#Went through wild depressive episodes

[arabriddler]

2 months until my birthday my 23rd year of life was kind of wild

[filipfatalattractionrblog]

The thing about Episode 7, Jayvik and Timebomb

We like to joke about the whiplash from constantly shifting between Ekko's visit in paradise and Jayce's suffering, but....

I actually have to put the shipping googles back on for this one.

When Ekko and Jayce meet, Timebomb and Jayvik have basically been torpedoed. Ekko almost killed Jinx last season, and only hesitated at the last moment. He spent so much time telling himself Powder is dead and Jinx killed her, but now he is no longer so sure. Jayce meanwhile kept drifting away from Viktor and every time he thought he would bring them back together, he would fumble, last time they meet he was yelling, unable to understand why Viktor given up on him, as if Jayce haven't broken every promise he made to him by not destorying the hexcore and by weaponizing hextech. Ships aren't completely sunk, but they're gaining water fast.

And then the Wild Rune sent Jayce and Ekko to different worlds. Ekko gets the world that could have been, Jayce gets one that may be.

Ekko's life in a near-utopian version of Zaun quickly focuses on him falling in love with Powder that could have been. And why wouldn't he fall in love with her? Shems a genius, she's funny, she's creative...but I think with time he realizes that all these things can still be found in Jinx. He realizes Jinx didn't kill Powder, Jinx is Powder lashing out in pain.

And yet, this Powder is not free of pain either. It's different pain, that he actually stupidly pokes early on. Pain caused by different trauma, which she got to deal with, while having a better support network, but sitll present (I have seen somewhere a good argument she shows signs of depression, but forgot where). It's not that she deals with her pain better than Jinx, it's just different. And I see with time Ekko realizes that and realizes how wrong it would be to give up on Jinx, that the same person he loves is in her world, but she has no one to be for her what this Powder has in her Ekko, Mylo, Claggor, Vander and Silco (that last one is an assumption on my part, it's unclear how close he is with Powder in this world, but considering he apparently co-runs the bar with Vander, he has to be present in her life in some way). When Ekko decides to come back, he isn't doing it only because it would be unfair to Ekko of this timeline and to Powder and everyone who loves that Ekko. He also does it because he realzied what an asshole he'd be to give up on Jinx.

And remember, he has no fucking idea about the seven hells of bullshit that went down in his world when he was absent. He doesn't know about martial law, about Warwick, about Viktor, about Noxus. He's coming back expecting to deal with his tree being sick and Chem-Barons war.

Now let's look what Jayce goes through. He gets sent to hell where his dream goes horribly wrong, yes. But what quickly happens to him? He breaks his leg falling down the chasm. He ends at the very bottom of where Piltover used to be. Correction, where Zaun used to be. The enviroment is slowly poisoning him. He is forced to fight every second to survive. Poisoned by enviroment, limping, forced to use leg splint and a staff as a crutch. Sounds familiar? Moreover, he is then forced to climb his way from the bottom all the way to the highest tower of Piltover. I'm surprised more people aren't talking about this, the metaphor is laid down pretty thick. Jayce gets crash course version of Viktor's life, he is literally forced to walk miles after miles in his shoes. They even made his leg splint look like one League of Legends' Viktor had until 2024.

he never really could understand where Viktor is coming from, even at his lowest he still was a minor noble house, he still lived in good part of the town. And sure, he and Viktor became close, but then Jayce got seduced by the fame, by glamour, by being man of progress, by being savior of the future, by cushy council seat. Power makes it hard to see evil, and privledge makes you blind to human the suffering. This experience was eye-opening to Jayce. I wonder how many times he must have stopped himself and realize this is what Viktor goes through on daily basis. And, as we learned later, after Jayce climbed this way to the top of hell, he saw how much HE means to Viktor, how HE is the only person who can give Viktor hope and save him from his own internalized ableism. He goes back to save the world, but he also goes back to save Viktor.

These stories weren't paired jsut to fuck with us, they're pararells. Jayce and Ekko both were blinded, one by glamour, the other by hardship, they could no longer see real Viktor and Jinx, too wrapped up in the people the world forced them to become. Each one was forcefully stripped from his ideantity, and therefore his biases, and forced to actually SEE the person they love, not the false image they built, but real them. And then each one went back and each one reached to their respective love and save them. And jsut like Ekko went back in time over and over to make Jinx see he's there for her even if she hates herself, Jayce was willing to sacrifice it all to show Viktor he doesn't need to be perfect to be loved, because for Jayce he always was beautiful.

And I could probably write a whole separate essay about how this theme of tearing through your own bullshit and actually SEEING the other person is present in this season. How Jinx and Vi are forced to go through microcosm of each other's experience to rebuild their love. How Caitlyn is saved from her own descent into villainy by being forced to see how much pain she caused Vi, see a human in Warwick, see a wounded child in woman who killed her mother. How Vi stops her self-destruction by trusting Jinx and seeing Vander in Warwick. How Mel literally has to fight Illusionary Sorceres, a.k.a. LeBlac THE DECEIVER and defeats her with words "I see you". How Ambessa is the only person who doesn't go through this identity destruction this season, even i nthe opening proudly wearing red of Noxus, and that's why she fails. How Maddie being a spy is telegraphed from her first appearance, where she's blocking the sun, effectively obscuring Vi's vision and making herself harder to be seen. How Jinx and Sevika are forced to see people in one another now that Silco's gone. How even during sesbian lex Vi doesn't let Cait get bogged down in guilt because she sees the woman she loves and that's all that matters. How Ekko defeats Viktor by showing him he's wrong to think only he can achieve power of Wild Rune, but also by literally tearing off the mask of god from his eyes, so that Viktor can SEE Jayce again.

But it's 4 in the morning as I type this and I'm no longer being coherent. Episode 7 is literally the microcosm of the whole season and Ekko and Jayce go through the same character arc in it.

[scoobydoodean]

Sam and Dean are having a covert fight the entirety of 7.13 "Slice Girls", from the very beginning to the end over the very different ways they're coping with Bobby's death.

Sam is pushing them to hunt more (which is typical��also see: 2.02, 3.11, 4.09), while Dean is exhibiting the same depression symptoms we've seen all season, expressing deep cynicism about the job (ex: 7.05, 7.09) fantasizing about escape, and seeking drinks and conversation with strangers in bars as a distraction.

We open 7.13 with Sam driving and Dean asleep in the passenger seat, and it's immediately apparent that Dean didn't want to go on this hunt, and Sam really really did. It's also apparent that Sam is bothered by how Dean is coping, and Dean is bothered by how Sam is coping... Probably because Sam's way of coping (hunting) is the exact opposite of what Dean would like to do.

SAM: Is that Bobby’s? [DEAN takes a drink from Bobby's flask.] SAM: I didn’t know you kept that. DEAN: Yeah, mine sprung a leak. SAM: You know, most people would just carry a – a photo or something for a memento. DEAN: Shut up, man. I’m – I’m – I’m honoring the guy, all right? This is, uh, grief therapy, kind of like you and your wild-goose chase. SAM: Wild-goose chase? DEAN: Yeah.

Sam's clearly worried about Dean's drinking, and has been for a while, but he's too antsy to address the subject outright, so he teases instead. Dean reads the underlying judgement and argues that what he's doing is no less destructive than Sam pushing them to drive through the night for a case that might not be anything. The thing is, this is absolutely a weird situation that's right up their alley as a potential case. Dean just didn't do the reading, because he didn't want to go on a hunt to begin with.

SAM: Four guys murdered in two weeks, hands and feet cut off. DEAN: Yeah, well, some guy with a foot fetish run amuck. SAM: Grown men thrown so hard they went through walls. Did you – did you even read the article? DEAN: No, I was napping.

Sam then reminds Dean that they agreed the previous episode that it was best to stay busy to cope with Bobby's death... or rather—Sam said he wanted to work to cope with Bobby's death, and Dean agreed that that was best for him too but didn't mean it, then practiced fake smiles in the driver's seat.

SAM: Well, anyway, what else you got going on? Dick Roman’s a dead end for now, you might as well – DEAN: Stay busy. SAM: Exactly. DEAN: Yeah.

At the forensics lab, Dean has an odd interaction with the forensics expert, bragging about their health care benefits package as "FBI agents". This annoys Sam, who's all business. Dean's small talk full of lies feels odd—but might reflect his desire to escape to a job that provides them with actual pay and health insurance (hell—as Bobby's emergency contact, he might be dodging calls over Bobby's insurance over his stay in the trauma center).

Dean begrudgingly admits there's a case here, and Sam wants to begin research, but Dean nopes right out of that.

SAM: Let’s get a bite to eat, go back to the motel, haul out the laptop. DEAN: That’s a great idea. Actually, that’s a brilliant idea. Here’s my counter. You do that, I’ll go undercover, go mingle amongst the locals and see, uh, what kind of clues bubble to the surface. SAM: You’re going to a bar.

Sam tries to call Dean out for bailing, but Dean doesn't actually give a damn that Sam wants him to work, so he basically just goes, "yep" and takes off.

At the bar, Dean again imagines himself as a normal person, talking with Lydia about having a decent year in terms of income. Sam and Dean have spent a lot of the season squatting in abandoned homes because their money situation is so bad (Dean complains about this in 7.09 and 7.12), and Dean burned 15 grand he managed to scrape together (probably from Bobby's estate) on payments to Frank. Lydia talks about not being ready to settle down. Dean at least pretends to agree (this is 8 episodes after his last attempt at a one night stand required a pep talk to convince himself, "One night stands are what you do").

Next, the brothers fight at least two separate times about Sam finding an expert (Preofessor Morisson) to do some of the lore search they used to rely on Bobby for, with Dean grumbling (essentially) about how no one can replace Bobby, and Sam being annoyed that Dean's grumbling when they have no other choice if they want to solve the case.

After that, things start to take a turn from what happened at the beginning of the episode with Dean denying the obvious. Sam starts making some really weird accusations and denials that just don't make sense.

First, Dean contacts Lydia because he realizes he left his flask at her house. Sam insists on the narrative that Dean's catching feelings, when it's blatantly obvious that Dean just wants to retrieve a flask with sentimental value because it belonged to Bobby. Then Sam's teasing Dean over Lydia not answering his calls, inferring that Dean is wounded by rejection, instead of very clearly just wants the flask. Right after another complaint from Dean about Morrison:

SAM: Dean, you know what? I want to call him, too, okay? Believe me. But Bobby's not here. So we're settling [for Professor Morrison]. DEAN: Yeah. We sure are. [DEAN looks at his phone.] DEAN: Damn it, why hasn't she called? SAM: Who? Lydia? Wait, so some girl's actually dumping you the morning after? DEAN: I think you're enjoying this a little more than you need to. Screw it. I'm going over there and getting the flask.

I think we can make an argument here that Sam's denying the significance Dean assigns to the flask because it represents 1) Dean's worsening relationship with alcohol 2) How that relationship to alcohol in season 7 is attached to Dean's grief over losing people he loves (Cas and Bobby).

Second, Sam weirdly pretends that Dean's description of Lydia's toddler talking like an adult and growing to the size of a 6 year old with hours is not weird and that Dean is just being crazy somehow... and it's even weirder that Sam pretends it's not weird and that Dean is being crazy, given Dean shares this information about Lydia with Sam after Sam finds out that the bar where Dean met Lydia is directly connected to the disappearances of several men who met one night stands there.

One the phone, Sam complains that Dean hasn't met up with him:

SAM: You never showed. DEAN: I'm outside Lydia's. SAM: Oh, come on, man. What, are you obsessed or something? DEAN: No, I'm telling you. I have been eating at the buffet of strange all afternoon. SAM: Meaning what? DEAN: I'll tell you the second I know. But something ain't right. SAM: Or you're obsessed. DEAN: Shut up. I'm serious.

Then later in person, Sam repeatedly denies that Dean could possibly know what he's talking about:

SAM: So what? I mean, so maybe she has another kid she didn't tell you about. DEAN: Nope, just the one. Emma. But that night, when I was with her, she didn't have any. And I was at her place, man. There was no playpens, no blankets, no rubber ducks. SAM: Right. Like you would have been focused on that kind of thing.

and,

DEAN: Then, all of a sudden, boom – baby. SAM: Yeah, the one you thought talked. DEAN: Oh, it talked. And not baby talk, either. SAM: Now you know so much about child development?

Dean eventually gets genuinely irritated:

DEAN: Lydia's handing this kid who's calling her mommy over to these two women, right? But this is not a baby. No, no, this kid's got to be five. And same name – Emma. SAM: You know, George Foreman named all his sons George. DEAN: Are you deliberately messing with me?

Sam just shrugs. I think Sam's denying the stakes here because he doesn't want to believe yet another person he cares about might be in danger. He'd prefer to believe Dean is just playing Dean Winchester, Playboy Who's Caught Feelings. It's only after they get a lore update from Professor Morrison matching Dean's story that Sam relents.

Third, Sam blows up at Dean when he suggests Bobby is haunting them through the flask... except... Sam also clearly thinks there's something to it? Dean sees a paper move and immediately reports it to Sam as a sign of ghost activity, and Sam doesn't hesitate to take out the EMF meter... but then he notices there's a nearby powerline and gets condescending about how it's obviously interfering with the readings. Dean suggests maybe the flask is haunted, and Sam gets mad.

SAM: We burned him, Dean. DEAN: So what?

They know that objects can be haunted. They know that.

SAM: So, what are you suggesting? DEAN: I don't know. What are you?

Dean knows Sam thinks he's crazy.

SAM: Concentrate on something else. DEAN: Why? SAM: Because it's [raising his voice and stepping close to DEAN] not Bobby! DEAN: Could be. SAM: No, it couldn't be. DEAN: Why not? SAM: [loudly, very close to DEAN] Because we want it to be.

The thing is, Sam immediately does something that contradicts his vehement rejection of Dean's theory that Bobby moved the papers!!!

SAM snatches the piece of parchment from the bed. DEAN: Maybe it's useful. SAM: It's in a pile of "maybe it's useful." Besides, it's in Greek. Nobody reads Greek. DEAN: Yeah, except Greeks. Oh, and Bobby. SAM: And Professor Morrison. DEAN: Really? SAM: I'm going, Dean. You stay here, keep the door locked. Don't go anywhere. I mean it.

Wow wow wow.

Anyway though. Is it any wonder Sam lectures Dean at the end of the episode for hesitating to kill his own daughter, insists that she wasn't really his, and then when Dean says that is objectively false, Sam calls him crazy?

SAM: You know what? Bobby was right. Your head's not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now...

Finally, Dean snaps back.

DEAN: Now what? Oh, what, you're dealing with it so perfect? Yeah, news flash, pal – you're just as screwed up as I am! You're just... bigger.

Sam doesn't get to pretend he's fine just because his coping strategies involve hunting to escape instead of drinking. Like Dean, he is avoiding certain realities to cope with his grief and fears. Hell—one could argue he does that much more than Dean during this episode.

Excerpts from 7.13 transcript on the good SPN wiki

[lurkingshan]

My mind has been spinning and spinning around episodes 3 and 4, and I have so many feelings about them that I have been struggling to decide what I want to write about. One of @bengiyo's questions is about the different feel of this part of the story in the transition from page to screen, including the overall kdramafication effect, and I felt that most keenly where Hyung was concerned.

Let's start with the obvious: Hyung is not supposed to be this young and hot. But then, Young is not supposed to look like Nam Yoon Su, so I guess we can let that one go. More than that, though, I think episode 3 went out of its way to make Yeong Su a more appealing love interest than he ever seemed to be in the novel, and that had a clear purpose: to make the comedown in episode 4 so much worse.

Episode 3 used the familiar trappings of romance dramas to help us understand why Go Yeong was so drawn to this man despite some of his rough edges. They had interesting dates with good conversations. They shared an umbrella in the rain. They kissed sexily outside. They danced together in Yeong Su's (much nicer than described in the book) apartment. I may or may not have actually said OH MY GOD out loud when they were moving together to that old song; it was intoxicating in exactly the way early attraction is. Instead of viewing Hyung through the bitter recollections of Young's memory already knowing he's a bastard, we experienced him the way Go Yeong did when he was first catching his interest, and it was easy to see why he would latch onto this man as a balm and a distraction while he was going through a very hard time with his mother's illness.

Which means it hurt so much worse when Go Yeong emerged from that initial haze in episode 4 and realized who Yeong Su really was. He got a hard look at the deep internalized homophobia Yeong Su was carrying and projecting onto him, and it was not pleasant, nor was the way it echoed across his experiences with his mother.

Another interesting change made in the adaptation was to increase the severity of Hyung's crime; where in the novel he only searched and read articles on the evils of homosexuality, in the show he wrote the damn article while Go Yeong slept in his bed. A much larger betrayal and blow for Young. And this makes sense for the screen version, IMO; the romance is deeper and therefore so must be the fracture. Everything is just a bit bigger and more dramatic to amplify the themes of the story and to help the audience understand why this might drive Go Yeong to such a low moment without the benefit of his internal monologue to connect all the dots.

I was reflecting on these changes and how they affected the tone when I read @solitaryandwandering's thoughts, because I was intrigued by her reception of these episodes as darker, where for me, with the (much) more depressing novel version in my head, they felt lighter than expected. Which is kind of a wild thing to say about a section of the story that includes Young's suicide attempt, but context is everything! The T-aras, of course, also contribute to how different this section feels. In the book, Young is presented as so isolated and alone with this relationship, but in the show he has friends who know and care and try to help and show up for him in his low moment to make sure he is not alone. It makes such a difference to the bleakness of it all, and also makes the story feel more cohesive across the different parts in a way the book intentionally does not.

I think ultimately the adaptation choices made here were smart, and I continue to be impressed with how thoughtful Sang Young Park has been with his different visions for his story in each medium.

[koiiiji]

OKAY GUYS IM READY TO PRESENT MY THEORY WHO IS DANIEL FATHER!!!

disclaimer ; i haven’t seen such theory before, but if someone already wrote about it im sorry!!

disclaimer 2 ; i know it have a lot of plot holes, yet it was fun to think of!!

long story short ; since UI eyes seems to exist only in Yamazaki family i wanted to tie somehow this two facts, so Daniel’s mum isn’t his real mum, but they still blood related. Somi his real mum and Shintaro his father.

explanation ; SO! here goes my wild thought

so, since we know that Daniels mum said she had 3 siblings and now we know one of them was Jinyoung, but we have no idea who was the third one. i think Somi would be youngest or middle.

due to the fact that his mum said the only family she have is Daniel and other small part(and who said it necessarily his real father family? Daniel’s mum could really marry that man and he could be part of Jinyoung gang->)

i think she renounced her own family but why? because they were part of criminal world she didn’t want to participate in and probably have some connection to Yamazaki family! here i have two options 1) its either she doesn’t want to have arranged marriage and keep being part of criminal world, so she run away OR 2) Yamazaki rejected her as future wife because of certain reason, idk, infertility or something like that so she run away too (and this both facts explains why Somi was so desperate about serving her family)

but how it happened that Somi had another kid? after she moved from Shingen to Shintaro she may had a child with Shintaro but because he was depressed and lethargic as Shingen once was, (and since she showed very little of parental skills with helping Gun) she may decided to let Daniel rise in normal family with guess who? right! with Daniel’s mum! (and then i woke up and remembered about this huge age gap so it’s not gonna work😔🥀)

BUT i have another point here that after giving birth to Gun and after approximately 4-5 years Somi understood that Shingen probably will stay like that forever (which would be impressive plot twist honestly!!) so she lost any hope in him right there. and let’s be honest, Shintaro is a human too, so he probably had his disbelief moments too, maybe there was episodes where he lost his hopes in Shingen as well… so i bet Somi and Shintaro may had sex, idk in drunk state or something like that, so she ended up pregnant even tho they didn’t want to have any kids together (at least back then)

but how Somi endured and gave birth to small Daniel? remember when Gun explained Goo hostel story and how Yena’s mum went unnoticed during her pregnancy because she didn’t want that child or was afraid to tell somebody (i don’t remember correct reason tbh🙏🏻) and guess where Gun learned that information in first place? his mum went through this too!!….

how i feel after dropping that shit

& how i stare at y’all trying not to look too freak🫡🫡

[justmesten]

About act 2

So this could be just yapping, the experience is still very fresh and I have to rewatch it to catch everything but. I feel a bit underwhelmed. The show up to this point did a great job of managing the different storylines and the causality but in this act it began to fall apart. I felt like some happenings were left unhandled or were resolved underwhelmingly. With that said this show is still an amazing piece of art, I absolutely love it, and some of the things I will say could very possible be resolved in act III. For example, at the end of act I we saw Caitlyn appointed commander, but in this act she didn't really do anything with it. There was a chance for character development through this yet all we saw were enforcers still being violent, Ambessa pulling the strings as it was expected, Maddie being a rebound for her I guess..? But the act didn't show how power could've changed her, what policies she would bring or what decisions she made. It's especially frustrating because they did it so well with Jayce last season. Not to mention she didn't really show how she felt after leaving Vi.

Ambessa showed her teeth in this act, a little more than she should've. She got a lot of screentime which she used to assert dominance so to say. I think it was a bit too much of her, she didn't really change that much, other character's could've used this time better. Time is the weakness of this season for me so far, they want to show so much, they only have 3 more episodes and yet they don't use it wisely. The Black Rose and Mel being an actualy magic user(which I speculated for 3 years btw its amazing) could've been shown in 2 scenes and still would've the same meaning and depth. This is also true for Singed to a decree, tho not that much, I enjoyed his scenes, and the reveal with his daughter. With more characters back in the final act I'm a bit worried about this.

For Vi's depressive period I would've expected more than the montage we already saw in the trailer, but I guess that's okay. They did a great job with the sisters finding out Warwick is Vander, finding his old hideout, expressing their emotions, I really liked that part. She and Jinx came to terms very quickly after hating eachother and fighting so much but I can accept that it was overshadowed by Vander being alive, given that was the cause of them braking apart in the begining. I didnt really get why she went into Ambessas camp, and why that being captured act was necessary, I know they mentioned a diversion but it was a bit weird for me. This is on Caitlyn more, I dont think her flipping sides was justified enough, we didn't see her frustrated with Ambessa or Singed.

Jinx's story took a 180 turn with her not caring anymore. I loved to see her relationship with Isha develop, how emotions, positive emotions came back to her. She even got in touch with Vi for Vander and from her perspective it made more sense, cause I think she let go of her hate in act I already. I loved how they stopped fighting when Vi hurt Isha, that moment empathizes that they never wanted to hurt innocents and children, but through their story it happened again and again. I can't wait to see her lose her shit again in act III because of the traume she yet again experienced.

Viktor's story didn't go the way I thought it would but with this ending it kind of makes sense. I don't think he's actually dead, he still has a role to play. With he's community ruined he'll choose another path which I'm excited to see. This community didn't really seem that great with everyone connected him like a hive mind, and also we've seen with Salo that anyone he healed went through personality changes which is really shady. I can't wait to get to know the difference between him and Jayce.

And Jayce my boy the hate you're about to recive, you're in for a rough time. I actually liked how his character made everything more complicated in the last episode, and that he killed Viktor without a word is just Wild. Cant wait to see.

Warwick has been teased for so long and it was worth the wait. He carried this act for me, the sheer distruction in the prison was enough. And they gave him emotion with Vander still being inside, but I think with Viktor's "passing" that's over. He's gonna become the monster we waited for.

What do you guys think?

They did my girl Sevika dirty, losing an arm again?! Poor woman fr

[bananonbinary]

ive never actually watched anything gordon ramsey (except chef jr) so i thought id check out kitchen nightmares

it is WILD how different the british 2004 version is from the american 2007 version oh my god

and its not because "ooh americans are insane"

the british one (at least the first few episodes ive seen) is a little depressing, because they didnt do a good job framing a narrative arc. a restaurant is suffering believable problems, ramsey comes in, fixes the restaurant...and then theres a check in a month later to reveal that it went back to shit the second he left. it's honest, but not very fun television.

the american one has the opposite problem. i actually couldnt even get through the first episode because it's so over-the-top obviously staged bullshit. like i can practically SEE the director off screen saying "yes! now everyone shout at once!" and theres a cheesy narrator telling me EXACTLY what i'm supposed to feel at all times. i guess its probably entertaining for some people, but my god i can actively feel my brain going numb at how stupid and substanceless it is.

like, i know reality tv is a shithole, but surely there was a middle ground here, where they told mostly real stories, but with a little bit more editing flare to give it a satisfying emotional arc.

[rifki16]

Love is Better the Second Time Around the Finale

Picture credit : Love is Better the Second Time Around Promotional Twitter account | https://x.com/koi_nido/status/1777532279985668281?s=46

I think I want to have a new tradition in adding a tagline or summary of my analysis immediately underneath the title, for this one is a rushed hollow sweet cake finale.

Of course, spoilers ahead!

During the 5th episode, @respectthepetty told me that some of Tumblr BL watchers deemed the episode was too rush, and filled with unnecessary plotlines. Well, if they were disappointed by the pace of the last episode, I bet you my bottom dollar that they will be less amused by the finale. Although, I still think that the episode is sweet – of course that’s my emotional part of the brain talking, not the rational one.

In terms of the plotline, I have several huge plot holes which you, my dear reader(s) might maybe find an answer which can help me love this episode even more.

Okay, Hiro and Takashi broke up. Then, Takashi sent flowers to Hiro’s workplace. Sure, still heard of, not that out-of-character for Takashi. Hiro became buried deep in his own “sad boy house” dirt. You know what, as I have written in the analysis of episode 5, great plotline, I have never seen it in a Japanese BL work before. But then, after Shiraishi “slipped” his tongue, during a conversation which I really could not foresee happening between love enemies, and told Hiro that Takashi was at his family’s place. Huh? My confusion is wouldn’t Takashi family’s place be the first place that Hiro would go or check on after they broke up and Hiro found out that Takashi already emptied out his place? Takashi and Hiro broke up right after Takashi’s sister came to Takashi’s place with Hiro present and told them both that Takashi was needed at his family’s place – an event which Hiro was made like such an outsider. This is not The Pornographer: the Film (2021), in which Rio left his place with no explanations and left Kuzumi without any explanations and Kuzumi was practically going door to door with his suitcase trying to find that s.o.b. Takashi is from a very well-off family. He wouldn’t go to a brothel-café-Karaoke joint to just avoid Hiro or recuperate from his breakup. You know what I forgive – give the writers some leaps into faith on the events preceding Shiraishi telling Hiro that Takashi at his family place: the fact that somehow Hiro broke his depression – sad cycle and actually took an initiative and went to Takashi’s place, that then pushed him to take even riskier steps which was contacting Shiraishi or, even the fact that Shiraishi somehow entertained the question that Hiro asked not only through some faceless email, but actually having a meeting with Hiro and ended up having the slip of the tongue moment. I mean I know that Shiraishi has the cut-throat personality inside him, the fact that he did not tell Takashi about the deadline in episode 3. Sure, let’s take another leap right, maybe, the fact that Shiraishi said during the meeting with Hiro that he has conceded his loss to Hiro, maybe he wouldn’t just do something shady like sending Hiro into a wild goose chase or something but still. It’s just that we didn’t know more of Shiraishi’s motivations. Okay, we know that he fell for Takashi, one-sidedly, but is he then a type of the ex-unrequited lover who will support his lover no matter what or not? Okay now I’m dwelling into something that I have promised I would take a leap for.

Okay sure, Takashi finally confronted his mother about being abandoned. Takashi’s colours are now more understood right? He needed to conceal himself from the world because once when he did, his mother shunned him off, hence why he “did not soak his pillow in his tears” when Hiro and himself broke up, hence why every time Takashi did some grand gestures or even said some sappy lovey-dovey thing to Hiro, Hiro always felt like he was in the uncanny valley: something was not right. Takashi might say or do the right things, but Hiro always had, in mine opinion, gut feeling that Takashi-san was not sincere, which was why Hiro-kun kept questioning his love to him. Sure, I accept the line of logic, and the late dot connections which made me kept questioning what was wrong with Takashi’s actions that made Hiro kept pressing Takashi on his sincerity. But then, Takashi had the confrontational conversation with Kyosuke and they conversed well about how Kyosuke leaked a picture of Takashi or was it Hiro – I do not dare to take a look at that scene at all. Props to the writers for emphasizing what Kyosuke did was a criminal act, regardless of the intention. Takashi then explained why he bet on Hiro for not coming. Takashi’s words were: “I didn’t think that our relationship would have worked”. My confusion is this why on god’s phallic dick did Kyosuke conclude that statement by calling Hiro and telling him that Takashi loved him? Huh? Was Kyosuke just being a rascal? Again, Kyosuke CALLED Hiro! Not the other way around. Maybe it was just the way that Takashi delivered the line? That Kyosuke knew it was just a broken guy [Takashi] telling himself what he thought he needed to hear to just feel a little bit better. Maybe the call was to indicate how close Kyosuke was to Takashi, that he knew when Takashi was lying to himself – even when he didn’t know that he was doing it. You see how many leaps into faith which I took to make those rationalizations?

Before moving to the other confusion – plot hole, let me gloat. I WAS NOT WRONG BIATCHHH. Hiro did not know the bet from some overhearing unseen scene. It was Kyosuke ACTIVELY undermining his own relative’s relationship. My brain itch was justified. Also, huge side note, where is the queer struggle pov in Kyosuke’s pov? I mean, okay, what was exactly Kyosuke’s motivation in not making Takashi left by agitating – blackmailing Hiro? Kyosuke liked Takashi, okay. But why outed Takashi? Wouldn’t it be better to just poison’s Takashi’s perspective on Hiro so that you could have Takashi all for yourself without making him be disowned and ergo making him far away from you? Sure, let us assume that Kyosuke never intended to out Takashi and that it was just a huge negative externality that he never wanted. Still tho, there are other BETTER ways in making Takashi all for yourself. Let’s move away from this pivot, because I have a bigger bunion that I want to excise.

Okay, Hiro went to Takashi’s family place. Okay, I accept that Hiro’s determinism in meeting his lover was the thing that made Takashi changed his mind from “… wouldn’t have worked” to confessing and telling his mother that he wanted to spend his entire life with him. I tweeted that this mental leap of Takashi was confusing – but now I accept that maybe it was Hiro’s daring and just mind-boggling action that made the mental leap. Sure, okay I accept it. This may be a cultural confusion Why didn’t Takashi just leave his family’s place? His first conversation, in the episode, with his mother was just not connecting at all – as I tweeted: all she needed was to accept that Takashi has a husband she might actually have a business successor – why did he stay then? Was the basement scene just a scene of Takashi preparing to go home? Are we not allowed to leave the hostess’ place if we have not been dismissed by her? Or was it just a plot device in making Takashi and Hiro actually met at the family’s place so that Hiro could say all of those brave things in front of Takashi’s mother? Yabai.

Side note: I have also tweeted about how I hated that Cherry Magic the Anime didn’t have the Kurosawa and Adachi’s meeting each other parents’ scene. However, seeing my Hiro, my precious Hiro, saying all of those sentences – not about being the troublemaker, like bro, it was not your fault – in front of Takashi’s mother, AS WELL AS, the lake mouth scene which really had numerous resemblances with Kurosawa-Adachi’s exchange of the rings during the beach live-action film scene, I think it really compensated my disappointment. 😊

With all the rationalization left, all that’s left is how proud I am of these two characters. I’m so proud that Takashi now can lift his mask and actually be true to his husband, yes I’m calling them husbands despite the absence of a wedding scene. I’m so happy that my Hiro was so brave in making steps so that Takashi doesn’t see him as an “outsider” anymore. I will miss this couple so much.

Japanese media companies now have a responsibility of not tangling us, fudanshi – fujoshi and all BL fans, with a meager 6-episode run. Heck we have proven again and again to be a huge driving force for a show’s popularity. How many times have this show, this show alone, become the most popular show on certain platforms, like come on!. This 6-episode trick is really taking and sucking all of the qualities away. I mean, I will meet these media execs halfway, I can accept a 12-episode run, but they might not be ready to make a 24-episode run like American media used to make in the past, or even a 10-episode run with one hour each episode format like Turn to Me Mukai-Kun. Come on, I’m so fed up seeing the quality of my beloved BL work(s) being tarnished and seeing the great couple blossoming before my eyes taken away too soon.

[ikamigami]

AHHHHHHH LAST EPISODE- I CAN'T EXPRESS HOW HURT SUN MAY HAVE FELT DURING THAT OMFGGGGGGG

*cries*

Yeah.. I'm devastated..

I- uhh.. well.. I knew Sun wasn't the best option to talk to Moon..

Moon is awful af.. I- and his mental state isn't an excuse!

Also people are annoying for being angry at Sun (I know wild but some people are angry) when he had to went through some awful shit because of Old Moon.. he has depressive psychosis because of Old Moon's abuse and trauma that also was mainly because of Old Moon!

And yet people have audacity to just be so upset because Sun can't take it anymore?!

Moon brought it on himself.. that's true.. and in today's episode he just crossed every possible line.. he didn't only act like Old Moon at worst times but also like hallucination of Old Moon that Sun saw..

Well.. the only thing that is cruel is Sun saying computer to shock Moon but at the same time.. maybe these shocks will change something in this stupid dense head of this mf..

I'm sure that Sun doesn't want Moon to do anything stupid.. I still think he cares actually and that's why Moon's words hurt him.. he just tries to act like he's past that but that's just bullshit..

Also nothing can excuse Moon's bullshittery! Nothing! Cause while delusions and hallucinations are scary af no one should just be a jerk because of that.. and it's actually not that Moon said a bit of mean words.. what he told Sun today is too far..

I'd beat the crap out of Moon and I hope that Old Moon will do just that.. seriously..

Like "I can't sit and do nothing cause it won't fix anything. It won't change how I feel".. and being a jerk will change something?! Or trying to kill someone will?! Vsjsndjdkkssks Fuck you, Moon!

Literally! Moon can only suck like a loser because "boo hoo poor me, it's all my fault but I'll just cry about it cause I'm a loser"!

I- I'm mad.. I just.. I can imagine how awful Sun feels with all of this.. but idk if I'm fine with doing analysis on that rn..

I'm sorry if it's a bit too much in your opinion.. let me know but I.. hate when people try to excuse their actions because of their mental state.. and Moon is doing exactly that..

I explained already how it was different with Sun so I'm not going to do that again.. what Moon told Sun about not being able to handle killing Bloodmoon was so fucking low..

Thinking about it makes my blood boil..

[n1ghteeea]

The Real Ghostbusters’ future analysis

Do you guys ever think about how tragic the real ghostbusters’ lives went on to be after they dismantled the group. Cuz I do, maybe even more than necessary, and I’ll go over EACH of them in this post.

Ray

At first he worked in uni, which is okay, but ended up being fired and had to settle for selling old cars while grasping every opportunity to pay off his debt. Ray, the guy who is the most ‘in love with his job’ as stated countless times in the show, is SELLING CARS.

In the “Look Homeward, Ray” episode we see a similar situation with him quitting ghostbusting to work in retail and he was MISERABLE because he is obsessed with his work, I’d even went on to say it’s his hyperfixation with how he forgets about everything at times, including time and other tasks he has (from one ADHD guy to another). And that man is selling old cars. Jesus.

Peter

He went on to Hollywood to sell the idea for the second Ghostbusters movie and has been doing that for SIX YEARS. Six years he was out in LA trying to push it through. To do that you need connections, and I’d imagine that making them is not easy, not even talking about how you need money to survive, and since he never said anything about his job, it is probably like super lame. Again, he LOVED ghostbusting and didn’t want to trade it even for a life of stage and fame (“Banshee Bake a Cherry Pie?”).

In “Take Two” episode we saw that he does not get along with Hollywood people, he has too strong of a moral compass and principles, so I can only imagine how those six years where he NEEDED to interact with them constantly went.

And finally, his father. He has a difficult relationship with him, but it’s easy to see that while he still cares for him, he hates how Jim makes money and would rather die then help him in his ‘projects’. Well guess what. His dad also went on to Hollywood to sell a movie about Ghostbusters. A movie no one clearly wanted, similarly to Peter’s (cuz I believe if his idea was a banger he wouldn’t have spent 6 years pushing it through), so at the end of the day he became like his dad, which is absolutely the worst nightmare of every person with bad parents.

Winston

I would say that Winston is relatively better off than others. He got his pilot’s license and went on to travel, which is cool as hell. However, Winston was the glue of the group. He was always the one saying “we’re a team, we need to stick together no matter what”, which can be seen in maaany eps, the most prominent one is probably “Ghostbuster of The Year”.

And he needed to watch them all drift apart, unable to do anything, and going non-contact because in “Back in The Saddle” they were catching up as if they never talked since they parted ways. That’s wild.

Egon

Last but not least 💪 technically you could say that he doesn’t have it that bad. He still lives in the firehouse, he works as a prof of his own course, right? WRONG ‼️

In the comics that are arguably canon, but logically still make sense, Egon get transported into an empty dimension where everything is normal, except he’s all alone. And this is what he thinks of that.

Bro hates being alone. He needs his friends around even if he doesn’t usually show it. This was his nightmare situation and he lived to experience it in real life. For six years.

When it comes to teaching, cool, but he’s a scientist, not a professor. He was excited and interested in experimenting and discovering, not teaching. Additionally, no one takes his course seriously, he has an average of 3 student per semester, and even they are only there for an easy A. That is depressing.

His life does get better after he creates Extreme Ghostbusters: he’s no longer alone, he’s (kinda) doing what he used to, but even then he still struggles with his self-image and midlife crisis, poor guy :(

Overall

These guys are the epitome of ‘frequently bought together, do not separate’, they cannot be without each other.

In “Look Homeward, Ray” Ray leaves the group thinking he’s not good enough and they do EVERYTHING in their power to bring him back.

In “Cry Uncle” Egon’s uncle Cyrus (god I hate that guy) takes Egon away to help him in his lab and the whole team is at first miserable (sitting around the phone waiting for him to call) and then makes 1500 miles one way to ask him to come back.

In “Egon’s Ghost” even though it’s not the only instance, when Egon gets sucked into limbo they go in for him with a condition of ‘either we get him back in an hour or we all stay here’ like THESE GUYS ARE A FAMILY. I did not see this kind of relationship in the live action movie, but in the show? They aren’t just colleague or buddies, that’s a FAMILY.

Even the fact of separating itself is heartbreaking, and accounting for the fact that neither of them went on to do something exciting (except maybe Winston) it is absolutely devastating. Man.

Even in “Back In The Saddle” they get one (1) successful bust and go ‘hell yeah guys, let’s go back to being Ghostbusters, I think we dropped it off way too early’ like yeah, I’m sure that’s what people with their lives together would say.

TLDR: the old men yaoi angst in the real ghostbusters is real 🎉

[faetaiity]

hey if it’s okay with you can you please write the rise turtles helping reader out with overstimulation? thank you! also delete/ignore if you don’t want to!

Hi! yeah, sure! I can write for this! But it's gonna be how I experience overstimulation, which makes me irritable, passive aggressive and want to be alone for the rest of the damn day- You didn't specify poly or separated so I went with separated because it was quicker to write.

Yeah, this is 100% self-indulgent.

Separate! Rise! Turtles x Overstimulated! GN! Reader

Post Format: Headcanons

CW: Crying, Leo getting depressed, mentions of separation anxiety + arguments, and Reader wanting to be left alone in their room for multiple hours (Not necessarily Isolation, but wanting to be in an environment that they can control) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raphie:

Is the best in terms of reaction

The worst reaction he has regarding you snapping at him is irritation, he will almost never snap back at you

He (mostly) doesn't blame you for your outbursts, he knows what you're going through, and he knows that you'd never snap at him without a valid reason

Hates when you stay in your room for hours by yourself, but he never intrudes when you're trying to calm down unless you're on the verge of doing something dangerous

Tries to keep overwhelming stimuli out of the lair when you're visiting

Yes, that usually can include Leo.

However, the first time you got overstimulated around him did go poorly

He kept asking you what was wrong, pretty much making you want not want to talk about it

At one point it got too much for the both of you (He started getting pushy, irritating you more and making him also start to become irritated) and you just went home to cool off

It took you the entire day to calm down

Once you did, you felt horrible and apologized to him, explaining you tend to get overstimulated really badly around noises and crowds

And asking questions or touching you makes it worse, because being overstimulated makes you easily agitated

He understands and you two talk about what irritates you during these times

He makes sure no-one else bothers you, so that you can calm down quicker

After you've calmed down, please spend time with him, despite the fact that he understands why you need to be left alone, he still feels distressed when you snap at him or can't stand being around anyone.

Leo:

Is the worst in terms of a reaction

He has separation anxiety, so when you leave for hours to calm down and relax, he gets whiny

Often texting you and BEGGING you to let him come in, he swears he won't do anything!

You learned that is a lie the hard way

You relented once, he came in and cuddled you, kissing your cheek softly, making your skin feel like it's getting pricked by needles

You didn't say anything that time, not wanting to hurt his feelings, you felt you could tolerate it as long as he didn't talk or ask questions

Despite the fact that he wants to be in your room while you're relaxing, he gets really aggressive if someone else tries to come in

He once yelled at Mikey to get out when Mikey came to ask you if he could borrow something for an art project

Mikey has never left your apartment quicker lmao

The first time you got overstimulated after you met him was a fucking wild ride

It was a giant argument, making you cry from frustration

He kept getting in your space and touching you up until you snapped at him

He instantly starts freaking out, trying to defend himself (from what you may ask? nothing rational, just thinking his crush suddenly hated his guts) and started asking questions, irritating you further until you left

He got into a depressive episode, almost crying because he thought you hated him, he pretty much was a bit of a simp since day one, so this was a blow to his false confidence

Once you calm down and talk to him, apologizing for your behavior, he calms down as well, understanding that you couldn't help it and that you didn't hate him.

He reacts a lot better now, but please give him attention when you're feeling better, because if he's the cause of your Overstimulation, he'll definitely be in a depressive episode until you are okay with him being around you again.

Donnie:

2nd best reaction out of all four.

ONLY second best because unlike Raph, he will snap back if in a sour mood or if he's overstimulated as well.

If asked, he will leave you alone, only texting you every few hours to see if you're okay

As I've mentioned, he also gets overstimulated, and will ask you if you can leave him alone for a few hours so he can relax.

Also gets aggressive if anyone tries to visit you

Especially Leo, because he's aware that Leo can overstimulate you more than most people can

First time you got overstimulated, he most likely realizes the signs early and backs off

Once you leave, he might wait a few hours before sending you a text

Donnie: Hey (Y/N), you okay? you were pretty irritable when you were here

He won't force you to talk about it, but he is there if you need to talk.

If for any reason, you can't leave while overstimulated, he'll take you into his lab, putting headphones and a weighted blanket on you for your comfort

After either of you calm down from being overstimulated, you two tend to seek each other out, usually to talk about what happened so perhaps you can avoid triggering each other.

Mikey:

Has the 2nd worst reaction

Only because he doesn't get extremely depressed like Leo when you go to cool off, but he's just as clingy

Doesn't like it when others come to bother you but isn't nearly as aggressive as the others.

The first time you got overstimulated around him, he got panicky and started asking you questions, causing you to become irritated

He starts crying a little once you snap at him and it hits you like a truck

You calm down enough to tell him that you just need time alone, which he tries to deny, not understanding why you want to leave him, but eventually he relents and lets you go home

Once you calm down you call him and tell him to come over

It takes him about 20 minutes to come but once he does, he instantly hugs you and apologizes over and over, for what you may ask? he doesn't know, all he knows is that he made you angry.

You tell him he didn't do anything wrong and sit him down to talk about it

He understands once you explain why you got so irritated by his response to you being overstimulated

He does still spend time with you, even when you're in your room trying to calm down

He doesn't interact with you, all he does is draw while on the floor.

When you calm down, please cuddle him, he'll feel so much better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Made this at 1 am, sorry if it's ass lmao, me sleepy.

[sweetlummie]

Rainbow

Joel Miller x fem!reader

A/n: Hello all, I’m not doing too good so here’s a little something I wrote to comfort myself I suppose. Also not proofread so any and all mistakes are mine! Btw this story was made with both game and show Joel in mind! As always constructive criticism is welcome! Enjoy! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! 🫶🫶💗💗

Warnings: depressing stuff and a little bit of suicidal/death thoughts (if you’re struggling with these thoughts and think you might be a danger to yourself please reach out and get help. You’re not alone and you are loved 💗)

W/c: 1k+

* ・‥…━━━━━━━ *˖◛⁺♡ ━━━━━━━…‥・

Stillness. Silence. You laid in your bed, staring up at the ceiling. You weren’t quite sure what you were feeling. You felt nothing. You couldn’t even find joy in the things you loved to do anymore. You couldn’t find it in you to interact with anyone either. You just disappeared. “I don’t belong here.” You often thought. You were certain no one would care if you just stopped, if you just left, if you just died. You felt your life as you knew it was insignificant and meaningless. Everyone else in the settlement seemed to be having fun, seemed to enjoy their life despite the horrors outside the walls. You should be more grateful that you found a safe place, you found somewhere to live a somewhat normal life in the apocalypse but you weren’t. You wished you weren’t here. The monotony of your life was suffocating your every fiber. When mornings would come you stayed in bed later than usual. You’ve let your responsibilities slip away from you as you simply didn’t care anymore. Maria would come to your house, you looked disheveled in a dirty oversized sweater and some tattered sweatpants. Your hair wild and greasy from lack of care. At first she was gonna scold you for being irresponsible but she took one look at you and just felt bad for you. The scolding words dying on her lips as she noticed the lackluster look in your eyes. You just looked dead.

A few more days pass and there’s a knock on your door. Sighing you willed yourself to get up and open it. Your eyes widen when you see who was standing on the other side. No one other than Joel Miller himself. You haven’t really spoken much to him, you both have been patrol partners once or twice and you volunteered at the school his kid attended often, helping them out in the library. Ellie became a close friend of yours as you had similar interests and hobbies. Joel himself was quite fond of you. You were a quiet girl yet you were such a spitfire. You never let anyone, even himself, boss you around or treat you badly. He liked that about you, you carried yourself well. So seeing you like this, broken and hopeless really surprised him.

“Hey sweetheart..” Joel gave you a small smile, he held a tub of something you couldn’t make out in his hands. “Oh- hey Joel.” You returned the smile and stepped aside. “Come in, what can I do for you?” You said as he made his way inside your house. He took a look around. A little messy, yet cozy. He wasn’t being judgemental because he knew you were going through a rough time. This whole visit came about when Ellie asked if he’s seen you, when he shook his head, the girl expressed her concern about how you essentially went missing for a few days that no one has seen you except Maria but she said you weren’t doing too well. He wasn’t one for caring about other people that weren’t his brother or Ellie but for some reason he felt worried about you, he felt compelled to check up on you.

“Jus’ wanted to see how ya were doin’.. uh I brought some cookies me and the kid made together.. nothin’ too special.” Joel said as walked into your kitchen, setting them down on the counter. You chuckled for the first time since your depressive episode. “You? Baking? Wow, color me impressed. You wanna take a seat and have some milk and cookies with me?” Joel laughed. The request was so innocent and truth be told, just seeing you, Joel would do whatever to spend more time with you. “Sure.” Joel replied as he took a seat.

You prepared the milk and brought it to him, placing it on the table along with your own. You went back to get the cookies from the counter and you set it between the both of you. You picked up a cookie and dunked it in your milk. Taking a bite, your eyes light up. “Woah- Joel these are amazing!!!” Joel smiles as he takes a cookie for himself and eats it. “Thanks, I take full credit- Ellie jus’ preheated the oven and mixed some ingredients. She got tired easily.” You laughed, you were really enjoying his company and his presence. Just this one visit alone made you feel so much better.

“So.. ya haven’t been around lately.. Ellie and I are really worried ‘bout ya darlin’. Everything okay?” Joel asked as he looked at your face, you averted your gaze to your hands. You were tapping your foot on the ground as for some reason you grew nervous. You weren’t used to anyone asking if you were okay, no one really cared about you. Why did he and his daughter care? “Uh yeah. I’m all good, don't worry..” Joel could immediately tell you were lying. “Darlin’.. it’s okay.. y’know you can talk to me right? I may not be good at givin’ advice or be any good at any of this emotional stuff but I’ll listen to whatever you need to get off your chest..”

Joel was honestly surprising you. You never expected him to be here let alone asking you to talk about your emotions. What strange times. You nodded as you both ate your cookies. Perhaps you wouldn’t tell him now what was wrong since it’s a whole lot of trauma you have to unpack and you don’t want to frighten the poor man. But the mere fact that Joel was in your house offering you emotional support and delicious baked goods warmed your heart and made you think that maybe there are people who care about you. People who would be affected if something were to happen to you. If there was anything you learned today was that in your bleak, gray life there were still slivers of rainbows in the form of people like Joel and Ellie who valued you more than anyone else did in your life.

* ・‥…━━━━━━━ *˖◛⁺♡ ━━━━━━━…‥・

[spc-rambles]

I adore the steelworks gang, like more than I've seen other people express online.

First of all...

My little icon Lexi.

They have been known and initially regarded for their silly voices and jolly nature but I don't often see people looking into why they do it. Like their voices make them more wild than Marion who's generally loved by some fans but they also do it in spite of themselves. They and Theo did an entire upbeat song about how much they are failures to railway engineering with lyrics like:

"We're experiments gone bad

in other words whoever designed us must be mad."

These are not the words of someone with self esteem in how funny they are! They even showed them actually depressed when saying 'We can't do anything.' for the final time in the special.

And anyone who knew how long it took for more in-your-face LGBT+ representation in 2018 She-Ra will know that if this special just came out three or four years later, we might've had proper gender-fluid Lexi representation.

As for Theo...

He is still a pure little bean and I feel the ambiguity of his design makes it all the more reason for him to feel bad about his design. I don't know what about his design warranted gigantic cogs on his sides but we don't know what went on in whatever workshop he was built at. For all we know he could've had the Henry treatment, having been dumped on the doorstep on the first desperate railway executive needed an engine, as a last ditch effort for a dying manufacturer.

As for him being on the spectrum, I can still see it in his behaviour. Lexi was truly not gender fluid but once you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.

And some characteristics are visible in him.

His unintentional bluntness. "Are you being scrapped?"

His tics and stutters.

His shakes in excitement, if you were to count it as stimming.

And who's to say he's not limited to physical disabilities? He and Lexi, depending on how successful you can view it having designs as unique as them on British rails, are the perfect ones to have given the body language they were adamant on giving all the engines back then.

Him being so gentle and anxious is generally adorable, so yeah, not so much to say about his actual personality.

Speaking of not much to say, not much to say on Merlin either, at least nothing that people haven't said already. We all know how awesome he is.

Beresford is MY MAN!

Beresford just wants a friend guys. He said in his own song that he was always ignored by engines who just want to get a job done. No time to chat with him. Loneliness can drive him mad. It is kinda sad that his appearance in Royal Engine was not only a sign of the further appearances these characters could've had but how it was also kinda a rehash of the scene we got in his last appearance, so maybe an episode of his own where he learnt to make friends properly would've been fun.

Ah well, at least he got some friends in another life.

And what can I say about Hurricane?

Keeping it real, working with steel.

Since 1902

He is such a chill guy, that while his companion might've had a lot of hard labour in mind for Thomas, he seems so genuine in wanting to take Thomas in while still acknowledging his terrible position. He could've done with standing up to Frankie though. But whatever, that's meant to be a part of his character, and he was voiced by the chad Jim Howick no less.

It's so funny when people say he sounded like a member of the royal family when he's played kings before.

And then there's Frankie.

Oh my god I adore her so much. Her manipulation being legitimately intimidating at the best times, especially when she's actually chasing Thomas down in the dead of night, her musical style bribing him into working for her, her VA's performance capturing all of her personality through line delivery perfectly.

Everything about her class, her demeanour, most of her lines makes me so curious about her whole life.

How is she running this steelworks better than the human manager of the works if there even is one? How are the human workmen so ok with her doing this? How did the other engines before Thomas get into doing her work? How did they get out? How did Hurricane stay with her for this long, let alone not encourage some potential friends of his to work with her? Was she indirectly responsible for Hurricane surviving as long as he did to still be a tank engine after she was built? Why didn't the railways surrounding this fictional steelworks not agree with this most likely non-existent human manager not just agree to get a lot of their engines to transport steel from their works? What did Frankie do? What are you hiding from us!?

The whole mystery surrounding her and her apparently feeling put-down and apparently not evil at heart according to her character profile and her role in the book 'Delivery at the Docks' makes her potential crimes such a goldmine for story potential that I really want to delve into very soon.

And yeah, that's what I have to say on them in canon. All beautiful characters that I feel need more recognition on a regular basis.

[dungeons-and-dictions]

It’s Analysis Friday about precisely why Hazbin Hotel is such a stand out.

But first - this is probably my last Hazbin Hotel-related analysis until the next season; give me asks during this long dry spell!

Why on this specific topic? Because I’m tired.

Y’all.

Listen.

I’m all for subjectivity. People can just like or dislike things regardless of quality. Heck, I know Helluva Boss is part of the Hazbin world, but it gives me too much cringe and vicarious embarrassment to handle.

(Yeah, I’m weird. I know)

But I keep hearing people say Hazbin Hotel is mid or just relying on hype.

Those are fighting words!

We are getting quality on par with Disney movies for a tv series!

That’s crazy! Let’s break it down.

Musical numbers

Talented singers play the main crew. Stephanie Beatrix plays Mirabel Madrigal, Kimiko plays Izzy, etc.

There were 2 songs per episode! And because it is truly perfect for a musical, we even get thematic reprises and callbacks!

Does anyone recall when similar things have happened in animation? MLP:FiM had a glorious episode that was ALL musical with a reprise. That’s all I have at this scale outside of Disney.

Characters

I’ve always known Vivzie to put thought into her work, and this shines through so well in Hazbin.

Lucifer’s depression is similar to my own

Angel’s gradual changes and struggles are realistic

Charlie’s breed of passion is the same as mine in my career

Alastor’s extremely manipulative yet we all love him

Velvette had one of the best formal character intros I’ve seen in a long time

Hazbin Hotel works really hard to get away from stereotypes, and dives in past superficial traits.

Also, we get things like Valentino sounding like he’s squeaking because moths squeak. We don’t need these things!

Animation

You know what else we don’t need?

Airplane arms!

Complicated dance moves!

Cute leg swishies with cuter sound effects?

Every second you see is 10+ frames traditionally. (Idk the studio’s technical details). That’s wild to add in these complicated extra details! And they flow so nicely! This level of quality for 2D (and honestly 3D too most of the time) is unheard of in the West nowadays.

And on that, western adult animated shows typically are so poorly made, especially in the art. Even the few I have seen that have okay stories to tell absolutely stink in terms of visuals and movement.

Story

Yeah, this is the biggest weakness Hazbin Hotel has, no doubt. The story is actually an incredible premise, and truly done pretty well within the awful time constraints. I think everyone is valid in saying it was far too fast! Hopefully we get more (or longer) episodes in upcoming seasons.

But at the same time, this is also the nature of musicals. If you think this is fast, don’t watch the Les Miserables musical where everyone only sings. Idk why, but singing the entire time makes everything seem like you’re in a race car on autopilot.

Don’t forget; the symbolism just drips out of the screen in this show. The fact that I could still do more analyses even now is a testament to that with all the content I have done since it aired. Vivienne goes hard on the details.

But put yourself in Vivzie’s shoes. You do the impossible, shot for the moon while hoping for maybe the top of a 5-story building, and you were offered the stars. Your project has been a part of who you are before you even went to university, and a major company gives you a way to bring it to life? Why wouldn’t you settle for this good of a deal?

Innovation

People do not bring up often enough that Vivienne broke a glass ceiling separate from that of gender. She showed that YouTube animations can be taken seriously, and even be aired.

In this age, the Saturday morning cartoon blocks I grew up with no longer exist. There were tons of great shows, and I could talk with other kids about it. Nestled within these weekends were shows that ran short pilot episodes for potential series. The last time I saw one was Adventure Time’s pilot.

It’s been a whiiiiiiile.

So having a cutesy little indie pilot animation amongst thousands on YouTube be such high quality and get a mainstream platform? Spindlehorse made history!

Moreso, Helluva Boss is also demonstrating the capacity of indie studios like never before - and what may pave the way for the future of animation too.

Out of all the animated series running on YouTube, Glitch is the only creator who does 3D that I am aware of. Even Glitch’s work has only started within the past few years, ie after Vivienne managed the impossible.

So please, stop complaining about subjective parts so much. Hazbin Hotel objectively has some of the highest craftsmanship in western animation.

We are blessed that Vivienne’s dream has come true in such a glorious manner. When I discovered her back in 2012, I couldn’t have guessed the pilot would be so successful, nor that it would change what was possible for animation!

[angelmichelangelo]

between sainw and the last ronin i just get SO SAD picturing the brothers dying. their deaths STILL take my breath away like an actual gut punch and i tear up. like. i care about these turtles, this family SO MUCH and seeing bad things happen to them that can't be fixed will always break my heart

seeing the lows leo sunk to in s4 before getting help is so heartbreaking, the idea of how much worse he might get losing don and splinter (and casey, we never mentioned casey but he also died) and then feeling responsible for hurting mikey even if he saved his life... damn. is it even more painful to picture that he did go to japan, did try his best to fix himself with the ancient one, only for it to not matter in the end anyway because by the time he returned raph and mikey are so bitter towards him for leaving to begin with? even though deep down all three of them want to be a family again? except they will never be able to rekindle that because they fucking die on the floor trying to save the world?

it's just so so sad.

mikey feeling guilt over losing his arm because it led to the others leaving OUCH. OUCH OW OWIE. BABY BOY. COME HERE. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

the 2003 writers were WILD because how do you just write all of this trauma into a single episode and then never return to it. how do you never even dig into how donatello copes after the insanity he witnessed? sainw writers please come here i just want to talk ;___;

a miniseries would be soooo good. for now all we have is fanworks (amazing fanworks btw), but maybe someday! 2003 seems to be getting a lot of attention from official sources this year (two new toy sets, 2k3 don appearing in the saturday morning cartoon crossover issue, and the 2003 variant covers and comic in the anniversary issue) so that + the success of the last ronin... now would be the best time for them to return to sainw!!

UGH YES sainw and last ronin.. the tmnt writers do love making poor old man mikey suffer huh ;—; they say our resident comic relief character and went haha now what if we made him mega depressed…?

but yeah!! imagine when leo goes to japan! not only would raph be sore for missing him but he’d also lash out about it because he has all these emotions he doesn’t know how to regulate and maybe in turn him and mikey butt heads about it (kinda like they do in canon when mike has to yell raph to lay off leo because he knows something is up with him) and UGH it just makes tensions worse and everyone is hurting :((

and dude i know. the 2k3 writers will literally put the turtles (mainly don) through the most insane bat shit crazy horrors, have them breaking down and losing their minds and then by the next episode they’re like “well that was just silly :D” like GET SOME THERAPY I BEG OF YOU!!!

and yes yes!! it’s so so exciting to see the series finally FINALLY get its flowers after all these years.. one can only hope that a resurgence is enough to kickstart something like a miniseries or a comic.. but like you pointed out we have sososo much fan made material so either way im happy :] though boy would i love to hear 2k3 donnie’s voice again.. idk what it is but sam riegel’s voice scratches something in my brain lolol i just miss them (i like watched the show like yesterday)

[stayandot8]

The Listener

Genre: angsty-fluff i guess

Relationship type: established boyfriend/girlfriend

Important Contents: reader has a bout of a depressive episode and pushes Chan away, Chan won't take that lying down

a/n: every angst I write turns fluffy again, I don't know why lol. I guess I don't like the idea of either him or the character in my mind that I'm writing about (me?) in pain for very long. I was also inspired by The Trick by AJR when I started this and then it developed into this but I still might use my original idea! Just some background

WC: 2.5k

“I don’t think you should come over tonight.” I never thought I would say those words to him, but they were out before I could stop them. Our phone calls were fewer and far between, Chan’s busy schedule playing more into my unconscious plan than I thought. But this particular phone call was happening more and more often lately. 

“I haven’t seen you in weeks. Just for a few minutes. Please?”

“I’ve got so much going on and I know you do too. Just focus on that, okay?” I hung up before he could see through my lies. If I saw him face to face, I wasn’t sure what I would do. I might not let him leave and that was just as dangerous as the alternative; the opposite. What I didn’t know was that he would come over anyway. 

I was flickering through my TV from my spot on the couch, trying to find something, anything that would take my mind off of him. I was thinking about him more and more often nowadays, which scared me even more. See, here’s the thing. I have always been the type of person who didn’t need to depend on anyone. I made my own life for myself, I’m always the friend that people relied on and the person they went to for anything. When they needed advice, they would come to me. When they wanted to rant about something, I was the sounding board. If they wanted to gush, I was the one they ran to because they knew I would be happy for them, no matter what. I never had that person. I was just bothering them when I would need to return the favor or the subject would turn back to themselves and I found myself slipping into the familiar role of The Listener. 

Now, there’s someone who wants to hear everything I have to say. Every question he asks, he wants the real answer, not the one he wants to hear. And this is new for me. Which is why it’s terrifying and also the reason I've avoided his calls, texts, and apartment for the last couple weeks. 

I hear keys jingling from the hallway outside my apartment door along with heavy footsteps. I make nothing of it until the shuffles stop just outside my door and my door knob jiggles. My head snaps to the door as I sit up, ready to run for my bedroom. Then Chan bursts through my door, his eyes wild until he finds me. His brows raise in a slightly annoyed expression, his once excited posture now dropping.

“‘So much going on’, huh? Yeah, really seems like you’re busy these days.” He drops his bag by his shoes that he’s just taken off and casually strides halfway between me and the bedroom door my shoulders are leaning towards. He leans on the wall, crossing his arms as he sets his jaw and mouth in a tight line. “Care to explain?”

My shock that he had just showed up was quickly replaced by annoyance that he had in fact just showed up. 

“You can’t just walk in here-” He held up a hand before I could finish.

“You gave me that right when you gave me your spare key. Now why did you lie to me?”

I sat back into the couch facing away from him and crossing my own arms, knowing he was right. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything so we just existed in silence for as long as he could stand. 

“Okay, fine.” He left his place on the wall to sit on my coffee table in front of me, trapping me there unless I wanted to physically climb over him to run away from the eyes I knew could get me to do anything. The thought had occurred to me, what route I wanted to take when I eventually did run away from his gaze. My eyes roamed to every possible way I could go until he forced his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him. The annoyance in his face was still present but his eyes only held concern now. “Why did you lie? Did you really not want me here?” I bit my bottom lip to stop the trembling I knew was coming. I shut my eyes and shook his finger out from underneath my chin. When I opened them again, the concern was replaced by pure sadness. 

“Just go home, Chris.” I stood, my stomach now directly in front of his face. He kept his eyes forward, now leaning his head against me.

“What did I do?” His voice cracked, breaking my resolve that much more. I looked to the ceiling, my lips trembling violently. 

“You didn’t do anything.” My voice was just as quiet as his, breaking in its own way. I finally climbed my legs out from between his and made a break for my room, knowing he’d follow me. I shut my door just in time to see him stop in the hallway, three feet from my door and with that sad look still painting his features. I turned to slide my back down the door and sat, curled up on the floor and trying to keep my sobs from coming out too loud. I felt the door thud, him doing the same as me. I heard his voice through breaks in my cries. 

“Are you trying to break up with me?” I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me. 

“No.” I said quietly. I heard him sigh, his frustrations catching up to him.

“I can only ask so many times before I give up. I have my limits too.” I heard him get up after a long few minutes, his footsteps receding down my hallway. I never heard my front door close though, so I assumed he was still there but it was the ‘why’ I couldn’t put together. I crawled to the foot of my bed, not yet strong enough to climb onto it. I grabbed a random sweatshirt from the floor to act as a pillow to cry into. I didn’t know I had fallen asleep until the sound of snoring woke me out of a dazed half slumber. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a nose, followed by the rest of his face coming into sharper view as my vision focused. I wondered why he was still there, especially on the floor with me. 

As I unstuck my tongue from the roof of my mouth, I couldn’t help but notice the tears I had cried were causing the dryness that I was currently feeling there. My aching limbs were punishing me for trying to use them, rising from my place. I made sure not to wake up the sleeping boy next to me as I walked out to get some water from my kitchen. 

Leaning against the sink gave me the space I needed to think clearly about what had just happened.

 Do you want to break up with him? 

No. Plain and simple.

Then why are you pushing him away?

Because I’m getting too close.

No, that’s not it and you know it.

But I don’t know the actual reason.

Yes you do.

Now tell him before you lose him.

That annoying voice in my head was always right. I imagined it was that voice that stopped me from doing all of the stupid things my brain had wanted to do throughout the course of our entire relationship. I downed two glasses before I got the courage to retrace my steps back to my room. I found Chan sitting on the bed, back against the headboard. He eyed the glass of water I had brought with me for him. My feet padded against my rug to where he was, silently handing him the glass. He took it but didn’t drink. I sat down on the edge, giving myself and him the space to think. 

“Why did you stay?” I fiddled with the string of my hoodie, waiting for his answer. It was a full minute before he spoke. 

“I thought you would need me.” He said simply. “So I slept on the couch but it was so uncomfortable so I checked in here to see if you were asleep. Then I found you on the floor. You looked so sad, I couldn’t leave you like that. You had this deep frown that I couldn’t ignore so I laid down beside you and watched you sleep. I was wondering if I was the one who caused it when I drifted off too.” He took a sip of his water. I did the 180 spin to face him but not meet his eye. I picked a spot on my blanket to stare at. He took several deep breaths. 

“You can’t even look at me, can you?” My blanket was all I could see. It was the only stable thing I could focus on, a constant I could rely on to stay present in the conversation we were supposed to be having. But I wasn’t saying anything. Why am I not saying anything? I tried to move my mouth to speak but my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. I couldn’t move. 

“Why are you pushing me away? What did I do?” The pain in his voice caused me to finally meet his gaze, the familiar tears coming back. I could only make out those eyes, begging me to tell him the truth. That closed off space in my heart was begging to be let free, just waiting for someone with the right-shaped key. And that person was sitting right in front of me, imploring me to let him in. To let him see everything, every ugly thing I had ever said or done, every thought I had he wanted to know. The moments I paused, running every possible way that this could go wrong in my brain, gave him the impression that I was closing him out again. His shoulders sagged in defeat, the sad look in his eyes hadn’t left since he crashed through my door. He looked to the floor, unsure of what to say next. He shifted his weight to leave, leave me behind. Suddenly everything went in slow motion. The worst possible situation was happening in front of my eyes, every good thing I had known was grabbing his belongings to desert me like they all did. My breathing came quicker, panic fully setting in. No. Not this one. 

I grabbed his wrist before he got too far, forcing him to stop and turn back to me. 

“Please don’t go.” I whispered. “I don’t know who I am without you.” My voice was so low I could barely hear it myself. I still wonder how he heard what I said but he did. I know he did because he kneeled in front of me.

“Every relationship I have ever had, romantic or platonic, I’ve had to pretend to be people that I thought they would want to love. I wanted to be loved so badly that I would transform into different people to please them. I would like things I don’t, do things I never thought I would do in the worst way just to make people happy. I’ve done that my whole life. Except… when I met you. I found that when you were asking me things, the only answer I could give was the real one. You would ask me what I wanted to do and for the first time, I wasn’t secretly thinking ‘what do I think he wants to do?’ You never made me feel like I had to be someone else. I feel like I’ve never met myself until I started hanging around you. And that terrifies me.”

“But why? Why does that scare you?”

“I thought you would notice that and push me away. So I did it first.”

He sighed, his shoulders drooping as he rested his forehead on my knees. That’s when the shaking started, the vulnerability of this moment starting to take over.

“I’ve always been the one people depend on. I’m not used to having someone like that. I feel like I can’t breathe without you. And I’ve never felt that before. I’ve never needed anyone like I need you. All the time, everywhere.”

“Well, I don’t know if you know this, but I’m the same way. I have seven kids that I have to be strong for. That I have to be stable for. And you keep me stable. I have millions of people who rely on me because I bring them strength and comfort. I don’t know how, but I have to believe what they tell me. I feel like I put too much on your shoulders because I’m in this relationship with you. I know I can only be around so much and my attention has to be split between so many things. But you have been such a breath of refreshment every time. I can relax around you.  I don’t have to be anyone else with you. I don’t have to put on a mask or be a professional or someone else. You make me appreciate the simple things about myself. You remind me that I don’t have to be Bang Chan all the time. With you, I can be Chris.” He stood only enough to be eye level with me, bringing his hands to catch my tears from falling all the way down. “Sometimes I think I’m a little too obsessed with you. I feel like I crowd you too much. I know I can be very clingy but it's just because I can’t possibly be around you enough.”

 I chuckled through the remainder of the tears, simply for something else to do. 

“I never had to depend on anyone before you. I was the one people depended on.” 

“Even the dependable people need someone to lean on. The listeners need someone to listen to them.” The way he whispered it against my forehead sent a shiver down my body. “And now that we’ve established that, can we please sleep on something other than the floor? I know you’re exhausted.” I nodded, looking longingly at my pile of pillows, exhaustion taking over my limbs. I knew this conversation wasn’t over but for now, I just missed him too much. We both moved to our respective sides, his arms opening to invite me in. I let myself be pulled up into his chest, his warmth surrounding me as his chin rested on the top of my head. 

“I missed you.” He sighed, his breath tickling my hair on my neck. I had no more words left so I just did the only thing I knew could express my feelings at that moment. I just hugged him tighter. My last thoughts before I drifted off were the ones that had been going through my head since I met him.

 Please don’t leave me.