#putting on john what she can't take etc etc

[shallowseeker]

I know, I know. "She was only perfect after she died," and it's a tempting view: a stereotypical "man causing trouble in the marriage."

But consider: what if the majority of the marital discord came from Mary herself--stepping out to "tie up loose ends," or "to send a message to another hunter about one little hunt," then not being able to explain her absences. (She'd rather John think she's stepping out on him than...hunting.)

"I need time to think," John says over the phone. "What's there to think about?" she says, shutting him down, pressuring him with her trump card: her kids. "You've got two boys at home."

[fideidefenswhore]

Part of what I find... ironic, if I may say so: Henry VIII's contemporaries praised how Jane Seymour was more discreet and submissive (obviously comparing Anne), but that's what makes her such a mystery today. No one knows what she was really like as a person, because she had to play all this role to keep herself as queen. This is why she is considered the least favorite of wives (and don't help some works try sell her as a sweet angel).

Well, that praise has been translated very much at face-value, very literally, so many would argue that there's no enigma. Jane was not so much a constant as a new constant and an unknown quantity; and the sense of stability was to some extent merely this extension of the former status quo (Princess Mary was not reinstated, in contrast to the usual narrative, it's Jane's ascendancy that sees Mary's supporters interrogated and/or arrested, and even soon after, sees Mary's chamberlain executed, this is the second marriage in as many years whose legitimacy and issue is affirmed by Parliament, without sanction, nor even this time, dispensations from the Pope); but the very nature of the praise (Jane as anodyne, Jane as gentle and sweet) is testament to the toothlessness of her tenure.

Measured approaches are going to help with that (people don't like being spoon-fed, nor about-faces, The Tudors actually does give us the blueprint of her usual historical narrative) but unfortunately there aren't many. So like, Retha Warnicke is one of the only historians to mention the dissonance of the report of her plea for the restoration of the abbeys versus the evidence that Jane and her family owned properties of the Dissolution. Unfortunately, she also just completely discredits that report, claiming that it was from Chapuys and thus cannot be trusted (it's definitely not, he never in his life referred to Mary as anything other than 'the princess', not 'Madame Marie'), despite that it turns up twice by two different sources; so actually what she does there is deny any dissonance when it's dissonance that makes historic people compelling (I usually just see the reverse of this from fandom, Jane was an angel without agency nor autonomy and thus every single thing she did or accepted she was 'forced' to do by Henry, including her own inventory inclusive of the above, including marrying him, etc...)

[gloomwitchwrites]

I absolutely love your stories they’re so amazing! Can I please request the task force and pranking them by telling them a guy did your Brazilian wax

Thank you! I can't take all the credit. I might be the writer, but the Imagines Series couldn't be what it is without all the amazing ideas people have submitted. I'm honestly blown away by the amount of creativity and ideas sent my way. My inbox is full of wonderful requests, and while it's going to take me a bit to get to them all, I'm eager to complete them!

The amount of prank requests I've been getting has been so fun. Not just this one, but telling mom to shut up, and the premium air prank, etc. All of these make me giggle and have been a blast to work on. Thank you so much for sending this in!

Presented in four double drabbles.

For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE

Task Force 141 x Female Reader

Content & Warnings (per the warnings MDNI): swearing, suggestive themes, established relationship, pranks, non-descriptive nudity

Word Count: 800

ao3 // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist

John Price

John briefly licks the pad of his thumb before counting out the appropriate amount of pound notes.

“This enough?” he asks, presenting it to you.

It’s more than enough. “Plenty. Thank you, John.”

He leans forward a bit, and you eagerly greet him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. Drawing back, you give him your best smile. But beneath the grin is a trick.

You want to mess with him a bit.

“I have a new waxer,” you shrug, adding the cash to your wallet. “Cheryl put in her notice.”

Cheryl did not put in her notice. That woman probably won’t retire until she dies.

John inclines his head, already turning away. “That’s too bad. You liked her.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, grabbing your purse. “They’ve put me with someone new. A Mark? Mike? No—Marcus? I think.”

John freezes. He slowly turns back, cheeks bright red. “What?”

“It starts with an ‘m’,” you muse.

“Your new waxer is a man?”

“Yes,” you shrug. “And?” John’s face resembles a beet. “Everything good?”

“Where does Cherly work now?”

“John—”

He grabs his phone from his pocket and starts tapping away at it. "I want to know if she accepts walk-ins."

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

Kyle's hand slowly runs over your newly waxed skin. "Look at you. So soft and smooth." His touch makes you shiver.

"You paid for it," you murmur.

"I did," smiles Kyle, head dipping.

His tongue makes contact, and you release a moan. It’s slightly distracting, but not enough to detract from you poking at him.

“Had a new waxer,” you sigh as Kyle goes in for another taste.

“Did you?” he asks absently, more interested in your new smoothness.

“A man, actually. Undergoing training. There were two of them in the room.”

Kyle's head snaps up. "What?"

"Why'd you stop?" you whimper.

"There were two men that waxed you?"

“No, Kyle. Just one.”

A series of emotions pass over Kyle's face. His mouth opens. Closes. And then his hand forms a fist, fingers flexing and relaxing as he mulls over something.

"Everything okay?" you ask, suddenly worried.

“Can’t be that hard.” Kyle pushes away from the couch and reaches for his phone. “Or expensive.”

“What can’t? Kyle. What are you talking about?”

You lean forward and see him adding a waxing kit to his online shopping cart.

“No,” you say firmly. “You’re not putting hot wax anywhere near my vagina.”

John "Soap" MacTavish

"Oh, what's this?"

Johnny's hands are on your thighs and then beneath your skirt in a moment.

"Johnny!"

"Is this for me? You don't have to. You know I like a good adventure through the woods."

"Johnny!" you say again, slapping his arm playfully as his fingers lightly squeeze, making your squirm in his grasp.

"Was this on my dime?" he asks.

"Maybe."

"Oh, aye. Am I gonna find an unknown charge?"

"With a tip. A large tip. My waxer deserved it. He did a good job."

"Oh, they—he?"

"Yes. That a problem?"

Johnny's hands don't retreat but he's staring at you—hard. You arch an eyebrow and he finally speaks. "Your waxer is a man?"

No.

"Yes."

Johnny nods and then he leans in, lowering his voice. “You’re taking the piss.”

“I’m—”

“I saw your location. I checked it out. They don’t have a single male employee in that place.”

Your face grows hot.

Johnny’s hands squeeze a bit harder, and then he lands a brief smack against the curve of your ass. “Lying to me, love?” Johnny tsks. He palms the curve of your ass where it stings. “Suppose I should punish you.”

“Maybe you should.”

Simon "Ghost" Riley

You reject the call and clutch your phone to your chest. You've messed up. Royally. Pranking Simon is always a terrible idea.

The texts were just a tease. Just a way to push Simon’s buttons.

I have a new waxer.

I thought it would be one of the other ladies.

But no!

It was a guy!

Your phone buzzes again and you nearly throw it across the room. It’s Simon. You decline the call. Everything is quiet for a few brief seconds before a text message from him comes through.

Answer your phone.

You click out a reply.

I'm in the car!

His reply comes instantly.

You're at home. I know your location.

Another incoming call. This one you answer.

"Simon,” you say flatly.

"What location did you go to?" he asks, voice rough with tension.

"Why?" you counter.

"What's his name?" he snaps.

"I know what you're doing, Simon.”

You always forget just how deep his possessive streak goes.

Silence. Then, "I just want to talk."

"Simon.”

He growls your name in warning.

"You don't need to go there. Just...come home. You can see the results for yourself."

He sighs. "I'll be there in ten. Be ready for me."

taglist:

@glitterypirateduck @km-ffluv @tiredmetalenthusiast @cherryofdeath @ferns-fics

@tulipsun-flower @miss-mistinguett @ninman82 @eternallyvenus @no-oneelsebutnsu

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@ash-tarte @enarien @gingergirl06 @greeniegreengreen @certainlygay

[see-arcane]

I have been possessed by a stronger than average craving for tinkering with Jonathan Harker's genders (Jonders). Jonathan Harker is undeniably and forever my favorite gothic heroine. But, being that there is so much to chew on regarding his potential fluidity when it comes to gender roles within the story--the classic damsel, the willingly submissive half of the couple, the vengeful berserker, etc--it's got me thinking.

Let's take the metaphor out. What would happen to the Dracula narrative if Jonathan Harker was...

First thing's first--she almost definitely gets shouldered out of the Important Solicitor's position due to reasons of Being Girl. But she still has to get to Transylvania to be menaced by Count Bat Bastard. How?

Hawkins! Johanna is working at the firm as a secretary and personal assistant to a still very paternally mushy old Peter Hawkins. When Dracula's request comes around, he can't give up such a lucrative client over his gout and there's no one he trusts to pass it to. He has to go. And it'd only be right to treat his surrogate daughter to a paid scenic vacation have his aide along on the business trip. Especially when she hunted down Carfax Abbey herself! What a lovely outing they'll have.

...or not.

True to form, Count Dracula is very much not to be trusted around pretty young things of any kind. Considering his canon habits, things aren't about to go any easier for Miss Harker. But at least she has Hawkins watching out for her in-person! It all makes for some very tense talk when discussing anything other than the estate purchase; which Hawkins seems as keen to rush as Dracula is to dawdle over. But at least they'll be out of here soon. What's a couple of awkward nights, right?

One in particular has Johanna nervous as she goes to bed. Hawkins had taken Dracula aside with a hard smile, insisting there was a 'delicate matter' he wished to speak with the Count about. The last time a 'delicate matter' was brought up was when he nearly lobbed a typewriter at one of his ex-solicitor's heads for some distinctly unseemly behavior in her direction. She hopes there isn't a storm brewing under their host's roof. She hopes harder that tomorrow they'll be heading back to the Borgo Pass.

Instead:

Oh.

Oh no.

Between this and one requisite nightmare-week in which the joys of womanhood come and go--let's leave it unspoken whether her set of bloodstained cloths stay in her possession or not--Johanna gets put through the wringer. Per usual. But eventually..!

Yeah. No shock there. Deep calming breaths, Jack. Don't let the wonderful diary concuss you.

Part of being one of two (gasp) G I R L S in the Scooby Gang, Van Helsing and company vote Johanna and Mina out of the dirt hunt. Except. Well. Johanna is still necessary to have on the ground here. She's the only one with the location intel--and a surprise willed gift of inheritance and the firm from poor Hawkins, who the Transylvanian locals all vouch for as being 'slain by wolves,' leaving Johanna free of blame--so she's still running around for the crew.

Even so, odds are high that she initially gets sidelined with Mina. Which isn't overly awful. It is good to be side-by-side in this timeline! No needless sequestering from each other! Johanna is already planning to see Mina back to their new house before they have to sleep another night in an asylum.

And then comes the 3rd of October.

Van Helsing: "Madam Harker, is it not somewhat attention-catching to wear trousers in public? We are meant to be unremarkable while we wait on th--"

Johanna, has already smoked through two cigars, kukri in her lap, playing a game of chicken with God: "Do you think I scaled a mountain in three layers of skirts, Professor? No? Then I will not do the same if the rancid bastard tries to escape out the window."

Van Helsing, aside: "Friend John, can you speak sense to her?"

Jack, melting off the side of the bench: "I think I hauve consumption"

Anyway. She very much does get to the Dracula head chopping. And there will be much rejoicing. BUT all that grimdarkness aside, there are other, more hijinks-flavored opportunities to think of with this particular set up. If only because I genuinely believe that Lucy and Art, having two spare best friends on hand and a general vibe that radiates 'ooooh what if triple wedding???', would come up with the following master plan. Some truly Shakespearean folly kind of shit:

Thankfully, Johanna and Mina nix the idea pretty quick. Case in point:

And, last but not least, my final word on the range of Jonders that exist within my very best gothic heroine friend:

ha ha I do that

[celestialprincesse]

I love poly 141 x (fem/afab)reader way too much, so what if reader finds out that she’s pregnant? Like me personally I love it when I’m reading a silly lil fic and the fmc hides her pregnancy until it’s a bit noticeable but like obvi they’d have really good trust in each other, reader would tell them after she misses her period and she’s taken a test etc etc :D

Too many thoughts on this so sorry if it doesn’t make sense LOL

-R

YES YES YES YES I especially love when her partner sort of notices something is up, but doesn't push until she's ready to tell, even though he probably found the test in the bin or something🤭🤚

The main problem with keeping secrets in your relationship? John. Captain John Price.

He's always been hyper vigilant towards your needs - towards every minute aspect of your life. He knows how stressful it can be to not only share your home with four people, but four stressed, grumpy, massive military men with a penchant for eating you out of house and home? In his eyes you're a saint for putting up with all of them.

Because of this, he tries to streamline your day to day life as much as possible. The fridge stays stocked, as does the bathroom cabinet, always supplied with nice shampoos and conditioners, your favourite body lotion, and practically the entire sanitary product aisle of your local store.

The first red flag is the fact that the window during which you usually have your period has been and gone, and none of the new boxes of tampons he restocked have been opened.

He doesn't think much of it though, rationalising that maybe it's just late, or that you'd had some leftover from last month that you'd used up. Later on though, when Kyle comes home to you bent double over the kitchen sink, hurling up your guts, concerns raise substantially. He'd only been coming in to grab the charger for his laptop when he'd heard the ruckus, and promptly called for a day off to look after you.

You soon realise what's up, and promptly shit yourself when you realise that you're carrying a baby with four potential dads. Like Mamma Mia but so much worse - and with far less wonderful Greek architecture and bright sunshine.

The boys all manage to work it out before you do, especially when you cry until Simon takes you to your local drive-thru for burger pickles and a milkshake. Just burger pickles and a milkshake. They're all surprisingly calm about the fact that you're pregnant, albeit slightly concerned that they should maybe nudge you in the right direction, seeing as you try to go about day-to-day life when you can't even smell cheese without barfing.

When you do eventually stalk into the living room with a pregnancy test in hand, and a sheepish look on your face, they try their hardest not to act surprised, even though they've already been going through paint samples for the nursery, wondering which one you'll like best - and they hope, for your sake, that it's a girl. God forbid there's any more testosterone in your house.

[tinylilacbun]

Sunburn

Request: The second one would be at the beach!! Brother!jj keeps warning his sister to apply sunscreen but she doesn't want to listen and at the end of the day she got sunburns and cries to her brother and jj would be like "i told you, you ain't listening to me" but somehow will still applying after sunscreen, or a cream to ease her pain <33

Pairing: brother!jj maybank x toddler!sister!reader

Warnings: sunburn, fluff, not proofread cause I'm tired :3

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"We gonna go swim now?" You ask excitedly, holding JJ's hand and skipping by his side.

"Sure thing, squirt." He smiles at her, waiting for Kie to spread out the blanket before placing the cooler onto it together with the bag that was slung over is shoulder that had all necessities for you in it, such as snacks, your floaties, towels, etc.

You quickly get out of your shirt and shorts, revealing your swimsuit that had a turtle printed on the front, a gift you got from Kie on the first day of summer.

As JJ was rummaging through the bag for something specific you already took of running but didn't get far when he circles an arm around your body without even looking.

"Ah, ah, ah. Nice try." He chuckles, pulling out the sunblocker. "Didn't we forget somethin'?"

You make a grimace, shaking your head. "Don't need it! It's stinky."

"Trust me, ya would rather stink than have a sunburn later." He retorts, sighing when you didn't stop wriggling in his hold.

"Don't want it!" You whine loudly, pushing at his face so he would let you go.

He reluctantly let's go of you, dropping the sunblocker onto the blanket. He catches your wrist again as you were about to bolt after John B and Pope who were already jogging towards the water with their boards.

"Floaties." He reminds her, getting them out of the bag.

You huff but let him slid them over your arms, knowing that these are not up for discussion as you still can't swim without them.

"Can I go now?" You ask impatiently.

"Go." He waves you off, shaking his head with a smile as you dart off, shouting after you. "Stay close to JB or Pope!"

Kie had just finished getting out of her own clothes, smirking at the blonde. "She'll have one hell of a sunburn later."

JJ groans, grabbing your discarded clothes and dusting off from the sand before putting them in the bag for later. "Don't remind me but she gotta learn from it somehow."

Kie nods, reaching into her own bag and tossing a bottle of aloe vera at him. "You'll need that later."

"Thanks. You're a lifesaver." He smiles.

After a while of swimming and JJ helping you stand on his board a few times where you fell in the water a few time because he accidently shook the board you were now back on the sand, building castles with Kie while the boys did their thing.

Your sand castle was decorated with all kinds of shells, sticks, and leaves that you both collect from the beach.

Kie grimaces a little when she sees your back already in a light shade of red but continues to help you.

Soon enough the boys came out of the water for a snack and drink break. JJ whistles you over to him, holding out a juice box for you which you happily take. "Thank you."

He ruffles your hair and glances at your self made castle. "Whoa, that's a lit castle, cupcake."

You beam at that, smiling brightly. "You think so?"

"'Course I do. Y'think we can live in there?" He asks and you giggle.

"We too big for that, silly."

Later in the afternoon the pogues were sitting outside the Chateau with a crinkling fire, a few beers and some music while you were inside getting ready for bed.

JJ could hear you crying before you even came out, throwing his head back with a sigh. "There we go."

"Jay..." You sniffle, trotting over to him and tucking yourself into his side.

"What's wrong, hm?" He asks despite knowing the answer not even rubbing your back like he usually does when you're upset, knowing it would only hurt with the possible sunburn you definitely must have.

"It hurts!" You whimper against his bicep.

"What hurts? You gotta be specific, kiddo."

"My back." You mumble and he turns you around, lifting your shirt just enough to see your irritated skin.

"Damn, that's a nasty sunburn." He winces, turning you back around to face him. "I told ya this would happen."

The way you were looking at him with big teary eyes makes him soften and he stands up, picking you he carries you back inside and to the bathroom.

He sets you down on the toilet lid, patting your head. "Stay here, I'll be right back."

He leaves to retrieve the aloe vera cream Kie gave him earlier, rushing back to the bathroom. JJ grabs under your armpits to hoist you into a standing position, pulling your shirt over your head.

"Turn around. I promise it'll feel better soon." He instructs and starts to apply a good amount aloe vera onto your back, cooing softly when you whimper from the sudden coldness. "I know, I know."

As soon as he was done you turn back around still sniffling, reaching your arms out for him and he instantly scoops you up, swaying with you from side to side.

"Better listen to me next time."

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@chimindity

Taglist

For everything:

@my-river-lilly @pauntedblacknails @fanfictioniseverything @devilslilbabysblog @buckymydarlingangel @hallecarey1 @daybreakwinter @loveshineslikethesky @wandaslittlewhore @vase-of-lilies @white-wolf1940 @simpingbutch @mischiefsemimanaged @alina02 @teddybearsgrr @doozywoozy @angelbabydoll28 @glxwingrxse @lilymurphy03 @veryvaughnny @lokigirlszendaya @youngstarfishdinosaur @little--baby--bear @minideathgoddess @rach2602 @aagn360 @gh0stgurl @flourishandblotts-inc @fluffyblanketgecko @lovelyy-moonlight @yoruse @kissforvoid

For JJ:

@chiaraanatra

[princessmaybank]

Hearts At War : Part 1

Pairings: Dark!Rude!JJ x Kook!Fem!Reader, Enemies to Lovers

Warnings: Swearing, Alcohol, Weed, etc.

Summary: Sarah drags you to a kegger, where you see your old pal JJ.

Author's Note: My first series!!!

"Of course I'm sure! They'll love you!" Sarah exclaimed. She was dragging me to a kegger held by her pogue friends. I only knew a handful of pogues and they were all rude to me when I tried my hardest to be nice. Going into this I told her it's not a good idea but you can't really argue with Sarah Cameron.

We finally reached the boneyard and it was packed. I saw a bunch of people I knew. Friends would try to stop me to talk but Sarah kept pulling me until we reached a fire pit. I only knew one person at that fire.

"C'mon Sarah why'd you bring her?!" The hard-headed boy with blonde tousled hair complained. That was JJ Maybank, my sworn enemy since 5th grade when he pushed me on the playground. JJ has made every moment we spent together a living nightmare from then on. He was a little asshole then and an even bigger one now. "Get the fuck over it JJ! She's a nice girl!" Sarah stood up for me before introducing me to John B, Kie, Cleo, and Pope. None of them had a problem with me, we even had some great conversations so far, but the entire time someone kept quiet while their eyes dug into my soul.

"I'm gonna grab another drink." I whisper to Sarah before standing. "Oh no...leaving us so soon?" JJ's face and tone was covered in fake sadness. He pretended to pout when I stood. "Don't you worry Maybank, I'll be back soon. Don't miss me too much." I give him a fake smile and head to the keg to grab another beer. When I get there I notice the operator was even more intoxicated than most of the people here. I tried to pour it myself but he fought with me until he accidentally sprayed me with the booze. I had no choice but to walk back to Sarah and her friends. Hopefully someone had a spare shirt or something.

When I got back everyone looked at me concerned while JJ cackled at my appearance. "You're supposed to put the drink in your mouth." He continued laughing. At this point I was extremely annoyed and snapped. "You would know about shoving things in your mouth wouldn't you?" I practically shut him up and caused everyone around us to laugh. Sarah turned to me and asked what happened. Of course I explained what happened to everyone and they felt bad. I got a bunch of 'sorry's' and 'i don't have a spare shirt' comments. "Hey I think there might be a shirt in the Twinkie." John B announced. "Why would a shirt be in a dessert?" I asked confused and everyone laughed at me. "That's what he calls his van." Kie giggled. "Oh, well if you're okay with it-" I was cut off. "Wait- that's my shirt in there. Hell no!" JJ protested. "It's the property of the Twinkie now." Pope shrugs causing everyone to let out a small laugh. JJ looked like he was going to argue some more so I stopped him in his tracks. "I don't want your damn shirt Maybank. I'd rather reek of alcohol for the rest of my life." My eyes rolled as I crossed my arms. I meant what I said, I don't need his shirt.

I needed to get away from them for a little bit, so I went through the crowd and mingled with a few guys. Every one of them even more boring than the last. Even when I did find someone I was interested in, I got shot down. I wanna blame it on my alcohol stained clothes but I'm not sure. When I started walking back to the fire pit, I heard the most annoying voice call out to me. "Striking out?" JJ chuckled as he took a hit from his joint. He was leaned up against a tree, really trying his best to look like a bad boy. "You're stalking me now Maybank? Don't know if I should be scared or flattered." I cross my arms and give attitude. He rolls his eyes and takes another hit. "Oh shut up, why would I stalk you of all people?" He questioned. "You tell me. Why did you know I was 'striking out'?" I say with air quotes. "Oh you were? Lucky fuckin' guess." JJ took another hit then blew his smoke in my face.

"You're such a fucking dickhead!" I huff. JJ simply smiles at me. His fingers slowly brought the joint to his lips and before he could inhale, I stole it from his hand. It met my lips before he could complain and I walked away.

I found myself back at that fire pit where Sarah was now sitting on John B's lap with her tongue down his throat. Pope and Cleo were talking so I turned to Kie. "What is his problem?" I ask her while staring at the blonde who is currently shotgunning a beer with another Pogue. "Honestly? You. I don't know what you did to the boy, but he hates your guts. Always has." Kie spoke as she took the joint from my fingers.

"I didn't do anything. He's been a little dickhead for years and it just keeps getting worse." I say resting my elbows on my knees. "Maybe you should ask him why he acts like that." Kie shrugs. "He would rather spit in my face and toss me in the ocean." She laughed which caused my own to creep up on me. I look back over to the blonde who was already looking at me.

That's weird...

I could've sworn I just saw JJ Maybank staring at me..

[starberry-cupcake]

WE'RE DONE WITH BOOK 2!!! THIS IS IT!!! Time for one last recap for Harrowcita ♥

previously, in harrowcita del 9:

this happened

CHAPTER 52

last we've seen of Team Gideon (this is Team Gideon, Team Harrow is coming and going from the river rn), mercygirl had decimated dr reverend emperor john

popped him like a piñata

mercygirl and augustine start talking about how everything's gonna go directly to shit now without the guy, since the houses existed because of him, etc.

they have some sort of hope on finding somewhere they can go stay at, maybe

they hug and augustine says something like he wants to be buried beside her, so they can hate each other eternally

I love what they've got going on tbh they're soulmates in hate, new form of eternal bond just dropped

gideon the first is about to tell them something, but they're interrupted by light

gideon starts describing that red dust becomes blood and then becomes body things and I'm like "nonononononono"

BUT I'M NOT THAT LUCKY

GUESS WHO'S BACK

DOCTOR REVEREND EMPEROR JOHN IS NOT DEAD

LPM [in south american spanish]

packing back all my celebratory party supplies

so he immediately murders mercygirl upon returning

rip girl, you really tried and that's more than I can say for a lot of people

who are in this room rn

emperor asshat takes mercy's robe from her body and puts it on

he says "hope the sixth house didn't get cooked in the flare"

"I never like cleaning house all at once, but it seems as though I have to, don't I ?"

so...is this a frequent thing? killing all your lyctors? replacing them with others by making them slurp their cavaliers once in a while? acting like there's no other way around it?

the emperor does that asshole thing

he starts asking them if they'll be loyal to him and, if they say no, he's gonna kill them

all very democratic and whatnot

apparently beasts can't kill him and he was acting afraid, in case you needed more reasons to hate him and whatnot

he calls gideon the first "gideon episode one", so that's also a genetic trait, aside from the eyes

gideon the first says he's gonna be loyal

gideon the first is taking things very calmly, but we'll see what's going on with that in a sec

also, the emperor asked gideon the first to kill harrow

because he's still buying numbers for the ass-kicking raffle I've got going on

it isn't at all a surprise, not just because another addition to the silver platter of bullshit he has done, at this point, doesn't really change much, but also because he was not doing anything about the harrow-aimed violence at any point, so

gideon (ours) goes "go to hell, pops"

he's bummed about gideon the first "killing" wake and is going to spare gideon's life, even if she doesn't want to be loyal to him

yandere twin pledges loyalty (we'll come back to this later)

and augustine goes "fuck you, john"

those aren't his words but that's what I heard in my head when I read it

then, the entire emperor's bolthole starts tilting to the side and in goes the whole thing into the river

at this point, I was remembering that the emperor mentioned there was a layer in the river, in the cylinder schematics mercygirl had drawn, in which he was powerless

so I was hoping and wishing for this to be the plan

gideon the first takes our gideon, trying to save her from the whole river situation, since she isn't a necro and there's not much she can do about it

so, since the emperor's bolthole went straight into the river, they've entered with their whole body, soul and etc.

fully dressed in flesh

gideon the first goes "wish he'd given me the packet"

???????

augustine and the emperor are wrestling homoerotically into the river

with yandere twin trailing behind them

so gideon asks gideon Sr to do something, since he's a necromancer

and gideon Sr says he isn't actually gideon Sr....

IT'S PYRRHA THE CAVALIER

turns out gideon Sr died in the fight against the beast

battle he was fighting with "mad sweetheart matthias"

♥

pyrrha has been living in gideon Sr this whole time, kinda like gideon and harrow, but with less finesse

and pyrrha ALSO had an affair with wake using gideon Sr's body

but there's no time to unpack the insane amount of luggage gideon is gaining from this whole encounter with her entire family tree

because augustine's plan was indeed to throw the emperor into the bit of river he can't defend himself in

but the entrance looks a bit like this thing from inuyasha, only that's a lot bigger

augustine and the emperor are still homoerotically pulling each other on their way down to the mouth, that's extending tongues to lick at them

it's probably a familiar scenario for them, only in a bigger scale

gideon and pyrrha are trying to decide if they wanna die by a bullet, by this whole thing that's going on in here or in the river

according to pyrrha, gideon's mom would have taken the bullet

but not gideon

gideon is gonna see this thing through, dammit

she's also having an existential crisis the size of the emperor's bolthole because life was simple before, it was just harrow and the dusty ninth, and now there's a family tree, she's a child of multiple divorces and she was born to blow up

so, gideon sees that yandere twin is close to augustine and dr rev emperor john, which means she can probably help augustine out and push the emperor in

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE DOES, NO

NO NO NO NO

WHAT SHE DOES

IS TO BE THE WORST

OF COURSE, YOU VALIDATION-SEEKING ASSHOLE, OF COURSE YOU'RE GONNA DO THAT

"uwu you're the emperor's favorite, harry" "at least augustine pays attention to me, harry" "the emperor loves you, harry" "you have it easy because you're the emperor's pet, harry"

GET OUT OF MY FACE YOU TRAITOROUS THIRD HOUSE ATTENTION-SEEKING TIM-BURTON-BLONDE-AND-PALE LEAD

YOU AND CHAD CAN GO STRAIGHT TO THE FANG-FILLED MOUTH OF HELL

I'M FUMING

I'M GONNA BITE HER ARM OFF AND RIP IT FROM HER BODY ALL OVER AGAIN

AND I'M GONNA SPIT IT RIGHT AT THE EMPEROR'S FACE

ANYWAY, BACK TO THE RECAP

gideon is being very poetic about harrow in what she thinks might be the last moments of her life

again

"at the end of everything, if it was going to be you and me, layered over each other as we always were"

♥

but in comes ice cube barbie to...save the day?????

idk, at this point

people's intentions are blurry

"your bullshit dead girlfriend had come to claim you"

gideon says she speaks "in the wrong voice twice removed" and that she's trying to do CPR on her

to some extent, because her sternum is shattered, apparently

or harrow's, I guess

so, who knows what's gonna come out of this

CHAPTER 53

this one happens half an hour before the other stuff

for the timeline that I'm still somewhat keeping, hanging by a thread, as is my sanity

Team Harrow is currently just consisting of harrowcita, the reverend kitten, and real!dulcinea

the super important info real!dulcinea said she needed to tell harrow is that what's using harrow's body isn't a spirit or a revenant

her body isn't being puppeted, something is moving it around and it isn't a fragment or a ghost

because it doesn't feel like awake will the real slim shady please stand up

is this gideon???? does it mean gideon is more than a ghost?????

real!dulcinea is like "idk what you can do with that info but that's not up to me anymore, bye~"

and harrow goes "there's a difference between keeping a shred of dance card and saving the last dance"

IS THIS HOPE???? ARE WE HANGING ONTO HOPE????

I SURE AM

so, into the river goes harrow

(if you wanna reblog onto better things harrow, this is the post)

there's the corridor from the last time

and she ends up in the locked tomb

always back to the tomb

wonder why the series is called that

but there's nobody in the actual tomb

chains are broken and there's the two-handed sword that the sleeper waker slasher awake love the way you lie had with her

harrow goes to mimir in the tomb

but in she finds...

P*RN

apparently it's a gideon originally imagined piece of high quality fifth house erotica

of course it is

EPILOGUE

six months after the "emperor's murder"

I DON'T THINK HE'S DEAD THOUGH

YANDERE TWIN DECIDED TO RUIN THINGS BECAUSE SHE CAN'T DEAL WITH AUTHORITY REJECTION OR WHATEVER

DON'T MAKE ME GET INTO THIS AGAIN

MY BLOOD PRESSURE CAN'T TAKE IT

sixth house skull though, we love to see that

so there's a "she"

who is being taken care of by three people

one is teaching her how to do necromancy, another how to use a sword and another is taking care of her

maiden, mother and crone

my first bet was judith, regina george twin and camilla

undetermined, though

idk why judith would be helpful, but those are three people we know of that were alive and kickin'

they're eating nice food but when a vendor makes a comment about how "she" should have been hurt by the hot food and she wasn't, they decide to ghost that vendor forever

they're somewhere around soldiers and gunfights

this "she" perspective then starts waxing poetic about the person who takes care of her

and asks "have you worked out who I am?"

and CAMILLA answers "not yet"

WHAT A HOPEFUL THING TO END WITH

THE BOOK ENDS WITH A LIE, THOUGH????

"the tomb will open in alecto the ninth"

gonna have to wait a whole other book for the tomb to open, I guess

harrow's taking a long nap

she deserves it

@lady-harrowhark told me the situation of the book releases when I mentioned how I thought this was a trilogy that had ended and she had to give the "oh, sweet summer child" explanation

who the fuck is nona though

is this "she" nona? maybe it is

she's smiling in the cover, which is already an oddity, but if she's been taking care of by camilla, that's a good reason to smile forever

I NEED TO STOP THEORIZING

ANYWAY, this is it for Harrowcita Del Nueve!!!! The adventure continues, though, because the hiatus I went in allowed me to get Nona beforehand and I already have a cute bookmark for her that my sister gifted me. See you in the next one!!!!

[bambi-kinos]

Hey!

I was listening to double fantasy today - specifically ‘I’m Losing You’ (heartbreaking song)

In my eyes, very Paul McCartney break up based. But I thought their relationship had been on good terms in 1980, so in your opinion why did John write this song?

Thanks :)

I'm Losing You has always struck me as John's good-bye song to Yoko, nothing to do with Paul. He really did care about her, or what he thought she represented. Letting go of her was a long process. The lines about the stranger's room and the phone always makes my ears perk up because Fred Seaman said that Yoko was constantly on her landline, all day and all night. She barricaded herself inside her office and often slept there so that she didn't have to deal with Sean and John. Yoko had Fred move John's stuff in and out of his room when he left to sail to Bermuda. If he hadn't come up with Double Fantasy, she was planning to divorce him and take him for everything. John knew that or suspected when he came back, I don't see why Fred wouldn't have warned him. I think the song maps to this pretty reliably:

Here in some stranger's room Late in the afternoon What am I doing here at all? Ain't no doubt about it I'm losing you

Yoko moved everything back into John's bedroom as soon as she heard about plans for Double Fantasy but I fully expect John to have known or been warned about what she had done. He knew the room was no longer his.

Somehow the wires have crossed Communication's lost Can't even get you on the telephone Just got to shout about it I'm losing you

One of the reliable ways of contacting Yoko was through her phone which John could use. However she also barricaded herself away from him, sent him to Korean brothels and massage parlors to deny him sex and intimacy, John had a screaming argument with Yoko that was about John not understanding the Japanese staff at their apartment, etc. Even if he called her she wouldn't have picked up. Straight to answering machine!

Well, here in the valley of indecision I don't know what to do I feel you slipping away

John spent a lot of time babbling his head off to Fred about second chances and working at love and relationships etc. To me it's always read as the scared chatter of a man who knew a train was hurtling towards him. Major fear of the unknown and understandably paralyzed by the end of his marriage. I fully believe John wanted to leave Yoko but he was struggling against inertia.

Well now you say you're not getting enough But I remind you of all that bad, bad, bad stuff So what the hell am I supposed to do? Just put a band-aid on it? And stop the bleeding now Stop the bleeding now Well...

Well, well, well I know I hurt you then But hell, that was way back when Well, do you still have to carry that cross? (Drop it!) Don't wanna hear about it I'm losing you

Yoko had many ways of communicating her moods to John and regardless of whether it was good, he was very attuned to her and her desires. I see this phrasing as John finally finding his backbone. He blew up his life for this woman and she never thanked him for it. He was getting sober and getting inspired and was finally telling her to fuck off.

But he's obviously going to have complex feelings towards her despite everything so I'm Losing You is John working through that.

[thelovetheystole]

It's another long rant, I'm afraid...

Why are people treating crumbs as a feast with Emmerdale these days? I remember back when we would complain about the lack of Robron scenes in general, no real conclusions to their fights, both their povs not being shown etc. But we were well fed and most importantly, we knew they knew each other. And pretty early on too.

I just had someone tell me that the show is committed to Aaron and John as a couple, and John as a character. Well, if this is the show's idea of commitment, what does their non-commitment look like?

They actually put it in the script that John didn't realize how close Aaron and Robert were or that they shared so much even though he knew they were married. That is the show telling us, the viewers, this couple doesn't talk. They don't know each other. They may even say they love each other at one point, but they don't talk, not about important stuff anyway. Even off screen.

Aaron clams up if someone speaks Robert's name to him. He can't talk about him when his boyfriend asks, 5 years later, without flying off the handle and shutting down the conversation. In canon. Yet his boyfriend and Robert share dna and a last name! Aaron deflects, claims he doesn't love Robert anymore, only Seb. And John believes him? Even with the reactions it brings out of Aaron? Okay.

But they haven't shown them talking about other things either, like this Aiden Moore, or spending 12 years in the army, why he was living in his van or if he has any significant exes?

Or Aaron's other boyfriends, his prison past, life on the run in France, his other traumas, his relationship with his mum. Liv! The illegal activities that he apparently still partakes in, for fun. They clearly haven't discussed the Dingle code!

And as far as the show being committed to John as a character? Sure, they've given him a job, where he shares scenes with other characters, they made sure we know Chas approves. (When has that been a positive thing for a boyfriend of Aaron's in the past?)

But John is a Sugden, that's why he was brought in, right? So why doesn't he get to know his new sister then? They know each other on the surface, he's territorial about both her and Aaron with Robert. John's the one in their life now! But he doesn't know them. Because if he did, he would know why Robert is in prison, why Harry's dad isn't around, and who his co-worker Wendy is.

Victoria knows about Aiden Moore, yet he knows nothing about her. They can't even write in a 20 second scene in where the siblings sit around and talk about anything family related that isn't tied to the man John is involved with? They only talked briefly about Robert and Seb in terms of John's relationship with Aaron, not in the sense that they are supposed to be John's family members.

She could, I don't know, take him to see Jack's grave? Show him where she scattered Annie's ashes? Tell him she was once married? They could show him fetching/delivering backpacks for his nephew Harry instead of for Aaron's sister? Make me believe he's actually here as something more than Dr Hair or Kayak Boy with the last name Sugden tacked on for buzzy headlines Aaron's love interest!

What they should have done was establish him as a character, as a Sugden, first. Put in some real effort if we are meant to think he could stand shoulder to shoulder with characters like Robert and Andy. And it should have been done before putting him in a relationship with a Dingle - not after.

It's actually not surprusing at all that more than half if us think he's either a fraud or a serial killer...

[m1ssunderstanding]

The thing is. I don't care for Yoko, or John after he ends up in that relationship. Simply put not a good couple for each other. That's clear. But I still can't believe everything I hear and read about Yoko is actually true. In fact it comes of as an evil Disney female viliain. I think she might not be a woman of the accepted norm, or is the Mother of the year. But she did much for women back in the day not letting men scare her from doing what she wanted to do. Thing is if she was a man I just don't think most of it would have been accepted. Or become a president. When I see her in interviews and photographs she doesn't really comes of that bad. I might think she's more autistic if anything with her lack of facial expression, emotion and limited social gift. I just feel that women of today should be more careful to spread white men's words and opinions about her. Just needed to vent a bit. What are your thoughts about this.

Okay I was so confused why I was receiving this ask for a minute. I was like "yeah I agree. Did I accidentally say something that came off as anti-Yoko?" And then I realized you are just venting to me and I'm not in trouble lol. I welcome your venting any time, anon.

Anyway lemme break this down into bullet points because I think that's what I do best on this website.

Yoko and John's relationship kind of sucked.

Yes. From what we know about them, they were both bad for each other. Her manipulation game was on like level 1000 and he was John so he could be really truly scary. The thing is, people generally tend to assume she is mainly at fault for the relationship being so toxic because we a) sort of take for granted what Cynthia did in sitting still and pretty through all of John's abuse and expect everyone in his life to do the same and b) idealize Paul and John's relationship and say 'well if John can be so sweet to this person anyone who he is abusive toward must on some level deserve it -- including Paul when John turns on him' so that Yoko kind of gets both the 'how dare she not be Cynthia' and 'how dare she not be Paul' treatment. But what people don't understand when they over-emphasize Yoko's horrible manipulation is that John had literally all the power in that relationship. Physically, momentarily, image-wise, theory friends, etc. So yes, what she did to control him through fear and isolation was inherently bad, but what he did to make her scared enough of him to feel the need to do that was also bad. AND. With all that said. They also seemed to genuinely love and care for each other and were capable of great genuine sweetness and romance and healthy dedication at the same time.

We shouldn't believe everything we read about Yoko.

Yes. Like you said, people -- including People who worked for her -- are biased and we need to read against the bias as much as possible.

Yoko is not a traditional woman in any sense, and part of that means not being a great mom.

I agree she's no Linda and the thing is -- that's okay. If every mom was a little more like Linda, we'd all probably be better off mental health wise but it's not a healthy expectation and men are not held to the same standard women are with parenting. Yoko literally just acted like most seventies dads, honestly. My husband's grandpas none of them know how to hold a baby to this day. I have photographic evidence because they wanted to hold their great-grandson to brag to their friends but they clearly didn't have any interest in holding their own children as is also testified by the grandmas lol. So yeah. I agree she wasn't great. But point a) neither was John. He was more present but Sean still had a whole staff looking after him and Sean also remembers, along with his sweet memories, John taking his anger out on him before he was five years old. And b) she was good enough that Sean absolutely adores her. And before people go "what about Paul loving Jim, hmmmmm?" Paul's love for Jim goes as far as to eulogize him as the man who played piano at family parties and said 'there's no hair on a seagull's chest.' Jim's death didn't even make it into many years from now. Sean on the other hand is putting as much work Mary and Stella are into their mother into setting up Yoko's legacy as an artist and woman for eternity. He doesn't have to be doing that. But every chance he gets, he plugs her, and you can see just how much he loves talking about her. Which is actually our of character for Sean's normal victim-complex, twitter-troll type vibe. So whether she made it up to him in later years or was just much better than people tell us, Yoko passed the test with her son, and that means something.

Yoko pushed the feminist envelope by having the courage to do what she wanted to do despite the patriarchal consequences.

Yes. Thank you Yoko! We love you for that! The woman has balls of steel. And as she would have me do I'll correct that to pussy of steel because pussies are factually much tougher than balls.

If Yoko was a man, particularly a white man, she might even have become president.

What i would give for a Yoko Ono presidency! Why would you put that idea in my head? Now I have to live with it and the fact it can never be. But yes you are a thousand percent correct. How people can vote Donald Trump into holding the buttons to nuking the world and eternally hate Yoko for marrying a celebrity is bananas. Such a good depiction of exactly how much racism and sexism she's up against to this day.

Maybe Yoko is autistic.

Another evidence to me that she's still fighting an uphill battle with fans and her prescription is that I've been sure Paul is somehow neurodivergent for years -- almost as long as I've been a real fan -- and yet this is the first time the idea of Yoko's neurodivergence has occurred to me. She very well might be. It reminds me of how when I was little and instead of playing baseball at my T-ball games, I spent my time climbing the backstop, my parents put that down as "girl behavior" and I struggled through school and work and didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until I took myself to the doctor in college. Whereas when my little brother climbed the backstop it was "get this boy a therapist and some pills immediately!" I've been doing the exact same thing to poor Yoko! A lot of the behaviors I've noted as clear markers for Paul I've just thought were Yoko being Yoko but you have an excellent point, anon, thank you for bringing this to my attention!

We need to be careful when we discuss Yoko.

AGREE!! So many of the talking points we still use are have down to us from old racists and sexists and it's much better if we, like you've said anon, weigh them carefully against the attitudes of their time. We need to read against the grain a bit, even primary sources, and make an effort to see things from Yoko's side or to factor in things people of the past may not have. Thank you for this vent/wonderful reminder when it comes to Yoko, and to all the women and people of color, and really everyone who gets stereotyped and pigeonholed in the Beatles story.

[cassiopeiathe1st]

so as a biology major, here's some things i've been chewing on after reading the unwanted guest. this post is brought to you by the part of my brain that saw the 7th's hereditary blood cancer and thought ok but what KIND of cancer is that.

the phrasing of "permeability of the soul" makes me think of semipermeable membranes and diffusion. diffusion is a passive process -- our molecules, when left to their own devices, want to be everywhere because entropy, but the semipermeable membranes that make up cells organelles etc make life possible by keeping things organized. this dividing & filtering process is required to keep things in place. with me so far?

to me, this concept of permeability emphasizes that souls are objects with boundaries. there's a line somewhere, however blurry (clearly very very blurry) or porous, that divides self & other, and! and!! that line only exists because it is somehow constructed, maintained, enforced. see: ianthe working so hard to convince herself/pal/the hypothetical audience of this play she's putting on that she's just ianthe with no babs mixed in. or john's ritual of retelling his story to alecto/harrow in NTN. something something being the unreliable narrator of your own identity.

palamedes calls the process that merges him and camilla to give us paul grand lysis vs. the "petty", incomplete lysis of eightfold word lyctorhood. lysis = the disintegration of a cell by rupture of the cell wall or membrane. the boundaries of their souls are sliced open so their contents can be poured out & mixed together to make someone new. but even in conventional lyctorhood, there's some kind of exchange of whatever material makes up the soul between cavalier & necromancer. as our boy tells ianthe at the end of the unwanted guest,

This is the real truth of Lyctorhood, Ianthe--it's not some bloodless swapping-out of batteries. It's grafting; transplantation. When you absorbed Naberius Tern's soul, you didn't swallow a diamond. You swallowed a piece of meat...and the longer you digest that meat, the more its proteins and lipids and molecules mix in with yours, until you can't tell them apart anymore.

idk where i'm even going with all of this, i'm just rotating it in my head, but:

tamsyn muir is so precise with her necromancy jargon & anatomical terms that i feel like there's definitely meaning to be found in the imagery here. there is poetry in biology, the universe is made of stories not of atoms, etc etc

it turns out lysis is also the title of a dialogue of plato on "the true nature of loving friendship," so if any classics enjoyers have thoughts on that connection i would love to hear them!

if lyctorhood is transplantation, is it possible for that transplant to be rejected? can the graft refuse to take?

souls are contained within their edges not unlike how a cell membrane contains its cytoplasm. or how a capri sun pouch contains its juice. and lyctors slurp that shit up and digest it baby

why choose to link the soul so closely with water? (the river, bubbles, currents & waves in the river, nona saying the water of the river "doesn't want to touch us.") contents of souls = liquid in the same way that the river is a liquid??? the river = spirit version of the primordial soup???

dulcinea refers to the river having two shores, not just a generic "shore", so it sounds like they're different in some meaningful way. but that may be conditional on what happens in alecto ("if this ends well you'll find that out")? is the point of the river the river itself, or is the point of the river to separate those two places?

[homestuckreplay]

John, Rose, Dave & Farmstink 💙💜❤️💚

(page 760-769)

WE'VE COLLECTED THE SET!! Jade Harley is a cool ass name. Jade, the bright green precious stone plus Harley, the motorbike, makes her sound like an edgy punk singer, not a flute playing gardener.

Dave was so active in his introduction, refusing to take any of the player's shit, but Jade is strikingly passive, deciding she doesn't even need to stick around. Her sleeping radically alters the player-narrator dynamic. With awake characters, the narrator turns their sarcastic insults (and the 'you' pronoun) towards that character ('your ARMS are in your MAGIC CHEST, pooplord!') Farmstink is asleep and can't be made fun of, so the narrator's abrasiveness is turned in full force against the player. It's them (us?) who's stupid for not seeing the arms, or for threatening to drop a pumpkin on an innocent sleeping child.

(Thanks, WV, for saving her just in time. It's good to see the other end of this closed, non-paradoxical time loop).

I love the narrator's reluctance to call Jade 'Farmstink' - do they genuinely not know Jade's name? They don't seem totally omniscient; I think they can only hear characters' active thoughts (including dreams - see p.651), nothing forgotten, concealed or just not on their mind.

The player's cursor returns for the first time in a while - maybe since John and Rose started playing Sburb (but I haven't verified this). Apparently, it follows the same rules as the Sburb cursor. The cursor can select and move objects (Jade's note; John's magic chest), but selecting a player is forbidden.

So where are we in Jade's timeline? On p.652, Jade says 'see i guess i fell asleep for a while and..... lost track of time', which from our perspective has just happened. This puts Jade behind John in the timeline, but not all the way back at the story's start - their other conversations about packages and meteors must have already happened.

Jade's 'deep passion for HORTICULTURE' combined with her mystical knowledge make gardenGnostic an apt chumhandle. An anonymous asker suggested that the titles (Heir of Breath, etc) could relate to what characters will do in the future - could the same be true for chumhandles? We have yet to see John play with slime or Rose summon a tentacle monster. Jade is so connected to the future that her chumhandle and title (guessing Seer of Light?) are things she's already doing.

Other thoughts:

Jade's handwriting is somehow exactly like her typing, it's so bright, fun and bubbly.

Jade is either changing REALLY fast or she has a magic shirt. On p.665 her shirt symbol was a simplified atomic diagram, when she wakes it's a pumpkin, and a moment later it's a leaf.

Jade has plants labeled 'peas', 'squash', and 'asparagus', all of which are the contents of WV's cans. Another link between these two?

Jade's music is 'silly' - not 'haunting', like all the other musicians.

I'm so impressed by this flute panel and the number of different animations within. 'L' is my favorite. Where is she going

> Jade: Look out of window at frog statue.

[lookslikethatsallthetimewehave]

In your opinion, what's the darkest thing in Poptropica?

Oh... wow. You know, some people might be surprised at some of the dark stuff that's happened/implied throughout the franchise. And from such an innocent looking world too :)

I guess I'll make a list of some stuff that stands out to me:

24 Carrot Island 

The 4 children were kidnapped and brainwashed by Dr. Hare probably for months.

Astro-Knights Island 

Mordred almost died in a crash, and had to replace half of his body with robotics. 

Mordred kidnapped the princess because he wanted to marry her. And her parents most likely thought they were never going to see her again, since they had no way of going after her.

Counterfeit Island 

It's implied that Black Widow was gonna torture the player in order to get answers. 

Reality TV Island/Wild Safari Island 

Villains allowed to be on reality tv… and being treated as celebrities... WHAT.

Skullduggery Island 

Captain Crawfish probably killed a lot of people. Cause… pirate.

Steamworks Island 

The entire backstory of this island: the people were doing experiments on plants, when the plants mutated and tried to kill them. The only way they could survive is by freezing themselves.

Captain Ziggs sacrificed himself to hold off the Plant Monsters. Mayor Crumb must be feeling pretty depressed now that she's free and forced to live without him.

Red Dragon Island  

The Shogun being a pretty terrifying tyrant. 

Shrink Ray Island  

POV: you're an elementary school student and your teacher's star pupil. You trust him, because he's a nice teacher. And then he goes crazy and kidnaps you.

Mr. Silva threatens to shrink CJ and the player to the point where they can't be seen by anyone, which is kinda dark honestly. 

Blimp Adventure 

Dr. Cumulo Nimbus sets fire to the rain to all the islands. 

Game Show Island  

Robots take over and enslave humanity. 

Ghost Story Island  

A really depressing murder mystery/ weird love triangle story that involves several character's deaths.

S.O.S Island  

The ship sinks and everyone inside almost dies. Also a child.

Vampire's Curse Island  

Count Bram outlives his wife, and goes crazy. And he kidnaps a child due to insanity. 

Cactus von Garlic has killed many vampires. But not all vampires in Poptropica are evil (if Haunted House is any indication). 

Twisted Thicket Island  

The forest creatures turning into stone. I'm not 100% sure if they're still alive in there or not...

Poptropolis Games Island

The island sinks back into the ocean, with people still on it. Some of the ancient islanders are waterlogged (but still alive, for some reason).

Lunar Colony Island (Book)

The PASE workers are oddly sociopathic to Glen John's situation, only caring about Glen helping them. Glen is 13 btw.

Super Villain Island  

Zeus almost winning. He blew up the world for no reason. Also, there's something really scary about the way he blew up his own island.

Zomberry Island  

Zombie apocalypse. 

Virus Hunter Island  

A pandemic almost happened. 

Monster Carnival Island 

Ringmaster Raven's backstory: Pretty messed up. 

Edgar is an orphan who ran away and joined the carnival. He put a lot of trust in the Ringmaster and seemed pretty happy… and then the Ringmaster hypnotizes him and uses him for his scheme. Pretty messed up. 

Survival Island 

Myron Van Buren. Enough said.

Mission Atlantis Island 

The alien was trapped underwater for years and died.

PoptropiCon Island  

Omegon taking over the convention center, and turning the people into Hench-Bots.

Arabian Nights Island 

Scheherazade attempted to steal the player's soul… what the heck.

Graphic Novels

The kids almost died… several times. (A Saber tooth tiger and polar bear almost maul them, they almost fall to their deaths, they almost freeze to death, they are almost stabbed to death by Lieutenant Rogers, they almost got erased from history on the Ancient Egypt Island, they almost burned alive in a volcano eruption, etc)

The ancient Egyptians are erased from one timeline, and a bunch of people on earth died... and it's unknown if they were brought back, or what.

When Spencer Albright is murdered, Jonas is so overcome with grief that he completely loses it and becomes murderous like Octavian. Jonas is 18-20 btw.

The backstories for the main characters (Octavian is forced to let Paulla die, Mya's mom abruptly dies and she goes through depression, Oliver’s dad walks out on the family).

Octavian's fate at the end is this: he accidentally jumped through the portal before the universe he wanted to go to fully formed. Because of this, he jumped into the in-between point of universes, and was split into an infinite amount of versions of himself. Sounds complicated, but is incredibly messed up.

Mya was seriously considering leaving her own timeline, even though she would be leaving her family and friends behind. Whether or not she knew this is unknown, but if she did... kinda messed up.

And… that's it. No more dark things that stick out to me after that. Probably because after this, they fired the writer who was responsible for most of the dark undertones in the franchise. OOPS!!! >:(

I think the darkest stuff comes from Monster Carnival, Survival, and the graphic novels.

[ostendird-oddie]

Hoffrig: the guide to an underutilized ship

Hoffrig has a wierd placement in the fandom. Despite the pair getting pretty much a whole movie dedicated to their relationship, the ship stays relatively obscure, so it is my task today to bring it to light:

*History and Prelude*

These two have known eachother for some time now, most likely since the beginning. Mark is shown to care about Daniel, moreso than most people. He is worried about Rigg getting hurt. Even if his concern is a little backhanded, he sticks up for Rigg more than once and even attempts to comfort him somewhat (poorly of course, it's still Hoffman we're talking about)

*Compatibility*

Rigg is a much better person than Hoffman, no doubt, but Rigg was chosen for his game for a reason. He has a strong saviour complex (which they share with Mark, tho Mark's saviour complex takes on a much more horrifying form). Rigg is not afraid of getting his hands dirty when he believes the other person was let off too lightly (wife beater, Ivan, when Eric is beating up John etc). Mark sees that in him and believes that they are alike, so he tries to radicalise Rigg the only way he knows how to

*The wife shaped elephant in the room (and Eric Matthews)*

Daniel wouldn't cheat on Tracy. That's out of the question. He loves his wife, tho she suffers from saw typical hysterical unreasonable lady disease, where she has a valid point but delivers it in the worst way possible. Rigg takes his job very seriously. He truly believes himself to be a good cop. A man that helps people. Therefore he's moreso married to his job, then his actual wife. And being a SWAT guy... He probably doesn't have much time to have relationships outside of his job, so when he looses all his friends one by one his job wins the tug-of-war and tracy can't stand this anymore. I think user fate-motif put it best "i tend not to rock with rigg cheating on his wife but i think something people rarely discuss is that he's totally neglecting her emotionally already and even though he loves her the man is dropping the ball on his relationship and hoffman is the perfect embodiment of that neglect (he is both the missing cop he has to rescue and he is jigsaw)"

Rigg cares about Eric Matthews more than about Hoffman and arguably more than even about his wife. They are best friends so Hoffman kept him around as a sort of leverage over Dan. If he's not coming to save Hoffman, he's coming to save Matthews. And even before that Hoffman took up on the mission of filling the eric shaped hole in Daniels life to... Well. Mediocre success. Matthews for all his brooding and bad deeds is not an antisocial wierdo. He actually has friends and relationships outside of Rigg. There's a lot to explore in that dynamic but I won't be dipping into headcanons in this post (at least I'll try)

*Trial*

In order to become a jigsaw apprentice one must be tested. Amanda had the bear trap and arguably the uh... well we've all seen Saw 2 (the ammounts of anguish this poor gal had to go through) and Lawrence with his foot. Both were left in shambles and John put them back together haphazardly. But not Mark. Mark's trial was very milktoast. John basically let him go with a slap on the wrist. So he decided he could be more lenient towards Rigg. At least in terms of physical torment. There were no people who could put Rigg in any significant danger as a buff experienced SWAT guy. An argument could be made for the first woman but she was already bleeding out and in too much pain to think straight to think straight. Providing her with a knife was just to futher emphasize the point that she deserved what happened to her. Ivan is an obese bumbling coward. He didn't even try to fight back. I wont even explain the last pair because duh. Also a thing to note is that all of these games had something to do with sex or relationships in them. Very smooth Hoffman 😒

Ultimately Rigg not listening to Hoffman's earlier advise is what lead to his demise. And Mark put the gun in the hands of Matthews to absolve himself of the blame for Rigg's pain. Rigg wasn't indoctrinated and obedient at the end, so Mark left him to die. To be the fall guy. That leads me into my next bullet point-

*Peter Straham*

Ok im not a coffinshipper. At least not as of now and not a true one. I see hoffstraham as a logical continuation of hoffrig. Hoffman pulls almost the same tactics on Peter but instead of "reassurance" he uses intimidation and brute force. Straham is the manifestation of "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Mark settles for him as plan B because everyone he cared about are dead now. I don't believe mark tried to pull Straham into his murder cult out of any sense of affection or admiration for the guy. It all comes down to control again, something he is constantly fighting for. He doesn't like Straham but if he can't kill the bastard he'll find another way to shut him up.

I believe the glass coffin was originally intended for Rigg, in case he survived his trial, but Hoffman reused it for Peter in a last ditch effort to flex on the guy.

So uh ... I don't know how to end this post other than PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT THEM OMG I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO FIT IN HERE 😭

[trashquisitor-shirozora]

*enables you* what happened with TLJ 👃

After all these years I still can't properly find words to explain how deeply betrayed I felt after the credits rolled and I shuffled out of the movie theater with everybody else. There was a TON of hype surrounding this movie, an absolute fuckton. I only saw positive reviews about it, the cast, the director, the plot. I got excited to see where Rian Johnson & Co. would take the ST.

The only remotely negative comment I saw before watching the movie was a fandom blog saying they didn't like what happened to Poe. Since this blog was about racism in fandom, I knew something was off. That was my only warning.

And y'know, it was like, five minutes in? Ten minutes? And Poe makes a "Yo mama" joke at Hux? I used to go into movies with an open mind and spent days gathering my thoughts about them because I was always slow to react, slow to gather my thoughts into coherent strings of words. It's how I enjoyed Michael Bay productions and JJ Abrams' love affair with lens flare. I never got actively angry with a movie I was watching, and I was fucking angry by the time the movie ended. I still remember texting a friend while standing out in front of the theater because I was so confused. The response to TLJ was so positive so why did I come out of the movie so frustrated and confused and dissatisfied with the whole thing?

It's been years and we all know how this movie divided the Star Wars fandom and just... broke Fandom Spaces in a way I never expected. We all know what TLJ did and didn't do, and how TROS provided the final nail in the coffin that was the ST experiment. But back then, all I saw was positive commentary about the themes and messages of TLJ, how it portrayed failure and the dangers of putting someone like Luke Skywalker on a pedestal, how the Force was female, how... important it was to see Poe get characterized as a hotheaded hotshot who needed to be demoted, slapped around, and stunned in order to learn some kind of lesson, how important it was to see Finn lose everything he gained in TFA so that he could relearn how not to be selfish or something while starring in a fucking incredibly tone-deaf B plot, how Rey... I'm not sure exactly what because she didn't need training anyway and then spent most of her time trying to bring Ben Swolo back to the light????? Rose was so promising as someone who grew up under the FO's thumb but she and Kelly were fucking abandoned by Disney so I don't know if Rose existing was actually a good idea if it meant giving Kelly unending trauma. Mark slipped up by calling Luke "Jake" and expressing his displeasure in front of cameras, and I was so fucking baffled and alienated by his character after knowing how his story ended in ROTJ that I couldn't connect with whatever lessons I and he are supposed to be learning. JJ set up Snoke like a mystery box and Rian just yeeted him off without so much as a fucking explanation so what was the point of that? Hux was a fucking joke. Phasma was barely there. The only character that Rian cared about was fucking Kylo Ren and Adam says years later that he was never supposed to get a redemption arc anyway.

Like, this was the movie everyone hyped up? This was the movie that didn't answer any questions left unasked by TFA and didn't bother to move forward with character development for any of the known characters? I spent money watching a slow space chase that ended on a planet made of salt and killed off Luke for Reasons? Am I stupid? Am I dumb? Am I a peasant incapable of understanding the masterpiece Rian directed, this so-called Best Star Wars Movie Since ESB?

But I couldn't say anything. I couldn't be dogpiled for hating such a empowering movie for women, a diverse and inclusive movie that had the likes of John and Kelly and Oscar. I couldn't be lumped in with the Star Wars dudebros with their raging misogynistic and racist takes on the movie, the cast, Kathleen Kennedy and Lucasfilm, Disney, etc. I couldn't be seen as one of them just because I didn't like a movie that I should like, I'm supposed to like. So I sat in silence, read meta, witnessed the fucking catastrophic explosion around some wild ass AO3 fandom essays written by a racist OG member of OTW about Finn/Poe, saw hate piled on black and bipoc fans, saw r*ylo fans come for John and John clap back at them, just saw an absolute fuckton of hate, and so by the time TROS came around I just... checked out. There was no way JJ could salvage what Rian had done and I was right. TROS was a corporate-run soulless garbage end to the Sequel Trilogy, but it ended just as The Mandalorian finished its first season and regained a lot of good will with this small story about a lonely Mandalorian bounty hunter who encountered a Force-sensitive Baby Yoda.

And then TBOBF/Season 3 of the Mando Show happened, just like how TLJ happened. All the promise, all the unanswered questions of the previous movie/season, all fucking dropped or provided with the worst, most unsatisfying answer. I'm sure others have found better answers and can live with what Star Wars gave us, but I haven't been able to. TLJ came out years and years ago, and I am still so bitter today. I'm still so bitter because TFA had such an incredibly compelling setup with such promising characters, and then TLJ Did That.

I got so heated while writing this. I'm still so mad. I'm still so bitter. I bury my head so deep in the sandbox I built for myself so that I don't have to think how Disney is twisting and contorting all these Mando'verse shows so that they all eventually lead to the ST, their precious hot potato child that just... didn't have to end the way they did if they actually had a fucking plan and fucking stuck the landing. I'll give the MCU this - their Phase 1? They fucking stuck the landing. I fell off the train tracks and haven't really watched the MCU since Captain Marvel, but at least they had a fucking plan and didn't fucking derail themselves like Disney did with the Sequel Trilogy.

I could be nice to people who like this movie but I'm not going to be. They can be nice on their own blogs.

Man, I can't even watch Knives Out or Glass Onion because my blood starts boiling. Just. TLJ did a lot to ruin what I hoped would be a positive and creative connection with Star Wars, and it took the Mando Show and the 2 minutes where Din and Luke locked eyes on the Imperial light cruiser to bring me back.

I'm gonna stop before I get way too heated for sleep.