#rambling because I just finished this novel and I have all these FEELINGS

[cuntressgoingdigital]

BAD HABIT | abby anderson x reader - college au!!

free palestine! click this link for more info

synopsis: you catch abby's eye during class and she becomes determined to make you her's. unfortunately, she can't bring herself to just outright admit her feelings, forcing herself through weeks of yearning and agony.

notes: i have been sitting on this since early october. finally finished it up! gets kinda rambly midway through. can you tell i love writing abby as a gay loser? titled after bad habit by steve lacy :P

cw: 18+ content MDNI, reader referred to as a girl, alcohol ment, dom! reader (if you squint), inexperienced! abby, no smut technically (but def not sfw), abby doesn't know how to communicate

word count: 4.9k

it was abby’s final year of college. she was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. the last three years had been a horrendous rollercoaster of trials and tribulations. all of her classes were rigorous and extremely involved. it felt like she never slept, ate, or had any time to herself. she had a couple friends, but nothing too serious. in reality, they were probably closer to acquaintances. she made the mistake of following her boyfriend halfway across the country to attend the same college as him. all of her friends were his friends and their breakup, while semi-amicable, set her back as far as friendships go. 

it wasn’t that she wasn’t good at making friends, she just didn’t have the time. making friends in your senior year of college was its own special beast. nobody wants to go out of their way to foster new friendships because of their temporary nature. everyone was applying for grad school, hoping to get as far away from home as possible. living off campus isolates you, ripping you away from the forced community that comes with living in a dormitory.

none of that mattered. abby was perfectly fine by her lonesome.

she had never felt compelled to establish a connection until she stepped foot into her french romantic literature class. everyone called it a gimme class. do the readings, write your reviews and reports, easy A. it was a low level class and she needed the elective credit, so why not? it was an 8AM, but she had dealt with worse. 

she was setting up her ipad and pencil when she felt someone brush past the back of her chair. she looked up and suddenly she couldn’t breathe. she swears she had never seen a girl more beautiful than you. it felt like one of those cheesy rom coms where all the sound in the room dropped out, the entire world slowed, and your smile lit up the room. 

“sorry!” you whispered, making your way a few chairs down and getting as comfortable as possible on those horrid plastic chairs. 

every day for two weeks she just watched you from afar. abby perked up every time you raised your hand to give insight on that week’s readings. you were intimidatingly smart. everything you said, she couldn’t have possibly come up with. she hadn’t missed a single day of class so far. 

but, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t think of a single thing to say to you. a simple “hi, nice to meet you” wouldn’t cut it. she didn’t want to come off as creepy or nonchalant. she needed a plan. 

one day you had left your bag open on your desk and abby caught a glimpse of a novel. it wasn’t one of the books that was required reading for class. was it a leisure read? immediately, she looked up the title and read the synopsis. 

she couldn’t fathom any way to make a book sound less interesting.

alas, at this point she was committed. 

that afternoon, during a small break between classes, she made her way to the library. after wandering on one of the floors for too long, she finally found the novel in question. the plan was to read it, hope that you left your bag open again, and ask about it after class. simple enough. 

she took the elevator down to the first floor and brought the book up to the check out desk. there was no one behind the desk and she wondered if she should come back later.

“sorry!” 

abby knew that voice. 

you sauntered out from the hidden staff area behind the desk. abby felt stupid for letting her crush affect her like this. her face was hot, she had to make a concerted effort to breathe evenly, and suddenly she forgot how to socialize. all she could do was stiffly set the book on the desk. 

“aren’t you in my class? french romantic lit, right?” you took the book in your hands and flipped it to the back cover to scan the barcode on the corner. 

“uh, yeah. i think so?” she had never felt more awkward in her life, sliding her student ID across the desk. 

“well, it’s nice to meet you…” you pick up the plastic card and read over it. “abby.”

there was a quiet beep and abby stood there awkwardly trying to think of something to say. “have you read this book before?” she blurted out. “i just…the reviews seemed to be pretty split. people either love it or hate it, y’know?”

a smile stretched across your face. you were clearly more than delighted to give your thoughts, recommendations for other books, and authors who had a similar writing style. abby thought your enthusiasm was adorable. she had absolutely no clue what you were talking about, but was happy you got to share your ideas with her. 

she cleared her throat. “i guess i’ll give you my thoughts after class one day?” 

you nod excitedly. “i would really love that.” 

abby collected her items and turned on her heel to leave the library. she felt accomplished, only to realize a few moments later,

fuck. 

she didn’t even ask for your name. 

that night abby started the novel. she was determined to finish before she saw you again on wednesday. homework was suddenly tossed onto the backburner. her childish crush took precedent. for the next day and a half she did nothing but read this novel, even going as far as making annotations and talking points for you. 

she woke up bright and early on wednesday. the sun was hanging lowly in the sky. she couldn’t go back to sleep even if she wanted to. she drug her body out of bed and pulled on a black tshirt and grey sweatpants for her early morning workout. she preferred to get her workout out of the way during the early morning hours to avoid the crowd of people in her apartment’s rec center and lower her chances of social interaction. 

her workout was a little more rushed than usual. she wanted to make sure she looked well put together when she approached you after class. she was meticulous with her shower routine, pairing the scent of her body wash with her lotions and deodorant. pine and amber with a hint of lavender. next was her hair that she braided and re-braided at least three times in front of her slightly fogged up bathroom mirror. she peeked at her phone and noticed it was way later than she thought. she ripped a black short sleeve button up and olive green corduroy pants off of their hanger and slipped on some shoes before she ran off to the bus stop.

she made it into the classroom right as the professor was reading off the first slide. the feeling of several pairs of eyes on her was unbearable. 

for the entire seventy five minutes of class she could only stare at you. you were feverishly typing on your laptop while also scribbling something down in your notebook. the clock seemed to tick slower than usual. 

“alright, that covers everything i wanted to address today. i’ll let y’all out a few minutes early. go enjoy the weather outside.” 

abby couldn’t pack up faster. she prayed you weren’t in any kind of rush. 

“hey!” 

abby spun around to see your face. thank god, you had approached her. this eliminated the possibility of her chickening out. 

“oh, hey!” this had thrown off abby’s entire script. “sorry i ran off yesterday. i didn’t catch your name?”

you chuckled at the realization. you hadn’t noticed either. after you properly introduced yourself, abby offered a “nice to officially meet you.”

you waste no time getting to your initial reason for approaching her. “did you start the book?” 

the sound of your voice had butterflies swarming about in her stomach. 

“yeah, i finished it actually.”

you slung your backpack over your shoulders. “which way are you going?” 

the two of you set off in the direction of the coffee shop on campus. abby went over her talking points and luckily you two shared a lot of the same ideas about the themes and writing style of the book. abby made a mental note to read more of your recommendations. 

the coffee shop was coming up on the horizon and abby had already completely derailed her walk to her next class. she had to wrap this up.

“did you maybe wanna study together sometime? you looked really into today’s lecture.” was that a weird thing to say? now it sounded like she was watching your every move.

she was. 

but, that wasn’t your business. 

“oh god, no. i hated this week’s reading. way too dense and the translation was clunky.” your head dropped in embarrassment. “i was actually playing sudoku.” 

god, you were the cutest thing. 

“dinner, then?” she ground her fingernails into the fabric of her backpack straps. “i just think it would be nice to have someone to talk about the homework with.” there was a beat of silence and immediately she felt the need to backtrack “it’s okay if not! i’m sure you’re busy and all.”

“dinner sounds fun! i can do tonight? maybe around seven?”

the two of you exchanged phone numbers and abby said a quick goodbye before rushing off in the opposite direction, praying she wasn’t late to her next class. 

you mentally high fived yourself. you had only made one friend during your time at college and that was your first year dorm roommate. she was great and all, but a senior with only one friend felt sort of pathetic. you were positive the two of you only ended up being friends because of your forced close proximity. you both loved each other to death, but you weren’t so sure you would have found each other otherwise. 

this time you made a friend all on your own. well, maybe you two weren’t quite friends yet, but you’d try your damndest to make your friendship status official. she was nice enough so far. 

and really pretty. 

like, really pretty. 

an hour or so later, abby sent a text with a link to a restaurant menu. you couldn’t help but open the message immediately. 

abby a.: is this good? 

you clicked on the link and your eyes grew wide. this was one of the places you would only eat at for special occasions. the cheapest entree was thirty dollars. there was no way you could afford that. you were a full time student living off of your need based scholarship and the meager wages you received from your work study job. if you looked you would probably see double digits in your checking account. 

you: this looks rlly nice but idk if i’ll be able to afford it 

you: i’m srry!!

before you could lock your phone, the grey bubble appeared again.

abby a.: don’t worry i invited you. i’ll grab the check. 

the idea of being indebted to her made you uneasy, but you couldn’t bring yourself to disagree with her. you didn’t want to seem high maintenance. 

your 8AM was your only class of the day, so in normal fashion you gallivanted around campus and sat in front of the library, people watching, until your shift started. the older woman who worked the same desk shift as you helped you on the daily crossword, forcing the time to pass faster. 

it was a little more than an hour before you and abby were supposed to meet up when your phone vibrated. 

abby a.: i’ll pick you up. send me your address.

you had fully intended to take the twenty minute bus ride over to the restaurant. you knew the bus routes like the back of your hand on account of you not owning a car. it wasn’t as bad as everyone made it out to be. 

abby pulled up at 7PM on the dot. once you received the “outside” text you grabbed your bag from it’s designated hook near the door. 

“where ya goin’?”

you looked back to see your best friend and roommate, liz. 

“dinner.”

“like a date?”

“nah. just some girl from my class.” your hand reached for the doorknob and pulled the door open. “i’ll see you!”

“have fun. make good choices!” she called out before you could shut the door behind you. 

you peered around the parking lot, trying to find her car. you pulled your phone from your bag and unlocked it, preparing to call abby to play hot and cold until you found her. then, you heard a voice call your name. 

abby was hanging out the sunroof of her car, waving at you. you approached her car and caught the brand sigil on the front grille. it was a BMW. you didn’t know much about cars, but you knew those were expensive. you opened the doors to see a custom leather interior and a high tech touch screen on the center console. it felt like you weren’t even allowed to sit down in this car. 

“hey, sorry it’s kind of messy.” 

there were maybe a dozen crumbs on the floor mats and a couple straw wrappers in the cup holder. 

“if this is messy for you, you’d hate to see my room.” you awkwardly tried to laugh off the tension you felt. “nice car.” 

abby moved the gear shift into drive and started to pull out of the parking lot. “yeah, it’s an early graduation present. i was hoping for something a little more practical. like a subaru or something.” she immediately bit her tongue. she probably sounded so stuck up right now. “i mean, this is perfectly fine! i just…what if i have some furniture to move, y’know?” 

smooth recovery.

“no, no i get it!” you, in fact, did not get it. you would kill to be able to drive yourself across town and not have to haul your groceries along with you on the bus. 

abby’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. “you can take aux if you want.” she motioned to the wire hanging out of the charging port. 

this was one of the worst things you could ever hear. now you had to carefully curate a few songs to last the duration of the short drive. shuffling your liked songs would surely end in embarrassment and you couldn’t tell what music abby would be into. you haphazardly queued a couple songs and analyzed every change in abby’s face, trying to decipher whether she liked the songs or not. to your delight she began humming along to one of the songs. 

“didn’t expect you to be into this sort of music.”

abby shrugged. “i’m full of surprises, i guess.” 

you made small talk about your major and your class load for the semester. all of the typical stuff you go over with anyone you meet in a college town. then, you discussed plans for grad school.

“i think i’m gonna take a year or two off and travel for a while. see the world and all that.” you picked up on the way abby’s eyes sparkled when she talked about it. 

“what are you gonna do about money and stuff?” finally, you had an excuse to ask how rich she was.

“my dad’s a neurosurgeon. he rolled right through undergrad into medical school with no time off. he wants me to take some time and find myself. make sure i’m committed to whatever my next step is.” 

you wordlessly nodded. the puzzle pieces fell into place. now you were almost embarrassed about not being well off. what could you possibly have in common with some uppity rich girl?

once the two of you started talking over dinner, it seemed like you actually had a lot in common. you both held a passion for the same movies, had slight overlap with your music taste, and held similar political beliefs. you had judged her a little too fast. you let her go on about her coin collection and in exchange she let you beak into a tangent about your hobbies. before you knew it one of the servers came up to your table. 

“hey folks, i brought the check over for you. take your time.”

you were mortified when you saw it was thirty minutes after close. if your server hadn’t practically run off you would’ve offered an apology. 

you instinctively peeked at the check and saw three digits. your shock must’ve been obvious as abby snatched the receipt holder from you. 

“i told you, i’ve got it.” she put down a heavy metal card and you were once again reminded about the difference in your tax brackets. 

dinner had gone so well it became a weekly endeavor. every wednesday you met up with her so she could show you a couple different spots around town. every time she paid the bill before you could even say anything. whenever you mentioned wanting to read some newly released book that the library hadn’t ordered yet, she would shyly present it to you the next time you two saw each other. weekly dinner dates turned into coffee dates between classes, which turned into study dates at home. she learned your coffee order and work schedule so she could occasionally pop into the library while you were working and deliver you a treat. you became inseparable rather quickly. often walking hand in hand across campus after your seminar. 

liz caught you smiling at your phone and peered over your shoulder. 

“hey, hey! what happened to privacy?” you scolded. 

liz looked you up and down. “what’s going on between you two? always texting, always facetiming, always hanging out.”

“nothing! we’re just friends.” 

it was clear she didn’t believe you. “there’s no fucking way y’all are ‘just friends’.” 

“i can be just friends with a girl!” 

“mhm. sure, sure.” liz left you to study (read: spend your entire night texting back and forth with abby). 

that night when you laid in bed, you finally gave your relationship some thought. were you two “just friends”? you were used to burying your semi-romantic thoughts about your female friends. that had been your MO ever since you discovered you were gay. you tried not to think about abby in that way. you were so excited to make a new friend, you couldn’t bear potentially ruining things with those thoughts. 

you two were just close friends. that’s it.

that’s all it would ever be. 

abby a.: goodnight see you in the morning <3

unbeknownst to you, abby was also spiraling about your relationship. had the little heart been too much? she was trying so hard to be subtle. either you were completely uninterested or she wasn’t being obvious enough. what was she supposed to say? “i think i have a crush on you” was way too forward. what if you didn’t feel the same way? now she would look like an idiot and have to bear the next couple months showing up to the same class as you three times a week. 

even worse, you were the first girl abby had ever properly pursued. her breakup with owen forced her to finally contemplate if she ever actually loved him. well, of course she loved him, but was she ever in love with him? after a month she had decided it had never been the latter. that had been nearly a year ago and in that time she had never actually made an effort to seek a relationship with anyone romantically. she made out with girls at parties, hooked up with one girl months ago, but this was different. she wanted your dinner dates to be real dates. to sleep with you in her arms. post you on her story with a caption that said ‘my girlfriend is so beautiful’. 

how the fuck was she going to make this work?

she laid awake drafting different text messages and formulating different scenarios where it would be appropriate for her to confess to you. 

that weekend abby invited you over for a sleepover. nothing too crazy. just wine, takeout, and a movie. the hour it took for you to respond was possibly the worst hour of her life.

you: omg sounds fun!! i’ll finish up my work at 8?

abby breathed a sigh of relief. she spent the next several hours stress cleaning. her entire house was pristine by the time she was meant to pick you up. 

confessing to you over text almost felt disrespectful. the wine would compensate for her intense fear of rejection. if you didn’t reciprocate, she’d just politely call you an uber and that would be that. the prospect of ignoring her feelings for you until the end of the semester trumped her fear of having to be in the same classroom with a girl who rejected her. 

she just couldn’t take it anymore. 

when she pulled into the driveway of your apartment she saw that you were already waiting outside, a small duffel bag in hand. 

you happily trotted over to her car and hopped in. the seat was perfectly adjusted for you as always. you took over aux without abby prompting you to. 

you always got the passenger princess treatment. 

abby listened to you tell her every intricate detail of your day. the dog you got to pet on campus, how the coffee shop messed up your order and you were too scared to tell them, and the crossword you weren’t able to finish because your usual coworker wasn’t on shift. 

while she was happy to listen to you, all she could think about was the fact that this may be the last time she got to hear your daily musings. 

“you okay, babe?” 

the hairs on the back of her neck always stood up when she heard you call her that. 

“i’m fine. just thinking about this assignment i forgot to finish.”

“i can help you when we get home. as long as it’s not your orgo chem class. you’re on your own with that.”

no matter how hard you tried to ignore it, you could feel the tension in the air. something was off, but you couldn’t tell what. abby was speaking less and just seemed out of it in general. every time you asked if she was okay it was always the same 

“i’m okay. don’t worry.”

you brush it off and carry on with the night as if all was normal. you ordered chinese food from your favorite hole in the wall restaurant and plopped down on her couch. it took you thirty minutes to decide on a movie, the two of you debating the pros and cons of every option. it didn’t take long for the food to be delivered and after abby gave you permission to eat on the couch you dug into your food.

“is this your first meal of the day?” abby knew you were terrible at taking care of yourself. not that she was much better.

“shut up.” you uttered through the food in your mouth. 

a few minutes into the movie, abby offers you a blanket which you eagerly take. you rest your legs over her lap and lay back against one of the throw pillows. abby almost felt wrong touching you. she had plans to irrevocably change your relationship before the night was over. 

would you be able to stay friends with her after?

“do you want wine? i figured rosé would be a safe choice.” 

you affirmatively hummed, prompting abby to rush off into her dark kitchen. she just needed a few moments to breathe. 

“can i ask a stupid question?” you called from the living room. 

abby felt the need to dry heave. “maybe.” was all she could offer as a response.

there was a few moments of uncertain silence before you spoke again. “liz is convinced we’re like…dating, or something? is there something going on between us?” 

you were always so forward. it was a trait of yours that abby admired. except this time. 

like the day you first spoke after class, you had completely derailed her scripts and scenarios.

“i…don’t know?” the question had her hands shaking so bad she couldn’t pull the cork out of the wine bottle. 

you hummed once more. “i don’t know either.”

the movie filled the uneasy silence between the two of you. abby was panicking and you surprisingly weren’t. 

“i think i like you.” you were the first to break the silence. “wait, that sounded really childish. i just…you know what i mean.” 

finally, abby could exhale. 

“i’m sorry. did i make things weird?” 

abby rushed back into the living room and saw you cocooned in her blanket, partially shielding your face from her.

“holy fuck. no, no!” she tripped over her words, trying to skip to whatever part of the script she intended to use for this exact moment. finally, she cleared her throat. “that’s kind of why i approached you the first time. i mean, i’m glad we became friends!” once again, she felt the need to backtrack. “when i first saw you in class i thought you were really pretty. i’ve been trying to work up the nerve to say this from the first time we met.” 

you finally met her gaze. abby was shocked to hear you giggle. “that’s sweet.” you reached out for her, beckoning her to come sit next to you. “i wish i had known. you’re always acting so mysterious about your feelings.” you teased. 

you sat up and loosely wrapped your arms around her shoulders. “so…was your plan to corner me here and bombard me with your confession?”

“okay, it sounds weird when you say it like that.” how had you read her intentions so accurately?

“i don’t hear any denial.” abby refused to answer. she had suffered enough tonight. “enlighten me, what was your plan if i said i liked you back?” 

abby shrugged. she really hadn’t expected to get this far. she spent more time planning for a rejection than reciprocity. 

you leaned into her. “well, i think you should kiss me.” 

abby had been dreaming of this moment. quite literally. whenever she had vaguely scandalous dreams it was always about you. she’d wanted this for so long and here she was awkwardly fumbling as she pressed her lips against yours. 

you delicately brushed a few fly away hairs behind her ear and leaned into the kiss. you could feel the hesitance in abby’s body language and knew you’d have to be the captain of the ship for the time being. you closed the space between the two of you, now chest to chest. 

“you don’t have to be nervous.” you whispered in her ear while you moved to straddle her lap. 

abby placed her hands firmly at your hips, finally working up the courage to just touch you. the movie was long forgotten when she lost herself in your kiss. her hand made it halfway up your shirt before she broke the kiss. 

“is that okay?” 

you giggled against her lips. “yeah, have at it.” 

the joking tone eased her mind and emboldened her. her hand found its way fully under the fabric of your shirt, cupping your left breast. her thumb brushed against your nipple, making you sharply inhale. you grinded down against her crotch and abby whimpered against your lips. 

you couldn’t tell how much time had passed. the both of you were feeling sensitive and hot all over. you were desperate to draw those sweet mewls out of her. 

“okay, fuck this movie.” all at once you pulled away from her. abby looked like she could’ve cried at your sudden absence. “do you wanna…like…”

“yeah,” she took a moment to catch her breath. “yeah. the bedroom is this way.” she took your hand and led you past the kitchen to her bedroom that was bathed in moonlight from the wall length windows. she rushed to close the curtains before she pulled her shirt off, revealing her black sports bra. you took her hand and collapsed against her bed, tugging her down with you. 

your fingers reached for the string of her sweatpants, working them down her thighs and tossing them to the side. 

“have you done this before?” you whispered in between kisses to her neck and collarbones. 

“sort of. a while ago.” 

“well i’m happy to give you a refresher course.” you flipped abby onto her back so you could be on top. “just relax.” you hooked your fingers into the waistband of her boxers and pulled her thighs apart. 

the sex lasted for an absurdly long time. for a beginner, abby was surprisingly adept. she was a quick learner. by the end of it, neither of you had the energy to go back to the movie. you slept soundly in her arms, not even bothering to redress. 

the next morning you were harshly pulled from your sleep by an alarm. it was saturday. there was no way it was your phone. 

abby shot straight up in bed and hastily pulled her phone off of the nightstand. 

“fuck. i’m sorry. i forgot i have rugby practice.” she leapt out of bed and started digging through her closet for fresh workout clothes. “for the record, i had plans to make you breakfast and everything. the whole nine yards.”

you stretched out in her bed, missing her warmth. “oh, i’m sure.”

[crimsonrainsoughtstrawberry]

Shen Qiao’s maturity and capacity for forgiveness, understanding, compromise and honesty are all traits Yan Wushi better appreciate and cherish for the rest of his days. Cause he put our A-Qiao through it!!! And that man still grew this enormous attachment and tender feelings for him. Can not blame him at all cause Yan-lang is a true silver fox daddy. But truly I love them so much and I just want them happy 🥺

[gallusgalluss]

sorry for not really being active here lately, i've been focusing on college stuff and also decided to suddenly start working on a lil game lol

^ about them btw. their name is MC. they're good at doing stuff.

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Mr. Gaiman,

As an accomplished author with several books under his belt, how do you know that a story is a dud for lack of a better word? I have a million ideas bouncing around inside my head at all times, and while I consider them good ideas worth pursuing, how am I sure they will make a good story?

I ask this because I have been dwelling on something one of my professors said last semester. He held a seminar on poetry and got to the topic of fiction writing, where he stated that he had just recently finished a story he had rewritten several times over the course of multiple years. Now I myself write as a hobby with a faint imagining that someone might see it in the future, and I have written a dud or two, where the plot was poorly formed and the ideas behind it just had a flaw somewhere in the base concept. Perhaps this is my youth and amateurity speaking, but I was under the impression that given enough time and care, any story could recover from that stage so long as it had not been completed yet. Ideas would need to be reworked, concepts retooled, characters redrawn, but the very basic idea could still survive in a different format.

My professor disagreed, stating that he has destroyed 400-500 page novels that he has written before upon realizing said fatal flaw. He stated that the story was in a state that it could not recover from, and that many authors encounter ideas that seem good at the time, but stink later on to such a degree that the basic premise must be thrown out. This seems like a tremendous loss of work to me. As writing is an art form, it feels somewhat similar to destroying practice sketches and 'meh' oil paintings that showcase the artist's progress. An idea that stinks today might be able to work from a different angle later on in my opinion.

I suppose after rambling my question is now this: are some ideas and concepts just not worth pursuing? Are some story concepts flawed from the get-go and impossible to save, and is there a way to tell that before writing the whole thing? Is it even possible to waste that time as you're getting in practice for the next tale?This isn't something I ever really thought about before being told in sure tones that this is how things work by someone with a degree is this, so I figured I'd ask the professional author for a second opinion. Apologies for the length of the message, especially if this is one you've received before.

I have things that have stalled and a few stories that, when they were done, went to the box in the attic rather than to anyone who could publish them (there's a whole novel there I wrote when I was 21). But mostly because I was writing serial comics, failure was not an option, and if something did fail it had done it in public for everyone to see. And I learned that some things I thought were failures had actually worked really well.

Some people are afraid of failure. Some people are afraid of success, which can also be a good reason for junking books and never showing them to anyone. As long as you pronounce them irretrievably flawed and show them to nobody, you will never be judged for them or have to deal with either success or failure.

[billskeis]

hi can you do Tom smut where he is dating reader and she likes reading and he just like tells her to read for him while he is fucking her and she just like struggles to talk and he is just kinda chuckling and listening to her

˖ ࣪ ⟢ tom’s personal bookworm

lol haha hi so imagine tom kaulitz, considered the sexiest guitarist in germany right now as tokio hotel rises up to the top as rockstars with a bookworm reader. never really goes to their concerts because she enjoys her alone time but however will support from the other side of the screen as their concerts are constantly being streamed.

you were never the type to be upset about not being able to spend actual time with tom knowing his packed schedule, understanding and content with just being able to see him from afar.

reader loves book. and i mean, LOVES books. her whole room is filled with them. her parents were concerned for her every passing day because all she did was spend her allowance on books. not that they’re complaining because at the end of the day she was smart, humble, quiet. never really got herself into trouble since she would spend most of her days reading.

they’ve always wondered how she got a boyfriend that’s the total opposite of her.. mr popular who has thousands of girls just waiting for him to court them, is dating a nerdy nobody who only spends her free time reading? i guess you can say opposites really do attract.

tom now has been making more frequent visits to his girlfriend’s humble abode to catch her often stuck in a book that she’s been raving about the day before. rambling on how exciting it is to be able to start a fresh new book after just finishing one. it could only really take her a day to finish a thick novel that she had just purchased long ago, head in the clouds of true crime, thriller and fantasy. tom wishes his girlfriend would pay more attention to him now that he’s off tour and can finally spend time with her. ohoh, he’s jealous. jealous of a fucking book, or books, lol.

and all of a sudden, the new books that you have recently bought have been collecting dust, stuck on the same book for a week now.

tom had asked you to read out the dialogue between the main protagonist and the villain, sliding himself inside of you as he slowly fucks your soaking walls sitting on the ottoman stood at the end of your bed. “oh fuck, you’re tight.. ‘s been a while huh schatzi?” a firm grip on your ass as he holds your body upright, sitting in his lap as you hold a book in-front of you like a teacher standing at a podium. “t-tom, i can’t concentrate like this.”

“c’mon, read to me baby.” moving your hips up and down his length, slowly and agonizing, your cunt feels every inch and vein of his cock, the stretch just right as he presses kisses to your cervix with his tip.

you huffed in defeat, biting your lip before speaking, “a-and so.. you e-either—mmgh.. surrender to me or, o-or.. ah!” yelping as the curve of his dick presses against your velvety walls in a new angle, pleasure shooting through your body as legs threaten to shake. tom can only laugh at you, a throaty groan while he continues to move your body at a rhythm that satiates the both of you. he indulges in controlling how you ride him, a soft and pliable body made for him to fuck and distract her from what she loves the second most, him coming in first after all.

you hold onto your book for dear life, stuttering words as they struggle to fall off your lips, drool coming out more instead as you grind your hips on tom.

he silently watches you, watches how you fail to get a complete sentence out without choking on a moan or a whimper, chuckling as he is completely enamoured with your being. how pretty you are in his lap riding his cock as you attempt to fill out his request of storytelling one of your current reads.

but he listens. he listens as you break it down to him on how the superhero and the villain instead come to redeem themselves as lovers rather than enemies. and it’s quite sweet, isn’t it? how people on the opposite sides of the universe can just come together as one, quite ironic if you ask me. but he absolutely adores the way you read to him, even if it involves shoving his cock into your cunt, over, and over again.

as a hand holds your waist, he uses his other hand to rub your clit in front of him, your body jolts from the overstimulation as you leak onto his pelvic moan, juices spilling to seep onto the suede chair.

feeling overwhelmed, your book almost slips from your grasp as you wrap your arms around tom’s neck, complaining that it’s ‘too much’ and you ‘can’t take it,’ but he doesn’t listen, he can only press a kiss to your cheek and tell you “you’re doing good baby, just a few more pages mkay?” his hands massaging your waist as he bounces you on his cock. you swallow your words instead, incapable to recite the dialogue as you cried out in pleasure.

with a smirk plastered on his lips, tom takes the book from your hand and throws it to the bed behind you, he can’t risk in damaging your goods now! your struggle for speech was quickly replaced with the creak of the ottoman inside your bedroom, your back arching as your chest is now flush to tom’s clinging onto the body that bullies you as eyes roll back.

your head rests on tom as tears roll off your face and tongue lolls out onto his shoulder, you babble ‘sorries’ to tom, as you now realized that despite his time off, you prioritized the books you read 24/7 over your own boyfriend.

“s’okay.. i can—ugh, have my smart girlfriend all t’myself now, yea?”

so i didn’t proofread this lol >_<

anyways , i’m off to disappear for another couple days (maybe)

[dontwantnoneunlessyougotmunson]

I have a request for ya! Just thought of this (sorry for the long entry 🫣)

what if Reader has been harboring a MAJOR crush on Eddie forever, and maybe they're friends, maybe not, maybe just acquaintances, I'll leave that up to you, but the Reader is this stereotypical shy, quiet, nerd girl who loves fantasy novels and (though no one would guess it just by looking at her) heavy metal and D&D and she's always been way too scared to tell Eddie how she feels (and she also knows he has a crush on Chrissy Cunningham and how could she ever compete with the Queen of Hawkins High? The Perfect Girl?). But then one day a group of bullies (maybe Carver and his Goons, maybe somebody else, again, I'll leave that up to you) somehow get a hold of her diary and read out the entry where she talks about how much she's in love with Eddie, out loud in the cafeteria during Lunch! Eddie's there, Chrissy's there, Reader is there, everyone, all of their friends are there, and of course the Reader is MORTIFIED and takes off running and hides somewhere else before anyone can say anything.

How it ends I will leave up to you 🙌 (but preferably fluffy 👀)

Vulnerability (Eddie X GN Reader)

Ehehe I’ve been writing this all morning and I love this request so much! *The diary entries are in bold italics. Also this was typed on mobile, so sorry for any typos!!

The entire table erupted into cheers as they won the battle and finished the campaign. You smiled, glancing over your book and grinned even wider as they congratulated each other. You were tucked away in the corner, engrossed in the plot of your latest novel. You’d only pretended to read in the past half hour because you had been trying to pay attention to what was going on at the table.

You and Gareth had been friends since childhood and went everywhere together. You often watched the Hellfire campaigns, but had been trying to finish up your book since it was due back soon.

“So, what did you think of my campaign?”

Your heart jolted in your chest and you pretended to find a place to stop in the story before looking up to see Eddie hovering over you. Eyes widening, you tried to laugh normally, but it just came out strangled. He patted your back, concerned, while you begged whatever higher power was listening to just take you away. Tears leaked from your eyes and you glanced to him to see he was waiting expectantly.

“It was really good, Eddie.”

He flushed and rocked on his heels.

“Your storytelling was so creative and I had no idea that side character was going to have such a big role!”

He flourished under your praise and sat beside you, rambling eagerly about his strategy and how he was inspired for the campaign.

~~~

In short, I absolutely have a crush on Eddie Munson.

You groaned and flopped your head down on the table. The library was especially quiet before school and was often the place you divulged your most private thoughts to your diary. The five-minute warning bell rang and you scooped up all your things and dashed off to class, not realizing the diary had slipped out of your grip.

The day passed in a blur. Tests were coming up for all your classes and you could barely keep all the information straight in your head. You huffed as you sat down at the lunch table and pulled your book out. Gareth sat next to you and opened his mouth to say something, but you waved a hand dismissively.

“Just a few minutes, Gare. Almost done.”

The last few pages flew by before you closed the book with a thud.

“Good?” He asked.

“Amazinggggg,” you sang back.

Your table descened into a mess of conversation that stopped abruptly the moment Jason Carver walked up to you. Encountering Jason was never a good thing, especially up close.

He smiled at you, sending shivers down your spine. He waved a familiar small blue book at you. “I think this is yours.”

Your eyes grew as you turned to dig in your bag, confirming what you already knew. You turned back to him, face heating with embarrassment. “Give it back, Jason.”

His grin turned more antagonistic as you stood up and reached for your diary. He held it above your hands, opening it to the most recent entry.

“Ahem, everybody? Can I have your attention?”

You bristled as everyone turned your way, hands balling into fists at your side. Of course nobody could miss what stupid Jason Carver had to say.

Gareth stood and held out a hand for your book. “Hey, man. Just give it back to her.”

Jason pointed a finger into his chest, moving him back. “Hang on a minute, nerd. Gotta read something real quick.”

You darted around the table and surged toward Jason, groaning as you slammed against two of his goons that had stepped into your path. It was too late. Tears pooled in your eyes as he started to read, exposing your heart to the world.

He cleared his throat before starting in. You had written snippets of campaigns you would run if you were a DM and he skimmed over them, reading the romantic bits aloud and laughing cruelly as he continued to flip.

“Boring, boring. Yadda yadda. Oh! Here we go. This looks good.”

He slowly turned to Eddie, his grin spreading wider. Eddie glanced to you, confused and your stomach lurched as he started reading. This whole time he’d been working toward this grand finale of embarrassment and damn, it was working.

“Eddie is by far the cutest guy I know. He’s always so nice to me. I don’t have many friends and he has always been so welcoming. Ugh. Skip the gooey stuff. Aha! In short, I absolutely have a crush on Eddie Munson. How sweet, the freak and the lonely loser!”

By this time, you’d practically melted into the floor. You snatched your bag up and turned to Gareth. He saw your face crumple and started to rise, but you put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“I’ll see you later.”

The words came out in a rasp and you took off before you allowed yourself to breakdown. You burst through the library door, startling the librarian who shot up from her seat.

She tilted her head in concern and motioned for you to come behind the desk. She opened the door to her office, which you sped into, dropping your book on her desk as you went. She guided you to the small couch in her office and quickly brought you a cup of hot chocolate before stepping back out to the media desk and closing the door behind her.

You curled up against the cushions and sobbed, barely able to take sips of your drink. Your afternoon teachers would just have to wait to see you until Monday. Or maybe never if you decided to move out of the country.

~~~

You woke a while later, low voices murmuring outside the door.

“Have you seen her? I know she comes here a decent bit.”

“Mmm. Nope. Haven’t seen her since this morning,” the librarian retorted.

You pulled one of the blinds down to see Eddie standing across the counter. His eyes flicked to yours, drawn by the motion and you gasped, letting the blinds snap shut.

You began gathering your courage to step out. Meanwhile, Eddie’s mouth curled into an amused smirk. He spoke slightly louder, ensuring you could hear him.

“Alright, well if you see her, let her know I got her diary back from that jerk.”

You opened the door and poked your head out, bag slung over your shoulder. You looked to the librarian and nodded at her.

“I’m okay. Thanks for the hot chocolate. I’ll be back for more books next week.”

You offered her a grateful smile, which she promptly returned, patting your shoulder kindly. You stepped around the desk, arms crossed protectively over your chest as you looked into Eddie’s eyes. A gasp slipped out as you noticed his swollen split lip. “Hi,” you mumbled.

“Hello,” his voice lit with a smile. “Walk with me?”

You nodded and turned, brushing past him as he held the door open for you.

“Need a ride?”

“Probably,” you sighed.

It was just late enough in the day that all the buses were gone for the day, student parking lot almost emptied out.

He strolled at an easy pace beside you and you kept your eyes lowered, determined not to acknowledge the cafeteria incident. He paused right outside his van on the passenger side and pulled your blue book out from under his arm, passing it to you before he pulled the door open for you. You searched for a way to say thank you, I’m sorry, and never bring this up again, but instead gaped when you saw the other book he was holding.

“Why are you reading that book? I just turned it in.”

“Well. I thought it could help my campaigns.”

You turned away, embarrassed. He reached for your arm, taking hold of it gently.

“No no I’m not teasing you. I really liked your campaign ideas and thought that if you could write something like that after reading this, then maybe I could too.”

Your heart fluttered and you bit back a smile as you climbed into the van. Eddie shut the door once you were in and circled around to the other side, climbed in and started up the van.

The drive started off quiet until you couldn’t handle it anymore and blurted out, “I’m sorry!”

He chuckled, “What are you sorry for?”

“I just… I know he’s not above embarrassing people, but I feel like his main target was probably you, so I’m sorry. I know you like Chrissy and-“

You were cut off by him laughing and you shrank back into the seat. You trembled with frustration before saying, “Alright. If you’re gonna laugh at me, let me out. Stop the car.”

He rolled to a stop on the side of the road and you reached down for your seatbelt. He caught your hand in his and your breath halted in your throat, eyes tentatively rising to meet his. His bangs had grown a bit longer, landing right above his eyes. Your hand twitched, wanting to brush them aside. He squeezed your hand and your eyes drifted back to his.

“I like Chrissy. As a person. She’s very kind and we knew each other when we were younger. But I haven’t liked anyone else in a long time. No one besides you.”

Your thumb brushed his palm as your brain processed his words.

“Me? You like me?”

“That would be what I said, yes.”

“But why? Why didn’t you say anything before now?”

“Why didn’t you?” He grinned as you blushed under his gaze. “I didn’t say anything because you’re Gareth’s best friend. He really cares about you. And about Hellfire. I didn’t want to start anything between us that could get messed up and make things awkward for him.”

You smiled at his consideration for your friend. Your diary poked at your side from where you’d tucked it next to you in the seat.

“Can I read something to you? Jason read a lot but somehow missed the best parts.”

He nodded enthusiastically and his eyes lit up as you opened your diary, stopping when you found the entry you were searching for. You kept holding hands, shivering when his rings brushed over your skin.

“Today was a bad day. I didn’t do so well on a test and the bus was late and it was pouring down rain. When it finally got there, Eddie ran up behind me and held his vest over my head until I got on. It happened so fast, I’m surprised I remember it. But I’ll never forget looking out the window and seeing him standing there in the rain. His fingers were hooked into the collar of his vest and it was slung over his shoulder. God, he looks good in the rain.”

You blushed but continued flipping to the next entry and began again, emboldened.

“Today I realized that my crush on Eddie isn’t just because he’s cute and kind to me. He’s good to everyone. It sucks seeing people mess with him. He’s somehow gotten so amazing at laughing it off and continuing about his day. He defends the kids in Hellfire. He takes care of everyone. I just wish he had someone to take care of him. I wish he knew how special he is.”

You closed the diary, your finger still tucked in. Fingers tenderly slid under your chin and lifted your face. He was waiting for you, his sweet smile already painted across his face. He groaned and blew out a puff of air.

“I wanna kiss you so bad, but could I take you out first? Where do you wanna go?”

You thought for a moment. “Well, I like ice cream.”

“Ice cream it is, then! Cone-gratulations on being the cutest person in Hawkins!”

“Oh, my God, Eddie.”

He snorted and your laughed filled the car as it started down the road again. He turned the volume up, one of his tapes in the player, and hit the dashboard in excitement when he caught you singing along.

“No way, you know this song?”

“I started listening because of you and as it turns out, I like metal music.”

“You are absolutely perfect.”

He pulled your joined hands to his mouth, kissing yours, careful of his injury. He set your hand down gently in your lap and his hand curled around your knee, determined to keep you close.

[robsterskellington]

This is different from what I'd usually ask, it's just a new interest of mine lol. So, my cousin and co-writer, got me into a certain series which got me invested in other things, so I'd like to ask:

If you'd like to say why, please feel free!

Mini ramble about my own interest under read more lol

(Minor spoiler for the Heaven Official's Blessing donghua)

Okay, so my cousin gets me interested in stuff by talking about them, because due to personal issues, I have problems taking recommendations from people. He needed to show someone something that made him laugh, and I was the first one who came to mind as he knew that even without context, it would make me laugh:

It was a clip of Qi Rong in the English dub shouting: "I should've hunted down those rent boy fucks and chopped off their nasty, diseased twat spears!!"

From that clip alone, I ended up watching the entire dubbed donghua and reading all eight novels within 4 months. I was absolutely in love the entire time. Recently, I binge watched the donghua and read volume one of Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, and again, I'm in love. I haven't started reading or watching The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System just yet, but I do have volume one and intend to read it as soon as I've finished MDZS.

The characters are all interesting in their own ways, and I honestly just feel happy to be motivated enough to read again. Ever have that feeling where you want to read but just can't be bothered? I read volumes four and five of TGCF on my days off from work, a full novel one day and the other the next. I just didn't want to put the books down, and I was glad that my cousin could talk to me about it and I could completely understand.

Anyway, I'll shut up now haha. Thanks for those who read!

[paleturtlecherryblossom-blog]

My thought on the Rise of Ning, Pt 3

I finished 24 episodes of The Rise of Ning, and I wanna add in my two cents about the storyline so far, which, considering that I wake up everyday at 6 am to catch up on, is pretty damn good XD:

I was very pleased they adapted a scene of Lu Jiaxue observing Yining’s calligraphy and noticing that it bears a heavy similarity to Luo Shenyuan’s. This is an often emphasized point in the novel, given how prized a skill calligraphy was for scholars/officials back then, the fact that Yining can replicate his style is indicative of how very close they are. Now whether that’s a sibling thing or not, is anyone’s guess ;) hehehe

At this point, many of the drama plot lines are very different from those in the novel. But the one thing that the drama preserves in full glory, despite all the plotline modifications, is the sheer depth of Luo Shenyuan’s yearning for Luo Yining! And it’s just so!!! The way she is his most important consideration, the detail with which he prepares everything for her in the event of his death, and the extreme passion he is clearly repressing every moment sitting next to her… I’m so very satisfied, I’m giving five stars just for this alone.

Another thing this drama does excellently is to more subtly portray Yining’s extreme levels of attachment to him: the way in all her visuals of the future, he is eternally just accompanying her, reading to her, living with her (girl has truly never accounted for a possible future husband and sister-in-law in all these dreams lolol), her headlong jump into the river to avoid implicating him, even though she has to have heavy trauma of falling off high places… Also her keenness in noticing all the girls who are trying to marry him, while he couldn’t care less. (Also I daresay her determination to matchmake for him is also her oblivious way of staking a claim on her San-ge)

Also, shame they made Lu Jiaxue and Zhao Mingzhu adoptive sibling, putting them on the same generational level. This is because there is a point in the novel where our hot pining Marquis Lu becomes Yining’s godfather without having a clear idea of who she is, and the way he manipulates that seniority is truly a delicious read.

Notably the drama ALSO preserves the forceful and unpleasant aspects of his obsession with regaining Yining; in the novel, he truly cannot conceive that she has a whole life and family she will protect above him. Also in the novel, Yining is reborn in the Luo family after twenty years as a wandering spirit, so by that time, she mostly moves on from her romantic attachments to him, though she does blame him for her death. The blaming for death section is there in the drama, but here I feel that Yining's primary feeling towards him is raw fear, which also biases me firmly against Lu Jiaxue rn.

 Now I’ll begin my usual rambling commentary on plot changes lol. They’ve quite significantly changed Daoyan’s character here, enough that he’s basically a whole new person. While this makes sense with the drama plotline of reopening the Chen Jiuheng case, that’s not a plotline found in the novel. Novel! Daoyan is an eccentric monk who is also a military genius. My first read of him in the novel was that he was very ruthless, but tbh it’s more of that he is unaffected by emotions and is exceedingly practical, and in this he contrasts both Lu Jiaxue and Luo Shenyuan, who have an obsession with Luo Yining in common. So that’s a dynamic we are probably not going to see, oh well.

With regards to the side plot of Luo Yixiu and Lin Mao… I somehow don’t really care for it? Sure, with regards to my personal life, I believe in marrying a person you sincerely like, but in a feudal context like in this drama… it honestly feels a bit out of place. The princess’ son is genuinely a pretty good choice for her, given that he cares for her, has an odd personality that is not likely to take concubines later and has a pretty reasonable mother! Also I just instinctively dislike Lin Mao for always lecturing her about her weight and giving her weird weight loss medicine! Even if she says she likes Lin Mao, it comes off more as a childish infatuation than anything else.

Now that I’ve gotten started on this, novel! Lin Mao is actually shown to have a crush on Luo Yining, which no one except Shenyuan ever takes seriously. He does propose marriage, only to be turned down pretty firmly, and he goes off to a border region. Throughout the novel, he is portrayed as a playful individual who keeps wriggling in and out of sticky situations. He eventually does make his name by securing disaster relief for the border but throughout the novel AND the drama so far, he’s the kind of person I may want to have a short summer romance with, but never the kind of person I can depend on for a steady life. And that is kind of a very important criteria for marriage for a noble lady in those times!

Anyway moving on, regarding the plotline of Gu Minglan’s death, it is not a mystery in the novel: she forces herself to give birth to Yining prematurely, so that Yining’s parentage is not suspected. In a way, the novel portrays her as a very sensitive woman deeply conscious of the social taboos of her time, after Yining is conceived, giving birth to her is the only thing that keeps her tethered to life. 

The drama alters Gu Minglan’s character to be more self-reliant and thus adds in an element of intrigue to her death. I feel this is primarily driven by the fact that they will only reveal that Yining isn’t the garbage Luo Second master’s blood daughter much later in the drama, but this reveal actually happens pretty early in the novel. And THEN all the courtyard intrigue takes place when Yining joins her blood related paternal family (I don’t wanna spoil this, but maybe you guys will guess who it is anyway). In the drama plot, the intrigue continues to happen in the Luo family, after all, as a main character, you NEED to have some family member scheming to kill/ruin/wrong you always. 

Although Madam Chen’s character is more fleshed out here: her resentment is only human, considering that she loses her first son early and has to watch her husband harbor feelings for her sister-in-law, which is probably the highest level of social damnation for her, if it ever came out. Both in the novel and drama she is a person obsessed with maintaining ‘face’. In the novel, her first son is alive and well, and also her husband occupies a higher position than his brother. In the drama, she possesses neither of these comforts, and it’s not illogical that she plays a more vicious role. And the actress is also killing it; her expressions when no one is observing, do give off an ominous feeling.

[purplesoulcollection]

How he show his love

Lloyd Frontera is a man who carefully considers the potential gains from every challenge he encounters, even if the issue originates with him. He not only resolves these problems but often creates new ones in the process.

To those who meet him for the first time, he can seem quite unpredictable, especially if they don’t see him often. However, beneath a facade that might suggest a devilish nature when it comes to scheming.

Lloyd possesses a caring side that is known only to his closest friends and family. And here's the list for his way of loving (Not a spoiler because i didn't seeing the novel)

I like to think that Lloyd love language is giving a present for us.

He dreams of being a wealthy slacker, someone with plenty of money to splurge on lavish gifts for us. He believes that anything less than extravagant just won't do. (In Korea, he feels limited in his ability to buy nice things, so he channels that frustration in another world.)

He's not really the kind of person who openly expresses his love for us. Sometimes, he even embellishes the truth a bit.

He tends to claim that we love him the most, while Lloyd acts all high and mighty, pretending to love us just because it's expected of him. He's not 100% telling the truth.

When it comes to expressing genuine feelings, he often struggles to find the right words and ends up rambling something opposites from what he want to say. He’s not used to being completely vulnerable, and his past experiences have made him wary of that. He was afraid of losing someone he loved again, like his parents

As time passes, Lloyd's love for us continues to grow stronger. He will become bolder in sharing his feelings and will openly acknowledge that he loves us the most. Plus, he'll plan delightful surprises to bring us joy. like make some future home in advance (Poor Javier who has to work hard to keep up with Lloyd's crazy ideas.)

But i think he's also little bit quality time and physical touch person. But he only doing that when he's not having any work to do and not being distracted.

When the construction begin, he will so busy and choose to shut himself away and make us worry about him.

As Lloyd's partner, we must at least be patient enough to accompany him in silence and remind him periodically that he needs rest and food too…

Lloyd might be feeling frustrated with our suggestions, a bit angry and annoyed. However, he wouldn’t trade our concern for a breakup; he understands that we care about him too.

Since his parents passed away, there’s no one to remind him to take breaks while working on his architectural projects. This often leaves him feeling lonely after he finishes his work, missing the moments when his mother would encourage him to take a break for a warm meal, or when his father would urge him to get some rest instead of staying up too late.

Despite his irritation, experiencing the attention he has missed for so long brings him a sense of happiness deep down, even if he would never openly express it to us. We have to be the one to find it through his behavior.

Lloyd has a knack for spotting his opponent's weaknesses and using them to his advantage, but sadly, that keen perception doesn't extend to his partner.

Having never had a partner before, Lloyd lacks the sensitivity and experience that comes with such a relationship. Understanding his partner's feelings is much more challenging for him than it is with others.

Whether his partner is feeling angry, annoyed, or disappointed, Lloyd struggles to provide what they need.

When he finds himself puzzled by his partner's actions, he often turns to Javier for advice. However, since Javier is just as clueless as him, the biggest possibility is they both end up being more confused than before.

He likes to tease us too (no one can escape that) but he wouldn't like it if someone else did it to us, it's his privilage.

Jealous? Despite he being a scammer, when he's jealous it will show in his face for like 5 seconds before he could control himself and managed to drive away the person who made him jealous by sarcastically condescending with his annoyed face.

Please don't make a situation when javier have to choose either lloyd or us in the danger. Whatever choice he choose he and lloyd will regret that.

If Javier chooses us, Lloyd will feel depressed and deem it unimportant to let him die and Javier will feel guilty in his heart for ignoring the person he swore to protect with his life.

But if Javier saves Lloyd, Lloyd will be sad because Javier thinks we are not important and Javier will feel guilty because he couldn't save the person his master loves.

For PDA, I think he will either be so bold to do it or he being considerate, i will lean on the second.

The first choice is in line with his usual nature, but since when someone in love can be in his usual nature? so the second. Even if he's from korea where the guys aren't really the romantic type, especially when it comes to women.

However, Lloyd stands out by treating us with genuine care and affection. He goes out of his way to help us with things that are tough to manage, takes care of us when we're feeling under the weather, and when we're upset, he keeps his feelings in check to avoid causing us any more pain.

Lloyd can't stand the thought of making someone he loves feel sad. He finds it hard to cope with others' sadness because his own life has its challenges.

He also understands that he has a stronger emotional foundation, and he recognizes that his partner may be more vulnerable, so he chooses to remain calm and gentle, no matter how frustrated he might feel.

But you could say that when it comes to sexual matters, Lloyd is quite naughty, this time his face is the same as his heart. I'm sure that we will be tricked into having a sexual scene that can satisfy him. (bless whoever being not so lucky) ref from one headcanon someone made about lloyd.

His design ring for his lover is probably the most simple within all his gift. because in the past he was not rich at all, so at least the thing that could get him the approval of his deceased parents was a simple ring like his parents' rings, which, even though it looked plain, was the most beautiful piece of jewelry that Lloyd knew.

His wedding is the biggest to show off while making everyone happy with a big party and exciting food and entertainment. Frontera family would make it a huge scene.

He's so happy to get a perfect lover for him.

The End

[booksndpoetry]

Nerdy is the New Sexy

A Han Jisung Fanfic

m.list

A/N: If anyone gets the title reference, know that I love you.

WC: 1.08k words

Genre: Fluff

Characters: University Student Han Jisung X Gn reader

Triggers/Warnings: Idiots in love, mutual, oblivious pining (I don't like this but here we are)

“Your/Name. Go to sleep.” Jisung says from his room, rubbing his eyes.

You startle at the sudden noise, only to realize it's your roommate, staying up because of the harsh light coming from your room.

“Sorry,” you say, “I’ll just be up for a few more minutes.” “What’s so important you’re staying up for it?”

He comes into your room to peer into your laptop screen. Your breathing quickens at the proximity. He squints for a moment and then he looks at you dead in the eyes.

“Why the hell are you researching Popular dishes of the Medieval Period?” “You never know. I might need it” you weakly defend, though you were just insatiably curious. “God, you’re such a nerd.” He says fondly.

You almost forget how to breathe. Both, from the words coming and the person speaking them. 

“I’m not a nerd,” you reply, your tone soft, but firm.

“I’m not a nerd because nerds genuinely spend their time learning new things, things that make them appreciate the world more. Something that justifies as well as glorifies their existence on this planet. It's like giving back because you have a chance to live a life. I'm not a nerd because I sometimes procrastinate and end up hurriedly finishing the essay in two hours instead of the four I'd originally kept apart for it.” You ramble in one breath. 

Han watches you, soft eyes taking in your every breath and relishing in the words you speak. He didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much, without even touching them. For him, you were the human embodiment of love and he didn’t like it when you discredited yourself, even for the smallest of things.

“But you write as good of an essay you do in two as well as you do one in four.” He says firmly. 

“That’s true,” you muse, “Work expands to fill the Time allocated to it, I guess.” He gives you a self-satisfied look that says ‘See? I told you so.’ 

“You’re a nerd,” he says in finality. ”Don't even start about how you're not qualified to be one. You're the biggest nerd I know. You're a writer, you make everything sound enjoyable, you're kind, and you have such thoughts about nerds. You're the epitome of a nerd if I ever saw one. So don't worry your little head and come back to sleep. I don't want to drag you to class tomorrow and hear your whining.” He ends his speech with a tired expression as if recounting all the times he dragged your whiny self to classes held at ungodly hours of the morning.

Your heart lurched and backflipped in your chest. God, this was embarrassing, even if you were the only one who witnessed your lovesickness.

He was basically confessing to you, in terms of, hot romance novel terms. But he wasn't the male lead of a romcom and you weren't the protagonist. He was your roommate and you were his friend he was forced to get acquainted with because of your living situation, nothing more.

You don’t want to have fantasies that will end up being just that, fantasies.

So you don’t think about how nice his smile is, or how his arms have been bulging out from his sleeveless shirts recently and how utterly easy it is to love him.

You decide you'll just keep this safely tucked into your mind, where nothing can reach it. You vow to yourself you'll keep it safe for when you second guess whether you really want to keep loving him, when you second guess if you need to keep writing, or when you feel like giving up on yourself. You're nothing if not a writer of your words.

‘What a lame excuse of a pun.’ You tell yourself. But then with the look he's giving you, you realise you haven't given him a response to his words, yet. And you sheepishly smile as he shakes his head, knowing you got caught up in your head again.

“Thank you,” you tell him. You want to tell him of your gratitude in great detail, in a much more deserving way, but words have deserted your mind now and these will have to do.

He smiles, “You act like it isn't true. It is. Now hurry up and get to bed.” He pats your bed and falls into the mass of pillows you’ve kept there. You giggle at his action. That was another thing. You were always smiling around him. He made it so easy. 

"Talk dirty to me, why don't you?" you say, playfully wiggling your eyebrows and he throws a chocolate wrapper around you. You frown at that.

“That was my bookmark, you dweeb.”

“So?” he questions as though it means nothing.

“Find another one” he says nonchalantly and you want to throw a brick at his stupidly beautiful face.

“I can’t. Ugh. What do you know about the struggles of a bookworm?”

He rolls his eyes at your theatrics. Even as he makes a note to carry some chocolates for you tomorrow, so you can have enough bookmarks.

“I’ll get you your favourite drink if you come to bed right now,” he says, attentive eyes waiting for your reaction.

For one moment, when he says that, you pretend he's your boyfriend who’s really in love with you. You know you shouldn’t do it but all the fics on your phone say otherwise. So, you pretend he's beckoning you to come sleep next to him, waiting to pull your face under his chin and rest his head on yours. It feels heavenly, the feeling. You wouldn't ever refuse to go to bed if it were real. So you don't refuse now. You turn off your computer and your desk lamp, take off your glasses and dive headfirst into your bed, and it’s his turn to giggle at your antics. You won’t refuse him anything even if he’s not yours. The power he had over you, you didn’t ever want him to know. 

He tucks you in like a baby, and whispers “Sleep well, you nerd”, and then he’s off to his own room. You merely smile and snuggle in, and you’re out like a light moments after.

Only when the door is firmly shut, does he kick his feet in the air, having a full-on meltdown after being so near to you. Was this his punishment for writing songs with unrequited love? He groaned. It was so unfair. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

© booksndpoetry 2024. All rights reserved. Please do not plagiarise, translate, repost or steal my works in any way. All idols used in this piece are just inspiration for characters. They do not reflect the real people in any way.

[jasmine-tea-biscuits]

Some Long Live Evil Appreciation

Long Live Evil by Sarah Rees Brennan has a tragically small fandom. I guess I’ll pop out from the abyss like a screaming and starving ghoul bent on taking someone down with me because I JUST FINISHED IT HALF AN HOUR AGO AND I AM DESPERATE FOR CONTENT!!!

This will be spoiler free. I just need to ramble.

Anyway, it’s about Rae who’s dying from cancer when she’s given a chance to stop her death by going into her favourite fantasy novel. The only catch is that she lands in the body of the villainess and now has to avoid that horrible ending. Oh and she has to somehow scheme her way to a magical flower that only blooms once a year and can only save her that one night.

As someone who loves villainess isekai anime, I can confidently say this feels like a love letter to it. We’ve got our girl accidentally befriending and making characters fall for her in her attempts to avoid her doom! On top of that, we have her driving the plot more and more off track as she tries to fix it! We even have antics so cartoonish that they could be cringe, but they circle back to ridiculously iconic!

It’s riddled with pop culture references that will age it but I Do not care for it is wonderfully cheesy and our protagonists definitely need a break from all the blood and gore.

I also really love the side characters. They don’t just mindlessly follow Rae, and most take a while to warm up to her actually. But the back stories and alternating POVs we get in contrast to Rae’s reader knowledge? CHEF’S KISS! PlUS THERES QUEER REP!!

And the love story? Seems like there might be a love triangle at first but it’s made very obvious very quickly that there isn’t one. That medieval alpha male mf never stood a chance!

The love interest is unhinged in the best way possible. In the doesn’t save the world, but would burn it to save you kind of way! In a kill every last one of them kind of way that reminds me of my one and only Dimitri from Fire Emblem. Seriously, if you’re like me and seeing him feral post time skip unlocked something in you, this book has the dude for you!

Anyway, I gotta say that I really relate to Rae. I haven’t experienced illness like her.”, but when I suddenly became disabled as a teenager, I felt similarly angry when people asked me to show some grace and understanding to those who treated me like a charity case or something to be discarded when it became too hard for them to watch. When she talked about trying to hold back emotion to keep from pushing more people away, I was silent taking it in. Rae’s fury at being called a bitch for her anger healed a part of me. And her using that to fuel herself? I CANNOT EMPHASIZE HOW CATHARTIC IT WAS ENOUGH!

If any of this caught your interest, you should go read it. I NEED PEOPLE TO SHARe THIS OBSESSION With!!!

I’m off to brainstorm fanfic while I wait for the second book.

[rui-drawsbox]

hmm im curious. whats olba about :0?

Oh anon you have no idea of what you just asked-- let me get my teacher costume

AHEM

OLBA or Our Life: Beginnings & Always it's a visual novel where you can play the perfect life you never got and cry about how much you wanted it after you finish it :DD (available on Steam for pc and Itch.io for both pc/mac and android!)

You play as-- well, you (or not, you choose)! You can choose your name, last name, pronouns, appearance, personality, hobbies, everything except your family, but you wouldn't like to change them for anything after you meet them.

You start the game as an innocent 8 years old kid that meets a random guy that tells you that he just moved across the street, he also tells you about his son: Cove! who has the same age as you. This guy tries to bribe you with 20 dollars, you can accept or refuse (or run! i like that option), either way you end up in a poppy hill behind your house and find the so famous Cove! He tells (cry) you that his parents just divorced and that he miss his mom ( :c ), you can comfort him or not, but you two still will be found by both of your families and have to go home.

That's the prologue! Gameplay aspect: it consists in 3 Steps of your life: 8, 13 and 18 years old! Each Step comes with 5 Moments, where you can spend time with (mainly) cove, if you're playing the base game. Talking about base game! You can complete it in around 5 hours (that's what took me the first time i think), and it comes with a 4th Step that work as an epilogue!

There are 6 paid DLC's (and a free one that is a name pack), 3 are other 15 moments for the first 3 Steps, 1 is a wedding dlc for our lovely Cove <3 (we'll get to him in no time), and the last 2 are extra content for two characters you'll meet in your very first playthough: Derek in Step 2 and Baxter in Step 3 (you should know this one very well if you follow me lmao), each with 5 moments extra for their assigned Step and their own Step 4 where you can follow and give proper closure to their stories!

I'll try to not ramble a lot because it's something you just need to experience yourself to get it but-- i will introduce you to the love interests! (or friendship interests, you don't need to crush on anyone to have a great time)

Cove Holden! Our lovely neighbor that we see almost everyday for like 10 years! You could also call him the second main character after you, since you learn more about him and his family during all the game. He's an introvert and ocean nerd (in the cutest way possible), depending on your choices you can shape his personality/style and become best buddies, the sweetest couple or just remain neighbours that never really got along. (you'll learn to love him, platonic or not, trust me)

Another perk of the game is that no matter what you do there's not "wrong or right" (unless you feel bad for the characters, like me), your actions does have consequences but there's nothing like a "bad ending/good ending", after all it's just your life, it goes on no matter what! Unless you want to reach a specific scene you found online you'll never have to use a guide for anything.

Derek Suarez! A caring guy! mabye a little too much, he's the oldest brother of 3 and that shaped him in a way that he always feels responsible of everything😔. During his storyline you'll help him to learn how to relax and lean on other people :D!

Baxter Ward! A monochromatic gentleman, mischievous as a cat and emotionally repressed like a pressure cooker <3. Struggles a lot with making deep conections and being emotionally vulnerable, you can imagine about what goes his storyline lol.

He's my favorite, if you haven't noticed. He has that infuriating charm that only someone that unironically says "Hallelujah" has. A very dramatic route, he's a very dramatic guy, you should see how he texts in step 3 aghsdas.

Also! all the side characters are super likeable, from your family to the baker of that bakery that is metioned a few times!

ANYWAYS, in conclusion: this is a very relaxing game! If you like visual novels you should definitely give it a try, the amount of replayability this game has is insane. My recommendations for when you play are:

Try the base game first! If you like it you can buy the moments dlcs (theyre only 3$ each!), mabye the wedding dlc after that (if you want to marry cove that is, this one is 2$ btw), Derek's dlc and Baxter's dlc (5$ each) for last. Those are pretty much the release order but i that's also the order i enjoy the most!

(play this game at least 2 times trying different choices/personality, the differences are ughhhh/pos)

When you're playing for the first time you should play the moments left to right. On later playthroughs you should change the order to find new dialogues! theyre small things but omg theyre so fun

Have fun! do whatever you want, i literally said there's no bad or good ending, take advantage of it and be as foward or shy as you want, be a little shit or a literal angel! That is your life we're talking about.

[nadianova]

How much time do you spend planning some of your visual novels? At least going by some of them being jam submissions, it feels like you go from pre-production to a finished build very quickly, and it's amazing how you can manage that while still having an awesome story and so many assets.

Also, what is like, the process of planning a story out for you, if there's any vague or concrete similarities that you've noticed?

i think the important context here is that if i get bored/have nothing to do i jhust immediately get really suicidal its like ridiculous how bad it gets(ITS FINE DONT WORRY ABOUT IT IVE HAD 5 YEARS OF THERAPY). so i hate being bored and want to occupy my time wit something fun whatever that is. if i have a project to focus on but especially if I'm working for a game jam i have a deadline and i just decide to myself okay i will release a game now.

because ive made a decent amount of games i roughly have an idea on my capabilities, i can estimate how long it takes for me to write a story so and so long and how long it takes for me to draw stuff i need and how long it takes for me to throw stuff in renpy. these are estimates like as in I'm not accurate with it but still enough that i generally know where to start cutting ideas since the most important part is just having something to submit. i also know to plan around my brain wanting to slam my head into a wall an my hands suddenly giving up on being able to draw.

i think thats the beauty of game jams it forces you to just go for it and release something. releasing a 'bad' game is better than no game at all. experience only comes over time and i think just going for it is the best approach there is. like its literally 2 weeks 1 month whatever of your life. if you have the time and motivation go for it. make it work or fuck it up it wont matter in the grand scheme of things

im not sure what is the motivation behind the question but i do want to point out that this is just my method (if you can even call it a method) and the only way to figure out what works for you is to just try until you find something that actually works for you

idk not everyone will find it doable/fun to plan around spending two weeks gamedev 10 hours a day just cause i wanted to fit in 100 cgs for a jam game but apparently i can do that when i cheat my stupid adhd brain into hyperfocus with adhd meds

READMORE BECAUSE I CANT STOP RAMBLING

as for planning tho i think ideas on their own are worthless and its always about execution in the end. a great idea or a meh idea are the same for me but i do still enjoy the planning process so i keep notes

like i see a great tumblr post or i see some art or visual novel has some scene that inspires me: i save that shit for myself

having a big collection of random floating ideas like that helps me easily pick from especially during a jam type duration. right now i have like 4-5 half-baked project skeletons, some are literally like 3 pictures and some like naomida are a hundred hours worth of me writing world building about how the toilets work in a city with no plumbing cause its -30celcius(i love bringing this up)=

i dont normally plan that much, i tend to just wing it. like for malmaid i seriously just had some rough ideas and just went along as i wrote

same thing for dddeviance i had a handful of scenes that i really wanted to make and knew what kind of start and end it was meant to have and just figured out how to fill the in between. a lot of plot points changed vastly like halfway through i realised my devil + angel combination was stupid and i should just go for fallen angel + angel.

i think there really is no simple answer tho (as evident from the long as hell post) i don't really have a 'process' because every single game has been worked on has come with different type of planning since I'm always trying new stuff to try and distract me from boredom. like I've been using obsidian for naomida while previously I've just used a empty discord serve as my notes app for malmaid and dddeviance

and tbh with naomida I'm running to a new problem where I'm definitely planning too much. like I'm spending too much time fidgeting with details in chapter 4 even when i haven't finished writing chapter 1 just cause its so easy to get in the loop of "oh ill just change this one line" and boom 20 mins spent playing with my notes that didn't really progress my game since by the time i reach this point the whole scene might have shifted to something else

.

but if i had to squeeze an answer itd be something like everything related to my art or writing or games is just like "oooooo that seems fun i should remember this for later" and then i just string 10-100 of those into a story

i tend to write my stories in a format of

character A does this and that

this happens here

puppy play ryona piss orgasm

new day and then this happens here

sad thing happens

more piss orgasm

the end

and just like start filling in more details and working on my story in a nonlinear fashion until i feel like i have a strong enough skeleton that i can start writing my scenes. i hop around a lot, often preferring to write the fun scenes first like ero stuff or the ones I'm the most interested in and then the rest is just filling the blanks and stringing the cool scenes together

[beautifulsnake2162020]

Rambling Fan Review of the donghua Heaven Official's Blessing (English dub)

I just need to ramble for a bit after finishing the entire series (PLEASE TELL ME THERE IS A SEASON 3!).

Quick Quick review version: I LOVE IT even if I didn't read the novels yet. Highly recommended.

Quick review version: Why is this so underrated?! Would me fangirling about it make Season 3 to arrive faster? I GET THE HYPE NOW!

Actual review/rambling:

So just to be clear on a few things so that everyone is on the same page:

I deliberately chose the English dub once I saw it was an option because my brain needs to rest from all my academic readings and it was too tired to read the subtitles;

There is nothing professional about this review - it's just me writing all my feelings after crying on the closing montage of season 2. Considering that I was emotionally crying on the closing montage of Season 1, I don't know why I'm surprised at myself for doing the same on the Season 2 montage;

I read some spoilers from the wikia pages because I want to know if Hualian gets a happy ending or if I have to write one for them;

I am horny for James Cheek's Hua Cheng voice;

Having said that I am so impressed with his vocal chemistry with Howard Wang's Xie Lian. When I read the novels (when life finally allows me to do so), their voices will be the voices in my head for Hua Cheng and Xie Lian;

I watched some of Kictor's videos on TGCF , specifically this video but I stopped at around the 12 minute mark since I was confused at first midway on the first episode on who was supposed to be Xie Lian's love interest. I initially thought it was going to be a love triangle with Xie Lian being fought over. I was impatient and I needed to know just the background details. I can confidently say that I think this video helped me in clarifying some things and I think the emotional reveals still work;

I am very aware that there were certain scenes that needs to be changed because of China's censorship laws and that the novels have more leeway;

A part of my brain is already making outlines for fanfiction for Hualian; and

The most important point - It is okay to disagree with me. This is just my opinion on what touched me the most while watching the story unfold.

Okay now to the fangirl rambling:

As I type this to the youtube loop of Red Supreme by Hu Xia I've got a lot of positively emotional feelings.

I LOVE how their love story unfolds. How they save each other and they complement each other so well.

I especially love how the story within itself shows why Hualian loves each other even though they may not expressly say it but it is so obvious from their actions to each other and their internal monologue that we are given every now and then.

Season 1 is about showing that Hua Cheng's reason for existing is his love for Xie Lian.

Season 2 is about showing why Hua Cheng's feelings are from genuine love for Xie Lian.

If anything their love story teaches an important lesson: Hope doesn't have to be perfect to be effective.

At the start of Season 1, everyone in Heaven has given up hope on Xie Lian being nothing more than a waste of space who has the audacity to ascend three times and it seems like everyone except Ling Wen who after informing him of his debt because of the damage his latest ascension caused was able to help him get a task to quickly get more credit to pay off the debt (to be honest I still don't really understand the currency of Heaven but maybe that's kinda the point that the story is trying to make in that in a place supposedly of paradise this should be ridiculous. Mortals believing themselves reaching heaven will grant them freedom only to be subjected to the current system in place). And it is this little piece of hope that leads him to Hua Cheng who is the very proof that he has managed to greatly affect someone by giving them hope when they wanted to give up. Xie Lian may think later on that he might have said something ridiculous but to Hua Cheng who wanted to commit suicide, his very existence is the hope he needed to change his perspective on life and it is because of Xie Lian telling him to make him the purpose of Hua Cheng's life that Hua Cheng finally got to live. Even if now he is a ghost, from the brief time he actually truly lived life, that experience showed him what are the things that matters the most. And him achieving greatness in the form of being one of if not the most dangerous calamity that Heaven had to face. So much so that he has killed 33 Gods and has gained a reputation of being someone who is essentially the God killer. He did all of this because Xie Lian saw him in a time when no one wanted to see Hua Cheng, much more help him. This is mirrored in Ban Yue who kept the hope that Xie Lian gave her when he shared with her his dream of saving the world. Something he is later embarrassed about but it was enough for her to do her best to change things, even when it involved the massacre within the city walls. And once again this is shown in Lang Qianqiu to whom Xie Lian was a mentor to (I forgot the word they used for mentor but you get what I mean), when he taught him that it is not the royal family but the people that makes a nation thrive and this lead to Qianqiu leading a peaceful reign and united the nations of Xianle and accomplishing what several others had hoped for.

And this is where these relationships begin to act as a foil to show why the Hualian relationship works.

Ban Yue was misguided and did not have enough experience to trust in herself to know the difference between right and wrong and the subtly gray area in between. While influenced by Pei Jr, she also isn't wrong for saying that she also had some responsibility. But she thinks that the beatings she took in her afterlife is her penance for what she did on that day. It was self-destructive because while she may not say it out loud a part of her feels like she deserves to be treated badly after what she has done. And it was only after they saved her - that she begins to start moving on.

When Xie Lian started to become a God that was hated, he was also self-destructive and feeling like maybe he did deserve it. It was during this time that Hua Cheng still in his mortal lifetime declared that he will never forget Xie Lian. While this may or may not have influenced Xie Lian into moving on from any past mistakes, we do know that he may have not confronted any negative feelings enough that he still has a mental breakdown when the truth is revealed to Lang Qiangqiu. And so Hua Cheng provided Xie Lian that space and person to not be alone while confronting these feelings and thoughts all the while also reassuring Xie Lian that he is not a bad person for what he has done.

Speaking of being viewed as a bad person, we also come to the flaw of Lang Qiangqiu's perspective on Xie Lian. Both Lang Qiangqiu and Hue Cheng admired Xie Lian for saving them and wanted to be like their savior. But there is a difference: Lang Qiangqiu despite having more interactions with Xie Lian as his student, grew up idolizing him so much that he did not notice that the image he made of Xie Lian in his head is either a savior who could do no wrong or the traitor who killed his family and all of their lessons and experiences together were lies so that Xie Lian could kill his entire family. This simplistic reduction of Xie Lian which had carried out even in Lang Qiangqiu's life as a martial God, is not the true Xie Lian who was somewhere in between. Seeing him as nothing more than a savior prevents him from thinking of the times when Xie Lian was the killer rather than the savior. And seeing him as nothing more than a traitor would make him blind in the things that Xie Lian was genuinely trying to teach him to make him better than generations before.

Meanwhile Hue Cheng only had a few but significant interactions with Xie Lian that doesn't simply reduce Xie Lian as either one or the other. He knows enough to know that Xie Lian is altruistic and would do anything that would make the world better. Whether that was disrupting a procession in his honor to save a bandaged child from being killed from a fall or what seems to be the massacre of the Yong An royal family with only the heir remaining, he knows Xie Lian has enough reason to do the things that he did, though he may not know all the facts of the story. And to talk with the God he loved when said God was feeling hopeless and was in despair because people now hate him and are destroying his temples made Hue Cheng realize that even Gods feels remorse, upset, tired, and hopeless. I think this is the moment that Hue Cheng truly becomes devoted to Xie Lian. I forgot who in the Hualian tumblr community said it but I have to agree that this very human moment of Xie Lian being in despair is the catalyst in Hue Cheng's life to be the person whom the God he loves could turn to when he needs support from someone. And what better support could a God have than the most devoted follower that would become the most dangerous and notorious Ghost King among the four calamities. Him being a ghost is also the very thing that ensures Xie Lian continues to exist. These two interactions he has had was enough to not paint a simple picture of Xie Lian in Hue Cheng's mind which allowed him more than Lang Qiangqiu more contemplation on Hue Cheng's part on who the actual Xie Lian is while also allowing room to get to know him more.

Add this to how he is disgusted by how Heaven is for allowing Xie Lian to be taken for granted and which made him realize that beneath the beautiful veneer it is still a system which seems to hinder rather than actually help both Gods and mortals alike - being the most powerful and dangerous Ghost to warrant being a threat to Heaven truly was the best option for Hue Cheng.

And I know this has already been said but it is beautiful that even now in the early stages of their relationship both of them wants to be there for each other. Xie Lian was always there in some form or another for Hue Cheng and Hue Cheng is always there for Xie Lian no matter what disguise or form he takes. They both complement each other's weaknesses. Xie Lian tends to overthink and sometimes doesn't allow himself to truly feel because of his religious sect. Hue Cheng while also calculating tends to take action more because of either efficiency or boredom. Xie Lian apologizing to Hue Cheng for giving him half-truths and thinking about the damages he caused while Hue Cheng apologizes for wounding Xie Lian was so beautiful in that they both love each other to think they deserve retribution from the other when it is so obvious they want their relationship to be repaired.

Hue Cheng is the one being that Xie Lian could truly be himself with and Xie Lian is the one being that keeps Hue Cheng living even though he himself is no longer mortal. And that is such a beautiful love story.

[mouthfulloftoothpasterry]

Okay I'm thinking many thoughts and I need to get them out to see what people think...

I've had these plans for like... a year tbh and we all discussed it and voted on it and the overwhelming majority said that they wanted blindrry to get a surgery to be able to see!!

Unfortunately, how harry went blind is irreversible- so I will have to change a little bit of the back story for him to be able to see, which isn't a big deal to me!

I also want him to have a baby girl 🥹 he's such a girl dad and as much as I'm OBSESSED with Finn and Storm, blindrry needs a baby girl

I can't even wait to write him actually being able to see one of Y/n's pregnancies 🥹

~

I have big plans for Vetrry next year!!!

Maybe there will be a proposal 🤭 maybe not... who knows 👀

If I'm going to be completely honest Vetrry is honestly one of my favorites ❤️‍🔥

~

Now onto actual concepts I have

I was just listening to I can fix him (no really I can)

And I know I do have pornstar Harry as a concept trope but....

I just can't stop thinking about Harry being a camboy or a porn star and childhoodbestfriend!Y/n is secretly in love with him

And she swears she can 'fix' Him and make him like loyal to her and blah blah

Maybe roommate!Y/n AND childhoodbestfriend!Y/n??? Let me know

Bc I definitely need thoughts on this one because I would honestly love to write this

~~

I love all my tropes and my little worlds but next year I really want to expand my writing and not just focus on the same tropes, I want to experiment and just write whatever I want!! Whatever you guys want, whatever idea pops in my head!

~~

Okay I didn't want to spill the beans because I feel like I'll jinx myself and everytime I say "blah blah blah coming soon" then suddenly I have writers block and can't finish it 😭

But I'm working on the biggest thing I've ever written right now!

So far it's just titled "ski trip" but basically the plot is that two childhood best friends (can you tell I love childhood best friends to lovers?) turn enemies, they start competing over literally anything and everything once they hit teenagers, they start absolutely hating each other and right before Harry (my mmc obviously) leaves for university he confesses his love for Y/n

Now, about six years later they finally reunite at the family holiday trip they take each year

Harry hasn't come around in 6 years because he's busy becoming some hot shot lawyer and y/n comes every year to the holiday ski trip because she's struggling trying to become a writer

Her job as a glorified assistant comes to an end after she finally stands up for herself and she has to hide it from her whole family the whole holiday season trip

And once Harry makes a big announcement about his career her whole world comes crashing down and she has a bit of a freak out

Especially because after not seeing him for 6 years he refuses to acknowledge the fact that he confessed his love for her and goes back to acting like he did when they were teens

I don't think I've ever been so excited to write something, but when I say it's huge and I'm so obsessed with it I mean it

Like it might take me a year to write it because I plan for it to be like novel length 😭

Anywho, I'm excited to hear thoughts, especially about my ski trip one! This is my baby right now and my life revolves around it 😭

I promise more writing/ concepty ramble like posts coming soon!!

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[isalisewrites]

A ramble on writing where April broke my heart

Hooo boi.

March was a dream in comparison to April.

Emergency gallbladder surgery? Someone faking their death in my server? Good times. I wanna go back.

I have been through much in three short months. April has shown that it's taken a toll. I have missed many more days of writing. I'm still missing them in May. But I'm slowly gripping onto the last vestiges of my raw determination, all while in the face of so much.

I had a falling out with my closest family member that shook me to the core of my heart. I barely slept for most of the month again. Gallbladder surgery has proven to have some complications on my nervous system, making normal daily life difficult where it's hard to sit or lie down without experiencing full body numbness and tingling in various areas, including my hands and fingers. (No, not blood clots. 100% without a doubt it's my nerves.)

If you've followed me here (post one and two) and have read my author's on Terrible, But Great Chapter 30, then you know what went down with my family member. It took so much of my time and energy. I wrote well over 8,000 words trying to reason with this family member, only for all of it to be scorned and mocked. A part of me feels like that energy was wasted. I could have 8,000 more words in TBG, but I don't. This is all I have.

A part of me looks at it and says, "Give it back. Give me back my writing." What happened to January? Or even February? What happened to the girl who could wake up at 4am in the morning, an hour before she had to leave for her hysteroscopy, to power write 700 words?

Some days, I go up the stairs and I'm winded like I ran a marathon.

Some days, if I walk on the treadmill for more than 6 to 10 minutes, I feel like I'm dying.

It's been an uphill battle. The struggle is real, but so am I.

In the last week of December of 2023, when I realized how long it would take me to finish Terrible, But Great, I was overcome with what I call 'The Stirring.' I don't know what else to call it, but it always has an air of mystery and premonition for what it is to come. I thought at that time, "If I had limited time to live, what do I want to do?"

"I want to write."

So, I did.

In 2023, I published a total of 43,000 words in TBG. In 2024, from January to April, I've written 110,604 words and have published 35,000 words thus far. The year isn't even halfway over and I've done better this year than I have last year.

In spite of it all, I'm doing pretty damn good.

There's still hope. I'm not giving up. It might feel like morale is low, but it's not. I'm going to keep going as much as I can through all the hardships because writing is truly the one thing that breathes life into me.

By the end of April, I finished my business class with an essay about how the class shifted my beliefs. This class in combination with all of my health issues and social conflicts sparked an overwhelming revelation and a new rising determination within my soul.

You see, you all have witnessed my love and passion for writing Terrible, But Great, a Harry Potter fanfiction, but I also have original stories that I've wanted to write. Yet, I haven't been able to finish them because I'm always thinking about the market in the real world, instead of what I want and what the story wants. Fanfiction, I can do whatever the hell I want and yall are just gonna have to strap in and hold onto dear life cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Original novels, however, are done differently and I've often struggled due to so many factors.

I have ADHD. I am autistic. I have health issues which are rapidly piling up on top of each other. My career choice might not even be feasible for me in the long run, so why I am allowing myself to be pressured into doing more than I can handle with a class load?

I want to write. I want to write. I want to create.

Oh, how I want to create.

So, I will.

Two years ago, I gave up on my dream of writing original novels and earning a living through them. I've since repented of that notion. As I continue write Terrible, But Great, I'm also going to be working on my original novels on the side. Someday, perhaps, I'll be able to earn a living as a published author.

That's my realistic ideal.

I wrote 457 words today, May 9th. That's good enough. The goal this month is to write more than April. I can do that. On the days where prose is hard, I simply write my scene idea in a zero draft style. I don't worry about the prose; I'll fix it later. Every word counts. Every word can be changed. Every word can be made better.

Every word is good enough.

Until next month.