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The most grief stricken hearts have learned to dance in the midst of the storm.
For it is only the rain that yields growth.
~beccawise7 💜🖤
#my writings#published work#my thoughts#rain#connection#lovers#intimacy#my mind#soul connection#dance in the rain#my work#mondays#sunshine#rainy days#live laugh love#only live once#poets on tumblr#writers and poets#writers on tumblr#tumblr poets#grief#dealing with grief
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everyday i learn more about joplin, everyday i wish they just cancelled veilguard or took longer to make the joplin project they envisioned.
i think i'm just gonna put all the blame on anthem atp.
[article link]
if they were in such a rush to make me5, why didn't they just go ahead with that project and then make da4 after--if the funds allowed for it?! i bought the artbook and that literally just made me go down a spiral.
like... this hurts me so much man.
[link to video where comment is from]
#dragon age should have been bioware's magnum opus#their chance to redeem themselves and end a series RIGHT after mass effect#but noooo#now i have to deal with a subpar narrative sequel to one of the best pieces of media i've ever loved#feels like i'm living through the whedon-verse again and how joss ultimately hurt his popular characters as if out of spite for fandom#dragon age#veilguard critical#joplin#dav spoilers#solas#dragon age the veilguard#da:tv#emotional investment is getting cumbersome guys#like i have very few nuggets of love left to give to things#everything is getting cancelled#complexity is one in a million in publishing#original stories and comics and games literally have fight tooth and nail to be appreciated#grassroots isn't a sustainable form of development anymore#actors not already linked to hollywood rarely get their big break#i keep sighing and no god can hear me!#corypheus was right about the throne of the gods being empty#i'm wallowing and drinking red wine rn.
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gang i have to share this P. G. Wodehouse quote with you all because ever since I found it I can't stop thinking about it. it's from a letter he wrote when he was 78 years old to his friend Guy Bolton (many thanks to P. G. Wodehouse: A Life in Letters)
I have been on the sick list myself, but am better now. Inflamed bladder or chill on the bladder or something, the symptoms being agony when I passed water, as the expression is. It brought back the brave old days when I used to get clap.
he really said "yeah the pain from my bladder issue reminds of the days when I used to have so much sex I repeatedly got venereal disease"
#red randomness#p. g. wodehouse#he was so known for not having sex with his beloved wife#that i truly didn't expect this at all#i feel like i see a lot of people saying with a great deal of confidence that he was sex-repulsed ace#especially due to the wife thing#but while he certainly may have been ace on some level#i feel like at the very least this casts some doubt on the sex-repulsed part lmao#i suppose it's possible he was lying but wouldn't this be such a specific and unnecessary lie in this context?#especially for a private letter to a friend he'd known and worked with for decades#because he really didn't even need to bring it up#of course i am open to evidence to the contrary#i just dislike seeing overconfident opinions broadly prevail#even when aspects of a real person's life suggest the possibility of otherwise#the study of history is meant to breed discussion!#and something that goes against the grain of past assumption is certainly worth discussing imo#also very grateful to the unpublished monograph by George Simmers about Honeysuckle Cottage#because that's how i found out about this letter in the first place!#great monograph mr. simmers please publish it someday#opened my third eye about the potential latent homosexuality in that story (among other things)#and at risk of having someone get mad at me or say i'm trying to like. diminish or slander the ace community by saying this#please don't assume that. that's why i've been afraid to share this before.#i'm not confidently stating wodehouse is anything. he's a real man who lived and i didn't know him#but by the same token neither does anyone else#i'm just as tired of people in history who have a fair amount of suggestion of being aroace being broadly assumed gay#despite evidence to the contrary#or people confidently assigning queerness to historical figures when evidence of them being queer in any way is ambiguous at best#everything in history is a maybe. we just collect facts and analyze them.#and my current analysis based on this line is that i'm not sure i think he was very sex-repulsed after all#(but like. i'm not going around insulting or fighting people about it in dms or something. and neither should you)
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my Valcamon notebook is too thick to travel with, so I'm bringing a smaller one and switching back to Medka and Actalus for now
on one hand, it's a little weird to go back to them after several months, even if their story is the one I think is more interesting. I've had Valcamon on the brain for months now after all
on the other hand, I'm doing a part that's Actalus's pov and, much like Valcamon, he is a vastly uninterested bitch (also not as uninteresting lol) so that should help
#jau rants#for real though I think only Medka and Actalus's story would be worth sharing/publishing#Valcamon's is there to help me figure out secondary stuff that impacts the world the boys live in#and leads to the Magpie King's being forced to make deals with them
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taylor swift wrote all the young dudes, no one believed it was really her, and then she wrote the great war to prove them wrong.
#i’m not saying taylor swift did absolutely 100% for sure write atyd#but i do think it’s very possible#especially considering that when atyd was published she was in her era of hiding from the media and from everyone#and before you say “taylor swift doesn’t know enough british slang to have written atyd”#have we forgotten joe?? her LONDON boy?? she literally lived with a brit#i’m sure he would’ve been more than happy to help her out with some words#after all#he loved her#and not to mention#taylor swift was born in 1989#mskingbean89#has a birthday on september 4#9+4=13#13 is taylor swifts lucky number#in case you forgot#or didn’t know#and we know taylor has the ability to write fast while also writing well#as proven by folklore and evermore#she was betrayed by one of her best friends#and someone she trusted sold her music#her life’s work#to someone she hated#she definitely would have understood the feelings of loneliness and betrayal remus experiences after lily and james’ death#we know that writers like to explore their own feelings and traumas in their works#in chapter 175 (when remus is dealing with his friends’ betrayal) mskingbean89 says that she wrote it immediately after chapter 1#she was definitely eager to get to the part where she could get really into her feelings#and need i mention cardigan?#so yeah#im not saying taylor swift wrote it but she very well could have
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i'm having a slow start this morning and still ruminating about what a racket it is that college is considered like. this huge Thing art people need to go through to have a career. we made fun of frat boys for defending paying dues because it gave them access to ephemeral Important Network Connections and this doesn't seem much different. it's one of those things like, if you're on the level where you are here considering how to GET the very exclusive networking connections the ship for anything major has sailed, and anything smaller than that you can game yourself without paying 15k per semester
also how many horrifyingly successful creators do you know of who Accidentally fell into the thing that got them there, every single monolithic webcomic success story got there by just fucking around in some capacity lol. meanwhile i've known SO many people who did everything Right and got some secret webtoon anime deal, or an Image deal, or got A Deal but spent literal years in development hell because they DID find a publisher but indie comics are at the BOTTOM of the priority list no matter what your contract looks like, and you haven't heard of any of them because the work either never got finished or it's just gathering dust on the indie trade shelf in the back of the comic shop.
there are definitely choices you can make on purpose to put yourself in a better position to take advantage of opportunities if they arise, but anyone who thinks there is exactly one single path to success and it also happens to cost a lot of money is. selling something lmfao. just having a real, tangible body of work that you're passionate about is better clout than anything you could pay for
#i think it's also telling that so so many creative programs are YEARS behind current methods of like. everything#the programs are outdated and everyone knows it so the only thing they can push at this point is OH BUT NETWORKING#keeping your cost of living low enough to be able to live off of poverty wages is the priority if you want to make a living w/comics tbh#there is no magical publisher deal on this planet that will make enough to comfortably deal with student loans
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@ the latest anon who sent me a message (the one that starts with: 'To be fair, it isn’t just ‘someone holding beliefs that you happen to disagree with...'): Yeah, we're not doing this, sorry. I already explained that I actively keep real-life issues out of my blog and I explained why. I am not comfortable with people telling me who I should block. I am not comfortable with people trying to guilt me, as you did, to give some sort of a statement about someone I never even interacted with. I don't know this person whose blog you are referencing. I don't know the person who sent the first anonymous message. I don't know you.
This is the end of this conversation. Hope you have a lovely day.
#anonymous#messages#I am not publishing your full message#because I already explained why I don't want any political and social content on my blog#I deal with so much of it in my work environment#that's literally huge part of what I do for a living#y'all love to talk about mental health and safe spaces#both of which are very important in an individual's life#but apparently these concepts do not apply to people#who just want to unwind and actually NOT think about these things in this environment?#make it make sense#and miss me with it please
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2 months until my birthday my 23rd year of life was kind of wild
#My grandpa passed away I forgot about that.#I got engaged briefly lmao it was while I was publishing Philophobia I remember trying to publish it all before the marriage just in case#Oh and got my first job#Natural disasters and flooding kept happening I live in a desert so it’s a big deal#Went through wild depressive episodes#Had my first crush#Wrote a long fic over 100k and finished it
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skimming through my old fics is so weird bc i remember writing them and loving them so much and just being so proud of myself for putting it all together the way i wanted, but like now like i can just see soooo many mistakes or even plot things id wanna tweak or add to or whatever, but on the flipside i AM still super proud of them and sometimes i'll read a line and be like i WROTE that?? that was me?? oh shit??
#the TYPOS the GRAMMAR the lack of understanding an em dash and worst of all the CRINGE#why did i write certain scenes that way??#but also like. its all relatively minor i still really like them overall (all my hq!! and ml ones at least)#but agh its gonna be this way with original works too isnt it#ill publish a book and then years later see it on a shelf and say eww oh noo :(#this is what published authors deal with their whole lives isnt it#x#its happened like twice where someone has sent me an ask or a comment quoting something of mine back to me#and im like 'oh thats gooooood#WAIT ITS MINE??'#so. pros and cons lol
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I have truly been spoiled by the ease of accessibility of scans for manga and u.s. comics because when I try to look for scans for let's say a belgian comic it is not as convenient to find the pages from over the years all neatly arranged on a dedicated site
#while looking into les nombrils I noticed it was published in a magazine called spirou#and so I looked into spirou to see what other comics were published in it#and somehow that led to me seeing modeste et pompon#and I really should stop throwing myself down rabbitholes like this. i never go that deep anyway and I end up annoyed#i mean I could probably compile all the pages I could find if I were really dedicated but i am not that dedicated of a nerd#i am more of a flashbang passion type of dork. mildly intense short lived interest is my deal. I'm like a small grease fire#my loyalty is more to the medium of comics than any one specific series or artist#so I'll get over this annoyance in like...under a month. maybe 2 weeks#the world of comics is very big and my short term memory is very small
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Just polish it off and you're gold, says my romantic hero.
It wasn't the last line that gave me trouble, but two lines before that.
#writing#writer struggles#guys if i publish this it will be a major deal for me#these characters lived in my head for so long!#(publish on my writing blog i mean not like publish publish)#tho that will come one day too#writromhero#mypost
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there are such bad analyses about booktok out there, like i hate it too but let the people read their books...
#“dark romance” is nothing that is a new concept (literally go back to dark romanticism) and it doesn't make you evil to read it????#there is a difference between glorification of violence and just simply reading a novel with violent kinks in it. like...#ofc tiktok has a LOT of problems and i'd rather not publish anything ever than to deal with it to make my books popular enough-#-to make a living (which unfortunately will be something that i would have to do. so i don't. lol)#but that video essay just straight up said that you can't tell the difference between reality and fiction if you read that#ofc reality and fiction sometimes overlap if you LET IT but it doesn't make fictional stuff real#you could've easily checked that statement with a quick google search#johnny's silly rambles#okay sorry i was just angry when i saw that#this video essayist is really bad. like no research done or anything...
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The eternal struggle between wanting to talk to you all about my story ideas and knowing that if I don't keep this totally to myself I will never get it written.
#adventures in writing#it's a struggle i tell you#i get so excited about ideas and want to talk them out with you guys#but i know that getting other people in on this will just increase the pressure to live up to the idea#whereas if i keep it to myself the only expectations i worry about are mine#and anything that doesn't work is just 'oh too bad it's published already just deal with it'#longer works can be a different case#i'm still excited about the thief's debut and my shapeshifter goose girl story in part because of response here#but with shorter works anything other than the briefest of snippets is a death sentence#the only things i finished last year were stories i had not said a word about#and now that i think about it#that may partly be because i knew i had to post the story before i could talk about it#anyway i've got one fairy tale idea i'm really excited about#i'd love to discuss the ideas behind it because it would fit the vibe here so well#but i know i can't#so i have to settle for the vaguest of vagueposting
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TVAU Outfit, coming someday (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#True Villainy AU#I still have Zero ideas that I haven't already touched on and rejected lol#I know what I'm Not looking for but a design that I'm happy with all the way around eludes me#It can't look too Queenly and it can't have too much of Charm's original colours or shapes#But it also can't Just look like Kaiein either!#The whole point is that he's influencing her from the shadows - he doesn't want his fingerprints to overshadow hers#Mostly for plausible deniability but it's also an ego thing for him#A kind of ''Look what I've made'' without it just Being Him Again#The real problem is that his ego is in conflict with itself he always wants the impossibly high expectation met#He both wants it to be her and not him as well as having an obvious influence but not So noticeable fdlsafjdf#He's infuriating#But that is by design :/ Damn it lol#The middle two could probably be from S2Classic! No AU needed! Wowie!#Expectation and High Standards and Living Up To Your Potential are some of his big themes - external validation thaaaaanks#Charm is under no obligation to live up to standards or expectations set by someone who's not actually interested in her happiness#''Potential'' pff just because you Can doesn't mean you Should - that's kind of her whole villainy deal lol#But that's why he's a great reinforcement-lesson for S2#Archive - Uploaded June 22nd 2023#There have been a few developments since then :3c#The biggest blockades to fully publishing this was the last two panels of the minicomic lol - they were in limbo for like a month#Finally finished! A sort of sequel to the set of them trying to come up with an outfit and him shouting her down#He deserves to get things thrown at him
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siri what do you do if you're almost 30 but not out of the closet and your mom asks if you can read the paranormal mystery romance that you wrote about a nonbinary monster hunter.
#after the part where you laugh nervously and say you've got to edit it first.#there is a ticking clock following me and that clock is labeled 'Time Left In A Functional Relationship With Your Mother'#and considering that she lives in my house? and i hate conflict? and if someone is even the slightest bit disappointed in me#i want to cut and run so fucking bad and so fucking fast that i could sear the road runner on my way past?#that's a Bad Clock To Have#nervous chuckle i'm in danger.meme#like even if she doesn't find out what if a publisher actually picks it up?????#adder's pronouns are going to be on the BLURB you can't avoid it. this is not a stealth book#just. oh my god. i cant deal with change and this is going to be a disastrous change.#mythtakes
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#i just finished reading elliot page's memoir (slightly.. disappointed. sigh. anyway!) and now i don't know what to read next#if you vote purely based on title alone that's also more than fine <3#but for a bit of context on all of them#yellowface: literary fiction dealing with themes of cultural appropriation in the publishing industry#monstrilio: grieving mother cuts up her dead son's lung which grows to become a carnivorous sentient being resembling her son#whale: the lives of three women living in rural south korea apparently satirical magical realist heavy use of cultural imagery etc.#i >will< read all of them i just need help deciding which one i should read first
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