#ptsd by proxy

[ofdinosanddais1]

Can we just clear something up about G Rose Blanchard? Can we just agree that she did not consent to being abused and exploited and that she's making the choice to share her story to raise awareness of this kind of abuse? Can we agree that she is not required to share her story past anything she has already consented to sharing?

I am glad she is being released in a few days after the torment she has gone through. I am glad that the prison she is in has helped her (as prisons SHOULD do). If she wants to become a tik tok star, then I think her story and experience could help a lot of people who went through what she went through.

But can we treat her like the person she is and not act like her release is the equivalent of the Taylor Swift eras tour? Regardless of whether or not I think she's a good person, the case is complex. I don't think killing is a good thing. I am firmly anti-death penalty but I also know that she, in her own lived experience, did not feel like she had many options. If she had access to another escape, I have no doubt she would have taken it. Could there have been other ways? Sure. But what happened is that she asked for help from her boyfriend in killing her mom. And she is now free from that abuse and, in four days, be free to heal in the outside world (albeit probably with restrictions due to her leaving prison)

I see a lot of people online saying stuff like "oh if she only wanted to escape, why did she stab her mom so much" which, she didn't stab her mom. Her boyfriend did which points to the vitriol in the attack coming from him. There's also people online saying "oh you can see the evil in her eyes" which is just bullshit. We don't know her. We know that she's getting released early due to good behavior. We know that abuse and PTSD can change your moral landscape. We know that her mom would force her to lie and she probably could have learned manipulation due to growing up in that environment. But we also just don't know her in general. She is not necessarily a good or bad person. She's someone who survived severe abuse and her life is going to be forever complicated by that.

But lets stop treating her like some mega celebrity. She's a survivor and she's going to get the opportunity to start showing everyone who she really is and it might be good, it might be bad. Surviving abuse isn't a pretty road full of inspirational quotes. It's ugly and exhausting and nauseating.

Let her grow into who she wants to be and remain neutral for her sake. She's probably going to mess up a lot in recovery and I think immediately idolizing her before she even stepped out of prison is probably very stressful amongst all of the overwhelming emotions she’s going to experience on the 28th.

[dy-mph-na]

[inseparabiles]

I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse when you have a diagnosis of what the fuck is identity and then your entire self just becomes entwined with whatever it is your shattered sense of self decides it associates with that day but god does it give things a different flavour for sure

i.e. yes I'm having fun. I'm in a great mood. Yes I'm also taking things very personally and crying under my desk because this thing that I just saw? I felt it in my deepest self somehow. It's now a part of me. Nobody is welcome. But yes I'm having fun

[casekt]

Still not over how funny it is that my very christian great aunt and uncle are supportive of and encouraging to me about the fact that I write, also so crazy I write like every day now when I didn't write jack shit for 8 yearssss, and the bullshit I write about hasn't drastically changed really, it's still weird porn and violence, the more things change the more things stay the same

[lilaczx]

As a South Western Asian you hit the nail of the fucking head

'we all came together after 9/11 as Americans' no the fuck you didn't, you started murdering and assaulting Muslims and people you thought were Muslim like directly after 9/11 happened, you all came together to religiously persecute and commit hate crimes. It's not just Americans but internationally.

[necroromantics]

🪓 — Canon Facts About Ticci Toby

all of these are directly stated by kastoway himself in deviantart posts/comments, instagram stories, or tobys canon story

I. Toby has a split eyebrow from the car crash

II. He only attended grade school for a short time when we was 12 before being homeschooled due to bullying

III. Kastoway describes Toby's eye colour as "dark brown/black"

IV. Kastoway created Toby as a fan character when he was 12 just for fun. He never expected him to get the attention that he did

V. Toby was stated to be 19 in 2013, which means Toby was born on April 28th, 1994. Today he'll be turning 30 years old

VI. In Toby's age chart, he is shown to be in a straitjacket at 30 years old, and described to "not have much time left on his plate", "any bit of sanity in him is probably gone", and "lives out the rest of his days in a mental asylum and/or gets put down"

VII. He has little to no memory of his life before becoming a proxy

VIII. When he was a toddler, he'd carry around a cow stuffie and put bandaids all over it

IX. Toby was killed by Clockwork, who was possessed by Zalgo, sometime between ages 19-25 (presumably 20-22). Kastoway had vague plans for Toby to "miraculously survive" and live up until around 30 years old, with no contact to the others

X. Toby chews his hands to the point of eating his own flesh, which is why he wears gloves

XI. He is born and raised in Denver, Colorado, USA. He has German ancestry

XII. His theme song is noted to be "I'm Not Alright" by Shinedown

XIII. His personality is described to be, "volatile, friendly at times, sarcastic at times, natural born trouble-maker, mostly up-beat"

XIV. In an older, outdated reference sheet, his friends are listed as "Jeff The Killer, BEN, BOB, Smile Dog, Slenderman, Splendorman, Mr. Widemouth, Ragface, Eyeless Jack", and his rivals are listed as "The Rake, Masky, Enderman, Zalgo"

XV. His mask is a mouth guard, like the one Hannibal Lecter wears

XVI. He is canonically shipped with Clockwork

XVII. Toby has "big ass eyebrows" (Kastoways words himself)

XVIII. Toby doesn't hate Masky, he just acts like an annoying little brother around him because he's jealous that Slender favours him. He's chill around Hoodie, but they don't talk much

XIX. Kastoway was inspired by Marble Hornets to create Ticci Toby

XX. Toby's tics are described as to "uncontrollably crack his neck, twitch around, bend over backwards"

XXI. In his updated appearance (the sketch made by Kastoway in 2014 with the cheek gash), he's described to be in his early 20s. He also said he was thinking of having the cheek gash be caused by the fire, but said that Toby eating through his own cheek was "a really good idea"

XXII. Toby was originally going to be a cannibal before Kastoway put the idea on the back burner, though he says "he'll eat some of the things he kills kind of like Eyeless Jack"

XXIII. He had CIPA, Tourettes, Schizophrenia and PTSD after the car crash

XXIV. His older sisters name is Lyra, his mothers name is Connie, and his father is canonically unnamed (though he's typically called Frank by the fandom, this is not stated by Kastoway)

XXV. He was originally going to be 5'4....... But ended up being made 5'6 (lucky bastard)

Thats all I can think of right now... Happy Birthday Toby

[lordprettyflackotara]

Hitchhiker SFW & NSFW Headcannon’s:

a/n: getting my wisdom teeth out in like ten minutes so imma be offline and recovering for a few days. enjoy these head cannons until i get back <3

Tim | SFW:

-lives off of coffee & cigarettes. half the time can’t digest regular food & ends up throwing it up from stress :( poor bby

-despite being a proxy for years, still has reoccurring nightmares that keep him up at night. certain things trigger ptsd episodes, specifically memories of jay or brian (who brian used to be before the operator came along)

-rough exterior, doesn’t believe he’s even worthy of being in your presence or anyone else’s. firmly believes that anyone he interacts with The Operator could and would kill just to fuck with him

-major anger issues that he mainly keeps under wraps, masky’s the one who REALLY shows that side of him

-memory is spotty, but he puts more of an effort to remember things since meeting you

-drinks straight black coffee, absolutely despises cream & sugar. its a miracle this man has any water intake at all

-overly protective, to an intense degree

-enjoys bands like the smiths, the neighbourhood (idc bite me), and cigarettes after sex

Tim | NSFW under the cut:

-tim wants to absolutely worship you. a shameless munch who wants to do nothing more than make you cum on his face

-prefers missionary, wants to bury his face into your neck as he pounds into you

-This man loves nothing more than to hear your pretty noises

‘Fuck, keep moaning my name princess’

-doesn’t care too much about receiving head, would rather please you

-ADORES watching your facial expressions as you cum on his fingers. the little o shape your mouth makes drives him feral

‘Yeah? Gonna cum on my fingers?’

-best after care on the PLANET. baths, snacks, cuddles. whatever you want he’s got it ready for you.

Brian || SFW:

-vegetarian (loves tomato soup because it reminds him of what his mom used to make him when he was sick)

-distrusting; even though he tries to attempt from speaking his mind is absolute madness

-lots of ptsd, genuinely fears what happened to him will happen to you

-depressive tendencies. allows hoodie to front when he starts getting too upset

-he doesn’t allow himself to have too many interest or too much of a personality. he lives in constant fear anything he may grow to like or show interest in will be destroyed by the operator

-you instill an unknowingly amount of happiness into his life. an amount so much that he fears he may be beginning to claw his way out of the trenches of despair

-enjoys bands like linkin park, papa roach, and green day

Brian || NSFW

-a TEASE

-this mf wants you to beg for his touch just to turn around & give you what you want & more

-adores the feeling of your nails digging into his back. he gets so turned on by it, it’s borderline nauseating for him

-praise to the absolute MAX

-‘you can take it pretty girl, such a good girl for me’

-possessive & determined to make you feel better then anyone else, especially in group activities

-‘go on, tell tim how good i make you feel’

-loves to overstimulate you to the point of no return. if you aren’t a squirming mess on the brink of passing out from pleasure, he feels like he didn’t do his job right

-wants to manhandle you. something about picking you up as if you weighed nothing to readjust you into the position he wants you in is so addicting to him

-good aftercare, thinks more about cleaning you up than anything else

Masky || SFW

-he’s so tired of being the ‘leader’

-like seriously, he’s sick of it

-firm believer since Hoodie came around first he should be forced to lead the band of misfit toys but he digresses

-thinks tim is a big softie and borderline pathetic, but after he saves you, he thinks more highly of his decision making skills

-when fronting he is absolutely not sleeping. real life is terrifying enough. the last thing he needs is the creativity of nightmares haunting him too

-carries wads of cash in case he’s in a bind. will just throw them at people before storming out of where ever he is

-did i mention anger issues? like to an unhealthy concerning degree? masky believes in punching or shooting his way out of any situation that pisses him off

-delusional but in the best way, imagines you and him to eventually become a bonnie and clyde like duo

-enjoys more edgy bands like three days grace, skillet, and hollywood undead

Masky || NSFW

-there is not a submissive bone in this man’s body

-spitting, spanking, slapping, and choking you really gets him going

-humiliating you and degrading you turns him on so much it’s unbelievable

-‘Fuckin slut. Get yourself off on my tongue. Get on with it before I change my mind’

-Either overstimulation or orgasm denial. No in between

-Gun play. I said what I said. You giving him head while he points a loaded gun at your head drives him feral

-‘Suck it harder or i’ll pull the trigger. Dont think I won’t. You’re not special’

-if you’re into it as much as he is, he’d like to fuck you with his gun🫣

-Lowkey is kinda cruel, enjoy the idea of putting his cigarettes out on you but won’t since he shares you (he doesn’t want to argue with toby/hoodie/brian/tim)

-leaving you covered with bruises in particular is satisfying to him. the shapes of his fingers digging into your waist being there the next day make him hard all over again

-decent aftercare. if we’re being honest you’ll be too dazed to remember most of it. he won’t necessarily cuddle you but he’ll at least clean you with a washcloth before putting you to bed

Hoodie || SFW

-silent but aggressive

-doesn’t enjoy fronting unless it’s to complete a mission or task for the operator

-enjoys stalking his victims just to see what they’re doing before they’re killed🙈

-that ski mask? yeah prefers that mf to stay ON. things that involve you are the only exception he’ll make once he grows fond of you

-him & brian are in an agreement having any real interest is too much risk. of course, they combat this narrative once you come along

-will tell you he doesn’t like music but secretly enjoys shinedown, breaking benjamin, and seether

Hoodie || NSFW

-sadist

-orgasm denial. the sight of you squirming beneath him while begging to cum? euphoric.

-cnc (sorry mom)

-‘shut up and take it. pathetic whore’

-breath play. likes choking but he’d prefer to have you on all fours with a belt around your throat if he’s being honest

-loves recording you. not only to watch back later, but to threaten you with the blackmail

-‘you better behave or i’ll show everyone how much of a slut you actually are’

-hair pulling. whether you pull his hair or he pulls yours. the whimpers that come from it are like heroin

-bondage. if hoodie could have it his way he’d have you tied up and spread out like a starfish on a bed so he could play with you until you break

-probably the worst aftercare out of everyone on this list. doesn’t care for it, thinks it’s your problem. at most will just tell you to pee

Toby || SFW

-toby is pretty much your loyal guard dog. he’s at your disposal and you don’t even realize it

-he never really got an opportunity to be a teenager. now that he’s roughly 21-23, you make him feel like the flustered horny teenager he never got to be

-before you he’s extremely unhinged. toby didn’t have a lot of motivation besides the thrill of a kill. now that you’re around and practically a ball of sunshine, you make him feel something other than blood lust or boredom

-has nice curls but never knows how to take care of them so they always turn out straight since he immediately brushes his hair after a shower

-out of the three proxies he’s the most content with the situation. he views tim and brian as his best friends, even if they don’t feel the same way

-don’t let any of the fluff headcannons deceive you though, there’s a reason he’s a proxy. the unknown strength this man has is concerning. chopping up bodies doesn’t tire him

-enjoys russian roulette. masky and hoodie will play with him on special occasions

-likes to play with fire. if he has an opportunity he will commit massive amounts of arson

-his music taste bounces around everywhere, similar to his personality. top three is violent vira, grimes, and bones

Toby || NSFW

-hardcore switch leaning towards sub

-toby has his dominate moments, most of them just enjoying seeing you blush from his teasing

-‘you like m-me fucking y-you huh? such a p-perfect pussy’

-likes to see you take control.

-i’m sorry but despite being a sub he’s very vanilla, minus a few very specific kinks

-hickies. wants tim and brian to see you’re just as much as his as you are theirs

-cream pies. not even necessarily contributing to a breeding kink, he just likes to watch his cum drip down your abused cunt

-pulling his hair drives him feral. he can’t necessarily feel pain but he feels your eagerness and that’s enough for him

-considering toby can’t feel things his sex drive is extremely high considering it’s one of the few things he can’t actually feel

-one of his fantasies is fucking you with the handle of his axe

-aftercare is peak. he’s just as exhausted as you, but will wait on you hand and foot to ensure you’re taken care of

Nova || SFW

-her dad was a detective, she simply followed in his footsteps

-her parents were very academic driven. praise and affection was only shown to her when she excelled academically

-bi sexual. leans more towards women

-protective, blunt, and head strong

-working in a field that’s pro dominantly men, she ensures to be full of bark AND bite to make sure she’s taken seriously

-became a detective to help people. despite her tough exterior, she genuinely just wants to bring people peace through her work

-obsessive tendencies. once she starts a case she has to finish it. will not rest properly until it’s done

-has a fantastic memory. memorizes all the little details of anyone and everything

-out of the three proxies she likes tim the most, but will never admit she likes any of them

-enjoys hozier, asap rocky, and adeline troutman

Nova || NSFW

-THE BIGGEST SWITCH TO EVER EXIST

-either wants to be called mommy or a good cum dump

-an absolute freak in the bed

-this woman has a chest of sex toys at home of all varieties and sorts

-pegs men

-‘your whimpers are so cute baby boy’

-either wants to put YOU in handcuffs or have you put handcuffs on HER. either way she wants them involved

-doesn’t believe in vanilla sex. if she’s fucking she’s going all in. no lovey dovey shit. just pure feral behavior

-on the other end of the spectrum, loves being fucked into the mattress until she’s dizzy

-‘please keep going, fuck, i’m so close’

-has attended several bdsm sex parties on the down low

-aftercare is peak. she doesn’t gaf ab herself. you’re the star of the show

[patronsaintofelsewhere]

Thoughts on Angel Crowley & Healing from Trauma

(Minor Good Omens S2 Spoilers)

As someone who’s endured my own Trauma and dealt with the resulting PTSD, watching Crowley’s journey from a joyful, silly, and entirely innocent angel to a withdrawn, lonely, hyper-vigilant demon as a result of the Fall both shattered my heart and confronted me with the fact of myself, and I’d like to talk about it. 

When you* experience Trauma, you experience an existential disorientation and a profound sense of grief over the world you thought you knew–one where you were safe and nothing bad had ever happened to you. “Innocence died screaming,” and all that.

You're also therefore mourning the loss of who you were, and struggling to make sense of who you are now. Which is why this conversation is so gut-wrenching:

“I know you.” “You do not know me.” “I knew the angel you were.” “The angel you knew is not me.” 

This dialogue admittedly still makes my eyes swim. It’s reminiscent of the many conversations I’ve had with people close to me who knew me Before and After. Not only are you grieving the loss of your own innocence, so are those around you, and it feels like you’re wearing their loved one’s face like a mask.

And then underneath the grief, there’s a river of–what you’ll later discover is misplaced–guilt. They want you to be who you were. Fuck, you also want to be who you were -- to not have experienced what you did -- but you can’t.

And when they catch a glimpse of something that reminds them of Before-You -- because it's not like that you has just up and vanished, you've just changed -- they say things like, “I feel like I have you back!” Like the After-You is a consolation prize, something to be tolerated while they wait for the Before-You to return.

It’s not malicious. They love you. They want you to be happy. But it just serves as a reminder of your loss and suddenly you’re acutely aware of how alone you are with the Thing that hurt you.

After trauma, you’re lonely and you're afraid. But those emotions make you feel quite naked, because both of those things would require you to depend on other people to feel better and, at this point, the thought of doing that is far too scary, so to the world, you’re angry. Thus begins the cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy.

And that cycle goes a bit like this: People see the mistrust and the bitterness and the volatility (the shield that keeps people at an arm's length and helps you feel safe). They don't see the profound sustained fear underneath, the desperate need to feel seen and accepted. And so people pull away.

And that real or perceived abandonment feeds the monster that’s taken up permanent residence in your ribcage and screams at all hours that you’re not worthy of love, that you’re irreparably broken, and you’ll always be alone. And you pull away from the people that love you. And the cycle repeats. And you start to believe all of the bad things about yourself that the monster tells you.

Being confronted with a character who you adore and who you also relate to closely is bittersweet in that it’s both immensely painful, but also offers you an opportunity to interrupt that cycle, to explore a different -- perhaps more forgiving -- lens through which to view yourself. To practice self-compassion by proxy, if you will. After all, we tend to extend far greater empathy and forgiveness to others than we do to ourselves.

Angel Crowley, "who squeaked and squealed when he was happy; who flailed his arms around and made explosion noises with his mouth to explain nebulas; who preened when told his stars were pretty,” (joycrispy) reminded me a lot of “Angel T,” or rather myself before Trauma.

And Crowley's story is tragic. I was heartbroken and angry for him; I felt the depth of the betrayal he experienced at the hands of someone he loved who he'd believed loved him; I found myself wanting to protect him, to comfort him. Crowley did not deserve what happened to him.

And, over a decade later, I realized that I’d finally accepted that I’d been an innocent, just like Crowley had, and I didn't deserve what happened to me, either.

And -- if you find yourself relating to this post -- neither did you.

Once we can tell ourselves that and actually believe it, we can start to lower the shield. We can allow people closer, including ourselves. We can bring the parts of ourselves we may have hidden away back to the surface. We can soften again. We can truly start to heal.

Crowley, at his core, remains the same. He is still kind, deeply loving, playful, silly, and – against all odds – hopeful. But his trauma has changed him; his innocence is gone.

He struggles to trust others; fears abandonment; engages in unhealthy coping mechanisms; finds it easier to prioritize and tend to Aziraphale's needs and desires than his own; and has difficulty expressing his emotions.

But he also gained an abundance of empathy, a deep love for humanity, and a strong sense of justice.

We adore Crowley exactly as he is now; we don't wish for him to be who he was before the Fall. And neither does Aziraphale.

In kind, we won’t be who we were — nor should we try to be — but we can be something new, a different version of ourselves that is equally good, equally worthy, and equally deserving of love. 

After over a decade, I think my Trauma wound has mostly healed, as much as Trauma wounds can, anyway; it’s a dull ache rather than an acute pain. Yet Crowley's story assuaged that remaining hurt like a salve I hadn’t realized I needed.

So thank you to @neil-gaiman for giving us such a beautiful story, and to David Tennant, Michael Sheen, and the rest of the cast and crew who bring the characters we love to life on screen.

Good Omens truly is a gift. May it continue to inspire us to offer kindness and love to ourselves and one another. 🖤

* I am aware that I say “you” when I should use the singular first-person “I,” but I still struggle with this when talking about my own trauma. So I’m using “you” and you, reader, will deal with it x

[semiotextiana]

Inside Out 3 cast

Autism: Alex Consani

ADHD: Alex Consani

Bipolar Disorder: Lena Dunham

PTSD: Charlotte Gainsbourg

BPD: Isabelle Huppert

Depression: Kirsten Dunst

Schizophrenia: Hari Nef

Psychosis: Col the Doll

Histrionics: Jennifer Lopez

Munchhausen: Eartheater

Munchhausen by proxy: Taylor Swift

Arfid: Taylor Swift

Social anxiety: Chris and the Queens

Alzheimers: Marina and the Diamonds

Transsexualism: Nicole Kidman

[gemmahale]

Okay, I'm home, I've been on the road for the better part of 4 hours today due to a miscommunication and a cancelled event, and I've had this rant brewing.

Being Anti-Military and Pro-Veteran are stances that can mutually exist.

Games like CoD and whatever other FPS/Military Simulation game is out there is propaganda. It’s meant to make you want to sign up or support military action.

The military (I’m speaking specifically to the US, as I am most familiar with them by proxy) uses some incredibly underhanded techniques to ensure they have the warm bodies soldiers they need to keep the system working as intended.

This includes but is not limited to: promises of paying for education, aspirations of “seeing the world”, provision of job security, access to healthcare, a stable job and housing, etc. They use things like “patriotism” and “glory” and “security” to lure people in.

And then, when that person is wholly and completely reliant on the military - for a paycheck, housing, healthcare, you name it - they spit them back out into the world with a "thanks a lot and good fucking luck."

Into a world where:

Financial support for care has been axed and axed and axed again under "budget cuts"

Care is secured with red tape so thick you can tightrope walk across it

Care is denied for things the military caused (by saying "it didn't happen while you were serving".) *Yes, that's a direct quote from a doctor to one of Kallen's peers. When assessing a life-altering injury sustained while they were in country overseas, it was deemed as "non-service related injury”.

In comparison to civilians:

Veterans are ~40% more likely to be homeless.

Veterans are ~80% more likely to suffer from untreated mental and physical health issues - PTSD, hearing loss, nerve damage, etc.

Veterans are ~60% more likely to turn to addictive substances - alcohol, drugs, etc.

Veterans are ~70% more likely to commit suicide.

This isn’t limited to combat vets. Logistics specialists, administrative specialists, IT specialists all get screwed when they leave.

Ask just about any veteran that has served, they are incredibly likely to be staunchly anti-military.

The military causes a tremendous amount of damage to every person involved, even if they aren't aware of it at the time.

It’s a cult, it’s an abusive relationship, it’s predatory. Treat it as such.

Support veterans, advocate for their care. They made choices you may not agree with, but they made them because of what they thought the military was offering to them. Many thought they were doing the right thing for their country - that was the lie they were fed from 9/11 on (in the US). Then they were chewed up, spit out, and left for dead by the same people that made all those promises to them.

Here are some US-based, apolitical Veteran Support groups (many have International chapters/members):

22 Until None - 501-C3 that provides support to veterans by veterans. There are local chapters on Facebook that are all active and are listed on the website

Disabled American Veteran - Veteran help association; involved in legislation and local assistance, connections to VA advocates to help navigate the VA

Wounded Warrior Project - 501-C3 charity supporting disabled veterans.

Note: I am absolutely not doing the "not all servicemembers" thing here. I'm saying "veterans are living with their choices, and still deserve access to care."

[dy-mph-na]

Hello...! This is my first post on here so ill give you all a little summary of who I am and what my goals are on this platform

I have been through a lot so its very easy to connect with different people on different topics- currently I am in the process of separating myself from a toxic family and really have nobody and nothing other than my mind and a dream. My dream is to help others who have or are struggling like I had to through my voice & writing!

I am a Munchausen syndrome by proxy victim which my mother worked in the emergency room as a nurse and she had a very good reputation... The cops of the town we lived in also went to school with her and had known her their entire life so would come whenever she called. She fabricated many MENTAL illnesses onto me and made claims that were either exaggerated truths or just flat out lies and it was easy for her to continuously get me institutionalized as a teenager because of her job and status. Evidently she would take me into HER WORKPLACE... This is more common than you think and because its not just physical its a complete mind warp. The continuous isolation and gaslighting can convince you and everyone around you that you are severely mentally unwell; even if that is not the case.

I became homeless on my 21st birthday and I am still homeless. I was trying to go to a monastery just to get away from my mom and to gain wisdom on a few things so I can help others have a voice. I was staying with an aunt who is very close to my mother and they both were plotting to get me institutionalized or put in jail which absolutely did not work; this had happened with a close friend of my moms too. Both times the cops actually helped me and gave me a ride they believed me for once. Shortly after this I realized one thing: they definitely knew and were in on it but I am still unable to decipher the reasoning. Especially with her friend; they wanted me to keep retelling my trauma yet would invalidate me when I would, kept looking for a reaction out of me similar to my aunt what makes it more confusing is that all of these women are nurses.

My mother was a single mother and my dad was an absent drug addict; I have actually reconnected with my father recently because I had a gut feeling that he was not doing good- I found him intuitively through a Jewish rabbi and it turned out he was in the hospital getting an amputation and open heart surgery. He now is focused on getting sober which has me ecstatic. I believe I have some healing gifts or psychic gifts because when I was in the psych wards many times they would have me go down to the geriatric unit and counsel the elderly. I have a lot of stories from these times that are sort of surreal when I look back at it now.

Another point of psychic gifts; after the cops picked me up and gave me a ride from my moms friends house (my mom was trying to force me to take a flight back home keep in mind this was right before hurricane Milton as well and I was waiting for an Uber to the airport) I had my icons out on the table and prayed to god "show me a sign its not safe to go home yet" and the Jesus prayer and a fire actually started in the restaurant I was sitting outside of; to make matters even more prominent the Uber driver arrived at the wrong address and was really late. I took this as a sign to not go home.

I grew up as a big kid and got picked on and bullied a lot but I have lost about 100 lbs the past year so yay.

I moved from the north to the south as a teen I actually even moved in with a LDR boyfriend at 16 which definitely was a mistake but it gave me a chance to feel like a "normal" teenager who didn't have to worry about her mother sending her away again for minor inconveniences.

I want to be a singer eventually or at least be on stage so I can spread my message and help others. I yearn to be seen because I have spent a lot of time isolated and hidden.

I should add my first hospitalization was definitely warranted as I had started self harming during my emo phase in middle school. My mom just got very comfortable with it and used DARVO & triangulation methods on me making it very hard to prove my innocence. All the doctors need is a "feeling" that the person is unwell which my mom would make sure to plant false truths their brains for a few weeks before taking me.

I am heavily into Orthodox Christianity and consider myself and God to be pretty tight. I am very devout and it has helped me in all aspects in my life. I never realized HOW POWERFUL he was until all of these lessons. I was trapped and convinced I was crazy now I am free, healing and ready to help others. I guess I am not the perfect Christian but nobody is.

I love cigarettes and I smoke weed sometimes but I try to be good to others and really embrace humility. "I am just a soul whose intentions are gooood oh lord please don't let me be misunderstood..."

I spend most of my time alone because this is what I have been used to my whole life; I think and I write and I try to live life like its a movie even when I am alone. I am grateful for everything even the grass under my feet. There were times when I wasn't even allowed outside; I am a survivor and not a victim.

[37-children-of-the-dreams]

Lighter’s Mental State

PSA WARNING : DO NOT READ IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE TALKS OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.

Background Context: I was speed running my chance to have Inky the stray black cat as my pet and changed the time to Evening, but I was at Lumina Square when I did it. So, I went to the map icon to go back to Sixth Street when I saw Lighter’s icon in the Lumina Square area and I had to check out why he’s there.

I was not prepared for the interaction between us.

I just want everyone to know that I am not a licensed psychologist, I am only days away from getting my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, but Lighter’s choice of words are heavily implying that he has suicidal ideation.

You have three choices to tell him. I already did the second and third choices. This is what he’ll say:

The first pic happens when you picked the last one, and he’s going to do a bunch of death jokes to lighten the mood, but the Proxy will still remind him in the end to live his life. If you pick the second, it’s the rest of the pictures and he’s going to tell you that he is doing fine and was overthinking his situation, but will say he envies you for a secret reason. I will try to find him again tomorrow for the first one, but I just want people to know that Lighter has suffered and is still dealing with PTSD from his past so every time the Proxy talks to him, Lighter becomes happier because of us. His interactions with the Proxy does show that he does care about our relationship with him and that he will not do anything reckless for the sake of his relationship with us.

Literally minutes after our interaction. He’s in a happier state.

Lighter might not want people to know his situation, but the instant he hears someone wanting him to live or is willing to die with him, he changes his mind and wants to live so the person who cares about him doesn’t have to worry about him. He truly is a well written character and I will defend him with everything I have.

[thesilvertheorist]

• unprofessional •

Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

Fic summary: [set in s4] Five is forced to go into mandatory active therapy in order to ensure that he can perform well at the CIA, he finds himself opposite a young lady (21+ ish) who's taken him on as her first client. Five is resistant at first but soon begins to develop ALL kinds of feelings for this woman.

Warnings/tags: ptsd related traumas, flashbacks, self harm, self loathing, resistance to help, attitude, scandalous age gap (five is mentally 60+, body of a 21 year old), developing feelings, inappropriate relationship, unprofessional relationship, anguish, angst, sexually explicit content, mdni, stalker!five, reader should really contact the authorities in all honesty.

you have been warned

Masterlist

CHAPTER ONE

[3.7k words]

Hargreeves’ new world is certainly one of oddities. It’s almost identical to the world that Five and his siblings grew up in only, in this timeline, this version of his adoptive father owned essentially every active corporation all over the globe. A weird concept, but not one that is necessarily that farfetched. The basic premise of this timeline functioned exactly the same as all the others that Five knew: linear time (seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, decade after tedious decade), people going about their daily lives (bills and taxes to pay), and – of course, there’s the ever-present need to create family and community. Although, and this is the kicker, he’s been stripped of his powers. Every Hargreeves’ sibling had been.

Five had presumed that the loss of their powers was the price of a new life… that Luther losing Sloane was the price that Allison paid by proxy to get Claire back. Screwed up, but it’s the most logical answer considering they were energetically glued to stars on the floor in a universal mainframe fighting for their lives not too long ago.

As his siblings dispersed upon realising the situation, Five was left alone yet again, wondering what the hell he was going to do with his vacant being and lack of powers. His skills aren’t exactly what you’d look for when employing someone. Not to mention that his appearance doesn’t match his intellect. He was nothing short of absolutely fucked.

This rather strange situation kept Five’s mind awake for days. What exactly had happened? Why were they all here? Is this timeline a result of shutting down the last one? Is there a way to regain their powers? Do people even want their powers back? Did he want them back? Would he be able to realise that this state of helpless humanity may actually be giving him a fresh start? Was he ignoring things? Was this stupidly self-aware diatribe of crap swirling around in his head actually ungrateful screams of a thirteen year old who couldn’t prove to his father that he’d fixed what he’d broken?

It didn’t matter.

Five knew that, realistically, he’d have to start somewhere. The first thing he needed to do was secure himself a steady roof. He had no idea who’d rent to him…considering he had no money and looked like he belonged in some sort of private school for privileged arsehole boys. Oh wait. Pesky self-awareness again.

Five realised that if he couldn’t beat them, he’d have to join them. The second daylight broke the next day, he worked on getting himself a place at the closest university; he looked about that age and any required proof of braincells proved to be child’s play for his overly adapted mind. This gave him an opportunity to have a bed to sleep in whilst also allowing him to keep his brain active – even if his assignments were the equivalent intensity of doing the sudoku in the paper each morning.

Needless to say, he earned his degree quickly. He’d also acquired numerous commendations from differing scholars and academics throughout his studies which earned him an interview at the CIA. Five rationalised that, whilst he wasn’t exactly police material, the CIA was more up his alley…more dignified for a man of his age.

His interview went as well as could have been expected and Five was hired almost immediately. He’d breezed through basic training, explaining to those who were curious that his combat skills were from too many extra-curricular clubs after school and totally not from anything sinister [like being born into a family of super siblings and fighting crime at thirteen only to then be accepted into a temporal commission decades later who put field agents through intense training to prepare them to kill threats to the timeline].

He was just good at what he did and was a quick learner.

Totally.

Five’s first few months with the CIA went as any other months would do. He managed to find himself a shitty apartment and keep up the rent with whatever money he didn’t spend on outrageously expensive suits or artisan coffee. He wasn’t doing badly at all – he was even up for a promotion.

With things going so well, it came as a surprise to Five when his new supervisor insisted that he attend mandatory therapy as part of his new role within the company. He’d been advised that all higher agents have to do this – keeps them from boiling over. Five wasn’t really listening though; it was as if water had filled his ears. The last time he’d heard this bullshit was back at The Commission… only there, they forced agents into therapy to ensure they were boiling over – that their intent to kill was still active inside them.

After trying to reason with his supervisor, Five was told in no uncertain terms that he either attended the therapy or go back to his entry level basic training so he understood what ‘following orders’ meant. Pissed off and undermined, Five only nodded in response. He noted down when his appointment was: 8am Monday, 7th floor, office C.

When Monday came around, Five was more irritated than he thought he’d be. He had no clue what bullshit this, so called, therapist would come out with – and in all honesty, he wished that all therapists would just keep their traps shut. Now that would be therapeutic.

Upon arriving to work that day, Five decided that coffee was the best solution. He’d be able to respond quicker with his brain activated, and he’d be able to leave that office sooner. Perfect plan. Whilst waiting in line at the downstairs café to order his take away cup of gravelly black coffee, he couldn’t help but notice the woman in front of him.

She was young – she’d have to be a university graduate. She was well dressed in smart office kitten heels, sheer tights, a sophisticated pencil skirt, and a fitted blouse. Her hair was pinned in a claw-clip bun but she must have been in a hurry this morning because pieces had fallen out and were giving her that chic yet windswept look that only a few people could truly pull off.

As she ordered her coffee – a ‘mocha with a little bite to it’, Five noticed that the woman wasn’t carrying anything (other than the precise amount of cash to pay with) – nor did she have a blazer or jacket with her. Who the hell comes to the offices prior to 8am and sets up before getting their coffee? This woman was weird. Her chirpy voice and polite manners weren’t going to fool him.

Why the fuck did he even care?

He didn’t know this woman, nor did she know him. What she looked like, sounded like, or acted like was none of his business. He’d got a stupid therapist to see. This young woman was just another number in a pitiful equation that he no longer had the energy to solve. He tried to ignore her as she waited aside for her coffee to be made, pretending not to catch glimpses of her as she looked up at the hot food menu of the café to pass time whilst he ordered his own cup of drip black coffee.

Both drinks were prepared at precisely the same time. The young woman smiled at the barista as she collected the warm cup, turning on her heels to head towards the lifts. Without thinking much about it at all, Five followed her over after collecting his own coffee – trailing behind her as if he were some sort of lost puppy (or ravenous hound dog) as she crossed the foyer, offering her a curt smile when she summoned the lift.

Silence.

The woman was looking at her watch when the lift arrived. The ding of the bell alerting her to the fact that it was here. Five gestured for her to enter first – after all, he’s kinda got a weird thing about lifts now since the whole universe reset bullshit. He won’t enter one that doesn’t have another person in it…must be a newfound claustrophobia symptom. Perhaps it might be worth seeing a therapist. The woman entered and stood aside to let Five in also, shattering the silence with two ground-breaking, reality-altering, mind-bending words:

“Which floor?”

Five was deafened.

He was sure that his brain had malfunctioned. He hadn’t actually been deafened but he needed her to stop talking and yet never stop speaking all at once. Her voice was like velvet…Five hated the feeling velvet – but loved the way it warmed his skin. He needed to respond quickly before she thought he was weird; her smile would fade and he’d be deemed the office creep for following  a young woman from the café into the lift and then seemingly drooling over the only two words she deigned to utter to him throughout the last ten minutes.

“Oh, er- seven, thanks” he managed to force out.

“Cool, me too” the young woman smiled out in response to him.

This meant that Five had to endure seven floors of close proximity to this woman – standing so close to her that he feel he may actually happily suffocate from her perfume, pretending all the more that the sound of her honey-like chirps hadn’t done something to him.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

One.

She held her coffee in her left hand – no ring, red nails.

Two.

She wore a silver watch on that same hand – written in roman numerals the time was 7:50am

Three.

She had cuffed her blouse sleeves – ¾ length, likely to see her watch.

Four.

Her skirt had a hidden seam – she’d had it altered to fit better.

Five.

Her hair was falling out of the clip – he wanted to be the one to fix it.

Six.

She wore necklaces – silver and layered to match her watch.

Seven.

She was intoxicating.

The lift bell dinged again, signalling to each of them that they had reached the seventh floor. Five felt the air return to his lungs as the young woman stepped out of the enclosed space and walk a few paces ahead, only to have it ripped from him yet again when he realised they were heading in the same direction…

down the same hallway…

to the same office…

office C.

Shit.

Five was all but paralysed, stood eight feet from her office door as she opened it and stepped inside, leaving it open for her next psychological plaything to enter. She hadn’t noticed that he was her client yet. Surely she hadn’t. She wouldn’t have had the time to; hundreds of people worked in this building.

She proceeded to sit in one of the chairs that surrounded the dark, wooden coffee table within the small box-office - crossing her legs as she rested her notebook and pen in her lap. Reading. Learning. Waiting.

Five was left wondering if his brain had actually malfunctioned in that lift; he couldn’t seem to move his feet in either direction. If he backed away now, he wouldn’t be allowed the promotion and would be forced back into basic training. On the other hand, if he walked in that office, he was in the trap of a much younger (much too innocent looking) young woman who had no idea what she was dealing with. It was all well and good for her to prepare the snare, but what if she began to realise she’d caught a wolf as opposed to a rabbit?

Perhaps he could pretend to be a rabbit.

Perhaps…he wanted to be a rabbit.

He walked up to the threshold of the door, knuckles tapping the doorframe, breaking her from her surely feigned concentration. Five didn’t expect the reaction he had to seeing her face for the first time, seeing how her eyes met his, feeling locked in under her gaze. Feeling himself want to spill his secrets to her. He was about to be examined and read to filth and he knew it.

What remained to be seen was whether or not he liked it.

The young woman waited for him to speak, angling herself so that she was ever so casually inviting. She didn’t press him to say anything or even break the eye contact…she just waited. Five was well aware that this was the first trick in any newly-trained therapist’s handbook, but he swallowed thickly and knowingly fell for it anyway.

That promotion had to be worth it.

“I’ve got an eight am appointment in this office.” he managed to chortle out, clearing his throat as not to sound like he chain-smoked two packs of cigarettes on the commute alone.

“You’re early, Mr Hargreeves,”

Her words rang in his ears as she spoke. How did she know his name? Oh, right, therapist – list of appointments, names, times, job roles… fucking idiot.

Five couldn’t move a single inch forwards…or backwards…or anywhere for that matter. He was well and truly pinned down by this woman, and she’d said a total of six words to him so far. He didn’t feel at liberty to move closer to her or invade her office until she specified that he could. Maybe this was his old chivalry training kicking in that Reggie had forced him and his siblings through back in the day. Surely he was just being courteous and kind in the presence of a lady.

Oh, how he wanted to be anything but kind to in the presence of this lady.

“Well, take a seat.”

Five’s feet moved before he even realised they were moving. He didn’t rush over, but he didn’t waste any time either, shutting the door promptly behind him. He sat in the chair across from the young woman, positioning his coffee cup on the small table between them – mirroring her.

He noticed how she watched him closely but also rather nonchalantly, never for one second allowing him the grace of considering that this may be just as nerve wracking and heart attack inducing for her. She remained collected at all times; Five Hargreeves would not be beaten by a woman a third of his age.

“So, Mr Hargreeves, why is it that you’re here?” she questioned, opening a fresh page in her notebook, scribbling a singular word at the top of the page.

What the hell kind of bullshit question is that?

“Well, as much as I love the company of over-confident psychoanalysts, I’m sure you’re aware I’m here on a mandatory basis.” He managed to bite back in response, feeling as though he gained ground back with his viper-like tongue.

“Straight to the point I see. Well, let’s not waste any of your precious time, Mr Hargreeves.” She smiled back in response. Smiled – like some crazy, lunatic bitch.

“Please, Mr Hargreeves is my father” Five spoke out, discomfort increasing every time she chose to address him that way.

Perfect idea, Five - throw your daddy issues into the mix right off the bat - advertise the crazy.

She scribbled a little more, three words this time.

“Five it is.”

Five felt shivers travel down his spine. Her actually using his name felt a million times more invasive and a trillion times less appropriate…and he’d removed that first professional barrier himself. He’d been in her presence for less than twenty minutes and already wanted to kill himself as a sacrifice to whatever deity was torturing him with her.

The next few questions she had were rather basic, ‘tell me more about yourself so I can profile you’ questions. This told Five all he needed to know. She was new to this…she didn’t really have a clue what she was in for, and she was likely handed him as an easy case – but, damn, did she play a good game of poker.

Answering her questions, he noticed how she picked up her coffee and removed the lid from the to go cup. Wondering why, he missed her next question. Why would she have removed that? It keeps the coffee warm. It didn’t make much sense at all. Was she purposefully trying to throw him? How did she know that would throw him?

It took Five until after intently watching her sip her ‘mocha with a lil bite to it’ to realise that she was wearing lipstick…and she would have left messy lip prints all over that lid if she hadn’t removed it.

He wanted to see that lip print.

He wanted to wear that lip print.

He was losing his mind.

She must have noticed that he missed her question as she repeated it to him, making him look like an idiot in the process. He answered as best he could – ignoring the blood rushing from his brain to somewhere else entirely.

This was fucking him off – her hold on him. She didn’t even know him. How the hell had he let such a pathetic woman claim this much control over him? He didn’t know much other than: this situation is forced, unnecessary, and ridiculous. As well as: he’s much smarter than her and she needs to know that.

Five’s answers began to get shorter, snappier, and ruder as the appointment went on. He drank his coffee and steeled his mind over, not allowing this girl to contain him any longer. He ignored his body’s signals and focused only on getting out of this office. All he had to do was prove that he wasn’t some weird psychopath or stupid enough to fall into a mental spiral…therefore, all he had to do was pretend that he wasn’t pumped full of criminal DNA to ensure he did spiral.

He tried to project his anger into his words, feeling as if he could replace the barriers he’d begun to dismantle with a harsh, reliable distain for the people around him. It worked for everyone else, and it would work on this woman.

Only, it didn’t.

She dropped the corporate questioning the second she noticed the change in him, opting for a deeper – more infuriating approach. She tore strips into him as she politely asked him to watch his language in her office space. She pulled him up on every wall-building tactic he had…and he apologised for them. Not with his words; she hadn’t earned that – with his eyes.

He actually felt bad for trying to build walls between the two of them, and he’d known her a total of fifty minutes. She was right to pull him up on his behaviour. She didn’t back down from him once; completely reinforcing the fact that this was her office, and her appointment. He was a visitor. How fucking dare he?

Astounded by himself, Five had nothing more to say to this woman. He was absolutely, well and truly, entirely done for. He only hoped that he’d passed her initial inspection of his mind as not to be pulled by the sacred force of her gravity back into the four walls of this office where he couldn’t control his behaviour around her…but he didn’t.

The young woman set up a weekly appointment for him. Same time, same place; she didn’t feel as though he was ready to progress without support. So, as she signed his papers for him to enter his promotional role, she issued her warning:

“Don’t underestimate the will of others, Five.”

With that, she had him shaking her hand, and stepping out of her office – taking his empty coffee cup with him.

What, the fuck, had she done to him?

As he walked back down the corridor and summoned the lift to go to the 10th floor to see his supervisor, Five was left clutching at his empty coffee cup for dear life. Feeling like a doe that had a near miss with a haul truck. That young woman had just turned him inside out, deemed him insufficient, and asked him to leave…and he was pissed. she'd given him absolutely nothing, and yet allowed him the opportunity to experience everything.

He hated this woman. She was entitled, bossy, and thought she knew everything. She was young and overly caring about her appearance. She clearly had no idea what he was or who he was – nor did she seem to care. She had absolutely no fear. She was ignorant and arrogant. She didn’t have what it takes to do this job. She was infuriating. Her hold on him was a sham and obviously sexually fuelled. Clearly, she hadn’t been in the therapy business for long because otherwise, Five wouldn’t know this stuff about her.

Yet, there was a stirring in his stomach, something primal.

He couldn’t wait for her to do this to him again.

Once he’d handed in his papers, and handed over his old job role, Five was dismissed for the day. He headed straight home, feeling as though the subway couldn’t take him quick enough. His body was tense and his temper was short. Dropping his keys upon trying to get into his apartment was the perfect sum up to his day.

Finally letting himself in, not bothering to switch on the lights or get himself any food, he stripped off and headed immediately for the shower. He set the temperature to a skin-peeling high and stepped inside, letting the steam transport him back to her office.

He took his left hand, the one that she shook earlier today, and roughly took his hard length in hand. He’d been hard on and off since this morning. Any time she crossed his mind, Five was battling with his own blood flow.

He cursed out as he roughly brought himself to a pained climax – believing that the pain would train him into hating this woman…but all he could hear was her honey-toned voice in his ear telling him to let her handle him as if she were stood behind him taking him in hand herself. He could feel her whispy fly-aways tickle his neck as her breasts pushed into his back. That’s when he felt her lips graze his shoulder, leaving those sultry lip prints that he’d dreamt about since realising she wore lipstick.

His cum was hot in his hand and coated the shower wall.

Fuck.

He was a mess for this woman…a storm of feelings, a shitshow of poor behaviour, and a sexual wreck for anything she could give him.

Next week couldn’t come quick enough; and neither could he.

link to: Chapter Two

✦ okay so i'm sorry this took so long for such a short chapter - i got ill :(( hope you enjoy it anyway, more coming soon. this is my first real tumblr fic so pls be kind ✦

✦ the truly diabolical content is to come, let Five have a minute of rest before being mindfucked again :)) ✦

taglist for this fic below: (lmk if you'd like to be added or removed ♡)

@groovydazephantom @girls-overflower @clownstillwritesfanfic @diaryoftheodosia @vroomvroomgirl @kaybreezy3000 @badkitty3000

[acexsmhking]

𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑻𝒐𝒃𝒊𝒂𝒔 𝑳𝒐𝒓𝒆/𝑭𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔

: ̗̀➛ Toby lore/facts

Summary: I wrote a document of Toby that contains my personal lore/facts for him along side non-canonical and original content. Get to know my perspective of Toby better!

Warning(s): 18+ content, dark themes, child abuse, alcoholism, descriptions of gore, descriptions of child abuse, cannibalism, non-canonical mentions

Subject - SCP-524-S

Full name: Tobias Erin Rogers

Date of Birth: 4/28/1994

Place of Birth: Trier, Rhineland-Palatinate Germany

Height: 6ft, 0in

Weight: 165 lbs

Name Origins: Hebrew - Good of God

Zodiac: Taurus

Immigrated to Denver, CO. US at age 5 with parental family (Father, Mother, Aunt and Sister)

Multiple detected physical disorders: TS (Tourette Syndrome, class: both), CIPA (Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis)

Multiple detected mental disorders: SAD (social anxiety disorder), Depression, Bipolar III (Cyclothymic Disorder), D-PTSD (Dissociative PTSD), Amnesia

SCP-524-S ranges from multiple Northwest states: Oregon, Washington, Alaska, Idaho, Wyoming and Montana

SCP-524-S rarely visits Middle/South states, typically more active during Spring, Fall and Winter. Moves to costal areas during Summer.

Subject experienced symptoms of interaction with the creature known as The Operator (SCP-582) through juvenile development. Faced interaction with the creature as 14yrs

Subject has a complicated case with D-PTSD (Dissociative PTSD), and Amnesia. Cause of D-PTSD being after death of family member: Lyra Rogers, Subjects age was 17yrs.

Shortly after tragic events SCP-524-S showed an increase in irrationality and hostility. SCP-524-S experienced increasing memory loss, waking up either dirty or with strange marks, bruises, and indents on body.

Subject is noted to have chewed through the flesh of his left cheek. Other notible scars being a long cut from Subject left eyebrow to eye cause after altercation with Father. SCP-524-S also chewed flesh on both hands, right being severely injured

Seven months after tragedy event Subject was forced to wear a metal wire muzzle fitted to face by pulling wires tighter. Two years later Subject went aggressively brutally killing Father, multiple citizens in a fire

Amnesia later induced on Subject after final contact with SCP-582

SCP-524-S kills in large numbers, typically aiming on office buildings and neighborhoods. SCP-524-S may kill a few victims before entrapping builds in large man-made fire

Singular kills are mainly done in forest areas. SCP-524-S will used leftover body parts from past victims to lure in new ones. Ambushing from trees and bushes

SCP-524-S has a talent of mimicking crying, whispers, and human sounds

Prior to capture, SCP-524-S was elusive. Scent trails and tracks always cut off mid-way and Subject would be lost. Subjects infected by The Operator possibly have chameleon like abilities, blending into their surroundings but not quite teleportation

SCP-524-S has yet to willingly show these abilities

Subject described waking up in the middle of woods with no prior memory after making contact with The Operator. There Subject was met with another proxy to The Operator, Kate the Chaser

Another Subject that has remained unseen by eye or photograph. Subject described learning, living and bonding with Kate which also resulted in his habits of consuming human flesh

“We had to find our own food, eat whatever we caught” — SCP-524-S

Subject stayed in territory of SCP-582 and Kate for six years before leaving, stating SCP-582’s behavior grew increasingly hostile and violent towards him. Kate guided him to the Northern states before leaving

Subject refuses to give location of Kate

While not certain and test remain negative SCP-524-S exhibits behavior of AIWS (Alice In Wonderland Syndrome), could be cause by stressful events and ill-maintained health

When captured, it became apparent that SCP-524-S grew a bond with SCP-225-S as creature could be spotted in distance watching. Subject also had a relationship with a murder of crows

The flock could be seen at sights where victims had been found in woods, and swarmed the capture-spot of SCP-524-S seeming irritated. A few members of the flock attacked personnel

More later….

♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*

: ̗̀➛ OMG WAS THIS STUPIDLY ANNOYING TO DO. I was switch between this and preparing Jack’s Masterlist and general head-canons ugh. Anyways eat this up my goofy goobers I’m gonna work on another Toby smut — Ace

-`♡´- tags list: @vanyatas @moriitis @theredservant

[strawberryflavoredvenum]

Creepypasta mental health hcs

Like always, I am completely disregarding the cannon(and my earlier hcs) ^⁠_⁠^

Also tw: mental illness (duh), self harm, psychosis, depersonalization. Idk tw everything.

Also I hope everyone knows that none of these disorders create these kinds of people. This is all fiction and 99% of people with these disorders don't even get close to this. Ik it sounds obvious but I still want to remind you. I have ptsd, asd, and persistent depression. I also have friends with some of these and they are all amazing people. I mean this for personality disorders/disorders with stigma like npd or bpd as well.

Toby

❤️ schizophrenia

He has an even mix negative and positive symptoms. He doesn't experience them all at the same time. The negative symptoms are more common throughout the day, but the positive ones are more severe. (negative or positive does not mean good or bad. They are terms used to describe whether or not a symptom adds or takes away something to someone's behavior/functioning. A positive symptom can be hallucinations, while a negative symptom may me impaired attention)

His negative symptoms include not taking care of himself, self isolation, alogia (made worse when people bullied him for his speech patterns/tourettes), and anhedonia.

Positive symptoms include scrambled speech (word salad), delusions of persecution, auditory and visual hallucinations. Auditory:voices, name calling, other proxies voices, crying and screaming. Visual: bugs, shadow people, Lyra, hands, visual distortion. He also feels paranoid and nihilistic thinking.

During episodes he is known to hide, lash out, extreme emotional outbursts of fear, paranoia, anger or sadness. He also displays agitation, poor hygiene, and a lack of social awareness.

❤️Pica

Idk but I've always head cannoned him to have this. He is kinda sneaky about it so other proxies watch him closely around objects he's been known to try. Things like paper, paint chips, parchment, or anything with a ceramic/clay pottery/glass like consistency.

❤️tourettes

It's not as severe in my hc as it is in cannon. Still noticeable though. If he could feel it, his neck would be in so much pain.

❤️cipa

This is self explanatory. He has to check himself over with a mirror so he doesn't accidentally leave an injury untended. He finds random bruises he didn't know about all the time. He has to take great care to make sure he doesn't forget about injuries, letting them get infected. He has many scars. Also a couple chunks bitten out of his cheek and tongue.

❤️ He needs more help than the other proxies but has learned to live with his disorders and hold a routine. Toby is willing accept help, but only from certain people that he trusts and cares for. He tries his best every day to be better than the next.

Nina

❤️ manic depression

She has horrible episodes of depression, with intense mood swings. She was originally diagnosed with bipolar. She'll either be in bed all day, flirting/obsessing over Jeff(who is not reciprocating) or getting into arguments and impulsively spending her money. She also struggles with self harm. She hides it behind sleeves or heavy bracelets. Jane worries and checks on her often to make sure she's okay. Bringing her food and trying to get her to take a walk when Nina is depressed. When Nina is manic, Jane tries to ground her and keep her on a routine. She feels very guilty afterwards. Her friends understand. They all have issues.

❤️ hypersexuality

She doesn't have a lot of sex but she has intense intrusive thoughts about it. Especially involving jeff. She doesn't like to open up about it because of the stigma. She doesn't want people to see her as a slut or something. Most of them would never think that of her or anyone with hypersexuality. They wouldn't care if she was a whore to begin with.

❤️ Erotomania

She is convinced that Jeff and her are meant to be. She finds random signs that Jeff is reciprocating in things that don't exist. Jeff doesn't like her very much. Other proxies feel uncomfortable about it and try to keep them separate. (Nina would never cross the line into predatory behavior. None of the proxies are like that.) It's gotten much better but she falls back into old thought patterns during episodes. Nina has learned to respect boundaries and respect Jeff's.

❤️ drug abuse

She's been known to abuse party drugs. They are hard to get as a proxy(and also banned in the house) so it's much less severe than before.

❤️ histrionic personality disorder

She feels much more intensely in every way. She believes that her friendships are closer than they are, her emotions have no middle ground, and she has strong opinions on everything. She has some attention seeking tendencies and feels bad when she doesn't receive the desired response. She isn't a liar but often exaggerates when she tells stories.

❤️Nina is pretty receptive to help as long as she isn't in an episode. Sometimes she feels hopeless and gives up but not for long. She watches a lot of online therapy videos since they can't get a therapist.

Jeff

❤️ Antisocial personality disorder

He struggles to have much care for other people or their feelings. He's incredibly impulsive and thrill seeking. This has made him both the best and worst proxy in the mansion. He doesn't see the moral issue with lying. Luckily he's pretty bad at it and can never keep his story straight. His mood throughout the day is either agitated or bored. Becoming a proxy has made his antisocial behavior worse because he is able to justify it in his mind. If you asked him, he would say that he doesn't love anyone. Though he doesn't care for anyone, he likes being around Liu. His brother is one of the only people he chooses to talk to outside of joking or missions.

❤️ trichotillomania

Skin picking was always something he did but it got much worse after the fire. He tends to pick at the area between burned, and normal skin. He does the same with his scars. Putting bandages on his arms can help prevent picking. He tries not to look in mirrors often. Not because he hates how he looks, but it makes him want to pick more.

❤️psychosis

It's how he became "Jeff the killer" in the first place. In the early stages, he becomes more paranoid, disorganized, and stops taking care of himself. During the episode, he becomes mistrustful, agitated, comes to random conclusions/assumptions, doesn't sleep for days, and becomes more hostile. The full episode can last from a week to a month.

❤️ insomnia

He stays up until he drops. He doesn't try to help his insomnia until someone else intervenes. It majorly exacerbates his other problems.

❤️ He's generally not open to change. he could have gotten better if his parents had caught/cared it sooner. Liu isn't going to give up on him though. He doesn't care how much Jeff complains or lashes out. Liu and Slenderman are the only ones able to get Jeff to cooperate or calm down.

Liu

❤️ptsd

He isn't upset at his brother. But he still survived a horrific ordeal because of him. Sometimes when helping Jeff through an episode, he'll accidentally trigger Liu. Liu is determined to help Jeff, even if his PTSD makes it hard. He has bad nightmares about waking up to see Jeff. He tries to isolate when it gets bad. Jeff doesn't notice when Liu is struggling but when he finds out, he tries to help in his own way. Usually giving him space since he knows Liu's PTSD is mostly from him. Liu feels guilty about it.

❤️ codependence

Liu doesn't feel that he has anything left after everything that's happened. Even if Jeff was the one to kill their parents, and almost him, he is all Liu has left. He doesn't like living here but he'll go anywhere his brother goes. He feels responsible. Jeff would never admit this but Liu knows Jeff still needs him.

❤️major depressive disorder

He's had it since he was a kid. He feels empty and his motivation to do anything goes down the drain. His appetite is one of the first things to go. Not because he isn't hungry, but he doesn't feel like leaving his room. He'll sit at his desk staring at the work he needs to do or lay in bed.

Helen

❤️ autism spectrum disorder

He's always felt different. Never really known how to interact with others. He mostly keeps to himself. You don't need to learn to talk to people if you never talk to them. He has a system for everything that makes it easier for him. He keeps most things about himself private because he can be sensitive. Before he became a proxy, he tried to mask but he doesn't care anymore.

❤️Social phobia

All the bullying wrecked his self esteem. He feels that everyone is judging him. The other proxies don't see him much. He would rather sit in his room doing art. He even got a mini fridge so he wouldn't have to leave as much. He has heart palpitations and feels nauseous when he has to interact with the more abrasive proxies(Jeff).

❤️ generalized anxiety

Even before the bullying, he's always been an anxious person. He fidgets and double checks everything around him to make sure nothing will go wrong.

❤️ paranoid personality disorder

He generally does not trust others. It's not completely inaccurate half the time. He feels that others are out to get him. Relationships are really hard because he doesn't believe anyone actually likes him.

❤️ He's neutral about recovery but he needs to let someone in. He won't get better unless he learns to rely on someone else but he's scared.

Jane

❤️ptsd

Like Liu, she also has ptsd after what Jeff put her through. Unlike Liu, she hates Jeff for what he did. She feels angry about it because she didn't deserve what happened to her. She has a hard time letting herself fall asleep and has had panic attacks. She doesn't remember most of what happened and that might be for the best.

❤️body dysmorphia

She had this since middle school but it got worse when she was burned. The fire and left her body burned and scarred. She tries not to think about it but she misses how she looked before. She covers up a lot because she doesn't like her burns being stared at. Also because the burns are sensitive.

❤️she is actually trying her best to get better. She reads books and does meditation.

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[hairscare]

Do u think bens scared of water or does he just not really mind because he knows he can't drown again since he's already dead

i hc him as having ptsd so he avoids being submerged in water/being around large amounts of it as much as possible. thankfully they dont have a pool or anything so when the pastas go to the pool slendy makes the proxies take them while him and ben chill