#r all annoying or bitchy now

[mikeyswishes]

one of my friends last year was telling me how no friendship survives the grade im in and i told him that was bullshit but no he was right i dont like most of my oldest friends anymore n have found a bunch of new ones or gotten closer w old ones

[waybrightgender]

google how to get someone to stop reading about crypto and using degenerate

[justkindalivin]

Roommate trouble

summary: Your roommate Jesse and his girlfriend Dina fuck..a lot. loudly. When you finally get fed up after being woken up by their nightly “activities”, you go to Dina’s dorm for some peace and quiet only to run into her roommate, Ellie. 

warnings: Smut (18+ PLZ), Language, modern!au, college!au, making out, thigh riding, fingering (r rec), oral (r rec), dom!ellie, teasing, sub!reader, not edited well (I can’t think of anything else but lmk if you find something I forgot!)  

wc: 2.7k 

an: HEY YALL!! It's been a hot minute, sorry about that! The shotgun series is still ongoing but this idea popped into my head and I just had to write it. I tried to activate my asks or whatever but I’m still kinda new to how tumblr works haha. I wanna meet people in the TLOU community and make friends so come say hi!! Anyhoo I hope you guys enjoy, have a great day I love you ♡ - Lottie

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You loved Jesse, you really did. Starting from move-in day, you guys did everything together, knew everything about each other, and he quickly became your absolute best friend. When he first introduced you to Dina, a girl he met during orientation, you were so happy he found someone as sweet and open as she was. She always greeted you with a hug and smile, even going as far as inviting you to hang out with her and Jesse on whatever date they had planned. Eventually, you and Dina also got very close, going on your own little “friend dates” as she called them where you would go to dinner or just watch a movie. You always joked that if she ever got tired of Jesse all she had to do was say the word and you would sweep her off her feet. As much as you loved them though, there was one thing about them that you couldn’t stand. They fucked like rabbits. Literally 24/7. You actually didn’t even know it was medically possible for two people to get it on this much. You come home from a class and boom- they’re in your dorm going at it. Trying to take a nap in your room? Think again, here comes Jesse and Dina tearing off each other's clothes. You tried to be cool about it at first because you didn’t want to seem bitchy, but you were quickly reaching your limit. And tonight was the night you lost it 

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You had a long fucking day, filled with back-to-back classes that seemed to last an eternity and mountains of homework that took you hours in the library to complete. Practically as soon as you got to your dorm and your head hit the pillow you passed out, which is probably why you didn't hear Jesse and Dina come home. What you did hear, however, was a weird grating creaking noise that roused you from sleep. Blinking the blurriness from your eyes, you start to come to your surroundings. The creaking started to get louder and as you become more and more awake, you begin to notice soft moans and grunts coming from the direction of the creaking... - NO. FUCKING. WAY. 

“You little fuck gremlins, you’re unbelievable!!!” You exclaim, hucking your pillow in their general direction. The sound of a startled grunt and scrambling from Jesse’s bed fills your ears as they try to cover themselves up, and finally, you turn your bedside lamp on to glare at them. Both of them sit on his bed, messily wrapped in blankets with a light pink dusting on their cheeks, chests heaving as they try to catch their breath. At least Dina looks apologetic, Jesse just looks annoyed you interrupted them. 

“I’m so sorry, I-” Dina starts apologizing, but you hold up your hand to stop her. 

“Jesse, you're like a brother to me and I love you, but I can’t deal with you right now. Like, just give me a heads up when you two are gonna fuck and I’ll leave, this is traumatizing.” Jesse slightly rolls his eyes but nods, and you can tell he does actually feel bad that they woke you. “and Dina, just give me a chance I’d treat you so right, just say the word. You’ve done nothing wrong ever, and I love you.” 

Jesse shakes his head, throwing his hands up indignantly “Why do I get scolded like a toddler and Dina gets hit on?!? Where’s the justice?”. You shut him up with a glare, then focus back on Dina.

“Dina, where is your dorm and would your roommate mind me staying there? Y’all can finish what you started but I’m getting tf up outta here.” After getting the building name and room number, you quickly pack a small go bag with essentials, wrap a blanket over your shoulders, and begin to trudge across campus to Dina’s building. About halfway there you think about how crazy you’re going to look to her roommate, a girl you’ve never met before but Dina had mentioned in passing a few times. The only thing you knew about her was that her name was Ellie and she was an astronomy major. Fuck, what were you even going to say when you got there?? Hey! Our roommates were having a fuck fest in my room, mind if we have a sleepover? You spent the rest of the walk overthinking and trying to come up with something to say when you saw her until eventually, you found yourself on their floor. Wandering down the hallway, you finally stumble on a light wooden door that was decorated with colorful bits of paper cut into the shape of mushrooms that held both Dina and Ellie’s names. Keeping in mind the mini script you made of what to say when you were walking over, you take a deep breath and raise your hand to knock on the door.

After a moment of silence, clattering and distant swearing come from the other side of the door before it swings open. Your mouth goes dry, all the words you had rehearsed flying out the window as you take in Ellie for the first time. Her short auburn hair falls messily around her freckled face and as she lifts her hand up to rub the sleep from her eyes, you catch a glimpse of a tattoo on her forearm. Wearing just a white cotton tank top and black boxers, it was clear that she had been sleeping peacefully before your rude awakening. As you continue to check her out, you’re startled when her voice cuts through the quiet of the hallway.

“Dude, I was sleeping. The fuck do you want?” Ellie’s voice is still thick with sleep as her gaze falls on you. Oh shit, she must think you’re so creepy, just some rando waking her up in the middle of the night and then staring at her. You hastily blurt out your name trying to seem like less of a weirdo in front of Dina’s smoking-hot roommate

“Dina and Jesse woke me up with their... sex stuff? And they go at it all the time and I was kinda fed up so I asked Dina if I could sleep in her bed for tonight and she said yes so... now I'm here and-” Your awkward rambling was cut short by Ellie bursting out laughing, doubling over to clutch her stomach.

“No way dude that's fucking heinous! You poor thing get in here.” With that, Ellie grabs your arm and pulls you into the room, her hand finding the small of your back as she guides you in. “Welcome to our humble abode, that's Dina’s side so you can just dump your shit over there, and that's her bed.” She says, gesturing to the left side of the room. Shoving your backpack to the ground, you make your way to Dina’s bed, observing the room as you go. Ellie’s side is filled with drawings and posters, as well as a guitar that leans up against her bed rail. Pictures also litter the walls, some of her and Dina, some of her other friends, and a few of her with an older man you assume is her dad. Suddenly feeling the night catch up to you, a huge yawn leaves your lips and you crawl into Dina’s bed, letting your eyes fall closed.

“It's nice to finally meet you, Dina talks about you all the time. She didn’t tell me you were pretty though”. Your eyes fly open and you can feel your cheeks growing warm at the compliment. 

“Dina talks about you too. It's weird we’ve never met before, Dina always said I would like you” You reply, rolling over to face her to see that she was already looking at you. 

“Listen any time those two are annoying you, come over here. You’re always welcome” she tells you, a wide smile stretching across her face

“Thanks, Ellie”

“No problem pretty girl”

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“Ellie they’re doing it again!! They were literally eye fucking all over the room so I made my escape before my vision got assaulted. Again.” You yell, bursting into Ellie's room without so much as a knock. On that first night you stayed in Dina’s dorm, the two of you talked for hours, only stopping once daylight began to leak through the curtains on the windows. She talked about her adopted dad, Joel, what she wanted to do with her life, and her love of dinosaurs. With each word, you found yourself more and more enamored with her. You’d never met anyone like Ellie and from that day on you guys were close friends. Well... you don’t know if friends is the way to describe it. Ellie was almost always touching you, from wrapping an arm around your waist when you were walking together to pulling you down onto her lab when there was not enough room on the couch. At parties, she’d keep close to you, warding off creepy men with a snarl and her arm around your shoulders. You’d both shared countless kisses, some light and playful, others deep and passionate. There was something unspoken between the two of you, you saw it in the way she looked at you, the way she was protective over you like no one else in your life has ever been. You’d never labeled what you and Ellie had, too scared that if you talked about it, she’d get so weirded out by you reading too much into it that she would leave. 

“I keep telling you babe, set boundaries with them. As much as I love having your gorgeous face here, you gotta tell them when you need the room.”

That was the other thing, the nicknames she gave you. You don’t think Ellie has called you by your name once since the night you met. It's always pretty girl, gorgeous, or your personal favorite, babe. Wandering over to where Ellie sat on the edge of her bed, tuning her guitar, you flop face down next to her. Hearing her place the guitar down with a dramatic sigh, you feel Ellie’s body moving toward where you lay on the bed. Rough hands grasp your waist, rolling you until you’re laying on your back. Ellie kneels over you, one hand stroking the skin of your waist while the other glides up the side of your body to brush your hair out of your eyes. 

“I’ll beat the shit out of Jesse, will that help?” She offers, only half joking, earning a small giggle from you as she smiles. 

“My hero” You joke, hand rising to cup the side of her face and squeeze the flesh there. “You don’t have to, I just have to stop being a pussy and tell them. Maybe we can make a schedule or something, I don't know.”

“Oo a fucking schedule, how romantic. I’m sure they’ll love that” She teases and you shove her away from you playfully. Before you can fully shove her away, she grips your arm, using the momentum to pull you onto her lap. Her back leans against the wall and she picks you up slightly by your hips so that she can slide her thigh between your legs. 

“Shut up I’m trying okay?” You giggle raising your hand to push her once again. This time though, she catches it and laces your fingers together. Your chest rises and falls rapidly as you try to catch your breath from being WWE slammed into a cuddle session and you could have sworn you catch Ellie’s eyes flutter between your own and your chest. Did you wear a low-cut tank top and booty shorts on purpose?... maybe. Was it working? Hell yes. 

When Ellie finally looks up from your chest, you raise an eyebrow mockingly at her and her face immediately flushes a dark red. You laugh as she averts her gaze and clears her throat, leaning down to rest your head in the crook of her neck. Her hands migrate to rub your back, moving the fabric of your shirt to rub soothing circles on your soft skin. From her neck you try to sneak a look at her face, only to find that her eyes are already locked on you. With a small smile, you once again bring your hand up to cup her face, this time just caressing the skin there instead of pinching. Ellie removes her hands from your back and uses them to grab the hair at the base of your neck, bringing your head up to face her. After only a brief look from your eyes to your lips, Ellie surges forward and meets your lips in a searing kiss. 

She bites down on your lower lip playfully, taking advantage of the small gasp you let out to explore your mouth. Without realizing it, you begin to grind on Ellie’s thigh, desperate for friction. You only register you’re doing it when Ellie brings her hand down to grope your ass, forcing you further down on her thigh and quickening your pace. You break the kiss with a soft moan, getting lost in the pleasure until suddenly you find yourself on your back. Ellie slots her body fully over yours, eyeing you up and down with flush cheeks.

“Fuck, babe you’re so fucking beautiful.” She says, tracing her hand along the waistband of your shorts, toying with the fabric. 

“Please Ellie” You whimper, practically writhing under her despite the fact that she's barely done anything yet 

“Please what pretty girl? Use your words.” 

“Touch me, Ellie, please! I-I need you!” You cry out and with a smug smirk, she slides her fingers under your waistband and between your folds

“It's okay baby shh, I got you. Fuck you’re so wet, is all this for me, gorgeous?” All you can do is nod pitifully as her fingers sink into you, a harsh moan tearing from your lips. Her fingers slide easily in and out, your slick walls clenching around her as her face moves to suck marks onto your neck. The pleasure is too much, clenching your eyes shut all you can focus on is the rough pounding of her fingers within you. 

“Fuck, Ellie.. feels so good f-fuck” You incoherently babble as she curls her fingers, hitting your sweet spot and making your vision go dark. Your orgasm crashes over you like a wave, your whole body clenching and shaking around Ellie’s fingers as she praises you. 

“That's it pretty, you did so good for me. You’re so fucking hot, babe.” Ellie removes her fingers and immediately puts them in her mouth, sucking off your slick with a contented moan. “Fucking delicious, will you let me taste more baby? Please?”. Not finding yourself able to speak yet, all you can do is nod and Ellie wastes no time. Clambering off the bed, Ellie grabs your thighs and pulls you to the edge, kneeling before you now bare core. Throwing your legs over her shoulders, Ellie dives in, attaching her lips to your swollen clit with a harsh suck. You loudly cry out, hands flying to the back of her head as her tongue begins to rapidly lick and suck all over. You feel your orgasm approaching more quickly than before and you unconsciously begin to grind down on Ellie's face to chase your release. However, your trance is interrupted by a loud shriek

“OH MY GOD! What the fuck guys, what are you doing?!?!” Dina yells from the now open door, shielding her eyes with her hand. You scramble to cover yourself with Ellie's comforter as the woman herself lets out an annoyed groan.

“Is this what it feels like!?! Jesus, it's like walking in on your parents. I’m so sorry, I’ll come back later!” Dina rushes out and slams the door behind her, leaving you and Ellie alone once again. After a moment of silence, Ellie starts to laugh

“Well, at least she knows what it's like now. I doubt they’ll be causing you problems again.” She says between her giggles, grabbing a pair of her boxers to dress you in. You shake off your embarrassment and begin to laugh as well, taking Ellie's hand and tugging her into bed with you. As Ellie wraps you in her arms, you can’t help but think you might have to thank Jesse and Dina for being such sex maniacs.

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an: I love you guys so much, thank you for all the comments, likes and reblogs on my previous posts. Let me know if you guys can access my asks, I wanna get to know yall!! this is my first time writing smut, yall can probably tell LMAO but all feedback is appreciated  ☺︎ 

[charmedreincarnation]

https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/735781939655622656/httpswwwtumblrcomcharmedreincarnation7357809

I don't think you have to stray too far to get to the wrong parts in reddit. It's filled with borderline predators who say disgusting things and justify themselves "cus shes 18". They act like such hornyfucks..just go to oldschoolcool or r/pics wherever theres a picture of a skinny girl/woman they have to act like creeps or rip any woman who doesn't fit the beauty standard to shreds. i know the general narrative is that women are bitchy and insecure jealous and all men are so lighthearted humorous and fun but then you see most of their comments and you understand why women had to struggle with their rights so much in the past and also in the present. They can be so nasty,mean, vile and just downright vulgar

girl I hate men (not my anons ofc but ykwim)you don’t have to tell me twice. I especially hate the basement dwellers on Reddit. Honestly with the internet, freaks can come together and be even more annoying vile freaks together lol. Plus Reddit is one large echo chamber depending on where you are depends which type you get. I suggest keeping it cute. Im barely on there and stay along the informational and spiritual aspects of Reddit. Just general advice though… as someone who used to mindlessly scroll and find and argue with idiots, incels, misogynistic barnacle heads, racists, etc.I promise you there is no point arguing with souless buttfucks lol. Most of their lives suck and that’s the the reason they can be so chronically online and stupid with no repercussions.

What you feed your mind is so important and also creates your perception. I’m not even talking about the law of assumption rn but yes that too but in general. Spend too much time around that stuff and you’ll find yourself being very nihilistic and violent. And because of your algorithm the more your angirly click, the more you see it, and the more people you think are like that! When I come across that stuff now I’m lowkey shocked because to me those people can’t engage or interact with me because I choose to not be aware of them. But then I recently downloaded instagram and omg both the men and women are misogynistic bitter losers, so I have to stop being aware of them as well which is hard bc it’s everywhere 💀 but in reality I don’t see or experience any of that sort of stuff in the real world, so let them have the internet it’s not real anyways.

[cleosertorikinnie]

WELCOME TO HATING WIT NYA!!🗣️🗣️

In this series I will be talking shit about. characters I DESPISE. LOATHE. HATE. DISLIKE. ok m pretty sure u guys get my point:3

Anyways first BITCHASS UGLY ASS HOELESS WHORE

THIS ABSOLUTE NASTY AHH LOSER AHH BITCHLESS HOE. I GENUINELY CANNOT STAND HIM. ZIJN KALE VADER OMG I HATE HIM!!!!!

Fucking freak!!!!!! WEIRDO!!!!! I hope he stays stuck in the thingy hes stuck in (I fORgot the mame😞☹️)

Genuinely tho, his ahh appeared outta NOWHERE!!! And randomly decided to. steal parts of ninjago..??????? DO U NOT HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO??? ALSO WASN’T HIS DAD LIKE THE KING OF ALL DJINNS R SMTH??? COULDN’T HE JUST HAVE WISHED FOR DJINNJAGO TO NOT. FALL APART???? Be SOOOO FR

Also the whole marriage thing. GAGGING. HE’S LIKE 749273927392638277362 YEARS OLD. GOING AFTER A MINOR????? YUCK.

Also his design is just. atrocious. Absolutely disgusting. With those ugly ahh weirdly arched eyebrows 😭😭😭 caterpillar ahh 😭 also they have the lik weird ahh bend at the end that those frneh moustaches have.

AMSO HIS HAIR?????? well. lack of hair. Cause i’m pretty sure he just. puts on a wig cause where tf is the rest of his hair. blawg just has a ponytail…

His colour palette is kind acool BUT BORING!!!!!! YAWNING RN!!!!!! idk just the orange n green just don’t look right.

Also his personality. His… personality… 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

for someone whos that powerful he’s oretty bitchy. Sassy male apocalypse😒😒😒…

Nah but fr tho💔💔💔 he’s so insanely annoying and such a weirdo!!! YOU CAN’T JUST MARRY A MINOR..??? IDC IF SHE LOOKS LIKE UR DEAD GF!!!! WEIRDOOOO!!!!

Wannabe captain hook ahh…. He’s such a loser. pirate my ahh…. the only reason he got that far is bcs he can teleport🗣️‼️🙏🏼💤

ok thats all for now:3 byebye!!!

[sunny6677]

AIGHT SO DUMP ABOUT JAUNE AND LILA IN THE SATURATED AU!!

TWS FOR TOXIC PARENTING AND ABUSE(I THINK??), VERYYYYY TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS, MENTIONS OF DRINKING, UNHEALTHY MINDSETS, CODEPENCY???, OBSESSION, ETC

So here's a general dump about their personalities first—

Lila is pretty bitchy in general. She's got very little patience and isn't one for games and takes stuff very seriously. She can be very overly blunt, and refuses to ever talk about Skidad with Skid. But the few times she does bring up her past to Skid or talks to him about something, she's very bitter and basically vents to him even though he's like 8 years old. Though she doesn't vent that often to him and usually dumps most of her trauma on Jaune. Lila actually hates getting drunk and only resorts to it if her day was REALLY shitty. And she's also really selfish and isn't just protective—she's actually kinda controlling in a way. She absolutely hates her job and doesn't actually like buildings. She wanted to be a demolition worker, but her mom didn't approve and forced her to become like an Architect. Her own mother was very cold to her though, so she shuts people out in the same way her mom did her.

Jaune on the other hand is kind of anxious, and may or may not have an unhealthy attachment to Lila (and possibly an unrequited crush). She tries to joke around, but is often rudely shut down by Lila in the process. Jaune always attempts to be supportive of Lila, but either gives her terrible advice, or reluctantly indulges in Lila's own terrible decisions because she's too afraid to speak up. She's also very neglectful of her own son—and this is mainly because for whatever reason she's afraid of herself and parenting Ross in general, because she gets severe anxiety about messing up due to a certain incident in the past. So she often ignores him and just indulges in her own bad habits. She has a strained marriage with her husband who does like her and who she does have positive feelings toward, but her attachment to Lila always makes spending time with him a bit complicated, and he usually comforts her even if he doesn't understand why she's so obsessed with helping Lila out all the time. Jaune also dislikes Carmen here, but specifically because she's jealous of her and how good at parenting she is when it comes to Roy. And she's also somewhat awkward/bitter to Roy as a result because he serves as a reminder of what Ross could have been like had she been a better mom. Carmen does act friendly toward her, but is kind of unsure of why Jaune is so rude at her. Richard and Aaron also don't really get along here and have a small rivalry(/lh).

As for their friendship in general, it is VERY unhealthy. It used to be somewhat healthy when they were kids, but even then Jaune was always bouncing around coming to Lila's aid for anything (also Jaune dressed as a horse and Lila didn't actually wear a costume but she did dress nice for the grill). Lila basically yells at Jaune in episode 4 when Jaune apparently gets a doll just so Pump will 'stop annoying her'—and when the second doll burns, Jaune tries to speak. But Lila sternly cuts her off, saying that she's going to go drink some milk—which causes Jaune to nervously follow. In episode 5, Lila calls Jaune for help while basically having a panic attack and Jaune of course calls someone after Lila suddenly hangs up—but Lila only calls her afterward to say she's fine and just to not call her anymore for now, but when Jaune offers to come help, Lila's like "Ugh.. sure!! Whatever!". Jaune spends the whole episode nervously helping Lila look for her son and progressively gets more and more anxious til they find him and Pump, ends up actually full on crying when Bob is still alive, and begs the police to take her home during the last scene she's in. And in episode 6, Jaune tries offering to hang out, but Lila doesn't wanna do that, so she offers to drink which surprisingly catches Lila's attention—and they go to the bar off screen for the rest of the episode. But when they return, Jaune anxiously watches the whole confrontation play out and just says "..geez.." as Gregor walks away—but decides to take Pump back to his house so Lila won't get angry or annoyed.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Rarin'-To-Fuck Buck x MeanSororityGirlfriend!Reader || Headcanons/Includes

Plot: Very reminiscent of that one Kurt Kelly x Reader fic I did XD This is SUPER inspired by Someone Gets Hurt/Regina George from Mean Girls. I just decided Buck needs a really mean girlfriend.

Warnings: Age difference (Buck is 29, Reader is in college). Reader is MASSIVELY possessive and manipulative (and- just- MEAN 😅🤣 Not that he doesn't deserve it, though). Buck is a HUGE creep and reader enables it. Bullying mentions, t o x i c relationship. Cheating at the end. This is terrible 😅

Being Buck's mean sorority girlfriend includes telling everyone you don't really give a shit about him; You only got him because you liked your dumb little friends followers to know you could get a n y o n e- even older guys wanted you. ...--But actually being so possessive of him. You spent so long getting him and keeping him and making him the boyfriend you wanted him to be (Attentive, agreeable, loyal, etc) that you practically branded him and you didn't want to throw out all that hard work! Buck was yours, now. That was never going to change.

Being Buck's mean sorority girlfriend includes cutting a deal with him. He can do whatever (whoever) he wants when you're away at college and so can you-- but the moment you're back in town he is yours. Got it, dummy?? No hoes when I'm here; you want pussy you come to me. And why would you want anyone else, anyway??

Being Buck's mean sorority girlfriend includes manipulating him with occasional sweetness and letting him in. It's not fake- you really are sweet on him, behind closed doors. And you need someone to tell your deepest darkest secrets (Your insecurities) to. But that doesn't mean you can't use it to your advantage. Make him think you really love him and he has you in the palm of his hand just like he is in yours- pah! Yeah right.

Being Buck's mean sorority girlfriend includes knowing you can fuck anyone you want when you're back at college but no one?? Fucking?? Does it for you??? Some guys are too tall, some are too strong, some too brunette, too sweet, too... whatever. You'll come up with any excuse not to go out with someone. This means you're spending most of your nights studying or getting 'annoyed' at Buck's calls and answering a good half of them (After all, if you answer them all, then he'll think you're not busy.) What's up, loser? I'm just about to go out so make it quick. // Yeah me too, just wanted to check in. Its been a while- // W i t h w h o?

Being Buck's mean sorority girlfriend includes uhhhh m i n o r l y bullying other girls that show interest in him. Okay there's no such as minorly bullying someone. You bully them. You're years outta high school (And adult now), but a little blonde bitch in a tight skirt batting her innocent eyelashes at Buck turns you into a bitchy 16-year-old dumping her lunch on some geek again.

Being Buck's mean sorority girlfriend includes using a decoy when you have to bring a date to a family thing. Sorry B; you're just not the guy I wanna show my parents. I'm gonna take Jackson but don't worry. It doesn't mean anything. Jackson and I only hooked up that one time; its over now. It fucks with Buck; makes him really jealous. Which is good for him, you think. Its good for him to know you're not hanging around for him and you have options. That he's disposable even though he's not.

Being Buck's mean sorority girlfriend includes being even More pissed off when you see Buck with a black eye or any kind of injury that was definitely inflicted upon him. It doesn't matter what he did to deserve it (Hit on someone's girlfriend? Got a little too close for comfort? Fucked with old Jeb a little too hard? You don't give a fuck.), how d a r e someone touch him?? He is yours to fuck with. The minute you see it (And you will. If you're not in town, Buck will tell you. Because he knows any revenge you cook up will be way worse then anything he thinks of and he's an evil little a s s) you get So Mad. Whoever did it is going to regret it. You have beef on everyone in that shithole town and you will use it. What happened??? Are you okay, does it hurt??? ...mhm... uhuh, yeah, you're so tough 🙄... Okay now baby, tell me who it was.

Being Buck's mean sorority girlfriend includes only crying with him. Only he gets to see the rare tears you shed, when you're overwhelmed or your family sucks. You make sure he knows, though, if he tells anyone about this, you will castrate him and send it in the mail to his family.

Being Buck's mean sorority girlfriend includes constantly telling him that when college is over, you're going to break up. You have a plan and a future and it doesn't involve this hick town (And he's never going to leave it). Thats turns into constantly telling him that when you get a place in the city, you're going to break up. When you get the right job offer, you're going to break up. When you find the right guy to really be at your side, you're going to break up. You're never getting out of this town Buck but I'm better then this. Understand???

Being Buck's mean sorority girlfriend includes finding that right guy, dating him (Actually dating. Like, taking it one date at a time. Holding hands, then kissing, then 'making love', then saying I love you, etc. Not whatever messed up backwards affair you and Buck had where fucking came first)... and still not breaking up with Buck. You cant. You're- you're not his... no... but He is Yours.

[xannerz]

x

this meandering post inspired by an awful take i randomly saw a few min ago lmao (do not engage, i tell myself. engaging with the bad take is the first step towards ruining your entire afternoon) - i thank god every day most of my friends aren't Online-Online™

like we're all Listening and Learning, but getting most of your opinions from the things strangers say online is bad actually (is bad too strong of a word? let's use 'unhealthy' instead then). semi-related but was talking w my best friend abt how queer indie artists get policed so disproportionally and aggressively by the Community Online. and she said it so succinctly like-- these creators are just Best Friend Stand-Ins. Yk like. on top of being put on a pedestal by people without them asking for it.

like ofc they need to have the Most Current Correct Opinions on Everything At All Times and Make a Statement Abt Everything On Demand! ofc this person you never met is suddenly beholden to your need to fret over something at all times!

if this is vague dw about it lmao this spec discussion was re: Ch*ppell R0an who yeah we also like a lot! but it also got me thinking about other creators like R. Sugar as another example - wrt the annoying and artificially generated backlash SU would get at times despite the show being a Pretty Good and a Big Deal Actually for its time.

tldr i just appreciate having ppl i can side bar w/ irl who aren't as intensely reactive and demanding wrt everything always. or annoyingly loading every conversation with as much therapyspeak or many SJ 101 buzzwords as they possibly can. esp since many of them actually go out and engage w/ others irl - thru organizing, mutual aid, etc etc etc.

it's illuminating and inspiring to get their insight on so many issues, too! but it also makes me sadder for the folks who cannot or do not do that - they get stuck in the spin cycle of constant outrage online with no healthy outlet for for that anger or discomfort. i could go on but i don't wanna be too needlessly bitchy or deprecating when i think my point's good 'n made by now.

and rambling almost helped me forget abut the bad take that got me started in the first place LMAO

[therosevest]

took a little gummy a bit ago bc my mom was in kind of a bitchy mood bc yk random things r going wrong and annoying etc and i thought we weren’t going to go to the phone store or anywhere so i was just gonna sit and read and let it catch up with me but now i can feel it kicking in and part of me just wanted to come on here like giggle lol 😝 yayyyyy me when i have a little edible but the other part of me is all classic oh bother… cause she’s prob gonna get flustered and i’m gonna have to try to talk and be helpful but i can’t rn. heart <3

[cream-and-tea]

SORRY for doing even more pallasposting (<- not actually sorry) but a fun thing about planning for the rest of the gravespeaker trilogy is the realization that pallas actually gets much more bitchy as they start 2 heal. bc like. for most of the the first book they are doing Dissociation Station Level 9000 they are doing “brain fog is to light a term it’s like silent hill in here” they are doing ego death speedrun they are so disconnected from themself that they interpret literally every single emotion they feel as negative because the act of Feeling itself is so wildly uncomfortable that they react to it like a hypothermia victim being dunked into boiling water (<- dying). and all of that goes a long way towards making it hard to express their personality which—crucially—includes the fact that they r annoying. so fucking annoying. absolutely irritating. ungodly petty and spiteful. a hater to their CORE. pallas self actualizing and using everything they’ve learned and how they’ve grown to be a little bastard at a level previously unseen by man they don’t even NEED the horrifying bloodflesh magic anymore they can just enter every fight like “your coat is ugly your shoes are tacky your parents must have never loved you or else they would have taught you the meaning of fuck around and find out you fucked around cutting those bangs and now you’re gonna find out” and kill their opponents that way instead ❤️

[quirkle2]

If you don’t mind tho, would you have any clue where I could ask about this talk of the LU fandom/Jojo going out of line? I’m oblivious to whatever happened and I’m curious

it's a bit of a complicated and long story, but some of it has to do with fans in general just being rly pissy about characterizations. i'm not pointing any fingers or listing any names bc it's not a One Person kinda problem, and some people don't even notice/see the issue and don't think it's an issue at all. in the grand scheme of things, this first issue isn't rly that big of a deal

(this might get long, and might bring up some anxieties for people, so this break is for anybody who wants to avoid mentions of fandom discourse, including past belittlement of furries, otherkin, and systems. stay safe)

reminder: this is just me clarifying info bc somebody asked! i am not trying to dredge up old mistakes

^ some of the things im talkin about are like . people babying wind. people turning wars into a comic-relief character that only knows how to creep girls out. people turning twilight into an emo cowboy that constantly cries about his girlfriend that's now in another realm or whatever. people simplifying wild into a crazy arsonist who doesn't seem to have a brain. people taking the "bitter" part of legend and exaggerating it So much that he's literally just an asshole to everybody all the time for NO reason other than that "he's the bitchy one"

personally this isn't nearly as annoying to me as some others find it. but i think the Bigger one, for me at least, is jojo herself

in this post, jojo makes fun of furries and otherkin, which i do not agree with. i don't have a problem w jojo not wanting twi to be "furry-like" but she drew the furry purposefully disgusting and stupid-looking to make fun of them. i don't know much about otherkin, but i know it's wrong to make fun of other people, especially when they aren't hurting anybody <3

and in this post, while explaining four's characterization in the comic, jojo put the word system in air quotes, as if to suggest there's something wrong with systems or that they don't exist or something. that stirred up quite a lot of suspicion and doubt in the fandom, and many systems obviously did not like that. i am not a system, so that's all i'll put here—a lot of systems posted their own takes on it when it happened

jojo has since edited both the tumblr post and the insta post to not have the word system in quotes. she explained herself and apologized here and here (this specific one is, i Believe, referring to past mistakes such as the ones above), but some people still are a bit iffy on that whole debacle (me included)

there might be more, but that's everything that i personally know of as to why the fandom has sorta gone bad. this next reason (sorta two reasons) is a personal thing and i don't rly hold it against jojo herself:

silly reason: i just like familial bonds and Close relationships in fiction, and lu does not cover that. they call each other "brother" from time to time but that's not enough dammit i want them to cuddle and i want time to be the father figure and i want them to live in a nice ranch house together happily ever after OKAY!!!! /silly

a more serious reason: linkshipping

i DO NOT agree with people belittling others for posting linkshipping, and this happens in lu All The Time and it's appalling. im not gonna get into the whole "but it's against her rules" thing bc i have some conflicted feelings abt that whole topic and this will get ridiculously long if i prattle abt that, but . people r getting bullied. people r getting singled out and Called Out and hated on and, in extreme cases, Driven Off The Platform bc they posted two silly little fictional men kissing. that's inexcusable to me

it's a bit more complicated than that, but i am of the simple opinion that u should Never police how other people have fun, and this is all fictional and we should redirect our collective hatred toward Real World Problems instead of wasting our time on arguing about whether or not these fictional elves should kiss <3

if i do make a new au and get away from this fandom, i hope to provide a safe space for Everybody, including linkshippers

[slothgiirl]

the trashpile: dympna devers

reader runs into dymphna while picking up some groceries. is cleaning out her dead alcoholic fathers place (who probs did drugs too,,mb?). she gets annoyed and snaps at him and he thinks its hot bc everyone else just does what he wants them too

reader takes a walk pretty late because shes sad that her dad died and even tho they had no relationship its like now theres no way he’ll get better and be a dad, hes just gone. dymphna pulls up in his car, tells her to get in, he’ll drive her back. she doesnt want to. he gets out of the car, leaving it running and talks her into taking a ride with her. (he was trying to be friendly in his own obnoxious grandiose way) they end up parking and drinking together and then they fuck. he complains shes prissy bc uni. reader comments uni is just fucking and going to class for exams. “maybe i shouldve gone to uni then?”

reader starts taking her dads stuff to donation centers. breaks apart the table and tries to figure out if she should just leave it on the curb or take it all the way there. takes a break outside, trying to work through the complicated emotions she has over his death. dymphna spots her and is like i can call arm to help u and shes all like oh why dont u just help urself, thinking hes sort of spoiled in the same way the posh girls at her boarding school were even though hes a pretty trashy wanna be gangster. hes all “id help with the right incentive” she tells him to fuck off but ends up blowing him (and getting him to help).

dymphna takes reader to bar. they play pool and he messes with her. reader notices ppl r looking at her and the way they treat him and she wasnt born yesterday like she knows what it means to be a devers but idk shes into his confident aggression. they have drinks and dymphna ditches arm to go fuck the reader back at his. readers like um dont ditch ur friend? but lets it go quick. wakes up alone and his sisters r like “u came out of nowhere” being bitchy and sussing reader out

reader runs into arm and his family. is not surprised his son is on the spectrum and offers to have her mom write a letter of recommendation so she can get the job at the school in Cork. “ur dymphna’s woman.” “hardly, think i'd remember agreeing to that” 

dymphna shows up at her house late at night and makes a fuss until she opens up. they fuck and he learns she handles customer complaints for some websites (compsci major) reader tries to make appointment to sell house but ends up delaying (still mourning her loss). dymphna takes her out for breakfast. 

reader wakes up at his house. this time dymphna is there and reader complains about the mold in the bathroom. they all give her shit for it and dymphna tells arm to figure that out but readers all no dont- charlie asks if its true she went to uni and reader says yeah, it was a bitch but i finished as dymphna pulls her onto his lap to watch tv. she means to get up and leave but feels comfortable and realizes she has a lot of feelings for him

theres a party at the devers and reader and charlie find a corner and nurse a beer while charlie wonders if she might go to uni. reader goes to get another drink and sees dymphna and his uncle doing coke. reader passes on the coke (not stupid). dymphna makes introductions and his uncle comments its probably best she doesnt do coke (look at ursula) reader snaps that its not anyones fault and his uncle is like uve got lip (control ur woman) and dymphna tells her to shut the fuck up yeah babe? reader gets annoyed and goes to bed (when she should just leave) 

reluctantly cleans the bathroom bc fuck shes not using anything when she can see mold and grime built up (scale i think its called on tile?). complains to dymphna that hes a big fish small pond but still takes his uncles shit and dymphna yells at her getting pissed off that she doesnt understand how business is done. throw things at each other and fuck. after he talks about family and stuff (heavy implication he wants her to be his wife) ill take care of u. reader: i make 80k i dont need anyone

theres some party where ppl get pissed drunk. reader doesnt like dymphna getting high and drunk. it reminds her of her father only her dad got comatose and dymphna gets short tempered and somehow even more wild. charlie and reader hide out in her room. charlie mentions sooner or later he’ll come looking for her and readers like ill kick his arse. charlie laughs and asks if reader will help her with her schoolwork. totally. charlie: i thought u were leaving tho reader: idk anymore. finnigan stumbles in and reader tells charlie to go and throws a bottle at the man but misses. he pins her down on the bed but she manages to grab the lamp and smash it on his head. reader is shaking when dymphna comes in to see what the fuck is going on. reader is like “help me take care of this” he agrees. (shes way more hardcore and cool than he is)

reader has arm and dymphna make it look like finnigan was drunk and drove himself off a cliff. arm drives them back into town. dymphna holds reader close. “we take care of each other” “yeah” 

notes: charlie goes to uni and breaks the cycle. reader and dymphna have their weird toxic codependent relationship and reader eventually takes over the family business

[our-reality]

ok if i don’t ask i’m going to go insane forever. GRABS YOU . TELL ME ABOUT THESE GAY LITTLE OCS

UAAHWBABSNENSBFNSNGBDNDBFMSDBRB FUCK OKAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

might throw up forever trying to formulate this in a. coherent way but I'LL TRY !!!!!!!!!!

ok uhehdhrjtkg i currently have 7 named ocs, those being ruby, java, python, swift, c+, vysel, and requiem. yes ik the first five are named after programming languages it doesn't mean anything though HEJSBRJSJFJDKGNG uh. i will try to be brief with them because i could honestly sit here forever talking about them and i actually wanna answer this ask so. L

uuhhshdhdhb first up is ruby!!!! she's like. the main character. along with java :3 she's very very sweet and makes friends w pretty much anyone (in fact 2 of her 3 best friends at the moment are people she literally found on the street and was like you. me. friends. NOW) she cares so much and she has so much compassion but she wears her heart out on her sleeve all the time and she. I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE'S EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEEEE

and w her is java !! java's like. the co-main character and she's very lowkey, esp next to ruby LOL she's also ever so slightly bitchy and blunt sometimes but i promise it's the autism and the Troubled Childhood you gotta believe me . she is also very gay for women and is absolutely pining over ruby <333333 (they get together by the end though so it's okay LOVE WINS ����🎉🎉)

uhhhhhh next is python and he's an asshole forever . but real talk it's the assigned funnyman of the group but in the condescending n annoying way but IT'S A FACADE he actually cares so much about its friends forever and can be mature and wise when he needs to but it BURIES its FEELINGS in SARCASM!!!!!!!! (and maybe violence) also he's 8'3" cuz suprise it was a god at one point who forfeited its god powers to be a human . that's also why his eyes n teeth r bright yellow and he has strange markings everywhere lol oops

and next is swift !!!!!! sky's the dogsitter of the entire universe good for them LMAO she's still a god and used to be work partners/best friends w python before he fucking Left but let's not worry about that <333333 anyways she's very calm and elegant and they always put the interests of others before skyself whcih . uh . can be a good or bad trait depending on how you look at it but sky's trying SO HARD leave them alone . also they like to be alone a lot and they would play the flute and read books if skies role in the universe allowed them to have Hobbies

next is c+!! that's not his actual name i promise it's a nickname because he doesn't like ppl knowing his actual name . he's definitely the least plot relevant of the seven but he's still so silly 2 me <3 he's that character trope of a guy who's somehow done Everything and worked Every Job Ever but can't hold down any of them so he just pulls random anecdotes about his internship at NASA out his ass and no one believes him (least of all his good buddy java) but he also has a lot going on under the surface . which is preddy neat :3c

then there's vysel. i hate him so much. blond hair blue eyes son of a bitch . he's a former swing turned alt rock artist who got popular for being hot and shippable i guess . also he's a reanimated corpse piloted by evil spirits but shhhh no one knows that (though it would probably add to his sex appeal if ppl did know . so.) he's like the biggest bitch forever and ever he is very celebritycore mentally i'm ripping him apart with my teeth . he uses his visual illusion powers TO GIVE HIMSELF BLOND HAIR BLUE EYES WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uhhh and then finally requiem !!!!!! they're very socially closed off and hates talking to like. Anyone and Everyone. including their parents i mean what . they wear fucking only black and white clothing and their hair is Also black and white and it's like bro get a better wardrobe got DAMN!!!!!!!@!@@!@@!! they don't really become relevant until the "second season" because i like to think of my own story as like. a tv show . because i'm just like that but when they do they become VERY important cuz they're kinda the whole reason ruby and java were involved in this story . the narrative plagues their being with every second that they breathe. they will never be free.

UHHH YAH THAT'S MAINLY PERSONALITY WISE because if i sat talking about their roles in the story or their relationships with each other past the surface level or god forbid their backstories i'd be here for 8 billion years so. YIPPEE ^_^

[blackvahana]

The art of the Choir on my mind, probably because this is the second time it's come up in messages today.

Lev said later he'd give me his full attention and help me with forms in the Astral, but you know, he starts talking before he starts talking.

The form is a coagulation and condensation of the Choir, by which I mean there's a spectrum to this that I hadn't gotten this life yet. Of course, everything is a spectrum that works in multiple directions, there's never just one direction for something to blur; the Choir goes from Me to Not Me, Self to Other, but it also slides through various levels of condensing and -

side note, it's annoying me that Lull used to have (or tried to have) this very specific way of writing notes using geometry and writing in ways that weren't necessarily linear and... well, they... were linear, I am not in the hormonal headspace to talk level-headedly about someone who challenged me lmfao so I can't let out my usual bitchiness towards that freak but. he didn't succeed. which I bring up because what I need to do needs to be channelled or equalised, I guess is the word I should be using from now, between Astral and Physical bodies. I'm very annoyed at the gall he had to claim what I do as his style, but anyway, I d i g r e s s -

Scales! There's at least three directions the Choir blurs in, I know much, much more exist but for now:

Self and Other. You are not the Choir, not until your body and mind begin to serve me. Gravitational cores like Jupiter coming too close to other planets - everything influences all else but to varying degrees, and when the orbit of something is noticeably swaying (noticeably is, yes, subjective) that's when one begins to be a part of the Choir but not to a degree I care to label that.

Condensed and Uncondensed. The relative collective force of cohesion of the Choir, which is to say specifically when it starts acting like its own thing... when a group of animals becomes a herd, when a group of dust becomes a star, you collect the Choir and it acts like the Choir individual to what the Choir is made of. You can consider this to be how cohesive and collected the voices are until they become a harmonious single noise.

I forgot this one. probably because I need to work on the former first, so scrap the rest of this post

Oh! Self-sustenance. Ability of the Choir to - why do I feel the urge to play Bloodborne. Specifically why am I getting an image of just before Micolash's boss room lmfao. OK Lev. Anyway. Ability to self-sustain, like a body keeps itself alive if you lock in the cohesion of the Choir and trick God into giving it a selfhood... Egregoric, cult-like, if you use it on living bodies. Actually really nasty lmfao, but used on aspects of... yes yes yes I get it go concentrate on the second point got it

[jackalsinthekitchen]

pop report #3 (1/21/23)

only some of our stars are problematic, but all of them are a little upset

It’s a new reshuffle for our rotation of shadowy, spacey hits, many of them familiar company by now.

“Anti-Hero” leads the pack as usual, followed by “Kill Bill”, “Unholy”, “I’m Good (Blue)”, “Creepin”, “Die for You”, “Rich Flex”, “As It Was”, “Bad Habit”, and “Something in the Orange” – each one a good song of some sort, each one deliberately on the downbeat side. “Orange”, by Zach Bryan, is striking. The title metaphor (the vermillion of a new-dawn sun) feels overstated as it goes on. But Bryan wrenches the lyric out of his throat with such a gritty, wounded passion that you’re wrapped up in the drama of the scenario even as the author doesn’t lay it out detail for detail. It’s the only song of the ten that doesn’t happily submit to the prefab trends of our time. America’s top-selling songs sound fake and spectacular.

The superstars lingering in our charts share an underdog edge. SZA toils in the shadow of Rihanna and Beyoncé. SOS may not be her breakout among Black women making artful statements in a vague genre often pigeonholed as “R&B”. Not unlike her labelmate Kendrick Lamar, she’s boldly inventive, but doesn’t foreground her ethereality the way Solange, Janelle Monae or Charlotte Adigéry do. Her music is more street and soulful, but its edge is tempered; lyrically, melodically and sonically it prefers a suggestive path, its strength its insouciance.

Taylor Swift could buy Luxemborg, but I think she’s underrated too, as the nitpicky response to Midnights demonstrates. No pop star resembles Hillary Clinton more – her deficiencies are her caution, and the pushy sincerity with which she undermines her best ideas. I admire aspects of Midnights others can’t agree on. I think Jack Antonoff’s production is fun, its overall tone of luminous gloom offset by cute little sonic surprises in the arrangements. It’s been accused of sounding soullessly synthetic, but in fact the technology purposefully emulates cheapness. And  her choice to curse in nearly every song, while contrived (and as such weirdly enjoyable), has the same insufficient-progress impact as, say, a president voicing support for gay marriage in 2012.

You probably haven’t guessed that I’m running down Billboard’s Top 10 albums, because I didn’t tell you, but Metro Boomin’s album follows at #3. I’m not that familiar with his work, but he does have friends – John Legend, the ever-resilient Chris Brown, Travis Scott, Young Thug, the late Takeoff, A$AP Rocky, and Lakeith Stanfield, who starred in the trailer, to name seven. His music emanates an indigo mood, often darkly attractive in arrangement and tune. And the uniformly macho-minded contributors explore angles of their own angst that at times yield uniquely compelling results. Still, you can imagine falling asleep to this album, and the resulting dreams wouldn’t be very much fun.

I struggle with Drake, as I’ve said, because I’m just not convinced his instincts are sharp enough for great art. He makes perfect sense when he finds a terrific hook (“Best I Ever Had”) or groove (“Passionfruit”). But as befits a performer who made his name (well, real name) on the charmingly soapy Degrassi: the Next Generation, some of his public acts have felt not just forced but unselfaware. And when he tries to catapult off his commercial primacy into playing at swagger, you simply don’t believe him – you get annoyed. That the album is reported to be quite bitchy about the artists’ ex-girlfriends has kept from me from exploring it, but at the same time it’s a valid resistance for any listener to have. Judging from its tenacity on the charts, this doesn’t seem to be too widespread a problem.

It’s conceivable that a collective American fatigue, a weariness at having been roughed by current events, explains the evidently en vogue wave of tonally sullen and slightly ominous-sounding bangers. Bad Bunny has the aura of a Casanova-rapscallion hybrid, but like Post Malone, his music is luxuriously atmospheric (at least by the evidence of his most recent album, Un Verano Sin Ti). The pulse of his beats is dependable and insistent, but his tracks are never monotonous; they’re consistently playful even when moroseness perfumes the proceedings. My girlfriend says she admires Bad Bunny’s work because “he’s fuckin’ sexy and I love his voice”; she emphasizes, though, that songs from the last record hung around in her head more than these seem to, with an air of disappointment in her inflection.

If Drake is skirting the problematic with relative impunity, who knows what you call Morgan Wallen’s 105th week on the chart. His album, conveniently titled Dangerous: the Double Album, is still selling in the long wake of Wallen’s collision with the sort of controversy that permanently stains you. Taken for what it was*, without proselytizing, his offense seems even more unthinking and less racially targeted than Elvis Costello’s 1979 barstool faux-pas, for which EC is still living off the hook. But it’s hard not to see Wallen’s persistent sales as reflecting the wokeness-contrarian impulse coursing through society.

It doesn’t help that Wallen’s general vibe is smug and shallow; he prefers to plow past deeper emotions. Most country pop works the way disco works – the way it sounds is sometimes silly, but the tone and tempo can be enough of a kick to counteract that. But it rarely feels as commanding or texturally interesting as whatever Zach Bryan is up to. The very title of his album, American Heartbreak, reflects his interest in humanity’s ragged diversity. A more civilized-sounding Tyler Childers, Bryan elevates every lyric with his plaintive, shopworn delivery. But even if he sang as insincerely as Wallen, or as weakly as, say, Kris Kristofferson, you’d still instantly sense that those lyrics are worth returning to.

Another hip-hop artist whose vibe is generically masculine, Lil Baby favors producers similar to Metro Boomin, those inclined to mine the line between dreamy and dreary. Baby has a strangely captivating flow – tuneful, viscous and casual across the consonants. And while his lyrics don’t skimp on the usual hardnosed hustler act, that flow is full of feelings unsuffocated by his swagger. That said, there’s a repetitiveness to this music that starts to feel oppressive over 23 tracks, and it makes you wonder how much fun the artist is having.

By contrast, YoungBoy Never Broke Again (good name – manifest that shit) doesn’t want you to relax. His music is chaotic, assertive, taut with tension. These boisterous collages of sound are creative enough to stay riveting, even when the cumulative effect is claustrophobic or unpleasant. YB N B A raps, through a sizzling autotune, even more loosely and woundedly than Lil Baby. There’s almost always something interesting going on, and 19 songs in 39 minutes isn’t going to try anyone’s patience. But once again it’s a seemingly-not-so-lovable-guy unloading his problems line by line without repaying your attention with hooks.

T-Swift’s ex Harry ‘Will Never Go Out of’ Styles is another multimillionaire I’ll defend as awaiting some due. Savvy beams off his every move, and he’s turned himself into a true fashion icon. But I suspect that his reserved demeanor, plus the usual indulgent hate boy bands attract like bug zappers, has compelled certain people to assume there’s less behind those bedroom eyes than the sleek intelligence Harry’s House exhibits. Truly, he should not be allowed to wax about cinema without a set of notecards, but the pop he’s bringing these days isn’t exactly lacking scope and vision. Like the best directors, Harry is an earth angel fascinated by the sweet nuance of human behavior, and the thrill of trying to evoke it.

I’ve long appreciated that modern pop seems to have shaken off a certain kitschy artifice. The prevailing aural trends, forged in a world of limitless technology, favor heady and challenging atmospherics. Thus the corniest hits are at least pacifying, and the best profound and genuinely transportive. But evolved as the status quo feels, I’m feeling a hunger pang for the shock of the new – for a disorienting shake of the frame. Or, as with “Running Up That Hill”’s fluke success, a resurgence of the old in service of the same surprise.

*if I have it right, an inebriated Wallen casually refers to one of his (white) friends with the n-word

[posting-cringe]

That old familiar stain

Feeling like shit in a familiar way I haven’t in a long time: like I’m dull, and boring, and awkward, and unwelcome in this fucking conversation.

noticing how R would have such a brutally hard edge toward me - making cruel comments about my clothes, or one-upping or shutting down any party banter I would try to share. I don’t think she’s intentionally trying to hurt me, but I don’t think she enjoys talking to me, whether she’s intimidated or confused or contemptuous.

feeling like such a hard space, a dangerous space. Because fucking of course it is! It was all so deeply deeply fucking straight, it was all cis people talking and flirting with each other, and I could feel this charge, this like feeling of aggression and competition and *hostility*! So much aggressive disinterest and angling. Maybe I was seeing that because that’s how I was showing up; but I could also see that the people there who were FRIENDS with each other had an *ease* to their dynamic - and a curiosity about each other! That I don’t feel with them; I realized that I’m the … the hard friend, the one who skips a step and sinks like a stone; that despite my brutally hard won practice of banter and keeping things light - it’s effortful and feels dominating and I’m so fucking terrified of being that dude who’s ramming into other people’s (women) conversations and interrupting them and taking up the space and being a loud boorish fratty fuckhead. That’s how R makes me feel; whereas A just makes me feel invisible & weak & whiny.

the other A, too!! Spilling his troubles on me while at the same time posting his stories with his friends, making plans Fucking Christ - I’m the secret girlfriend friend, I’m the one who didn’t even consider the possibility of a group chat; I’m not in any of my closest friend’s inner circles; I’m not invited on the trips or to the hot tub; because of course I would be weak and whiny and annoying and demanding; I wouldn’t be fun and cool and chill. God fucking damn this stupid fucking piece of bullshit. This is how it’s always fucking been, since college, maybe before.

I want to just say - okay then. Fuck off. Fuck you, you narcissistic shitstains. If I have to beg and scrape for your time 1:1, and you’re always busy and it always just feels so HARD and forced and scarce - fuck you, fuck your fun friends, fuck your sleazy fuckboy bff, fuck your softboy bro friend, fuck your bitchy snide smug girlfriend.

this is how it’s always been and I wasn’t seeing it, wasn’t admitting it. Maybe things could have gone differently if I’d been a different person earlier - or even now! - but the bonds didn’t get seeded and now they haven’t grown.

I’m so fucking despairing and angry, I want to rage and scream and break something, and I know that my pessimism and rigid thinking isn’t serving, but it also just feels so fucking good to let go of a vision of a kind of social ease and closeness with these two friends that I think isn’t possible. Even though it really fucking hurts - and I can feel that that’s also important, that “it’s always been like this” masks the hurt behind a mask of pessimistic knowing, but I’m really hurt and feel horrible, even as I also feel a little lighter.