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bestworstcase · 1 year ago

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do you have theories about how the aura transfer machine is going to inevitably come into play

this is timely, because i’ve been chewing on it quite a lot lately.

let’s talk about the rule of threes!

the basic idea is that important things in stories often come in threes. narrative triads are a staple of fairytale/folklore in particular, which makes it very salient to the rwby narrative. often, you’ll see the rule of three described as a pattern where a thing happens a certain way twice, and then once more differently (aab); there are other configurations. abc/cba or abc/abc is pretty common in fairytales—think the “questing hero does a kindness to three entities and each repays with a favor later on” structure—and simple repetitions (aaa) or progressive triplets (a-A-A!) aren’t uncommon either.

the rule of threes gets cited a lot in discussions on the maidens and the ATMs in particular. this is a little thorny because maidens come in fours, not threes; i think rwby is taking advantage of this mathematical problem to develop multiple interlocking triads. we’ll call this the Fourth Maiden Exclusion Principle.

our first set of triads occur within each season. the seasonal triads, if you will. all of them—so far—follow this basic pattern:

fragile -> false -> freed

where the first maiden is introduced in a vulnerable state, the second maiden is either literally false (not really a maiden) or perceived as illegitimate, and the seasonal arc ends with third maiden removed from ozpin’s hierarchy and separated from her vault. thus:

amber -> pyrrha -> cinder

(spring) -> vernal -> raven

fria -> penny -> winter

the last spring maiden is unusual in that she’s a posthumous character, but she’s described as having been “a child” who ran away because the responsibility was “too much for her” and raven says she was “weak” and “scared.” we also know that raven mercy-killed her.

so the question to ask here is whether the summer maiden will repeat this pattern. if i’m correct about the Fourth Maiden Exclusion Principle, the answer is “no.” our triad is [fall-spring-winter] and our excluded fourth, in this case, is summer.

[SIDEBAR: the maiden arcs are following the gifts in reverse order (choice -> knowledge -> creation -> destruction). the seasons being “wrong” is a misdirection. thank u.]

our second set of triads interlace the maiden arcs. we’ll call them the perennial triads (laugh!). there are three Big Ones.

the first is the presumptive ATM triad, which might be drawn in two ways:

[amber-fria-(summer)] + (spring)

[pyrrha-winter-(summer)] + raven.

the former being three maidens fed to the machines, the latter recipients of machine transfers. the triad is [fall-winter-summer] and the excluded fourth is spring.

the second is the triad of maidens cinder tries to Get. i will discuss my reasoning for bracketing it like this in a bit, bear with me:

[amber-raven-penny] + (summer)

and finally, the third is the triad of maidens who got eaten by the fairytale, as it were:

[pyrrha-(spring)-penny] + (summer)

note that these last two match the seasonal triad-of-triads: [fall-spring-winter] + summer. This Is Important.

but before we get into the weeds of the Machine Question, we first need to sketch out why i don’t think cinder is going to go after the summer maiden. for the benefit of newcomers and in case this breaks containment, Mainly. it boils down to:

salem’s going to beacon next.

it is established in V4 that a) the crown is still in its vault, b) salem believes the vault is at beacon, c) the vault is Hidden, and d) salem has someone [summer rose] stationed at beacon to search for it. in V8, salem notes that The Situation Has Not Changed; she is preoccupied with gaining access to the lamp so that she can use it to discover the crown’s location. (<- the first thing she asks oscar is where ozma hid the crown; she asks for the password to the lamp only after confirming that oscar doesn’t know.) having been frustrated in her effort to wring the location out of oscar and with the lamp now out of questions, her obvious next move is to go to beacon.

she is also two for two on relics swiped after someone else—not cinder—opened the vault, and two for two on cinder Almost Fucking Dying at the hands of other maidens. she’s realizing that her opponents will open those vaults if she squeezes them hard enough, and the sword presents an obvious temptation for vacuo’s defenders; she also won’t be able to access the crown at all if cinder dies. the skeleton-key plan is a wash.

and, with the coalition in vacuo galvanized by the imminent existential threat of another massive attack, the strongest next move for salem is to do nothing: quietly go to beacon, search for the crown, and run out the clock while her opponents wait. the longer she can draw this out, the shakier that coalition is going to get as people get complacent or start to doubt that an attack is coming at all.

(it is also something of a toss-up whether salem plans to launch another assault; she hit beacon and atlas with overwhelming force to take ozpin off the board, but for haven she planned a covert infiltration.)

so salem has a lot of compelling reasons for going to beacon, and none for rushing to vacuo. further, the end of V9, the epilogue storyboard, and the second rwby x jl film collectively indicate that at a minimum, salem will not be in vacuo at the top of V10. a V7ish scenario where salem doesn’t arrive until the end of the volume is not out of the question (although i do think she’ll be in V10, just at beacon).

and she will, of course, want to keep cinder close, both for the purpose of opening the beacon vault and because she will need to manage cinder’s ongoing rebellion very carefully. cinder may not Like This, but a) she she swanned away from the winter maiden without a backwards glance because she Doesn’t Care About The Power That Much, she just wants to Win The Power Struggle With Salem, and b) the vault and the relic of choice and being The Only One Who Can Do This are going to appeal to her too, again for power struggle reasons.

and since the skeleton key plan is a wash, it’s likely that salem will try to ease cinder off the idea of Getting the summer maiden so as to avoid risking a repeat of what happened in atlas. that, plus the nascent villain->hero arc developments involved in returning to the choice arc, taper cinder off the maiden hunting such that i do not think she’s going to be a central player in the summer maiden arc. (or obsessed with winter, for that matter.)

the summer maiden arc, sans cinder

okay. here we go!

in order for the ATM triad to eventuate, as i believe it will, someone in vacuo is going to need a reason to pull that trigger. at beacon and in atlas, the reason was cinder. cinder is also the reason both of those transfers failed. because cinder is probably Not In Vacuo, the ATM triad is almost certainly the a-a-b pattern; the negated pair both failed because cinder deliberately provoked them for the purpose of gaining access to the maiden, so i think the likely reversal here is that a machine transfer initiated in a non-crisis situation will succeed.

this is a puzzle, because the ATMs are unequivocally Not Good. every single character in the story is on the same page about this; even ironwood regards it as a necessary evil. there is an asterisk here for pietro because the only person harmed by his use of the machines is himself and he made the choice freely. but in any other circumstance, using the ATM is wrong, because That’s Murder. so the decision to use an ATM in vacuo to transfer a maiden is not one that can be made lightly.

thus we have to consider what circumstances could lead to that decision, and to do that we need to zoom out a little.

let’s assume the CFVY novels are both canonical and relevant to the narrative of the show proper, as RH was to V9.

i submit that there are two (2) possible summer maidens hinted at in before the dawn. one of them is sun’s cousin, starr sanzang, who appears briefly at the end of the book and has an “uncanny sense” for the weather.

the other is gillian asturias.

she and her twin brother, jax, are the leaders of a virulently xenophobic nationalist movement called the crown; they believe themselves to be direct descendants of the defunct vacuan monarchy, all the way back to malik the sunderer, first king of vacuo. their “evidence” (such as it is) is a crown-shaped birthmark supposed to be had by every member of the royal lineage. gill’s, however, is actually a brand,implied to have been done to her by her father when she was an infant.

gill is the power behind the crown. her semblance siphons aura; in the novel, she uses captives as batteries to make herself virtually invincible. on the battlefield, she glows with a brilliant iridescent light—brighter than the moon.

their mother—luna asturias—developed some sort of sickness during pregnancy that caused her aura to rapidly deplete and gradually waste away; she died due to complications during an emergency c-section. jax was born with the same condition; gillian’s aura was “elevated” from birth. their father believes that her semblance manifested before she was even born and ate her mother’s and brother’s auras.

right before the climactic battle, there is a brief skirmish with gill and her lieutenant, carmine, in an abandoned dust mine, which ends with the kids deliberately triggering a cave-in by blowing up a vein of dust. this is the result:

“Did it work?” she asked Octavia. Octavia shook her head. “I think we got Carmine, but just before everything came down on our heads, Gill flew backward and out of the cave.” “Carmine’s telekinesis,” Velvet said. “She used it to save her friend at the last second.”

then, during the actual battle:

He heard gunfire and then Dust bullets exploded against Gill, amped by Coco’s Semblance. Gill stepped back, swatting at her face as though the explosive rounds were no more annoying than bugs.

if you wanted to hide a maiden in plain sight in a canonical ancillary novel, this is how you to do it.

gillian is extraordinarily powerful. flying, being surrounded by visibly glowing haloes, and banishing bullets with the flick of a hand are all Maiden Things—and also Gillian Things carefully given plausible deniability through the eyes of POV characters who don’t know about the maidens and interpret what they see as effects of a semblance.

gillian herself is stridently opposed to the use of dust for reasons; if she is a maiden, she has compelling political and ideological reasons not to use the dust-like elemental magic that comes with being a maiden. if she started lobbing fireballs, everyone would assume she was using dust to do it, and that would make her look like a raging hypocrite. but covertly using magic to augment what she can do with fifty people’s aura? sure.

and the summer maiden is the maiden of destruction. the asturias family identity revolves around descent from a man named malik the sunderer. her fanatic of a father BRANDED HER with the mark of this legacy as an infant. her dead mother who sickened and died in childbirth is named for the moon.

when ozma ended the great war, he did it in vacuo, the crown on his head and the sword in hand. jax asturias is the leader of the crown, the twin with the real birthmark, the mind of the operation. gill is the power—very literally the source of his strength, because she lends him some of her own aura, and metaphorically his shield and his sword.

and furthermore, the lesson taught by the summer maiden in the fairytale is “don’t view the world at a distance; take an active part in it and the events around you.” gill’s backstory very closely mirrors salem’s in one key way—their mothers die in childbirth, and their fathers see them as the cause—BUT. where salem’s father locked her in a tower about it, finn asturias chose differently:

“[Gill’s semblance] had caused us so much pain, but I couldn’t blame her, an unborn baby, doing what we all do: trying to survive. Over the years, I taught her to control her Semblance, and over time we unlocked her true ability—she doesn’t just sap Aura from others; she can transfer it, too. It turned out her power, which had seemed like such a curse, could be a force for good as well. She had a large reserve of Aura already, and so she shared some of it with her brother. And he began to thrive.”

throughout the novel there is also a recurring thread of other people (theodore, finn, rumpole) remarking on how much promise gill had and how she could have been a great huntress—if only she hadn’t stuck with her brother. once jax’s mind-control semblance is found out, everyone assumes that he’s using it to keep gill under his thumb… but he isn’t. his semblance straight up does not work on her, possibly because her aura powers it.

so gillian embodies the summer maiden’s lesson in two different ways; her father made a Huge Point of making sure she could take part in the world (instead of isolating her as salem’s father did), and gill bucked everyone’s assumptions about what she should do, actively following her own ambitions instead of passively accepting the expectation placed on her.

gill is alive and in custody at the end of the novel. (jax likewise, although his memory was at least temporarily wiped.) if she’s the summer maiden, that ticks the box for summer being the excluded fourth in the seasonal triad-of-triads; she is not, in any sense except moral, fragile.

and gill as the summer maiden throws an interesting curveball at the Machine Question: what to do with a maiden who can also absorb the auras of fifty people to turbo charge her abilities, when that maiden is a reactionary nationalist who led a violent insurgency a few weeks ago and the only thing keeping her in jail is that she loves her brother and he’ll die without her? what do you do with her when you expect salem to rock up with another legion of grimm any day now?

maybe you look at a machine meant for ripping aura out of a person to put in somebody else, and then look at her brother who has almost no aura of his own, and see a way for everyone to win? it isn’t like gillian asturias has any objection to transferring her own aura to her brother. she’s spent most of their lives doing exactly that, because she loves him.

the only difference is that the ATM can make that transfer permanent.

it won’t kill her: partial transfers are possible, and she’ll still have her ability to siphon aura.

it might strip her of the maiden power, and—because the magic will only cleave to a woman—there is at least a chance that something like what happened with amber, pyrrha, and cinder can be deliberately triggered with gillian’s willing cooperation. transfer half gill’s aura to jax while gill focuses on an eligible candidate (cough, starr, cough), and maybe you can convince the magic to separate from gillian’s aura, leave her and jax, and hop into the chosen heir instead, just as it would if gillian died.

the reasoning is sound. gill would probably agree to do it for her brother’s sake; she and jax already share her aura, a permanent split between them would give them both an average amount of aura, and the transfer being partial would keep their consciousnesses separate, thus avoiding the Ozma Problem. all the thorny ethical problems involved in using the machines are avoided, and the magic’s rules are bent (gill lives) but not broken (the machine triggers an ordinary transfer), which reduces the risk that the magic will resist or break free.

and if it does go wrong, the most probable outcome is that the magic ends up split between the asturias twins—which is not ideal, but you’ve also earned some goodwill from both of them by helping jax and you can maybe pitch them on an enemy-of-my-enemy alliance to defend vacuo from salem because they sure as fuck aren’t about to join her.

this is a) the only scenario where i can plausibly imagine RWBYJNOR et al deciding to use the ATM to transfer a maiden, and b) the only one i can imagine succeeding without having dire repercussions.

the other possibility—one i think is all but guaranteed if gill isn’t the summer maiden—is that a villain uses the ATM to steal the maiden power, with dire repercussions.

and in either case, as long as we’re prognosticating interminably on the summer maiden arc, we might as well think about what the shape of the V10 narrative arc might look like if salem isn’t in vacuo.

the first point to address here is how inadequate tyrian is for the job of leading the operation in vacuo. he is extremely good at indiscriminate killing and quite bad at everything else; watts was in charge in V7 because watts is a competent strategist. tyrian lacks focus and discipline. in the short term, he’ll start and spread fires; in the longer term, if salem intends to bide her time, she needs someone reliable.

summer rose has been holding beacon against vale’s huntsmen for the last year or so whilst searching for the vault. she’s been with salem fourteen years. there is no question that salem both trusts and relies on her. even if it weren’t a binary choice between her and cinder, she’s the obvious pick. once salem arrives at beacon, she can take over the operation there, send summer ahead to handle vacuo, and keep cinder safely away from any other maidens.

the strategic end of salem’s operation in vacuo is to retrieve the sword from the vault under shade academy. she is undoubtedly prepared to deliver a siege and capture shade by force, but as with haven it’s more likely that Plan A is to do things quietly.

summer also has an immediate personal interest in accomplishing this goal without an open assault (her daughters are leading the defending coalition) and, given the level of autonomy implied by salem handing off beacon to her for a year+, probably broad latitude to make the tactical decisions she deems best.

so summer’s priority is finding the summer maiden and getting her to open the vault. she herself is probably not an eligible maiden candidate—she’s in her forties—so maiden-killing is out. her options are to persuade the summer maiden, or capture her and steal the magic if she can get her hands on an ATM.

meanwhile, the crown is in shambles with the asturias twins in custody and the vacuo coalition holding strong in the face of the assumed-to-be-imminent threat, plus morale bolstered by team RWBY and jaune’s return. but the cracks still show. vacuans have always been hostile to outsiders, and the refugees are putting an enormous strain on the already-impoverished kingdom, even with aid pouring in from vale and mistral. the crown’s core supporters are people who believe that allowing refugees into vacuo will weaken its defenses, and the longer this drags on, the more they can capitalize on tensions to stoke dissent.

gill and jax are bound to escape or get broken out by their loyalists sooner or later. if gill is the summer maiden, and summer identifies her as such, then getting the vault open might be as simple as posing as a huntress disillusioned by the “weakness” of the powers that be and telling gillian about the sword.

the tricky part is getting the sword away from gillian, because a summer maiden who can drain aura and wields the sword of destruction is a walking nuke. summer might be able to pull it off if her semblance is along the same lines as ruby’s: have gill open the vault, rush the sword, cut her down before she can react. otherwise, cutting a deal—the sword in exchange for salem leaving vacuo alone—might work, because salem’s stated motive in the broadcast is to destroy the huntsman academies and that is also what gill wants, so summer could make a credible argument here that salem is a potential ally to the crown.

if gill is not the summer maiden, then the crown is still potentially useful—a nascent civil war will distract the coalition and if the crown rebels again and wins, they’re probably going to be easier to persuade or manipulate into opening the vault (and jax can control the summer maiden, if it comes to that). also, adding the imminent threat of a civil war to the imminent threat of salem attacking puts more pressure on the coalition to risk using the sword.

the other thing summer might do is eschew the cloak-and-dagger routine altogether and take a gamble on approaching her daughters to open negotiations; this is, to put it mildly, a risk. but a very high-reward risk.

IN SUMMARY.

gillian asturias -> starr sanzang. probably.

summer rose is here and she’s not going to, at any point, Be the summer maiden but she is going to Cause Problems On Purpose.

one of the ways the summer maiden arc will be Different is that summer rose has some things to unpack (what happened to the last spring maiden That Night)

the vacuo ATM is either for the asturias twins OR someone (summer or jax) is going to do a murder OR there is no ATM, there’s just gill and her ability to (temporarily) steal the maiden power via aura, in which case it’s starr -> gillian -> starr and we might see magic-thieving conflicts between gill and winter or raven also.

if the ATM gets used for any other purpose than making gill’s and jax’s aura-sharing deal permanent it is going to be Very Bad.

maybe the real crown was the reactionary insurgents we foiled along the way?

#summer rose with the steel chair

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mettywiththenotes · 1 year ago

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Okay okay okay

So Hawks clearly isn’t giving up, right? He’s just not. That’s not who he is, so of course he’s going to keep fighting. With the panel of Hawks holding the sword, with the sounds of the Twice rampage in the background, it really seems like he’s not going to go down that easy

Hawks saw “Twice” come out of the portal and his reaction was this

Total panic, right? He killed Twice for a reason - to prevent mass destruction from happening because, knowing Twice’s quirk and what side he was on (what side he was sticking to), he knew how chaotic the war could get. So seeing Twice come back? You can see the panic inside of him. This is not what he wants. We know he’s willing to kill “Twice” again

Fast forward to this chapter

All other threats are gone. AFO is gone. There are no Villains or Noumu in front of him. Dabi has been taken care of. Yet Hawks still stands because there’s one more Villain that hasn’t been taken care of, and that’s “Twice”/Toga

While we could say he’s only standing here to protect Tokoyami from the oncoming Twice’s that will surely attack them once they spread further, there’s no way he’s not going to be involved with the Twice clones anyway. And I don’t think Hawks would just stand there and wait for someone to take down Toga - he’d probably try to do it himself

So I think there’s a possibility that Hawks could go after Toga and try to kill her before the clones can spread further. I also think there’s evidence to Hawks joining the fight and attempting to repeat history

Hawks has already been through killing Twice. There’s a chance he’s willing to do it again based on the fact that he’s done it before. Something along the lines of “I’ve done it once, I can do it again. Only I will bear the burden of it”. It’s not farfetched at all for Hawks to do so because he wants to spare anyone else from having to kill. “I am willing to be corrupted” and all that

(He’s probably ready to face Twice, to deal with the image of taking him down again, but could he do the same with Toga? With the reality that he wouldn’t just be taking down the image of Twice, but a young girl too?)

Also, the narration says that the Heroes cannot falter

Who’s someone who won’t falter, no matter what the task? Who is willing to corrupt himself, willing to cover himself in blood for a brighter future? Hawks. I feel that the text is practically calling his name for him to enter. Also, the Todoroki’s are out for the count, Iida looks like he’s done too. The only Hero shown here willing to stand up and not falter is Hawks

There’s evidence for this Toga-Ochako fight paralleling with the Twice-Hawks fight

Firstly, Toga is on Twice’s side. She is quite literally Twice in this parallel. Someone who looks like him right now, someone who activated Sad Man’s Parade, someone who has shown care for members of the League in these moments

Someone who, as chocolate-biscuit has pointed out here, has the same hole in her mask just like Twice did

And what does this fight also have in common with the Raid one? A third person is shown ready to fight

Dabi was the only one shown running towards the fight, and Hawks is the only one shown so far who is actually up and still willing to fight

The red sparrow dream

That dream has always reminded me of Hawks, because of the specificity of the animal. It’s not just a bird, it’s a red bird. Red like Hawks’ wings. We know Hawks doesn’t have his wings right now, but also notice that the wings aren’t important to the dream - the type of bird is mentioned specifically, but the bird specifically uses its feet and its beak. Also notice that birds can represent the freedom to fly away, to escape, but this bird doesn’t use its wings and do that. Instead, it chooses to stay and inflict harm

I know this may just be a small coincidental thing, but still, I think there’s a potential for it to be connected to Hawks somehow

Finally, Horikoshi has said Ochako and Hawks are both “beacons of hope” in the final war arc. Hawks, who didn’t give up fighting against AFO and protected Tokoyami from getting his quirk stolen, and still refuses to lay down. Ochako, who won’t give up on Toga. She wants to save people from the Villains and the war but she can’t ignore a Villain’s cries either

How interesting would it be if we had both “beacons of hope” clash in their fights to protect and save people?

Of course, this is only a possibility, though I think it does have the potential to happen. I would personally love to see Hori dive into Hawks’ character involving Twice again, and putting him up close and personal with someone Ochako wants to save would be so interesting to watch

But, let’s remember that I’m theorizing based on 2 panels of Hawks lol. We’ll have to see what happens next, but again, it’d be really cool to see them all come together this way and fight against ideals and saving vs killing

#anyway. just speculation #rambling rambling always rambling #bitches want hawks ocha and toga to interact in a battle and change each other's perspectives #its me im bitches #bnha #bnha 391 #bnha manga spoilers #hawks #mettys posts #metty posts

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miss-holloday · 1 year ago

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TIME BASTARD LYRIC OVER ANALYZATION

For boredom’s sake!

Let’s do this:

Singer: (Ghost!?)Jenny

Subject: Ted Spankoffski AND TINKY??

Jenny loves Ted… the younger Ted, not who he has become. He is both far from her temporally and emotionally. He has become someone she no longer knows. A bastard. Who time travels.

Ted is no longer playing the love game. He is playing the, as Richie would say, ~hit it and quit it, bro~ game. He’s a womanizer without shame. But he still thinks he can fix himself and be the kinda person he thinks Jenny wanted to make up for losing her.

It’s Ted’s destiny to lose Jenny, become a dick, and die in every timeline. She wants nothing to do with him.

NOW! Here is where I think Jenny starts referring to another person. A. Ted is not a criminal mastermind of any kind. He literally stumbles into another timeline. Who IS the mastermind of this misadventure? TINKY. 2. Even if “you” refers to Ted, why then switch to “the bastard” instead of “you bastard” again. This is a third person address. Another - tinky. He’s the one with the time to fall, Ted has already lost all control over his own timeline. Now it’s THE BASTARD OF ACTUAL TIME AND SPACE’s adventure (also, I would like to point out I think the term “bastard” in T’noy Karaxis’ title actually refers to him being a product of these two forces)

There’s two of them. Two Ted’s - younger and elder. And two bastards.

Now, Idk what “I followed once or twice” means at all in this sequence of events or in Jenny’s story. If someone has an idea please enlighten me.

OKAY! SO if this section is about Ted than 1. The student is either Ted’s younger self become a douche and ruining Ted’s chances at a good life, or 2. Jenny, the student, his beloved, dying. OR 3. What if… hear me out… Pete is the only crack in Tinky’s armor. Tinky wants both of them SO BAD but only one! (1)! Ever joins the box. Tinky’s weakness IS THE OTHER SPANKOFFSKI!

Finally. Someone said on Genius lyrics that the first line here references Jenny’s letter. Maybe because she signed it “forever and always”. Ted thinks she wants to erase him from her life and leave him forever but he doesn’t know that truth. She loves him no matter what, she doesn’t need to know where he has been (aka what he has been up to all these years, all the bad things he’s done since they knew each other) she just wants to know what TIME he is in. Not what he has done, but what has happened TO HIM. What IS HAPPENING to him.

They’re the only Hatchetfield couple we’ve seen truly FATED TO BE APART. Jenny died in 2004, aka very likely before the timelines split. She dies right in front of him. In every timeline. And it breaks him apart.

#time bastard #lyric analysis #hatchetverse #starkid #ted spankoffski #jenny #tinky #t’noy karaxis #nmt #nightmare time

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aita-blorbos · 1 year ago

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AITA for not trusting my daughter’s evil counterpart?

…Maybe ‘evil’ isn’t the right word to use. I’m not sure. This will take a lot of explaining.

Okay, so! Hi! This is my (30s F GNC) first time posting to ‘Am I The Asshole,’ but my wife (30s F) has used the site before. You might remember her from her posts about growing our daughter in a test tube and her hating her dad.

Recently, the two of us had an… I don’t want to call it an ARGUMENT, but something came up that we haven’t been able to see eye-to-eye over, and so we decided to post here to get a third opinion.

For some context, though:

We come from a world with multiple parallel universes. One of these parallel universes is the… Mirror World. This world is a twisted reflection of our own; a dimension in which counterparts of every person in this world exist, derived specifically from what we most dislike about ourselves.

For example, my Mirror counterpart is a too-prideful troublemaker who’s loyal to a violent fault. I’ve met him once or twice, and all I can say is I am not a fan.

But that’s not the only reason I don’t like the Mirror World or people who come from it. You see: many years ago, something truly awful happened to me because of that place.

My wife at the time (different from my current wife; I’ll refer to her as my ex-wife from hereon out) (20s F) came into possession of an artifact connected to the Mirror World. And although neither of us knew it at the time, this had a horrifying effect on her.

Forces within the Mirror World conspired against our world, and seeking to gain power, they slowly began to corrupt my ex-wife. They drove her, quite literally, to the point of evil insanity. Not only did she become abusive towards me, but she began to subjugate and oppress innocents; all of this culminating in her needing to be killed just to save thousands of lives.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken. I didn’t even know what happened at the time. I only learned about this ‘Mirror World’ and the dark forces conspiring within it later, and I’ve hated them ever since.

Thankfully, though, I was able to…

I don’t want to say ‘move on,’ because that’s not it. I will always, ALWAYS love my ex-wife. But I… was able to heal a bit. I found someone else who made me happy, and although I well and truly thought I’d never love again, I somehow did. As such, I ended up with my current wife, who I love more than the world. She’s everything to me.

As is my daughter, who I mentioned she grew in a test tube. Said daughter, who I’ll call P (9F) is a very smart, talented girl. I’m very proud of her and love her so, so much.

Which is why I’m so worried.

Recently, P found out about what happened to my ex-wife (who’s a close friend of hers. Long story, but she has spirit medium powers), and she was extremely upset. She wanted to punish the people responsible. And as such, she made an extremely journey into the Mirror World to try and find them.

She didn’t, THANK THE STARS, and she also thankfully wasn’t hurt, but while she was in the Mirror World, she met her own Mirror Counterpart, and her reaction to the doppelgänger has been… disconcerting, to say the least.

Inexplicably, she’s decided they’re friends. Mirror P is rude, standoffish, and impulsive, but P doesn’t care. She’s decided she’s like a little sister. According to her, Mirror P’s parents (Our Mirror Counterparts, I suppose) aren’t nice to her, and so she thinks we should take her in so she has someone to love her.

I… get the gesture, but I just cannot condone it. P is my everything. I cannot let something happen to her. The Mirror World is dangerous. If she continues to interact with it, I may very well lose her. I will NOT fail her like I failed my ex-wife. Mirror P needs to stay the hell away.

I know not all Mirror Worlders are plainly evil. A friend of mine (4M) manages to get along with his Mirror World counterpart. But this is exceptionally rare. More often than not, Mirror Worlders are conniving and cruel. They are quite literally based on everything we don’t want to be.

And not only that, but apparently Mirror P is close to a person who I’ll call ‘Mirror M.’ Mirror M is a monster. He is one of the people responsible for what happened to my ex-wife. He served the dark forces that drove her insane and ultimately killed her. If she trusts him, then she HAS to be bad news.

My wife disagrees, though. She’s suggested I’m being an asshole and says it seems to her like Mirror P is just a scared child in need of support and a home. “Yes, she’s difficult,” she agrees, “But as a reflection of our daughter, it would be cruel to turn her away.”

I can’t NOT though. Not knowing what the cost would be. Please tell me I’m right. Please tell me that Mirror P needs to go. I can’t let her hurt P. If I did, I would never forgive myself. I’ve already lost so, so much. I can’t lose my daughter too.

AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality #abuse mention

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theonlyadawong · 2 years ago

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idk how much you know about re8 but as someone who is soso correct about ada wong, if ada had been in re8 how do you think her being there would have played out? (could either be what you'd liked to have seen and/or what you think capcom would have actually done with her lol)

!!!!!!!

The prospect of seeing Ada in a game without leon is something so beautiful and so pure and that's I know capcom would never have delivered that to us.

OK so first going off what I think capcom was trying to do! I think the reason she was even put in re8 in the first place is because to get information about Mia and the connections, and to get a sample of the mold. And her saving Ethan from the four Lords would have really just been her getting her foot in the door with him so he feels safe and is willing to talk to her.

In my ideal version of re8, she would have never used the name ada wong, there's no reason for it. Her ultimate goal would have been to keep Rose (moreso the mold and whatever the mold is attached to) out of the BSAAs hands, and to get information on Mia. Keeping in theme with not using her name, I don't think we should hear her actual voice, it should be distorted by the mask, AND she should keep the mask on until the very end. As the game goes along you have ada in the crow mask saving Ethan, and slowly, he starts opening up about what he's doing in the village.

At around the halfway point, someone (the Duke probably) tells Ethan that the person in the crow mask is not a villager, and Ethan is like????? What the fuck??? And from then on he is very wary of the crow, because even though this person has helped him, he doesn't know them, and finally at about 3/4 into the game, he confronts the crow about who they are and what they're doing, and then ada just kind of. Dips. No explanation given.

The game continues and we do not see ada again until the very end (though in Chris' portion of the game, we find that he is aware of a third partys presence in the village, but he doesn't know who it is.)

At almost the end of the game, we see the crow handling a piece of rose, and Ethan is like??? Give me my daughter??? The crow turns, now maskless, and we finally see ada wong. Also Chris is there (don't ask me how this would work, he just is I guess) and he's like, "Oh fuck. This woman whose clone killed my men twice is here" and they start having a shoot out, and something happens (idk what) and ada is separated from the piece of rose and also chris and Ethan. We don't know if she's alive, but also she's ada wong, so she's alive.

Ethan and Chris have a minute to talk before the game ends, and Chris goes into a fit of rage, asking Ethan what he told ada, trying to figure out what she might know, and unfortunately... Ethan said quite a lot. Chris is, of course, upset, and the game continues as normal.

Now. I dont know how theyd put this into the game, but I want this to happen. Ada wasn't able to keep the rose/the mold out of the hands of the BSAA, but she is able to keep the BSAA from making more, so she kills Mia. This keeps with Adas throughline of being morally gray, as she is killing Rose's only living family (even though Mia is literally a bad person).

🎀 The End 🎀

Now, this was my idyllic version of 8, and if we'd gotten this it would have been amazing. That being said, despite how desperate I am to see Ada seperate from leon... I am actually very happy she wasn't in that game, actually! I think to bring in even more people to ethans story would have made it very clunky. The leap from the Baker house to the village and the four Lords huge, and I feel any more elements, especially ada wong, would have detracted from ethan. Like. They had to give Chris the tiniest part in 7 and 8 because his name alone would overshadow Ethan, so to have Ada in the mix as well... it would have been very muddy.

#asks #hidingoutbackstage #ty for the ask!!!!#also ada would never mention leons name ever. not once. no passing jokes. nothing.#but god do i love her crow design...

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theknittingshadow · 1 year ago

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A Shadow’s Scattered Thoughts

Part 2 of my reaction to “Journey to the West”

I’m at Chapter 35

TW: murder, genocide, abuse

-Okay so Zhu Bajie seems to defer to and respect Wukong quite a bit at first BUT this changes quickly.

-Wukong called him out when he talked about finding a nice home to take shelter in for the night going “you just want to go back to your cushy married life!” I don’t this was true. Old Monkey is getting a bit ahead of himself. Seems like Bajie gets defensive for a REAL long time after this.

-There’s a lot of instances where Bajie wants to give up and go home, actually. It’s kind of nice to see someone who struggles like this. Changing one’s habits can be HARD.

-On that note, Wukong’s supposed habit of going straight for murder isn’t…really….there. Sure, he’s itching for a fight but he’ll gladly let bygones be bygones if the person in the wrong tries to make amends.

-Introducing Sha Wujing! I like him! He’s very chill and already pretty disciplined, humble, and kind. Even Tripitaka notices this straight off and nicknames him “Sha Monk.”

-Oh Oh Oh! They are all monks now! Every single one of them has a shaved head, even WUKONG! Wow, that is an image.

-The fight between Wujing and Bajie when they first meet is actually pretty interesting. Wukong can’t go underwater, he can only part the water or turn into a fish so Bajie has to step up. He’s very willing!

-Guys, the Bodhisattva Guan Yin literally told you guys to mention that you are escorting the Tang Monk to retrieve scriptures whenever you introduce yourselves. You could have avoided the WHOLE fight with Wujing if you did that.

-There are several opponents they face that are too strong for Wukong to take on alone. He easily fights them to a standstill, don’t get me wrong. Just, he rarely beats them with his sheer strength. Usually, he either has to use his wits, or get help from Guan Yin or someone. I thought he would be OP and mow down anyone in his way. I like this better though.

-There’s a whole thing where they visit a monastery or pagoda and the elder priest really wants Tripitaka’s fancy robe Buddha gave to Guan Yin to give to Tripitaka. They legit decide to trick the pilgrims into lending them the robe and try to burn them all, locking them in a room at night.

-Wukong, why did you go to the trouble of fetching a magic fire-proof blanket to protect the sleeping Tripitaka when you could have easily just carried him out or WOKE HIM UP?!

-There’s also the monastery with the immortal ginseng fruit. Trip, my guy, you’re hilarious. The fruit happens to resemble newborns and he freaks out thinking they really ARE newborns. The two monks there are like “he still has impure mortal eyes and can’t tell what these are”

-Again, Wukong, why must you jump through ALL OF THESE HOOPS?! SURELY THERE IS A SIMPLER SOLUTION?

-Guan Yin comes in clutch yet again. I like her. They even have a party together. Now all the pilgrims will live at least another 47,000 years, Trip included.

-Bajie keeps on doubting Wukong’s loyalty and intentions, thereby making Trip suspicious of Wukong and/or ruining Wukong’s plan to rescue them.

-The White Bone Spirit Arc hurt me guys.

-The Bone Spirit (LBD to Lego Monkie Kid fans) knows she can’t beat Wukong to eat Tripitaka so she decides to mess with them instead. Disguising herself three separate times, she approaches the Pilgrims. Wukong sees through her disguise, tries to kill her, she escapes the body before he can destroy her. Boom, dead body of what looks like an innocent person.

-Bajie uses the opportunity to throw shade at Wukong. Trip forgives him twice but the third time banishes Wukong.

-Wukong actually calls Trip out on his favoritism towards Bajie a few times. Good for him! I’m wondering if this might be a degree of xenophobia? Bajie has lived around humans recently and knows how to act like them. Wukong doesn’t.

-However, it could also be that, being only in his early to mid twenties, Trip is instinctively deferring to one of his elders in this situation. I’ve struggles with this too. When you are a very young adult put in charge of adults older than you, it feels weird and wrong at first. Since Bajie (and Wujing) were in the Celestila Realm during Wukong’s rage, I wonder if they are older than him?

-Conclusion, I am conflicted about Tripitaka. On one hand, he uses the tight fillet spell on Wukong despite him providing proof that the White Bone Spirit was, in fact, a yaogui. On the other hand, he’s a young, sheltered, inexperienced adult trying to lead a group of immortals thousands of years older than him. One of said immortals has a reputation for violence that frightens the other immortals.

-Huaguoshan was burned. My heart 😭

-Wukong is having a bad time here. Falsely accused, punished, banished only to find his home in shambles and over half his people killed.

-He’s a good king. In only a few days, he rallies his people, defeats a verifiable army of hunters, and uses the loot from said hunters to clothe and arm his people. Then, gathers all kinds of trees and plants and starts rebuilding Huaguoshan. I salute you, sir!

-Seriously, there was practically an army of hunters coming.

-Kui Mulang, the Yellow Robed Yaogui, comes up. Bajie is VERY confident in his ability to lead and protect the Pilgrims. Proceeds to get his tail handed to him.

-Ao Lie breaks out of horse form and DOES STUFF IN THIS CHAPTER. THIS IS HUGE!!!

-Kui Mulang is more violent towards his wife than I had been led to believe. When he suspected she sent a message back to her people, he nearly beat her. Wujing, bless his soul, convinced him otherwise and he dotes on his wife to make up for his outburst.

-Bajie has a time convincing Wukong to come back and help. Monkey’s shockingly happy to see him and cordial and everything despite their arguments.

-…they actually killed Mulang and the princess’s kids. What.

-People regularly refer to Tripitaka as handsome and well-mannered. I can’t help but this Tolkien elf vibes.

-The aforementioned leads to an interesting lesson on judging by appearances.

-Wukong and the others make amends. Not before he holds them accountable. Even Wujing has to admit to standing back and doing nothing.

-THE GOLD AND SILVER YAOGUI ARE HERE!!!!!!!!! They are both amusing and heartbreaking.

All of the characters are more complex than I initially expected. None are ever fully in the right all the time. Each have strengths and weaknesses, good and bad.

#Jttw #journey to the west #a shadow’s scattered thoughts #Tw abuse #tw murder #tw genocide

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whistlingstarlight · 1 year ago

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I would very much like to hear about your trip to the U.S.

Okay buckle up this is gonna take a while-

I can't quite do it justice as it really was a "had to be there" experience and several years ago, but I'll describe it the best I can

So it was me, my dad and my uncle going out to see one of his friends. He's a DJ, they both like DJing, etc. The plan was to spend the first week in this really beautiful little coastal town they live in, then road trip the second week up to Sacramento where we'd get the plane home.

That did not happen at all.

So the first two days were spent in a BnB with this guy who was constantly hungover, and a much more chill couple. Pretty alright, had a nice view of the sea. The building was ugly in this really posh way, like we had an en suite bathroom but there were sconce lights on the mirror

My uncle's friend and his wife were pretty rich. And they didn't necessarily rub it in our faces, but my dad (who's very much a working-class "done everything for himself" kind of guy) did not appreciate the tour round the neighbourhood of all the cars this guy had sold.

And then The Fight.

This "friend" got absolutely hammered during a DJ session and just went off on my dad over nothing. My uncle was pretty mad and got us out of there. We met a couple of his friends who were arriving as we were leaving, as when they heard what happened they just took us out for dinner instead kskdks

So on the third day it was discovered our BnB had been double booked so we were literally just- being moved into someone's house. Like they let it out as an air BnB but they left a bunch of their personal belongings and it felt really weird, I felt like some kind of squatter. Also you could literally see the ex-friend's house at the end of the street, which my dad wasn't pleased about. Also the house owner's dog hadn't yet been picked up by the person who was gonna be looking after it and it has escaped twice, so before we were even unpacked we had the police on the doorstep (dog was fine, dw)

So the big downside of my uncle and his friend falling out was it put the kibosh on the roadtrip plan for the second week, and the BnB was only available until the Sunday so we were kind of panicking about where we could go.

Now we'd previously met this ex-friend's sister, and without hesitation she was apologising profusely for her brother's behaviour (her and their mum were both lovely so idfk how he ended up such an arse), and she offered us a place to stay free of charge.

And her place was tiny, mind. Like she didn't even have proper doorways between her bedroom, living room and kitchen, but she still put us up as best she could.

Now the good parts of the trip were that this town was gorgeous. Deer wandering around gardens, hummingbirds everywhere, so so beautiful. We went whale watching and saw humpbacks and sea lions co-hunting together, and I got to visit Monterey Bay Aquarium three times which is one of my favourite places I've ever been.

Tbh I think I've blocked some of it out because it was such an emotional rollercoaster. I kept a diary of the first week and that's really the only way I remember it, aside from the good parts like the aquarium and seeing hummingbirds in the flesh. ALSO one of the nice people we met there gave me a genuine oyster pearl, which is pretty cool.

Also people were constantly offering me alcohol on this trip even though I was like fifteen??? Bruh I can't even legally drink in my own country let alone here, and I don't drink anyway-

So yeah, pretty wild ride X)

#the whole things feels like a fever dream #i didn't dislike the trip but wow I wish it has been a lot less stressful and “what the fuck is happening and why”#thank you for asking about it though it's definitely one of my more interesting stories kskdksx #clyde rambles #asks #second to none

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wetbloodworm · 6 months ago

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been thinking about achlys some lately and rn thinking about his past lives/hosts. post-skip we see him as maverick, and pre-skip we see him as topher, but he had two more hosts before topher. not getting SUPER into it but just touching on it a little. just a little. compared to how long previous attempts have been.

achlys' first host was nico lambert in 1903. things got a little sidetracked early on because this was in belgium and. uh. war happened. but after that he eventually made his way to the US. at some point he was a singer/musician and it might actually be possible to find some recordings of his songs in modern times if you dig hard enough. he also had a wife and kids who had kids who had kids, and since he lived into his nineties in that body he got to meet and love so much of his family. moving on was hard, but the body was dying and achlys himself was still very young by somaphor standards, so. he wasn't going back to purgatory, so he had to hop on over to a new body. and like he COULD stay in the family by hopping over to a grandkid or something but 1) no??????? and 2) it'd be weird to be with the same people but be someone else, he couldn't be nico anymore, the dynamic between him and his family would be different, he COULD do it but it'd be weird, and 3) NO!!!!!!!! absolutely not he is NOT eating a member of his family

his second host was keith toliver in 1977. keith was a med student at the hospital achlys had spent a lot of time at and was bed-bound in at the end. achlys spent this life as a doctor. didn't get married this time, he wasn't quite ready for that and also he's demirose so he didn't encounter a WHOLE lot of temptation on that front. things were cut short for him in this host when he was diagnosed with some terminal illness with a short anticipated window left. achlys had to scramble to find a new host because he absolutely hadn't been thinking about that yet, and he wasn't willing to spend any time in purgatory looking for one if this body gave out before he was ready. he ended up lucking out with topher.

his third host was topher yarborough in 2010. topher was a patient of his who mentioned his football scholarship to some far-away college once or twice and achlys went 'score, i've never done football before'. which sounds very callous and i do want to note that achlys doesn't like. eat people and steal their bodies lightly lol it's just a thing he needs to do in order to exist in the mortal realm. and he tries to pick a host that he'd be happy sticking with, because he's not gonna waste their body and their life and eat someone else before their time just because things didn't work out. achlys DOES occasionally talk or think about all this matter-of-factly or in a way that dehumanizes his targets/hosts, but he kinda has to. it's easier for him with that slight disconnect. and topher was just a good find.

achlys only got like a couple years in before he met asim, which triggered a series of events that got him yoinked out of topher's body and imprisoned for a decade. he was mostly upset about the imprisonment but after the fact he was also upset about topher being wasted. barring unforseen circumstances like illnesses or accidents, he could've gotten a good 60 years or so before he needed to get a new host. not to mention that topher's body had to be dealt with and it was brought to a hospital. since it was essentially brain dead, next of kin was informed, and all the mess and grief that followed was, in achlys' opinion, avoidable. he's so mad about the whole situation.

anyway, his fourth and current host is maverick, nabbed in 2023 (though that year might slide around to keep things modern as the real-life years progress). maverick wasn't a choice, he was just the first person achlys encountered upon being freed from his prison. achlys was starving and in desperate need of literally any sensory input and maverick was there, so. f. oh-seven. and he wasn't a GREAT fit but, again, achlys didn't want to waste him. he knows he's already doing a shitty thing, he doesn't want to make it worse by tossing perfectly functional bodies aside. so, he was maverick. i'm still figuring out what his plan is for this life, like what he's doing, though he is a bit focused on asim and that friend group. but he's got other stuff going on outside of his relationships, i just gotta decide on it lol

#somaverse tag #achlys tag

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bbyboybucket · 11 months ago

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So i see you reblog a lot of marvel stuff, and there's a lot of stuff i want to ask you, as a sort-of marvel fan myself.

for one, what's your favorite marvel movie? (for me, this is like asking me to choose a favorite child, and i can't pick just ONE, but some people manage to do that) and if you can't pick just one, top five?

second, do you read the comics? and if so, which ones?

third, are you aware of the upcoming thunderbolts movie, and if so, are you excited for it?

essentially, that's it. sorry if the wording for this is a little weird.

have a nice day! :)

Omg hey!!! I’m so happy you sent this you don’t even know

Okay you’re totally right that it’s hard to pick a favorite, especially because I feel like I switch up so much lmao. But I’ve gotta say, my number one is prolly GOTG 3 because literally everything about it was just perfect imo and I’m not even really an emotional person, and I cried like a baby both times. Like that’s the only movie I’ve ever went to see twice in theaters too, but it was just so damn good.

After it tho, I’d say TWS and Civil War are tied at second because I can never decide which I like better. Like as Bucky fan I wanna say TWS (and because it’s excellently written and has top tier action) but also Civil War is just so fun for me and the way it handled/introduced (especially introduced!!!) so other characters is just something I really really love. Then third is prolly endgame, most would disagree but it just holds a special place in my heart. And then 5th is prolly across the spiderverse, ik it’s not mcu but it’s another one from this year that was just so insanely good and that I’ve already watched more than once.

I do read comics sometimes, not as often as I’d like to bc I don’t wanna pay lol but I’ve read a few Bucky ones, I’ve read some spiderman and Wanda comics, just a little bit of everywhere I guess, mostly at random. Right now I really wanna start reading more fantastic 4 because I love them but I just need to get my hands on some lol. But I do try to at least keep up with what’s happened even if I haven’t read comics for it, bc I like to know that extra background info and know what’s accurate for what’s being adapted into live action. And I also like knowing characters that haven’t been/may not be adapted because there’s so much interesting stuff.

I am too aware of it. You probably don’t even want me to go into bc I violently hate what’s happening with that movie, every leak, scoop, and announcement on it fills me with rage bc not only are they doing Bucky dirty (I could write a ten page essay about that) but literally every other choice they’re making for it is also HORRID. Like the team lineup, the villain choice, the fact that the void is going become another dimension in the third act instead of just being personified (idec if it’s comics accurate it’s just not needed for this movie). Literally everything going on with thunderbolts is such a mess. And it’s kinda sad bc when I first realized they were setting it up, before any actual announcements were made, I was excited because I expected so much better than this. But basically I’m praying on its downfall and cancellation lmao. They’ve already had two actors quit and they cut the movie’s budget so I’m thinking there’s a chance. But yeah I’m sorry if this isn’t the answer you expected but if you do wanna see any of my rants on how much I hate they’re putting Bucky in this, just search my page 😂

Anyways, sorry my answer is so long, I didn’t mean to give you a whole book 😂 but thanks again for asking ��️

#asks

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autisticri0t · 11 months ago

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I deeply apologise that I only just saw this but I figured I’ll bring it up and give people a New Year’s resolution to stop using that fucking thing.

I also want to state before I get any accusations - I’m not against anyone who is communist. I’m against people using the hammer and sickle as a ‘anti fascist’ symbol. Im Jewish (conservodox) myself with family members who lived in Russia previously. None are alive and therefore I cannot ask them personally but I did all my research and cited my sources within this post. If you have any questions, dm me or leave them in the comments - reblogs aren’t my strong suit and I will not see your answer immediately.

It’s also important to note that sources or quotes I may mention will reference ‘Zionists’. Please note that it’s usually a thinly disguised term for Jewish people in this case. My tip when identifying it goes as follows - replace Zionist or whatever the term is with Jew and listen to how it sounds.

My TLDR of this post goes as follows:

- almost every soviet Russian leader caused some form of torment to the Jews.

- the Soviet Union hardly benefitted to the Jews in any way and committed horrific acts against the Jews in the name of communism.

- they sided with the fucking nazis and denied everyone that genocide took place on Russian soil. I don’t know what to tell you.

Okay here are the actual reasons, with a hell load of history and atrocities along the way.

That being said, do not read if you’re triggered by this content. This took me three days to write and it was not easy. There’s a lot of terrible things that happened here, but I think it’s important to mention the blood that lies on the blades of the sickle and the head of the hammer. The first part especially has stories that I don’t wish to happen upon my worst enemies.

1: they quite literally sided with the nazis. You know. Hitler and all that? The people you’re all against? That guy? They committed horrific atrocities on soviet Russian soil?

Odessa massacre? Stalag 325?

In the book Holocaust by Bullets - penned by Father Patrick Desbois - he found out that at least 1.5 million Jews were murdered in the soviet/nazi occupation in Eastern Europe. Father Desbois’ grandfather was a prisoner of war in Stalag 325, but rarely discussed it. His only commentary went as followed (quoted directly from Father Desbois)

And then one day, one summer morning, sitting beside him in the little gray truck, I pushed him, pushed him so much that he told me about his three escape attempts. I was seven years old. He had tried to escape from the camp twice and failed, but on his third attempt his fellow-inmates helped him by stomping their clogs on the ground, making a racket to create a diversion while he jumped into a thicket. It was successful. He made it to the train station of Strasbourg, in Alsace, a region of France which had been annexed as part of Germany. He went to buy a ticket to return to his wife and son in Chalon-sur-Saône. He asked for a ticket in German. The lady behind the counter answered him in French. My grandfather paused for a moment: "In that instant I knew I had failed. She was going to report me! I didn't even make it to the train. The Gestapo arrested me. Destination Rawa-Ruska." Then my grandfather fell silent. And afterwards . . . ? There was no afterwards. This silence, from a man usually so cheerful, was charged with meaning. The silence had a name: Rawa-Ruska.

(…)

Just once, he uttered these words: "For us, the camp was difficult; there was nothing to eat, we had no water, we ate grass, dandelions. But it was worse for the others!" That sentence was engraved in my consciousness as a child for all time. I realized that he couldn't say any more about it. But who were the others?

(Page 21-22)

This silence prompted the priest to find out what had happened. He met with the deputy mayor of Rawa Ruska who arranged for 100 people who witnessed this massacre to tell their stories. Jews would shot and thrown into pits they were forced to dig. Some would be thrown in alive and suffocated that way. The pits would move as Jews suffocated to death. After every testimony relating to the pits, the witnesses recounted the same thing: the earth moved for three days. I read his book - Holocaust by Bullets - where he met with people who gave horrific testimonies.

"Where we come from the Nazis machine-gun the Jews but in the west they kill them in camps." - Polina Pavlona Katsenko, page 12. She had joined the red army and had found Auschwitz.

At the edge of the ditch the earth had been packed into a makeshift ladder. The Jews undressed, while the guards beat them. Completely naked, family after family, fathers, mothers, and children went calmly down the steps and lay face down on top of the bodies of those who had just been shot. A man called Humpel, a German policeman, advanced, upright, walking on the dead bodies, pistol in hand, and murdered each Jew, one after the other, with a bullet in the back of the neck. Less than 10 meters away, the two sisters saw everything. Before starting his work that morning, Humpel had put on a white coat like a doctor's smock, and then had gone down into the ditch. Luba thinks he wanted to protect his uniform. At regular intervals, he stopped shooting, climbed out of the pit, took a break, drank a small glass of liquor, and went back into the ditch. Naked, another Jewish family climbed down into the ditch and lay face down. The massacre lasted one full day. Humpel killed all the Jews in the village, single-handed. - the testimony of Vira and Luba, the 460th eye witness account of the massacre of Ukrainian Jews. Page 13-15

On the other side of the barricade, they caught sight of little Dora. She was naked. In the icy cold, she was begging the Germans to give her back her coat: "Give me my jacket, I'll give you my shoes in exchange!" But the Germans listened to no one's requests. Dora was shot. (Page 217)

This is all I felt able to share.

All of these testimonies were only revealed in the 2000s - over 60 years after the massacre of 1.5 million jews in the Soviet Union.

After World War Two ended, the Soviet Union often denied the horrific actions that took place on their land.

Oh and don’t forget how the Soviets kept ignoring it and quite literally disbanded a Jewish organisation they made over this.

But don’t worry, I’ll get there soon ;)

2: “but that was Stalin! That does not represent Lenin’s views!”

Okay, valid point. They were two different people. Let’s check Lenin’s views about Jewish people then shall we?

In March 1919, Lenin delivered a speech about “Anti-Jewish pogroms.” During this speech he essentially said “hey guys can we stop killing Jewish people? They did nothing to us and had been oppressed for god knows how long let’s just leave them alone okay?”

A nobel speech which summarises how capitalism breaks us apart by creating hatred against different groups and turning us against each other-

What’s that? Sorry I forgot to mention: a few months later all Jewish properties were seized by the soviet government in their scheme to basically say to others religions “hey fuck your religion”. This was an attempt to assimilate religious people. Many Jewish people would be familiar with this as it’s so common we made a festival about it one time - idk if you’ve heard of it, it’s called Chanukah. Look it up, it’s more than just funky candles and donuts and fried potatoes.

Kehilahs (basically Jewish community places) were shut down.

But sure, Lenin and the soviet government were totally supportive of Jewish people and their faith. Whatever helps you guys sleep at night.

3: I was going to leave out Stalin since I figured people may know of his atrocities by now. Then I remembered of a conversation I had with someone who very seriously told me that Stalin was a good leader despite his well documented anti semitism and dictator leadership. So no, he’s not getting away with shit here.

So Stalin was a pretty hardcore anti-semite but I’ll mainly focus on after world war 2 since we all know the atrocities he committed during that time. He started a campaign that went by various names but namely the anti cosmopolitan campaign.

This namely happened due to an organisation called Jewish Anti Fascist Community. They were established by Stalin after Hitler’s totally shocking betrayal against Russia and were tasked with assisting the Soviets by telling everyone else that was definitely no Anti Semitism in the Soviet Union (unless we ignore the details mentioned earlier).

After the war they basically started archiving every that happened to the Jews in Eastern Europe, including the Holocaust. Two soviet men of the group published a book (The Black Book of Soviet Jewry - all hail the internet archive!) in collaboration with the JAC with 500 pages worth of manuscripts and eyewitness of the atrocities of the Holocaust. Which conveniently mentioned a lot of the atrocities Russia committed while they were allies with Germany.

I won’t go too far into it because I’m going down a completely different rabbit hole but just know Stalin wasn’t really fond of the JAC at this point because of their disagreements with the soviets.

He then proceeded to start with an ‘anti cosmopolitan campaign’ (read: anybody who was Jewish was fucked)

Mysteriously two years later, the Chairman of the JAC - Solomon Mikhoels, also a Yiddish actor - was found dead on a narrow road with his friend Vladimir Golubov-Potapov (theatre critic). It was a tragic death that definitely was not an assassination organised by the Soviet government. A soviet newspaper definitely did not admit that they killed him.

Though not officially mentioned, other Jews with connections to the JAC were also arrested or killed. They were:

- Der Nister, a Yiddish writer (arrested in 1949, died in a labour camp a year later)

- Yitzhak Nusinov, a literary critic (arrested and died in prison in 1950)

- Shmuel Persov and Miriam Zheleznova, both journalists (shot and killed in 1950)

In 1952, Stalin committed his final act upon the Jewish people - The Night Of The Murdered Poets. This was when fifteen soviet Jews were put into trial and executed within the Lubyanka prison in Moscow. Only two survived. They were:

- Benjamin Zuskin (1899 - 1952) - an actor who did a lot of Jewish theatre and held the title of People’s Artist of the RSFSR. He had been acting for over 30 years and had performed with Solomon Mikhoels (remember him?). Most of his children had been killed in the Kovo Ghetto. He had been arrested in hospital in 148 while being treated for depression and had been put to sleep (it was a way of treating depression just go with it). He woke up to find himself in prison, where he remained until 1952 - when he was murdered.

- Joseph Yuzefovich (1890 - 1952) - a researcher for the institute of history, soviet academy of sciences and a trade union leader. He and the other members were tortured so badly, he said to court that he was ready to confess that he was the pope’s nephew. He was one of two who did not confess to his crimes. Joseph was murdered in 1952.

- Solomon Lozovsky (1878 - 1952) - a prominent communist and Bolshevik revolutionary who found himself Chairman of the trade union and later general secretary of the red international labour unions. After a conversation between Mikhoels in 1944 about where to establish a Jewish homeland in Russia, Stalin went ‘ah ha! Anti soviet activity!’ And had Lozovsky arrested and tortured in 1949. He defended himself so hard the judge basically had to take a breather for a week - the only time this happened in a political trial during Stalin’s ruling of Russia. He was murdered in 1952.

- Boris Shimliovich (1892 - 1952) - a prominent revolutionary who was involved in the Russian civil war and later the JAC. He was also a medical director in the Botkin Clinical Hospital. He was arrested in 1949, his injuries so severe he was carried to court in a stretcher. He was one of two members to not confess to any crimes. Boris was murdered in 1952.

- Leon Talmy/Talmi (1893 - 1952) - translator and journalist and a former communist party USA member. He was born in what is now Belarus and became a member of the Zionist socialist party. He would move to the US with his parents where he would become a secretary for the newspaper Unzer Vort. After the February revolution in Russia, Talmy moved there and worked for more newspapers and became part of the communist party in Russia. He did various Yiddish translations during this time and would later join the JAC. He was arrested in 1949 and murdered in 1952. (shout out to the congress for Jewish culture for this info)

- Ilya Vatenberg (1887 - 1952) translator and editor of the JAC newspaper, labour Zionist leader in Austria and US. After studying law and running a law firm until 1914, Ilya moved to Vienna until 1920, at which point he moved to America. There he became a member of the Zionist socialists party Poale Zion. He then met his wife Chaika and they would move to Russia together. He would work as a censor for the publishing house of foreign literature and later an official for JAC. He would also write article for their newspaper. He was arrested in 1949 with Chaika and was murdered in 1952.

- Chaika Valenverg-Ostrovskaya (1901 - 1952) - a translator for the JAC and the wife of Ilya. Due to her various language skills in English and Yiddish (after living in America for ten years), she would work as a typist for the association of scientists and later the same publishing house Ilya worked. She would then work in the JAC as a typist and translator, therefore not often involved in the political affairs. However, she was arrested in 1949 and murdered in 1952.

- Emilia Teumin (1905 - 1952) - an editor for a variety of papers as well as the soviet information bureau. Her father was a member of the communist party and after Germany attacked Russia, Emilia became a translator for the Soviet form office. She would later join the JAC and had compiled documents about nazi persecution in the Soviet Union. As a result, she was arrested in 1949 and was murdered in 1952.

- Lieb Kvitko (1890 - 1952) - a well known Yiddish children’s author and poet who wrote for the JAC’s newspaper and a literary magazine called The Heymland. He was murdered in 1952.

- Dovid Hofshteyn (1889 - 1952) - a Yiddish poet who often worked to teach Jewish boys who had been orphaned form the pogroms. He would protest the banning of Hebrew, which caused him to move around countries for various times. In 1926, he returned to continue his work and became a member of the communist party. Shortly after the state of Israel was established, he had been arrested and was murdered in 1952.

- Peretz Markish (1895 - 1952) - a Russian Yiddish poet who wrote many poems and became the co founder of the soviet school of writers. He would awarded the order of Lenin in 1939. He would join the communist party and worked with the JAC. He was arrested in 1949 and murdered in 1952. He left behind two sons, Shimon and David, and his wife Esther. They fought to keep his memory alive.

- Itzik Feffer (1900 - 1952) - a Yiddish poet who fought for the red army and was in prison for a bit before being released by armed workers. He started to edit literary and art magazines and was a member of the communist party. His poems often involved themes of socialism and were published frequently. He would write the poem The Shadows of the Warsaw Ghetto - in memory of the 750 Jews involved in the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. He also worked with the JAC’s newspaper but also the NKVD. Despite the fact that everyone blatantly knew, honey didn’t made much since they mostly did activities in the name of Soviet Russia (before they started archiving the actions of Soviet Russia during the Holocaust). Shortly after Mikhoel’s assassination, Feffer was arrested and accused of treason. Due to his involvement with touring the west with Mikhoels, many attempted to save him such as Paul Robeson and Albert Einstein. Paul even met Feffer in prison and Feffer warned him of his imminent death. Paul would publicly tribute Feffer and would sing Zog Nig Keynmol - popular Yiddish anthem of Holocaust survivors - and wrote to defend him. Despite these efforts, Feffer was murdered in 1952 and left behind his only daughter.

- David Bergelson (1884 - 1952) - a Yiddish writer who went through pogrom after pogrom in his youth. Despite this, his family were wealthy and tutored in in Russian, English and Yiddish. After the first failed revolution, he became a writer and wrote for various publications as well as writing his own novels, essays and short stories. He was also heavily involved in the JAC. He was murdered in 1952 . he left behind Lev Bergelson - his only child. His last words were quoted as being “Earth, oh earth, do not cover my blood!”

- Solomon Bregman (1885-1953) - a writer who collected materials for the infamous Black Book). He was arrested in 1948, survived his injuries in 1952 but fell into a coma while in prison and died in jail.

- Lina Stern (1878 - 1968) - a biochemist and physiologist for the Soviet and a pioneer in the blood brain barrier. She already found it difficult to get into her academic field due to her Judaism and had to study abroad in Switzerland as a result. I won’t pretend to have a clue what she did because I am not a scientist, but essentially she made a lot of mind blowing progress of the blood brain barrier and became incredibly well known as a result. She also won the Stalin prize and was the first female member of the academy of sciences. By 1939, the Russians allied with nazi Germany, which Stern did not like and joined with the JAC during that time. As a result, she was arrested. However unlike the other members, she ended up being given a prison sentence of three years and a five year exile. However, this ended early after Stain’s death. From there, she was the head of the department of physiology at Biophysics Institute until 1968. This made Lisa Stern the only survivor.

I’m aware this feels like a different road, but I feel the need to mention everyone’s backstories because when we argue over this matter, we forget real Jewish people lived in soviet Russia. They fought through hell and back for a way to make their lives and everyone else’s lives better in whatever way they could - through art, literature, science, politics. And whatever else they could’ve done was crushed by one man - in the name of soviet Russia and communism.

Yet people still choose to defend the hammer and sickle that represents the people who murdered thirteen Jews.

“When one’s thoughts turn to the martyrs of August 12, the painful question asked by the poet Leib Opeskin of Vilna arises: “Can one forget, may one forget?

Forget Mikhoels, Bergelson, Markish, Feffer, Hofshtein, Kvitko, Zuskin, Solomon Lozovsky, Boris Shimelevich, forget all of our own who during World War II were the members of the Jewish Anti-Fascist Committee in Moscow? Can we forget Leon Talmy who was the New York secretary of the ICOR (Association for Jewish Colonization in the Soviet Union), can we forget our own Morning Freiheit staff member Elyeh Wattenberg and his wife, Chaikeh Ostrovsky, who all left here in the 1930s to build a new life in the Soviet Union?

And, indeed, so much was built there then! When one speaks of the Yiddish culture, this ought not be forgotten. This underscores even more the scope of the tragedy that occurred, the great crime that was committed against the Jewish people and against socialism itself.” - Paul Novick, The Anti-Zionist Campaign in the USSR

During this time, Stalin had accused various Jewish doctors of trying to assassinate soviet leaders - this became known as the doctors plot. There has been accusations previously against Jewish doctors, notably Dr Yakov Etinger. He had been accused of mistreatment of Andrei Zhdanov (died in 1948 of heart disease, possibly intentional misdiagnosis) and Alexander Shscherbakov (died in 1945 of heart failure caused by drinking and obesity). Etinger died in prison in 1951 after being brutally tortured during his interrogation.

When accusations about Etinger were brought to MGB minister Viktor Abakumov by Mikhail Ryumin (after torturing Etinger), Abakumov did not believe them. Ryumin then wrote to Stalin and accused Abakumov of killing Etinger to hide a conspiracy of killing soviet leaders. Abakumov was arrested and tortured before being executed in 1954 for fabricating the Leningrad affair.

What became known as the Killer Doctors Case then was brought up in 1952 after a letter was dug up where Lydia Timashuk wrote that Zhdanov had suffered a heart attack but it was misdiagnosed and the doctors covered up the mistake. The doctors who treated him however were Russian so Jewish doctors Etinger supposedly mentioned were arrested. Head of security Nikolai Vlasik was fired and later arrested for ignoring the letter.

9 doctors (six of which were jewish) were accused and were initially going to be charged. However Stalin’s death came and the charges were quickly dismissed. After this, it was revealed Stalin had planned to send Jewish people into camps and possibly deport them. But due to his sudden death, Stalin never got to do this.

And good fucking riddance. All he did was use the hammer and sickle as a symbol for his tyranny. All he did was suppress people for expressing themselves and archiving history. Is this what we want communism to be? Because this is what you represent with every time you use it for your cool funky fresh battle jacket.

4: okay well there were other soviet leaders after Stalin? Surely they weren’t as anti semetic right?

Well Nikita Khrushchev almost immediately started an anti religion campaign which destroyed all religious buildings and life including Judaism. So… not a good start.

Jews would receive even more anti semeitism and propaganda ramped up again.

Khrushchev was even quoted as saying “naturally if the Jews now tried to occupy leashing positions in the republic, the local inhabitants would object.” (Page 17)

Synagogues were shut down, with the accusations that drunken activities and criminals ran wild in them. Tefillin (prayer shawls) could not be made or worn. No observance of Jewish worship or prayer or ritual was to be allowed without permission of the authorities. This was particularly vital because Jews rely on synagogues to keep Judaism alive - even now they’re often community centres as well as places of worship. Without this and the production of Jewish articles, Jewish religious life declined to an all time low under Khrushchev’s rule. These synagogues would be turned into warehouses, meeting halls and clubs.

Other forms of anti semeitism happened too, such as:

- Jews would be forced to work Saturdays - the day of shabbos, when Jews were not allowed to work. They’d try their best to avoid this but this was a difficult task.

- rabbis would be charged for various anti soviet activities and were often imprisoned.

- Jewish cemeteries were closed with various excuses given out as to why. Many Jews were forced to cremate their dead relatives - a big no no in Judaism.

- when returning from the Holocaust, many Jews would not be able to return to their homes. A particularly common scenario in Ukraine and Poland. It was a particular fact that stuck with me when I visited Poland in 2022.

- Khrushchev started a economic campaign during which he claimed that “economic crimes” were because of Jews. Speculation, bribery and black markets would be punished by death. Those executed were mostly jewish.

Even in newspapers, one could not escape the Jewish stereotypes that plagued soviet newspapers, that published an article the evils of ‘Zionism’ (read: Judaism). The television and radio would frequently discuss Jews, their supposed plans to take over the world.

Anti semetic books were frequently published between Khrushchev and Brezhnev’s reigns, such as Judaism Without Embellishment. I won’t go into the contents of the book since it’s a lot of your typical anti semetic bullshit but if you want an idea, here’s the front cover.

This book was widely acclaimed within soviet Russia, but after international pressure, the soviet communist party newspaper the Pravda would published a condemnation of the book, stating:

There is no such thing as anti-semeitism in the USSR and cannot be.

Page 35. (See internet? We’ve always been this way).

Other anti Semitic books were published, and went through similar cycles to JWE. One such book was In the Name of the Father and the Son by Ivan Shevtov, which featured a lot of anti semeitic conspiracy theories from the book The Protocols of the Elders of Zion - a notorious conspiracy theory book which features a lot of anti semeitism about the Jewish people.

“In vain I plead with these pogrom bullies. While they jeer and shout,

'Beat the Yids. Save Russia!' Some grain-marketer beats up my mother.

O my Russian people!

I know

you are international to the core.

But those with unclean hands

have often made a jingle of your purest name. I know the goodness of my land.

How vile these antisemites—

without a qualm they pompously called themselves

the Union of the Russian People!”

- Babi Yar by Yevgeny Yevtushenko. This poem was written about the 1941 Odessa massacre, during which 34,000 - 100,000 Jews and Romani people were massacred by the Romanian soldiers in Ukraine. Russia had refused to acknowledge this massacre. Khrushchev harshly condemned Yevtushenko for this work in a meeting with soviet writers and accused him of lying about anti semitism in Russia.

“Okay? Well the anti religious campaign only lasted until Khrushchev was fired. Surely Brezhnev was better?”

After the Six Day War, during which Russia sided against Israel, as well as the Dymshits-Kuznetsov hijacking affair, rampant anti Zionist propaganda would be made. They were mostly thinly disguised anti semeitism. One particular example I found was Secrets and Explicit - essentially a version of The Eternal Jew, a nazi propaganda film from 1940. Secrets even featured a lot of scenes from The Eternal Jew.

If that’s not an antisemitic film, I dunno what is!

During this time Jews could not leave to go to Israel or the US and jewish schools and informal centres were closed. Many Jews desired to get out of Russia and move to Israel due to the increase in anti semeitism. One man who expressed this idea, Boris Kochubievsky, was put into a mental institution without any questioning. In an article about ‘Zionists’, one even mentioned a way to point them out: “hairy chest and arms”, “shifty eyes” and a “hook like nose.” Jews would frequently compared to nazis. Jewish activists were exiled, jailed and send to psychiatric hospitals where they suffered harsh conditions.

Like I mentioned, a lot of the anti Zionism tended to lean towards anti semitism a lot of the time.

Public pressure did eventually allow Jews to leave and in the 70s, 250,000 Jews would leave. The leaving process was often frustrating and if one’s application was rejected, they would be harassed constantly. They would be known as refuseniks. A further 80,000 would leave at the end of the decade.

While Yuri Andropov and Konstantin Chernenko’s reigns over the Soviet Union we’re brief, both were reluctant to change the soviet policy on Jews and even Tammy didn’t have much of the impact that Khrushchev and Brezhnev did.

Mikhail Gorbachev’s attitude to Jews varies depending on who you ask.

Forward - a Yiddish newsletter - made a variety of articles about him upon in death in 2022.

When discussing the lack of Jews left in Russia by the time, Benjamin Ivry mentions a speech by Gorbachev at Babi Yar.

“There, Gorbachev noted that although the right to emigrate had been established for Russia’s Jews, “we… greatly regret the fact that our (Jewish) compatriots are leaving, that the country is losing so many talented, skillful, enterprising people.”

In a different nation, the inclusion of the term “enterprising,” possibly alluding to the astuteness of Jewish oligarchs in accumulating rubles, might have raised some eyebrows. But as Russian leader, Gorbachev was given credit for merely admitting that antisemitism existed at all: “The venomous sprouts of antisemitism arose even on Soviet soil. The Stalin bureaucracy, which publicly disassociated itself from antisemitism, in fact, used it as a means to isolate the country from the outside and strengthen their dictatorial position with the help of chauvinism.”

Rabbi Pinchas Goldschmidt would also discuss his own interactions with the leader, joking to him that he should run for prime minister in Israel. Gorbachev would allow the rabbi to reinstate Jewish schools and synagogues again for the first time in years.

Rina Shamilov would write an article about her parents life as refuseniks, thanking Gorbachev for his efforts in allowing Jews out.

Gorbachev’s work paving the way for our family to leave made him a hero to us. As my mother said, it meant “that my family and kids had the opportunity to escape a painful reality.” Three decades later, the monumental significance of his intervention in our lives still feels fresh.

That’s not to say life as a Jew in Russia was perfect from there.

During a seven day massacre of Armenians in Baku in 1990, a Jewish/Armenian neighbourhood was vandalised. The police and soldiers that were there did nothing. The soviet soldiers would declare martial law there, but it would be too late.

By 1992, 367,000 Jews left Russia.

So, in conclusion, Gorbachev was the only leader who had a somewhat peaceful attitude with Jews. And this had mostly been due to the fact that most of them had left.

But the damage had been done.

Because in the 63 years before Gorbachev’s reign, Jews had been persecuted, murdered and exiled for simply what they believed in, no matter how much they did for communists.

Is any of this okay? Is anything of this something you want in your communist utopia, marked by hammers and sickles and red stars? Is this what you want to see? Because by using the Hammer and Sickle, you’re representing a country’s long history of anti semeitism and persecution towards Jewish people. Even despite their great contributions and achievements for the Soviets, they were murdered, not allowed to leave, not allowed to express themselves or their culture openly. They were exiled, they were executed and brandished with shame.

The Hammer and Sickle has done nothing for the Jewish people. Soviet Russia did nothing for Jewish people. And I hope one day we set it aside and acknowledge that it’s a symbol of spite towards people who did nothing but exist.

If you chose to use this symbol after all I’ve spoken of, I can’t stop you. After all, I’m a single Jewish person in Britain, a distant and quiet voice that can only be heard from a screen.

But I will be angry. I’ll be angry that after I recounted over 60 years of Jewish genocide and persecution, you still chose to wear that bloody hammer and sickle. I’ll be angry that you will dismiss my evidence as stuff from the past. I’ll be angry when you tell me it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t represent the communist idea.

And I’ll cry because after over 100 years of people writing about their pain, sobbing over unjustly murdered relatives, opening telling their tales of how they ran away from a government and country that did nothing but hate them, You’ll still wear that bloody hammer and sickle.

But maybe ignorance is bliss.

“Under the banner of Communism and the hammer and sickle, millions of people--Jews and anarchists, but many many more besides--were persecuted, jailed, silenced, tortured, repressed, and murdered (…) Perhaps people who identify as statist Communists will also be moved by this material to renounce their politics and join us in our struggle against domination, racism, and oppression of all kinds... but we do not have any great hopes of that.”

- A Jewish-Anarchist Refutation of the Hammer and Sickles

Hot take: honestly we should probably stop using the hammer and sickle as a symbol of communism. It’s (debatably) anti semetic and soviet russia doesn’t really represent the whole communism idea very well but I guess people are in denial or something

#I nearly got a virus from my research you better read those sources #Holocaust #judaism #tankies #communist #anarchy #anarchocommunism #anarchism #communism #soviet #soviet Russia #Soviet Union

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complexgods · 3 years ago

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Thinking about which Haikyuu characters would hump you in their sleep

Haikyuu characters x gn!reader

Warnings: 18+, consensual somnophilia.

Minors stay away and eat your greens so you can grow big and strong. Leave my blog be there is nothing to see here.

A/N: shoutout to my friend Alex who has brainstormed with me over this all evening and endured me during my h-word hours.

Hinata: He has an incredible libido and is always so so needy, just feeling your warm body so close next to his makes him want you even in his sleep, so he subconsciously rubs himself on your thigh, letting out small, happy sighs. He doesn't wake up, but he has definitely cum all over you and/or himself in his sleep quite a few times. He gets embarrassed the next day but tells you that he just can't help it, he wants you so bad all of the time, it's only natural he tries to fuck you even in the depths of his subconscious.

Nishinoya: Just like Hinata, this man can go for rounds and rounds. Even if you literally just had sex before going to sleep, a few hours later, Nishinoya will be hard again and rub against the small of your back and/or your ass because he is just so needy for you. However, he would probably wake up in the middle of his ministrations and very gently nudge you awake, pleading you to just fuck your thighs because he's so close already and it only takes him a few thrusts before he's cumming all over your thighs.

Bokuto: This man is needy needy needy. If he wants you then he wants you now. He would probably also wake up once he gets too horny, realising he's been humping you for what looks like a while, his cock leaking through his shorts. Since you are in a long-term relationship and you have both discussed and consented to situations like these, he decides to give you some attention, gently plucking at your nipples or nibbling at your sensitive spot(s) until your arousal becomes more apparent, that's when he gently puts your legs over his shoulders and starts going down on you, all the while grinding his throbbing cock on the mattress below him. Once you wake up he greets you with a lopsided grin before making you cum from his mouth alone.

Kenma: He does not nearly have as big of a sex drive as the others mentioned above, and he doesn't get horny as often either. However, in the night when he's cuddled close to you, feeling the warmth of your body and inhaling your scent, he can't help but want more, getting hard and grinding his aching cock against your stomach. He doesn't wake up, but lets out tiny whimpers and sighs before he cums in his pants in his sleep.

Daichi: OKAY hear me out. He doesn't do it often. Only when he had some really long shifts at the police station and didn't get to spend time with you for days. He finds you already asleep in your bed when he comes home way after he usually does for the third day in a row, and he just kinda sighs as he gets ready for bed. He's missed you so much during the long work hours and he's sad that he won't be able to spend quality time with you until the weekend. Not to mention that he needs to feel you clenching around his cock, screaming out his name. But alas, there is nothing to do about that now, so he just gets ready for bed. He sleeps soundly as ever, snuggled up against you, his dick hard against your clothed ass. He wakes up to soft whispers and touches, confused.

"You were grinding against my ass" you whisper in amusement once he hums questioningly, still groggy with sleep. He pulls away in embarrassment once he realises what you said, but you keep a steady hand on the arm looped around your waist.

"Hmmm don't stop. I missed you." He grins as he grinds against you with earnest, eliciting a sweet moan from you. He will have to call in sick the following day.

Hanamaki: He is canonically the horniest motherfucker in the entirety of Haikyuu. I know it because he told me. Anyways if you sleep in the same bed as this man you are 99% certain to get humped, and he never ever wakes up either because he sleeps like a rock. He just keeps on grinding into you until he cums, but when you wake up with cum all over you he is so shameless about it. He knows you love each other no matter what even if you have to wash your pyjamas more often than most people. When you do wake up you try to push him off you, but he just holds you closer, grinding down harder so you just accept your fate.

Asahi: He's usually more of a pillow humper when he misses you when you're not around for a few days, but he definitely has done it once or twice before at the very beginning of your relationship, when he was too nervous to initiate anything with you but stayed the night. He apologised profusely when it happened and you both noticed it, but you found it cute and you both were able to laugh it off.

BONUS

Yachi: I don't care I don't care she is needy and horny and sometimes she happens to have a wet dream and rubs herself on your leg and she is vocal even in her dreams and you can't help but wake up from her sounds and you just coo at how pretty she looks, so you decide to give her a helping hand because you discussed situations like these and both agreed somno is on the table for the both of you. She does not wake up even when she clenches around your fingers, coating them with her cum.

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thefanficmonster · 4 years ago

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Power Couple

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Summary: Sean, Felix, Dave, and Joel welcome Corpse’s girlfriend to a game of Party Animals. It’s her first time playing and she has to deal with a lot more than just the controls and objectives - her boyfriend being a cute, cuddly sweetheart with ulterior motives to his clinginess.

Requested by @susceptible-but-siriusexual. Thank you so much for your request! Hope I captured what you wanted and how you wanted. Feel free to send any other requests you may have XOXO

It’s been one hell of a day. Had to correct twice as many documents as I was originally supposed to at work; found my car with a flat tire in the parking lot as I was about to go home; argued with my boss over the phone while stuck in a traffic jam. It’s been a rough twelve hours, but it has led me here and that’s what I’d rather think about.

By ‘here’ I mean I’m sitting on the couch in Corpse’s recording room, my computer in my lap, my screen displaying the screen to the game Party Animals. The suggestion was Corpse’s. He immediately picked up on my below par mood and wasted no time finding a solution to bright up the remainder of the day, shadowing the shitty portion of it. I am not what you would call a gamer. Sure I’ve played Among Us with Corpse and his friends a few times. Even that I struggle to do because I’m internally fangirling over all the people in the lobby. Yeah, dating a youtuber doesn’t mean you automatically stop gushing over the many content creators on the platform you’ve been watching for quite some time now. Corpse knows how nervous I get so he’s always near me when we play with Sean, Felix and the other. All he has to do is give me that encouraging smile and wink of his and I’m good to go. Side note: massive props to him for going easy on me in Among Us, getting teasingly called ‘simp’ by his friends in the process.

“You’ll love it.“ He promised me over and over again as the game was downloading on my computer.

“I don’t doubt that, Corpse. But I am going in completely blind and I seriously don’t wanna embarrass myself.“ I mumble a quick ‘nor you‘ under my breath, hoping he doesn’t catch it because I’m in for a pep talk if he does.

To my dismay, he does, “Listen here, you couldn’t embarrass me even if you actively tried to do something outrageous. Most likely scenario, I’d join you in the act.” He ducks in front of the couch so we’re at eye level, his hand coming up to cup my cheek in the sweetest, most comforting gesture ever. “We’ll show em who’s the boss at stealing candy.”

I can’t help but laugh, feeling unable to express just how much this man means to me. Words can’t do the feeling justice.

“Y/N!“

“Y/N!!“

“Corpse Wife has arrived!“

Hearing all the greetings lights a flame in my chest, the warmth spreading all the way to my neck and cheeks. “Hi guys! Missed playing with you!”

“We missed you too!“ Dave, the only one of the gaming gang I’ve actually met in person, replies to me, his words along with all the others’ wrapping around me like a comfort blanket. Despite them knowing I’m a fan of theirs, they’ve always made me feel welcomed, comfortable, nothing less than them.

“You know anything about this game?“ Felix asks me.

I shake my head, almost forgetting he can’t see me, “Corpse told me it’s funny and cute. It sounds like the perfect game for me.”

“Oh no, this is a game of survival. Survival of the fittest!“ Sean shouts excitedly, a bang following his shout I can only assume was him hitting his desk.

“I’d like to think I’m pretty fit.“ I shrug my shoulders, laughing along with the guys.

“This is the only way to find out if you actually are.“ Joel’s voice comes through my headphones in the form of a tease.

Sean mumbles quietly to himself as he’s deciding how to separate us in two teams. “Guys, a little help here. We all suck at this game, it doesn’t really matter who’s in which team.”

“Actually...“ Felix trails off, “Corpse and Y/N are the ultimate power couple in Among Us. Chances are they will be in this as well. So, the only logical move would be to...“

“I’m taking Y/N, you take Corpse.“ Sean declares. “Joel, Dave, who do you guys wanna be with?“

And the game starts. Sean, Joel and I are the Meowfia while Corpse, Felix and Dave are yet to choose a team name. We throw around snarky, cocky comments at each other, taunting the opposite team as we struggle to take the candy to our respective sides of the map.

“Don’t you dare pull that lever, Dave!“ I launch at Dave, knocking his cute avatar away from the lever, buying Joel and Sean some time to steal back the gummy bear Corpse and Felix took from us.

“Y/N! Joel is out! Help me!“ Sean is freaking out now. I ditch Dave’s unconscious body and run to Sean’s aid.

As I’m helping him push it towards out area a member from the opposite team latches onto my avatar, weighing me down and hindering me from doing anything.

“Hug!“ Corpse laughs as he has literally turned into a koala, holding onto my avatar.

“Corpse, you know you are actually supposed to hinder Y/N, not hug her. It’s cute though, don’t get me wrong.“ Felix laughs as him and Sean continue to struggle over the gummy bear.

“Nah, his tactic’s great. I can’t do shit.“ I desperately try and shake him off, “Babe, this is unfair. I can’t even be mad at you!“ I whine, staring to panic now that Dave is back to life and Joel is nowhere to be seen.

The round is won by Felix, Dave and Corpse who, if I might add, didn’t let go of me for the rest of the game.

We switch maps, now every man for himself. We’re on the submarine, recreating the Hunger Games with cute fuzzy animals. The thought passes through my mind, causing me to giggle.

“Y/N, you sound exactly like I’d imagine your avatar to sound. You’re so cute.“ Sean’s avatar circles mine a few times as he laughs.

He’s not wrong, my pale blue puppy is indeed cute. Apparently immortal as well.

“How is Y/N still alive?! Holy shit, her and Corpse really are a power couple.“ Dave shrieks when he sees me pick up the freeze gun. “NOOO!“ He shouts, devastated by the fact I shot him, sending him straight to his death.

“Chill, Dave. It’s all cool. Nothing personal.“ I struggle to hide my laughter, “No hard feelings, right?“

“Of course not, love.“ I can tell he grits the sentence through clenched teeth.

“Aw Dave, you are such an ice guy.“ I giggle, now shooting Joel with the gun.

“Someone take that gun from her!“ Sean cries as him and Felix race up the submarine.

Suddenly, the avatar of my boyfriend again wraps itself around mine. I hadn’t seen him in a while, considering Sean knocked him into the ocean earlier in the round.

“How are you still alive?!“ I try to spin my puppy to get him to let go but he holds on tightly. “Babe, I swear, you are cute and I love you, but this is ridiculous. How and why are you alive?”

“That’s his superpower! He never fucking dies.“ Felix laughs, letting out a yelp when he briefly slips while climbing.

“Immortals!!! Immortals!!!“ Sean breaks out into a song, a song I really like, breaking the restraints I had on my laughter.

“Drop the gun or we’re dying together.“ He says almost seriously. Even though I can only see the back of his head I know he’s grinning.

“A Titanic/Romeo and Juliet mashup? Why not? I can live with dying a double historical death.“ Even though I appear accepting of his offer, I’m still trying to set myself free.

In the end, Sean claims his first win of the game and the rest of us are dead at the bottom of the ocean. Corpse and I did indeed die a Romeo and Juliet/Titanic death, getting everyone in their feels. We make a deal to get together and play again as soon as possible and we all go our separate ways, exiting the Discord call.

*Later that night*

After a dinner consisting of takeout and two thirds of a shitty romantic comedies, Corpse shifts from next to me, starting to get up from the couch. I am surprised to feel jolted out of a half sleep as the room is now completely silent, the TV being turned off.

“Hey where’re you going?“ I ask groggily, rubbing my sleepy eyes.

“I have some editing to do. Don’t worry, I won’t stay up too late.“ He kisses my forehead before grabbing his phone from the coffee table.

Just as he’s about to walk away, I wrap my arms around his legs. He laughs, catching onto what I’m insinuating. His chuckle brings a smile to my face and butterflies in my belly. No matter how long we date for or how much time we spend together, some things never change.

“Payback, huh?“ He asks, the smile audible in the question. I keep my eyes shut but nod, my arms still around his legs. “Alright, you koala. You’re coming with me.”

In his recording room, he settles in his chair placing me in his lap in a way that my legs dangling off to the side, my side leaning against his chest, my face hidden in the crook of his neck. We’re both comfortable, content and relaxed.

I don’t know when exactly it happens, but all my mind has registered is a quiet ‘I love you’ and the soft touch of Corpse’s lips on my temple. I manage to reply with an ‘I love you too’ before my sleepiness consumes me, my body completely relaxing against his, the warmth of his body, his scent, the sound of his breathing making me feel safe and loved: the two feelings I want him to feel with the same intensity when I’m in his arms.

Something tells me he does.

@simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @itsminniekat @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help

#corpse #corpsehusband #corpse husband #husband #corpse fanfiction #corpse fanfic #corpse husband fluff #corpse husband fanfic #corpse husband fanfiction #corpse x reader #x reader #corpse husband x y/n #corpse husband x reader #reader #requests open #request #fluff #love #romance

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the-bau-quinjet · 4 years ago

Text

Seven Drinks

Bucky x f!reader

Summary: There's a reason Y/N has never had more than 3 drinks around the other avengers, and they're about to find out.

Warnings: depression, thoughts of suicide, panic attacks, angst (don't worry there's fluff too)

Word Count: 4322

a/n: This is inspired by that episode of Brooklyn 99 with 6 drink Amy (I adopted that concept!) and also Halsey's album Manic. :) I hope you like it. Anything in bold is a lyric from one of the songs on the album!

Please let me know if I messed up the trigger warning tags! I've never written anything like this before, so I just want to make sure I do it right.

Masterlist

"We're having a party tonight." Tony's announcement was met with the usual groans of annoyance at having to schmooze with the typical socialites that attended Tony's party. "You know, you are so ungrateful sometimes. here I am trying to throw you a party, and you're complaining!"

"Tony, we all appreciate the effort you go to, but- at least speaking for me- I don't like people." Y/N's response was effortless, swiftly calming Tony and explaining the reactions.

"That is why-" Tony stuttered when he actually registered the words you said. "That doesn't sound like you at all. And besides, this is a party for just us. It'll be more like team building, but without any pre-planned activities. No "smarmy, rich people" to deal with." He directed his last sentence at Bucky, Steve, and Sam.

The team actually seemed excited at the prospect, albeit skeptical of Tony's motivations.

Unsurprisingly, Nat worked up the courage to question him on it first, "what's the catch?"

"No catch. Just friends, food, and lots of alcohol." His grin quickly shifted into a smirk as the entire room turned to look at you.

You groaned slightly, not wanting all the attention. "Look, there is a reason I cap myself at 3 drinks." Holding up one finger, you started to explain, "One drink Y/N is barely any different from my sober self."

Wanda quickly cut you off, "not true! You get louder." She smirked, happy to have added that tidbit of information.

"Fine." With a laugh, you admitted she was right. "I might get the tiniest bit louder." You held up a second finger to continue your explanation, but were once again cut off.

"It's not a bad thing. It's just your happy, bubbly, and slightly louder than normal personality shining through!" Nat added, seeing an opportunity to tease you for being so positive all the time.

"Thanks Nat. Anyway," emphasizing the rudeness of being interrupted twice, you continued, "two drink Y/N is more touchy feely than normal. Not in a creepy way though!"

"I love two drink Y/N. She gives the best hugs!" Thor eagerly added to the conversation, glad to have dropped by when he did.

"Thanks Thor." With a small smile in his direction, you held up a third finger. "Three drink Y/N is the perfect amount of just past tipsy to have fun without doing anything extremely embarrassing. It makes the most sense to stop there." You finished her little speech with your typical smile and a resolute nod of your head.

"Seriously, you need to relax. Just let loose this one time!" Sam tried to encourage you. With the eyes of nearly every avenger set on you, your resolve didn't last very long.

"Fine! Maybe I'll have a fourth drink." You were met with cheers as you rose from your spot on the couch, trying to prepare for the night that was to come.

As soon as you stepped off the elevator, you had a drink in your hand. Clearly your friends were going to make sure you got a fourth drink. even Steve seemed excited when he saw you, although his golden boy personality didn't disappear completely.

"You sure about this? I don't want you to feel pressured!" Bucky nodded, weirdly enthusiastically, before adding, "Yeah doll, don't drink more than you want to."

"You two are too sweet. Sam's right, but don't tell him I said that." You winked at the two super soldiers, emphasizing the joke. "I should let myself relax sometimes. I'm in a safe place, with friends who won't let anything happen to me. What could a few more drinks really do?" You couldn't help but smile at how true that was. You were surrounded by people who care about you.

"Oh, so now it's a few more drinks? What are we talking here, six drink Y/N? Seven?" Bucky teased.

"You'll have to wait and see, Ducky." You teased right back, knowing how flustered he got at the pet name. Steve laughed at his friend as you walked away, ready for your second drink.

Before long, you had your fourth drink in your hand. It was slightly odd how literally everyone was staring at you, but your were three drink Y/N at the time, so you were drunk enough not to care.

You downed the fourth drink, unprepared for the consequences.

"So, Y/N... how do you feel?" Clint braved the waters, everyone eagerly awaiting your reaction.

"That is so nice of you to ask! I feel great! I don't think I've ever been this happy." You jumped up and down, hugging Clint with a huge smile on your face.

"How did you get even happier?" Tony chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

"Do you not like it?" Like a switch had been flipped, you were nearly crying.

"What?! No!" Tony was so taken aback at the tears pooling in your eyes, he froze, unsure how to fix it. He looked around the room for help, but everyone else was just as shocked as him.

"I'll fix it!" You were at the bar, fixing another drink before anyone fully comprehended your mood swing.

You walked back up to the group, sipping from your fifth drink as if nothing happened. "What?" You questioned the odd looks, but before receiving an answer you squealed, again jumping up and down. "Let's dance!" You turned around, ready to move to the more open area before looking back over your shoulder, "Wanda! Nat! Pepper! Come on!"

The women shared a look, ultimately shrugging before joining you on the makeshift dance floor.

"Bucky, you've been staring at her for 20 straight minutes. When are you finally gonna talk to her?" Steve couldn't help but pester him about his feelings.

"I can't help it. I've never seen her dance so much. I mean, I know she's always happy, but this is a whole new level." He didn't take his eyes off of you, even when he was responding. "I can't tell her tonight, though. This is the most she's had to drink in years."

He watched as you moved back over to the bar, needing another drink after dancing so much.

"Here we go, six drink Y/N." Bucky gestured to the bar. Steve shook his head, but allowed the change of topic.

About five minutes after your sixth drink, you were somehow bounding around with even more energy. You were nearly running around the room, trying to talk to everyone at once.

"Ducky! Have I ever told you I took gymnastics lessons for 7 years when I was younger?" You were bouncing with pent up energy, excited to be sharing more information about yourself.

"No, you've actually never mentioned that." He smiled, enraptured by your childlike enthusiasm, so enraptured that he didn't notice the mischief in your eyes.

"Well, I did! Watch this." You handed a confused Bucky your now empty glass, turning and throwing your arms up. Bucky realized two late what was happening, and with both yours and his glasses in his hands, he couldn't physically stop you.

"Y/N, wait!" His shout had everyone turn and look as you flawlessly executed two cartwheels in a row.

Bucky would swear your smile got even bigger as you turned around to look at him again.

"Normally I can do more, but" you hiccuped, then lowered your voice to a really terrible whisper, "I'm a little drunk." You leaned into him, laughing as if you just told a joke.

Wanda walked up to you with a seventh drink, hoping seven drink Y/N had a little less energy, but happy to see you having so much fun. "Here ya go! One more of your favorites, just like you asked."

"Thank youuuuuu!" You shifted to hug Wanda, leaving Bucky to miss your added warmth.

You sipped your seventh drink slower than the rest, quickly running out of energy. Sliding the empty glass across the bar, you slipped out of the party unnoticed, making your way to the kitchen for some pickles- your favorite drunk food.

Your seventh drink hit you just after you opened the pickles. Gone was the happy, bubbly persona you showed the world. The mask slipped away, leaving you alone to contemplate your life choices.

You made your way to to the lounge just outside of the kitchen, choosing to lay on the floor behind the couch and stare out of the large floor to ceiling windows.

"Where's Y/N?" Bucky glanced around the room, an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"Huh? Oh, she said she wanted a snack." A very drunk Wanda turned to look at where the food was set up, scrunching her face in confusion when she couldn't find you. "Weird. Maybe she went to the bathroom?"

Bucky, having noticed your absence 8 minutes ago, didn't think you left for a bathroom break. "Maybe." Plus, you always took the girls to the bathroom with you. His eyes flitted about the room, taking one more glance before deciding to go look for you.

He decided to head for the kitchen since Wanda said you wanted a snack. He laughed at the open jar of pickles, knowing you at least passed through this room. He put the pickles away before popping his head into the lounge area.

"Y/N?" He called out, figuring this was the most likely location for you to end up.

You hummed in response, not moving from your spot on the floor. Bucky walked further into the room, slightly confused as to why he could hear you but not see you. That is, until he realized you were laying on the floor behind the couch.

"Why are you on the floor?" He smiled when he found you.

"I'm just looking at the sky." Your voice held a melancholy air as it floated through the room. Bucky's smile faltered, not used to hearing you sad. In the three years he's known you, he's only ever seen you sad because of a movie or tv show. Otherwise, you were quite literally always happy.

"Why-" he faltered, unsure how to check on you. "Is everything okay?" he nearly choked the words out, feeling slightly stressed at your sudden gloominess.

"Yeah." You took a deep breath, slowly letting it out in a deep sigh. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... I don't know." You sigh again, still looking at the sky.

Bucky chances another question, wanting to get you talking since you're acting so off. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel... so sorry." You words were so soft that Bucky could barely hear them.

"Sorry?" He tried to hide his confusion, matching your soft tone as he sat down a few feet away from you. "About what doll?"

"Just... because I feel so sad." Tears pooled in your eyes, but you didn't stop staring at the sky.

"What are you sad about?" It's taking everything in him for Bucky not to hold you right now. He doesn't want to make you even more upset, especially because he's never seen you like this.

"No one around me knows who I am..." He watched as a tear rolled down your cheek, shining in the light from the moon.

Bucky moves closer, just close enough for him to reach out and hold your hand. You squeeze it, instant relief flooding through him that he hasn't crossed any boundaries.

He goes to speak, but you cut him off. "I'm not breaking. I won't take it. And I won't ever feel this way again." Your voice is harder, as if your angry with yourself.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay to have feelings. You're allowed to feel like this. Don't push it away. Talk to me. Why don't you think anyone knows who you are? We're all here for you, Y/N." He rubs his thumb over the back of your hand, trying to convey how serious he is.

You let out a dry laugh, wiping the the tears from your cheek. "My self preservation..." Bucky can tell there's more to, choosing to wait for you to continue. "All of my reservations..." You sigh again, sitting up, you scoot closer until you can lean your forehead against his shoulder. "I bottle it up. I'm my own biggest enemy." You let out another dry laugh, shaking your head without moving it from its resting place on Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky wraps his arm around you and leans his cheek against your head. "Take your time. You can talk to me." He whispered, trying to keep you talking without getting mad at yourself again.

"Well, I'd like to tell you that my sky is not blue, it's violent rain." The sounds of your sniffles break his heart. "I just pretend everything's fine because that's what I had to do when I was younger." Rather then interrupting, Bucky continues to rub small circles on your hand and your back, encouraging you to continue when you're ready. "Can I tell you a story? I... I think it'll help explain some of it."

"Of course. Anything you need, doll." He curses himself for the pet name, not wanting you to think he's joking. He just can't help it when it comes to you.

"Thank you, ducky." You chuckle, but your words are just as sincere as his. "You know I have two sisters, and I love them with all my heart, but sometimes growing up with them was hard. My older sister, she put so much pressure on herself to succeed. And, she did. She was so good at everything she did, that I felt like I had to be just as perfect.

With my younger sister, it was like it was effortless. She put just as much, if not more pressure on herself. but, she could do anything she tried to, with almost no learning curve. I always felt this crazy amount of pressure to be just as good.

My parents, they didn't really help with that. I mean, they were so supportive and I'm so grateful to them, but it was a lot of pressure. The summer between my junior and senior year of college, I wanted to get an internship. Ya know, to get some experience. It would set me up better for getting a job after graduation.

I spent months looking and applying, but nothing was working out. So, I went home for the summer. My mom would come home everyday and ask me if I got a job yet.

I spent nearly every waking hour looking for a job, even just a part time one for the summer. So one day, when we sat down for dinner and she asked if I got a job yet..."

Bucky could feel how tense you were telling this story, but he knew you needed to get it out.

"I told her, 'no, not yet' and she just seemed so disappointed. She asked if I was even applying and I snapped.

I yelled at her, something that had never really happened before. I told her I was trying. I was doing everything I could. She yelled at me for yelling and said it wasn't unreasonable to ask for updates.

I yelled right back. I kept saying I spend all day everyday trying and just when I finally get a break, she walks in and brings it all up again. I was stressed enough without her constant reminders.

I ended up running away from the table, in tears. I hid in the bathroom, there... there was a pair of scissors on the counter and I really thought about killing myself that day."

The tears are pouring out of you at this point. Bucky threw caution to the wind. He picked you up, maneuvering you to sit across his lap and lean your head on his chest. He kept rubbing circles into your back, murmuring words of encouragement.

"My younger sister tried to check on me, but I wouldn't open the door. My mom stomped down the hallway to her bedroom. I was full on having a panic attack in the hallway bathroom. I think I stayed in there for an hour before I went back to the dinner table.

My dad was in the kitchen. He put my plate in the microwave to heat up dinner for me. I ate through near constant tears, it only got worse every time he tried to ask me what happened. Why I snapped like that.

I wanted to apologize to my mom for yelling, so after I ate I went to her room. I knocked, and when she told me to come in I opened the door. I just remember her looking so angry.

I apologized. I told her I was sorry for yelling. She said something about not being unreasonable again. I cried again. When she asked what was wrong, I told her I was scared.

I couldn't put it into words though, so when she asked me 'of what?' I just shrugged. Then, she asked me if I was on my period.

God. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at her again, To make her understand 'I only wanna die some days. But if I decide to break, who will fill the empty space?' I decided that day that I would never try to tell anyone how I actually felt."

Bucky holds you as you cry. You're not sure how long it's been when you can finally breathe enough to talk again.

"I just, so many people have bigger problems then me. I grew up in a loving household. I went to college and made friends. I got a job after I graduated. So why am I so sad sometimes? I just wanna scream but what’s the use? At night, I lay awake and I stare at the door, I just can’t take it no more."

Bucky continues comforting you when he speaks again. "Just because other people have problems, doesn't mean yours are irrelevant. You are 100% allowed to feel however you feel, even if it seems like there's no reason for it. Have you ever thought about talking to someone about all of this? I know you just said you haven't told anyone how you actually feel for years, but I think it could help." He smiled nervously when you raised your head to look at him.

"I have actually. I joked about it a lot with my roommate right out of college. I always used to say 'everybody needs therapy' as a joke. Of course, I meant it. Most people probably do need therapy." You laughed, moving your arms around Bucky's neck to hug him. "Thank you for listening to me. I like talking to you."

Of course, Bucky noticed your smile didn't reach your eyes. He was confident in his words when he spoke again. "You can always talk to me. I'll always be there to listen." He followed that with a less confident "What's been bothering you today?"

"Oh, nothing that serious. It's just all pent up inside, ya know?" You smiled again, hiding your face so he couldn't see your lies.

Of course, he could still hear it in your voice. "Y/N, you can tell me. I want to be here for you."

"I... It's just, my insecurities are hurting me." You laughed at yourself. "Here we go with the fucking riddles, again. On the plus side, I think I've cried so much I'm back to one drink Y/N."

"Well, it has been 3 hours since I left to come find you." You were grateful for Bucky's joke, needing something to lift the mood a bit. "But, don't try and change the subject. I still want to know what's got you all sad." His words were light, but you knew how serious he was.

You took a deep breath, burying your head in his neck. "How could somebody ever love me?" You spoke into his shirt, not moving your head back even an inch.

"You know I can't understand you when you talk into my neck like that." Bucky tried joking, but even he knew it would do little to calm your fears.

You moved back, lips still grazing his skin when you repeated yourself, "how could somebody ever love me?"

Bucky wanted to scream. He wanted to tell you how much he loves you. He would gladly spend every day of his life loving you, but he didn't think this was the right time. Not when you just poured your heart out to him. So he settled for the almost truth.

"Anyone would be lucky to love you. You are selfless. You put everyone else first, no matter what. You always make sure everyone has a reason to smile, even when things aren't going right. You tell the best jokes. You're great at cuddling." He squeezes you closer to him, emphasizing the point. "You are beautiful, inside and out. Everyone who comes into contact with you automatically has a better day. You are incredibly strong and independent. I've never met anyone so incredibly good. Even Steve. Anyone would be lucky to be loved by you."

His words brought more tears to your eyes, pooling in the corners. "Then how come everyone that I’ve dated says they hate it cause they don’t know what to do with me? I feel broken."

"They were all idiots. You're not broken. Not even a little bit. You're learning how to express your feelings. You just need someone who would take it slow." He pressed a kiss to your forehead, struggling not to tell you everything.

"I wonder if you’d take it slow." Your eyes go wide when that slips out. You hadn't meant to make things uncomfortable. One look at Bucky's face has you freaking out. He looks stunned. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out! Oh god, you've been there for me all night and I go and fuck it up by admitting I'm in love with you."

Your eyes grow even larger. You would move out of his lap, but his arms are still holding you in place. "Shit! Maybe I'm still drunk because apparently I have no filter." You say the last part more to yourself, but he can still hear you.

"Y/N?" Your name comes out of his mouth in a soft whisper.

"Yes?" You cringe internally at messing everything up.

"I would take it slow." He smiles, leaning his forehead against yours while he waits for you to absorb his words.

"Yeah?" You whisper back, a smile ghosting your lips.

"Yeah." You both lean in, exchanging soft, slow kisses and sleepy smiles.

The two of you ended up falling asleep leaning against the back of the couch. The sun streaming through the windows, combined with the noise of the other avengers in the kitchen, wakes you up.

You nudge Bucky, grinning when he pulls you closer.

"C'mon. Let's get some breakfast." He groans again, but eventually stands up.

The two of you walk into the nearly full kitchen, surprising everyone by coming from the lounge rather than the elevators. They share amused expressions, unaware of the emotional hurdles you jumped last night.

You head right for Sam, hugging him tightly before moving on to hug everyone else.

"I just wanted to thank you all. For encouraging me to live a little last night, but also for being there for me." Tears spring to your eyes again, shocking everyone but Bucky. "You're all like a family to me and I'm so glad I have you all to lean on." You made your way back to Bucky, leaning into his side while he poured both of you some cereal.

You smile when you look at him, kissing his cheek before sliding into the stool next to his.

As if broken out of a day dream, Sam sputters out a question. "What the hell did seven drink Y/N do last night?" Thrown off both by your behaviour with Bucky and the short emotional speech.

"Oh, seven drink Y/N is an emotional little bitch. I think I cried eight years of suppressed tears." You laughed, grinning at Bucky when he squeezed your hand. "Also, I think I need a therapist." Your casual admission has Tony spitting out his breakfast.

"What the hell happened last night after you disappeared from the party?" He guffaws, trying to put the pieces together.

"Also, why aren't you even a little bit hungover?" Nat chimed in, upset at missing out on seeing you anything but cheery.

"Well, to answer Nat first, I don't get hungover. Never have, even the one time I blackout out." You shrugged at everyone's slightly jealous expressions. "To answer Tony, I had an emotional breakthrough. Bucky helped me talk through it, something I never thought I'd be able to do. Long story short, i'm going to learn how to share my feelings instead of suppressing them all."

"Suppressing them? What are you talking about? I've literally never felt anything but happiness from you before?" Wanda questioned the new development.

"Well, that's because I'm really good at hiding how I feel. I'd rather not go through it all again, so just watch the security footage from the lounge last night, yeah? I want you all to know, even if it took seven drink Y/N to share it." You quickly finished eating, pulling Bucky to the doorway.

"While you do that, we're going out. Bye!" Before they could question anything else, you ran to the elevator, dragging a very willing Bucky behind you.

"We're going out?" He questioned when the elevator doors shut.

"Yep. Get dressed, I want to see all your favorite places in New York. Even if they're different now. Take me to all your favorite spots." You both smiled, sharing another soft kiss before parting to change for the day.

"Hey," Bucky called, causing you to turn over your shoulder, "I love you."

"I love you too."

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