be the issue here).

But the more porn is pushed underground, the less chance there is of doing that and the bigger the market for actual sexual assault videos and csam will become because the people running the other sites that host it are better at hiding themselves.

That's something a lot pro-porn activists say, but I actually have no evidence of. As I said before, most people are just not skilled enough to go to search for those, and if they do, the chance that they will make a mistake is quite high. (you can look up for computer literacy, it's quite low) and these activities are still monitored. You also need skills to put on those websites.

What people don't realise is that... the market is very high demand - also because mainstream porn promoted these kind of kinks and fetishes. Porn 40 years ago was the picture of a naked woman posing suggestive. Porn now is extreme BSDM practices passed off as the "regular sex routines". Consider how many teens now engage in anal or chocking (also stats can be found online, and sure parents are negligent and often ignorant, but the rest of the fault completely lies on people promoting porn). 40 years ago, having the picture of a naked woman would brand you a loser and a pervert, now if you say that a man with a rape fetish is a uselss creep and you don't want to date them he feels oppressed and starts crying that he is The Only True Feminist and you're a souless bitch. And sorry, I don't want these people around me as an adult woman.

[sunhowler]

readme.txt

hiya :-) username's xenodogz, but you can call me xeno, carrie, sam, or sammy. i'm a 21 year old genderless lesbian. she/they/pup/woof pronouns for me.

i'd prefer that you be 18+ to follow this blog, because i reblog suggestive stuff frequently and speak openly about sex, kink, and fetish. i do not reblog porn, but i may reblog artistic nudity or suggestive content.

all my posts are ok to reblog! if they aren't, then reblogs will simply be turned off. i tag triggers! (starting 3/29/24. if you're concerned about triggering posts, don't scroll past that date!) current list is under the cut.

my website is here. it's got an extensive about-me and commission sheet, if you're interested! :-)

↓ more info below the cut, including what i would like people to tag, if you're into that sort of thing ↓

!!! please tag suicide !!!, including jokes and references, because i will unfollow otherwise. or block, depending on how upset it makes me lol.

(i have all the tags and phrases i could think of blocked, but "#suicide", "#tw suicide", "#suicide tw", or "#suicide mention" are preferred)

★★★★★

triggers i tag:

(i'll try my best to remember to tag these! if i forget to tag something, feel free to let me know. feel free to ask me to tag other things! in my inbox or my dms, i don't mind. i'll almost certainly agree to tag it.)

my format is "#tw trigger".

suicide [#tw suicide]

self harm [#tw self harm]

rape, sexual assault/harassment [#tw rape]

child sexual abuse and child sexual exploitation material [#tw csa]

child abuse [#tw child abuse]

child death [#tw child death]

incest [#tw incest]

domestic abuse [#tw domestic abuse]

drugs [#tw drugs]

drug and alcohol addiction [#tw addiction]

transphobia [#tw transphobia]

transmisogyny [#tw transmisogyny]

racism [#tw racism]

animal abuse [#tw animal abuse]

animal death [#tw animal death]

gore [#tw gore]

unreality and gaslighting [#tw unreality]

thalassophobia [#tw thalassophobia]

i also tag flashing gifs/videos as "#flash warning" and abnormally loud videos as "#loud warning"! i do not reblog jumpscares.

★★★★★

other blogs:

@xenodogartz - my art

@imagelover420 - art inspo

@doggirlhole - furry and furry adjacent

@butchbenrey - hlvrai

@nastyaliendogz - my nsfw art

less active blogs include: @romancerepulsed, @evil-fuck-posts, @critterposting, @wormicide, @puppynose, @moorbid, @frenreyhater, @davekatofficial

★★★★★

frequent tags:

#thank queue - queued posts

#fave - favorite posts

#ultimate fave - favoriter posts

#barking - original text posts

#vidz - videos

#little guys - animals

#feathered friends- birds

#awuff - dogs

#glub glub - fish and cephalopods

#wifeposting - posts that remind me of my girlfriend

i block very liberally. if you or someone you know is blocked, it could be for any number of reasons ranging from "you're a bigot" to "you don't tag my triggers" to "you made a post that kinda annoyed me one time" to "you post about a show i don't care about sometimes." don't take it personally and don't message me about it. thank you!

★★★★★

★★★★★

last updated 1:20 pm cst on march 29th, 2024.

[yuripoll]

KNOCKOUTS: Gunjou (2007 - 12)

Gunjou (aka, Gunjo, or Ultramarine) is a 3 volume seinen series by Nakamura Ching about a woman conspiring with the lesbian in love with her to murder her abusive husband.

"I want you to kill him..." Her husband abuses her on a daily basis. Unable to stand it any longer, she asks her lesbian friend to kill her husband for her. And unable to say no to the woman she loves, the lesbian kills him... Only 22 years old when the series began, Ching Nakamura offers up a work carved from flesh, blood, and bone. - MAL

ENG available on the author's site & JP available on Book Walker.

CWs under the cut. General severity rating: major.

In particular, if you are sensitive to any kind of abuse or are just generally in a bad place, I suggest taking caution with this one. Very bleak outlook & a very uncomfortable read. Heads up that while I've tried to be thorough, its very dense with triggering content and the list below is definitely not fully exhaustive.

sex & nudity <- explicit but not erotic

violence & gore <- blood & stabbing from the murder. not super gory, but there's a lot of visible injury ie deep cuts & heavy bruising. i was listing individual instances here but it got too much; other violent imagery includes (but is not limited to) blunt force trauma, slapping/punching, choking, being hit with a glass bottle.

rape <- references to rape here and there, but most significantly there's a scene where the lesbian deuteragonist is pressured into having sex with a man in ch6. the same character also had transactional sex with a man to get an opportunity to kill him. while this is the worst example, afaik the vast majority of sexual encounters shown or referenced have some kind of transactional, dubiously consensual edge to them.

homophobia (& lesbophobia specifically) <- protag refers to deuterag a "stupid lesbian" on like. the second page of the first chapter. and it doesn't really improve from there. deuterag was also rejetcted by her parents for her sexuality.

victim blaming <- deuterag calls protag stupid for marrying an abuser.

toxic relationships & manipulation <- main duo. they aren't even in the realm of healthy. see the above two points. things get violent between them at points but not to the same degree as with protags past abusers.

physical abuse (inflicted by a father and by a husband) <- major aspect of the protag's past. semi-frequent scenes showing this abuse. deuterag attacks protag in ch4 and immediately hates herself for it.

emotional abuse <- tbh i do think the degree of toxicity that the main duo get to reaches this point.

csa mention(?) <- i remember it being brought up once towards the end on my first read but i missed it on my second, so either i made it up or its literally just one little mention.

vomiting <- ch4, not shown on screen but there are sound effects. same in ch5. you DO see it in ch23 though, not super detailed.

suicide <- attempted suicides shown in ch2 (by jumping from a pier), ch6 (by asphyxiation), ch9 (getting onto train tracks). suicidal ideation regularly brought up by the main characters as a way of escaping their situation. both characters regularly express wanting to die. one character death is dishonestly framed as a suicide.

child death <- ch2, side character accidentally left her baby to drown in the bathtub. you see it happen in ch5.5

miscarriage <- protag mentions that she has had multiple miscarriages, one being caused by being kicked in the stomach. ch25 has a character (unknowingly) really rub salt in the wound.

animal injury <- ch1, a cat gets hit by a car (its taken to a vet and lives). we see the animal + blood but nothing detailed.

grooming(?) <- deuterag's older lesbian friend hit on her while she's still in high school, and they later entered a relationship. this never actually plays into the relationship that we see, but it happens.

mentions of teen prostitution <- ch3, suggested a couple of times that the protag (at 17) sell herself to escape poverty.

heteronormativity <- multiple lesbian characters consider trying to just adapt to men or try and settle down to avoid societal rejection.

character death <- side character, accidental drowning

[cowboybuckleys]

(only screenshotting the message and adding it here because i’m blocking and reporting whoever this is once i’ve posted. cw for mentions of rape under the cut.)

i wasn’t gonna respond to the troll-y, anti nonsense this person has, apparently, been sending a lot of people in the fandom (i woke up to like 7 messages in my inbox, christ you’re desperate for attention ain’t ya?), but this one goes far beyond a hateful anonymous troll trying to get a reaction out of people. this is genuinely deranged, disturbing behavior.

first, to say this about anyone even if you dislike the actor or some of their actions or the character they portray on TV is disgusting. but to also send this kind of message about another person to someone who is a survivor of rape and CSA?? even if you didn't know, you just don't fucking say this shit to people. you need help. you need to go to a therapist and figure out what the fuck is going on with you because this is not normal behavior.

[brett-is-afraid]

what's your experience with rpf to create trauma??

So, the tldr of it is that I had people write rpf of me (and the trauma I experienced as a child) when I was a minor (less than 16) and send it directly to me. They harassed me with it and would create new accounts to do so.

I'll explain everything more under the cut.

Massive trigger warning for sexual abuse of a child, harassment, stalking, incest, rape, suicide baiting, mentions of abortions, transphobia/misgendering, and generally people just being fucking awful??

I'll section off the part that's extremely graphic (this is the part where I get into the details of what was actually said/done explicitly) so you can avoid it. It has bold red letters telling you when it starts and finishes.

But like, this is not light. Please don't read further if you're bothered by this kind of stuff. But do keep in mind that I've healed a lot from this experience now.

So, I have a lot of trauma from my childhood. Both sexually and just generally.

I've never really gone into details about it online because frankly I just don't want to.

But when I was about 14, I was having a really difficult time with school and my real life. So, I decided to make a Tumblr account to connect with other people. (Worst idea ever, tbh. don't have a tumblr when you're 14 lol /hj)

I'd shared some of what had happened to me in anti circles because I used to be an anti. I was never telling anybody to kill themselves or anything like that, but I made TONS of posts talking about how toxic a certain ship was and anyone who defended it was weird and creepy.

I was generally very accepted within the anti circles and I got a lot of support for my sexual abuse.

However. At the age of about 15, I switched sides. I'd always liked ships that were also problematic, so I found it easy to kind of realize that "hey what I'm doing is shitty."

And that's when the issues started.

I was 15 years old with unfiltered access to the internet. And like a lot of 15 year olds, I did a lot of stupid shit.

But mainly, I was just very vocally pro ship. I'd reblog antis posts and tell them off. I'd make tons of posts of my own. I was just generally very open and very vocal. I was very, very argumentative. Like most teenagers with trauma online are.

I would often clap back at antis who compared fiction to csa and go "well I'm a victim of csa and I'm using it to cope" and "don't compare fictional content to actual sexual abuse."

And this is where stuff kinda got bad.

A bunch of antis, some of them being people I used to be friends with, started making callout posts about me.

And in these posts, they pointed out I had experienced sexual abuse as a child. And some details got leaked. Nothing major, just the ages I was when that kind of stuff started happening, but it was still part of my trauma that got shared without my consent.

And this is when stuff really started to get bad.

At some point when I was 15, I pissed off an adult so badly that they began harassing and stalking my account. They'd send me tons of hate messages and anons. They'd make new accounts to send me more if I blocked them.

Some of these things would be "stories" they wrote about me being abused and would then send directly to me.

People, for lack of a better word, wrote rpf of my real life trauma when I was 15 years old and sent it to me. They'd write paragraphs of "stories" where I was experiencing sexual trauma, sometimes where I was enjoying what was happening to me. And they'd ask if they got it right or if I enjoyed what they wrote. A lot of times they'd say "well she must like what I wrote cause she likes to write that kinda shit."

At the time, I didn't write or engage with rpf. I was a pro shipper in regular fictional fandoms, so this wasn't even an argument.

I dealt with a loooot of transphobia back then.

Extremely graphic part coming up

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In these messages, they'd tell me to kill myself a lot. And would detail how they thought I should do it. They'd send me gore and self-harm pics. To the point where I wouldn't even look at my messages anymore.

They also told me that I deserved my sexual abuse and they'd speculate on what had actually happened. They'd speculate on who had sexually abused me and what exactly they did.

Their favorite was writing short stories (a few paragraphs in length usually) where they'd go into detail about various male figures in my life abusing me in graphic detail. And enjoying it.

They'd send me messages where they'd discuss that I "probably liked" the abuse and that's why I was pro ship.

One thing I remember stuck out in particular to me was a time when I received a message where they told me they hoped I got raped so much that I needed to keep getting abortions and it "ruined my body."

After that, I received plenty of messages where they said that I probably already had. And that they hoped it kept happening to me.

I also remember that I was told a lot, "you seem like one of those kids whose dad's used their cock as a pacifier." Like, messages like this happened A LOT. I don't know what it is that made people cling to that sentiment, but they loved it. They'd switch out 'dad' for various other male figures and would change up the statement a little. But they were in the same vein.

Like I said before, a lot of people would just speculate on the details of what happened to me too and treat it like it was some funny game.

And keep in mind, a lot of different people made posts about/towards me. This wasn't just an isolated incident.

Not all of them were as severe, but I got tagged in posts telling me to kill myself, tagged in self-harm/gore a lot.

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Extremely graphic part over

It came to a point when a person made a tumblr account where they....I guess impersonated me? It was like a mix between impersonation and parody.

They used my username at the time, just changing one word out to make it more graphic. (So, if my username was something like foxlikebox, they changed it to foxlikecocks. This was not it, this is just an example.)

And they did their bio to make it seem like they were me. And they'd post all kinds of horrible stuff "as me." (Reminder, I was like 15 years old at the time.)

They'd also screenshot ALL of my posts that they could and they'd crop/edit them to be something bad. They'd constantly reblog my posts and do this kind of thing too. But most the time, it was them screenshotting it to make it seem like I'd said something bad.

I don't remember exactly how it stopped, but one day, it did. I've since deleted that account and any traces of it. And I hope I never have to deal with that again.

Having been through that, it always feels a little ridiculous when people hit me with "well what if people were writing smut about you" because people WERE. People were writing absolutely vile stuff about me. When I was 15 years old. And I still support rpf to this day because I think it's fine as long as you're not sending that type of content to the person. (And obviously not genuinely wishing them harm, ofc.)