#pure doctrine

[ifmypeopleza01]

Filthy Lucre

For there are many unruly men, vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision, whose mouths must be stopped; men who overthrow whole houses, teaching things which they ought not, for filthy lucre's sake. (Titus 1:10-11)

Interesting couple of verses. Why do some false teachers exist? What drives them to preach Christ, where they themselves are not convinced of the Gospel? We are told - for money. They are greedy. Whereas this letter was written to Titus, whom Paul had left at Crete to install teachers and bishops and Paul is describing the character of some Cretans, I think we can take a lesson from this in our day too. What do they teach? They seem to be Jews and they are probably teaching that people need to be circumcised if they want to be saved. This is shorthand for you need to work for your salvation and keep the Jewish Sabbath and get circumcised. Vain - 1. Empty; worthless; having no substance, value or importance. (Websters 1828) Not only is the speech empty, but they are there to deceive. Pay attention. Even though the text does not specifically mention last days, I guess we could apply it to our lifetime too. After all, we do see many false teachers, many greedy for money, some teaching the need to go back to the OT law. Two Ways to Live? I think the lesson here to take heed of the warnings in scripture about false teachers. Not only what they teach, but also their behaviour, or practice. Father, please help up us to be more diligent and better prepared when it comes to spotting false teachers.

[consultingfujoshi]

some thoughts wrt the two established "romances" in severance so far (burt/irving and helly/mark) inspired by @figmentof who pointed out how irving had to find out mark and helly kissed from the corporate video in s2 e1 and how he must have felt seeing his co-workers' love affair like portrayed like that, and how it ties into the queer narrative at play here which uses workplace dynamics and policies as very clear analogues for real-life prejudice against queer couples. I mean, just look at this:

it's not just documented, but celebrated. used as propaganda for how the conditions on the severance floor have improved. proof that the severed workers are happy. and how even though he is unaware of the sociopolitical meaning of all this, lumon is very not-subtly telling him that what he had with burt is inherently lower and less valuable than this.

irving doesn't even know homophobia exists and yet he is still affected by it, it still seeps into every corner of the way his and burt's romance progresses. burt is positioned as an unacceptable love interest from the jump. irv is actively discouraged at every turn from pursuing it. their friendship is viewed with disgust and apprehension from their coworkers. burt working in a different department that's hated by MDR. dylan himself not being homophobic in the sense he opposes their relationship because they're both men but his attempts to keep them apart still has a parallel sort of prejudice behind it and still ultimately has the same effect as if it WERE driven by homophobia. irving is made to feel perverse for wanting contact with burt. he's told this is for his own good.

and then, just as they manage to overcome that immediate resistance from their peers and escape to a place where they can explore this blossoming romance on their own terms, burt retires. for all it matters to irv, he's dead. and then irving is given the option to live the rest of his life with grief that will never heal, or kill himself too, because there is no reality where they get to be together. that's just the way things are. of course they wouldn't get to be together. he was unreasonable and childish for ever hoping that could happen. this is just the way it goes for innies. he's told to get ahold of himself and not make a scene.

but the thing is, the standards are not the same for all. a heterosexual romance gets upheld as the shining example of success and fulfilment for the severed employees, whilst a homosexual romance is ridiculed and invalidated, and written off as something that was simply never meant to be. and even more importantly to irving, a heterosexual romance is APPROVED OF by lumon, and by extension, by kier. irv held back from allowing himself to even call his and burt's relationship a romance, because his god had told him it was wrong, he followed the handbook, thinking this was what kier wanted, and then finding out after suffering the worst heartbreak imaginable because of it, that this WASN'T EVEN TRUE. it's simply just that someone like HIM doesn't get to have something like this. his love is not the kind of love god wants. he does not approve of irv's love. cynical and manipulative though that approval may be (even within the context of the corporate video, the helly/mark romance is only being celebrated to further the narrative that lumon care for their workers, but the point still remains that it was THEIR romance specifically used to suit this end), when your entire life has been in pursuit of that approval, it must be devastating to learn it was never on the cards for you.

he and burt even used the fact kier met and fell in love with his wife in the same circumstances as them to justify this to each other - and they were RIGHT, god does approve of falling in love with your coworkers - this simply just doesn't apply to them specifically. and if irving needed any more proof that he no longer has a place at lumon, that he's better off not existing at all than existing with this pain that cannot be remedied, pain that won't even be acknowledged for what it is, a symptom of a sickness which plagues the entire severance system, pain that he is simply expected to choke down and get over - this is that proof.

and that's the POINT. they're TELLING us that this is unjust, and there's a double standard. they're using the ways the innies experience romance and the difference in lumon's reaction (lumon being the collective of all the management we've seen, lumon as a singular entity) to burt/irving vs helly/mark to comment on how queer people are not afforded the same level of respect or validation IN REAL LIFE, for their attachments, their love, their pain, their suffering. it is NOT just incidental that irving's romance is with a man. it would not WORK if his love interest was a woman. the POINT is that they are both men and how that puts them at a disadvantage, even if they aren't aware of the prejudices of the outside world, even if they don't TECHNICALLY apply on the severance floor, there are very clear analogues which still end up oppressing them in equivalent ways that they would be suffering if this were a normal workplace in the outside world.

it genuinely sickens me to my stomach that even in a world so divorced from reality and the sensibilities of regular society, a queer couple is still made to suffer and feel inferior in a way that perfectly mirrors their real-life counterparts. how they will never, EVER be allowed to exist in a world where their love could thrive freely and uninhibited - they never get to taste the joy our world has to offer people like them, but they are still somehow subjected to all the pain it has to offer them regardless. it's such horrifically devastating writing. it makes my skin crawl. I can't stop thinking about it

[astrogre]

Astro synastry observervations 1

Disclaimer: These observation are the niche ways in which a placement may manifest, it is the way I’ve noticed it in others, the people around me, celebrities, myself and in studies. It is not the doctrine wide broad way the placement occurs for everyone.

Chiron conjunct ascendant in synastry can make the Chiron person avoid the Asc person as much as possible, whether it be eye contact or conversation, just being near the ASC person. They also treat the Asc person differently to everyone else, almost like they’re afraid of them or something.

Moon conjunct sun in synastry has beautiful reputation of being felt seen but it also can be negative, it can make the sun person believe they know everything about moon person like how they feel, giving them unwanted advice and thinking they understand the moon person well, all while the moon person feels extremely misunderstood by sun and mis represented and that their advice was useless. Sun person may even try and diagnose moon person because they feel like they have a special ability to know them

3rd house synastry can have you wanting to talk ALLLLL DAYYYY with that person. You can even end up having conversations with them in your head when they’re not even there imagining what they would say or what you could tell them. If mars is here, this is the person you practice how the conversation, debate or argument would have gone in the shower or something

Mars in 6th house overlay can make the house person view the normal basic things that Mars person does to be arousing. For an example if Mars is lightly playing with a stress ball, house person will find the way the ball is being held is really hot and want to be in its place or just find small things like this arousing.

Venus conjunct Jupiter is the most beautiful placement for synastry in my opinion. Venus person has so much love for Jupiter and gives so much everyone can see how much they love Jupiter person, Jupiter’s presence alone can make Venus just sigh in awe. Venus is attracted to Jupiter persons optimism and luck especially concerning themes the house Jupiter lives in. Jupiter person can sometimes not even realise how much they are loved but just know they are appreciated by Venus. This placement to me really does personify pure type of love. These are the people who will do anything for Jupiter and Jupiter just wants to magnify Venus.

Your deepest romantic partners may have your birth city along their Venus line in Astrocartography.

When someone has a sign in Venus it doesn’t strictly mean they’ll only be attrattracted to that sign, but rather it’s the qualities that the sign has in other people

Noticed people who have someone’s Venus in their 8H the planet person can be so respectful to you and make sure that you are well looked after. I really like this dynamic and is my most favorite synastry placements.

Highly saturated 10H stellium in the composite chart can make the both of you unable to communicate to each other without a third party and for your relationship to be the main focus of your image, like you may have had someone else tell your partner that you liked them and that’s how you ended up as a couple, or you may gauge the importance of your relationship not on what you feel or think but- based on what others believe your relationship to be. If people say you two look cute together you will assume all is well between you both but if people say you’re terrible together even if you feel happy you will actually believe what others say your relationship is.

Moon in 5th house overlay will have moon person kicking their feet and giggling like a 13 year old with the house person. They can be the most delightful company to have, can be someone who you spent your childhood with or makes you feel like a child again.

Pluto in 12th house synastry can have Pluto person challenging house persons beliefs to an extent that they’re being disrespectful and forceful. They may degrade the house person for what they believe in, I’ve also noticed that when the Pluto is in sag they can act high and mighty over the 12th house person because sag rules wisdom and higher knowledge, because they’ve done the research they feel like they have the right to critique and degrade 12H belief system and ways of life. 12 house is very sensitive and HIDDEN area so the house person can find their behavior unwanted.

Venus in the 7th house synastry can really have the Venus person giving all they have believing they have found the IT person. ESPECIALLY IF THEIR VENUS IS CONJUNCT PARTNERS MARS. This is because Venus is in its home, native feels safe expressing their love and can feel like they’re meant for this person.

Planets in the 12th house of the synastry chart shows what that person does to you behind your back. For an example Mercury here could indicate the person gossips about you, talks about you when you’re not there. Pluto here can indicate they power-trip or manipulate you without you knowing

Sun- can brag about you, take credit for your work, even say you piggy backed off of them, try to outshine you when you’re not around

Moon- can project their emotions, insecurities on you, feel a lot of emotions about you they dwell on privately, feel dependent on you but don’t show it to you ever, this is like the ex who keeps your clothes long after you break up. Or a friend who plays victim to others and tells their version of the story.

Mercury- analyse and critique you in private, share your secrets with others, discuss opinions about you that they don’t share with you directly

Venus- secretly idealize you, they may secretly have a crush on you, can even want to be you out of envy or admiration, secretly admires you. On the flip side can flirt and seduce you for malicious reasons without you realizing, like in those tv shows where the popular guy dates the weird girl as a dare

Mars- hold back a lot of anger, resentment and bitterness towards you, can be passive aggressive, this is like the Regina George burn book energy.. acting lovely and engaging in person but has so much malice within them you don’t know about, can push or trigger you to anger purposely to get a reaction out of you and you don’t know it

Jupiter- blocks you from getting praise, promotions, blessings, can hold back saying anything nice about you, force their values on you, can deep down feel superior or wiser than you so they subtly guide you to see things their way without being upfront about it, it’s like trying to emigrate into a new country and they bend you to their culture but no matter what you do they’ll never accept you

Saturn- can be very judgmental about you when you’re not there, can act like they literally don’t know you when interacting with others, this is that “I’m embarrassed of them” placement, like a private school student pretending they come from a rich family and ignoring their mother when she comes to pick them up in a Toyota, or a weird anime girl being bullied by her childhood friend because she didn’t want to be affiliated with the weird friends status. it can be very intentional where they try to make things harder for you and ostracize you form others.

Uranus- they literally will rebel against you, this is like a Heian period usurper, except you’re the king. Will challenge you, destabilize you, push you to rebel even, that’s what they do when you’re not around, they push your limits, even putting you into circumstances that you prefer to prepare for, this is like the friend that hosts a surprise birthday party or attempts one of those traumatic YouTube pranks on you like “I CHEATED ON MY WIFE PRANK 4K‼️”

Neptune- project qualities you don’t have onto you, treat you like a person but dehumanize or objectify you when you’re not there, can drug you, can mislead you, keep secrets withholding information to create confusion around their real intentions to you, this one screams situationship or someone who didn’t get access.

Pluto- can try to psychologically manipulate you, deprive and dominate, make you dependent and addicted to them without knowing, can be very envious of you, be possessive

Neptune in person Bs 1st house can make the planet person fetishise the house person, especially if the person B has Neptune in their first house as well, since a Neptune conjunct Neptune synastry makes the planet person fantasise about the best qualities person B has and idealise them.

Mars in 3rd house synastry turns conversations into verbal sparring matches—sharp words, playful teasing, and debates that feel almost like foreplay. The Mars person’s energy can feel invigorating to the house person, but it can also come off as aggressive or argumentative. This placement often leads to mental tension and excitement, with both people constantly challenging each other’s ideas. It’s the kind of connection where you argue for hours, then end up laughing and feeling closer than ever.

Venus square Neptune, Venus person thinks Neptune is everything they’ve been looking for, like their ideal soulmate. They romanticise Neptune to the point of putting them on a pedestal, seeing beauty and perfection where it doesn’t exist. Meanwhile, the Neptune person might not even realize they’re misleading Venus—they’re just existing, but Venus is wrapped up in a fantasy. When the illusion breaks, Venus feels betrayed, like “How could you lie to me?” even though Neptune didn’t promise anything. Neptune might quietly leave Venus wondering, “Did I ever even know them?” There’s a reason why this placement is known as “rose-colored glasses”. I think it’s like when fans meet their favourite artists and they end up being different to the image they portray

Sun in the 6th house overlay can make the Sun person feel like they have a job to fix the house person.The Sun person might try to give the house person advice on everything: their health, routines, work habits, even their diet, like “Have you tried waking up earlier?” or “You’d feel better if you changed this.” The house person might appreciate it at first but eventually feel like the Sun person sees them as a project rather than a person. The Sun person, meanwhile, feels like they’re helping—they don’t realize they might come off as critical. This can also make the house person feel nervous or self-conscious around the Sun, like they’re constantly being evaluated and being around them feels like they’re at work and their neat freak boss is micromanaging.

Venus in the 2nd house overlay makes the Venus person love the house person’s possessions, taste, and even their voice. Venus might compliment the house person’s things endlessly, like “You always dress so well,” or “You have the best taste in music.” There’s something about the house person’s values, style, or even their physical body that Venus finds irresistible. On the flip side, this can make the house person feel like Venus only cares about their surface-level qualities—like they’re being admired for what they have rather than who they are. This can turn into “I feel like you love my things, not me.”

Uranus in the 7th house overlay can feel like falling for someone you never expected to fall for. Uranus person brings an electric energy to the house person that feels exciting but unstable. The house person might feel like they can’t predict Uranus’ next move, which can be thrilling but also nerve-wracking. This is that “I’ve never met anyone like you” dynamic, where both people feel drawn to each other in a way that defies logic. Over time, the house person might feel like Uranus keeps them at arm’s length, refusing to commit or settle down.

Venus Sextile Mars Synastry is one of the sweetest aspects for physical and romantic attraction. Venus is naturally drawn to Mars, thinking “I like the way you move, the way you act—it excites me.” Mars, in return, feels appreciated and energized by Venus’ affection. There’s an effortless rhythm here: Venus brings charm and softness, while Mars adds drive and excitement. They both feel seen and desired without having to try too hard. Unlike harsher Venus-Mars aspects, the sextile creates a playful, flirty dynamic. Mars might tease Venus in a way that makes them blush, and Venus will respond with just enough sweetness to keep Mars coming back. It’s that “You don’t need to chase me; I’m already here” energy. This aspect is natural chemistry without tipping into tension.

When Jupiter lands in someone’s 7th house, the house person feels like Jupiter brings luck, joy, and optimism into their relationships. The Jupiter person can make the house person feel like “Maybe love isn’t so bad after all,” as they bring warmth, generosity, and a sense of expansion to the house person’s idea of partnership. This is the placement where the Jupiter person sees so much potential in the house person, encouraging them to believe in themselves and their relationships. The house person might feel like Jupiter is their good luck charm—like everything is brighter when they’re together. Cons are that Jupiter might unintentionally make promises they can’t keep or come across as “too much” for the house person, overwhelming them with positivity or expectations. This placement often makes the relationship feel like it’s meant to be, as if Jupiter walked into the house person’s life just to show them what a good partnership can feel like.

Venus Square Jupiter screams “You’re too much, but I love it anyway.”This placement can feel like a rollercoaster of indulgence and excess. Venus sees Jupiter as someone greater-than-life, full of warmth and generosity, but also overwhelming at times. Venus might think “Do you really care about me, or are you just like this with everyone?” Whereas Jupiter can feel like Venus is too focused on minor details, like “Why can’t we just have fun without overthinking?” This placement often creates a dynamic where one person loves to give, spend, and shower the other with attention, but the other feels like it’s too much or misplaced. It can also lead to arguments about money or values—like one person wants to splurge, and the other wants to save. Despite the tension, there’s a lot of affection here; the challenge is in finding balance between excess and stability.

Mars in the 7th house makes the Mars person bring a lot of energy—both passionate and combative—into the house person’s relationships. Might find yourself asking why you both argue so much. The house person might feel like Mars is constantly challenging them, either pushing them to grow or picking fights over small things. Mars, meanwhile, feels like they’re just being honest, like “I’m trying to help you stand up for yourself.”This overlay can create a lot of sexual tension, as the house person feels both attracted to and frustrated by Mars’ directness. It’s the kind of dynamic where you argue one minute and make up the next, but if handled poorly, it can feel like constant friction in the relationship.

Mars in the 8th house overlay causes so much tension that never leaves the room, it’s intense and magnetic—the air feels heavier just from being around each other like a glance communicates more than intended, Mars is like the aggressor detective, house is the suspect in question, Mars will do everything to unveil house person but they can’t, it screams Sherlock and Moriarty energy. The house person can’t help but notice Mars, like “Why do I feel like you know all my secrets?” Mars person’s energy triggers something primal in the house person—they might feel exposed and aroused, but also a little uneasy, like Mars sees right through them. Mars, on the other hand, feels like the house person is a mystery they want to unravel. It’s the placement where even small gestures from Mars feel intimate, like brushing against their arm, and the house person thinks, “Do they know how much they’re affecting me?” This connection can lead to intense physical attraction, almost obsessive—where the two can’t stop thinking about each other even when they’re apart. But this is the 8th house, so there’s always the potential for power struggles, jealousy, and intensity that burns out.

Ascendant square mercury creates tension between two people, where Mercury person might say things that unintentionally rub the Ascendant person the wrong way. The Ascendant person might think “Why do they keep misunderstanding me?” while Mercury feels like they’re being perfectly clear. This aspect is common in relationships where you debate or bicker a lot, as Mercury analyzes and questions the Ascendant’s behavior or appearance. The Ascendant person can feel like Mercury doesn’t respect their way of expressing themselves, while Mercury gets frustrated by the Ascendant’s emotional reactions.

For Venus in the 10th House the Venus person brings beauty, charm, and social status to the house person’s public life. The house person might feel like Venus enhances their reputation, thinking “People admire me more when I’m with you.” This placement often creates relationships where one or both partners are seen as a “power couple,” with Venus boosting the house person’s image in career or social settings. On the negative side, the house person might feel like Venus is too focused on appearances, valuing the relationship for what it looks like rather than how it feels.

[haggishlyhagging]

The New Testament scarcely mentions Mary. She is brought into the story mainly to emphasize Jesus's divine conception and birth. Her presence is noted once or twice, but little is made of it. In the centuries that followed, however, Mary was exalted to ever-higher positions of glory. She is the subject of many of our most famous and beautiful works of art. In light of what we have learned about the Goddesses of the ancient Near East, it is interesting that Mary is shown not only as the Madonna with her child, but standing on the crescent moon or with stars circling her head. She takes on many of the ancient Goddess symbols and is often painted as a larger-than-life figure. She is also shown being crowned Queen of Heaven, absorbing the title of the Goddess. It may be that the need of the people for a female deity was so great that the Christian Church might not have survived without the elevation of Mary to this exalted position. We need to look carefully, however, at just what aspects of the Goddess Mary was allowed to retain and what the results were in the lives of women.

Mary was taken up to heaven and seated with god the father and his divine son Jesus. She became the main intercessor between human beings and the divine. She was called Mother of God and Queen of Heaven, but she was not made a full-fledged member of the Godhead. The Church used her to satisfy the need for a female presence in Christianity but also to keep women in a subordinate position. Her purity as a virgin was exalted and women were taught to strive for that purity and to obey the divine (male) will. At the same time she is, of course, a mother, and women were taught to bear as many children as possible. But Mary did it while remaining a virgin; other women, in order to be mothers, must be tainted by sexuality. If they remain pure they cannot be like Mary the Mother; if they become mothers they cannot be like Mary the Virgin. No matter what they do they are guilty and inferior.

Mary's stance is: "Let it be to me according to your word." She is passive, obedient, and pure. She sits on a throne but has little power, certainly none of the power or independence of the earlier Goddesses or their free sexuality. Nevertheless, the doctrine of her virginity gave women a way out of the role of submissive wife and bearer of children. When the cult of Mary was at its height, thousands of women escaped into convents, communities of women. There they developed skills and talents in the arts and in the administration of large estates. Many abbesses wielded significant power and controlled sizable amounts of wealth.

It is interesting that, just as the veneration of Mary reached its height in the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, the Protestant Reformation reasserted the dominance of the male divinities. One of Luther's major reforms was the closing of nunneries, and Mary is notably absent from all formulations of Protestant theology and ritual. Whereas Catholic women have suffered from their attempts to imitate an impossible model, Protestant women have had no exalted female model of any kind. Mary's presence has been used by the Catholic Church to reinforce the subordination of women, and her absence has been used by Protestantism to reinforce their insignificance.

-Shirley Ann Ranck, Cakes for the Queen of Heaven

[chthonic-sorcery]

🚩🚩"Witch/Pagan" community PSA 🚩🚩

Goêteia is not evil, you dipshits.

I'm so sick of these neo-pagans getting all their information from Tumblr, Pinterest and TikTok.

Goêteia is literally just the Greek term for magic, for sorcery, which were one and the same.

Ancient Greece didn't have the word "witchcraft" it had Goêteia, and then later mageia, where we get our modern term magic from, although mageia was a misappropriated term from Zoroastrian priests or Magi.

It's so funny seeing baby witches claim Goêteia to be evil on one hand, then on the other worshipping Hekate, literally the goddess of Goêteia. The goddess of sorcerers and necromancy.

It screams puritanical morality policing. It's such a christian-centered way of looking at ancient religion.

Y'all need to open a damn book.

Goêteia was described as a "lesser" form of magic (mainly in the later Medieval period, roughly starting around the 8th century,) not meaning any less powerful, just simply the easiest or "closest" thus "lower" magic to achieve. This ability to more easily achieve success in magic was later taken and used by christian theologians to paint goêteia and Goêtes as "lesser practitioners."

There does seem to be little difference between Theurgy and goêteia as well,

Surprise!

Both Goêteia and Theurgy sharing the same goddamn workings through evocations of gods, the animation of statues, mediumship or what could be considered "divine possession" having a god or spirit speak through you, the use of iynx wheels / iynges, and mystery rites.

The only 'real' difference Theurgists claim, is that they "don't practice secularly/for selfish reasons" but supposedly rather to become closer to the divine. It's a nice sentiment, but total bullshit, because even in the Theurgic doctrine the Chaldean Oracles they bind the goddess Hekate to do their will.

Additionally, Theurgists had a more Neoplatonic belief, they essentially viewed a singular Oneness as supreme, the emanation from which all things return, a concept which was picked up by early christian theologians and is likely why while Goêtes were demonized in the later centuries mainly by early christians and christian philosophers, Theurgists on the other hand were seen as "pure" and "holier" despite Theurgical and Goêteic practices being pretty much exactly the same down to the tools and incantations.

(Agustine of Hippo for an example of these theologians, who wrote in "De civitate Dei contra Paganos", or "On the City of God Against the Pagans" how all "pagan" (non christian) gods and beliefs were secretly agents of Satan and evil, here to trick humanity into sin and that paganism, essentially any non christian faith, must be stopped–

He also wrote about how sorcerers/magicians (Goêtes) were charlatans, tricksters, that magic and sorcery were merely tricks of an invisible opposition to the divine and how only god could hold such supreme power. These ideas still seem to be deeply embedded into christian faith, particularly Orthodox and Evangelical, today.)

Practitioners of goêteia, the Goēs, was also understood to have the ability to initiate souls into mystery religions, or, in other words, to ensure through his superior knowledge of the Underworld and its workings that the souls under his care would receive preferential treatment after death, an easier way to paradise, such as the Orphic Hymns.

This likely also helped "other" the Goēs, as most practitioners of magic, of goêteia, of these mystery cults were made up of societies "unwanted" or marginalized people, such as women, foreigners, immigrants, the poor, the disabled, and the elderly. Early goêtes were described as being Thessalian (primarily women, particularly described as "old or decrepid") or. ethnically, not considered "fully Greek" to many of the era. Many critiques and fears of goêteia come from this "otherness," the fear the ruling classes of Greece had of groups they continued to harm, they feared the power they held within these mystery rites and practices.

With reliable accuracy from these critics, goêtes were (perceived to be) moral transgressors, who operated from the fringe of society in a private mago-mystical setting, offering their service for coin.

Or, in simpler terms, the Greeks were just really fucking racist

which is nothing new.

In fact, because goêteia itself is a synchronization of mainly Egyptian and Jewish magic, the Greeks and later christians went extra-hard into villifying it because they saw these people as lesser, as barbaric.

We have to understand where the fears and judgements of these critics were coming from, and continue to remain impartial. The ruling elite feared these practices because they feared losing their power, especially rich Greek men, and those early christian philosophers who saw everything outside their own faith as lies, manipulations, or tricks from "the Opposition" as well as the extremely racist and ethnocentric beliefs they held.

[milfstalin]

[...] I have been thinking about this for a long time. It is not my idea -- Domenico Losurdo and others have written about how the fetish for defeat is one of the fundamental characteristics of Western Marxism and how this is a misunderstood derivative of Christian culture.

Many Marxists act the same way. Their biggest worry is the purity of the doctrine. Every time that historical facts challenge the doctrine or show the complexity of the practical operationality of elements of the theory, they deny that these elements are part of the story of Marxist theory and doctrine. This is, for example, what doctrines of betrayal are built on. Every movement that appears to stray a bit from these “pure” models that were created a priori is explained through the concept of betrayal, or is explained as “state capitalism.” Therefore, nothing is socialism and everything is state capitalism. Nothing is socialist transition and everything is state capitalism. The revolution is only a revolution during that glorious moment of taking political power. Starting from the moment of building a new social order, its over. [...]

[...] The subject takes pride in not having any relationship with the entire historic concrete movement of the working class socialist and liberation revolutions. They take pride in not having any theoretical or political connection to the revolutions in China, Russia, Viet Nam, Algeria, Mozambique and Angola. They are, instead, proud of the supposed purity that their theory is not contaminated by the hardship of exercising power, by the contradictions of historical processes. [...] This kind of Marxism has no critical power. It can produce and does produce a lot of good analysis of reality but it is incapable of producing a movement that is strategic and revolutionary that aims to take political power. Therefore, the process of rebuilding a revolutionary Marxism in the West has to recognize these symbolic elements, which have become ingrained in Western Marxism, that were smuggled in as contraband from Christianity. These elements have to be submitted to radical criticism and surpassed.

[thewertsearch]

TC: all my life i believed at a fuckin paradise to come what held the most baller, darkest of carnivals to join. TC: AND A PROPHECY TC: to tell all about a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels steeped in the good harshwhimsy. TC: THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS WERE FORETOLD TO BE CRASHING THAT FUCKING PIE STAND AND BRING THE HOLY RUCKUS. […] TC: I'M TALKING ABOUT THE VAST HONK, YOU BLASPHEMOUS MOTHERFUCKER.

I suppose I have to take Gamzee's cult a lot more seriously now - which means I should probably at least try to figure out what it is they actually believe.

It appears as if their doctrine is centered around some sort of prophecy, concerning a group of legendary figures known as 'mirthful messiahs'. They're fated to release the Vast Honk - and, in doing so, create some sort of Juggalo paradise.

We don't know any lore about the Vast Honk, but its name sets up intentional parallels with Gl'bgolyb's apocalyptic Vast Glub, as well as the Vast Croak, a holy sound emitted by newborn Genesis Frogs. Both of these sounds accompany enormous, galaxy-shaking cosmic events, so the Honk is presumably no different.

Alternia's First Guardian was 'corrupted' by a genome of the same name, presumably changing him from a standard Sburb NPC into the English cultist we all know and tolerate.

Could the Vast Honk be released by someone corrupted in a similar manner? We already know that Jade's Genesis Frog was spliced with some unknown DNA; it's terrifyingly plausible that said DNA was planted by Scratch, Gamzee, or English himself. There's a very real possibility that the Vast Honk will come from the mouth of Jade's frog.

TC: BUT NOW. TC: because of you. TC: BECAUSE OF ALL YOU AND YOUR FUCKING OUTRAGEOUSNESS. TC: you stole up all my miracles away by revealing at me how the wicked shit was really kicked. TC: LIKE SOME FILTHY FUCKING SCIENSTIFF WHO AT OLD TIMES WOULD BE RULED UNFUNNY WITHOUT EVEN GETTING HIS FUCKING TRIAL ON. TC: and now i don't know what to think about the spiritual fantasies i had.

Anyway, Gamzee can’t seem to reconcile his worldview with this pair of alien rappers who seem to cruelly parody his beliefs.

He’s always been dimly aware of his fictional nature, and as his mind begins to clear, it is forced to confront the possibility that this is all his religion ever was. A viral video and a meme.

For once, he doesn't think it's a very funny joke.

TC: I HAVE THE IDEA THAT YOU PUT IN MY PAN TO SIT THERE. TC: that the paradise planet TC: IS A FUCKING JOKE. TC: and the miracles TC: ARE FAKE. TC: pure fiction. TC: FALSE FAKEY FRAUDY CON JOBS FROM A BUNCH OF UNFUNNY NINJA HARLEQUIN BULLSHIT ARTISTS.

It would be remiss of me not to bring up the possibility that ICP are non-trivially involved with Homestuck's plot. I mean, Betty Crocker is now a key figure in multiple characters’ backstories, so fucking anything is possible at this point.

Joseph Bruce and Joseph Utsler could literally be the mirthful messiahs, and I have no idea what that could mean. I might actually have to listen to their albums to understand the comic.

[lavenderprose]

I think there is a gossip column that makes the circulations in the Grand Necropolis and nobody is entirely sure who writes it because it's been going on for years (though there was a long break sometime around the mid 9:40's) and seems to be distributed purely in the form of random excerpts nailed to crypt walls and pages stuck in library books by the last person who checked it out. Nevertheless it is THE resource for juicy and usually true gossip. Sometime around 9:53 Dragon it takes this weird turn and focuses for several issues almost exclusively on this one Senior Watcher named Eric Kolvarin (Almost definitely a pseudonym) and his new spouse Knight (Couldn't not be a pseudonym) who apparently have a rather scandalous age difference and a blatant disregard for the Conflict of Interest clauses in the Mourn Watch doctrine, specifically those regarding senior Watchers dating subordinates.

Also around this time, Professor Volkarin breaks a pen between his fingers at the mention of the column by a nearby student, but that could mean nothing.

It could also mean nothing that Watcher Ingellvar can often be seen in the library late at night, taking diction from a skull. These late nights seem to always be followed by the discovery of a new issue of the Watcher's Yap on some marble sarcophagus the next morning.

"Why are they even bringing up the Senior Watcher's Ball?" Emmrich laments one morning, hiding behind his desk with the newest issue--found already somehow crumpled and glued to the window of his office. Magically. It took him ten minutes to find the proper counterspell. "All of the senior Watchers bring their spouses. It's no special privilege."

"Something about a plunging neckline," Rook mumbles, examing their nails. They've probably got other places to be. Who cares.

"I thought it was very tasteful," says Emmrich.

"Who cares about tasteful," Rook snorts. "Johanna said it was the ugliest thing she'd ever seen."

"Johanna, crucially, no longer has eyes," Emmrich mutters.

"Anyway." Rook sits their ass on the desk, legs spread, and tugs the column out of Emmrich's hand. This exact copy will later be found on the tomb of a long-dead Pentaghast approximately twelve levels down later in the afternoon, despite nobody in the entire Necropolis being in both of those locations on the same day in over a week. Rook says, "It's your break, right? Maybe...eat something."

The next issue of the column, strangely, is a very long call-out regarding locked doors during office hours.

[serpentface]

WARDI WRITTEN LANGUAGE (BASICS).

Couya's full name (properly 'Haidamane Couya') written formally and with common handwriting conventions.

The Wardi written language derives from earlier proto-language systems consisting exclusively of logograms without direct phonetic meaning or grammatical structure. These symbols gradually became simplified and abstracted to the point of many having little intrinsic clarity, and combined to communicate abstract concepts.

The development of a full written language did not occur independently (as very few written languages do), and its phonetic elements (namely its use of syllabograms) were largely derived the 'ancient' Burri writing system, gradually synthesized with native writing conventions, and in the contemporary forms a wholly distinct system. The language's Relatively universalized form is a very recent phenomena, developing within the past two centuries with the region's conquering/unification into a single entity.

The contemporary written language is a mixture of logograms and syllabograms. It is read from right to left and arranged in horizontal columns. The most formal variant of this system contains each character within a square outline, usually separated by a small space. This outline confers little phonetic or symbolic information beyond making distinction between syllables exceptionally clear, and can be (and often is) omitted in handwriting. The separation of words is conveyed through a narrow rectangle or line in formal contexts, and again often omitted in handwriting (instead indicated instead by a wider blank space).

The pure logograms that have been retained in this writing system tend to be those of very common words or specific concepts (most logogram characters for types of livestock, key crops, water, major body parts, etc are widely recognized and in common use). There has not yet been any attempts to fully 'formalize' the language and omit potentially unnecessary logograms, and they remain frequently used as shorthand while conveying the same semantic information.

Many of the syllabogram characters are directly derived from logograms that depicted monosyllabic words. For example, the spoken word 'gan' means 'cow', and the character for the syllable 'gan' is identical to the common logogram for 'cow'.

The name Gantoche (literally "cow-eye") could be written either fully with syllabograms as:

or through logograms as:

Both ultimately communicate the same meaning, but the former clarifies pronunciation (the words gan and atoche are contracted, it's gantoche and not gan-atoche).

It is a relatively easy written language to learn, as the pure syllabogram characters indicate their own pronunciation with little ambiguity and often have consistency to their construction (ie the character for the syllable 'man' contains most of the same elements as that for the syllable 'wan'- the dot placement in particular has indication of the vowel sounds).

The inclusion of logograms in general and many of the syllabic characters being directly imported From logograms complicates matters. These characters lack visual consistency, and can be confusing to the large swath of the public who know common logograms but not the full written language itself. Ie: the word 'ungande' meaning 'liver' will be composed of logogram-derived syllable characters for 'un' (which alone means 'hand') and 'gan' (which alone means 'cow'). Someone who is only semi-literate in common logograms may be confused at the meaning, especially since these same exact same characters may be used elsewhere on their own to indicate 'hand' or 'cow'.

One major exception to this tendency is that current religious doctrine requires established logogram characters describing God to be used in place of syllabic characters. The word for god is 'Od', and has its own unique character (as do each of the Faces, the capital F 'Face', and Its deified pronoun). The syllable 'od' [oʊd] is very common in the Wardi language, and a wholly separate character is used for the phonetic sound when it is not a reference to the deity (ie 'lion' (odo [oʊdoʊ]) does not contain the same character for God in spite of its first syllable having the exact same pronunciation). Names are a bit of a gray area (ie: the name 'Odabi' is very common and carries the meaning of 'gift/blessing from God'). Religious leadership is currently experiencing a mild schism on whether the written character for God is separated due to being wholly sacrosanct (and thus inappropriate to include in the written form of a personal name) or as more of a functional delineation of the sacred and mundane.

[star-captain]

As someone who is ex-catholic i just immediately saw Emily and was lime "she's me. She is genuinely me."

I grew up thinking my religion was perfect and so long as I followed our doctrine I'd go to heaven, I'd be a good person. That there was nothing wrong. I was sheltered, naive. Innocent. Hell I was an altar server, dressed in white and serving the priests and ringing the bells and I felt holy.

But then I started seeing how hypocritical the church was, I saw that some things that were pure and good were being cast as evil, and when I challenged the doctrine I was cast as being evil for not trusting blindly. For seeing the good in human souls and people are good whether they were catholic or not. That just because you make a mistake shouldn't damn you, or or the things they saw as wicked weren't really evil, that I was lesser because of who I was rather than my character.

I questioned them and spoke up like Emily, and she's still pure and good despite (or because) rebelling, seeing the way others were treated and acting up.

Just her warmth and innocence and yet still speaking up and fighting and her DUET WITH CHARLIE I CANNOT

[mostlysignssomeportents]

A taxonomy of corporate bullshit

Next Tuesday (Oct 31) at 10hPT, the Internet Archive is livestreaming my presentation on my recent book, The Internet Con.

There are six lies that corporations have told since time immemorial, and Nick Hanauer, Joan Walsh and Donald Cohen's new book Corporate Bullsht: Exposing the Lies and Half-Truths That Protect Profit, Power, and Wealth in America* provides an essential taxonomy of this dirty six:

https://thenewpress.com/books/corporate-bullsht

In his review for The American Prospect, David Dayen summarizes how these six lies "offer a civic-minded, reasonable-sounding justification for positions that in fact are motivated entirely by self-interest":

https://prospect.org/culture/books/2023-10-27-lies-my-corporation-told-me-hanauer-walsh-cohen-review/

I. Pure denial

As far back as the slave trade, corporate apologists and mouthpieces have led by asserting that true things are false, and vice-versa. In 1837, John Calhoun asserted that "Never before has the black race of Central Africa, from the dawn of history to the present day, attained a condition so civilized and so improved, not only physically, but morally and intellectually." George Fitzhugh called enslaved Africans in America "the freest people in the world."

This tactic never went away. Children sent to work in factories are "perfectly happy." Polluted water is "purer than the water that came from the river before we used it." Poor families "don't really exist." Pesticides don't lead to "illness or death." Climate change is "beneficial." Lead "helps guard your health."

II. Markets can solve problems, governments can't

Alan Greenspan made a career out of blithely asserting that markets self-correct. It was only after the world economy imploded in 2008 that he admitted that his doctrine had a "flaw":

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/greenspan-admits-flaw-to-congress-predicts-more-economic-problems

No matter how serious a problem is, the market will fix it. In 1973, the US Chamber of Commerce railed against safety regulations, because "safety is good business," and could be left to the market. If unsafe products persist in the market, it's because consumers choose to trade safety off "for a lower price tag" (Chamber spox Laurence Kraus). Racism can't be corrected with anti-discrimination laws. It's only when "the market" realizes that racism is bad for business that it will finally be abolished.

III. Consumers and workers are to blame

In 1946, the National Coal Association blamed rampant deaths and maimings in the country's coal-mines on "carelessness on the part of men." In 2003, the National Restaurant Association sang the same tune, condemning nutritional labels because "there are not good or bad foods. There are good and bad diets." Reagan's interior secretary Donald Hodel counseled personal responsibility to address a thinning ozone layer: "people who don’t stand out in the sun—it doesn’t affect them."

IV. Government cures are always worse than the disease

Lee Iacocca called 1970's Clean Air Act "a threat to the entire American economy and to every person in America." Every labor and consumer protection before and since has been damned as a plague on American jobs and prosperity. The incentive to work can't survive Social Security, welfare or unemployment insurance. Minimum wages kill jobs, etc etc.

V. Helping people only hurts them

Medicare will "destroy private initiative for our aged to protect themselves with insurance" (Republican Senator Milward Simpson, 1965). Covid relief is unfair to people that are currently in the workforce" (Republican Governor Brian Kemp, 2021). Welfare produces "learned helplessness."

VI. Everyone who disagrees with me is a socialist

Grover Cleveland's 2% on top incomes is "communistic warfare against rights of property" (NY Tribune, 1895). "Socialized medicine" will leave "our children and our children’s children [asking] what it once was like in America when men were free" (Reagan, 1961).

Everything is "socialism": anti-child labor laws, Social Security, minimum wages, family and medical leave. Even fascism is socialism! In 1938, the National Association of Manufacturers called labor rights "communism, bolshevism, fascism, and Nazism."

As Dayen says, it's refreshing to see how the right hasn't had an original idea in 150 years, and simply relies on repeating the same nonsense with minor updates. Right wing ideological innovation consists of finding new ways to say, "actually, your boss is right."

The left's great curse is object permanence: the ability to remember things, like the fact that it used to be possible for a worker to support a family of five on a single income, or that the economy once experienced decades of growth with a 90%+ top rate of income tax (other things the left manages to remember: the "intelligence community" are sociopathic monsters, not Trump-slaying heroes).

When the business lobby rails against long-overdue antitrust action against Amazon and Google, object permanence puts it all in perspective. The talking points about this being job-destroying socialism are the same warmed-over nonsense used to defend rail-barons and Rockefeller. "If you don't like it, shop elsewhere," has been the corporate apologist's line since slavery times.

As Dayen says, Corporate Bullshit is a "reference book for conservative debating points, in an attempt to rob them of their rhetorical power." It will be out on Halloween:

https://bookshop.org/a/54985/9781620977514

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/27/six-sells/#youre-holding-it-wrong

[astrogre]

Astro Observations 1

My first Astro observations post, I would like to confirm that my observations are the niche ways in which a placement may manifest, it is the way I’ve noticed it in others, the people around me, celebrities, myself and in my studies. It is not the doctrine wide broad way the placement occurs for everyone.

Venus in 10th house natives tend to be well known for the person they may date. They tend to date people that really match them physically and can have their relationships idolized by others. The sign it’s under can show what their partners may be known for. This is also a common placement for celebrities because the interest from others in your love life increases your public image, making you more desirable and of interest to everyone including agencies/record labels, they will see your influential potential and love that. Even if you guys don’t date anyone people may have someone in mind who they think matches you or others can just look at you and wonder what your “type” is. Your love life in itself is of interest to others.

Eg. Chris Brown, Johnny Depp, Jimin, Victoria Beckham, Kristen Stewart, Billie Eilish, Kanye West.

Another way Venus 10th housers may manifest is they may have crushes on renowned key figures from history like JFK, Alexander Hamilton, Stalin, Cleopatra, Marilyn Monroe, royal monarchy literally any people of historical significance. (Saturn influence is long lasting and for Venus to be here it can make natives romanticise powerful historical figures)

Pluto 3rd housers can dominate the conversations they have with others so much that they don’t let the other person have their own opinion.

Capricorn Chiron in 6th house makes people feel worthless and terrible if they haven’t been productive for a day, these people don’t like to be lazy, it makes them feel inferior. They put a lot of pressure on themselves to produce and their day routine may be their greatest pride.

10H stellium always have career plans, they like to advance their CV and career prowess for fun, always taking up opportunities. Especially if sun is here.

12H stellium always posting the weirdest stuff that others don’t understand but it has a unique vibe to it that just feels “right” at the same time, they may have this aesthetic that feels eery but overtime enjoyable and something to look forward to because of its uniqueness. I have a 12H stellium friend and they always post pictures of weird random abandoned places with crocs and dirty teddy bears laying in the middle of them. At first I thought it strange but overtime, I look forward to what monstrosity of visuals they will bring next. 12H really does bring out things never seen before. 🤔

Venus in 1H makes you look very feminine, you may style yourself in a feminine manner or have a naturally feminine appearance. Eg. Leo Venus in 1H May have very beautiful feminine looking long hair.

1H Libra Mars has a similar effect as Venus in the 1H however these natives have a hint touch of masculinity, are rather playboy, Casanova and can have a big ego. Think of Flynn rider from tangled. Very pretty boy.

People with 12H Capricorn placements may procrastinate or find difficulty in bringing the planets in there into reality and get frustrated at themselves for it. It’s similar to the planet being in retrograde E.g a 12H Capricorn moon not being able to fully show or act on the way they feel in their head. Look at the house of where Saturn is in your chart to find the topics and how you can bring the energy of your Capricorn 12H planets out.

0 degrees for any planet or asteroid means that you embody that planet/asteroid and its sign in its most pure authentic form. It can make you the epithet of that placement.

Lilith Square Asc makes someone not able to escape looking like a bad boy/girl it always comes out in their appearance without them intending to. They don’t want to present themselves in a way that looks scandalous but at the same time a part of them is and they can’t escape that. It’s like an energy. They’re dynamic and free, they like what they like and that shows in their face and appearance. They also can’t change things about themselves to please others even if they wanted to.

Jupiter 1H usually have big features, like a glossy kind of look to them. It may be big eyes, flushed face, supple puffy skin, wide nose or just have an abundant looking face. I’ve also noticed they tend to have a squared shape face with rounded edges. E.g Hailey Beiber, Abraham Lincoln, Gerard Butler, Aishwarya Rai, Niall Horan, Ashton kutcher, Whitney Houston, Cristiano Ronaldo

Also this is completely random and not astrologically backed up but whenever I think of Jupiter 1H I just think of clear gleaming skin. Perhaps it is backed up astrologically as Jupiter blesses and brings luck to the house it’s in and it being in the 1st rules a natives appearance. Anyways when I think of Jupiter 1st house I always imagine that they don’t need very much makeup they have this glow to them already that cannot be copied.

Virgo ASC style and dress themselves in a way that’s unique for them, for an example they may always have a signature accessory that they wear that only they understand why it’s so important to be worn. E.g. can be a headband, jewellery or hat. They may also be consistent in the way they look, they don’t tend to have “bad days”. In my personal opinion I find Virgo rising men the most attractive. But beauty is in the perspective of the beholder.

Speaking of which, my unpopular opinion is that I don’t believe that a sign or planet can make you more beautiful than another sign E.g like how people say Venus, libra and Taurus is an indicator of being beautiful -I just think that each sign personifies beauty in a different way. In my eyes I see Libra and Venus beauty to be feminine and attractive, but I find Pluto Scorpio beauty to be alluring and intense, magnetic, like Phantom of the opera, like an enchanting vampire that resides in the shadows. I also find Uranus Aquarius beauty to be far more entrancing, striking and even as if the native looks like their from a game fantasy novel or a manga protagonist. I don’t think we can just say “having Venus prominent makes someone more beautiful than others”, perhaps conventionally but not universally. Planets and signs of the first house can show us HOW the beauty is made manifest. It being of Venus, libra influence just kind of makes it feminine or conventionally attractive like butterflies or roses rather than intense or of large magnitude (unless making aspects to magnifying planets like Jupiter)

Aquarius moons can feel a lot of emotions but they’re very good at holding it in. People say that they don’t feel much because the nature of Aquarius being detached however I’ve also seen it occur in a way where the Aquarius moon native may pretend they’re not hurt or sad so that they can keep it pushing and force this happy facade so it hurts less but in reality their just burying the pain deeper. They are kind of avoidant but it makes you feel sorry for them because even if you try to comfort them they don’t even acknowledge the pain themselves so it doesn’t make much of a difference.

Jupiter in 6th house always have action packed days, they spend their days with joy and have a really good time. They usually have their dream day to day life. They’re your one friend that is always doing something interesting, fully booked and loves it.

Jupiter 8H are never strapped for cash, these natives can just be very lucky in getting money from others. Especially if in harmonious aspects with sun, Pluto and Venus. If aspects are negative native still doesn’t worry much but may find that people are a little more hesitant to giving or Jupiter 8H native doesn’t want to ask for it.

Mars 1H makes someone want to work harder on their body by going to the gym, may want to look more manly, aggressive.

Jupiter conjunct moon in 7th house makes you a very passionate lover, anyone who is in a relationship with you can always feel excited and you excel in relationships.

Mercury conjunct ascendant can make someone always think about their goals, plan their next move. They use their minds to get what they want from life and can talk about the principles they apply to themselves which can make them look rather intelligent to others. Can also make someone appear very youthful, not only in appearance but their mannerisms too. Like a dimply smile, blushing and shaking their head when complimented. An animated response.

Moon opposite asc, tends to make a person unable to think clearly when emotions are involved, especially when it’s related to topics in the house your moon is in, like you can look a little mentally unstable here 💀 because your emotions that you show can drastically change from 0-100. moon opp asc also can have a person go against what they want, their principles and approach to life, the opposition forces them to deny their feelings existence in order to act in the way they believe is best. You can even care more about your image than the themes of the moons house.

E.g 7H moon opposite ascendant can make someone care about their image in the relationship, display an image of nonchalance when in reality they’re very protective of their partner. The feelings from their partner and their relationship can be irresistible and make them at times abandon their vices and plans for themselves

[luneengene2]

omg, can you please do something like the &team Harry Potter world for enhypen? that's so good

They Found Out You're Not Pureblood

Pureblood!Enha Hyung Line x Non-pureblood!Fem!Reader

• Warnings : Angst content, discrimination (?), glorification of blood status, unethical words, insults, mention of death, Grammar errors.

• Note : If you are sensitive about your feelings, please don't read this one of my works. I don't want any comments that will ruin my mood. Thank you (Anon, sorry to keep you waiting. My busyness was really unexpected, but fortunately my project is finished, I can relax well).

// Heeseung (Gryffindor) //

"Why did you have to lie to me all this time? Why, Y/N?! Why?!" Heeseung shook your body, making you cry even harder. All this time, you lied to him because he was a pureblood. Dating Heeseung had been your dream, even since your first year at Hogwarts. At that age, you already had a huge crush on Heeseung. But, you realized one thing. You and him have a strong blood status difference, his family is part of a pure-blood family that has maintained its purity for centuries. You know that his family has a good reputation and also an attitude of mutual respect, even towards non-purebloods. However, that does not rule out the possibility that they will marry and have a serious relationship with a non-pureblood.

Heeseung found out that you were half-blood because of that bastard Pansy Parkinson who taunted him and led him to your true background.

"I'm just afraid that you'll dump me, Hee! Your family is a respectable pure-blood family that definitely wouldn't accept a half-blood like me," You said while squealing a little at him, maybe he would kick you right away when he found out everything.

"You think I'm that cruel?" A tear fell from the eye of the boy surnamed Lee. He was devastated. Devastated not because he felt lied to, devastated because you felt that he had such bad thoughts about him.

Heeseung pulled you closer, pressing your foreheads together. You were both crying, only you were the worst.

"Listen to me, my beloved angel. For Merlin's sake, I will not abandon you just because of your blood status, my parents never taught me to do things that hurt women. I still love you, more than anything,"

// Park Jongseong (Slytherin) //

"A Slytherin like me actually fell into a mudblood trap? My grandfather could rise from the grave," Jay smiled bitterly looking at the girl who was shaking, crying silently. Not daring to look at him. You. Now he knows that you are not a pureblood.

"I have to admit, you really have the guts to make me fall into your love. But when I found out this truth, I really didn't want to see your face again forever," You looked up with tears in your eyes. Your gaze is full of pleading.

"Jay I love you, I just want happiness, and my happiness is in you," You tried to grab his hand, hoping he was just mad but considering what he was going to do to you, at least he accepted you.

"But my happiness is not for a mudblood," Jay said coldly, pushing away your hand that was about to grab his arm.

His gaze that was once full of affection and love for you, has now turned into a cold gaze, hatred and maybe even disgust. He completely changed just because of the difference and dignity that his family had built up over hundreds of years. Love can't even 'penetrate' his ego and dignity.

Deep in his heart he can't let you go, because a feeling of love grows deep in his heart. But, all of that will be defeated because of prestige, childhood doctrine, and his family's dignity. He doesn't want to destroy that for love. In fact, the thing he is so guarded about could backfire on him.

// Sim Jaeyun (Ravenclaw) //

Even though you've told him everything about your background, his hug doesn't loosen or slowly let go. Instead, he tightens it even more. He was lied to, but there was one thing that hurt him even more. Seeing you cry like this.

It's been almost an hour that you've been in the same position. Crying in Jake's arms while continuing to express several requests not to be left and to apologize.

When you started to stop crying from exhaustion, Jake kissed your forehead softly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. ""By God, I'll kill myself if I leave you, Y/N," he kissed your palm for a long time, he wiped away your tears. Cupping your cheeks.

"That damn blood status won't change the fact that my love for you is much greater. Blood status will not be able to defeat my love, because basically my love will win,"

// Park Sunghoon (Slytherin) //

"You're lucky I didn't immediately put a death curse on you, Y/L/N," Sunghoon smiled bitterly, looking at you who was hugging his legs while crying. You begged him, not to leave you because he already knew everything. Sunghoon hates Muggleborns, because of an incident centuries ago about the massacre of wizards by humans. He couldn't believe that his lover was part of the element he disliked so much.

"Hoonie ple-"

"Don't call me Hoonie! It makes me sick to hear it! By the Great Salazar, I don't know what I did to fall in love with you who deceived me. What a great manipulation. You beat a Slytherin, Y/N," Sunghoon smiled bitterly again, he pushed you gently. Don't want to hurt your body by hitting the ground.

He was sick, very sick because he was lied to this much. Not only that, it turned out that the girl he loved so much had blood from an element he didn't like in the history of magic. He doesn't deny the fact that he loves you so much (of course), but when he finds out this big fact, it's like stabbing him with a katana.

Indirectly, his love was defeated by his ego.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Some Law-Related Vocabulary

for your next poem/story (pt. 4/4)

Ambulatory - capable of being altered

Attainder - the termination of the civil rights of a person upon a sentence of death or outlawry for treason or a felony

Bestiality - the crime of engaging in sexual relations with an animal

Blasphemy - the crime of insulting or showing contempt or lack of reverence for God or a religion and its doctrines and writings and especially God as perceived by Christianity and Christian doctrines and writings

Brownfield - a tract of land that has been developed for industrial purposes, polluted, and then abandoned

Clemency - willingness or ability to moderate the severity of a punishment (as a sentence); an act or instance of mercy, compassion, or forgiveness

Cold blood - a state of mind marked by premeditation and deliberateness—usually used in the phrase in cold blood

Concubinage - the relationship between persons who are cohabiting without the benefit of marriage

Days of grace - period of time beyond a scheduled date during which a required action (as payment of an obligation) may be taken without incurring the ordinarily resulting adverse consequences (as penalty or cancellation); also called "grace period"

Donation mortis causa - a donation that is to take effect on the donor's death and that is revocable

Ex maleficio - arising from wrongdoing; created by law in response to a wrongdoing

Exonerate - to relieve especially of a charge, obligation, or hardship; to clear from accusation or blame

Express malice - the knowledge that defamatory statements especially regarding a public figure are false

Extreme cruelty - behavior toward a spouse that involves physical violence or threats thereof, acts calculated to destroy the peace of mind or health of the spouse, or acts destructive of the purpose of the marriage

Floodgate - something serving to restrain an outburst (as of litigation)—usually used in pl.

Flotsam - floating wreckage of a ship or its cargo

Flying squad - a usually small standby group of people ready to move or act quickly; especially: a police unit formed to respond quickly in an emergency; called also "flying squadron"

Fourth degree - a grade given to less serious forms of crimes

Freedom of the seas - the right of a merchant ship to travel any waters except territorial waters either in peace or war

Golden parachute - an agreement providing for generous compensation to an executive upon dismissal

Great bodily injury - physical injury suffered by the victim of a violent crime that causes a substantial risk of death, extended loss or impairment of a body part or function, or permanent disfigurement; physical injury that is more serious than that ordinarily suffered in a battery

Indemnify - to secure against hurt, loss, or damage

Messuage - a dwelling house with the adjacent buildings and curtilage and other adjoining lands used in connection with the household

Moiety - half of something

Moot - deprived of practical significance; made abstract or purely academic

Next friend - a person appearing in or appointed by a court to act on behalf of a person (as a child) lacking legal capacity

Nunc pro tunc - now for then—used in reference to a judicial or procedural act that corrects an omission in the record, has effect as of an earlier date, or takes place after a deadline has expired

Primogeniture - the state of being the firstborn of the children of the same parents; exclusive right of inheritance

Prurient - marked by or arousing an unwholesome sexual interest or desire

Putative - thought, assumed, or alleged to be such or to exist

Sedition - the crime of creating a revolt, disturbance, or violence against lawful civil authority with the intent to cause its overthrow or destruction

Seriatim - in a series; individually in a sequence

Strictissimi juris - according to the strictest interpretation of the law

Wrongful death - a death caused by the negligent, willful, or wrongful act, neglect, omission, or default of another

Wrongful life - a malpractice claim brought by or on behalf of a child born with a birth defect alleging that he or she would never have been born if not for the negligent advice or treatment provided to the parents by a physician or health-care provider (Note: Wrongful life claims have usually been rejected by the courts. The injury is not the birth defect, but the life itself, and courts are reluctant to declare life an injury. A specific calculation of damages for wrongful life would entail affixing a monetary value to the difference between life in an impaired state and nonexistence. There is no legally established right not to be born.)

If any of these words make their way into your next poem/story, please tag me, or leave a link in the replies. I would love to read them!

More: Law-Related Words ⚜ Word Lists

[mac-ann-cheese]

Some 19th century rusameamerus hcs!! (⁠゜⁠o⁠゜⁠;) and a little comic (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Today, I will skip over the entire revolutionary war+whatever happened in the world in 1812, and we are nearing the 1820s. Um, no, actually over 1825... Cause in 1822 there is Monroe's doctrine with the whole "you don't mess with my stuff, I don't mess with yours,” a hands-off policy in South America, as a reaction to plans of the Holy Alliance (Austria, Prussia, Russia) to discuss matters at the Congress of Verona on the Spanish question. Like they wanted to restore Spanish rule over Latin American colonies that had declared their independence. AnOpinions of the former 13 colonies were not asked. The USA might have plans for LatAme, how could they??????!!!!!

Okay, I'll stop with the historical stuff. I got sidetracked. Sometimes I start to act like Philomena Cunk…

The portraits are in the appropriate style of grand manner for 18/19 century. Highly referenced Joshua Reynolds. They're unfinished cause I got bored. Sorry! (⁠˘⁠･⁠_⁠･⁠˘⁠)

Anywho

Al and Ivan knew each other in the first half of the 19th century. They met and interacted; some points of friendship were gained. This is established, at least in my interpretation. After many times of proving his independence, Alfred is still being isolated by the Old World. Like they're aware of his existence and literally don't give a fuck about it. Many other things are happening on the continent; no time for new acquaintances. However, America wants to be included and to have friends!! So he is still stuck with his "sort of not fully an ally in independence war cause yknow we don't want the british to consider us as enemies too, so here are two ships if the shit hits the fan - use them" Ivan. A close neighbour from the north who started doing... something? in the icy part of the land (expansion, colonial adventure in Alaska). A BIG imperial monarchy with a good position in the Concert of Europe. Someone who probably knows a lot about diplomacy and other things on how to exist as a whole country. On the other hand, Russia isn't reluctant to have a nosy and too energetic creature around; of course, he is excited about a new friend. They see benefits in each other—"the whole world will open for me/I won't feel so lonely with him". Almost compatible with problems. This was probably curiosity at first sight. Major "why is that with him this way and not the other?" factor.

A hot new bombshell has entered the villa

The next bit might come across as too metaphorical and OOC. You've been warned.

Ivan sees Alfred (at least until the 1850s) as too nice, too innocent, and an overall pure being. A boy is so full of wonder and love for everything that it feels almost impossible. Ivan doesn't want that to change and is actually afraid of it happening, he tries to hold back Alfred from seeing the other harsh side of reality; nevertheless, Al wants to experience all - dirt, bliss, the world as whole. He doesn't want to be brought back to life, isolated from others.

After the 1850s, the situation changed. Ivan really appreciated Alfred's benevolent neutrality with the mess the Crimean War was; there is no secret in that. As a way of showing gratitude for it, he started inviting Alfred more frequently to his place. For tea, for hunts or even without a proper reason [yeah, it takes like a month to sail from one continent to another, inconvenient!]. And Alfred crushed. Real hard (regular oh, italicized oh). No other nation was treating him like that—"humanly". Everyone wanted something from him and wished for him to somehow change in a direction that was more beneficial for them. For Ivan, Alfred, as he was, was more than enough. America knew that he appreciated Ivan way before, but didn't give much thought to his feelings. He was capable of some sort of controlling it. However, now [as in the second half of the 19th century] Alfred cannot. He sighs too loud, looks too long, and smiles too much. Everything feels too much for him to handle. He tries to distract himself and pays attention to making new friends (cough the opening of Japan in 1853-1855 cough), but is still drawn to Ivan. However, the latter doesn't understand why America is suddenly more jumpy, more uneasy with him, and why his laughs are more strained. Although Alfred insists that everything is just peachy (he doesn't want to ruin this friendship with his weird feelings), Ivan's suspicion grows. He wants to know why but can't come up with a solution.

Their already interesting liaison transforms into more confusion.

And I consider hetamyu canon (cause musicals fill in all the missing plot points in manga, for me at least), sooo according to the second one, there was something peculiar between them (the infamous kiss scene).

Although I headcanon, at least for half of the 19th century, their friendship was childlike and mostly naïve. Ivan and Alfred are tall kids in diff ways. And I can absolutely imagine them playing tag or hide and seek. Though, this could have happened in any century.

In 1861-1865 they couldn't physically see each other (Alfred had to crawl in trenches), so their usual correspondence intensified (that sort of "absolutely not gay in any way" messages, like "my heart aches at the thought of your suffering, my dearest friend")...

Except for the late autumn of 1863 [the visit of the Russian fleet during the fall-winter of 1863-1864*]. Ivan paid for the first time in a while for a visit to New York (I like to think that Alfred stayed a lot of times in Saint Petersburg; however, Ivan wasn't that fond of travelling). Alfred was tired and pretty much beaten from fighting with himself; however, some obsessed excitement brought back his optimism for one night. At the ball they, as expected, danced a bit, and escaped to a more enclosed space from people and noise. Not much talking happened there; soothing silence at that time was needed. Of course Alfred was stressed because your own family literally wants to dismember you (don't know if I need to put a historical reference, but still—at the outset of the war, England and France supported the South. Napoleon III, with colonial designs on Mexico [Second Franco-Mexican War, 1861-1867], looked longingly on a divided United States, and British shipping interests were seriously affected by Lincoln's blockade of southern US ports, which led to the recognition of the Confederate states as belligerents. Russia supported the Union).

*I wanted to add here an actual fun historical fact! This “gesture” was interpreted by Americans as sympathetical move and overall a sign of “secret agreement” and Russia's protection of US Government (you can read about it further here: https://www.jstor.org/stable/25156012)

Not long after that, Ivan started viewing Alfred as more mature than he was before (Ame literally got torn apart in the Civil War, of course he boosted in character development).

I'll stop here (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

(They were literally bros before hoes....................)

I'll think about making other additions to this long list of headcanons about the start of the 19th century and, of course, the whole selling Alaska event.

For finishing reading this scientific paper-sized post, you'll get old sketches of Al (and Matt!!! Woah!!) in Victorian clothing.

trench coat buttoned to the TOP.

[lyraeon]

I didn't put it in the original post because I was focused on things I did as an adult, after I already had agency and freedom to some extent.

But I know some of you are still 15, so even though it's been 20 years and 2002 was a very different time:

at 15 I was a sophomore high schooler at a very extracurricular-focused, homework heavy public high school, following spending K-3 homeschooled and 4-8 at a magnet school for Gifted Kids™. I couldn't get myself to do my homework or any projects, unless I could do them in class while the teacher was talking, and I never understood why. I'd gotten away with it before high school but 100%s on tests couldn't offset grades there, so I was spiraling into a worse and worse depression because I had no metric to measure myself on besides my grades and CLEARLY my family was right and I was just lazy and defiant and didn't want to do the homework and I was just making up the whole "I keep forgetting" and "I sit there and stare at it for hours but can't make myself do it" things. I was eternally grounded for my grades and "laziness", and my folks blamed my internet friends and the fact I stopped going to church for my bad attitude and depression (which I Totally Didn't Have Because You Have A Perfect Life With A Great Family And How Could You Be So Ungrateful And Make Us Look Bad By Pretending To Be Sad All The Time?)

Despite all this I still bought in to all my folks' racism and Bush loving bullshit (the defense was, "it wasn't that we hated ALL minorities! just the lazy ones! and it's their fault racism exists because they're making the whole group look bad!" and if that kind of argument feels at all defenseable to you please snap out of it) and earnestly believed being gay was just something perverts did and so all gay people should be in jail (and in my brainwashed mind, were, because all criminals were instantly caught and punished as far as I'd been taught - which we were largely taught to keep us scared of making even tiny mistakes). I defended having black and Muslim friends to my family as them being Some Of The Good Ones™ and only finally started to realize shit was fucked up when my grandfather banned me from visiting his house for dating a black guy (and did so in terms that even my folks knew were godawful slurs, but He's Old, Times Were Different, so I was just Supposed To Accept It.)

When you're young, you don't know what you don't know. You know what you have access to, are taught, and are shown. It would be nice if we all just instinctively knew what things are good and bad, or if we learned the truth on first exposure, but when you've heard the same rhetoric day in and day out your whole life you have no reason to question it until you're given one.

My friends had already tried telling me how racist I was and my response was that they didn't understand, I didn't hate all minorities, I just hated lazy and entitled people, and most minorities just happened to be lazy and entitled! and it was those people's fault for making the whole group look bad! not to mention systemic problems didn't exist and equality was definitely real and She Shouldn't Have Dressed Like That and all the other crap. It was all very, very well ingrained in there, and a huge part of it was that I had been made to feel like I was an awful person who barely deserved to exist because of how lazy and entitled I supposedly was (at 15! though a lot of this was ingrained much younger), so I really believed that one of the Truths of the universe was that laziness was a horrible sin and anyone who defended it was evil. Even after I finally got it through my skull that racism still existed and was still VERY prevalent, it was several more years before I snapped out of "well if the lazy people would just stop making them look bad".

(If it sounds like a lot of that's also ingrained self-hatred from the repeatedly diagnosed but ignored by my folks undiagnosed ADHD, you're absolutely right, and that's part of why I say a lot of hateful people are just resentful that others aren't holding themselves to the same impossible standards they hold themselves to [nevermind if they actually meet them or not] and that getting them to un-internalize those things will help snap them out of hating others.)

Same with "the gays". I went through so many stages - and the first stage was actually making up an all-girl alien race in 5th grade that didn't need icky boys and that reproduced by fusing eggs together, then getting chewed out by the girl scout troop leader for joking about homosexuality in front of her daughter, which is how I found out that being gay is even an actual thing not something I'd have to be an alien to be AND that being gay was supposedly a sin and illegal on the same day. It took no time at all for me to be all in on praying for those poor poor people who had been lead astray and given in to their perverted temptations, in hopes God would help them find their way and repent. I also decided I definitely had a crush on my best guy friend cuz clearly boys and girls can't just be friends either so it HAD to be a crush, right? (that one actually might have been, but then he moved away and man, the guy I obsessively pretended to like in 6th grade after that and I had a hilarious talk at 31 because he's now gay and an underwear model and he apparently never said anything negative about my awkward "crush" because he already knew he was gay and it made for a nice cover).

That carried on for years. At 16, my best friend came out to me in a crying fit, promising to me that she wasn't actually gay, she just really loved our one friend that much and surely that had to be ok as long as they never had sex because God doesn't make mistakes and wouldn't have made her be in love with a girl if that was actually Bad, right? My boyfriend at the time (who wouldn't officially come out as bi until his spouse came out as trans 10+ years later) told me he'd probably kiss a guy if he were cute enough, but he'd definitely never do it because we were gonna get married and have 3 kids and 2 dogs by the time we were 25, even though kissing a guy wouldn't really be cheating because well it's not like it'd be romantic cuz that'd be gay lmao. I made only three friends at college - one was a fairly open Two-Spirit person (my first real encounter with anyone trans-identifying, and at the time my brain did mental gymnastics to say that it was ok because she was Native American and their culture was different), one I was on tenuous terms with because she was a stoner, but also the only other gamer in the building, so I dealt with it, and she came out as bi within a couple months. The third was ace - a concept we didn't have a word for yet but somehow still understood and accepted as something Weird But Yeah It Makes Sense. By the end of the year I had started to suspect I liked girls but was fully convinced I was just playing up noticing how pretty they were in order to "fit in" better with my gay friends.

Part of why I stopped talking to my family for a while is because they banned me from being left alone with any minors in the family after I came out as bi at 19. I liked women, so in my family's mind that included even little kids and I was now a danger. I was so livid that I cut them off as much as I could.

Ironically I might have snapped out of a lot of the rest sooner if I hadn't cut them off, because being exposed to the juxtaposition of their bigoted views and emotional abuse vs the way the world actually was is what snapped me out of the first few things and made me start questioning the rest.

My point on all this is, again: people change and grow, and people don't know what they don't know. That doesn't mean you have to indulge every time someone asks for information (especially since sea lions exist) or go out of your way to explain things to people, but it does mean that things aren't as simple as "if you have ever said a homophobic thing you are awful forever", especially when those things are said while you're still under direct influence of your family and haven't had a chance to experience the world without their filter on it yet.

Basically, someone who's 80 and still uses the N-word has had plenty of time to be exposed to the world at large and know that's bigoted and has actively decided they don't care (or even are happy about it) and want to be seen that way. But someone who's still in high school and doing it may just not have exposure to anything they trusted and said different yet. That doesn't make them your responsibility nor mean you have to tolerate it, but it does mean dismissing them as lost causes or deliberately hateful may be missing the chance to snap them out of it and make the world a little less hateful, and if you are someone with the time, resources, and knowledge to educate them, it may be worth speaking up.

And I know I'm forever grateful to the people who took that time with me, and who saw that I wanted to be a good person but had been raised to think the bad things I was doing were good, and decided I was worth prying out of that. But I'm also forever indebted to them for putting up with my bullshit before then and for spending that effort, and I still wish I could undo the damage I did while I thought that way.

What it means above all is to constantly be curious about new things and look into them deeper. It's easy to fear or hate things you don't understand and to blindly believe the people you trust because they've raised and/or supported you. It's hard to ask extra questions, dig deeper, and to face the fact you were wrong about something - but it's worth it.

And if the people you spend time with make you afraid to admit you were wrong or to suggest they might be - not "I might have to explain things or get disagreed with" afraid but "I will get yelled at, ostracized, or worse for questioning anything or for admitting I made a mistake" afraid? You might need some different people to hang out with.

at 20 I thought I was faking my depression and was "bad at life" and lazy like my family said. I still earnestly believed I was entirely straight and everyone knew girls are just nicer to look at. I still had a ton of ingrained racism and other bigotry from my Bush-worshipping family. My main dream of being an astronaut had been smashed by my anxiety and health problems, so I was trying to study Japanese because like every other weeb I thought I'd fit in better over there (lol), but I'd already flunked out of one college and been forced to quit another to get a second job. I was overdrawn constantly and often buying gas station gift cards at the grocery store so I'd only take one overdraft fee. I was dating someone horribly controlling who eventually earned the title "evil ex", dialed up my eating disorder, and traumatized me out of writing for 2+ years. I had several roommates because we all considered having the funds to go to anime conventions more important than personal space (and because back then we already thought $600/month was expensive). I spent any other free time half asleep at a friend's house cuz there I could play games and watch Intent videos. Half my meals came free from work, the rest were hacked together from stuff that worked out to $1/serving or so. The power or internet got turned off at least twice a year from non-payment.

at 25 I thought I was too depressed to deserve burdening others with my presence or existence. that I was a burden and purposeful downer and nothing would ever get better. I was still dealing with a ton of internalized transphobia, racism, and other bigotry that I had been taught was Just The Truth and still occasionally fall into. I was massively straight edge against weed and anything else (threatened to call cops on close friends) while also being a half bottle of vodka a day alcoholic just to get my brain to shut up enough to let me write or sleep. I didn't know how to have fun without alcohol, if at all. I had lost my ability to draw when I severely injured my wrist while i had no insurance. I tried going back to school, first for architecture then teaching, and flunked/dropped out of both. I was losing jobs every 6~8 months from being chronically late and being sick constantly. I manged to lose one on my birthday and wound up having to make some other tough choices because of it. I had only just reached the point where being overdrawn was a rare thing and I wasn't buying single gallons of gas with tip money. food was still often just ramen but I no longer had days where I didn't know if I'd get to eat, though I was often dependent on my then-bf. I had multiple teeth rotting and couldn't afford any treatment besides getting them pulled, and often not until they'd become infected.

by 30 I was finally on antidepressants and in therapy. I was on the road to physical therapy for shoulder and wrist injuries that had happened years earlier. I was pretty happy in my relationship. I held down one job for almost 3 years straight after getting medicated, then turned around and flunked/dropped out of college for the 5th time (Physics this time) because I was too anxious to take public transit reliably and STILL couldn't do homework anywhere but in class, so most projects never got done. I'd stopped being able to write (and am still running from the possibility my meds Took That from me because it doesn't come back if I stop them). Food had become a different struggle - I no longer had time, physical health, or executive function to cook reliably so I was spending too much on take out and causing wild fluctuations in my weight. I was hiding my eating disorder from my partner and my friends. I had begrudgingly un-estranged myself from my family to support younger cousins as they came out as queer. I had developed a healthier relationship with alcohol. I had accepted that, outside of addiction, drugs are a bodily autonomy thing and stopped being an ass to people about them. I had finally learned some damn etiquette around things like not accidentally outing people. I started streaming and making videos - stuff I had dreamed of since first watching Dead Fantasy and Red vs Blue and Weeblstuff in high school but had thought impossible after I lost the ability to draw.

I'm currently 35. This year I am living on my own for the first time (aside from 5 failed months at 18). I got divorced - a complicated, regretful process that was ultimately for the best but I could and should have handled better (and sooner). I've been in physical therapy long enough that I'm able to use chopsticks properly again and am thinking of trying to relearn drawing. It's also meant I can do the dishes and wash my hair on my own again, most days, so I'm relearning how to cook consistently. I'm reading (listening to) books again. I'm on year 8 of antidepressants and currently working with my doctor to fine tune what I'm on (and finally have a system to take them consistently). I've been diagnosed with ADHD and figured out I might also be autistic, and a lot of things in my life make way more sense when viewed through that context. I have appointments to get evaluated for ADHD meds, autism, shoulder surgery/other "PT isn't enough" treatments, teeth implants, and new glasses. my clothes have been put away 3 of the last 5 times I did laundry and I've learned that if I only own one dishwasher worth of dishes, the sink can't pile up. I've fully embraced that I'm polyamorous, pansexual, and demiromantic, and that I can be cis while also being "gender agnostic" - none of it really matters or processes to me, but I get that it does to others so I respect it. I'm seeing someone who makes me feel like I can do anything, is inspiringly ambitious themself, and is equally polyam, meaning I might also be asking out a cute girl soon and don't know where board game nights with the nice throuple I met might go. I'm having to do odd jobs and accept help from my dad to make ends meet, but I'm arguably a full time content creator now - something I literally didn't even let myself dream about when I was younger because it felt impossible, but which is fully worth the complications and budget crunching because it's so accommodating to my disabilities and uses so many of my talents. I'm still depressed, but I have hope that ADHD treatment will help cut through the remainder. Most days I just have hope, period. And more days than not, I'm genuinely happy for at least a while.

You'll find yourself.

It might take a while. There will be detours, mistakes, pain, tough choices, and a lot of hard work. But there will also be unexpected joys and more possibilities than you ever imagined.

Someday, you'll find yourself.

And when you do, it will be worth the wait, I promise.