#queer discourse that I so don't need in my life right now

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Why the fight for queer rights isn't over (it should be obvious, but to some people it isn't)

TW: transphobia and homophobia

Hi, Tumblr, this is Asmi. If you know me, it's probably as the Good Omens Mascot, which is flattering. I've found so much love and queer positivity in the good omens fandom, and the beautiful thing is how it's canon. Many people outside the queer community don't realise how crucial media and communities like this are. Right now since I'm on break from education, I'm on tumblr for most of the time I'm awake (which is not a lot, I nap more than Crowley). It's wild how different it is from the real world, that I live in at least.

I'm sure a lot of you might have had a similar experience to this: Basically, two people in my life, my bio father and my ex, both told me to my face that queer people needed to stop calling themselves oppressed and how now it's queer people who hold all the power and are oppressing other people. With all due respect, what the fuck.

I live in India, and being a trans guy who is bi and aspec, it's a cesspit. While I'm gendered correctly on Tumblr, and people are so loving and supportive, in real life even my friends who say they support me misgender me 90% of the time. Same with my family. In my previous college which I had to leave because of bullying by both the students and admin, even the queer students would misgender me (I told them I used they/them pronouns, because he/him would have been too unsafe, but even that they didn't manage). In the college I'll join next, it won't be safe for me to be out at all, at risk of losing opportunities and safety. Gay marriage is still illegal. Homophobia and transphobia is the norm. This doesn't even cover all the daily indignities like queerphobic jokes, casual discourse on whether or not we deserve rights, etc. Discrimination against aroace-spec people is rampant even within the queer community, worldwide.

And I live in an urban area, one of the largest cities in India known for its progressiveness and for being relatively safe for queer people. I am privileged compared to other queer people here. The story in other cities, in rural areas which make up most of the country, is far more horrifying. I'm unqualified to speak about anything other than my own experience, but if you can (if you are in a stable and calm enough mental state to handle the information, please put your mental health first) I'm sure there are first person accounts on the many forums.

The fight for equality is not over. It doesn't end with laws riddled with loopholes, it doesn't end even with laws that genuinely help the queer community. Aside from the huge problems of living safely and with access to equal opportunities and resources for people, we deserve dignity, peace, and the right to feel accepted and that we're not an abnormality. And so much more.

I haven't said anything that hasn't been said before, but it can't be said enough. To the queer people reading this, take all my love. We need to stand together, eliminate discourse over who is queer enough to be queer, and be the safe space that the world will not provide for us.

It's not over, and it hasn't been won by a long shot, but what matters is that we're fighting. Even existing as ourselves in a world that tells us it is a crime, is defiance and a step towards making this right.

[ladykailitha]

Look, considering I've only gotten involved in Stranger Things after season four and therefore haven't been around the fans during other new season filming starts, but my brothers/sisters/nb in fandom what the honest fuck is going on right now?

I have been a part of other fandoms when new seasons started filming and the worst I'd seen was BBC Sherlock. And you lot are behaving worst then they did.

And Jesus fuck, that's a fucking low ass bar.

(Again I am ship and let ship, kinktomato, and headcanon free for all)

But this is just what I've seen in my small deliberately secluded corner of the internet so forgive me if I get some things wrong.

Ronance fans have turned on Steddie fans.

Steddie fans are trying to eat each other over who tops and who bottoms between two horny, barely out of their teens, men.

Eddie is confirmed dead.

Dustin is trying to become Eddie.

People want Will dead because Noah Schnapps said some stupid shit regarding genocide.

And Argyle isn't coming back.

I'm going to give you my feelings on these so buckle up lets go:

1- Steddie and Ronance fans have turned on each other. And I know this because I doom scroll through steddie tag. That Ronance fans think Steddie fans are delusional and that they're going down after season five airs and there will be more Ronance fans because they're perfect for each other.

Where to even begin on this? First, never tell a shipper that their ship is never going to be canon because they don't care. Just ask all the Destiel, johnlock, and merarthur fans. Steddie fans are just going to ignore all but the most salient parts of season 5 if Eddie doesn't come back and write AUs for the rest of their lives. You know, like they have since the last scene on the Piggyback faded to black?

Secondly, I don't think I've seen much Ronance without Steddie. Granted I only read Steddie, but it seems that the two ships are tied pretty heavily together. The fruity four comes to mind. So maybe it's that they're getting tired of being a side ship next to a massive one like Steddie. Who knows. But apparently they're bitter.

And I say that because they keep tagging their anti-Steddie posts as Steddie to make sure we see it. Honestly, I just block them and go about my day. But seriously, I've never understood people's need to be shitty like posting hate on the tag for that thing. If you don't like it, fine. Block and move on.

Thirdly. Lastly. Maybe. I don't like Ronance. I saw the charms when I first joined the fandom and it was cute. Until the more I read and I realized that most of the time they don't bring up that Jonathan is even a person let alone Nancy's current boyfriend. That most of the time Steve is written wildly out of character about not caring that they're a couple and that he just wants them to be happy. Like, one Jonathan is severely under used in the fics I've read. Like Will doesn't have an older brother anymore. It's all Steve or Eddie. Which considering how you like your flavor of queer for Eddie or Steve (gay/pan/bisexual) Will talking to them about being gay makes sense, but Jonathan showed us in the last season that he is going to protect Will no matter what. Then blip! in fanfics, he's gone.

And then the whole Steve being okay with Robin not only dating an ex-girlfriend of his, but the ex. The one he thought he was going to marry. The one he dreamed a whole fucking future on. That was still hurt by two fucking years later. You either think very lowly of Steve or you just don't care. Because if you think Robin and Steve are the same person/share the same braincell/ride or die for life, there is no way even if Nancy threw herself at Robin would she even consider it. (I can write a whole ass post just on this by the way, don't get me started.)

2- This is the most recent bullshittery due to a current event about Sub Eddie. This is the worst discourse in any fandom and the worst offenders on either side tend say the most homophobic shit imaginable.

And it's pointless. Whether you think Steve is a top or bottom, whether you think he's dom or a sub. Same with Eddie. Everyone has their own flavor they prefer and they won't always match up with yours.

Personally I write them whatever feels natural for the story. But here's the major crux of the matter. I don't believe a little nerd in Bumfuck, Indiana has any idea what flagging is. I'm sorry. Left pocket, right pocket. Doesn't matter. The likely of him even knowing what BDSM is is pretty slim. I grew up in a small town. There will be some people that know, but that's because they know adults in the scene.

Don't like, don't read. Seriously, guys. Let people enjoy what they want to.

My personal feelings on the matter is that Steve is a bottom/sub because he deserves to be taken care of and Eddie would absolutely want to be that person for Steve, in and out of the bedroom. Again, you do you, beau.

3- The tombstone. Sigh. It was hard to see that. Not just because it confirms he's dead, but because it's been defaced. Most likely like fans have said, "BURN IN HELL" the poor bastard.

Having a tombstone doesn't necessarily preclude Eddie's return. There are several ways he can still comeback Kas! theory not withstanding. But the wank here is people jumping on Steddie shippers and Eddie fans in general pointing and screaming "see!"

Like we didn't have campaigns for Barb and Bob and (Billy). If someone's favorite character has died, don't be dicks when they want them to be resurrected a la Jim Hopper. Because that right there is the main reason people will still hold out hope until the final scene fades to black, okay?

I guess this one is just be nicer to each other, okay?

4- *sob* like holy fuck. Dustin you sweetheart. The long hair, the torn Hellfire t-shirt, the rings. The horns and sticking out his tongue. That poor boy needs several hugs STAT! And of course, people can't leave well enough alone on Facebook, I couldn't tell you how many of the comments were "steddie fans are going to make this all about them, aren't they?" Even though there wasn't a single comment by a Steddie making it about Steve/Eddie. But so many eye rolls. The other half were death threats against Noah Schnapp.

Which brings me to...

5- Noah Schnapp said some really shitty things about Zionism and the attack on Gaza. There is no escaping that. He said them. He double downed on them. And while yes it sucks he said those things, let's not forget he's still young and stupid. He's barely 18/19 years old. I remember being that age and saying stupid fucked up shit, and hoo boy does this make me grateful I was well into adulthood when the internet became a thing (24ish).

There are a lot of reasons to be upset by his comments and I get that. But death threats and calls for his dismissal/boycotts just seems excessive to me.

One, because the story began with a kidnapped little boy and a runaway little girl. If you get rid of one of them especially this close to the end it would fuck up the story. Now if there was more than one season left, sure. But this is literally the end. And for all we know, Will's character may already be doomed by the narrative. So calling for it now isn't go to do anything. Especially since they already had all the scripts written and would have finished filming if it hadn't been for the strikes.

Two, one person on the cast said something stupid and hurtful and you want to boycott the entire show for it? Like, what did David Harbor, Joe Keery, Maya Hawke, Millie Bobby Brown and all the others do to deserve you boycotting their show? If the last season tanks it could seriously hurt their careers, but hey Noah Schnapp said something bad, so fuck them?

I'm going to stop there, because this is another one I can go on and on about, but yeah. Don't hurt other people in your rush to vilify an 18 year old.

6- Eduardo Franco recently said that he didn't get a call so he didn't think he would be back. He was sure that ship had sailed.

Fans are upset, naturally. Argyle was a sweetheart and deserves better than to be cut from the story like that.

But thanks to the incident with David Harbor and Jim Hopper supposedly being dead, a lot of fans are saying he's only saying that because it's a "secret" he's coming back. Which would make sense for Eddie or any of the other character died. Martin Brenner, for example, but not Argyle. There would be no need for subterfuge. Plus, he would already be out in Georgia if he was coming back.

It's sad that he was done dirty this way, but if they split up the filming like they've done before there is still a chance he might get to come back, but as far as the current filming is concerned, yeah Argyle isn't coming back.

***

Just... be kind to each other. Remember that the other people on the end of the URL is an actual person with feelings. That people can like what they like so if they aren't hurting you, don't hurt them, okay?

[queer-mental-health]

reasons to live? sorry im having a really bad time atm i just need something

Hey love <3 There's no reason to apologize for needing help, you're awesome for reaching out! I'll get a list started, and I hope even more people add their own favorite reasons in replies and reblogs. 1. When you're queer, your existence encourages other queer people to keep going and keep being themselves. Just working my normal job while wearing pronoun pins, I have encountered multiple people who told me they felt relieved just to see me existing there. Even if you're closeted, getting to be an old queer is a privilege that has been denied so many people in the past, remember you can enjoy that privilege! 2. They're making a documentary about Abraham Lincoln having romantic relationships with men. Even if you're not big into history, *gay Abraham Lincoln in theaters*?? Gotta stick around to check that out, I bet the discourse will be hilarious. Even better, IMDB has a calendar full of upcoming movies, see if there's at least one worth waiting to see: https://www.imdb.com/calendar/ 3. It's almost the end of summer, and soon it's going to be fall. Seasons change, and so do you. Just like the leaves are slowly going to change colors until the tree is suddenly completely different, your life will change in little ways until you look back and realize it's completely different than it was. You can find a way to wait to give yourself the chance to grow, to see how things will change. 4. My cat fell asleep in my laundry basket this morning. I'd never seen him do that before, it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen ;; The world is full of cute little guys to pet and coo at, and if you have a pet, even better! They need you! 5. Within the last ten years alone, there have been dozens of new food inventions. The Doritos Locos taco. Cauliflower crust pizza. The Impossible Burger. Ruby chocolate. Cronuts. White Claw. There's going to be even more new foods to try out, and you never know: your favorite food might not have been invented yet. Even if you don't feel it right now, you are loved <3 You will find the strength and the help you need to keep going; the fact that you asked for help now when you needed it tells me you'll keep trying to find support wherever you can. Keep it up <3 - Paradox (he/they/xe)

[muzzleoleum]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁ִ ࣪𖤐My Enclosure࣪𖤐ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁ִ

Hello :) For the sake of this blog you can call me Bones or Carrion, or honestly anything that's just what i could come up with. This is my Non-Human blog and there will be more info under the cut :)

As I said this is my non-human blog!! However I will be posting more than just non-human related things. Please don't refer to me as human, and I use he/him pronouns :). I also have a partner!! My DMs are also open if you would like to chat!! (18+ only though for dms thank you :))

My non-human identities are as followed:

࣪𖤐 Lycanthrope

࣪𖤐 Werecreature

࣪𖤐 Wolf

࣪𖤐 Dogkin

࣪𖤐 Irish wolfhound Therian :)

tagging system (in the works)

#rambling inside the enclosure (my personal ramlbling tag)

#bloody fangs (nsfw tag MINORS BLOCK THIS NOW)

#clawing at paper (drawings or other art)

I do not wish to debate any kind of identities whether that is my own or someone else's, my time can be spent worrying on other things and i'd rather not waste my energy on discourse.

I am diagnosed with autism, OCD, c-PTSD, Prolonged psychosis and manic and depressive episodes, and other symptoms like dissociation and derealization that don't fit into a disorder. I am suspected to have schizoaffective by my therapist and psychiatrist, but we have not gone through the diagnostic process. I am also recovered from anorexia, do not interact if you are pro ED or sh, or if you are anti recovery. With all that said, I will talk about my experiences, and I will sometimes need extra clarification or tone tags, I might not always be articulate but I will try my best :)).

I am also physically disabled. I have been disabled my whole life, most of my family is disabled, so any ableism will either be called out or blocked.

Uh more about me, I was doner conceived (egg), and I am very very passionate about doner conceived rights for everyone, and I probably will talk a bit about that. I have a lot of weird genetic and like other shit that i don't really want to get into but that's something about me. I'm very queer, I'm trans, I am taken by my lovely partner <3 I love posting about them and stuff like that. I love to draw, even if i'm not super consistent with it. I love painting as well. I love punk music, and folk music a lot. I go to a lot of local shows in my area, and i love my community. I love cowboys and cowboy culture considering that a whole part of my family are modern day cowboys (ranchers and rodeo cowboys, plus some livestock farming). I'm very into wolf conservation and ecology, as well as studying wolf behavior and social patterns, and pack systems ect. I will probably be going back to the wolf sanctuary I visited last fall but i've been meaning to find one close to where i live where i can volunteer. I also have a lot of strong opinions about a lot of different things.

I will post about my opinion on things, my personal experiences, Mood boards, Cute wolf and other animal photos, and probably other random stuff too.

My DNI is not suuuper strict, Just absolutely no bigotry, No racism, Queerphobia, Islamophobia, Intersexism, anti-semitism, pro israel, ect. I am pro Palestine and I am pro Palestinian resistance and liberation always. Any bigotry or dog whistles will be blocked. I also don't want people coming on here with anything like "humans deserve to die" or "humans are the cause of everything bad so they deserve to cease to exist" Yall that so quickly turns bigoted and I will not stand for that, I will not allow stuff like that that can so quickly become eugenics or other beliefs like that to fester on my page.

Please don't flirt with me even as a joke, or make sexual jokes or comments to me personally, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

With that as well, Minors can like and repost things, I do not want any minors messaging me, it makes me uncomfortable, While this blog is not an nsfw blog, I will curse and I will talk about things that are more mature in nature things like my experiences with trauma and mental health, and other things that might not be the most appropriate for a minor to look at in detail, Please keep yourself safe, and don't follow if you are only looking for cute wolf content, because i might post some cute wolf photos but i'm also an individual who talks about my own personal experiences and other shit.

I will block if I feel necessary, it might not be anything personal to you.

Thank you and I hope you enjoy the blog :)

[laurelindebear]

How is it that humans have such endless capacity for hatred, conflict, and war?

I'm not even talking about Ukraine or Israel/Palestine or Syria or Armenia or whatever the fuck. I'm talking about all of us.

When I was 19 and I had my first boyfriend I thought all the stupid rules around dating and courtship and all that would be gone in my lifetime. Why wouldn't more women ask out men (or other women)? Nothing wrong with it; I have done it myself. Why wouldn't everyone pay their own way on dates? Why would people assume the man would pay for everything or the woman would 'owe him' later? Everyone works now, so why not split it? If we want equality, why not act like it?

But clearly, I was fuckin' stupid, because it's not over. It's not even better - it's worse. Nobody talks to anyone. There's a loneliness epidemic (the discourse of which is focused on men, because men still aren't socialised to make friends or practice emotional intimacy with anyone but sexual partners or even recognise feelings, apparently, but it's not like it's peachy for women looking for relationships either). Patriarchy and toxic masculinity and toxic femininity are still killing everyone and now they have living embodiments all over everyone's life via the algorithms, all the time, telling women and girls they are subhuman garbage to be victimised and subservient and boys and men that women are their enemy to be destroyed, and that they need to be angry and violent to society.

Do you have any idea how fucking tired I am? Why the fuck do we 'need' a War of the Sexes? Why the fuck have we EVER needed it? (Not 'why did/do we need feminism.') Why the fuck are we supposed to be mortal enemies, trapped in endless battle, cursed to never understand or trust each other? WE'RE ALL JUST PEOPLE. It shouldn't be this hard.

And it's everything, everywhere, all the time. 'Hurhur Americans are stupid because they microwave water.' 'Ugh Europeans are rude and joyless and don't trust compliments.' 'Australians are -' 'Trans people are trying to destroy -' 'Queer people are so - ' 'Muslims need to -' 'Jews should -' 'Boomers are -' 'Millennials are-' 'Zoomers are-' 'Breeders' 'Childless people' 'Westerners' 'Atheists' 'Cishets' 'Leftists' 'Fascists' 'Tankies' 'Liberals' 'Anti' 'Pro'. Every person and every word must be taken in the worst possible light. Malice isn't just assumed, it's mandated. Everyone is responsible for countless sins: their own, their parents', their friends', and those of everyone they might share any kind of group or link with, living, dead, or yet to be born. Everything is a fight, always, forever, and if you're not fighting and hating and categorising and labelling and shunning, you're part of the problem.

I know cultural relativism has limits, and I know all things aren't equal, I'm not stupid, but come the fuck on.

The whole world is hurtling straight into an age of fascism and authoritarianism and autocracy. I'm at the point where I think the 'Great Experiment' (not of the USA, but of representative democracy and pluralism and tolerant societies all together) was always doomed. We'll never get past that wretched, pathetic need to name an 'other' that is our enemy to convince ourselves we're better, we're worthy, we're good. Not like them. And that will always lead to insular thinking and to actual war. We'll never outgrow might makes right. At least two of the major world deities rely on it as their source of authority, FFS.

Do people not get it yet? Your purity and your precious little groups are all a fucking lie. EXISTENCE IS HARM, EXISTENCE IS COMPLICITY IN EVERYTHING THAT HAS COME BEFORE US, THERE IS NO ERASING ANY OF IT. EVERY PHILOSOPHY AND EVERY SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM HAS DRAWBACKS AND MORAL COMPROMISES. THAT'S JUST LIFE. WE ARE NOT PURE AND WE NEVER WILL BE. JUST FUCKING COEXIST WITH PEOPLE EVEN IF YOU THINK THEY SUCK. WE ALL SUCK.

I love and treasure individual persons. People as a whole, I like about as much as I like mosquitoes.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

I know it is only anybodys guessing really, and I truly do not want to sound like 'the historian' but you would go as far as calling these relationships of napoleon 'homoerotic'? Why? Couldn't it be the case of him having just very warm attitude and be close to his friends like that?

Again nothing against it, but I needed to ask since I as well am the person to get alike towards my close friends and I don't feel it having any attraction undertones.

Thank you for the ask! As usual for me, my response got really long.

I mean correct! It’s literally anyone’s guess. Who knows? Certainly not me! Certainly no one who is alive right now!

I’m just a queer on the internet having fun who sees Napoleon and goes "ah yes, a chaotic bisexual even though the concept of modern sexual identity wasn't a thing in his time etc. etc. [insert all the other usual disclaimers required on this webbedsite]" so that's why.

[How do I know he’s a chaotic bi? Well, it’s very simple, he couldn’t sit properly in a chair, liked to sit on his secretaries’ laps, pull their ears, and tell them Fun Facts he learned that day, and wanted to make the tsar of Russia his mistress. He also dearly loved Josephine and wrote about how he liked going down on her. This is clear proof that he was a chaotic bi king and we should be so lucky to know this about him. ;)]

I'm also a writer who likes to slap a queer lens onto most things because that's how I role and I'm very unapologetic about it. Which most people who follow me know.

I’m also someone who has incredibly deep, intimate friendships with a close selection of people in my life that are not romantic/sexual or whatever in their nature—but they are incredibly intimate. They are friendships where partners of my friends have been jealous and insecure because of how close we are—which is a them problem, not an us problem.

I would go so far as to argue that friends are more likely to slot into that problematic category of “soulmate” than anyone romantic (ymmv). And from the outside, I’m sure people might read my friendships with a few people (have read them, in fact) as romantic/homoerotic and frankly I don’t care. Whatever. I know what my friendships are, why does it matter what other people read them as? More to the point, why does it matter that someone reads a dead person’s friendships as homo-something? How does that impact my friendships which may, or may not, mirror that dead person’s friendships? Who cares? One should love one’s friends however one wishes to. Fuck everything else.

--

In an effort to avoid the Great Queer Napoleon Discourse War of 2013-14 I shall include a disclaimer because hot damn do people get REALLY uppity about this: I’m a writer, first and foremost in all things. I’m not a historian. As noted above, I’m a queer fag on the internet having fun. Take what I say with a grain of salt.

(Honestly, doing anything with Napoleon’s sexuality aside from He Was the Straightest Straight Who Ever Straighted, gets everyone’s hackles raised. I think that says more about those with hackles up than it does the person going: maybe he might have had a bit of a queerness about him, it’s not implausible.)

--

Some general stuff on Napoleon & That Doesn’t Seem Entirely Straight, Even For the 18th and 19th Century:

From Cronin’s biography on Napoleon:

“Napoleon found that his friendships with men often began with physical attraction, and this took a curious form. ‘He told me,’ says Caulcaincourt, ‘…that for him the heart was not the organ of sentiment; that he felt emotions only where most men experience feelings of a different kind; nothing in the heart, everything in the loins and in another place, which I leave nameless.’ 

The feeling Napoleon described as ‘a sort of painful tingling, a nervous irritability…the squeaking of a saw sometimes gives me the same sensation’.”

In addition, Talleyrand speculated Napoleon and Bourienne were, uh, intimate in all senses of the word. Talleyrand, of course, well—one should treat his hot takes with some caution.

There is also the (in)famous letter Napoleon wrote to Josephine about Alexander where he said that he and Alexander were inordinately pleased with one another and if the tsar were a woman, he’d take Alexander as his mistress (Napoleon, honey, don’t write that to your wife).

I mean, do what you want with that. Take it for what it’s worth /shrug

---

Of the three friendships under discussion: Lannes, Duroc, Junot—I always read Lannes and Napoleon’s friendship as just friendship. Duroc and Junot though. That’s where we start getting into arguments for a homoerotic friendship—or romantic friendship, if one prefers that term.

I’ll do a little ramble for each, because they all deserve it.

Lannes

Napoleon’s friendship with Lannes was intimate, close, and they loved each other dearly—but as said, I always read them as friends. Even if they lived today and were free/able to be whatever they wanted to be to one another, it’d still just be friendship.

People did make Achilles/Patroclus references to them—particularly around Lannes’ death—but that was the mode of how people spoke back then. It’s the 19th century version of comparing everything to LOTR or Harry Potter (read another classical epic people, jeez).

Their friendship was volatile for sure—these are two hot headed, strong minded, opinionated men who were not afraid to snap and snarl at one another—but at the end of the day I do not doubt their love for each other. But it’s what we would term a platonic love.  

Brian Martin writes this in Napoleonic Friendship: Military Fraternity, Intimacy, and Sexuality in Nineteenth-century France:

Napoleon’s grief for Marshal Lannes took on the very public character of open lamentation. Rather than grieve behind closed doors and conceal his personal vulnerabilities in order to show public strength, Napoleon’s mourning for his beloved friend became a matter of great public spectacle. Like Achilles mourning his beloved Patroclus, Napoleon wept publicly and openly expressed his affection in a way that was widely reported, discussed, and admired by the officers and soldiers in his armies.

[…]

Napoleon’s public grief at the death of Jean Lannes represented a new model for social relations between soldiers in the early nineteenth-century France. weeping over his friend’s broken body, Napoleon demonstrated how the revolution and empire had made it possible not only for an emperor to grieve openly for a fallen marshal, but for a soldier to love his comrade. This uncharacteristic expression of affection between Napoleon and Lannes was echoes in similar relationships between officers and foot soldiers in Napoleon’s armies. Military memories of the first empire bear witness to a wide range of intimate relationships among generals, colonels, and captains as well as sergeants, corporals, and grunts (grognards), the infantry soldiers who made up the majority of the imperial armies. Napoleon’s love for Lannes might thus be said to represent a broad spectrum of masculine affection and intimacy in the ranks of the Grande Armée, or what could be called Napoleonic friendship.

So yeah, I’ve not much more to say on them. Their friendship was loving, affectionate, intimate, and complex. Lannes could be frustrated with Napoleon (often was, the longer Napoleon remained in power—because Lannes loved Bonaparte not the emperor), but Lannes loved his friend and Napoleon loved Lannes. But my read on them has always been that it was what we would term platonic.

------

Junot

This one is messy. Because Junot and Napoleon are messy people. I also think this one is the strongest case for “something more than friendship”. I personally believe Junot loved Napoleon in a deep, phenomenal, possibly obsessive fashion that absolutely was romantic—maybe sexual/erotic—and Napoleon for a time may have returned at least some of those feelings. Then it all went south.

I’m ripping a lot of this from a previous ask I received about Junot—since it covered a lot of the more romantic aspects of his and Napoleon’s relationship.

Junot and Napoleon were close friends when they were in their 20s. Incredibly close. Laure Junot, whose memoires one should treat cautiously, intimated that there was more than just friendship between them at this point. But if that is the case, we’ll never know for certain.

Brian Martin sums it up well (and saves me from having to dig out my copy of Laure’s memoir):

Soon after his imprisonment, Napoleon was released and exonerated, but with little money and no desire to take on a new military post in Brittany, he returned to Paris where, as Laure Junot explains, he lived with his comrade Junot and depended on his friend’s emotional and financial support … The 1794 letter from Toulon initiates a half-year period in the lives of the twenty-five-year-old Bonaparte and twenty-three-year-old Junot when … these ambitious young men relied on each other during their impecunious days in Paris. Describing how Junot “loved Bonaparte as one loves at the age” (1: 188), Laure Junot implies that the young Jean-Andoche developed an adolescent crush on Napoleon, as the two young men grew in intimacy.

[…]

Laure Junot tactfully observes many years later that it was difficult to assess the nature of these friendships [with Duroc and Junot] without offending their masculinity: “These are the very profound and abstract mysteries of the human heart. It is difficult to explain them without first wounding a man’s dignity” (11: 131).

In relegating Napoleon’s military relationships to the realm of the mysteries, Laure Junot defines Napoleonic friendship — long before “the love that dare not speak its name” was articulated by Lord Alfred Douglas in 1894 and invoked at Oscar Wilde’s trial in 1895 —as an enigmatic and unspeakable love incapable of being articulated without shaming a soldier’s manhood. Amid such ambiguity, it is unclear if such “mysteries” encompass both the emotional and the erotic. What is clearer is that Napoleon and Junot shared a degree of affection during their youth in Paris that was undeniably intimate.

As Napoleon climbed up the greasy pole, the power dynamic changed and expectations of interpersonal relationships became more formal putting a strain on his and Junot’s friendship. Junot, like many who knew Napoleon from the early days, loved Bonaparte, not the emperor. As Laure put it in her memoire: “Now let me explain the sadness and pain which afflicted Junot on learning that Napoleon was no longer his General Bonaparte of Toulon. Perhaps the affair simply followed a natural decline. But Junot … did not see it this way. He wanted reciprocity, which he craved even more as his own affectionate fantasies increased … He loved the man, not the emperor.”

In 1800, Napoleon named Junot Commandant of Paris on the condition that he marry because, it seems, there were too many rumours flying around about the two of them. (As noted above, Talleyrand was already making some “huh. Interesting closeness, there” comments about Napoleon.) Dutifully, Junot married Laure.

Junot always exhibited some signs of mental illness throughout his life and at one point he received a head wound (I forget which battle) that massively exacerbated whatever existing mental health troubles he had. (And note that this was one of many wounds - nor was it his first head wound. It’s just the one people in his own life pointed to as a moment of change.)

Junot had jealous and possessive tendencies, something that drove Napoleon a little batty, and they got worse. While Junot was in Portugal, and later Spain, he wrote Napoleon a series of desperate letters begging him to reappoint Junot as his aid-de-camp. We unfortunately don’t have these letters anymore, Napoleon was notoriously secretive and private when it came to personal correspondence and had a habit of burning lots of it. However, we do have Laure’s account of Napoleon’s reception of Junot’s pleading. Laure writes:

"Look here, Madame, what your husband writes to me!’ said the Emperor, ‘Read this and tell me if he sends you such letters."

I read these letters, and this caused me some pain: my husband sent me affectionate missives, but never in the tone of a lover; here were letters that resembled those between Julie and Saint-Preux, or those of the Portuguese nun.*

Napoleon then goes on and says:

“In admitting that Junot loves me more than anything in the world … [he demonstrates] that he does not love me more than his own ambition”

To which Laure replies:

“He loves you, Sire, more than all the honours that you can give, more than your crown, more than me perhaps, for it was pride that made me say the contrary just now, perhaps even more than his children!”

-

*Note: She’s referencing Guilleragues’s Portuguese Letters (1669) and Rousseau’s Julie or the New Héloïse (1761)

Also, as I said above, treat Laure’s accounts cautiously. As with all memoirs, she is positioning certain scenes with a purpose and some things are downplayed, or exaggerated, accordingly.

-

In 1813, Napoleon dismissed Junot from military duty and sent him off to be governor of Illyria which Junot, rightly or wrongly, saw as a form of exile. During his ambassadorship he famously entered a ballroom wearing nothing but his epaulettes and his medals. [above para' edited per conversation in the notes]

Brian Martin:

While one could blame Junot’s naked diplomacy on his progressive dementia, his shocking entrance can also be seen as a kind of buff rebuff to Napoleon. After a lifetime fighting for Bonaparte, watching shrapnel rip into young men’s bodies, leading thousands of soldiers to their deaths, and suffering twenty-seven wounds* of his own, Junot offered his own ravaged body as a hideous and spectacular product of Napoleon’s violence.

-

*Note: Junot says he had 17 wounds, not sure where Martin got 27 - unless there were wounds Junot wasn’t counting.

-

After this incident, Junot was swiftly recalled back to France where he soon after died by suicide.

In his final letter to Napoleon he wrote:

“I who love you with the affection of a savage for the sun, I who am entirely yours. Well then: this eternal war that we must fight for you, I want no more of! I want peace! I want finally to repose my tired head, my sore limbs … to enjoy that which I earned … with my blood! The blood of an honest man, of a good Frenchman, of a true patriot. I therefore ask, at last, for that tranquillity that I earned through twenty-two years of effective service and seventeen wounds from which my blood has flowed for my country, and for your glory.” (emphasis in original)

After Junot’s death, Napoleon ordered that Junot’s personal papers be seized and destroyed as he was afraid their personal correspondence might make its way to a public forum.

So yeah, Junot’s love for Napoleon was definitely on the romantic side, I would say. Because Napoleon burned all their correspondence we don’t know what he sent in reply to Junot—especially in the early days of their relationship. I suspect it was intimate and possibly in line with what Junot continued to send him throughout their life and like hell did Napoleon want that escaping to the public.

Anyway—Junot and Napoleon, I would argue definitely had some homoerotic/romantic undertones and such to their friendship. I think it was mutual in their 20s then Napoleon’s feelings retreated to more platonic but Junot’s never changed.

It just man, gives me strong flashbacks to when I was a teenager and one of my best friends at the time  declared herself my soulmate and carved my initials into her arm and left me a million and a half messages on the home answering machine and said that I was cold like Napoleon and she loved me for it etc. etc.

When I look at Junot and Napoleon I see myself and my old friend in all that glory of the strange complexities of young, intensely emotional and intimate friendships that absolutely blur the line into romantic/erotic.

------

Duroc

Ah sweet Duroc! Duroc who regularly compared himself to Junot in terms of his relationship to Napoleon.

Duroc to Laure Junot in May of 1813:  “Poor Junot! It’s that he’s like me! The Emperor’s friendship is our whole life.”

And again, this is from Laure’s memoirs:

‘Junot and some others,’ Duroc said to me, ‘misjudge me and misjudge my position as well. The Emperor would disgrace me if he made me a marshal of France. What would I do away from him? No doubt it’s a great honor; but my attachment to him, how could it not be affected by that distance? I love the Emperor as Junot loves him. And isn’t he going to choose the post of first aide-de-camp instead of that of governor of Paris? So why judge me otherwise!’

-

Duroc’s a hard one to pin down because he was such an exemplary marshal of the palace, in addition he left us no diaries or memoirs so we have the word of others and what survived of his letters, little else to go on.

However, I think it telling that Duroc compared himself to regularly to Junot—who everyone was aware of how he felt about Napoleon—and that Junot was so jealous of Duroc. That Junot saw Duroc as a rival for Napoleon’s affection and love but not Lannes tells me that clearly Junot could see the similarity of what Duroc and Napoleon had to what he and Napoleon may have once had but didn’t anymore. And, that Lannes was different. It was a different relationship and one that Junot didn’t find threatening.

It's also worth nothing that Duroc was the only one of Napoleon’s officers, aside from Lannes, who was allowed to use tu with Napoleon. Las Cases writes: “I’ve heard the Emperor say that in all of his military career, Duroc alone possessed his blind confidence and received all his affection … Duroc loved the Emperor for himself; he was devoted most of all to the private man, even more than to the monarch”

Duroc’s role as marshal of the palace also put him in an interesting position as a sort of quasi-wife to Napoleon. The role he played was very much a “wife” role—Cronin summarizes Duroc’s duties thus:

"Napoleon was struck by Duroc’s sweet nature, his beautiful manners and the patience which he himself lacked. So he employed his friend as a diplomat and when he became Emperor chose him to run the household and court. […] He had his hands full ensuring that the grocer did not overcharge for the Chambertin, since Napoleon would be sure to notice, and, as Napoleon put on weight, tactfully persuading the Imperial Tailor not to make new clothes but to let out the old ones a couple of inches. He also had to make peace when Napoleon lost his temper: pushing over the table, for example, when he saw crépinettes of partridge. He did this admirably, because he was devoted to Napoleon. Many a time, when the Emperor had hurt a visitor with a sharp word, Duroc would murmur on the way out: ‘Forget it. He says what he feels, not what he thinks, and not what he’ll do tomorrow.’"

No one else of Napoleon’s intimate friends really takes on that wifely role—even after Duroc’s death. Bertrand has the same role, Marshal of the Palace, and he was damn good at his job, just as Duroc was, but there was a difference in their relationship and Bertrand doesn’t read as so close and devoted on a marital level to Napoleon. Not that Bertrand didn’t love Napoleon, he did, gods know he did, but it was more in line with Lannes than Duroc or Junot.

Napoleon describes Duroc to Las Cases:

‘Duroc,’ concluded he, ‘had lively, tender, and concealed passions, little corresponding with the coldness of his manner. It was long before I knew this, so exact and regular was his service. It was not until my day was entirely closed and finished, and I was enjoying repose, that Duroc’s work begun. Chance, or by some accident, could alone have made me acquainted with his character. He was a pure and virtuous man, utterly disinterested, and extremely generous.’

[…]

When he [Napoleon] went to see Duroc, after he had received his mortal wound, he attempted to hold out some hopes to him; but Duroc, who did not deceive himself, only replied by begging [Napoleon] to make them give him opium. …

After this recollection, the emperor, with an apparent effort, began abruptly to talk of something else.

I believe that Napoleon and Duroc were able to see each other’s interiority in a way that few others were able to and that formed the basis for their affection, love and friendship.

Duroc’s letters to Napoleon, anytime they were apart, are also more intense than usual. Plenty of Napoleon’s friends wrote about wanting to be by his side when they were sent off on diplomatic missions or what have you. But Duroc’s express a particularly intense form of devotion:

Duroc to Napoleon, May 29, 1801:

I am waiting to leave, Citizen Consul, until I receive a response to the letters that I had the honor to write you, unless the circumstances or the letters I receive from Paris let me judge that I can leave earlier. I beg you to remember that I am eight hundred leagues from you and, although I’ve been well-received here, I am never better than when I am near you. (Emphasis in the original)

Duroc to Napoleon, July 7, 1801:

I have sought to conduct myself here, Citizen Consul, in a manner that would satisfy you. I am well-regarded and thought highly of everywhere because I belong to you particularly, but I will not be happy until I’m sure that I deserve your approval. I am waiting to set my departure until I know that you’ve received the letter that I had the honor to write you and that I sent with Captain Leclerc. I very much want to find myself near you as soon as possible. (Emphasis in the original)

When Napoleon offered to have Hortense marry Duroc, Napoleon’s proposition was that Duroc would receive five hundred thousand francs and be named commandant of the 8th military division and would be stationed in Toulon (Napoleon was against having a son-in-law in the house).

When the proposition was passed on to Duroc he turned it down because he didn’t want to be sent away from Napoleon’s side and if marriage meant being apart, he didn’t want it, even though from all accounts he was quite fond of Hortense (and she was fond of him).

Later, when Napoleon was having to negotiate his name in exile he said to Barry O’Meara:

“The name of General Bonaparte was the one which I bore at Campo Formio and at Lunneville, when I dictated terms of peace with the Emperor of Austria. I bore it at Amiens when I signed the peace with England. I should be proud to bear it still, but the honour of France forbids me to acknowledge the right of the King of England to annul the acts of the French people. My intention was to take the name of Duroc.”

But he felt he had to keep Emperor Napoleon in order to Make A statement.

In another account, I forget to who, he repeated his intent to have taken on Duroc’s name in exile in order to be a little more incognito/not draw attention to himself, but because England refused to acknowledge that he had been emperor he was like “fuck that, I’m going to insist on being called emperor”. So, had England not been like “you were never emperor” it’s possible Napoleon would have taken Duroc’s surname as his own.

How very married of them.

------

Apologies for the long reply. Not sure this will really answer anything, but it's an amalgamation of my thoughts.

Junot is the clearest of the homo-something friendship between Napoleon and another man. Like, I think that's a tough one to read as anything other than a messy break up. Which is why, when we were all nattering on about queering Napoleon in film yesterday, I focused so much on Junot over the others.

But same sex intimacy, even in Just Friends, can have homo-something undertones to it. Friendships can be complex, multilayered and include some romantic and erotic aspects to them. This doesn't mean those friendships are Romantic Relationships as we think of them, but if there's a romantic tinge to it, or a strong homoerotic tinge to it, then why not explore it? See where it takes the story or the interpretation and undestanding of the person and their actions. Maybe it'll go no where useful, maybe it will. Only one way to find out.

Thank you for the ask!

[just-antithings]

Ok so I'm just need to get this off my chest about alot of fandom discourse and anti stuff (this is a bit messy sorry for that)

People who ship gay ships can and will be homophobic

And maybe this will be seen as a really weird take I don't mean in it in like "oh they have really bad takes about LGBTQA issues and don't understand that what they are doing is harmful" I mean it in "I think all queer people are going to hell and that homosexuality is a sin and that they are not allowed to marry or exist and should be killed but my two blorbos can make out and have gay sex because it's just a fantasy I will pray at the end of the night for forgiveness from God so it's ok uwu"

some do mental gymnastics to justify it

1- "well i see the feminine man as a woman so I'm not sinning"

2- "well my blorbos actually love eachother not like actual gay people they are just in it for the sex"

3 "it's a sin but I'll repent later"

My rule of thumb most religious people will jump hoops to justify things that they like but aren't allowed in there religious and at the same time will shame other religious people for doing the same thing because the other sin is easier for them to avoid

Some Christians will eat selfish but will shame other Christians for wearing certin clothes

Some muslims will drink alchohol but will shame other Muslims for eating pork

It's a basic fact

sins I like and have a hard time avoiding = Well I'm human

Sins I don't like and don't have a hard time resisting = bad and you are going to hell

How do I know that ? Well you see I unfortunately was homophobic I knew alot of homophobic people who shipped alot of queer ships some of them treat it like they have a porn addiction there are servers for *recovery* at least in my country's fandom

Hell me and my sister had to do mental gymnastics to justify to eachother why we shipped bakudeku and dazai and chuyya I still laugh to this day (it isn't funny giving the context that when we both discovered we ship gay ships me and my sister almost had a panic attacks thinking the other will snitch about the other and get beaten up for supporting homosexuality)

Thankfully me and my sister are better now and not homophobic anymore still have things to fix but we are doing better (fandom helped alot with that discovering that LGBTQA people are actually human who love their partners "I am sorry for the wording I really am" and not just pedophiles that are possessed by demons like we've always been told in the news and tv and every other form of media

I'm really bad at getting to the point but Anti policing certain things and calling people homophobic for doing things they don't like in fandom spaces is bad really bad an ally who ships a straight ship over a canonical gay ship are better than a homophobic person who ships the correct ships and uses the right labels and headcanons safe stuff and in real life won't hesitate to shoot a gay person

Some people (antis) need to understand that shipping isn't activism (do they think that all the people who wrote gay fanfiction in the old fandoms where actually you know ok with gay people? All of them ?) People can ship all the right stuff and be homophobic

Homophobia is hating gay people it isn't about what ship you like it isn't about what kind of media you consume and I'm tired of people pretending it is

People ship mainly because they like the pair simple as that (people shipped more gay ships because they simply weren't interested with shipping them with soulless female characters for sex appeal or female characters that simply didn't have chemistry with the protagonist and never showed intrest untill the last two chapters because boy gets girl , but the protagonists best friend on the other hand ? Their enemy ? Their mentor ? Characters that are well built and interesting and have a good dynamic) that's why I think shipping isn't activism your personal preferences aren't some form of activism sorry not sorry

People didn't make straight characters gay because they were progressive and wanted represention (I'm sure some did) but most of them liked the dynamic between these two characters that's it

And I fucking hate the why can't they be friends because they are in canon you are just whining because you want more content of them as friends and the sad truth is you have to make it yourself tragic I know

And I hate how they bully certain tags like gender bend and calling everyone homophobic in them because you know what homophobic people who use the tag do ? They move to the trans tag and pretend it's trans stuff while it is just gender bend simple as that , the people who aren't homophobic will label it correctly (I don't know how to explain it to people and I really don't want to come off as transphobic I'm still educating myself on the topic and I admit I still have unresolved homophobia so maybe I'm just wrong with this certain point and feel free to correct me if I am but gender bend and trans are two different things and it feels obvious when gender bend is tagged as trans I don't know how to explain it exactly I can't really maybe I have a biase on this topic but the greatest example I may have if the bts fandom most trans fics aren't trans they are a genderbend and I mean read and write what they want but criticism is important too"

And I also have a good laugh at the Antis who are like "you are equating pedophilia to gay people your like conservatives" when talking about censorship because no your average conservatives Christian doesn't equate it to pedophilia they think it is worse (pedophilia is not a sin just saying) they just need to be married to do it

I live in a conservative country ok ? When I was 12 I read a story about a 8 year old getting married to an 30 year old guy because her family abounded her and him being a man of god married her (it was a muslim story so adoption was a no no) and he started falling in love with her when she reached 16 and they got involved I would be ok with the story if the authors wasn't actually agreeing with all the worldviews their book had like litterly thought it was a good thing , but two teenage boys kissing in a book is seen as a moral threat to the country

So whay I'm saying here is no pedophilc writing will still exist if censorship people got they want they just need to do it in a god honoring way so all antis want if censorship of queer people there is no beating around the bush

And that gay people shouldn't have sex in literature Anti takes is something they share with homophobic people who ship queer ships do because

gay people wanting sex = predatory and bad

Straight people wanting sex = gods calling to multiply on earth or something

.

[mxrobotlegs]

My Journey

hey! in celebration of Pride Month, I'm going to finally write about my Gender Journey™ (because the word "transition" doesn't quite describe it) throughout the past 5 years and my life as a whole. I hope that this will allow someone else to get something out of my experiences, now that I've decided to record all this down. to be honest, I hadn't done this yet as I only just now figured myself out to a level where I'm comfortable discussing all this publicly, and this is where I decided I'd put it!

Childhood

let's start out with the beginning. I was assigned male at birth and raised in a conservative area of northern Florida (yuck, I know). throughout my childhood, I always felt like being a "boy" wasn't right for me. I had to deliberately act masculine to fit in, and even then, it all felt like I was just performing for them and that I wasn't really part of the group. this wasn't the only experience I had back then that was like that, either.

privately, I had a desire to wear feminine clothing and makeup. I even did so secretly by using my mom's collection while she was away from the house. I enjoyed this and it made me happy, but I also felt guilty because "boys" being feminine didn’t go without ridicule at the time and I was doing it behind her back. I told my mom what I was doing due to the guilt. despite her having conservative values, she was surprisingly supportive at the time, even offering to help me try on other clothes of hers. however, I had too much anxiety about accepting her offer and what would happen to me if I did so I ended up dropping it.

all my curiosity at the time in gender expression also led to me looking up "boy to girl" transformation videos and other stuff like that on YouTube and other websites, but I didn’t learn about queer people in a positive way from any of that. this was all happening around 2008 or 2009, so the web wasn't super accessible back then and I was an 8- or 9-year-old newbie. school didn't help, either, since I was being home-schooled with a Christian curriculum, which of course would not mention such topics. the only real expression of any sort of femininity that I had was occasionally having older girls tie up my hair in a ponytail just to "tease" me (I totally didn't enjoy it with an ulterior motive). this was also around the time that the show "I Am Jazz" was popular, but I didn't feel that I was like her, either, nor did I think it was possible for me to be like her since I viewed my gender as immutable. as a result, I dismissed my feelings, and I wouldn't think about them for years to come.

Adolescence

fast forward 8 years to when I'm 15 or 16. after years of toxic masculinity, I started thinking about my identity again. however, this time, I’d been exposed to transgender communities online such as "r/egg_irl," and I was confused by them as I thought that anyone would press that button. you know, the one which would instantly turn them into the opposite gender (of course they would!). I asked my friends, all guys, this same question and every single one said "no." this was my first wake-up call that maybe I'm not as cisgender as I thought I was, and that maybe I should consider HRT. I also thought about working inside my assigned gender and wearing stuff like utility kilts (don't say a word) just so that I could wear clothes closer to what I could wear if I was a different gender than a "guy." needless to say, I did not go through with the kilt idea as my friends and other people thought it was strange and most of my anxiety at the time came from other people's thoughts about me, unfortunately.

in 2015/16, U.S. discourse about queer people wasn’t great as anti-SJW movements were at their peak back then and gay people were often the butt of their jokes, making coming out of the closet seem like social suicide at the time. this terrified me as I started to realize that I needed to do something about my feelings despite all the negativity, so I researched the topic further. it only solidified my desires. at the time, I was also planning to go to the U.S. Naval Academy in a year, having been in NJROTC since the start of high school. this made my anxiety that much worse as it would be rough for someone in the middle of HRT.

I decided to tell my mom how I felt a couple of months later, and she said what I feared most: that I had to choose between living my life as the true me and the Naval Academy, my dream. by then, I had already went through much of the admissions process and been accepted (a huge pain), and this threw me back into the closet for years to come as I didn't want to give up on my ambitions. funny enough, a year later in June of 2017, I started my time at the Academy with their version of first-year indoctrination, and I decided the whole military thing wasn't for me and dropped out (painful, I know).

Early-Adulthood

despite the Naval Academy situation, I was able to get into Florida State University at the last moment in July 2017 and move out of my parents' to live off-campus in a small studio apartment. the next six months were the most miserable, lonely period I’ve ever experienced. I holed up in that apartment until I got my first girlfriend (and she was straight) in December of that year. let's call her "Stinky." she and I went on a break a couple months later in early 2018 after an argument, so I went to visit my parents back in my hometown to escape from her. during the visit, the feelings that I was experiencing before I went to the Academy resurfaced. this led to me telling my mom how I felt again, but I stuck to my guns this time, insisting that this was what was right for me. I also told her that I didn't want her to tell my dad yet as I was worried about how he would react (he was my role model and a Vietnam War veteran). she agreed, and she said she would need some time to think about all this. I drove back to university.

their reaction wasn't great, to say the least. my mom called me later and said she was upset about the news. I decided to go back home the next weekend to talk with her about it in person as I was concerned. during our discussion, she went on to dismiss my feelings and make it seem like I was making a mistake, implying heavily that I will be some sort of freak at the end and that the process would be long and difficult. strangely, my dad was distant the entire time. while I was on a drive with him, I confronted him about his behavior, and he then told me to not act on my desires until "after he was dead." I guess that she had told him despite my wishes. this whole situation threw me back into the closet, again, because I naturally valued my parents and didn't want to lose them. I told them to forget about it and that it was just due to me being sexually frustrated.

however, I couldn't fend off my feelings for long after that. I was back to dating Stinky. I tried to keep the act up for my parents as well as her, but it took less than half a year this time for it to fall apart. it was May 2018, and I started to feel that I needed to do something or I would have to deal with gender misery forever. I thought, "well, if nobody is going to support me, I'll just have to do it myself without any of them knowing and deal with the consequences later." Stinky and I had planned a vacation to Miami to visit her family later in the year during August, and I figured out a way to get HRT, using the trip as an opportunity.

the plan was that at the end, I would fly back to Tallahassee while she spent some more time with her family down South. in May, I had secretly scheduled an appointment with Planned Parenthood (using informed consent) that would take place during that brief time we were apart. this was so that I wouldn't have to go to a psychologist as I was still an 18-year-old and it would cost too much. I drove 4 hours to Orlando (the nearest location to Tallahassee that offered HRT), completed the appointment, and drove 4 hours back.

my prescription for spironolactone and estradiol was filled the day that Stinky came back. I decided that I should tell her what I was doing and that I needed this. she became distraught and made me feel guilty, but I stood my ground and took my first dose that same day. 1 week later, I went to a cryogenic storage appointment before the medication started taking effect in earnest so that I would have the option in the future of having biological kids (no matter how unlikely that seemed at the time). I also started laser hair removal for my facial hair shortly after. the next couple of months were rough, with her frequently telling me how terrible I made her feel due to my changing body, but also that she still didn't want to break up with me. she was disgusted by the effects of HRT. this didn't help my state of mind as I still wanted to continue dating her, too, even though this relationship was obviously not healthy for either of us.

in October 2018, just a couple of months later, I deluded myself into thinking I could repress my feelings for her and stopped taking the medication, even watching anti-trans media to attempt to reinforce that effort. this didn't work as less than a month later on November 16th, I realized that living a lie for someone else was a terrible idea and I started taking the medication again (I haven't stopped since). we continued "dating," but it was dysfunctional, with her eventually losing attraction to me. we broke up in the second half of 2019. she was still my roommate for months afterwards (which was terribly painful and filled with drama).

during that mess of a relationship, however, I also had to plan for my parents' reaction. I wouldn't be able to hide this from them forever. expecting a similar outcome to what happened in 2018, I did everything I could to become independent just in case they disowned me or wanted to have leverage in a confrontation. whether it was financial (I took my money out of their bank account and put it into my own), or alternative transportation in the case that they took my car (I bought a motorcycle), or even health insurance (I obtained new insurance through my university), I got it done. in February of 2019, I was completely independent, even leveraging my status as a veteran from my time at the Naval Academy to obtain educational grants that would otherwise be unobtainable due to my parents' income (they weren't even paying for my education to begin with!).

this turned out to be a wise decision as during a visit to my parents in May, I would be forced to come out to them after almost 6 months of continuous HRT. my parents noticed subtle changes like a feminine bracelet I wore around them, that I was shaving my legs, and that my face looked softer, but I think that I still went largely under the radar. I explained the changes as being normal "guy" stuff (for example, shaving your legs helps with swimming, of course). one day, my parents and I went out shopping. my mom and I walked into a shopping center while my dad waited in the car. as she and I were chatting on the way in, she patted my back and felt the bralette that I was wearing to conceal the effects of HRT. she said, "what is that?" and glared at me. I cursed my negligence and told her what she didn't want to hear. she was silent as we walked into the store and said that I was "mutilating my body" as we walked out. we got back into the car and drove home with my dad. the drive felt terrifyingly slow, and I didn't know what awaited me when it was over.

this time, however, I decided that I wasn't going to let this narrative be controlled by my parents. as soon as we got home, I told them that I wanted to have a conversation with them. I explained to them that I had been taking feminizing hormones for over six months and that this was the right decision for my happiness. I endured verbal abuse from my mom and silence from my dad. she said things such as "you're confused," "nobody will love you," "you'll get beat up," "you'll be ugly," and even "you're mutilating your body" again. to this day, I still do not forgive her for what she said that night, and how could I? after she was done with her assault, I explained very plainly: "you will either have a daughter or you will have no child at all." that seemed to resonate. they said that were so resistant to all this out of "love" for me. I told them my experiences and why I was doing this. I also explained that my gender expression is separate from my sexuality, which isn't changing. they didn't know or care about any of that until then. they had to listen to me, and they had to accept me. and if they didn't accept me, they would lose me, either by me never talking to them again, or by suicide if I had to continue performing the gender they wanted.

today, they are strong advocates for queer rights after ultimately deciding to stand behind my choices. they even supported my desire to get multiple gender-affirming surgeries in late 2020. but I don't know how it would have turned out if they had had leverage over me back then, and I didn’t want to find out.

Adulthood

a couple of months after Stinky and I’s breakup, to cope with it (I felt like it was my fault even though it wasn't) and the discomfort about my changing body, I escaped into virtual reality. for the next couple years, my social life was almost entirely on the internet as I didn't have to deal with anxiety and could present myself exactly the way I chose. this immersive world helped me discover the new me and how I wanted to act. I experimented with the way I talked, the way I acted, my disposition, and many other things, until I found a persona, my persona. I even experimented with my sexuality and determined that yes, I’m still not attracted to masculine people and no, I’m not entirely opposed to polyamory.

some more time passes - 2021, two years ago - despite “finding myself” through years of socialization and personal introspection, I still put myself inside the gender binary (I blame my upbringing). I thought that I had to be either a man or a woman, and that anything else outside of that box wasn't a real option for me. for whatever reason, I also had this misconception that being non-binary wasn't being, well, non-binary, but instead still having to fit somewhere on the binary spectrum despite its name, just not necessarily at either end.

at this point, in all ways, whether by government ID or by gender presentation, I was a woman. my friends and family all knew me as a woman, I identified as a lesbian, and I thought this was the end. after 3 years, nothing could change.

but despite everything, I still never truly felt like a "woman" or even a "girl" despite my “transition” being as complete as it could be. I would subconsciously refer to myself as a "person" or in the case of my parents, their "child," or relating to my S.O., her "partner." anything else didn't feel right when others said it or even when I said it to myself. this feeling wasn't something new to me, either. previously, I had chalked it up to dysphoria making me think that I didn't yet deserve to be a "woman" and that's why I didn't feel comfortable yet. but, realistically, it had to be something else. it should make me happy to be gendered "correctly." which it did, initially, as I was struggling to pass in public during the start of my transition (I viewed it as an accomplishment). but now that I was passing as a “woman” nearly all the time, however, it made my stomach turn when a person referred to me with gendered terms. that feeling wasn't present when someone referred to me as “she” or even “they,” and I couldn't figure out why.

outside of the very start, my gender presentation has never been very feminine. I mostly wear androgynous clothing. I tried wearing makeup, and to my surprise, I determined that I liked myself without makeup more. my interests don't really consist of traditionally feminine things, and I stopped shaving my legs (my parents complained about that one). I've played with the possibility of being non-binary, but it still never really resonated with me and I felt like it just wasn't the right fit.

I've now been on this journey for almost 5 years. last Friday, while I was at the dentist, I noticed that my hygienist was confused by my gender presentation due to how she stumbled between she and he pronouns every other sentence when referring to me. I was amused because generally someone would decide what they thought I was, stick to one set of pronouns, and I would correct them if needed. the situation felt comical, almost unreal, and it made me think about how glad I was to not have to be in her shoes. she then brought me to the front desk after she was done with the cleaning and I corrected her with a simple “she” when she started to talk about me again (my initial amusement had worn off). the hygienist became flustered and I smiled. this made me think, “why do I enjoy someone else’s confusion about my gender?” I’d experienced this feeling a couple of times in the past but I’d never given it much thought.

now, thanks to way too much self-analysis (and my partner’s love and support, of course), I have found the reason for these feelings and why labels never fit me. it’s because I simply do not think of myself in gendered terms. I’m just “me.” I was also never comfortable referring to myself as transgender, now knowing that it was because it implied that I went from being one gender to being another (which never felt accurate). being a “woman” also started to feel like it was holding me back, making me realize that the explanation is that I just…

don't have a gender.

agender it is. let's say that I have transcended the concept of gender entirely. fuck having a gender. who needs one? I sure don't. I never have.

happy Pride!

[meraki-yao]

The thing is that with these two interviews, the whole goal of the journalists was to set Nick as a heartthrob and that's it. To them, there's no more depth than that. For this press tour, I've preferred to watch him talk instead because he can fully express everything. You can see how his mind works, the way he respects his craft (because he takes himself and his job seriously, as he should), and you can see his personality shine more: the nervous, anxious, charming guy who loves what he does and understands his characters to the core.

When it comes to these interviews, the tone was, "He's a pretty face with some gigs under his belt." For instance, the NYM interview had a lot of filler information that wasn't completely relevant to the conversation but was kept because the underlining topic was, "Well, he's transitioning from some small movies to bigger projects, and some of these movies are queer and he's not. Gee, I wonder!" This is not that different from the Hunger interview, but this one was more shameful because it went full-on disrespectful to RWRB and Nick.

I've read a couple of people asking why Nick or his publicist didn't edit the articles before publishing, and the short answer is that they can't. Journalists don't like when publicists or their clients ask for changes in their stories. If they do, it can cause problems between the journalist and the PR firm, and the relationship can even break. And publicists don't want that—they have more clients, and they need those platforms. Not even bigger A-list actors can do that without being considered "problematic." And, most importantly, they don't read the articles before publishing. They probably didn't know what was kept. They most likely found out like the rest of us. But everyone's focusing on the photoshoots, so maybe that's why there are not many people talking about these things, but there are.

I think the US press it's a mess; they love to feel better than the subject they're interviewing, and they don't shy away from disrespecting people, directly or indirectly. I also brought this up to one anon question (I'm the ☁️ anon), and this basically supports my theory that it doesn't matter if Nick's projects are doing well, if he's finally being acknowledged, they will see him as an Internet boyfriend. That's why the focus was on his personal life or anything else that was interesting or quirky, not really on the projects and the work behind his character study.

It's not Nick's or even his publicist's fault. I think it's the result of prioritizing social media discourse and language into a different medium instead of focusing on writing a profile or a story.

I'm late, but this is in regards to Nick's NY Magazine editorial and Hunger Magazine editorial.

And I mostly agree! I mean, I furiously picked apart the two articles with my Taiwanese RWRB friend, but from a bigger picture this explains it really well. Thank you.

And I really think that it's unfortunate that so often, either from the creator or the audience, people are more interested in social media discourse than anything else with actual value. It's not just the US press, it's kind of the whole world in general right now. I ranted my family about this and used what happened to Princess Catherine (Middleton, not Henry's mother) lately as an example, and I was... very passionate in the ramble.

[istherewifiinhell]

(pacing a rut into my kitchen floor) okay so im gonna talk a bit about concept and functions of bitter aros and bitter aroism, cause as a person who was alive, present, aware and affected by the the sort of. boom and bust of mainstream aspec discourse. im just a little. annoyed. i guess.

but hey im also gonna use it as an excuse to tell you to go watch the show koisenu futari, which i havent seen in a minute, but is one, fucking impeccable, and two, can give you a sort of, short hand for... the culture? the types of people and modes of discourse as you say.

and im gonna put up a polite hand and say. if you are ace or ace adjacent but not aro... please dont assume youre... automatically coming from the same place as me, an aro/aro adjacent allo. great

i think i want to start with saying... i dont think your specific identity or internal feelings is actually the end all and be all of this or related discussion. i dont even think its the primary function of relation to this conversation. but... i think maybe that also gives people the leeway to... assume equal stakes... which? just isnt true?

so to starrrrrt. bitter aro? is just a term im using to describe.... confrontational aroism, aggressive? maybe even derisive? exhausted, tired, depressed, also all function. now... if your not in the spaces, the functions, the forums or the friend groups, maybe you don't know one of these or know what I mean by that?

in which case, thats where i say, go watch my 8 episode aro drama series. its fantastic. i said so in a post i made two years ago. the male deuteragonist? the leading man? the lanky tall guy? takahashi is one such guy. i characterize his "bitter aroism" as disaffection with the normative world, a sort of very visible defiance of it, and a deeply acted aroism that makes him off putting to people.

i also characterize it as deeply knowledgeable basis in aro concepts and theory, and the at least occasionally willingness to make that known. such things as the sociological construction of romance, knowledge of many queer identities, modes of existences and these people move through the world, and the theoretical and mechanical functions of amatonormativity.

in this regard even if you dont know a bitter aro, if you spend any time in marginal spaces or discussions you might still know a "bitter (other identity)". generally, the kind of people who know they have to defend their right to exist, and do it extensively, and yes, it makes them angry, frustrated, dismissive. at times.

so but. the aro discourse hasssss. changed a lot in the past. gosh. decade plus? and you may find. in a lot of places, maybe theres an assumed acceptance so like. huh? what? who are these bitter aro people defending themselves from...

ah. bud.

if you see out there, or indeed are saying yourself: well hey its all relationship anarchy here, its all about kissing the homies now, its all about loving your friends. no one cares! um. im.... not automatically impressed.

in general.... i dont think its enough to 'not be aro but believe in their beliefs'. now, here me out. i love when people say that. i do in fact love people realizing you can do whatever you want forever. that you make your world and than you get decide how you shape your life and the relationships you have. but. just cause you improved your life doing that.... doesnt guarantee you made the lives of the aro people around you better.

or in bitter terms... do better or fuck off. no but dont actually. or do... i cant control you but, hear me out? this... more passive kind of aro acceptance can do a lot for people... certain people. it might mean ur nicer, more understanding, more accepting offfffff. (drum roll) allo aros, romance flavourable aros, partnered aros, orientated aros, grey aros, aros in qprs orrrrr. shit. anything else that means. hey! this person maybe be aro. but they can hang with me in this harsh cold amatonormative world.

(if you still need the KF character comparison, and can live with a little reductionism, that could be the younger, more bubbly and passing Sakuko)

and. well. this is were i get pissed off! and. its a pissed off coming from deep sadness. im glad you like a palatable aro. but. what about the aros who are sick of the romance stories, who dont like sex, who are tired of all their friends going off with partners, who dont want to keep hearing about the relationship drama, who dont want a qpr, who dont want to choose a friendish life partner of any kind. who are alienated and angry and sad in this fucked up world.

AND. these people are INDEED going to be the most MATERIALLY affected by amatonormative. the structures in this world that favours partnered people, the assumption of romance or romance-like intimacy in peoples lives, and the lifestyles it entails.

like. i dunno, until youve been reading the blogs of these people, having the conversations, the quiet admissions when standing alone with them. if you dont witness their anger and hurt. like... what are we doing here.

so. i bring this all up to say. if you ever ARE. witnessing a bitter aro. and your... i dunno? confused. trying to be an ally but still... deeply enmeshed in your allo worldview. your thinking. whys this person so... incomprehensible to me. why do they seem so set on making themself miserable, on making me miserable. why is it so uncomfortable to be in this space with them...

well... it could be for just a moment. you're experiencing the life they have to?

im not asking you to befriend every hydrothermic shrimp forum poster aro, to love thy crab bucketing aro neighbour. they might be aplatonic and loveless anyway.

but. a little understanding? some fucking tolerance? may i be so bold as to ask u to just. accept thats a way someone exists and it exists IN CONTEXT. with how again. NORMATIVE society works... and that you don't exist that way... cause you are infact. benefiting from the amatonormativity. by being closer to the norm... (ON THIS AXIS. DO NOT TRY ME). you'll note i havent said aro.phobia, or mistia, if you perfer, once. cause im not talking about the strictest sense of personal or structural bigotries... but rather the societal constructions that are influencing.... what feels NORMAL and what doesnt. you know. NORMATIVITY.

that would be nice? id give you a big thumbs up. for free.

[identityarchitect]

ok hold on just for clarification are you like. pro transid etc.

i try and stay out of transid discourse for a variety of reasons:

with transdisability / transneurodivergency, i find it difficult to understand who the discourse serves? like, witch-hunting transautistics is not beneficial to me, as an autistic person, and if a transautistic is helping with fighting systemic anti-autistic ableism/sanism, then good.

i also find it difficult to understand exactly how transdisability / transneurodivergency is harmful beyond the emotional response of "how dare you romanticise my suffering". it's an extremely niche online discourse, online resources (i.e "tips on managing autism" posts, pages/blogs about disability, etc) cannot be depleted, and irl resources are either locked behind a diagnosis, difficult to get ahold of, or both, that i have no concerns that a transdisabled/transnd person will ever meaningfully take resources or whatever. the worst that could happen is that some impressionable preteen gets a really weird perspective of disablity/neurodivergency but like, they do that already

like even if some department of work and pensions dickhead is like "people on the internet are calling themselves transdisabled we need to develop a more rigorous screening process that will make more disabled people want to die when trying to get on benefits", thats not really the fault of transdisabled people? that's just systematic ableism.

it's not a discourse i'm currently capable of participating in or even researching without the kneejerk "they're romanticising my suffering" reaction, and if i am going to participate in it then i want to do so with a clear head and an understanding mindset, both of which i can't achieve right now

and there are, of course, cases where someone who is autistic finds transautistic to be a helpful "gateway label" (where their previous/current identification as transautistic helps them in realising/acknowledging/accepting their autism), there are probably people with a super weird relationship with being autistic (like, someone who was diagnosed as a child, and then their family hid this from them or gaslit them about it, etc, and then they later find out that they're autistic) who find transautistic to be a useful label,

with transrace, i'm white and i do not have a strong enough understanding of race like at all to have an opinion on any of it.

so like, idk if i can really be described as pro or anti transid? i try not to make myself the arbiter of people's internal experiences & i want to extend compassion and understanding to as many people as i can. i dont know enough or care enough to really make a comment on it.

my opinion on transplural is different because its like. a thing that you can do? no matter whether or not it's a good thing, or should be done, or if certain groups of people should do it, or what it should be called, or how it should be done, it is possible for someone who has been a singlet for their entire life to create a new guy in their brain and thus be plural.

is transplural a super good term? is it transphobic? i mean, i don't think so. other people probably disagree with me, but i don't really find that relevant. i don't see a way that it's tangibly harmful or transphobic beyond, again, "youre romanticising my suffering", and i don't really have an interest in discoursing about whether or not something is harmful based on my or someone else's kneejerk reaction to it

and honestly, if someone considers their plural journey to be similar to transitioning, hell yeah! queer the identity.

but i mean, with the post i made, the person did literally say "i am in support of people creating systems" (which is what willogenic means) but then also said "i am not in support of people creating systems". if it were the term transplural specifically, they made no indication of that

[heretherebedork]

Random Midnight Museum thought: Maybe it's just because I'm ace, but TBH I've never needed any romance (straight, gay, or otherwise) to have any 'physical' confirmation onscreen or on-page for it to still obviously be canon romance. For example, I've read so many of those old plot-heavy light-BL mangas where the leads not only never had a bed scene but some never even kissed, yet they were obviously still life partners in-story, and that was plenty fine enough for me. Or even elements like romances (of any persuasion) in some other plot-heavy stuff where, say, one character ends up sacrificing themself for the other a short while after mutually confessing or something, like okay sure they may have never gotten a chance to consummate the relationship or whatnot, but they were obviously still in love, and would obviously have been partners, you know? So to me all of that still counts as romance. I mean, don't get me wrong, I also do still enjoy seeing characters in fiction getting good and kissed/etc. (if they want to) just as much as the next person, haha. I'm just saying that if Museum does continue to go the no-kissing/etc.-onscreen route all the way through the ending, that wouldn't necessarily mean that the characters aren't still canon romantic partners in-story (and not just in all of our head-canons, which I fully admit I've been deep in right from the start right along with you, and am never gonna let die no matter what the narrative ends up saying, haha). Anyway. TL;DR: Maybe I'm just old and remember the time when high-heat (or really ANY heat) content wasn't as prevalent as we have now (plus, you know: ace), but like, just because there's no kissing/sexual stuff onscreen doesn't necessarily mean they're not still an actual couple? IDK, I just felt like adding that to all the discourse I've been seeing about this show in general, haha. 🤷‍♀️

Okay, as another ace (and, for that matter, mostly aro) person... this is an interesting ask that also goes a lot into how queer relationships are shown and characterized and what makes a relationship a life partner/romantic relationship and what that means and there are so many more qualified people to discuss this than me...

But I'm watching Midnight Musem and I watch a lot of BL and I have my own little subset of knowledge so let's try this... And if I fuck up, I'm doing my best.

The main issue here boils down to is... what makes a romance and what are looking for in a romance?

Like, when I talk about not expecting anything queer in Midnight Museum I am calling back to the days of my youth when any queerness in a mainstream show was in your imagination. I am calling back to the days when I called myself a slasher and I wrote all kinds of queer relationships into stories that were never, ever going to do that.

And that is what I expect from Midnight Museum.

But what I see here is a high correlation in your ask between high heat and confirmed romance and those are two very separate and very different issues that cannot be addressed in the same breath.

I have zero high heat thoughts about Midnight Museum. Even if they do make it queer and even if they do have romance it will not be high heat. It will be, most likely, a confession and a maybe maybe maybe kiss. Maybe. And that if it's confirmed queer in the show which I am very much not saying is going to happen.

And putting 'confirmed queer romance' and 'high heat' on the same level of importance is... something I'm not comfortable with, honestly.

When I say that I think KhathaDome isn't going to be canon or happen in the show, I don't mean 'they're not gonna fuck but the show will say they're in a relationship'. I mean 'the show is never going to mention or imply them to be in any form of romantic relationship'.

Yes, in the past, I have read and watched and enjoyed and loved many queer ships that were not canonically queer. No hesitation. I still do. I am planning to enjoy Midnight Museum, after all!

But your ask seems to imply that just the idea of them living together is enough to imply a relationship and that's just... not true, honestly. If the show implies they share a bed on the regular despite not needing to and live together and share a life or has a love confession? That'd be a confirmed queer relationship and then Midnight Museum would have given us the relationship as something that happened in the show, canonically.

I am struggling with this because, as someone who doesn't care about high heat at all and mostly ignores it even in shows I enjoy, I still find the idea that queer relationships can be just sort of vaguely implied in 2023 and still be considered enough.

If Midnight Museum gets to the same level of queer that Good Omens, I will be ecstatic. Because no, queerness is not 'just' about sex or making out or high heat. But it is about being queer and being in a relationship.

But I don't expect that here. At all. I expect the show to go on its merry way teasing us with hints of something but making sure that it always stays friendship in the show because that's what they're doing. Am I certain? No. Who knows? I don't know, I can't predict that stuff.

But the idea that the dichotomy is high heat versus low heat in this scenario is a false one. This about queer versus not queer and this is about a relationship versus a friendship. Implying a life partnership that they choose in each other is one thing and that would be welcome but that is not a guarantee and that is not what most of us are hoping for.

I do think that a kiss is important to many aspects of making a romantic relationship (I know @absolutebl holds to that strongly and I do agree with them) but I would be happy if this show even implied any kind of relationship...

Anyway.

This went on forever, I did my best to express this but what I'm really trying to say is that no one is implying that they're not going to be close and in each other's lives when we say it's not going to be a queer show, we're saying that the show itself is not going to embrace their relationship as a romantic one regardless of the heat level.

But I think the real answer is... no. It's not enough anymore to just vaguely imply that maybe they're in relationship but one that never involves kisses or saying the word or speaking of their love. It's not enough. The world is moving past that.

[confessions-official]

When I was introduced to the concept of asexuality, I knew right away that's what I was. I accepted it as a part of myself because there were so many ace-positive posts saying "Asexuals can still love, they're not freaks or weirdos, they can feel romantic attraction, see?"

Learning I was aromantic was much harder. Around the time I was introduced to the term there was a huge backlash to asexuals, people were saying asexuals aren't real lgbt (look up ace discourse if you don't know what I'm talking about).

The people I was surrounded by, my "friends" were ace exclusionists and believed the only real lgbt are in the acronym: lesbians, gay, bi, and (binary) trans...

I was so fucking deep in denial because of them, telling myself I was queer enough because I was definitely an asexual gay man, not aroace, and therefore a 'real' lgbt.

Eventually, I left that "friend" group. It took more than half a decade to overcome enough of their abuse to accept I was fully aromantic, not grey, not demi, just aromantic. Much of that was because of the aromantic positivity posts that started popping up lately saying "Aromantics can still love, they can love their friends, see?"

I was starting to think I was okay. Sure, sometimes I felt soulless, without empathy, somewhat numb, but really, I loved my friends! My pets! My family! Even my fandoms! Really, I can love :) I'm not heartless!

And then I heard of the term "loveless". Loveless aromantic...

I'm not fucking okay right now. So much fucking denial for years, and I've been telling myself that everything is okay because even if I don't feel much for those around me I still love them, I still care about them

But now that I've heard the term loveless, everything makes so much more sense, and not in a good way. Every time a family member has told me they love me and I haven't responded until they practically demanded it, the fact that I haven't really felt close to any friends I've made (even the good ones). The fact that even when I felt 'love' for someone, it was the same exact feeling as any other common joy...

I've spent the whole day, thinking back on everything I've ever said. One time I literally said "people can love without feeling the emotion, because love isn't actually an emotion!"

I should have realized then.

I don't feel love, not really. I don't love my family. I don't love my friends. I don't love my pets, I doubt I love my fandoms.

I don't know if it's because something wrong with me from the beginning, or if years of abuse from so many sources ruined my ability to love altogether, but I've never felt more inhuman than I do right now.

Is a life without love with living? I've been told, point blank, it's not.

I need to believe it is. At this point that's the only belief holding me together.

.

[zanzibarhamster]

FORGOT THE NUMBERS UBh every oddly number

ALL RIGHT LET'S GO (character is big boss mentioned in another ask)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

big boss has a really compelling negative character arc and has a lot of grayness to him. he's a hero to some and a villain to others, and we get to watch the slider slowly go from one end of the other, which is not a kind of main character that you see a lot, especially in games. i think a lot of the discourse about him, including the insanely polar-opposite takes of dudebros who think he's a super cool anti-hero vs the queer fans who think he's an irredeemable psychopath from day 1, is because neither one is entirely wrong. also, the che guevara parallel really really works for that reason.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

hayter's voice acting does not always land. sorry but it's true.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

definitely kings by tribe society (spotify, lyrics)

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

i like how many artists reject the way his canon models are mostly hairless with a chiseled six-pack (bc lbr neither one of those makes sense for the character) and go some degree of bear with him. 10/10.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

...my gut instinct was "no" but honestly he's lived in very tight quarters with other people for many years so he's probably a pretty mindful roommate. the downside is he also probably doesn't know how to function without a KP chart and will be more than a little bitchy if I don't stick to whatever day of the week i'm supposed to wash the floors. i could do worse.

11. Would you date this character?

absolutely the fuck not.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

he wouldn't use emojis even if he knew what they were and how to use them. but 📦 suits him for obvious reasons.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

shocking absolutely everyone, bbkaz.

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

not sure how to parse this question so i'm going to hype my other bb ships which are bbeva and bbroy. he's weak to a very specific type of person okay.

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

i don't really have this? i do wish we had more closure on his relationship with eva, the way i make sense of eva pining for him for the rest of her life while he barely even mentions her is that i hc that their last conversation was 1) about the twins, 2) went extremely badly, and 3) she feels guilty about how badly he took it while he just cut her out of his life and never looked back. but i wish we actually knew what happened.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

not sure i have a favorite but my least favorite thing by far is to have him watch someone else fight. choreographing fight scenes is a pain in the ass already bc i tend to try to work within specific arts a character might know like judo or aikido instead of just doing it by vibes, and the last thing i need is to deal with a character that uses every single technical term for all of those techniques and provides running commentary on top of it.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

i'm on mobile but insert screenshot of when he is naked against the wall of a cell in portable ops here.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

mgs3 was the first game i played bc i was told to play in timeline order and my first impression was that he was kind of a dumbass but in an endearing way and his relationship with the boss was cute. which more or less still holds up as part of my opinion on him at that point on the timeline. it got more complicated.

[autisticlee]

i've noticed that there's always a lot of discourse about trying on labels like for sexuality and gender for example. people saying if you dont know, don't claim am identity. people complaining about people using labels lying and being fakes. complaining when someone changes their lable/identity.

you even see it in conservatives who whine and cry about gender and sexuality saying stuff like "you can't know that yet/you're too young/what if it changes/you can't just decide now and change later" and seeing queer people say the same things can be super discouraging and alienating.

because the thing is, humans do change. It's a natural phenomenon we can't do anything about. it's perfectly ok to feel one way now and then realize you feel differently later on. it can be because life experiences changed who you, or you realize/discover something, or etc.

also, how will someone know who/what they are without trying things out to see what fits? to see what feels right? not everyone just KNOWS who they are or what they want or how they feel automatically. telling people they can't experiment to see what works does nothing but alienate them and make them feel even more lost and alone.

i know it's a bit more of a touchy and difficult subject and im debating adding it in, but I see a similar discourse for example in the autistic community where people try to gatekeep the identity for only "officially diagnosed" people. (I was trying to think of something else that's not only gender/sexuality because my whole point should apply to more than just queer identities but this is all I could think of atm) i've seen it in other communities as well (mental or physical illnesses and disabilities and stuff for example) you have to relate to an identity basically, in order to bring it to a doctor. usually a doctor won't just say "oh you have this!" on their own; you have to tell the doctor "I think I have this" and sometimes it takes you years of research to figure out things yourself (because we all know doctors can be useless at times) by that point, if someone is putting that much time into a thing, there less chance of them faking it. if they think they have a disorder like DID but don't, then they still need help. but there shouldn't be so much aggression towards people who get evaluated or reevaluated and realize they were wrong. it's actually ok to be wrong and correct yourself later, contrary to popular belief. 1 or 19 or even 100 people being wrong doesn't mean we should let that reflect on *everyone* and let people with ill intent call everyone a "faker"

even if it turns out you were wrong, there's no real harm in trying on things until you reach a final conclusion. it's other people's opnions and reactions to it that are the harmful part.

[imagine if you had to guess what clothes and shoes would fit you, look good on you, and feel good without trying them on, you have to decide on one only, and then you have to keep wearing only those clothes and shoes after that and can never change out of them. that's so silly, right?]

sometimes you have to make guesses about your identity first and get confirmation later. sometimes you guess that you are a cishet man and date a cishet woman and realize a few years into the relationship that you are actually a trans lesbian. It's perfectly fine and normal to change after some time! we all need to not gatekeep and instead support each other. accept each other either way.

if someone feels they are trans for years and transitions and then realizes they are actually nonbinary and maybe slides into a more androgynous state or even stops transition or detransitions, don't call them fake! if someone is aroace and then starts dating, realizing they felt that way due to trauma in the past but were able to heal from it, don't call then a fraud! if a lesbian falls in love with a man and realizes she's actually bi, don't say she lied or tricked you!

yes, I know that there's often stigmas and stereotypes about changing. the whole "it's just a phase" thing for example. or accusing people of "following a trend." and the whole fact that the phobes always try to force their harmful belief that these identities are a "choice" and "choosing" them is wrong. change can mimic "a choice," but change does not always equal choice! someone changing does NOT always mean they are choosing something different. many times in life change isn't a choice!!! the fact that reflects poorly on the lables/communities by those who already have a bias against them is what needs change.

but that's the thing. that's precisely what i'm saying. we need to break down those stigmas around change. so what if it's a "phase" ???? why can't someone have an experience for a short time and then change it later due to whatever reason or circumstances? why can't someone try something out and then realize it's not right later on? why do we have to decide on a label or identity for life while still trying to figure out who we are? why is someone naturally changing or realizing something about themselves considered lying and fake? why do we let other people's bad opinions create stigmas and stereotypes around everything and then let that dictate everything we do? instead of gatekeeping and hurting potential new community members, why can't we break down those stereotypes and stigmas instead? instead of shaming people who try out your lables, why not shame and demonize the people that throw stereotypes and stigmas at you just because someone else is trying to figure out who they are still????? why let haters dictate how you treat others?

choose the right battles. fight the right people.

[thetreetopinn]

[A deleted image of the profile of the person who left these tags, that excluded their username, and highlighted the age '22' in said profile]

EDIT: so the person who left these tags on an earlier post of mine obviously decided to come looking through my posts and found this. They sent me an ask requesting that I remove the screenshot of their profile (sans username) because it made them feel uncomfortable. Now, I'm not one to be needlessly cruel but... honey... it's on your publicly visible profile. And it's not like I gave away your username so no one's gonna be coming for you. Also "please don't bring my identity into this"--again, you've made it publicly visible. Trust and believe there are going to be LOADS of people who are more than happy to use your identity against you in far, FAR more unkind ways. I should think you would be interested in learning as much as you can from the older members of the queer community but--I get it, newly minted adult, you know best. Us "old folks" have outlived our usefulness in your eyes.

If--as you say--this was just a moment's irritation, well... it sure seems like I got WAY under your skin. I'm afraid you're in for a LOT worse in life if this was all it took to bother you. I suggest learning to pick your battles, learn when to just let it pass on by, like leaves on the river. But, I have complied with your wishes. Doesn't change what I have to say, and it really just reinforces the point I try to make below.

===WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE POST AS IT WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN===

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN!!!

Sit down, please. We need to have a talk. And this is only TENGENTIALLY related to the Bluey discourse.

Your profile says your 22. I'm going to assume that's accurate. To a lot of people, you're still just a kid because you're only just out of adolescence. You think because you're a newly minted adult that you have a complete and multi-faceted understanding of the world. I was there once. I had my "I know better than everyone and I'm going to change the world!" phase. I had my pizza-cutter phase--all edge, no point. I had my "the world is a terrible place and it should all burn down" phase. I had many other phases ranging through age 15 to 28.

WE ALL HAVE MOMENTS LIKE THIS.

When you get older, your perspective changes. It happens LITERALLY to everyone--if you're open to growth. If you adhere rigidly to what you believe when you're 18-22 by the time you're in your 30's, then you haven't grown.

Your priorities shift. What you find attractive shifts. What you find unpleasant shifts. Heaven forbid you actually figure out what I'm on about because then you might... *GASP*... have to change your mind!!

I say this with all the love and respect that anyone who is part of the queer community deserves--you WILL understand when you're older.

Right now, you're not even old enough to rent a car. You might still be in college, or maybe you're working a shitty job (because almost universally... jobs are shitty, I work a shitty job), but you have not lived through enough of the world to have amassed enough experience to properly understand why the whole "you'll understand when you're older" is so fucking powerful.

And it never stops.

10 year old me didn't understand what 15 year old me understood.

15 year old me didn't understand what 20 year old me understood.

20 year old me didn't understand what 25 year old me understood.

Certain things have not changed of course. I still believe in fairness and equality and that people who actively seek to harm others should be stopped and punished. I still believe that everyone is entitled to live how they wish to live so long as no one is being harmed.

I have however grown in certain ways. I've learned a lot more about what racism is and looks like and how it can manifest. I've learned a lot more about the queer community--especially because I was a late bloomer in that regard. I've learned a lot about politics and how the systems we live under are structured for specific purposes and those in power intrinsically work to reinforce them, no matter if they know they're doing wrong or if they think they're doing good.

Growth is necessary. If you aren't growing, then you're stagnating. And if you're stagnating, then you're dying.

Trust me. I really do mean this, and in no way disrespectfully because you clearly are so deeply bothered by this, and you may have people telling you this to dismiss your identity or your attraction or your very existence as a person... you will understand when you're older.

Experience is the greatest teacher--because it comes with a wide array of tools, including failure, embarrassment, and revelation.

There are still a great many things I do not understand, that I'm sure will come as I get older myself. I don't understand how my parents could possibly fall into right-wing conspiracy talking points. Perhaps as I get older, I'll better understand what pushed them into it--and I'll be better guarded against it myself. I used to not understand why someone would want to turn on their heated seat in the car in the middle of summer when it's 90+ outside... then I started having back issues as I got past a certain age. I didn't understand a lot--even just five years ago--that I have a better understanding of now.

That's the funny thing about time. It moves forward whether we like it to or not. Ten years ago me probably wouldn't have been as big a fan of Bluey as current me. Bandit isn't just a good dad and husband. He's confident in himself. He's satisfied with being cool-but-uncool, because he knows that chasing what's 'cool' is ultimately self-defeating and he just... is. He has flaws and imperfections and even has a temper. He's not an idealized figure up on a pedestal. He's comfortable with himself--with his life, with his identity, with who has grown into being.

I WISH I had even a MODICUM of that degree of zen sensibility.

These things may not be that important to you right now--at least when it comes to looking for a partner or being attracted to someone, but if you let yourself grow, and you let go of the superficial, and you find what really matters to you, you'll see that yeah... you did find out that you understood, and all it took was getting a little older.

Maybe I'll learn to be more chill about things. Who knows? I guess I'll have to find out when I'm older.