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Bitter about having to remake my account, but I’m over here now.

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Bitter about having to remake my account, but I’m over here now.

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Bitter about having to remake my account, but I’m over here now.

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Bitter about having to remake my account, but I’m over here now.

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Bitter about having to remake my account, but I’m over here now.

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Fuck anyone who says I have to forgive everyone, “for my sake.” I worked hard for this anger. I worked hard to love myself enough to hate them.

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I hate that I blocked out the memories of Drew abusing and raping me. I fucking hate it.

And the main reason I hate it is because after we broke up, my best friend asked to date him, and I said yes. They could have been hurt, abused, raped. I can’t blame myself; I couldn’t remember what he did to me. But if they would have gotten hurt, it would be all my fault.

I wish I would have remembered. I’d rather live with every single memory of our relationship than think about the fact that I put my best friend in danger.

I should have told before I forgot. I should have told. I’m worthless. I’m fucking worthless.

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Thirteen Reasons Why

I understand the discourse behind Thirteen Reasons Why. For example, its graphic scenes aren’t something I was happy with. I’ll be the first to admit it.

But fuck, it helped me. I was raped too, and Jessica and Hannah both related to me on personal levels. I saw myself in the show. I saw my mental disorders. I saw my insecurities. I saw the way I had friends who remained friends with my abuser. I saw my repressed memories. I saw my loss of any will to live. I saw my abuser happy with his own life as though he wasn’t affected. I saw myself trying to get help and getting shot down.

I saw so much of myself and I didn’t feel as alone anymore. I needed that.

But then I saw all the discourse, and the way people attacked each other over it. It ruined everything. I can’t watch the show anymore. I tried, but I can’t.

I understand why it’s a very problematic show. I do. But don’t attack people for liking something, especially if it’s for coping reasons. I’m looking at you, anon who has been harassing me for weeks because I made literally two posts about it in fucking April. Does anyone else see the irony in being told to kill myself because I like this show?!

This blog is supposed to be a safe area for me to vent. Let me have this.

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Trying to do anything while dissociating. x

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ok to rb if csa/cocsa survivor.

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COME ON, SAY IT

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Im sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m s o r r y

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Tfw your girlfriend makes a post about xyr abuser and you start crying at 12:30 AM because how could anyone treat someone as amazing as xyr like /that/?? How could he? I fucking hate him. I hate him so much.

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“you brought the flames and you put me through hell. i had to learn how to fight for myself; and we both know all the truth i could tell.”

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too much // 1.24.2017