#quit while you're ahead

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 05/10/2024 (The Weeknd & Playboi Carti, Nines Quits While He's Ahead)

For a sixth week straight, Sabrina Carpenter remains at #1 on the UK Singles Chart with “Taste” - we’ve got a week with several debuts from Nines today so… a riveting line-up, I’m sure. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: language, brief mentions of gang violence and self-harm

Rundown

As always, our episode starts with the notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 - the region I cover - after five weeks there or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid adieu to “Guy for That” by Post Malone featuring Luke Combs, and that’s pretty much it aside from this week’s one big cause for celebration: all three Oasis songs that were charting, those being “Live Forever”, “Don’t Look Back in Anger” and “Wonderwall”, have excited - at least for now - from the top 75.

This really is a bit of a dire week, especially when it comes to the actual content of our new arrivals, but it’s even evident in the songs gaining, as we don’t have any re-entries but we do see boosts for old songs like “Bye Bye Bye” by *NSYNC at #56 and “Yellow” by Coldplay at #55 - will be interesting to see if this stays or get replaced by a Moon Music cut. Then we have few gains in general, but what we do have includes “Free” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding at #46, “Tony Soprano 2” by Nines at #44 (more on him later), “Diet Pepsi” by Addison Rae at #22 and that’s pretty much it outside of a surge for “Heavy is the Crown” by Linkin Park off of the debut to #18 - it’s not a good song, but it is interesting enough, it’s definitely got more energy than what else is here this week.

As for our top five, we have Sabrina Carpenter bring “Please Please Please” to #5, with “Die with a Smile” by Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars at #4, then more Sabrina with “Espresso” at #3, followed by Chappell Roan’s “Good Luck, Babe!” at #2 and of course, “Taste” at the very top. Now for a perhaps less interesting week than it should be, but still a handful of new songs to think about.

New Entries

#73 - “NEW DROP” - Don Toliver

Produced by Coleman, Dez Wright, Psymun, Wheezy and Brian Yepes

In June, Travis Scott protégé Don Toliver released HARDSTONE PSYCHO, an album that has more ambition and aspiration to be interesting than it actually shows up in its execution. For a while, this specific album cut has been having more traction, presumably due to TikTok or some other virality as there does not appear to be a single push or big feature here. I did not actually get to discuss the album on this series, but it did grow on me over time just through throwing enough different paints at a canvas to eventually make some complementing colour scheme. “NEW DROP” is not one of those, primarily because it is so unfocused. The tight drill of “ATTITUDE” that finds such a specific tone it struggles to deviate from, the hook overload of songs like “TORE UP” or “GLOCK” and even the closing rock ballad “HARDSTONE NATIONAL ANTHEM” all find themselves committing to the bit, so to speak, seemingly aware that there is a gimmickry to their musical or lyrical ideas and running with it. The third disc of the album is where everything really throws me for a loop, especially in our charting song, “NEW DROP”, which lyrically is about… who cares? I’m pretty sure it’s about a threesome, but it could not matter less - Don murmurs through the chaos of his pre-chorus-adjacent moments that tip off overly long, messy verses that can’t pit themsselves to a flow. Even when near-yelling, he fails to enunciate in all his Auto-Tuned jabbering, but at least he’s clear on the chorus which uses a slick vocal loop and the makings of a house beat that too quickly deviate into a trap dirge and unnecessarily eerie soundscapes for whatever remains of the content. A squeaky loop appears in the left channel for no reason, he emulates Kid Cudi’s least interesting ad-lib if all the humming wasn’t enough aping for you, and you do start to wonder what this song is actually trying to be, with no thematic construct allowing for these beats to constantly switch or for the more menacing or playful elements to come in and out. Perhaps it would be a cooler execution of an okay idea in better hands.

#69 - “Stars Will Align” - Kygo and Imagine Dragons

Produced by Kygo

Kygo and Imagine Dragons collaborate once again in the year of our Lord 2019 - I mean, 2024 - and it’s about as serviceable as you’d expect. Kygo has always been more cinematic with his whooshing EDM, I actually like the way the rising house percussion slides into a smashing gated 80s drum, but Dan Reynolds is uncharacteristically out of it here. You may not need to fully go into rock belting mode for a song like this, but he’s damn near whimpering, especially as he continues to go into the falsetto at the end of so many lines, with him being so absent from the song’s first build and most drops coming off so strangely. It almost feels like a song was written and a house production was made, with little communication between the two camps, and they were just slashed together to try and work. Once Reynolds can bring in harmonies and acoustic fumbles, he feels more at home, but there’s still two very basic ideas combating for space perhaps too kindly! Instead of filling up too much space, not much space is filled at all, and the two elements barely coexist in the first place. Like a lot of this week, it is somewhat lifeless and definitely refusing to make the most use of its ideas or artists, but at least it doesn’t embrace that lifelessness as a character trait or appeal, more just a way to flag its way into EasyJet adverts, which… is still a purpose I suppose.

#65 - “Cold Hearted World 3” - Nines featuring Marnz Malone

Produced by mike allure and J.B. Productionz

I feel like Nines has got to have some form of cult-like appeal I’ve just yet to understand, because for years he’s shown little in the way of lyrical substance or vocal charisma over what is usually pretty cheap, dime-a-dozen production, not often even being that close to trends of the time, since his flow is a sloppy slow burn more than anything. Yet he still charts more consistently than most, and we have two tracks here from his most recent album, Quit While You’re Ahead, acting somewhat as a swan song of sorts as it debuts at #4 on the albums chart. Maybe there is a new sense of consciousness or just actual life injected into this album? Well, if the tracks we have to review from it are any indication, that simply can’t be the case.

Thankfully, at least for this track, Nines isn’t really the main point of interest, but instead, guest rapper Marnz Malone, a Birmingham rapper who sounds similar to Nines but has a tighter flow to accommodate a chiller delivery over soulful beats, or at least is the case on his other tracks in this trilogy. Similar to Nines’ “Tony Soprano” series, the “Cold Hearted World” tracks are intended to be one long, more lyrical verse, except these are typically over liquidy R&B samples, and Malone has a bit more intrigue to his absolutely defeated cadence that doesn’t stop him from going in for up to three minutes about his reality, with less stupid lines than a Nines verse, typically. The two worlds collide on a track very similar to the other instalments, just this time with Nines’ clunkier flow just ruining whatever vibe you could get from the beat. The topics are very much as you’d expect, but at least Nines brings some cuter 2000s rap references alongside a really ugly, cheap trap skitter and a vocal mix for Malone that sounds frankly like it was recorded in jail… which oddly adds much more to his stoic bars about how closely intertwined he is with gang violence that it’s a core part of his identity. I love the rhyme scheme in the second half, it takes his verse to very interesting places, and I generally think Marnz Malone delivers here, but this may be the worst beat in the trilogy and Nines feeds off this song really lazily, preventing him from really shining… I know, there’s a certain irony in using that term here, but I just wish I could enjoy this more or at least see more elements of this song in Nines’ catalogue to help explain the appeal.

#59 - “Lights Camera Action” - Kylie Minogue

Produced by Lewis Thompson

Ironically, if there’s someone to count on this week, it’s a decades-into-her-career Kylie Minogue still keeping up with the trends on a single for her upcoming Tension II, really maintaining her focus on these heavily-processed future house tracks from in-demand producers like Lewis Thompson. This particular song is just about looking good, feeling good and name-dropping fashion brands and designers doing so. It really is a Kylie Minogue brag rap in some ways, and it is once again completely serviceable. I will give this the edge of having a really riveting pre-drop with the rise of the synth strings and sparse, quieter claps before that tunnelling synth digs into a bombastic final drop and a rubbery bass that is really worth the wait. The rest of the song is fine, but much more distant and perhaps less applicable lyrically than her more universal recent hits, and that may be why it couldn’t crack the top 40 since this doesn’t have the same all-encompassing sexy club energy as say, a “Tension”, “Padam Padam” or even “Dancing”. It’s still perfectly fun for a late-era Minogue bop though, and for this week, that’s really something.

#39 - “Going Crazy” - Nines

Produced by Karlos, Jacob Manson and J.B. Productionz

Maybe Nines was right to mention the 2000s rappers because I do tend to forget how closely his “thugs need love” or breakup tracks get to tracks from that era of that ilk, including an overly loud chipmunk sample that cascades over blocky drums, an uncredited female guest vocalist on the hook, awkward skits to book-end their relationship troubles and awkward sex-raps. He even directly quotes the dated references from Ye’s “Through the Wire”… why the line about Tom Cruise and not any of the actually timeless funny lyrics on that song? Nines’ general sloppiness has always showed up the worst on his “for the ladies” jams and LEILAH can’t save this from just being lazy and somewhat like he’s trying to revisit or dress up as a character he can’t really pull off. It is at least something with a soul, however.

#7 - “Timeless” - The Weeknd and Playboi Carti

Produced by Pharrell Williams, Ojivolta, Twisco, MIKE DEAN, BBYKOBE and BL$$D

The credits to this song read like it got left over from the Donda sessions, and fittingly, it is just as lifeless, being Abel’s worst song in years. The intent of this song was to be a massive smash that lives up to the hype and anticipation awaited by fans following its performance at a concert in Brazil, accumulating success based on the idea of getting a “grail” officially released, cleared and finished this soon. The problem here is that much like what a lot of Carti fans will hype up, this is utterly disposable and they’ve been latching onto substanceless drivel that hopes you plug into the idea that it’s just “hypnotic”, “vibes”, it’s just different, man… when it’s really not. Abel mumbles his way through a sprawling intro before the rote trap drums clunk in and completely overpower the vague sense of atmosphere created by MIKE DEAN’s rainy synths - we don’t even get a typical Pharrell four-count, and whilst I tend to love his production, when working with rappers recently, he can make very stiff, robotic trap slogs, and this fits perfectly within that category. Carti uses the gimmick of changing his voice to cover a verse full of absolutely nothing - there’s some fun to how he coughs in and out of the baby voice - whilst Abel decides to remark that he’s timeless on a song that does sound as such, but not because it will last generations or that it’s a vintage-sounding track. Rather, it’s “timeless” because it seems to be purely for the moment, made ephemerally for the one last hurrah of a long career combined with Carti’s memelord status. As a song, this could have been absolutely anything. It doesn’t matter to them… or you. Unless you love hearing Mr. Tesfaye croon about how if he was you, he’d cut his wrists, before DEAN sprays his synth ejaculate all over the outro to whisper some character into a mindless void of non-character. I know this is an easy vibe for Abel and Pharrell to tap into, I’m just disappointed that for such an important project as Hurry Up Tomorrow, that they’ve decided to fully play into a lack of personality, a quality the two have otherwise held proudly onto. I am aware that all of this week has been lacking in interest or character, but it digs the harshest when you know that they know they’re feeding you sludge.

Conclusion

Probably the oldest of these acts, Kylie Minogue, is sounding the most alive, so she grabs Best of the Week for “Lights Camera Action”, even if it is just pretty good. As for the opposite side of the spectrum… Playboi Carti and The Weeknd are firmly the Worst of the Week for “Timeless” and, remarkably, I’ll give it to Nines: he sticks to an idea, but on “NEW DROP”, Don Toliver doesn’t so he bags the Dishonourable Mention. Maybe I really am getting old now… or is it the Opium kids who are wrong? Well, we should see Coldplay mooning us on the horizon, alongside potential hits from Perrie Edwards and Ella Henderson, so we’ll be exchanging safe for safe. Joy. For now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

[burr-ell]

also gotta say lady d you got your ass beat by a horny goat and a gnome in a tracksuit, maybe just take the L on this one

[tonystarchive]

They should invent an MCU where they stop producing movies after Avengers: Endgame.

[thecozycuttlefish]

NaNoWriMo Day 9

579 words, then I wrote "head clouds" to describe pillows and I'm taking that as a sign I should stop for tonight.

[zwouq]

nancy pelosi plans to participate in the elections next year?? girl let it go

[imminent-danger-came]

It makes me sad so many people think shadowpeach interactions are fan service. Their relationship (platonic or romantic) is so important to me and so important to the fabric of the show

Saying something is fan service as a complaint/criticism confuses me more than anything. Like, what defines "fan service"—what fans want to see? I know what I want out of my shows is very different from what others want. Is something still fan service even if it was set up and developed appropriately? I think that's just good writing. I think that's just writers service.

Now, I've not watched all of s5, but based off of the first two episodes shadowpeach's current relationship tracks. They're still downright mean to each other (ilu 5x01 argument), but they're willing to have kinda-sorta civil conversations and their jabs are far less cruel. Macaque, like usual, is so down bad and insane. Wukong kinda implied he trusted Macaque, and then Macaque responded in kind by sacrificing himself. He slept in their fucking beach tree. He's such a loser.

And it's like...at some point their relationship had to develop, you know. It was always going to go this direction and we spent 4 seasons getting here. We love the 3 way monkey foil that connects everything together.

[vaguely-concerned]

first of all rye 'hello fellow kids' ingellvar there is nothing in this world or any other I wouldn't do for you. second of all, considering where this story ends... I'm going to die. this conversation -- and how much he genuinely believes what he's saying at this point -- held up against the fact that in a couple of months max he's going to get her killed (well. that's how he feels anyway) and then go against everything she believed in and stood for as a person in the end and have to live forever with knowing that's how he honoured her sacrifice. (and live with how easy it is to live with, the way he doesn't regret what he did at all. she'll haunt him from time to time, that's fine, he's a watcher he's loved many a ghost before and will again. but that won't.) 'no one is beyond help? oh lace I'm so so sorry, wherever you are now please forgive me for who I am, but after what he pulled and by the time I'm done with him on my watcher's oath he will be beyond help. I'll hold every hand in this world that reaches back but his'. and she'll still be gone.

'or none of this matters'. im so fucking sad I feel sick *through tears* this is great I love fiction I love this game (embarrassingly genuine as is my wont)

[casualist-tendency]

[ssaalexblake]

Let's be real, some things people say to explain their dislike of the timeless child plot are justifying the allegory the story is portraying 🤷

Some of y'all need to learn to stop at 'I didn't like it' and leave off the questionable opinions on refugees that you don't realise you're even making, bc Yikes 👀

[pa-pa-plasma]

i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal

[windvexer]

sometimes I want to choose a witch name but unironically I will never choose a name that more encapsulates my magical essence than Fool Chicken

[jessiarts]

starting to wonder if the universe is giving me a sign that I should give up writing

[mthguy]

Tony Awards Flashback (1986)

George Rose, Cleo Lane, Betty Buckley, Howard McGillin, Patti Cohenour and the company of The Mystery of Edwin Drood performed "There You Are"/"Don't Quit While You're Ahead" at the 40th Annual Tony Awards, broadcast by CBS on June 1, 1986 from the Minskoff Theatre

[wereh0gz]

Y'know I think I'm starting to truly understand the kids who just didn't do anything in class during middle and high school. As someone who used to be a gifted kid and never really got it. Fucking hell

[cakebatteronabrickwall]

Considering Logan was deadass gonna sell to Matsson, why would underlined/crossed out matter? Even in universe? Also when did he underline? Surely not after the accident? After the press conference maybe? But then Italy happened which means maybe before everything? ...So, you know, nothing actually changes, does it?